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softluci · 2 years

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crush

one-shot because i just think everyone has a crush on barb; mdni, mc is gn as usual, enjoy :p

you asked a simple question. it was so simple, arguably the easiest question you'd asked since your abduction arrival to the devildom. and so what if you were projecting? you couldn't possibly have been the only one.

the eight of you were sat around the dinner table, mammon and levi beginning to ruin the meal with their bickering - nothing new. you were watching them, half paying attention, when you remembered, you'd been meaning to ask them:

"ah, by the way - have any of you ever had a crush on barbatos?"

you weren't expecting everyone to fall quiet, though it didn't last long.

asmo barely missed a beat, still scrolling on his d.d.d. "'had'? oh, honey, have. present tense, and he knows it too."

mammon disagreed, though his slow flush betrayed him. "don't speak for all of us when you just mean yourself, asmo—"

"what?" asmo giggled, setting his phone down to focus on mammon. "i'm just speaking for myself? am i just speaking for myself, beel?"

"no comment," said beel, still between mouthfuls.

"'no comment,' but your ears are red," belphie chuckled, watching his twin with a tired smile. "you're so predictable."

still chewing, beel defended himself. "if you tried half of the dishes he has to offer, you'd have a crush on him too."

lucifer was smirking from the head of the table. "belphie, you know your ears also turn red when you're embarrassed, don't you?"

belphie scowled. "so? i didn't deny anything."

beel swallowed, pausing, "wait, you too, belphie?"

belphie dropped his head to his arms as if to sleep, dinner disregarded. "no comment."

"wait, lucifer," you turned to him, "do you have a crush on barbatos?"

he tilted his head to the side, more comfortable than ever. "you know he and i have known each other for a long time, right?"

you felt heat prickling your face, indignant—though it didn't stop you from sputtering, "what—just answer the question—"

"why? are you jealous?" lucifer's smirk settled into a grin. "it's nothing to be ashamed of, anyone would feel threatened by someone like barbatos."

lucifer was looking straight through you, entirely too amused by you and the situation.

"should i invite you along the next time he and i are out? would that help—"

"excuse me," satan interrupted, fed up, "have you forgotten that there are other people here?"

"right? break it up, you two," mammon huffed, arms crossed. "this is a family show."

"so, to be clear, lucifer, you do have a crush on barbatos then." satan smirked, more to himself, "so predictable."

lucifer slid his eyes to satan, gaze still predatory. "do you think we forgot about that little club dancing lesson? we were all there."

satan's eyes widened, pink creeping onto his face. "what—"

"oh, i remember that! i was so jealous, i couldn't breathe," groaned asmo, "and satan was so unappreciative!"

"hold it—i never said i didn't appreciate it." satan was fully flushed. "it just caught me off guard, how was i supposed to react?"

"ah," drawled lucifer, entertained, "so, to be clear, satan, you do have a crush on barbatos. so predictable."

before satan could counter, however, lucifer had already moved on.

"mammon—"

the second-born turned away from lucifer. "what? leave me out of this."

"mammon," lucifer started again, tugging on mammon's now reddened ear, "you're always talking about how perfect barbatos is, aren't you?"

mammon gripped his wrist to force his hand away, miffed, "so what? like i'm wrong?"

"you're totally not wrong, but you talk about it more than any of us do," asmo chirped, poking mammon's cheek for emphasis.

mammon swatted at asmo's hand. "oh, like it can be overstated? get a grip!"

"this is the best argument he's put up in a long time," satan noted, genuinely impressed. "barbatos brings out the best in him even when he's not around."

"and why are we focused on me when we should be focused on levi?"

levi's jaw dropped in indignation. "okay, what the fuck? i haven't said a word this entire time!"

"yeah, because you were hoping we would forget about you," accused mammon.

asmo hummed in agreement, "don't think we forgot about how you tried to get him to cosplay your little anime butler."

satan nodded, continuing, "and don't think we didn't hear about how you made him say that 'famous line,' or whatever—"

levi covered his mouth with the back of his hand, dismayed, "oh, like any one of you is any better than me? leave me alone—"

"levi, dear, we are better than you, at least we're normal about our crushes," said asmo, trying to pull levi's hand away from his face.

"normal!?" levi sputtered, eyes wide, "you can't keep your hands to yourself, and you call yourself normal?"

"oh? this is news to me," said lucifer, crossing his arms. "asmo, explain yourself."

"wait—" belphie lifted his head from his arms, turning to you— "what about you?"

your throat ran dry as everyone's eyes landed on you, expectant. intelligently, you pointed to yourself. "me?"

"yes, you," said beel, still chewing at a time like this.

"ah, well, i—you know i haven't really...i haven't really thought about it, i—"

"oh, you—you haven't really...you haven't really thought about it?" asked lucifer, mocking your embarrassment.

your lips parted in shock. you weren't expecting a mere discussion about barbatos to make lucifer more wicked than usual, and yet—

"i really haven't—"

"mm, then why did you ask?" hummed asmo, batting his eyelashes at you, as if you weren't in the middle of a personal rapture.

"i was just curious, really, he's very..." you trailed, losing your words.

"cool?"

"handsome?"

"talented?"

"charming?"

"well, yes, all of those, but—i was going to say he just seems like someone who has a lot of admirers."

"yeah, and we wanna know if you're one of them" drawled belphie, smirking now, "don't be shy."

"isn't it obvious? of course they are," said satan. "that's just the effect barbatos has on people. it was inevitable, really."

mammon snorted, flicking his chin towards satan. "are you trying to convince yourself or us, library rat?"

"library what—say that again—"

blessedly, the attention of the table focused itself elsewhere, and you were left alone. for now, anyway. halfway through mammon and satan's argument ("argument," satan wanted blood), your d.d.d. lit up with a notification.

barbatos: how are you?

to which you replied, fine; we're having dinner. we actually just got done talking about you

barbatos: oh? all good things, i hope.

of course! we all love you, don't you know?

you set your phone down after that, opting to pay attention to the fact that satan was about to violate the geneva conventions at the dinner table—not like they had geneva down there, but you understand.

distantly, in the demon lord's castle, barbatos was chuckling at your message instead of replying. "don't i know, indeed."

#yes i'm projecting. literally so what shut up #obey me #obey me headacanons #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me imagines #obey me barbatos

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sinnoman · 3 years

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Mammon Angst Masterlist

a/n: for the fandom to have a directory because there’s not enough of mammon hurt. also for me to come back and reread it all :p note that these posts are Mammon-centric so their not MC/OC centered.

(sorry for the tags,,, oh and if you have or know any more angst posts just tell me and i’ll add it)

OBEY THE BUTLER : @obeythebutler

Mammon Goes Missing (no reader)

Mammon Breaks (Multiple Parts) [no reader]

Broken Hearts (reader)

IMA-SIMP-UWU : @ima-simp-uwu

Unwanted (multiple parts) [no reader]

Mammon Snaps (no reader)

STRWBRRYXPRZTL : @strwbrryxprtzl

Everything Stays (no reader)

THE-MOURNING-STARS : @the-mourning-stars

Lucifer Accidentally Kills Mammon (no reader) [dark]

CANDYMEOWZ : @candymeowz

It Should Have Been Me (no reader)

LEVIATHANS-WATCHING : @leviathans-watching

[Read]✓ (no reader)

‘Cause loving you, loving you is too hard (All I do, all I do’s not enough) (no reader)

PEN-INK-THERAPY : @pen-ink-therapy

Mammon’s Sacrifice (no reader)

Aftermath of Mammon’s Sacrifice (no reader)

ROSE-LORD-OF-SIMPS : @rose-lord-of-simps

Mammon Angst Headcanons (no reader)

Mammon Angst Headacanons II (no reader)

Mammon Angst Headcanons II.V (no reader)

When Mammon Finally Snapped (no reader)

5 Times Mammon’s Brothers Were A Holes to Him. 1 Time He Had Enough (no reader)

THEGREATMAMMON : @thegreatmammon

What Pride Had Wrought (no reader)

Too Much Today (no reader)

CERTIFIED-SLOTH : @certified-sloth

When He’s Had Enough (no reader)

Now You Care (no reader)

You’d Never Know (no reader)

HELLISHEUPHORIA : @hellisheuphoria

Mammon, the Biggest Loser in Hell (no reader)

IDONTKNOWMYOWNMIND : @idontknowmyownmind

Another Headcanons of Mammon (no reader)

An Old Curse (no reader)

OBEIII-MEE : @obeiii-mee

Mammon Snaps (no reader)

MOEMOEMAMMON : @moemoemammon

What Am I Missing (reader)

KARIUANN : @kariuann

When He Finally Breaks (multiple parts) [reader]

ARMINSBIH : @arminsbih

Mammon Leaving His Brothers (multiple parts) [no reader]

#OBEY ME #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me brothers #obey me mammon angst #mammon angst #a masterlist of all the mammon angst i could find a 2 am

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