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curious-menace · 3 years

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Can you do headcanons of any Riddler getting cared for and gentle kisses from reader after getting beat up? He needs some loves.

SO I MAY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT MY ULTIMATE FANTASY IS TO GIVE RIDDLER A HUG WITH BACKRUBS AS HE TELLS ME ABOUT HIS DAY AND I STAND BY THAT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY .

i freaking love this stuff so im going to do all of them mwahahah

post asswoop riddlers getting loves

Arkham riddler

He’s VERY quiet, which knowing him and his inability to stop talking, is bad news.

I paint arkham riddler as a cry baby and i stand by that. this is the hill i will die on. He’ll have dragged his sorry ass into your apartment or house , dripping blood on your floors but he wont bother calling for you. he’ll just sit at the table with his head in his hands having a lil pity party until you find him.

when you do finally get home, he’ll be looking like a kicked puppy. he’s gotten stuck in his own head, mentally beating himself up even more. he got a fright when you came in because he was so caught up he didn't even hear you at the door.

He’s literally sits there like a child with his arms up for you to come scoop him up. he’s not even sure why his first thought after getting beat up was to come here, he’s probably lead the cops here or something and that was so stupid and- you should probably give him a lil soft smooch on the head to stop him before he goes into a spiral.

he needs more emotional and mental care than physical. Talk to him while you're patching him up. any topic, it doesn't matter just keep him focused on your voice and not the one in his head calling him dumb.

he wont admit he wants to be held and coddled after something like this. get your softest blankie and 2 mugs of coco with marshmallows and just ramble at him. tell him about your day or ask him to explain something boring and complicated so he’s focusing on that rather than how upset he is. let him sit on your lap or between your legs on the sofa and watch how its made or mythbusters or something until he falls asleep. he should be ok again in the morning, he doesnt stay down for long.

Blacklight Riddler

He’s used to getting his ass kicked, either by batman, the other rogues or once he’s a PI, by unhappy clients and the people he put away. He might be tiny but he’s pretty tough.

even if he’s really hurting, his probably trying to crack jokes and tell blood and bruise related riddles. He doesn't like to see you worry so even if he’s in a lot of pain or a bit upset about things, he’s trying to make you smile.

he likes kisses on his bruises. even if he just banged his hand on the table he’ll come to you because he wants you to kiss it better.

He’s a decent fighter, unlike a lot of riddlers who couldnt fight their way out of a paper bag. He can throw punches but he lacks in defence and with his bad knee, dodging can be a little hard. even if he wins the fight he’s still likely to need you to patch him up.

He likes kids plasters. like hello kitty and spongebob. no im not joking, he ALWAYS wanted them when he was little and his parents always said no. now he’s an adult he’s going to use them whenever he damn well pleases.

if it was a particularly bad one, he’ll be ok in the moment even if he has to go to hospital. But he’s going to drop the facade at some point and let you see how upset he is. winding up in hospital after being beat was a common occurrence in childhood. even after doing it time and time again as an adult it doesn't make it any easier on him. he’ll want to stay in your bed, be close to you for few days until either he starts to heal or something snaps him out of his funk.

BTAS Riddler

he really prefers other people to do the fighting for him. well physically anyway. he can handle his own arguments...most of the time. He’s going to need you to nurse a bruised ego more than anything. he probably got dunked on my batman or crane and now he’s huffing.

i don't know if this counts as care and kisses but he clearly needs you around to keep his sorry ass alive. he hurt his side in a fight once and said he wasn't hurt. believable... until he started to act a little confused, a little dizzy. needless to say it worried you enough to take him to emergency care.

He was obviously in agony by now but he was still fighting with you the entire drive there, insulting you and insisting he was fine. its a good job you took him when he did, turns out he’d ruptured his spleen and would probably be dead if you weren’t around to act like his common sense.

he still hasnt apologised for that. or any of the other times you insisted on medical care to stop him from pushing up daisies. he just pretends like you know he’s grateful so he doenst have to admit he’s bullheaded, stubborn and worst of all, wrong.

if he has been seriously hurt, he acts more indignant about it than anything. he wants to be waited on and pampered while resting in bed. he can be a genuine pain to deal with, talking about how lucky you are to see him in such a vulnerable state and how you should be grateful he’s letting you do this for him.

He doesn't want to admit how much he actually needs you. his goons wont put up with him when he’s like this and he’s freaking paying them to do it. you do it for free and no matter how annoying he is you havent left him yet. he doesn't tell you but youve noticed he starts getting you more gifts about a week after he’s recovered. like its taken him a day or two to work out he should probably thank you for all you do.

Original Riddler

this riddler is just weird. like he gets a freaking hang nail and he pretends like he’s dying. but he could nearly lose a limb and he’ll say “tis but a scratch” and still try to hobble about like nothing is wrong.

actually he’s more like olaf “oh look i've been impaled.”. he probably tries to laugh off life threatening injuries like its nothing, taking maybe 3 steps before he collapses on his face in a blood puddle and lets out a tiny “help”

good luck moving his tall lanky ass around. better get a gurney and maybe those vets at the zoo who deal with giraffes. seriously if you want to take care of him you are going to need help or some sort of action plan and a go bag because with his limp butt this will not be easy.

he’s kinda like BTAS riddler in that he needs you to tell him the injury is serious. hes not dumb he just has a high pain threshold and genuinely doesn't realise that injuries are as bad as they are.

he can be a bit of a baby while being patched up. he doesn't like a lot of blood or gore, it makes him feel a little sicky. better give him your phone to play with like a kid at the doctors or put the tv on for him to watch while you bandage him. word of warning, he will pass out or throw up if you try to give him stitches.

i think you should focus your love and attention on him AFTER medical care. just focus on the job, be silent and as fast as possible to get it over with quickly. you should probably bring him something sweet too. no not just you, although you are sweet for looking after him. give him something sugary because he’s going to be light headed after seeing any blood. maybe you could give him a lolly for being a good patient.

Telltale riddler

this riddler is essentially a metahuman. he can REALLY take a beating and bounce back fairly quickly. just look how many times batman punched him in the face and it barely stunned him! he doesnt usually need patched up after a fight. maybe just a lil smooch and some hugs

he did really need your help after the whole pact thing. having his friends abandon him hurt like hell, more than any physical injury ever could.

after that, he clings to you. almost obsessively so; we know he’s got some serious mental illnesses but he usually has the worst of it under control, even without meds. now? it seems like he’s experiencing ptsd and is afraid to go anywhere without you, like you might up and disappear if you arent in his line of sight at all times.

i think this riddler might need the most intense care from you. hugs and gentle reassurance wont be enough. you’re going to be responsible for taking him to therapy, keeping him taking his meds and grounding him to reality. this is the kind of responsibility you took on when you got involved with him but i doubt you realised how hard it would be. i cant promise it will all be worth it but i can promise he wont ever forget your kindness.

the kind of care he needs after such a hard knocking down is just stability. im not one for romance or any mushy gushy stuff but please just pour your love into the cracks in this poor mans soul.

its hard going, but he has his moments. his gallows sense of humor is still there and hey, after him being in and out and gone for so long, it might be nice to have him around more.

Zero year riddler

INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT THIS ONE. he could LITERALLY be bleeding out in your arms and he’d STILL be backseat driving on your medical skills. the temptation to just leave him there to bleed is INCREDIBLE.

he’ll drop the act eventually. he’ll ask and maybe even beg for your help. man has no shame and all the self preservation instincts of a lemming. dont get me wrong, he can be a total coward some times, only looking out for himself . but when he’s actually hurt ? not a fuckin clue. does this head wound need an ice pack or heat pack? is this spurring blood wound worthy of medical care? no idea. he was a very sheltered child who never got so much as a bruise so he has no idea what to do when he’s hurt.

he gets the everloving shit kicked out of him on a clockwork basis. like you could hear knocking on your door at 3 am and already be at the table with a first aid kit like oh its tuesday riddler must have broken his nose.

he takes entirely too much joy in making you patch him up. youre starting to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose just to see you in your little apron and latex gloves . he’s getting off on this and you know it but god help you, you just cant resist his dumb face asking for your help and would you also wear this pink nurses outfit while youre at it?

one time he lost a LOT of blood. he would be fine but he was pretty damn loopy from lightheadedness. while you were trying to get him into bed to rest he started flirting with you. can you believe the audacity? he’s lost 3 pints of blood and he’s still more focus on his libido?

he’s actually going to be both humble and grateful for your help when he finally comes round. dont get me wrong, he’s still a bit of a prick but at least he says thank you for saving him before he demands you kiss all his booboos and ouchies.

nonnie i am having a stroke. i was trying SO hard to just pick one but i COULDNT because i am WEAK for hurt and comfort.

theres a reason i have a tag that literally says “i have naughty hands and no self control”

someone needs to stage an intervention

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

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angel--party · 5 years

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The Message

hello !! ya boy has been (kinda) motivated lately and has actually finished a story for once. the story has a part in future mikeys backstory so yknow :-] im slowly working on his and melvinborgs story so bear with me guys!! im very slow

also, if you like this story then please reblog it! you dont have to but yknow.... i want people to read my stuff

and sorry if the beginning is cringey or ooc haha, i havent written stories about george and harold sooooo

but enjoy! i hope

story down below (kinda long i guess)

The message

Meet George beard and Harold hutchins. George is the kid running down the hallway with the tie and pranking supplies. Harold is the one beside him with the t-shirt and even more pranking supplies. Remember that now. But you probably know this already.

“Man, it was so worth it using all our allowance to get all this junk!” George said.

“Yeah, were gonna have so much fun with it! We’re gonna prank everybody! But mr Krupp first, obviously.” Harold laughed.

They skidded to a halt and opened the door to the secretary office (what is it called?? Pff idk).

“Hey... wheres Ms. Anthrope?” Harold questioned. George ignored the fact and went through his bag of goodies. “Eh, I dunno. Probably on break or something. Which one should we go with first? The fake cockroaches, or the airhorn behind the door trick?”

But the blonde haired boy was busy looking around Ms. Anthropes area, just out of pure curiosity. Normal boring stuff, until he noticed something... odd.

“Hey, whats so interesting over there?” The other boy asked. He trotted over and saw his friend was looking weirdly at the computer screen. The screen was glitching and static-y, and was blue for some reason.

“Huh, that’s weird.”

“Thats what I was thinking! Why do you think its doing this?”

“Probably just a bug or something, I’m not a computer genius. Go ask Melvin.”

Harold scoffed at the thought of talking to that nerd. “No way! I’d rather talk to that cool Melvin. Man, If only that guy was still around.” He cupped his head in his hands.

Suddenly, the computer started spitting out eerie noises which got their attention. They looked at eachother with a nervous look, but decided to keep watching. The noises went on and started to become clearer. They nearly sounded like... words? Oh god, they were words.

“Oh no... is the computer haunted?” Harold murmured, grabbing onto Georges arm for support.

“No buddy, the only ghost here is... nevermind, I cant think of anything. It might be haunted!” he whimpered.

But somehow, it got even worse. The computer spewed its last words and a face popped onto the screen, that looked like...

“Mikey..?” they moth mumbled. “What is he doing?’

But, this Mikey looked different. Much older. You could only see from the shoulder up, but he was wearing a pink sweater with a white shirt collar. He had unsual short hair, but still had the classic eye covering bangs. Normally its hard to tell expressions without the eyes, but you could tell he was extremely worried. Then he spoke.

“h-hi, I’m uh- Mikey Popazzi. F-from the future, that is. Ive been trying to send this message for a while now. Its been hard because- y-yknow, future stuff.”

He gulped, trying to clear his throat and stop his stammering.

“I-Im looking for someone called Melvin Sneedly. O-Or as most people know him as Melvinborg.”

George and Harold stared at eachother in shock. N-No, he cant-

“Hes been keeping in touch with me until a few weeks ago. He- he suddenly stopped calling, and I was getting very worried. Ive tried contacting him multiple times, and he still hasn’t responded. I-its really scaring me. I-i knew this time travel thing wasn’t a good idea, I knew it!”

It sounded like he was choking on tears.

“Ive tried to travel back, but it hasn’t worked. I need to find another way, a-and ill find it soon. He wears a yellow shirt with a red bowtie, and has soft orange hair. Half of his body is a robot, so... I guess that wouldn’t be hard to spot. Hes around the Jerome horwitz school in Piqua. T-Thats all he told me though, so I hope hes still there. If you find him, PLEASE tell me! Tell him I’m worried! Tell him to come back!!”

At this point he had started sobbing, some tears running down his cheeks, but quickly wiped off by his sweater sleeve.

“I cant be alone anymore! I-I cant do this without him!! FIND HIM!! PLEASE HELP ME!!”

“HELP ME-“

Before he could continue any longer, the screen switched back to static. The message was over. The boys stood still with horror on their face trying to process what just happened. They looked at eachother with frightened eyes for the last time.

Was this real?

What were they gonnna do?

And if Mikey did come back,

How are they gonna tell him about Melvinborg?

#AAAAAAAAAAAA #stories #writing #tux writing #Mikey Popazzi #backstory #:-]#this is only a fraction guys #heehee

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tide-pod-swiftie · 5 years

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So. This is super random but I was listening to the first TS album and it honestly brought me back.

I was 9 years old, my room was princess themed handpainted by my mom. It looked like I was the princess in the tower, a castle in the distance. It was very purple, even my cd player was purple. But that’s beside the point.

My mom came home from target one day and showed me the cd (likely having already listened to it because thats what moms do.) she thought I would like it so she picked it up for me to listen to. 9 year old me was only acquainted with Disney and what my mother played on the radio so this was like the biggest thing to me, like I remember feeling super grown up because this was MY cd and to me there was this super pretty girl on the cover that reminded me of a princess with a huge mane of blonde curly hair with butterflies around her. Basically Taylor Swift was already the best thing ever and I hadn’t even turned on my cd player yet.

I didn’t know who Tim McGraw was but I wanted to, my 9 year old self didn’t know what it was like to be so mad at a boy like in Picture to Burn but I knew all the lyrics, A Place in This World became an anthem of mine as I got older and life got hard. Our Song became the kind of love I knew I wanted when grew up.

Taylor quickly became someone for me to look up to.

Fast forward and im 11 years old. Its 2008 and my mom and I go to target playing Taylor Swift the entire way there, theres a new album my favorite singer has new music and the first thing I do when I get it is put it in the car cd player to listen to on our way home.

And just like that. I had a new love to asipre to, I wanted it to be like Fearless and Love Story, my mom loved The Best Day so much it made her cry. Later on when kids got mean Change joined A Place in This World.

Then there was the Fearless tour. It was 2010 and we traveled to go see it having missed the show in my hometown for reasons I no longer remember. Mom and I made a it a girls trip. We stayed at the hilton and apparently so did either Taylor herself or somone who worked with her did too because in the parking lot was her tour bus. My mom made me stand in front of it for a photo while I was VERY concerned with disrupting anyone who might be inside (I mean a world tour must be tiring right? I didn’t want to impose.)

Also 2010, speak now. I had a new love I wanted to find one day in Mine and Enchanted. Long Live and Mean were added to my 13 year old selfs anthums. My mother and I listened to Taylor on her ipod in the car on the way to school.

Fast forward to 2012 and Im a 15 year old goth kid who has a love for both heavy metal and country as well as a slew of other music. Its no longer ‘cool’ to love Taylor Swift and lucky me, I wasnt cool anyways nor did I want to be. Red came out and it was a totally different sound than what I had ever heard from my favorite singer before, I had met a boy who made me understand picture to burn and 15 (altho ill never admit it out loud) because frankly he sucked and I was way too good for him. But I was dancing around my practically all black room in my all black clothes to State of Grace and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. The Moment I Knew still makes my mother and I sad because no girl should have to feel that way. 22 gave me another new thing to look forward to. Strangely enough I wanted a love a bit like Stay Stay Stay.

Oh my god it 2015, im 17 turning 18 graduating highschool (still goth. still not cool. Still a Swiftie.) but I’m moving to new york, im making a playlist my life is just about to REALLY begin.

I sit on the plane by my mom, not entirely sure what I have gotten myself into, moving across the country. The year before around the time I decided my future destination 1989 came out and im listening to Welcome To New York on repeat in my seat, mentally prepared for those heartbeats under coats, Shake It Off had long since become another anthum for me along with New Romantics. I havent found love, but I want one like You Are In Love.

Its 2017, Im still in New York. Its long since become my home Im not always as dramatically dark as I was when I was 15 but its still there. I had JUST made an instagram in December of 2016 because frankly Im still not a fan of social media...but Taylor Swift is on instagram and I still love her. Taylors instagram went dark. I was BEYOND excited feeling my esthetic come out FINALLY people would stop being shocked that I love Taylor because girl is gonna make them all see she’s a powerhouse.

Look What You Made Me Do arrives and I am LIVING this era. Im buying up merch and playing it on repeat. When ticketmaster tells me i can score a place in line by watching videos, I have them playing 24/7 I haven’t been to a TS tour since I was a kid. time was always in my way. NOT THIS TIME! I wouldn’t allow it. My mom and I text endlessly about her new album. Mums favorite is New Years Day and I struggle to choose but land on I Did Something Bad. I want a love like King of My Heart and Delicate. She agrees that yes we should certainly go to the concert together, it’s exactly a month after my 21st birthday and Taylor has always been our thing.

July 21st, my mom and I go to New Jersy, VIP passes around our necks (her birthday gift to me) im in a snakeskin miniskirt and the concert is POURING rain. Its. Friggin. Magic. Were screaming all the lyrics and dancing around, not even realizing how soaked we are.

Its 2019 now, Im turning 22 this year, and obviously my birthday playlist holds that song in several places. ME! Has just been released. I joined tumblr this year to theorize with my fellow Swifties and Twitter to get updates from Taylor. I bought something pastel to wear for the first time in years and am slowly figuring out how to add it to my all dark wardrobe.

I wonder what my 9 year old self would say if she knew that I was here 13 years later informing my mother that we needed to go to another concert. If she knew the girl with all that curly hair on her CD would become her role model through life.

I have never believed in idolizing people because we are human and all make mistakes but Taylor Swift is the closest I have ever gotten to one.

I feel like although there’s an age gap, I grew up with her (mentally) her music in my head for the majority of my life making me want to be a better person and putting a smile on my face.

This isn’t something she will ever read, hell I would be surprised if anyone ever does because its long af and no one has time for this. But honestly I felt like it was worth putting out there because not many people ever get past simply screaming ‘OMG TAYLOR I LOVE YOU!!’

I just wanted to explain why on the off chance, she or someone else would see it and think ‘huh me too.’ Or put a smile on their face.

So basically, thank you @taylorswift for helping make me the person I am today and being there for me via song when lifes been hard as I grew up.

I love you not because of the insane theories and crazy detailed performances (although those are fun) but because you never let your fans forget that they are loved and that we all mean the world to you, because you have helped so many young girls find their place in this world.

#taylor swift #taylornation #swifties #taylor swift fan #i love you tay tay #thank you taylor swift

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Ali & Carly

Ali: this is why i don't wear shoes Ali: i have lost one??? Ali: rescue it if you see it Carly: what do they look like Ali: just a kinda tan sandal thing Ali: just a penneys special so not the end of the world, should chuck the other one so someone can have the pair Carly: come & bring me food & then youll be here to reunite them Carly: but yea k will lean out my door & see if its there Ali: love the enthusiasm, babe 😜 Ali: can feel your come down from here Carly: dont barely remember the come up Carly: wtf happened last night Ali: not in a much better position myself but uhm Ali: mayhem, that's for sure Ali: i think you might've gone home with the wrong cousin Carly: shit Carly: my bad Carly: better read my txts Carly: who did you go w ? Ali: didn't go that far with anyone Ali: 💍 remember and such a 😇 Ali: ronan was in a mard though and i weren't up for listening to that so 🤷 Carly: aw Carly: sorry baby i'll calm him down Ali: it's chill 😂 bless him Ali: no need on my account tho i'm sure he'd be down, despite protests otherwise Carly: my inbox is Carly: cba w this rn Ali: oh baby, want a bacon sarnie and a secretary? Carly: yea Carly: gonna throw my phone w your shoe Ali: i woke up to a mystery dickpic on my phone Ali: is it rude to ask which one it belongs to because lads, sorry, not that memorable that i'm picking it out of a line-up Ali: you'll know, been more recent, i'll come over with food and lucozade for real and ruin your day with that lovely image and the actually rather creative sexts that went with it Ali: 10/10 for effort, sir Carly: cant put it on the cv or school report but my memory for 'em is good Carly: if ive seen it i'll id it Carly: ill laff if its the large ginge cousin whose name i never got Carly: sounded like a cough Ali: that's a talent and if the man can't see that, fuck him Ali: and his job in tescos, like Ali: i mean, shouldn't have a preference but i hope not 😂 Ali: soz honey but Carly: thanks baby Carly: I hope its that token english Carly: he was fit Ali: can reply if you like Ali: worse ways to waste a sunday morning than messing with boys Ali: sounding like a priest Ali: oops Carly: ha Carly: i found some fucking funny vids of us so maybe the phone shouldnt go out window before youve had a look Ali: yes, i need to see that Carly: [sends her fave of the vids] Ali: aww Ali: we're fun drunks Ali: love that for us Carly: yea Carly: im a messy bitch tho Carly: no wonder i went w the hero cousin Ali: meh, things happen at parties, everyone knows that Ali: not like you're proper attached is it Ali: though he's gonna be annoying now probs but day in the life when you're irresistible, yeah? Carly: youd know babe Carly: he wont be on site long never is Carly: so idc Carly: saved me for a nite boy youre welcome Ali: duh Ali: hottest couple in town Ali: one for the wank bank anyway Carly: yea & he is fit Carly: give him that Carly: esp when i dont understand what hes saying Ali: the best kind Ali: a boy you don't have to speak to 😜 Ali: if that's all it takes like, whip out the Gaeilge Carly: youve got the giggles but yea Carly: true Carly: but on site id just have all the oldies chatting at me if i could Carly: not trying to make them go weak Ali: they ain't daddies? boo 😥 Carly: some got many kids but thats it Carly: say something to me then Ali: [sends voice memo, probably has dirty words she'd recognise from site life and lots of loling] Carly: k Carly: so hot Carly: if your gf is mad at me for stealing you last nite you can smooth things over w her like that Ali: might have to Ali: though it ain't you she's 😤 with Ali: poor ronan, shoulda done more than snog him if she comes for him, not even worth it for that Carly: ill protect him when he lets me back near Carly: cant stay mad at this Carly: sure your girls the same Ali: She's mad 24/7 babe, just gotta hold on, like 😂 Ali: we want different things now but that's not a convo for this morning like jesus Carly: whos got the energy Carly: cba w angry Carly: yea you want a sarnie Ali: exactly, and i wanted to have fun last night but may as well have said i want his dick in or around my mouth k bye babe Carly: ha Carly: that would be fun tho Ali: tell that to past you, dashing his threesome dreams like 🤷💔 Carly: still time Ali: not me you need to promise baby Carly: yea but id rather talk to you Ali: 💚 Ali: you cute Carly: all you Carly: how you look so good coming from band? wtf Ali: psh please Ali: it was all about you 🙇 Carly: if that was true why is every memory i got from last nite just you Carly: facts Ali: had to get you away from that mirror somehow, like 😉 Ali: it was fun Carly: ha Carly: cuz your talents got me like Carly: yea it was Ali: helps when the canvas already beautiful babe Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: 🍓 Carly: gonna make me cry Ali: don't cry lil one Ali: the bacon is coming Ali: got roped into doing a shady kid swap, where is my ma, take this demon child Carly: you can bring him if you want Carly: ill put clothes on before Ali: cockblocked again 😉 Ali: nah, he needs to go get shoes Ali: ironically and unlucky, twat Carly: what size is he Carly: i can ask around when i look for yours Carly: lads flog everything and anything here on sundays Ali: his feet are big man Ali: he's only little but he's lanky af, unlike me Ali: that's fun tho Ali: imma go shopping Carly: aw Carly: yea wish i was taller Carly: ffs ma and da Ali: literally Ali: least neither of my sisters are model tall or i'd be more raging Ali: we make it work, babe Carly: & i dont have any sisters Carly: well done on that one tho ma & da Ali: speak for yourself Ali: i'm gutted Carly: oww Carly: trying to replace me like the vows were no thing Ali: you know you're my one and only Ali: but a woman got needs Carly: thats what your gf is for Carly: no Ali: yeah but i'm allowed wishful thinking too Ali: damn Carly: ive given you the mental image of me naked Carly: what more you need Ali: are you jealous of your hypothetical sister? Carly: yea if you like her more Ali: aw baby, 'course not Ali: she's a ride, yeah, but bit of a bitch too, like Carly: ha Carly: takes after our ma like Ali: sadly, straighter than you Ali: 👎 Carly: like theres a ranking Carly: just straight or not yea Ali: I mean, it is a scale but I'm not gonna try and bond with your Ma giving her the test for it, like Ali: could we tie her down for a sec, obvs Carly: hit her when shes washing up Carly: takes long Ali: okay, i'll dry 😉 Ali: what an offer Carly: trying to make me vom now Carly: take crying or blushing over Ali: soz babe Carly: her & my da dont fuck but still dont reckon youre her type Ali: don't know what's worse, that, or knowing they do Carly: im good w them not Carly: sound carries Carly: no secrets in the caravan Ali: sure there's a toilet block they could go to Ali: keeping it sexy Carly: sure my da's there doing his cry wank Carly: while my ma checks the talent Carly: we got that to look forward to in our marriage in a few years Ali: who's scouting who's cranking Ali: because frankly, i refuse either Carly: im the biggest slag so probs me Carly: sorry Ali: and I'm not Ali: igloo sisters how many times now?! 😂 Carly: ha Carly: but youre loyal Carly: me and my ma dont kno the meaning like Ali: am i Ali: you miss the part when i got on ronan Carly: o yea Carly: i forgot Ali: idk what i'm gonna do about that Ali: instant gameover but its literally so irrelevant Carly: hes a ride Carly: you should be excused for it Ali: she's a 6 on that scale, yeah, massive gay Ali: so she ain't seeing that, never mind the other shit Carly: shit yea Carly: dont tell her Ali: does that make me the worst? Ali: i should hm Carly: hes not gonna speak to her Carly: and if he brags you can call it that Ali: Yeah Ali: I don't know Carly: its that or tell her Carly: & say youre sorry Carly: we were all wasted Carly: not like you have feelings for him Ali: You're right, obviously Ali: like that's the truth but yeah Ali: might leave it unless I need to go there Ali: soz God, swing by confession later Carly: tell her youre a bi cliche Carly: she'd love it Carly: use the scale Ali: she would tho Ali: validate everything she's ever sneaky or not so thought about me Ali: soz, i need a constant stream of p n v or i die Carly: a girl has needs Carly: what am i a 1? Ali: its like dis Ali: 1- all straight 2- mostly straight but lil gay 3- equal/bi 4- mostly gay but still lil into opposite 5- total gay Ali: but not gonna resist the urge to tell you you a 10 Carly: 🥇 Carly: i like that you're 3 tho. 3's a lucky number Ali: and a magic one 🔮 Carly: yea cuz youre magical Ali: believe it baby Carly: i do Ali: right, finally leaving, be like 10 Ali: doing the opposite to a walk of shame rn, strutting back in like what's good Carly: you gotta Carly: own it baby Carly: havent found your shoe tho sorry Carly: maybe ronan took it cuz he loves you so bad Ali: 😂 oh my god Ali: like a horny puppy Carly: yea Carly: building a shrine to you rn probs Ali: or he wanna play cinderella Ali: such a ridiculous fairytale, as far as they go Carly: how wasted was the prince that he cant remember what she looks like Carly: k been there but not trying to wife anyone Ali: right?! also, sure plenty of bitches a size 5, like??? Ali: was it a magic shoe Ali: no explanation, frankly Carly: yea like me and you have the same size Carly: ill take your prince for a ride bitch Ali: 😂 Ali: he cool with that Ali: that's the tea Ali: boy gives no fucks, long as it ain't a man in drag Carly: he hasnt met your brother tho Carly: boy looks good Ali: eww Ali: stop that thought right there Carly: dont get jealous Carly: not gonna go there Ali: not jealous, but repulsed 😷 Carly: k babe Carly: if you say so Ali: trust, you wanna see jealous you'll see it soon enough if you go there Ali: 😂 bea don't fuck about Carly: have to go for one of your other hot brothers Ali: trying be my sister in law and wife Ali: kickin it country Carly: you kno Carly: been on site too long Ali: forreal, not gotta hang with the traveller lads that hard baby Carly: after last nite not gonna be hanging w them for a while Ali: let 'em fight it out amongst themselves Ali: defs for the best Carly: yea Carly: hide w me babe Carly: gonna be so bored Ali: gonna Ali: i'll peep their wares another day Ali: not a euphemism Carly: sounds dirty tho Ali: yeah, regretted it as i said it but hey Ali: love me a sale and a gypsy boy Carly: no regrets boo Carly: they love you too Carly: esp whoever send the dick pic Ali: the real mystery Ali: soz everyone else with your drama but we gotta know Carly: i do need to be knowing Carly: thats my wife lads Ali: awh you gonna defend my honour n delicate sensibilities Carly: yea Carly: youre an angel Ali: you're so cute Carly: its you Carly: my parents came back Carly: gonna have to run Ali: oh no i am en route Ali: where you going boo Carly: i'll catch you and we can find somewhere theyre not Carly: ha church Carly: can you eat there cuz im not looking to die for jesus Ali: yeah for sure, not in the pews like its the cinema, like Ali: can go park if you wanna Ali: or up the mountain if you can hack it, like Carly: youre so smart Carly: like your mouth Carly: but yea Carly: date time Ali: awh yeah Ali: this picnic ain't goals i'm so sorry babe Ali: least the weather's looking up Carly: idc Carly: get to be w my boo Ali: 😍 Carly: i look crazy Carly: havent got dressed faster w out getting fucked before since idc Carly: idk Ali: i like crazy Ali: and beside me you'll probs look totally normal 😉 Carly: you look hot every day baby Carly: facts Ali: all these compliments got me feeling 🔥 obvs Carly: thats how i want it Ali: gonna have you flying high too Ali: top of the world, baby Carly: aw Carly: whats in the food like Ali: 😂 Ali: just faith n trust n pixiedust, of course Carly: you can snort pixiedust yea? Carly: k Ali: you gon' be mad when i've got nothing but sandwiches and half a donut Carly: nah Carly: cant be mad at you Carly: too cute Ali: and donuts are life Carly: true

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mildlymaddy · 7 years

Text

Ask and you shall receive I guess. ;)

Lilo future!fic, in which both are single, Liam’s got two kids, and I end up calling Liam’s first-born “James” because the fucker still hasn’t shared his actual baby’s name with us.

Liam was in over his head. He knew it, and it only served to annoy him further. This was stupid. He was a grown-ass man. He had kids for Christ’s sake!

There was absolutely no reason for him to angst over the meaning of a bloody text message.

Especially not one that said, Im not gonna comment until Ive tried it myself.

Louis had added the sunglasses emoji at the end, which was nice but didn’t help Liam figure out whether he was serious or not.

And knowing whether Louis was serious or not felt quite bloody important, considering the message Liam had sent him right before had been: Then she said i was lousy in bed, like, can you believe?!

Liam took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

The thing was, lately, there’d been quite a few of these messages from Louis. Like, Liam didn’t want to jump to conclusions or anything, but ever since Louis had come back to L.A., single and determined to take over the world with Liam (there’d never been any question of whether Liam might have other plans, but then again he’d only been too happy to join in. Endless touring was less appealing at 38 than it had been at 23, and writing for others with Louis had always been part of his dreams), they'd gotten… close.

And they'd always been close, obviously, even once time and distance had made their friendship more quiet and soft, had turned cuddles and pranks into yearly birthday messages and dinners that had to be planned months in advance, but even in their hay days it had never been… it’d never been like this.

Or maybe Liam was just too old to remember exactly how flirty Louis used to be. But he'd watched some old 1d interviews, just to see, and while Louis teased him a lot and touched him even more… it just wasn't the same. Liam was sure of it.

Except, of course, for all the moments when he wasn't.

He started typing a reply, then deleted it, staring at the blinking cursor on his screen with increasing desperation. It had been 10 minutes since Louis had sent his message and the longer Liam waited, the more awkward his reply would be, no matter what.

“Daaad, can you stop jiggling your leg? I’m trying to watch my show!”

Liam looked up from his phone to find his daughter glaring at him from behind her fringe, earbuds plugged firmly in her ears to listen to whatever she was watching on her phone, curled up on the other side of the couch. He wasn’t sure how him jiggling his leg two seats over was disrupting her focus, but clearly it was, and she huffed again before turning her attention back to her show, mumbling something Liam couldn’t make out but which was most probably along the lines of “grown-ups suck.”

He’d never realized, back when he’d started a family, that that meant dealing with moody teenagers down the line, and not just adorable babies and cute 8-year-old kids. The wake-up call had been brutal (and his mother’s amused look the first time he’d complained to her about the ungratefulness of teens a little uncalled for). The fact that he only had them one month out of two since his divorce didn’t help things any.

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, leaving the living room to go lock himself in the first floor bathroom, phone clutched in one sweaty hand.

He sat on the edge of the bathtub, legs resuming their nervous jiggling, and felt his heart doing a sickly somersault when he saw the notifications telling him Louis had sent another string of messages. That was it; he’d missed his shot by waiting too long. Louis had moved on to another subject and-

That was a comeon, in case you cant tell.

I mean unles you CAN tell and yure not interested.

Which wouls explain why you havent written in 15mn i guess i should take the hint

Fuck thiss awkward forget i said anything.

Liam read the words over and over again, just in case they’d morph into some inane discussion about playing dog sitter for Louis or setting up a writing session, but they remained the same.

Louis had been hitting on him?

Louis had been hitting on him.

...

For all that Liam had been convinced something was going on, getting actual confirmation of it felt like taking a deep breath under water.

“Fuck,” he muttered, desperately trying to keep his breathing under control.

It wasn't until moving dots popped up on his screen to show Louis was writing yet another message that Liam finally sprung to action, clumsily typing his reply and sending it before he could second-guess himself, typos and all.

I wqsnt sure yu were skirting

He blinked at his screen. Fuck. Stupid predictive text. When had he even ever written the word “skirting”?!

I meant flirtng*

flirting*

Fuck

Liam groaned. Maybe if he chucked his phone into the toilets he could pretend that those last messages had been a bug.

He'd always thought this kind of thing would get easier with age (well mostly he'd thought he would get married and live happily ever after...), but if anything, this felt worse than he remembered. How did anyone ever hook up with anyone without keeling over from the stress of it all?!

The cheerful “blip!” of a new message brought his attention back to the screen.

Does that mean you dont midn?

Liam swallowed around the lump in his throat. He was pretty sure he was supposed to feel relief but for some reason all he could feel right now was rising panic. Surely this was a mistake, his brain pointed out. This was all a misunderstanding. He was getting Louis’s meaning completely wrong.

Still, he made himself write back, I def dont mind. Imall for flirting.

Dots came and went on Louis's side of the chat for quite a long time after that, leaving Liam ample time to worry about the ways in which he could have misunderstood Louis's messages (admittedly, he couldn't think of one, but that's how it worked, right? That’s the reason people felt so mortified afterwards), until finally Louis's answer popped up on his screen.

Im gonna be horribly blunt here im sorry but i wanna make sure. So if i drop by your house tonight with two bottles of wine and push you against tye wall and snog you senseless youre ok with that right?

The relieved laughter that burst out of Liam’s mouth surprised even him, and he let himself slide to the tiled ground, his heartbeat going wild with happiness as he tremblingly typed back, ive got the kids so might be best not to but i woudlnr say no to some snogging on the weekend?

He pressed Send and rested his chin on his bent knees, staring at his phone like a lovesick teenager, which is exactly how he felt right now. This was ridiculous. It was also the best Liam had felt in months.

A shriek coming from the ground floor dragged him out of his bubble and he struggled back to his feet, frowning, but the stomping of feet on the stairs and the vengeful “Emma I'll punch your teeth in!!” made him reconsider. Possibly staying in the bathroom was safest for now.

A door slammed down the corridor, then he heard Emma yelling back, “I'll fucking tell mum, you tosser!” before another door slammed shut, a little closer.

He really wished she’d stop using the mum card. First because that was unfair for Cheryl, and second because… well, he could be fearsome too, damnit. He wasn’t just the “hot, goofy dad” (as amusing as having Emma’s friends mooning at him was, mostly because his 20-year-old self had forever been preserved online).

He had to go talk to them both, but a glance at his phone showed him Louis had sent another message.

I dont know if ill still want to snog you then, payno. 3 days is a long time.

Liam grinned. Far away from fighting teenagers, something warm was unfurling in his veins, spreading through his body, carrying with it a faint thrilling note, just enough to make his heartbeat a little irregular in the nicest of ways.

Ill make it worth the wait, he typed back, biting his bottom lip around a smile. His heart was heavy with happiness in his chest and he never wanted the feeling to go away again.

He’d never considered the possibility of falling for someone he’d known since he was a teenager, but now that he was, he was starting to wonder how it hadn’t happened earlier. How he’d gone without.

I expect you to, Louis sent back.

Count on it.

There was renewed stomping in the corridor, then the noise of a door banging open and a shout. Liam sighed.

Gotta mke sure the kids dont kill each othr. Talk later?

He stared at the dots as Louis typed his answer, unwilling to get out into the fray just yet, unwilling to let go of his own slice of teenagehood. He couldn’t make out the words that were being yelled down in James’s room, but they clearly weren’t anything he could tolerate. He really needed to step in.

Anytime.

…

Oh god pretend i dind’t sent that.

You know what screw it.

<333

Liam beamed down at his phone, sent a heart back (or ten), and stepped out of the bathroom.

#lilo #tumblr ficlet #i'm at the point where i'm thinking this is either brilliant or total shite #but it's midnight and now i don't wanna go to sleep without posting it first #i hope it's nice #thank you for liking what i said #when i wrote it i was like 'this might be super sweet... or it's just pathetically trite' lol #i hope i did my own quote justice haha #and i really hope you like it <3 #thepainlessmoustache

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