#obey me incorrect quote
Mc,waking up: Where am I?
Solomon, sarcastically: Heaven.
Mc: Didn't expect to see you here.
Solomon: What that suppose to mean?!
Mc: You know damn well what I mean!
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MC: I cast the smartest spell of all time!
Solomon: sounds fake but okay
MC: every time you will try to cook something, a shadow version of myself will pop out of nowhere and it will slap the back of your head
Simeon: This is the best solution for the sake of us all
Solomon: and the fact that I will bullied every time is a good solution for you?
MC: as long as you stop cooking, yes
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Solomon stubs his toe: ow! Son of a b-
Simeon pointing at Luke: there are children here!
Solomon: biscuit son of a biscuit
Simeon: nice save
Solomon: yeah fucking nailed it
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Solomon: *Bends down on one knee*
Solomon: Lucifer, will you... *Takes out a small box and opens it, showing a ring inside* form a pact with me?
Lucifer: *pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs in exhaustion*
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obey me : incorrect quote
MC: Beel was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
Beel: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.
MC: Beel, you ate a chair.
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[Near the beginning]
Luke: Don’t trust demons!
MC: No need to worry. I don’t trust anybody
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Satan: Put on some sunscreen.
Mammon: No thanks; I'm not a little bitch.
Satan: You think you're stronger than the sun?
Satan: The fucking sun?!
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Mc : HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCIFER, I've made a cake for you 🥺 *cuts a slice and gives it to him*
Lucifer : *stares at the slice and then at you* I wish you could have been my today's cake.
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Beelzebub: my stomach hurts when I eat hellfire chips before bed
Belphegor: then don't eat the bed
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[inspired by a conversation between two of my brothers lmao #2 (#1)]
beelzebub: *has been complaining about mouth sores because they're too painful for him to eat properly*
belphegor, on video call: have you tried rinsing with salt water?
beel, who apparently doesn't know what the hell that is: what? how do i do that?
belphie: alright, first get a glass of warm water and stir in a teaspoon of salt.
beel: okay, done.
belphie: now knock it back like you're taking a shot.
beel: *does exactly as instructed*
belphie: now gargle it then spit it out.
beel: i'm sorry, spit what out?
beel: YOU DID SAY TO KNOCK IT BACK--
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Two types of demons
MC: Fuck me if I'm wrong, but-
Asmo: You're wrong.
MC: I didn't finish-
Asmo: You're so fucking wrong.
MC: Fuck me if I'm wrong, but...
Belphie: Go on, I'm listening.
MC: Stab me if I'm wrong, b-
Belphie *with a knife*: YOU SO FUCKING WRONG!!!
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Diavolo: So what it's like being married to Mc?
Lucifer: Once we had an argument and I asked them for water while they were pissed at me.
Diavolo: Yeah and!
Lucifer: They brought me a glass full of ice and told me to wait.
Diavolo: Oh so I assume that must be tough huh?
Lucifer: *reliving the moment in his head* I love them!
Diavolo: . . .
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MC: *pops out of the kitchen* Can I have a pet?
MC: *pops out of the classroom* Can I have a pet?
Lucifer: again, no
MC: *pops out of a hole in the wall* can I have a pet now?
MC: rude, Can I have a pet?
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Young Satan: can I ride my bike?
Lucfier: yeah whatever I am not your mother
5 minutes later
Lucfier: NOT ON THE STREET
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Lucifer: we need to start distributing the chores. Obviously, I don’t have to do any because I’m sorting them.
Satan: none for me either, I’m managing your sorting.
Asmo: and I’m here for moral support.
Levi: *is not even there, he’s polishing his ruri-chan figurines*
Beel: I cleaned the fridge earlier, so I’m done. Add “buy groceries” to the list of chores, we have none left.
Belphie: I’m too sick to help because of everything Beel ate.
Lucifer: so here’s the list of chores you have to do by today, Mammon. Good luck.
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Asmo: I actually have a black belt.
MC: In what, karate?
Asmo: No, from Gucci.
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MC: Hey, how you doing?
Mammon: Well, I’m doing just fine
Mammon’s brain: I lied. I’m dying inside
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Lucifer to everyone: I'm bed, bath, and beyond disappointed in you.
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Belphegor: I just slept for 12 hours, but I might still be tired so I think I'll go for 12 more.
Beelzebub: Belphie, that's a coma.
Belphegor: Sounds festive.
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Leviathan: Hey Lucifer can I borrow Goldie?
Lucifer: Go right ahead.
Mammon: wait you can't just-
Leviathan: DID I ASK YOU?
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