It’s been my goal in life to have an apartment with a view of the Empire State Building and I have that. I actually have that and I’m no less obsessed with looking at the Empire State Building each night than I was the first night. Because the key to happiness is not taking anything for granted, no matter how used to it you become. So I will stare at that building every night, not as if it’s my last time seeing it, but as if it’s my first.
“I love New York, even though it isn't mine, the way something has to be, a tree or a street or a house, something, anyway, that belongs to me because I belong to it.”
― Truman Capote
🪐i'll try everything once- matilda by harry styles and neil perry🫶💌
Matilda ✧˖*°࿐ neil perry x gn! reader
Warning/content: hurt to comfort, talking about having kids, mention of having a bad childhood, au where neil lives ha, my English
w/c: 0.7k
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There were a lot of things you loved about Neil Perry. The way he smiled, how generous he was, when he scribbled little notes on your hands when you were working. And mostly, how brave he was. He was the most courageous person you ever knew. And the craziest thing was he didn’t even realise.
But he was also scared. Scared he was going to great the same pattern as his father, that he was going to fail as a dad. He grew up not knowing what showing love was, so how could he possibly be a loving father? That seems impossible.
So when you expressed your wish to have kids with him, you didn’t expect it to start an argument. He told you he could never be enough and he would never want to have children because of what he went through. And you were hurt, you knew that wasn’t his intention but there was a little part of you that felt like he didn’t want kids with you.
Frustrated and not understanding each other, you went to bed, your back facing his. But as the hours passed, your mood cooled down and guilt started to eat you. Neil was finally opening up about the repercussions of his childhood and all you found to do is taking it personally.
You turned around, biting your lips, not wanting to disturb him but the urge to apologize was stronger. He was tensed, and it was all your fault. “Neil?” you whispered, hoping he was open to communication.
After a minute of silence that felt like an hour, he moved and faced you. You could tell he was hurt, and it seemed like he cried. He didn’t speak a word, and slowly, you drew your hand to his face, letting him time to let you know if he didn’t want physical touch.
“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, letting your forehead fall against him “I didn’t try to understand you. I was selfish.”
That was all it take for him to let go of the tears he was holding “I’m not mad at you,” it surprised you, he had all the reasons to be “I’m mad at him.”
It was crazy how the man that was supposed to have Neil as the first person in his heart still had an impact on his son years after moving out of the childhood household. Neil actually was even in denial of the treatment he received until you made him understand, you didn’t want to accuse anyone, but the way his smile would always fade after talking to his family just stayed in your mind. But he always told you his problems weren’t so important as if he refused to be in pain in front of anyone.
As his lover, you made sure he understood what was happening to him, that he could let it go, he could stop talking to them, it wasn’t his fault.
“Why couldn’t you be a good father? You’re the kindest person I ever met. Your past does not define you. You can start a family who will always show you love.”
Neil hoped you knew how much he needed to hear this. But something was still wrong, his mother truly loved him and he knew it, she just wasn’t brave enough to stand up for him. And he felt a little guilty “Mom always told me the best gift I could give her was a child. But I don’t talk to her anymore, she won’t be there to see the little baby me.” He knew he cared more than he should, but he couldn’t help it.
“Neil,” you chose your words carefully “you don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own.”
All of a sudden he broke into tears. Years of suffering he could finally externalize. He got closer to you, curling into your chest, like a child. You wrapped your arms around him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, trying to calm him down as much as you could. “You can let it go”
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The purpose of our organization is to start right here in Harlem, which has the largest concentration of
people of African descent that exists anywhere on this earth. There are more Africans in Harlem than exist in any
city on the African continent. Because that's what you and I are-Africans.
You catch any white man off guard in here right now, you catch him off guard and ask him what he is, he doesn't say he's an American. He either tells you he's
Irish, or he's Italian, or he's Ger- man, if you catch him off guard and he doesn't know what you're up to. And even
though he was born here, he'll tell you he's Italian. Well, if he's Italian, you and I are African - even though we were
born here-Malcolm X
Speech on the Founding of the OAAU
June 28, 1964