I am mature enough to know that 'life' is not my cup of tea or not even my glass of water.

Ever been so sad and broken that you can’t move. So you just sit there, frozen, paralyzed by your pain and suffer. Because that’s all you can do.

My special talent is assuming our friendship is a burden on you and you dread hearing from me. So then I stop talking to you to ease the load and ruin what we had

And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

Sometimes all you need to do is sit in the woods until you feel the earth numb your soul and seep into your bones.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve thought this lately

maybe I feel so unwanted because I am.

maybe it's not just a feeling.

Now I’m empty. I have nothing to give to anyone. Except for talking about my pain. And since I realize that’s toxic, I’ve simply isolated.

I don’t get mad anymore, I just get really quiet. Why keep talking when nobody is really listening to you?

I don’t wanna get out of bed. I don’t wanna eat. I don’t wanna go to work. I don’t want to go anywhere. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up.

Sometimes I refuse to sleep, because at 3am is the calmest I ever feel. Not that my body isn’t dying of anxiety. But the world is silent. No one expects anything of you. No one in that moment can make you feel terrible. Only you can. And there’s a weird power in that. 

Numb (Official Video) - Linkin Park