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after-witch · 3 years

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Title: Pluck [Yandere Hawks x Reader]

Synopsis: You tried to run--no, fly--away. And Hawks is going to make sure you never try that again.

For request: Anonymous said: had a thought and I’d love to hear your input! So like keigo or chisaki with like a darling with a winged quirk and then having to pluck and clip your wings so their little bird doesn’t try flying away on them. Btw can I I just say your writing is super super good and characterization is just *chefs kiss* like every piece of your writing I’m like

Word count: 1000ish

Notes: Yandere, violence

It's that time again. Which is exactly why you've placed yourself in between the couch and Keigo. A very unassuming Keigo. A Keigo who is standing, hands splayed, looking all shrugs and smiles.

You know, and Keigo knows, that he could easily reach you. He could push the couch aside. He could leap over it, fly over it, and reach you in an instant. But that doesn't stop you from taking refuge behind it, face set in a petulant frown, wings curled protectively around you.

"Sweetie," Keigo says, and it's charming, or would be charming, if you weren't his captive. "I don't know why you're throwing a fit about this. You know what day it is. I put it on our calendar."

He gestures vaguely towards the kitchen, where you know there's a large calendar tacked up on the wall, edged by taped-up photos of you and Keigo before everything went to shit. Before he kept you locked up, caged, figuratively--well, figuratively most of the time.

"It's your calendar, not mine." It’s a dumb comeback, and you hate how whiny it sounds the second it leaves your lips.

He sighs. He's tired of this, and you are too. "It's our calendar. Your stuff is on there too."

He's right, but he's acting like you had willingly scrawled up hair appointments and publisher meetings, not like he carefully wrote down "bath night," "book night," and other pre-determined "nights" that were meant to make you feel like you had an actual life outside the apartment walls. Reality check: you don't.

You shake your head. "I'm not letting you do this anymore. You don't need to do this. I'm not--it's not time. It's FINE." You huff. You puff. And you lift up, just a little, your wings flapping in frustration. It's little, but it's enough for Keigo to see, and you know with that little lift that you've fucked yourself over.

He grimaces. "See? It is time. You need your clipping. Don't make me tie you down again. I don't like it." He's not lying, probably. He doesn't like the days when you remind him that you're not here willingly.

"Well I don't like it when you clip my fucking wings."

Keigo sighs and runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it in frustration. "Look," he says, and you can see his grimace is tight and strained. "I'm stressed. You're stressed. I've been busy, I know things have been weird. Let's just... not fight over this. Not tonight.”

He takes a step towards the couch. You know better than to run, at least right now, so you just watch and wait. He slowly sits himself down, as if he might scare you off, like you were some wild untamed thing that would bolt if he moves too fast. He pats his lap, jovially. He pulls the clippers out of his jacket pocket and sets them on the couch. The sight of them makes your stomach drop.

"Just sit down right on my lap and let me take care of this the easy way. You like the easy way, right?" He grins, a little empty, a little sad. "I know I like the easy way."

You hear him, but you don't. From the moment you saw the clippers, all you can think about is... the first time. It all floods back, quick and deep and painful. You'd run away--no, you flew away. Fast, so fast, but not fast enough. He'd caught you and dragged you back and tossed you on the ground, and before you could move he was sitting on you--heavy, so heavy, your face pressed down into the hard floor--and then he began pulling out your feathers with a feverish abandon. You screamed. He screamed, too. He was too rough and you bled and you cried, and cried and cried.

The feathers grew back, slowly. Stress will slow that process down. Trauma, too. When they were long enough, he sat you down, civil and calm and so unlike the night when he'd yanked them out of you. He took your hand and told you, evenly, that you could keep your feathers as long as he clipped them. You'd spat out, without a thought: "I'm not your fucking pet parrot." The thin-line of his smile had said it all. You said no. But he was less patient, then--it was too soon after you escape. So he pinned you down again and clipped your wings, and you were struggling so it wasn't pretty and neat and painless, and that one feather never did grow in right. You plucked it yourself eventually.

And so began the schedule. He wrote it on the calendar, next to reminders for meetings and baths, like he was scheduling out your veterinary shots. "Clip (Y/N) wings."

Sometimes you fought. Sometimes you didn't. It was every 2 months, and life was so variable that you could never predict how you (or he) would be feeling. You couldn't put up a fight every time. You reasoned that out yourself. You didn't have the physical or mental strength for it. You couldn't be horrified by your situation, by your life, all the time. If you were, you would have lost your mind by now. So sometimes, yes, you do lay down quietly in his lap and let him clip you gently and professionally; and afterwards, he coos at you and strokes your hair and gives you ice cream and popsicles, like you're 10 and you've had your tonsils out.

Which brings you to today, to right now, to the choice you have to make. Things have been tense lately, between you. You assume it stems from whatever is going on outside the apartment walls you've been kept in, but Keigo doesn't tell you exactly what's been making him on edge, and you don't ask. It would be much easier to sit down and get it over with. Maybe you could get strawberry ice cream afterwards. He would probably fall asleep on the couch, his head in your lap.

He's half-turned now, smiling at you from his position on the couch. His smile is thin. It's tired. He has had a long, long day.

But... fuck that, you think, and fuck him.

You bolt.

His petulant cry of shock, his angry stomping after you is a small consolation for the uncomfortable experience that you know lies ahead.

But when you're a captive bird in a cage, you take every ounce of freedom you can get.

#yandere hawks #yandere keigo takami #hawks x reader #yandere #afterwitch writes

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nutty1005 · 3 years

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Uniquely Him – Xiao Zhan: The biggest monster to defeat is himself

Translator’s Note: This article comes from ELLE Magazine 2019 Jan Issue.

He learned drawing since elementary school, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession, firmly believing in the existence of aliens. As a lively, vivid and exemplary person, he radiates a sense of security from someone dependable, and yet he has a worldly wisdom of one who knows the ways of the world but prefers not to practice it.

He learned drawing since young, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession. When he watched Martians in movies as a child, his wild imagination gave him a battle with monsters. At that time, he was a boy who was especially fascinated with space, and believed firmly that aliens existed. When he saw news on UFOs, he was excited, curious, but also afraid – would the aliens be friendly with us?

After he read “The Three-Body Problem”, this feeling grew stronger. While exclaiming the broadness of the author’s imagination and how grand the universe is, he researched on the theories and explanations in the novel, as well as on astronomy. Xiao Zhan also imagined how the subjects in “The Three-Body Problem” would look like, “looks like an engineer, perhaps he wears spectacles, he must have a highly progressed mind, great mechanical skills, but probably useless in everyday life, just like Sheldon in ‘The Big Bang Theory’.”

The cruel logic behind all the glitz

Seated in front of the window in the hotel room, his long narrow eyes, puffy and red, Xiao Zhan just finished a day’s filming, and was accepting our interview in a layer of thick winter coat. His attitude was polite, and all around him was the vividness of youth – this made a huge impression.

He had his own studio when he was in year 2 of university, and became a designer after graduating – exemplary student Xiao Zhan’s most glorious moment was being able to design logos in projects with his seniors while he was still an intern, and the client eventually chose his design. Life as a designer lasted until 2015 – his university teacher recommended him to participate in “X-Fire” (TN: A talent search variety show) and he debuted, and since then, his life went onto a different track, becoming one of the hottest idols currently.

Actually, the challenge of becoming an artist is not much different from fighting monsters – since you receive flowers and applause, you would also receive gossip and rumors. His life had been smooth sailing till this, and this confused him for a while, “When the competition ended, there was some dissenting voices, I didn’t quite understand then. Now I’m more at peace, because when you choose a career, you need to learn to accept it. People will like you, and there will be people who won’t.”

However, the cruel logic behind all the glitz was something he could not have imagined. “Audiences do not see what you’ve experienced along the way, they would only judge you based on the final results.” He was filming his first period movie, being outdoors in the mountains at -10°C+ was a daily norm, “We’re filming by the river, everyday we could see the ice slowly form up, today the river is totally frozen, we could walk on it. Basically after every scene I have to cover my face with a warm water bag, otherwise my face would be numb from the cold and become uncontrollable.” And because today there was a scene to scream and shout, Xiao Zhan’s voice was already hoarse.

Xiao Zhan could overcome all this suffering and exhaustion well, the biggest monster he wanted to fight were his self imposed restrictions. “Just now I was thinking while doing make-up, that actually celebrities are like a product, packaged by make-up and styles in order to polish this product. I will bring forth my best to my audiences, but yet I don’t want to over package myself, the real me needs to be in it. I wish that everyone, while accepting my glorious exterior as a celebrity, would also accept my flaws and quirks, since after all, I am a vivid person.”

This sincerity and clarity is where Xiao Zhan’s wisdom lies.

“There is no grandiose in my life”

2018 is the year of rapid growth for Xiao Zhan, he had main roles in various dramas, such as “The Wolf”, “Joy of Life”, “The Untamed”, etc – honing his acting and radiating his presence.

As the lead actor in “The Untamed”, Xiao Zhan’s load was heavy and his filming schedule was tight – filming under the ceaseless summer heat in Hengdian, his mind was always tense. The temperatures in the set was as high as 50°C, the make-up could not stay on, and he filmed most scenes barefaced. The most unforgettable scene was a crying scene – Wei Wuxian, portrayed by Xiao Zhan, had an explosive emotional scene after the massacre of the Jiang family. This scene started filming in the morning, he and Jiang Yanli started crying since 7 a.m. and after they were done, their eyes were as swollen as that of goldfishes. Before this, he was filming “The Wolf” – he systematically took performance classes and grew rapidly in during the filming. “Familiar set and environment, learning to adjust to the nerves and tension, especially since there were hundreds of people servicing you on set, you can do no mistakes.” Xiao Zhan radiates this sense of security from someone dependable. “The Wolf” was his first time as a main supporting role, and he was under tremendous pressure during that period, he often dreamed of acting on set. After every scene he would request for everyone to provide feedback, and then he would learn continuously, analyze and quickly adjust.

After that he had his first cat of his life, a munchkin named Jianguo (TN: Jianguo means nut). After the performance teacher learned about this, one of the homework he gave Xiao Zhan was for him to observe his cat. As a cat-lover, he reveled in the it, “I found out some things that I overlooked, like you will find out that when she’s angry, affectionate or hungry her expression and calls are different.” Xiao Zhan was exceptionally loving to his cat – the first thing he did when after a day’s work was to go home and play with his cat. His private life was quiet and simple, he just stays at home. “The feeling of staying at home is like falling into a cloud, you could roll around as you like, there is no pressure.”

“There is no grandiose in my life.” This was what he felt that gave people the sense of security. His parents, while supportive of his career, were also worried, hence Xiao Zhan often communicated with them, sharing his career successes, helping them be at ease.

In the whole conversation, Xiao Zhan had the purity and enthusiasm belonging uniquely to a youth, and there was this sense of extraordinary realness in him. “Whether or not I want to be an idol, I don’t actually have a choice, the label of an idol is already on me, just that I want to slowly shed off the label of an idol, and become an actor accepted by audiences, so that they can see more of my inner self.”

“I especially dislike public proclamations, you have to pace your life.”

ELLE: What type of boyfriend do you think you are? XZ: I am the boyfriend who is more considerate of the other person, if there were to be my other half in the future, when she’s busy, upset or happy, or wants me to do something, I’ll try to accompany her the way she likes it.

ELLE: Are you the gentle puppy type of boyfriend? XZ: There’s definitely a dominating side, but if you were to be dominating everyday, how do you live? When you have the other half, the most important things are responsibility and trust. (After having a cat, do you think you’re a good dad?) I feel yes, from taking care of my cat.

ELLE: What type of girls do you most want to date? XZ: In many interviews before I spoke about warm, gentle and family-loving girls, but I feel that it still comes down to chemistry, and this is something unpredictable.

ELLE: If you are currently dating a girl, how would you hope to spend Valentine’s Day? XZ: Stay at home, and cook together. There’s a phrase about when you love the right person, every day’s Valentine’s Day, why do you have to spend that day in the crowd with everyone. Being an artist is quite particular, and quite tiring, I have to go back to live my life. If everyday has to be vigorous and stirring, there’s no way to live. No one can act everyday, I especially dislike public proclamations, I feel that you have to pace your life.

ELLE: If we give you a holiday now, what would you do? XZ: Go home and rest, with my parents, and then play with my cat.

ELLE: Are you a typical Libra? XZ: I don’t think so, I don’t have difficulties in choosing, when I spot something I want to buy, I’ll just buy. But sometimes I’ll be stuck in things that I care about, for example the scene I did today, if I’m not satisfied with it, I will think about it from morning till night, and annoy the others around me with my nagging.

#xiao zhan #sean xiao #xiaozhan #肖战

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winterwallacehenderson · 3 years

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|Illicit Affair- Luke Patterson x Reader|

|Pairing|- Luke Patterson x reader

|Warning|- Swearing, toxic household, mentions of sexual abuse and su!cide (let me know if I should add thing else)

|Word Count|- 1600

|Summary|- Luke and the reader are in an illicit affair. However, when Luke sees her dancing with the man her family chose for her, things t=in their relationship change.

|a/n|- hi hi hi! Okay, first off, how are y’all??? Also, I’m so sorry for not posting for so long. This is based off Illicit Affair by Taylor Swift (I would totally recommend listening to it while reading this). I’m really proud of this and I hope y’all like it. until then, stay safe and drink water!!

I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him for one last kiss of the night. “Pull you hood over, keep your eyes down, make sure no one is around and if anyone asks you where you've been, just tell them you were-”

“Out for a run, I remember love”, Luke finished my sentence, before grinning and kissing me on the cheek. He gave me one last smile, a sense of longing already seeping in his eyes. He jumped out of my bedroom window and made his way back home. I hope he takes the 7th avenue, it’s the road least travelled by.

I made my way back to my room and stood there taking it all in. The remnants of our clandestine meetings still fresh, the soft wrinkles on my pillow where Luke laid.

I tidied up my room and sprayed myself with some of Luke’s perfume. It was the only explanation I had when my father asked me why I smelled different. I told him I brought new perfume which smelled like vanilla and apples. Sounds weird but it's probably the most beautiful smell in the world for me. Plus, Luke likes it when I smell like him. Reminds him of the long nights he usually spends in my room. There was a knock on their door. I quickly patted down my untamed hair, and opened the door. There stood Lydia, my maid and friend. Growing up in such a prestigious household came with many drawbacks. One of them being that I couldn't choose my own friends. Or make any decisions of my life. As a woman, my upbringing consisted of learning how to do all of the housework and be the perfect wife for my husband. I knew I never would have a shot at love or to marry someone I liked at my own will. My husband would be chosen for me, it would be a deal for the fortune of our either families. I realised Lydia had been standing there for a while. I nodded at her, signalling she had my attention. “Miss-”

“Lydia, I’ve told you before. Please call me Y/N”, I interrupted her.

“My apologies Miss Y/N. I came here to inform you, you have a meeting with a potential suitor tomorrow evening at the Princeton’s party. Your mother has asked you to be on your best behaviour and present yourself accordingly, not like you don't already do that”, Lydia finished her sentence in a small mocking tone, erupting a laugh from me. “Thank you for informing me Lydia. Tell my mother I shall behave as she wished for me to”. Lydia gave me a smile and left the room. I lay on my bed, the scent of Luke’s perfume surrounded me. It felt so real almost like he was here with me. I closed my eyes and drifted off to my dreams filled with a beautiful, talented, man who had the prettiest hazel eyes.

The Princeton’s party was beautiful as always. They had the most beautiful house and the couple themselves were hilarious and welcoming. Apart from this, they were so painfully in love, even after years of marriage, it filled me with a longing feeling, I wondered if Luke could ever be like this.

Dressed in a soft blue ball gown, I tucked my hand in my brother’s arm as we made our way to the suitor’s family. As we passed the group of musicians hired for the party, my eyes fell on the lead singer.

Luke....

He stood there, looking more beautiful than ever. It's almost like he gets more handsome every time we meet. His eyes locked with mine and he gave me a subtle wink. My cheeks flared at his gesture and I averted my gaze to the man in front of me. He looked me up and making, an action that usually makes me blush when done by Luke but this man just made me feel uncomfortable and disgusted. His red hair gelled to give him a sleek look and his green eyes had a glint of lust. I lowered my gaze to the floor, in hopes for this to get over as soon as possible and I could go back to Luke. “Y/N this is Mr Williamson and his son James.” Right on que, a slow song came up and Luke’s vice filled the room. “Oh my, what a perfect timing! “My mother squealed, “Y/N why don't you and James go have a dance, maybe get to know each other a bit?” I looked at my mother and back at James, who had his hand extended towards me. I quickly stole a glance at Luke who was intently starting at James and I. I placed my hands over his and he walked us over to the dance floor. He placed his hand on my waist, dangerously close to my butt. I placed my hand on his shoulder, keeping my eyes down casted. “So Y/N, have you ever been with anyone?”, my eyes shot up at his question. No, he can't know. No one can. I shook my head no and James smirked . “Good so I know that you're a virgin now. I can't wait to have my way with you”, his hands brushed my butt and a gasp escaped from my mouth. I looked around to see if anyone heard the exchange between me and James. My eyes fell on Luke who was glaring at James. If looks could kill James would most definitely drop dead at this instance. Luke’s gaze switched over to mine, the same glare now directed towards me. I furrowed my eyebrows. Why was he mad at me? . He reached the end of the song and whispered something to the dark hair boy next to him. Luke spared one last hard glance at me and rushed out of the room. I quickly detached myself from James by saying I had a bathroom emergency. I followed the path Luke had taken out to a scheduled garden, away from the party. I spotted him at a far corner by a stone wall, his head placed on the cool wall. His shoulders were slightly trembling, almost like he was crying. A twig snapped beneath my foot and his shoulders stiffen. He quickly turned around, a cold hard look glazing over his eyes. “Baby-”, I started off but was cut off my Luke's booming voice “DON'T CALL ME THAT! You don’t have a fucking right to. Not anymore. I actually thought you loved it. I thought you cared for me. But you only care about yourself. All you wanted was a good fuck. But look what you did. Look at me y/n! Look at this godforsaken mess you've made me!”, Luke spoke, tears slowly streaming down his face. “Love no listen to- '', I started but he cut me off again, “I SAID DON'T CALL ME THAT. ITS LUKE JUST LUKE FOR YOU! I saw you and that preppy boy flirting. Hell the two of you were so close, yawl might as well have kissed in front of me. I saw the way you flushed when he touched you, and flirted with you. I feel like a fucking idiotic fool”, Luke chuckled to himself, sarcastically, “ I actually thought we could happen. That we would have a future. That our secret language was only spoken by us. But turns out you don't. Was any of that real? Did any part of us mean anything to you-” I couldn't take it anymore. His misunderstanding was causing me pain. A lot of pain. He actually thought I didn't mean any of that, when the moments I spent with him were the ones that kept me going.

“Y/N did you ever even love me?”

“LUKE SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP. YES I LOVED YOU. HELL I STILL FUCKING AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. AND I WILL BE FOREVER. YOU HAVE KNOW RIGHT TO ASK ME THIS WHEN YOU KNOW DAMN FUCKING WELL THAT I WOULD RUIN MYSELF FOR YOU.”, I yelled. I never raised my voice at anyone but I couldn't watch the love of my life walk away because I was too afraid to speak up. Luke stared at one dumbfounded. He knew I never swore nor did I ever raise my voice.

“W-what?”, he said after he found his voice.

“I would ruin myself for you, Luke Patterson. Not once. Not twice. A million fucking times I would.”, I replied, my voice cracking at the end.

I took a step close to him, and held his hand. “Luke, I know it's difficult. I know my family won't ever accept you. Accept us. But I don't care. I don't care what they think. You're all that matters for me. Yeah everyone will talk. They'll talk about it for what a day? Month? Then they'll find another topic to gossip about and we will be history. And I am ready for that. I'm ready for the whispers, the taunts. I'm ready to face anything as long as I get to wake up in the same bed with your arms wrapped around me. I'm ready for us”, I cupped his cheek, wiping a tear with my thumb. “I'm ready too. I'll always be ready for you. God, I love you. No scratch that. I'm in love with you. Not just love, IN love”, Luke said cracking a watery grin at the end. “I'm in love with you too Luke Patterson”, I smiled, placing my forehead against his. And in that moment I knew, illicit affair or not, we will always love each other.

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theres-a-goldensky · 4 years

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16 + 2 Reddie Fic Recs pt. 2

I’m back and still on my Bill Hader bullshit, so here’s another round of Reddie fic recs, because I can’t stop reading and sometimes sifting through the insane amounts of fic is a nightmare. So if you feel my pain and need some (at least in my opinion) fun stories, then come along with me on a magical journey filled with men crying during sex, hypochondria, and your mom jokes.

As ever, feel free to reblog and check out my other rec lists for the following fandoms:

IT chapter 2 list part one - Reddie

Good Omens fic

The Untamed list one and two - various pairings, mostly Wangxian

Various BL Series fic (fandoms: Love By Chance, TharnType, 2Moons series, My Engineer, Until We Meet Again, 2gether, History3: Trapped)

Or just head over to my bookmarks on AO3.

All my recs are completed, almost all of them are post-It chapter 2. * - denotes a favorite

1. I killed a clown. AMA! by liesmyth - ~10,000 words, teen - The history of Eddie and Myra’s marriage shown through their posts on reddit. The voices here are great, and it really feels like reading the reddit forums, down to the people sleuthing through their past posts and comments to try and figure out if what they’re saying is real or an elaborate troll.

r/relationships

Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 7 months ago

My (39F) husband (39M) likes horrible stand-up comedy. How can I stop him from bringing this up in front of our mutual friends?

For the last year or so my husband has been watching a lot of stand-up comedy on youtube. I want him to have something relaxing to do (he works a lot and gets really invested in his ‘hands-on’ hobbies in a way I’m not sure is good for him) but I was very puzzled by this discovery as he likes very crass acts and that is certainly not the kind of humor hubby usually enjoys...

2. all of the kids back home believing much more than you do by eatcheeseliveforever - ~11,000 words, explicit - This is a fix-it fic, which is becoming more and more rare in this fandom as we collectively started deciding that Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t need to be brought back to live, because he never died in the first place, dammit. It has some great pining by Richie. You can really feel his grief and desperation as he searches for a way to get Eddie back. The other Losers are great in this too, especially Mike with his whales.

"A boat, actually," murmured Mike. "I'm on a whale-watching cruise."

Richie mouthed the words "whale watching cruise" to himself. Empirically he knew such things existed, that they happened not far away from the coast where he lived, but it felt like several fucking galaxies away from where he was, surrounded by the ghosts of takeouts and blackouts past and the actual ghost-ghosts, who he couldn't step in or stub his toe on at three in the morning, but hurt so much worse.

"He said you've been googling resurrection rituals."

Richie scrounged through his pile of empties, hoping one wasn't. "Bill talks too much."

"Richie." A sigh, or a wave, or a really quiet whale. "You're not going to find a resurrection ritual on Google."

"I've found hundreds," said Richie. "Funny thing, though, they all seem to call for orgies. Or virgin sacrifices. Or sacrificing someone's virginity in an orgy. I'm hoping Ben will volunteer as tribute."

3. * - you’ve got the answers to my confessions by QueerOnTilMorning - ~17,000 words, explicit - This is the good stuff right here. Richie accidentally sexts Eddie and Eddie is IN. TO. IT. This fic starts with excellent phone sex, there’s misunderstandings and confessions in the middle, and then it ends with super hot sex. There’s a brief part with karaoke that was a bit of a lull in the story, but doesn’t take away from how great the rest is.

suck on ur tongue

show u how much I missd that mouth

when u start getting weak in the knees

thats when ill get on mine

He set the phone aside to unzip his pants, palming himself through his boxers, already half-hard.

Then he froze.

The text he had just replied to--it was what he'd expected Travis to say, but it wasn't how Travis would say it. That text began with a capital letter and contained punctuation. That text was from--

"Oh, fuck, no," Richie whispered, and his phone rang.

Incoming call: Eds

4. * - L'Appel du Vide by Mackem - ~92,000 words, teen - I know, I know, almost 100k and no sex, but hear me out! The pining in this fic is so exquisitely beautiful and wrenching. Eddie’s POV is excellent and feels really spot on. The other Losers are well represented, especially Ben and Bev. In fact, the group dynamics here are almost as good as the relationship stuff. The later chapters bring in a subplot about the deadlights that I wasn’t that interested in, but it’s still done really, really well, and that’s only a side plot that doesn’t impact that exceptional story of Eddie and Richie figuring out how to stop being dummies.

Two messages, however, are from Stanley, sent to him privately. He opens them, and is met with a picture of Richie, apparently taken without him realising.

It shows him laughing, his eyes crinkled at the corners behind his glasses, and his smile bright and broad as a hand gestures wildly in the air. The other hand is in his hair, pushing it out of his eyes as he tilts his head back, displaying the line of his throat beneath his stubble.

The breath is punched from Eddie at the sight of it.

He stares at it for a long moment, surprised by the depth of his reaction. His stomach is swirling happily, a bubble of excitement growing at the pit, and he cannot help but feel a heated flush build at his cheeks.

It’s probably just because Richie looks like he’s enjoying himself. It’s good to see his friend having fun. That has to be it.

Then he reads Stan’s message.

Stan: He was talking about you. He does that a lot.

5. my love a beacon in the night - by zach_stone - ~4500 words, explicit - Richie is on the road doing shows through Christmas. His friends have a surprise for him. I know it’s almost Valentine’s Day, but it’s never the wrong time for a fluffy Christmas story imo.

“Yep, just got to my hotel,” Richie says. “Now I’m getting ready for my big Christmas Eve plans.”

Eddie snorts. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Well according to my TV guide, they’re doing a rerun of The Mistletoe Promise, so I’m all fuckin’ set,” Richie says, grinning when Eddie laughs. On Eddie’s end of the line, he hears the sound of cars passing by, the muffled chatter of people, and says, “Are you outside?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Eddie says.

Richie glances at the clock on the nightstand. It’s after ten; Eddie’s not one to be wandering around Times Square after dark. He frowns slightly. Eddie’s been unusually vague about his holiday plans, so Richie has no clue what he’s up to this evening. Not that it’s any of his business. Maybe he’s started seeing someone and is spending the holidays with them. Richie has a sudden image of Eddie, arm-in-arm with some generically pretty woman, taking in the lights and decorations around the city. It opens a pit in his stomach.

6. Coming Back and Coming Out: Richie Tozier's 2019 by Lunatical - ~2000 words, teen - I genuinely adore the mixed media fics that this fandom has spawned. This one is an excerpt from a magazine interview with Richie as he restarts his career.

Slouched on his couch in a cheesy Hawaiian shirt and torn-up jeans, Richie Tozier looks exactly like the manchild he is describing himself to be. Next to him, sitting up straight and dressed in a lovely suit that most people would consider appropriate for an interview, his husband rolls his eyes.

When we scheduled this interview, Tozier insisted we hold it at their house, citing a desire for the interview to be “as chill as possible”—in his own words, of course. He argued that seeing the two of them in their usual environment would help me get a better idea of the kind of relationship they have. After walking into their apartment and seeing the way they’ve decorated the place, I have to admit that I can understand why.

7. baby, there’s no other superstar by kaspbrakziers - ~7000 words, mature - Another mixed media fic that shows the progression of Richie and Eddie’s relationship and Richie’s career through tweets, texts, and interviews. Eddie not knowing how to turn off the capslock on his phone absolutely sent me.

Search history

Today Sunday, 13 November 2016

should i get a divorce? - Google Search

Unhappily Married: Should I get a divorce? - Yahoo Answers

10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over - Buzzfeed

how to divorce? - Google Search

How To File For Divorce (With Pictures) - wikiHow

how to divorce someone without them getting angry? – Google Search

can you divorce someone without telling them? - Google Search

8. Goes on Trips for the Scenery by InkandOwl - ~4500 words, teen - Eddie dies and then comes back to life and tries to get some perspective. I liked the conversations between Eddie and Richie and then way that Eddie starts to take care of himself. The end is really sweet.

If cosmic power and a literal alien space clown’s death wasn’t going to bring him back to life, Eddie was certain that the terrible pain of hearing Richie beg, his tears dropping onto Eddie’s face, probably would’ve done it. He feels sick just thinking about it. About what it all means. “Yeah, Rich, I will.” He could throw a jab at him, tell him something about eating like an adult for once, but he wants to be easy with him right now. Richie deserves it. “You’ll text, right?”

Richie looks down at the prepaid cricket phone in Eddie’s hand and laughs, “There’s no fucking way that thing gets texts.”

“It does.” Eddie grins, “You could call too.”

The fight drains from Richie, his shoulder slumping and he sighs, “Yeah, Eds, I’ll call.”

9. cause i'm about to blow that back out by thotgreeves - ~5000 words, explicit - Here, have some porn. Eddie wears lingerie and Richie loses his goddamn mind. Features submissive top Richie and his unending boner for Eddie.

Richie really should have learnt to never underestimate Eddie Kaspbrak by now. It had come close to killing Richie once, but Eddie might actually be trying to finish him off.

Because the other perk of always letting Eddie go ahead of him was that it gave Richie a prime view of Eddie's ass. Eddie knew about this part and was okay with it. He was wearing a high-waisted pair of slacks that Richie was pretty sure came from the women's section, slightly loose in the legs but nicely filled out by his ass. Richie had been very vocal in the past about how hot they got him, which signaled that Eddie definitely wanted to have sex tonight, and that was already enough to make Richie's dick twitch in excitement. He hadn't been prepared for the finishing blow.

Richie's eyes were fixed, pendulum-like, on how Eddie's slacks were hugging his butt perfectly with every step he took, tight enough to show off the outline of his underwear. Only the folds didn't sit where Richie had expected them to. Instead, Richie realized, his mouth going dry, that in the absence of boxers, there was only a V-shaped crease running from Eddie's hips to between his asscheeks, which could only mean-

Eddie was wearing a thong.

10. * - I’ll Be Homo For Christmas by Amuly - ~15,000 words, explicit - Bill and Audra get a divorce, so Bill moves into Richie’s house with him. Eddie, watching all of this from New York, where he’s still married to Myra, is super, super ok and fine with it in every way.

Except then Richie started posting.

Just stupid shit, mostly with Bill. It wasn’t even real. Eddie knew Bill wasn’t gay and him and Richie were just fucking around ‘for the ‘gram!’ But the more posts Eddie scrolled past on Richie’s Instagram—

Bill in the kitchen swatting at Richie with a spatula.

Richie and Bill at the pound, Richie rating dogs on adoptability, Richie begging Bill to adopt a dog with him.

Richie in the morning with bedhead, smiling blearily into the camera as Bill…

Well. Eddie couldn’t even remember what stupid thing Bill was supposed to be doing in the background of that photo because his eyes couldn’t get past Richie’s bedhead and shirtless torso, chest hairs creeping up towards his collarbones and the little dip at the base of his throat.

Eddie hadn’t thought he was homophobic. But he must have some unresolved issues with it, because he got a stomachache every time he looked at that photo of Richie. Eddie popped a Tums and resolved to talk about it with his therapist.

11. A High-Five is a Hug You Can Hit by Amuly - ~26,000 words, explicit - This fic shows us times throughout their friendship when Eddie and Richie would invent reasons to touch each other without even knowing why. This author feels the same bone deep conviction about Richie crying during sex that I do, and I greatly appreciate that. Plus, all of their stories are fantastic, including this one.

“You know, one of the symptoms of hypothermia is feeling like you’re warm. So like, your body gets so cold that it gets hot, and then you start taking off your clothes-”

“Bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Eddie?” Richie shot back at him without turning around.

“Why don’t you ask your sister how much she liked it last week!” Eddie hollered up at him. Richie just flipped him off without looking. That kinda… bugged Eddie. What the fuck did Richie think he was doing leading up the group with Bill? Why was he stuck back here with Stan? Eddie glanced over at Stan, who was trudging tiredly through the woods alongside him, breath puffing out in little clouds of smoke.

“Okay, Stan?”

Stan glanced over at him, confused. Then he shrugged. “Yeah, fine. Cold.”

“Well that’s better than feeling warm.” And now Eddie was back on track. “Because, if anyone starts feeling warm, they should tell the others immediately. That’s a sign of hypothermia. And we have to warm you up. But you have to do it gradually, you can’t just jump in like, a pot of boiling water-”

12. * - fall apart of stay intact by kaspbrak_kid - ~19,000 words, teen - A more melancholy take on the Christmas fic. This story takes Richie’s self-esteem issues and mental problems and amps them up in a way that feels entirely realistic. The gang comes together to celebrate Christmas, and everyone is walking on eggshells because last Christmas was a bad one for Richie. Also, Eddie moves into the house literally right next to Richie’s, and I find that detail endlessly charming.

“Five minutes ago. I called you, and you didn’t answer. Because you were outside, apparently, fucking...stargazing in December! With no hat on!”

“It’s about the Vitamin D!” Richie says. Now that he’s moved a little, he can really feel the cold—his ears are aching, and his face is numb. “Reflecting off the moon, or something. I have seasonal depression, you know!”

“You have seasonal stupidity,” Eddie mutters, audibly rubbing his hands together. “Just get inside.”

“Yours or mine?” Richie jokes.

Eddie doesn’t get the memo. “Mine, obviously. I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

“Oh,” Richie says, and sits up. “Um. Okay, be right there.”

“Oh, thank god,” Eddie says, and hightails it to his back door, cursing about the cold.

13. evidence of a happier future by lagaudiere - 23,000 words, mature - I am here, leading the Jealous!Eddie revolution. Why aren’t there more fics about this. Have you SEEN Eddie Kaspbrak, can you IMAGINE him jealous? Make this happen, fandom. Anyway, in this one, Richie has a boyfriend back in LA. Eddie has trouble dealing with that as he tries to figure himself out and pick up the pieces of his life post-Derry.

“It’s not gonna be like Mike’s announcement, don’t worry,” Richie says hastily. “And it’s not like, a huge thing, so don’t make it a huge thing. But you guys are like, my best friends, and I just wanted you to know that I’m, uh. Gay.”

He turns up his palms and raises his eyebrows in a gesture that suggests a magician presenting his audience with an empty hat after making the rabbit disappear, and Eddie says, “Are you joking?”

“What? Jesus, no, Eddie.” Richie’s face falls, and Eddie instantly feels guilty. “I’m trying to be sincere here.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says immediately, feeling all of their friends looking at him with reproach. “I was just — if you weren’t, I wouldn’t think you should… joke about it.”

“Well, I am,” Richie says. He sounds slightly put out — and who wouldn’t be, Eddie scolds himself, by that ridiculous response. “I have all the gay credientials. I have a boyfriend, partner, whatever people say. I don’t really tell people because of the whole, stage persona, thing. But yeah.”

“Richie!” Bev’s voice breaks through the awkwardness, and she reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thank you for telling us. Really.”

And the others all join in, a chorus of voices telling Richie they love him and they’re proud of him, and Ben is saying, “I wanna see a picture of the guy!” and Eddie’s throat feels like it’s closing up.

14. The ‘Do Not Fucking Touch Me’ Tour by MellytheHun - ~23,000 words, explicit - It’s Richie’s comeback special, and he makes it a big one. This...isn’t really a comedy show, but the author lampshades that. It’s an excuse to have Richie talk about how much he loves each of his friends individually, and it’s extremely entertaining. Richie doesn’t know that Eddie is in the audience watching it all.

“Hey, uhm… Eddie… he couldn’t reschedule his thing? He - I mean... it… it was really that important?”

She feels awful for him immediately, but not wanting to spoil what would ultimately be a lovely surprise, she tells him, “I’m sorry, Rich. He said it was urgent. He was really sorry about it.”

Her phone buzzes with a text from Eddie right as Richie curses under his breath, missing the noise. She clutches her phone more tightly in her fist, knowing Eddie is wondering where his seat is going to be; she bought him a separate ticket, elsewhere in the theatre, so Richie wouldn’t catch him sitting among them, as he will absolutely, inevitably look over to the Losers for most of the show.

“Okay,” Richie surrenders sadly, “Uh - I guess he’ll see it eventually, right?”

Smiling forlornly at him, she pats his arm, and tells him, “don’t worry, Richie. Your genius will inevitably be forced upon us all.”

He smiles at her, gives her a kiss on the cheek, and when Bill jokingly asks why he didn’t get one, Richie flips him off, and reminds them to treat themselves to the bar in the lobby.

Once he’s backstage, Beverly takes her phone out, and emails Eddie his ticket, explains that she’s already convinced Richie he’s not coming, and to make sure he doesn’t show up too early, or Richie will notice.

15. The List by cissues - ~7000 words, teen - Eddie finds a list he wrote as a teenager. Richie tries his best to fulfill them all. This is very sweet.

‘ All the things I want. Everything I’m not allowed to have. A perfect summer. ”

The words hit gentler than he thought they would, but they still hit and he finds himself blinking away at a wetness at the corner of his eye. He wipes at it and sniffles and Richie peers sidelong at him to make sure he’s okay. He is, he’s fine, and Richie never dotes on him when things are, generally, okay. Only when he needs it, which is one of the many things he loves about what they have now.

“This is… this is like a fucking bucket list for the most repressed child in the world.” Richie says, breathless.

Eddie rolls his eyes to hide the sting. “You’re looking at him,” he says, bitter. Richie frowns at him but turns back to the paper. Another thing Eddie loves, Richie never takes his trauma-induced bait. His knee-jerk reactions developed over years of what he’s now comfortable enough to call abuse.

16. Richie Tozier Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions by DeadpanMage - ~2000 words, teen - This is a short one, but the transcript of this popular YT video format with Richie felt spot on in terms of characterization and Richie’s voice.

[Back to the text screen: “So WIRED asked Richie Tozier some of the internet’s burning questions.” Cut back to Richie, now holding a poster board with several Google autocomplete searches half covered.]

Richie: I’ve undergone something of a rebranding in the past year, so I wonder how many of these questions are going to be super irrelevant-slash-embarrassing. Probably all of them. Let’s get started! [He tears the covering off of the first question.] Alright, that’s not bad. “How to pronounce Richie Tozier?” Well, we’re only on question one and I’ve already said it like a hundred times so there you go. And that’s “Richie Tozier” spelled J-O-H-N M-U-L-A-N-E-Y, so if you’ve got any complaints be sure to send them that way. Next question!

You can check out a larger list of stories I’ve enjoyed in my AO3 bookmarks. And finally, if you’re interested, here are the two fics I’ve written:

1. Waiting For a Sign - ~6000 words, explicit - Eddie meets Richie again and comes to the startling realization that he totally wants to hit that.

Maybe if Richie wasn’t famous, Eddie could have found a way to let it go. A couple furtive jerk off sessions in the shower after he got back to New York and the image of Richie’s big hands and wide smile and improbably flattering stubble would fade from his mind.

But Richie was famous, and the internet never forgot.

Eddie lasted three days before giving in and typing ‘Richie Tozier’ into the YouTube search bar. Just seeing Richie in the thumbnails was enough to make Eddie’s heart thud, what the fuck. He had to scroll past a bunch of news videos about Richie's supposed mental breakdown, but after that he landed on some old stand-up.

Before he clicked on the first video, he got up and made sure that the door of his study was locked. Then he turned off the lights and put on a pair of earbuds.

Fake It ��Til You Make It - ~21,000 words, explicit - It’s that totally relatable situation where the man you’re secretly in love with is a celebrity who just came out and now needs a fake boyfriend to keep himself in the spotlight. Eddie offers to help out of the goodness of his heart and not because he’s insanely fucking jealous.

Eddie froze, breath catching in his throat.

Richie looked...really good.

Bev’s influence was obvious. His hair, which had been unkempt and shaggy, a perfect match for his stoner permakid schtick, was cut much shorter and neater. His formerly unruly stubble somehow now emphasized the sharp cut of his jaw instead of obscuring it.

He wore new glasses, Eddie noticed. Slim silver metal frames instead of his giant, clunky plastic ones. The fitted black sweater and dark blue jeans were simple, but made his shoulders look impossibly broad and his legs miles long.

Fuck everything and Beverly Marsh in particular.

LINK TO MY FIRST SET OF REDDIE RECS 30+ FICS

#reddie fic #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #fic recs #it chapter 2 #ao3 #rec list #reddie fic recs

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incorrect-strq-quotes · 5 years

Text

Finally got the inspiration to finish the super fluffy rosebird proposal piece :D Out of nowhere :D Suddenly :D Don’t ask questions :D

P. S. Whatever @a-septic-mind says, don’t listen to her

————————

The day after they returned from a mission was always weird. Everyone slept in until the sun was ready to set for the day, and that left them wide awake when they’d normally be heading to bed.

Not that it mattered much. It’s not like they were on any kind of schedule; perks of being licensed Huntsmen.

But that’s how midnight found them all spread out in the living room, some movie playing on the holoscreen that Raven honestly couldn’t care less about.

Qrow was sprawled in one of the armchairs, his feet propped up on the coffee table like he wouldn’t get scolded for it if Summer noticed.

Taiyang had just got up from his spot at one end of the couch, headed to the kitchen to grab everyone snacks. He had been the last one to say ‘not it’ when Qrow had brought up food, which was honestly the most childish thing that Raven had ever been a part of, but it was a tradition they had started back in Beacon and it’d be foolish to change their habits now.

At the other end of the couch, Raven was sandwiched between the sofa arm and Summer, and complaining about it was the farthest thing from her mind in that moment. She no longer cringed at the idea of a closeness like this, no longer shied away from her touch. Summer had sat down next to her and Raven’s arms were already open and waiting.

Maybe that should have been a warning.

There was no hesitation as Summer curled into her side, sighed in contentment under the weight of her arm as it wrapped around her, held her close. Raven’s fingers were drawing nonsense shapes on the bare skin of her arm. No intent behind it beyond a lazy sort of closeness. As if they could get any closer.

Warning number two.

Her other hand was in her lap, fingers intertwined with Summer’s. Nowadays they were touching in some way all the time, and Raven had slowly started to realize that when they weren’t, it felt wrong. She missed it, and that was where she should have stopped herself. Should have started paying attention to the movie. Unoccupied, her mind inevitably wandered to Summer, as it always did. Raven didn’t even try to stop it anymore.

Because Summer was warmth and safety and kindness and patience; all the things that Raven had never been allowed before they met. Things she never knew she wanted until they were dropped in front of her, wrapped in a white cloak, challenging her with a pair of bright silver eyes, a sharp knife, and a surprisingly sharper tongue.

And that somehow led Raven to here and now. Relaxing after a mission instead of preparing for the next one. Content to just be.

Summer shifted closer, practically on Raven’s lap now, head resting against her chest.

Right over her heart.

Fitting.

It was just a regular day. Night. They weren’t doing anything special, which was probably what pissed Raven off the most, looking back.

Not that she had been planning anything extensive or extravagant. Not that she was planning anything at all. It actually caught her off guard just as much as it did Summer when the words came out of her mouth.

“Marry me,” Raven said out of the blue, out of every color she could think of. Because this was it. This was the only place left for her to go.

The first reaction was unexpected; Qrow spit out his drink and sat up so he wouldn’t choke. Raven had honestly forgot that he was there. “Son of a bitch,” he managed through his coughing, but her attention was consumed by the silver eyes staring up at her. Pinning her down with no escape.

Not anymore.

Summer’s reaction was a bit slower. Dazed. “What?” Summer breathed out in shock, in awe. Her mouth hung open just slightly in that adorable way it did when she was pleasantly surprised, lips curving up just barely in a disbelieving smile.

Raven wanted to kiss every inch of that expression, but her throat was dry, her body frozen. She tried to swallow against it, push down the thin tendrils of fear that turned her whole body to lead.

The shift in Summer’s expression was subtle but Raven was so attuned to every move she made that it was easy to detect. It was the look that usually came with ‘breathe’ and ‘i’m not going anywhere’.

But she knew that, and she needed to get the words out. They were consuming her- have been consuming her, she realized- and now that they had been brought to the surface, they weren’t going to be forced back down either.

“Marry me,” Raven said again, a little more hoarse and a lot more bold. “I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Tears pooled in Summer’s eyes, shining, threatening to spill over her brilliant smile. She’s always been an easy crier. Raven needed to look away before she started crying, too.

She couldn't look away.

“You think?” Summer echoed, teasing. Her hand reached up to cup Raven’s jaw, thumb brushing away a stray tear from her cheek.

Raven stared into her eyes, searching for the right words to use.

She gave up. It was all trivial anyway. There wasn’t any string of words in existence that could describe the feeling inside her chest every time she looked at Summer, every time she crossed her mind.

“I love you,” she tried, and it was close enough for now.

Summer looked at her with more tenderness than Raven thought could ever exist inside a single person. It burned to be looked at like that. I can’t take it, she wanted to scream, but god, please don’t stop.

“I love you, too,” Summer murmured into a soft kiss. She tasted like untamable oceans, and felt like the beginning of an end Raven wanted to welcome with open arms.

Summer pulled away, her smile widening into a blazing grin. When she spoke again, she was almost giddy. “Yes.”

“Yes?” Raven echoed, her turn to be dazed, confused. Her brain had trouble being heard over her pounding heart.

“Yes,” Summer repeated, “I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too.”

The laughter in her voice made Raven groan, though her heart was beating too quickly to allow any actual irritation. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope,” Summer sighed. “Not for the rest of our lives.”

Raven’s response was drowned out by the clattering of plastic bowls against the hardwood floor behind them.

“What just happened?” The tone of Taiyang’s voice said he could guess, eyes darting between the three of them.

Summer’s smile turned impossibly softer, always softer, her gaze never leaving Raven’s face. “Raven asked me to marry her.” Her voice was wispy, disbelieving, ecstatic.

Taiyang let out a whoop and bounded forward, throwing his arms around them over the back of the couch. “That’s awesome you guys! I call dibs on maid of honor.”

Summer laughed, and it was really hard for Raven to be mad at anything that was the cause of that.

Then again…

Taiyang directed his next words at Qrow. “Pay up.”

Qrow began to grumble under his breath as he begrudgingly fished his wallet out of his pocket. “How could you have possibly known that Raven would be the one to pop the question?” he accused, as if Tai had somehow cheated.

“You should have more faith in your sister,” Summer admonished, too happy for her words to sound like anything but laughter.

Raven looked at her incredulously, motioning to the money Qrow was holding out. “That’s what you have a problem with here?”

Taiyang let the girls go and took the offered lien with a smug grin before plopping down on his spot on the couch. “Raven got that fancy knife for Summer ages ago,” he explained once his winnings were tucked safely in his pocket, “and it’s not like she’s the most patient person in the world.”

Raven and Summer both froze.

“What knife?” Summer asked quietly, a new kind of spark lighting her eyes.

Raven looked over her head at Tai. “How did you know about that?” she asked like a threat.

Summer’s voice was full of excitement as she leaned closer, red eyes drawn toward her like a moth to flame. “Raven, what knife?”

#not a quote #rosebird #ey no one needs to know where my sudden spark of insipration came from #oneshot #no cut because mobile

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softlunars · 5 years

Text

please. ; h.h.j

“i love you.”

“please don’t leave me.”

soulmate au ; written on the inside of your wrist are the last words your soulmate says to you before you lose them. you don’t know who you’re supposed to love until they’re already gone.

group member: hwang hyunjin ; stray kids

genre: angst

word count: 2850

ever since you could understand what others were saying, the only thing you’ve ever heard be spoken about with hatred was the idea of soulmates. as a young child, it confused you. why don’t people want to meet who they’re destined to live forever with? why do people cry when they talk about their soulmate? shouldn’t they be happy?

when you turned 10 years old, your grandmother explained why. you recall her asking “have you read the words on your wrist?” of course you have. who hasn’t? kids all over your school were whispering about the words. what are they? what do they mean? is this what our soulmate will say to us? it was hard to ignore them. questions about the words on the inside of everyone’s wrist plagued your school.

you knew that you nodded slowly before she continued. and you knew that she continued with a weight on her shoulders. you can’t recall exactly what she said, or exactly how it ended, but you do recall how her words made you feel. helpless. you were at the hands of fate. you’d never know who you were destined for until they had already left you. how fucked up is that?

now, in your first year of university, you had never been able to shake off the feeling your grandmother had imposed on you. you had avoided any relationship that had any potential to blossom into something past platonic love. you’ve never had a boyfriend, you’ve never kissed anyone, you’ve never even held someone else’s hand aside from your mother’s. you were scared to fall in love, and who could blame you? the only person you would ever truly fall in love with would be ripped away from you, and you didn’t have a clue as to when. you wouldn’t be granted that closure; not until those goddamn words leave their mouth. not until they rip you apart more than anything else ever could.

you tightened your grip on your textbooks, walking aimlessly around the campus. you were supposed to have been in your first class by now, but you had opted to stroll around your university. it was definitely more serene and comforting than a stuffy classroom for introductory psych would’ve been.

cherry blossom petals drifted lazily around you, finding a new home on the asphalt beneath your feet. humming quietly to yourself, you sat down on a bench that was, quite conveniently, placed beneath a cherry blossom tree. it provided you a place to relax and let your mind wander, not to mention it shielded you from the unrelenting sun.

you sighed. it was lonely, but then again, so was everything else you’ve experienced thus far. everyone around you paid no mind to the words tattooed on their wrist, “falling in love” with reckless abandon. they weren’t scared, they weren’t worried that the next person they chose to fall in love with would be the one to rip their heart out. “we can’t control when it’ll happen, (y/n). why not enjoy being in love with as many people as possible while you can? we’re all gonna die with a broken heart, there’s no use living with one, too.”

how brave, you thought, to face fate head on like that.

“what’re you doing here?”

a voice snapped you out of your thoughts. looking up, you were ready to glare at the unknown person and tell them - in the nicest way possible - to fuck off. instead, you found yourself speechless when you raised your head to look at them.

he was beautiful, really. you probably would’ve mistaken him for some sort of guardian angel, had he been glowing or had wings. something to add to the cliche you found yourself in.

his hair was a chocolate brown, shaggy - was it considered a mullet? his eyes matched his hair in color, but completely contrasted in look - well, energy. while his hair was wild and untamed, his eyes were soft and reserved. in all honesty, you wouldn’t have minded looking at this mystery boy for hours more. his face gave you something better to look at aside from the concrete sidewalk.

you shook your head a little bit before looking back up at the mystery boy. “i didn’t wanna go to class.” he laughed, and once again, you found yourself admiring the boy in front of you. jeez, was his smile cute.

“i don’t blame you. i walked out of my psych class a few minutes ago.” you hummed, letting out a small chuckle. “i didn’t go at all. i would rather die by a million stab wounds than ever go to another intro to psych class again.”

you found yourself responding, smiling even, at mystery boy. he was interesting, even though he’d only spoken a few words by this point. did you want to know more about him? absolutely. did you know why? absolutely not.

“what’s your name, fellow psych class hater?” the boy spoke again, and you smiled at the ridiculous name he had just called you. why was he affecting you so much?

“my name’s (y/n) (l/n). first year, already contemplating dropping out. how ‘bout you, mystery boy?” at your question, he tilted his head and looked up, as if he was contemplating if giving you his name was a good idea. he stayed like that for a few seconds before he looked back at you.

“hwang hyunjin. also first year, also contemplating dropping out.” mystery boy - who you now knew was hyunjin - ended his introduction with a smile. you somehow already found yourself mesmerized by hyunjin. you didn’t know how, you didn’t know why, but you felt pulled to him. as if there was something more than just interest rooting you in your place, talking to hyunjin.

normally, you would’ve booked it by now, leaving the boy in the dust.

why, then, were you still sitting on the bench, looking up at hyunjin as he smiled at you? you didn’t really know, and, quite frankly, you didn’t care to find out. you just wanted this moment to continue.

unfortunately for you (and hyunjin, too - he wanted to continue talking to you), students started pouring out of the buildings surrounding you and hyunjin. loud chatter filled your ears as more people kept flowing out of the buildings, finding their way to their next class. groaning in mild annoyance, you pulled out your schedule before standing up. hyunjin moved back to make room for you, pulling out his own schedule.

“i don’t wanna go to my intro to calculus class. i barely know how to add without using my fingers. not really in the mood for making a fool out of myself.” you mumbled under your breath, pushing your hair back with a free hand. hyunjin laughed before slightly pushing you with his shoulder.

“hey, (y/n).”

you looked at the boy beside you, tilting your head as a signal for him to continue.

“do you… uh.. do you wanna meet up at that on-campus coffee shop after our last class? you’re kinda cool and kinda… cute, so i miiight wanna get to know you better.” he looked at you cheekily, giving a small grin as you processed his question. your cheeks heated up at his calling you cute, and you had to wrack your brain for a second to think of an answer.

“yeah! uh, yeah, sure. um,” you grabbed a sticky note and pen out of your bag. scribbling your number on it, you handed it to him and smiled widely. “here’s my number, since i think you’ll need it to know when my last class ends.” hyunjin took the sticky note from your hand, returning your smile. “i’ll text you when i can.”

you stepped back, turning around to walk to (rather, attempt to find) your second class. you heard hyunjin shout out a “see you later!” behind you; you threw up a peace sign and then waved behind you, letting him know you heard him.

for the first time since you’d learned about soulmates, you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach.

almost 2 years later, you had found yourself not only smitten, but in love, with hwang hyunjin - the boy you had met by chance. after that first day, you had found yourself continuing to talk to him. more dates were planned, late night calls became a constant, and with that, your feelings for the boy grew.

it seemed hyunjin felt the same way, and strongly enough to finally make the last move.

you two were on a ferris wheel at the annual carnival, cotton candy in hand. you were smiling at him, talking about something you’d done recently. he looked at you in awe as you seemed to shine with excitement and your smile forced your eyes into half moons.

before hyunjin could process what he was doing, he found himself asking you to be his. you had laughed before leaning your head on his shoulder, pecking the underside of his jaw as a silent yes.

he credited his impulse that night to how you looked in that exact moment. you were holding a small teddy bear he had won you in one hand, cotton candy in the other. the lights reflecting off your skin formed in a way akin to constellations in the sky, and your eyes themselves looked as if they held stars.

when he asked you, the stars in your eyes exploded to become supernovas.

those supernovas came to stay trapped within your eyes, also finding a home in your heart. they only seemed to multiply the more time you spent with hyunjin. with every after-class coffee date, every late night call (“i just wanna listen to your voice”), and everything in between, you had grown to love him. more than you thought was humanly possible.

but who could blame you? he looked at you like you put the sun in the sky, and he treated you like a princess - no, a queen. everything he did for and with you overflowed with his love for you, and you saw it grow everyday. he loved you just as much as you loved him - if not more. you couldn’t have found anyone else better fit for you.

hell, you had even forgotten the fear imprinted on your heart about soulmates. the words tattooed on your wrist held no significance to you while you were with hyunjin. he took every worry, every fear you had about love and soulmates, and threw them to the wayside. your life had come together. it became complete and serene as soon as hyunjin stumbled into it.

alas, all good things must come to an end.

did you expect it? no, never in your wildest dreams did you think it’d turn out like this. everything was perfect, you and hyunjin were almost finished with university, and you were planning for him to move into your apartment immediately after graduation, creating a new chapter for the both of you. together.

the call came around 4:30pm. you were waiting for hyunjin to walk through your apartment door; he had planned a date for your 3 year anniversary that was the next day. you didn’t dress up all fancy - hyunjin always loved you, but he felt that love more rawly when you glowed all your own - and you were sat on the couch. he’d texted you 30 minutes earlier, saying he should be there in 15. but 4:15 had come and past, and hyunjin wasn’t knocking on your door.

when your cell phone started vibrating on the table beside you, you felt your heart drop. you didn’t know why in that moment - your gut just told you this call was going to break your heart.

and your gut was right.

it was a doctor. he confirmed who you were - “are you (y/n) (l/n)? the emergency contact of hwang hyunjin?” - and delivered the news that sent a bullet straight through your heart.

“hyunjin was involved in a car crash. the person crashed into him head on, and was found to be under the influence. mr. hwang is in critical condition; we advise you to come quickly.”

you had never moved so fast in your life. you thanked the doctor as you hung up and ran out of your apartment and to your car. your hands were shaking as you started it up and drove to the hospital.

so many thoughts found their way into your head. critical condition? is hyunjin going to make it? he has to, right? we had a date, we were gonna celebrate three years. he can’t - he won’t - leave now, right?

you found yourself in the hospital lobby faster than you’d anticipated. everything seemed to move in a blur afterwards. the receptionist giving you his room number, the nurses and doctors approaching you to tell you of hyunjin’s condition, and finally stepping into the stark white room itself.

a choked sob escaped your throat before you could stop it. there was your boyfriend, the love of your life, laying in a shitty hospital bed with so many machines attached to him it made your head whirl. his eyes were closed, and his face was scratched up. cuts were all over the skin you could see. your heart tore itself into more pieces the longer you looked at hyunjin. he still looked beautiful in a hospital bed, staring death in the face.

time moved in slow motion as you walked nearer the bed. tears clouded your vision as you grabbed onto hyunjin’s hand, intertwining your fingers together. something in you knew it would be the last time, but god, you didn’t want to believe it.

“jinnie, you idiot…” you mumbled the words, caressing the top of his hand with your thumb. tears fell onto your intertwined hands, but you didn’t have the strength to wipe them away.

“we were supposed to go on our anniversary date, stupid. god, please wake up. please, jinnie. i… i can’t lose you.”

you felt your hand get squeezed softly, and you opened your eyes to look at your boyfriend. he still took your breath away, even as his time ticked away.

his eyes were trained on you, and he had a small smile on his face. your heart wrenched at that. he was still smiling, like always, even in this moment.

“don’t cry, angel.” hyunjin’s words were raspy, strained, as if he was using all his strength to utter those three words. you let out a whimper at his words, more tears falling from your eyes to stain the sheets.

“you c-can’t leave me, jinnie… please…” your heart was breaking with the beeps of the heart monitor - why were they slowing down?

“hyunjin, please. you can’t leave… not yet…” you found yourself crouching at the bedside, resting your head on the hand that held hyunjin’s. every shallow breath from your boyfriend threw a dagger into your already shattering heart. you couldn’t believe this moment had come already. it was too soon. too goddamn soon.

“angel.” you looked up at hyunjin as the pet name left his mouth. the pet name that might as well have become your actual name as your relationship with hyunjin grew.

this was the last time you’d hear him call you that.

“jinnie…? please don’t leave me...” his nickname came out choked and quiet, as did the rest of your sentence. your voice betrayed your heartbreak - even as he was losing his breath, he could still read you like the back of his hand. it warmed your heart while stomping on it simultaneously.

his thumb swiped across your hand once, twice as he tried to gather enough breath to speak. and when he did, you wished he hadn’t spoken at all.

“i love you.”

the words that left his mouth. the words tattooed on your wrist. the final thing he’d ever say to you.

your soulmate’s last words.

“no, no, no no NO!” your heart became nonexistent as soon as the words left his mouth. the heart monitor let out one final beep before it completely flatlined, giving your ears the sound you wished you would never hear.

hyunjin was gone. your soulmate left you, just as everyone else’s had before you. you had fallen victim, just like everyone else. you knew their pain, and god, you wish you didn’t.

with tears running down your face, dripping on the bed sheets below, you turned hyunjin’s wrist around. you were desperate. desperate to see if the words matched what you last said to him. his nickname, the one you called him since your first date.

the sentence stared you right in the face, burning itself into your memory, making sure nothing was left of your heart.

jinnie? please don’t leave me.

he left.

#stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin scenarios #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz reactions #stray kids reactions #first full length imagine!!!#i hope y'all enjoy it!#i edited this to hell and back to make sure it flowed okay #but i hope it's okay #<3

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angstyy-shitt · 5 years

Text

my personal health.

so for awhile now, this site has been my number one place to destress because i get to interact with so many different people and be surrounded by the characters and stories that i love. and i’ve been taking it for granted over the past few months. and i would just like to publicly state that even if tumblr may not be what it used to be, it will always remain the same place for me to step away from my life momentarily.

i really don’t like to talk about my own personal life on here, mainly because, like i said, i want to get away from the things i deal with. but i’ve realized bottling things up is never the route to take when dealing with immeasurable amounts of stress, so here i am.

at the turn of august, i was accepted into one of the colleges i was most considering (yes, i am only a senior in hs). i was ecstatic. i want to pursue music therapy, which you basically play music for or along with the patient to help them recover from mind-ailing conditions, and this college had one of the best programs in the state. that same month, though, was when my mother started to have her own health issues.

getting into bed one night, i hear her yelp and say that she twisted something in here knee. the next day, it was a bit stiff, but nothing seemed too wrong, so we thought nothing of it. though, now, looking back, i wish we would have. because over the next few months, up till now, i’ve watched the person who brought me into this word slowly lose the ability to walk. i’ve woken up in the middle of night to her crying because the pain in her knees were too much to handle. as a daughter that cares for her family beyond words can express, but also one who is not very good at expressing that adoration... i didn’t know what to do.

while this was all occurring, i was dealing with a very shitty work schedule in which i had to sacrifice my own personal beliefs to earn money. there were so many times i thought of quitting but stayed only because i knew we needed the money.

at school, i’m in three advanced placement classes. two of those are amongst the hardest challenges i’ve faced. i would periodically come home and believe i couldn’t do the work i needed to accomplish, and that’s all i could think. i broke down, got so many migraines because of the high expectations i was forcing into myself.

this, on top of work, on top of my mother, in which i was powerless to help.

it only got worse for her — and worse for my health. she would start off the day by reminding herself jay she was useless. and everytime i heard her say that, i cried. and my heart broke. because she was anything but. seeing her in such a vulnerable state urged me to cower back in a shell. it was just too much.

we aren’t the most wealthy people either. because of my mother’s help, we were making about five hundred dollars less a month. i know... we really don’t make that much. because of it, were two months behind on mortgage. four more, and our home will be repossessed. i could become homeless, and that thought alone terrifies me.

meanwhile, i’m still a senior. still dealing with college applications and scholarship deadlines and senior portraits and whatnot. i legitmimately have four essays still to write for all of these things, and more to come.

as a music therapy major, there’s an audition, in which i am not prepared for at all.

i’ve been dealing with this all, keeping it all bottled up for a long while. until this past weekend, honestly. but last saturday hit me — reality hit me.

in truth, though. a car hit me.

not me personally, but very close.

i was honestly so close to losing my life that day that i might just be grateful of all the damage it did to my beloved car.

her name is merida, and i know she can be brave and survive the dent that she accumulated, the alignment that needs to be fixed, and the kinked drive shaft that requires straightening.

did i mention, midterms were this week?

i finally lost it... so many thoughts — bad thoughts — ran through my head saturday into sunday and sunday into monday. thoughts i haven’t had since i self harmed in eighth grade. i was so tempted to just ... let it all go, let the stress run free and untamed into the world, no longer my burden.

but i didn’t. because i talked to some beautiful souls on this website and they honestly, and truly saved me.

with their help, i got to watch more pokemon episodes.

with their help, i was able to feel more confident in my exams.

with their help, i was able to see the hope in my mom’s eyes when her new natural medicine started to work.

with their help i was able to see the purity and joy in the world again, and not just the weight on my shoulders.

i suppose the takeaway from this is to just enjoy life. enjoy the little things and don’t get too caught up in all of the things that bring you down and cause negativity. and most importantly, don’t be a powder keg about to explode. don’t be that bottle that holds every emotion in. when youre stressed, acknowledge it. don’t ignore it. listen to what your body is telling you, and go outside to watch the sunset or sunrise. maybe even just get fresh air. because every littke piece of purity will cleanse you and leave you to appreciate everything else. 💞

#shit this was a lot #not voltron #mental health #positivity #destress #love and peace #thanks guys for being there #i love you

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