#of Alastair and the Carstairs siblings content | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

laylax13s · 2 years

Text

Jigsaw

Rating : Mature

TW/CW : manipulation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, harrassment, pressure to sex, breakdowns, anxiety, throwing up

Before reading, know that this might be hard for some people to read, so please be careful, escpecially if you’re under sixteen.

Chapter 2 : The Cut That Always Bleeds

Okay, so what the bloody hell was happening? Well, Alastair for sure did not know. First : Elias was going to the Silent City (for the best) because those bloody idiots thought that a trial will solve everything Second : Layla will try to help him, and Alastair was going to suffer from trying to hide his fathers secret Third : Their moving to bloody LONDON, to find allies.

What the- this was not fair. Yes, Alastair knew this was not on purpose, but- Everyone who ever hurt Alastair, or Alastair ever hurt was in London. But of course saying that they wanted Cordelia and that Herondale girl to be Parabatai as soon as possible, was the most believable excuse. Now this was going to be a huge mess.

Although Charles was there too. Which was worth anything, obviously. But that meant the mans brother was there too, who, just a few years earlier, blew up his belongings, along with one of the academys wing. With that other Lightwood, he couldn't remember his name, but he had lilac eyes. Wow, this was so not going to end well. And there was that stupid Herondale boy too. It seems, Alastair was going to stay in the house, all day long, and when there was a social event, he will be with Charles, and everything was going to be just fine.

Well, it was not. Turns out, his lover dissmissed him on any social event, or public space. Even on the streets. This was so not fair, and while Alastair tried to understand the reasons, it was hard to watch Charles ignore him, then walk straight to his fake fiancée. It just hurt, really much. It was like their relationship meant nothing, like Alastair meant nothing. It was a dagger flying straight into the boys heart, every time his love looked at Ariadne, or even mentioned her. It was indescribable. But after every time he felt like that, Charles noticed, and came to Cornwall Gardens. There were even some times he stayed nearly until dawn, but it was rare.

There was this one time, when (after he supervised his sister and her little friends in a demon fight) the red haired man came to him with news, and (as always) they ended up making out, but this time Charles was the one who pulled away. After, Alastair told him he loved him. And that was the time the other told him "Do not forget, Alastair, that whatever I do, it is with the thought of you ever in my mind" The boys eyes widened at that, and he was quite pleased with it. He truly did, never forget it.

Even when Charles was scolding him for literally anything that was not perfect, or shouting at him, or even when he went up to Ariadne and kissed her cheek. But there were also times he had no choice but to forget it, because sometimes it was hard to keep it in mind.

For an example, there was this time, when he was at the Fairchilds home, in the master bedroom, sitting on the settee. He was looking at the other man, who was bending over the desk, buried in papers, and was berating Alastair for getting caught up with his sisters friends (again), when he already told Charles a million times before, that no one had a clue about them, and that he was just picking his sister up from Annas flat, after she had tea. It was not Alastairs fault it had gone wrong, after all. So he just could not bear it longer, and burst out.

"Charles, can you stop?!" he shouted. The mentioned immediately stopped in his tracks, and turned to Alastair, slowly walking towards him. "Did you just shout at me?" he asked, and Alastair already felt guilty, he did not mean to shout... "I-I just told you already-" he cut himself off when the other stopped before him, and grabbed his jaw, not too strongly, but it still hurt a little. The boy started panicking, why did he have to say that? It was not on purpose, it just came out... Charles tilted his head up to look in his eyes sharply. Alastair felt his tears gathering, and a familiar sting in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry...I did not mean to shout-" he was now cut off by the other, "But you never mean to, do you? You did not mean to meet up with your sisters friends, didn't you?" he said, sarcasm clear in his voice. Alastair tried to shake his head, but his grip was too strong. The boy felt a tear escape his eyes, though he was very determined to keep them back. "What did I say about crying?" Alastair just bit his lip, to keep other tears from coming. "Stop it, you have no reason to weep, just like a little kid..." Alastair couldn't hold himself back from sobbing, and the other let go of his jaw, now turning away, slowly walking around the room, shaking his head. Alastair brought his hands up to cover his face, trying to hide the tears, but the sobbing would not stop.

"Charles...Do you still love me?" he couldn't stop himself from saying. At that the mentioned turned around to look at him, with a face that said 'not again'. "Oh no, you are not turning this on me! You, and your delusions of 'love'..." he practically spat the last word out, like it was some kind of poison. "You know, you are the one here who should apologise, but no, instead you decide to turn this whole matter on me!" Charles was now furious. Alastair didn't want to rage the other man up even more, than he was now, so he sticked with apologising. Even though he wanted to scream. So, the younger boy took a deep breath and looked at the other.

"I am sorry for shouting at you, and for going out with my sister and her friends." the man came back to him again, and tilted his chin up, leaning down, into a kiss. He did not let go of the youngers chin, but reached for his torso with his other hand, and set him up from the settee. Alastair wasn't crying anymore, but the sting was still there, along with the dryed evidence of tears. The elder reached for his belt, but the boy gently tossed his hand away. When he tried again, Alastair decided to tell him not to.

"Charles, I do not think this is the best time for this..." he said, very carefully, with a little bit husky voice from crying. The man looked down on him with half lidded eyes, and Alastair was so exhausted, he closed his. "You owe me this." he said, his lips already touching the others. The boy let a last tear run down his face, but Charles didn't notice, or if he did, he ignored it.

It was about two hours later, that Charles sent him away because 'his brother could be home any time', but that was not true, because Matthew, that alcoholic, was nearly never home. He just wasn't interested in Alastair any other way than physical. The boy didn't want to stay anyways, so without a word he was just about to walk out the back door, when he heard someone in the kitchen. It must be the Fairchilds maid, he thought. Well, it was not their maid.

"Oh, Alastair. What are you doing here?" he asked, shocked.

"I could ask you the very same thing, Lightwood." he said, and Thomas looked down, but answered. "Henry told Kit to use the labor whenever he wished, and I am here to make sure he doesn't blow up the house..." the hazel eyed boy blushed, like as if Alastair had anymore reasons to be here. He wanted to divert the attention from why he was here, so he said what first came to his mind.

"Well, last time you 'made sure not to blow up anything' a whole wing of the academy exploded, along with my belongings, so I hope you do a better job now..." Thomas raised his head at that, "That was Matthew!" he blurted out. He was holding his hands up, as if in surrender, almost looking like a preyer when hunted. But Alastair was no pursuer, and he had no intentions of hurting the other. He had the urge to laugh at the boys reaction, but held himself back, and only let a small smile escape his lips. The other noticed, and was surprised, but returned it.

"So how do you like London so far?" he asked casually, making conversation, still Alastairs heart raced. He didn't react immediatly, so the other started explaining why he asked, "I-I just didn't see you since the demon fight-and-and-I didn't know how you were-and-" Alastair cut him off from his stuttering with "I like it just fine. Though there is a lot of traffic. And dramatic people." Thomas slightly chuckled at his comment on population.

"What makes the difference between London, and your previous address?" he asked curiously.

Alastair found himself wanting to talk to him, to answer the question, to start a conversation. So he did, "The people. They seem much more open minded in the Enclave, than in my previous home. London is much more about freedom than duty. I like that." he finished with a thoughtful look. It was like he was back in Paris again, in their little bubble, away from the world, and it was just the too of them. But, unfortunately, this reminded him of his original task, and felt an ache in his chest. They were not in Paris, and they were not alone. They were at the Fairchilds home, and Charles was just in the room above them. He had to leave.

"You know, I was about to leave, if you don't mind..." but seeing the dissapointed look on the others face made him think of something, "But you can escort me home, if you have nothing else to attend to." he suggested. Thomas opened his mouth, then closed it. It seemed Alastair really did surprise him. Or maybe made him uncomfortable... "But of course if you do not want to-" he was cut off by the other, "I do! I really do! I-I was just about to leave anyways." he said almost too quickly. Alastair raised his eyebrows, Thomas blushed, and looked down. He pretended not to notice it, and just gestured to the door. "Well then, shall we?" the younger nodded, and they headed out of the manor.

As they started to walk through the garden, Alastair felt a doze of guilt rush through him, but that was almost instantly gone, when Thomas distracted his attention, "So, you did not answer my question though..." he said as he opened the gate for Alastair. The gesture surprised him, but was pleased, and almost forgot what the boy was talking about. He pretended not to know, and put on his best confused and innocent face, then turned to the other and blinked. That made the other blush again, which Alastair did not understand, but decided he liked it. It was quite adorable.

"Which question?" he asked with fake curiousity, hoping not to get an answer. The hazel eyed boy scruched his neck and looked down, while still blushed. Alastair smirked to himself.

"Um...In the one were I asked you what you were doing in the Fairchilds house?" he asked not so confidently, and Alastair cursed himself for failing in distracting him. Atleast it worked in Paris.

It would not be strange if he told the other he was with Charles, right? People had friends... But the boy also noticed when he lied, he did in Paris too. So, he took a deep breath, looked away, and prayed to the Angels that Thomas wouldn't ask questions.

"I was with Charles..." there was a moment of silence, then the other asked, "Charles, as in Matthews brother?" Alastair found himself annoyed with the question. Who else? "Do you know other people named Charles?" he asked, a little sharply. "I apologise. I did not mean to be so snappy." he apologised, truly regretting it. After all, Thomas really didn't say anything.

"It is fine." he said, holding a hand up, and looking hesitant. Alastair felt like he could trust him. And, he also had the sudden urge, to tell someone about Charles. He hated to be a secret, but he would never tell anyone if Charles didn't want to. But Thomas seemed so trustworthy... Maybe if he told him just- "Do you have an affair?"

What- How- Alastairs mind stopped working, and nearly stumbled over a rock. Thomas caught his arm before he could fall, and turned to face him. They were already near Cornwall Gardens, but there were no surrounding people, the streets were all empty. It was just the two of them. The dark eyed boy turned away, and started walking again, the hazel eyed walking beside him.

"...How did you know?" he asked after coming out of his daze. The other nodded, and started explaining, "Paris. You did not want to tell me why, where, or who you were with, and somehow diverted the conversation to him (if not even on purpose), and Matthew told me Charles was there. Of course, this wouldn't be enough to confirm my theory, but I also saw the way you looked at him, how you said his name. On Enclave meetings too, you seemed to communicate without words, and I didn't know of you being friends with him. Oh, and I was nearly all the time at the labor with Kit, so I heard whenever you came in. And before you misunderstand me, no, I have not been eavsdropping on you, and no, I did not here what you were talking about, just that you came in." Alastair was truly stunned, of how good of an observer Thomas was.

"You pay quite much attention to me..." he murmured, but the other heard it, and blushed again, looking away. It was so cute, Alastair couldn't help but let a small smile.

"I am sorry if I gave the impression of stalking, I did not mean to." the older boy was speechless. He was happy the other did not hate him for it, he should not be apologising. Though the other did not hate him, he thought, otherwise he wouldn't have come to the Louvre with him.

"You didn't, it is fine. I actually am happy you do not hate me, at least not because of this." he saw the confused expression the boy had on his face, so he started explaining, like the other did earlier. "Well, I know you are not quite fond of me, and rightfully so, but I am glad that this is not the reason." the boy just looked even more confused, and furrowed his brows.

"I do not hate you Alastair, and never have. Maybe you were not so nice to me at the academy, but that was ages ago, and you were there with me in Paris when I was alone." Alastair raised his eyebrows yet again in surprise, and responded. "You do not have to thank me for that, I didn't have to cancel any of my activities." It was Thomas's turn to raise his eyebrows.

"Weren't you there with Charles?" he asked, seemingly curious. Well, he could tell him this, Alastair thought, he will not tell, right?

"I was, but he was working and I was staying at his apartment, so I only saw him at night." he shrugged, then continued, "And there were times when he didn't even come back for days." When remembering what he just said immediately started again, "I am sorry, you shouldn't have heard that, and I shouldn't have- This whole conversation shouldn't have happened-" but he was cut off by Thomas, gently grabbing his wrist to stop him, and turn to face Alastair.

"Alastair, stop. You can trust me. I am only sorry that Charles treated you that way, no one deserves to be treated like that. I did not know him very well, but I did not think he would be capable of doing such things..." Thomas looked at him ruefully, and he felt tears in his eyes again. He felt like an animal in a cage, the people walking by, looking at him in pity. But he could certainly not cry, so he decided to put his armor on. Which was anger.

Alastair ripped his wrist out of the others soft grip, and looked at him with rage. The hazel eyed boy seemed to instantly regret his words, and opened his mouth to speak, but was preceded by Alastair.

"Do not speak about Charles that way again. He did nothing wrong, I couldn't possibly expect him to throw away his life, just because I wished to be with him." his tone was so icy, the other truly seemed frightened. "Alastair, I did not mean-" but the other cut him off again, "I do not care what you meant. You should forget this whole conversation and go home. I will do the same. We will never speak of this again." Thomas opened his mouth again to say something, but Alastair prevented him in it, "Farewell, Lightwood." as he said this, he turned on his heels, and left to Cornwall Gardens. Thomas was still standing there, watching, as Alastair walked away, and never turned back.

As soon as he got home, he decided to write a letter to Charles. They had to meet, and talk, as soon as possible. So he wrote for the man to meet him tomorrow night, 10pm, Cornwall Gardens. That night, Alastair couldn't stop thinking about what Thomas said. Was Charles really treating him badly? He had no idea. In fact, he had no idea how a relationship should look like. He just based it off what he saw and heard. He knew for sure he did not want what his parents had, but then what should it look like? This was normal, right? Everything Charles was doing was for them. For him. He had to keep that in mind.

This was not how Alastair planned it to be. He was in the parlor, laying on the settee. Underneath Charles. Making out. With only trousers on. He knew where this was going, and he had to stop it. He called for Charles to talk. Right, talk.

The boy pulled away for air, and started speaking, "Charles, I actually wanted to talk about something..." he said, a little uncertainly about what, or how to say this, without infuriating Charles. The latter sat up, and reached for his shirt to put it on. Alastair watched as he buttoned it up, and thought about what to say. He didn't really think this over, did he? He came up on his elbows and took a deep breath, before starting.

"I told someone about us." he said really quickly, in hope of the other not understanding it. But, unfortunately, he did. Charles closed his eyes and said, "You. Did. What?!" shouting the last word. Alastair was absolutely panicking. He was practically hyperventillating by now. "I-I-" he found himself unable to speak, which was really unfortunate, because Charles was about to explode.

"Alastair. Who, where, when?" he asked, so harshly, the boy felt like simply his voice could smash him. "After you sent me away I-I was about to leave through the back door, when someone was there- and- and we started talking- and- and I suggested for him to escort me home- and then- and then he asked me about you- and I- I first didn't say anything- but then- then he asked if we had an affair- and I just- I could not lie- he would know- he always knows-" he would have explained further, but was cut off. "Alastair. Who?" Oh, this was going to be a mess.

Alastair was happy that the man wasn't shouting at him already, so he took a shaking breath before saying, "Thomas Lightwood.". It was like his name was a key, and now Charles's face was red from rage. "What do you mean by 'he always knows'?!" well, if he wasn't before, now he was shouting.

"W-We met in Paris-and -and he knew about us- but he first ignored it- but-but then he noticed when I was lying about where I was- and -and-" The other took a deep breath and looked at the younger boy.

"Alastair."

"Yes?" he asked with a trembling and thin voice. He was surprised it wasn't mistaken for the wind. His eyes were already welling up, but he was holding the tears back, as long as he could.

"You do not know what you just did...How could you trust that child?!" he clamored. Alastair winced at the loudness, and the harsh tone. "He is a child. Therefore he will spread rumors. Therfore he. Can. Not. Be. Trusted." Alastair was now nearly shaking from holding back the sobbs. Charles lowered his voice a little, and looked down. "Promise me you will not see him again. Promise to not meet, speak, or even look at him. Ever. Again." the boy shook his head slowly to himself, not believing what his lover just asked. Why is he doing this? Why?!

"Charles..." his voice was barely a wisper. "Promise." Now he was looking straight into Alastairs eyes, and his gaze was so heavy, he felt like it might crash him in any minute. It was painful to bear. So he looked down on his own chest, and said "I can't..." this time, it was even lower than a wisper. His voice was so thin, it could be mistaken for a mouse's squeak.

"He is just a child, you can not trust him!" Charles burst out. Now Alastair felt more anger than fear. This was so unfair. "Yes, well I am too! I am no more older than him with just a few months!" the man furrowed his brows, "No. You are much more mature than your age." Alastair fought back an eyeroll. This was getting ridiculous. "Of course now you say that, but you never talk to me about anything, because I am apparently 'too young to understand' !"

"I do not talk to you about shadowhunter politics because you truly are too young for that!" Now the boy indeed rolled his eyes, when saying "Yeah, I sure am, but I am old enough to have sex with you 98% of the time I see you, and the other 2% is on social events, where you ignore me!" Charles looked at him shocked. Alastair never talked back, afraid of causing a fight. He regretted the words as soon as they slipped out his mouth. "You can't turn this on me, you should be the one apologising for going behind my back with some kid, and revealing our relationship!" now Alastair truly had enough. This wasn't about him telling anymore. This was about Thomas.

"Charles, this is not about me telling him about us anymore. This is about you being jealous on your brothers best friend. Which you have no reason for!" he tried to say the last part assuringly, but the other just appeared to get even more angry. Really, he had no reason to question Alastairs loyalty! He wasn't the one trying to keep this a secret, with a fake fiancée, and never telling him he loved him!

"No, this is about you meeting up with this kid, and telling him about us, behind my back!" the man said the last part pointing a finger at Alastair, accusingly. He looked at the boy like he just commited the greatest betrayal anyone could ever imagine. Alastair just shook his head. The latter suddenly felt like he couldn't hold his tears back anymore, so stood up, and turned away. But, he wasn't in luck, because the other stood up too, and grabbed his arm, so hard, it was painful. Alastair gave a sharp whimper at the hurt. Charles yanked Alastair to him by his grip. The boy made another whine in pain, but Charles didn't loosen it.

"Charles-Charles stop, this hurts-" he was cut off by the mentioned, gripping tighter. The pain by now was almost intolerable. "Don't you dare shake your head, and ignore me. Do you hear me? Never again dare turn away from me. Do you hear me, Alastair?" the man tightened his hand around the others arm, so Alastair cried out, then nodded quickly. Charles let go, and the boy nearly collapsed to the floor, but tried to stay steady. He was breathing hard, and his eyes were burning from keeping the tears back. The elder looked down at him, then away, before saying "I'm sorry, I got carried away." but there was no regret in his voice. The man looked back at him and tilted his chin up, and gave him an expectant look.

"I am sorry for telling..." he said, and Charles nodded, then leaned down to kiss him. As soon as Charles slipped his tongue in Alastairs mouth, he felt nauseated, so quickly pulled back. The man gave him an odd look, and then Alastair started excusing, "It is getting late. My sister will get suspicious of me..." he finished with a fake smile, but the other didn't notice. He nodded, and started putting on his waistcoat, along with a jacket and hat. Alastair only put his shirt on, then escorted him to the exit, and before stepping out the door, Charles gave him a last kiss.

After he heard the door close, Alastair darted up the stairs, and into one of the bathrooms to throw up. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to do anything, just not stay quiet. So, he screamed. And screamed, and screamed. Until someone came in.

"Dadash..." Layla gasped, then slipped down to the floor, beside Alastair.

"Abji! I-I am so sorry I woke you up-" He said in a hoarse voice from screaming. Cordelia shook her head.

"No, it is okay. It was just matter of time." Alastair looked questioningly at his sister.

"Of what?" he asked with slightly furrowed brows.

"You know, there is only so much of sorrow we can bear, until we break. That is why you need to let it out. You need to let yourself feel, Alastair. Or cry, or scream, just do not keep it in. If you do not let it out piece by piece, it will fall out in one big." when did his sister become so wise? Maybe she always was, he thought, they just did not talk that much. "You have to let your heart out..." she said, and put her hand on Alastairs chest, the place were ones heart was. The gesture was so warm, he felt like crying again, and hugged his sister.

"I love you, dadash..." she wispered, and in response he hugged her tighter. After a while they pulled away.

"What happened?" he just realised, he didn't give any explanation to what just happened.

"I-I cannot tell." Layla nodded, "I understand. But if something happens, let me know. Yes?" Alastair nodded too, and wiped at his eyes.

"Did maman wake up?" she shook her head, "No, I wasn't sleeping either, I just came home from Lucie and the Merry Thieves." that made him remember...

"There is still something I have to do before going to sleep..." Cordelia raised her eyebrows at that, "I promise I will be back until you wake up." he assured her, and she nodded. She told him to be careful on the streets at night, and to be safe, then left the bathroom, with a final kiss on the cheek.

After she was gone, Alastair washed his mouth out, (he was surprised Layla couldn't smell it) and rushed down the stairs, and to the door. He put on a jacket and his boots, then slipped out the door, and into the cold, dark night.

It was about half an hour later, he was standing before the Lightwoods house, and knocked on the door. Their maid opened it and asked who he was, and what the hell was he doing there. After putting on his most charming smile, he said "I am Alastair Carstairs, and I am here to see Thomas Lightwood.". The maid nodded, and told him to wait there. After a few minutes, she led him in the house, and up the stairs. Apparentaly, only Eugenia and Thomas were awake, and they were both in the boys room. She gestured to one of the doors, then walked back down, muttering something. Alastair nervously knocked on the door, and heard a female voice (probably Eugenia) shouting cheerfully "Come in!", then someone (Thomas) scolding her for doing so. He opened the door and found Eugenia stretched out on Thomas's bed (upside down), and the boy sitting next to her foot, legs crosssed under him.

"Hello." he said a little shyly. The girl wildly smiled at him, "Well hello, dear Alastair! I have to say, I am surprised to see you at this hour, but I must say, Thomas is delighted to see you, as always." she finished with a wide grin at her brother. The boy gave her a warning look, a one that Alastair recognised as something he gave Layla when she embarrassed him too much. This was a look only siblings could give the other. "Eugenia!" Thomas hissed at her, then looked at Alastair, "Hello. I am too, surprised to see you in the middle of the night."

Now that he said it out loud, it did sound ridiculous. But he couldn't have come earlier. "So why did you come? What was so urgent, it could not wait until the morning?" the hazel eyed boy asked.

"I wanted to apologise for earlier. And also speak with you in private." Thomas raised his eyebrows, and Eugenia was sipping a drink (Alastair didn't know what it was, and didn't want to), and not seeming to know who to look at. She was watching them like she was watching her favourite movie, eyes bouncing from one to the other. "In the middle of the night?" the boy asked.

"Yes?" Alastair said, but it sounded more like a question. The other boy nodded, and looked at his sister. "Would you please leave us to talk in private?" at that the girls mouth twitched, and she looked very dissapointed. "But our guest just arrived! she said looking at Alastair, as if asking for help. Thomas gave her a look that said 'I won't ask anymore', so the girl stood up, with a groan. As she left for the door, Eugenia patted Alastair on the shoulder, and wispered "Good luck!" with a wink. It was one of the rare times the boy blushed, and Eugenia giggled as she closed the door. After a moment of comfortable silence, Thomas spoke "You know you can come in, right?" and tilted his head a little to the side. "Oh, yes...Right..." the dark eyed boy muttered, as he sat down on one of the chairs near the desk, Thomas was gesturing to.

"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked, as soon as the other settled down. Alastair thought for a moment. He did not prepare any speech on his way here.

"I wanted to apologise for being so harsh with you. You were right, and I shouldn't have-" but the other put up a hand to stop him, and shook his head.

"Stop. I should not have said those things, after all, it is your life, and you know the people surrounding you. I do not know your- I do not know Charles, so I have no rights to judge him, in fact, I should not have asked any of those questions. It was none of my business, and I have no rights to judge your life at all. So I should be the one apologising here, you did what any other person would if they are angry." Alastair was absolutely shocked. Why would he say these things? Why is he so...kind? It almost made Alastair uncomfortable how much the other was taking responsibility, and was being so nice to him.

"Do you want anything to drink? I do not have anything at the moment in my room, but we can go downstairs if you want to." Well, Alastair was not thirsty, but he had to do this to accomplish his plan. So he nodded.

"Yes, I would like that." Thomas stood up, and so did Alastair, but instead of heading for the door, he walked towards the other boy. He stopped in front of him. The other was quite surprised, even confused.

"The door is the other way..." he said, pointing at it.

"Do you like me?" the taller boys eyes widened, and opened his mouth, then closed it. Alastair smirked to himself.

"Wh-What?" the shorter boy chuckled, and looked the other in the eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes, he thought.

"Do you like me? Like me...romantically?" That just made the others eyes widen even more, and he opened his mouth slightly, and Alastair just smirked even more.

"I-I-" he chuckled again, then looked at him.

"I will take that as a yes." he said, and laced his fingers around the tallers neck, to pull him down, and into a kiss. It was a moment until Thomas's brain reacted, and realised what was happening, then put his hands around Alastairs waist to pull him closer. The latter gave an approving moan for that. The younger was quite unexperienced, but Alastair had no problem with teaching him. He took his hands from the others neck, to unbutton his waistcoat, and then tossed it to the floor. The younger was clearly about to repeat the motion with Alastairs shirt, but he accidentally touched his arm, and Alastair gave a muffled whimper of pain. Thomas immediatly pulled away and looked at Alastair, very concerned.

"What did I do?" he asked, worried about hurting the boy. Alastair gave him a tired half smile.

"It was not you. It is nothing, really." he said, trying to sound calm.

"Alastair, it isn't nothing. Show me, please."

"Thomas, really, you shouldn't be worried."

"Show me the bruise. Please." Alastair started unbuttoning his shirt instead of an answer. When it was hanging on him openly, Thomas gently slid it down his shoulders, then gasped when he saw the nearly black bruise. The boy just looked down, not sure why, but he felt his eyes sting again.

"Alastair...Who did it?" when there came no answer, he asked "...Was it Charles?". There was still no answer. "Oh Alastair...I am so sorry..." he wispered, when he hugged him, this time careful not to touch the bruise. The dark eyed boy started sobbing, his face burried in the others chest, staining his shirt with tears. He suddenly felt like the ground was disappearing, but Thomas had no trouble with reaching under his knees, to craddle him up, bridel style, if you will. The taller boy carried him to the bed, and gingerly placed him on one of the sides of it, still a little curled up, and crying. Thomas first drew an iratze on his arm, then climbed behind him and hugged around his torso.

"He will never hurt you again, I promise." Thomas kissed his jaw, and started murmuring soothing words. After he kissed, cherished, and hugged Alastair until he stopped crying, they both fell into a comfortable, calming silence. Alastair finally felt safe. He felt like he was home.

"He will never come close to you ever again. I will make sure."

Notes:

So, what do ya'll think? Ik its been really angsty, but you made it here! So, I promise, the next chapter will be super fluffy! And that dick will finally get what he deservessssssssss Yupp, Thomas will totally beat him up lol Thanks for reading! Comments and Likes appreciated, and tell me what you think! <3

#charles fairchild #anti charles fairchild #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #thomastair #Future thomastair content #future fluff #cordelia carstairs #alastair and cordelia #carstairs sibling supremacy #layla writes #laylas fanfic

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sheisbeautyweareworldass · 3 years

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daily reminder that alastair isn't a very tactile person but he allows his sister kiss his cheek 💘🥰🥺

#i need a hug #and more alastair x cordelia content #carstairs siblings supremacy #alastair carstairs #cordelia carstairs #tlh #tsc

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a-very-gay-spider · 4 years

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Cordelia: just be yourself

Alastair: 'be myself'

Alastair: what kind of garbage advice is that

#i want more alastair content #and more od their sibling ness #jajshshdjs #i think this has been done before but i cant remember #alastair carstairs #tlh #the last hours #chain of gold #cog #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles

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spooky-drusilla · 2 years

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Heyo spaghettio 🍝👋

So um could you explain why it's bad that CC is doing lots of TWP content and less of TLH? I'm so sorry but I honestly don't understand most of it? Is it that we have the flower cards but not for carstairs siblings? Am I right or is there more to it?

Heyy!❤❤

So, I think that, to the TLH fans, it's more because it's frustrating to be a fan of a book that the author seems to barely care about. If CC keeps giving extra content of TWP, which is extremely distant from being published, while making almost nothing of the book she is currently writing, it looks like she doesn't care about it. In that aspect, I believe the TLH fans are mostly having an emotional reaction, which is totally valid, but I agree with you that there wouldn't be a Problem™ if it were just that.

When it comes to the flower cards, we hit a huge problem: the original Carstairs siblings cards were whitewashed. So we not only have little extra content for TLH, but two of the few things we do have are just straight up racist. Also we can't forget that most of the Cordelia art also has a sexual connotation (all the whispering room art), and most of Alastair's art has him with blond hair.

And yet the new cards we receive are from the TWP gang, which, yk... there wasn't anything wrong with them. At least nothing racist, as far as I'm aware.

In my view, I just don't understand why we're getting them now. Don't get me wrong, I love them (my main fandom is TWP, after all), but we could get them later. I mean, we already have sobh, so??? I would much rather have new, accurate flower cards for the Carstairs siblings.

(Also, yeah, it feels wrong that the series she chooses to neglect is the one with the mcs who are people of color, and the series she's choosing to post about has an almost all white set of characters. I'm white myself though, so take everything I say with a grain of salt)

#asks #anti cc #negativity tag #I actually feel a bit bad using the anti cc tag ajsdhajksdh #idk what is about it #it just feels wrong #like #that's not my point yk?#my point is not to be anti cassandra clare #i don't even know if she's the one who decides what flower cards are made #my point is that whitewashing is wrong and those flower cards should be fixed. period.

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quillify-tries-to-talk · 3 years

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Some of my favorite tropes in media

1. Found family

Welp. Why am I surprised?

In addition to a ton of platonic relationships, there's also a bang-on hilarity in each one of these groups.

Six of Crows (the progression in Kaz and Wylan's dynamic??? Nina and Inej being besties??? Jesper and Inej having a running joke of scheming face lol??? Matthias forgoing his prejudices to team up with Jesper and Kuwei???)

The Hargreeves siblings??? (We're not gonna talk about what's going on between Luther and Allison 💀 but the rest of them 🥺🥺🥺)

2. Ballroom dance scenes

Oh, to be twirling across the dancefloor in the arms of your partner (bonus points if it's your enemy💖) and you can't decide if your heightened breathing is due to the music's tempo or the 🌟tension🌟

Whyyyyyyy did we have to stop balls!?!?!? Whyyyyyyyy???? Are you telling me that we lost the opportunity to wear our most artful dresses and have a night of elegant dancing and food and it was replaced by nightclubs??? T_T

3. The sunshine character actually has problems.

Love, love, love it when the sunshine, always joking, always kind character opens up about their own issues and insecurities yet they don't stop being kind and don't lose their heart just because the world is going to hell

Prime examples: Ron Weasley (au contraire, HP fandom, this guy has one of the best characterizations in the books and y'all just sleep on him because you want your special ones so much), Leo Valdez (my boy repaired a whole dragon alone, dealt with losing his mom, was homeless and yet keeps the atmosphere light and happy and makes hilarious jokes T_T), Inej Ghafa (horribly traumatized, has done things to survive in a brutal world, deserves the world, and yet is so, so, so fiercely kind and compassionate and always there for her friends💖)

4. When the tough, scary one is soft for kids or animals

Nothing is more wholesome than watching a stone-cold badass softening towards a kid or adopting a baby animal or just showing love for their family (Five Hargreeves 🥺). Shows that they still have a bit of their heart unguarded wnd hopeful.

5. Wholesome friendships that just stay friendships + siblings being siblings.

My ace ass hates love triangles with a fiery passion and it's really tiring to see every friendship being shipped left and right or being pushed into love triangle *side-eyes CC*

Lucie Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs are my favorite parabatai duo and I need more content of their friendship and antics pleaseee. I need more of them being a chaotic duo.

Alastair and Cordelia are my favorite brother sister duo, just with the way they address each other and how Cordelia thought about killing him during the demon attacks in ChoG.

Percy Jackson and Grover Underwood. The guy sailed across the Bermuda Triangle to rescue his best friend.

Also the potential we lost with Hermione and Ginny because R*wling couldn't write more than one PoV -_-

But on a happy note, Ron and Harry are my favorite and I love these dorks so much. They really become brothers by the end *gross sobbing*

Aru and her Pandava sisters and the two braincells they share🤦‍♀️😂

Once more, the Hargreeves family going from strangers to dumbass chaotic family in TUA s2😂🤦‍♀️

6. Enemies-to-lovers

Bonus points if they're also academic rivals. Why is this trope not used more? We could explore some great themes on the shit education system.

No one? Fine I'll write a fic myself.

Also, enemies to lovers =/= abusive relationships. Keep that trash away from me where the love interests are manipulative, abusive towards their love interests and then later fall in love with them. My favorite progression goes like this:

Ugh pretentious ass, look at them==>ugh why are we working together?==>why do we work so well as a team!?==>goddammit why are they so nice!?==>I guess we're friends now==>what is this tension!?!==>*notices something pretty about them* uh oh. 😳😳😳

Prime examples: Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Kallias and Alessandra from The Shadows Between Us. Jude and Cardan from TFOTA (I know they're toxic. Would not stan that relationship irl but I loved their development in the trilogy)

7. When the best friends go to an event as each other's date and are mutually pining over each other but are oblivious dumbasses.🤦‍♀️

Bonus points if other people mistake them for a couple and they can't even get out a proper explanation ;)

*whispers* Harry and Ron should've asked each other to the Yule Ball

8. More thoughtfully-written boys in YA

Please move on beyond the bad boy and broody, immortal, muscular warrior trope. Give representation to my PoC, neurodivergent, trans and fat boys. Give boys dark features (I promise they are as entrancing as blue eyes or blonde hair). Make them emotional, make them something other than stoic, make them like teenagers (and not adults playing teens). They deserve the world and well-written role models as much as girls do.

Prime example: Ron Weasley, Jesper, Wylan, Enrique and Hypnos from TGW, and Julian Blackthorn.

I could write essays for Ron but all I'll say is that r*wling did a good job by giving the role of emotional support (that's usually considered a feminine job) to a boy and made him funny and kind-hearted🥺

As for Julian, like I said before ruthless characters being soft for their family make me go T_T

9. Showing feminism with an equal society (as Tricia Levenseller does it), wholesome f/f and m/f friendships, normalizing the presence of LGBTQ people, without trashing men or femininity.

If you have to deliberately create a highly patriarchal society to show off your progressive views and badass female MC, then you're doing feminism wrong :)

Oops my saltiness leaked out in the end 😳

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youngreckless · 3 years

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-> things i know about tlh without having read it yet (thanks to tumblr dot com)

everyone HATES charles. can't stress this enough. just saw a "one note = one punch" post for him. y'all really hate him.

everyone loves alastair

thomastair (and something happened in paris?)

there is a character named ariadne but all i know about her is that everyone ships her with anna

james and cordelia are getting married

james and cordelia's marriage is fake???

y'all ship the ghost and the writer who friendzoned herself

everyone also loves christopher

carstairs siblings supremacy

lucie and cordelia will become parabatai

matthew struggles with alcoholism(?)

"gracelet" - which is forcing james to be in love with grace or something

lucie is trying to bring back jesse along with grace(?)

tatiana is a bitch

there's a serial killer or something

greater demon(s)! (+princes of hell content?)

charles was toxic af to alastair

cortana chose cordelia

another baby carstairs (?)

possible love triangle between matthew, james and cordelia

#a list no one asked for #pointless af post #tlh #chain of gold #chain of iron

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astriefer · 3 years

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Caratairs siblings & Piano

Sona taught both Cordelia and Alastair to play the piano.

Alastair had - and still has - a love for music, so when they were children he was content in sitting on the piano and creating music for hours.

Cordelia, on the other hand, tried but was easily frustrated when she didn't get it right. Playing herself just was not her jam.

She found it exceedingly fun to dance with her father while her brother and mother played simultaneously on the Piano together.

This is also one of the happiest moments from her childhood.

She was very sad when Alastair stopped playing.

Some of their fights were over Alastair's refusal to play for her on the piano. She stubbornly tried to make him do it, but eventually gave up.

She didn't like playing herself, so the piano was left unused most of the time. she sometimes heard her mother play the piano in the evenings and recalled Alastair's abandoned hobby.

Alastair loves playing the piano, but after the Academy and life, he just couldn't enjoy it as he used to, deemed it useless for his duties as a Shadowhunter. Later he wished to it again, to hear and create music under his hands, but he wasn't sure he deserved to create something as pretty as music.

Cordelia is capable of playing some melodies but prefers much better to hear her brother play.

Very few people know Alastair can play, including: Sona, Elias,Cordelia, Charles and later Thomas.

When she first heard him play the piano again she just froze, shocked, and watched his hands moving on the keyboard. It was beautiful despite he was rusty since he hadn't done it for so long. Cordelia couldn't explain the warmth flooding her heart at the sight.

As time passed by he began to play more skillfully, regaining his skill in the arts of playing the piano.

Cordelia loves to sneak around and listen to him play. (Sometimes Alastair notice and sometimes he's too lost in his music and rhythm to get annoyed by it.)

Sometimes, Cordelia passes by a room where he plays, and just keeps walking with a smile tugging at her lips.

Alastair wouldn't admit it, but he secretly like his sister sneaking to listen to him play. He likes to play for her as well, but no torture will make him say it out loud.

Cordelia almost cried when Alastair asked their mother whether she would like to come and play with him. Sona did cry.

James complimented Cordelia piano skills when he first heard her, but was cut off by Alastair coming in the room saying "I heard our baby sibling making better sounds than what you pulled out from that poor piano. And it's not the piano's fault."

When the situation with Thomas calms down and they are together, Thomas caught Alastair playing the piano. Ever since, Thomas would ask Alastair to play for him. In some of the times, Thomas would sing along. Alastair holds these moments close to heart, and he loves playing for him.

Cordelia would relentlessly tease Alastair for playing for Thomas. "Oh," she would say, "I know it's very hard for you, dear brother, but shouldn't you pay attention to the keys instead of staring lovingly at my friend?" "My, What do I need to do to get you to play for me as you do for Thomas? Shall I send you love letters as he does?"

Alastair gets back at her by recalling embarrassing moments from their childhood to whoever is ready to listen.

One of the few things that calm Baby Carstairs is the piano. They love the piano. They especially love when their big brother plays it.

Once, Baby Carstairs threw a tantrum and they couldn't calm him down. Alastair reached to the piano and started playing, but the crying wouldn't stop. So Cordelia decided to swoop her brother in her arms and sat him on the piano bounce next to Alastair. Alastair played few notes before waiting for his sibling to do the same. At the start they were pouting and fussing, then slowly started to follow, then crying because they didn't get it right, then determined. In the end, their sibling traced the keys, copying Alastair's gestures clumsily at the encouragement of them both.

That's when they started to follow their brother's example and learn to play the piano.

Sometimes Alastair will sing (an inappropriate) song while playing. Sona, Risa and Elias disapprove but Cordelia only claps her hands in joy. Baby Carstairs will mimic their older sister, and that's all Alastair needs to keep doing it.

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kazledazzel · 3 years

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Hi! I was wondering, for the au + trope + prompt game: can I request the Merry thieves in the hogwarts au? I can totally see them as marauders! Maybe prompt 23? but honestly any one of them would be cool 💕💕💕

Thank you for the prompt! I hope you like this. I tried to stick to the Merry Thieves as much as I could, but I did end up wandering to Thomastair... so I’m sorry about that, but I have been wanting to do a Shadowhunters Hogwarts Au for ages, so I plan to do a series of one shots for this au. (I want to do more Thomastair, Blackdale, The Merry Thieves, Gracetopher, etc...). Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. I have a part two of this if anyone is interested.

Click here to read on Ao3 or keep reading below :)

“Are you sure this is legal?” Thomas asked, peering down at the quidditch field from where he sat on the bleachers next to James Herondale. The two gryffindors sat together, supervising the other half of the friend group.

The pitch was empty, and the group had taken this opportunity to sneak down and test out Matthew’s new broom. Matthew Fairchild was a Slytherin who was as ambitious as he was cunning, and had jumped at the opportunity for a better broom. His old one, though a cleverly crafted broom made by Matthew’s father, had suffered a rather disastrous encounter with Alastair Carstairs, and was long in the bin. It had just so happened that Christopher had been in the process of making a broom, better than any Nimbus or Firebolt. He had accomplished one of his lifelong goals; to combine magic, science and mechanics.

Only Thomas seemed to be worried about this experiment. He was proud of his cousin, but there was often a thin line between success and disaster when it came to Christopher’s inventions. However, Christopher did seem utterly and completely focused on his latest invention. He was so lost in his work, he seemed to have failed to noticed that he was wearing the wrong tie. Grace Blackthorn was probably in the castle somewhere, searching her room for a green tie and instead finding a Ravenclaw blue one.

“I am sure-,” Matthew started, giving Thomas false hope. “- that what the Ministry of Magic doesn't know won't kill them,”

Thomas frowned. He turned to James for backup, but he had his head in his book. Thomas scowled, and returned to his babysitting.

“It’s almost done,” Christopher said, raising his voice loud enough so that both guys on the bleachers could here. He raised his wand and cast a silent charm. He cleared his throat. “Matthew and Gentlemen-,”

“Kit!” Matthew demanded. “Are you implying that I do not qualify as a gentleman?”

Christopher shrugged, but James took this opportunity to poke at his best friend.

“Anna told me otherwise,” James called down. “Did you or did you not have a rather scandalous encounter with a Hufflepuff prefect last week?”

“Hufflepuff? Alastair Carstairs’ house? Really, Jamie? I would never,” Matthew lowered his voice. “It was a Ravenclaw,”

James laughed, while Thomas only smiled. Although the situation was funny, he was getting rather tired of Matthew’s hatred for Alastair Carstairs. Was all this nonsense really over a broken broom, or did it run deeper? Thomas didn’t know, but he needed an explanation before he could hate Alastair Carstairs. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as James and Matthew thought.

Then again, maybe Thomas was just being silly. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that he had strong feelings for Alastair Carstairs. Strong feelings that caused great confusion, and Thomas couldn’t tell if those strong feelings were born out of love or hate. He’d thought about talking about it with Christopher, but Kit hadn’t really picked up on the fact that Thomas may lean more towards boy, nor the fact that his science goggles were upside down. God bless Christopher and his obliviousness.

Then again, Christopher may have been oblivious, but he wasn’t stupid. In fact, he was one of the smartest people Thomas knew. The sorting hat had known it when placing him in Ravenclaw, and even the Slytherin prefect Grace Blackthorn had known it. Not only did Grace seem to be aware of Christopher’s genius, she seemed to be falling in love with it. Grace Blackthorn, who was so set on maintaining her reputation of being sensible and too mature for love in all its silliness, had fallen for a softie like Christopher. Thomas often found it funny; plenty of quidditch stars from all the different houses fancied Grace Blackthorn, but she was too busy looking at Christopher with cartoon hearts in her eyes to notice.

Thomas was constantly seeing romantic love. He saw it every time Cordelia Carstairs had walked past, making James blush red like a tomato and leaving him stutter for five minutes as he tried to remember his own name. He saw it every time he went looking for Lucie only to find her writing her manuscript with I heart Jesse Blackthorn and Lucie Blackthorn written around the edges. He saw it most of all in the way Anna and Ariadne talked about each other. Thomas was constantly surrounded by his friends and their lovesick hearts, and yet he couldn’t figure out his own.

“James, and Matthew,” Thomas said, glaring at both boys harmlessly. “Let Kit finish,”

“Thank you, Thomas” Christopher began again. “As I was saying, I present to you all, The Lightwood Flamethrower,”

James chuckled softly. “Lightwood. I get it. Light-wood. Brooms are made from wood,”

The rest of the group turned to look at James, who was slowly realising the obvious. He slouched, as if he was trying to make himself smaller.

“Come on then. Let’s try it out!” Christopher said enthusiastically, gesturing for Matthew to get on the broom. He rambled on excitedly. “It should go faster than any Nimbus or even Fire Bolt, and it has a spacial awareness feature so that you’ll be able to tell if there are any bludgers coming your way. It started producing sparks last night, but that probably won’t happen anymore-,”

“Probably?” Thomas asked worriedly. “Have you ran any safety tests?”

Matthew grinned with bright green eyes. “What do you think we’re doing now?” He began to mount the broom, and Thomas felt he might go into cardiac arrest. Matthew picked up a helmet and put it on his head. “Besides, I’m wearing a helmet,”

“That’s great Math, but you haven’t strapped it on right,” James pointed out.

“Oh dear god,” Thomas said, exasperated. He buried his face in his hands, while James patted his shoulder.

“Don’t look now,” James said, his voice low. Thomas heard Matthew give an annoyed groan, and he looked up from his depressed state. He spotted the cause of Matthew’s annoyance right away.

At the entrance of the quidditch pitch was the entire Hufflepuff team. Leading the team was Cordelia Carstairs, in full quidditch gear and carrying her broom, the Cortana two thousand, as if it were a mighty gold sword. To be fair, it was the greatest broom one could buy. They were extremely rare, and had been discontinued. Thomas recalled how Christopher hadn’t compared his own broom to Cordelia’s. The Cortana two thousand was faster than any other broom, and could change direction easier than even a Fire Bolt. With Cordelia as their Captain, Hufflepuff was a hard team for any house to beat. It didn’t matter if the weather was against them, Cordelia flourished in rain, hail, sleet and snow.

Next to Cordelia was Lucie, who stuck out like a sore thumb in her Ravenclaw robes. She didn’t really need to be there, but she often went along anyways to support Cordelia.

“And to look at Jesse Blackthorn,” James had once said to her, with both the disapproval of a protective older brother and with the satisfaction of teasing on a sibling.

“Very funny, Jamie. How long did it take for you to form a full sentence the last time Cordelia spoke to you?” Lucie has snapped back, while Matthew burst out laughing.

Alastair Carstairs wasn’t far behind his sister. Being the older sibling, some might have thought Alastair would be annoyed that the position went to his younger sibling. If he was, he didn’t seem it. He seemed perfecting content being Head Boy. Not that Thomas payed much attention to Alastair’s behaviour, or the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, or the way he-

“I’m going to do it,” James whispered to Thomas, interrupting his thoughts. James closed his book and practically bounced out of his siting position. “I’m finally going to talk to Cordelia Carstairs,”

“Okay, Jamie,” Thomas said, standing up and following his friend down the bleachers. “Just remember that your name is James Herondale, not-,” Thomas made a series of spluttering noises. James blushed.

“What’s all this about, Carstairs?” Matthew demanded, glaring at Alastair. Cordelia didn’t seem to realise the question wasn’t directed at her. She seemed a little hurt.

“Quidditch practice,” Cordelia replied, eyebrows raised. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Oh, sorry, I-,”

Cordelia had her head held high as Matthew struggled to explain he was speaking to her brother. Alastair looked amused, as Thomas tried to rip his gaze away from him. He often found it amusing how Matthew could hate one Carstairs so much, and be fighting with his best friend over the attention of the other.

By now James was my Matthew’s side, and had gained a new confidence from Matthew’s humiliation.

“That wasn’t very nice, Matthew,” James gloated. He was looking at Cordelia hopefully. Cordelia broke away her gaze, and Thomas could see the scarlet colour against her brown skin. Cordelia Carstairs was blushing over James Herondale.

Maybe Thomas wasn’t as fluent in love as he thought he was.

“We booked the pitch,” Alastair said, moving to his sisters side. Matthew seemed to have forgotten his desire for Cordelia immediately, and was now looking at Alastair as if he was the Devil himself coming to drag Matthew back to Hell with him. Not that Cordelia noticed. She and James were both stealing glances and giving each other soppy looks. It truly was a wonder that they didn’t know their love was requited. Lucie was making her way towards Thomas and beaming. No doubt she was about to write James into her newest chapter of the Beautiful Cordelia.

“It’s true,” Lucie said, rolling her eyes at Matthew and Alastair’s petty feud. Her and Thomas had discussed it often, but neither of them knew the root of the rivalry other than the fact that Alastair had once broken Matthew's broom after they both collided in a quidditch match, but that had been an accident. Perhaps their hatred had always been there, and this had just triggered it. Still, even that didn't add up. Matthew wasn't a hateful person. That was something all the Merry Thieves were aware off, especially James. All of Thomas' friends were like little lights in his life, and Matthew was sometimes the shiniest. Despite coming across as overly charismatic or vain, Matthew never failed to radiate what good was in him. He was constantly willing to be the guinea pig in Christopher's experiments, and never let his obvious crush on Cordelia get in the way of his friendship with James. Thomas sometimes wondered if James was even aware of Matthew's feelings for Cordelia.

Then there was Alastair. Mysterious Alastair, whom Thomas had never cared for until his fourth year at Hogwarts. Up until then, Thomas had known nothing of the other boy save the fact that he was a fifth year Hufflepuff with a repuation, that his friends with Clive Cartwright and Charles Fairchild, Matthew's annoying older brother, and that he and his posse sometimes liked to pick on first years. It wasn't until that one day in Third Year, when James had been locked up in the infirmary with a broken leg and Thomas had been sent on the Honeydukes run while Christopher, Matthew, Lucie and Cordelia had stayed behind to keep James company that Thomas even spoke to Alastair. It had been snowing outside and it had been difficult for Thomas to see where he was going. He accidentally walked straight into Alastair as he entered the shop. Thomas had been almost terrified; Alastair had been so intimidating when he'd had his two friends by his side before. He hadn't seemed intimidating that day in Honeydukes, though. He'd seemed lonely, and as Thomas bent to help Alastair pick up his chocolate he could see that Alastair's dark brown eyes were brimmed with red. Sometimes people weren't scary; they were just sad.

Thomas, being Thomas, had asked the other boy if he was alright. Instead of brushing him off, Alastair had admitted he needed a bit of a distraction. This led to casual conversation, and eventually the two ended up chatting over chocolate cauldrons and fudge flies. They parted on friendly terms, and had a few encounters after. These encounters were a secret, of course, and mostly accidental. Still, Alastair seemed to enjoy Thomas' company. Thomas couldn't help but feel a glimmer of satisfaction every time Alastair laughed at something he said.

These accidental encounters became less frequent when Alastair and Charles became a couple. Thomas tried not to feel annoyed that he'd barely spoken to Alastar all year. It wasn't like he was in love with Alastar, was he? Besides, Alastair was a year older. There was no point in falling for someone who was going to leave Hogwarts in a year.

"We just wanted to try out Matthew's new broom," Thomas said, trying to avoid an argument. "We didn't realise the pitch was booked,"

"The Lightwood Flamethrower," Christopher said proudly. Cordelia's eyes widened slightly.

"Does it work?" Cordelia asked, making her way towards the broom. Alastair looked a little put off, but then his eyes met Thomas'. Thomas could have sworn that Alastair's expression softened.

"We don't know yet," James and Matthew said, simultaneously. Both boys blushed. Cordelia smiled.

"Well," Cordelia said, her smile radiant. "Shall we try it out and see?"

#asks #prompt #the last hours #the shadowhunter chronicles #tlh #tsc #chain of gold #hogwarts au #fanfic #el writes #el writes fanfiction #thomastair #jordelia #blackdale #gracetopher #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Why Cordelia going to Matthew's and leaving for Paris made perfect sense

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I know it's a hot topic in the fandom. When I initially read ChoI, I was very on board with this - yes, it wouldn't help them and was reckless and selfish and all that, but story-wise and character arc wise, it was a decision I enjoyed.

After some time in the fandom I sort of changed my mind, focusing strongly on the negative consequences and Sona/Alastair.

Not so long ago, I was whining with Lela @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 about the "If he hurts you, come back home" quote and the lost potential there. You know I live for Carstairs siblings content.

And to be fair, I'm still mad about that.

But just as making all the good decisions wouldn't make for very compelling storytelling, judging these poor dumbasses' choices too harshly makes little sense to me, especially when we're dissecting their actions while forgetting the circumstances, the emotions, and the fact that these characters aren't aware of all the things readers are aware of.

And thinking about Cordelia's pov, it's actually pretty clear to me why she would go to Matthew of all people, and why she did leave for Paris.

We're talking about how selfish it was to leave her heavily pregnant mother and brother who's been through so much and would really use her support, and when you put it this way, it sure sucks.

But it's not at all the way Cordelia sees this.

At the end of ChoI it's clear just how heavily she's crushed by being Lilith's paladin. That's her main focus, something that occupies - haunts - her thoughts all the time. She's not only ashamed, she's scared. She's scared she will hurt people (she already got dangerously close to that once), and she wants to save her family from possible negative repercussions. So she's not abandoning her family - she's removing herself from their vicinity, to make sure they won't become casualties of her mistake.

Obviously that's not her one and only motivation. She's a 17 year old girl whose heart has just been broken, which, frankly, would have been reason enough. But then there's also things she's been through before that - from the complicated marriage (that she's awfully young for), the constant threat of a serial killer, and her father's tragic death.

Then there's her seeking comfort from Matthew instead of Alastair, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, too. I used to think "home" should be her first instinct, where she heads immediately, because that's the most natural thing. And her home is obviously her family, her brother.

Except... her relationship with Alastair is still a little shaky and unsure, and regardless of their efforts, they still aren't particularly close when it comes to sharing their feelings with each other.

Moreover, when it comes to the marriage/James... Cordelia doesn't want to dissapoint her mother - being a good daughter, upholding/saving family's reputation and overall living up to the "golden child" title is basically one of her main drivers throughout the series. And in her eyes, the truth behind her marriage to James is a big failure in all those areas. Add cheating to that? She thinks admitting that to Sona would break her mother's heart and also cause her shame, which she wants to avoid. I think she's partly ashamed of admitting all that to Alastair, too. We know she likes making her brother proud, and he warned her against being with James, which she didn't listen to. And if her pride wouldn't be wounded enough by that, there's also the fact that she still loves James. I think she fears Alastair would judge her for that. And if there's anything that might keep you from seeking comfort from the people you love, it's the fear of facing their dissaproval and causing them pain.

Matthew, however, is someone whose presence allows her to feel free and comfortable, and be herself, with no expectations attached. Most importantly though, he's the only person who already knows everything - not only about the nature of the marriage, but about Cordelia's true feelings for James, too. And he feels for her, understands her, and offers support with no judgement or pity. Like him or not, Matthew's been a steady friend - perhaps the closest one - to her for the past four months.

Now, to get back to the Paladin point once again, Matthew is someone who's also made a terrible mistake, which consequences still haunt him. Someone who considers himself a monster - and although Cordelia doesn't agree with that, that means he will understand her own guilt and terror. I don't know about you, but I personally sometimes forget just how horrifying the whole Lilith ordeal must have been to Cordelia - while she almost killed her best friend. That's awful, traumatising, and absolutely a valid reason for her to be slightly out of it.

Lastly, a small but not insignificant thing that might have also played into her decision, in my opinion - this girl deserves a break, goddamit. Through lonely, uneventful childhood, to the stressful time she spent trying to salvage family's reputation, constantly keeping herself in check and plotting, and finally to an emotionally draining marriage she's never had a chance to let go and have fun and feel free. We see the longing for that clearly during her car journey with Matthew - the longing to escape the weigh she herself - and others - have put on her shoulders. She wants to just breathe for a moment, instead of being a golden child, a respectable heiress of a famous family, a perfect wife.

So in a way, she is running away from her mistakes, responsibilities, and consequences, but doesn't she have every right to do that?

disclaimer: this is mostly my attempt at organizing my own thoughts on the matter, and, in case it's not obvious, everyone's totally allowed to disagree and have their own opinions; as long as you keep it civil, we can discuss that, or just agree to disagree and keep on scrolling

#the last hours #tlh #shadowhunters #chain of iron #the shadowhunter chronicles #cordelia carstairs #spilling the tea #long post #but the first time i saw you. queue

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beyondtheciouds · 3 years

Text

.28.

Part 1.

Cordelia groaned for the tenth time, her slim, manicured hands flying through the pastel silks and earthy linens in the massive oak trunk at the foot of Lucie's bed. She groaned again and stretched her arms. Her dark eyes swept up through her lashes and glanced at the clock above Lucie's headboard.

Quarter of seven and the script had been flipped inside out. Cordelia's fiery temper was sparking at a dangerous speed. She didn't exactly have time for this type of time consuming ordeal.

Lucie fully expected James and Cordelia to be on the train tonight. Cordelia had yet to tell her fiancé the plans. Or pack.

Her fiancé. James was her fiancé. Cordelia stiffled a nervous laugh with the bite of her teeth on her lip feeling like she owed him way more than the Let's go see Lucie excuse. Months had slipped by with James claimed as hers and yet she was struggling; the future in and out of focus. It felt like her life was no longer her own. These desperate tightly wrapped threads; pieces of precious time stitched together with white lies and blunt deceit. Cordelia's grave was a shallow hole in the ground; her wedding the weight she could not wait to be lifted.

Linette Herondale's marquis diamond sparkled on her ring finger in the waning light filtering in through Lucie's periwinkle curtains. The ring twinkled as if reminding Cordelia she had an obligation to James.

A wink of good luck. A message from beyond.

Her fiancé. Still, the word sounded strange in her head and on her lips. Cordelia had never conceded to call him by that title when she introduced him.

He was James.

He'd always be just James to her.

She couldn't tell him the truth.

She could.

She wouldn't give away Lucie's secrets.

She would.

She shouldn't break her promises to Lucie.

She should.

How many times had she dug through the contents of the trunk in the last half hour? How many times had she read the context of words in Lucie's letter, memorizing it word by word so she remembered the items Luce requested?

Cordelia grimaced, reciting the list in her head, her lips moving breaths of air. Although the door was fully opened, she felt secure with Lucie's secrets. And besides, no one else was here besides her brother.

Arum Lilies. Bones of a sparrow. Spindles of a spider. Eye of newt. ...and lastly the graveyard dirt of a traitor. All wrapped up in a silken green scarf.

The scarf, Cordelia knew had special meaning to Lucie although she would never elaborate. Even so, Cordelia knew the expensive accessory had been Matthew's favorite and he did not give away such pieces easily or freely.

Matthew, Cordelia thought throwing her hands in the air, thinking of the blonde boy she had become a little too friendly with. The act defiantly pushed carefully brushed mahogany tresses over her shoulder. What would he think of this nonsense? What would he think?

Cordelia thought she knew what he'd think as well as she knew the back of her hand. It was the same thing that she was thinking. Lucie had gone mad.

To Cordelia all these creepy things seriously sounded like the ingredients of some horrible spell.

Cordelia had no idea how right she was.

For all her sense, she couldn't imagine why Grace would want them or what her best friend was doing with the dark items.

Lucie had assured Cordelia though that bringing these items were all necessary for her plan to save Tessa.

So Cordelia believed Lucie.

Cordelia set out on a dark scavenger hunt the moment she was free and able. She followed the instructions and she had ended up empty handed thus far.

Cordelia sighed angrily, sitting back on her knees. The royal blue skirt of her dress curled around and under her legs. Breathless, the intricate white lace trim caressed her bare feet and she subdued the giggle burning like liquor in her belly.

Feeling frustrated, Cordelia says, "I have looked eighteen times and there is no green scarf in this forsaken trunk!" Her voice is an octave or two too high. She says this to Alastair, who lies sprawled like an alley cat on the chaise lounge. He's been lazily pretending to be reading yesterday's newspaper for the last hour.

Alastair looked up from the article on motor cars and raised an eyebrow. Cordelia saw that his dark eyes were exceptionally curious as he peeked over the edge of the London Times. His lips are stretched in a thin, disappointed line. "You should leave well enough alone. Go see Lucie and when she asks, tell her you couldn't find the scarf."

Cordelia grimaces and puts her hands on her hips. "She will know I didn't look hard enough. It is not easy to lie to her."

Alastair was genuinely concerned, but his curiosity outweighed any further questions brewing. He was indeed very vexed, but mostly interested as to what his sister's soon to be parabatai was doing with very dangerous and dark items.

Items he knew were strictly forbidden by the Clave. He wasn't pleased Lucie was dragging his sister into whatever scheme she had gotten herself jammed in.

He kept quiet as he scowled.

Cordelia chewed on her lip. Could she tell Alastair? Could she trust her brother as much as Lucie trusted James?

Cordelia was raised to answer that question with an immediate yes, but she felt this was Lucie's secret, not hers.

So, she said nothing and shrugged her shoulders.

Alastair rolled his eyes in annoyance but didn't press any further. He resumed reading, but his lips were drawn in a tight line. "Secrets are really becoming a trend around here, aren't they, Cordelia?"

Cordelia gulped quietly. Alastair was tip-toeing around what he already knew.

Thomas cleared his throat loudly, interupting their conversation. He had startled both Cordelia and Alastair to a jolt. The Carstairs siblings matching dark gazes both slid to the doorway.

Alastair held his breath, keeping his disinterested facade. The truth was, Thomas Lightwood was growing on him.

Cordelia blinked, smiling. She kept thinking she saw her brother sit up a little straighter at Thomas's arrival.

Alastair exhaled as a blush flushed out the annoyance in his stern face. "Hello Thomas."

"Oh," Cordelia gasped, her own face pinkening to a spring rose. "Tom! Hello!"

Thomas was never one for greetings so he stared at them blankly before his brain kicked in and his mouth started moving. "Have you looked under the loose board on the bottom? Sometimes Lucie hides stuff in there." Thomas had sounded like he'd searched Lucie's room before and that made Cordelia weary.

Usually, he gave off the impossible impression that he was happy. Today however, all Thomas did was eye Cordelia skeptically as if something about her bothered him.

The idea that he would be suspicious of Cordelia needed additional attention, but now was not the time. Cordelia reached into the linens again and pulled back a loose board on the bottom. As she yanked up, she'd snagged the ring on something sharp and small.

Thomas's large hand gestured to Cordelia's letter lying discarded on the floor. "I'm surprised she didn't mention it in the letters."

"How do you know Lucie sent that to Cordelia?" Alastair asked, setting the newspaper down beside him. He tried not smile at Thomas. He cleared his throat and successfully retained his distant expression.

Thomas was the opposite. He tried to smile all friendly at Alastair. This was the game they had to play. "Oh, let's just say I have a knack for figuring out all her spots."

Thomas was standing in the open doorway of Lucie's bedroom. To Cordelia he appeared almost comfortable, like he'd been in that position a thousand times before. He leaned his large frame against the doorway. His hazel eyes were keen as he watched Alastair watching him.

Thomas wore dark brown pants held up by black suspenders that raced up his back. His white, linen shirt had a few wet spots, like he'd been doing physical labor; sweating. The shirt was unbuttoned at the collar. Thomas was uncharacteristically careless and open, exposing tan muscles that never faded.

Cordelia shivered, pulling her hand free. Warm liquid gushed from the scrape across the palm of her hand. Her dark eyes swept up watching her brother's eyebrows knit.

The sun was setting. It was getting late.

This was the first time he'd looked; really looked at Thomas. Alastair's world had tilted; roating sideways. He was frozen, stricken and startled.

Speechless, Alastair could only awkwardly clear his throat as his mind ran with scenarios. He couldn't stop imaging Thomas without the shirt, so his darkening eyes roamed down. His heart thumped in his chest; beating like a drum before he shamed his gaze to the floor. Not in front of Cordelia. Never again in front of her.

Alastair coughed, glancing out the window. He needed a distraction that didn't come in the form of a tall, tan, muscled guy.

Cordelia raised her eyes at her brother as he licked his lips, staring out into the growing darkness. Her own curiosity had peeked as she looked between the two boys. She had known of Alastair and Charles, but Thomas? She couldn't be sure his breeze blew in that direction. Time would tell.

Cordelia, frustrated at the waste of time, stood up. She adjusted her skirt and frowned, looking squarely at Thomas. It was on instinct she felt to scrutinize him as she grabbed a sheet from the pile in the trunk and wrapped it around her bleeding hand. "Where else?"

Alastair looked horrified as he turned away from the window. "Cordelia. Your hand. Do you need a izrate?"

Cordelia groaned, tightening the makeshift bandage as her brother pulled his stele from the pocket of his maroon waistcoat. "I'll be fine for now."

Thomas let out a quick, nervous chuckle, refocusing his hazel eyes on Cordelia. "Lucie has lots of hidden treasures in her room."

#cassandra clare #the last hours #the shadowhunter chronicles #cordelia carstairs #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood

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