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#now i just want my dad to get better fast 😞😞😞
bluebellhairpin · 2 months
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i need to talk about this rn i'm sorry but i've been having baby fever and been thinking so much about erwin as a dad 😞🩷 (cw pregnancy)
firstly, he suspects you're pregnancy before you do. he's so observant and knows you so well, so when you start to look tired, or have cravings/aversions to certain foods you didn't before, he takes note. what seals it for him is when he notices your pet (let's say a dog) clinging to you. of course they like you, but now it seems they don't want you out of their sight, might even growl whenever he tries to touch you in their presence. and of course, he notices if you haven't yet had your period (he doesn't even need an app he just remembers your usual time of month) but of course he is considerate that you may want to surprise him, and he is gracious enough to be surprised and over the moon with you when you tell him because of course the confirmation is better than the suspicion. he does admit to knowing already later on, but how can you be mad that he pays attention so well??
and when you get rounder, you learn quickly the baby has a preference for his voice. if the baby is hiding from you in the belly or keeps kicking when you want to rest, they only listen to his voice, he'll say something like "Be kind to your mother," and the child will literally stop and you're just like " •_•"
also he will absolutely hire someone to help with cleaning and cooking while you recover postpartum, make sure you don't have to lift a finger for anything besides the baby and your own wellness. even after the first couple weeks and the person he hired is gone, he'll still do most of the cleaning and cooking while you recover because he understands that while you focus on cariny for the baby, he has to focus on caring for you. he will also want to be involved with learning about how to best care for the baby as much as possible (he becomes a master at burping 😌)
and the first time you guys drop the child off at daycare, he's pretty straightfaced and serious to anyone looking at him, gives a quick hug and a kiss to his little one but mainly focuses on making sure everything is accounted for in their bag and lunchkit. the staff might think he's too cold and aloof to be so unemotional about his child's first day at daycare, but what they don't know is that the second he gets in the car and out of the kiddo's sight he puts his hand over his face and starts weeping softly, holding your hand so tightly with the other because his baby is getting so big so fast and he's proud but also sad after hearing them cry as soon as you both walked out.
he just becomes the most wonderful father and husband and loves his family with everything he has ☺️🩷
ik I told u like two days ago I was letting this cook and I'd answers that night but OOF i forgot. however i've enjoyed being reminded each time I went into my ask box! I read though it each time! loved it so much! anyway i'm gonna pop som thoughts below so this doesn't get too long for the poor people who don't wanna be Erwin's baby mama's lol <3
cw pregnancy for below
I very much headcanon Erwin as an observant man, so I 100% agree with the notion that he notices you're pregnant before you do. the food tastes changing, the sickness (the dog! (in my little world there's a dog! (his name is Atticus))) - the notes it all away but the little shit says nothing. he might partially be being considerate and letting you tell him, but i also think he isn't above waiting how long it take you to figure it out after he does. it's like a little bet he has with himself lol
AND THE BABY LIKING HIS VOICE ofc my child would only listen to Erwin smh. that's kinda so funny to me though, I love that idea. maybe Erwin spoke quietly for a while and the baby was real still, you kind of panicked a little, but as soon as Erwin went "oh my god, What?!" the babe went wild as if to say "oh, daddy is here! yay! he didn't leave us alone!" bc yk. the baby is a little shit too just like it's dad.
He also totally doesn't like the idea of you lifting a finger. he says your body is busy making a whole human being, don't you dare make him dinner too, making it himself is the least he can do. I also firmly believe afterwards he's a very hands on dad. yeah perhaps he'll keep some hired help around for the days where e's not there, but when he is there? you're surprised he isn't run off his feet. the man has so much energy for being so chill and stoic. he'd be out here being dad, mum, housekeeper, cook, taxi AND CEO, and still cuddle up to you at the end of the day and wanna attempt to ENTHUSIASTICALY put ANOTHER baby in you.
thEN the picture of him breaking after dropping your kid off for their first day! my heart! he is such a softie. big fucking teddy bear. full of marshmallows and clouds. he can look cold and aloof all he likes but we know the truth. we've seen him cry while watching both The Good Dinosaur and Bluey. he can't hide from us.
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jdlopes777-blog · 4 months
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DAY - 1 - MAJOR RESET - World War 7 within myself. DEC 2nd 2023 ,
RESTART - from World War 6 in JANUARY 2023
I’m 38 , and I about to hit 39 , this is a everlong struggle to be a better SPIRIT , SOUL , inner man , the outer man has had dominion over my temple. I belong to Jesus Christ almighty.
Fighting the good fight of FAITH and WELL BEING. ITs been tough just to be here now typing this. Im either typing my life on TUMBLER , or writing it down on my journal.
My life has been bitter sweet , I made decisions that led to where I stand today. I do believe wether terrible painful 😞 decisions The Lord doesn’t mean no harm. FREE WILL can make you or break you. Even to your grave.
I have intoxicated my existence to the point of death. I tried to take myself out when I was 27 years old and my last breath never came at 5:30am. The enemy is real but why can I not let that hit home and register and a new MIND SET be born at 27.
I had a chance at 17 , 20 , 21 , 24 , 26 , 27 , 29 , 31 , 33 , 35 , after those catastrophic events war at within myself all due to external and internal factors deriving from bad circles of influence and decisions that infected my soul by un equally home myself to another human being and the 🌎 world.
I am like a land , I’m like a wholly land the entire world wants to take over and run over and destroy it because I am the RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD in Christ Jesus for what he has done for humanity. Took the punishment for all of us all. I have been made righteous for what HE DID , not anything of me. For my penalty of sin is death and Christ tells step aside son , this is not your battle but MINE.
Receive it , it is my GIFT 🎁 to you , GRACE…..
I was born in DEC 12th , 1984 , according to my mother and gramma a 4am baby before the sun came out. Gramma takes and took amd stole the center stage , per the family in Managua Nicaragua I was the baby of the BARRIO , along with my baby girl side quick NINOSKA , a girl baby born around the same time.
At 17 she was the one for me , so I THOUGHT , ….she was beautiful to me. I thought this at a point in my time I was in my prime , healthy , virgin, away from the toxic world that was ever so fast unraveling at light speed with technologies that I had yet to be introduced to so at that very moment all I had was 📝 📄 PAPER and PENCIL .
She was my sweetheart PEN PAL , from NICARAGUA the barrio I was born in MANAGUA , and me in WHITTIER , CA - Fred C NELLES. Youth Correctional Facility. A little more back , this all started from when I was 10 years old , my father lifelessly beat me for at least once every 2 weeks , a savage beating with a shiny leather belt with a piece of metal from a business suit any opportunity he had , sometimes 3 times every 2 weeks since I was 5 years old.
WHY DAD ???
Father of mine , sent my mom to learn English , and go to adult school , my mom was about 22 years old , and she only spoke u less she was spoken to. THE SANDINISTA way , the very thing that gave me ASSYLUM , to enter the USA , as a political ASSYLEY , the very thing we left that country for was the very thing that my father brough with him to 🇺🇸 AMERICA in 1987 , Los Angeles then Santa Ana OC , in CALIFORNIA.
The derailment of my childhood which then DOMINO EFECTS into my teenage hood troubles and eventually ADULTHOOD. My father prior to this was a HERO 🦸‍♂️ in my life like any child should grow up into am adult and say. ………….
Before I go ( I DONT BLAME my father anymore, I have grown up to accept my up bringing. and realize that it was tragic but like a song I heared my SWEDISH MADIA , The Lord has helped me and is still helping me get through it all as he goes before me everytime anywhere good or bad.
youtube
The song above has a BAR that says , SHOW em how you backflipped from TRAGIC
Show em how the struggle made MAGIC.
THE NUCLEUS of the journey to a KINGDOM of TRAGEDY, TRAGIC KINGDOM ,
It was 1989 , had to have been a week day I was already getting ready to start KINDERGARTEN at FAIRHAVEN ELEMENTARY in Santa Ana , CA , My father was a powerful self employed man , a prosperous salesman. He lives a FRUGAL lifestyle. My father one afternoon , in a studio apartment we lived in , had just recently paid for my moms younger sister to come to USA to live with us.
She was probably 18 years old fresh low hanging fruit from the tree 🌳 virgin probably. While my beautiful poor mother was at school learning to speak English , something my father and her should have been doing together. The very thing that could have made my family into BILLIONAIRES. My mother was a woman of HONOR , gracious , humble , natural beauty , with a cute squint , a queen 👸, my father threw away a BILLION dollar club ticket to BRENTWOOD , CA over a an AFFAIR with my moms younger sister , my father tells me and the twin younger brothers of mine. Kids get ready in 15 minutes. We are going to the park.
Those 15 minutes were longer or so I recall , so I went inside the room the only room in the apartment that had only one restroom a tiny studio. There he was having sexing with her in the bed my mother and father shared. The ONLY bed in the place. I saw it and I remember it like it was yesterday. The door was unlocked , and I saw them both naked , fucking , FORNICATING , or ADULTERY , destroying a married Front row seat ticket. VIP pass I helped myself to ,
You can’t tell a CHILD wait for 15 minutes!!!! A child won’t give you not even a a minute. But yet I remember waiting for at least 7. I was obedient in life up to that point. I was alway trying to please my dad and be the best kid for him , I would look for him up that point. Like any 5 year old child does today. I was forced to grow up quick at the speed of life up to that point.
I’m
There seeing it for at least 4 seconds , my world got hit with a NUCLEAR WEAPON of full destruction, I COULD NOT UNSEE the scene. Now my father becomes the enemy , a terrorist in a child life . My father died that moment in my life. He died and I died too , the moment he walked out and beat me to death a savage beating. The first time I had ever seen the BELT that would torment me the next 7 years of my life a TRIBULATION of 7 years , I am in awe 🫢 to think 🤔 about it and I type and reflect this very moment here now in the present.
for the next 7 years I lived in a prison , a child like prison , locked up and the key was thrown away In fear that I might say something to my mother when she came back. It was a very EXPENSIVE price , blood 🩸, sweat 😓 and tears 😭. To keep me intimidated , full of fear , afraid , I couldn’t be a child have fun be loud , run around , make friends , go out and play. While I noticed other kids play in my neighborhood I couldn’t. I guess that’s what led to my first attempted SUICIDAL idea in my life. When I was 6 years old after many beatings , I jumped off a second floor BALCONY. from that same apartment ,
Wether I was actually trying to kill myself or not subconsciously or consciously , I would hang out in that balcony which was the only thing I was allowed to do. It was like 5 by 12 , place crowded with junk. I played alone there UNSUPERVISED , I thought I could fly , how could I have not thought of tue danger in falling , well I did , next thing you know I get up , walking all the way around and climbed the stairs bleeding 🩸 from my CHIN I think I could have snapped my head back , but truly THE LORD avoided the loss of life. I know this now looking back.
I was a WONDERER , I would wonder off , to get away from my father , I was afraid of him a real fear. So I would purposely wonder off and get lost in public , and then I would get scared of him finding me so then I would return I was not brave enough to follow though running away.
Anyway …. Back to the situation at hand I just almost killed myslef , and I walk back up bleeding tore up from my chin because I landed flat on my stomach on concrete below from 20 ft , I had to climb the balcony and stand in top on the balcony wall , in order to get maximum flight time of 20ft or so or more. 24 ft max , ( I’d have to go the crime scene and measure to be exact ) …….
I open the door amd as soon as my mom saw me I CRIED , and she calls the ambulance and 911 and all that chaos. I went to the hospital , NUMB , I’m not sure what my mother told the paramedics , but the hospital wanted to know what happened. I remember the doctor asked me if I was trying to be like Superman or Batman. I wish I was either so I could have kicked my fathers ass raw like he did to me. I got 12 stitches under my poor child chin and with NO ANESTHESIA probably because they were I afraid I had a like a concussion and the hospital rather let me feel it then put me to sleep and risk not waking up.
I cried like I was dying I felt every stitch going in and out. They had to tie me down on a board as they tried to stitch me up and my mother had to help along with nurses. Then I got passed that , it came to pass , then I was hospitalized for like 2 or 3 maybe 5 days until results came in that I was clear from severe trauma to my head. I still had one more person to deal with , my father , I could see him in the door of the hospital room door with his arms crossed , I wanted to cry 😢 not because I was happy to see him , but because I knew he wanted to whoop my ass for that stunt.
And so this is how It all began , I wish I had good news , but this is not a happy story , it’s just a moment in my present time to remind myself where I have come from and what I have survived , and that life is not over and it won’t end here NOW , the Lord has proven to me that after trying to take my own like 3 or 4 times maybe 5. HE never allowed it and hasn’t yet to happen , he hasn’t called me back ,
HEAVEN HASNT CALLED ME HOME 🏡, the Lord is not done with me here on earth. I’m back flipping from tragic things. And making struggles into prosperous things with a PURPOSE for HIM. His word says that the work HE started in me HE will complete , the moment I’m called by HIM.
Imagine living like that for at least 7 years until came times that I was being a menace to myself and others , I was confused , I was sent to NICARAGUA , at 7 to 8 and was dropped off I another monster being replaced for another , it’s like JOSEPH sold to slavery by his siblings , I can relate being una foreign land and not knowing anyone , and this is where I meet my baby queen at 7 years old , first time swing her after my father had fled the FEDERAL investigators , for his fraud schemes , we fled the country in 1992 to 1993 , drove Two cars and packed them with as much stuff as we could , and drove away to NICARAGUA 🇳🇮 in car through MEXICO , with my mother , my mothers younger sister , whom is now PREGNANT with child , my father seed , something my mother DID NOT know about , I wonder what my aunt told my mom to make her not suspect the AFFAIR , stay tuned for that story , in another chapter.
There were some other things that happened to me as a child in this country under the care of my gramma now but even a loving 🥰 sweet woman could not spare me from more trauma , I nearly died of a skin cancer like desease , I got like a skin cancer , and by the GRACE of God I did not die. For some reason I attracted creeps , But aside from all that , it was Summer of 1992 , and I spent Christmas of 1992 in Managua under another fear of someone hurting me. I got home sick and I missed my mom. For the love of God why can’t I be with my mom under her arms hugged and feel safe. without a creep after me in MANAGUA , and another tyrant like my father watching every little thing I was doing.
The only good memories I had was with ERNESTO a boy friend of a girl called ROSA a daughter of NINOSKAS mom , the Doctor NINOSKA of the Barrio. I was a child who needed LOVE and I thought I was in love with this girl. That was short lived. My parents left back to USA to face the hard truth and reality of their actions with the government. And they took with them the pregnant woman my moms younger sister , who is close to giving birth to CHRISTOPHER LOPEZ , my little half brother , half cousin. He was born in FEB 2nd 1994 , my fathers SECRET CHILD.
I came back to USA 🇺🇸 Never knowing when I would see NINOSKA again. I came back in time to jump on the second grade with Ms HETZEL , at FAIRHAVEN Elementary , Now my aunt was public enemy in my world # 2 because now she was mistreating me afraid of the same thing because she knows I know I saw her stupid naked ass , losing her VIRGINITY to my father , God only knows how many times they fucked , aside from that one time I witnessed.
Back to blood 🩸 sweat 😓 and tears 😭, clashing heads with my father and my moms younger sister and my mom never aware of any of it , bottled up inside for YEARS !!!! at least 7 in the presence of those 2 evil 👿 people. I was DAMAGED GOODS , at times the savage beating would welt my skin and trigger the shape of the belt with blood marks , had to hide those. Most were on my back and arms and even hand whenever I would beg my father crying 😭 to stop it hurts. Grabbed me my one arm and whooped me with that belt from another.
By now at 7 years old I have so many issues. Sexual and physical and mental and emotional.
The rest is for another time …….. lots more to talk about that…from 1992 to 1999 …..
Then from OCT 20 th 1999 to FEB 14th 2005 at the age of 20…. and on …………
BACK TO TODAY …….. 12-2-2023 …………..
story to be continued ……………
DAY 1 is today , and I pray to the Lord I am given the strength to ABSTAIN , from yesterday mindset …..
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aleksa-sims · 2 years
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My RL gameplay (18+)
!CW! Addiction, drugs
The last 2 days have been quite for me & everything was fine. But well, I met Sofia! She needed my help.
P. picked me up from work to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid. And again I’m half naked in P.’s bedroom. 😉 But this time I was sober! Philip checked me out like a.....narc.🤨 He wanted to check if I had drugs on me somewhere. Just like my mom did with me back then. 🤦‍♀️
Me: Are we going to bed now? It’s already late and we both have to get up early tomorrow. 
Philip: So impatient? 😏 But we still need to clarify something A.! Because of this drug you took.
Me: Um...okay? Go ahead! 
Philip: This wasn’t your first time, taking this shit, right? 😕
Me: Sandra’s B-day was my first time, with Elena. I knew, even then, that this will not be my last time. But Nico, he wasss....so crazy! 🤦‍♀️ 😔 ...I didn’t have a chance to do it again without him noticing. He was controlling me all the time.
Philip: Okay, so you got this shit from Elena, but how did you do it this time A.? How the hell did you get that shit? 🤷‍♂️
Me: I always meet this person in the same place and it goes very fast.  The only thing he asks me is “how much.” That’s all! I don’t even know his name! The less I know about him & he about me, the better. Sofia gave me his number.
Philip: He just waits for you to get into a desperate situation 😠 and then...you’re fucked up! 🤨
Me: I'm sure it won't come to that!!!
Philip: You just don’t realize it! 🤦‍♂️  If I were to take your pills away from you, you’d already have withdrawal symptoms. Your pills are exactly the same shit as this drug you’re taking. The only difference is, that your pills contain synthetic opiate.
Me: I see you’ve done your homework well! 🤨 I know that ALL too! And I promised you, I wouldn’t do it anymore!
Philip: I hope so!😕... ILY and I can’t just look away from what you’re doing. That’s why you’re gonna give me your phone & you’re gonna get a new phone number.
Me: Seriously? 😦 You’re worse than my dad! You know that? But...here! Take it! 😒
Philip: Perfect! 🙂 🤷‍♂️ Thank you! 🤨 .... Now that we’ve settled this unpleasant matter, I’m giving you a very special.... treatment. 😏 As a reward for being honest and staying clean.
Me: Wow. 🤨......Just kidding! I can’t wait! 😬
The next morning Philip woke me up, he always gets up an hour earlier because he has to work on this app.
Philip:  Did you sleep well? Everything okay?
Me: Yeah.....You know? I dreamt about N. 😞 I miss him & I think I feel a bit bad, because I’m here with you. But I love you too and I’m so happy with you! I want to stay with you forever P.!
Philip: Then please stop using these fucking drugs. If you do, I’ll stay with you forever! No matter what! Even if you stay with N.
Me:  I promise you! 😳 And the 3 of us, we just stay together forever! Just like now! Unless you don’t want to, then of course not! I want you to be happy too! 
Philip: I just want you! And N. doesn’t bother me! He never did & he’s my best friend! Just.... Idk, if it will work, because of his soccer career. He’ll get jealous, if you’re just with me, but if you’re going with him....we can’t see each other anymore. 😕
Me: I know! But HE wanted all this! He started! I’m not leaving here, and I don’t want to lose you. Let’s see how he has his games this year and I can visit him from time to time, too! We can make it!
Philip: Everything will be fine! As long as you take care of yourself! Idk, if I can pick you up in time today, we’ll meet somewhere else ok? Here, you take my phone and I’ll call you! And pls stay clean! If not.....🤨 👆
Me: Ok, boss! 😇 I promise! I’ll just think of your cute face. 
Philip: What do you exactly mean, when you keep saying that my face is cute? Do I look like a baby? 😦
Me: 😂....Nooo, of course not! Idk? You’re just cute to me! But in a hot, sexy way! 😏 Don’t worry, you’re not a baby for me.😄
Philip: Good to know! 😄 ....Ok, see you later! ILY
I said goodbye to Philip and went to work. There I got a call! It was SOFIA! She cried on the phone and she said she needed my help , so I met her after work. And I kept my promise! It wasn’t easy but I don’t want to hurt P.! What was going on with Sofia is under the cut.
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Me: Sofia? What happend? And why are you calling me at work! Are you crazy? 😧 🤷‍♀️
Sofia: I couldn’t reach you! Such a guy answerd and told me that you are no longer available on this number.
Me: Fuck! 😦 Did you tell him your name? 😨
Sofia: No!.... Aleksandra! I’m not well! My fucking boss sacked me for not going to bed with a client. I am not a fucking whore!!! 😠 😠 You know? And now? 😔 😢 I have pain and no money. And my crazy mother! She has a new fucker who gave her drugs and this mofo....heee.... touched me. I fought back, and he got so pissed, that my crazy mother kicked ME out. 😩 🤷‍♀️  Please A.! You are my last hope! I only need 20 Euro.😟 😔
Me: Ok, Sof! 😟 Don’t worry, I’ll give you the 20 euros! ! But why don’t you go to that addiction clinic where I was? You can stay there and get the help you need! 😧
Sofia: Can I stay with you tonight? Please! I need a friend and you have your own apartment now. 😔
Me: No! I can’t let you into my apartment! Nico will kill me!
Sofia: Nico? 🤨 😠 I thought you were finally free and away from that control freak! 😦 😠 You had a new boyfriend the other day. That one nice guy, sitting next to you. You said, he’s your boyfriend. 🤷‍♀️
Me: Yeah, that’s true! But I’m still with N., too! And don’t talk shit about him! He didn’t do anything to you! You screwed up back then. 😠
Sofia: WTF? 😠 He’s a psycho! I thought he was gonna kill you when he caught us two stoned. I thought you were finally free, but you’re still letting him take advantage of you and control you. Why don’t you just leave him? 🤷‍♀️ You have someone else now.
Me: Stop it! Nico is not like that! 😡 He just wanted to help me, and he knows about ....the other one & he wanted this, so I’m not cheating! 😣 
Sofia: Oh, he just wanted to help you! 🤨 Right? And, how kind he is! 😠  He just wanted you to be some kind of..... sex slave to him. You’re still as stupid as you were! I thought you’d finally changed. 😠
Me: What the fuck do you want from me?😡 You’re begging for money? Here, take it! And just fuck off! I’m leaving now! 
Sofia: 📢 Aleksandra! Wait!... I’m SORRY! I just don’t get it! W- why do you always need a man to save you? Help yourself!
Me: Like you? 🤨 And I DON’T NEED HELP! You need Help! I can get you a place to sleep, thanks to my job. With my ID, I can ask the people there, for an exception. But from tomorrow you have to register yourself there by 5 pm at the latest.
Sofia: No, thanks! I’m not homeless! I’m going to my grandma. Oh & now shut up!... My dealer’s here. Or do you want something too?
Me: What? 😟 N- no! I- ...I can’t! 😨 I’m leaving now! Bye, Sof & good luck!
Sofia: Yeah! Thanks for your help! And....see you bitch!
Unfortunately, this was not my last encounter with Sofia. 😞
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