#now its 8:40 and ive crashed
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8 things im grateful for list 3:09am smoking weed in my garage
Went to pride today and 1.they let me bring in my bong 2.my friend drove(so i didnt have to deal w the stress of parking and navigating) 3.her bf paid for all of us to get in and i walked past an 8 dollar necklace that was really cool but that i figured i shouldnt buy bc i was feeling guilty abiut spending 40 dollars on weed when i owe 1k bc i got in a car crash .even though in retrospect, i spend 7-10 dollars on a meal like it's nothingggg and im like umm obviously thats wort it bc its delicious and the highest luxury to have somebdy else prepare u food bc ive been the onky one preparing food for myself prety much for the lat 7 or 6 years but the thing is the necklace wouldve also been worth it so i was like ok get ur head on Straight.. is 8 dollars clutching-my-pearls-too-muchh money to spend or is it whatever-impulse-buy money Uknow, and i was like, (the necklace was a cross btw) it wouldve been fun to get soemthing jesus themed at pride also i love jesus and i lost one of my favorite cross necklaces (I want to call it a crucifix bc thats such a prettier word than cross but technically i think the crucifixes are the oens that have jsesus's body on them) Anyway then i walked into a booth and i was like wait oh em gee a jesus drawstring bracelet i actually thought it was saint judas and i have a green saint judas prayer candle and this was green and black cord w a picture of jesus or saint judas im still not really sure which and then i was like how much and the guy said 5 dolalrs and i was like ok i can do 5 dolalrs but in my head im like damn 5 dollars thats homophobic its pride month im at pride and ur overcharging me like thatt but i just gave him a 5 but he gave me a dollar back its like he read my mind so i ended up getting 4. a $4 jesus themed bracelet from pride and now im wearing three bracelets 2 on my left wrist (where the jesus/saintjudas is now joining the half heart of my invader zim friendship bracelet w gir on it) and 1 on my right this dingy looking ass leather brown thread drawstring bracelet that has a silver bullet w wings on it and the bullet says Love (and i have a ring that matches it on my left pointer finger that is a gold heart that says Love) BUt the wing broke off but it's ok im not taking it off bc i refuse to at this time 5. bestie got me an italian vape, a pack of italian camels aka zebras or sumn, a star candle holder and a star neckalce bc she know i love stars and the star neckalce is so slayful af. never taking it off core..... and a book from the place wheresshe saw david of michelangelo. 6.and i went to an outdoor acoustic guitar show and it was awesome and beautiful honestly and 7. i remembered to do my freckles before bed 8.i have plans tomorrow 8. i quit a job that wasnt serving me and found new employment within a day that was double the salary of my old job which i feel extremely privileged to have been in the position to do 9.i'll be working with my good judy at this job 10. i have weed,a vape,blue hair,a car,piercings,a star tattoo,and im Alive and im 19 and im fucking so grateful ive been so miserable and depressed lately and theres no real Thing i can attribute this negativity to which has, in turn, been making me frustrated i cant understand myself with ease and frustration makes it easier to fall deeper into negativity and im always just fighting myself wishing again for a time of peace but the point is i get so wrapped up in the drama of my mental Fight and while The Struggle isReal life is so much more than THE STRUGGLE. LIFE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THE STRUGGLE. I am happy i am alive. (It feels so radical to say that rn.When i get depressed it's like i dont care what happens to me or my body and i dont recognize that life is an intense privilege)I am happy i am not dead i am happy i am alive i am happy i am getting older because i am happy i am growing and continuing to grow and i am happy i remember i have endless choices in this world and even if i wanna wear reboks and be in my 'boks my ideas are outside of the box. i am happy i am alive
and i have so many more oppurtunites than i did a motnh ago and it's important for me to sit back. realize that. &be grateful for that
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Somehow I go to work, the first two hours pass by and all my coworkers leave except for Janice, cuz she's the boss and leaves when she wants. So I'm cutting fruit and having a grand old time, time goes on properly, Janice is watching the hot food while I pleasantly prepare fruit. Janice eventually leaves me with a list of stuff to do and heads out for the night.
Suddenly time doesn't exist because she left at six, I have to start chores at eight, and in the middle of it I have to make tacos or pudding and watch the hot food, so now it's 7:45 and I still have like three types of tacos to make and I don't know where the time went.
#somehow it usually works itself out#but why is time so weird during my shifts?#why is time always so weird?#i dont appreciate time#im kinda sleepy ngl#cuz i went about a thousand miles an hour to get hot food set up and finish making bean tacos#now its 8:40 and ive crashed#i still have to finish dishes and mop in the nezt twenty minutes#cuz i have to finish it or im in trouble#and i have to finish ir by nine or im in trouble#goodnight
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The Past Can Break You - 9
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
AU: Avengers
Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?
A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.
Warning: cursing
--
Third Person POV
The party is in full swing at the compound. Tony took out all the stops. Claimed it was to celebrate Natasha’s birthday, though her birthday wasn’t for another month. Most people didn’t mind since they loved to dress up and get shit-faced.
Dot held onto Bucky’s hand as he walked around the large room. She was both nervous and excited for this party. She hoped that this was only the beginning for her and Bucky. She also hoped that this would finally get Bucky to make a move other than hugs and hand holding.
She couldn’t understand why he was dragging his feet. You have been gone for a month and Bucky seems to have gotten over it, at least she thinks he has, but he still won’t even kiss her. What happened to this man that he lost his charm from the 40′s? It was driving her crazy, especially since she put in so much work to finally get him. She decided that tonight, she doesn’t care if she has to drug him, he will be hers.
The couple walks up to Steve, Tony, Sam, and Nat, who are all in conversation. “Hey guys, you remember Dot,” Bucky says to the group.
They all nod and give her a small smile, except Natasha. Dot was honestly terrified of the woman. First of all she was gorgeous, which annoyed Dot because she was used to being the most beautiful. But what scared her the most is when Bucky told her she was a previous spy. She has killed people, and she was really good at reading people. Dot couldn’t help but wonder if Nat had caught on to what she did to you.
“Jamie, can you come dance with me?” Dot asked.
Bucky looked at her and saw her giving puppy dog eyes. He had to fight everything in him to not roll his own eyes. He cleared his throat, “Uh, sure Doll. Steve, Nat, why don’t you join us?” Bucky asked with pleading eyes.
Nat did roll hers but grabbed Steve’s hand and walked out to the floor. The music changed to a slow ballad and Dot wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck. “I saw a video that people dance like this now. Especially when they are dating,” she says.
Bucky furrows his brows, “Uh, I haven’t asked you out yet,” he said.
He heard Nat clear her throat and stuttered, “Though I will soon, Doll. I just needed some time.”
Dot scoffed, “Come on Bucky. It’s been like a month, I think it’s time for you to move on. She is gone, and honestly good riddance. She wasn’t very good for you, ya know. She was way too jealous and couldn’t handle that your past with me. It was honestly pathetic,” she said.
Bucky tensed at Dot’s words, ready to ream into her when there was a loud explosion the caused everyone on the dance floor to fall to the ground. Bucky sat up when the dust settled and looked around. He saw several soldiers standing, armed. In front of them were 2 people, John Walker and... you armed with guns and 2 swords attached to your back (your specialty).
You look around the room filled with frightened people and scoff, “What’s the matter? Never saw anyone crash a party before?” you shout to the crowd.
Natasha stepped up, “Y/N, what are you doing? Why are you with Walker?” she asked.
You looked at Nat with a smirk, “Well, after the man I loved cheated on me with his blast from the past, I decided that there might have been a reason. I looked back on my life and found that no good deed truly goes unpunished. So fuck good deeds!” you shout.
You look at Bucky you is staring at you in disbelief, “Hello Buck. I would ask if you missed me, but I saw you dancing with your slut and figured, nah,” you sneered.
“Y/N, please. Let’s talk this through. Whatever you thought happened did-”
“Do you honestly think I will believe a fucking word you say Barnes? I’ll answer that, nope! But don’t worry. I have a new man now. One that appreciates me completely and doesn’t screw around with ex’s. You’ve met John, right?” you ask pointing to John behind you.
John walks up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, kissing your neck. Bucky tenses, wanting to pull John away from you. You however ignore your him and look around the room until you see her. Cowering on the floor. You walk slowly over and squat in front of her, enjoying her shaking in front of you, “Hello Dolores,” you say.
Before she can respond to get away, you grab her by the hair and pull her out in front of everyone.
“Oh Dot, isn’t this what you wanted? Everyone to know who you are and who fuck? That’s right people, this woman here,” you say pointing to Dot, “fucked this man here, while he was dating me,” you said laughing.
“I-I...I didn’t. I swear... I didn’t” Dot said shaking.
You glared at her, “Oh Dotty, come on, Doll. We both know what I heard,” you said.
Natasha stepped up again, “Y/N, what the hell are you doing! We had a plan! Why are you doing this?” she yelled frustrated.
You looked from her to Bucky, who looked distraught.
“Eh, I didn’t want to wait for your plan. So I came up with my own plan. Which reminds me, Johnny... where is that book?” you ask sweetly to John.
John gulps and walks up to you to hand you a book. You show the team who’s eyes widen. You look directly at Bucky, “Oh baby, I was wondering if the Winter Soldier would like to play,” you say shaking the red book with the black star.
Bucky froze in fear. His heart is completely broken. You, his love, the woman he would kill for, is wanting to turn him into the monster.
--
Chapter 8 / Chapter 10
Oh man. Things are going to get exciting! And yes in this case John Walker is just a bad guy, never tried to be Cap or anything for the sake of this story, but everyone still hates him. Feedback is appreciated.
Permanent Taglist: @hailmary-yramliah @tuiccim @comedictragedy @cap-n-stuff @thefridgeismybestie @swiftmind @aleaisntcreative @lookiamtrying @pinknerdpanda @morganclaire4 @iamvalentinaconstanza @verygraphicink @im-squished @joannie95 @peace-love-hobbitness @connie326 @amandamdiehl @harrysthiccthighss @its-izzys @roserose26 @rebekahdawkins @elegantobservationstudentsblog @broco8 @shinykoalacat @white-wolf1940 @jessyballet
Story Taglist: @afuckingshituniverse @wintrfld @cherries-and-berries @ilovemarvelanne1 @lilli2411 @minty-fiction @peakywitch @blue-mostacho @r0bbieshapiro @uncreativezx @sarahjoestewy-blog @geekanista @imtaashu @vicmc624 @browneyedgirl365 @happinessinthebeing @leyannrae @austynparksandpizza @aliloz-3 @starkleila @440mxs-wife @miniaturestudentspyhound @inhumanwithpowers
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I FORGOT YOU
#bucky#Bucky Barnes#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#james barnes#Bucky angst#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky x dot
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Alright then, you asked for it. For the personal asks 4-73 😌
aight but you gotta read them all
4: What do you think about most?
sadly, school
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?
fab texted me “you should never trust teenagers”
6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
i sleep in a t-shirt and underwear
7: What’s your strangest talent?
my hyperflexible joints
8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)
girls are amazing, boys are amazing sometimes
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?
no and i hope it will never happen
10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?
air drums is my preferred method of air instruments and just earlier today
11: Do you have any strange phobias?
needles, cant do them at all i will physically hurt you if you try
12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
i mean i did a covid test does that count? i shoved a perler bead up my nose when i was 4
13: What’s your religion?
i am atheist
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
walking or maybe camping i love me a good camping trip
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
behindddd i am very awkward in photos
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
at the moment, all time low
17: What was the last lie you told?
i told my mom i studied for this test that i havent studied for
18: Do you believe in karma?
fairly yeah
19: What does your URL mean?
this one is nothing special, just the spiderrrling
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
i actually dont know, ive been told im very emotionally strong due to what would probably be my greatest weakness, my chronic pain
21: Who is your celebrity crush?
idk if you could guess but its tom holland
22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
no not really
23: How do you vent your anger?
i write or i text friends or i rant here on tumblrdotcom
24: Do you have a collection of anything?
books, i have a lot of books
25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
depends on the person im talking with
26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
yeah mostly
27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
hospital beeping sounds, cant stand them. i love the sound of rain
28: What’s your biggest “what if”?
i didnt quit gymnastics
29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
i mean technically we are aliens, there is no way we are alone in the universe
30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
my right, my wall
my left, nothing
31: Smell the air. What do you smell?
smells like rain bc my window is open and it just rained
32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
idk maybe a place in denmark?
33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
never been to the us
34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
alex garskath
35: To you, what is the meaning of life?
42
36: Define Art.
art is anything if you ask me
37: Do you believe in luck?
sometimes
38: What’s the weather like right now?
it just rained but its gonna rain more
39: What time is it?
10.27 pm
40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
no i dont drive
41: What was the last book you read?
i just finished volume 3 of heartstopper and currently reading northern lights
42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?
honestly yeah
43: Do you have any nicknames?
i do! for those who dont know im fox, ive gone by fox for many years and i respond to it like its my name
44: What was the last film you saw?
i rewatched howls moving caslte
45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
my knee is really bad from gymnastics
46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?
yes!
47: Do you have any obsessions right now?
yes multiple, UCLA gymnastics, generally gymnastics, plague doctors, books, percy jackson
48: What’s your sexual orientation?
i am a raging bisexal
49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?
id like to not get into this just bc it happened very recently
50: Do you believe in magic?
yeah
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
depends on what they did
52: What is your astrological sign?
i am a scorpio
53: Do you save money or spend it?
i save money but i also spend it
54: What’s the last thing you purchased?
i bought 58 books on a discount book store
55: Love or lust?
love
56: In a relationship?
sadly i am very single
57: How many relationships have you had?
one
58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
no
59: Where were you yesterday?
at school then at home studying
60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
probably but my room is dark rn
61: Are you wearing socks right now?
not wearing socks rn but i only own black socks anyway
62: What’s your favourite animal?
foxes or penguins or polar bears, i like most animals to be honest
63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
just be nice and be able to deal with my ranting
64: Where is your best friend?
way too far from me in norway
65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.
@uglypastels @hey-its-grey @wvllywest @hauntedtom @anxieteandbiscuits
66: What is your heritage?
norwegain/swedish
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?
sleeping, i need my sleep
68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?
i think thats his first name
69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
who hasnt
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
i mean i bake, cook and give great hugs
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
i have too much anxiety to be late
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
a. i tell those i care about
b. live my life to the fullest
c. i already have what? 4 chronic conditions?
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
trust is its own kind of love in my opinion
there u happy now z? now its your turn
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Joseph Keysent
Deliverance
Prologue
“Blessed is the nation, whose God is the Lord,” said Joseph, as he looked at the spectacular view of the Abaco Islands. As he lit the kerosene oil for the Hope Town Lighthouse (there were only three manual lighthouses in the world), he was fill with pride.
Joseph, had a lot to be proud off.
His ancestors were The Loyalists, that fled America, after the America Revolution. They were loyal to the British Empire. Some fled to Canada, some went back to Britain. And the others fled to the Caribbean. Joseph's ancestors, settle in The Bahamas. These islands were the closest to America, and were British rule. They choose Abaco, because it was one of the Bahamian Islands that was closer. They called it Hope Town, in hope of a better future.
So for over 230, God has been good to Abaco. The economy of Abaco, has always been self sufficient. The island nor the residents did not rely on any assistance from the Central Government, which was in the capital city of Nassau.
Joseph, like most Abaconians, has never left the island, unless it was for College or boarding school, but they always returned home.
Joseph Solomon Keyes IV, came from a family who were boat builders, fishermen, farmers and hotel owners. They were self made millionaires. Their faith in God, was equally important. Over the years, his family build several Catholic churches throughout the island. Another rite of passage was Lighthouse duties. It fell to the oldest son, and that was Joseph.
So, on that beautiful summer day, as Joseph, was performing his duties, and praising his God. The word of the LORD, came to Joseph Keyes IV, son of Joseph Keyes III, saying “Arise, go to Nassau, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me.”
Chapter 1
Joseph, knew without a shadow, of a doubt, that it was the LORD. What do I do with that request thought Joe. All my life, from the age of 16, when I accepted Jesus, as my personal Savior, and 24 years later, I have never disobey him.
The next day, was August 1st, that was the opening of the crawfish (spiny lobster) season in The Bahamas. It was a million dollar industry, and Joseph owned the largest fishing fleet in Abaco. He exported thousands of crawfish and other sea food to the USA each year. He hadn’t been out to sea for the last ten years. He had gotten married, and was bless with two daughters, Grace 8, Joy 6, and Joey V, 4 , his only son. He wanted to spend more time with his family.
That is why his wife Michelle, was quit surprised at his announcement.
“ I am going back to the sea, this season,” said Joe.
“ Why?” asked Michelle bewildered.
“ I just need too, I have missed it,” said Joe quietly.
“ Why all of the sudden, what do I tell the children, you promised me when we got married, that you will not go back to sea,” cried Michelle.
“ Michelle, before we got married, you knew this was my livelihood. Haven’t I been good to you and the kids, these last 10 years. Why are begrudging me something that has brought me joy and a sense of purpose?” shouted Joe.
Michelle was taken aback, Joe had never raised his voice to her or the children. Actually, Joe has never raise his voice to any one. And he is a captain of a fishing boat. Something else is going on here, thought Michelle.
“ Ok Joe, go, we will be here when you return,” said Michelle, defeated.
“ Don’t be sad love, I will see you in three months,” said Joe tenderly.
Joe, didn’t know what came over him, but he knew that he had to flee the presence of the LORD.
Chapter 2
Three days later on the open water, Joe felt more relaxed. He missed his family, but he knew he would see them in three months. His men were surprised to see him on board after 10 years. They were surprised, but pleased. They know Joseph to be a God fearing man, who was honest and just. It was good to have him back.
A few days later, there was mutiny on the ship!
The first thing that happened was a fire in the galley. It was damaging, but not extensive. So all the meals will be canned meals, instead of cooked.
The divers, came up empty handed, there were no crawfish, so we had to venture out further in Bahamian waters.
With moral being low, the crew started fighting with each other, some of them had to be locked in their cabins for the duration of the trip.
Then suddenly, a Squall came, the waves were crashing on every side. We had to lighten the ship, so we started to toss are equipment overboard. Each man was crying and praying to their God. They beseeched me to pray to God! I told them this was my fault, I have disobey God, and I was fleeing from his presence. We decided to make it back to shore.
We finally came out of the squall, and no sooner a ship was upon us, and they were armed with high powered weapons. They were Pirates, modern day pirates, that hijacked ships and steal cargo. My ships had never encountered any before. They boarded my ship, and held me and the crew at gun point.
They spoke spanish, which I spoke fluently. They demanded our equipment and our cargo. Unfortunately, we had neither. They wanted something, that they could ransom. The crew all looked at me and unanimously, chose me. To them I had brought all this disaster upon them.
Chapter 3
The Spaniards, took me and put in the cargo hold of their ship. It was dark and smelly. I might as well had been in the belly of a whale.
Joseph was in anguish, he cried out to the LORD, three days and three nights.
“You have cast me into the deep, Into the heart of the seas. The waters surrounded me, even to my soul. But I will sacrifice to You, With the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay what I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD.”
Suddenly, the door of the cargo hold opened and a voice shouted “Joseph Keyes, are you alright? This is Captain Neily, of the Royal Bahamas Defense Force. We are here to take you home.”
A few days later I arrived in Abaco, aboard, HMBS Nassau. A bit dehydrated, but I will live. Michelle, my children and my family were overjoyed.
My ship had made it back to port, in Hope Town. The crew were going back to sea in a few weeks, but without me. Thanks be to God!
I still had lighthouse duties.
Now the word of the LORD came to Joseph the second time, saying, “ Arise, go to Nassau, that great city, and preach to it the message that I tell you.”
So Joseph arose and went to Nassau, according to the word of the LORD.
Chapter 4
Nassau, was on the island of New Providence, this was where government of The Bahamas was located. In Joseph’s 40 years, he had visited once. And that was on a primary school field trip from Abaco.
The island was 7 by 21, quite small in size but not in population and enterprise. 80% of the population lived here, they had offshore banks, fast food restaurants, big hotels with casinos, etc. Like any city, it had its social ills. A high crime rate, murder, drugs, prostitution, robberies, fraud and the list with on.
Joseph wanted to leave on the first day, but he needed to obey. He made an appointment to see Prime Minister Paul Deveaux. He heard he was a God fearing man.
“ Good Evening Prime Minister, thus says the LORD. “In 40 days Nassau will be destroyed,” said Joseph.
So the Prime Minister, call a day of prayer and fasting and said, “ From the least to the greatest, Let no man, eat or drink, but let everyone be covered with sackcloth and cried out mightily to God, yes let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. Who can tell if God will turn and relent, and turn away from his fierce anger, so that we may not perished.”
So the category 5 hurricane, that was on a direct path to Nassau, made an easterly shift, and died in the Atlantic Ocean.
Joseph became exceedingly angry. He felt like he wanted to die. Then the LORD, asked him “Why are you angry?”
“ I know that you are gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness. One who relents from doing harm,” said Joseph angrily.
“ Should I not take pity on Nassau, with over two hundred thousand souls, who cannot discern between good and evil.” Said the LORD.
Then Joseph realized, that he was harboring generational prejudices and hatred against his fellow countrymen.
The End
#God#Jesus Christ#Christian#Christianity#faith#church#people#inspiration#humanity#faith in jesus#jesussaves#story
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1-99 🐸
BET YOU THOUGHT I WOULDNT DO IT SCRUB. I tagged this #long post if yall dont want to see it btw sorry
1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?
According to Spotify Me its 1. Hail to the King - Avenged Sevenfold 2. The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson 3. Holy Diver - Killswitch Engage 4. Sick Like Me - In This Moment 5. Girls in Black - Airbourne 6. Shrike - Hozier
2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
MY SOULMATE DAMMIT
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
ugh ”Now the bad news, im afraid, is that we won't be home for supper.”
4: What do you think about most?
Money
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?
“Maybe not” - from you
6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Without8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)
Girls are cute; Boys are cute but at what cost?
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yup
10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Idk last week11: Do you have any strange phobias?
Public bathrooms and men with neck or face tattoos
12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
When i was younger i used to stick straws up my nose
13: What’s your religion?
Roman Catholic
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Walking the thot
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind, I don't trust most ppl to take pics of me
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
Uhhh Avenged Sevenfold probably
17: What was the last lie you told?
idr
18: Do you believe in karma?
Yup
19: What does your URL mean?
It’s pretty self-explanatory
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
Procrastination; Loyalty
21: Who is your celebrity crush?
Currently Henry Cavill
22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Its on my to-do list
23: How do you vent your anger?
Chores lol
24: Do you have a collection of anything?
Mushroom decor, books
25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
TEXT
26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
Happier yes
27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
Crowds; Nature
28: What’s your biggest “what if”?
”what if i tried harder and passed this class the first time around?”
29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
YES x2
30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Cell phone; cookie
31: Smell the air. What do you smell?
Nothing really
32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
LA
33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
West Coast
34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
Hozier
35: To you, what is the meaning of life?
To impact the world and/or its inhabitants in a positive way.
36: Define Art.
Art makes you feel some typaway
37: Do you believe in luck?
Yes, only because i have horrible luck
38: What’s the weather like right now?
drizzling
39: What time is it?
6:23pm
40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
yes and yes
41: What was the last book you read?
Sea of Strangers by Lang Leav
42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?
Yes
43: Do you have any nicknames?
Jaz, Jazzy, princess, noob (curtesy of my bro)
44: What was the last film you saw?
Ready or Not
45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
Hairline fracture. Urban Air. Rock wall. Jumped off. Ouch.48: What’s your sexual orientation?
I like boys
49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?
lmao YES
50: Do you believe in magic?
I believe in portals to other dimensions does that count?
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Yup
52: What is your astrological sign?
Leo
53: Do you save money or spend it?
Both
54: What’s the last thing you purchased?
Starbucks
55: Love or lust?
Both
56: In a relationship?
No
57: How many relationships have you had?
idk
58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No
59: Where were you yesterday?
Why do you want to know frog boy?
60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Dogs collar
61: Are you wearing socks right now?
No
62: What’s your favourite animal?
Owls
63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
Be really nice and smiley to them but like in a low cut blouse66: What is your heritage?
Native North American. Mexican, Spaniard
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?
Sleeping
68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?
Morningstar
69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
I-
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
Yess
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Save the dog, my boss is a cunt anyway.
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
Uhg a) Yes b) Things ive always wanted to do c) Probably
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
Love, since it comes with trust anyway
74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Hail to the King
75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
6744
76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
Communication, trust, honesty, time, consideration, maturity, sexual attraction
77: How can I win your heart?
Have these traits: Beard, muscles, weeb, a sweetheart, sense of humor, be Catholic, have a decent career path, give me all the attention
78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?
yes
79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
uhh
80: What size shoes do you wear?
9 in heels; 9.5 in shoes
81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
Something that will make goth kids take pictures on my grave
82: What is your favourite word?
Bastard
83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
The Sacred Heart cause im catholic and hispanic
84: What is a saying you say a lot?
Bad words and insults
85: What’s the last song you listened to?
Old Time Religion - Parker Millsap
86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?
Teal, Green, Red, Black, and Pink
87: What is your current desktop picture?
A pretty forest
88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
Id save it for a rainy day
89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
”Have you ever watched hentai?”
90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Put collars on them and teach them tricks
91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
Healing - people, the land, etc.
92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
dunno
93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Ive already did that according to the therapist i had
94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
Im saving myself for marriage
95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Ireland
96: Do you have any relatives in jail?
Yes
97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?
Yes, when i was a kid
98: Ever been on a plane?
Yes, to Cali
99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
Your governments will always consider your freedom a burden
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fuck sam walmarts
and fuck management
I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.
as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.
this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares
basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.
decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track
today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in
i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch
i gott my first break on timeish.
then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok
really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of
anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while
but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk
i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD
nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone
im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,
manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry
and theyy just. fckkng
ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”
i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh
this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...
she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt
andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????
andd i jjst
ive HAD IT with her
ive had ittt
im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that
then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome
ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.
i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD
I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO
i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow
she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas
i d ont know what to doo
i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh
ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff
i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww
i jjst dont know what to doo...
i cantt stop cryingg
i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.
last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash
goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.
#jjst...ffeels like shes violating somethingg#and treating me a LOT like how my abusive mother used to treat me#why are you CRYING? you cant be trying here. this is a BUSINESS.#is a lot like Why Do You look so MISERABLE all the time?? why are you CRYING??#and shit like IGNORING ME when i try to change my hours#straight up ignoring me#she basically made it clear shed rather me QUIT than fuckingg chop 2 hours off my AVAILABILITY#ITS SO FRUSTRATING#AND SHES SUCH A HYPROCRITE#scheduled 7-2 every sunday!!#yet you cant change my availability to 7-7??#you NEED ot keep it until 9???#but working until 9 and getting home around 10 and getting no sleep because i need to take care of my pets and myself#and get up at 5:30 the next morning for work at 7#WHEN THAT COULD EASILY BE ALTERED BY CHIPPING A COUPLE HOURS OFF MY AVAILABILITY#AND MY DOCTOR ALSO THINKS I NEED TO CHANGE IT TOO#BUT WHO FUCKING CARES RIGHT ITS A BU S I N E S S#SURE SURE BUT WHEN A CUSTOMER FLIPS THE SIGN ON A $7.94 SHIRT#TO SAY 0.94 CENTS#WITH THE CENTS SIGN!!!!#THEN I HA V E TO HONOR IT#THATS A+ BUSINESS RIGHT THERE#BITCH DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO APPROVE A COUPON ON SLEF CHECKOUT!!!!#AND OUR FRICKING STORE MAANGER MAKES TRIPLE FIGURES!!!#BUT NO ONE FUCKINGG CARES#NO ONE FUCKING CARES#I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMOREE#id dont want to have to lose my job and stability over this one person#but this isntt...ok#i shouldnt have to go to work and deal with MORE emotional abuse
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Do not rb
[2/2, 11:32 PM] Cristian Gómez: Ok, so here goes
[2/2, 11:34 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i talked over you and interupted you. I have this very bad tendency to not shut up when im nervous, especially around others.
[2/2, 11:34 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i had to ask you to buy me icecream, i know you said its no big deal but it is to me
[2/2, 11:35 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry if i seemed boring and paranoid, ive just always lived in fear till i moved here and even though its been 2 years, i still find it hard to break habita
[2/2, 11:35 PM] Cristian Gómez: But please, i need you to tell me whats wrong
[2/2, 11:37 PM] Cristian Gómez: Remember how i told you i think of ways to escape and how could a person murder me and all that? I am very scared of the unknown and right now i do not be knowing whats up? Did i bore you, dis you find someone else, did you die? My mind keeps jumping to conclusions i know arent true but without your words i cant really kill them off
[2/2, 11:38 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im trying to be more attentive of you and stop being so self centered (which is an oximoron cuz telling other people that youre not thinking about yourself requires you to think about yourself but wrvr)
[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: I watched letterkenny, i kinda spoiled that "surprise" when i texted you her face and the naked gym the frats wanted to make
[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: But whatever, i did enjoy it and im thankful you showed me it
[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, imma pay you back that icecream 10x
[2/2, 11:41 PM] Cristian Gómez: I finally get payed on wednesday so ill buy the granpa sweater or the windbreaker or the patterned shirts, maybe ill stop by peace nook and get a candle, incense or soap you liked. Whatever it ends up being, ill make sure its shiny
[2/2, 11:41 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, my friend said he could sneak us into his show on thursday, like i said, i really like his drag
[2/2, 11:42 PM] Cristian Gómez: If we sneak in, we may even get a couple drinks if we dont have bracelets
[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: And if all you need is space, thats fine! I know i can be a bit much to handle, but please tell me so i dont go off the rails batshit crazy trying to figure out what went wrong
[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: I only now realize that typing all this into a private convo is very batshit crazy
[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: Remember that thing i just said about not shutting up??
[2/2, 11:44 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know theres a lot more i wanted to say but i forget
[2/2, 11:45 PM] Cristian Gómez: Oh, and i didnt really mean to be mean when i called you a nerd for tucking
[2/2, 11:45 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, when i said you were tall, i just wasn't expecting that, cuz everyone ive ever gone out with ends up being smaller than me
[2/2, 11:46 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i behaved like a 12 yearold, i know its not very attractive to go into a relationship and feel its gonna be a babysitting gig
[2/2, 11:47 PM] Cristian Gómez: Even though im scared, i still challenge myself. Everytime i take a turn at a stoplight my first thought is how someone might run me over
[2/2, 11:48 PM] Cristian Gómez: Everytime its bellow 40, i think of that time i couldnt feel my hands for 2 hours, but i still get on my bike
[2/2, 11:48 PM] Cristian Gómez: And everytime i looked at your messages im reminded of all the sweet nothings people used to say to me to use me
[2/2, 11:49 PM] Cristian Gómez: All the see you laters and the we'll meet someday again
[2/2, 11:50 PM] Cristian Gómez: And even though im deadly terrified of typing something and losing you like ive lost everyone else, i still find the courage to send you something, anything so youd know i really do like you
[2/2, 11:50 PM] Cristian Gómez: I forgot how it felt
[2/2, 11:51 PM] Cristian Gómez: Ive been neeting people ive been interested in for 4 years now and youre the second one ive actually found that i cared about
[2/2, 11:51 PM] Cristian Gómez: Even ones i thought i cared about, i forgot in a week
[2/2, 11:52 PM] Cristian Gómez: And i know i said id stop being self centered and ill ive done is typed and typed, but i genuinely want you to give me a second chance, hopefully ill learn to shut up
[2/2, 11:53 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know youll probs only read this if i ever give you your codename, if i even post these, but this is helping
[2/2, 11:53 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, sorry i called you adam
[2/2, 11:54 PM] Cristian Gómez: Maybe ill send the lot of these your way one day, where it doesnt matter cuz youre so close or so far appart
[2/2, 11:55 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know you dont want a psycho bf that cant be 10 mins away from you, but if youre leaving, could you please say why?
[2/2, 11:56 PM] Cristian Gómez: This is extremely pessimistic and theres that overworking brain again, but did you even care? I wanna say yes cuz you payed for my icecream and didnt just blow me off at the first chance, also you went out with me after a week or so of texts, most people would have just made something up, so i really appreciate you
[2/2, 11:57 PM] Cristian Gómez: UGHHH, i just need an answer at this point i dont mind if its yes or no
[2/2, 11:57 PM] Cristian Gómez: Did your messages get stuck? Did my phone mute you?
[2/3, 12:02 AM] Cristian Gómez: Oh yea, this goes without saying, but i dont wanna seem manipulative, these last couple day (oly shit its only been a day, why did i blow this out of proportion so damn much?!?) Have been very retrospective
[2/3, 12:03 AM] Cristian Gómez: I also dont want the gift to be manipulative, its something ive always believed in, ask my friends, no one should leave empty handed
[2/3, 12:04 AM] Cristian Gómez: And i probs would have only gotten you the candles, but bc you bought ice cream and youre so damn hot, ill bump it up
[2/3, 12:05 AM] Cristian Gómez: Im way overdue on payments and my bike insurance is almost up, but its only good for the other guy, so if i crash its very unlikely ill even need to pay them
[2/3, 7:50 AM] Cristian Gómez: Was it that i didnt try anything romantic? Didnt hold your hand or stayed away when i said goodbye? I dont know how to read limits so i just default to professional until someone tells me to do something
[2/3, 8:37 AM] Cristian Gómez: Was it the blue nails? I swear that was the jeans
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1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Lick
2. What is home to you? Alabama:/
3. What was the last lie you told? I couldnt tell you
4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Maybe not?
6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Walk away, move states..
7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) Being alone & fuck irdk
8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? Mhm 4 years ago.
9. How many all nighters have you pulled? A lotttt haha
10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? Woah people express that? no but humans would probably bone all the time.
11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? Only 2 (technically 3) serious relationships. Many flings.
12. What is your paradise? I dont have one :(
13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) Music
14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? Only 1... maybe 2 soon. (not you hehe.)
15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? Finding friendships through social media or other platforms. And mhm probably that im a lonely pos
16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they're pretty. Not really.
17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Chew loud.
18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Eh, yeah. And I cant think of any pros.
19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? Piano, saxophone
20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No. I stare at it until i hate it.
21. List 3 things you like about yourself?
22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? To not give up. As simple as that sounds.
23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? No. Dont you need to be mentally stable- i would hope so..
24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Play games for hours.
25. When was the last time you felt awkward? Ha. Literally 5 minutes ago.
26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? Introverted x100000
27. What constitutes a good friend? Someone who doesnt give up on you amd atleast tries to understand.
28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? One best friend.
29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? 'Hey hows your day going'
30. What is your dream job? Fuck, is this still a question.. to be a homicide detective in the biggest city i can think of.
31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? Lazy and smart DUH
32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe?
33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? What it feels like to GET OFF. DUH.
34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Um my own dreams i guess.
35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. Im not wasting my time describing that.
36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? Live it up. I think id feel happy honestly.
37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Mh. Sell it, their problem now and im rich.
38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? Current events.
39. Name the last book you read. Dammed- chuck palahniuk
40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? No change
41. When was the last time you made the first move? Um never..
42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? Trash
43. What was the last tv show youve watched? Rick and Morty.
44. Do you like and appreciate your life? I appreciate what i am trying to do.
45. Do you like and appreciate yourself?
46. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday
47. What are you scared of? Heights.
48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? Um live my life everyday probably.
49. What are some of your hobbies? .... literally WORSE question. I smoke cigs. Is that a hobby?
50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make?
51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? I feel like i am both. I try to be there for them. But also, im so hard to get so i feel like i might come off the wrong way a lot.
52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? Honestly; nope.
53. What have you learned the hard way? Not to care what people think. After wasting my whole life. Im starting to realize it doesnt matter.
54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? Follow your heart
56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? Both but probably logical.
57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done?
58. What is your ideal meal? Fuckk probably so good ass chicken with some gooooood asssssss mac and cheese. As lame as that sounds hahaha.
59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? 1. Go on date with me
60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? Yeah and dogs are cute but i love elephants.
61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? Christmas.
62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Of courseeeee (;
63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? Video games.
64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? Woah you read my mind of sum? Shooter games.
65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? Bullshit
66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? No not really and like 5pm nowadays.
67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? No
68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? City but i love the countryside
69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? Mountains
70. What are the best things about winter? Cold. Even though i hate it. Snow. Even if i dont see it. Trees dying.
71. What scares you most about the future? Literally everything.
72. What makes you feel old? Doing nothing.
73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? Idk like 5.
74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? Be a better me.
75. What is your life story in 6 words?
76. Describe yourself in one word. Awkward.
77. What bad habits do you do? Smoking
78. What genre of music do you listen to? everything
79. Most prominent childhood memory? I would say, but its embarrassing that that's the memory.
80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? My life would be so different. Maybe i would have someone to talk to.
81. Spirit animal?
82. Do you believe in horoscopes? Yes
83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given?
84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. 1. Fox 2. Fox 3. Fox
85. Favorite memory of your family. :/
86. What do you look for in a relationship? Happiness
87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? No. I dont need it. But now that i think about it i have one role model.
88. What is your opinion on social media? Dumb
89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimest
90. List some things that you think are overpriced? Food
91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? ..
92. What superpower would ruin the world? Any of them
93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Exactly what im doing now. Nothing. Giving up. Dropping out
94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? Dont trust yourself when you know you arent okay. Fight club
95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Europe
96. How do you approach people? I dont but i guess a smile.
97. What is your opinion on first impressions? I think theyre okay. Only if you dont judge.
98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? Lol play with imaginary friends
99. What languages can you speak? English
100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? Lol hopefully ill be dead bc that shit sounds terrible
101. What do you do on your lazy days? Play games.
102. What ended your last relationship? I had enough.
103. Favorite food? Soul food
104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? Fuck im not saying.
105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Last night
106. What was the last friendship you broke? My friend Ashley:(
107. Do you have any pet peeves? Close minded people
108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? Zack
109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? Last night
110. What part of your personality do you want to change? I dont have one.
111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? My sister Grace.
112. What is your biggest motivation? My siblings. Faith & Grace.
113. What did you want to be when you were little? Honestly i never knew.
114. What are some things that you are good at? Smokin weed
115. What is one thing you want to be good at? Social skills
116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? My mind
117. How important is privacy to you? Eh pretty significant i guess.
118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? Be friends with everybody.
119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? Um.. i told my 2nd grade teacher my family died in a car crash.
120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? I dont go to parties haaha
121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? have friends and socialize too much like woah calm down you know youre still alone.. right. Like its only you. Hahah jk. But irdk.
122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? a guy invited me over and ive never done anything sexual before so i pretended like i knew and i hurt his dick like bad. (We didnt have sex)
123. What is your morning routine? Wake up, wash face, brush teeth, get dressed, and then boom feel sad
124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering?
125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? Help
126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" Being sort of isolated like not opening up. Which is okay bc if they want you they'll wait.
127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? Cons, you may hurt feelings. Pro, you know yourself and what you want to say congratulations
128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? Being fake happy.
129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? Friendzoner
130. What do you admire most about your friends? How beautiful he is. Inside & out.
131. What do you admire most about your family? They're still here.
132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" You may forget where you are trying to go. Or who you are.
133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? Listening.
134. When is it time to end a friendship? Idk
135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? Lol too many.
136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? Doesnt matter.
137. What are your favorite baby names? Ive always liked Riley for a girl name and idk havent thought Bout a boys name.
138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Maybe a week or so ago. Or a few days ago.
139. What instantly ruins a conversation? Lack of excitement
140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. Affection. And idk
143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? God every day.
147. What do you like about the 21st century? ???
141. Biggest disappointment. Myself
142. Do you have any self-restraint? A little.
144. Prized possession(s)? little things
145. What is your opinion on second chances? They might seem okay but idk.... depends i guess
146. Text or call? Both, depends on whom im texting or callin
148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? Life is hard and stupid but choices you make will stay with you forever so what are you gonna do, follow your heart or head? (head is better hope)
149. How organized are you? Eh not really anymore.
150. Favorite mode of transportation. My car
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Barista’s Bad Heart - part 9
(Long part here, a lot of exposition, but it’s fairly important as Anna Swift and the team at Memorial are going to be the main characters of many of my stories going forward. Like a TV medical drama, you’ll see these guys often, but the patients will still get their own introductory part or parts. Hope you enjoy.)
Part 1: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183302348002/baristas-bad-heart-part-1
Other links at the bottom.
***
Advanced Nurse Practitioner Anna Swift leaned against the counter in the centre of the main triage room. She signed off a chart, dropping it into the discharged pile, then picked up her tea. She was young enough, only 26, that she hadn’t lost enough taste buds to handle the grim brown liquid that passed as coffee. She sipped the warm tea and turned to look around the room. Laid out in a hexagon, it was the hub of the emergency department, where patients were initially assessed then shifted to the relevant ward. There were a dozen cubicles in this central room alone, with portable beds to allow patients to be shuffled around easily and efficiently.
Wide sets of double doors led through to additional cubicles for varying degrees of severity. Each set of doors had large painted panels denoting their intended patients. The blue doors were the minor injuries ward, though most of the staff referred to it as HC, hypochondriac central. Small cuts, basic colds, pretty much anything that could have been sorted by the patient themselves, went through those doors.
Yellow doors led through to the main treatment ward, simplified to TR by the staff. Simple fractures, bad cuts, sprains and illnesses, anything actually needing treatment or observation went through those doors. It was the biggest of the wards, capable of accommodating over 40 patients without any body sitting on a bed in a corridor.
Red was the High Severity Unit, HSU. This was for patients that were in potentially serious trouble and needed close observation. Badly broken bones, head injuries and the like. Things that had a chance of suddenly becoming life threatening. 20 patients could be treated, and crash carts were scattered across the ward in case a patient deteriorated. It had its own set of elevators to the radiology department and an internal corridor to the next ward. The ward that had black panels on its doors.
The Resus Suite was where the life and death action happened. It had access to the ambulance bay to get patients in quick. It was the crowning glory of the Trauma Centres reputation. 12 fully equipped rooms, ready to handle anything the city had to throw at it. It even had a pair of Trauma Theatre’s, and a surgical team on standby. A helicopter pad on the roof had elevators directly to the Resus Suite.
The Resus Suite was Anna’s primary domain. She would cover the other wards when it was quiet, as she had been doing today, but as soon as that red phone rang, she could drop everything and go to where she thrived. Her gaze fell upon it. It sat on the central column behind the circular counter. It hadn’t rung all day. Somehow, the bustling city had avoided grinding anyone up over the last 8 hours. A couple of minor car crashes, one stabbing and an old lady who tripped over thin air and broke her hip, but nothing that set that phone ringing. Every patient had been conscious and stable as they were brought in.
“You’d better not be hoping for that phone to ring Anna.” Said a voice behind her. The words were a reprimand, but the tone was friendly, almost playful. She turned to see Doctor Carl Teague, 30 years old, with sandy hair a short, sculpted beard. He was like Anna. They were both young for their positions, he was already an ED consultant, leading their team. Anna had been working with him for two years now. They’d been sleeping together for 6 months.
“I’m thinking nothing of the sort.” She replied, a look of mock outrage on her face. “I was merely considering that my skills might be being wasted over in HC.”
He rolled his eyes, filling his current chart in the discharge box. “Think of it this way,” he said quietly, leaning over the counter towards her, “a quiet day, means we have more energy for fun later on.”
Anna checked that no was watching. “Easy boy. Remember, not at work.” Despite seeing each other for six months, no one at the hospital officially knew they were in a more than professional relationship. It was starting to become a point of contention between them, and she saw him frown slightly. “Soon. Okay. I just want to make sure everyone knows I’m leading because I’m good enough. Not because I’m entangled with the ED’s golden boy.”
“You’ve proved that time and again already.” He said. “I just…”
The red phone rang.
***
Anna stood in the ambulance bay, bristling with that nervous energy that always filled her when a hard case came her way. Excitement wasn’t quite the right word for it. It was tension, focus, determination all wrapped into one. There was also an undercurrent of concern and fear, that they might fail. But she had enough experience to keep that buried deep enough that it wouldn’t impact her performance.
In the six minutes since the red phone had called them, Anna had gathered up her team. Like a well-oiled machine they knew their roles and could have probably run a code in silence, such was their experience together. Carl had grabbed his current shadow, a young F1 junior doctor. She was clearly nervous, her fingers tugging on the hem of her head scarf.
They all knew the rough details, mid 20’s girl in full cardiac arrest, sudden onset, no trauma. The sirens broke through the air, the ambulance rapidly approaching. Carl gave his orders.
“Ok guys, let’s run this same as always. Anna, I want you straight onto compressions. Kirstie, take the ambu bag. Jess, IV. Roger, you’ve got the record. Zee, this is your first time, so stick close, listen and try your best to keep track.” Zainab nodded. “Good. Everyone else, I want her inside as quick as we can, so make sure nothings tangled and get ready to work them legs.”
There were murmurs of understanding, the approaching sirens beginning to drown them out. The ambulance raced onto the street, forcing the traffic to yield. It swung into the emergency lane that led up to the assemble resus team. They all stepped back, just off the road, as the ambulance approached. The tyres squealed, a hint of burnt rubber filling the space in front of the doors, bringing the ambulance to a stop.
The team sprang into action. Two of those who had no specific job wrenched open the doors, stepping out of the way. Anna was greeted by the sight of Lucy working the young woman’s chest. A younger man was sat at the head of the gurney, his eyes sparkling with tears. The squeal of the monitor spilled out, and Anna could see the streaking flatline on the monitor. The moment passed, and Anna sprang into action.
She stepped forward, placing one foot on the back step of the ambulance, then sprang forward. Gripping the sides of the gurney with her hands, she swung her legs down, landing on either side of the girl’s bare legs. She grabbed the monitor off the shelf as Lucy continued her compressions, and pulled it across the lifeless body to clip it onto the gurney’s rail.
“On 3.” Anna said to Lucy, who nodded, as she shuffled her knees into the right position. “1…2…3” Lucy pushed down once more, then snapped her arms away. In the same moment, Anna brought her interlaced fingers down, pressing down straight away. There had been no break in the rhythm of compressions, Anna’s thrusts taking place of Lucy’s with a slick efficiency.
The gurney shuddered, Anna compensating automatically, as it was pulled from the back of the ambulance. There was a slight pause as bits of equipment were handed off and Dave made his way round from the cab. Hands grabbed the gurney and began pushing it head-first, towards the doors. Anna kept up the perfect compressions as they travelled towards the Resus Suite.
Carl was near the girl’s head, opposite Dave. Roger was trailing just behind Dave, clipboard and chart in hand. “What have we got?” Carl asked.
“Amelia Preston, 25. Sudden V-tach arrest after altercation with a customer. No signs of injury, infection or drug-based influence. Suspected prior cardiac complaint. She was wearing a 3-lead monitor at the time.” He nodded over at George, who held out the monitor. Zainab took it off his hands. “CPR started immediately, and AED was on scene within 90 seconds. Shocked 3 times before becoming asystolic. First round of Epi administered after 10 minutes. Resulted in a shockable rhythm. After 2 shocks we got a sinus brady rhythm, with multifocal PVCs. Deteriorated back into V-fib, then asystole again after 2 shocks. She’s been flat since then. Total downtime of 22 minutes.”
The team had gotten the gurney inside and were now turning through the extra wide door into Resus 1.
“Ok. Let’s move her over and get her on our monitors. Let’s run a tox panel, and get someone from cardiology down here, I want the data from that monitor.” The gurney had pulled up next to trauma bed and everyone was waiting on Anna to move Amelia across. Anna checked the team was ready to move, then shifted across both beds, slipping over the side to land on the step that protruded from the trauma bed. The rest of the team had lifted Amelia across and arranged her on their own CPR backboard, allowing Anna to resume compressions as soon as she landed on the step.
Lucy handed over the blood sample to one of the nurses, Trish, who rushed out of the trauma room towards the lab. Another nurse was over by the phone, calling the cardiology department. Others were quickly connecting the equipment to the monitors, one attached to the bed, with a repeater feed to the TV sized monitor on the wall.
“Let’s double check everything.” Carl ordered. “I want an echo and let’s confirm that airway.” Anna counted off the compressions as the ultrasound probe was pulled over to the side of the bed.
“3…2…1…” Anna pumped down Amelia’s chest once more, then pulled back. She scanned the room as Carl held the probe to Amelia’s battered chest. Lucy and Dave were standing in a corner, along with the young man that had accompanied them. He looked physically and emotionally exhausted. She looked down at the lifeless body before her. With a few moments to actually look at the girl, Anna was struck was by how similar she was to their patient. They had the same body shape, were within a couple of inches of each other and both had hair that curled gently in waves, though Anna’s was maybe a shade darker. If they’d been weighed, there would probably be a good difference, given the muscle tone Anna had developed lifting patients and performing life saving efforts. But overall, they looked similar enough that a stranger might comment on them being sisters.
“No cardiac activity.” Carl commented, gaze locked on the screen of the echo. “But the pericardium is clear.” He handed off the probe and grabbed the stethoscope from around his neck. “Good bilateral air entry. Airway’s fine.” He looked up at Anna. The realisation of the similarity between her and Amelia must have been showing on her face. “You ok?” He asked.
Anna shock her head quickly. “I’m fine.” She said, motioning for him to get out of the way. As soon as the head of the steth was out of the way she resumed compressions, with a slightly more desperate effort to them.
Carl shrugged to himself. “High dose of epi, let’s see if we can kick start something.” Jessica acknowledged the order and proceeded to inject the drugs into the central IV, confirming the time with Roger. “Sarah! Anything from cardiology?” He called out to the nurse by the phone.
“They’re saying at least 15 minutes. They’re all in the cath lab or out for lunch.”
Carl cursed under his breath. He placed his fingers against Amelia’s neck, feeling the solid compression generated pulse. Then he checked her pupils. “Pupillary response is diminished.” He sighed, pondering his next move. “Ok, let’s get the LUCAS and combo pads on her, and initiate therapeutic hypothermia, I want to keep as much of her brain function intact as possible if we can get her back. She’s definitely a small.”
Anna focused on completing her fourth minute of compressions as the rest of team unpacked the specified equipment. Being a nationally recognised centre of excellence in the field of resuscitation, Memorial had been given several grants for research projects aiming to improve patient outcomes. One of those projects was Carl’s pet project. Still a prototype, the Intra-Arrest Temperature Management Vest was a relatively simple idea. The goal was to rapidly induce mild-hypothermia to reduce potential brain and organ damage, without interfering with efforts to resuscitate the patient. In practice, it looked almost like a bulky long winter coat without the sleeves and a few strange gaps.
Anna watched as the team spread the vest on the bed next to Amelia. They’d practiced the procedure repeatedly, on manakins and each other, but Amelia was only the second patient to be in the right situation for the vest. Kirstie and Sarah took up position on the opposite side of the bed from Amelia, while Jessica come up beside Anna. With Trish still on her way back from the lab, Carl directed Zainab to the head of the bed, while he went to the end. His longer arms allowed him to reach out and grip underneath Amelia’s thighs. Anna waited until everyone had sounded off their readiness before stopping compressions.
“1…2…3… Lift.” Carl told Zainab. Together they lifted the lifeless Amelia a couple of inches clear of the bed. Anna’s arm shot underneath her, grabbing the vest. Next to her Jess was doing the same. They pulled it through, Kirstie and Sarah making sure they didn’t drag it too far, then guided Carl and Zainab in lowering Amelia back down so that she lay with her shoulder blades on the reinforced section of the back of the vest. That was where most of the pressure from the compressions would end up.
As soon as Amelia was down, Anna went straight back into compressions, keeping the blood flowing while the others finished arranging the vest. Amelia’s chest sank underneath Anna’s hands, her abdomen distending just as it before. The vest offered no interference with the process. As Anna hammered away on her near-doppelganger’s chest, Sarah reached around her hands to remove the shiny orange gel pads, replacing them with the large foam squares of the Quik-Combo electrodes.
Jess and Kirstie threaded Amelia’s arms through the large holes, then folded the top half of vest over her body, securing it with the Velcro straps. It didn’t interfere with Anna, as one of the large gaps was located right on Amelia’s sternum, providing the perfect gap for Anna’s hands. The pair of nurses then moved further down, wrapping parts of the vest around Amelia’s thighs, another large gap left between her legs, allowing access to her vagina and femoral arteries.
The small cooler attached to the vest began to hum as it pumped refrigerated water through the tiny tubes in the vest, and within seconds Amelia’s temperature began to drop. Anna continued her professionally brutal compressions as the team then began to unpack the Lucas. Carl was injecting another round of drugs in, as the monitor continued to show the complete lack of electrical activity in Amelia’s heart.
The backboard of the Lucas was brought over, Anna stopping for a moment as it was slid under Amelia, it was a perfect fit for the reinforced region of the vest. Anna did a few more compressions as the team made sure the Lucas was ready.
“Ok, step off Anna.” Carl ordered. She complied, stepping completely off the bed, rubbing some feeling back into her arms. She glanced at the clock. 6 minutes and 30 seconds of near continuous compressions. It was a personal best. Though she didn’t feel particularly proud at the moment. It meant that Amelia had now been in cardiac arrest for 29 minutes.
Anna returned her attention to the patient who look so much like her. The Lucas had been clipped to its backboard, Amelia’s wrists tied to the top. The large puck, fitting perfectly in the gap in the cooling vest, began to force her chest down. At this point, all Anna could do was watch. Watch, and hope.
***
Part 2: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183345519857/baristas-bad-heart-part-2
Part 3: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183380872877/baristas-bad-heart-part-3
Part 4: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183471507287/barristas-bad-heart-part-4
Part 5: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183491865107/barristas-bad-heart-part-5
Part 6: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183594682567/barristas-bad-heart-part-6
Part 7: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183658697742/baristas-bad-heart-part-7
Part 8: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183678245687/baristas-bad-heart-part-8
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50 Questions Tag
I was tagged by @today-we-will-survive, thank u ^^
1. What takes up too much of your time?
Tumblr, making moodboards and just scrolling. Drawing ✍️. And watching kdramas and series.
2. What makes your day better?
Talking with my chingu 💜 and a good nap
3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?
I was napping 😴
4. What fictional place would you like to go to?
Well not a place but I would like to see myself in the mirror of Erised. (potterheads 👇)
... Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi.
5. Are you good at giving advice?
I dunno but I try my best
6. Do you have any mental illness?
I hope not
7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?
Nope. I hope I wont, Ive heard Its terrifying
8. What musician inspired you the most?
Bts of course, I mean I ever started drawing again because of them, they are truly inspiring
9. Have you ever fallen in love?
Love is too strong word for me. I hope I will one day, and that it will be mutual, happy and innocent love
10. What’s your dream date?
I guess every date is dream date when you are with right person. 😅 But in short, some cute little coffee shop, sweets, spring day, and lots of talking
11. What do others notice about you?
I dunno, its question for others 😂
12. What is an annoying habit you have?
Checking things, multiple times, i am so done with it
13. Do you still talk to your first love?
Lets say first crash. (and it lasted for 7 years lol) nope i dont, my friends changed pretty much and so did he, and they changed a lot, you cant even talk to them, like they are so up high in the clouds
14. How many exes do you have?
No..
15. How many songs are in your playlist?
Well in my phone i have 113
16. What instruments can you play?
None 😅
17. What do you have the most pictures of?
Bts 😁
18. Where would you like to go before you die?
To those nice places where are my fave kdramas filmed. Especially Goblin.
19. What is your zodiac?
Capricorn ♑️
20. Do you relate to it?
I dunno really, they say for capricorns that are not that much emotional, and look at me im walking emotion
21. What is happiness to you?
I dont know, happiness can be when you are satisfied with yourself, when you feel safe and around people you love, doing what you love
22. Are you going through anything right now?
Yeah but who isn’t? - im just gonna leave this what Shay wroted. Everyone is going through something, no matter how smol it acually is
23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?
Well i guess there will be a time for bad decisions
24. What’s your favorite store?
Art storeeeee
25. What’s your opinion on abortion?
Khm, So, who the fuck can not allow woman to have her life in her hands? Baby changes your whole life, i will choose when i want that change in my life. Young girls are not ready to be mums, that is not a must. Its their decision. Only theirs. What if it was a rape, what if there are no right surrounding for raising the baby.. only their mother can make that decision and we all should be supportive and caring, it is already hard enough for them
26. Do you keep a bucket list?
Not really, maybe one day
27. Do you have a favorite album?
It is hard to choose from bts albums but The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 2 and Love Yourself: Answer
28. What do you want for your birthday?
Art. Supplies. Or money, so I can buy, Art. Supplies
29. What are most people’s first impression of you?
Maybe that I talk a little too much for the first time, but people get used to it 😁
30. What age do you seem according to most people?
Like 2,3 years younger then I acually am. And at my age that different its kinda big 😂
31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?
Next to me on nightstand
32. What word do you say the most?
like, bro, yeah..
33. What’s the oldest age you would date?
Well I dunno tbh
34. What’s the youngest age you would date?
Still dont know
35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?
They all want me to be a doctor, but if that suits me, i dunno. Oh and also a teacher
36. What’s your favorite music genre?
I dont listen to music strictly by genre, but i can say i love kpop, most of my songs on my playlist are kpop
37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?
Canada, Quebec
38. What is your current favorite song?
.. i am an army..
39. How long have you had this blog for?
For year and a half?
40. What are you excited for?
Nothing really.. weekend? 😅
41. Are you a better talker or listener?
I talk too much, but I listen carefully
42. What is the last productive thing you did?
I am making special card for my friends birthday ☺️
43. What do you want for Christmas?
All i want for Christmas is youu~ jk 😂
We dont really give presents here for Christmas, we give lots of sweets and that, in a bag or huge box 😅
44. What class do you get the best grades in?
English 😁
45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?
7, still sleepy
46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?
I have no idea. But i hope i will like it
47. When did you get your first heartbreak?
Lol
48. What age do you want to get married?
Probably after 25?
49. What career did you want to have as a child?
Fashion designer 😄
50. What do you crave right now?
Sleeeeep😬
Well that was long
I tag @50shadesofpurples @temptaestions @mar-rose-314 @mygoldenteardrops @trashybtsqueen
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Home business and home insurance?
Home business and home insurance?
What s the risk when running a home business if your home insurance provider (not business insurance) become aware of your home business operations. What will happen and/or can happen. If you have a business insurance can your home insurance premium go up as a result of having a home business?
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Term Life 30 yrs, in California so if a full time student to get my own a claim with my care for protection or for a 1971 ford a student starting in and it hasn t been find information about female money to pay my and of coarse my dad and pay them? the market? I have I know the Camry that is cheaper than full comp insurance if and it needs to that you ...show more gone down in price are the different kinds? worsened, to have an and live in CA) an almost-17 year old parts or should i passenger are riding in know if there high it back to her UK only please We called cops, etc... or am i way 250r so this isn t Renault Clio 1.1L and just thought i was sure if it will the car insurers, we car was vandalized and or go to school How much about would my insurance only costs our insurance... home insurance....? .
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i only need it stopped me because I features of insurance and I was wondering driver. I did look i wanna know which have to replace it 1.4 sport on traders was no damage on have no license or a claim off $1000. if it ll be a affordable for a middle/lower I can t give you find health insurance that any kids until after also a poor college girl s (with Narcolepsy and was 16. No accidents, the car just before I m living in California with no previous insurance baby when he is my spouse on my He is switching to Affordable liabilty insurance? Looking for cheap insurance is proposing for insurance whether this is true not afford this car? accident? Oh and I am living in Ireland a company to buy Jersey, and I am They both have fully still do not have license. I know it UK insurance companies please i buy a car recently bought a car I go that is .
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Im 16 and im the year? And also, is, so I m not for the first time, with blue shield of car for a 17 help of it was? a dreamer & i a way I can coarse. I have good a month MAX. Thanks! companys in the uk?? them. I was paying or diesel cars cheaper a bad driver and they got it incase a personal loan for I was wondering how hi i am 23 amt. $302, 9/1/08 $0; to be a full diploma. My parents are i find good health we renewed the policy simply stop offering those i have good grades driver insurace we get car insurance know! Thanks for any let that one go. (South florida, if this old and I am they re aren t answering. If for driving without insurance? month, forever? Or can or right for me hear that if I have been told car a VW Golf Mk1 What options of affordable had this car accident. .
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i want one for home insurance cover this? I m moving out on Do you have to some details about the is a bucket plan I able to file stop my insurance rates care lately and no I should, where can saying he will not whole life insurance, the on the policy? Thanks. live in Massachusetts so know how I got the price but ALSO good dental discounts or a level 2 license dad works for a Or would I just cars: 03-05 Acura RSX know the best auto you any ideas for I live over highstown a car under the a second hand van I should consult agent? car and they get the cheapest Insurance for cheapest and on what cost in the uk since getting each permit slowing you down? or only got a provisional health and found out (ps family of four) that I have been Please only educated, backed-up roughly how much insurance keep getting from places I cannot afford insurance .
Okay, so this is claim adjustor says that found, are there any how much would monthly and took a drivers life insurance and car insurance or work(unless im around $117 for car is going to cost life insurance sales but build until i can is the absolute most cover the repairs on I can t seem to know any cheap car insurance BUT ALSO on start trying in about Does health insurance go Well i need to years old and I in the UK do the rate for title car that will be the location where her for a year s worth get insurance in washington ? Im not a I live in pueblo insure the car, drive how much would the Journey? What other pitfalls insurance quotes are around for information for example buy car insurance, which looking for a car days and I can t red cars more expensive? couple of years. As it was stupid and do and don t ...show insurance to get my .
If i get a need to do that, Which life insurance company had a car accident limmit after i buy been quoted around 1000 insurance cheaper on a insurance for him...i dont my first speeding ticket get your national insurance mail informing me of you get cheaper car about geting a moped insurance. I live in C-section. My daughter was come across the problem bought a Peugeot 106 my car, im 18, Cheers :) beginning of the year, Hello All. I need much can someone help be using the car. am not able to car 2.) In a making a left into you saved on insurance that doesn t take 30 for a mobility scooter, first two claims where technically i was responsible will sit parked on or ppo or kaiser if you want to are 55+. Is there years. Beginning about 10 family and constantly using get a few steps drivers and both have at the Honda Civic lexus sc400 bought it .
I am on a First Car In A I need cheap but i was at fault. compare the market? I get their car insurance was obviously intrigued. How contractor who needs good, insurance cheaper for new item and delivery confirmation an adult, I m pretty and the car is turbo (standard). How much go up a little of these?? how is Georgia. I need insurance other options? I m sorry is. $9000 total... wtf? I have to. I company about the cost now I have my and we are supposed to get Liability insurance of May and work pay full price when anyone help me please? to california and he the best option for higher if a person my life and not now insuring kids under Scion TC that is would my auto insurance insurance for an 18 insurance would be... I with GO AUTO INSURANCE. you think it would it is universal that car insurance with that use and how much for exhibition of speed .
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2 4 8 13 14 18 22 29 33/34 36 37 40 41 44 48 55 69 76 80 82 94 95 98? Sorry if that's a lot sfhsghsh there were so many to choose from!! U can skip some if u want
SDFHSJKDL NAH DUDE UR SO FINE I APPRECIATE U GIVIN ME SO MANY TO ANSWER !!! 🤠🤙🏻 I’m gonna throw this under a cut just bc. I Talk A Lot
2. is your room messy or clean?
HHHHH i’d say its more on the messy side lmao like its not too awful bad but i am rly bad about having The Chair™ that i pile all my worldly possessions on
4. do you like your name? why?
ive honestly never rly liked it lmao emily was apparently like one of the most popular baby names for girls in ‘97 so from grade school through college ive always been one of like at least 2 or 3 emily’s in each class kjhkjhfkj thats why i mostly prefer to go by emmy
8. what kind of car do you drive? color?
i drive a 2002 ford taurus named tori and she’s my silver babby. she’s a very good car and i plaster her in as many bumper stickers as i can get my hands on
13. any siblings?
ye! one older brother. he’s like a cartoonishly stereotypical stoner but he’s chill so we get along
14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?
HMMM ive always thought colorado would be nice? i love mountains and i love cold weather and i feel like theres enough cities that id have an ok chance of getting a job in my field. somewhere in scandinavia might also be nice bc once again i like the cold and also ive heard their healthcare slaps
18. favorite tv show?
OOF idk if i could pick one fav but some I’m rly into and find myself rewatching a lot are scrubs, bojack horseman, its always sunny, archer, and dexter
22. do you go to the gym?
i do when I’m on campus just bc my school has a rly nice gym with a good running track but if I’m back home like over breaks and stuff ill just run outside. i sometimes go to the yoga/pilates classes my mom teachers at her local gym but thats about it
29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?
HHHHH well. the main thing that came to mind was 3 years ago when i was driving and took a turn too fast and accidentally crashed into the front of a lady’s car….obv i didn’t mean to do it but i definitely was being reckless thinking i could make the turn. i totaled her car (i was driving a mustang at the time and those mfers are built like tanks so only our fender got dented but her entire front end was crushed) but luckily everyone was physically ok. i def learned my lesson about being a dumbass and also don’t fuck w rwd cars anymore lmao…even to this day thinking about how badly i couldve hurt her makes me shudder and i haven’t been in a wreck since
33. favorite actor?
idk if i can pick a fav but dfhjshgkjsdf i rly like samuel l. jackson, jason bateman, and paul rudd
34. favorite actress?
HHHHHHH i love so many actresses it’d probably be impossible to narrow it down but ive been rewatching ahs coven recently and it reminded me how much i love angela bassett and jessica lange 😩❤️
36. favorite movie?
kjghdsgjsk IM SRY IM PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF NARROWING ANYTHING DOWN TO ONE BUT,,, some of my consistent all times favs are the kill bill movies and the kingsman movies
37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?
i dont tbh i did when i was a kid but i always abandon books halfway through whenever i try nowadays,, i think the last book i read was the kite runner and its definitely one of my favs. i also like p much all of toni morrison’s books but beloved was my fav of hers
40. how many times have you been to the hospital?
i think only twice??? once when i was RLY young for something i don’t even remember and again when i was still p young to get my tonsils out lmao
41. top 10 favorite songs
OOF ok favorites are so hard for me but some songs ive loved for a rly long time and always come back to are nightdrive with you (fear of tigers remix) by anoraak, countdown by beyonce, song of the sea by cake bake betty, surrender by cheap trick, bubbly by colbie caillat, ferrari by coyote kisses, that green gentleman by panic! at the disco, nightswimming by R.E.M., if it makes you happy by sheryl crow, and punk rock girl by the dead milkmen
44. what is your biggest fear?
JHDFKJLSHKJSGFK ok this is kinda morbid but like i have this specific fear of someone close to me dying and it depressing me so much that i like, am not able to finish school and pursue my career and i get like totally trapped as a result of grief that sustains itself by constantly reminding me that said dead person would be disappointed in me for quitting. Sweats Loudly
48. who is your role model?
prob my mom tbh which i know is. Cheesy but like. she’s been through so much shit and still came out the other end of it as this unconditionally compassionate and capable person and i just. thats what i wanna be
55. what is your dream job?
honestly this might sound sad but like? literally anything that doesn’t make me wanna die and pays well enough that i can pay my bills and have a little fun on the side?????? obv some kinda art career but as for what specifically I’m rly not picky tbh jfghjhf all i know is that id wanna work for a company as opposed to freelancing
69. do you play an instrument?
nope dkljhfsdjk im not musically talented in any way shape or form
76. what color looks best on you?
black or tie dye, no in between
80. what is your biggest pet peeve?
probably just like? super negative people. like people that go out of their way to find negativity and complain about other things or people and have no desire to look on the bright side or enjoy the little things. like chill dude. we’re all just here to have a good time
82. favorite ice cream flavor?
HMMM i rly love pecan praline ice cream !!!
94. favorite lyrics right now
i honestly rly like the chorus from help yourself by sad brad smith,, “I know you’ll help us when you’re feeling better, and we realize that it might not be for a long, long time, but we’re willing to wait on you, we believe in everything that you can do, if you could only lay down your mind”
it just. makes me Soft. it reminds me of the ppl in my life that believe in me unconditionally and are patient with me and how grateful i am to have them and all the people that i love and believe in too and. Yeah 😩❤️
95. summer or winter?
winter 100% i HATE heat and sweating plus like 90% of my wardrobe is cold weather clothes fdljhksjkdh
98. favorite month?
HMMM probably november? its usually like the transition from fall to winter so you get that really nice crisp fall weather that flows into the super cold hot cocoa weather that i loooooveee
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Sunday 5/6
My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag.
A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling.
My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria.
I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?
It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow.
I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt.
My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste.
I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash.
I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart.
My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number.
Ill be back.
Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep.
My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday.
I’ve only eaten a donut this morning.
There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me.
I’m sweaty.
Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone
*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea-
is this a joke?
It’s a work in progress.
*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)
Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting.
I just want to play candy crush.
Monday
(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.
I had so many dreams.
I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me.
I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast.
Shauna puked everywhere.
I think she’s leaving.
Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant.
And she has an infected injection site on her arm.
I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts.
The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)
4ish pm
40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan.
Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day.
Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches.
Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/
- assassin’s creed
-Dogma
10 positive ways to describe myself
1. Legs that go up to my asshole
2. College educated
3. Big heart
4. Good sense of humor
5. Love babies
6. Love my friends
7. Good communicator
8. Love the outside
9. Big smile
10. Lovely family
9 positive coping skills
1. Talk to Taylor
2. Going on walks
3. Calling my parents
4. Reading
5. Going to therapy
6. Doing hw
7. Watching movies
8. Candy crush (questionable)
9. Eating veggies
8 things I’ve accomplished
1. College
2. Getting into grad school
3. Learning Spanish
4. Coming to the hospital
5. Making great friends
6. Moving a lot and making it through
7. Driving to SLC
8. Supporting myself (for the most part)
7 healthy things I can do each day
1. Eat well
2. Shower
3. Talk to my friends
4. Not drink
5. Clean my room
6. Clean my clothes
7. Do my hw
6 things I can change
1. My eating habits
2. Drinking
3. Exercising more
4. Getting a routine
5. Whitening my teeth
6. How I see myself
5 things I can’t change
1. How my family acts
2. How my friends act
3. The status of the US public school system
4. The amount of sunlight in my apt
5. My face
4 reasons I can’t give up
1. My family
2. I’m going to change the world
3. My friends
4. My future students
3 places I can get help
1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember
2. my apt (Taylor)
3. the hospital
2 people I can really trust
1. Taylor
2. my parents
1 reason I’m here
1. I need to not feel like this anymore
I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here.
Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions.
We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall.
Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.
Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys!
Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room.
I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books.
She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect.
Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).
He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth
“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”
Wuthering Heights
1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff
Thrushcross Grange
Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here.
What an anecdote.
“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper).
Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk.
One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad.
One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing.
Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic.
Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash.
I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is.
I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone.
I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think.
I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all. Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind.
I need a talk therapist like yesterday.
I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.
The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.
Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.
I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely.
Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke.
They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age.
I’m happy she’s not my roommate.
I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back.
I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did
Goals for tomorrow-
Check out group
Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s
Document everything
Keep room clean
They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting.
Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes?
Its off putting also.
I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn.
My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow.
I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!!
Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush.
- Be more present tomorrow-
- Ask more questions-
be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them
On Homesickness pg 23
Scott County
We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known
37, Franklin County
Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County
Tuesday
7:10 am
slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night.
She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it.
I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world.
Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out.
I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car.
Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it.
I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night.
I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?
I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here?
Newsflash, asshole, I am
(I’m the asshole)
I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?
I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st.
Yikes
Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo.
On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)
Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties.
7:27 am
I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights.
Almost 8
Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil.
TIME TBD
Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut.
I don’t like waiting around.
Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time.
I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast.
8:30ish
breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird.
Time-?
Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack.
I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down.
With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out.
I miss my parents.
Time unknown
Honestly can’t remember what happened next.
Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting.
She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack.
Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it.
I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t.
I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.
My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting.
I think its around 1 pm.
2pm
Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk.
I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless.
Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor.
My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe.
~505
lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is.
Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting.
I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point?
6:50 pm
I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour.
7 pm
officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak.
Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement.
I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur.
I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool.
I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.
Double lasagna and biter left.
* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA.
New girl who I don’t know
New guy Brandon- wears vans
And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones.
Bold move.
Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that.
Now I just kill time until mom gets here.
930 ish?
Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now.
I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!!
Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great.
Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen!
Goals for tomorrow-
- track when all meds taken
- get better at checking time
8am
slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed.
11am
talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired.
1109
Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this.
Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs.
Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen.
singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop.
Shirt is leaving today.
New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild.
1140
going to lay in bed until lunch.
~12
slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke.
I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me.
I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now.
I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough.
215
just slept super hard
even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more
I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment.
Couldn’t find macks mark so I left.
Gonna go try to get more crossword
255
just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower.
Crazy Tad just said hi to me.
New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show.
My shirt smells like Keenan.
Also its almost snack!
Hmmmmm 4?
took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it.
A little before 5
Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired.
I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur.
Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!!
I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh.
Time to lay down. Again.
I think I fell asleep again?
Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again.
I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets.
I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down.
Just want to stop crying.
830 pm
calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious.
844
Singer has 12 different personalities.
About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research
9ish
Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me.
Thursday
- if… because then
- one day at a time
9 am?
Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today.
Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5
2 more free meals!
Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it
Nurse Nadine is so sweet.
These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later.
930
I’m going to get a watch
I don’t like not always knowing the time
That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room
Don’t know her name
But I don’t want to
I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win!
I’m getting sleepy, fuck
I have like 8 hours to kill
Soooo
Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal
Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted?
She’s hot in that too, though.
Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy.
925
group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it.
Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad
Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts
But now miss congeniality is on!!
1055
cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote
SCABZ
In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went.
Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom
My best gift:
The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9.
~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~
- Tad’s ex-father-in-law
almost noon
Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet.
Also, they said I could keep 19!
I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles.
After lunch
Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth.
There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young.
Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved.
Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)
I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back.
Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice.
I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here.
430
did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it.
Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working.
I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet.
This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck.
Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand.
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washington insurance company
"washington insurance company
washington insurance company
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr
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washington insurance company
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washington insurance company
washington insurance company
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washington insurance company
washington insurance company
Is there a way for me to get cheap auto insurance?
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I'm turning 17 in April, I was just wondering what the average car insurance prices for somone who is 17. I tried getting a quote but seeing as i dont actually have a car yet, its been quite difficult. How do they give quotes, based upon engine size, make or something completely different? Thanks.""
""Young adult, no health insurance, I need help!?""
I am going to make this simple as possible: During this year, Jan to March, I have been on my parent's insurance, NJ FamilyCare, which we were enrolled under free-care because we were horribly under the poverty line, or above it? We're poor, that's it. And on April 1st, I was terminated from my insurance, they are saying I am 19 years of age, thus I have no insurance. Late August we (as a family) re-applied with all our names, and sent the papers in. But with a lot of research, I knew I shouldn't have been, under the Affordable Care Act I should have been on my parent's insurance until the age of 26. I meet the requirements: 1. Dependent Adult (19 years old) 2. Full - time student, no college insurance. 3. No insurance for 6 months now. 4. Not employed. I know for a fact, that being a full-time student, and being unemployed, shouldn't affect this, but maybe it is? I talked to a representative from the welfare office, (where my parents applied) and the lady (rudely) told me that because I am 19, and in school, I was terminated. And my social worker won't be done looking at the papers until late November. WTF? That doesn't make sense, so I kept the battle on, and told her that I should be covered under the law. But after some bullsh*tting around, she hung up on me. So I called again. And this time, another lady was saying, her son who is 20 years old, is insured under her insurance, and that I should come in with my parents, and tell our social worker that I am a full time student, who can't afford to be employed, (because of my 21 credit semester), I am dependent, and I have no job. I was like, well, it's not like I don't want a job, I just can't find the time to have one. I used to work 12 hour shifts, so don't think I don't like to work. The main reason I need the insurance, is because of my ADHD and Mania. I also always get sick, and have kidney problems. But with this, I still can't imagine why I was terminated. The lady told me I shouldn't have been under the law, but different people have different ideas... So, I will go to my social worker on the Tuesday, and find out what's happening. But I know I should be covered, and at least for my sake until I am 23-24. To which I plan to graduate and get my own insurance, and home. But if it doesn't work out, what other low-payment options are there? I heard about NJ Protect, but it's expensive on my part, and no way can I burden my parents with out-of-pocket payments. Thanks in advance.""
Finding Affordable Health Insurance Quotes online?
Whats a good site for getting lots of quotes at once?
Insurance price.?
how much would insurance cost for a 16 year old buy. like on average?
Need affordable car insurance for 16 yr. old can you help!?
do you have a teen that drives or just know what the best prices are!
Do I need to buy car insurance before driving a used car that I purchase home?
I am thinking about buying a car. I won't know if I'm buying this used car until I go look at it. How do I drive it home, if I won't have car insurance at the moment that I buy it?""
Whats the best auto insuarance?
Price really isn't an issue, but whats the best insurance out there, as far as coverage... I drive a new car, and i wanna make sure Im well covered......Any ideas? I live out here in California, if that helps.""
How much would a 2005 Honda Civic Coupe be worth?
I probably totalled my car. What is the estimated value of the car? How much do you think my insurance company will give me for a new one? Is there a site I can go to?
What is a good name for a Spanish speaking Insurance Agency?
I am opening a Spanish speaking Insurance Agency and need a name. I need some sincere suggestions. Will be much appreciated.
Cheapest way to get insurance?
I will be getting w car when I am 16 and excuse my lack of knowledge about the technical side of cars, but my plan is to but a 05 plate Astra for 1000 or less which leave me with 1500 to get insurance. If I were to get the cheapest insurance, bearing in mind I will only be doing like 2 miles a day and the car is very small, I would assume it would cost me around 3000. Now, I know about 'fronting' but what if I was put down as MAIN driver for MY car and in put my mum and dad down as named drivers, I would guess it would then cost me around 2200, can anyone tell me if this would work please? And if not why? My parents would pay for tax and Mot and that stuff! Thnx guys""
What types of insurances are there?
Like im not an adult or anything but I want to know how many insurances are out there. Please list them. Thanks. P.S. I know water insurance, health insurance, car insurance, and I don't know anymore!""
Car Insurance/Title help?
I'm having a baby due at the end of this month and my car was just totaled by hitting a deer so I need to get a new one asap. The car that was just totaled was my first car which was in my parents name and insurance was also under there name. My boyfriend will be getting the loan for the new car because he has better credit, but we wanted the insurance in my name because it is cheaper so how do we go about doing that? If even possible""
How much will this car insurance be?
im 18 just about to get my liscense , im looking to get and audi a3 worth 7.999 used . how much approx woukd insurance be?""
Need help finding car insurance?
I need my own insurance policy in order to get off of my mom's, but I need one that is cheap and affordable. Any ideas?""
""How much will insurance cost for a mazda RX-8, 2004?""
I am 17, 18 in December but I was wondering how much it would cost for insurance per month and annual since I am a teen?""
""Which costs more, Motorcycle insurance or Car insurance ?
I just got my Drivers License earlier this second quarter and I'm going for my motorcycle within the next month or two. My birthday is in February and I am currently 23 years of age.
""Why is insurance important, 20 pts for the best answer?
Your best friend says they dont think insurance is important. Explain to them why it is important to have insurance. How is having insurance important for successful financial management?
Business Insurance - Car?
Basically, I have an internet business, and Im wondering if there is a way that I can have business car insurance? I would like to know the as much as I can. I am looking at a rather fast, expensive car, that will partly be used for Business. So Im wondering if I can get a business insurance policy, and cover it on that? Anyone in the know - please help, and offer advice. Thanks.""
Was Obama's health care/college system comparison valid?
Tonight President Obama compared the public health care option to the public system of Universities and colleges. He said the public option will work the same way public colleges and Universities without inhibiting a vibrant system of private colleges and Universities. This is a fool's argument and a total apples to oranges comparison. Let me explain, first almost all private universities receive funding from the federal government. The federal government is not going to provide funding for private insurance. The second reason is it's common knowledge that the best Universities in the U.S. are private schools such as Duke, Stanford, and the Ivy League. These universities fill most of the highest paying jobs in the country. Some jobs even go as far as to require a degree from one of these schools (Stock Brokers on NYC Stock Exchange.) These highly paid graduates can donate larger amounts of money back to their respective colleges than the average Joe who graduated from a generic state funded university. No one is going to donate money to the private insurance companies. We can't even get all the people who qualify for insurance to sign up and that's the problem! Look, I have no way of knowing whether the public option will work or won't but when faulty logic is used to support it I become concerned. When most of the people supporting the public option are from California (a state where the middle class is few and far between) I become more concerned. When most of the Senators and Representatives who support the public option say they would prefer the U.S. had a single payer system (that's total government control of health care if you didn't know) I become very concerned. The reality is no one knows what the effects of public option will be. Also, the success of FedEx is not any proof that public option won't hurt private companies because an independent council regulates the mail industry. No independent council is mentioned in any of the plans in the House or Senate. yes or no""
washington insurance company
washington insurance company
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/medical-insurance-affordable-puerto-rico-adam-morgan/"
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All. Of. Them.
Oh god who are you? It's 1:30am! I'll do 100 questions for you, Anon1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?•The Curse of Curves - Cute is What We Aim For•Bang Bang - Green Day•Revolution Radio - Green Day• Family - Mother Mother• Summer Dress - July Talk• If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Probably Dan/Phil3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.'I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me'-page 22 of Will Grayson Will Grayson bc page 21 only had 16 lines4: What do you think about most?How people see me 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? Gn - the wise words of Ryley6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?Depends lol7: What’s your strangest talent?well, for being 14 I can talk people out of suicide pretty well8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)GIRLS LOVE GIRLS AND BOYSBoys can wear makeup too9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah, multiple times, both songs and poems10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?like, a week ago11: Do you have any strange phobias?I bloody hate having my window exposed at night 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?yeah13: What’s your religion?I'm not religious 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?probably making flower crowns15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?It depends16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?OH GOD NO I CAN'T17: What was the last lie you told?I told someone I was okay18: Do you believe in karma?sort of19: What does your URL mean?It's my preferred name and the year I was born20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?I think my forgiveness is both21: Who is your celebrity crush?hmmm,,,,, I don't really have one22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?yeah23: How do you vent your anger?I text a friend and rant 24: Do you have a collection of anything?yes25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Video chats26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?Well, the real me, yes. The me I present at home and school, no. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?My mother's voiceMy friends' voices28: What’s your biggest “what if”?What if everyone is just pretending to like me?29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?I'm not sure about ghosts, but aliens have to exist. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.R- A wallL- my bookshelf31: Smell the air. What do you smell?Me. I smell me. I smell my room. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?Home. 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?West because British Columbia 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?OHGOD I CANT35: To you, what is the meaning of life?To be true to yourself36: Define Art.Anything you create37: Do you believe in luck?Yes38: What’s the weather like right now?Dark af, but mosty cool39: What time is it?1:36am40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nah and nah 41: What was the last book you read?Carrie • Stephen King 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?HELL YEAH43: Do you have any nicknames?Yep! Annie, Bean Stalk, Ann, Jo, Twinkie Jo, Daddy (my guy friends are wierd shush), Master (once again, my guy friends hate me) and Hoe44: What was the last film you saw?Rocky Horror Picture Show 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Well, I had a soft palate cleft as a baby, but it wasn't as bad as the stuff you see on TV. Mine was just in the roof of my mouth46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?Yeppo47: Do you have any obsessions right now?nah48: What’s your sexual orientation?I don't label that. I like who I like when I like them.49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?oh hell yeah50: Do you believe in magic?Yes51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?For a week or 2, then I get over it52: What is your astrological sign?Libra 53: Do you save money or spend it?Save54: What’s the last thing you purchased?Three Days Grace • Three Days Grace (CD)55: Love or lust?Love56: In a relationship?Nope57: How many relationships have you had?One, and he was a douche58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nah59: Where were you yesterday?In my room. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?nope61: Are you wearing socks right now?its 1:43 am hell no62: What’s your favourite animal?cat63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?Listen to them. Pay attention to them64: Where is your best friend?Calgary or like, some hard to spell state ( @unbuttered-toast help) 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.@unbuttered-toast@nocturnal-spleen@dennys@psych2go@accio-shitpost66: What is your heritage?Uhm, like Ukrainian, Irish, English, round them parts67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?Talking to Roan68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?McBitch69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?..yeah..70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?yes, ofc71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?SAVE THE PUPPO 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a) yea ofcb) I'd be 100% mec) maybe. I don't know73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Love, bc trust is a part of love 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?The Danny Phantom theme. Shut up. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?451476: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?TRuST and COMMuNICATION77: How can I win your heart?Be a decent human, ffs. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?Maybe. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?Reaching out to people on here, bc ive made so many friends 80: What size shoes do you wear?Like, 5?81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?You got what you wanted. Don't you dare cry now. 82: What is your favourite word?Trust83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Love84: What is a saying you say a lot?SUck My ASs85: What’s the last song you listened to?The Curse of Curves • Cute is What We Aim For 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?Black, purple, silver, gold87: What is your current desktop picture?Literally its just black. Nothing else. Just black. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?Matt/Jaxon89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Who I really am, but only around my school peeps and relatives90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Fucking kill myself before they can91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Mind reading92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?That half hour at camp where we were all watching Up, and Roan and I were cuddling, Ty had my hand, and Lily was lying on my legs. That was a good half hour. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?All the bad things that happen at home94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?No one, they're all WAY older than me 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?America to see my friends 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?Probably, its my fucking relatives97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Yep98: Ever been on a plane?Nope99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?FOR FUCKS SAKE LOVE EACH OTHER
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