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nalgenewhore · 7 months

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so sick of myself

elide x lorcan, modern au/estbalished relationship + they r still smitten kittens + jealousy/fight, word count: 2514

The atmosphere inside the car is suffocating.

He could say something to cut the tension, he should say something to put her out of her misery, but he won’t.

Elide’s squeezing her hands over and over, and he can feel the weight of her stare on him the way he felt it the whole drive home. He won’t look at her. He can’t right now.

Lorcan slowly pulls his keys out of the ignition. Then, he just looks out his windshield at nothing.

“Lor…”

“What?”

Elide closes her mouth, almost deflating.

He can barely stand this. To sit beside her right now makes his skin crawl, and his mind keeps wrapping around their last fight, the blowup they had after Aelin accidentally disclosed what really happened to Elide during that one shift. That ended with her telling him to get the fuck away from her and not call her till she was ready.

And he knows he deserved that, deserved the days spent in self-inflicted agony.

What he’s doing right now isn’t revenge. Lorcan wants to tell her it isn’t to hurt her, but he can’t bring himself to even look at her. He doesn’t really trust himself to speak either. There’s a nagging feeling that he could say something really fucked up, that would cut into her bones, and he can’t do that, hurt her on purpose.

So, he stays silent.

Elide stares at his profile.

She finds her tongue again by unsticking it from the roof of her mouth. “Should I go home?”

“-fuck you sayin?” His voice is flat and still manages to cut her. He still hasn’t looked at her, not once since they left the party.

“Do you want me to go home? I’ll call a cab.”

Lorcan sighs through his nose, his full lips pressed thin. “Stop.” He rubs his eyes. “Obliviously fuckin not, why’re you askin dumbass shit?”

She sinks back into the passenger seat. “It’s a valid question.”

“And what you think the answer was gonna be?” He mumbles, toneless. His hand falls from his face.

“You won’t even look at me.”

“‘lide, I want you with me, always. I just…” he shakes his head, “can’t really look at you right now, bro.”

Elide fiddles with the hem of her skirt. Now, her eyes have dropped to her lap, and she finds she can’t look at him either. “I really wasn’t-“

He cuts her off with a little huff. “Nah, you know I don’t wanna hear it.”

Silence stretches between them; it’s so heavy as it bores onto her shoulders, and she strains under its weight.

“What do you want me to do?”

From somewhere, either on his person or in his car, Lorcan procures a thick blunt and wedges it between his lips. “Take my bed an’ get some sleep.” He thinks about telling her that he wants to fuck the anger out, or at least wants her mouth on him, but she’ll let him. At that point, he’d be using her and that doesn’t sit well with him. “I’ll come when I’m good.”

The words clog in her throat, too many wanting to escape all at once like it wasn’t a big deal, you misread the situation, stay with me even if you’re not good, get angry - yell at me, use me, do whatever you want. “You won’t come with me now?”

“Nah, I just, like,” he says, “rather not do that.”

She swallows.

Lorcan gets out of his side, like the absence of her response ratchets the tension just that much more to where he can’t stand her proximity. The car shakes when he slams the door shut, and Elide flinches even though he always closes his door that way. She carefully dries her eyes with the sleeve of her cardigan.

When he opens her door, she tries to make it seem like she isn’t crying, but he still sees the traces of it. “Lee, c’mon, Imma get you some clothes and-”

“No, I’m fine,” she lies, shaking her head with a wet, phlegmy laugh. “It’s fine.” Elide stands up and sidles past him. “Um, don’t worry about it, I’ll get settled and everything.”

He looks at her solemnly before letting her go. As he settles against his beater, bringing a lighter to his blunt, she forces herself to walk into his house without looking back.

✵✵✵✵✵

Tonight, his bed feels cold and stiff. The whole house does.

She’s choking on the wrongness of it all.

And, deeply, she’s confused.

Because Elide doesn’t know what to do when he’s mad at her. He never really shows that. It’s never gotten to the point where he explicitly does not want to be around her.

She feels untethered, like she’s floating in a great big sea.

She thought she could psych herself into thinking it was just like any other night. That he’d come to her when he finished smoking.

But she already heard him come inside two hours ago. The walls shook (she imagined) when he let himself in. His presence, never mind it was past a shut door and down the hall, sucked all her oxygen up.

So, Elide rolls onto her side, and she can’t shake the feeling that she doesn’t belong here without him, staring at his spot.

Her phone lies on the mattress by his pillow, and she snatches it closer, blinking at the bright screen.

Once she works up the nerve to text him, she doesn’t hesitate to press send, then quickly toss her phone down.

EL: Are you still awake?

There’s a buzz half a minute later (she counted the seconds).

LS: why u still up

EL: You’re not here, I can’t sleep

Her breathing slows like her lungs are being squeezed by the hand of his avoidance. Elide watches the little read notification pop up but no further acknowledgement. It weirdly crushes her, makes her sink into the mattress.

There was a small relief when he told her he didn’t want her going home. By now, that spark of warmth has faded. She might beg him to join her.

LS: try ill come in later

EL: I don’t want to wait. Be “not good” with me.

LS: alr told u i can’t

LS: do u need sum

EL: You

LS: b serious lee if u dnt need sum lemme b

EL: Then I guess nothing.

She turns onto her back as pits of tears grow and well in her throat.

Elide feels like a kicked puppy, so needy and wanting for his attention. She’s never felt like this before. She hates knowing it’s her own doing.

EL: I love you.

EL: I want you to sleep with me even if you’re not good.

EL: We don’t have to talk.

She waits for his reply, knows that he’s still up from the muffled sound of the television.

When it doesn’t come, a childish kind of anger bursts in her stomach.

“Fucking asshole,” she speaks aloud to herself when the read receipt pops up.

Elide curls back into a ball and banishes her phone to his side.

She hears her phone vibrate a few minutes later, and she’s quick to grab it, the bright screen making her squint.

It takes a couple blinks for her to be able to read the messages.

LS: yo u kno the doors thin

LS: was brushing my teeth

LS: if ur talking abt me say it to my face

Her stomach drops like a stone but her pulse jumps with anger.

EL: Thought you didn’t want to talk.

LS: that was before i heard u

LS: come here bro

He does this thing when he’s annoyed where he’ll call her ‘bro’ to create emotional distance between them.

EL: Why?

In the hallway, she hears him groaning in annoyance.

LS: get out here

LS: obvi u wanna talk

EL: And if I don’t?

LS: r u fr

LS: then dont im not forcing u

LS: r u trying to piss me off??

Elide doesn’t answer. A minute passes, and his footsteps fade into the living room.

✵✵✵✵✵

The couch is too small for him even when he’s on his side. He turns onto his back, guilt eating him up for ignoring her messages before.

LS: sweet dreams

LS: baby

LS: i love you

He waits for her to see them, his chest twisted until she answers. The bubble in his gut stays inflated the longer he waits, and Lorcan knows soon enough that she’s probably asleep, or at the very least, she’s leaving him alone like he wanted. Yet, that feeling of being ignored that he hates so deeply remains.

When he gets up, he can’t say whether he’s going to her out of his desires or hers. Lorcan scrubs his eyes as he walks to his room, floorboards creaking beneath his feet.

He can tell she isn’t asleep the moment he steps inside his room.

Lorcan crosses the room and sees her phone laying down on the nightstand. He picks it up, just to see if she saw his text, only to sigh as he puts it back. She hasn’t.

“Gimme some room, ‘lide,” he says softly, tapping her back.

She moves without a word.

As he lies down, he’s cautious of her unbidden hair.

It’s familiar, the slide of his arm around her waist, the way it feels to pull her back into him.

Lorcan can feel the tension in her body like she wants more but fears his denial.

Which will never come, because it hurts too much to deny her.

She eases when he presses his mouth to her bare shoulder. “Baby, turn over.”

Elide slowly turns to face him. Even in the dark, he can see how her eyes worriedly search him.

They lay in that timid silence for a while. He traces each notch of her spine with his knuckles, coaxing her closer.

It feels like salt on an open wound, lemon juice dripping over split knuckles.

She nuzzles her face into his neck, and something about that graze of her lips over his skin unleashes them.

“I always thought you’d be the jealous type.”

Lorcan holds her tighter, his arms locked across her back. “‘m sorry. Not tryna be a dick.”

“I know.”

“Did I make you cry?” His thumb is on her cheek as if to check for wet rawness. It’s still hard to look at her.

“Not really.” Elide slides her hand around his, turning her chin to kiss the base of his palm. She pulls back to look at him. “I know you’re not good, but I still want you here. It’s selfish-”

“Nah, s’not, never selfish.” Lorcan sighs deeply, feels guilty. He slides his fingers down her neck. He finds it easier to focus on the gooseflesh that erupts in the wake of his touch. “Can’t even stay mad when all I wanna do is be ‘round you.”

She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to sort through her words. “I never know what to do when you’re mad. You just shut me out.”

“I know.” He hates being angry around her. Anger makes him unbearable, he thinks. It always has. “I- don’t wanna be mean to you or say some fucked up shit. You never make me, like, for real mad. I just didn’t know how to act around you.”

Elide twists her fingers in his shirt. “I wasn’t- nothing happened. It was a misunderstanding.”

His jaw clenches. “s’not bout that.” He should be calm, he should tell her he believes her (since he does). Yet he’s not done being pissed at her, he wants her to take some of his anger even if that isn’t nice or fair. “Lee, you didn’t say shit to her.”

“I didn’t even realise she was saying something in that way, I could barely hear her.”

“Like I get that, but it’s still some girl in your space and touching on you, and you just lettin her be there? How’s that supposed to look to me?”

“That’s why I was pushing her back, she grabbed my hand and, like, held it on her. I didn’t want that.”

Lorcan chews on his lip. He’s not sure he has the heart to really go in on this conversation.

“I wasn’t going to kiss her, Lor.”

“I… yeah.”

Elide lets out a breathy, anxious laugh. “Like, I wouldn’t ever do that to you, you get that, right?”

“I feel you.” He brushes his mouth over her forehead. “Just looked bad.”

Silence, unresolved, settles over them like a storm cloud waiting to break.

Lorcan slides his hands beneath her (his) t-shirt as he weighs his next words. “What fucked me up is that you- I had to tell her you got someone. Felt like… you didn’t want her knowing that?”

Elide shakes her head. “I don’t want anyone who isn’t you. Everyone that matters knows that.”

He closes his mouth and lets the quiet of nothing creep back in for a second.

“Uh-huh.”

“Why are you worried? Have I done something to make you this worried?”

He can’t answer her immediately.

“I’m so in love with you,” he eventually says. “s’not anything you done or whatever, I’m scared bout how easily you could hurt me.”

It makes her heart sink a bit. “I wouldn’t ever want to.”

“I know. I know that, Lee.” Lorcan breathes in deeply and finds it a little easier to speak. “You got me thinkin bout my future and, like, real shit. ‘m not used to that.”

Elide’s almost scared to ask. “Am I in your future?”

He gives her a look that’s slightly irritated like she should know better than to ask that. “You are it.”

The declaration, as soft as it’s spoken, makes her surge forward and kiss him. A second later, Elide realises it’s probably not what he wants right now. She backs away; Lorcan’s hand slopes around her nape and holds her to him. He kisses her back slowly like he wants to savour her.

She leans into his body, letting her lips part when he licks over the seam of her mouth. Elide wants to feel him fully, to fuse them together so she never has to feel so untethered again, though she knows that’s probably not the most healthy thing to think. “I love you,” she whispers. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.” Her hand wraps in his t-shirt. “I want you forever.”

“You got me forever,” he promises.

Elide swears it back to him. He nods – he believes her. Just like that, the tension in her chest unhooks, and she can breathe, she can feel her heart pumping again, her mind calms.

He’s not in the mood to push past the kisses that act like a lifeline between them. So, Lorcan settles against her, and the draped weight of him over her becomes this shroud of exhaustion - she’s so tired suddenly with her eyes begging to be shut.

She thinks, briefly, fleetingly, the moment that his breaths even out, that lying against one another is what they’re meant to do.

✵✵✵✵✵

an: another installation of my new mini series thing! next i hope to either finish their first meeting OR first kiss we shall see <3 here is part one

tags: @sassyhobbits @empress-ofbloodshed @celestialams @the-regal-warrior @shyvioletcat @icecream52 @elentiyawhitethorn @goddess-aelin @julemmaes @sunshinebingo

#elorcan #elide x lorcan #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #nalgenewhore #isa writes

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charincharge · 27 days

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I Don't Want To Wait, sixy-nine

AN: I’ve been waiting literal years to get to chapter 69, but alas. It didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. In fact, I think this chap is going to be split in two. Hopefully the second half will be up by the end of the weekend. Please enjoy and lmk via comment or reblog if you’re still out there.

Aelin leaned her head back into the seat rest and let the wind whip through her long hair, her stress melting away with each mile they drove away from Orynth. In the aftermath of the Evalin debacle, she was more than ready for a full week of nothing resembling schoolwork or stress whatsoever. Nothing but relaxation, sunshine, and sex. She’d even made a special trip to the mall with Manon and Elide to purchase a few new nightgowns for the occasion. And she could not wait to show them off. And honestly, she couldn’t wait to have sex in a real bed. Her knees were totally bruised and red from the back seat of the Jeep. She sighed happily, imagining the week-full of scantily clad moments and couldn’t help but look over at Rowan, who was hyper focused as he made his way through the winding highways at the base of the Terrasen mountains.

She took a moment to truly ogle him. The flex of his forearm as he made his way meticulously around every curve. His furrowed brow and his recently cropped hair showing off the thick column of his throat. One of his teeth peeked from between his pillowy lips, gnawing on the skin there, completely oblivious to Aelin’s lusting.

“Aelin, look away from your boyfriend before he crashes the car,” Lysandra laughed from the backseat, causing Aedion to snort loudly beside her. “Could you be any hornier? Gods.”

“Yes,” Rowan smirked, still not taking his eyes off the road ahead of him. Okay, so maybe not completely oblivious. “You sure your parents won’t care that we’re spending the week at their beach house?” Rowan asked Lysandra for approximately hundredth time since she’d pitched the idea the week earlier.

“They’re on a luxury cruise on the coast of the Southern continent for the rest of the month,” she replied, giving her same answer no matter how many times he asked for reassurance.

The plan had come together fairly last minute, not that Aelin was complaining. She’d anticipated her spring break being a boring (but still delightful) affair of vegging out in front of the television, but this was going to be a whole lot better. Obviously, spring break was a minefield of substance use (and abuse), and Lysandra had pitched the idea of a sober week at her parents’ completely empty beachside mansion. Aelin could tell that Lysandra was feeling genuinely nervous about the prospect of being alone, and Aelin was happy to gather a group of people, who would enjoy a week of sobriety. Manon and Elide had jumped at the opportunity to be unsupervised for a week, while Dorian had pratically thrown himself across the table asking to join. (Apparently his dad had been more annoying than usual as he waited for college apps to roll in). And though Aelin had anticipated Chaol not wanting to participate, given whatever weirdness was going on with him and Dorian, he also seemed exciting to come.

What Aelin hadn’t anticipated, though, was her cousin’s presence. He was waiting at Lysandra’s, suitcase in hand, as Rowan and Aelin swung by earlier this morning. He’d waved her raised brow off with a loud, “Let’s get this sober party started!” And that was, apparently that.

She looked behind her at the pair, wondering what was actually going on between them. Despite the absence of any kind of drugs or alcohol, Aelin had a distinct feeling this week was going to be a wild one.

. . .

The house was… incredible. She’d seen pictures of it before, but Lysandra’s family used it primarily as an event space, renting it out during the summer months. It was still slightly too chilly to utilize the beach, so it sat, dark and empty. But, just stepping into the brightly lit foyer, Aelin felt lighter than air.

“You and Rowan are in the master on the fourth floor,” Lysandra said, pointing to the staircase.

“Really?”

“Aedion requested that you both be out of earshot from him,” she said with a teasing smile.

“And where is my dear cousin going to be sleeping?” Aelin asked, curiosity peaking.

Lysandra rolled her eyes, and Aelin didn’t fail to notice that wasn’t an answer.

“Manon and Elide are stopping for takeout, so text them with your order ASAP,” she said instead.

Aelin was going to push further, but Rowan came sweeping in beside her, their suitcases in hand, and starting running up the stairs.

“Race ya!”

“That’s cheating!”

Aelin tripped over her own sneakers trying to get ahead of him, but the man was built like a tree trunk, and no matter how many times she tried to snake around him, he blocked her again and again.

Finally, as they rounded the corner to master suite, Aelin was able to pull ahead. And the sight that awaited her was even better than she could have imagined.

Squealing, she took off in a run before falling back, full body flopping and bouncing onto the

king-sized bed, which took up the center of the room. She sighed happily as she stared up at the billowy canopy above her, the smell of beachside breeze surrounding her as Rowan cracked open their giant bay window. Behind a set of gauzy curtains was a private balcony, overlooking the beach and the ocean beyond it, and Aelin felt like royalty with how good everything felt. She could get used to this.

With a wide smile, Rowan came and flopped next to her, both of them bouncing in tandem off the mattress and crashing down into each other in a breathless pile of limbs.

“Hi,” Rowan said, curling his body towards hers, his green eyes dark as his hand ran its way under the hem of her shirt. She inched forward in return, leaning into the pads of his fingers as they circled the skin of her back.

“Hi.”

Her voice sounded breathless to her own ears. Although, that could be due to the fact that they’d just sprinted up four flights of stairs.

“Dinner! Text.” Lys shouted up the stairs, breaking the spell between them momentarily. She jotted off a quick text, then resumed her position staring at Rowan. Gods, he was so beautiful. And she was so lucky to have him. His fingers never ceased their movement, delicately running up and down the curve of her side, as his face relaxed into a contended smile. She briefly had the urge to pull her journal from her backpack and record this moment, this prolonged moment of touching between them, as she had before they’d admitted their feelings for each other. The shadow of a past that she barely knew anymore.

She’d brought the journal in hopes that she’d be able to write out any of her feelings regarding her murky future, but with Rowan’s face merely inches away, it all seemed so clear. She’d only ever need him. Unable to resist the pull between them for a second longer, she tugged the collar of his shirt toward her and pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss.

He mumbled something against her mouth, but she was too blissed out to really hear his words.

“Shouldn’t we go downstairs,” he laughed, as she trailed kisses down his throat. “Help Lys unpack the groceries and games and stuff?”

“Mmm, no,” Aelin said, rolling her boyfriend to his back and lifting up his shirt to scatter soft kisses against his abs. She loved the way they clenched beneath her touch. It made her feel so powerful. Rowan snorted loudly, but it morphed quickly into a groan as she fiddled with the waistband of his pants.

“Ace,” he attempted to admonish her. “Friends. Downstairs.”

“Guess we’ll just have to be quiet.”

He flopped back onto the fluffy white comforter with a muffled groan as Aelin tugged on his pants. And as she started to move over him, she errantly thought she should have texted her friends that they would be late to dinner and not to wait for them.

. . .

They were indeed late for dinner. But no one minded. The table was filled with chatter between their friends, who barely spared the freshly showered pair a glance as they walked in. They table was mid-card game already, and Aelin laughed loudly as she figured out they were playing an extremely intense game of Go Fish between bites of their seafood feast.

“Go. Fish,” Aedion said confidently, causing Dorian’s blue eyes to narrow with irritation.

“If you have a three you have to give it to me,” Dorian insisted, causing Aedion to smirk back.

“I know how to play the game, pretty boy.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

A matching smirk appeared on Dorian’s face, and the sudden moment of silence was so charged that Aelin felt herself warm slightly. Looking around the table, she knew she was not the only one who noticed. The tension coming from both Lysandra and Chaol’s tight smiles was palpable.

Well, that was certainly an interesting development.

“Dorian, do you have any fives?” Manon cut in, apparently observing the same situation that Aelin had.

The spark died quickly as the game progressed, but it didn’t escape Aelin’s attention that Chaol’s eyes flicked between Aedion and Dorian a few dozen times. He’d insisted they were fine and that the moment they spent as more than friends was just a blip in the past, but given his furrowed brow and tipped frown, Aelin had a feeling that wasn’t exactly true. Poor Chaol.

The rest of the night followed without incident — they received a full house tour from Lysandra, who showed them how to use the highly complicated smart house settings, which included internet, lights, the thermostat and auto-timed blackout shades. She also led them out to the deck and taught them how to turn on the hot tub, as well as the outdoor lights and music system. After she taught them how to turn on the projector in the theater room, and where everything had been put away in the kitchen, they decided they deserved an evening of rest. They all gathered on the family room the couch to eat copious amounts of candy and popcorn and watch a horror comedy that Aedion had picked. Aelin was glad she and Rowan had gotten in some alone time earlier, because somewhere toward the middle of the movie, she could feel her eyes getting heavy with sleep.

“You okay?” she could hear Rowan ask somewhere just out of reach of the depths of her exhaustion.

She mumbled a soft, “I’m asleep,” as she flopped harder onto his chest, and she could feel the rumble of his laughter beneath her cheek as he stroked her hair, and that was all she remembered.

She didn’t wake until hours later when the first hints of buttery sunlight peaked through the curtains of their master suite. Based on Rowan’s soft and steady breath beside her, she knew it must be really early, and a quick glance at the clock told her it wasn’t even six yet. Despite not being a morning person at all, she felt invigorated and inspired. She crept quietly out of bed, throwing on a pair of sweats and grabbing her journal before heading downstairs.

The delicious aroma of coffee awaited her downstairs, a full pot already brewed from the fancy machine Lysandra had taught them how to use last night in their detailed house tour. She looked around to see who else was awake, but the kitchen was completely empty. Instead of doing further inspection, she poured a hefty amount of hazelnut creamer into her coffee and grabbed a blanket from the stack on the end of the couch to wrap around her shoulders before making her way onto the deck.

The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon when she settled in at the outdoor table with her coffee. Awash in the beauty of the blue waves softly lapping at the shore of the beach, contrasting with the deep purple and pink sky first tinged with the first rays of the firey red-orange sun, Aelin felt like she could finally breathe for the first time in a long time.

Her worn journal was battered and bruised, and she regretted that it had been ignored in the recent months, in favor of her color-coded planner. It was her dad who’d reminded her of its existence, wondering if she wouldn’t feel better if she put pen to paper about how she was feeling. And though she wasn’t exactly sure what was going to come out, she placed her pen against a fresh page and took off. As the words formed in her messy sloping print, she found herself writing about the moment itself. She wanted to remember this sky, the way the sunlight spilled over the darkness like a molten lava, lighting up the horizon like a fire, starting deep glowing red, then turning a burning orange, until it became unmistakably golden.

She didn’t know how long she’d been writing for when the seats next to her started to fill up with her friends, but the sun was firmly fixed in the sky, daylight pouring over the wide expanse of sand and glistening atop the ocean’s placid undulations. She shut her journal and reached for her coffee mug, which had been freshly filled and was steaming again. Her glance drifted next to her where Rowan lifted his own mug, which read “World’s Best Granddad” in a scrawling script, in an air cheers, and they both smiled as they took a sip in unison.

“So, what’s on the agenda today, Miss Lys?” Aedion asked, clapping his hand loudly on her shoulder.

Lys glanced up at him with a beaming smile. “Glad you asked.”

Lysandra had put in more prep than Aelin had even anticipated, making sure that they had multiple activity options for each day they spend there. Aelin had known Lysandra was nervous about this week, but she hadn’t realized exactly how nervous until she saw Lys’s list for potential activities and which weather they’d be best for.

Since the weather was abnormally warm for this time of year, they decided to take advantage of the sunshine and explore the local town. It was a short walk from the house, and though it was pretty much just two streets of “downtown,” it was fun to look into each of the darkened windows, seeing where tourists would line up to indulge in artisan fudge and hand crafted beach bags, decadent scoops of ice cream, and kitschy beachwear as soon as summer came around.

“Sup, buttmunch?” Aedion swung a large arm around Aelin’s shoulders as they ambled down the main street.

Aelin’s instinct was to shrink out of her cousin’s arms and tell him to fuck off, but he had the distinct privilege of catching her in a moment where she was trying to relish the moment. She remembered how hard it sucked when he went away to college, how far away he felt, and couldn’t resist leaning into his grasp. It only caused him confusion.

“You good?”

Aelin nodded. But Aedion knew her too well.

“I heard about your mom.”

Well, that caught Aelin’s attention.

“What? How?”

He nodded toward Lysandra. “Don’t be mad if she wasn’t supposed to tell. She was just… worried. If anyone knows about parental issues…”

Aelin shrugged. “I’m okay.” But Aedion wasn’t satisfied with that answer and proceeded to pinch her side. “OW!”

She must have reacted too exuberantly because before she could say anything, Rowan was there, hovering and worrying and asking Aedion what was going on.

“I’m fine, buzzard,” she laughed, shooing him away.

“Sorry I upset your bodyguard,” Aedion chuckled. And it felt so natural to just be with him that she almost cried. She thought about the way their relationship had ebbed and flowed in the last two years, and she regretted… a lot. She loved Aedion. And cutting him out was one of the worst things she’d done in a long list of mistakes.

“He’s fine. And so am I,” Aelin reassured her cousin, who was still peering at her with the eyes she saw in the mirror every day. Damn, it was so hard to lie to him. “Or, I will be.” She took a deep breath. “I’m just looking forward to a week with no drama.”

At that, Aedion snorted loudly.

“I’m sorry, you gathered a group of stressed out couples and almost couples and former couples and expected them not to bring you drama?” he asked, eyes sparkling.

Aelin’s jaw dropped. “And which one are you?”

“I don’t believe in labels,” he replied, puffing out his chest. But his posturing was short-lived as he lowered his voice. “Dorian is… nice.”

“I KNEW IT!” Aelin hissed.

“Shush,” he chastised her, pulling her closer.

“But what about Lys?” she asked.

And she saw the way Aedion’s eyes glazed over with concern as he sought out the brunette in front of them. “She’s an incredible human, and I like her a lot.” He paused. “Maybe more than I should.” He sighed as he looked down at Aelin again. “She’s strong as hell, and she’d straight up die for anyone she cares about. It reminds me a lot of someone else I know…” He chuckled. “But, she’s not allowed to date for at least another six months, according to her sobriety rules. And she said she’ll probably follow it for longer, given how fucked up her last relationship was. And, she’s straight up told me that. And I have to respect that. So, yeah, I’m looking elsewhere.” He paused, his eyes sliding to Dorian’s swaying hips a few feet in front of them. “And elsewhere is cute.”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and elsewhere has a former-almost relationship sleeping next door to him.”

“I know,” Aedion laughed. “Which is why I think you should be prepared for drama,” he said, tickling her side. “I know you can’t possssibly understand because you’re in the most incredible amazing relationship ever, but…”

“You talking about my butt?” Dorian quipped, winking over his shoulder, and Aedion’s cheeks had the audacity to turn pink.

Aelin didn’t think she’d ever seen him blush before, and she couldn’t believe the shade of scarlet he turned at Dorian’s attention. Which… was worrisome, given Chaol and Lysandra’s sudden tension in their posture. Drama. Oh dear. Perhaps Aedion was right. Aelin considered herself warned.

. . .

When they got back to the house, everyone was ordered to leave the kitchen. Manon and Chaol (of all people!) had decided to cook everyone a gourmet dinner. Unbeknownst to anyone, Chaol had pursued an interest in the culinary arts and he was enamored by the technology available to him in Lysandra’s parents’ kitchen. And apparently Manon was an excellent chef, according to Elide, who had enjoyed many meals via her girlfriends’ talents. As they had walked by a local grocery, they’d picked up all the ingredients they needed for the most delicious dinner ever. They spent their time walking through the aisles, deciding what to prepare and landed on a multi-course meal that would knock everyone’s socks off. Apparently last night’s takeout was… fine, but they wanted something more elevated. Just from overhearing their planning, Aelin had deduced dinner would consist of several different salads, seared scallops, a complicated steak dish, and a dessert that Aelin would be dreaming about for hours. She thought perhaps they had watched too much Top Chef, but who was she to complain about receiving the fruits of their labor?

Since the group had hours to kill and the sun was starting to sink into the horizon and leave the house shrouded in dark shadow, Lys suggested that they start up the hot tub while Manon and Chaol manned the kitchen. Elide and Chaol had offered themselves up as sous chefs to help with any prep, but they were rejected, leaving them to join the hot tub crew. Aelin felt absolutely great about that. And as soon as she put on her bikini, so did Rowan. His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her close and nuzzling his face into her neck. “Mmm, you smell so good,” he moaned, and Aelin couldn’t resist smiling widely as she remembered the multiple nightgowns she’d brought and hadn’t taken out yet. Rowan would be dying. And they’d be putting this master bed with its fluffy mattress and even fluffier comforter to good use. She’d specifically bought a few sexy nightgowns in colors she knew he would love – gold, green, and red. But she was careful to push them to the bottom of the suitcase and out of Rowan’s view. After arranging the clothes just so, so everything was out of sight, she placed her her journal on top to and pulled her bathing suit out.

He was already clad in low-slung shorts, which highlighted his abs in an obscene way, and she contemplated saying fuck it to the hot tub and just pulling him into bed right in that very moment, but she also knew that she should be social and that this was not just a sexcation for her and her boyfriend. When she looked at the wide expanse of his chest and thick roped arms that was hard to remember. So she pulled him out of the room quickly, not wanting to tempt herself more than she needed.

In the hot tub, Lys and Aedion were already stewing in the steamy water, seltzers in hand as they tried to control their temperature. Aelin stepped in and let the lapping bubbles overtake her, sliding onto a seat that was right next to a pulsing jet. She couldn’t help but moan, causing all the eyes in the hot tub to slide to her.

“Sorry,” she apologized, causing a round of laughter to take off.

Dorian and Elide slinked in shortly after, and even though Aelin was leaning hard into Rowan’s side, she kept an eye on Aedion and Dorian and Lys, wondering exactly what was going on between all of them at every moment. Rowan definitely noticed at one point, elbowing her side, but she ignored him.

“Ugh, I’m overheated,” Rowan complained about thirty minutes into their soak.

“Really? I’m perfect,” Aelin replied, causing everyone to laugh.

Rowan shook his head, laughing at his girlfriend. “I’m gonna take a cold shower and then I’ll be back,” he assured her, leaving her with a solid kiss that left Aelin breathless.

“Y’all are as disgusting as ever,” Aedion said, causing Dorian to snort loudly.

“That’s nothing,” he added. “Wait until you see them in the minutes before they head to their not-so-secret parking lot spot to fuck.”

Aelin’s cheek’s filled with blood at his words, but she wasn’t ashamed. “Whatever,” she laughed off.

Even Elide joined in the razzing, making Aelin realize that maybe she and Rowan were more obvious than they let on. She was so busy laughing that she barely realized that Rowan hadn’t rejoined them until everyone was getting out of the tub an hour later.

As she walked through the kitchen, she sniffed in the incredible aromas and told Manon that she was looking forward to dinner, to which her friend simply replied, “You better be.”

Dripping slightly, she skipped up the stairs to the master bedroom. Rowan was laid out on the bed, his eyes closed, and Aelin assumed that he was simply exhausted, and walked herself straight into the shower. She showered the chlorine out of her hair and took extra time to shave her legs all the way up to her hips, making sure that she was feeling good and confident about being alone with Rowan tonight.

But when she made her way out to the bedroom, Rowan was staring at her with such vitriol that she was taken aback.

“Uh, hi?” she asked, and he simply scoffed.

“Hi.” She wrapped the towel tighter around her chest and looked at him for real. He did not look happy. His frown tugged down exaggeratedly and his brow was crinkled with stress lines.

“You okay?” she asked, even though the answer was an obvious no.

“Just wondering why you’re with me if you think I’m inconsiderate and emotionally stunted,” he said super casually, as if he hadn’t said something completely insane.

“What?”

He reached for her journal, which she hadn’t even realized was in his grasp, and held it in front of them.

“Apparently you think I’m selfish and horrible and completely unworthy of your attention, so I guess I’m not so sure of what you’re doing with me.”

Aelin was aghast.

“You read my journal?”

He scoffed, as if he hadn’t done anything wrong. “Well, it was out there for anyone to see. I barely had to flip through it to see all the shit you wrote about me,” he said, annoyed as ever. But all it did was spur Aelin’s anger. How…dare he?

She snatched the journal from his hands and clutched it to her still damp chest.

“You’re not even denying it. You read my journal.”

He stuck his nose into the air, not denying a thing, and Aelin’s heart panged with a hurt so large she thought maybe she was having a heart attack.

“That wasn’t okay, Ro.”

“Obviously,” he quipped. “This is where you write how much you fucking hate me.”

She could feel herself vibrating with anger as she opened the journal in front of him. “Oh yeah? I hate you?” she sassed. “Then please tell me why I spent all of the summer between junior and senior year cataloguing every time you touched me? Because I hated you?” she seethed. “This journal is my most private thoughts and feelings,” she admitted. “And most of them are about how in love with you I am.” She took a deep breath, her shoulders shaking with every deep breath. “So you read the one page where I was frustrated that you didn’t love me too? Get over it, Rowan. You put me through hell. HELL!” she shouted. “You didn’t give me any signal that you loved me too, at all. So, sorry if I had one stupid journal entry talking about how frustrated I was with you. If you had turned the fucking page,” she said, turning the page for effect. “You would have seen how stupidly obsessed and in love I was with you, but you don’t deserve to read that either.”

She shook with her anger, unaffected by the change in her boyfriends’ expression.

“Now get out.”

“But—”

“Get out.”

She watched as Rowan gathered himself off the bed and headed out the door, and she chose to ignore the small furrow in Rowan’s brow or the clenching of his jaw, as she slammed the door shut.

How dare he. Like, really. How. Dare. He? He had no right to invade her privacy and then be mad about what he’d discovered. Not to mention, if he’d only skipped ahead a few pages in the journal he would have stumbled on a time stamped record of every time he’d touched her, making her skin light on fire with lust and wanting. I’m fact, nearly 99% of that journal was just wishing and hoping that he’d ever look her way or see her as more than a friend. It was the contents of a lovestruck puppy. But NO. He had to crack open her journal and peer inside the one, single day where she hated the wanting and the pain from wanting so bad that she had to get it out — expel the poison from inside her, knowing that none of it was really how she felt. It wasn’t true then and it certainly wasn’t true now. And he knew that! So, how dare he have the audacity to be upset about her most private painful thoughts when he was the one invading them?

She could feel tears burning the edges of her eyelids but refused to let them through. Instead, she sniffed back loudly and tilted her head to the ceiling. An old fan whirred slowly above her, letting out a soft clinking sound with each rotation. One of the blades was slightly off and kept catching the very top of the chain that dangled below. Her breathing steadied as she watched the fan do its wonky loop again and again, the clinking starting to soothe her and she inhaled and exhaled with each sound.

What a dick.

“UGH!” Aelin pushed herself up and stalked to the door, swinging it back open.

Rowan stood exactly where the door had slammed in his face, and she watched him take a breath, presumably to say he was sorry, but Aelin didn’t care. “Don’t,” she whispered under her breath. “I’m starving, and this dinner sounds so fucking good, and I don’t want to fight.”

“I just want to talk—”

“Well, I don’t,” she snapped.

To his credit, he nodded succinctly, not pushing for more.

“I’m so mad at you,” she continued. “What you did is not okay,” she said, breathing hard and ignoring the way his green eyes pinched at her words. “That journal is my private thoughts and feelings, and you reading it without me… I thought we had boundaries.”

His eyes looked sad as he said, “But I thought we told each other everything.”

And she took a large breath to reply. Because she understood. She really did. “We do. Now. But Ro, that journal is from years and years of our lives. It starts freshman year, and I still use it today. Do you know how many thoughts and feelings I’ve had about you since then?” she asked. She grabbed the journal. “If you turned the page, you would have seen a detailed time stamped spreadsheet of every time you touched me our sophomore year. Literally time stamped. But there were so many times that I wasn’t sure about us. You were with fucking Lyria! For months,” she shouted. “So, how dare you come and be mad at me when you read how I was feeling during that time? I didn’t know if you’d be with me ever.” She took another deep breath, ignoring Rowan’s pained face. “I’m sorry you got your feelings hurt, but I’m not sorry for writing my feelings down in my journal. It was the only way I was able to survive. And youi peaking into that time without acknowledging how hard you hurt me then isn’t just tone deaf, but it's stupid, Ro. Really fucking stupid.”

“I thought you wanted me to read it…” he said, trying to explain himself.

“Well, that was your mistake,” she said, wiping a rogue tear from her cheek.

Rowan apologized, but Aelin barely heard him. She’d wanted to be apart from the drama, but as she and Rowan made her way down to dinner, she realized that they were the drama. And it was about to be everyone else’s problem.

#idwtw #rowaelin #tog fanfiction #rowaelin fanfiction #tog fanfic #rowaelin fanfic #throne of glass

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mariaofdoranelle · 8 months

Text

Look at Us Now - ch. 15

Fic masterlist

This is the last flashback😭😭 I’m emotional

Warnings: language, postpartum depression

Words: 3,3k

Aelin’s legs were burning. All of her muscles felt heavy, which didn’t help her back pain, and with a blurred vision and dulled senses, she kept gently bouncing on that yoga ball. And bouncing. And bouncing. Aelin had no idea for how long she had been doing this, but it was the only way Maisie would stop crying.

Looking around, the white walls of her new home were bare, no watch in sight. There was a TV, but Aelin was so stressed she might throw the remote against the screen. With her phone in her bedroom, the only thing she could do was look at Maisie and keep bouncing on that yoga ball.

Her baby looked blissful as ever, letting little squeals of delight when Aelin would get particularly anguished and push her legs harder than needed. It only made her feel worse.

Maisie. Her daughter’s toothless grins didn’t always make her feel rewarded, sometimes they felt more like a reminder of how oblivious her baby was to the disaster that was Aelin’s attempts at being a proper mother.

Aelin couldn’t quite swallow the lump in her throat, so it came back as tears streaming down her face, her heart constricting and bleeding as she wondered why. Why couldn’t she just muscle through this? Why did she flinch every time her baby began to cry? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about herself, her feelings and her fatigue when Aelin vowed to put Maisie first when she found out about the pregnancy?

She wiped away the mix of tears and sweat from her face, her sore legs now trembling. Aelin was a doctor, she knew what was about to happen. Her muscles were giving out, but she wouldn’t.

Maisie was a colicky baby, she’d recently found out. Hours of bouncing on a yoga ball was better than hours of listening to her scream bloody murder for no reason.

Aelin strained her legs harder, groaning through the pain. She saw Dr. Blackbeak recently, who confirmed her postpartum depression and told her to find time to put herself first, get a support system. That sounded like a joke now.

She muffled her screams with her forearm, her muscles feeling like they were being ripped to shreds. Aelin would’ve fallen on the floor if she hadn’t been at an arm’s length from the couch, but she dragged herself out of the yoga ball and laid on the couch.

Maisie’s first wail came the second Aelin stopped bouncing.

She shushed and soothed her daughter, but the longer she stayed away from the yoga ball, the louder those screams got, making Aelin wonder how her ears weren’t bleeding yet.

Her legs had rested for what? Thirty seconds? More than enough. God, she wished someone would’ve told her having a baby was harder than military training. When Aelin was getting out of the couch to get back to that damned yoga ball. She heard a car pulling up in the garage. Her shoulders immediately dropped, some tension in her body immediately being released. Rowan was here.

Except that when the door was opened, the person that came through it was Dorian Havilliard.

She frowned. “What are you doing here?”

He pointed at her crying baby. “What’s wrong with that thing?”

Aelin’s eyes darted between Maisie and a very relaxed Dorian, an idea perking her up. She pointed at the yoga ball. “Can you sit on that thing for me?”

“What?”

“Sit on that thing now!” Aelin snapped, out-screaming Maisie.

Dorian ran towards it, his hand up in surrender. When he held the baby and bounced on the ball under his friend’s commands, the silence coming from Maisie was music to Aelin’s ears. She closed her eyes and let her muscles melt into the couch.

“Thank you,” Aelin told her friend, as earnest one could get. Still, despite her legs’ protests, she got up to get her phone.

She’d been debating for days if she’d use Dr. Blackbeak’s prescription, but the yoga ball was her last straw. If she couldn’t produce serotonin enough to go through her day, those synthetic doses would have to do.

“Where are you going?” Dorian asked.

“Getting my phone. I need to buy some meds.”

“Stay down.” He pointed at the couch, and took his phone out of his pocket without letting Maisie make a fuss. ”Here, take mine.”

In a matter of minutes, Aelin downloaded her online prescription in Dorian’s phone and ordered just the antidepressant to be delivered. She had two prescriptions, but the sleeping pills would require her to stop breastfeeding, and Aelin wasn’t ready for that yet.

“She’s asleep,” he announced, “can I sit on the couch too now?”

“No, keep bouncing.”

He frowned. “But my back hurts.”

“Good thing you’re an ortho.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, but complied. When he unlocked his phone, his eyebrows went up for a second, but he quickly forced his face back into neutrality. “I thought you’d stopped taking these.”

“So did I.” Aelin swallowed, her chest tightening to think of all the hard work she did to send her depression into remission, vanished. Dorian didn’t know details or the extent of her disorder, he just saw medication boxes and likely took his conclusions, until they weren’t there anymore. She never felt like telling, and he never asked.

In an attempt to stop Dorian from asking further questions, she took a—finally—asleep Maisie from his arms and placed her on the little bassinet that stayed wherever in the house Aelin was. In this case, the living room.

Still, her friend’s eyes never left Aelin. He had that little crease between his brows and a determined look in his eyes, a telltale sign of how much the engines in his mind were working, and Aelin just wanted to evaporate and leave his scrutinizing gaze.

Truth was, Dorian is so smart it’s annoying, and it’s not hard to piece together why a woman with a history of depression is buying antidepressants two months after giving birth.

“She’s got quite the lungs, huh?” Her friend’s voice was soft.

Aelin gave him a sidelong glance. “You haven’t seen half of it.”

He snorted, but his mood sobered before he asked, “And what about Hot Lieutenant?”

“He‘s a really good dad, and he helps me take a break at night and most weekends. He's been getting shitty work schedules ever since horny jail, though.”

”And when he isn’t here?”

Aelin smiled at her baby, and wiggled her fingers against her little tummy, careful enough to not wake her up. “Then Maisy Daisy and I have some girl time together.”

“Ouch.” Dorian pressed a hand to his chest in mock-offense. “And you didn’t invite me?”

“No, and here you are,” Aelin joked about the fact that he—thankfully—showed up at her house uninvited today.

“Yeah.” He stole a glance her way, his eyes tentative. “And I was wondering if you and Hot Lieutenant wouldn’t mind seeing me more often.”

Aelin frowned, her attention fully on Dorian this time. “What do you mean?

“You know I almost only work in the mornings so I can focus on the gym, but I clearly don’t need it since…” he gestured towards the yoga ball. “Your daughter’s a little personal trainer.”

She froze, already knowing where he was getting to. “Dorian, you don’t have to—“

He held a finger up. “I won’t even ask why you refuse to hire a nanny—“

”Rowan and I decided it’s too soon to trust a stranger—“

“Then let me help!” Dorian interrupted, his voice a little higher than what was safe in a place with a sleeping baby. “Look, Aelin, this isn’t about me or you.” His face kept serious, but his eyes had a playful glint now. “Every kid deserves a rich, gay uncle. And I need to step up to unclehood.”

Chuckling, Aelin bowed her head, running a rand through it when she sat on the couch. “Can you even change a diaper?”

“No.”

She looked up at him with raised eyebrows. “Can you burp her?”

“I can do a Heimlich Maneuver, treat infant musculoskeletal conditions and bounce on the yoga ball.”

Aelin threw her head back and cackled. “Perfect. You’re hired.”

“Yes!” Dorian did a fist pump. “Just talk to that broody baby daddy of yours, okay?” He hummed. “Maybe he’ll even like me after he sees what a perfectly good uncle I am.”

Yeah, that might be a problem, but she didn’t care. Rowan didn’t want somebody they didn’t trust with Maisie, but Aelin trusted Dorian. A lot. And the fact that he’s her ex became insignificant considering that Rowan made it very clear he isn’t romantically interested in her. Which was still a punch to the gut, but Aelin had bigger things going on.

“He likes you,” she lied, “he’s just… Rowan.”

Dorian pressed his lips together, trying to keep a straight face. “He looks at me as if the law is the only thing keeping me alive.”

Aelin chuckled, leaning into him. “I’ll talk to him. When can you come?”

He hummed, putting a thumb up to start finger-counting. “I have my job at the clinic in the mornings.” Another finger up. “Then I’ll get to my second job as a nanny in the afternoons.” A third finger up. “And my third, nightly job is to do very dirty things to your neighbor down the street. Rinse and repeat.”

“Gross. How’s Fenrys?”

“Good. He misses living with Rowan.” Dorian’s eyes were soft while he talked about his situationship, before he sent her a puzzled look. “How’s your lunch situation?”

”Rowan preps everything, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” Dorian put an arm around her and slid his other hand in the air in front of them, as in a movie character showing another a new, magical world. “Because there’s this new restaurant in front of the clinic, it’s to die for. I could bring us risottos and—“

Dorian was interrupted by the sound of the doorknob turning, and Aelin would easily get distracted by the sight of Rowan in a uniform if he didn’t look so pissed.

He eyed his daughter asleep and quietly closed the door, but the coldness in his eyes told her everything he was feeling.

Rowan held a plastic pharmacy bag towards Dorian. “The delivery guy gave me this.”

“Oh.” Feeling her face heat, Aelin got up, very aware of Rowan’s eyes on her shoulder, where Dorian’s arm was. “This is mine.”

“I should go,” her friend’s voice was low and tight as he took a step away from her.

“Yeah.” Aelin sent him a weak smile. “Rowan and I should talk. Talk to you later?”

“Um.” Dorian’s eyes landed on Maisie, his hand scratching the back of his head. “Do you want me to watch her while you talk?”

“I can take care of my own baby, thank you.” Rowan’s tone was taut, he was barely able to hide his annoyance.

“Yeah, of course.” Dorian took a step back, one hand on the doorknob. “See ya.”

The second that door was closed, Aelin took Rowan’s wrist and led him to the kitchen, away from their sleeping baby. Her body was heated with anger, the hateful tone he used with Dorian ringing inside her head.

“Why would you talk to him like that?” She shouted after closing the kitchen door. ”He’ll never want to come here if you act like this.”

Rowan shrugged. “I’m fine with that.”

“I’m not! Look…” Aelin rubbed both hands against her face and sat down, gesturing to Rowan to do the same. “Dorian offered extra help with Maisie in the afternoons. I said yes.”

His face fell. “He did what?”

Aelin took a second to calm the roaring in her blood and tone down her voice. “Look, I knew you weren’t gonna like it, but guess what, I don’t like needing help either. I asked for it before, you said no because you need someone you trust. Now I found—“

“A person I trust even less than a stranger, that’s what you found.”

“Because you never got to know him!” Aelin got up from her seat, her tone turning more into a plea. “I trust him, and you should trust me on that.”

“No.” He took a deep breath, got up too and looked straight into Aelin’s eye. “I don’t know him, or his intentions, and I can’t have him here in the long term.” Rowan’s voice was getting higher by the second. “It’s day one and I already got home to find his arm wrapped around my…”

”Your what?” Aelin challenged, closed fists on her hips as she kept her chin high. “You made it very clear I’m not your wife, not your girlfriend, not even your situationship. Why do you care?”

He didn’t reply, just stood with a pained look, his jaw twitching as she watched a million different emotions she couldn’t decipher from his eyes only.

“Rowan, look.” She got closer and held his hand with both of hers. “The only reason Dorian and I started dating was because our difficult schedules were very similar during residency. It was easy, it was fun, it was comfortable, but it was never that serious.” She caressed his cheek with her thumb, her eyes soft and earnest. “And even if we were dating when I got pregnant, I never, ever, wished he was Maisie’s father instead of you.”

“I’m sorry, Aelin, I can’t do this.” His body felt heavy when he hung his head against her shoulder. “I can’t watch him play house with you and my daughter while I’m at work.”

”Shh, it’s okay,” she soothed, running her fingers on his head now that he looked particularly wrecked. This was just one possible solution to a bigger problem which she couldn’t postpone the solution anymore. “But there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

They both sat back down facing each other, and Aelin took a moment to herself, her heart racing. Her family and Dorian knew bits and pieces of her depression disorder because they either witnessed her episodes or saw the pills scattered around her bedroom. Aelin wasn’t ashamed of her condition, it just never felt necessary to give anyone a full disclosure of her mental illness. Until today.

“The pills I bought today. They’re antidepressants.”

Aelin’s insides were too twitchy, her breath too shallow as Rowan slid the chair backwards, its scraping sound strident against the floor.

“Did he tell you to take them?”

Her insides fell to the bottom of her stomach. “What?”

Rowan slammed his fist against the table, his expression as tight as his face was red. “Those pills were under Dorian’s name. Everything was fine, and after one visit, you have depression and need him back into your life to take care of you. Can’t you see what’s going on?”

“Rowan, I’m trying to tell you something,” Aelin begged, her voice breaking.

”And I’m trying to tell another.” He put both hands on the table and looked deep into her eyes. “You. Are. Not. Depressed.” Rowan took a step back. “You’re not,” he repeated with dazed eyes, as if he was saying that to himself. “We’re happy. You’re just a little overwhelmed, but we’re a small, happy family.”

Aelin opened and closed her mouth, struggling to find words. All she knew was that sinking feeling in her stomach and the sudden numbness she felt.

She was taking baby steps into the water to know if the water’s cold, and it’s fucking freezing. Time to take a step back, rethink.

“Okay…” she trailed, her eyebrows pinching together. “How would you feel if I actually needed the pills?”

“You don’t…” Rowan blinked, his eyes distant. “I mean, can you even breastfeed when you take these?”

“Oh!” Aelin barked a sardonic laugh, all that ache in her chest turning into something deeper, much more sour. “I’ve been telling you I’m miserable for weeks, and that’s your first concern? My ability to breastfeed Maisie?”

Rowan blinked, his mouth hanging open for a second. “Of course I’m concerned about that,” he fumbled, “why wouldn’t I be concerned?”

“Because I matter too!” Aelin roared, and all the strength in her body left with her words, ripping through her aching throat to taint the entire house with the rage and despair she’d buried for so long.

She fell back to that chair, both hands on her face as she broke in sobs. Aelin couldn’t even take a deep breath, since the air came to her lungs in short, shaky shudders and her shoulders barely held her weight.

Rowan kneeled next to her, hugging her frame. “You do.”

But Aelin couldn’t stop thinking about his denial of her problem. She knew all about the stigma surrounding postpartum depression. What would he think?

”You do.” He kissed the side of her head one, two times. “You matter so much to me.”

Would Rowan trust her with Maisie after knowing about her diagnosis? How would she convince him she’s a good mother when most days she didn’t believe it herself?

”I’m sorry.” Rowan kissed her shoulder and hugged her tight. “Of course you do.”

Would he use that against her and try to get Maisie’s guard? Would he take her to court if he knew her mental illness was chronic, not only while Maisie is a baby?

Aelin’s first step into her own recovery was to back down.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll take the pills anyway,” she lied while leaning away to caress his cheeks. “The doctor gave me the prescription in case my… baby blues got too bad, but you’re right. I don’t think I need them.”

“Thank you.” Still kneeling beside her, Rowan closed his eyes, leaned his forehead against her shoulder and released a shaky breath. “It was just a bad day, right?”

“Sure.” Aelin’s throat felt sore and thick, almost as if her own body was trying to stop her, but she managed, “Can I ask you just one more thing?”

He got up, sat on the chair next to hers and squeezed her hand. “Anything.”

Aelin felt like her heart was being ripped to shreds, but she needed to do this.

Rowan wouldn’t understand her mental illness. Rowan wouldn’t let her get extra help. Rowan wouldn’t be anything more than a platonic co-parent to her. She was letting herself be in this state for what? Pining over a man who was going to play house with her until he found some unbroken woman to replace Aelin with?

“I need you to leave.”

“Sure.” He got up, looking around the kitchen. “I need to do some groceries, do you want me to take Maisie? We—“

“Rowan,” she interrupted, “we’ve been co-parenting Maisie together in this house, right?”

He nodded, looking confused.

“Well, I need us to do this with some distance now.” Aelin’s voice was breaking, a few rogue tears streaming down her face again.

”Oh.” He took a step back, his expression blank. “You want me leave, leave.”

Her eyes were pleading as she explained, “We both agreed this living arrangement was temporary, and—“

“You’re kicking me out?” His tone was high-pitched around an incredulous laugh.

Aelin tilted her head, lips wobbling. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? Will you—“ he trailed, looking around her kitchen as if he was looking for answers. “Will you feel better if I leave?”

Aelin swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes.”

Rowan went stiff, staring with a lost look, blinking aimlessly at her until something shifted. He nodded, agreeing with her terms. In a matter of seconds, all the tenderness in Rowan’s eyes froze into cold fury, and Aelin had a feeling it’d never melt back to what it was again.

A/N: I felt like a part of me was being ripped off when I was finishing this chapter and it’s only the end of the flashbacks omfg I’m so not ready to finish this fic

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#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #aelin ashryver galathynius #throne of glass #rowaelin fanfiction #rowan x aelin #aelin x rowan #look at us now #rowaelin fanfic #throne of glass fanfic

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leiawritesstories · 8 months

Text

Kiss Me Again

Rowaelin Month, Day 5: A Bad Date

Word count: 998

Warnings: mild swearing, Chaol

enjoy!!!

@rowaelinscourt

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Chaol Westfall was a terrible kisser.

Aelin resisted for as long as she possibly could, but the second she got into her house and closed the door behind her, she was wiping her mouth vigorously with the back of her hand and doing her utter best not to gag at the too-recent memory of Chaol’s uncomfortably moist hands on her shoulders. The kiss had been both too short and far too long, barely more than a press of his quivering lips to her carefully painted lipstick, and she’d watched him lick his lips right before going for the kiss.

The oblivious jackass hadn’t even noticed that her eyes had stayed wide open.

“That bad?”

Aelin jumped a little at the unexpected question. “What?”

“Tell me I didn’t just see you trying to bleach Westfall’s slobber off your lips,” Elide deadpanned. She’d been Aelin’s roommate since they were in college; they were as close as sisters.

“That’s it.” Aelin shrugged. “I’ll give him points for paying, but that won’t get his dating score up from absolute zero.”

“I told you not to go on that date.”

Aelin sighed heavily. “Ells, I’ve been single and horny for way too long. I need an orgasm that I haven’t given myself, and a date is usually the best way to get there.”

Elide shrugged. “There’s so many other options, and you went for Mr. Vanilla from your workplace? Please, you’re as cliché as a YA romance.” She looped her arm around Aelin. “But I love you, and I can help you get a worthwhile date.”

“Fuck off,” Aelin laughed. “Remember the last time you set me up?” She grimaced. “I’m still shocked I made it home in one piece.”

About six months ago, Elide had set Aelin up on a blind date with a guy she’d met at a club. He’d hit on her, but Elide was very much taken, so she’d offered to set him up with Aelin, and he’d accepted. The date was spectacularly awful–Aelin came home in a taxi barely an hour after she’d left. Apparently, the guy had showed up off-his-ass high on something and made a sleazy comment. So Aelin had punched him in the face and left.

“Yeah, maybe that wasn’t the best idea,” Elide agreed. “I’m still not letting you stay single and horny, though! I’ll think of something else.”

“Oh gods,” Aelin groaned, theatrically. “I’m scared.”

Elide snickered. “Don’t be.” She was already texting, her fingers flying across her phone screen. “I’m just asking Lor which one of his friends he’s willing to sacrifice.”

“Funny,” Aelin drawled. “Am I really that bad?”

“Of course not.” Elide winked at her. “But I will eviscerate the next guy who hurts you, so it might very well be a sacrifice.”

Laughing, Aelin headed upstairs. “Let me know when you’ve figured it out, Ells!”

The very next morning, Elide greeted Aelin with a big mug of fresh coffee and an even bigger grin. “Good morning, Ae!”

“Uh, good morning, Ells.” Aelin eyed her roommate–who was far too cheerful for seven in the morning–warily. “What’s got you all bright-eyed this morning? I didn’t hear Lorcan crawling out of the window last night.”

Elide blushed bright pink at the memory. “You’re the worst.” She perked up astonishingly quickly. “You have a date!”

“That’s…great, I guess.”

“Aelin Ashryver Galathynius. At least pretend to be excited.”

“I don’t know about that, Ells. I’m a cynic at heart, and even if I wasn’t, I have shit luck with blind dates.” Aelin drained her coffee. “I need to get dressed.”

“You do not have shit luck, most guys are just douchebags.” Elide took her empty coffee mug and squeezed her hand. “This guy is Lorcan’s oldest friend, though, and Lor promised to beat him up if he does anything wrong.”

“All right, I suppose I can deal with that.” A grin flicked across Aelin’s face. “Text me whatever details I need.”

It was nearly midnight when Aelin walked up to her house, hand in hand with Rowan–the unexpectedly chivalrous, impossibly gorgeous man Elide and Lorcan had set her up with. Her eyes were bright with alcohol and excitement, and she walked slowly, careful to keep her heels from clicking too loudly on the cement of the driveway.

“Shhh,” she whispered when Rowan’s shoes scuffed at the pavement. “We don’t want to wake my lovely roommate.”

He chuckled, the deep rumble setting her nerves alight. “I dunno, Ae. What about payback for all the times she and Lor have woken you up?”

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” She flashed him a wicked, conspiratorial grin. “C’mon.” Swiftly, she unlocked the door, let herself and Rowan into the house, locked up, and led him upstairs.

“I like your room,” he murmured, his hands coming to rest hot and heavy against her waist.

She smirked up at him and slid one of the straps of her dress off her shoulder. “I like you being in my room.” Fueled partially by liquid courage and partially by some inexplicable spark burning between the two of them, she closed the gap between them and pressed her lips to his.

He melted into the kiss, shifting his hands down to her hips and hoisting her effortlessly into his arms. “Aelin,” he groaned as he pulled back for breath.

“Rowan,” she whispered back. Trust glimmered deep in her eyes. “Kiss me again.”

“I might not be able to stop if I do that,” he murmured.

She carded her fingers through his hair. “I don’t want you to stop.”

He caught a sharp breath and tipped his lips down to hers, stopping barely centimeters away. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” It was a near-desperate breath.

“Good.” Rowan kissed Aelin again, completely banishing the faint traces of Chaol’s pathetic kiss attempt from her mind.

And they spent the rest of the night making Aelin’s bed creak and squeal so loudly that Elide wore her earplugs downstairs to breakfast the next morning.

#my writing #rowaelin #aelin galathynius #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #rowaelin fanfic #rowaelin fanfiction #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfic #throne of glass fanfiction #rowaelin month #rowaelin month 2023

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autumnshighlady · 2 years

Text

Guys My Age

Gavriel x f!reader

summary: You’re Lorcan and Elide’s daughter, as well as Aedion’s best friend. Your family is staying with Gavriel and Aedion for the weekend, but you’re too sore from sparring with Aedion to go out for dinner. Gavriel volunteers to stay home with you and help you out….

warnings: smut (18+), oral sex (f receiving), age gap, best friend’s dad, dad’s best friend, corruption kink, size kink, fingering, a bit of fluff because I cannot help myself

word count: 8.5k

requests:

“what about losing your virginity to Gavriel? I feel like Gavriel would be great because he is older” -🌻

“hello! Would you be open to doing dbsf!Gavriel or bsfd!Gavriel?”

“hey! would you mind writing about bsfd!gavriel? corruption kink make me 😳“

“will you write losing your virginity to Gavriel please?”

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

***this is the most requested fic I’ve gotten, I’m so sorry it took so long but it’s finally here! I combined a couple Gavriel requests into one big fic of pure filth, enjoy and please please please let me know what you think! also this is barely proofread because I’m too excited to post it so ignore any mistakes lol -Amara

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Groaning, you reach your arm to rub the back of your shoulder. The muscles shot with pain, and you hissed.

“I’m so sorry.” Aedion apologised for the millionth time that evening.

“It’s fine,” You sighed, gently rubbing the muscle. “It was an accident.”

“Are you sure you’re ok alone?” Your best friend said.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. A few hours ago you had been sparring with Aedion by the lake, falling into your usual routine. However, you caught a glimpse of Gavriel, your best friend’s father, emerging from the lake shirtless. You couldn’t help yourself – that muscled, tattooed body distracted you and as a result, you did not see Aedion’s elbow headed in your direction. You were thrown sideways, colliding with a rock and wrenching the muscles in your back and shoulder.

Hence the soreness. Aedion had apologised countless times, especially after seeing your father Lorcan’s enraged face. For a solid moment you had thought he would rip Aedion’s arms from his body, but your mother Elide quickly calmed him down. Her gentle presence eased the tension, and was apparently enough to convince Lorcan not to kill your best friend.

However, it did put a wrench in tonight's plans. The five of you were supposed to head into the nearby town for dinner and meet up with other members of Aelin’s court, but you did not feel up to it anymore with the ache in your shoulder.

“I’ll be fine.” You snapped, growing tired of everyone’s fussing. “It’s just a sore muscle, I’ll live, Aedion.”

“I should stay with you,” Lorcan said as he entered the room, no doubt having eavesdropped on the conversation. “The rest of you can go out, I’ll stay here.”

“Dad, it’s ok I swear,” You protested angrily. “I’m not a child. Besides, you and mom love going to that restaurant. So go.”

“No.” Your father shot back, glaring at Aedion once again, who had the good sense to shrink from his gaze.

Before you could snap back, a gentler voice spoke up.

“I’ll stay home with her.” Gavriel spoke up.

You turned to look at him, trying not to blush. You hated yourself for crushing on a man who was not only your best friend’s dad, but your father’s best friend. But you couldn’t help it, the man was gorgeous – that blonde hair framed his sharp face perfectly, and those tawny eyes captivated you, sending shivers down your spine every time his gaze landed on you. Sometimes you got a glimpse of the tattoos around his neck and on his chest, and imagined what it would be like to have that towering figure leaning over you, large hands roaming your body and exploring every inch of you.

Sometimes you found yourself staring at him from a distance, doing your best to be subtle. Occasionally Gavriel met your gaze, smirking slightly before moving on. Thankfully, Aedion and Lorcan remained oblivious to your desires – desires which have now landed you in an interesting predicament.

“I’m 20,” You said, trying your luck one more time. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“It’s not babysitting,” Gavriel countered, leaning against the countertop. “I’m aware you’re not a child. But I have some chores to do here anyways, and you may have hit your head during the fall. I can be here just in case.”

This seemed to satisfy your father. “Fine.” Lorcan grunted.

You were torn between delight and dread – on the one hand, the thought of being alone with Gavriel excited you. The older male was the primary focus of your fantasies that had you waking up hot and bothered in the morning, to the point where your mother thought you were sick. But on the other hand, being alone with your best friend’s gorgeous father…

“Fine.” You sighed, rubbing your shoulder again. “Have fun on your night out.”

Lorcan and Elide kissed you goodbye, Lorcan silently promising death to Gavriel should anything happen to you. Aedion apologised once again, which earned him a punch in the arm with your good shoulder. A deserved one, Aedion said. Within 15 minutes they were out the door, leaving you alone with Gavriel.

You sat silently for a minute, lazily rubbing your shoulder. Gavriel grabbed a glass from the cupboard and began filling it with water. “Would you like some water?” He asked.

“Sure, thanks.” You murmured, only letting your eyes meet his for a second. He was wearing a simple, loose v-neck white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. You allowed yourself to gaze a second longer, mouth watering at the tattoos visible beneath the fabric.

Gavriel smiled, filling up a glass and striding over to where you were seated on the couch. Standing in front of you, he handed you the glass. For a second, his fingers lingered, brushing ever so slightly against yours. You blushed slightly, all of the visions of where those fingers had been in your dreams flashing through your mind.

Shut up, this is your best friend’s father and your father’s best friend, you should not be thinking about him like this. You scolded yourself.

“That rock got you pretty good,” Gavriel said, taking a seat beside you. “May I take another look?”

“Uh, sure.” You said, cheeks burning at having him so close in proximity. Gavriel had healed the vicious scrape that was made across your back, but the muscles were still sore as predicted.

You were wearing a wide-necked loose shirt, luckily allowing you to slip one of the sleeves down the shoulder without having to take it off entirely. Turning to face the other way, you let the left sleeve of your shirt fall down to just above your elbow, exposing the sore area.

A gentle hand placed itself on your skin, and your body tingled. You hated yourself for reacting this way to a simple touch, but couldn’t help it – Gavriel’s hand set your nerves aflame, the roughness of it contrasting with his soft touches. His other hand placed itself on your opposite shoulder, making you even more squirmy.

You hissed in pain as he pushed down slightly near your shoulder blade.

“Sorry,” Gavriel’s voice was apologetic. “My healing magic can not do much for sore muscles, but I have an ointment in my room that can help. Would you like that?”

“Yes please.” You said quietly, desperate for the ache in your shoulder to just fuck off.

The older male smiled, pulling your shirt back to its original position and standing up. “Come along,” He said. “Can’t have my son put you in pain now, can we?”

“I punched him back, we’re even.” You clipped, and Gavriel laughed as you headed to the end of the hallway.

“Yes, I imagine that does square you up.” He chuckled.

Twisting the knob, Gavriel opened the door to his room and you stepped in carefully. You had never been in Gavriel’s room, not allowing yourself to see something that some would consider intimate. It was a nice room though, an extremely large bed in the centre with a white rug and comfortable fireplace. Bookshelves adorned one wall, and a pile of weapons much like your father’s was stashed in the other corner.

“Cosy.” You said, taking in the surroundings, noting the candles everywhere.

Gavriel began grabbing something from the drawer. “Yes, I quite like this place.” He said, pulling out a silver tin. “Ah, here it is.”

You stared at him for a second, those tawny eyes made brighter with the glow of the fire. “I can’t exactly reach the sore parts…” You admitted sheepishly, praying Gavriel didn’t notice your flushed cheeks.

“No worries,” Gavriel said, twisting open the lid. “It’ll be easier if I apply it anyway. It would be best if you removed your shirt and laid face down on the bed. This stuff stains and I would hate to get it on your clothing. But if you are uncomfortable with that we can work around it and I will do my best to be careful”

Your mouth went dry. Taking off your shirt for your best friend’s father and father’s best friend? Part of you knew it would be a bad idea, but the other part of you saw this as a subtle opportunity. What was the harm in letting the older male you were crushing on massage your back?

“It’s ok,” You breathed shakily. “I’m fine with it.”

Something flashed in Gavriel’s eyes, but you couldn’t tell what. “Alright, I will turn around. Let me know when you’re ready.”

True to his word, Gavriel turned around. You removed your shirt, grunting at the painful movement in your shoulder before discarding it on the floor. Carefully, you laid yourself facedown on the bed, and the soft sheets felt heavenly.

“Ready.” You mumbled.

A few seconds later you felt the bed shift to your left. Gavriel had kneeled beside you, allowing himself better access to your exposed back. “Tell me if it hurts too much, or if you’d like me to stop.” He said.

You nodded, biting your lip. You tried not to let your excitement show at the anticipation of the older male’s hands on your body. Countless nights had been spent imagining yourself in a scenario like this, laying on Gavriel's bed deprived of your clothes…

You knew you were going straight to hell for this. You could smell Gavriel’s scent so close to you, and were grateful you were facedown in the pillow.

Finally, those large hands found your skin, spreading the warm ointment along your shoulder blade. You bit your lip, and it took everything in you not to moan at his touch. You were so small compared to Gavriel, so delicate underneath his battle-scarred hands. He gently massaged the ointment into your back and shoulder, its healing properties already relaxing your muscles.

“Is this okay?” Gavriel muttered, gently brushing some stray hairs out of the way.

“Yes,” Your voice was little more than a breath. “It’s perfect.”

You could have sworn he smirked, his strokes becoming deeper as he worked on the knotted muscles in your back. Relief and something more intense began to wash over you as he moved up to the top of your shoulder, fingers curling around towards your collarbone as they roamed your skin. Heat built at your core and you tried to think of anything else, anything to distract you from the fact your best friend’s father had his fingertips just above your collarbone while you laid down shirtless on his bed.

He’s just trying to be helpful, You chided yourself. He feels bad that his son injured you, he’s just being friendly.

Yet you could not help the sinful thoughts that crept into your mind as Gavriel’s tattooed hands moved down your upper back, caressing gentle strokes into the muscles. The room was warm, adding to the heat your body was already radiating at his touch. Never before had a male touched you, much to your embarrassment. You were so inexperienced compared to the much older male whose fingers ever so slightly grazed your ribcage–

Before you could stop yourself, you moaned as his thumb dug into a spot below your shoulder blade, releasing a knot of tension as his fingertips skimmed your side just inches from your breast.

Fuck.

Embarrassment washed over you and your cheeks went red with shame. You had just moaned as your father’s best friend’s touch.

“I’m so sorry.” You stammered, squeezing your eyes shut against the pillow.

“It’s alright, little one,” Gavriel said softly, his fingers making another gentle sweep up your sensitive sides. “It’s perfectly natural for your body to react to something that feels good.”

You blushed even harder at the nickname, clenching your thighs together slightly and praying he didn’t notice. Your arousal was quickly heightening, those fingers touching such sensitive areas along your back and sides…

“Besides,” Gavriel’s voice dropped slightly, heating your blood. “I’m sure the males you have taken to bed delighted in your sounds.”

You froze, embarrassment quickly taking over. In your time being friends with Aedion, he had taken to bed more females and males than you could have counted. He was not ashamed of it, nor were you judgemental about it – it was simply a fact everyone knew to be true. But given how close you were with Aedion, his father must have assumed that you were the same as him when it came to lovers.

Wanting to crawl into a hole and die, you said quietly, “I wouldn’t really know.”

Gavriel’s motions paused for a moment, as if he were contemplating something. “Have you not been with a male before?”

Burning with shame, you could not bring yourself to speak, so you merely shook your head to confirm. Your virginity was not something you had taken great effort to preserve or anything, for it truly was not a big deal to you. But to put it simply, there was no male you encountered that you thought would satisfy your first time.

Except for the male kneeling beside your half-naked body.

“Darling,” Gavriel’s tone was gentle. “Am I the first male to put his hands on your bare skin like this?”

“Yes.” You whispered, lifting your head from the pillow and turning it to the side, letting your gaze rest upon Gavriel. His tawny eyes met yours, his motions still paused..

“If this is too much or is uncomfortable in any way and you would rather a female healter or someone else apply the ointment–”

“No,” You cut him off, not wanting Gavriel to stop. “It’s ok. I want it to be you.”

I want it to be you.

So many implications in that phrase, ones that went beyond the question of if you were okay with the golden-haired man applying the ointment to your naked back. As you locked eyes with Gavriel, you could tell he knew what you were feeling. Those fleeting touches, those piercing stares and smirks perhaps hadn’t been so innocent after all. Maybe you were not deluding yourself into thinking you imagined Gavriel’s eyes roaming your body as you strode towards the water in your swimwear. And Gavriel was no fool, you knew he could tell how your body reacted to his touch. He had centuries of experience on him, and surely could spot, and scent, the signs of arousal that surely radiated from your body.

You had desired him for so long, secretly wishing he was the one who could be your first. You imagined countless nights that he would take care of you, exploring your body slowly and teaching you everything he had learned in centuries of pleasure. You imagined how large his fingers would feel inside of you compared to your own, not that you had spent much time pleasuring yourself. No, you wanted him to do it, the man who was your best friend’s father and your father’s best friend.

“Are you sure?” Gavriel’s tone was serious, cautious even – as if he knew the scandalous implications of the direction this was headed.

You nodded. Gods, he was so much older than you, it was so wrong, yet you couldn’t think of anything you wanted more.

Stroking your back gently, Gavriel almost growled, his voice deep and velvety, “I want to hear you say it.”

Shaking, you took a breath, preparing to utter the words you had only dreamed of saying to the older male: “I want it to be you, Gavriel.”

Gavriel smirked, applying more ointment to his hands and placing them on your back – both sides this time, not just the sore area. But his touches were different this time, still gentle but more dominant and filled with assurance. You sighed and tried not to moan again as his hands spread on either side of your spin and worked their way down your back before coming back up to your shoulders. This time, however, those large fingers stroked your sides sensually as they moved across your body.

“Fuck.” You couldn’t help but murmur, eyes fluttering at the pleasure.

“Did you like that, little one?” Gavriel’s chuckle was seductive, and gone was the lighthearted tone from earlier. The strokes he pressed into your skin were teasing, more pleasure driven and much less innocent.

“Mmhm.” Was all you could bring yourself to hum in response, clenching your legs even tighter to try and relieve the building pressure. Every part of your body screamed for more, but Gavriel did not push it.

You began to realise that he would not give you what you both knew you wanted unless you asked him for it. Both of you knew how poorly it would be received if anyone knew Gavriel was about to bed you – between the age difference and the fact he was your best friend’s father and father’s best friend, the dynamic within your little group would surely implode.

But nobody had to know, right? From the way Gavriel’s touches teased you, you knew that he was aware you wanted him to be the first male to take you to bed, he was just waiting for the green light to do so. It warmed your heart how respectful he was, how he wanted it to be 100% your choice how far to go. He was a good male, through and through.

And there was no other one you wanted to lay with for your first time.

Taking a breath for courage, you lifted your head off the pillow and pushed yourself up slightly. Immediately, Gavriel’s hands flew from your skin, concern written across his face momentarily, likely wondering if he had just fucked up majorly. But instead of standing up and walking away, you simply turned your body over and layed back down on your back rather than your front.

Your bare chest was exposed to the golden male, yet he did not look at it. Instead, his tawny eyes bore into yours, scanning your face. Part of you was terrified that somehow you had severely misread the situation, that Gavriel was about to get angry and kick you out. But the other part of you knew he was dying to ravish you, and gods you wanted that too.

“Do you know why I haven’t been with any males yet, Gavriel?” You asked, voice dropping.

Gavriel said nothing, just cocked his head and kept eye contact with you, as if your eyes were the only thing keeping him from glancing down at your chest on display for him.

“Because I knew none of them would be able to please me.” You sighed, praying you sounded at least somewhat seductively enticing. “Because my friends have complained about how poorly males our age are in bed, how selfish they are when it comes to pleasure.”

You knew Gavriel’s restraint was barely holding on – if he had been a lesser male he would have surely pounced on you by now, eager to take you up on what you were so clearly offering. But despite the tautness in his muscles and the growing bulge in his pants, Gavriel remained still.

So you tried one last time to break him.

“Because they weren’t you.” You purred, reaching out and resting your hand atop of his.

That appeared to be his undoing, for the golden-haired male leaned forward and placed his free, tattooed hand on the bed beside your pillow. His muscular body towered over you, and you began to realise just how small you were beneath him. His beautiful hands that had slain so many enemies were almost twice as big as yours, and the body attached to them even more so. You had always appreciated how….large… Gavriel was, but up close like this it began to awaken something inside of you.

“Am I to understand, little one,” Gavriel said, his face only a foot away from yours. “That you want me to fuck you for your first time?”

The mere utterance of those words turned you on more than you thought was possible. “Yes.” You replied with confidence.

Gavriel smirked, leaning in slightly more. “I need to hear you say it for me. Tell me what you want and I will give it to you.”

This male was going to be the death of you. You so badly wanted him to just touch you already, but part of you liked the buildup, the tension – the making sure you knew what you were doing.

“I want you to fuck me, Gavriel.” You breathed. “I want you to be my first.”

A growl emitted from the older male’s throat, and he manoeuvred his hand out from under your touch and instead brought it to your face. With tenderness, he stroked your cheek, never breaking eye contact once.

“You want me to make you feel good, little one?” He purred. “You want me to show you what it feels like to have your body worshipped? To feel so good you have tears streaming down that pretty face of yours? You want me to show you how it’s done, don’t you, baby?”

You moaned, shuddering under his touch. He was so close, that golden hair mere inches away from tickling your shoulders.

“So responsive,” Gavriel continued, stroking farther down your face and reaching the side of your neck to caress it there. “Have you ever touched yourself, little one? Brought yourself to the edge with those fingers of yours?”

“Not really.” You answered truthfully – there were certainly nights where you dipped your hand between your legs, usually thinking about your best friend’s father as you played with yourself. But it was only half hearted, and it was never enough to bring you close to an orgasm and thus, you never tried much.

But your confession snapped something in Gavriel. His eyes darkened, and he brought his lips down to your cheek and planted a feather-light kiss there. “Oh little one,” He murmured. “I am going to ruin you. I’m going to make you feel so good that no other male or female will be able to compete. Even if you have someone else buried deep inside of you one day, you will only be thinking of me and how only I can truly make you feel good.”

Your entire body shuddered at his words. You had expected Gavriel to be excited maybe at the idea of taking your virginity, but this newfound possessiveness and assurance took you by surprise. And you loved it.

It was true – you could tell by the way he had caressed your body that this male was going to corrupt you entirely, mind body and soul. He was going to claim you as his, and his only. The idea thrilled you.

At your pathetic whimper, Gavriel finally took pity on you. His lips moved from your cheek to your mouth where he finally kissed you. Eagerly you opened your mouth up to him, arching your back as this lips expertly claimed yours.

Holy Gods, Gavriel was kissing you.

Your head spun as the older male slipped his tongue into your mouth, gently caressing it to get a taste of you. Moaning into him, you reached your hands up and wrapped them around his thick, tattooed neck and tried to pull him closer. Gavriel obliged, lowering his body so his clothed chest was almost pressed against your bare one. His scent completely enveloped you, overwhelming your senses. You had been kissed before – hell, you had drunkenly made out with Lysandra a couple of times. But never like this, with so much assurance and fire.

You whimpered as Gavriel’s lips left yours, and he chuckled darkly. “Now, now, be patient.” He chided. “I intend on taking my time with you. Trust me, pretty girl, I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Nodding, you sucked in a sharp breath as the male’s lips found your neck, one hand pressed against the side of your neck to manoeuvre it around however he pleased. Hot, open-mouthed kisses trailed down the side of your neck and up the column of your throat. You swore as Gavriel’s teeth nipped your flesh before his tongue soothed the pain with gentle strokes. Part of you was desperate for him to leave a ring of bruises around your neck, marking you to the world as his, but rationally speaking you both knew that was a bad idea. Your father may be clueless at times, but he would easily piece things together if he saw you covered in hickies – and would likely attempt to end his friend’s life in a fit of rage.

After tasting every inch of your neck, Gavriel lifted his head to meet your eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“So good,” You almost moaned. “More, please.”

He chuckled at your eagerness, but obliged your request. That sinful, corrupting mouth left more of those hot kisses all over your chest, leaving a trail down to your breasts where he paused for a moment.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Gavriel growled, squeezing your breast in one of his hands and making you gasp. “It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to storm over there and ravish you when I see you walking around in that swim top with those perfect tits on display. Got me all hot and bothered, I had to wait until everyone was outside so I could go take a shower and take care of myself. All because of you, little one.”

If you weren’t lying down you were sure you would have collapsed at Gavriel’s confession. The thought of him stroking himself in the shower, naked and thinking of your body…

Before you could finish your thoughts, Gavriel’s head leaned back down and his lips wrapped around your left nipple. You cried out, his name leaving your lips as the male flicked the bud with his tongue. Your other breast was enclosed in his other hand, which was firmly grasping and massaging the flesh with just the right amount of pressure. After a particularly hard suck, Gavriel released your left breast with a lewd pop before switching to the other one.

You moaned, tipping your head back and relishing in the sensation. It was pure sin, you laid out half-naked on your best friend’s father’s bed as the older male buried his face in your chest, bathed in the orange light from the fireplace. You prayed your parents and Aedion would be out for a long night with the rest of the court – you wanted to enjoy Gavriel for as long as possible in this moment.

“So perfect.” He murmured after another few minutes of his sweet torture on your breasts. He kissed your stomach, smirking. “I bet you’re just dripping for me, aren’t you, little one?”

You were in fact, utterly drenched. And Gavriel knew it – he could likely smell it after all, but his words thrilled you nonetheless. But when you didn’t respond, Gavriel’s teeth gently nipped your soft flesh and you yelped.

“I asked you a question, little one.” He growled, hands stroking your sides and gently teasing your hip bones.

Before you could even think of stopping yourself, you moaned out a phrase you thought you’d only ever say in your most sinful dreams, “Yes, daddy!”

Gavriel paused, and the realisation of what you had said just hit you. Oh gods, you just called your best friend’s father ‘daddy’, it was so fucking wrong. Mortification overcame you, and you blurted out apologies.

“I’m so sorry,” You said. “I swear I didn’t-”

“Hush,” Gavriel’s voice was soft yet stern. “You did nothing wrong, little one. Let it out, let Daddy know how good he’s making you feel.”

Reeling, you let out a breath. Only in your wildest dreams did you ever think you could live out this fantasy, letting a male centuries older than you dominate you and call him daddy. You couldn’t help but squeeze your legs together.

The movement did not go unnoticed by Gavriel. Grinning like a feral cat, the golden-haired male gripped your hips and slid his fingers below the waistband of your pants.

“Are you going to be a good girl for daddy?” He questioned, ever so slightly pulling down on the fabric.

“Yes.” You moaned.

“Then lift your hips for me.”

You did so, allowing Gavriel to peel both your pants and panties down your legs. He did so slowly, tawny eyes locked on yours as the fabric was removed from your body. He gently tossed them on the floor next to the bed. You were left completely bare for him, squirming as Gavriel’s gaze shamelessly wandered down your body and settled on the apex between your thighs.

You had never felt so vulnerable, left on display for a male who has been around for centuries bedding gorgeous women all over the country. You weren’t one for self-pity, but part of you was insecure that you could never compare to them. And yet Gavriel looked at you like you were the most alluring female in the world, chest rising up and down with desire as he stared down at your naked form.

“Look at you, all dripping and ready for me.” His voice was velvet and silk, laced with a desire that sent even more wetness to your core. “So fucking perfect, laid out for me like a goddess at the altar to be worshipped. I cannot wait to taste you.”

“You’re too dressed.” You complained.

“We shall remedy that, then.” Gavriel smirked before sitting up fully. He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and effortlessly peeled it off, tossing it to the side. His grin was of pure male pride as you salivated over his sculpted, tattooed chest. Sure you had seen him shirtless before, but up close in the glow of the fire light was entirely different. His golden hair framed his face artfully, coming down just below his shoulders. He looked like a god, power and prowess personified in front of your very eyes.

Large hands found your thighs and grasped them before dragging your body down towards the edge of the bed. You gasped at how easily he did it, as if you weighed absolutely nothing to him – which was probably true. Before you could process what was happening, Gavriel dropped to his knees on the floor in front of the bed and pried your legs open. He lifted one of them up and pressed heated kisses up along the inside of your thigh, causing you to gasp. You were practically aching with need at this point, his kisses getting so close to your core before switching to the other leg and repeating the process.

You whimpered, wriggling your hips in the hopes Gavriel would do something.

“So eager,” Gavriel murmured, placing your legs back down. “It’s ok, Daddy will give you what you need so desperately, do not worry.”

You expected him to shove two of those large fingers into you, as Aelin had quite graphically, and drunkenly, described Rowan doing to her several times. You tensed up in preparation for the foreign intrusion, but it did not come. Instead, Gavriel leaned forward and buried his face between your legs, licking a bold stripe up your pussy.

“Holy fuck.” You breathed. The new sensation had you reeling like a hurricane, sparks of pleasure igniting from your core as Gavriel skillfully stroked and lapped at your juices. You had no idea your body was capable of feeling this way – it was almost overwhelming, between his mouth and the firm grip he kept on your hips.

You could tell he was holding back a bit, that he wanted to simply ravish you but did not desire to overwhelm you completely. Whimpering as Gavriel’s lips found your clit and sucked, your hands shot to his golden hair instinctively.

“That’s a good girl,” Gavriel purred against your pussy, sending vibrations straight into your core. “Pull on Daddy’s hair.”

You obliged, digging your fingers into the locks and tugging as he dove back into your thighs. The male growled as you pulled like he asked, clearly enjoying himself. Your moans echoed throughout the room like a symphony mixed with the crackling of the fireplace and the lewd sound of Gavriel’s lips against your core. Your sounds seemed to have spurred him on even more, for his grip tightened and his efforts doubled. It wasn’t long before your legs began to shake as an unfamiliar coiling sensation built in your core.

“Oh, gods,” You murmured shakily.

“That’s it, baby girl.” Gavriel moaned back. “You’re so close. You can feel it, can’t you? Let go, sweetheart. Let daddy see you come for him.”

As the older male sucked your clit and lightly grazed the bud with his teeth, your world shattered and waves of pleasure crashed over you. Your vision went black as you cried out his name, hips rocking into his grip as you rode out your high. Gasping, your body shook at this newfound sensation as Gavriel coaxed you through it.

After a minute or so you finally recover, regaining your focus as Gavriel lazily stroked patterns along your hip.

“You look utterly beautiful when you fall apart, little one.” He murmured. “How do you feel?”

“I-” You can’t even form words yet. “Wow.”

Gavriel chuckled, spreading your legs further apart. “We’ve only just begun.”

You tried to sit up and reach for the older male, wanting to return the favour. But your arm was gently swatted away.

“No, darling.” He said softly. “Tonight is all about you.”

“But what about you?” You protested, confused. Lysandra had always complained that males were so adamant about receiving after giving, you just assumed that your next move would be to finally take Gavriel in your mouth.

“As much as I love the thought of you on your knees before me with those pretty eyes looking up at me as you choke on my cock, this is your night and your night alone. We have all the time in the world later on for me to teach you all of the things I like and how I like them, little one.”

The thought of Gavriel teaching you how to suck his cock, how to ride him and make him fall apart almost had you on your knees begging to taste him. But you knew better than to protest, still curious to see what he had in store. So you nodded and settled back down, allowing Gavriel to resume his position between your legs.

A large hand moved from your hip to your cunt, gently swiping through your folds and collecting the wetness there. “I want you to tell me if you experience any pain.” Gavriel said sternly. “I will be gentle, and the stretch of multiple fingers may be uncomfortable at first, but if I am going to be inside you tonight I will need to prepare you properly.”

“Yes, daddy.” You replied keenly.

Gavriel’s voice was unnervingly like a purr. “You learn so quickly, little one.” Pride filled his voice, causing you to blush.

Gently, one of Gavriel’s large fingers pushed its way inside of you. You gasped at the intrusion, your body automatically tensing up – it didn’t hurt, but it certainly felt strange, and very different from your own fingers.

“Just relax, and take a deep breath.” Gavriel said patiently. “It will be easier when your body relaxes, but it’s perfectly natural to be tense at first.”

You let the soothing baritone voice wash over you like a blanket, allowing your muscles to relax as your cunt adjusted to the large finger inside of it. You moaned as he crooked the finger, brushing up against a spot deep inside of you that made your head spin.

“Right there, that’s the spot isn’t it?” Gavriel said, retracting his finger ever so slightly before pushing it back in and crooking it again. “I can feel the way your legs shake when I do this. You’re so responsive to me, a perfect little thing just begging to be ruined.”

You weren’t coherent enough to form a response. Gods, if you’re reacting this way to just one of Gavriel’s fingers, how will you fare when he puts his cock inside of you?

Murmuring gentle praises, Gavriel continued this motion with his finger, retracting it more and more with every stroke. He was not fast nor rough, but assertive nonetheless. You could tell he’s extremely experienced, knowing just what to do to get your body shaking.

After a few minutes, you began to feel much more relaxed. Your cunt was dripping, aching for more. But before you could voice this, Gavriel gently slid a second finger inside of you very slowly. You hissed slightly, the sensation burning with the addition of the second finger.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” He breathed, kissing the inside of your thigh. “You’ll get used to Daddy’s fingers, just relax again.”

You inhaled and exhaled as smoothly as you could, trying to force your body to relax like he said. After a few minutes of gentle movements, the discomfort faded and morphed into pleasure. It was a different sensation than from when Gavriel’s mouth was devouring you – one that was more intense and primal. He crooked those fingers again, and you swore as the pleasure was double what it was with one finger.

“There we go,” Gavriel praised you as you arched your back. “Doesn’t that feel good?”

“Yes, Daddy,” You moaned. “Fuck.”

Eventually, the two large fingers inside of you sped up their motions, reaching places inside of you that your own fingers never could. He then attached his lips to your clit again and sucked, flicking it with his tongue. You quickly reached that familiar coiling sensation, and before you knew it you were crashing over the edge once again with your second orgasm.

You laid there panting as Gavriel slowly retracted his fingers from you. You watched in awe as he brought them to his mouth and sucked, moaning. It was without a doubt the hottest thing you’d ever seen in your life.

“You’ve been doing so good for me, little one.” Gavriel praised, leaning over your body to kiss your cheek. “We can stop here if you want. There is no pressure to take this any further. I will gladly accept however much you are ready to give me, and if you want to leave it at this for now we can do that.”

“Please, no.” You practically begged. “I want you to fuck me. Please, Daddy, I’ve been dreaming about it for so long. Please, please I need to feel you inside me.”

Your own words caught you by surprise. You refused to beg for anything in your life, anything except for this apparently. You already had two mind blowing orgasms, but you were already addicted to his touch.

More. You wanted more.

Luckily for you, your begging seemed to have weakened Gavriel’s resolve. He stood up, his large frame towering over your trembling one as his tawny eyes glowed with desire.

“If that is what you truly wish, if you truly want me to be the first male to fuck you with his cock, then I am happy to oblige.” With that, Gavriel’s tattooed hand dropped to the buckle on his pants and undid it in one motion.

You practically salivated as he gracefully pulled down his pants and undergarments, revealing the part you had wanted to see for so long. His cock stood proudly, so massive you weren’t sure if it would actually fit inside of you. The tip was red and wet with precum, a tribute to the effect that pleasuring you had on the mighty fae male – and your chest swelled with pride at the realisation.

“This will hurt at first,” Gavriel warned, cutting off your admiration of his lower half as he crawled over your body. “But you just need to take deep breaths. I will try and make it as painless as possible, but it shouldn’t be agonising. Your body will adjust, I promise.”

You nodded, slightly nervous. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you, but gods the sheer size of him made it question if it was even possible to make this work.

Gavriel rested his elbow beside you, letting his arm cradle your head and pressing his forehead against yours as he gripped his cock in his free hand. After collecting more of your wetness, the male pushed the tip of his cock inside of you.

You tensed up, the burning sensation you had felt with his two fingers a hundred times more intense now. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, and you felt ashamed, not wanting to let Gavriel down.

“It’s ok, little one,” Gavriel murmured, kissing your tears away. “You’re doing great. Let your body adjust and relax, just focus on me.”

You stared into those tawny eyes that had been there by your side for the past two years. Even though you were very sexually attracted to him from the start, you always appreciated that kindness and tenderness that Gavriel’s eyes reflected. He was always there as a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, a sturdy presence in your life – despite the sinfulness of the desires the two of you were acting on tonight, you knew that he respected you and you respected him, that his supporting presence in your life was not just because he was attracted to you, but because he genuinely cared for you.

Part of you felt guilty that your best friend’s father was currently inside of you, naked and on top of your equally as bare body. You knew that it was morally questionable, letting such an older male who had close relations to your friends corrupt you like this. But deep down you knew that he did not think any less of you for it, and the thought comforted you enough that your body finally began to relax.

Noticing, Gavriel pressed a kiss to your lips as he pushed his hips forward, edging his thick cock into you even more. It still burned a bit, but much less so. Like with his fingers, Gavriel retracted slowly before pushing in again, a bit further this time. He repeated the process until he eventually was all the way inside of you. Once there, he stilled, kissing every inch of your skin and murmuring praises.

You sighed and looped your arms around his muscled neck, the discomfort evolving into pleasure that was almost animalistic – it was so intense, especially when you looked down and could see a visible bulge in your stomach from the size of the male’s cock. You wriggled your hips in an attempt to encourage him to move.

“Are you sure?” Gavriel questioned.

You stared at his face and realised how much he was holding back. Those thick muscles were practically trembling with restraint, no doubt having to ignore his primal fae male desires to pound into you. His hair was dishevelled, and a thin layer of sweat coated his face.

“I need you to move, please Daddy.” You whined. “I asked you to fuck me, so fuck me.”

Gavriel’s eyes sharpened, indicating that this was the only time he’d let that demanding tone slide. Before you could complain again, he brought his hips back and pushed them forward forcefully, causing you to gasp.

“Is that better, princess?” Gavriel mocked lightly as you eyes rolled back into your head.

“Please keep going!” You mewled, clinging onto his muscular form as the pleasurable sensations threatened to overwhelm you. And your best friend’s father obliged, and each snap of his hips grew more forceful. Within a minute or so the male had set a sturdy pace, pounding in and out of you. The hand that cradled your head now gripped your hair, forcing your gaze to remain on Gavriel.

“Look at you, pretty girl,” His voice was pure filth, the gentle coaxing tone from earlier almost entirely gone and replaced with something more primal. “So small underneath me, a sweet little thing just begging to be fucked and utterly ruined. I told you Daddy was going to take good care of you. And you listened like the good little girl you are, isn’t that right? No other male can male you feel this way, can he? Only daddy.”

You bit down into his shoulder to muffle your pathetic moan at Gavriel’s words. However, your action caused him to growl with pleasure, and he began to fuck you harder. At this point, the bed was shaking and you thanked the gods that there was no other cabin or house around for several kilometres.

Gavriel’s rock hard abs brushed against the soft skin of your stomach as he moved in and out of you, sweat mingling as your bodies pressed close together. It was pure bliss, the powerful male on top of you moaning at the feeling of being inside of you. It wasn’t long before you felt that coil again, and Gavriel’s grip on your body tightened.

“Please come inside of me.” You begged.

Keeping his pace, Gavriel flashed you a concerned look. “But–”

“I’m on a tonic anyways,” You cut him off, knowing he was worried about you getting pregnant with his child. “Please, daddy, I just need you to fill me up.”

Gavriel nodded, grunting as he moved a hand to your clit and began rubbing. Your eyes rolled back in your head as you were barely even able to acknowledge your approaching orgasm before it crashed over you. Hips stuttering, Gavriel followed moments later and roared out your name, spilling his hot come inside your cunt.

The sensation almost made you pass out – your entire body was shaking and exhausted from a third orgasm. You and Gavriel panted for a minute before he slowly slid out of you and stood up.

You were confused when he left the room, wondering if you had done something wrong. Oh gods, what if he regretted it?

Luckily for your pathetic inner thoughts, Gavriel returned a few minutes later with a piece of toast, a tall glass of water and a cool towel.

“Drink this.” He ordered, handing you the water.

Still panting, you took the glass from his hand and gulped the water down, not realising how dry your throat was. Gavriel wiped down your thighs, which were coated in a mix of sweat and juices. After a few minutes of silence and finishing off your toast, Gavriel sat next to you and stroked your hair.

“You did so well tonight, little one,” He murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of your face. “Thank you for trusting me.”

You blushed. “No, thank you,” You corrected, and Gavriel raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t laugh me off when I said I hadn’t been with a male before.”

Gavriel frowned. “Why would I have done that?”

“I’m not saying you would have,” You quickly corrected, embarrassed. “It’s just that… the reason I waited was because males my age just expect every female to know what she’s doing and be good at it. I just didn’t want to disappoint anyone I guess.”

Gently, Gavriel cupped your face in his hands and turned it towards him, forcing you to meet his gaze. “You could never disappoint anyone, darling,” He said sternly. “Especially not me. I don’t give a shit if you’ve been with no males or if you’ve been with a hundred. It makes no difference to me.”

You smiled, kissing him gently. “Thank you for teaching me,” Your voice turned mischievous. “But I did also recall you saying there were other things you could show me?”

Gavriel laughed, swooping you up in his arms before you could protest. “And I meant it,” He said, carrying you down the hallway towards you room. “But you are exhausted, and don’t try and deny it. Rest, for now. They will be home soon and it’s best you be back in your own bed.”

He carried you all the way to your room, gently settling you down on the bed and brushing your hair behind your ears.

“But there will be a next time?” You asked sheepishly, unable to help it. You already craved more of him.

“If that is what you wish,” Gavriel smirked. “Then I am happy to show you how pretty you would look on your knees.”

The next morning you opened your eyes and sat up in bed. Your sore shoulder was gone, but the second you went to stand up your legs gave way. Ungracefully, you caught yourself on the bed frame to avoid the thumping noise of your body hitting the floor.

Last night had felt like a dream, but you knew it was real from the soreness in your lower half. Gavriel had been careful to not leave any visible bruises, but you still struggled with walking. Aedion, Lorcan, and Elide got home after you fell asleep last night, and you thanked the gods for that.

Painfully, you made your way down to the kitchen where everyone else, including Gavriel, was already seated.

“Look who’s finally awake!” Aedion exclaimed, pulling out your chair. Freshly cooked breakfast was laid out on the table, and you didn’t realise how hungry you were until you smelled it.

You couldn’t help but hiss in pain as you sat down, cursing the soreness from last night and praying nobody noticed. Unfortunately, your father did.

“What’s wrong with you?” Lorcan demanded. “I thought Gavriel fixed your shoulder.”

You froze, and so did Gavriel for a split second, mug of coffee halfway to his lips. Mentally swearing, you fumbled for an excuse.

“He did,” You said quickly. “But I’m still sore from training in general.”

Lorcan frowned, glaring at Gavriel. “Well why didn’t you fix that then, too?”

“Because I didn’t ask him to.” You snapped, cutting him off.

Luckily, Elide elbowed her husband in the ribs before he could snap back. The rest of breakfast went by without any awkwardness, until your parents and Gavriel left to do the dishes and Aedion took you upstairs.

“Hey, I think my dad has some ointment for sore muscles,” Aedion said. “I’ll go grab it.”

“No no, it’s fine!” You insisted, unsure of if your scent still lingered in Gavriel’s room. “I’ll manage!”

But Aedion was already gone. You cursed the gods, waiting in the hallway until Aedion’s confused voice came from the end of the hall.

“I found the ointment! But why is your shirt in my father’s room?”

704 notes · View notes

illyrian-dreamer · 4 months

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TOG SPOILERS!!!

I just finished Empire of Storms, and oblivious me didn’t realise Tower of Dawn is ONLY about Chaol and Nesryn 🙃

I can’t read a whole 600+ pages without my Elide and Lorcan, I just can’t. Not without my fire heart and grumpy hawk and sexy prince and sexier queen of the crochans and other sexy cadre and a snow leopard and hunky Aedon. I just can’t 🥲

So, please in your honest opinion…. Can I skip straight to Kingdom of Ash? Can I cheat the system?

Tell me your honest thoughts. They just took my Aelin away in a coffin and I feel like she’s stuck in there until I can read her out of it 😭😭😭

IT IS PAINFUL TO BE A SARAH J MAAS STAN, PAIN I TELL YOU

#welp #help #I actually don’t care all that much about chaol im sorry #I need Lorcan to grovel like I need air #throne of glass #tower of Dawn #throne of glass series

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witchthewriter · 2 months

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𝕾𝖍𝖎𝖕 𝖋𝖔𝖗 @aubrobrewhaha.

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑭𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒚𝒔! You have such a soft nature; patient, gentle, I think Fenrys would melt at your feet just to feel your hand on his cheek. You two wouldn't be an unlikely couple - Fenrys definitely has a gentle side, he just hides his vulnerability with jokes. And you'd see right through it.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚/𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓

Light.

Not the same as fire, but similar to that of sunshine or a star; when your power is at full strength, you glow (can glow so bright it incinerates anyone you want around you). Your eyes can turn white when using your power, as well as defying gravity.

Your skin always looks like you're wearing glitter or some type of shimmer, but you were born that way.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

When the mate bond snapped into place, he was on emissary duty. You being a princess of a royal who had came to Aelin's aid. Fenrys was sent to give personal thanks on Queen Aelin's behalf.

It happened as soon as you laid eyes on each other; Fenrys' nostrils flaring, eyes widening and eyebrows lifting. You were the first person he shook hands with, his eyes boring into your own. It felt like something had filled inside of you; a bone, or an emotion you didn't know had been in a state of dismay. Now it was ... healed. And you felt elated.

Without a doubt he would shift into his wolf form and beckon you to frolic in a goddamn field. His wolfy tongue hanging out of his mouth, bouncing up and down with his head turned to look behind you.

Fenrys' pet names for you are: "starlight" (obviously inspired by your powers but also because you're his guiding star admist the darkness), "my princess," or alternatively just "princess" and "sunshine."

Fenrys is always over the top whenever you hurt yourself/are hurt. Even if it's just a papercut, he's rushing around trying to find something to cover it. Giving it a kiss better (always gives your covered 'wound' a kiss).

His mouth was literally agape when he first saw your powers. Wide-eyed, shocked, amazed, in love. Thought (and continue to thinks) you're the most beautiful thing in the world. Too precious.

When he first introduced you to Aelin, he was he like "look it. look at my mate. perfect. just perfect. i get to keep :')"

Squeezes your cheeks, kisses your palms, scratches your scalp, hugs you from behind, wants to pick you up all the time but you bat his hands away because he's still trying to when others are around!

Takes him a long time to open up about his brother and his past. You'd might even ask Aelin about it and she would only tell you some things but ultimately it would be up to Fenrys.

Before you, when he'd have nightmares he would change into his wolf form. However, since finding you, his mate, nightmares don't happen so often. But when they do, he subconciously curls into you, letting your light seep into him like a protective bubble.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Sunshine Of Your Love by Cream

Do It by Chloe x Halle (this song is the one where you & fenrys would absolutely lose it to, like both of you just dancing like no one is watching - when in fact everyone is watching...)

Work Song by Hozier

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Madly In Love (Fenrys) x Ridiculously Oblivious (You)

Constantly Trying To Make You Blush In Public (Fenrys) x Worked At First But Now You're Used To It (You)

Malewife x Girlboss

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Intertwined Destinies

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Fenrys loves that you know how to calm people down, you make people feel at ease, you're a soothing presence. Fenrys adores how much empathy you have for others, it shows how strong you are; your willingness to open your heart.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Okay so everyone would absolutely adore you, but Yrene would connect with you wholeheartedly. You both have very similar personalities, would be on the same page/wavelength and just understand each other more than anyone else would (besides your mates).

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix of Yrene, Elide and Gavriel. Selfless, intelligent, kind, wise, gentle, slow to anger, yet passionate and don't take shit from anyone.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

There's a tradition in your royal fae family, of finding your familiar when you come of age. They're to help you with the responsibility of making decisions and thinking of your actions vs consequences.

Your familiar came in the animal of an owl; smaller than the usual but no less wise. Although, she is much more playful. Usually she sits on your shoulder, flies around your head or goes back home to rest.

When you need her, all you need to do is pull on that invisible tether inside yourself and she's there in an instant.

𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐑

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑳𝒖𝒄𝒊𝒆𝒏 𝑽𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒂! Like the other fae I've shipped you with, Luc teeters on the edge of witty banter and sarcasm that's used as a mask to hide his trauma/pain. With you he can be as serious or unserious as he wants, knowing you won't judge him.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚/𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓

Growth/Healing.

Whether it's closing wounds or regrowing dying flowers, the love and compassion from your heart made the cauldron decide easily on your ability. Some see you as a medic, as you're able to find the source of the pain if someone is ill. It's a big responsibility and you're constantly needed.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Kept his sarcastic wall up with you even after he found out you were mates. It wasn't until a month later, when you held your hand so gently to his face that he crumbled under your touch. You told him he did not need to keep up the charade with you.

Not only do your powers heal, but you know a lot about herbs and ointments as well. Your family (who have lived in the Dawn Court for generations) are well-known for their healing. Even Thesan, the High Lord, bestowed a title to your family.

This title meant your family held influence. Not a lot, but enough that respect was given wherever you went. And that's how you met Lucien - Rhysand had asked if one of your family members (which ended up being you) would come and teach Feyre how to heal.

Since Lucien often visited the Night Court, it was no coincidence that you bumped into each other. Literally. Which is ironic since you both possess fae abilities - but your minds were so focused on what lay ahead in the Night Court.

Helping you up, it wasn't until your hands touched, then eyes met that the mating bond snapped into place. Like a tight tether around your very soul, it became hard to breathe when he let go of your hand.

Lucien told Feyre (his main reason in being there) and she gave him pretend orders so that he had to stay.

Lucien is constantly scared that something is going to happen to you. The trauma from his father and what he did to his former lover still hangs over his head like an axe waiting to fall.

Not a lot of people know this, but Lucien has a lot of anxiety. He keeps it hidden but because of the bond (and the fact that you both accepted the bond) you can feel what he feels. And one of your best traits is being able to calm unnerved beings.

Many, many forehead touches. Even though Lucien is quite taller than you, he leans down so he can kiss your nose and touch your forehead with his.

Would definitely move to the Dawn Court to be with you and your family if that's what you wished.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Into My Arms by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Nad Dunaem by DakhaBrakha

The Less I Know The Better by the Midnite String Quartet

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

"Hey can I have a…" (You) x "Yes. Whatever it is. Yes." (Lucien)

“I care about you!” (You) x “You shouldn’t!” (Lucien)

Sweetest Person On Earth (You) x Their Protector (Lucien)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Timeless Love

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Your very being. You helped Lucien re-discover his self worth, his confidence (which he didn't have to fake anymore) and brought him out of the darkness. He no longer felt lost.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

The High Lady herself, Feyre! While teaching her, you two grew a close bond. And although she loved her Inner Circle, it was nice to talk to someone different, someone who she had to learn to trust.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix of all three Archeron sisters. Hear me out; Nesta's take no shit attitude and fierceness, Elain's gentle nature and love for the natural world and Feyre, who can shoulder responsibility and wants to help others.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

Found hurt with a broken leg, you couldn't let the poor thing suffer. It wasn't in your nature, even if you didn't have healing as your gift. Once the cat was fully healed, his eyes turned to you and he grinned.

"Thank you," he said. Turning from a cat into a large pantheresque looking creature. Horns protruding from his head, teeth sharpening and claws growing.

And yet, you weren't scared. He knew you weren't.

"I owe you a life debt," he uttered, head bowing.

"Oh no you really don't!" You insisted, waving your hands in a 'no' motion.

But after a few minutes of silence, he replied, "well, after you. Now where you go, I go. And if you prefer my other form... I can do that as well."

(Lucien nearly died from a heart attack when he first met the creature.)

𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑹𝒖𝒉𝒏 𝑫𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂𝒏! Handsome, funny and sarcastic; he would protect you with his life - he would kill and die for you. Well ... there's nothing he wouldn't do for you.

With a mix of humour yet overwhelming care tucked behind his mask of intimdation; it was a surprise when you two found out you were mates.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚/𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓

Elemental ability: Water.

As a half Mer, with your other half being Fae, you have an afinity for water magic. Although you cannot turn into a Mer, you can hold your breath under water for a long, long time. It isn't just ocean, lake or river water you can control, but most liquids. However, your magic is strongest when the liquid is pure water.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Thought you were a goddess the first time he saw you; the way the sun shone down upon your face as you stood on the beach. Water drifting up your legs, swirling around your body; like a blue snake winding around you.

You didn't care that your dress was soaking, or that people were watching. You just needed to feel the water on your skin. It was like re-energising yourself whenever you touched water. Especially when it was the ocean. The place that your mother was from, the place that you had been birthed.

Visiting the water was a common occurance for you. It helped calm you, bring you back to reality when your mind was playing tricks.

Your first kiss with Ruhn was at night, in the water. Droplets ran down his tanned face, his hair pushed back, lips wet. You hadn't thought you would ever find your mate. Let alone a Prince. A rebel prince who was covered in tattoos, looked scary but had a goddamn heart of gold.

Physical affection is a big factor in your relationship. Ruhn yearns for it. For many years he was touch-starved. Aching for a kind hand, a soft hug; someone he knew would never hurt him.

And having you now, he would endure everything all over again. Knowing he would have you.

He's very good at braiding hair; used to braid Bryce's when she was a little girl. He let her paint his nails and colour in his tattoos. He loved being a big brother.

Loves snuggling up with you on the couch; well, it's actually him laying on top of you, his head on your chest as you watch a reality show.

You don't have a lot of arguements. But when you do, it's mostly about your safety or his. You want to help him but he wants you to be safe, to never get hurt. Because if he lost you, he would be lost too.

WOULD 100% TATTOO YOUR NAME ON HIS HEART AND HAVE A TATTOO BAND ON HIS RING FINGER.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Eat Your Young by Hozier

Fire In The Water by Feist

R U Mine by Arctic Monkeys

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Looks Like A Jerk But Has A Heart Of Gold (Ruhn) x Looks Like A Cinnamon Roll But Is Also A Badass (You)

Sun (You) x Moon (Ruhn)

Always Hold Grudges (Ruhn) x Forgives Too Easily (You)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Found Family

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Your passion. With your Virgo Sun (ambition, determination, hard-working nature, practicality) and your Aries Moon (fierceness, independence, relentlessness) AND your Leo Rising! (warmness, friendliness, compassion, enthusiasm) you are a leader of change and possibilities.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Bryce would would probably fall in love with you a little. I will not lie. Maybe it's because you have similar placements, or she loves how compassionate and fierce you are, she cannot deny that you just might be her platonic soulmate (which hurts her a little because that's how she thought of Danika).

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix (I'm sorry it's always a mix!) of Juniper, Bryce, and Danika. Almost like a softer version of Bryce? You have such a healing energy, like you could calm absolutely anyone down. Defuse a fight, relieve stress but also be a leader of an army?

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

A beautiful sea creature called a Hippocampus. She resembles a horse mixed with a fish and is absolutely obsessed with you.

Well, as are you, since you grew up together. It was a rare coincidence for a mer-child to be born at the exact moment as another sea creature ...

#personal aesthetic #match ups #throne of glass pair ups #throne of glass match ups #tog ships #acotar ships #acotar pair ups #acotar match ups #crescent city series #hosab #cc #cc ships #crescent city ships #crescent city #crescent city pair ups #witchthewriter #headcanons #aesthetic

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lucien-calore · 1 year

Text

reasons why i know think chaol westfall is autistic, by an autistic person

he likes routine and sticks to what he knows, what he's familiar with, i.e. going on morning runs with celaena at the same time every day and still believing magic is bad because he was told that his whole life and he never had any reason to doubt that. which is why he acts the way he does with aelin once she comes back. he had known celaena, he was familiar with her and she comes back as a completely different person and he's rightfully confused as to why she's acting so differently.

he has intense respect for authority and never questions it, which is a very common trait in autistic people. which is why he never questioned the king.

he has trouble reading social cues and understanding his own feelings (lack of self awareness)

he finds it very hard to make friends and interact with people he doesn't know well

he can appear cold and distant and has a rbf (but he actually doesn't make facial expressions because he's autistic)

he sees the world as very black and white and he doesn't really think of all the different shades of grey because to him either something is good, or it isn't and he doesn't understand nuances which can make him appear close minded

he's very observant and detail oriented but he can't understand and interpret what he observes, which can make him seem oblivious at times

he has a hyperfixation on celaena at first but then it becomes dorian, which can make him seem too intense

he also has a hyperfixation on his role as captain of the guard, he learns everything he can and dedicates all his time to it

he has a hard time regulating his emotions, which makes it seem like he has an attitude problem

anyways, that's all

i hope you enjoyed and if you wanna talk more about this, please don't hesitate to send me a dm 🫶🫶

#chaol westfall #pro chaol westfall #pro chaol #the assassin’s blade #throne of glass #crown of midnight #heir of fire #queen of shadows #empire of storms #tower of dawn #kingdom of ash

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shadowdaddies · 5 months

Note

Hi would you write an Gavriel x reader fanfic where they haven’t told anyone they’re together yet because they have an agegap and don’t know how the other will react? Maybe Aedion or Fenrys, a younger fae male asks her out and that’s how everyone finds out?

I love this!💜 Thank you for giving me the self indulgent excuse to write about both Fenrys and Gavriel being interested in reader💅

Mine

Gavriel x Reader fluff

The sound of a door opening downstairs had you jumping away from Gavriel on instinct. You had become used to hiding your relationship - meeting in secret, keeping your distance around others - it was becoming exhausting. It was understandable - Gavriel was being cautious in building a connection with Aedion after their rocky start, and he was self conscious about how much older he was than you. As much as you wanted to be seen with your mate, neither of you wanted to risk the progress he had made with Aedion to bring you being mates into the situation.

With a sigh, Gavriel gave you a quick kiss before you quietly left the room, him staying behind as you made your way downstairs alone so as not to raise any suspicion. You strode into the living room where Fenrys, Aedion, Aelin, and Rowan were gathered, taking your seat on the couch next to Fenrys. “Hi, angel,” Fenrys greeted, giving you a flirty wink as he brought his arm around the back of the couch. “Hey, Fen,” you greeted your friend warmly. Used to Fenrys’s flirtatious nature, you were oblivious to his advances as he asked you about your day.

Aelin and Rowan were occupied in conversation - curled up on the couch opposite you - as Aedion lounged in the chair to your right, seemingly studying a report from one of the lieutenants. Rowan turned from his conversation with Aelin to Fenrys. “Hey Fen, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask?” he questioned as he nodded his head towards you, a slight smirk playing on his lips.

Everyone turned at that, eyes on you and Fenrys as you looked at him curiously. “What is it, Fenrys?” you asked, poking his side as you smiled playfully. For the first time since you’d met him, Fenrys looked nervous - running a hand through his long blonde hair as he bit his lip, eyes flicking to yours. “Uh, I’d been thinking about asking you to dinner, if you’d like. Just the two of us.” The pointed look in his eyes told you that he meant as more than friends, but before you could respond, a growl sounded from behind you.

Fenrys’s eyes flashed with alarm as he glanced over your shoulder, everyone turning to see Gavriel standing at the foot of the stairs, anger radiating off him like you’d never seen. You could feel his jealousy through the bond, watching in shock as he stormed across the room to where you were seated. “Get your hands off my mate,” he snarled.

Everyone’s jaws dropped at his words, Fenrys holding up his hands in a placating position as he backed away from the territorial male who towered over you. “Your mate?” Aedion asked, fully setting down the report he was reading, eyes shooting back and forth between you and Gavriel. Gavriel’s expression immediately turned to one of shame as he turned towards his son. You fumbled for words to explain, “Aedion, we didn’t - I just, with the two of you just now bonding, we...”

You were at a loss for words, but that didn’t matter as Aedion let out an amused laugh, shaking his head as he smiled at you. “We knew you were seeing each other. I just didn’t know you were mates.”

“WHAT? I didn’t know! Aedion, you told me I should ask her out,” Fenrys ranted from the corner, red-faced with embarrassment. Aelin and Rowan snickered from where they were sitting, Aelin tossing a chocolate at him. “You were the only one who it wasn’t obvious to, and things were getting boring around here. We had to find some interesting way to get them to admit their relationship.” She turned to grin at you. “I’m happy for you.”

Smiling back, you murmured a “thank you,” as Gavriel came to stand behind you, putting his hands on your shoulders. He gave them a squeeze, turning to Aedion, asking him softly, “you’re not bothered by this?” Aedion smiled, “of course not. I’m happy for you, and even more so that you’re mates.”

You gave him a bright grin, looking up to where Gavriel stood above you. He leaned down, kissing you passionately - the bond glowing with love and contentment. You pulled apart at a gagging sound from your right, Aedion’s lip curling as he covered his face with the report he held, grumbling, “okay, well I didn’t want to see that.”

You laughed, bringing Gavriel around to sit with you on the couch. He pulled you into his lap, and you wrapped one arm around his neck as you patted the cushion next to you. “Come on Fen, he won’t bite,” you promised with a wink. Fenrys came over to sit with you, rolling his eyes as Gavriel glared at him and pulled you close, and kept you close for the rest of the evening.

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theladyofbloodshed · 1 year

Note

SJM is a feminist qwueen.

Elain is Elain felt wrong at so many levels. Couldn’t understand why. But here’s my reason for hating it.

Elain is Elain means that Elain is not much. Not worth considering a threat or an opportunity. Not a villian, not a hero, not useful, just not much. Why would that be? What’s different? Nesta and Elain are both made by the cauldron. She’s eager to help (in ACOWAR).

She’s not doing what males do in SJM fantasy world. Not swinging a sword (like Aelin and Mor). Not rude and dismissive of authorites (like Feyre in the high lords meetings). She’s being normal and wearing dresses. And that’s completely fine.

But apparently not by SJM, the feminist queen and her fans. Because guess what, that’s not feminism. That’s internalized misogyny. You only like feminist heroines when they do something that males do. How dare she stay in the house and bake? Be queit and proper like a lady. Wear dresses!??? Go put on some fighting leathers and swing a sword. Only then will we value you. We are feminists. Can’t have a girl acting all girly and expect people to think she has some good qualities. Qualities worth appreciation. Nope, we will value you when you fight, put on some muscles and ditch those dresses. And get out of the kitchen!

Until then, Elain is just Elain.

Never tell me that young girls reading this are not getting a bad impression. I saw a 14 year old pick up this book today. SJM and her internalized misogyny, that the fans label as feminism ✨ is going to shape some young minds into believing a lot of fucked up things being right. Forgiving your abuser and sexual assualter (Aelin-Rowan, Feyre- Rhys), mistreating people with trauma (Nesta being locked up) and of course, the smaller problem discussed above. I am not old enough to have children yet, but I regret the fact that I read this crap and I beg all you fans out there to never have your children read this crap. It is honestly surprising that these books have not been deemed inappropriate yet. I have read a lot of dark romance and this is not it. The theme is clear in dark romance. Characters in those books are held accountable for their actions. The constant cycle of making the fans beleive that Rhys, Rowan, Cassian etc. are not wrong and you should want a partner like that..now that is harmful.

P.s. English is my third language. Idk if I made any mistakes, but do let me know if I did so I can take care of it next time.

It was such crap. If Rhys was actually held accountable for his words then yeah, okay, he can say that. But if Feyre ever questions him, it happens once then it's waved away by Rhys. Within a few minutes of meeting the sisters, he dismisses Elain as unimportant and Nesta is Illyrian at heart and he can never forgive her - for something that never ever involved him.

For me, it wasn't really about the fact that Elain is typically more feminine. Beyond the colour of their dresses where Elain favours pink, I'd say Nesta is also very typically feminine (for the time period). She doesn't like pants, her hobby is reading, she was saving herself for marriage. To me, what Rhys said aligned with Feyre's view of Elain from the first book where she said that it wasn't that Elain was being mean and not helping, she just didn't grasp that she might actually get off her ass and help. And Rhys is fine with that. Elain can be oblivious but that's okay and he won't ever push her <3 It's so hard not to compare how Elain and Nesta are treated. Both lived in the cabin. Nesta said mean things, Elain didn't. Nesta helped, Elain didn't.

At the end of it all, these men should stay far away from these women. The men all need therapy and should be taught how to be a better partner <3

p.s. your English is brilliant

#anon asks

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live-the-fangirl-life · 2 years

Text

To the Ends of the Earth

A World Away Companion Piece

Aelin Galathynius x Rowan Whitethorn - World Travelers AU

Aelin and Rowan decide on their next adventure. Be it fate or bad aim, it’ll be somewhere neither have ever been before.

*you don’t have to have read AWA to understand this fic but doing so gives a better understanding

Written for Rowaelin Month 2022 Day 3: Travel/Vacation

Masterlist | Fic Masterlist | Rowaelin Month | Read on Ao3

Warnings: Language

2048 words

*******

An easy breeze rolled in with the waves and brought a smile to Aelin’s face as it cooled her water-speckled skin. From their perch in the hammock Rowan hung up between two small palm trees, they had a beautiful, unobstructed view of the wavering tide and slowly setting sun.

Rowan was laid on his back, one hand behind his head and one running fingers through her hair where she’d taken up residence atop him. His leg hung over the side and dug into the sand as he slowly rocked them back and forth.

“We check out the day after tomorrow,” Rowan broke the comfortable silence, and Aelin lifted her head, resting her chin on her hand sprawled across his chest to look at him. “Any thoughts on what’s next on our list?”

She hummed. “If you’re talking about what our next destination should be, may I remind you that we have plans to be in Vanuatu by the end of the week? It worries me that you can’t remember; you booked the meetings and yet here you are, only days before, obliviously forgetful. Ah, the perils of old age, Buzzard—” she laughed as he poked her side with a grunt.

“Truly hilarious,” he deadpanned with an eye roll. “You should have your own stand-up special.”

“I would sell out arenas,” she agreed but paused and corrected, “Theaters? Music-halls? I don’t know, where do comedians usually perform?”

“Not in a hammock in Fiji.”

Aelin scoffed, but it quickly dissolved into laughter which Rowan echoed.

“I meant where do you want to go after, smartass,” he didn’t put any bite in the word. “We just talked about Vanuatu this morning. I figured it was a given I meant beyond that, but, apparently, you have less faith in me than I thought.”

Smirking, Aelin sat up, her shifting weight urging Rowan to do the same so they didn’t tip over. “Careful, your feathers are ruffling.”

“You and the buzzard jokes, I swear…” he grumbled and dragged a hand down his face so she couldn’t see the smile tugging at his lips. He was wildly unsuccessful.

“Okay, okay,” Aelin laughed and started throwing out suggestions. “Madagascar? We can walk under the baobab trees and feel like we’re two feet tall. You can try getting a shot of a lemur to add to your wildlife collection!”

“That’s definitely on the to-do list,” he agreed. “But what about someplace closer? How about Perth? We didn’t get to Western Australia when we were there. Take a drive, go see some of the pink salt lakes?”

Aelin nodded, her brain whirling as she looked at her mental map. “Ooh! What about New Caledonia? I’ve heard the whale watching there is phenomenal this time of year, all the humpbacks coming in towards the lagoons.”

“We still need to—”

Aelin sat bolt upright, eyes flying wide and smiling broad enough to make her cheeks ache. “I have an idea!”

Rowan arched a skeptical brow at her sudden declaration but couldn’t stop the upward tug of his lips at her pure giddiness. “What kind of idea?”

“The kind that will solve our dilemma for us.”

***

They had to pry the generic water-themed painting off of the wall of their hotel room, but the pain in the ass it was going to be to rehang it would be worth it.

“What happens if it lands in the ocean?” Rowan stood next to Aelin as they both faced the wall.

It being the small dart she was twisting around in her hand, trying to get a feel for its weight.

She eyed the map they had pinned to the now-vacant wall. It wasn’t anything special and still had all the creases from being folded up and stuffed in a stand at a small tourist shop, but it would do.

“We choose the closest island?” she suggested, shrugging. “Take a cruise? Do some really intensive snorkeling?”

Aelin huffed a small laugh, not having to look at her husband to know he was rolling his eyes. She lifted the dart they’d snagged from some bar in Queens and practiced her throw. She almost let it fly but stopped herself at the last second. “What if it lands someplace we’ve already been?”

Rowan crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “Guess it’ll depend on where you hit – see if we want to go back. If not, then I’ll take a throw.”

“Yeah, okay,” Aelin nodded, feeling satisfied with that, and turned back to the map.

She readied her shot again, narrowing her eyes, and biting her lip in concentration. But it was too hard to keep a straight face; she dropped her hand and whirled back to Rowan with a widening grin. Her voice bubbled with excitement as she gushed, “This is so fun!”

The sigh he loosed was equal parts fondness and exasperation. “It will be once you throw.”

Rolling her eyes, she huffed, “Don’t rush me.” But didn’t fight her grin as she again aimed at the map.

It was fun. They were beyond lucky to have the world at their fingertips; so many options open to them that they couldn’t choose just one. Ultimately, they didn’t have to choose, they both knew they would be exploring as many places as they physically could. But whether they went somewhere next week or next year or in the next decade, well, with that they could have a little fun.

Aelin had never been as happy as she’d been since meeting Rowan, since choosing each other and all that came with it. So many adventures led, so many places and sights seen, so many foods tried, and people met. So many passport stamps.

And now they were simply leaving it up to chance...or fate…or Aelin’s wonky aim to choose their next adventure.

She released the dart and watched as it embedded itself in the map.

The soft thud of the metal tip hitting the wall was the only sound in the room for several seconds. Rowan’s arms fell slack at his sides, and she chanced a glance towards him to see his mouth open and close as he stared at the pierced spot on the map. Her own eyebrows were nearly at her hairline as they stood in the growing silence.

“Huh.” She finally broke the tension, trying to keep her voice light. “Well…that’s…definitely somewhere we’ve never been before.”

Rowan made a choking noise, halfway between an incredulous laugh and a suppressed groan. “When you do something, you don’t go halfway, do ya?”

She huffed a laugh. “Have you met me?”

He leveled her a flat look but she rushed on before he could interject

“Hear me out—” she wasn’t entirely sure where she was going with this or if she even wanted to argue the point, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little intrigued by their turn of events. “How many people can say they’ve been to Antarctica?”

“The insane ones.”

Aelin rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. “Really? So all the scientists and expeditioners are insane?”

“Are we scientists?” He argued.

“No.” she arched a brow. “But one could argue that—”

“Aelin. Fireheart.” He stepped towards her and held her face in his hands as he leaned in close. “Thorn in my side, and love of my life. We,” he gestured between them, “are not equipped for that. A real, true Artic expedition is a bit ambitious, even for us.”

“Antarctic,” she corrected, breezing passed his trepidations and choosing to ignore the thorn comment altogether. “Come on, Ro, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.”

“Of course, I’ve thought about it,” he huffed. “It’s one of those passing things like, Huh, wouldn’t it be amazing to go to Antarctica? or Wow, I wonder what that would be like? And then I move on with my day because I rather like having ten toes, thank you very much.”

She felt a grin on her lips but held it back, feeling like she could crack him on this. Antarctica? Wasn’t on her radar, not even a place she thought, truly, about visiting. The idea of going had never actually felt plausible, and it was perhaps the one place in the world that she wouldn’t have been upset about missing.

But…

“Imagine the kind of story Coast to Cadre could get? The publicity? The opportunity? And, please, think about how incredible it would feel knowing you’ve stepped foot on all seven continents?”

Carding a hand through his hair, Rowan stared over her shoulder towards the middle distance, and Aelin could tell the gears in his brain were turning.

“Aelin.”

“Rowan.”

“You really, seriously, want to go?” Rowan asked before she reached up to grab his hand. He pulled his gaze back to hers and laced their fingers together, his thumb rubbing small circles on her skin. His voice sounded skeptical, but his eyes held a different story — one that told her this crazy idea was settling, and as the shock wore off, he was beginning to actually wonder about it.

She paused for a moment as her eyes were drawn back to the map. Squeezing his hand, Aelin found his questioning stare again and grinned. “Yeah. I think I really do.”

He searched her face for any sign of teasing but found none. Finally, Rowan loosed a long, slow breath and barked out a short chuckle. “This is insane.”

“You’ve already said that.” Aelin’s grin softened as it spread, and she stepped closer into him, unlacing their hands so she could wrap her arms around his neck as his landed on her waist. “Besides, I think we could use a little insanity.”

Rowan arched a brow. “Really?”

“Yes,” she insisted. “Our last three stops had us either in meetings or on a beach all day.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining about it,” he argued, hands flexing and pulling her even closer as he ducked his head towards her neck and began peppering soft kisses on her skin.

“Of course, I’m not complaining,” she said a tad breathlessly. “I just think that, maybe, trying something out of our comfort zones would be a good idea.”

He pulled back, smirking at her flushed skin, and snorted, “I’d say this is far, far outside our comfort zones.” He laughed again, “Are we actually talking about this? Are we really considering a trip to the south pole?”

Jerking her head towards the map, they both stared at the dart. She could almost picture an imaginary string connecting the toy to the large, white continent, pulled taught by the fates themselves.

“Technically, it landed near the coast. But might as well go big or go home, right? The south pole it is.” They’d see how that actually worked out.

“It’ll take a lot of planning,” Rowan pointed out, still unable to look away from their upcoming adventure.

She nodded. “And time.”

“And mountains of logistical nightmares.” Rowan huffed a laugh making Aelin glance up at him. “I thought the whole point of this,” he waved a hand at the offending map, “was to decide our next trip? This isn’t something we can pull off with a week’s worth of planning.”

It was true. Unfortunately. Shoulders slumping, Aelin released a defeated sigh as reality crept back in. “You’re right.”

“So,” Rowan carefully unwound her arms from his neck and walked towards the map, plucking the dart from the blustering tundra before returning to her side. “How about I throw for our actual next destination, after Vanuatu,” he flashed her a wink, “and we take our time planning out this Antarctic adventure?”

Aelin beamed and couldn’t help her elated laugh as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around him once more. She pulled him down eagerly until she was kissing him, pouring all her anticipation, excitement, and joy into it.

“We wanted to see the world – what better way than going to the end of it?”

It was going to be one hell of an adventure, but there wasn’t anyone else with whom she’d rather try it.

“With you?” Rowan cupped her cheek, lifting her jaw just enough to connect his lips with hers again in a kiss that dissolved into matching grins. “I’d go anywhere.”

*****

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