#nut boy plays new vegas

[puckgoss]

can you do a timeline of kelsey and Jamie pls😭😭 im new

Here it is y'all - the Jamie & Kelsey timeline 🤠

All of this info comes from IG, Kelsey & Brynn's podcast (out of line), Brynn's TikTok, Flyers beat reporters, Twitter, Tumblr, and the NHL website.

If I've missed anything or need to make any corrections lmk!

April 30, 2023

Trevor & Jamie attend Stagecoach music festival in CA and meet Kelsey & Brynn on Day 3 (April 30)

Trevor went up to Kelsey, he tapped her on the shoulder and asked her her name. They introduced themselves to each other. He asks "who's your friend" about Brynn and then introduces them to Jamie, introducing him as "his roommate".

In the podcast, Kelsey describes Jamie and Trevor as "absolutely hammered"

Trevor & Jamie tell them they're from California, that they were in college but dropped out to play hockey. They told them they're hockey players but at the time Kelsey & Brynn (who don't watch sports/hockey) didn't know that they meant professional hockey players for an NHL team.

They hang with them for a while (pics below) then as the girls are leaving T & J try to convince them to stay but they don't. At some point Brynn & Trevor exchange numbers - she has his number in her phone, presumably he texted himself from her phone in an effort to get the girls to meet up with them later on at SC. They don't end up meeting up again.

May-July 2023

A while later (after SC), Brynn is scrolling on TikTok and sees an edit of Trevor. She recognizes him.

She looks through her messages and pictures and finds them on IG and realizes that the two guys they met at SC are famous athletes.

They all follow each other on IG. Brynn, Kelsey, and Jamie are all still mutuals but Trevor unfollowed the girls pretty quickly.

Jamie likes Kelsey's IG post may 27, 2023

Jamie likes Kelsey's IG post july 2, 2023

August 2023

Brynn & Kelsey talk about JD & TZ on their podcast.

Kelsey says "we need to do anything and everything that we can to manifest seeing them again because the last time we saw them was like the worst way to end it"

Brynn says that Kelsey has been in contact with JD and that they're probably going on a date.

Kelsey says that she isn't sure and doesn't know "how much you can trust a guy like that"

Brynn insists she is going to make this date happen for Kelsey. Kelsey says she should probably focus on boys that live closer to her in AZ.

Also around this time, Brynn posts multiple TikToks referencing TZ and the fact that she fumbled the bag.

Jamie likes Kelsey's IG post august 19, 2023

September 2023

On the podcast, Kelsey talks about how she's been going on dates with boys (not JD) all summer but considers herself to be single.

Jamie likes Kelsey's IG post sept 15, 2023

October 2023

Kelsey posts a pic of her in Newport, CA on Oct. 14. She went on a trip there with friends.

Jamie likes Kelsey's IG post oct 14, 2023 (road trip to socal)

Ducks play in Vegas on Oct. 14 and were home prior to that. They then play a home game on the 15th (Jamie played in this game)

January 2024

Jan 7 - Jamie likes Kelsey's IG post jan 7, 2024

Jan 8 - Jamie is traded to the Flyers

Jan 29 - Jamie goes to Cancun w his new teammates including Tyson & his gf Katie, Noah & Carlie, Owen & Taylor, Cam Y, Joel F, Morgan F, Egor Z, and Ryan P

Jan 29- Jamie likes Kelsey's post on IG jan 29, 2024

Jan 30 - Katie follows Kelsey on IG

Throughout the Mexico trip, Kelsey is posting pics from her life/job as a dance instructor in AZ. She was not on the trip with them.

Jamie is going nuts on IG following lots of ig/raya baddies

February 5-6, 2024

Flyers play in Florida on the 6th

Jamie follows a new girl on IG, she goes to the University of Florida

Her and Jamie seem to have a few mutuals on IG (friends of his from home)

He likes her posts from january 15, 2024, january 21, 2024

He has since liked more of her posts but those are not relevant to this timeline (he likes multiple girls posts multiple times a day)

February 8, 2024

Brynn posts a vid dropping Kelsey off at the airport saying "get that dick bitch"

Kelsey posts a pic of herself & Katie at the Flyers game vs. Winnipeg. Katie reposts it on her story.

February 9, 2024

Flyers reporters report that Jamie told them his bed frame was coming in on Feb 9 (hopefully)

Prior to this he was staying with Cam Y. He got his own place and his parents helped him move his stuff over from Anaheim but he did not have a bedframe and was sleeping on his mattress on the floor.

February 10, 2024

Kelsey posts a pic of herself, Katie (Tyson), Carlie (Noah), Olivia (S. Ersson), and Taylor (Owen) at the Flyers game vs. Seattle to her story.

None of the other girls repost the story. Katie is still the only one who follows her.

February 11, 2024

Pictures of Jamie's active Raya profile are posted on Twitter

February 14, 2024

Valentine's Day - nothing relevant posted on IG

Jamie isn't at practice - "maintenance day"

Brynn is in NYC for some modelling/influencer "Fashion Week" thing

Unclear if Kelsey went to join Brynn, if she was still in Philly, or if she had already gone home.

Feb 11-14 are unaccounted for.

February 15, 2024

Kelsey posts a photo dump with the first pic being of her making a kissy face and the caption was something like ‘kisses’ or ‘kiss kiss’. She deleted/archived it a day or two later.

Jamie is active on Raya in Toronto. Flyers had a game vs. the Leafs that night (in Toronto).

February 16-17, 2024

Flyers are at MetLife stadium to practice for the Stadium Series game vs. NJ on the 17th.

Kelsey is not spotted or pictured at the practice, the family skate, or the game itself.

February 18, 2024 - Onwards

Kelsey allegedly likes this reel on IG shortly after arriving home from Philly. Not sure on which day exactly.

March 2, 2024

Katie likes Kelsey's post on IG march 2, 2024

March 3, 2024

Jamie's updated Raya profile is posted to hockeytea

The post has since been deleted (as the blog is deleted) but I have all pics of his profile at this link here

March 4, 2024 - Present

Jamie continues to follow lots of new girls on IG and like lots of posts, as he has done this entire time.

Nothing new has come up with Kelsey. He has not interacted with a single one of her posts or been linked to her in any way since February 10.

#j. drysdale #k. millar

[lemme-just-oops]

Good morning/evening! Since valentines is coming. My i ask AT boys with MC giving them chocolate or the boys prefer food 🥺 Thank u and take care

Alpheratz: He is not the biggest fan of getting gifts, because he feels under pressure to give something back. He definitely likes creamy chocolates the most, though. He will try to find a present for you as quickly as possible in return, BUT he becomes picky in that regard so it may take time to return the favor.

Arcturus: This boy has planned Valentine's Day ever since the New Year began. He told you very clearly to take the day off, because he wants to spend the entire day with you. When you give him chocolate, he will jump with joy and eat it slowly. Seriously, he may still has some chocolate left after a week, because he does not often eat sweets. He likes baking them though.

Pollux: He craves sugar. He breathes sugar. Do you have any idea how sugary he gets? As long as you do not give him dark chocolate, your gift will be devoured almost immediately. But because of his nature, he was prepared for Valentines Day and gathered the best chocolate for you. He cannot wait to see your reaction while you eat it!

Sirius: He does not usually eat sweets, so it may be hard for you to find the right gift. In fact, even if you paid close attention, you never saw him eat dessert. He does thank you, but say that he does not have anything in return. That is until you get back to your room, where in front of your door waits a plushie with a heart-shaoed balloon tied to its paw. BUT if you give him anything sweet with pineapple or mango taste (or any sweet with sweet potato), you can see the genuine excitement in his eyes because he likes to experiment and cannot wait to try. Even if it will taste awful, he will state his joy of trying something new!

Spica: He loves berries and nuts in his sweets, even if he rarely eats them. Dark chocolate? If you hand him one of these, he is just in awe that you can read him like a book. He wants to make this day one that revolves only around what you want and need. Do you want him to take you out for dinner? Or possibly shopping? Hiking? The library? The places you frequent will all be part of his ideas, and if you hinted on wanting to visit a place, grab your bag because you are going there.

Vega: This man completely forgot about Valentine's Day and he will try to not accept your chocolate until he can give you something in return. If you insist on him taking the chocolate immediately, he will go to the town ASAP to find anything in return. Worrying over whether ir would be to hand you chocolate back in return, though. So, you may end up with chocolate and a music-playing card or a heart-shaped keychain.

#I want Spica to discover bubble tea #i feel like he would dislike that he loves it #take him out for bubble tea on valentines day #arcana twilight #pollux #sirius #arcturus #vega #alpheratz #otome game #request #romantic arcana #spica #valentines day

[cannibalcreeps]

I forgot you liked fallout. I'm playing as Bubba in New Vegas and my boy is struggling!

Ahaha Well, probs doesn't help I rarely mentioned it here prior the announcement of the new show, but I've been a fan for like 16 years now. Bruv I am playing New Vegas now too and fucking struggling!!! I'm struggling in the fact I am lagging like nuts, getting a bunch of glitches and the npcs keep dying on me when I need them alive. I'm assuming a Bubba build would be Melee/Unarmed, high Strength, Perception and Endurance but low ass Intelligence, Charisma and Agility? Since that's what I'd go for a Bubba Sawyer build lol and is actually the build I'm doing for my current Courier Creeps 😂

#I love Fallout a bit toooo much and my love for Ghouls is so obvious when what my horror loves are #tho difference being Ghouls tend to be very nice people lol

[acornmoment]

I've figured out a formula for how many Ok, Boomers. a level is.

(t-c)/6

T is Total or how much you need.

C is Current which is how much you have already.

Always round your result up bc it can come back with .6 repeating

The result is of course however many times you need to do it.

#rey plays new vegas #rey gets distracted #nut boy becomes smart #def not using that tag ever again

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

I read the ask response about how Hotch would spoil Spencer all the time with stuff, but I also wanted to add the idea of Spencer taking Hotch to a casino for a weekend away, just tearing through the poker and blackjack games and flashing money, enjoying the chance to go nuts. Dropping big tips for drinks and meals, the both of them getting dressed up in nice suits (maybe Spencer buys Hotch a tailored fancy one as an upgrade from his work suits? Nice tie/cravat etc and Spence gets one of those colored brocade ones) and just living the high roller life for a few days. Spencer would know how to play the games to win big and let Hotch be a kept boy for a bit which would be fun for them both as a dynamic flip from their usual.

Okay yes yes yes but this sounds so fun? I’d read that fic, you’ve got it down babe, but you asked me and I’m blushin like I’m being asked to dance so here we go:

(I have them already in an established relationship here, although a get together story would be just as good with Spencer spoiling Hotch. Another day.)

-

So Hotch would already know they are in trouble, from the get-go. Because Spencer has been kicked out of every casino in Vegas, quite a few in Oklahoma, but he hasn’t yet touched Atlantic City. Prentiss’ playground, no doubt, and maybe that’s how it starts? She’s going to be showing Morgan and Garcia first hand what a ‘”Sin-To-Win” Weekend is really all about -- and Hotch and Reid decide to peace out and tell them to have fun, they’re going to go do their own thing. Boos following them from the rest of the team as they part ways. They don’t want to join? Fine, be that way. Sticks in the mud that they are, right?

Wrong.

Oh so wrong. 

Reid wins five grand in less than an hour. Pocket change, compared to the rest of the night. After a while Hotch doesn’t even bother gambling, it’s just too fun and fascinating to watch Spencer drift from table to table, game to game, wrecking havoc and collecting his chips and going to the next leaving an empty House in his wake. They have to jump casinos a few times, just so he doesn’t get tracked down and -- God, that’s almost just as fun. Hotch keeps trying to reprimand him, and Spencer keeps reminding him he’s not doing anything illegal. “Just frowned upon, and possibly pissing off any underground mob presence but who’s counting OKAY next casino -- this way.” Taking Hotch by the hand and dragging him into a new building. 

It’s around the time they go to dinner that Spencer really just starts letting the winnings go to his head, and Hotch -- well, he’s been uncomfortable once or twice, but after he decided he really doesn’t need to be doing the gambling he finds himself... enjoying literally being Spencer’s arm candy for the evening. He’s never been in that position, doesn’t quite know what to do with himself, and after he gets mistaken for Spencer’s bodyguard for the third time Spencer decides they need new clothes. 

And man do they look good, after. Hotch has never in his life known a suit could fit that good, or look that sexy, but it’s Armani so -- you get what you pay for. 

Spencer slows down after a while, winning some, loosing some, winning big, loosing a bit, ‘quitting while he’s ahead’, and it’s a hustle that is so fun. Even Hotch gets lost in it, and Spencer knows why, humming some choice music selections from Ocean’s Eleven as they continue on into the night, and the early morning, upgrading their hotel room to the penthouse and not making it up until almost four in the morning. The sun barely there on the horizon over the water, which they can see through the floor to ceiling windows taking up the entire wall facing the Atlantic, and there is nothing like being tangled up in each other as the sun rises hazy and slow against the endless waves on the water.

The sex is so good it almost makes them not want to get out of bed when they wake up around noon. But they order expensive room service, clean up, and head back down to do it all over again.

By the time the weekend is over, they all meet up after breakfast. Emily is grinning like a devil and Morgan looks like he’s been hit by a truck -- yet somehow in a good way, and Garcia actually remembers to ask Hotch and Reid how their weekend went, despite the fact her brain is still soaked in champagne and gin. They shrug and make little admonishing remarks that add up to nothing, and only Prentiss gives Spencer a look like she doesn’t believe them -- because she’s pretty sure she had seen Hotch and Reid in some very expensive suites in the high roller, VIP poker rooms the night before, but it had been hard to make out between the haze of smoke and her third vodka martini. 

Besides, there’s no way Reid would ever wear a brocade suit. Right?

#the best asks and the best stories #so much fun #hope it was worth the wait sorry these all take forever #I still don't know what a sin to win weekend is TELL ME PRENTISS #asks #HotchReid #Heid #katyswriting

[thesmokingguns]

Tous Les Jours

word count: 1472

Requested: “Hii💖 can i request a fic where their s/o is in a band like baby metal and at first their like “how cute girls dancing to metal” but then they see how heavy it is and how much control they have over the crowd” I don’t know who requested this but I hope you like this. It was super fun to write!

“Salut, Salut, Salut! We are Les Petites Souris from Paris, France! Comment ça va, Los Angeles?” The crowd roared to life at the opening act. Dressed in feathers, bedazzled corsets, and fishnets it looked like Vegas showgirls and very out of place for the opening act to a rock and roll show. “This is our song Tous Les Jours!” Nikki looked up, confused from the bar where he was currently being bumped into by people trying to rush closer to the stage. Tommy and Vince both looked absolutely out of their minds excited besides him.

He had been promised to see the hottest band in LA at the moment and a huge competitor but what looked like three hot French Burlesque dancers were on stage. WHen the music started his eyes furrowed together. Heavy bass lines and drum beats mixed with great guitar riffs, and then they were singing. The lead singer was pretty blonde with long legs that she was using to do the Can-Can with her backup singers. BUt her voice was angelic. Nikki watched the three girls in their synchronized dance moves. The high energy of the girls were like a mix of pop stars on MTV and strippers. The way that they danced to their music, that was way heavier than he could imagine for them. He stood in almost shock as they performed, well TBone pretty much went nuts beside him.

They sang a few songs before the crowd started to get wild and try to surge forward. It was like a fight club as people pawed at the stage. Nikki felt like he was watching Beatles Mania happen. The lead singer finished her song, giving the crowd a look over that made them fall silent. Tommy elbowed him, in awe of the stage presence from the petite singer.

“Que faites-vous, mes amis?” she tsked at them and Nikki felt his eyes glued to her as she walked a few steps towards the crowd. The way her hand went to her hip and she looked out at them like she was scolding children, “This show is for everyone but we will not sing if you keep acting like this, d’accord?” though they didn’t know what she was saying they all agreed with her anyway. The way she smiled at the audience had them all cheering as she walked over and started dancing again.

Nikki loved watching the way the three girls bounced around the stage like they were just having a lot of fun. It didn't feel like they were acting but it also felt like a full performance. It was a gimmick but they could actually perform and all of them had great voices that sounded right over the heavy music. By the time that the show was ending he understood why the guys had wanted to come to see the band so badly. He was surprised at the end of the show when he was thinking about how he didn’t want it to end. He enjoyed watching the girls dance to the heavy music, their bright smiles, costumes bouncing at their silly moves, and the way they drew the crowd into them.

At the last song it got so loud he could see his whisky shake in the glass. The crowd was absolutely losing their minds for them. The girls all clasped hands bowing to them and giving them all waves as flowers, bras, and even what looked like a pair of boxers all made it up onto stage. The singer once more stepped forward waving at the crowd and trying to get them to quiet down so she could talk.

“Merci, mes amies. Once again we are Les Petites Souris. We are selling some merchandise in the back of the club. Hannah, wave your hands so they can see you, mon amour.” Nikki turned to see the girl waving her hand. “We also will be playing at The Roxy tomorrow night. You can find me at the bar before the set and buy me a few drinks, oui?” she smiled as there were catcalls and whistles from the crowd, “Merci, mes amies. Until tomorrow, bonne soiree.`` She departed the stage and it took a few minutes for people to realize they were done and not coming out for an encore.

It was crazy how the crowd was already leaving when they hadn't even been the main band for the night. Vince and Tommy were already finishing their drinks which the bassist knew meant they were going to try to head backstage to meet the new chick band on the club scene.

When they made it backstage they had no problem finding the dressing room since they had all played here before. T-Bone wanted to just walk in but they managed to restrain him as Nikki knocked. The door opened and there was the blonde, looking him up and down.

“Do I know you?” She asked and he smirked that her accent had been real and not just part of the show. Her eyes rolled away from him to the two men that were with them. He could hear someone say something to her in French and she responded lazily with a Hand wave.

“I’m Nikki Sixx, this is Vince and Tommy. We saw you play tonight and just wanted to invite you out.” Her eyebrow rose and she turned to look in the room of girls relaying the messages. Two heads poked it looking at the men and they were all chattering over each other in what seemed like a game of pick your date. Nikki felt the heavy blue eyes on him of the blonde.

“So you come to our dressing room after our show without flowers, without champagne, without anything about our show and you and tes sales amis want to take us out tonight? Tut-Tut, Monsieur Sixx.” She walked away from the door replaced with another blonde who was making eyes at Tommy.

“Do not pay Charlotte any mind. Come back in an hour, yes? We will be ready then.” She shut the door leaving the boys all standing around. Nikki told the boys he’d be back in a little bit leaving the club, feeling like he had a challenge ahead of him.

The hour passed and when then girls came out they were changed from their stage costumes to more casual jeans and leather jackets. Nikki handed Charlotte a bouquet of roses watching the way her eyes danced in amusement.

“Great show.” He said, a smile blooming over his face. He watched the way she cracked the flowers bringing them close and inhaling the sweet scent.

“Merci, Monsieur Sixx.” Her hand went to her forearm lacing their arms together as they headed out and into the waiting limo that the band had.

That night turned into six months later and the pair had been pretty much inseparable. Nikki would take out the French singer as often as possible. She basically lived at his house, throwing parties and laughing loudly with all his friends. The way she managed to get everyone to befriend her with almost the trance-like control she held on stage never stopped impressing him.

The cult-like following of the band had them headline large arenas  where seats were packed to watch the cute girls dance to the metal songs. Everyone seemed to forget they could perform with a full range or dance moves and musical talent until they were seeing it live. The way the girls were in cotton candy pastel burlesque outfits contrasted to the heavy metal playing in the background.

Nikki had seen them dozens of times, loving to support his girl, and still he would be sucked into their performance. The cute dance moves, the heavy music, and the sexy outfits all seem to add to the band. He loved watching them can-can to the heavy baselines and the elegance they brought to the music. Just like he was hooked on seeing them he was hooked on their lead singer.

Nikki had known after the first night when she pulled cognac from her purse to splash liberally in their coffee after dinner that she was the girl for him. She made them all feel like they were in the presence of something great and lifted them all up to feel great as well. He loved that when he was having jamming sessions to figure out new songs she’d pick up her guitar helping him come up with the melodies to his music. Or how she’d sing his lyrics and he could finish a song after she had hummed out a few lines. The chemistry they had was something he had dreamed of.

He knew he loved her and he planned to keep her around so that he could continue to love her. Tous les jours.

#Nikki Sixx #Motley Crue #Nikki Sixx x OC #Request #Nikki Sixx headcanon #Nikki Sixx imagine #Motley Crue imagine #Nikki Sixx fanfic #Nikki Sixx fan fiction

[pinkiebows]

Lorax headcanon dumping <3

Onceler/Greedler headcanons:

He eats snails because he wants to look sophisticated

Once he was shitting and his toilet exploded in revenge

He’s bisexual but prefers women

He and the Lorax have the same birthday so they reluctantly have to share birthday parties organized by the forest animals

His legs are so long he can kick a door and destroy it

If he fell down the stairs he would bend and fold over like a slinky

He listens to nicki Minaj

He gives free thneeds to people he crushes on

He once went to Las Vegas to sell thneeds but saw a shoe flying in midair at 11pm and had nightmares about it for 2 weeks

When Norma gets mad he tightens the pickle jar so she’ll have to talk to him

He chews ice cubes

His favorite animal crossing game is new leaf solely because he’s in the cover of the game

He unironically likes pineapple pizza and gets roasted for it every time he orders it at a restaurant

He doesn’t think he’s a great artist but he still draws often because he wants to improve but he doesn’t know he’s actually an amazing artist

He is Twitter famous and also is a huge influencer

He loves tea but when he became a capitalist he drank black coffee and ONLY black coffee

He had an emo phase at one point and he still knows how to do his own eyeliner from it

At dances or parties, he either plays the guitar on stage or throws it back on the dance floor and everyone laughs at him for having such a flat ass

As he was getting richer, he started putting on makeup, and liked to flex on his $48 dollar foundation. Thing is, it wasn’t even real foundation. He goes to Walmart every week and buys 2 packs of this

For $48 (including tax, as each pack is $21.97) and he only uses the bottom right one (shown in the pic) and because of that he has a huge number (that has a multiple of 7) of skin colored crayola paints stuffed into a closet in his lurkim

Ted Wiggins headcanons:

He had a scene phase shortly after the events of the movie and he wanted to try to eyeliner but was screams to ask his mom for her eyeliner so he got some sharpies and did his own eyeliner with them and when he cries, his “eyeliner” didn’t wear off and everyone ended up being impressed. He also wore old band t-shirts

His birthday is December 11th and he’s a Sagittarius

He’s actually really good at coding!

He makes deez nuts jokes on a daily basis and it annoys the living hell out of everyone around him

He plays ponytown as if his life depended on it

He sleeps with socks on

He likes cheese and pepperoni pizza

He can’t cook for SHIT. Like seriously he almost burnt down the kitchen making salad. You don’t put lettuce in the microwave with a fork, dumbass

He can only draw stick figures and he does that very badly too

He takes random buzzfeed quizzes to find out his soulmates initial and if it’s A he flips over his desk

At dances, Ted just stands there and only dances when it’s time to slow dance, so he tries to dance with Audrey and he sucks at it

He is a HUGE Dr Pepper addict, like it’s kind of concerning honestly

As a kid, Ted wore those really weird and edgy boy shirts that his mom finds at Target

Audrey headcanons:

She’s definitely cottagecore

She was raised by an old florist couple who told her stories about truffula trees before bed when she was a kid, that’s how she knows so much about trees

I can’t decide if she’s a lesbian or pansexual it seems right but she also can’t be both 💔

She loves tea and fruit juices

Her birthday is on May 23rd, and she’s a Gemini

She loves baking and her sweets always have flowers on them <3

She’s a vegetarian

She loves vegetable pizza with just veggies no meat

She smoked truffula once

She’s an amazing artist who can not only draw trees and nature, she can also draw animals and humans too!

She’s a great singer too and loves to sing for her friends

Grammy Norma headcanons:

She is a huge fan of fast and furious movies!

She commits arson

She is also bisexual too (no lean)

Her birthday is April 4th, and she’s an Aries

Other character headcanons:

O’Hare barks back at dogs

Marie (the little girl that talks in Let it Grow) has Audrey as a babysitter and she watches beauty and the beast all the time and wants to learn French when she grows up

Teds mom is a lesbian and O’Hare is gay 😎

Teds mom’s birthday is on September 9th and she’s a Virgo

Ohares birthday is October 20th and he’s a Libra

Ohare owns Illumination Entertainment

Wesley stops glowing when he dies of old age

[bbrandy2002]

Fool’s Rush In

Part 15

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x MC

Warnings: mild violence

Series Premise: With two weeks until Liam is to marry Madeleine – his pick during the social season – the guys throw him a bachelor party in Vegas. After a drunken night, he finds himself with more than he bargained for.

Thanks @burnsoslow​ for the beta read.

---------------

Supposedly, the more a person suffered in the name of love, the more it showed they really cared. 

At least, that's what Riley thought. 

After nightfall of this particular evening -- when she least expected it -- she never realized how much truth that belief held. 

Or how much it would hurt to sacrifice the one person who made her believe she was worthy of love and saw who she really was on the inside.

Her dainty arm -- a delicate bronze in color, sleek, with a glittering red strap across one shoulder -- linked through the arm of the man she had grown to love more than life itself as they entered the palace ballroom. Working tirelessly over the last week to ensure everything went off without a hitch had taken its toll on her. All she could think about, as she shook hands and charmed dignitaries with a sparkle in those twinkling brown eyes, was how much sleep she planned to make up for after the ball ended.

This ball was to introduce the King and his new bride to the Cordonian court for the first time. A show of solidarity and, hopefully, strength. A way to establish that what happened in a tiny chapel 10,000 miles away weeks ago between two strangers wasn't a careless mistake, and that she could handle the duties bestowed on her as a common American woman. 

Or at least pretend she could for now.

However, for the King and the "Jewel of His Heart" whom he escorted through the curious crowd of pretentious naysayers in extravagant gowns and tuxes, with their fake smiles and tedious posturing ...

It was nothing less than fate. 

Riley was the key that unlocked that safe space deep inside Liam's heart that had been sheltered for so long, waiting for the perfect person to come along and open it. This was the place where he kept his most sacred feelings: a genuine love, never-ending laughter, joy, romance, ecstasy, and every dream he ever held for the future -- one he presumed would never exist in any form he longed for. 

But she didn't just unlock it. Riley shattered it wide open, where everything came flooding out at once and consumed him like a raging wildfire. 

And it was the most remarkable, intoxicating experience of his life. 

Liam showed her off all evening as they mingled during their rounds, danced, and conversed with the variance of nobility. She was the sexiest woman in that room, and he'd dare say the looks of envy shot in his direction from high-class men as he proudly cavorted her around didn't bother him in the least. Not that that was her only quality -- far from it. There were so many things about Riley that were special. But he couldn't help feeling a sense of pride that she was all his.

And without question, he was all hers.

Seated at the head table, Riley swallowed a morsel of the veal medallion she wanted to be served for this occasion. When given a choice between fish and lamb, the fish never stood a chance. The memory of that smelly, god-awful lunch with Regina three weeks ago was not something her palate had forgiven her for yet. As wonderful and savory as this extravagant meal, covered in a light brown mushroom sauce and served with a side of broccoli rabe, was, it couldn't hold a candle to what she craved the most: a slice of white pizza from Carmine's back in Brooklyn.

Or a slab or two of the New Yorker.

With maybe some cheesecake.

Covered in chocolate.

And a sausage rice ball. A Frito pie smothered with sour cream. Definitely a rainbow bagel from The Bagel Store. Barbecue ribs and beans from the mom-and-pop diner hidden just off the strip in Vegas. 

Of course, her grandma’s country fried steak with white gravy sounded delicious too.

For sure, a fried Twinkie like the one she ate at the New York State Fair in 2013. 

"You've outdone yourself, sweetheart," Liam marveled while wiping at the corner of his mouth with a napkin. "The meal was delicious, and our guests appear to be enjoying themselves." The others seated at the table looked up, adding their compliments.

Still dreaming about a fat slice of New York-style pizza, Riley smiled graciously back at him, until she noticed the server refilling Liam’s glass with merlot, causing her to do a double-take. 

Hot tears pooled in her eyes, and a heavy feeling of sadness swelled in her chest as she panicked. "I asked for the Pinot Noir. Not the merlot,” she rasped meekly. “You don't like merlot, Liam. And the Pinot Noir was from the 'C' place where Duke Hakim lives. He'll be so disappointed and think I'm slighting his duchy. They’ll all hate me forever and ... wait a minute." She trailed off as a realization hit her, and Riley quickly glanced down at her plate before scanning each of the dishes from those seated around her.

The anxiety intensified; she could no longer suppress the heartbroken sob that wailed out of her. "Where are all the potatoes? We were supposed to have the potatoes, Liam. They didn’t serve the potatoes. Now the whole night is completely ruined, and it’s all my fault. I'm such a failure as a queen, and you should just send me to the dungeon now and throw away the key. I apologize to all of you for my incompetence and the lack of potatoes with your meal." Riley’s red-hot face, full of tears, plunged into the palms of her hands, then quickly sprung back up as Liam hesitantly tried to place a hand on her shoulder. A strong urge to use the restroom ended her crying spell as if it never happened. “Oh, oh. I gotta pee so bad. I’ll be right back.” She gave a warm smile and excused herself as she pushed her chair back and scurried merrily toward the nearest restroom.

Liam, Regina, Leo, Maxwell, and Olivia watched with confusion as she happily took off, not knowing what to say or what to make of the sudden shift in her moods.

“What the hell was that?” Olivia scowled, her eyes fixed on Liam.

“Is she all right, dear?” a concerned Regina asked.

Liam scratched the back of his head, nearly at a loss for words. “I ... I don’t know. I’ve never seen her that upset … especially over potatoes.” He paused in thought. “She was a little on edge this morning. Still, she’s been working a lot on the preparations and everything else going on. It must have gotten to her.”

Maxwell shrugged. “Maybe she just finally snapped.” 

Leo shook his head, swallowing a forkful of beef. “Or maybe she has the premenstrual syndrome.”

“Leo!” The group admonished.

“What?” Leo bit back, taking in each of their disappointed glares. “Don’t act like it’s not true. Trust me, when I have cramps and bloating, I can go from a happy little Leo to a Bertrand, just like that.” He snapped his fingers, following it up with a frown. “It ain’t pretty, you all.”

Maxwell looked across the table at Liam and agreed, “He has a point.”

Wanting to shed his skin and slither away, Liam pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we not discuss something so personal and private, especially while several hundred people are dining around us?”

“I’m just saying, little brother, that you need to be understanding and gentle during this special time of your wife’s 'lady business.' You should speak softly and slowly to her because Shark Week messes with a girl's mind, man. Their brains short-circuit, and there’s nothing left up there but a couple of crickets and man-eating rattlesnakes. One second, you think she’s fine, but if you’re not careful, in the next second, you’ll find yourself with two venomous fangs rattling from your nut sack, dude. She will tear you apart and spit you out like a rabid dog. You can make it through these next few days, but only if you take my advice.”

“That is the single dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Olivia spat, boring her eyes into him. “And you’ve said a lot.” She turned to Liam, whose face was slightly pale and void of expression. “Don’t listen to his sexist drivel. Why you haven’t declared him insane yet is beyond me. You should have sent him away with that filthy hairball to Valtoria you had caged earlier.”

“IT WAS MONGO!” Leo erupted, causing the dishes on the table to clatter as he jumped to his feet and hovered over the redhead. Every head in the ballroom whipped around to see what was happening, and a deafening silence filled throughout. Even the orchestra stopped playing their classical tune.

A wide-eyed Regina smiled sheepishly as she glanced out at the quiet audience who were waiting to see what all the fuss was about. She thought fast before calling out, “We were just playing a little game of … 'It was Mongo.'” The former queen snatched Maxwell’s Sunset Rum punch from his hand, thrusting the drink up at her stepson, towering beside her, and instructed in a grandmotherly tone, “Be a good lad, Leo. You lost this round. It's time to chug-a-lug, my boy.” With his face burning, Liam slid down in his seat.

“Ooooo, I wanna go next.” Maxwell bounced excitedly while the guests resumed the festivities. "How do we play?"

“I think I want to go, too,” Liam replied, straightening back up before hurling his napkin on the table. “I’m going to go find Riley.”

-----------------

Riley exited the ladies' room, clutch in hand and a fresh dab of clear gloss gleaming on her pink lips. She stopped walking just as the door closed behind her and smiled with a look of surprise at seeing Liam leaning against the opposite wall. "What are you doing out here?"

He pushed himself off the wall, closing the distance between them and meeting her in the middle of the empty corridor. They wrapped their arms around each other, indulging in the warmth of their lovers' embrace. "Would you believe me if I told you I just missed you?" he answered, placing a tender kiss on her lips that skimmed lower to her jawline. 

"I missed you, too," she moaned with each gentle pressure of his seductive lips, suckling and nibbling along the spot that trailed behind her ear that he knew drove her crazy. "But something tells me that's not the only reason you left the ballroom."

Their gazes met simultaneously. "Leo."

Riley chuckled softly. "Do I even want to know?"

Liam sighed, smoothing back a loose hair behind her ear. "You know my brother and his wonderful words of wisdom." There was no way in hell he would tell her what they really discussed after she left; he could only imagine her embarrassment. "Everyone was just a little worried about you, that's all."

"I didn't mean to scare everyone. I just wanted tonight to be perfect. Instead, so many things went wrong. I can only assume what the court thinks about me now." She lowered her gaze to the red carpeting where they stood. "I let you down."

"I don't want to ever hear you say that again. Riley, sweetheart, you can never let me down. Do you understand that?" Liam lifted her chin; her tentative eyes stared back at him for a moment before nodding. "Good. And just so you know, our guest are used to bombings, stabbings, kidnappings, shootings, and terror plots at most of my palace events --"

"Wait. What?"

" -- I assure you, just the fact alone, that none of that took place tonight, and they're all going to leave here soon -- alive -- will be huge for them. Not having potatoes with the meal or the right wine was the least of their worries. They will consider this night a success. And a testament to their new queen. You should, too. I'm so very proud of you."

"I have so many questions about everything you just said."

Liam smiled, caressing Riley's petal-soft cheeks and lowering his head to kiss her again. "All in due time, my love.”

Riley let out a deep, drawn-out yawn she lightly covered with her palm before stretching and rolling her neck. A couple of weeks' worth of planning and endless decisions had left heavy tension in her shoulders and overwhelming exhaustion like nothing she'd felt before. None of it went unnoticed by Liam, who placed his hands on her shoulders and gingerly kneaded the taut muscles. 

"What do you say about heading back to our quarters, taking off all of your clothes, and I'll be up soon to massage this gorgeous body from head to toe? And hopefully, when I'm through, you'll massage parts of me, too … with any part of your body that you'd like." His lips curved into an inviting smile.

"Mmm, that's tempting," she purred, rubbing her hands over his ample chest. "But I can't just leave. It's the Queen's Ball. Without me, it's just ... The Ball." She chuckled, despite herself.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little panties over the ball. Just go upstairs and take them off. I’ll handle everything down here. Then … “ He squatted down to her eye level. “ … I’ll handle you.”

Her heart fluttered every time Liam spoke to her that way. The way he desired only her. She bit the corner of her lip teasingly. “I love you so much.”

Liam smiled. “You better. You’ve got one hell of a husband. I’d even venture to say you’re the luckiest woman on the whole damn planet right now.” Before Riley could respond to his jest, he put both of his hands on her cheeks to hold her head still and began placing playful, wet smooches all over her face, causing her to laugh riotously. After a few seconds of her squirming around and cackling at his antics, he paused to look at her. “You know I love you, too. Now go on up. I’ll be right behind you soon.” 

With a pat to her backside, they went their separate ways.

---------

Liam returned to the ballroom, having offered to finish what little time was left without her. He would offer his apologies for her absence, but in reality, the King couldn’t have cared less what anyone there thought. Since his bachelor party weeks ago, he had grown from a man who had no choices to one who made his own. His marriage and relationship with Riley came first. Her wellbeing was the main priority -- to hell with anyone who had a problem with that.

As Riley placed a hand on the elegant wooden handrail of the grand staircase and took the first step up, her thoughts meandered to where she had been in her life one month ago and how vastly it had changed in such a short time. For the first time in years, she was happy, and it felt so good to be in that place where she could finally let go of the past and move on. Liam was a game-changer, and she was thoroughly convinced he was the only person on the planet who could have gotten her out of her own head and to this level of blissful existence.

Rounding the corner at the top of the stairs, she reached into her clutch to pull out the key card to her quarters, exhaustion slowing her strides. Shuffling past a row of closed office doors and framed artwork, she made her way to the residential wing. 

The squeak of a door behind her and the click of heels drew her attention, causing her to stop and turn to see who was there. 

The color drained from her face as Madeleine casually stepped out, her hands behind her back and a devious, unsettling grin cemented on her face. 

It wasn't the fear that made Riley's heart pound with a sickening thud, but more shock than anything. No one had seen or spoken to the Countess since the confrontation in Las Vegas when she showed up unexpectedly after finding out Liam had married Riley the night prior. 

Now, suddenly, there she was, as if out of nowhere, a gleam in her eye, looking all too pleased to have this run-in with Riley.

"A little dramatic, don't you think?" Riley scoffed, taking one step back the closer Madeleine approached. "What are you even doing here?"

"I'm not going to hurt you, if that's what you're worried about," she answered contemptuously. Her green eyes drifted to one of the cameras mantled at each end of the hallway. Riley placed a shaky hand over her stomach, letting out a low, relieved breath, hoping that was the truth. "Not physically, anyway."

"Well, that sounds promising," Riley replied sardonically. "Now, if you don't mind ..." She turned away, wanting nothing more than to escape this conversation and make it back to her quarters. 

Madeleine reached out and grabbed the Queen by her elbow, pulling her back and harshly twisting her around so they were now face-to-face. "You're not going anywhere until I'm through with you," she hissed with an icy glare. "I told you I would make you regret what you've done."

Riley jerked her arm, trying to free herself. "Let go of my arm, Madeleine!" 

"Not until you hear what I have to say."

"I'm not interested in anything you have to say! Now LET ME GO!" Riley hoped someone heard her yell or at least witnessed what was happening on the camera. Where the hell is security?

While continuing to struggle to free herself, she reached up with her free hand in an attempt to pry off Madeleine's bony fingers that were squeezing tight grooves around her elbow, her manicured nails digging deeper into Riley's skin. "You're hurting me. I said to let me go."

"Very well, then." The woman, who had twice lost her chance at the crown, released her firm grasp, knowing that the momentum would cause Riley to stumble back as soon as she let go. 

Just as predicted, Riley planted a foot behind her for leverage before drawing her arm back as hard as she could, one last time. Her eyes grew wide, and she let out a sharp gasp that sounded well down the corridor. Riley sailed backward, tripping over herself and toppling to the ground. She finally landed with a hard blow on her backside, the rear of her head just inches from slamming to the floor.

A shockwave of pain coursed up Riley's spine from hitting so abruptly. Before she had a chance to respond or process what happened, Madeleine crouched down beside her, holding a DVD up and gaining Riley's attention. 

The pain had morphed into a throbbing ache that was soon forgotten as the Queen stared quizzically at the object displayed in front of her like a grand prize. 

"What is that?" her voice trembled.

"It's my ace in the hole," Madeleine stated, then wagged a finger. "Someone used to be a very naughty girl." 

Furrowing her brows, Riley responded. "I don't know what you mean."

"You know precisely what I mean, but just in case, please allow me to refresh your memory," Madeleine smirked before rising to her feet and prancing around as if she were having the time of her life. "I did a little digging after my brief visit to Las Vegas and came across a man who knew you very, very well at one time. I made some calls. We exchanged e-mails, a transfer of money or two. And he was all too eager to accept my offer of payment for any dirt he could give me on you."

There was no point in asking "who" -- she already knew; the thought made her nauseous. Riley closed her eyes and muttered. "Tyler?"

"Yes," Madeleine beamed, " Your ex-husband. He had a lot to say about you."

"I'm sure he did. Does it even matter to you that he's a liar and a cheat -- not to mention greedy? He would make up anything if he thought he could profit off of it."

"Oh, it matters. Personally, I don't believe a damn thing he had to say. Honestly, Riley ... even someone like you could have done better than that slime."

Riley cringed in pain as she pushed herself off the floor and turned to her oppressor. "Just get to the point, Madeleine. Clearly, he gave you something you thought was valuable enough to use against me, so just spit it already."

Madeleine smiled, "How very astute of you. You're correct. He did." She held up the disc as Riley regarded it suspiciously. "On this disk are several hours of the two of you ... together. Very graphic, if I do say so myself." Riley's jaw dropped upon hearing those words as Madeleine continued, "Now don't worry. I only watched it long enough to make sure the video was legit --"

"Give me that!" Riley reached out to snatch the DVD, but Madeleine pulled it away just out of her grasp. A burning sensation filled inside her chest and spread across her face. "You're lying. I never made videos like that."

"Oh, I think you did," the blonde countered with a mirthful tone. "You just didn't know about it. Your ex admitted as much to me ... an asshole move, for sure. But nonetheless, I purchased the copy from him for a hefty sum. And ... well ... here we are now. You're more than welcome to take this disc and see for yourself; I have it downloaded as a backup, knowing you'd want proof."

At that moment, all Riley wanted was for Liam to walk down that corridor where she now stood, pick her up in his arms, whisk her away to safety, and tell her it was all a bad dream. Not that she did anything wrong -- she was married at one time to the man, presumably on the video, and would have been a consenting adult. 

No, it was the fact that Tyler Brooks had taken intimate videos with her during their marriage, without her knowledge. Now Madeleine had possession of them.

God only knew what she planned to do with them, but Riley had a pretty good idea. "What do you want?" she whispered in defeat, afraid to hear the answer.

Madeleine grinned from ear-to-ear. "For you to leave Cordonia tonight and never return, or I release everything to the press."

Riley shook her head. "No. As much as I don't want anyone to see that video, I did nothing wrong, and I won't be blackmailed or intimidated by you so that you can get your grubby little paws on the crown."

"Is that so?" It wasn't a question so much as a remark meant to convey who was in control. 

Maintaining her position, Riley raised a brow, refusing to give in.

Madeleine was far from giving up, though; she had manipulation in her blood. "Very well, then. I'll release the video in the morning. It should be interesting to see how the world reacts to yet another scandal by this monarchy. Their Queen plastered all over the internet again, except this time, uploaded on every porn site on the web. 

"The news will run the story with your blurred-out silhouette in the background. Your father will see it, and his business will become a target.: Your friends. Family. Students. They'll all be inundated with your sexual proclivities. But the worst part will be the tribunal. The council will have no choice but to question Liam's decision-making abilities after not only squandering his pick of queen on some American nobody, but now one whose ass will be featured on the desktops of teenage boys across the world. It's a shame that he'll lose his reign, all because of you. Would you really do that to Liam? Do you genuinely believe you're worth all the trouble it will cause him?"

Riley froze. She knew Madeleine was taunting her with the people she cared about the most. The last thing she wanted was to embarrass each of them. But to possibly cause Liam to lose his legacy, his birthright, and the rulership of a country he loved so much? It was something she couldn't shake. 

Staring blankly, twisting the bands of gold that belonged to Liam's mother, she couldn't get the question Madeleine just asked out of her mind: Did Riley believe she was worth the trouble it would cost him? 

Nothing was damning on that video, aside from the fact that she never knew it existed. But she already had so much to prove; another video in the press' hand would tarnish Liam. Maybe the Countess of Fydelia was right: He would lose it all.

"Time is ticking," Madeleine reminded Riley as she tapped her watch. "What's it going to be?"

----------

@burnsoslow​ @dcbbw​ @ao719​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @jessiembruno​ @texaskitten30​ @janezillow​ @merridithsmiscellany-blog​ @mskaneko @callmeellabella​ @queenjilian @sirbeepsalot @drakexwillow @caroldxnvxrs​ @jovialyouthmusic​ @forthebrokenheartedthings​ @bebepac​ @kingliam2019​ @lovablegranny​ @cordoniaqueensworld​ @amandablink​ @liamxs-world​ @choiceskatie @iaminlovewithtrr @hopelessromanticmonie @charlotteg234 @annekebbphotography​ @txemrn​ @thecordoniandiaries @alyssalauren​ @cordonianroyalty @monsoonbloom12 @mom2000aggie​ @theroyalheirshadowhunter​ @princessleac1​ @kimmiedoo5​ @graceful-leah​ @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @thegreentwin​ @gkittylove99​ @cinnamonspongecake @lifeaskim @neotericthemis​ @pink-diamond13​ @walker7519 @natureblooms24​ @yourmajesty09​ @gabesmommie1130​ @sweatyrysconnoisour @kat-tia801​ @debmcg1106

Liam x MC: Cordonia-gothqueen

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#liam x mc #liam x riley #prince liam #king liam #the royal romance #trr #choices liam x mc #Fools Rush In #bbrandy2002

[rigmarolling]

Historical Holiday Traditions We Really Need To Bring Back

Here comes Santa Claus, and also a bunch of annual holiday Things we do to ensure he commits a truly boggling act of breaking and entering and leaves goods underneath the large plant in the living room.

Because I’ve always got a hankerin’ for the days of yore, here are some historical holiday traditions we really need to bring back:

1. Everything that happened on Saturnalia

Saturnalia was the ancient Roman winter festival held on December 25th--which is why we celebrate Christmas on that day and not on the day historians speculate Jesus was actually born, which was probably in the spring. 

Saturnalia was bonkers. As the name suggests, it celebrated the god Saturn, who represented wealth and liberty and generally having a great time.

Above: Their party is way cooler than yours could ever hope to be.

During Saturnalia, masters would serve their slaves, because it was the one day during the year when everybody agreed that freedom for all is great, actually, let’s just do that. Everyone wore a coned hat called the pilleus to denote that they were all bros and equal, and also to disguise the fact that they hadn’t brushed their hair after partying hard all week, probably.

Gambling was allowed on Saturnalia, so all of Rome basically turned into ancient Vegas, complete with Caesar’s Palace, except with the actual Caesar and his palace because he was, you know. Alive. 

The most famous part (besides getting drunk off your rocker) was gift-giving--usually gag gifts. Historians have records of people giving each other some truly impressive white elephant gifts for Saturnalia, including: a parrot, balls, toothpicks, a pig, one single sausage, spoons, and deliberately awful books of poetry. 

Above: Me, except all the time.

Partygoers also crowned a King of Saturnalia, which was a predecessor to the King of Fools popular in medieval festivals. The king was basically the head idiot who delivered absurd commands to everyone there, like, “Sing naked!” or “run around screaming for an hour,” or “slap your butt cheeks real hard in front of your crush; DO IT, Brutus.”

Oh, wait. Everyone was already doing all that. Hell yes.

(Quick clarification: early celebrations of Saturnalia did feature human sacrifice, so let’s just leave that bit out and instead wear the pointy hats and sing naked, okay? Io Saturnalia, everybody.)

2. Leaving out treats for Sleipnir in the hopes of avoiding Odin’s complete disregard for your property

The whole “leave out cookies and milk for Santa” thing comes from a much older tradition of trying to appease old guys with white beards. In Norse mythology, Odin, who was sort of the head god but preferred to be on a perpetual road trip instead, took an annual nighttime ride through the winter sky called the Wild Hunt. 

Above: The holidays, now with 300% more heavy metal.

Variations of the Wild Hunt story exist in a bunch of European folklore--in Odin’s case, he usually brought along a bunch of supernatural buddies, like spirits and other gods and Valkyries and ghost dogs, who, the Vikings said, you could hear howling and barking as the group approached (GOOD DOGGOS).

That was the thing, though; you never actually saw Odin’s hunt--you only heard it. And hearing it did not spark the same sense of childish glee you felt when you thought you heard Santa’s sleigh bells approaching as a kid--instead, the Vikings said, you should be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Because Odin could be kind of a dick.

Odin was also known as the Allfather, and like any father, he hated asking for directions. GPS who? I’m the Allfather, I’m riding the same way I always ride.

And that was pretty much it: “I took this road last year and I’m taking it again this year.”

“But,” someone would pipe up from the back, “there are houses on the road now--we’re gonna run right into them. We could just take a different path; there’s actually a detour off the--”

“Nope,” Odin would say. “They know the rules. My road, my hunt, my rules. We’re going this way.”

So if you were unlucky enough to have built your house along one of Odin’s favorite road trip sky-ways, he wouldn’t just plow right past you.

He would burn your entire house down--and your family along with it.

Kids playing in the yard? Torch ‘em; they should have known better. Grandma knitting while she waits for her gingerbread Einherjar to finish baking? Sucks to be her; my road, my rules, my beard, I’m the Allfather, bitch.

Above: Santa, but so much worse.

To be fair to Odin, he could be a cool guy sometimes. He just turned into any dad when he was on a road trip and wanted to MAKE GOOD TIME, DAMN IT, I AM NOT STOPPING; YOU SHOULD HAVE PEED BEFORE WE LEFT.

To ensure they didn’t incur Odin’s road trip wrath, the Vikings had a few ways of smoothing things over with Dad.

They would leave Odin offerings on the road, like pieces of steel (??? okay ???) or bread for his dogs, or food for his giant, eight-legged horse, Sleipnir, because the only true way to a man’s heart is through his pet. 

People would generally leave veggies and oats and other horse-y things out for Sleipnir, whose eight legs made him the fastest flying horse in the world and also made him the only horse to ever win Asgard’s coveted tap dancing championship. 

(Side note: EIGHT legs...EIGHT tiny reindeer...eh? Eh? See how we got here? Thanks, nightmare horse!)

Above: An excellent prancer AND dancer. 

And if Odin was feeling particularly charitable and not in the mood for horrific acts of arson, children would also leave their shoes out for him--it was said that he’d put gifts in your boots to ring in a happy new year.

If all that didn’t work and the Vikings heard the hunt approaching, they would resort to throwing themselves on the ground and covering their heads while the massive party sped above them like a giant Halloween rager. 

So this holiday season, leave your boots out for Odin and some carrots out for his giant spider horse or you and your entire family will die in a fiery inferno, the end.

3. Yule Logs

Speaking of Scandinavia, another Northern European winter solstice tradition was the yule log. Today, if you google “yule log,” something like this will pop up:

...which isn’t an actual log, but is instead log-shaped food that you shove into your mouth along with 500 other cakes at the same time because it’s CHRISTMAS, and I’m having ME TIME; so WHAT if I ate the whole jar of Nutella by myself, alone, in the dark at 3 am?

But that log cake is actually inspired by actual logs of yore that Celtic, Germanic, and Scandinavian peoples decorated with fragrant plants like holly, ivy, pinecones, and other Stuff That Smells Nice before tossing the log into the fire.

This served a few purposes: 

It smelled nice, and Bath and Body Works scented candles hadn’t been invented yet.

It had religious and/or spiritual significance as a way to mark the winter solstice.

It was a symbolic way of ringing in the new year and kicking out the old.

Common belief held that the ashes of a yule log could ward off lightning strikes and bad energy.

Winter cold. Fire warm.

Everybody loves to watch things burn. (See: Odin.)

The yule log cakes we eat today got their start in 19th century Paris, when bakers thought it was a cute idea to resurrect an ancient pagan tradition in the form of a delicious dessert, and boy, howdy, were they right.

In any case, I’m 100% down with eating a chocolate yule log while burning an actual yule log in my backyard because everybody loves to watch things burn; winter cold, fire warm; and hnnnngggg pine tree smell hnnnnggg.

(Quick note:  The word “yule” is  the name of a traditional pagan winter festival, still celebrated culturally or religiously in modern pagan practice. It’s also another name for Odin. He had a bunch of other names, one of the most well-known being jólfaðr, which is Old Norse for “Yule father.” If you would like to royally piss him off, or if you are Loki, feel free to call him “Yule Daddy.”)

4. Upside down Christmas trees

I just found out that apparently, upside down Christmas trees are a hot new trend with HGTV types this year, so I guess this is one historical trend we did bring back, meaning it doesn’t really belong on this list, but I’m gonna talk about it, anyway.

Side note: Oh, my god, that BANNISTER. I NEED.

Historians aren’t actually sure where the inverted Christmas tree thing came from, but we know people were bringing home trees and then hanging them upside down in the living room as early as the 7th century. We have a couple theories as to why people turned trees on their heads:

Logistically, it’s way easier to hang a giant pine tree from your rafters upside down by its trunk and roots. You just hoist that baby up there, wind some rope around the rafter and the trunk, and boom. Start decorating.

A Christian tradition says that one day in the 7th century, a Benedictine monk named Saint Boniface stumbled across a group of pagans worshipping an oak tree. So, instead of minding his own damn business, he cut the tree down and replaced it with a fir tree. While the pagans were like, “Dude, what the hell?” Boniface used the triangular shape of the fir tree to explain the concept of the holy trinity to the pagans. Some versions have him planting it right-side up, others having him displaying a fir tree upside down. Either way, it’s still a triangle that’s a solid but ultimately very rude way of explaining God. Word’s still out on whether anyone was converted or just rightly pissed off that this random guy strolled into their place of worship, chopped down their sacred tree, and plopped HIS tree down instead. Please do not do that this holiday season.

Eastern Europeans lay claim to the upside-down tree phenomenon with a tradition called podłazniczek in Poland--people hung the tree from the ceiling and decorated it with fruits and nuts and seeds and ribbons and other festive doodads. 

(God, who lives in these houses? Look at that. That’s like a swanky version of Gaston’s hunting lodge. Where do I get one? Which enchanted castle do I have to stumble into to chill out in a Christmas living room like that?)

Today, at least in the West, upside-down trees are making a comeback because...I don’t know. Chip and Joanna Gaines said so. 

Some folks say it’s a surefire way to keep your cats from clawing their way through the tree and then puking up fir needles for weeks afterward, which checks out for me.

5. Incredibly weird Victorian Christmas cards

So back in the 19th century, the Christmas card industry was really getting fired up. Victorians loved their mail, let me tell you. They loved sending it. They loved getting it. They loved writing it. They loved opening it. They loved those sexy wax seals you use to keep all that sweet, sweet mail inside that sizzling envelope. (Those things are incredibly sexy. Have you ever made a wax seal? Oh, man, it’s hot.)

The problem, though, was that while the Victorians arguably helped standardize many of the holiday traditions we know and love today (Christmas trees, caroling, Dickens everything, spending too much money, etc.) back in 1800-whenever, a lot of that Christmas symbolism was, um...still under construction. No one had really agreed on which visual holiday cues worked and which...didn’t.

Meaning everyone just kind of made up their own holiday symbols. Which resulted in monstrous aberrations like this card:

What the hell is that? A beet? Is that a beet? Or a turnip? Why is it...oh, God, why does it have a man’s head? Why does the man beet have insect claws? 

What is it that he’s holding? A cookie? Cardboard? A terra cotta planter?

And then there’s this one:

“A Merry Christmas to you,” it says, while depicting a brutal frog murder/mugging. 

What are you trying to tell me? Are you threatening me with this card? Is that it? Is this a threat? How the hell am I supposed to interpret this? “Merry Christmas, hide your money or you’re dead, you stupid bitch.”

Also, why is the dead frog naked? Did the other frog steal his clothes after the murder? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?

Victorian holiday cards also doubled as early absurdist Internet memes, apparently, because how else do I explain this?

Is this some sort of tiny animal Santa? A mouse riding a lobster? Like, the mouse, I get. Mice are fine. Disney built an empire on a mouse. And look, he’s got a little list of things he’s presumably going to bring you: Peace, joy, health, happiness. (In French. Oh, wait, is that that Patton Oswalt rat?)

But a LOBSTER? What’s with the lobster? It’s basically a sea scorpion. Why in the name of all that is good and holy would you saddle up a LOBSTER? I hate it. I hate it so, so much. Just scurrying around the floor with more legs than are strictly necessary, smelling like the seafood section of Smith’s, snapping its giant claws.

This whole card is a health inspector’s worst nightmare. It really is.

I gotta say, though, I am a fan of this one:

Presumably, that polar bear is going in for a hug because nothing stamps out a polar bear’s innate desire to rip your face from your skull than candy canes and Coke and Christmas spirit.

This next one is actually fantastic, but for all the wrong reasons:

I know everyone overuses “same” these days but geez, LOOK at that kid. I can HEAR it. SAME.

If you’ve ever been in a shopping mall stuffed with kids, nothing sums it up better than this card. This is like the perverse version of those Anne Geddes portraits that were everywhere in the late 90s. “Make wee Jacob sit in the tea pot; everyone will--Jacob, STOP, look at Mommy; I said LOOK. AT. MOMMY--everyone will love it.”

Actually, you know what? Every other Christmas card is cancelled. This is the only card we will be using from now on. This is it. 

Wait, no. We can also use this one:

Merry Christmas. Here’s a fuckin’...just a dead fuckin’ bird.

#victorian #listory #christmas #holidays #mythtory #norse mythology #odin

[eideticmemory]

EVER SINCE NEW YORK V | MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER

Description: I was messaged saying: “If you don’t write a young Matthew enemies to lovers fic featuring an obsession with sucking on boobs then what’s the point 😔.” So, here it is, folks! The ultimate College!Matthew fic.

PART 5! Read Part 4 here!

SOUNDTRACK:

Falling - Opia.

Her - Majid Jordan.

Daylight - Maroon 5.

Word Count: 4,619.

Rating: M.

Warning/Includes: Sexual intercourse, drinking, recreational drug use, a bit of angst.

Spring, Junior Year.

Las Vegas,

Nevada.

“Hey.”

You pulled up the cover, holding it over your body and looking down at Matthew. His head was perched between your legs, and his lips were covered in slickness. “Hey,” you replied. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged, and placed a kiss on your inner thigh. “Wanted to ask you something.”

“Right now?” 

He laughed, “Oh, relax, princess. You’ll get your nut. I just wanted to see if...maybe, you might wanna go to Vegas?”

“Vegas?” you mumbled. “Why?”

“A bunch of us are going for spring break. I’m gonna be everyone’s tour guide, my mom is putting us up for the week. You should come.”

“You know what?” You smiled. “I should come. I really, really should. So, c’mon, get back to it.” You grabbed onto his hair, twirling it on your fingers. 

“Bossy,” he whispered. He leaned down and continued to eat you out. Your head fell back against the pillow, you let out a happy sigh. 

“Worst timing ever, Matthew. Ask me in, like, 10 minutes.”

He stopped, gasping, “10 minutes?” 

“Fine, 15, 20, I don’t care. Just please—“

It took approximately 16 minutes. Matthew was able to get you off with his mouth in no time, and the two of you tangled together in a sloppy kiss. His cock pushed into you, his hand wrapped around your throat and you went dizzy as he pressed his fingers into your neck. It was three in the morning, soft music was playing through Matthew’s room, the lights were dim. The brief seperation last semester happened, it was over, and you both silently agreed that it shouldn’t happen again. 

Since returning from Christmas break last month, you’ve gone back to your late night schedule. Aside from seeing each other in class and parties and hangouts, you spent the hours between midnight and three AM at Matthew’s place. It often left you tired for your 8 o’clock class, but it was worth it. You were getting dicked down — very well, by the way — Matthew and you were getting along, laughing and cracking inside jokes with one another. Things were great. Hence, Matthew’s invitation to Nevada. 

“So?” He said, holding you against his chest after the deed was over. 

“So? So what?”

“Vegas? Spring break?”

“To meet your mommy?”

“Well—“ he stuttered. “Yeah, it’s her house, so you’ll probably meet her.”

“You gonna bring me home to your mom? And say ‘hey, mom, this is [y/n], my nutty buddy.’?” You laughed. 

“If that’s how you’d like to be introduced,” he shrugged. “I was just gonna tell her your name and keep it at that.”

“Wow, I’ve never been so honored!”

You shook his head at you, giggling, “A simple no would suffice.”

You looked up at him, a small smile on your lips, “I’ll go.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll go,” you repeated. “To Vegas. Count me in.” 

“Cool,” he smiled. “Cool.” 

“Only if Claire can come, too.”

He sighed, “Claire.”

“That’s my condition. Take it or leave it, dude.”

He took it.

You got a few hours rest in your own dorm, and woke up promptly to shower and get ready for class. When you got out of the bathroom, Claire was awake, brushing her teeth in front of the mirror. 

“Hey,” you grinned, drying off your hair. 

“Morning!” She pipped.

“Hey,” You began to get dressed. “You didn’t have plans for spring break, did you?”

“In what world would I have spring break plans that you don’t know about?” She asked. 

“Right,” you nodded. “So, how would you feel about going to Vegas?” 

Claire stopped applying her makeup and turned to you, “Vegas?”

“Yeah. We fly out the Sunday before break. What do you think?”

She leaned against the wall, her eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Sunday...” she whispered. “This wouldn’t be, uh, the trip Matthew’s taking everyone on, would it?”

You took a step back, freezing from buttoning your shirt. “Well...yeah, I guess. I’m not sure, I just got invited by someone else.”

“Who?”

“Huh?”

“Who invited you?”

“Um—“

“Cause I can’t think of anyone in our friend group that would invite you on Gube’s trip, knowing...how you feel about him.” She crossed her arms.

“So...is that a no to Vegas?” 

She sighed, shook her head, “C’mon, [y/n]...”

“What?”

“Are you...are you fucking Matthew again?”

Her words hit like a bullet. They blew through you like a disaster, racking your stomach with nerves and knots and fear. You felt yourself falling in this pit of despair, of terror, the realization that your worst fear had come to life. And you could only say one thing: 

“Huh?”

“Oh, God!” She shouted. “You are! You’re fucking Matthew again!”

You gasped, “C-Claire, what...what are you talking about?” 

“Oh, cut the shit, [y/n]! I saw you guys in the pool at the beach house, okay?”

You sighed deeply, closing your eyes and ducking your head to avoid her gaze.

“Claire...”

“He treated you like trash, [y/n]! He fucked me, he fucked you, and broke your heart—“

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, please. The Roni thing had you depressed for weeks. And I thought maybe Alex was getting your mind off it. Oh, my God, [y/n], tell me you did not dump Alex to mess around with Matthew. Please, please tell me you have not been running around here, letting Matthew Gubler put his dick in you.”

“Stop!” You shouted. 

“What is it about him? I used to have to pay you five bucks just to be in the same room as him. Now, he’s got you out at all hours of the night, and running off to Vegas?”

“What’s your deal, Claire?”

“My deal is that you’re my best friend. My very best friend. You deserve better.”

“I’m going to class,” you muttered. You continued to fix your outfit, moving on to your hair — which you quickly styled. You grabbed your backpack and headed out without another word. From you or Claire. 

You didn’t mention this spat to Matthew. You just began spending an abnormal amount of time at his place, but he didn’t mind. He welcomed you with open arms, supplied you with an ample amount of sex. He helped you study, waited up for you after ballet practice, and always, always kissed you goodbye when you left. 

When spring break rolled around, Claire and you weren’t on speaking terms. She was well aware that all the time you were spending away was spent with Matthew, and she refused to entertain it. She spoke roommate business with you, kept things civil, but there were no late night movie marathons or afternoon lunches. 

“I’m leaving for Vegas,” you told her, hauling your suitcase. 

“Okay,” she replied, flipping through a book on her bed, and not looking up from it.

You sighed, “Okay.”

Matthew greeted you at the airport, keeping his distance to keep from alerting the rest of your friends to the relationship. “Hey, where’s Claire?”

You gulped, “Um, uh, she’s not coming. I didn’t tell you?”

“Oh. No, you didn’t. Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. Hey, how much money do you think I can win in one week?” You changed the subject.

He giggled, “I’m gonna have to keep my eye on you, aren’t I?”

“And keep me close,” you whispered. “Very close.”

You sat separately on the plane, but took the same car to his house. Matthew held the door open for everyone, winking at you as you came in last. His house was charming, had family photos plastered on the wall. 

“Aw, look,” you murmured to him, pointing at a baby picture of him on the wall. “Little Matthew!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep it moving,” he rolled his eyes, and put his hand on your lower back, guiding you through the house. 

The group gathered in the living room, silently admiring the place. “My boy!” Matthew’s mom exclaimed, rushing from the kitchen with her arms wide open. This big smile grew out on Matthew’s face, and it made you smile instantly. His mom engulfed him a tender hug, holding him close, rubbing his back.

“Mom, you remember everyone,” Matthew said, his arm around his mom’s shoulders. He renamed everyone in the room, pointing them out to her. “And this is [y/n],” he motioned to you, giving you a faint smile. 

“Hi, Mrs. Gubler,” you greeted her. You reached out to shake her hand, and she shook it softly. 

“[y/n]...” She whispered, subtly glancing at Matthew. “Okay. Nice to meet you, [y/n].”

“Nice to meet you too.”

Matthew quickly ushered everyone upstairs. He showed your friends to the guest rooms, and while they were getting squared away, you waited in the hall patiently. He came up to you, your smiles mirroring each other’s, and the distance between you two was dangerously small.

“So, should I just set up my stuff out here? Lay down in the corridor?” You chuckled.

He shook his head, “Come on.” He grabbed your hand and your suitcase, and led you down the hallway. He pulled you into a bedroom on the right, set your stuff down on the mattress, and closed the door. 

“This is my room?” You asked.

“It sure is,” he nodded. “And the best part about it is that, there’s a room right next door.” He took slow strides up to you, a smirk on his face. You let him wrap his arms around you waist, pull you close. “And... tonight, or, every night this week, the door to that bedroom will be open. Real late at night. If you’d like to come check it out.”

“Oh, yeah?” You mumbled. 

“Yeah,” he put his forehead against yours, sighing. “I have to go talk to my mom. Be here when I get back.” 

“I might be,” you shrugged, watching him as he separated his body from yours. He gave you one last smile before leaving. 

Downstairs, Matthew’s mom was cleaning up the living room, talking to his roommate Steve. Matthew took a seat on the couch, kicking his feet up on the table. “Hey, my love! Is everyone settled in?” She asked Matthew. 

“Yeah, yeah, they’re getting there,” he replied.

“And your girlfriend?” She added.

He cut his eyes up to her, then Steve. Steve was chuckling under his breath. “I don’t have a girlfriend, mom.” 

“Oh? [y/n]’s not your girlfriend?”

“What? No,” he shook his head. “No. She’s not.”

“She’s new. I’ve never met her before.”

“Yeah...well, she...she’s my...uh—“

“Are you guys...are you...” His mom hesitated. He looked up at her, confused, until she raised her eyesbrows at him suggestively. 

“Oh, God, mom! Don’t ask me that!” He groaned, hopping up from the couch.

“I’ll explain.” Steve directed at Matthew’s mother. Matthew stopped in his tracks, and look at Steve, his arms crossed. “Matthew’s in love with [y/n].” 

“What?” Matthew shouted. “I am not—why would you say that?” His face turned bright red, the words flailing from his lips in jumbled stutters. 

“Oh, you really like her,” his mom grinned. 

“I don’t!” Matthew’s voice squeaked. 

“Matthew, I saw the way you two looked at each other. I saw how you came in with her, how you introduced her. You like her.”

“I’m hungry. Who’s hungry? I’m gonna see if everyone wants to go out for dinner.” Matthew rambled as he left the room. 

Matthew didn’t speak to you much throughout the day. He let you ride in his car, but not in the front seat. He started to pull the chair out for you at dinner, but played it off like that wasn’t his intention. It was his idea to show you all a nearby bar, and there, he was knocking drinks back, partying with friends, joking around. When you smiled at him, he pretended not to notice, and ducked his head down. And while your friends were keeping you plenty happy, you suddenly didn’t feel like being out anymore. 

You took an uber back to Matthew’s house, alone, and let yourself in through the back door as he had mentioned earlier. It was nearly two in the morning, pitch black, and you wound up getting lost upstairs. You waltzed into your room, at least you thought so. But when you opened the door, you came face to face with a room covered in movie posters, decorated with spooky trinkets. There was a blue undertone, a full size bed pushed against the wall and it smelled of smoke and mint. 

“You found it.”

“Ah!” You jumped, and turned around. “Fuck,” you huffed. “I’ve gotta get you a bell or something. What the hell, Matthew?”

“Why’d you leave tonight?” Matthew asked, stepping in and closing the door.

“I was tired. I wanted to sleep.” You shrugged. 

“In here?”

“I got lost. I can leave,” you sighed, and started heading for the door. 

Matthew grabbed onto your waist, and pulled your body into his. “What’s up, princess?” 

“Nothing. What’s up with you?” You scoffed. 

“What’s the supposed to mean?”

“You’ve been weird tonight! Why? Is it your mom? Are you — are you not comfortable with me being here?” 

“What? That’s crazy—“

“No, it’s not. Maybe me being here was a bad idea.” 

Matthew sighed, and ran his fingers through your hair. He turned away and walked up to his dresser, “You wanna know one reason I’m so excited to have you here?” 

You stared at the ground shyly, “Why?” 

He rummaged through his things, pulling out a small object that he craddled in his hands. “Because here...I have this.” He held up a sleek, professional looking camera.

You eyed it, stumped, “A go-pro?” 

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Thought we could put it to use.” 

You tried to stifle your grin, “Put it to use?”

“Yeah. Let’s make a movie.”

You laughed dryly, “A movie?” 

“Yeah. A dirty one.” 

“Um...no!” You exclaimed. 

“Why not?” 

“Because...icky.”

He chuckled, “It’s not icky. It’s the same thing we always do. Just caught on film. C’mon, please? Pleeeease? I’ll make it tasteful.”

You rolled your eyes and exhaled, eyeing him intently. “Fine,” you agreed. “But, I have one condition.” 

“Name it.”

His bed was comfortable, soft. It permanently smelled like him. You laid on your back, your dress pushed up your thighs, and your panties laid on the floor. You held the tiny camera in your hands and had the lense aimed between your legs. You tried not to moan too loudly, Matthew working his mouth on you underneath the bed sheets. He was putting on a performance, twirling his tongue on your clit, sucking on it, humming in delight. 

You couldn’t help but touch his nose, admiring the way it sat on his face and grazed against your pelvis. You pressed your fingertip onto the bridge of his nose and ran it down to the tip, smiling down at him. He opened his eyes and peered in the camera. Watching on the camera screen, you couldn’t help but gasp at the sight of his irises, his gaze filled with intensity and lust. 

You tangled your fingers in his hair, your thumb tracing his cheekbone, “Come suck on my tits.” You commanded. 

He grinned, and he quietly began to kiss up your stomach. You kept the camera close to his face, capturing his every move. His tongue swirled around your nipple, and you had to push his hair out of his face to catch the action. The camera picked up the sound of your whimpers, the sight of Matthew gropping your breasts, his lips on you. 

Matthew kissed a trail up to your neck, sucking on your skin, so you could angle the camera and get a nice little shot of the two of you bundled up. “Give me this,” he whispered, taking the camera from your hand. 

He sat back and filmed himself undoing his pants, pulling his cock out and stroking himself. “Want me to fuck you?” He asked, and angled the camera at your face. You looked into the lense and nodded, twirling your hair on your finger. 

He bit down on his lip, pointed the camera back down at his cock, and pushed the tip into you. He listened to the wet sound of him sinking inside of you, pulling out halfway and them slamming back in. You tensed up and gripped onto the duvet cover, gasping. He immediately focused the camera on your face, watching through the screen as he pounded into you. 

“Fuck,” you muttered, your eyes rolling back. Matthew was practically drooling over you, huffing and puffing as he writhed on top of you. His shoulder were too far away for you to grab onto, but you dug your nails into his torso. You face was laced with pleasure and estacy, sweat forming on your forehead, your lips parted slightly. 

Matthew’s other hand held onto your face, his thumb tracing over your bottom lip. He continued to record your face as his thumb slid into your mouth. 

“Look at me,” he begged. “Look at me.”

Your eyes flickered up the camera, your lips tightened around his thumb and he nearly exploded. “Oh, God, you’re so hot,” he huffed. “You’re so fucking hot, princess.”

You whimpered against his skin, your jaw dropping down to release strangled moans. His hand dropped down to cup your boob, massage it between his fingers. He centered the camera on your chest, watching as your boobs bounced up and down. The camera followed his hand down to your clit, and he recorded himself fucking you and rubbing the sensitive nerve. You trembled underneath his touch, beginning to fall apart. 

“You gonna come, baby?” He panted, camera pointed at your face. You nodded quickly, your face hot, your lip caught between your teeth. “Come on, come on my cock.”

His voice sent you over the edge, and the camera caught everything. You — quivering, groaning, moaning, gritting your teeth. It set Matthew on fire. He fucked you through your orgasm, until you were melting into the mattress. His hips bucked into you sloppily, and aggressively, now videoing his cock with the camera. 

He moved the camera perfectly, capturing the moment he pulled out and came on your dress. His hand moved quickly to jerk himself off, until every last drop was on the fabric. He crumbled into a fit of breathy groans, hunching over and trying to catch his breath. 

“My dress,” you whined.

“Well,” he sighed, shutting the camera off. “Guess you’ll just have to take it off then.” 

By the time spring break was over, the two of you had made 5 videos. The number of times you fucked, however, was much greater. You were grateful for an opportunity to get back at him for every hickey he’d given you in the past. You constantly left marks on him that he had to hide from his mother, and you enjoyed every second of his squirming. Feeling much looser and more relaxed in Vegas, the two of you fell into a comfortable rhythm. Still secretive, still sneaky, just...less. You even got up the courage to sit on his lap in front of everyone, and no one said a word. 

They did, however, let you sit with him on the plane ride home. 

Matthew gave you a kiss on the cheek before you headed back to your dorm. You stepped up to your front door, took in a deep breath, and stared at the peephole. You weren’t ready. Ready to tell Claire everything that had happened. Even though there was no one in the world you wanted to tell more. But she had made her feelings about the situation very clear, and you had to respect that. So, instead of facing up to her right away, you left. You didn’t even think about why, or where you were going. Because the destination was obvious.

“[y/n]?” Matthew said as he answered the door. He looked down, noticing your suitcase still at your side. “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I, uh, locked myself out the room. Can I stay here for a bit? Just until Claire gets back.” You asked.

“Yeah, of course,” he nodded, letting you into the suite. 

You got to his room and instantly crashed on his bed, feeling so comfortable. “Jet lag?” He laughed.

“Amongst other things.”

“You really need to let your body adjust to the time change.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, pulling the covers over your body and snuggling into the pillows. He laughed at you, and sighed. Then he crawled into bed with you, and you let him hold you close. Thinking you were falling asleep, Matthew lightly ran his fingers down your cheek. It was soft and gentle and felt nice. And you desperately wished for a way to have this. To have him. Without losing your best friend.

But things between you and Claire just got worse. 

Over the next few weeks, she not only kept you at arms length, but Matthew as well. Despite living with you, she found creative ways to keep your conversations short and brief, and oftentimes would leave before you got back from Matthew’s. And despite being Matthew’s friend, she managed to avoid him at every party, every class. It just sucked. Because you were so, so happy, and then there was Claire. 

“We have to move out,” she grumbled as she entered the room.

“What?” You were stocking your mini fridge, but stopped to look at her. 

“They’re kicking us out because of this goddamn virus! Fuck!” She shouted. 

“What? Where’d you hear that?” 

“The school just sent out an email.”

You rushed over to your bed, grabbing your phone off your mattress. The email notification popped up, causing a vibration in your hand, and you opened the app right away. All NYU students to be moved out of campus housing by Sunday.

“Sunday?” You shouted. “Sunday? They expect me to pack all my shit in 4 days?”

Claire would’ve responded, but she was too busy already getting her stuff together, and you were occupied with rampant thoughts about, well, everything. You’d have to pack. Everything. Clear out your room. You’d have to call home. Have someone help. Fuck. You’d have to live at home. Home. For months. You couldn’t go out on campus, couldn’t see your friends, your friends!

Matthew. Oh, God. Matthew. 

He crossed your mind everyday for the next 2 days, as you packed your room into boxes and bags. He didn’t attempt to contact you, probably too busy with his own packing. Your family would be picking you up Saturday morning. So, you felt it best to go say goodbye on Friday. 

It was almost midnight, and you had just finished packing. You stood outside of Matthew’s bedroom door for a long time, after having been let in by his suitemate. Before you could knock, the door swung open and the two of you nearly collided. 

“Oh! [y/n].”

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he mumbled. “I was just on my way to see you.”

“You were?”

“Yeah.”

“I, uh, I’m leaving tomorrow morning. So, I wanted to come say...goodbye.” The words were hard to push out, and they hit Matthew even harder. His heart sunk to his stomach, and he wanted to do anything, anything, to make it go away. 

He grabbed onto your face and pulled you into a passionate kiss. You instinctively gripped onto his shirt, your face contorted in shock and confusion. He pulled you into the room, slamming the door behind you. 

“Matthew,” you whispered, but he continued to press his lips to yours. “Matthew.” You repeated as he began to kiss your neck. Your legs started to go weak, your breathing sped up. “Matthew, wait.”

He stopped abruptly and looked you in the eye, your face in his palm. “What is it?”

“I just—“ you sighed. “Are you okay?”

He digested the words for a second, looking down at you with a soft gaze. He kissed you once again, arms now around your waist, chest pressed against yours. You gave in. You both needed this. 

It was hungry. Eager. Clothes were torn off in less than a minute. Matthew pushed you onto the bed, tangled his fingers in your hair and devoured your body. He left a trail of hickies from your neck, to your chest, to your rib cage. The sensation was so overwhelming that you couldn’t do anything but stare at the ceiling, attempting to control your breathing. 

Soft kisses on your thighs led to an intense session of him eating you out, him pressing you against his face, his tongue encircling your clit. You rolled your hips against his mouth, gasping his name and pulling his hair. He worked himself to the brink, his jaw going numb, until you cried out his name as you came. It was an other-worldly, hypersensitive, super sonic orgasm. And it took you a minute to recover. 

His body laid on top of yours, his lips on your neck, his torso between your legs. You whined into your mouth as he pressed his dick in you, slowly, gently, until he was buried inside you. You could feel his arm muscles contracting and relaxing under your touch. His breath hit your shoulder with each quiet groan that escaped his lips. He put his forehead against yours, watching your face as he moved in and out of you at a steady pace.

You hummed softly, and kissed his lips, then his cheek, then his neck. His mouth dropped open, and he couldn’t stop himself from moaning. “Oh, my God, [y/n],” he panted. He never said your name to you. Ever. Very rarely. Especially not in bed. And it tore you apart. You held onto him for dear life and looked him in the eye as you massaged your clit.

Your moans increased in volume together, both of you nearing your release at once. You whimpered uncontrollably, your eyes fluttering closed. You couldn’t see Matthew watching you, but he was. He watched the way your hair framed your face, your expression of pleasure. He placed soft kisses all over your face, and the moment he caught your lips on his, you came. You accidentally bit down on his lip, and he let out a weak moan.

“S-sorry,” you whispered. 

“It’s okay,” he nodded. “It’s okay. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, baby.”

He followed his words with a grunt, slamming himself into you. Your chests rubbed against each other’s, the bed squeaked along with the movement of Matthew’s hips. His moans became breathy, vulnerable, and he proactively pulled himself out of you. You dazedly reached down and stroked his cock, watching his face as he trembled. He said your name again, faintly, very faintly, in a fit of moans as he released himself onto your stomach. 

You were sticky and sweaty and gross — both of you — but you held each other close, panting and wheezing. 

You spent the night at his dorm for the first time that night. The two of you slept cuddled up, his head on your chest, your arms wrapped around each other. At six in the morning, you woke up and slid out of bed without waking Matthew. You kept your vision away from him as you got dressed. And when you were ready to go, you turned to him and admired him.

He looked peaceful, soft. You wanted nothing more than to wake him up, stay in bed with him for hours. But you couldn’t, and you wouldn’t. So you gave him a kiss on top of his head, and you left.

[PART 6.]

#mine #college!matthew #esny #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler smut #matthew gray gubler imagine #mgg #mgg smut #mgg imagine

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Three Strikes Job

leverage 2.14

tara finishing nate’s drink so she wouldn’t have to deal with his bullshit and get him upstairs asap? iconic

- - - - -

Parker: So, is he gonna be okay?

Nate: Uh, they don't know.

Tara: Okay, this guy's a cop. You're thieves.

Nate: I'm not a thief! Bonnano is the cop that we tip off when we need to put the cuffs on a mark

we about to see nate turn a 180 in the next episode

- - - - -

Hardison: That's public corruption. There's practically no files on that thing.

Nate: That's it.

Hardison: No, no, these other two files -- they -- they involve violent criminals. This one -- this - it's government corruption.

Nate: No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. That's it. That's it. Just...Check the shooting. Put up the scene. Okay, so, Bonnano - he goes to a remote location, alone, no backup. That means he knows his attackers and he's not expecting any trouble. Now, what did you just say? You said no files on it? So, Bonnano was keeping this investigation off the books.

Tara: Explains a secret meeting. Off hours, away from any witnesses.

Eliot: Cops are looking in the wrong place

- - - - -

Tara: So, what's our angle here? I haven't been with you guys very long, but taking someone down for attempted murder isn't something you normally do.

Nate: Listen, we come at him like any other mark. We flip over a rock in this guy's backyard, see what jumps out

- - - - -

[Bonnano’s House]

Eliot: Yeah, we're heading in now. You spend your weekends making these things, don't you?

Hardison: Yes, I do, and does anybody appreciate that?

[City Hall]

Parker: I do. I like the costumes. I wish I was there.

[Reelection Campain Event]

Parker, we need someone to sweep the mayor's office while he's here at the fundraiser.

[City Hall]

Parker: Fine. But I never get to do anything fun. (jumps off building)

- - - - -

Hardison: Hey. We are gonna search every inch of this carpet.

Cop: What am I looking for?

Hardison: Fibers, damn it. Fibers. And you -- you go search the bedroom and the bathroom for DNA. Get me a toothbrush, a hairbrush. I don't care if it's a nose trimmer. You bag it, tag it, and send it to the lab.

Cop: Um, th-- this carpet's made of fibers.

Hardison: Well, we're looking for other fibers -- suspicious fibers, fibers of crime. Damn! What'd they teach you at the academy, boy?! On my nerves.

eliot has to hide his smile when attention was turned to him ,,, he was lowkey very amused by hardison’s “fibers” shtick

- - - - -

Tara (walking away): You can handle this. Just feed them a story.

Parker: No, I can't do that. I mean, I can, but Sophie usually walks me through this.

Tara: Okay, take a deep breath. If you're uncomfortable, use it. Make them feel uncomfortable. Here's what you tell them.

Secretary: Who are you?

Parker: Peggy Marwood. Friend of Brad's.

Secretary: You can't just barge in here. Do you have an appointment?

Parker: Yeah, actually, I do. That's what this is all about. I sort of missed my appointment, if you know what I mean. (patting her stomach) Yeah. I, uh, sort of, uh, met Brad at the, uh...

Tara: National Mayors conference.

Parker: ...National Mayors conference...

Tara: In Vegas....

Parker: In Vegas... about six to eight weeks ago. Is that his family? (picks up picture from desk) Oh, they don't have any weird genetic...Things, do they?

Secretary: I'm sorry. The mayor didn't mention anything to me about this.

Tara: All right, now make her think you're gonna leave.

Parker: No problem. I'm just gonna go sit out there with everybody, and I might need a wastebasket, though, 'cause I'm feeling a little (gags) you know what I mean?

Secretary: No! You should wait in here... Okay....In that chair right there, away from everyone who might... see you.

Parker: Thanks. (to Tara) I owe you one.

Tara: Now, see? Trusting me is not so bad (parker smiles and gets up)

that’s very smart ??? iconic

- - - - -

Tara: I don't know. Culpepper doesn't strike me as the type to order a hit, especially on something like a graft case. What's the big deal, you know? You get caught, you go on TV with your wife, you cry, you get re-elected.

Parker: Yeah, it's the American way.

Tara: Exactly.

Hardison: Nah, this guy’s been caught in the middle of a dozen corruption cases. Each time, he's walked away, and somebody else took the fall. This guy does not get caught.

call! america! OUT!!!

- - - - -

Nate: Classic con -- hook, pinch, and flip.

Tara: Hook the mayor with the idea we're gonna build a ballpark here on all this land that he owns.

Nate: That's right, and then pinch him for a bribe to guarantee he gets the action. Hardison tells me he runs a lot of gray money through his re-election campaign, so he'll take the bribe out of his re-election funds.

Tara: Which is a federal offense. All right, so once we nail the mayor for the bribe...

Nate: The flip, right? Yeah, when the heat comes down, whoever shot Bonnano cuts a deal, the mayor goes down

so now we know the hook, pinch, flip

- - - - -

Hardison: You got drafted in the sixth round right out of high school. Had a cup of coffee in the royals organization. Then you bounced around the minors, you bounced around the world, and, as we can see here, you made a very popular commercial for an energy drink in Japan.

Eliot (on screen): Super happy power go!

Hardison: It took me 13 hours.

Eliot: There's only one problem. I don't like baseball.

Hardison: What? E-everybody likes baseball.

Eliot: I don't like baseball, man. All right? I don't like any sport you can't score on defense. Football, hockey, even basketball, but baseball?

Hardison: I'm not even talking to you. (walks away)

Eliot: It's boring. Hey, wait. Can you play the commercial?

Eliot (on screen): Super happy power go

chaotic boyfriends

also this is literally my favorite thing ever ,,, eliot enjoys the video so much

- - - - -

Eliot: Yeah, that's right, run away. Faster you start panicking, the faster I can get out of here. (swings at ball, nearly hits the pitcher)

Pitcher: Whoa!

Eliot: This time with a little more heat.

his bashful lil smile when he realizes he might actually like baseball? he’s baby, your honor

- - - - -

Parker (into phone): Los Beavers me han entristecido con su traicion, Esteban.

Hardison: You speak Spanish?

Parker: Si.

Hardison: Seriously?

another one of parker’s MANY hidden talents

- - - - -

Culpepper: Oh. Oh, be still my heart -- If my heart were somewhere in my pants. This is a thing of beauty.

Aid: He's building a ballpark?

Culpepper: A riverfront ballpark.

two words: y’all NASTY

- - - - -

eliot’s hair in this one is MAJESTIC

- - - - -

[Crowd chanting “Roy” in the background]

Nate: All right, good news, bad news.

Tara: Good news?

Nate: The mayor's hooked. We're in the pinch.

Tara: Bad news?

Nate: I think we lost Eliot until the playoffs.

+ y’all best believe I hc that parker and hardison managed to go to one of their practices/games before the con was over

- - - - -

Eliot: You left early, man. Huh? Bottom of the ninth.

Hardison: Excuse your rudeness. I'm explaining the con. It's very complicated.

Eliot: Really? The mayor gives us a check, and we deposit it in some company you connected back to him. Looks like he's embezzling from his campaign funds. Bottom of the ninth, man. I hit a walk-off single, man. Crowd goes nuts.

Hardison: But that's -- that's not all there is, okay? We got -- there's - there's the Bonnano thing.

Eliot: What? We give Bonnano’s notes to the newspaper, man? They named a sandwich after me at T.J. Philbin's.

Parker: Ohh. Ooh.

Eliot: Huh?

Hardison: I'll give it to you, man. The sandwich thing is pretty cool. Is this a hoagie?

Eliot: No, man, it's a Reuben.

THEY DID THEIR HANDSHAKE!!! we love to see the ot3 in action

+ parker’s wearing a flannel again

- - - - -

Guard: Hey, aren't you Roy Chappell? Yeah, you hit the game-winner yesterday for the beavers. I was there with my kid.

Eliot: I did.

Guard: What are you doing here?

Eliot: It's Triple-A ball, so I got to have a day job, you know? Excuse me. Sorry. (closes door)

Guard (through window): Oh, hey, Roy? You mind? (hands him paper and pen) It's for my kid.

Culpepper: No, I don't mind, man.

Guard: All right. Thanks, Roy.

Hardison: Who are you right now?

Eliot: Hey, man, what do you want me to do?

Hardison: Huh? Seriously?

Eliot: Like a role model.

Hardison: Seriously?

Eliot: What? It's not my fault

HES SO HAPPY

also hardison nobody missed your little smile and thumbs up in the background when the guy approached eliot,,, we see your secret pride for him

this was a great happy eliot + hardison interaction

- - - - -

(nearby agent’s phone rings, Nevin’s answers)

Nevins: Who is it? Who's this?

Hardison: You come in, and we'll kill all the hostages.

Nevins: What hostages?

Hardison: Oh, you thought the mayor was the only one? No, look, we got a whole Sunday school of people up in here. We got old folks, we got nuns, and we got explosives. You come in, you make headlines. (hangs up)

Nevins: We got any eyes in there?

Agent: No.

Nevins: Any cameras?

Agent: Nothing.

Nevins (into radio): All right, we hold! We hold! They're not going anywhere. Call for backup. I want bomb squads, full assault team, snipers. They want to play rough... We play rough

- - - - -

Eliot: Look, he needs a distraction.

Parker: We did just find a box of ammo and explosives. Boom. I'm just saying.

Eliot: The problem is in the delivery.

Hardison: And a detonator.

(Parker and Eliot turn to look at truck)

Hardison: No. Mnh-mnh. No. Mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh. Look, mnh-mnh. Not Lucille. Not Lucille! She all I got left. (Points to Parker, then Eliot) Don't you do it to me. Get that look out your eye.

(Parker and Eliot begin unloading the truck)

Hardison: You ain't got to be so happy about it, Eliot. You always had it in for my van. You always had it in for Lucille. You said she smells. She don't stink. It's just...An odor

parker and eliot were SO in sync when they both turned around at the same time

and also we love to see the ot3 being chaotic and framed together

- - - - -

parker kissed lucielle’s back door before they blew it up she has A HEART YOUR HONOR AND ITS RIGHT THERE FOR US TO SEE

- - - - -

(Hardison directs the van toward the warehouse with remote control)

Hardison: I've always been and forever shall be your friend.

awww baby

also apparently this was a star trek reference

- - - - -

Sterling: Oh, I wouldn't say that. (holds up badge) James Sterling... Interpol. Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

what a DOUCHEBAG

#leverage 2.14 #leverage 2x14 #the three strikes job #leverage #leverage season 2 #season 2 #notable moments #mine

[limafm]

SAM CLAFLIN, CISMALE, HE/HIM, BISEXUAL; Is that MATTHEW SCHUESTER I see getting a cup of joe at the Lima Bean? Sounds like them. Apparently, they’re THIRTY-TWO years old and I know from Instagram they seem to be GOOFY but also IMMATURE and are a FIREFIGHTER. Not to mention their feed reminds me of DAD JOKES FOR THE WIN, CATS PLAYING KEYBOARDS, ANOTHER NOTCH ON MY BEDPOST, 80s MOVIE POSTERS. Here’s to hoping they get out of Lima soon! 

CHARACTER INFO:

Birthday: December 20th, 1988

Family: Schuester

Relation: Full Sibling (Nephew to Will Schuester, solo)

Birth Order: Eldest

THREE THINGS ABOUT MATTHEW:

Ever since Matt was a kid he wanted to be a firefighter. Well, the first thing he wanted to be was a Ghostbuster but after he learned that wasn’t a real thing he clung to the firefighter dream. He had a miniature fire engine he’d drive around in, which drove his parents nuts, and even begged his mom to take him to the local station for tours. As he grew older Matt never lost focus and flew into the fire academy the day after his high school graduation. He’s been a firefighter ever since, experiencing some of the most intense moments in his life, but also the most beautiful as well.

When it comes to impulsiveness, Matt has it down as an art form. The man gets carried away quite easily and he can find himself in sticky situations more times than he cares to admit. One of those impulsive moments involved marrying a woman he met in Vegas after knowing her for a couple of hours. It was his 21st birthday and drunk off his keister. When he and Kelly sobered up they figured since they had fun the night before to stick with it. All in all it wasn’t a bad marriage, they enjoyed life and everything that came with it; which included having their little boy James a few years into the marriage. Things took a turn after James was born. Matt experienced a traumatizing fire and mentally checked out all while Kelly struggled with postpartum depression. Fortunately Matt’s parents stepped in to help and their son eventually sought counseling but Kelly was completely detached from their son and their marriage and a divorce soon followed. Kelly returned to living her best life and soon became a reputable Instagram Influencer. She checks in every so often but not enough for their son to have a decent relationship with her.

After James turned 4 Matt decided to move them to New York and that’s where they stayed for 3 years. The amount of hours he put in at Engine 34 Manhattan, many extra because the cost of living was far higher than he was used to. His son spent more time with a family friend than with Matt. Throughout those years the family suggested he move back home or even try a different city that’s not quite as intense as New York. His uncle Will happened to be one of those family members and after much deliberation, and trying his best to stave off burnout, Matt took his offer and moved to Lima with his son.

When it comes to what Matt does in his spare time, he loves to watch movies. He can dish out a quote or incorporate a movie reference without thinking. He has tremendous passion for ABBA but he’ll listen to just about any kind of music. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word modesty and basically has his own style of living. He cracks jokes and loves to flirt and sleep around. He spends as much time with his son as possible, as he feels he needs to make up for all that lost time in New York. He doesn’t like to admit this but Matt is quite dramatic. Scratch that. Very dramatic. That mixed with his passion can get quite comical at times. Finally he has a big heart and does what he can to help people, sometimes with no questions asked.

Matt’s been in Lima for a few months now and has slowly grown used to the transition from New York to a quieter environment. He and his son feel closer than before and he knows this was the best move possible for their small family.

#matthew schuester

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #424

“got no superspeed, but i’m running this town”

What is the first line in the song you are currently listening to/last listened to? "I’m running out of time; I hope that I can save you somehow.” Are you an easy lay? Not in the slightest. What was the last reason you cried? Life and how inexplicably I'm failing at it. What’s hurting you right now? More like what isn't. Do you remember important dates? Only some. I'm awful with numbers. Do you own anything with the Playboy Bunny on it? No. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever played Gamecube? At a friend's house. Have you ever played with toy cars before? Yeah, with my nephew. He LOVES monster trucks. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh, definitely. I loved picking them up as a kid. What is your favorite kind of salad? Just plain 'ole iceberg lettuce with ranch, really. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? Holy hell no, I SUCK. What was/is your high school mascot? A firebird. Can you make cute little animals by folding paper? God no, I'm awful at origami. Like, I have zero concept of how to do it. What kind of music do you like? Various types of metal and rock. Do you like apple juice? Yeah. Do you like to draw? It's funny, like I do love it, but I barely ever do it because I get frustrated when I can't get what's in my head onto paper. What do you put on your french fries? Generally ketchup. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? Two. Do you want to have a big family in the future? I don't want kids, just pets. Probably a lot of pets. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? I've had multiple pet rats and I adore them. I've come to find I'm not the best at keeping rodents because changing the bedding so much sucks ass, but nevertheless they are fantastic pets for people who don't mind the maintenance. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yes. I haven't written in a while, though. I just have absolutely zero motivation to RP. Are you good at reading people's body language? I probably overanalyze it, really. Ever threatened somebody and actually went through with it? I don’t threaten people. Does holding newborn babies scare you? Extremely. I feel like they're made of thin glass. Piercings: yay or nay? I LOVE piercings. They add an interesting touch to your appearance and to me just (usually) look super cool. There are very few piercings I don't like. Do you have a collage of pictures in your bedroom? No, but I want to make a motivation board very badly. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Were video games better in the 1980s, 1990s, or the 2000s? Why? '80s games bore me honestly, but I love some '90s and many 2000s games. I've got to say ultimately newer games win, because of graphics increasing immersion (no, I do not whatsoever believe graphics are everything or always make a better experience), voice acting improving immensely, etc. Have you ever watched The Beverly Hillbillies? Yes! Mom loves it so I used to watch it a lot with her as a kid. I'd still watch it. Did your mother ever sing lullabies to you when you were younger? Yes. Are you ready to get out of this town? I HATE THIS TOOOWN, IT'S SO WASHED UUU-UP, AND ALL MY FRIENDS DON'T GIVE A FUUU-UUUUUCK god hell yes get me the fuck out. Do you know anybody that is pregnant right now? Quite a few. What are you listening to? "Superluv” by Shane Dawson. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. Does your father have any facial hair? Yes. Did your grandparents teach you anything? My maternal grandmother, the only one I really ever knew, taught me I'm a disappointment, pretty much. And a bitch. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? It'd be nice to have one, but I don't, and I'm not pursuing it again. I've wasted enough of my parents' money. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favourite? Not seriously, but I enjoy them well enough. I like Spider-Man. What did you have for dinner last night? Mom ordered Mexican. I had two shrimp and cheese quesadillas and rice with cheese. Do you think you look similar to your siblings? No. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yeah, it's fun. Do you know your best friend’s middle name? Yes. Are you close to your father? I am. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? Yeah. Would you rather have long or short hair? I enjoy having short hair way more. Who did you go/plan on going with to prom? I went with Jason twice. Have you ever been to a debate and speech tournament? Hell no, and I never would. Arguing makes me cry lmao. Are you someone who enjoys stand-up comedy? Yep. What’s one thing that scares you about living alone and being independent? A lot of things do, but one thing in specific that I fear is that I let the house become cluttered and messy. I'm so shit at cleaning, especially when I'm depressed. It's why my own bedroom isn't even fully decorated, and we've lived here since I wanna say last November. If someone offered you an all-expenses paid trip to one European country, where would you go and why? Germany, 'cuz I enjoy the culture and would love to try some foods and visit places. Have you ever won anything on the lottery? No. Are you interested in the World Cup? I couldn't possibly care less. What’s the longest time you’ve ever been on a plane for? Idk. Do you let your hair dry naturally or do you towel-dry it or blow dry it? I use a towel to dry it some, then let it really get the job done naturally. How many of the Harry Potter books have you read? None. Who last gave you their number? When I posted on Facebook about going on a mental health hiatus, my good friend Alon messaged me her number if I ever needed to talk. I was really thankful. Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Honestly yeah. I'm slow to grasp a lot of things. Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? Never gotten or given one. Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Yes to both. Are you mad right now? I'm annoyed, but not mad. Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? No. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? No. Do you ever actually drink milk alone? Yeah, I love milk. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? It is EXTREMELY sensitive. What was the last situation to upset you? I'd rather not talk about it. Have you ever had an online argument? I have been heavily active on the Internet since I was like, 11. Maybe younger. I have been in plenty. Are you at risk for any medical issues? A lot of heart problems run in my family. I'm also suspicious I may develop diabetes, which also runs very heavily in my family. What were you doing at 7:00 a.m.? Surprisingly, I was asleep. Do you own a robe? No. What would you consider your life to be? A wreck. What is your favorite mark of punctuation? I like question marks. Who knows your biggest secret? Nobody. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Probably not. How do you know? I just doubt it. I'm so unlikable right now. Could you go a day without eating? I don't think I could. I do not react to stomach pain well, and that includes when I'm hungry. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. What’s your favorite drink? Strawberry Sunkist, but I don't allow myself to have it. I will DESTROY a can or five of it. Who was the last person that texted you? My mom. What are you craving? Nothing really right now. What was the first thing you ate today? An everything bagel. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. Have you taken any medication today? Yeah, I take some prescription meds in the morning and at night. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but that'd be cool. Do you know anyone who has diabetes? My mom, for one. Have you ever made a boy cry? Sadly. Who are you talking to? Nobody. Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? Absolutely. Your parents split; would you want to live with your mom or dad? My parents are divorced, and I stayed with Mom. Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color/racial background? I couldn't care less. For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy? For others, absolutely. It's your right. For me myself, it's possible, idk. If I was God forbid raped, I probably would have an abortion. If I accidentally got pregnant in a healthy relationship, I'd probably have a "too bad, so sad" outlook where I'd suck it up and go through with the gestation because having sex and risking pregnancy was my own decision. Even if I'm pro-choice, I think I'd feel too guilty aborting, especially with the child being someone's I love. Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)? IF I had an s/o, no. I like to, but sometimes you just want space. Are you fetish-friendly? I'm not gonna lie, some fetishes are just too fucking weird for me. I TRY not to judge, because I doubt you can actually help fetishes, but I inevitably do sometimes. If you're asking would I engage in fetishes because my s/o liked them, possibly, but it would really depend on what it is. Have you ever cosplayed? No. I think cosplay is really cool, though. Do you support the exploration of outer space? If yes, would you consider taking a trip into space, or even to another planet? As creatures who crave knowledge and understanding of our universe, I do support space exploration, but I do NOT believe we should be spending as much money as we do on it. Taking care of the planet we're actually on is far more important imo. I wouldn't personally go to outer space. Is it okay for men to wear makeup? What’s your opinion of male crossdressers? It's totally okay! Guys with makeup can be super attractive. Crossdressers, too. Go for it. You’re in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you? For me personally, yes. I don't even know if I'd date someone with 14 past sexual partners, honestly. I would admittedly question their loyalty. Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity? No. If someone asked you, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” would you know the answer right away? I would. What is your opinion concerning strip clubs? Not my scene at all, but so long as you respect the dancers, whatever. You do you.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''superluv'' by shane dawson

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x16 - What happens in Vegas... (part 2 of part 2) Enjoy! =)

It’s absolute madness… clearly not a chapel, nothing holy about this place.

 LEXI: Now I’m really starting to get worried. How the hell did we end up here?

KATHERINE: Looks like someone has a thing for kink.

BONNIE: Probably you!

KATHERINE: Oh, I own it. Definitely my type of scene.

BONNIE: (To herself) Why do I even bother?

ELENA: Let’s walk around, see if anyone recognizes us.

KATHERINE: First, what makes you think you are so unique to be recognized? Second, look at every one here, they’re all wearing costumes. Guessing that was the reason behind your ill-fitting outfit, Maria.

ELENA: Better than stripper shoe ho.

BONNIE: Guys, come on; we need to focus. Maybe we can talk to some bartenders, or security.

KATHERINE: It’s our best bet. Bonnie and I can check with the bartenders, you two with security; we’ll meet back here in 20. (The girls part ways on their assigned mission).

BONNIE: (Looking at the decadence, and straight out insanity) How did we ever end up here… why, god, why…

KATHERINE: I know you think this was all me, but my money is on Radka. Trust me, the intellectual types are always the craziest ones. (They approach the bar, she leans in, talks to the bartender). Hello, stud, think you can get these two ladies a bourbon?

BONNIE: What? No!

KATHERINE: (Whispering) Do you want information or not!? We need to blend in, so don’t be a crybaby and play along. It might help with the hangover.

BARTENDER: (Turns around an immediately recognizes them) Oh, no; you two are cut off. How are you still here?! I’m surprised you are even alive…

KATHERINE: Listen, sweetie, we are having some difficulty trying to remember why we were here last night, and the events that took place in this unholy scenario.

BARTENDER: (Laughs) You don’t remember?

BONNIE: Nothing at all. So, please, help us out? We are missing a friend; we really need to find her and head back home.

BARTENDER: Let me guess, you are missing one of the “newlyweds”. Who, the nun or the priest?

BONNIE: What priest?

BARTENDER: The blonde cheery one.

KATHERINE: (Cracks up) Oh, this is too good!

BONNIE: No, no, no… Caroline?!

BARTENDER: Yeah, I think that’s her name. Except she kept referring to herself as Father Forbes… Listen, I see a lot of fucked up things around here, but I have to say, your little entourage, craziest shit ever!

KATHERINE: So, those two got married?

BARTENDER: Not for real, just role-playing, that’s our thing. Weirdest “wedding” I’ve seen in here… Weirdest thing I’ve seen, period.

BONNIE: I can definitely use a drink now.

BARTENDER: Fine, there’s no way I can say no to that face (he serves them the drink).

BONNIE: Can you tell us anything else?

KATHERINE: Like our choice of costumes, for example.

BARTENDER: Well, there was the nun and the priest… You (referring to Bonnie), were dressed like Whitney Houston, in her “Queen of the Night” outfit, and totally rocked it! You (to Katherine), were dressed as The Bodyguard. Then there was Anthony and Cleopatra… Oh, and the other two,  Britney Spears and the Police Officer; can’t forget those two, hilarious!

BONNIE: I’m beginning to see a pattern…

KATHERINE: Aw, Bon Bon, we were an item! Talk about a dream team!

BONNIE: Wait… Britney Spears and a cop?

BARTENDER: Yeah, they were pretty wild. I have to hand it to her, she totally pulled it off, could have fooled me.

BONNIE: Please tell me the nun and the priest were the only ones that got “married”.

BARTENDER: (Smirks) They were. You two were gonna give it a go, but you ran out of cash, and we don’t accept cards, so…

BONNIE: Thank god!

KATHERINE: If only you were that lucky! But I have to say, I would have paid some serious money just to see Damon’s face react to the news.

BONNIE: Just focus! Anything else you can tell us?

BARTENDER: Well… Cleopatra kept going on and on about a bet… and something about a clown. You (referring to Katherine) and the nun kept ranting about some Doppelgänger’s curse… The priest kept talking to Britney Spears and the cop about this guy, Stefan, I think it was? Anthony, maybe the craziest one out of you all, kept howling as she “dug up” the ground looking for bones… And, this goddess right here (referring to Bonnie); ruled the stage like the queen she is.

BONNIE: Oh… no I didn’t…

BARTENDER: You sure did; and it was spectacular! Best thing that has ever happened to me…

KATHERINE: Looks like someone is crushing.

BARTENDER: I’m totally lovestruck; and if you ever change your mind about that Damon guy, you know where to find me (winks).

BONNIE: Okay, uhm… thank you, I guess.  

KATHERINE: Do you know around what time we were here? How long we stayed?

BARTENDER: Sorry, can’t help you there. Time doesn’t exist in this place.

BONNIE: Well, thanks for the info.

BARTENDER: Till we meet again, my queen (they walk away).

Cut to – another part of the bar. Elena and Lexi spot what they are almost certain is a security guard and approach him. The second he recognizes them he calls for back up, they find Katherine and Bonnie, and take them all out through the back door.

SECURITY GUARD: No, no… you are all banned from here, for at least a year. Don’t try coming back before that (they leave).

KATHERINE: Well, that’s that… Who wants to bet the reason we got banned from this place, was the nun and the priest.

ELENA: What priest?

KATHERINE: The one you married (can’t help but laugh).

ELENA: (Looks at Bonnie) Wait, you found the guy I married!? Who is he!? Where is he!?

BONNIE: Uhm… more like a she… and we have no idea, that’s who we’re trying to find…

ELENA: (Looking confused) What?...

LEXI: And I thought I had seen it all… (Cracks up) Holy fuck, you married the bride!!

ELENA: What!! No!! Shut up!!

BONNIE: Oh, you did… 

... but don’t worry, it was only pretend.

ELENA: No, no, no, no… how could that be??

BONNIE: Did you see that place?! Wouldn’t be the wildest thing going on in there… Oh, and I think we kidnapped the “cop” from here. The bartender told us we were with two other people, one dressed like a cop, the other, like Britney Spears.

LEXI: Why in god’s name would we hang out with someone who’s choice for a costume was Britney Spears?!

ELENA: Why in god’s name would I pretend-marry Caroline!!! We really need to find her, and get out of here, like now! 

(One of the security guards that had just kicked them out, sneaks back to talk to them, sensing they could use some help).

SECURITY GUARD: Ladies, remember, the answer always lies within a woman’s purse… (leaves).

KATHERINE: Talk about a nut house. What the hell was up with that?

BONNIE: (It hits her) Everyone, check your purses and phones…

KATHERINE: Duh! (They search for clues).  

LEXI: I found something… (takes out a clown nose). Doesn’t give us much insight, but I think it’s safe to say that there was definitely a clown involved…

KATHERINE: And a Doctor? (Takes out a stethoscope).

ELENA: (Browsing her phone) Great… the she-devil was right; I did invite her…

KATHERINE: (Smirks) Told you so…

BONNIE: Well, for some reason, I have Caroline’s phone… (she goes through the phone, finds some “useful” messages, if they can manage to decipher them). She sent Stefan a WhatsApp at 10:30pm…

CAROLINE: OMG!! You will not believe where I am right now!!!

STEFAN: What are you ladies up to??

CAROLINE: I’ll give you a hint… Hit me baby one more time…

STEFAN: Hell, no!! Really??!!

CAROLINE: Yessss! The girls surprised me!!! They’re the best!!!!

STEFAN: Didn’t know she was performing in Vegas…

CAROLINE: She has a residency; think she’s living here now.

STEFAN: Interesting… How’s the show?

CAROLINE: It’s soooo amazing!! Have to go now, love you! I’ll write you in a bit XOXO

STEFAN: Love you too! Have fun, but not too much fun!

CAROLINE: Ditto!

 Then she wrote him at 11:30…

 CAROLINE: OMG!OMG!OMG! Bonnie just hooked us up with backstage passes!! I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet her!!

STEFAN: (laughing emoji) Send her my regards… wait… no, don’t!

CAROLINE: WTF?!!! You’ve met her?? How come you never told me!!!! You know I’m a huge fan!!!

STEFAN: Long time ago, long story…. Whatever you do don’t mention Bon Jovi

CAROLINE: You have to tell me the story!! Ooh, but not now, were about to go inside!! Love you!

STEFAN: Just remember, not everything is what it seems!!

 Then she wrote him at 1am…

 CAROLINE: Stefan Salvatore, how dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have some explaining to do!!! And, just so you know, I’m with Brit!!!!!!!!!! You’re in trouble young man!! OMG! Gotta go, Britney is taking us to church!! This isn’t over Mr.!!!

And he wrote back at 2:40am…

STEFAN: Caroline Elizabeth Forbes, don’t trust her!! I’ll give her hers!!!!!!! Screw Kai’s wedding, going get revenge, got Matt’s unicorn… shit battery low, stall!!! Love yooo

 That’s it… last message. No photos, which is probably for the best…

KATHERINE: Well, guess that sort of answers the Kai question.

ELENA: (To Bonnie) I still can’t believe you let him out… I know he seems to have changed, but I just can’t get past what he did to us.

KATHERINE: Oh, please! Don’t be a hypocrite. You can get over Damon killing your brother, but you can’t get over Kai putting you in a nap? Talk about double standards!

ELENA: Oh, don’t you dare talk to me about standards, or killing my brother!

LEXI: (Sarcastic) And here we go again… (To herself) Should have definitely gone with the boys… way too much drama here.

BONNIE: Guys, please, let’s drop this. We really need to get our shit together and find Caroline.

ELENA: Fine, fine… Sorry, Bon, you’re right. But we still have no idea where she could be. We got nothing!

LEXI: Okay, hear me out, and this may sound crazy, but it’s all I got… Judging from the messages, we did meet Britney Spears backstage, right? So, what if the look alike, was not a look alike… what if we came here with her?

ELENA: That’s absurd!

KATHERINE: This coming from the nun who married a priest and woke up holding a dildo…

ELENA: Wait, how do you know I was holding a… You know what, never mind, I don’t want to know.

KATHERINE: Trust me, you don’t (winks).

LEXI: It’s not impossible… Think about it, what better way to avoid being recognized than hiding in plain sight.

BONNIE: That’s true… Maybe we did come here with the real Britney … and at some point, we decided to kidnap her cop pal…

KATHERINE: If we want any answers, I think we all know what we need to do… Who’s up for some good old fashion stalking?

ELENA: Oh, god, really?

KATHERINE: Got a better idea?

ELENA: (Rolls her eyes) No…

BONNIE: I’ll get us an uber. (Suddenly, a van pulls into the alley, a group of guys get out. They shoot Katherine and Lexi with vervain, Bonnie and Elena with sedatives; they put them in the van and drive away).  

Cut to - The middle of the desert. 

The girls, still inside the van, begin to wake up slowly, one by one. First one to regain consciousness, Katherine (why am I not surprised).

KATHERINE: What the…

KEVIN: Where is AJ?

KATHERINE: Who the hell are you, and who the hell is AJ?!

NICK: You don’t recognize us? I mean, I know we’ve aged, but, really?

BRIAN: Look closer…

KATHERINE: (Staring at their faces…) No idea.

HOWIE: Let’s see if this refreshes your memory… Ready, boys? 

(They start singing “I want it that way”, a Capella).

KATHERINE: Nop; I got nothing…

NICK: Oh, c'mon! Really??

KEVIN: Never mind, just tell us where AJ is…

KATHERINE: I told you I don’t know any AJ!! What I do know, is that you have made the worst mistake of your life!

 (She tries to fang it up, but is too weak).

HOWIE: (Smirks) Vervain… ain’t that a bitch!

ELENA: (Wakes up, still a bit dazed) You got that right… (as soon as she realizes who they are with, she reacts). OMG!!! Are you kidding me?!! Is this for real?!

BRIAN: Oh, it’s very real…

ELENA: (Fangirling hard) OMG! OMG! I love you guys!!!!

NICK: Ah, there we go! I knew we still had it!

ELENA: What are you guys doing here? (Teasing) Have you come to save us from our captors?

KATHERINE: Wake up and smell the felony, sweetie, they are our captors!

ELENA: What? No way!… (Looks at them) That’s not true, right? (They nod; she looks distraught) But… but…why? 

(Bonnie and Lexi start to wake up.)

BONNIE: (Holding her head, looking quite confused) Where are we?

LEXI: (Also looking out of it) Oh, god… not again…

BRIAN: Okay, now that you are all awake, we’ll ask again, where is AJ?

BONNIE: Oh, shit… am I hallucinating? I must be hallucinating… I could swear I’m looking at the Backstreet Boys…

HOWIE: You are, and we are pissed! So, once again, where the hell is AJ!

LEXI: Calm down, boys, I’m sure we can all figure this out…  

KEVIN: Ladies, you seem like nice people, (turns to Katherine) except for you. Just tell us where our friend is, and we’ll be good.

ELENA: (Connecting the dots)… Uhm, question, did he happen to wear a cop uniform last night?

NICK: Probably. He always gets in cosplay when he goes to that freak bar with Brit. Last we heard he was heading there with her and a couple of crazy girls… I’m assuming those are you…

BRIAN: Care to fill us in on what happened to him?

BONNIE: We are trying to figure that out ourselves… we don’t remember much about last night, but I think he might be at our hotel…

ELENA: Listen, guys, we’re so sorry. We were really out of it last night, didn’t know what we were doing. We woke up this morning and found someone sleeping in the master bedroom…  he was dressed like a cop, had a face cover and was all tied up… We panicked and fled.

KEVIN: Where are you guys staying?

ELENA: At The Mirage.

BRIAN: Room number?

KATHERINE: Villa 3, we travel in style.

ELENA: We can take you there.

KEVIN: We’ll definitely be going there. You, on the other hand, won’t be going anywhere, unless you can find your way out of this place… Good luck with that. Don’t worry, we’ll leave you the van. We’re mad but we’re not cruel (a car pulls up).

BRITNEY: (Rolls down her window and smirks) Mission accomplished; let’s go, boys! (They hop into the car and drive away. 

The girls get out of the van to get a better idea of where they are).

BONNIE: What the hell just happened?!

LEXI: Well, one mystery is solved. Now we need to find a way to get our asses out of here.

KATHERINE: Who wants to bet fangirl here (referring to Elena), was the one that kidnapped their cop friend.

ELENA: God! Do you have a mute button or something!

BONNIE: (Caroline’s phone rings) Shit! It’s Damon! What should I do?!

LEXI: Given our current situation, I really think you should answer… (Bonnie takes the call).

DAMON: Care, it’s Damon… Listen ...The bachelor party got a little crazy and, well...we lost Stefan.

BONNIE: Uhm…think we might have a problem of our own…

DAMON: Bon?

BONNIE: It’s me, I think… Anyway; the bachelorette got a little crazy too, and, well… we lost Caroline.

DAMON: (Can’t help but laugh) Where are you?

BONNIE: (Embarrassed) In the middle of the desert…

DAMON: So are we! Maybe we can find each other…

BONNIE: Damon, this desert is huge, there’s no way we are going to find each other.

DAMON: Bon Bon, are you forgetting we have a psychic link? We can find each other.

BONNIE: Well, I can feel you… but my powers are all screwed up…

DAMON: (Getting some of his senses back; he takes a closer look and realizes that what he thought was a mirage, might be something else…) Bon, I don’t think you need your powers; just turn around…

BONNIE: What?

DAMON: Just turn around… (she turns around; at a distance she sees some shadows).

BONNIE: Okay, I turned around…. all I see is desert, and some weird shadows.

DAMON: That’s because you have horrible vision. Keep walking… (teasing, with a ghost like voice) walk towards the shadows, Bon Bon. What do you see? (She walks, until she finally has a better vision of what is on the other side…).

BONNIE: I might still be drunk… but I swear, I think I see you?

DAMON: (Smiles) And you would be right. Told you we would find each other, we always do. (They laugh and reunite with that iconic Bamon hug).

LEXI: (Who has also turned around and spotted the boys) Well, will you look at that, what are the odds! Come on, ladies, looks like we aren’t the only ones lost (they walk towards the boys).

KATHERINE: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie hug, turns to Elena, who is also watching) Ouch! 

Stings, doesn’t it?

ELENA: (Tired of this endless feud of theirs) What do you want from me?

KATHERINE: I want you to admit it.

ELENA: Admit what?

KATHERINE: That you are jealous. You know, deep down inside, we are not that different.

ELENA: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie) I guess we aren’t… 

(she walks away; Katherine smirks).

DAMON: (To the side) Listen, Bon, before word gets out, I need to tell you myself… (Shameful) I stripped danced to Britney Spears…

BONNIE: (Laughs) 

Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses him). 

Listen, I have a confession of my own…

DAMON: (Knowing what she’s about to say) Oh no… you didn’t?!

BONNIE: (Shameful) I did…

DAMON: “Queen of the Night”...?

BONNIE: The works…  Except, this time it wasn’t in front of a mirror…

DAMON: Oh, god…where?

BONNIE: Center stage, at this weird ass club.

DAMON: (Laughs, and teases) Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses her; they laugh in complicity).

BONNIE: Okay… I’m not even gonna ask why you guys have a cop car, or why you are in your underwear. We need to move fast if we want to find the bride and groom in time to catch the last plane out.

DAMON: I feel like a no questions policy is the best way to go for now.

BONNIE: I agree. Unless you want to know why Caroline and Elena got married, dressed like a nun and a priest…

DAMON: (Laughs) Oh, I don’t want to know, I need to know!

BONNIE: (Smirks) No questions policy… (gives him a peck on the lips). Come on, let’s get out of here.

Cut to – The girl’s villa. After a few failed attempts the gang finally manages to find their way out of the desert and back to the villa.  

 DAMON: (Looking at the wreckage) 

Jesus, Bon! And I thought our hotel bill was gonna be bad.

BONNIE: Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

ALARIC: Okay, so what’s the plan? We got two hours to make the flight, and we are still clueless as to where they are.

KAI: Let’s think… Britney said Stefan was where he belonged; where could that be?

IKER: Yeah, I don’t think we can make any sense out of what she said. That girl got some issues!

ELENA: Tell me about it! She’s definitely overrated. 

(Radka, who had stayed behind, given her condition, comes out of one of the bedrooms; as soon as she sees Ric, she runs to hug him).

RADKA: God, am I glad to see you!

ALARIC: Me too (they kiss).

RADKA: Remind me never to trust champagne again!

ALARIC: I know, champagne bad…

DAMON: Okay, enough with the reunions, can we focus here people! Clock is ticking!

BONNIE: Yes, but first we need to check if our hostage situation has been taken care of.

DAMON: Hostage situation? Bon Bon, what did you do?

BONNIE: Better to leave that unanswered. Elena, come with me?

ELENA: (Sarcastic) For better or worse… (They go into the master bedroom; the place is exactly how they left it. Someone, AJ apparently, still sleeping on the bed, covered from head to toe).

BONNIE: That’s strange… you would have thought they had come to get him already…

ELENA: Yeah, something seems off…

BONNIE: Let’s take a peek… (they approach the bed and check under the covers…) Holy shit! 

(She takes Elena’s hand and immediately teleports out of the room).

ELENA: (Dizzy) Bonnie!

BONNIE: Sorry, I was not expecting to see that!!

ELENA: Yeah, neither was I… (she and Bonnie laugh in complicity).

DAMON: What happened?

BONNIE: Uhm, well... we found Stefan…

DAMON: That’s great! One down, one to go. So… (looks around) where is he?

BONNIE: In the master bedroom… But I would really advise you prepare yourself for what you are about to see…

DAMON: Oh, come on, can’t be that bad…

BONNIE: Trust me, it can.

 Damon goes into the master bedroom, approaches the bed cautiously, takes the cover off… It’s Stefan alright, but just as Bonnie had warned him, he was definitely not expecting to see him like that. There he was, his beloved brother, wearing a schoolgirl outfit; blonde wig, piggy tails with pink scrunchies; lovely makeup; impeccable manicured hands, one holding a dildo, the other, a disposable camera.

DAMON: (To himself, sarcastically) Well, this picture is going to haunt me forever… 

(Stefan begins to wake up slowly). Hello, brother (smirks).

STEFAN: Damon…(looking very dazed and confused) Where am I?

DAMON: (Mocking)  Here’s a better question… Who are you?

STEFAN: What?

DAMON: Oh, brother (points to the mirror above the bed), look...

STEFAN: (Looks at the mirror… she got him)  It’s Britney… bitch! (He then realizes what he is holding in his hand, and immediately throws it as far away as he can).

DAMON: How many times did I tell you not to mess with the Brit! Anyway, no time for hangover regrets; we are in a bit of a predicament…

STEFAN: No shit, Damon! Look at me!

DAMON: I’d rather not, but that’s not what I’m talking about… Your bride is MIA.

STEFAN: What! I knew this was a terrible idea!

DAMON: Calm down, bro. I’m sure we’ll find her, sooner or later. Hopefully in a less compromising position. (Suddenly, he hears moans coming from the bathroom…) Ha, you gotta be kidding me! (He goes inside. Just as he suspected, there, lying in the bathtub, was the missing piece… The bride, dressed like a priest, empty bottle of vodka in one hand, a disposable camera in the other. He smirks; can’t resist to greet her with sarcastic commentary). Forgive me father, for I have sinned…

CAROLINE: (Very confused) Damon?... What are you doing here? 

(Looks around) … Where is here… (Grabs her head) God, my head is killing me… (looks at her attire) What the… What the hell happened last night?!!

DAMON: Wouldn’t we all like to know, but judging from what we’ve seen so far, it’s probably best that we don’t. Come on (helps her up), we need to move fast if you want to make it to the church on time.

CAROLINE: Oh, you better get me to the church on time! Let’s go! Wait… (goes back to the tub and takes the camera).

DAMON: (As they are about to walk out of the bathroom) Just a heads up, Barbie; brace yourself for what you are about to see (smirks)…

 The gang, avoiding any further questioning, focus on reassembling, packing it up, and fleeing as fast as possible. Close call, but they manage to catch their flight, and finally, head back home. A promise was made, no one was to talk about what happened, if they ever remembered. What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas… but, did it?

 TVD 9X17 - I will love you forever. Coming next! Hope you stop by, read, and enjoy! =)

#TVD #tvd fanfiction #bamon #bamon fanfic #bonnie bennett #damon salvatore #tvd season 9 #ilovefanfic86 #animeeyes21 #stephm1587 #mademoisellevalerie85 #minalblood #ondieva86 #bonniebennettkingdom #bamonisreal #bamon shippers club #maniq1 #yinx1 #bamon-fanfiction #absentmindeddreamer #jakkoftreyde #bamonbrigade1 #queenmiymiydem #vampire diaries fic #vampire diaries

[choicesmcxjake]

Would you like to lend a hand to a little writer? I want to write about the catalysts having a game night playing various board and card games as well as some videogames but I'm not that familiar with the characters yet, so I was wondering if you have any headcanons or incorrect quotes for a game night that could help? :3

I would love to help!

But I'm not sure as to how my headcanons would fit with other peoples. 😅 They are very specific in some places.

A few of my headcanons are under the tag #my au

And I have a tag where Jake and Craig played a game #think till the end

•

Others then that, it depends on what they play I'd say.

If its board games, maybe poker, then they're probably all on the same level, more or less.

A few of them also played poker in book two:

So for example the headcanons for poker would be:

Estela might have a good poker face, but she didn't play before so the game is new to her.

Mike and Jake have played in the military before for sure, so they're good.

Aleister has also played before, probably at a fancy table so he know what he's doing.

Zahra might've played poker online.

Sean, Craig, Raj and Michelle have played on a party before, which is a lot different then how Aleister played poker.

Raj and Diego might have problems keeping their poker face up, at least towards their friends who know them.

And so on.

•

But if they play on consoles Zahraa and Craig would be better, cause they're gamers:

•

Some random headcanons for the games:

Diego often loses as the first, cause he didn't had a lot of friends to play with growing up, so he's not that good at games, but he's just happy to play now. (Kinda sad headcanon)

Raj and Mike are party clowns so they bring a lot of fun and jokes in the round.

Mike and Jake always sabotage each other.

Overall it would be a very happy uplifting vibe, with a lot of bickering (A: "You cheated!" B: "No I didn't" *later* C: "Did you cheat?" B: "I totally did.")

They would also do physical games like limbo, balancing (also great to sabotage), giant jenga, etc.

They'd have competition on who can catch more food in their mouth in a row, etc.

Maybe they also play in teams (if you do that please don't make it boys vs. girls, thats very boring, but thats only my opinion) like pictionary.

Mc and Diego would probably have a talk overlooking everyone else, just happy they've found such great and silly friends.

•

When you say you're not that familiar with the characters yet what exactly do you mean. Have you played throught the three books yet? 🙈

◇

Here are some incorrect quotes you could use (or change so they fit, especially whos saying them ^^):

☆

Mike: Who wants to start?

Jake: Hitler!

*Mike chuckles*

Mike: Well, unfortionatly he couldn't make it!

Jeanine: Unfortunately?!

Jake: *laughing* He's very sorry about that, but he sends his best regards!

*all laugh*

☆

Mike: *sitting down* Uh.

Jake: What?

Mike: I sat on my nut.

Jake: You sat on your nut?

Mike: *sitting up* Ouch.

Jake: You're good, your balls not that big.

☆

Kele: No he's right, cause small boobs are prettier.

Mike: You can't argue with that?

Jake: Oh come one. You get a point cause Kele likes small boobs?

Kele: No.

Jake: Ah.

Kele: He gets eight points.

Jake: Fuck you. Since when does your opinion even matter?

☆

Zahra: bortaS bIr jablu'DI' reH QaQqu' nay'

Aleister: Did you just say 'Revenge is a dish best served cold' in klingon?

Zahra: You can speak klingon?

Aleister: Of course I can speak klingon.

☆

Diego: Whatcha doing?

Mc: I'm just... questioning Jake.

Jake: So just like any other day.

☆

Jake: I know and I'm sorry. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me? (After he cheated)

Mike: *points at his crotch*

Jake: *tries to hold back his laugh*

☆

Mike: Ok, here's how I know you're lying

Jake: Oh, you fucking ass.

☆

Mc: No, it's actually- *Jake lays down on the armchair behind Mc* What do you want from me?

Diego: *laughs*

Mc: He seeks my physical contact, I swear, every since we got here.

Jake: *all smiley*

☆

*cake by the ocean starts playing*

Raj: Oh I love this song.

Jake: Yeah, it's not bad for a song about beach sex.

Raj: *chokes on his drink* it's about SEX?

Jake: What did you think it was about?

Raj: CAKE!

☆

Craig: Okay Jake, truth or dare?

Jake: Truth.

Craig: Was the moon landing of 1969 faked?

Jake: *confused* What?

Raj: You have to say the truth!

Jake: *even more confused* What?

Craig: You were there, weren't you?

Jake: How old do you guys think I am?

☆

Jake: I'll go piss.

Aleister: Please say it at least a little poetic.

Jake: Alright. I will now conjure an aquarelle into the toilet bowl with the brush of love.

☆

Zahra: Do you want anything to drink?

Estela: *after losing the game* the tears of our enemies wrenched from their bodies as their bones are crushed.

Zahra:

Zahra: Sorry, I only have strawberry milk.

Estela: Ooh strawberry milk! Yes please!

☆

Michelle: Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. I do lots of crazy things. I mean, I got drunk and married in Vegas?

Jake: To Sean.

☆

That's all i think could fit some way.

But please look through more of the jncorrect quotes on my blog!

#ask #my au #catalysts #think till the end

[aion-rsa]

New British comedy TV series from 2020: BBC, Channel 4, Sky, Dave, Amazon, Netflix

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

2020 in British TV comedy brought us Maisie Williams as a kickass survivalist in a pickle, and a new parenting comedy from the hugely talented Simon Blackwell and Chris Addison starring Martin Freeman.

To add to that, there was also a fresh batch of comedians playing exaggerated versions of themselves in self-penned sitcoms, including Katherine Ryan, Mae Martin, Sara Pascoe, Kayleigh Llewellyn, Lucy Beaumont and Jon Richardson. 

Here’s the skinny on all those new shows and more. Here’s what arrived in 2019, and here are the new British TV dramas that arrived in 2020.

Breeders

After their excellent 2014 relationship comedy Trying Again, Chris Addison and Simon Blackwell (Veep, The Thick Of It) teamed up on a new series, this time about the trials of parenthood. Martin Freeman and Daisy Haggard played parents in this ten-part half-hour comedy, a co-production between Sky in the UK and FX in the US. Watch the first trailer here.

Bumps

Available to stream on BBC iPlayer

A Comedy Playhouse commission for BBC One, Bumps comes from Psychobitches and Tracey Ullman’s Show writer-actor Lucy Montgomery (pictured) and The Life Of Rock With Brian Pern‘s Rhys Thomas. The half-hour pilot is a modern family comedy that centres on Amanda Redman’s character Anita, a divorcee in her sixties with two grown-up kids, who decides to have a third baby with the help of an egg and sperm donor. Playing Anita’s daughter Joanne is Lisa McGrillis (behind the brilliantly dim and tactless but very sweet Kelly on Mum), who discovers she’s pregnant at the same time as her mother.

Code 404

After 2019’s pilot, Sky ordered six episodes of this sci-fi comedy starring Daniel Mays (Line Of Duty, Vera Drake) and Stephen Graham (Boardwalk Empire, The Virtues), written by Mongrels and Not Going Out’s Daniel Peak. It’s a buddy cop drama set in the near future, which sees crime-fighting duo DI John Major (Mays) and DI Roy Carver (Graham) first separated, then reunited thanks to the wonders of modern science. Series two is on its way.

Feel Good

Stand-up Mae Martin co-wrote her autobiographically inspired six-episode series with Joe Hampson, which formerly went by the working title Mae and George and is now called Feel Good. It aired on E4 in the UK and Netflix around the world, and follows Martin’s life as a comedian and recovering addict, and the complications of her new relationship with girlfriend George. Friends’ Lisa Kudrow guest stars. A second series is on the way.

Hitmen

Comedy double act Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins get in on the Killing Eve game as contract killers in this new Sky series. Unlike Villanelle though, these two are decidedly unsmooth operators. Their hits are, according to the press release, “inevitably derailed by incompetence, bickering, and inane antics.” Sherlock’s Amanda Abbington co-stars, along with Francis Barber and Johnny Vegas. Series two is on the way.

In My Skin

Kayleigh Llewellyn’s autobiographically inspired 2018 pilot is now a four-part comedy series for the BBC. It’s the raw but ultimately uplifting story of teenager Bethan’s attempts to conceal from her schoolfriends a chaotic homelife with a mother sectioned in a mental health facility and a dad in the Hell’s Angels. Here’s a clip from the Comedy Slice to whet your appetite. 

Intelligence

Available to stream on Sky and NOW TV

Last year saw Rob Lowe in Lincolnshire, now prepare for David Schwimmer in Cheltenham. The Friends actor and director starring in a six-part Sky One comedy as a “maverick NSA agent” working in the UK’s Government Communications Headquarters. He’s joined by series writer Nick Mohammed, in the role of an inept computer analyst tasked with tackling cyber-crime. Series two is on the way.

Kate And Koji

Filmed in Herne Bay, Kent, this six-episode ITV comedy stars Brenda Blethyn as Kate, the owner of a seaside café who strikes up a friendship with asylum seeker Koji, played by Jimmy Akingbola. Those two are joined by The Inbetweeners’ Blake Harrison, playing Kate’s nephew, and Meera Syal as the local GP in a timely modern story with a heart.

King Gary

Available to stream on BBC iPlayer

Murder In Successville and Action Team’s Tom Davis and James De Frond teamed up again to write and direct prime time BBC One sitcom King Gary, which debuted in 2020 and was swiftly recommissioned for a second series. You may have caught the pilot episode, which aired over Christmas 2018, introducing Davis’ character – London builder Gary King, a man-child who loves his family, his suburban community, and really loves a B.B.Q – his parents played by The Fast Show’s Simon Day and Doctor Who’s Camille Coduri, and his unforgettable wife Terri, played by the very funny Laura Checkley.

Meet The Richardsons

Airing on Dave and available to stream weekly on UK TV Play

Married comedians Jon Richardson and Lucy Beaumont starred as heightened versions of themselves in Meet The Richardsons for Dave, written by Beaumont and Car Share’s Tim Reid. Inspired by Beaumont’s appearances on Richardsons’ Ultimate Worrier series for Dave, the series comically documents the couple’s parenting and relationship woes.

Mister Winner

Following a successful Comedy Playhouse pilot, Spencer Jones (Upstart Crow) returned as the hapless Leslie Winner for a six-episode series on BBC One. Joining Jones will be Shaun Williamson and Lucy Pearman, in a loveable comedy about “an eternally optimistic klutz with his heart in the right place”. If you’ve yet to see Jones’ excellent BBC iPlayer short series The Mind Of Herbert Clunkerdunk, get involved without delay.

My Left Nut

Available to stream on BBC iPlayer

Coming to BBC Three is an autobiographically inspired three-part comedy-drama from Irish writers Michael Patrick and Oisin Kearney, adapted from their acclaimed stage play. Starring Sinead Keenan (Little Boy Blue, Being Human) with newcomer Nathan Quinn-O’Rawe, it’s the story of a Belfast teenager who discovers a lump on his testicle but finds himself unable to tell those around him. A relatable, entertaining teen comedy with an important healthcare message. 

Out of Her Mind

An established name on screen and the live circuit, comedian Sara Pascoe is the latest comic to write and star in her own sitcom (joining the ranks of Roisin Conaty, Aisling Bea, Josh Widdicombe and more). Her as-yet untitled series is being produced for BBC Two by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s production company, Stolen Picture. It’s about “family, relationships and biology,” according to the press release, and will combine eccentric characters with surreal interludes and factual segments. Read about the best Netflix stand-up specials here.

Sandylands

Following on from 2019’s Isle of Wight-set family comedy The Cockfields, Gold has commissioned a second three-part original sitcom. This one’s also set on the UK coast, and tells the story of a successful Londoner who returns to her home town and reconnects with old friends and old crushes when her local businessman father disappears at sea. Sanjeev Bhaskar, David Walliams, Sophie Thompson, Hugh Bonneville and Natalie Dew star.

Semi-Detached

The pilot episode for comedy Semi-Detached, about a hapless fortysomething aired in January 2019, followed by a full series. It was written by actors David Crow and Oliver Maltman and boasted a strong comedy cast including Lee Mack, Ellie White, Samantha Spiro, Clive Russell and Patrick Baladi. The twist with this one is that all the action unfurls in real time.

The Duchess

In addition to her Netflix stand-up specials, comedian Katherine Ryan made a six-part autobiographical comedy for the streaming service. Though a familiar face on screen, this marks the first scripted series Ryan has written and executive-produced. In it, she plays “a fashionable disruptive single mother living in London”, inspired by Ryan’s own experience raising her daughter in the capital after moving here from her native Canada.

The First Team

Iain Morris and Damon Beesley, aka The Inbetweeners creators, have written a six-part half-hour sitcom for BBC Two. Formerly under the working title of Afternoons, it’s now called The First Team and details the off-pitch adventures of three Premier League footballers playing for a fictional side, “three young men who just happen to have a very stressful job in the public eye,” according to the writers. The cast includes Arrested Development‘s Will Arnett as the team’s eccentric American chairman, alongside Theo Barklam Biggs, Shaquille Ali-Yebuah, Jack McMullen, Jake Short and Chris Geere.

The Kemps: All True

Remember how much everybody loved that Bros doc? Well now BBC Four comedy is planning to capture that same lightning in a bottle with mockumentary The Kemps: All True, following the travails of another pair of pop star brothers in Spandau Ballet’s Gary and Martin Kemp. The one-off comedy from Brian Pern‘s Rhys Thomas will track the brothers as they record a new studio album. Read more about it here at the BBC.

The Trouble With Maggie Cole

Stream episodes weekly on ITV Hub

Commissioned in March 2019 by ITV under the working title Glass Houses is a six-part hour-long comedy series starring Dawn French, Mark Heap, Julie Hesmondhalgh, Vicki Pepperdine and more. It’s about the aftermath of a loose-lipped radio interview with French’s Maggie, the village gossip who spills her neighbours’ secrets on air. It comes written by Shameless and Benidorm’s Mark Brotherhood and aired on ITV1 in March.

Truth Seekers

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s latest collaboration is a comedy horror series for Amazon Prime Video. Filming began in September 2019 on Truth Seekers, which follows a group of paranormal investigator hobbyists who film their ghost sighting escapades for the online community, and stumble into some very strange business that could end life as we know it. There’s a great comedy cast including Pegg and Frost, including Susan Wokoma, Julian Barratt, Samson Kayo, Morgana Robinson, Kate Nash, Kevin Eldon and Malcolm McDowell.  

Two Weeks To Live

Written by Cheat’s Gaby Hull, this six-episode Sky comedy is the story of misfit Kim, a young girl raised to survive in the wilderness, who re-enters society on a secret mission to honour her dead father’s memory. Game of Thrones’ Maisie Williams plays Kim, who becomes entangled in a prank-gone-wrong plot involving gangsters, a bag of cash and the police. With Kim’s survival skills, don’t expect her to come quietly…

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Here are all the forthcoming British TV dramas on their way in 2020.

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