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#now i just have art

It sounds super weird to say that but like. I know what happens when I cant draw for long periods. Traditional art hurts my hand too much. If I cant draw, I get super depressed, and surprise surprise I am also out of my antidepressants so this is just a big fat fucking recipe for disaster

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It actually wasn’t too long ago (and I wouldn’t think such a lovely message is creepy regardless)!  I’m still quite new to Xillia in general, since I had skipped the PS3 generation while it was out, but my summer teaching gave me a nice salary and quarantine stress was just like… time to get a ps3 and play the Tales games I missed.  Admittedly not the first time I’ve bought a console just for Tales.

I’m glad a few people seem to have liked it at least.  I actually see him as more Aro/Bisexual (though I imagine Elympios had a lot more prejudices against that sort of thing and Rieze Maxia does not, because Jade is just much more open about being bi) than Aro/Ace (Milla on the other hand, is definitely ace while her sister and Aska prove that spirits may have a different concept of sexuality, Milla reads way more ace than them).  I think Jude may have actually given Alvin the words that, which again, is a lot of self-projection and wish fulfillment (it would have been so nice to have someone sit me down and explain Everything) and a lot of fun to think of angst-wise.  I have, admittedly, been thinking a lot about this asshole and his stupid scarf (which I love), because a large part of his whump is just So Frickin’ Queer-Coded that I just can’t help but dump all my self-projection onto him.  Then his attempts to be better, along with some backsliding in Xillia 2, and I was just kind of hopeless about him too.  XD

Hopefully soon I’ll get around to editing my short Jude and Alvin fic and typing my short Milla and Alvin fic that are loosely connected, though Jude’s side leans more towards angst with bittersweet and Milla’s is angst and silliness combined, so I’m not sure how well they work together tonally, but oh well.  I’ve just been rather swamped with grading video homework lately so I’ve been writing but not much typing.  That’s a bit of a lie (not for the past weekend at least, since all I’ve been doing was grading for the past two and a half days, but I’ve had some of these things finished for a while), I’ve just been incredibly lazy with typing anything for a while now (though many thoughts of Alvin have pushed through a bit of that), but messages like these do help with motivation, so thank you!

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i will try to make this my last post in a while abt antisemitism in the hlvrai fandom bc even i get tired of it but i do think its so funny when goyim are like “oh if i make a shit design please tell me 🥺🥺🥺 i dont want to make someone uncomfortable 😔😔😔” like if someone needs to tell you that your design is a caricature then guess what! you’ve already made someone uncomfortable. you’ve already made someone nauseous and upset. you’ve already made someone feel unsafe. and fun fact: usually that ‘someone’ is actually multiple people! 

and if multiple people already feel unsafe, nauseous and upset at your art, what the fuck makes you think they would ever feel comfortable talking to you about it? this is why we spread posts educating about antisemitic caricatures– not so you can be like ‘please tell me if i do this!’ but so YOU can look at YOUR art BEFORE you draw or post it and realize that you’re making something harmful.

it shouldn’t be jews jobs to clean up after you shit on us.

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feeling what I can only describe as quiet rn, quietly contemplative I suppose, and I wish I had the language or art skills or something to fully express that.

had a moment of feeling good about my body when I was getting into the shower this morning, which is astounding considering my history and also the fact that I’m at my highest weight (thanks, depression and also my sister who buys an obscene amount of oreos lmao) and idk I was just thinking about it and some stuff my sister and friend and I talked about this evening. I drew one of my OCs nude, it was half a self portrait tbh because I’ve wanted to practice drawing fat for some time now but never get around to drawing much anymore, and I wanted to capture this moment and portray my exact body shape as something that someone wouldn’t be ashamed of. I wanted the image to be of someone standing around calmly, just quietly thinking about stuff, and I think I pulled it off pretty well? (it’s just too bad I can’t show it off to anyone since it is literally a sketch of my own half naked body and that’s weird to show people LOL)

I have a lot of thoughts, mostly now I’m thinking about my various OCs over the years and how they’ve represented me at the various stages of my life whether I intended for them to or not, and I’m also thinking about how confusing navigating an adult world is, and it is 2:30am so I’m becoming less comprehensible and I do have work today and for the next three days so I really need to go to sleep.

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Hi guys, no written update for the POTC AU, but I went ahead and did a reference sheet for Duncan Ashe, both above water looking like a human and below water in his real merman form! (Honestly, it’s little wonder why Jacob did a double-take, seeing his First Mate and boyfriend’s true appearance for the first time.) Naturally when Duncan is partially out of the water, i.e. back before he became Jacob’s partner when he was trying to charm a human, he looks a bit more half-and-half, like a more stereotypical image of a mermaid/man –


Rather like the mermaids seen in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Duncan (or “Ashe” as Jacob almost exclusively calls him in just about all universes, no matter how much time passes) becomes more and more human, the more he’s out of the water. The more wet his scales are, the more visible they become – as they dry out, his skin becomes much more flesh-like, the webbing between his fingers slims down, his arm spines retract, and his tail and flippers separate into legs and feet. Above water his brown eyes also adjust for the difference in light and look like a human’s – otherwise they appear much more fish-like with no white in the eye.

Merfolk in general I see as carnivores, even when they are like Ashe and have decided not to actively eat people, so you’d best believe Ashe is rather disinterested in eating much of anything that isn’t meat. Hardtack in particular he loathes like few things in this world. He tends to eat fish more often, for obvious reasons, but while living as a human, he’s also acquired a taste for traditional blood pudding, eggs, and pork sausage. Ashe has also learned to like most types of alcohol as they’re easier to keep on board ship than fresh water.

Merfolk also by and large are not family or pack-oriented, except for a few lone exceptions (for instance, AU!Kai Williams and Keira Jones @hphm-brooke​, who are a merman and mermaid who actively hunt together) – sometimes they will hunt in groups if their prey outnumbers them, but they’re rather like octopi in the way that they’re abandoned quickly at birth and don’t live together in families. This is partially why Ashe found Jacob and his intense affection for his younger sister so particularly odd and why he’s become so attached to Jacob overall. Never having known anyone who would so willingly and without hesitation put their life on the line for the sake of someone else (as opposed to for their own benefit) before, Ashe sees Jacob as singularly unique among humans and is understandably very protective of him, especially now that Jacob has extended that same level of devotion to Ashe himself. He probably would’ve ripped Rakepick’s throat out with his teeth for trying to kill Jacob, if they hadn’t been surrounded by a regiment of soldiers and time wasn’t of the essence. This doesn’t mean Ashe is always very good at expressing his intense feelings for Jacob, though – he’s more likely to show his attachment through physical touching and close proximity more than compliments or declarations of love, though he sometimes will give gifts. He himself was particularly touched when – after he and Jacob first became a couple – Jacob split up a pair of gold doubloon earrings so they could each wear one, to indicate their partnership.

Finally, like the mermaid Syrena in response to Phillip, Ashe has the supernatural ability to sense the emotions and intentions of humans, when in close contact with them. He pretty instantly picked out that Jacob was different from the other pirates on board Howell Davis’s ship when he first took time to pay attention, even if he was too far away to get a proper fix on Jacob. Upon colliding with Carewyn for the first time, Ashe pretty quickly deduced that she resembled Jacob in her courage, selflessness, and cleverness (evident by how she overcame Charles Cromwell), but upon getting a better look at her, he could also sense a very different attitude, one much less aggressive, impulsive, and eccentric than Jacob’s. Ashe also could sense, while they were in Jacob’s cabin, that Carewyn suspected that Ashe was more than he appeared, and yet also was completely sincere in her gratitude to him for saving Jacob. This was the thing that makes Ashe actually now feel some flickers of respect for Carewyn, to the point that he might come to see her as a “second exception” to his general distaste of humans.

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