#obviously i really love ian and appreciate this story about his struggles just like a love all the tender moments with him and mickey
4) fave genre 9) fave actors 47) fave tropes
4) Mob movies. I know they're the quintessenial filmbro type of movies and liked by some of the worst people around but I can't help it. I wrote off The Godfather and Goodfellas for YEARS until I was forced to watch The Godfather movies in college for a class and I think it rewired my brain. I watched Goodfellas more recently and had a similar experience. All my life I've been seeing references and rip offs but watching the originals was a totally different experience! The mob movie genre in general is so infamous and its directors pioneered a number of techniques that are used in so many other genres now (Goodfellas was apparently one of the first to use fourth wall breaks for plot exposition) that it's called cliche or bad writing, but the originals had this dynamism to them that I'm still struggling to describe. The closest I can come to it is that they're imbued with this feeling of experimentation that their descendants don't have; the directors who followed their example treated it like rules but the originals were all about breaking rules and finding new ways to tell a story. I'm pretty sure The Godfather pt. 2 is the only time where I've seen such an extended flashback that didn't make the movie worse.
I'm also kind of obsessed with how mob movies have faded into this category of "old movies", like when you think of them, you think of these groundbreaking and extraordinarily famous movies from the 20th century. The last time I heard about a mob movie in the modern day, it was marvel fans clowning on The Irishman bc Martin Scorsese "insulted" their military propaganda faves.
Additionally, when I started reading up on the production of these films, and how they were received in their time, it only deepened my appreciation for the genre. I was genuinely shocked at how many genre-spanning "cliches" or techniques originated from these crime movies. I know I focused on like...the two most famous ones for this answer but if I go on I'm gonna write a ten paragraph essay lmao.
9) full disclosure; I've never had like....a steadfast admiration of any actor. But here goes a shot at some people who I've liked in multiple films and whatever role left the greatest impression on me.
Ian McKellan: Legend, I know, but I think he'll always be my fav for his role in this obscure Sherlock Holmes movie called Mr Holmes about an elderly and regretful Sherlock as he suffers from dementia. I saw it one time when my parents absent mindedly rented it from the video store when I was teenager and it's haunted me ever since. Obviously, Ian McKellan is great in everything but that's what sticks to me.
Nicole Kidman: She's been getting a lot of love for The Northman (which was a good movie and she was good in it) but I'll always remember her for her role as Celeste in Little Big Lies (if you haven't seen it, go and see it now it's so great). It's one of the best portrayals of an abuse victim that I've ever seen and while the writing is great, it's her performance that sells the audience on Celeste being both human and a victim. She also plays really well off Meryl Streep's evil grandma character.
Bowen Yang/Vanessa Bayer: I'm grouping these two bc I've primarily seen them on SNL (guilty pleasure of mine) and they both deserve better as comedic performers. I know Vanessa has gotten some better opportunities in the last couple years but I'm looking forward to when Bowen leaves the show for bigger things bc he's fucking hilarious.
John Noble: he's just so intense. His role as Denethor was pitch perfect casting and he played it all out! I really don't think anyone else (besides maybe like Willem Dafoe) could have pulled off Denethor's unique insane worldview and fucked up relationship with his sons. Every time he's on screen, absolutely capivating (honorable mention his role on Fringe was similarly well done).
Keke Palmer: Criminally underrated, every project I've ever seen her in, she's knocked it out of the park. I'm so excited to see NOPE this summer and hope it propels her to more mainstream projects. Her favorite performance of mine was when she was on Scream Queens. Everyone loves to give Emma Roberts her flowers for that show, but Keke Palmer was acting circles around that other white girl who was the lead in season one and then became the main character for season two. Excellent performances in both seasons, and that show absolutely should have been renewed for a third.
47) ngl this gave me psychic damage bc i started thinking about fanfiction tropes lmao. I also don't really think about plot devices as tropes tbh.
But being real for a second, I'd have to say that my favorite trope is probably the fake relationship one. I've seen it done well and I've seen it done badly, but imo when it's good its really funny and it makes me laugh.
I suppose found family is also a trope and I do like it a lot, but I don't really think of it as a trope? like, for my money, any story with a bunch of unrelated characters going through the plot together is going to feel closer by the end of the story if the story is written well, yknow? a group of characters all going on a journey and then just like saying bye like it's the end of some mandatory group activity is weird to me and I probably won't like the story lmao. So found family is not so much a plot device as it is the natural conclusion to a lot of characters' development in relation to each other.
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anyone else feel like maybe s5 is uh... not that good?
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GAYA SA PELIKULA
Its been a month or so since Gaya Sa Pelikula aired so I’m late in joining the fandom for this masterpiece. With the mass production of Boy Love serials in the Philippines, I felt like we have become a bit oversaturated. As a viewer, it was difficult for me to choose a series that I would want to finish until the last episode. I have always been a sucker for top notch story-telling. And for this reason, I didn’t find the current line up of BLs interesting, save but one. Thankfully, I gave in to the prodding of mutuals to try out Gaya Sa Pelikula. And boy, was I in for a treat.
GSP main actors, Ian and Paolo Pangilinan, are the very much believable characters, Vlad and Karl, respectively. I love the fact that they have really owned their characters. We felt their struggles. We felt every emotion they experienced. They took us on a roller coaster ride, and it was satisfying. At least for me.
Juan Miguel Severo and JP Habac are both brilliant. They had a great script which was matched by a very masterful execution. This show, with its smallest details, make it so much fun to watch and rewatch. I love how it opened with a black screen and a voice-over from Karl, your own reflection on your TV set, as if you are about to see your own story. I also love the use of metaphors to get points across, like the seemingly neat condo unit with an unkempt closet, the reflection of Karl in the mirror holding his chest with a very audible heartbeat sound, or Vlad’s Theme Song Test scene where he was hugging the white picture frame and Karl appears in a white shirt. These details just left me in awe.
It is a brave show because it tackled a lot of social issues like no other. You cannot sit through the whole series without having your own realizations. It gave everyone an idea of how it is like to be in the community. What it feels like to question yourself, to embrace your true self, to live your truth.
I love all the episodes of GSP, but I particularly have Episodes 6 and 7 as my favorites.
Episode 6 is aptly titled “A Baring of Souls” because this was the first time we saw Karl let go of his real self. For me, the real Karl is the effeminate Karl. There’s nothing wrong with being effeminate. But we grew up in a society where being effeminate is being frowned upon. Dads get angry when their sons are soft and telling them that boys should be tough, not girly. I came to this conclusion of Karl because of certain things. One, the hand gesture he used when he asked Vlad if he was gay. That was his definition of gay. This probably was the first time he met someone like Vlad who was different from his definition of gay. Two, the fact that he has a fixation with “being obvious.” This was evident with what he said to Vlad “na hindi ka halata” on Episode 5 and when he asked him “So halata ako?” on Episode 7. Third, his guarded behavior. We see snippets of the real Karl when he is caught off guard, like in Episode 2 where a ghostly Judit suddenly appears, and in Episode 5 when he runs out of the unit. He’s also jumpy, a trait that someone who’s hiding something normally has. We also see the stark difference in the way Karl dances in Episode 1, and the way he let go of himself in Episode 6. I loved it when he started dancing in a soft and delicate manner. This was also the episode where we get to peek into what shaped our protagonists into what they were at that point in their lives. It showed them opening up to each other, even sharing the most uncomfortable details about them.
Episode 7, for me, is the most emotionally charged of the series. From an aspiring screenwriter’s point of view, I understood why JMS and Direk JP formulated the episode that way. It was intended to be chaotic. There was too much going on in a span of 7-8 minutes starting from the introduction of Tito Santi upto the dinner. It was utter chaos. And I loved every second of it. I had to rewatch the episode just to be able to get the whole picture. It was an ode to where Karl was with what he was feeling. If you were confused with what you were watching, try to put yourself in Karl’s shoes. I can only imagine the stress he was in. His heart must have been in his throat at the very least. I like the way they set up the events leading up to the confrontation scene. Just brilliant.
Vlad is a character that we instantly fall in love with. Why not? He’s handsome and charismatic. But what made me love him is the fact that he is broken. And he’s not one to hide that. I get his yearning to be with someone that would match his boldness when it comes to love. Because of his past hurt, we see him being cautious. Obviously, he had a crush on Karl. But he held back. This is precisely the reason why we see him wait for Karl to make the first move. Karl initiated the dance on Episode 5. Karl initiated the kiss they shared on Episode 6. So it was just devastating for him when Karl did not give a Yes or No answer to his “do you have feelings for me?” question.
While Vlad is an emotional character, Karl on the other hand is a cerebral character. We often see him lost in his thoughts. One thing about cerebral people is that feelings and emotions take a backseat. I appreciate the part where he said “Ayoko na magisip.” It signified that he let his emotions take over. I also fully understand how he reacted to all the stimuli on Episode 7. I’ve seen a number of reactions and comments angry at him, saying he has no balls. Its easy for us to antagonize his character for not standing up for Vlad. But keep in mind that Karl’s just new to this. He has lived his life in constant fear. Fear of being exposed, especially to his family. Fear that he might indeed, be gay; he’s confused about himself. All the pent up emotions he had were just too much to process. He gave the best answer he could afford when he was cornered by Judit at the dinner table. How could he have owned up to Vlad, when he can’t even accept himself? Karl is a very beautiful character with so much layers to him.
Overall, Gaya Sa Pelikula is a masterpiece. A God-tier drama series. It is not just a love story. It is a social commentary as well.
Thank you GSP Team for bringing these characters to life on the screen. Karl, I see you.
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look, i know theres a lot of discourse surrounding debbie as a character, but can we just suspend all of that for a moment to appreciate the contrast between her relationship with sandy and early-era gallavich???
i know they got, like, four minutes of screen time in s10. but there is still so much contrast between them and early gallavich that i could cry.
to start, it’s important to point out the similarities between debbie and ian themselves. i’m not going to go into their coming out arcs because the reveal of debbie’s sexuality makes me physically unwell, but if we’re just looking at them on their own in the time after said reveal, we see the same vulnerability. both times, we see a struggling queer kid from the south side that clearly wants to be proud, and succeeding a lot of the time, but, despite their wonderful family, hasn’t come from a great community and making questionable descions in bad moments. in both cases, we see them both (somewhat accidentally) end up in these nasty pseudo-sugar baby relationships during said moments (granted, ian was younger than debbie was, but not by that much). we see them both seeming fine, but an extreme vulnerability peeking through the cracks (debbies is mostly shown with the kelly story line, especially in her scene on the porch with carl, whereas ian’s is more of a sporadic thing, but its shown nonetheless)
but then they both end up striking up a relationship with a milkovich, very quickly after meeting them (ignoring the fact that ian and mickey most likely knew of eachother in some vague capacity pre-canon). and that’s where the contrast comes in.
their relationships have similar beginnings, in that they both begin with sex that effectively comes out of nowhere. but with gallavich, theres a very quick urge (on mickey’s part) to deny that there’s anything else to it (“kiss me and i’ll cut your fucking tongue out”) but sandy does the opposite. when debbie asks her about the previous night, she is not dismissive. they are interrupted by the fire and subsequent events, but sandy still lets debbie know, in a very milkovich way, that it wasn’t nothing.
we also see a stark contrast in how they (namely sandy and mickey) treat the relationship with others. with gallavich, ian is the first to use the term boyfriend, and when ned refers to mickey as ian’s boyfriend, despite the fact that he’s followed them seemingly halfway across town to watch them from across the street, mickey beats the shit out of him in the middle of the street. sandy, however, uses the term girlfriend before debbie, and actually uses it when she punches julia, which is a situation that’s not dissimilar. we also see debbie and sandy dancing together at the wedding, and while i can’t think of a similar situation, i think we can all agree that mickey would never have allowed something even remotely similar between him and ian in the early seasons.
i’d like to be clear that i’m not bashing gallavich here, or calling them toxic, or anything else idiotic. i’m more trying to say that debbie and sandy are serving almost as some kind of “next gen” gallavich, and are getting, objectively, a much happier storyline than ian and mickey got, where they’re getting the freedom and safety that the two of them definitley did not have. i have a lot of issues with many of the more recent storylines on shameless (and as i said, everything surrounding debbies sexuality is very close to the top of that list) but i actually really like the direction they’re taking this.
it’s worth noting that sandy (at least at the point in time that we’re seeing her) also clearly doesn’t have nearly as many issues surrounding interanalized homophobia as mickey did in the beggining, where he was clearly struggling to accept himself until season five at the earliest (and even then, he still had a lot of progress to make) and sandy is already at the same point mickey is now, in season ten. obviously there are storytelling reasons for this, as sandy is a minor character thats involved in the lives of two characters that very much had their own thing going on this season, and it would be ridiculous to set up a full arc for her, but i like to think that the answer likely lies somewhere in her background. she clearly spent some time around terry, as refrences are made to her and mickey spending time together as kids, but we don’t know much about her upbringing outside of that. i can’t imagine terry has particualrly unique opinions in his family, and the line “welcome to the south side” that she says to julia implies that she probably grew up not to too far from her cousins, but i like to think that, by some circumstance other than plot convenience, she’s just grown up a little more secure than mickey did (which, again, is not his fault. he is a victim of repeated abuse and general shitty parenting. this is not testiment to either of their character)
TL;DR: sandy and debbie are effectively getting the sweet, healthy relationship that ian and mickey (through no fault of their own) didn’t get to have in the beggining, and i love to see it (and sincerely hope that the shameless writers don’t fuck this one up)
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"You Might Aswell Just Come Out!"
Thursday 10th September
Good evening again everyone! Hope your day has been a good one - whether you've been relaxing at home or whether you've been out and working, hope it's been a good day for you all! We are back again with another episode tonight, we know Tuesday's episode ended with Chantelle dropping the bombshell on Kheerat that she is planning on leaving Gray the very next day!! Clearly something is going to stop Chantelle in her tracks, but what?!
Let's delve right into it! The episode starts with Ian waking up in the Vic, Sharon has only gone and made him a full English Breakfast!! The absolute works! I can still sense the flicker of guilt from him - he doesn't really deserve the Vic or the appreciation that Sharon is giving him. She thanks him for looking after both her and her baby boy, saying how she feels like a princess each time he's ran out to get groceries for her! He's there giving her a smile, even though it looks a bit forced! It's as if everything with Dotty has been forgotten about, Sharon hasn't even begun to even suspect for once that Dotty could be telling the truth. It's only going to hit her harder when she realises.
Across the Square, it looks as if Gray is finally heading back to work. Chantelle is stood behind the counter looking nervous and scared to even talk or move. It's the day she's planning on leaving her husband for good! Before he leaves he asks her whether she has her phone, he demands her to keep it with her, oh you know, just in case! She asks him softly on what time he'll return, she tells him she'll have dinner ready. Is this so she can time it right for her to get away before he gets back? So if what I'm thinking is right - she has until 1 o'clock to get away! As he leaves the house she grabs her phone and makes a call, it sounds as if she's making an enquiry about an apartment or house of some kind that she can stay in? During the phone conversation she looks down at her ring, is she going to pawn her jewellery just so she'll be able to afford it?!
In the Market, Mick bumps into Tina - I'm sure they probably haven't seen each other since lock-down. I'm unsure where Mick and Linda are staying right now but it sounds as if they're all settled in their new home. Linda is doing well to stay sober also, the only downside is that Mick is struggling to find a job, with him being Landlord of the Queen Vic for a good few years, it's probably been hard for him to find something he's qualified for - as he explains to Tina, he's had 4 interviews but not got the job in any of them because he's overqualified! Luckily, Tina decides to give him a permanent position at The Albert. I don't know about you guys but it feels so weird seeing both Mick and Linda looking for jobs in the Square now, they've been a part of the Queen Vic for so long, it's weird not seeing them behind that bar! It's true they're already popular within their neighbourhood and community, I'm sure they'll have plenty of people rallying round them if they needed any help.
In the Mitchell household, Ben still has his little package in his pocket ready to give to Callum. Oh bless! He's all excited and ready to go the seaside to listen to the seagulls with his partner, only Callum refuses to go. I feel sorry for Ben at this moment in time, as he has no idea what Callum has found. He's been struggling to come to terms with the fact that he could potentially lose all his hearing, until yesterday when he had the implant and it was the first time in weeks that he heard Callum's voice! He explains to his boyfriend that that was one of the biggest days of his life and he's disappointed that Callum doesn't seem to care. Only we know, that Callum knows that Ben has been lying to him. It's kinda sad to watch because all Ben is wanting to hear, is Callum tell him that he loves him. Of course Callum wouldn't deny that he doesn't love Ben, but knowing that he's plainly lying to his face is just getting him more and more angry. Why won't Ben tell him the truth? To save him the upset possibly? To not come between him and his job? Who knows? But when Callum decides to bring Danny Hardcastle up, once again Ben lies to his boyfriend and says he's not seen him since that incident at Ruby's. Callum scoffs in disbelief that once again his boyfriend has lied to him, he leaves the conversation before anything else can be said.
The next time we see Chantelle it looks as if she's leaving the pawn shop, Karen approaches her excitedly saying how much she has missed her and the kids. Did any one else notice that Chantelle was fidgeting with her sleeves? Like she was trying to cover up her hands so her Mum wouldn't see that she's not wearing her ring?! Chantelle tries to dash as she uses the excuse she needs to take the children to the dentist. As Karen begins to leave, Chantelle then calls to her Mum that she'll bring the kids round to see her, as she's missed them so much. Plus with Chantelle's plan on leaving, she'll know she'll never forgive herself if her Mum and Dad didn't get the chance to say goodbye to their grandchildren. Only will this cause her to run late and corrupt her plan to get away?!
Ha! Sorry I just need to applaud Dotty for messing with Ian's head! She is brilliant! She actually made him believe that Sharon loves him! Did you see that little smile appear on his face after she walked away?! He actually believed her! Sharon has always said from the beginning that she and Ian are just close friends. Ian has only been "her rock" the past few months out of guilt. She fell apart after Dennis died, he took her in and looked after her and her baby son, and also as a massive gesture - bought her the Queen Vic! And since lock-down he has been living with her and Albie, as Dotty says - in the hopes of things actually getting more romantic and intimate between them. I think it's no secret that Ian has always held a bit of torch for Sharon, they've been close friends for years but I think deep down he has always truly loved her. As for Sharon, she's never seen Ian as anything else other than a close friend, she's never had any romantic feeling towards him - ever! So why the hell should she start now?! I love that Dotty has used this information to her advantage, Ian is only going to make another fool of himself!
Meanwhile, at the Taylor's, Chantelle is visiting her parents. As she sits down and listens to Karen talking about much she is missing Chatham and Riley, also Keegan and Tiffany now they've moved out, Chantelle is looking round and looking at all the family photos. I think she feels this will be the last time in a while that she'll get to see her Mum and Dad, so she's taking everything in. She turns to her Mum and tells her how much she loves her, and how much she loves her family and her parents. I'm sure deep down inside it is killing her knowing she'll be fleeing in a few hours. I just hope she would tell her parents exactly what was happening and why she has to leave. Just for a split moment when Mitch was going to hand her some money, I thought she might've said something then ... she slightly hesitated, did anyone else notice? She decides to decline her Dad's offer of the money and says to him that Keegan would need it more, she takes one last look at her parents and softly says goodbye to them, not a thought in their mind aware of what she's about to do!
Ooooh look! Frankie's back! It's nice to see her making more of an appearance on the Square! It looks as if Kathy has given her a job at The Albert! Ooops - only to find that Tina has also hired Mick! #Awkward! ... In the recent new trailer that was released, it showed Frankie taking pictures of little Ollie. Does she have some kind of connection to the Carter's? Why would she be taking pictures of Ollie?! I'm looking forward to seeing more of Frankie and what could be her story-line involving the Carter's. I know Frankie was meant to have a story-line with Ben, I kinda have a feeling we haven't seen that yet? Only she was introduced to him by Callum, are we going to see something more from that side of things? Is Frankie going to show Ben the deaf community and how it all works, even though he's slowly getting his hearing back, it would enlighten Ben I think. Poor Mick, he decides to let Frankie have the job at The Albert, but as he leaves you can see the look of disappointment on his face, another job he's potentially lost? Will he be able to find something?
Back at Vic, Linda is having a lovely catch up with her best friend, Sharon. To be honest, it's lovely to see these two having a nice catch up and a chat the way they are. Obviously the roles have reversed with now Sharon behind the bar and Linda sat as a punter - but I watch them and I can't help but think it's so real how they've done it. With the whole social-distancing aspect in place, Sharon is behind the bar and Linda is sat at her table ... I think that whole scene was brilliant and it just felt very realistic. I loved how Ian was eavesdropping on their conversation, Sharon complimenting him on how amazing he's been to her though-out lock-down. He is going to high jump to conclusions! I love how they both laugh at the thought of both herself and Ian being an item, little does the poor man know how humiliated he's going to be!
Does anyone else seem to understand what Vinny and Ruby are up to? I kinda didn't understand that moment, to my understanding Ruby doesn't have insurance for the club? Am I right in thinking that? So Vinny is going to help her in some way - saying she's needs cash or something? I am so confused with this one! Vinny is seen loitering, waiting - for what looks like - Ruby to come out the club, she previously told him the club would be empty with cash in the safe! Is going to try and get that money for something or someone?
Awww and Chantelle looks as if she's ready to flee, she waiting for children, calling for them to hurry. Kheerat approaches her and pleads for her to tell him where she's going. Little does Chantelle that from across the road, Gray is watching her from his car. Watching as Kheerat and Chantelle have their little quick discussion, the look on Chantelle's face is utter fear as Gray makes himself known, Kheerat backs away and Gray reminds her that he didn't want Kheerat talking to her. I really feel for Chantelle right now, she almost got away. She was almost out of his grasp, as they walk into the house - Kheerat watches from a distance, catching Chantelle's eyes and Gray's. I am so sure that Kheerat's going to suss Gray out, he's going to find out exactly what's been happening! The BIG question is - will it be too late before he does?!
Back at The Albert, Ben finally catches up with Callum. He joins him at the table and apologises. He seems to think that Callum is upset because of Danny, but to what extent and why. It's only when Callum reveals that he'd figured out that he'd been lied to for months! He questions him why and what it means for their relationship. Ben claims it's literally because he's joined the police force and nothing else, but then again - it shouldn't matter what Callum's job was, he still should've told him the truth. He claims he was trying to protect him, protect him from what though? Protect his job? Protect his safety? The seriousness of the situation really hits home for Ben when he realises that he's been seen on CCTV! What does this mean for Ben and the Mitchell's? How is Callum going to be able to ignore it?
The following scene, Chantelle is back in her bathroom trying to find a hiding place for the money. She decides to put it in a make-up bag and hide it in the toilet, Gray shouts out for her as she makes herself look busy in the bathroom. Of course the first thing Gray notices, he engagement ring is missing! Oh shit! How is she going to be able to explain that one?! Perhaps say it's gone down the drain something?
Oh gosh this is really cringe-worthy isn't it! Ian trying to find the words to say to Sharon how he feels about her. How many women has he claimed to love on this soap?! Sharon seems to think there's something wrong with Albie, but he decides to jump right in the deep end and pour his heart out to her. Oh and I can see how awkward this is making Sharon feel, an awkward smile on her face, a nervous giggle, twiddling her fingers ... he tells her he loves her and even claims to know that she feels exactly the same way about him ... only when she explains to him that she doesn't, you can see his face drop in dismay. He's clearly realised he's made a huge mistake and has made himself look a fool. What's going to happen now between them? I don't think they'd be able to live together now things have been made to feel awkward between them. Will Ian move out and back in with his Mum while Sharon stays at The Vic?! Will Ian realise that it was Dotty who was playing with his mind?
Okay, so the last scene of tonight's episode, Vinny is seen sneaking out of Ruby's club, carrying a hefty looking bag ... Martin clicks on as to where he came from and begins to give chase. Has Vinny nicked all the money that was in the club's safe?! Vinny heads to the back entrance of the Minute Mart, Martin slowly closing in ... he calls for him and slowly enters the shop, looking in all the nooks and cranny's. Only Vinny appears from behind and bashes him over the head with a fire extinguisher. Martin is left lying unconscious! What the hell has he done?! and why did he attack Martin in such a way?! Why does Vinny need the money? Was he getting the money for Kheerat as a favour?! Will Martin be okay?!
Once again folks, i'm deeply sorry for this post being posted late! Unfortunately it may take me a few days to write up about tomorrow's episode as i'm going to be away from my laptop/computer for about 3/4 days. But I promise I will be up to date as soon as I can. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! Thank you all so much for taking your time to read my blog, I know the posts can be long but I just want you to know I appreciate it immensely! Thanks again folks! xXx
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(diff anon here just interested in the idea)Quarantine AU permanently scars Dipper. He never trusts his previous idol again, and treats his reincarnations with the same contempt and hatred as he does with Bill's, even going so far to avoid other reincarnations if an r!Ford is around. He's a definitely more off-his-rocker, and is less trusting in general.
(Quarantine AU is from this post)
Oooooo yesssss that’s a really good idea! So my thought is that in light Quarantine, Mabel is maybe eventually able to tolerate Ford. She can’t truly forgive him, and she treats him like she treats Mark and Anna in main TAU, although probably quite a bit worse than that cause Mark and Anna were never successful in separating the twins. He’s not really welcome at home and thats partially because Dipper still kinda believes what Ford said to him. Dipper’s been able to have a nicer life, been able to live with his family and be loved, but he’ll often still worry that it’s all just an act, that he really is evil and all he’ll ever really be able to be is a demon. Mabel and Stan and Henry do their best to comfort him about this stuff, but seeing Ford is just a reminder, just a quick and painful way to take him out of whatever mindset he was in and go back to the horrified look on Ford’s face, that awful lonely feeling as he watched Mabel and Stan from the Mindscape, that rush of making deals and going to summons for years without this pretense of being human (and it’s so easy for him to forget all the nice things he was doing for his family in secret the whole time).
No, Ford is definitely not welcome around him, but, in the far future? There’s no Mabel and Stan to keep him away from Dipper. And while r!Ford wouldn’t exactly know who Dipper was, Dipper would see Ford’s soul and remember, he’d just go right back there. Just like Mizar is able to bring him into a good cycle, r!Ford is able to bring him into a bad cycle. There’s some really interesting potential for stories here, like you could have a very sweet r!Ford who just sees the good in people and can’t understand why his very presence seems to hurt this demon’s feelings so much, and is maybe able to actually become a positive figure in Dip’s life. You could have an evil r!Ford who Dipper just cannot bring himself to hate, because he just sees this soul and can’t stop thinking about how everything he said was right. You could even have a Mira/Ian situation where Dipper has to deal with both his grounding element and ungrounding element being in the same place together.
Now, things are very different in heavy Quarantine (what I’ve been calling the darker variant of the AU). Ford is absolutely not welcome at home in the slightest, Mabel never speaks to him again after decking him, and if Stan ever speaks to him after kicking him out of the house, it’s only years later and never in person. His presence is extremely triggering for Dipper -- a big part of heavy Quarantine, for me, is going to be Mabel, Stan, and Henry (especially Mabel though) helping Dipper recuperate from his mind being ground into dust, and then Dipper struggling over time to deal with his trauma. Ford’s presence is a big setback every time. The whole time this is happening, Ford is spying on Gravity Falls, trying to figure out if this horrible demon that Mabel let into the family is killing them or torturing them, and he constantly gets signs that it’s not happening. And this just makes Ford feel worse and worse, because he starts to realize that oh shit he might have made a mistake, oh no oh NO how can he ever live with himself if that was really his great nephew that he isolated and tortured for years. At some point, Dipper's mind is recovered enough that he’s able to go out and about, and he and Ford meet eyes once. Dipper has an immediate setback and retreats to the house with the triplets, but Ford saw the humanity in those eyes, the wholehearted love that he was displaying for those kids he was with, and in that moment Ford knows how absolutely he fucked up. He maybe tries to make amends -- it’s been suggested that he spends the rest of his life researching how to undo what happened to Dipper -- but to no avail, obviously. He’s irredeemable, and that sucks so bad because from a very very high level it’s understandable why Ford did what he did.
So, in heavy Quarantine, how would Dipper react to r!Ford’s? Horribly. While r!Ford’s in light Quarantine sent him into a self-flagellating spiral, r!Ford’s in heavy Quarantine are a massive trauma trigger. He sees that soul and just feels that horrible anguish from his mind dissolving over the years of isolation, and it hurts so damn much. He may even hate r!Ford’s more than r!Bill’s, because even though it’s Bill’s fault that Dipper’s a demon, Ford honestly hurt Dipper way more than Bill personally did in his lifetime. When there are big demon-related tragedies in the world, r!Ford’s are at the middle of them. When you have a Mira/Ian situation, Dipper actively avoids Mizar -- he’s just so damn scared and hurt. He has trouble trusting anyone for a good while after that each time it happens. And yet it seems like r!Ford’s are drawn to him. He keeps finding them and he keeps regressing every single time. It’s only through the fact that he has an infinity of time to recover that he keeps finding Mizars who want him to be around.
I really appreciate the asks about Quarantine AU! I love brainstorming about it so I 100% welcome more asks if people have ideas ✨
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Any fucking opinions on that new fucking Star Wars fucking movie?
At least half the complaints about it are indisputably right - it is dumb as soup and shortchanges pretty much everyone and everything set up by its immediate predecessors, rendering the sequel trilogy entirely hollow and incoherent as a cohesive story.
Also I kinda loved it?
It’s best summed up by the first 5 minutes, with how that opening crawl correctly made me go “oh wow, this is bad,” but then Kylo Ren descends into the depths of Lightning Mountain to bargain with the cackling emaciated corpse of the space devil and oh wait this rules. It’s peak Star Wars, everything good and bad about the series in one movie, far more concerned for both better and worse with acting as a heightened, mythical reprisal of the ideas and archetypes of the entire series in one package than functioning as a proper trilogy capper. It’s a movie that feels haunted on every level, struggling with the ghosts of the Skywalker-Solos and the Emperor and awkward Carrie Fisher stock footage and the last two movies and the six before those, even as it tries to keep this rocking boat anchored by the themes of each trilogy: the struggle between light and darkness, the fear of losing those you love and where it could drive you, and the journey to self-realization. It serves so many masters, and that it ends up coherent at all is something of a minor miracle.
Maybe it’s just that I think of Star Wars as a neat set of movies I dig well enough rather than a story I’m really invested in, but the way this doubled down on its fairy-tale oddness in its presentation and scope struck me just right. The Emperor coming back for instance is nonsense but it *feels* correct that the final darkness waiting at the end of everything wears Ian McDiarmid’s face and that’s the sort of consideration that matters most here - when Rey having to make her big moral choice is being cheered on by a literal in-universe theater audience of maniacs we’ve long ago passed the realm of the literal and sensible into pure metaphor. I don’t want to just go “it was weird and big-idea, so I loved it in spite of absolutely everything else!” and become fully a parody of myself, it was slickly put together on a scene-by-scene basis and tugged on my heartstrings where it counted, but there was a fearless bombast in its commitment to its oddball nature that if nothing else leaves me scratching my head a bit when it’s described as bland or safe. Would I have preferred a proper follow-up to The Last Jedi?* Hell yeah, that movie ruled and was still immeasurably better than this. But now that all’s said and done I think I can appreciate Episodes VII-IX as, if not a functional whole, fascinating successive experiments in what the basic idea of a new generation of Star Wars movies can mean: The Force Awakens envisions that as simply More Star Wars, The Last Jedi uproots the conventions and turns it towards something new while still believing in its foundations, and The Rise of Skywalker abstracts and remixes all that came before it into something with a flavor all its own. I dig it, though also unless Rian Johnson is gonna do his trilogy or something equally exciting they should just be done with Star Wars for at least a good long while, because this squeezes it dry. Also, gonna be real: I was kinda whatever on Babu Frik. He was fine, but there was another alien who showed up for 3 seconds in one of the early scenes I liked a lot more.
* Obviously this goes way off into doing its own thing in a way that runs necessarily counter, but I don’t see this as hating Last Jedi in quite the way some do? Rey Palpatine (which itself raises the question, if Daisy Ridley is playing Rey as younger than herself, than in the first movie at least was she playing a Palpa-teen?) feels like a weird attempt at squaring the basic Star Wars idea of the tainted bloodline - taken to another level by making the ancestor the worst possible person with no buried goodness to tap into - that this as a big all-encompassing reprisal probably felt it had to tap into with the idea of Rey as having to decide her own destiny entirely on her own terms. Your mileage may vary how well it works, especially since that goes against the implicit but clear message in Last Jedi of the potential for greatness not being determined by inheritance, but for me it works for one reason and one reason only, folks:
The Emperor fucked.
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August 2019 Reading Wrap-up
Easily the highlight of my reading month was Leigh Bardugo’s King of Scars, AKA “My Monster Boyfriend: THE NOVEL”, but it was overall a decent month for me. In terms of being engrossed, I would say that Erin Ferencik’s Into the Jungle, a classic survival thriller, was probably the other major standout. Excited about fall reading this year!
Cocoa Beach by Beatriz Williams. 2/5. Virginia arrives in Cocoa Beach with her small daughter to collect upon her dead husband’s estate. The issue? Virginia and Simon were estranged. After meeting Simon and embarking on a whirlwind romance against the battlefields of World War I, Virginia discovered that he was not what she thought, and is now confronted with the realities of her husband’s life--and his death in a fire, which she does not believe was all it seemed... I never connected with Williams’s style in the book. She’s obviously talented, and I’m not against trying a different book of hers, but--much of the novel is flashbacks to Simon and Virginia’s romance, and I think you need to buy into Simon in order to enjoy the novel. I did not.
King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo. 5/5. In a follow-up to Bardugo’s Shadow and Bone trilogy, Nikola, now King of Ravka, is hiding a terrible secret from his people. Still struggling with demons both personal and literal, he hunts for a cure alongside Zoya, his adviser, while attempting to strengthen a nation weakened by war, and quell a continuing fascination among the people with the Darkling. I can’t say much more without spoiling two different series--as a main character from the Six of Crows duology is also a POV character here--but this was SO GOOD. I feel like I might have liked it more than anything else Bardugo has done? Though I did love Six of Crows so much. I feel like she’s grown a lot as a writer since the Shadow and Bone trilogy, which was honestly just okay for me--but how much of that was just me not connecting with Alina? Here we visit Ravka again, but with more compelling characters. And I adored it. Nikolai and Zoya’s side of the story is my favorite, and I need those two just MAKE IT FUCKING WORK. Can’t wait for the next book. And yes, I loved the ending.
The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons. 3/5. As World War II looms, young Tatiana lives in Leningrad with her family. In a chance meeting, she encounters Alexander--a Soviet soldier with a mysterious past--and they immediately connect, only for her to discover that he is already seeing her older sister. Once the war starts, however, Tatiana and Alexander are plunged into the realities of fighting for their lives, and while also holding back their true feelings for each other. I read this years ago and gave it 4 stars; I had to dial it back a bit here. The tension between Tatiana and Alexander is great, and I respect the way Simons portrays the horrors of war from a Soviet perspective. But the book hasn’t aged super well, not only in terms of Alexander and Tatiana being a bit cipher-y, but the very... odd way that the Russian perspective is handled. Simons emigrated to the States, but did so as a young teen from what I can tell. Obviously, for reasons her family can attest to. But I felt like I was getting a very... anti-Russian Russian perspective? And it overwhelmed the emotional aspects of the story. Plus, it was just too long for what was essentially, overall, a romance novel.
Scandals of Classic Hollywood by Anne Helen Petersen. 3/5. Anne Helen Petersen takes on scandals from the beginnings of Hollywood the the 1960s, examining what happened and how the stars--and the systems backing them--dealt with the public fallout. That’s pretty much it. This is a collection of essays, really, and while I appreciate the work Petersen put into it and the shrewd observations she makes, I would have liked a BIT more detail on the scandals themselves, versus what they meant on a larger scale.
The Whisper Network by Chandler Baker. 4/5. Attorneys at a high-powered at TruViv, Inc., Sloan, Ardie, and Grace have forged a friendship and alliance, of sorts. Then TruViv’s CEO dies--leaving the position open for Ames Garrett, their boss, to take. Sloan has her own personal issues with Ames, stemming from a years-old affair that he never fully forgave her for ending; but the women’s concerns hit a fever pitch when Catherine, a new hire, reveals that Ames harassed her. As the lawyers’ paths cross with that of Rosalita, a member of the cleaning staff, the consequences are not just high stakes, but deadly. I listened to this on Audible, and I’ll admit that my enjoyment was somewhat affected by the fact that the narrator had the most put-on Texas accent for Sloan on the face of the Earth, and I wasn’t... 100% sure about what she was doing for Rosalita either. But the novel is not only timely but exciting. Ames isn’t a cartoonish figure. Nor are the women saints. Sloan in particular can be borderline insufferable, but in a way that I found realistic for a privileged, high-powered white woman. Do I think Baker could have called out that aspect better, especially since Rosalita, a POV character, isn’t white or rich? Yes. And towards the end, there was one reveal that seemed tacked on just for the sake of symmetry. But then there was that OTHER reveal............. and that, I loved. It’s a bit of a mixed bag of a book, but entertaining and timely.
Into the Jungle by Erin Ferencik. 4/5. Nineteen-year-old Lily has lived in foster homes for all of her life. In an effort to make a new start, she moves to Bolivia for a teaching job that ends up being a scam, and finds herself working at a run-down hotel. That’s when she meets Omar, a Bolivian man, and is swept off her feet. When Omar receives news that his nephew was killed by a jaguar, his compelled to return to his home of Ayachero, a village deep within the Bolivian jungle. Despite his warnings, Lily follows him, only to find herself not only completely out of her depth culturally, but at the mercy of the jungle and all that comes with it. This book had fucking atmosphere. I felt all of it. The romance, the terror, the increasing danger of the jungle. It was kind of a classic woman vs. nature novel. It’s probably one of my favorite books of the year--but I’m held back from rating it higher because it was written by a white woman, and most of the characters are native Bolivians and I tend to wonder about how accurate or fair the portrayal of that culture is. I just felt uncomfortable at some points--but I can’t say if that was justified or not. I would recommend it as a thriller, of sorts, but not in a traditional sense. It’s certainly compelling.
Year One by Norah Roberts. 2/5. After the chance killing of a bird, a pandemic begins to spread throughout the word, killing off billions of people in a matter of weeks. Those that are left to survive do so in a perilous environment, with the Uncanny--people with magical abilities--targeted in some areas while rising up in others. Lana, a witch, traveled with her lover Max in an effort to find a safe place, alongside others who are Immune from the Doom--only to find that she’s a much greater part of the world’s fate than she would have though. The beginning of this book was great. Then the urban fantasy elements set in. I love urban fantasy, but the introduction of fairies and elves didn’t work well here.
How to Walk Away by Katherine Center. 4/5. On the day that she gets engaged to her boyfriend, Chip, Margaret is injured in an accident that will change her life forever. Waking up in the hospital with third degree burns and having lost her ability to walk, her relationships with her partner and her family are immediately altered, and she struggles to see what the future could hold. At the same time, she’s partnered with Ian, a brusque and demanding physical therapist--who ends up bringing even more questions. As Margaret seeks a new identity, she discovers support where she would have least expected it. This is a fluffy romcom of a book, while dealing with a serious issue--and though this is being compared to be Me Before You, I tend to think it handles that issue in a much healthier way. The book certainly benefits from being from the perspective of the disabled person, versus a caregiver. On the flipside, I do think that it suffered somewhat in the romantic department, which could probably be critiqued better by someone who has been in a wheelchair; part of me felt like, had there been less fluff and more physicality, I would have been more invested. But while it doesn’t reinvent the wheel, this is a nice story if you’re looking for something light and quick without sacrificing emotion.
Catherine the Great by Robert K. Massie. 4/5. A biography on Catherine the Great, attempting to tackle her as a woman. I don’t know what else to say. It was good? Nothing super in depth, doesn’t bring anything particularly NEW to the table from what I’ve read, but it seems like a good primer.
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DPR Live And DPR REM Talk About Their Struggles, The Future And... Karaoke?
2018 has definitely been a year of growth for the Korean hip hop scene, and we must say, Dream Perfect Regime (DPR) kept us dreaming with their visually breath-taking videos and their impressive tracks. Laced with fervent passion and lots of hard work, their music and visuals are sure to burn brighter in the music scene. We caught up with two members of the collective, DPR Live and DPR Rem during their Coming To You Live Tour to talk about their struggles, what the future holds and the importance of karaoke.
E! News Asia: Let's talk about the past. How did you meet the rest of the DPR Collective?
Live: I first met Rome (Christian/DPR Ian) about six, seven years ago. I met Rem, four years ago. It's funny because we all crossed paths somehow. Cream and Christian knew each other back then and they got to reunite through us. Rem had a mutual friend with Christian, and my cousin Cline, he's in the team too so all of us gathered four years ago.
Did you always want to become an artist?
Live: No, I didn't know what I wanted to be. My mom always told me from a young age, "You should start thinking what you want to do". That question always baffled me because I thought I was supposed to know like this *snaps fingers*. But I guess, on the way, around when I was in the military, I think three or four years ago, I got to sit down with myself and really think ponder through what I wanted to do.
I realised I had three things I wanted to do, and they were all heavily related with music so I was like ah, I should really try music. I gave it a try, I had a gist for it and I had fun doing it so I knew when I was in the military that I wanted to do it.
HER was such a hit, even peaking at Number 8 on the Billboard World Album Charts…
Live: Wow! Did it?
Wait, you didn't know?
Live: I didn't know, that's crazy!
Rem: I kinda knew because I've seen a couple fans talk about it and seen other articles post about it. But for that to happen, I didn't really believe it at that time but then I see that more people are talking about it now so maybe it really did do a big impact for us too.
Could you share a one of the most memorable moments I guess, throughout your career?
Rem: When it comes to career wise, that's come to a whole other story because like we've been through a lot. I would say, personally for me, it was when we got our studio.
We got our studio about a year ago now, and before that, it was literally like us meeting in...
Live: Weird places.
Rem: Karaoke rooms at night because it's the only place to meet in privacy, or like coffee shops that are open till late.
Live: Sometimes even outside, hotel lobbies.
Rem: Even right now, when I go back to the studio in Korea, we see how far we've come. I think the studio is constant reminder for us to not take anything for granted, but second it's also always appreciate how far you've come.
Live: I think for me it's whenever we drop our projects. Our first project was in Cream's studio, I remember all of us were so into it, we were so excited, and we were so happy. It didn't matter where we were. I feel like every time we drop a project, I feel like that always comes back.
Rem: We all get together, before we drop anything, a music video, a song, any content, we all get together and it's just like a cultural thing now. We all count down now.
That's so cute!
Live: It's so fun, it means everything to us.
Rem: Whenever we go somewhere, like a show or an event, we always go together. We leave from the studio to the van, all together. It could be the smallest thing, it can be an appearance at a store and they literally just called Live to come, but no no no, we all have to come.
Live: Yeah, you gotta feed all of us.
Let's move on to the present. You're almost done with your world tour, so how was that experience for you?
Live: Tour was crazy. It was crazy how our projects can just bring so many people together. We went to different countries, different places, everybody looks different, speaks a different language, and it's crazy how the energy is the same. It's very fulfilling to just look side to side and your brothers are there with you. That is something I would never trade anything for.
On to some fun questions! How is karaoke like for you guys?
Live: I suck, but Cline is really good. I would be that guy at the back just putting the ad libs in like, "Yeah! Oh!".
Rem: Cline likes trot! (a genre of Korean pop music, known for its use of repetitive rhythm and vocal inflections)
So like ahjussi-style?
Rem: Yeah he would get along with my parents at a karaoke session.
Live: We're actually pretty united in the karaoke session like the trot guy; the ad-lib guy; everybody with tambourines; very united. You should come some time, it's crazy.
Speaking of Playlist, what is one must-have song on your playlist?
Live: I haven't been digging music honestly, I've just been open to what my friends have been listening to. So Cream, these days he's been listening to jazz.
Rem: I listen to a lot of classical music. I usually listen to like piano or some violin pieces. Stuff like ensembles and orchestra I listen to a lot these days, and it gets you mind working. If you listen to hip hop when you're working, it gets very distracting. Rome is a rainbow, he likes heavy metal sometimes...
Live: He's listening to EDM these days.
Rem: He would be the biggest range and for me it's usually hip hop, R&B/classical stuff.
Live: Jaean our manager, likes Red Velvet a lot.
Rem: When we're in the van, because we play all of our (music), we have a Jaean session so he can play like 10 minutes of whatever he wants.
Rem: It's either Red Velvet or Blackpink or...
Live: TWICE. That's when it gets the craziest. The driving kinda gets a bit shaky after that because he's the driver too and he's just bobbing.
If you could pick one artist or one band you can have dinner with, who would it be and why?
Rem: Drake. Game, set, match. I say this because artist wise, I don't think I need to say anything. But more so being in my field of like the music industry and the business and all that like strategy, I just think he's...
Live: The god.
Rem: One of the most refined artists. I mean he must have a crazy good team too, with OVO (October's Very Own) like that whole movement is crazy. Just for him to keep up with that, I know how hard it gets. For everything to work, everybody must be connected.
Rem: For Drake to be that guy and kinda understand both (music and business) worlds, that's a very hard thing to do as an artist. For Drake have that almost near perfect 50-50 balance, in my eyes at least, he either has a crazy good team or he himself is a very experienced/just strategic person and I respect him more than anything.
Live: Probably both.
Live: I have too many, actually. J.Cole is one. I love, I love J.Cole. He's just such a good human being. I don't really look at the artist, I mean the songs obviously are amazing but I really like the team and the people that usually go behind the art.
Live: They spread positive messages, and that is always something I'm always drawn to, and something that I see in each of my members. So being able to do something as great as them I think yeah it goes the same for Drake and his team. Usually all the great teams are like that. I would love to sit down and bug them with questions. One day.
Lastly, what can we expect from you guys in 2019?
Live: Great music, great videos, good intent.
Rem: We are already working on trying to get some new projects going. I think this tour has been giving us a lot of inspiration because its been our first tour ever, it's more for us to just take it in now, but yeah we're always working, I hope the fans know too.
Rem: The reason why sometimes it may take longer than the previous project is because we are trying to make it better. We never want to reach a point where we get comfortable. Once you put out a video, it's there for life, especially in this day and age. We never want to look back on something and think, we kinda cheated that, or we skipped a few levels on that just because of a deadline or just because we didn't have money or budget for that video. We just wanna make sure that whatever we come up with, we don't regret and we don't disappoint.
© Jocelyn Tan @ E! Online Asia
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I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before Outlander Starz was a thing. It was a sold out event and the one and only time I ever stood in line to meet someone famous. Worried about my navigating (and rightfully so) D.C. traffic, my husband drove me five and a half hours for an event he didn’t have a ticket for. Unbeknownst to him, I had put him on the waiting list and he got in!!!! He was thrilled (hard eye roll here)!!!! As it was our first time at such an event, we didn’t know what to expect and were a little shocked to see a line into the auditorium that wrapped itself through and around a very large campus building. I was walking with a cane at the time and crestfallen, I knew I would not be able to stand in line. My big burly manly man of a husband breached the crowds of plaid clad women to secure us a place while I sat feeling guilty in a chair. It remains one of the nicest things he has ever done for me. Listening to Diana speak and meeting her in person was a surreal ordeal, but well worth everything we went through. As great as it was to meet her and despite my love for the actors on the show, I can’t see myself waiting outside or inside a venue for the hours it seems to take to meet them. However, …I swear I would for Matt B. Roberts, LOL!
What can I say? I’m a fan of writing and Outlander and he is my favorite Outlander script writer. I feel like I “get” him and the way he thinks. Well. at least about Outlander. No, …I really DO get how he thinks BECAUSE of Outlander. I have learned that not everything a writer wants to be said or happen on a show comes to fruition. There are a lot of voices and logistics influencing the final product. However, it is obvious to me what are Matt’s focuses and influences when I see an episode he has written. In my humble opinion, he truly understands why this story and its characters are special. He sees through to the heart of what is happening. He gets what the story is saying about people, life, love, and family. That he is able to translate that visually continues to be a wonder to me. Case in point? Outlander episode 4.9 “The Birds and the Bees”.
I recently republished a blog post in honor of the 4.9 episode. I wrote about how I have grown to appreciate Diana’s imaginings of the first meeting of Jamie and his adult daughter. In that article, I point out how the expectations of that moment would have to have been unrealistic. The import placed on this meeting cannot be understated for either the characters or the fandom. I remember the first time I read it, I was a bit disappointed. I think I was expecting some equivalent of colonial fireworks. Diana didn’t give me or Brianna what we expected instead she gave us what we …needed. I found myself measuring this episode against that standard. Did Matt B. Roberts and writing partner Toni Graphia give us what we expected or what we needed?
We Needed to See Their Faces
I’m starting to appreciate how important it is for actors to emote. Not everything can be communicated in dialogue nor should it be in a visual medium. We sometimes need to see what a character is feeling and I felt their were some really important feelings revealed in this episode. Lizzie, Ian, Murtagh, Roger and all three Frasers told us volumes with a mere expression.
I found myself really looking at Roger’s face in this scene. At first he seems just irritated that he still has to deal with Bonnet. He doesn’t have time to deal with this piece of shit. He needs to find Brianna. When the reality of what the Captain is saying, he will be sailing to Philadelphia, starts to sink in you can see the resignation. I’m not sure why, but I felt like Roger’s expression was slightly sardonic. Of course he isn’t done with Bonnet, of course he is about to get pulled away from Brianna before he can tell her he hasn’t left. This is no idle threat. He is well and truly screwed. However, he cannot show too much emotion. You don’t want to give this monster any clues as to how you are feeling and give him any ammunition. How ironic that the one person he is desperate to protect from Bonnet is already his victim. His “especially when it comes to women” line made me cringe. I think uttering “poor Roger” under my breath is about to become a regular thing.
Brianna. Within the span of a few minutes we see her face reveal what has to be the entire span of human emotion. I felt emotionally exhausted just watching her swing from grief to hope and back again.
I’m not sure I need to comment. These faces speak for themselves.
We Needed to Know Roger Didn’t Leave
There were some pretty big departures from the book in the last few episodes and I have learned (not easily mind you) to be patient. Episodic TV can try that patience when you have to wait a whole week to get answers and everyone in the fandom is speculating and spouting disappointment. There are some things I still need to know about Roger and his storyline, but the biggest thing I needed to know was if he actually left. I needed to know he didn’t. I needed to know that it was just an argument fueled by some really piss poor communication, but that it was just an argument and not an abandonment. Nothing more happened than what has happened in my own and many other’s relationships. People got angry and said stuff they really didn’t mean out of hurt and stubborn pride. I needed to see when Roger did leave it wasn’t his choice. I knew when he left with Bonnet, he was coming back.
We Needed This Scene, This Exact Scene
Jamie meets the child he sacrificed all for. The child he never thought to see. Like all important moments like this, reality is never quite as we expected. Nothing is ever as good or as bad as we might think. Brianna only knows what she has been told about her “father” Jamie. He had to seem the stuff of legend and fairy tales to her. Her first view of her father was of him relieving himself. That very human reality took him very quickly from fairytale hero to just a man. It was what exactly what she needed. Her expectations needed this adjustment. I was thrilled to see they kept this part of the book! Well, maybe not actually thrilled, maybe a bit uncomfortable, but you get the point. She rounded that corner looking for someone bigger than life and found a man, a man whose arms were safe place to rest.
In my blog, I point out that Brianna learned more about her father in the few minutes he didn’t know who she was than in all the stories she could have been told about him. We know fans can often loudly complain about any changes from the book. There were changes to this scene, but none that greatly affected its impact. Brianna learns that her father is loyal, firm, but kind and most importantly that he loves her. It was so very close to how Diana imagined it. Creating that visual representation of her imaginings was definitely made easier by actors who seem to inhabit their characters. Sam Heughan was absolutely amazing. Sophie Skelton played Bree’s excitement and trepidation to perfection. When she fell into Jamie’s arms all felt right with the world.
We Needed Our Mothers
I still struggle with Claire’s decision to leave her daughter in the future. I appreciate that the show allowed Claire to show us she still struggled with that decision. Although she seemed shocked and overjoyed to see Bree, I had the sense that she was also dismayed. The past is a dangerous place for a woman and I was struck by all that happened because Bree needed her mother. I would find it difficult to reconcile all that loss and wondered at how it would affect Claire’s relationship with Jamie. Bree is obviously struggling and Claire can see it, but she also knows that Bree is a woman now and as such can no longer be compelled as a child to tell her what is going on. However, Brianna needs her mother maybe more than she ever has. She needs her mother to draw her out and comfort her. We needed to see that happen.
We Needed To Feel Our Way
I love that this show takes its time with people. The tender and tentative dance between Bree and Jamie was needed. They are virtual strangers. Strangers who want and hope and long and need to find a way to a come together and build a relationship. We needed to see them tiptoe around Frank. We needed to hear Jamie’s gratitude towards Frank and Bree’s guilty feelings about wanting to be with Jamie. We needed to see Jamie’s avid attentiveness to Bree’s every move and his constant furtive glances and smiles. We needed childhood stories, working together on the ridge, and time around the table family.
We Needed to See That Bree Understood
While it was obvious that Jamie was studying Bree. It wasn’t quite as obvious that she was studying him and maybe more importantly, she was studying Jamie with Claire. Bree telling Claire about Franks’s knowing she came back to Jamie was unexpected. The sadness with which this news was received gave me lump in my throat. I felt for all of well-intentioned choices and unintentional pain in Claire’s marriage to Frank. I’m not sure what Claire was supposed to do with that knowledge except feel guilt and regret, but Bree’s acknowledging she understood why Claire had to return was also unexpected and a…gift.
We Needed to Share Our Feelings
The quiet conversations between Jamie and Claire were everything. I get another lump in my throat just thinking about them. Jamie sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his aching hand, a reminder to us that he too suffered what he does not yet know Brianna suffered. It reminds us that he has known so much pain and loss in his life and Brianna’s return is an unforseen and never dreamed of reality that he doesn’t want to end. He is human after all and a father wants his child to stay. Jamie’s openness and vulnerability with Claire is one of the main reasons this couple holds a special place in my heart. He is able to share his fears and regrets and his joys with her and know she does not judge him. In her arms, he safe to be himself without fear. In return, we know that he constantly thinks of her and a large part of his joy in Brianna’s return is because he knows Claire misses her so much. His joy in Claire’s return to him has to be constantly colored by her leaving Bree. This child was the impetus for all the sacrifice and the 20 years of loneliness. Their constant touching and silent looks communicate their gratitude for all they have. But, I also feel each touch acknowledges the weight of all they have lost. They have Bree now, but they lost 20 years together with her.
We Needed Something to be Simple
In the end, Bree’s pregnancy, Claire’s promise, Lizzie’s mistaken assumptions, Jamie’s parental protective instincts, will result in complications that will change everything for everyone and I can’t say I’m looking forward to witnessing what happens. And so, I’m grateful that Matt and Toni gave us something else we needed. The gave us something simple. They gave us birds, and bees and a name Jamie has longed to hear …Da.
A sweetness that cuts…a reflection on Outlander episode 4.9 “Birds and the Bees I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before…
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fuck the Bagel Boss guy: physical abnormalities & dating
hey!
well, here we are. here the fuck we are.
it’s been what? 7 months from the last post? yikes, lewis. nice consistency there buddy.
if you can’t tell by the title, this post is about the Bagel Boss video. if you haven’t seen it, here it is:
https://twitter.com/oliviabradley88/status/1148958211531268099
while we don’t know what triggered this guy’s meltdown, we see the result. for anyone who can’t view the video - a short, middle aged white dude in a polo shirt and shorts is screaming at onlookers in a Bagel Boss (i’m assuming this is some east coast nonsense version of an Einsteins bagels). i will refer to him as the ‘bagel boss’ from here on out.
he yells about how women on dating sites say that men under 5 feet should be dead. “women in general have said that on dating sites! you think i’m making that shit up?!” he yells about how everywhere he goes he gets the same fucking smirk, with the biting lip.
a guy tells him to stop and he says a truly incredible line: “shut your mouth! you’re not god, or my father, or my boss!”
from there, it’s just him cussing back and forth until a dude comes out of nowhere and tackles him lol.
ANYWAY, i wasn’t planning on writing but then i saw this video. this dude has obviously dealt with (i’m being a little lenient here with the use of ‘abnormality,’ but) a physical abnormality for most of his life - being short.
i saw a lot of different takes. some people saying fuck him. some people saying they feel bad for him. some takes in the middle.
as someone who has actually existed, dated, loved, and eaten bagels for 26 years with a considerable physical abnormality / deformity, i felt compelled to chime in.
*spoiler alert* the correct response is: fuck that guy! fuck the bagel boss.
this entire blog was created to shed light on the crazy shit that happens when you’re physically disabled. how people treat you. shit they say to you. how it makes you feel.
i want to tell you why you shouldn’t feel bad for the bagel boss and i’m going to make a case for it.
i’m not a professional writer and i’ve never written on a current topic like this, so bear with me. i’m kind of thinking out loud here. thinking out quiet? thinking out tumblr.
1. yeah dude, it sucks
unfortunately, i do understand, to an extent, where the bagel boss’s rage is coming from. being physically abnormal is, most of the time, trash. some people really do treat you like shit. that stuff digs into you and makes these little perforations of self-doubt that either expand or contract over time. at face value, i get that. i get that he’s probably had people say mean things to him and those things have hurt his feelings and every day he struggles with his confidence and sense of self. at that very basic level, i get it and it does indeed suck.
2. but that’s no fucking excuse
annnnnnnnd enough empathy.
yeah, it does suck. but that’s not a fucking excuse to be a giant (metaphorically giant), scary weirdo. you’re short, homie. ok. next? i know plenty of short dudes. dudes shorter than you who are cool and who generate plenty of sexual interest from women. it’s not your height, my dude, it’s you. turns out not a lot of women dig the, right-on-the-brink-of-a-murder-suicide vibe. your short stature may drive away some prospects, but if this video is any fucking indication, your height is likely your most redeeming quality.
if obtaining sexual desirability is your #1 goal, you might have to make some changes big fella. being physically abnormal may mean you have to try harder. take off that fucking lands end polo, those fucking dickey shorts, and those ugly ass Brooks running shoes. put on some clothes that don’t make you look like a chunky 4th grader on picture day.
if you want to be desired en masse, you’re going to have to care about this surface level, trivial shit. don’t not fucking try and then get mad, dude. if you read this bagel boss, hit me up and i’ll have you looking like lebron on the sidelines of summer league in 48 hours. or i’ll hit up Ian (hitmayng) who actually knows fashion and we’ll get you into some vetements or w/e the fuck kids are wearing now.
3. you hate women
flat out. you hate women. you have taken your self-consciousness, your self-doubt, your self-hate, and transformed it into blind misogyny and a hatred of women.
men love to hate women. it is one of our last true unrequited passions. dudes with physical abnormalities like to use women as the scapegoat for the way ableism and lookism negatively affect their lives.
i have struggled with this myself. when i was a teenager and young adult, i was filled with anger and resentment at the mere idea of women rejecting me for my arm. in reality, i have had girlfriends since i was 14, and women have been overwhelmingly loving and supportive to me in ways i do not come close to deserving. but for some reason, even while dating, i was still filled with that resentment. i was using women as a scapegoat for ableism as a whole, and it took years and years of unlearning to realize what i was doing and to correct it. it’s something i am still actively working on both in practice and through therapy.
women aren’t obligated to like you, bagel boss. they aren’t obligated to overlook your height. they aren’t obligated to love you for you. they aren’t obligated to do shit.
fortunately, in reality, many women wouldn’t give a shit about your height. trust me. i have a physical deformity and am living proof of that. but you’re a massively scary scumbag who’s one burnt bagel away from having a freezer full of missing women’s scarves.
4. i’ve dealt with the same shit, big dog
like this whole post alludes to, i’ve dealt with similar shit.
one of my most infamous arm stories, which i haven’t written about but one that many of my friends know, is about the time i went to a party in high school. some girl thought i was cute and started kissing me, but when i took my jacket off and she saw my arm, she started walking in circles around me, pointing at my arm and yelling, “what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK is this a JOKE???”
that one fucking hurt lol. i’ll probably carry some scar tissue from that to the grave.
but you know what, even after that (and a number of similar incidents) am i in a fucking wendys reading out a manifesto on how i hate all women and all 2 armed men? no tf i am not, bagel boss.
5. get over yourself and get help
in conclusion, stop it. ableism sucks. lookism sucks. but you are caught in a homegrown disease. the call is coming from inside the house. i hope you go to therapy, but i doubt you will. i hope you realize women aren’t your enemy, nor the problem. i hope you understand that with enough cognitive behavioral change, you could find a woman who likes you, who thinks you’re handsome, who really appreciates everything you are. but you won’t make those changes. and so you’ll never feel that love. and that’s fair.
i’ve had women scoff at me. i’ve had men scoff at me. but i’m still out here growing, loving, being loved, and all that other corny shit. i’m still busting rich san francisco teenager’s asses at basketball twice a week with 1.5 arms.
you could be liked, be dated, and be loved, too. but you never will be.
and it’s not because of your height.
sincerely,
a dude with a probably harder to deal with physical abnormality lol
i’ll get your rebounds for 10 min while you get shots up if you read this far
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I've always been fascinated by the way people relate to fiction. But because of that very fascination, and the depth of my interest in understanding stories.... It's more challenging to simply accept pure projection or wish-fulfillment in readings or even fanfics, even though I realize that's part of the point and purpose of fiction. Like, I realize that. I just... can't help being unhappy about it. I can't help being sad that some (many!) people don't realize or don't care that Sherlock's whole world revolves around John, and I mean *even if* it's just platonic. Same for not seeing the way Adam and Ronan fit better than anyone, romantically-- same with any story, with the exception of ones where the relationship isn't that well-written. I'm not too defensive about Harry/Ginny, though to be honest I'm still a little defensive, haha.
Anyway, this is what happens when I see Sherlock AUs where Sherlock's straight, in love with a woman who saves him from a life of endless dullness and *no mention* of John's role is even necessary. If nothing else, it's like a story about King Arthur where Merlin isn't important, say, or a summary of a story about Wendy Darling where no mention is made of Peter Pan. I realize people do that and much, much weirder things in fandom, but it's just so *wrong* on this bone-deep level. To me, the greatest stories have a bone-deep logic, a true nature that's always present no matter how they're transformed or what details change with the retelling... or it's not recognizable and not *really* anything to do with the characters.
I have this silly sort of half-fantasy where... everyone can understand the heart of a story, and it's always preserved. Everyone is naturally IC, because the truth is just that obvious. That's my pure wish-fulfillment, I mean. But I actually think it'd be a sad world-- it would inhibit creativity, stifle the imagination. I get that... but I struggle with it. It's hard for me to hold on to my lofty convictions in fandom, because by definition, this has to do with stories I particularly care about in the first place. I can't just... not care, by definition. Especially when everywhere I turn, there's completely irrational hate and wank over Authorial Intent, or aggressive, almost smug displays of heteronormativity in fics, where literally everyone is interpreted as straight and paired off. (Alternatively, everyone is literally queer and/or a POC-- and canon obviously doesn't matter at *all* in either case). Stories are used as reflections of ourselves and the world we live in, and that's part of their purpose... but I care about the *story* part. I mean, I care about the story in and of itself, even though I'm aware that the story only *exists* in the liminal space between the audience and the creator(s). In a very real sense, there is no absolute 'text', and logically, there's no such thing as 'heart' in a story... but that's all I care about. It's maddening. I definitely still do think there *is* a heart, as I've long seen it. It's just... often very difficult to pin down. In Sherlock Holmes stories, I think the heart is definitely related to the relationship between Holmes and Watson, for example, which is surely why there's a Watson in at least 95% of the adaptations. Ergo, any fic or adaptation that ignores or sidelines John Watson does not have much to do with Sherlock Holmes.
It's not straightforward, of course. I remember watching that Ian McKellen adaptation, 'Mr Holmes', which didn't have a Watson-- but one eventually realized that the character is still deeply informed and influenced by his relationship with Watson. I could sort of feel Watson through his absence, through Holmes's loneliness, the delicacy of his memories. It's certainly canon that Holmes was alone at the end of his life, so this film probably improves on the situation. So I don't really need the same approach or focus, by any means... but it's painful when I feel that the fic and/or adaptation clearly doesn't care about the core of the characters, and it's all about projection and wish-fulfillment. Especially when it's aggressively heteronormative wish-fulfillment.
In the end, that must be how many people felt about TFP-- as if Mofftiss wrote the equivalent of an aggressively het Sherlock AU where John is an afterthought. That's a great sense of betrayal: that loss of 'heart'. It's also an interesting test case for myself, 'cause of course I didn't feel that was the case when I watched it. In fact, I was glad to see the old John back! Clearly, it's next to impossible to be fully rational about such things. I mean, I certainly enjoyed the episode and I didn't think it destroyed the heart of Sherlock and John for *me*-- but at the same time, I can see how it did so for others. This sort of double vision is why I like thinking about the vagaries of reader response in the first place. It greatly enriches one's relationship with any text. I suppose I just... don't feel pure projection adds much to my understanding, personally, so I just get irritated. To put it another way, sometimes there's a valid critique or analysis to be made (as with TFP, certainly), and sometimes a reading is just a heteronormative fantasy that directly contradicts every relevant aspect of canon just to see two attractive people of the opposite sex kiss. And to be fair, sometimes that level of shallowness and projection is behind a queer reading, too; I'm not much happier with Sherlock ignoring John for say, Victor Trevor than Molly. And I'm willing to admit that both fair and rational critique and irrational projection have a place in fandom, and I'll even admit you have to take one to get to keep the other... but it's frustrating.
I simply can't help feeling that any story I love is most beautiful when told honestly, even when that means it wouldn't be appreciated or understood by all the people who would have otherwise twisted it to fit their needs.
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BLOG TOUR - Night Blood Series
DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS by Bewitching Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.
GUEST POST FROM THE AUTHOR
Not Writing…What Now?
Between friends, family, obligations, and a “real job,” finding time to write can sometimes be a struggle. I’m also the type of person that feels like I’m “missing out” if I’m locking myself away from people for hours at a time, especially on a gorgeous, 80 degree weekend, therefore I prefer to write in the wee hours in the morning when everyone who is sane is still asleep. I’ve heard many people comment that life often time gets in the way of the thing they want to accomplish, like writing a novel, but in that respect, I heartily disagree. Life (specifically first hand experiences) and books are fuel for my writing. Sure, there are times I admit that I think, “if only I didn’t have to go to work, I could be writing,” or “if only I didn’t have to go grocery shopping, do the dishes, and clean the apartment, I could be writing,” and almost even, “if only I didn’t have to go to this family function or friendly get together, I could be writing…” and when that creeping, terrible, unacceptable thought occurs, I take a step back and remind myself that life NEVER gets in the way of writing. Life is what writing is based on: if I don’t live and struggle and find joy and embrace family and friends and every experience that life has to offer, how can I ever hope to connect with my characters and describe their life and struggles and joys and experiences? So for all those cloistered writers out there, I know its so easy and oh too tempting to shut yourself away and write to your heart’s content, but there are times in life when writing is not the most important thing in the world (gasp!) the people surrounding you and the places around you are. Everyone’s priorities are different, whatever your passion might be, but when I take that necessary step back from writing to appreciate everything life has to offer, this is what I really live for:
Beaching
I absolutely LOVE the beach and everything that comes with it: the sand, the surf, the boardwalk, swimming, playing volleyball, getting tan, reading on the beach, walking on the beach, eating on the beach, drinking on the beach… basically everything is better on the beach. This obsession with sitting in the sand next to the ocean is likely a byproduct of my upbringing: my parents planned a one week vacation every year to Seaside Heights, and I absolutely lived for that week. And as soon as I earned my license and parental permission, I convinced friend after friend to join me for weekend beach trips nearly every weekend, every summer, for the rest of my life. I spent my money on a lot of gas and boardwalk food, and I loved every moment of it. It’s no wonder that as an adult I live less than half an hour from the beach and drag my reluctant but willing husband there every weekend.
Traveling
Seeing new places is a grand adventure, especially if that place is somewhere I’ve read in a favorite book or if it’s near the beach (obviously.) Since moving to Georgia after living a lifetime in the same small, northeastern Pennsylvania town, I can’t get enough of exploring my new home and planning trips to explore other new places. We’ve visited Los Angeles, San Francisco, New Orleans, Savannah, Fernandina Beach, St. Augustine, DC, and my husband’s hometown state of Michigan. Literally, he showed me the entire state in one weekend. (That is not a dig upon the size of the state but rather the manic enthusiasm my husband has for Michigan.) What is my next planned trip, do you ask? I am beyond thrilled to say that I have planned a week-long sightseeing trip for my honeymoon to Scotland!
Wedding Planning
For the past year and four months, I have been wedding planning: visiting venues, cake tasting, meeting vendors, developing a budget, sending invitations, creating spreadsheets, counting RSVPS, researching decorations, spending ungodly amounts of money, buying gifts for my bridesmaids, shopping for a wedding dress, and the list of endless wedding preparation activities just goes on and on into the horizon. Planning a wedding had become a third job (first being my “real job” and second being my writing life) and despite the stress that most people experience (and honestly, I experienced a little as well) planning my wedding has been the most exciting extended period of time in my life.
Wedding Planning for Everyone I Know (an exaggeration, kind of)
I am one of the last gals in my friend group to get married, and before I planned my wedding, I was a bridesmaid in all of theirs. I’ve done and experienced everything a bridesmaid can possibly experience x5: planned showers and bachelorette parties, attended engagement parties, bought and drank regrettable amounts of alcohol at said parties, held my friend’s hair as she regretted the amount of alcohol she drank, too, danced my ass off (not literally; that’s unfortunately impossible), created and made my friend wear a toilet paper veil in public at a bar because that’s what best friends do to and for each other – make them do ridiculous things and laugh all night long—pretended to be a florist and arranged bouquets and centerpieces in a very cold garage so even if I died from the shivers the flowers wouldn’t, bought/altered/wore a variety of beautiful dresses I’ve never worn again despite the fact I said I would, kissed a groomsman, briefly dated a groomsman (very briefly), and the list doesn’t end. It’s nearly as long and far-reaching as the to do list to plan a wedding. And every memory of every moment with my friends are treasures I hold dear. Most of my friends and family are physically far from me, but the good times we’ve experienced together – I keep them close to my heart.
ABOUT THE BOOKS
The
City Beneath
Night
Blood
Book
1
Melody
Johnson
Genre: Paranormal Romance
Publisher: Kensington Publishing/
Lyrical Press
Date of Publication: April 28,
2015
ISBN: 1601834225
ASIN: B00OEW5T10
Number of pages: 256
Word Count: 91,999
Cover Artist: Kensington
Publishing
Book Description:
As a journalist, Cassidy DiRocco
thought she had seen every depraved thing New York City’s underbelly had to
offer. But while covering what appears to be a vicious animal attack, she finds
herself drawn into a world she never knew existed. Her exposé makes her the
target of the handsome yet brutal Dominic Lysander, the Master Vampire of New
York City, who has no problem silencing her to keep his coven’s secrets safe…
But Dominic offers Cassidy
another option: ally. He reveals she is a night blood, a being with powers of
her own, including the ability to become a vampire. As the body count
escalates, Cassidy is caught in the middle of a vampire rebellion. Dominic
insists she can help him stop the coming war, but wary of his intentions,
Cassidy enlists the help of the charming Ian Walker, a fellow night blood. As
the battle between vampires takes over the city, Cassidy will have to tap into
her newfound powers and decide where to place her trust…
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Excerpt
Book 1:
Vampires Bite in
the Big Apple- notes from draft 1
Cassidy DiRocco,
Reporter
I didn’t need to
believe in the paranormal to believe in monsters. I reported murders, rapes,
assaults, and robberies every day: men strangling wives, women stabbing lovers,
children shooting children. If someone had interviewed me last week—before I
was attacked and bitten and manipulated in the pursuit of everyone else’s
personal and conflicting agendas—I would have said that the world darkened a
little more with every sunset and turned a little more bloody and vengeful and
uncaring with each passing day. But I’d also have said that after almost ten
years in the business, I’m no longer surprised by anything I report.
If someone had
interviewed me last week, it wouldn’t have mattered how long I’d been in the
business; I’d have been dead wrong.
Humans aren’t
the only murderers and rapists and thieves in this city; the real
monsters—vampires and night bloods alike—have hopes and goals and desires just
like the humans. But without the limitations of a fragile human body, the
vampires achieve every goal and desire without consequence. Who can bring a
murderer to justice if the murderer can’t be arrested or detained? Who can
testify against a rapist when the victim can’t remember whether she’d been
raped or mugged? Who can stop a crime spree when no one realizes crimes are
even being committed?
No one, of
course, except for me.
Even after
everything this insane week taught me about the world, this city, and myself,
I’m still breathtakingly shocked by everything I reported—and, most especially,
by the one story I couldn’t.…
Chapter 1
Last Monday
I nearly limped
right past him, clouded by my own physical pain and the churning unease in my
gut, but the rattling hiss that growled from the alley tripped my interest. I
stopped walking.
The night was
cool and quiet in the aftermath of sirens and flashing lights. My scalp tingled
in response to the noise emanating from the alley, and I thought of all the
things I should do: I should return to the main crime scene, I should finish my
interviews, I should write my story and submit it to print like a good,
reliable, by-the-book reporter. The hiss rattled from the alley again, but as
I’d never been one to leave questions unanswered, I slipped a can of pepper
spray from my brown leather, cross-body satchel and side-stepped into the alley
to find the source of the noise.
What I’d found
was a man, and the rattling hiss was his struggling, gurgling, uneven breaths.
His entire body was ravaged by third-degree burns. Tucked into a shadowed alley
between two buildings on the corner of Farragut Road and East 40th, he was
crouched down as if warding off an attacker—perhaps in his case a flamethrower—and
not moving. I cringed, thinking about the injury that was blocking his throat
to produce such a horrible rattling. Maybe he was crying. Maybe he was just
trying to breathe. I couldn’t decipher his expression because his burns were so
devastating. His face wasn’t really a face anymore beyond the rough
distinctions of a lump for a nose and a hole for a mouth. The unease churning
in my gut all night bottomed out. I wouldn’t have imagined that someone so
injured could still breathe.
Trading the
pepper spray for my cell phone, I dialed for Detective Greta Wahl.
“Wahl here.” She
answered on the fifth ring, just before I suspected my call would transfer to
voicemail. “I already gave you a statement, DiRocco. Let the other sharks have
a bite, will you?”
“I found another
victim, G.” I said without preamble.
“Alive? Where?”
Greta asked, snapping from friend to detective instantly.
“A block up
Farragut. He’s still breathing, but he’s different than the others. No bites.”
I swallowed the bile that clogged my throat like hot ash. “His entire body is
burned to charcoal.”
“Is he wearing a
necklace, like the ones from last week? They were gold with a wolf pendent.”
“I remember,” I
said. “And no, he’s not wearing a necklace. And he’s not shot execution-style
like those victims either. He’s burned. This is probably a different case all
together.”
Greta sighed.
“Stay with him. I’ll send a paramedic to you ASAP. It might be a few minutes,
though. We’ve still got our seven victims being stabilized here.”
“Got it. We’ll
be waiting.” I hesitated a fraction of a second before asking, “Any one of our
victims talking yet?”
“The few that
still have throats haven’t said a word. They’re all in shock. It’s not pretty
down here, DiRocco.”
“I know. Keep me
posted, and send Nathan to me if you can.”
“Will do,” Greta
said.
I ended the call
and sat gingerly on the ground next to the man to offer what comfort I could
and to give my arthritic hip the rest it needed. Injuries were supposed to heal
with time, but the scar build-up on mine had only increased in the five years
since I’d taken a bullet. The first stakeout of my career had set a high
standard for my field performance, but it had also left a permanent reminder to
listen to my gut. My hip ached on a regular basis, and lately, it would click
and grind when put to excess use. After an entire day on my feet, interviewing
officers and tracking down witnesses, my activities had apparently escalated
way past excess.
Once I settled
on the pavement, I held the man’s left elbow—one of two visible patches of skin
not blackened or blistered—and felt an overwhelming, humbling gratitude, no
matter my past injuries or current residual pain, that none of these victims
had been me.
Sweet
Last Drop
Night
Blood
Book
2
Melody
Johnson
Name of series and book number in
series:
Genre: Paranormal Romance
Publisher: Kensington Publishing/
Lyrical Press
Date of Publication: April 26,
2016
ISBN: 1601834241
ASIN: B00VEG4T0Q
Number of pages: 322
Word Count: 131,084
Cover Artist: Kensington Publishing
Book Description:
Cassidy DiRocco knows the dark
side intimately—as a crime reporter in New York City, she sees it every day.
But since she discovered that she’s a night blood, her power and potential has
led the dark right to her doorway. With her brother missing and no one
remembering he exists, she makes a deal with Dominic Lysander, the fascinating
master vampire of New York, to find him.
Dominic needs the help of Bex,
another master vampire, to keep peace in the city, so he sends Cassidy to a
remote, woodsy town upstate to convince her—assuming she survives long enough.
A series of vicious “animal attacks” after dark tells Cassidy there’s
more to Bex and her coven than anyone’s saying. That goes double for fellow
night blood Ian Walker, the tall, blond animal tracker who’s supposed to be her
ally. Walker may be hot-blooded and hard-bodied, but he’s hiding something too.
If Cassidy wants the truth, she’ll have to squeeze it out herself… every last
drop.
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Excerpt
Book 2:
Vampires Bite in
the Big Apple- notes from draft 4
Cassidy DiRocco,
Reporter
Nightmares are
supposed to stay in dreams, but for the past three weeks, absolutely nothing,
not even my dreams, are as they’re supposed to be. Reality is the nightmare.
When murderers, rapists, thieves, and gangs were my choice topics to report, I
was sickened and made unendurably angry by what people were capable of doing to
other people. Now, I’m just sickened by what I’m capable of, and I can’t sleep
at all.
After sunset I
see vampires lurking in every shadow, pressing against every doorway,
committing every murder. Reality is further from anything I could have
imagined, and I feel helpless against the enormity of Dominic’s reach. What’s
the point of breaking my lease when Dominic will just demand entrance into my
new apartment? Whom can I confide in about my life after dark without putting
them at risk?
The one question
that haunts me most is ironically one that I struggled to answer long before
stumbling upon Dominic’s existence. It haunted me after my parents died and I
struggled with Percocet addiction—how long will I search for the answers before
buckling under the unbearable truth that my efforts were futile from the start?
My brother
disappeared three weeks ago. In another three months, will the agony of
Nathan’s absence still drive my efforts or drive me insane? When do I draw the
line between hope and insanity—in another three years? Unfortunately for me and
everyone’s peace of mind, I don’t think there are lines for love. Love is
already insane, so the only answer is to drive toward the truth….
Chapter 1
The bus ride
from The Big Apple to Erin, New York gradually descended from the metropolitan
area to suburbs, from suburbs to woodsy small towns, and then to nothing but
fields and sheds and, of course, cows. I’d never seen so many cows in my life.
Considering I’d never actually seen a cow in person, I suppose that wasn’t much
of a statement, but it certainly seemed like Erin had an over-abundance of
them. Their mooing reminded me of Dominic’s night blood-and-hamburger metaphor
when he’d described how my blood tasted. “You are a rare dish,” he’d said, and
I’d been terrified by his attraction.
As a night
blood, I was one of the rare humans who had the blood type necessary to
complete the transformation into a vampire, but just because I had the
potential to become a vampire didn’t mean I wanted to become one. That was only
one of many points of contention between Dominic and me, albeit one of our more
vehement disagreements.
I was still
terrified of Dominic, attraction or not, but terror could only hold so much immediacy
for so long, especially when the object of my terror was being relatively
civil. Dominic, Master Vampire of New York City, and swiftly becoming a master
pain in my ass, had visited me on numerous occasions at the hospital while I
recovered from my encounter with Jillian. He visited me at home once I’d been
released from the hospital. He visited me in the office when I returned to work
and outside the office at every starlit opportunity.
I suppose guilt
may have played a role in his consistent and regular visits, considering
Jillian had been both his vampire and the second in command of his coven, and
somehow, I had been the one to take the biggest hit when she’d betrayed him.
But I doubt that guilt was his only motivation; when he came calling, he was
always fully fed, completely gorgeous, and the ultimate gentleman.
I knew better
than to believe the illusion.
In his infinite
patience, I think Dominic was biding his time, and I suspected it had
everything to do with this very road trip to Erin, New York, Ian Walker’s
hometown, and the resting place of Walker’s abundantly powerful coven Master,
Bex.
Dominic,
however, wasn’t the only one biding his time, although Walker had been
decidedly less patient.
“I can’t wait to
see you, darlin’,” Walker had said at least once per conversation during the
multiple phone calls we’d enjoyed daily for three weeks. I would have found his
persistence coming from someone else nauseating, but between all the darlin’s
and ma’ams, we shared an indelible bond that went beyond incorrigible
flirtation.
Walker was the
only other night blood I knew, the only other person who knew that vampires
existed, and the only person who could relate to the danger and drama of my
life. Meredith, photographer at The Sun Accord and my very best friend, didn’t
know anything about vampires or night bloods because telling her anything about
my life these days—or more pointedly, these nights—would only put her at risk.
But she most certainly knew the look on my face when my phone rang, and Walker
greeted me on the opposite end.
Meredith assured
me that I owed it to myself to discover how deep my bond with Walker could
grow, but I remained skeptical of both him and my feelings for him. We’d only physically
known each other for one week. How well could I legitimately come to know a
person in one week? But when I looked back at the week we’d shared and
survived, I swallowed my doubts.
“Pu-lease, you say that to all the girls,” I
said to him. My tone was deliberately sarcastic, but I was glad we were talking
on the phone; he’d know by my ridiculous smile that I was just as excited to
finally see him, too. “You forget that I’ve seen you in action.”
“You certainly
have.” Walker’s voice deepened salaciously and I was reminded of that one night
in my office. He’d lifted me onto my desk, and his strong hands had touched me
in places I’d never thought I could feel again.
I swallowed. “My
point is that this is a business trip. Carter finally approved my piece on city
versus rural New York crime fluctuations—”
“That I
encouraged you to write,” Walker interrupted.
I rolled my
eyes. “—and as one of my primary sources, you and I will—”
“Be spending hours
upon hours alone together.”
“For interviews
on your experiences and discussions on crime rates and—”
“I have an
experience I’d like to discuss: how delicious your body felt against mine.”
I sighed
heavily. “You’re killing me.”
Walker laughed.
“Good.”
“I really am
writing this story, Walker, despite your ulterior motives for inviting me to
your home.”
“You like my
ulterior motives. The most grievous crime at the moment is how long it took for
your boss to approve your damn story. I miss you, DiRocco.”
I swallowed
again and forced myself to say the words because they were true. “I miss you,
too.”
And now, after
three weeks of pitching this story to Carter, avoiding Greta—my personal
friend, and unfortunately, one of NYPD’s finest—and her stink-eyed interrogation,
bracing against Dominic’s creeping advances, and swallowing my festering doubts
about Nathan, I had finally arrived in Erin, New York earlier this afternoon
for what should have been a vacation from all those demons back in the city.
Less than twenty-four hours into our reunion, however, and Walker and I still
weren’t putting the moves on either my career or each other. He’d barely had
time to give me a proper tour of the town before we were once again staring at
a body.
Her name was
Lydia Bowser, and she was last seen by her grandmother, leaving the farm for a
walk before dinner. According to her grandmother and Walker’s detailed notes,
she left for a walk before dinner every night. She’d loved the last moments of
daylight, when the sun had already dipped below the horizon but its rays still
lit the sky with a dim, burning glow. I raised my eyebrows at the description,
both from its nostalgia and its telling timeframe. Foul play after dark meant
only one thing.
Eternal
Reign
Night
Blood
Book
3
Melody
Johnson
Genre: Paranormal Romance
Publisher: Kensington Publishing/
Lyrical Press
Date of Publication: April 25,
2017
ISBN: 1601834268
ASIN: B01JEJDHGG
Number of pages: 330
Word Count: 110,974
Cover Artist: Kensington
Publishing
Book Description:
Last week, Cassidy DiRocco had
some influence over the vampires that stalk the streets of New York City. She
was never completely safe, but with her newfound abilities as a night blood and
her honed instincts as a crime reporter, at least she had the necessary skills
to survive.
Now, thanks to the injuries she
sustained while saving her brother from a fate worse than death, she’s lost her
night blood status just as another crime spree hits Brooklyn. Dozens of people
are being slaughtered, and each victim bears the Damned’s signature mark; a
missing heart.
Cassidy will need the help of all
her allies to survive the coming war, including the mysterious and charismatic
Dominic Lysander, Master Vampire of New York City. But as his rival’s army
threatens his coven and his own powers weaken with the approaching Leveling,
even Dominic’s defenses might not be enough protection.
With nothing left to lose, can
Cassidy find the power inside herself to save Dominic, his coven, their city,
and survive?
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Excerpt
Book 3:
Chapter 1
Dominic looked
pretentious and posh, as usual, leaning against the wall in the hallway outside
my apartment. Even gazing at him through the fish-eye lens of my door’s
peephole—from the top of his immaculately cut and styled black hair to the
bottom of his shiny Cole Haan wing-tipped dress shoes—he was a hopeful-mother’s
dream, a shrewd-woman’s nightmare, and the reason I no longer bothered trying
to sleep at night. Knowing the truth beneath the pretty wrapping—that he was
the Master vampire of New York City—didn’t stop my heart from jumping and
dropping in confused anticipation and adrenaline. After I’d nearly lost him
last week, I’d come to the implausible, unwelcome conclusion that I actually
preferred my life with him in it, but since I’d completely lost the protection
and mental strength of my night blood, his unexpected presence also twisted my
gut with pure, unadulterated fear.
I hadn’t seen
Dominic in five nights, not since he’d entranced his name from my mind and
confirmed our worst suspicion: I no longer had night blood.
Without night
blood, I didn’t have the potential to transform into a vampire, I couldn’t
reflect Dominic’s commands if he attempted to entrance me, and I no longer had
any of the qualities that Dominic held in such high esteem, that he’d planned
to leverage during the Leveling; the one night every seven years that he lost
his strength and abilities as Master to his potential successor, allowing a new
Master to rise in his stead. Without those qualities, I couldn’t help him
survive the coming battle to keep control of his coven. I was nothing but
another human.
I was nothing
but food.
Dominic knocked
a second time, this series of staccato raps on the door more insistent than the
first.
“Who’s at the
door?” Meredith asked. Her eyebrows rose and disappeared behind her bangs.
Of course, on
the one night Dominic finally decided to confront me, I had company. I should
be grateful; he was knocking on the door rather than inviting himself in
through one of the third-story, living room windows. That would have been
difficult to explain to Meredith. Longtime best friend and wing woman at the
Sun Accord she was, but night blood she wasn’t.
“I’m hoping if I
wait long enough, he’ll give up and go away.”
“He?” Meredith
asked. A mischievous smiled curved her lips.
“It’s probably
best to answer the door of your own will,” Nathan murmured.
I stared at my
brother, surprised that he’d uttered a full, intelligible sentence beyond
“We’re out of milk” or something equally inane. Inane seemed all he was capable
of lately.
“He’ll make it
worse for you otherwise,” he added.
I ignored
Meredith and narrowed my eyes on Nathan. “How do you know who’s at the door?”
Nathan dropped
his gaze to the cereal bowl in front of him and continued spooning scraps of
shredded wheat and milk into his mouth without further comment.
Maybe he’d
actually keep the food down this time. Then we could work on gradually
introducing warm meals and protein back into his diet.
I worried the
doorknob with my thumb. Nathan might have been monosyllabic and near bulimic
since returning to the city, but he was right. If I didn’t open the door of my
own will, Dominic would probably force me to grant him entrance into my new
apartment. A tenuous spring of hope coiled in my gut. Maybe, just maybe, my
efforts to create a fallout shelter here in the city had been a success; maybe
I didn’t need to worry about entry, forced or otherwise.
I might have put
my newly fortified apartment to the test, but with Meredith sitting at my
kitchen table, a slice of sushi roll halfway to her mouth, the risk of exposing
her to the danger standing on my doorstep wasn’t worth the pleasure of denying
Dominic entrance.
I opened the
door.
Dominic smiled,
deliberately flashing his sharp, elongated fangs. “Good evening, Cassidy.”
His voice purred
in a deep timbre that plucked at the taut cords in my stomach. I squelched the
feelings, but after weeks of denial, I could finally admit that they existed.
“What are you
doing here?” I whispered.
He raised a
perfectly arched eyebrow. “No ‘Hello?’ No ‘What a pleasant surprise?’” Dominic
tsked his tongue against the back of his teeth. “Where are your manners?”
“What a
surprise,” I muttered, deliberately omitting “pleasant.” “You should have called
before coming, Dominic.”
He inhaled
sharply. The fragile hope that softened his expression shamed me.
“Don’t,” I
warned, keeping my voice low in an effort to prevent Meredith from overhearing.
“I didn’t remember your name on my own. Nathan reminded me. It still feels like
a void, like Nathan telling me your name four days ago was the first I’d
learned it.”
His face fell.
“That’s unfortunate.”
I sighed. “Are
you only here to antagonize me, or was there an actual purpose to this visit?”
“Antagonizing
you would be purpose enough, but yes, I have a greater purpose than even that,”
Dominic said, magnanimously. “Must we converse in the hallway? I don’t believe
I’ve had the pleasure of seeing your new apartment. Won’t you invite me in?”
About
the Author:
Melody Johnson is the author of
the gritty, paranormal romance Night Blood series set in New York City. The
first installment, The City Beneath, was a finalist in several Romance Writers
of America contests, including the “Cleveland Rocks” and “Fool For Love”
contests. Melody graduated magna cum laude from Lycoming College with her B.A.
in creative writing and psychology, and after moving from her northeast
Pennsylvania hometown for some much needed Southern sunshine, she now works as
a digital media coordinator for Southeast Georgia Health System. When she isn’t
working or writing, Melody can be found swimming at the beach, honing her
newfound volleyball skills, and exploring her new home in southeast Georgia.
Website: http://authormelodyjohnson.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authormelodyjohnson
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MelodyMJohnson
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/10707142.Melody_Johnson
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melody-johnson-20ab7334
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BLOG TOUR – Night Blood Series was originally published on the Wordpress version of SHANNON MUIR'S INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS.
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