Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?
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" I am not actually tired , but numb and heavy , and can't find the right words "
- Franz Kafka
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Have you ever just reached the point where you stop collecting personalities and shut yourself off. Like I stopped being somebody I'm just being nobody, tired and exhausted.
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I don’t wanna get out of bed. I don’t wanna eat. I don’t wanna go to work. I don’t want to go anywhere. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up.
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I don’t get mad anymore, I just get really quiet. Why keep talking when nobody is really listening to you?
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Sometimes all you need to do is sit in the woods until you feel the earth numb your soul and seep into your bones.
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It hurts so much when you realize that
everybody talks to you. But nobody cares about you…
everyone needs you. But nobody wants you..
and everyone loves you. But nobody likes you.
That realization just never fails to fucking crush you..
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Now I’m empty. I have nothing to give to anyone. Except for talking about my pain. And since I realize that’s toxic, I’ve simply isolated.
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'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem'
I think it's past temporary when I've felt the same for 10 years now
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And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.
You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.
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