#ofc later issues also have this level of Drama but like. you know what I mean right.

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

A more detailed response is under the cut if you're interested/want to know what prompted this random ass post:

Just wanted to make a few things clear after I received this anon:

And that anon won't see this post unless they access my page from a different account because - you guessed it! - I blocked them. I have zero issues blocking people, but I don't do it without reason. (This is also assuming your blog doesn't look like a straight up bot, which I automatically block.) If you don't want to run the risk of being blocked by me, it's actually pretty simple:

Don't have shitty takes - like equating kinks to p3d0philia. If I had to guess, I'd say about 90% of my block list is people who have supported or run rampant with some bullshit kink=pedo narrative. This in particular is something I take issue with on a very deep level and will almost always block people over.

Don't steal people's work and/or pass it off as your own (this also includes "transforming" someone's original work without their express permission).

Don't engage with AI chatbots; I think they're weird, inherently devalue the work of human creators, and create a "content farm" mentality to fandom that fucking blows chunks. There have also been SO MANY instances of some asshole feeding a fic into a chatbot without permission that I don't think anyone can really engage with them without the probability that it involves to some degree a stolen work. If using chatbots is more important than avoiding something that has many times over negatively impacted a fic writer, then I don't think you deserve to read fic tbh.

Don't go around being a disingenuous, opportunistic asshole aka I have seen your username pop up several times piling onto whatever the drama of the week is. It's giving parasite. It's giving acting in bad faith. It's giving I need attention on the internet. It's giving clout chaser and trying to gain followers by riding the coattails of drama.

If any of those reasons/explanations seem extreme or over the top to you, you might want to reevaluate how you interact with creators on here. There's a reason why so many have been leaving the space entirely. Some have taken their works to AO3 because of the plagiarism issues or morality police brigading their page and asks (almost always on anon ofc). Some have decided to take down their blogs altogether because it's not worth it anymore.

There's a give and a take with fandom, and so many have lost the fucking plot. I'm not going to spend time, energy, and thought towards my fics just so some random asshole on the internet can try to dictate how and when my work should be used/enjoyed. I'm also not going to let someone who either is a bad person or acts like a bad person would have access to my shit. If you want to be a shitty person, you don't get the luxury of engaging with my blog or my works. Plain and simple. Tbh more people need to call out the bullshit or actively block accounts that do these things because it has created a really tiresome, hostile space.

I owe you nothing, anon, and I make zero apologies for curating my space and experience on this site. If I blocked you, it was for a reason.

catch ya later, ♥Puddles♥

#a word from puddles #puddles asks

[clambuoyance]

I know that you are a stalwart TimKon Shipper

But what are your opinions on other Kon ships?

KonCass

KonCassie

SuperMartian

KonBart

I am a firm KonCass Shipper through and through

even if i have my own personal hcs, i mean i don't mind any of these ships

koncass had a couple of cute issues and they very much feel like young teens trying to date kinda clumsily but i liked that they agreed to just be friends at the end of it T-T also given what cass says about how she's looked at and her relationships with other characters i cant really see her with a guy >_> they are definitely cute tho and glad you have a cute ship to enjoy!

i actually think koncassie are sweet to each other in tt03 but it's like very basic and surface level to me (that's just how johns wrote everyone there though so) and within canon, cassie had something of a celebrity crush for him at first, but there's the issue where cassie looks in the mirror and wishes she was beautiful and wishes kon would stop looking at her as if he only sees her as a sister and nothing more and then they kiss and i was like >_> okay i guess (if we had seen more of this romance from kon's pov i might have bought into it more) and later in tt03 johns writes cassie as if it was a flaw to act so boyish in her youth and while there's nothing wrong with characters growing up and changing it just felt cheap or whateverrr like at least write her realizing she doesn't need to be doing this for a man and only for herself. again, theyre okay to me as a ship on its own and are cute and i joke that kon got domesticated and learned to be a decentish boyfriend i guess (altho i think he was always going to be a loyal bf and the persona from his youth was more of an act). i could enjoy them more maybe in cases where they are presented in a way i find more interesting (such as both having similar journeys in exploring gender, making cassie's stories revolve less around kon or boy drama etc) or outside of canon but personally i also cannot see her with a man </3 koncassie really doesn't do it for me </3

supermartian really only exists within the yja show which i havent watched in over a decade so i can't say much except that i remember being obsessed with them in s1 and then i kinda lost interest and never finished s2

konbart is neat too even if i don't talk about them much either, they also have a lot of canon scenes showing their devotion and support to each other, not to mention the humor in all of yj and dynamic esp during the parts surrounding the apokolips-ish era(the guilt and worry kon felt, associating bart for a chick etc etc). they also have a lot in common origin/character wise (very sci-fi/experiment origins, inertia and match, interesting relationships with adult figures and expectations, both dying, being written off as stupid or immature, etc etc) so i can definitely see the appeal and think theyre also cute. honestly for me it probably just came down to preference and the order i read things in bc if i read yj2019 first or didn't tend towards tim drake/annabeth chase/rose lalonde coded characters i might've had a different main dc ship but theyre neat :)

ofc again these are just my personal opinions and hcs i have nothing against the people who like em (except maybe for the writers of some of these comics)

#once saw koncassie but they were both lesbians and i was like omg <3 #like okay. u can argue that cassie and tim act really similarly towards kon #which also provides intersting relationships and bonding #but given how many types of stories are allowed to female characters in comics #its eghhh if that one story is so revolved around a man >_> esp given the range of stories cassie sandsmark could hold #also. ive been watching utena lately and i cant stop thinking of cassie when i see the things utena does and says snlgd #also for example i like mu deok and jang uk a lot but seeing amnesiac her throw herself at him in s2 i was like GIRL. STAND UP!!! #nothing against boycrazy girls i just go >_> when ive already been introduced to a version of them that is very much Not boycrazy #clam answers #dc #i just be rambling

[wallylinda]

The one thing I wish Wally had retained more of from his earlier comics is his drama. His pizazz. The type of devil-may-care attitude that had him reloading Vandal Savage’s gun for him and aiming the barrel directly at his own head, as if Wally didn’t just get shot in the heart by the same man not even one issue ago. That’s literally so fucking funny I want more of that.

#same issue he sets off an explosion behind him as he walks into the fight like hi savage you ready to get your ass beat you old fucking man #THAT’S HILARIOUS #ofc later issues also have this level of Drama but like. you know what I mean right. #number 1 deranged wally moment: this shit #I realize he’s a family man who wouldn’t want to worry his wife and kids but like let him be over the top. #why do I get the feeling that there’s going to be people disagreeing with me on this one lmao 😀💀 #wally west #dc

[alternimundi]

alternate characters as songs from revenge cuz im bored

1. helena: ignasius. gerard wrote this about the guilt he felt over his beloved grandmother’s death, and i could see ignasius feeling the same way abt his mom. (and another person eventually. :’) ) 

2. give em hell, kid: cyrus. picked by a higher power to be revived and wreak havoc on the world. lowkey makes a deal with the devil. kills people. would probably vibe with new orleans

3. to the end: ugh that’s hard because none of them are emo enough. eleni is the only one that seems capable of that level of drama besides dejan but i do think it suits eleni better. no particular reason but the deception of the highly feminized woman kinda seems like her

4. you know what they do to guys like us in prison: ...avery. do i really have to say avery? that dumb bastard would have so much fun singing this stupid song. also, it’s kind of silly and ridiculous but it was written to help a certain mx way come to terms with their internalized homophobia. its using an abstract situation to deal with very close emotions. sounds familiar

5. i’m not okay (i promise): emi, but not for the content of the song necessarily? it’s the only song that doesn’t fit into the demo lovers’ revenge narrative, which fits emi. she’s very independent and subversive but in a way that emphasizes kindness. also, the music video. 

6. the ghost of you: amelie, for the video and for the lyric “all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me (if i fall)” because it’s double sided. she successfully made sure her parents cannot follow her... but she also took away any parental influence in her life, and thus has to be completely independent because there is no one to catch her if she falls (until dejan ofc, and when her brothers grow up, and aislinn. but they all come later).

7. the jetset life is gonna kill you: dejan. fuckin. bashara. “slip into the tragedy/you’ve spun this chamber dry.” hes an empath who uses his powers to manipulate people into Slipping Into The Tragedy while meanwhile exhausting his inner emotional self. also the whole narrative of being ruined by fame

8. interlude: i’m tempted to just Leave This One Out but it is really pretty... it reminds me of when Aziri dies and is likely thinkin of Sami and the kids :’(

9. thank you for the venom: none of them are good enough. actually i think that this is malaiya’s song. “I’m just the way that the doctor made me” is a trans lyric but it also obviously applies to the girl brainwashed by evil doctors. and it would be cool if “the doctor” was another epithet of death. “im not much a poet but a criminal” is also just. such a good lyric for someone who’s supposed to be saving lives but instead is scamming and killing people. also “gimme all your poison and gimme all your pills” !!!! also i think malaiya might be trans now

10. hang em high: oooo fuck this one’s hard. i think anusha even though she’s enby just because of the line “That girl's not right in the brain!!!!”. somebody analyzed this song saying its about the female demo lovers’ time in hell and how even death couldn’t stop her from being a badass that everyone simultaneously fears and is impressed by. i think that’s pretty much what anusha is about. she also kinda shares tyftv with malaiya 

11. it’s not a fashion statement it’s a fucking deathwish: rami. ramiramirami. perhaps only because of the lyric “i’ve lost my fear of falling, i will be with you, i will be with you!”. also “this hole you put me in wasn’t deep enough”. so much of his arc is about fear and embracing who he is as well as realizing that he has a limited amount of time to Be Alive. that also makes the first line (you get what everyone else gets--you get a lifetime) pretty significant. idk it’s similar to The Song That Makes Me Cry without being quite as emotional and somewhat more uplifting. 

12. cemetery drive: oof. lowkey? basil. he has a rough time with the death of his parents, but also he has a lot of issues with self image and trying to use his words in a way that’s productive rather than harmful. “singing songs that make you slit your wrists, it isn’t that much fun”. also i think he’s sort of jaded that he likes vivaan as much as he does and moreso he believes vivaan only likes him because he views basil’s attention as a sort of conquest, which definitely speaks to the line “if you want i’ll keep on crying/did you get what you deserve/is this what you always want me for?”. like he’s proud he’s the one who got basil ghorbani to experience An Emotion

13. i never told you what i do for a living: come on. come ON. you knoooow this is ari’s fucking song. it hurts so bad, and it’s clinging so hopelessly to the thought of a happy future. this is the song version of “in another life, we could be happy”--and even if that’s ignasius’ quote, it’s ari’s lived reality as he watches the man he loves turn into a fucking mass murderer tyrant. “i can’t clean the blood of the sheets in my bed”--he didn’t put it there, but he has to live with it nonetheless. the “we’ll love again, we’ll laugh again, we’ll cry again, and we’ll dance again” that comes right before that... those are the words of someone who Knows that this life has nothing left for him. reincarnation exists in arizhivas and at this point it’s all that he can hope for. “touched by angels though i fall out of grace” is kind of more an ignasius lyric but like... it takes on a whole different meaning if you ask Who the angel is that he is referring to. ignasius is an angel... but love can’t save you. but... that whole part where he just screams “i tried” over and over and over again... that’s ari, man

#character tag meme #thats just my organization tag for stuff like this

[rqs902]

now im watching last week’s ep of tco4 bc i havent had time to get to it yet and i need to take my mind off snzm 

UGH its sad to hear xy, fsc and xiao huang talking about their rankings rip but their laughing makes it even more sad

UGH NOT FRUIT PLANET I REALLY LIKE THEMMMM sigh i gotta face the reality that theyre likely gonna get separated... but PLEASE AT LEAST SOMEONE SAVE XIAO ZHI PLEASE THATS ALL I ASK, im not gonna be greedy :(

oof i respect ma zhe saying that he doesnt want to win bc he recognizes other kids like FRUIT PLANET KIDS, zy and xiao zhi, are so skilled. he knows winning is just a numbers game and would not serve as proof of his skill. thats a tough place to be in, and it isnt uncommon but i think i rarely hear a contestant say it like that. “i dont want to win bc im not worthy” “i dont want to win bc i know im not as talented” 

wow i was a little confused as to why they were doing these solo spotlights but actually this is really nice! its nice to see them really going hard at their strengths and really pouring their all in to show off a bit. it can be hard to do so in a group setting all the time, and really it reminds you that there a lot of really talented musicians among these kids. i think itll also be good to remind the kids who are picking later what the other kids’ skills are and what they’re capable of. 

oh whoa i thought about there only being 2 bassists, i didnt realize there are only 2 pianists too

hm maybe im just biased but i thought xiao li’s playing was a litttleee bit cleaner than szb’s heheh but i respect that they attempted to even play a duet from across the room, thats a challenge 

i respect muji’s playing 

LOL why do xiao huang and zhao ke’s voices singing together sound so strange to me LOL 

LOL switch to ljt’s group and im just !!!!! HIS VOICE !!!! I LOVE LIAO JUNTAO’S VOICEEE and also the cafe vibe is so him LOL this group is so him

wait so someone explain to me why ljt wasnt in the solo section? is he considered a vocal? but what about his guitar skills?? 

im kinda sad jym isnt smiling when drumming anymore :\ 

YAY FRUIT PLANET !! i love how happy xiao zhi and wsh look when playing hahah 

AW talking about xiao zhi being like a dad and 包容 and taking care of them im ughhhh UGH THIS IS A MINI XIAO ZHI FEATURE IM CRYINGGGG THIS CHILD DESERVES THIS “the one who’s left standing when everyone else falls down” hes just so supportive and warm.. ugh watching him break down crying thinking about all he couldve done better and you can tell he feel so guilty and blames himself that fruit planet isnt doing well

HAHAHAHA EVERYONE WANTS XIAO ZHI !!! except szb lol but at least i know if they do get disbanded, hopefully xiao zhi will still be safe :’) im glad they all recognize his talent and the importance of having a bassist!!! 

oof xiao xiong talking about hyt being overbearing and reminding him of his ANGRY DAD thats a big ouch. it is true that xiao xiong’s skill level may not be up to hyt’s standards, but i can see hyt doesnt respect him enough as a team member. the more familiar hyt gets with him, the more he isnt afraid to show his true feelings of frustration. esp bc theyre in such a stressful situation, it must be rough as a leader. also seems rough for xiao li to be stuck in between this. from the beginning hyt has shown himself to have high standards and he demands high quality so he isnt gonna be the soft, encouraging leader xiao xiong probably would prefer, unfortunately. ouch the way hyt straight up says “this is going to be painful” like theres nothing he can do about it and they just have to accept it. like ps says, he’s not good at understanding other people’s feelings, like he doesnt seem to be willing to try to understand xiao xiong’s. 

the way hyt lists what other people are doing and then asks xiao xiong “那你呢?” ouch........ that seems really mean? manipulative? harsh? but at the same time, we dont really know all the context so this is just want tencent wants us to think.

hyt also wants xiao zhi???? I cant imagine xiao zhi in this group, even tho itd probably be good for his possible debuting prospects, but xiao zhi gives me such a laid back, warm, taking care of everyone, creating a nice, supportive environment type of leader, and this group is literally the opposite of that??? ugh and yet, despite their superior group environment, fruit planet is at risk of getting disbanded... so sad. 

man with the way these votes are trending hyt is gonna win and ljt wont debut? :(

lol tencent cutting the speeches of less popular contestants not surprised 

wait wat. isnt qiang ge very popular??? what happened to his votes? wait what. im confused. what???

LOL FRUIT PLANET IS SAFE IM SO RELIEVED HAHAH okay i know i came into this show for ljt but xiao zhi has become one of my picks too, i cant deny anymore LOL and also xiao li -- but hyt’s group’s dynamic makes me feel uncomfortable at the moment. but yea ljt, xiao zhi, xiao li are my top 3... too bad they DEF wont be in the same group / wouldnt mesh well in a group together LOL 

i love fruit planet group dynamic :’) watching them talk to each other just makes me smile

OH MY GOODNESS XIAO LI IS LEAVING?????? i can understand though, this grouping is not ideal from a music making standpoint either, like why are there so many vocalists lol but also i respect that hes putting his music first and he knows what he wants and needs for his music. even if it means leaving hyt who is basically a guarantee for popularity on this show. im so surprised xiao xiong isnt saying he will leave too.. or even hyt himself at this point. theyre all just... crying.... but honestly how can they make music without xiao li??? 

AWH my heart.... xiao li asking xiao xiong “你會恨我嗎?” i have never felt “do you hate me” hit me in the feels like this before. its such an OOF. and xiao xiong saying hes super close to xiao li, you can tell hes been under such emotional duress and xiao li has supported him through and now hes just conflicted between betraying hyt (who he wouldnt be here without) and suffering with hyt without xiao li there to help. this is so sad to watch..... ok but honestly just seeing how in this emotional time, ma zhe and xiao xiong are talking to xiao li and NOT hyt says something about how theyre afraid to touch him. 

what xiao li says about hyt being kidnapped by his popularity makes so much sense, with what hyt said about chasing after his expectations and trying to live up to them. hes really not relaxed. ever. and i think thats what xiao li doesnt want to work with. i respect that he wants to be recognized for his music rather than just be recognized. 

wat is this show doing why did they just stop and let them wallow in their feelings for hours??? wtf?? i mean i appreciate they respect that its a difficult and important decision but shouldnt they make them move on more efficiently?? what a waste of everyone’s time...

lol hyt learning some eq? yes you have to take care of your group members’ feelings, theyre people....

L O L XIAO LI GOING BACK ON HIS DECISION IM DYINGG HAHHAHAHAHHAHA WHAT A WASTE OF EVERYONES TIME HAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS SHOW. but okay yes i respect xiao li for having the guts to say he wants to leave, bc that hopefully gave hyt the wake up call he needed. BUT ALSO i do think staying with hyt makes sense career-wise. gaining popularity first isnt a bad thing. and he can always (continue to) prove his worth and make all different types of songs in the future, whether during or after his time with hyt. but staying with hyt = exposure, and thats never a bad thing. its just... hopefully they can resolve their emotional issues from here on out.

technically the smart move is to pick a popular contestant like zhao ke, to boost your group’s popularity overall. BUT hyt is so popular it really doesnt matter LOL 

L O L xiao li being like well i cant get the group i want anyway, so idgaf lets just keep on “戲劇化” HAHAHAHHA he gives no effs anymore

but also i cant imagine them with another non-instrumentalist LOL and what kind of style will they have now? 

ok wait let me go back to look at this:

hm yea the only other person of choice that would be helpful for votes is qiang ge. but i also cant imagine him on fruit planet???? ugh i wonder if qiang ge turned them down bc he feels like he’d ruin them like he blames himself for ruining his past groups. 

i cant believe xiao li said he tried to talk to qiang ge for 3 hours until 6am... to convince him to come to fruit planet? wild. 

UGH so sad that fruit planet didnt get a successful pick but honestly i am kinda glad mty didnt agree bc i kinda really would like to continue seeing xiao zhi play bass..... but ofc i guess it would be nice for him to show other skills too, ah im conflicted. but he really looks so carefree and like hes having so much fun when playing bass, id hate to take that away

LOL BASICALLY SZB CONFESSING TO MUJI HAHAHHAHAHA IS THIS A HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA ALL THE SUDDEN HAHAHHAHA actually i havent seen them interact before but i can kinda see muji’s personality meshing with their group’s, like hes kinda quirky and strange too LOL its cool they do get along tho

OOF SO MANY REJECTIONS. but also muji’s right, last time he wasnt strong enough, so i respect that hes really trying this time. 

omg szb throwing a tantrum and trying to force muji’s hand is not very respectful to muji’s wishes and it makes muji look like a bad guy :( im glad muji’s standing his ground tho, this is not the time to indulge a child’s tantrum lol

on the bright side, i love xiao zhi’s laugh, so at least we got something out of this LOL

LOL xy so easily pulling fsc over LOL why cant they all be like this LOL save tencent editing time LOL 

i knew there were too many emotions on ljt’s team........ i cant believe as soon as szb is like marginally okay, jym is like NOPE....... L O L 

.....i cant believe..... they’re just.... cutting it off...... like this....... WHAT IS THIS SHOW AHHAHAHAH okayyyyyyyyyyyy thennnnnnnn 

oof wasnt 車站 ljt’s last song before elimination? i just got hit with a wave of sadness and memories oof i wasnt ready 

man its so interesting bc i feel like on other shows, the contestants are always like “i dont want to get eliminated!” but here its like “i dont feel like i can fit into their music, id rather be eliminated.” its an interestingly different type of setting. i respect that they respect their own music, but i guess theyre not thinking enough about their future career progression? if they really want to make it in the music industry? idk. its interesting bc i feel like ljt has struggled so hard since getting eliminated from the first season that i assume / hope he has more of a mindset of wanting to make it to the end.

anyway im kinda surprised fruit planet made it so high LOL but yay for them, i really wonder what will happen with them picking their 5th member. im surprised qiang ge’s votes are so low? itll be sad if he really leaves though. ugh only 2 out of 4 groups successfully regrouped and one of them took an extra 2 hours to decide.... lol. i still dont understand why that was allowed in the first place but okay. this is the most struggle elimination ep ive ever seen LOL 

#rants #since when did mrzz get so dramatic??? LOL #also i guess a benefit of being behind on watching is that the next ep literally will air tomorrow so i dont have to wait very long #this is a very dramatic cliffhanger LOL

[ramle17-18]

10/30

lmao so i've been really really awful about keeping up with journaling. i wrote an entry about a week or so after the last one and then more than halfway through tumblr decided to delete it without saving it as a draft :) and i just simply didn't have the energy to rewrite it. so i will try to summarize everything that's been going on, because i hadn't even started school yet in the last entry. i think it'll be easier to go by subject than by day in this one just because so many different things have happened, and it's over 2 weeks' worth lol. so!

school:

we started school! we've successfully completed two weeks :) some days are definitely rougher than others, some kids are definitely rougher than others, but overall they seem to love marleigh and me a lot! the first week we just did nametag-making activities so we could start learning their names and get a rough idea of their hebrew levels (they're really all over the place). all last week we did halloween activities with them, which they LOVED. we did trick-or-treating games and then i drew these enormous word searches on the board for them to all take turns solving as a class, and that seemed to work really well with their vocab words so i think that's something we'll use again for sure.

iris, the school counselor, is apparently going to be giving us food every wednesday, which is honestly amazing. she's so incredibly sweet, but also very shy because her english isn't good so she barely talks to us. but she's adorable and so so nice.

i'm frustrated with hana, the other english teacher besides avital, because she just never seems to know what the fuck is going on with anything ever. but thankfully we really don't have to work or even talk to her very often.

marleigh and i have been working super well together, and i really do stand by what i said about not feeling like i would want to have been paired with anyone else in the house.

ulpan:

we also started ulpan. unforunately not as much of a success, which has been incredibly fucking frustrating. so basically what happened was, we went in for our first day about two weeks ago (wednesday the 18th i think) and she passed out these long-ish passages with questions to answer. everyone except me was like "nope lol" but i tried to do it, and immediately yael, the teacher, came over and was like "no you're doing this wrong" (because i was translating sentence by sentence so i could remember what i had read when it came time to answer the questions...she didn't explain to me why it was wrong to do it that way nor did she offer any alternatives but uh ok). she also doesn't speak very much english which would be fine except it just doesn't lend itself well to our situation which is so unnecessarily complicated.

anyway, so after that she wanted me to just start at the beginning with everyone else, yknow like the very very beginning with the letters and "ani jami, at yael" over and over and over and i was going to lose my shit. so i was asking if there was like an in-between level i could be put in because the second level (which is what the passage was from) seemed a little too hard for me, and she responded by...giving me another passage worksheet. and everyone was getting annoyed with me, and i felt bad, but also i had been looking forward to this since before even getting here, we had to wait a month and a half to start, and i really refuse to not learn anything at this point.

so i went into the hall to work and madeleine came out a bit later and nurit came to talk to us, and i guess yael told nurit that she thought i was very disrespectful and that i clearly don't know as much hebrew as i think i do, and that she knows what she's doing etc etc. (i also don't like that nurit told me that but i'll get to that in a minute lol). by the end of the day yael said she would try to find something in between for us, which is literally all we'd been asking for from the beginning.

so we left pissed but relatively mollified. we went back the next monday and yael's supervisor, gila, was there. she told us that basically instead of us all having a 2.5 hour class, madeleine and i would come in at 5:30 and work until 6:30 or 6:45 and the others would have from 4-5:30. everyone was pissed, fairly so, and so madeleine and i brought it up to gila and we were like "we just thought we'd be doing stuff to the side so we could ask her questions but that she would spend most of the time with the beginners, we don't want to take any of their time away from them" and she gave us this whole speech about how it's not allowed to work that way etc. which is bullshit. but anyway so we went back at 5:30 and then at 6:15 out of NOWHERE yael shoves all her shit into her bag and is like "ok see you next week!" and fucking bolts. and madeleine and i were like uh????

so we went back the next wednesday (which was last week) and tried to tell yael how we were feeling, but as usual she kept speaking over us and trying to guess what we were going to say before we said it, and she kept being like "so you want to come back into the other class?" and we were like "NO, we just want the others to have the full time that was promised to them." and so she takes us into the hall and she looks at me and goes like "i know you complained about me. i really think you need to trust what i'm doing and you need to have a more positive attitude about ulpan." and i was gonna fucking punch her. so then i was like "to be clear, are we done at 6:15 or 6:30? because gila said 6:30 a bunch of times the other day." and she said some bullshit about how the hour includes a 15 minute break and since she doesn't need the break we can just do the 45 minutes. but as matt pointed out later, it's supposed to be 75 minutes including a 15 minute break, so she's skimping off literally 25% of our lesson and we're now getting 45 minutes twice a week. she told us we can sit in on the other class and do work off to the side if we want, but they can't stay after. so like i think we're just gonna sit down and shut up and keep working on our own lol.

this woman's teaching methods are also fucking ridiculous. madeleine tried to use an infinitive and said it wrong and yael literally was like "ok, if you don't know how to do something correctly, don't do it at all." and also doesn't give us time to write anything down "we don't have time we don't have time!" and i just can't stand her. the stuff we're doing is also below my level but like i said i'm just gonna deal with it and keep working on duolingo. talia also sent me the online version of her hebrew textbook so i'm gonna use that as well and just do work on my own.

nurit & house drama:

well! first off, nurit finally got involved with all of the matt and rachel drama because he was being awful awful awful to her. so in typical nurit fashion she decided that the best way to handle the issue was to first speak to sultana and marleigh, then matt and rachel separately, and THEN matt and rachel together, which is literally the opposite way from how i would've done it, but whatever.

we've also noticed that in addition to her lovely habit of being "blunt" she likes to gossip. a lot. about us. to one another. and it makes us super fucking uncomfortable. yesterday i was in the car with her on the way to the rabin museum and she just started talking shit about matt to me, i was so uncomfortable and then of course immediately went to him and told him about it lmao

we're also butting heads with her because she keeps planning all this shit without any regard for what we want to do. her sunday activities have mostly been flops, and she ignores all of our input or suggestions. we went to the ilana goor art museum in jaffa which was actually really cool, but the tour was an hour long and she was like "what should we do after, i think we should do team-building, we can go to a park and i can bring a ball" and i was like "can we just stay in the museum? it looks really big on the website and i'm sure there are going to be things the tour doesn't cover" and matt and madeleine agreed, and nurit basically went into this whole thing (prompted by matt being kind of a dick ofc) about how she's in charge and we're being insulting and blahblahblah.

basically she has no problem with bluntness when it's coming from her but the second it's directed at her she gets super defensive. all i know is i'm never telling her anything about myself again because she can't be trusted to keep it to herself.

weight:

lowest so far is 136.2. i've been hovering around 137 on and off the past few days though, i think it's because i'm constipated tbh. idk if it's because i'm not eating enough or what. but i went down a notch on my fitbit strap :) we have the eilat trip this weekend and i think i'll wear the purple suit instead of the black one.

misc:

i ended up not going to hannah's halloween party :( they were super nice about it obviously but i felt bad. i just haven't been sleeping well and i was so exhausted, plus madeleine was sick and didn't really want to go either, so i just stayed home.

in other news i've been pretty good about reading! i just finished 'rebecca' by daphne du maurier yesterday and really enjoyed it. i want to try and read more classics by female authors.

we also watched pulp fiction and i didn't like it. we saw mother! and it was alright, super crazy symbolic but the movie itself was...a lot.

i think that's really it?