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#now r next date doesnt even cost any money..
seductionreddit · a year ago
So I am a 23M and have been seeing my 24F girlfriend for about 6 months. When we met, we were basically having sex daily, every time id ask her to come over it was met with zero resistance, and we would always hook up at night and sometimes mornings. We never fought and she never brought up any issues with me, often saying she felt intimidated by me having a lot of women in my life previously (I had a bit of a player past but was open to monogamy). Everything was great, never pointed out anything she disliked in me.Eventually, she tells me shes shes pregnant and the kid is mine. This was maybe 4 months into dating. She was really emotional and scared about what to do, saying she wasnt keen on abortion or adoption so I figured shes a really cool and agreeable chick, I find her incredibly attractive, seemingly good upbringing and family. I offer to let her move into my place, which I was sharing with a couple friends to save money.Her close friends even congratulated us.We start to get closer, and she tells me things like how her parents are really well off financially, and they always told her they'd help her and her future husband purchase a place, and maybe take over her fathers business. How her parents owned a nice house with a pool, and they were an oldschool chinese couple very much in love.I never actually met her parents or went over to her place, she'd usually get herself home after leaving my apartment.Over time, she starts to get a little annoyed by my roommates and their lifestyle, since we were all around the same age and accustomed to partying now and then. She kind of hinted at the fact that me and her wouldn't really work out unless we got a place together at some point. I was pretty emotional over the whole pregnancy thing, and figured this girl and I could potentially have a great future. So I began looking at condos for just us two.Eventually, I secured a place after a lot of looking, but the catch was I had to pay 3 months of last months rent, as well as the first month of living there. And then the place was ours. I was pretty hesitant, because that would cost me like 8 grand. But I had a very high credit card limit and good score. And this girl was literally pregnant with my child. I know this because she hadn't had a period at all while living with me for about 2 months now. Every hour of every day I would basically be by her side, as I was working from home.I decided to get the place for us, for march 1st move in. $1900 a month, but I figured she would help me split that since she was starting a new job soon with her dads company.As we got closer id notice some weird inconsistencies in her stories to me that didnt really make sense or seemed a little unbelievable. I got curious, and started messaging a girl she and I both knew, but her and that girl were only acquaintances who briefly went to high school together.I found out her parents weren't well off, they lived in a 3 bedroom apartment in a sketchy part of the city. Her dad didn't own a car dealership, but a lawnmower repair shop. By the sounds of it, they were maybe lower middle class. I freaked out at her, and she came clean hysterically crying and saying everything was a lie because she wanted me to like her. As we fought she started swallowing anti anxiety meds she had in her bag, and drink alcohol in front of me as I freaked out and tried to make her stop.Like a dumbass, we talked it through and I told her id still love her if she wasn't rich. She seemed so keen on starting a family and expressing her old school values and desire to be a mother.The next morning, I wake up and she has this look of shock on her face. She tells me she went to the washroom and brown blood stained her underwear, and her symptoms of pregnancy began to disappear. Turns out she caused herself to have a miscarriage. The next few days she was incredibly depressed, and I didn't know what else to do but console her. I was really emotional, and this clouded my rational thinking. We both agreed we could probably try again down the road.So a few days later, we move into our new place, and I took a huge financial hit to secure it. Because I convinced myself i'd do anything for family. And I considered her family.For some reason when it came to sex, she kind of shrugged it off saying later, later later. I figured shes been through a lot, thats pretty reasonable I guess. At this point she doesnt have that much to do except apply for jobs really. We're both home a lot, and aside from work I was just with her. Eventually the topic of when shes going to start pitching for rent came up, and she starts arguing with me saying "I planned on pitching in towards buying things for the condo here and there. I didn't know you wanted to keep score and split everything 50/50. If it was going to be like that, we could've just remained friends or roommates." At this point im losing my shit in complete disbelief. It was heavily implied we'd work together to pay for this place, I didn't care if she paid me maybe down the road a month or so later but she springs this on me weeks into moving in.I tell her thats fucking insane and I cant pay it all by myself. So she begrudgingly caves and says "Fine, ill help you once I have more income coming in soon." Not to mention, even after I drop all that money, she has the nerve to ask if her mom can borrow $1k from me, and here and there ask me to cover costs of things I have no obligation to pay for.I kept getting all these promises of soon, soon but never saw anything.She always called herself a princess, and how she expects to be pampered because thats what her dad would want for her from a man.If I told her I couldnt afford to do something for her, or told her no or asked why she needed something so bad, it would be followed by a temper tantrum like she was a 4 year old and accusing me of not really loving her.But she would always preface her questions with "It's okay if you can't, but do you think my mom could borrow $1000 from you? Ill pay you back...Also dont tell your parents I asked you for it. I dont want them interfering with our relationship." She knew she could guilt trip me by saying "Its ok if you cant"...Id often ask my parents for advice on my relationship with this girl, and whether they thought certain things she did were sketchy. They would beg me to drop her. And she knew my parents were onto her bullshit so she convinced me not to share details with them.She was really good at being affectionate at the right times, and making me feel good about myself. But maybe a couple weeks later, her problems with me start to arise ,and she begins nit picking little things that seem so stupid. "Why don't you help do dishes, you barely do anything and Im left cleaning your mess". It honestly wasn't that messy, and I figured being the primary breadwinner of the household was pretty big.She became more and more distant, and i'd still try to hint at sex, making it both obvious and subtle at times. Still i'd get resistance and some excuse for why she couldn't that day. We started to fight a lot about it, with her yelling when I try to ask about it calmly. She would get offended and personally attacked, saying all I want is sex, and why don't I go find some other bitch who just wants to fuck all the time? Keep in mind like a month has passed since we did anything. I would try to calm her down which seemed impossible and ended up being the one to apoligize everytime, even though her outbusts were insane and there were threats of punching me or calling the cops if I don't get out of her way from trying to prevent her from storming out of the condo.Chronic masturbation became my norm, and i'd discover she would be masturbating or looking at porn in the washroom. (We were also isolated together during the corona virus). Id confront her saying its offensive that she is willing to go jerk off and look at porn, but cant even touch me. She loses her shit at me saying how im a controlling piece of shit and to fuck off, because im telling her she cant look at porn. Which wasn't at all what I was saying. Every time id try to discuss an issue calmly, it would end with her being personally attacked and insulting me/berating me saying I think too much, and am overly paranoid. I'd ask her if she would prefer to be open, she said no. I asked her if I was doing something wrong or she thought I was nasty, she'd get angry and say no.Her response became "Sex isn't even that important to me. I can go a year without it and feel nothing. Not even me and my exes had sex that often. I told them It wasn't important to me too."(Her exes, she claimed, ended up cheating on her or ending the relationship stating that they didn't feel love for her anymore. Even though she told me she was the perfect girlfriend and always stayed loyal and valued monogamy.)It got to a point where I would always look though her phone when she slept to find some dirt. All her messages, anything. I wondered if maybe she would cheat on me and delete messages before i'd come home or she would come back.I even once asked her if she was cheating on me, and her response would be "I wouldn't even have the time for that." which was an incredibly sketchy way of phrasing that. Not even a direct "No".She began going to her parents house on weekends because she kept saying how much she missed them, and i'd go with her to the front of our building as her mom would come pick her up. And drop her off a few days later. I'd always meet her downstairs to come get her. So these were my first encounters with her mom, just a quick hi and bye.Her visits to her parents became longer and longer, with her saying her mom misses her a lot and wants her to stick around. Eventually I get fed up and text her asking when she'll be back, after like a 5 day visit, saying I got this place for us and I assumed we would live there together. She gets pissed off, yelling at me saying Im controlling, and trying to prevent her from seeing her parents and how her parents always come first, and she doesn't care what I think about that. Again I try to talk calmly, and am met with anger and hostility, followed by making up and pretending nothing happened. But she keeps resenting me more.Then one day, while shes at her parents house she says they're willing to have me stay there with her. April 1st, they actually moved into a shared house 45 minutes away, with her aunt and uncle. There was enough room for me to stay, so I decided to go. We shared an air matress upstairs (I paid for our air mattress and her parents air mattress). There wasn't much inside the place yet, no internet or tv. But I was fine with that. Everything seemed normal for a couple days, but I decided to go back to the condo to grab a couple things and clean up, and it was agreed id come back 1 or 2 days later and stay with them until this corona virus stuff cleared up.a couple days pass, but she keep saying shes busy with something and has to help her mom take care of this or that. So I tried to keep my cool, but I knew I was supposed to come back soon. This girl even started getting upset that I was going to go back to our condo for a few days, telling me to come back ASAP and saying she misses me already. Another day goes by, and her text messages to me are fewer and fewer, with one word replies and very indifferent tone like I was some aquaintence of hers or something. Half a day goes by, and then all she can say is "wyd?"I ask her why she hasn't asked me to come back yet, considered she told me I should live there with them, and have been bored by myself in the condo I got us. I ask her when I should come back and her reply is "I don't care." Again more indifference, completely different from a couple days ago. Then starts telling me "Just come back once we get a TV here", and I tell her I dont care about the TV or internet, I just want to be around her. Asking why shes so distant, and putting off when I should come back. Almost sounding like excuses to push it further and further back. She gets angry at me and says we're done, and she will come with her dad to collect her things from the condo in a couple days. Saying im too much to handle and too paranoid and psychotic.(Keep in mind, this is now the 2 month mark we had every opportunity to have sex too, even being quarantined together. Met with excuses and disinterest.)All in all, with this girl I noticed, the more distant and nonchalant I was, the more affection she showed me. (Still never initiated anything no matter how i'd act). The more I was clingy, or wanted to cuddle her at night, the more closed off and bitchy she would become, just staying on her phone next to me in bed telling me to keep myself occupied. One night she even would sleep on the couch in the living room telling me she would come to bed when her shows were done. Even though I didnt care if she watched her shows on my laptop in bed.So here I am right now, sitting in the apartment, her having ignored me for 48 hours despite my best attempt at fixing things. Despite trying to bring up issues calmly, and being called named and told im walking on thin ice every time. Threatening to break up with me, until now she finally did.As she continues to post passive aggressive stories on her instagram of her looking kind of slutty in a crop top and tight yoga pants, which were obviously intentional to make me jealous. She never posts stories.Where do I go from here? By myself, forcibly celibate for 2 months straight, and feel extremely betrayed and used. I feel like after the silent treatment is done, she will make some half assed attempt to get together again. Followed by no sex.The funny thing is, she stopped shaving her legs since the quarantine, but before would always have them shaved. Does this mean maybe she was having sex with dudes before this quarantine while I was out, but now that she is unable to see anyone, decided to stop? Because if her shaving was for me, wouldn't she keep doing it even during the quarantine?Anyways, sorry I know this post is incredibly long and most wont read it, but just needed to get this out there. Very depressed and alone right now.EDIT: (Here and Just some more details to our relationship, i posted in a reply. To give better context)It was never a situation where I gave her ultimatums or tried to force sex. When I met her it would come naturally, either she would initiate or I would. There was never a problem with her libido, even in the beginning she told me how much she loves sex and we would share kinky stories and things. My problem was mainly that, when I would lightly bring concerns up, it was always followed with name calling and belittling. I've never raised my voice or said anything like "If you dont fuck me you have to leave." Ive always been very understanding and never pushy. I drop it, and dont take it to heart.But when you are rejected every single time, with the excuse of "Lets do tomorrow, im a little tired", and tomorrow rolls around. Again, not being pushy, im always making an effort to be loving, tell her how beautiful she is, maybe make raunchy jokes or innuendos, kiss her neck, etc, she very obviously curves these advances. Even a month of this I could understand.Approaching the two month mark, things start to feel a bit off. Its gotten to a point where im scared to bring it up, out of fear of a yelling match followed by "Fuck off you little bitch, I dont owe you shit. Go find some bitch whos just going to fuck you all the time"I calmly explain its not even the act of sex im looking for. Im not just trying to get off like a degenerate. I crave the intimacy, the affection, the post-sex cuddles. The thing that separates a platonic friendship from a loving relationship.I never offered her an exchange of "Oh well ill pay for all your shit, so you better fuck me." Id do dozens and dozens of things, without expecting anything. Regarding moving in together, I expressed concern telling her maybe we should wait until we save a bit more money, and she would reply "No, no lets try to find a place right away."She would outright tell me "I want a life where my husband kind of takes care of me, and im more of a stay at home mom type. I like being a princess and being pampered." This was never a role I tried to force upon her. This was what she told me prior to moving out. And so I said cool, and had no problem with that. I was more than happy to take care of her.She wanted to keep trying to have a child, even after the miscarriage. She outright told me "I want to have a kid. I just wasnt sure if you did. I want marriage. I want an oldschool kind of family life."I think you might be a bit biased, based on your experiences with narcissistic men. There was never a point where I expected anything of her. Even despite lies being told of how her family were these multi-millionaires, and her parents would have no problem with even taking care of everything. How her parents might even buy us a condo. (Things that I didnt even care about. Things that she just mentioned without me even asking)Even after confirming none of that was true, I still saw qualities in her that I liked, and felt no different. But her reasoning for moving in together so quickly was so we could start a life together and have our own privacy, away from others just me and her. To begin having a kid, and lining things up to make that possible. I was on board. Most of these ideas were brought up by her, and I was on board even thought I probably should have reevaluated what she was strongly convincing me to get into.Now, regarding me noticing her shaving/masturbation/social media habits. I was in no way telling her she cant do these things or should feel bad for doing so. I could honestly care less. These were simply out of character observations I noticed. I would just ask questions, not trying to interrogate but to understand better. I dont care about porn, I dont care about slutty selfies, I dont care about whether she shaves or not. I care about the reasoning behind sudden changes in character.Telling me shes just not feeling it, while going off to hide in the washroom and masturbate compulsively. After like 6 weeks of rejecting literally every subtle and playful advance id make, made me feel a bit upset. No different than a wife initiating sex with her husband, only for him to tell her "Maybe tomorrow" ,and go off to masturbate. This happening now and then is understandable. But when it is the sole alternative to having sex, all the time, that raises questions.The social media incidents were often because we would have a big fight, followed by her posting an intentionally provocative story of her showing off her physique minutes after this fight happens. Neither one of us posts on social media at all really, she knows I barely touch mine and she doesnt touch hers either. She's admitted in the past that she sometimes posts things hoping I notice, when shes angry with me. So I know to expect that this is how she feels when she intentionally does this. Followed by giving me the silent treatment even when I extend an apology and beg her to talk this out and work through this because she is the love of my life.The shaving her legs thing, probably just mild PTSD on my end from being traumatized a bit.Shes made remarks in the past "Jokingly", that she would actively try and fuck my ex best friend who betrayed me (By trying to sleep with her while we dated) if I were to ever fuck her over. There were many little manipulation tactics she engaged in, to fill me with fear. Little remarks here and there that I ignored. Social media posts to instill a fear of losing her to another guy. I believe that is a form of abuse because I would never do that.I would find myself apologizing for triggering an emotional outburst in her, every time I calmly brought up a boundary or thing that I didnt understand. What I was saying and how she interpreted what I was saying were different. For instance, me saying "So I dont care if you want to stay at your parents for a while, but do you have an idea of when you want to come back? I have no problem, just as a courtesy thing so I know when to expect you."For instance, if I felt like I was going to be gone a while running some kinds of errands, Id tell her in advance "Hey listen ill probably be gone about 6 hours but ill be back soon sweetie."Her responses were often vague and would change. "Ill be back whenever the fuck I want. Stop trying to control me."But my tone was never "Hey you better come back soon, or im done with you. I got us this fucking place, so you better hurry up."But this is what she heard when I talked to her.The problem is, I cant condense 6 months of a relationship into a single post, so a lot is being left out just because I either forget things, or there are only so many words I can type.But I think your idea of me is slightly biased, and youre filling in the blanks of my character with the qualities of past abusers youve come across.I would always try to discuss boundaries and specifics with her. Specific times. Specific things she wanted in her future. Specific amounts we would each pay. Her reasoning for getting out of splitting rent was that she was a princess, and as a man I should be taking on the role of being a good provider boyfriend.She didnt want to talk specifics or boundaries. She was a very vague person, and intentionally put things off a lot. And put off discussions simply because she didnt want to hear about it.I was never confrontational. I always addressed issues in a loving way, telling her "I just want to know how you think and if we're on the same page." And I would be dismissed and yelled at until I desperately apoligize and basically beg her to stay and not cut me off.But if Im talking to you calmly, im sorry but I dont deserve to be yelled at and called a little bitch and told to fuck off. And I definitely dont have to apoligize for making someone react that way, even though I always did.I also had no problems giving her time to herself, but over time this alone time kept increasing. Fewer text messages were exchanged. Suddenly we stopped doing movie nights or going out the the bars. Suddenly she wanted to do her own thing on her phone for most of the day, every day. And the more she pulled away the more I found myself wondering why and asking her about it.The double standard was, when I would request time to myself, or pulled away attention from her, she would say "Babeeee Im bored. Entertain me". It was really weird behaviour. She would tell me she thought I was cute and would want to chase me until I started opening my mouth and talking. Then she wanted to run away. All in a half joking way ,but this is how she really acted. The more I acted "Too cool for school", the more she pursued me I found. But I couldnt take these not stop head games. Every night, maybe Id want to cuddle, and she'd squirm like an angry cat trying to get away. Things we used to do every night no problem. She became a different person the minute we got a place together and progressively got more distant. I didnt know how to deal with that. It hurts when you have to start treating "Wifey" like shes an aquaintence, and you dont have deep conversations anymore. And your text messages go from passionate with endless heart emojis, to dull and one or two words spaced out in the span of hours.If I didnt initiate a text first, suddenly shes gone for 12 hours.If I dont keep the conversation going and keep asking her questions trying desperately to create some back and forth, she puts in no effort to do the same. via /r/seduction
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