#of course!!! i'm mentally ill!!!

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, gentle recognition for the people who are taking care of themselves in "not aesthetically-pleasing" ways. To the people who have to do things they don't want to because they know they would suffer more if they didn't, to the people who have to brush their teeth with their fingers, to the people who have to use washcloths to bathe, to the people who need to punch pillows or scream into them to express their intense emotions, to anybody ashamed about the way they need to live and take care of themselves.

You are doing the very best you can with the hand you've been dealt. It's not easy, it's not pretty, but it sure as fuck takes so much to do these things. You are doing what is best for yourself, and I, for one, think you deserve to be proud of that. Self-care isn't easy. It isn't pretty, often, but it's something you shouldn't be ashamed of or hide away because it's deemed "grotesque" or "not really self-care (because self-care is pretty and non-threatening to 'normal peoples' senses)"

#mental health #mental health support #self care #like when i was still in school i would end up forcing myself to go because i knew i would feel worse if i hadn't... #...and i don't think people get how difficult that is. it isn't like you choose to be difficult when you struggle #and feeling ashamed about doing these things only makes the situation worse for them (the person struggling) #something i've just been thinking about #i hate this idea that self-care *only* looks like the 'healthy' person's treat days... #...like lighting candles around your bathtub and putting rose petals in the water... #...because that isn't the only aspect to taking care of yourself. sometimes it looks like forcing yourself to bathe and grieving... #...and using rough washcloths because you can't stand the feeling of your own skin and you can't stand how dirty you feel... #...and obviously i'm not saying that mentally ill people doing self-care is the only way it looks... #...but that it really doesn't help us when self-care is almost made into a 'non-threatening' activity that is pleasant and nice-looking #and of course the examples i used in this post were examples and aren't the end-all-be-all

[anthonyzoxide]

My contribution to the 'Was 3L!Flower Husbands toxic?' discussion

Program: Procreate (iPad) / Time drawn in: 10 minutes

#Life Series #3rd Life SMP #SolidarityGaming #(This drawing/post is a light-hearted joke of course) #(In case it has to be clarified) #My opinion on the matter? #Well... #That'd be spoilers for the mental illness-fueled FH fanfiction I'm doomed to create at some point #:> #FYI I don't tend to give Jim blatant canary features but I want him to be recognizable here #How do I end these tags? I don't know #Love loses! #Putting the ship tag down here out of shame #Flower Husbands #Alas...

[thyandrawrites]

It's all about Nagi living alone in a tiny one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with zero personality and Reo having a whole floor for himself but still living surrounded by tacky-expensive home decor with no apparent traces of his actual personality, either. It's all about how Nagi's parents haven't visited him in 2 years nor taken an interest in his life since, while Reo's are content to live floors apart from their teenage son, only taking an interest in what value he can bring to Mikage Corp but being otherwise uninvolved in / dismissive of his actual life. It's all about them being surrounded by people and still not knowing how to form a meaningful connection with another person before meeting each other. It's all about them being so starved for genuine human warmth to combat their bone-deep loneliness that they both treasure memories of tiny, inconsequential moments where they were spending time with their parents. Something something it's this line,

and how it describes them both despite being said about Reo. It's them being awkward 17-year-olds who had never before had an equal who would just respect them as they are and unconditionally look their way. In this essay I will-

#Blue lock #Blue lock spoilers #Mikage reo #Nagi seishirou #Bllk thoughts #This chapter was sooooo good #Gosh. Just as I was grumpy about epinagi getting boring without all the emotional deep dives that made it so interesting in the first place #They go and give us this bonus chapter. What a feast #I wish every month could be like this #This gave so much perspective to why they are the way they are #Most of it is not new information but I really loved all the foiling in this omake #Truly drives it home how both get their drive from their partnership bc they crave meaningful connections #Like. I had a whole post about how they're both each other first friend #And even then it couldn't have prepared me to the reveal of reo living in a whole ass empty skyscraper by himself #Did you also notice the distinct lack of soccer paraphernalia in his house or was that just me #Heck there isn't even a single soccer ball in sight... #And he calls Nagi's room void #Gosh they're both so fascinating #Of course they're bored out of their mind before meeting each other. Imagine being that understimulated and that lonely #I'm surprised they're this functional tbh. If anything they should be More mentally ill #I sure would lose it after a week at Reo's place #At least nagi owns mangas come on

[crimeronan]

im going to be honest. im more hyperfixated on the pl au than toh itself and its coming to the point where i thought "wow. what wouldve happened if luz never wandered through the portal as a baby.." and then i realized "hold on. i Know That Already."

this made me laugh so loud i scared my cat. u and me both anon. i keep being like wow.... crazy how it's so objectively canon that luz hunter and amity could should and would sleep in bed together as wildly maladaptive older teens in the castle. there's so little fanart of this though. did, like, Nobody watch the same show i did, or-

#of course everyone watched the same show i did. no one else has my specific flavor of mental illness though. #i love logging on to tumblr every day and being like i'm gonna make this everyone else's problem. join me #replies #sorry 2 my cat who got up off the bed because of how loud i squawked. #toh #princess luz au #shitty idiot repression gang

[vaguely-concerned]

I just finished padawan by kiersten white and had a blast with it -- it was exactly the kind of thing my brain craved this week, just some nice character study and adventure story stuff for my brain to chill in. thoughts:

a) I love obi-wan and his poor anxiety-ridden teenage self so so much. peak a delight to have in class to the point of nervous break representation, someone help him. local boy manages to become parentified child to an absent father somehow. that part where he's so afraid he's so bad and useless that the force itself might just decide it doesn't want him after all........ heartbreaking. that's exactly what I would have thought at sixteen too probably. (also my personal headcanon has always been that obi-wan is on the ace spectrum, so that was a very nice thing to find supported in this book! canon is vast and can support any number of stances that way honestly everyone should go hog wild with it in whatever manner they please, but that's always been my vibe)

b) qui-gon fucking jinn if you don't step up and do something to help the child in your charge with his ACTUAL DEBILITATING ANXIETY DISORDER RUNNING HIM RAGGED other than ask him to meditate so help me I will come over there and do maul's work for him ahead of time I swear to fucking god

c) no, really, it says some not very good things about qui-gon's mentorship abilities that obi-wan really only manages to grow and be calmer when he's outside of his influence. I know this book means you to come away with the feeling that obi-wan takes a big step towards enlightenment and adulthood on this trip (and I do think that's also true to be clear!), but there is a part of me that also thinks that just as much as personal and spiritual development what we're seeing here is an avoidant attachment style definitively entrenching itself as a result of having no adult that can be consistently trusted to meet him emotionally. (which also makes a horrible kind of sense, thinking about what obi-wan and anakin's relationship is going to be like in the future -- obi-wan is avoidant and self-contained when it comes to trying to deal with his emotions, and anakin skews far more anxious and towards lashing out, and they never quite understand each other for all the love that is there. you can trace that all the way back here. sins of the master, huh.) obi-wan finds some agency and catharsis in being able to help a group of abandoned children, you say. hm. I'm sure this means nothing and has no parallels in his own inner world. you let the kid think you'd completely abandoned him instead of communicating with him openly for like five minutes. For His Own Good of course. Wow I didn't realize I was this angry about this but here I am once again livid on obi-wan's behalf, actually. 'I'm an incredible teacher and this lack of honest emotional communication I'm fostering in favour of (benign!) manipulation is never going to come back and bite the jedi order in the ass, surely'; the qui-gon jinn story

#as someone who has been asked to meditate to cure mental illness since I was like twelve: obi-wan should be allowed to kill. murder even #star wars #padawan 2022 #obi wan kenobi #I may of course be doing some projecting here but knowing how it turns out..... I don't think I'm entirely off base either #I uh. I wonder a little bit at how the jedi actually approach mental health in general because obi wan is A Mess in this #and no one fuckign seems to notice or care b/c he's obsessive about not making it anyone else's problem lmao #he's been allowed to develop crippling eldest daughter syndrome among a bunch of enlightened force sensitives #there is so clearly a lot of warmth and wonderful things in the jedi temple don't get me wrong at all! but uh. #they've clearly got some weak spots that will also be there by the time it's anakin's turn with the generational trauma lol #star wars meta

[hxhhasmysoul]

wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.

#vent #for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode #like constantly #from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived #to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week #and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally #not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic #and now someone died in my family #not someone very close but i liked them #and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing #because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter #so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with #because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter.. #i'd just want a week where nothing happens #and like the writing is weighing heavy on me #because i miss it #also i wish i could finish something #i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off #also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit #i bought new furniture #because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly #which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself #just because i was too burnt out to write #and i wanted something nice to happen to me #like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice #and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns #and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken #because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid #yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job #long pathetic whine and overshare over

[suburbanlegnd]

Sometimes I think about how disgusting my mom is and then realize that I, in fact, am just like her.

#it is so annoying when i tell people about how my disgusting family is in reality and then they just think I'm exaggerating #like bitch c'mon #no one in my family is normal. they're all a bunch of idiots drunken fuckers and even abusers #including my father of course (whom i haven't seen in almost five years) #the only things keeping my alive is my cat and my show in august #idk what I'm gonna do with my life lmao #but first i need an actually good job #then I'll probably just run away from my family as far as possible lol #rambles #actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd shit

[weepylucifer]

For the dialogue prompt: 24 with Steban and Ulixes? :)

24. “You’re trembling.”

A loud knock at the door pulls Steban quite brusquely out of sleep. The bedside clock shows somewhere around two in the morning, and for a moment he's tempted to pull the blanket up around his ears and wait for the knocking to go away. But, he figures, this late at night it can only be an emergency, so he extracts himself from the blanket, puts some clothes on and goes to open.

Uli is outside, which is odd, because Uli's supposed to be on the other side of town, and a great, nameless turmoil is in his face. He looks so pale and shaken up that it wakes Steban fully, and he doesn't even gripe about the lateness of the hour.

"Uli?" he asks. "What's going on?"

"Oh- Steban, I..." Ulixes says, then looks him up and down and, studying Steban's sleep-mussed form in his underwear, seems to realize that it's the middle of the night and how highly unusual and alarming this all must seem. "I'm sorry, I should have waited until tomorrow, I didn't consider... I didn't mean to wake you up. I only... only needed..."

The words leave him in a confused jumble, and he's practically vibrating with that unnamed emotion. "It's okay," Steban says. "Did something happen? You're trembling..."

"I..." Ulixes takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I finally told my parents. About us."

"Come inside."

Steban sits back down on the bed. Instead of joining him as expected, Uli starts pacing. This moment had to come sooner or later, and they've both been aware of that, but now that it's finally here, Ulixes seems profoundly unsettled.

Steban doesn't quite know what to say. He feels absurdly guilty considering his own, relatively harmonious family life, which has done nothing to prepare him for the present situation. He's gotten the awkward "tengo un novio" confession out of the way months ago, resulting in nothing but some good-natured ribbing from his cousins and a promise to his mother to bring su novio around to dinner. With Ulixes, things... were bound to be more difficult.

"I take it things didn't... go well," he says as delicately as he can manage.

Ulixes huffs. "Well... they didn't immediately take me off the will, which I suppose constitutes a net win."

"Still..."

"Most of the fight was about politics, really."

"Which is... better?" Steban attempts.

"Eh. My father seems to think it's all... a phase he expects me to grow out of. Like obviously once it's time to take over my share of the family business, I'll obligingly turn into a lap dog of capitalism. Because that's just what humans are like, everyone acts in their own self-interest, everyone's weak to the promise of money, and someday I'll see reason and admit that to myself. You know how he is. He has his views on how everything is, and nothing I say will ever get through to him. It's like... it's like, to him, I'm not even there."

Steban hasn't met Ulixes' father and therefore doesn't know how he is, but he feels it's not the time to bring that up. Instead, he asks, "What is the family business?" because, come to think of it, he doesn't think Uli has ever told him. "What does your family do?"

Ulixes waves a dismissive hand. "Nothing. Father owns shares in Saint Baptiste."

Ah. And there's the reason why Uli never told him.

"Wow. Maybe you can score me some antidepressants?" Steban says, trying to lighten the mood, but he's not good at jokes, so it falls utterly flat. A bit sheepishly he adds, "I'm sorry, Uli."

Ulixes ceases his irate pacing and suddenly slumps. When he sits on the bed, he looks defeated. "If only he would yell or throw me out or hit me. Then at least I'd know I made an impact. That I'm not just some nuisance to be easily brushed off. That I matter at all."

Steban reaches over and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Ay, cariño," he says quietly.

"They didn't even really mind the gay stuff as much as I thought they might. 'As long as you keep it to yourself', they said. Same with the communism. But then I... I told them your name and some stuff about you, and then... suddenly, they minded."

Right. They asked him where I'm from and what my family does, and he told them. Steban nods.

"Mother said some things..." Uli pauses, discomfited. "Things I don't care to repeat."

"Well, I don't care to hear them," Steban says bluntly, because he can imagine fairly well what kinds of things Gottwaldian bourgeois might say about him. It doesn't come as any kind of surprise. He knows Uli doesn't think of him that way, and that will have to suffice. "Come here," he suggests and pulls up the blanket, shifting to make room.

Uli complies all too readily. Until now, the force of his righteous anger and indignation have kept him going, but his energy seems to be running out. When he curls up against Steban, he is silent, and he burrows underneath the blanket and smushes his face into Steban's chest like he doesn't want to make eye contact. This is, Steban knows, still the only way Ulixes can sometimes accept comfort. Uli is not well-versed in physical contact. One discovery that came with their relationship becoming physical is that Uli doesn't really... know hugs, or kisses, or pats on the head. Well, Steban knows all these things in abundance, so he wraps his arms around Ulixes and nuzzles into his hair. Uli has not taken his glasses off, so they poke awkwardly into Steban's shoulder, but that's okay.

There's still a tremor running through Uli's body, and Steban recalls that, while he insists he was never physically harmed, Ulixes does fear his father. It makes Steban wonder what it must have been like for him growing up east of the river, surrounded by the bright and impersonal ease of wealth and never acknowledged or touched. He doesn't really know what to do about any of this except call his own mother at the earliest opportunity and thank her for every kiss, every cuddle, every little sacrifice that compounded over the years. For now, he strokes Uli's back and murmurs, "Shh, shh, you'll be alright, I'm here," and hopes it will be enough.

#answer'd #middle class uli verse #idk something about the thought of uli's bourgeois dad who is Big Pharma and would utterly refuse to help his son's bf who can't afford to #have his mental illness treated #i'm imagining his parents made him some offer like ''of course you can secretly shag your [insert slur here] as long as you DO #marry an appropriate woman and have appropriate children for the public image'' #and that's when uli went ''what?? public image?? i'm a communist'' #uli's parents live in a jane austen novel while he lives in mazovian yaoi #writings by me

[kaythefloppa]

This is gonna shock a lot of y'all, but Catra stans claiming that Catra isn't abusive bc she "has BPD," and calling the people who call her such, "ableists" are in fact, ableists.

#spop critical #catra critical #spop salt #anti catra #i thought we already learned that mental illness does not excuse bad behavior and tnat infantilizing ND's is fucking dangerous #especially if said mental illness is not canon #but is purely a headcanon that ppl enforce as canon #but of course this is the same fandom subset that defends Catra's actions by spoutibg rhetoric that’s used to silence victims of abuse #and claims that calling Catra abusive is anti-abuse victim/anti-black (??!!!!!!????) #the gacha life community is laughing at y'all fr #i'm not apologizing for this take #if you're mad: take it up with ppl on Twitter calling people ableists bc they don’t agree with their infantilizing headcanons #and BTW you CAN HC her with BPD; Just learn to separate canon from HC and that mental illness explains certain behaviors not excuses it #tw: abuse #bpd #mental illness #tw: ableism

[jittyjames]

“lmm popscare” is so unoriginal y’all. write some new jokes. it’s just boring at this point.

#there's actual legit reasons for people to dislike him of course!! #just how there is with every celebrity #but at this point it's just copy and paste #while also spamming fandom tags with it #it's so unoriginal and tired #but then again when have these people ever been known for their originality #they just hop onto whatever train the internet has decided to run through someone and ride it far past the final stop #y'all claim to hate him but I also see y'all making every single thing he writes become a trend so... #hard for someone to be “untalented” when you eat up their work every time #sorry I'm annoyed and on my period #like I said you are WELL within your rights to not like him but its literally all the tag is rn #and some of us are mentally ill and need their parasocial relationship fueled #“why is he in everything?” uhhh idk prob bc you watch it every time and make his name trend with every project?? #I personally think it's because he's a talented actor but y'all clearly don't so...

[cardentist]

people will say with their mouths “intersectionality only affects X marginalized group, not Y marginalized group” and then tell You that you’re the one that doesn’t understand what it means

intersectionality, the concept of people having marginalized identities and labels that Intersect with each other. that’s what is being gatekept.

#discourse #the group I see it happening with the most right now is trans men #people will say with their Whole Chest that trans men do not experience intersectionality #as if that isn't the most insane thing I've ever seen somebody say #you heard it here first folks ! #there's no such thing as black or disabled or mentally ill or poor or jewish trans men #there are no trans men who are gay or bi or intersex or asexual or poly or- #and the list just goes on #but this is something that I'm Sure is used against many identities #because exclusionists don't share with anybody but each other #they'll Always strip each others arguments for parts #even when they claim not to support X exclusionists because of Course Y identity is valid

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

next week is my last week of in-person classes n then i have 5 weeks of one online class n then i'm done with college forever

#i am NOT getting a masters that does not sound worth it to me #ya boy here did not have the ideal college experience the only thing i'm got out of this other than a degree is a few small connections #-and of course. the student loan debt n the worsened mental illness

[musical-chick-13]

What if I made this as off-putting as possible instead of romantic.

#I mean I'm very heavily leaning into the humor for this one but what if I made it funny AND creepy #then I wouldn't have to pretend I know how to write a functional relationship #(well. as functional as these two characters can be anyway.) #the problem is that most of my ideas are about analyzing relationships between characters #and some of them are fucked up with the romantic element unrealized (which is a lot easier to write because of. you know. personal history) #and some of them are about how mental illness interacts with one's relationships #but the rest of them are straight up 'how would these characters get together and build a relationship that works for them' #and I WANT to write those things because they're important to me and because I want there to be more fic for my unpopular ships #but the idea of ME trying to write something where the entire focus is people getting into a happy and relatively straightforward #relationship feels...laughable. #c2g is different because it's not like...straightforward at all? there are a lot of elements at play there. #and the characters are ALREADY together. and most of the fic really is just unpacking their psyches. #I wouldn't call it a romance fic? #but Deranged Oneshot is...probably somehow actually closer to that idea. #but like. what if it wasn't. #ugh maybe I DO post this one anonymously like I hate considering that but that might be the #only way it actually gets finished #(though. of course. I have to figure out how to get c2g finished too. because we are ALSO struggling there just #for different reasons) #mc13 writes #c2g #The Fic That's A Lot #(and others)

[vitruvianmanbara]

sorry about that everyone I lost the idgaf battle...but I'll stay winning the war 😅

#like of course I'm going to respond if you're going to pop up in my activity calling the analysis & article nonsensical & say the author #of the article I pulled from is mentally ill when you clearly did not read it. lmfao

[high-warlock-of-brooklyn]

I cooked dum aloo tonight and I gotta say cooking for people is genuinely a love language I didn't expect from myself? Like I love cooking and just seeing that smile on their faces and knowing they're happy and fed and warm and idk just that they liked my food and that I cook well? Like I ugly cried when my best friend said she'd ditch restaurant food for my chole bhature

#i love cooking for people #if I get married in future my partner would be very lucky indeed #notwithstanding the mental illnesses and insecure attachment styles and traumatic childhood experiences I bring into the mix of course #but at least they'd be having good food to go with my need to know I'm not making them hate me by existing #oh well #wow period really fucks me up huh? #almost fainted today so there's that :3 #n e wayz #jace.txt #tw food

[ronyavalentine]

self care is throwing comfort OCs into funny fandom AUs

#op art #oc #vera #i'm mentally ill and obsessed with FE of course i'm gonna throw every OC of mine into a funny little AU given the chance #sketch #queue