#oc:alexei

[towerofluin]

none of this is finished but i have like 7 jjba ocs

#art #oc #original character #oc:alexei #the other two dont have names yet theyre super underdeveloped #the one with the glassses is kinda like alexeis parent?? not actually but hes like living with them in morioh and they're like a mentor??idk

[ketelarts]

Meet Alexei! he's a mob enforcer who made a pact with a demon to give him powers. The more he uses his ability, the more the porcelain texture covers his skin.

#oc:alexei #original character #oc art #oc #art #1/1/20

[jaysworlds]

It’s been a few days since the fight with Trix, since Alexei died, and Freddie still isn’t used to having him gone. He still wakes up every morning and reaches out for him only to find him gone, the bed cold.

It hurts. Every time he looks for Alexei only to realise he’s gone it hurts. Some mornings he struggles to even get out of bed.

Today is particularly bad. He dreams about Alexei almost every night, but most nights it’s only nightmares, forced to watch him die over and over.

Last night was … different. He’d dreamt of Alexei alive, and happy, and the loneliness when he wakes is worse than usual.

He reaches for Alexei, as he always does, and as always there’s no one there.

It hurts more, having dreamt about him. Having had him right there, just to slip through his fingers.

The dream is already fading, but Freddie can still remember Alexei smiling, can still remember the sound of his laugh echoing in his ears.

He sits up, rubbing his eyes, and finds he’s already crying.

The others are probably already getting up, but he can’t bring himself to, not right now. Instead he buries his face in the shirt he’s been wearing for days (Alexei’s, a size too small) and tries to inhale as much of his familiar sea-salt smell as he can.

It’s already fading. He’s hardly been dead a week, and it’s already fading, as though he’d never worn it at all.

“I’m sorry,” Freddie whispers, absently twisting the thin gold band around his finger. Alexei’s is strung on the necklace around his neck, that he’d pressed into Freddie’s hands with shaking, bloody hands and whispered remember me.

As though Freddie could possibly forget.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, curling up under the weight of his grief. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

He lays back down again, rolling over to face the empty space in their tent where Alexei should be.

“I miss you,” he says, reaching out to rest his hand in Alexei’s space. If Alexei were here he would link their fingers together, and Freddie would smile, kissing his fingers, and tell him I love you.

“I love you,” he says, though Alexei isn’t here to hear it. “I love you. I miss you.”

He exhales slowly, squeezing his hand into a fist. There are tears slipping down his face and soaking into the pillow.

“I dreamt you were alive,” he whispers, closing his eyes and trying to hold on to what’s left of the dream. “And you were happy. I wish I could have made you happy.”

Alexei had been happy so rarely, when he’d still been here. Always carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and Freddie wishes now he’d done more to help. Wishes there had been anything he could do.

The happiest he’d ever seen Alexei had been their wedding, and even then they’d both known they had so little time.

And now Alexei’s gone.

Freddie misses him so much.

#febuwhump2022 #febuwhumpalt4 #olivia you said you wanted more frelexei content and here you are :) #something something monkey's paw #anyway i love them very much F to alexei #oc:freddie #oc:alexei #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #my writing #writeblr

[potterpasta]

Y’ever just temporarily move to another country just so you can watch your crush do alchemy? ... ..... hahaha yeah me neither,,,

#eso #teso #elder scrolls online #the elder scrolls online #fennorian #OC:Alexei ''The Spekter'' Ravenwatch #i finished greymoor and i really just wanna k*ss the vampire

[potterpastawrites]

hhhhhhhhhhhh now that i’ve played Greymoor i am going to infodump about my Daggerfall Covenant Hero for ESO

Name: Alexei “The Spekter” (Soon to be Ravenwatch) Age: 19 at the beginning, 20 during Greymoor Race: Breton (Vampire) Gender: No with a dash of demiboy Sexuality: Pan, Demi Pronouns: They/Them, He/Him but only with permission Appearance:

Story:

Originally from some slum outside Daggerfall, they had a pretty not-good life. They ran away from home at the age of 16 to get away from their dad and try to make their own way in the world. While camping out in the woods, they were attacked by bandits, and killed them in self-defense. The Dark Brotherhood took an interest in them and lured them in with the promise of a family who actually cared about them. There they met Sings-of-the-Void, who was basically their only real friend. When Sings was transferred to the Gold Coast, they became disillusioned with the whole “Family of Darkness” thing. They were offered a contract in Port Hunding, which they accepted. The ship crashed, but they managed to survive and make it ashore. They ended up getting sucked into Captain Kaleen’s pirate scheme, and it was the most fun they’d had in years (and they even got to complete their contract on Captain Helane!) After Port Hunding, Lambur somehow convinced them to help out with the troubles in Betnikh, where they destroyed the relic (No one should have that kind of power) Captain Kaleen reluctantly dropped them off at Daggerfall, where they were accidentally drawn into political schemings because they wanted to pet a cute doggy. It felt nice saving someone for once, so they decided to try and turn their life around. They took up a new title (The Spekter, Hero of Daggerfall), changed their looks, and bribed a contact at the outlaw’s refuge to convince someone with the DB that they had died in the ship wreck on the way to Port Hunding. They would still kill for Sithis, to avoid his Wraiths of Wrath, but no longer would they be the Dark Brotherhood’s puppet. They offered their allegiance to King Casimir, and worked their way across Glenumbra, using their assassination skills for good. They took an immediate dislike to Darien, who for some reason thought it was a good idea to try to bed a random stranger in a city overrun with werewolves. After the finale in Glenumbra, they went to Stormhaven to continue serving, and became one of King Emeric’s favored assets. But it was Rivenspire that had the biggest effect on them. After saving Stormhaven from Vaermina’s plot, they went to Rivenspire at King Emeric’s request. Of course, Darien was there to bother them, but they had to agree with his whole “no talking, pretty lady says sleepy time” after that run in with the bloodfiends. And Count Verandis Ravenwatch just had such a soothing personality, he was so nice, and he said he was proud of them. The good and nice father figure they’d always wanted. They wanted to be someone he was proud of. Meeting House Ravenwatch was the best moment in their life (so far) Everyone was so nice! And helping Adusa counter the Bloodfiend army and the Montclair loyalists made them feel like a good person. It was finally like having a real family, so unlike what the Dark Brotherhood had offered. And it was over in a flash. When Verandis spoke to them at the Doomcrag, and told them of what he had done, the pact with Molag Bal, their heart broke. He teleported them outside before they could protest, and they cried as they told Gwendis what happened. They attended the coronation, of course. They had to. They gave their input, but they were still grieving. They almost had a family, and then it was gone. They slipped out during the celebrations, and ran off to skulk back in Glenumbra. Eventually, they ran into Lyris Titanborn, helped her investigate the Icereach Coven, and saved King Jorunn. They at some point after the Doomcrag became a vampire. They thought about going to House Ravenwatch, but when Lyris contacted them about heading to Western Skyrim to continue the investigation, they knew they had to go. They immediately trusted Fennorian upon meeting him outside Kilkreath, especially when he mentioned being with House Ravenwatch. When they found Exarch Tzinghalis during “The Vampire Scholar” it was just. On Sight. They just rushed in and ripped him to shreds when they saw what he was doing to Fenn. They have nightmares about what they heard and saw. Over the course of Greymoor, they found themself falling for Fennorian, which confused and stressed them.

This will be updated once I finish Greymoor and play Markarth. For now I plan on having them confess their feelings either between Greymoor and Markarth, or at the end of Markarth. Also need to finalize the story of their becoming a vampire.

They are ADHD, Autistic, and struggle with Depression

So far the only people who know their name and not just their titles are: -Verandis Ravenwatch -Adusa-daro -Gwendis -Heloise Menoit -Captain Jenaeve -Fennorian -Svana -Lyris Titanborn (These are also the only ones who currently have permission to use He/Him pronouns for them)

#OC:Alexei ''The Spekter'' Ravenwatch #OC:Sings-of-the-Void #house ravenwatch #sad ex-assassin just wants to k*ss the cute vampire #if you're part of the lucky group who knows this oc as my self-insert no you do not. #eso #teso #elder scrolls online #the elder scrolls online #my ocs :)

[ketelarts]

Fusion of Blitz, Nightmare, and Sir's aesthetics. This one eventually got a name: meet Alexei

#oc:alexei #oc:sir #oc:blitz #oc:nightmare #friend's oc not mine #original character #oc art #oc #art #6/4/19

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Six

“Boy.” Joseph clicks his fingers, beckoning Alexei over. Perhaps another day Alexei would ignore him, stay where he is and force Joseph to get up, but not today. Today he’s still healing from the last beating he got, and he simply doesn’t have the energy.

Joseph seems surprised by his obedience, but he doesn’t mention it. Just grabs Alexei’s wrist to pull him closer.

He’s oddly gentle about it. It still hurts, because he’s never truly gentle, but it’s not quite so violent. One of those moods, then.

Alexei doesn’t fight when Joseph pulls him down onto the bed. It wouldn’t help, would only serve to piss him off and increase the chances of getting hurt.

It won’t take Joseph long to go to sleep. It never does, when they’re like this, and Alexei suspects it helps, having another warm body beside him.

Alexei doesn’t sleep. He never does.

He hates it. Hates being held more than the abuse, more than anything else. And he hates himself, for the way he almost craves it.

This is the only gentleness he gets. Lying here in someone else’s bed with Joseph’s arm across his stomach. His body doesn’t care that it’s a man he hates, it just needs someone to be gentle with it.

Perhaps if he were stronger he would get up and go back to his corner, but he’s so, so weak. He needs to be held, just for a little while. And this is his only option.

It doesn’t feel good, exactly. He can’t stand being touched anymore, by anyone, but he needs it, needs someone to hold him. Even if the contact makes him feel sick.

Joseph’s asleep by now. Alexei wishes he could sleep, if only because sleep would mean it would be over. He can’t, though, just has to lay there in the dark and listen to Joseph breathing.

He can’t even cry. He’s just so numb.

It feels like a sick fucking mockery of a relationship. As though Alexei would ever feel anything for him but hatred. As if he could ever treat Alexei like anything but property.

He wishes he could cry. Maybe it would make him feel better, maybe it would help with the horrible ache in his chest.

Maybe it would help if he had someone, anyone else to turn to. Someone who actually cared about him, in any real capacity. If he had any options, if he had anything.

But he doesn’t. He has nothing, and no one. This is all he has.

He closes his eyes as tight as he can and tries to pretend that the chest pressed to his back is someone else’s, but he can’t. He never can, because there is no one else.

He hates it. He can’t hate it.

He just feels sick. All he can really do is wait for it to be over.

A part of him doesn’t even want it to be over. A part of him, the small, damaged part, just wants to be able to enjoy being held, wants to pretend everything’s okay. It’s a part of him he’s tried so hard to kill and failed every time, because it’s still him. Still him that wants to be loved and held and cared for.

Joseph stirs in his sleep, pulling Alexei a little closer, and he curls in on himself, trying to minimise points of contact. Trying to … he doesn’t really know. Not quite trying to get away.

He just … has to accept it. Just has to close his eyes and try to sleep, despite knowing sleep isn’t going to come.

This is all he gets. He might as well just give in.

#whumptober2021 #no.6 #touch starved #oc #fic #abuse #slavery #forced intimacy #self hatred #yeah yeah this ones bad #no one look at this one (im kidding please look at it) #oc:alexei #oc:joseph #wip:8gp #writing #my writing #writeblr #alexei my beloved

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Sixteen

It’s over. The field is quiet, the black mist dissipated. Trix is finally gone.

And so is Alexei.

There’s barely even anything left to burn. The fight with Trix tore his body to ragged pieces, and what’s left is unrecognisable.

Freddie can only hope he was dead by the time it started. He doesn’t want to imagine the pain he would have suffered if he had somehow still been alive.

He had seemed dead, at least. The knife Freddie had buried in his chest had done its job, and the screaming that came after was easily inhuman enough to have belonged to Trix.

Freddie hopes, at least. Alexei deserved to die in peace after everything he’s been through. In as much peace as anyone can ever really die.

It doesn’t feel real, not yet. It’s easy to pretend, with the body – Alexei’s body – so torn and broken, the ground around them and Freddie’s hands coated with gore. Nothing remains but blood and viscera and whisps of golden hair.

It feels … like someone else. Like no one at all. Freddie’s seen enough death by now, seen enough people die at Alexei’s hand, but this doesn’t feel like death, not really. It doesn’t even look like a body.

He can’t move away, though. He’s tried, tried to force himself to his feet and to the river, to clean his hands, to do … something, anything.

But he can’t. He’s just kneeling here, in the blood and the dust and the dirt. And staring.

The others are … somewhere. Lux is sitting opposite him, her hands clean of the gore soaking into the dirt. She hasn’t moved since Cas fell.

He doesn’t know about the rest. Maybe they’re gone. Maybe they’re dead. Maybe it’s just him and Lux left.

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t feel anything at all.

The sun is still crawling across the sky, slipping down towards the horizon. Soon it will be too dark to see the blood soaking into the ground beneath them.

Maybe it will be easier then, but he doesn’t think so. The air is permeated with the stench of blood and of death, impossible to escape. It will take a very, very long time to wash it out of his hair, out of the pores of his skin. If he manages it at all. He can’t help but think his hands are stained for good. Everything he touches from here on out will be stained red with the gore he can’t escape.

He can’t help but blame himself. At least a little. Perhaps if he had been better, then this would never have happened. Perhaps if he hadn’t failed Alexei. His husband.

Till death do us part.

He’d known they hadn’t had much time, but he had never thought it would end so soon. It wasn’t enough. No amount of time would ever have been enough.

Grace had warned them. Grace had warned them, and he hadn’t listened.

No one ever has enough time.

Freddie had thought perhaps, for them, it would be different. Because … what? Because he loved Alexei. Because he thought that would be enough.

He had been naïve.

And now, it’s over.

He knows, distantly, that it isn’t over, not really, and soon he’ll have to force himself to his feet and keep going. Someone has to, after all.

He wishes it didn’t have to be him. He wishes he could stay here, with Alexei. But he can’t.

Later he’ll get up, help Lux to her feet. They’ll burn the bodies and scorch the earth beneath, ensure nothing ever grows here again. Ensure the land here never forgets, even after they’re gone. They’ll find the others, and they won’t speak of what happened.

But for now he doesn’t move. He can’t.

#whumptober2021 #no.16 #aftermath #oc #fic #blood #gore #death #body horror #(im not entirely sure its quite body horror but better safe than sorry) #im serious so much gore #this one is so fucked up and i love it a lot #it should be read in jonny d'villes voice fyi #thats how it sounds the best #i dont know why #(yes i do its because ive been listening to gptvtmk religiously) #oc:freddie #oc:alexei #(even if he is mostly just a little pile of blood and guts in this) #oc:trix #oc:lux #oc:cas #yeah im tagging all the dead ones suck it up #oc:grace #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #writeblr #my writing

[jaysworlds]

“Let’s get moving,” he said, clicking his tongue to encourage Kai to her feet. She snapped lazily at him, clearly not happy about having to get up, but she didn’t protest.

Alexei said something in his own tongue, sounding a little amused.

“What does that mean?” Freddie blurted out, before he could think about it, and Alexei blinked at him.

“It means like … are you upset? Are you angry?”

Freddie gave him a little smile. “Really?”

Alexei shrugged. “Well, she is. Aren’t you?”

He said the same thing again, and Kai just yawned. Alexei smiled, reaching out to scratch her jaw, and said something else.

Freddie didn’t ask this time, but Alexei glanced up and he must have seen the look on his face, because he answered anyway.

“It means lazy girl.”

Freddie huffed a faint laugh. “You’re mean to her.”

Alexei shook his head, a faint smile pulling at his lips. “She is a lazy girl. Aren’t you? Aren’t you lazy?”

Kai chirped at him, and she seemed to be intending to curl back up on the ground. Alexei shook his head, saying something else in his own tongue, and started walking again. She reluctantly drifted after him.

Freddie followed as well, stumbling a little in his haste to catch up. “Don’t be rude to her.”

“I am rude to her,” Alexei said, sounding completely unrepentant. “She deserves it.”

“She doesn’t,” Freddie insisted, putting a hand on Kai’s back. “She’s a good girl. You’re a good girl, ignore him.”

Alexei shook his head, saying something in his own tongue. “She’s lazy. I’m going to tell her she’s naughty.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Freddie told Kai, serious. “You’re a very good girl. You’ve been very helpful, helping us make it all this way.”

“She’d rather be sleeping,” Alexei told him.

“So would I,” Freddie pointed out, and that startled a laugh out of Alexei.

“Well, me too, I suppose.”

Freddie didn’t say anything for a long moment. He hadn’t heard Alexei laugh before, and it had taken him off guard. He had a nice laugh, and Freddie was delighted that he had managed to make him laugh.

He swallowed once, and again, biting his lip, and finally managed to speak. “Tell her she’s good,” he said, hoping to make Alexei smile.

It worked. Alexei smiled, just a little, and turned to Kai, saying something in his own tongue.

“Did you tell her?” Freddie asked, and Alexei nodded. “Good.”

“She doesn’t deserve it,” he said, light and a little teasing.

“She does,” Freddie insisted, and scratched her under the jaw. “She deserves to be told she’s a good girl and given little scritches.”

“You’re soft on her,” Alexei said, and Freddie huffed.

“Because she deserves it.”

“Does she?”

“She does,” Freddie said. “She’s come all this way with us, and she let us ride her for a while.”

“I suppose,” Alexei said, a smile pulling at his mouth. “Alright. I suppose she’s a good girl.”

He turned to her and spoke in his own tongue. Freddie tried to imagine what he was saying. You hear that? Maybe. You are a good girl.

“What did you tell her?” Freddie asked, and Alexei gave him a little half-smile.

“I told her I guess you’re alright.”

“That’s still mean,” Freddie pointed out, and Alexei only hummed.

“That’s nice.”

“You’re mean to her.”

“It’s because I love her,” Alexei told her. “She doesn’t mind.”

“I bet she does,” Freddie said. He was delighted Alexei was willing to have this long of a conversation with him, to be honest. Even if Freddie had technically asked him please talk to him. But all he’d really asked was for Alexei to talk, he’d never said they actually had to have a nice conversation.

“She doesn’t,” Alexei said. “She told me.”

“Did she?” Freddie said, somewhere between curious and disbelieving. He didn’t exactly believe that Alexei understood what Kai was saying, but also Alexei had said it very seriously, and Freddie supposed that maybe there was a chance.

“She did,” Alexei told him, not giving him any indication whether or not it was a joke. “She said Alexei, I know you love me, and I don’t mind if you’re a little bit mean sometimes.”

“Really?” Freddie said, genuine, and Alexei laughed, for the second time in one conversation.

“No, of course not. She’s a wyrm.”

“Oh,” Freddie said, rubbing the back of his neck a little awkwardly, but he couldn’t exactly be upset about it. Not when it had made Alexei laugh.

you know that post thats like. one person calls the cat a precious baby boy and the other swings him around and goes ‘stinky! stinky!’

yeah thats them

#my writing #oc:freddie #oc:alexei #oc:kai #wip:8gp

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Thirty-One

There are a lot of things they don’t talk about. A lot of things Alexei would happily take to his grave without ever having spoken aloud.

He’s not the only one, though. He knows there are things Freddie hasn’t told him, things that perhaps Freddie’s never going to tell him, and he’s alright with that.

He watches Freddie wince when it gets too loud and sit on his hands to stop himself from shifting around and cut himself off when he gets too excited. There’s nothing he can do to change the past, but he can whisper let’s get out of here and he can say no, go on and watch as Freddie’s face lights up as he talks. He’s so beautiful.

Freddie sees things in him, too. He knows that. Watches Alexei flinch when anyone raises a hand around him, sit just far enough away so they’re not touching, wake screaming from nightmares every night.

And he’s so good. Lets Alexei touch him on his own time, says it’s alright, when he doesn’t want to touch at all, whispers it’s alright, and you’re safe and I’ve got you when Alexei is shaking in the night.

And it helps. He makes Alexei feel safe.

They’re both a little fucked up, in their own way. They’re both a little broken, trying to fix the cracks in each other without really knowing how.

Alexei doesn’t know if it’s working. He doesn’t know if they’re going to come out of this a little better for having loved each other, or if when it’s all over they’re both going to crumble. He doesn’t think he really cares, because all that matters is here and now, and here and now he feels safe, and he feels loved.

It’s not going to be enough to fix them. That much he knows. They’re both too broken to be fixed by a kiss and a gentle whisper of I love you, but perhaps it’s a start. Perhaps it’s better than not being loved at all.

Freddie’s started singing, recently. Humming under his breath while he works, singing little tunes and little snatches of lyric. Alexei doesn’t know if he even realises he’s doing it, but he seems happy, smiling to himself as he sings little nonsense songs.

Alexei never mentions it to him, just watches, listening to him humming.

He hopes it means that he’s happy, that he’s comfortable. That Alexei makes him feel as safe as he makes Alexei.

Alexei thinks he’s happier, too. He looks up to find Freddie watching him, one morning, and when he asks Freddie just shrugs.

“You were smiling,” he says, and Alexei realises that he was. He isn’t entirely sure why, he just … is.

Maybe he’s happy.

Freddie shifts a little closer, and Alexei reaches out to take his hand, linking their fingers together. Everything’s a little easier here. Together.

Freddie smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners like they do when he’s happy, not just smiling because he feels as though he should, and Alexei leans in to kiss the crinkles. Because he can. Because he wants to.

It makes Freddie laugh, and Alexei’s so in love with him.

“I love you,” he says, and Freddie’s face softens into something else. Something fond.

“I love you too,” he says, and for once Alexei can believe him.

This feels good. It feels like … feeling better.

It feels like happy.

#whumptober2021 #no.31 #trauma #oc #fic #abuse #this is only a little whumpy #theyre in love #just dont think too hard about how this ends for them #oc:alexei #oc:freddie #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #writeblr #my writing

[jaysworlds]

“We must be in [earth] now,” he said, as they were settling down. Kai put her head in Freddie’s lap and refused to move.

Alexei just nodded.

Freddie sat quietly for a moment before he couldn’t help fidgeting, just a little. “It’s … a bit odd, isn’t it? I’ve never been out of [fire] on my own before.”

Alexei looked up at him, and Freddie could see he wasn’t impressed, even in the flickering half-light the flame cast. “Wow.”

Freddie picked at the sleeves of his coat. “It … I know it doesn’t sound very impressive. But it’s very new. To me, at least.”

He sort of expected Alexei to make fun of him, but he didn’t. Just shook his head. “Well, you’re not alone.”

alexei? being nice to freddie? its more likely than you think

#also the reason the place names are like that is because theyre placeholder #they dont have names yet #my writing #wip:8gp #oc:freddie #oc:alexei

[jaysworlds]

alexei: *is scared of dragons, heights, and having to be close to people*

alexei: i think we should fly on the back of this dragon which will require for us to sit extremely close so neither of us fall off

alexei: this plan is flawless

alexei five minutes later: *clinging to the back of a dragon and trying not to fall off or cry* i have discovered a flaw in this plan

#hes so stupid i love him #freddie meanwhile is having a great time #he loves flying and also dragons #oc:alexei #wip:8gp

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Twenty-Eight

Alexei has been restless for the past hour. He woke Freddie a while ago, because he’s always been a light sleeper and he wakes easily when Alexei starts shifting.

Freddie isn’t really sure what to do. He doesn’t know if Alexei’s having nightmares again or if he’s just not sleeping well, and he’s always so tired. Freddie doesn’t want to wake him for no reason.

For a while he just watches, sitting up in their bed and watching as Alexei shifts, tossing this way and that. Freddie wants to pull him into his arms, wants to stroke a hand through his hair and hush him until he settles again, but he knows that will only make it worse. If Alexei wakes in his arms he’ll panic, and Freddie knows from experience that best case scenario he gets an elbow to the ribs, worst case Alexei freezes up and is unresponsive for an hour or more.

So for now he’s just watching Alexei shift around in his sleep, eyelids fluttering.

At least until his shifting turns to thrashing, and he cries out, sobbing. He still doesn’t wake, though, and Freddie knows he struggles to wake up when he’s caught by the nightmares.

“Alexei,” Freddie murmurs, reaching out to touch his shoulder. Alexei must feel it in his sleep, because he flinches away, mumbling something inaudible.

“Alexei,” Freddie says again, a little louder, and shakes him gently.

He still doesn’t wake, just cries out again.

Freddie sits up a little more, rubbing sleep from his eyes, and shakes Alexei more firmly. Sometimes it takes some time to wake him up, but so far he’s never been so far under that Freddie didn’t manage at all.

“Come on,” Freddie murmurs, as Alexei sobs again and curls in on himself, flinching away from Freddie’s hand on his shoulder. The fact that he can feel Freddie is probably a good sign, but it still breaks Freddie’s heart to see him like this.

“It’s alright,” he says, though he has no idea if Alexei can even hear him. “It’s alright. You’re safe, I’ve got you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

He would never say anything like that to Alexei if he were awake. He’d only roll his eyes, and Freddie knows he can’t protect Alexei from everything. He wishes he could, though, wishes he could say I won’t let anyone even touch you if you don’t want them to and mean it.

Alexei doesn’t wake as Freddie shakes him again, but Freddie likes to imagine his voice helps, just a little.

“It’s alright,” he says, for a third time. “You’re safe, love. It’s just me, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. Not anymore. I love you.”

It feels … safe, saying it here, in the darkness, with no one but Kai and Alexei’s sleeping form to hear him. Alexei’s never said I love you to him in as many words, and Freddie tries not to say it too much for fear of overwhelming him. Still, he does love him.

Alexei sobs again, curling into a shaking ball, and Freddie does the thing he hates having to do and slaps him awake. Alexei’s told him to do it, said I’d rather be awake so many times, but that doesn’t mean Freddie likes hitting him.

It works, though. He wakes with a choked off scream and sits bolt upright, damp hair sticking to his forehead.

Freddie wants to reach out and pull him closer, but Alexei might not want that.

“Alexei,” he says, soft and sweet, and Alexei jerks around to look at him, eyes wide and glassy. “It’s just me.”

“Freddie,” Alexei says, half mumbled, and reaches out towards him. Freddie meets him halfway, pressing their palms together.

“Freddie,” Alexei says again, clearer this time, and then he’s in Freddie’s lap, pressing against his chest and tucking his face into the crook of his neck.

This is very, very rare, and Freddie treasures these moments. He wraps his arms around Alexei and buries his nose in his hair, inhaling slowly.

It won’t last, he knows that. Alexei’s tolerance for touch is generally lower than usual like this, when he wakes from nightmares.

For now, though, he’s letting Freddie hold him, and Freddie is going to treasure that as long as he can. He loves it when Alexei seeks comfort from him, actually feels useful for once, as much as he knows that backing off when Alexei needs him to is just as helpful.

He plays gently with Alexei’s hair, feels as his breathing slows again. He’s not quite brave enough to whisper it’s alright, I’ve got you, but he thinks it as hard as he can and hopes Alexei gets the message from how close Freddie holds him.

He moves away eventually, cuddles back down into the blankets, and Freddie lays down next to him, shifting onto his side so they’re facing each other.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” Alexei whispers, and Freddie shakes his head.

“I don’t mind.”

Alexei gives him the faint ghost of a smile. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

“It’s alright,” Freddie says, and reaches out, stopping just short of touching him. “You’re worth it.”

Alexei reaches out too, so just their pinkies are touching, and doesn’t say anything else. His eyelids are beginning to flutter closed again.

“Sleep,” Freddie whispers, and Alexei nods. He seems to already be drifting off again.

Freddie watches him until his chest is rising and falling evenly, breath just ghosting across their joined hands. He seems at peace, at least for now.

“I love you,” Freddie whispers, again, and closes his eyes.

#whumptober2021 #no.28 #nightmares #oc #fic #they are in love your honour #also i imagine alexei is actually awake right at the end and hes secretly like 'dkjsdfh he loves me :blushy:' #for someone who pretends to have no feelings hes extremely soft #and i love him #oc:alexei #oc:freddie #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #writeblr #my writing

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Eight

Alexei’s slipping again. He can feel it in the way the world starts to slip around him when he isn’t focusing, the way his head gets fuzzy when he focuses too much.

He doesn’t know what to do about it. He doesn’t know what he can do about it.

He hasn’t told the others, and nor does he intend to. They’ll only hover, ask awkward questions and try to help, and it will only make it worse. Alexei would rather just deal with it on his own.

Not that he’s dealing with it very well. He keeps losing time, closing his eyes for a moment and waking up hours later. The others don’t seem to have noticed, which is the only relief he has. He can’t let them know this is happening to him.

Freddie seems to know something’s wrong. He would, of course, because he sees Alexei so much. They spend most of their days together, and if anyone noticed it would be him.

It scares Alexei. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him, only that if it keeps happening he doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to stop himself from hurting someone, and he’s so, so afraid that it’s going to be Freddie.

Freddie doesn’t deserve that. Freddie deserves so much better than this, than him. He deserves someone who isn’t slowly losing control over his own mind.

Alexei doesn’t know how to tell him. Doesn’t think he can tell him, really. He needs Freddie, far more than he’d ever wanted to need anyone. Losing him would break him.

He tells Var. She’s noticed something’s off, and when he blacks out he often wakes up to her curling sadly around his legs. He’s not sure how she knows, but she does.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” he whispers to her, when Freddie’s asleep and it’s just him and her awake, lulled by the gentle back and forth of the ship. “I can’t control it.”

Var chirps quietly and licks his nose. He gives her a tiny smile, wrapping his arms around her neck. She can’t understand, but it helps that she’s here.

Freddie stirs behind him and Alexei rolls over to face him, watching him as he sleeps.

Var shifts so her head is on Alexei’s stomach, and he absently scratches her behind the jaw, eyes still on Freddie.

He exhales slowly in his sleep, shifts a little towards Alexei. It’s dark, just the moonlight coming in through the tiny window illuminating his face.

Alexei could reach out and touch him. He doesn’t, but he thinks about it. Thinks about brushing the hair from his face, leaning in to kiss the corner of his mouth. Thinks about snuggling closer, burying himself against Freddie’s chest and hoping that the closeness drives away the fog and the darkness hiding in the corners of his mind.

But he doesn’t. Just watches as Freddie shifts around in his sleep.

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep like that, but he does, and when he wakes up he’s standing on the deck, staring out at the black sea. It’s still, like glass, and he can barely feel the motion of the ship.

There’s no one around. No stars in the sky, no moons. Just endless darkness.

Maybe this is a dream. Maybe it isn’t. Alexei isn’t sure.

He stares out at the ocean, and sees things moving beneath the surface. Huge things, creatures he doesn’t even want to imagine.

It feels like a dream. A nightmare, maybe.

He doesn’t know if he’s alone. He doesn’t feel alone, really, but when he looks behind him there’s no one there. The ship is deserted.

He doesn’t know what he’d find if he explored. Maybe the others are here, maybe they aren’t. It doesn’t really matter, not right now.

He looks back at the sea, the still, glassy surface. He can feel it calling to him, but he’s afraid to reach out, afraid of what he’ll find.

Try it.

He doesn’t know who spoke. He’s alone here, but he knows they’re speaking to him.

“I don’t want to,” he says, but his body moves against his will, reaching a hand out over the ocean, bending it to his will.

It’s remarkably easy. He can feel it coursing through him and into the waves. The sea begins to churn, and he knows if he wanted to he could drag this whole ship down into the depths.

He feels … powerful.

It feels good.

Alexei drops his arm, lets the sea go back to being still and glassy. “Let me go.”

He doesn’t know who he’s speaking to. He doesn’t know if he’s speaking to anyone.

Don’t you want it? That power?

“Let me go.”

The voice laughs, echoing in his head and off the surface of the ocean.

You will.

Alexei clenches his fist, and the ocean begins to boil again. “Let me go!”

The voice laughs, and laughs, and laughs, but the dream begins to fade.

When he wakes he finds himself up on the deck of the real ship, with no recollection of how he got there.

It scares him.

#whumptober2021 #altno.1 #losing control #oc #fic #nightmares #unreality #this should probably have more tags but I Dont Know What #anyway enjoy this little chunk of alexei losing his mind #i would love to say it all works out fine but like #it doesnt </3 #also alexei's var is freddies kai just if thats confusing #oc:alexei #oc:freddie #oc:kai #oc:trix #(because he IS there) #otp:frelexei #wip:8gp #writing #my writing #writeblr

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Five

It’s been a few weeks since Alexei kissed him, and a few weeks minus a handful of days since he said it was nothing. Forget about it.

Freddie can’t forget about it. He keeps replying it in his head over and over. Alexei’s whispered do you trust me? His lips, soft and chapped against Freddie’s. Freddie had never kissed anyone before.

He doesn’t understand why Alexei did it, if it was nothing. He’d thought they were getting somewhere, thought they were at least friends, and now Alexei seems to have completely withdrawn again.

They can’t even talk about it. Freddie’s grateful to Terri and Miles, of course he’s grateful, but they haven’t had a moment to themselves since it happened.

Even if they were alone, Freddie thinks Alexei would find a way around talking about it. He seems to have almost been avoiding Freddie, and it hurts.

Freddie offered Alexei his heart and Alexei refused him. He doesn’t know what to do with himself now.

He’s doesn’t know if he’s in love with Alexei, exactly, but he’s never felt this way about anyone before. He could have dealt with it if Alexei had never given him hope, but now he just feels … lost. Adrift.

Maybe there’s something wrong with him. Maybe he should understand what’s going on, maybe to anyone else it would be glaringly obvious, but he doesn’t. He’s just confused.

Kai doesn’t offer much help, but she’s a comfort, at least. She cuddles up close to him when he curls up by himself away from the others and tries to cry quietly, licks away his tears.

“I don’t understand,” he whispers to her. The others are all asleep, and it’s just him and her, cuddled together by the embers of the dying fire.

She chirps and licks his cheeks. He’s sure she just likes the salt, but at least it feels like she’s trying to comfort him.

“He kissed me,” he tells her, like he has so many times by now. She must be sick of hearing it, but she doesn’t leave him alone. Just licks his face again. “I don’t understand why he’s trying to pretend it never happened.”

Maybe he regrets it. Maybe he just didn’t want to die never having kissed anyone (not that Freddie knows whether he’s ever kissed anyone before) and Freddie just happened to be the most convenient option.

Do you trust me? he’d said. Freddie did trust him. Still does, even despite everything. If he asked Freddie would kiss him again in a heartbeat.

He wants to kiss him again. Because he’s gone and fallen for someone who barely even seems to care about him at all.

It hurts, somewhere in his chest, when he thinks about it too hard. He’d heard the term broken heart before, of course, but he didn’t think it would actually feel like that. Didn’t think it would actually hurt.

He’s still holding on to some sort of hope, though. Sometimes he catches Alexei watching him across the fire, and then he looks away when he realises Freddie’s noticed. He doesn’t understand, but he can hope.

Hope is all he has, really.

#whumptober2021 #no.5 #misunderstanding #oc #fic #oc:freddie #oc:alexei #oc:kai #wip:8gp #this is the sequel to yesterday's fic #it does work out for them but it takes an awful lot of misunderstandings and dancing around talking about it #but to summerise alexei is mostly just nervous for various (reasonably justified) reasons #and also really shit at communicating #tomorrow we are back to our regularly scheduled alexei whump #my writing #writing #writeblr

[jaysworlds]

Whumptober 2021 Day Four

“Do you trust me?” Freddie says, urgent.

No, Alexei wants to tell him. No, of course not. Why would I?

He doesn’t have a choice, though. Either he takes the hand Freddie is offering him or he falls, perhaps to his death. It’s hardly a choice at all, not after he’s fought so hard to survive.

“Alexei,” Freddie says, and reaches for him again. “Please.”

Alexei’s beginning to slip. He has a few seconds at most to make his decision. Trust someone he has no reason to trust, or fall.

He takes the hand. Freddie’s fingers wrap tight around his wrist and for a moment he’s safe.

But Freddie’s never done a day’s work in his life, and he wouldn’t know how to properly secure himself. Especially not laying on his belly and leaning out over the pit.

Alexei has never been heavy, but as Freddie tries to pull him up they both begin to slip down.

This is the point where Alexei should regret ever trusting him. This is the point where Freddie should let him fall, save himself at the cost of Alexei’s life.

But he doesn’t. His fingers only tighten around Alexei’s wrist as he scrabbles for purchase on the muddy bank of the pit.

Alexei doesn’t think he’d blame him for letting go. Saving himself. Alexei should be nothing to him.

Freddie never ceases to surprise him, though. He keeps his hold on Alexei’s wrist even as he slips closer to the edge of the pit, even as the dirt gives out beneath him, even as they both begin to fall.

They’re going to die. Alexei is going to be killed by his own stupidity, and Freddie is going to die because he would rather fall than betray Alexei’s trust.

Alexei doesn’t know what to do with that. He has a long, long moment to think about it, as they fall together, but he doesn’t come to any conclusion. Doesn’t understand why anyone would put trying to save him over their own life.

They don’t die. Not immediately. They’re stopped, abruptly, by a net over the bottom of the pit, a net that gives a little as they hit it.

It’s like no material Alexei’s ever seen before. Almost like rope, but thicker. Sticky.

Freddie still hasn’t let Alexei go. Doesn’t let him go, even as they both shift around, trying to sit up. Alexei wants to tell him to fuck off, wants to ask him never to let go. He says nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Freddie says. As though this is somehow his fault. “I should have…”

“No,” Alexei says. He doesn’t mean for it to be gentle, but it is. “It’s not your fault.”

Freddie exhales, loud in the darkness. It’s shaky, as though he’s crying. “I couldn’t save you.”

“We’re not dead. Not yet.”

Alexei doesn’t know why he’s trying to comfort him. Maybe because it’s all he can offer in return for Freddie even trying.

“Not yet,” Freddie whispers.

He’s scared. Alexei’s scared, too, but he’s so used to being scared. Freddie is not.

Alexei’s wrist is going to bruise, if they make it out of here. He doesn’t think he cares, not really. For once it’s the mark of someone who tried to save him.

There’s a sudden light, and Alexei looks over. Freddie’s remembered his own power, it seems. There’s a flickering ball of fire floating above his free hand, just enough to illuminate them and the net.

He is crying. The firelight glances off the tears on his cheeks, though he makes no attempt to wipe them away. Doesn’t even acknowledge them.

Alexei doesn’t mean to. Perhaps it would be kinder to ignore them completely, but he doesn’t. He reaches out and wipes the tears away, as gentle as he can manage with his rough hands.

Freddie’s breath hitches, and he leans into the touch, eyes fluttering closed. Alexei wonders how long it’s been since anyone’s been kind to him.

“We’ll be fine,” he says. He doesn’t know how to be comforting, not anymore.

His hand is still on Freddie’s face. Freddie’s fingers are still wrapped around his wrist. Maybe it means something.

The net shakes, and Alexei pulls back. Now isn’t the right time, if there ever will be a right time.

“Hello?” Freddie calls, timid.

Alexei touches the net again. Rope, sticky. It shakes under his hands and Freddie shifts a little closer, raising the fire in his hand.

Alexei doesn’t think anyone’s out there. No one human, at least.

The net shakes. They’re trapped here, like flies in a web.

Perhaps they are flies.

Freddie whimpers quietly as the net shakes again. Alexei can’t shake the thought that perhaps this isn’t a net at all. A web, weaved by some sort of huge spider.

He hates spiders. His hands are shaking.

He wants to be wrong. He doesn’t think he’s ever wanted to be wrong quite so badly.

But he’s not. Of course. The net shakes and the light glints of eyes, clustered close together on an enormous face.

He must make some sort of noise, because Freddie turns to him, eyes wide.

“We’ll be fine,” he says, echoing what Alexei had said earlier.

They won’t be fine. Not caught in a spider’s web like this.

The spider hisses and shifts more of its massive bulk into the puddle of light.

Alexei hasn’t cried in so long, but he can feel tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.

“Get rid of the light,” he murmurs. He doesn’t want to see.

Freddie listens, and the light goes out. The spider is once again hidden in darkness.

There’s a hand on Alexei’s face a moment later. He flinches, and Freddie pulls away.

“It’s only me,” he says, soft and sweet. As though they’re not going to die.

“I know,” Alexei murmurs, and the hand is back, wiping away the tears he hadn’t realise had spilled over.

At least if they die like this he won’t die alone. They can die together.

“Do you trust me?” he whispers, finding Freddie’s face in the darkness.

“Yes,” Freddie tells him, instantaneous.

He’s so stupid. They’re both so stupid, and they’re both going to die.

Alexei leans in and brushes their lips together. It’s nothing, barely a kiss at all, but he hears Freddie’s breath hitch.

He tries to say something and Alexei silences him with another kiss, more of a kiss this time. He doesn’t think he loves Freddie, barely even trusts him, but perhaps he could have. If they had more time.

They don’t have more time. The net shakes and Alexei can feel as the spider pounces. Freddie chokes on a scream and goes limp against him.

Alexei closes his eyes and waits.

#whumptober2021 #no.4 #do you trust me #oc #fic #spiders #oc:alexei #oc:freddie #wip:8gp #they dont die dont worry theyre fine #they get rescued and then proceed not to talk about the kiss #this is their first kiss btw #which is super cool and fun #misunderstandings ensue #and hey tomorrow's prompt is misunderstanding maybe i could do something with that #writing #my writing #writeblr #also sorry this is so long sdjkhfk