#often early in the series. the only two like bad things that happened with him lately were the letter and trying to find out about

[supernovafics]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 (𝟏)

PART ONE | PART TWO

pairing: singledad!steve harrington x divorcedmom!fem!reader

word count: 9.4k words

summary: in which you hate him and he hates you— and that mutual disliking is perhaps the only thing you and him agree on. you make it your mission to avoid and ignore steve at all costs, and nothing more or less than withering stares and annoyed eye rolls are shared among you both whenever you have to see each other, which luckily isn’t that often. but when your son and his daughter end up in the same first-grade class and quickly become friends, it forces things to change between you two. it means that you and him also have to be friends, or, at the very least, tolerate each other’s presence. which is something that is much easier said than done

warnings: modern!au, enemies (to friends) to lovers, steve and reader are in their late 20s/early 30s, bestfriend!eddie, mentions of cheating/an affair (reader’s ex was an absolute asshole), explicit language, some angst

author’s note: i had the idea for this lil two part mini series (and have been working on it on and off) for like a thousand years at this point and i'm so glad and excited that it's finally free from the jail cell that is my google docs lol. i really really wanted to finish this and have it up before this year was over, so part two is coming new year's eve<3333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

For the first time in the past two weeks, you were early. Granted it was only by two minutes, but you still counted that as a win. 

You stepped out of your car and headed to where the other parents were on the sidewalk, waiting for school to be over and the kids to come out. You inwardly ran through the list of things that you still had to do today— on a Friday that should’ve been calm, but instead, it had been pretty hectic. 

It felt like pure luck that you were able to step away from your coffee shop for thirty minutes to pick up Oliver from school. God bless Jude for being willing to take over the rush that was happening. She was your favorite employee, and you knew that she definitely deserved a raise for being able to effectively keep up with the insanity that the last two weeks brought.

That transition from summer into the beginning of the new school year was harder than you had anticipated, and you knew it was mainly because this time last year you weren’t running a business full-time when Oliver had been starting Kindergarten. Instead, the coffee shop was still just an idea, a dream, that felt like it solely lived in your head; even though it had actually been in its final stages, and with each passing day, you only got closer and closer to that October opening date. And when the long-awaited opening finally came, it actually didn’t alleviate an ounce of your stress; instead, it was only increased practically tenfold. 

You’d never say it out loud for fear of being deemed as a bad mom, but it was so fucking hard juggling everything and trying to handle it all.

However, somehow, you were doing it and you were actually doing it pretty well. Although at most times it felt like you were so close to drowning, for the time being, your head was completely above water.

You kept running through your mental to-do list as you waited for the time to go from 2:29pm to 2:30pm, indicating the official end of the school day.

Call the vendors that supply the coffee beans and teas and see if they can change the next delivery date, finalize the work schedule for next week, prep the ingredients for the pastries that will be baked tomorrow—

Your eyes instinctively went to check the time on your watch right as the first handful of kids came barreling out of the front doors. 

When you saw Olly, you waved until his eyes landed on you and he immediately smiled. 

Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about the time and the rest of the shit that you needed to do throughout the day.

“I made a new friend!” Were the first words he said to you when he came over to where you stood.

“That’s awesome!” You kneeled down so that you were pretty much at eye level with him. Hearing him say that made your heart feel so happy. You knew how shy he could be and he rarely ever talked about any kids that he was friends with, especially not with this much enthusiasm. “Who is it?” 

“Maddie,” He answered and then pointed in the direction of where you assumed the girl was standing.

There were a handful of kids standing with their parents in the direction Olly was pointing to about ten or fifteen feet away, but when he further specified that she was “the girl holding the blue lunchbox,” you saw her. A girl with brown hair who was smiling at her dad who was smiling back at her and holding a hand up so that she could give it a high five. 

You recognized him immediately.

In your mind, his name was “the worst person in the world.” In reality, his name was Steve Harrington. 

You didn’t really pay attention to him until this past January because your kids weren’t in the same Kindergarten class. You actually didn’t even learn that he was the only other single parent in the grade until then. 

It was one of your New Year’s resolutions to become more active and involved in school activities, PTA meetings, etc. Mainly because you knew that the other Kindergarten moms were judging you for barely doing anything aside from the occasional bake sale and the school was way too small for you to slip under the radar and not be noticed; those moms noticed everything. 

Therefore, on the first meeting back after the Winter holiday break, you were there— five minutes late, but there nonetheless. Although, it could’ve been assumed that everyone thought you were an hour late with the amount of withering looks you received when you entered the gymnasium. 

You offered a small apologetic smile and made a mental note to never be even a minute late again. 

Leslie, the PTA president, was droning on and on about what big things were planned for the second half of the school year— somehow dragging out a short list of things that you thought could’ve been simply sent out in a mass email— when Steve walked in fifteen minutes after you. You fully expected him to receive the same type of annoyed looks that you had gotten, and maybe even more because he showed up later than you, but he got nothing but happy smiles from the majority of the moms. 

That complete opposite reaction severely confused you and you wondered how he was able to receive such niceness when all you got was the coldest of shoulders. 

Meeting after meeting it was continuously proven that he was the favorite among the moms, and it didn’t take you too long to learn why. He was a charmer, which everyone absolutely loved, and he seemed to effortlessly throw money at any school activity or fundraising event, another reason why he was so goddamn adored. 

You were probably the only one that didn’t give a fuck about his charming personality, and instead, you would inwardly roll your eyes or scoff at pretty much anything he’d say and how easily the moms ate it up. Because when you really looked at it, you two were pretty much doing the same exact things— only moderately participating in events, showing up to the big monthly meetings instead of the weekly ones (and he was still always late to them), and not signing up for fields trips or activities that happened during school hours because of how overly demanding your jobs were; you’d learned from one particularly chatty mom that he worked at a pretty intense marketing firm. However, there was such a stark difference in treatment because he was the “hot single dad that gave a lot of money;” all of the moms practically fell at his feet and seemed to only tolerate you.

Maybe it was a hint of jealousy talking, but he still always managed to piss you off and you didn’t like him at all. It was an animosity that was perhaps just one-sided, and you hated yourself for caring so much, but that changed in April; during a moment where if the circumstances were different, it would’ve felt like some sort of romcom-esque “meet cute.” But, you basically despised Steve, so instead the whole situation just made your blood boil. 

It was a Thursday at almost five o’clock during parent-teacher conference week; it was the only day that could work in your insanely busy schedule and you managed to get the latest time slot with Oliver’s teacher. You were pacing in the hallway where all three of the Kindergarten classrooms were; a coffee in one hand, because it was the only thing keeping you going that late in the day, and your phone in the other as you texted back an employee who was having problems with the oven. You were seconds away from calling him— because you knew that the issue would probably be solved quicker if you did so— but before you could, you were bombarded by someone who was quickly coming around the corner and they crashed into you. The abrupt collision was forceful enough to make your drink spill on you and your phone slip out of your hand. 

You glanced down at your now coffee-stained white shirt and then up at the person who had caused this mess, and of course, it was Steve Harrington standing in front of you. You had to fight the immediate urge to roll your eyes. 

“Oh, shit. My bad,” He quickly said. “I’m minutes away from being late for my parent-teacher meeting, so I was rushing from the parking lot. Now it really does make sense why teachers always said no running in the halls, right? Because something like this can happen.” As he rambled, you picked up your phone off the ground, glad that it wasn’t broken, and then you tossed your now mostly empty coffee cup into the trash can nearby. When you looked back at him, you saw that he was fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. “Anyway, maybe I can pay for your dry cleaning? Or so you can at least get another coffee later or tomorrow?”

If it had been anyone else, you would’ve thought that the gesture was nice. But, since it was coming from Steve Harrington it only pissed you off because, of course, money was his immediate thought solution.

That time it was too difficult to not allow yourself to roll your eyes at him. “Y’know, throwing money at everything doesn’t make you a good dad. It actually makes you kind of an asshole.” 

You knew that you were being a little too harsh, but it was still too hard to feel completely regretful about your words; you were pissed at this current situation that was fully caused by him and you were also pissed simply because he was him.

You weren’t sure what you expected Steve to respond with, but he easily matched your angry energy. He narrowed his eyes at you. “Well, at least, I can do something. You barely show up to things and can’t give money to make up for it, so how much of a ‘good mom’ does that make you?”

Before you could say anything in response to that— a response that probably would’ve started and ended with a simple “Fuck you”— you heard your name being called from behind you by Oliver’s teacher. With everything happening with the man in front of you right then, you’d almost forgotten the meeting you were at the school for in the first place. 

Instead of saying anything to Steve, you simply buttoned up the black cardigan you were wearing to cover the majority of the coffee stain on your shirt and then walked away from him, putting on a smile and greeting Miss Wilson.

It wasn’t outwardly stated right then, but it was pretty much sealed then that this disliking could no longer be confused for being something that was one-sided. You two hadn’t said any words to each other since that moment in the hallway, and instead only annoyed looks and glares were shared anytime you saw one another; which lucky for you, actually wasn’t too frequent. 

On the first day of school, you learned that his daughter was in the same First Grade class as Oliver due to the emergency contact form all the parents had to fill out, which was then condensed into one sheet and shared among everyone for “just in case” purposes, and Steve’s name and number was on there. You really didn’t think it would be that big of a deal because you could still avoid him like the plague that he was, and that was exactly what you’d been doing for the last two weeks. 

However, you did not think that your kids would become friends.

“Can we have a playdate tomorrow?” Oliver asked. 

You racked your brain for a response; a way to say no without actually saying it because you really did hate disappointing him. “Oh, um, this weekend is gonna be really busy. But, maybe soon though, okay?” 

He frowned a bit but still nodded. “Okay.”

You held out your hand so that he could slip his in and then you started heading to your car.

“We have to go back to the coffee shop for a few more hours before we can go home. But, how does pizza for dinner tonight sound?” You asked as you buckled him in his car seat. The offer was an attempt to cheer him up and you hoped it worked; probably like every other six-year-old, Oliver loved pizza.

He smiled at that. “Ooh, yeah, that’s good.”  

You smiled back at him and inwardly hoped that this playdate idea would blow over over the next few days. And that the thought of you having to spend any sort of willing time with Steve Harrington would become a scary thought that only occasionally haunted your dreams, instead of it being something that actually became real.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Of course, it did not blow over. 

Excuse after excuse would fall from your lips, but Olly was determined and your words of “Today’s really busy” or “This weekend probably won’t be good” didn’t discourage him from continuing to ask. 

As the days came and went and a week passed with Olly asking the same question each day, you were so close to sucking it up and calling Steve and finally setting something up, but you were still way too fucking prideful to do so.

That didn’t stop you from thinking about doing it most days, though. But it was easier not to think about it when you were busying yourself at the coffee shop, and it was almost too easy to make yourself busy in some way there. And that was something that didn’t change on this Friday.

Oliver was sitting in his favorite booth working on homework and you were behind the counter, making a simple hot chocolate for the older woman who would come in almost every afternoon, typically around four o’clock. 

“Enjoy,” You said with a smile as you handed her the drink. 

Things in the coffee shop were calm and quiet, and you were about to go see if Oliver needed any help with the worksheets he was doing, but then your phone started vibrating in your back pocket. When you grabbed it, you saw that it was a random number calling, and maybe you should’ve thought about that fact more before answering, but you didn’t. 

“Hello?”

“Has Oliver asked to have a playdate with Madeline?” You quickly recognized Steve’s voice.

You let out a small sigh. “At least once a day since last Friday.”

“Same here with Maddie,” Steve said and then let out a sigh of his own. “We need to let this happen. I don’t think either of them are gonna let it go.” 

At first, you didn’t say anything in response to his words. You wanted to disagree with Steve, but you knew that you couldn’t because it was the truth. And then there was the fact that every time you gave some sort of fake excuse to Olly, you would feel like the worst parent ever, so maybe it would be best to just finally let this happen. “You’re right. Are you free tomorrow?”

“Yes,” He answered. “We can just do a quick thing at the park if that’s good?”

That was exactly what you were about to suggest, but you didn't tell him that. “Yeah, that’s fine. Is twelve okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Steve didn’t say anything in response to you and instead simply ended the call there. The lack of an actual goodbye almost made you want to roll your eyes in annoyance, but you didn’t because you knew that you probably would’ve done the same thing to him. 

You put your phone back in your pocket and walked over to the two-person booth Oliver was sitting at, sliding in across from him. “Hey, bud, I have really fun news. You and Maddie are finally gonna have your playdate tomorrow.”

Seeing the elated grin immediately take over his face made the fact that you’d be spending a few hours with Steve Harrington tomorrow worth it.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

You never thought you’d witness a moment where Steve was actually on time for something, but for once he was. When you pulled into the small parking lot of the park, you already saw him sitting on one of the wooden benches that surrounded the playground watching Maddie go down a slide.

Moments after the car was put in park, Oliver was unbuckling himself and rushing to get out so that he could head over to where Maddie was. You could only smile at his enthusiasm before telling him to slow down and be careful.

You took your time walking over to where Steve was because of how much you were dreading it, and for a moment you debated whether or not you should sit next to him or go to the bench that was empty and a few feet away. Ultimately, you decided to just sit next to him; you could be civil for a couple of hours. 

“Hi,” You said as you sat down on the wooden bench.

He looked at you just for a second before turning back to the playground. “Hey.”

“How are you?” You asked. It was always easy to go into the mundane small talk you’d have all day with customers; aside from the ones that were the regulars that you knew too well and couldn’t simply ask how they were doing without actually meaning it.

“Good,” Steve responded. “You?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You answered with a small nod. 

A silence that could only be deemed as awkward began to linger in the air because it felt as if there was absolutely nothing else to say. If he was a customer, you would’ve simply taken his order and he would have walked away by now, but obviously, this wasn’t that kind of interaction. The only sound that could be heard was the handful of other parents with their children and your own kids looking happier than ever. 

It could’ve been easy for you to make some joke to Steve about how weird this entire situation felt because of how much animosity you had toward each other and now there you two were on a sort of playdate of your own because of your kids. And then the two of you would have laughed about this current set of circumstances, and maybe that would’ve allowed things to actually start to feel somewhat okay. But, it just felt way too hard to let yourself actually be civil toward him, even though you had told yourself that you would be.

“I’m very surprised you’re actually on time for something. After all the PTA meetings, I thought you were incapable of it,” You said, still staring straight ahead as you then took a sip from the water you had in your hand. 

“And you’re late, which is not surprising,” He told you with a small scoff.

Aside from that first time you had been late for the meeting, there was one other time where you were late again and, of course, that was also the one time where Steve managed to be a little bit earlier than you. Given that he had been late countless times, you felt that it was both stupid and unwarranted for him to use the single time he saw you late against you.

“Whatever,” You said as you rolled your eyes. “Not that I even owe you an explanation for being only five minutes late today, but the coffee shop was starting to have a rush right before me and Olly were about to leave, and I didn’t want to leave my employee right then to completely fend for himself.”

“That’s interesting because every time I drive by the place, it looks the complete opposite of busy.” 

Perhaps this entire conversation immediately taking the shittiest turn was your fault because you “fired the first shot,” but his words felt equivalent to a low blow. You pretended as if you were completely unaffected by them and tried your hardest not to recognize the slight validity behind them— the coffee shop had its peak times and also its deserted moments, and maybe sometimes it did feel a bit more deserted than not, but you were surviving and right then that was all that mattered you.  

You glared harshly at him although he wasn’t even looking back at you. Muttering a “Fuck you” was right on the tip of your tongue, but you bit it back and instead got up from the bench and started moving to an empty one. Steve didn’t say anything else to you and instead seemed completely unfazed by you walking away from him. 

You watched Oliver and Maddie talking and laughing at the top of a slide that was big enough to fit both of them and they went down it together. Seeing how happy Olly was and knowing that this was the first friend he actually wanted to spend time with outside of school, made dealing with Steve’s bullshit right then completely okay with you. 

When two o’clock rolled around, you were waving Oliver over to you, much to his dismay.

“I know it’s time to go, but can we all get food together?” He asked when he walked over to you.

For once, the excuse for saying no that you were about to tell him wasn’t a made-up one. “We gotta go pick Eddie up from the airport, remember? Also, he told me that he has a bunch of cool stuff to give you from California.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Oliver said, a smile taking over his face. “I almost forgot he was coming today.” 

He went over to where Maddie was now standing with Steve and he gave her a quick hug goodbye before running back over to you.

Instead of giving any sort of verbal goodbye to Steve, you simply gave him a small wave. It was hard to wrap your head around the fact that you’d now probably have to see him more often than not. With how happy Oliver and Maddie looked playing together, you knew that today definitely wouldn’t just be a one-time thing.

Somehow with the wave Steve gave back to you, you could tell that he knew that too.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

You were in no way related to Eddie Munson, but he felt more like family than your actual family. 

He was the first person you met when you moved to Hawkins three years ago. After going through a messy divorce that felt like it had actively taken at least ten years off of your life, it felt so goddamn nice to immediately make a friend in this town that was completely new to you.  

Coming from Chicago, a city that had always felt way too big for you, any small town sounded perfect in your eyes, and you were able to find a cheap-ish house in Hawkins, so it was the winner.

You met Eddie at a grocery store a week after you’d moved in. It was also your birthday, a fact that three-year-old Oliver didn’t fail to tell Eddie when you accidentally bumped into him— quite literally crashed your cart into the guy— in the bread aisle. 

“Happy birthday,” He had said to you and you gave him a small smile before proceeding to say another sorry for bumping your cart into him. He then looked at Oliver. “Are you gonna bake a birthday cake for her?” 

Oliver visibly brightened and turned to you. “Ooh, yeah, can we bake a cake?”

“Sure,” You nodded and smiled at his eagerness. 

He smiled widely and then looked back at Eddie. “Can you come over and help us make it?” 

“Oh, um…” Eddie’s eyes met yours to see what you wanted him to say. 

“You can, if you want,” You told him and you genuinely meant your words. He seemed normal, and even though this was a small town, he was the first person who had been so outwardly nice to you and Olly. 

“Okay, yeah, I’d love to help,” He said with a nod. “I’m Eddie, by the way.” 

You told him your name and then gestured to Olly. “And this is Oliver.” 

“Sorry for suggesting this idea and contributing to the sugar high that will probably be happening tonight,” Eddie told you as you moved to the next aisle where all of the baking stuff was, you were giving Oliver full reign over what cake mix you got. 

“Apology not accepted,” You responded but still smiled at him.  

Many hours later, when the cake was baked and Oliver was tucked away in bed after having two pieces of it, you pulled out a bottle of wine for you and Eddie to drink. And then because of the wine and because of the fact that birthdays always managed to bring something severely melancholic out of you, you started crying to him about your divorce that had just been finalized, the affair that your husband had with his coworker being the catalyst for said divorce, and how you felt so weirdly alone in this new town but also not at all alone because you had Oliver. 

Somehow none of that managed to scare him away— even though you would’ve been completely understanding if it had— and a friendship had been cemented ever since. 

Eight months ago, he moved to California because of a huge opportunity he got with his music; it was something he had been waiting for for so many years. You had called it a “big break,” but he thought that sounded too pretentious. 

You hadn’t really wanted him to leave, he was your best friend— your only friend in this town— but you were also so happy for him. And the distance actually managed to feel somewhat okay because you two would talk all the time and he’d visit every few months.

Oliver especially didn’t mind the distance because whenever Eddie did come back to Hawkins for a visit, it always meant that he’d get some cool new toys from him. And this time proved to be no different. 

The three of you were in the coffee shop. It was quiet right then— you didn’t think about Steve’s words from earlier— and you watched Eddie smile at Oliver as he animatedly talked about something, you assumed he was telling Eddie about Madeline.

Moments later, Eddie walked over to where you stood behind the counter, beginning the clean-up process because you were closing in about an hour. 

“It’s really nice seeing how fucking– I mean fudging,” He turned around to see if Oliver heard what he’d just said, but Olly was too busy playing with his new red toy car to hear anything. “Happy he is. All he’s been doing is rambling about his new friend.” 

“Yeah, it’s really great,” You said, smiling as you thought about how happy he had been at the park earlier. You then thought about Steve and inwardly sighed. “Well, for the most part.”

“Why? Is she a bad influence or something? I didn’t think there could be bad influences in first grade,” Eddie said and then laughed a bit. “Actually, scratch that, I was definitely a bad influence in first grade.”

An amused look crossed your face. “You talk a lot about this “bad boy persona” you used to have, but I don’t know if I really believe it because all I see is a guy that actually enjoys buying toys for a six-year-old.”

He smiled at that. “I changed. Turned over a new leaf.”

“Mhm, got it,” You responded, your voice slightly sarcastic because it was still hard to imagine Eddie as anything other than the nice guy who baked a cake with you and Oliver on your birthday. “Anyway, though, it’s not the girl that’s the problem; she’s really sweet and nice. It’s her parent that’s the worst person in the world.” 

Eddie nodded. “Okay, tell me all about this mean mom drama.”  

“It’s a dad, actually,” You said and then started explaining everything that you had never said aloud before. You told Eddie all of it— how Steve was so easily able to throw money at anything the school needed, how he was basically treated like a King among the other moms because of that, the incident that happened last year during parent-teacher conference week where everything between you two fully came to a head, and the shitty conversation you had with him at the park only hours earlier. 

“Wow, I’ve missed a lot. I can’t believe you have a nemesis, and I also can’t believe you never told me about him.”

“He’s the last thing I ever want to think about, let alone talk about. If it wasn’t for Oliver becoming friends with his daughter, you wouldn’t be hearing about him. Also, I feel like “nemesis” is a bit of an exaggeration.”

“I can call him your mortal enemy, if you want,” Eddie said with a teasing smile and you only rolled your eyes in response, refraining from flipping him off. “What’s his name? Maybe I know him. Aside from you, people rarely ever move to this town for fun, so he’s probably been here his whole life.”

You actually never thought about the potential of Eddie knowing Steve, although it was completely plausible given the reason your friend just mentioned. 

“Steve Harrington.” 

“Oh.” 

From Eddie’s reaction, the answer to your next question seemed pretty obvious but you still decided to ask it. “You know him?”

“Yeah, we were in high school at the same time.” 

“Okay, what was he like?” 

“All the typical high school stuff. He was a popular guy, played sports, was kind of a jerk but pretty much all of the girls still loved him.” 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “That sounds very accurate.” 

“By the end of it, though, he seemed like somewhat of a changed guy. Got his heart broken by the nice girl, and then became friends with actual good people,” Eddie told you, and that was the one part of his description of the Steve that he had known that managed to actually surprise you. “I didn’t know he had a kid now.”

“Yup, and he’s also changed back into the jerk that you originally knew him as in high school,” You said. “And the most fuc— fudged up part of it all is that we should be friends. Which probably makes me sound crazy because of everything I just said, but it’s true. Me and him are basically in the same boat— the only single parents in the grade, we both have time-consuming jobs, and now even our kids are friends with each other. It would just make sense if we were actually friends too.”

“I mean, you still could be, right?”

You immediately shook your head. “Wrong. There’s no way that could ever happen.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

The rest of September and most of October flew by with what felt like an abrupt kind of quickness. 

Absolutely nothing changed between you and Steve, even with Eddie’s idea that maybe it could. The only time the two of you talked to each other was if it involved your kids and if you were setting up the day and time for another park playdate, which quickly managed to become a weekly thing because of how adamant Oliver and Madeline were— just like you assumed they’d be. 

It may have seemed a little weird, these brief conversations you’d have with one another that were nothing more and nothing less than transactional, but it worked perfectly for you two. 

“This weekend is gonna be pretty busy for me, so is tomorrow after school good?” You asked Steve. A PTA meeting had just ended and you and him were lingering by the same exit that the kids would come out of when school was over. 

You were pretty close to not showing up to this Thursday night meeting, but you knew that you had to because it was about the Winter Carnival happening in December. It was a huge event that would be an “all hands on deck” kind of situation, which was why they talked about it so far in advance and why attendance at any meeting discussing it was pretty much mandatory.  

Steve shook his head at your question. “I have this big work thing tomorrow, so I have to pick up Maddie and then drop her off at the babysitter before rushing back to the city.”

You nodded understandingly at his words. A part of you knew that you should have left it at that, because you tried to set something up and that should’ve been more than enough of an effort, but instead, you found yourself saying, “I can pick her up and take the two of them to the park tomorrow if you want.”

Steve was quiet and your words simply lingered in the open air. You almost regretted making the suggestion because you felt as if he was somehow going to find a way to be a dick about it, but then he looked at you curiously, and another look that you couldn’t decipher crossed his face too as he said, “You sure?”

You nodded at him. “Yeah, it’s really no problem.” And it honestly wasn’t a problem in the slightest; Madeline was the sweetest girl ever. She reminded you nothing of Steve, so you assumed that she got her personality from her mom; you still had no idea what that entire situation entailed. “What time will you be done with work?”

“Hopefully around five or six,” He answered. There was still that look on his face, which you still couldn’t tell what it said, but you really wanted to know.  

“Okay, after the park, I can take them back to my house and you can pick Maddie up from there when you’re done with work,” You said, only a little surprised at how easily this idea came together. “Olly’s been wanting to show her his new fish, anyway.”

“Yeah, I think she’s mentioned his fish to me probably a thousand times. It’s blue and purple, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a betta fish; Barnaby.”

“Barnaby?”

You shrugged. “I have no idea how Olly came up with that name, but I will admit that it does sound more like the name of an old sailor lost at sea rather than a fish. But, in some weird way, both of those things are actually kind of related.” 

Steve laughed at that and somehow it didn’t sound the least bit mocking or condescending, it was more amused. Hearing that sound coming from him shocked you as much as it, surprisingly, made you inwardly smile. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

The amount of dark clouds in the sky didn’t necessarily faze you until a raindrop hit your cheek as you sat on a park bench watching Oliver and Madeline on the playground. It was a light drizzle that transformed into something heavier in a matter of minutes and you realized that you probably should’ve been more mindful of what the weather was going to be today. 

Neither of the kids really minded the rain putting an end to their time at the park though, because Oliver was happy to go home so that Maddie could finally see the fish.

They bounded up the stairs to Olly’s room the second you unlocked the front door, and you headed to the kitchen, sending a simple text to Steve in the process. 

You: Had to leave the park because of the rain. We’re at my place now

At first, the lack of a response from him didn’t surprise you because it was only around four-thirty and he was probably busy. He was also Steve Harrington and he rarely ever responded to you in a timely manner. 

You heard the sound of footsteps racing down the stairs and you looked up from your phone, after checking it for probably the hundredth time in the past hour, to see Olly and Maddie coming into the kitchen.

“Can you convince my dad to get me a fish?” Maddie asked as she and Olly joined you at the small dining table. 

You smiled and nodded at her. “I can try.” 

“Thanks,” She said, smiling back at you. “The only time I get to see any pets is at my Aunt Robin’s house. She has a golden retriever.” 

“Oh, that’s really cool. What’s its name?”

“Willow. She’s a girl.” 

Oliver looked at you. “Can we get a dog next?” 

“Let’s just worry about Barnaby for now,” You told Olly, giving him a small smile. You could only imagine how much more hectic your life would become if you two got a dog anytime soon. “I was thinking about doing dino nuggets and french fries for you guys for dinner. How does that sound?”

They both perked up at that and nodded and you got up to turn on the oven, purposefully leaving your phone on the table because you wanted a break from impulsively checking it every few minutes. It slightly annoyed you that you heard nothing from Steve yet, and it annoyed you even more that the lack of a response felt personal. You wondered if he actually hadn’t seen your message yet, or if he was simply being an asshole and not responding with a simple “Okay” or even a thumbs up to it on purpose. 

It wasn’t until the time was a little after six, and you still hadn’t heard anything from Steve, that your initial annoyance toward him not responding to you and not giving you any sort of updates on what was happening with him over the past few hours, morphed into something that resembled worry. 

You walked out of the living room and into the kitchen and pulled your phone out of your back pocket so that you could call him. Your gaze moved toward the window as you pressed your phone to your ear; the weather outside still looked pretty shitty. The call went straight to voicemail and you sighed as you waited for the beep. 

“Hey, um, it’s me. That’s probably very obvious. Um, anyway, you said you’d be done with work around five or six, but I haven’t heard anything from you in the last couple of hours… I hope everything’s fine. Um, any sort of update would be really nice. Call, or at least text me, whenever you get this. Okay… Bye.”

You hung up and slipped your phone back in your pocket.

It was an obvious fact that you didn’t like Steve Harrington, but that didn’t mean you wanted anything bad to happen to him. 

The only thing that managed to not make you feel completely worried was that Maddie seemed okay and not worried at all. Instead, she and Olly were in the living room playing in the fort you made for them out of couch cushions and throw blankets.

You went back into the living room and sat down on the small loveseat that was the only piece of furniture that still had its cushion left. 

“You guys okay in there?” 

“Yup!”

“Yes!”  

Hearing their chorus of happy “yeses” made you inwardly sigh in relief and lean back into the chair, letting your eyes shut just for a second and muttering to yourself that everything was and would be fine. 

Your phone was still glued to your hand as you grabbed the remote with your other and turned on a random Disney movie for the kids to listen to as background noise and for you to take your mind off of Steve, even though all you were waiting and hoping for was for your phone to vibrate in your hand with a call or text from him. 

You didn’t realize that you’d fallen asleep in the chair until you were startled awake by the sound of the doorbell ringing. The abruptness of it actually managed to scare you, so much so that you could immediately feel your heartbeat pounding in your ears when you opened your eyes. 

The second Lilo & Stitch movie was now playing on the TV and through your half-awake haze, you found the remote to pause it. You then peeked inside the fort and saw that Olly and Maddie were asleep. 

As you rubbed the slight tiredness out of your eyes and got up from the couch, you checked your phone and saw that the time was 8:11pm. The doorbell rang again as you unlocked the door and the first thing that you noticed when you opened it was that it was no longer raining, you were unsure when it had finally stopped. 

“Hi.”

Seeing Steve standing in front of you managed to immediately wash away the worry you had been feeling for the last couple of hours. And it was quickly and completely replaced with the annoyance you’d initially felt. “What the hell happened?” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Hearing a genuine apology come from Steve Harrington’s mouth actually managed to baffle you. “My meeting at work ran over, and there was no way to get out of it, not even for a second. And then there was a ton of traffic because of the rain, so a drive that typically only takes thirty minutes took longer than an hour. Also, I have the worst and probably oldest phone in the world because it never holds a charge anymore, and it was plugged in during the entire drive but didn’t turn on at all. So, I’m really sorry that I haven’t been able to call or text or anything. These past few hours have been hell.” He let out a sigh and then looked at you, concerned. “How’s Maddie? Is she okay?”

There were a lot of words that had been thrown at you during Steve’s ramble, but hearing his full explanation and how apologetic he was made your annoyance with him dissipate into nothing just like your worry did. Instead, you felt a little bad for him because of all the shit he had to endure in the past few hours. You pushed the door open further to fully let him in. 

“She’s good. She’s okay. She and Olly are sleeping in the living room. I made them a little fort,” You told him as he walked in and you pointed to where the kids were in the living room, and he nodded when he saw the construction of couch cushions and blankets. 

You looked at Steve and hesitated for a moment. You knew that this was where the goodbyes for the night should’ve started, but it didn’t feel right to have him leave just yet; he still seemed sort of frazzled and stressed about everything that happened. You started heading toward the kitchen and he followed you. “Do you maybe, uh, want something to drink?” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Okay, I have water and juice boxes,” You told him and turned around to meet his eyes, he was leaning against the small island. “It’s moments like these where it sucks being the “good influence/leading by example” parent because I can’t offer you something fun, like a soda.”

Steve laughed a bit; it still felt so foreign hearing that sound from him. “A juice box is fine. That’s probably all that lives at my house too.”

You grabbed one from the fridge and then closed it. “I hope you like apple.”

“My favorite, actually,” He said as you handed the drink to him, and you couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but you didn’t have enough time to really ponder that before he completely changed the subject. “How was Maddie when you picked her up? When I told her about it this morning, she seemed excited about it and about hanging out with Oliver after school too, but was she really okay?” 

You nodded at his question. “She was great. They both had fun at the park and didn’t even mind the rain because they really wanted to come here and see the fish.”

He smiled and you could see the immediate relief wash over his face. “Okay.”

“She also wants me to try and convince you to get her a fish.”

“Of course she does,” He said before taking a sip from the juice box. You had to admit, it was a little funny seeing a man wearing professional clothes, that were probably so expensive, drinking from a tiny juice box meant for little kids. 

“I’m honestly kinda surprised that you pick her up every day,” You told him as you turned and went back into the fridge to pull out a water for yourself. “Given your job, I thought you’d just have a babysitter or someone pick her up most of the time. I had no idea it was half an hour away.”

“I didn’t used to do it… Her, um, her mom would,” He said and you could tell by the way he said those words that whatever happened involving Maddie’s mom was a touchy subject. It sounded similar to how you’d usually sound whenever you talked about Oliver’s dad— a little sad and a lot like you’d rather talk about anything else. 

Your mind started desperately trying to think of a way to change the subject; it was what you would’ve wanted him to do for you if the tables were turned. But, before you could say the first thing that came to mind, which was, “So, I wonder if it’s gonna rain tomorrow too,” Steve started talking again. 

“It had become a routine because of how hectic my job is. She’d always drop Maddie off and pick her up. But, she, uh… She left last year, so that changed everything,” He told you. You closed the fridge and turned around to face him; you forgot to grab your water but that was the last thing on your mind right then.

This conversation suddenly felt like completely uncharted territory between you and Steve because you two did not talk about touchy subjects— you and him barely talked about anything at all. But, for some odd reason, you didn’t necessarily mind the serious turn to the conversation because maybe it was a shit ton of honesty that was needed for you two to actually, finally, not dislike each other.

Steve ran a hand through his hair and pulled his eyes away from yours. He instead fixed his attention on his juice box in hand. “It happened around this time in October. She dropped Maddie off at school, but didn’t pick her up.” 

Hearing him say that surprised you as much as it confused you because you had absolutely no idea that happened last year. But with how busy you’d been then, and since you weren’t friends with any of the “gossipy” moms that somehow always knew everything, it did make a little sense why you knew nothing. 

“Maddie was waiting in the office for about two hours after school was over before I could get there because I was in a meeting and didn’t see the calls coming from the school. She didn’t really know what was happening, but she was still so sad and I think that somehow a small part of her did know.” He shook his head and sighed, a look that could only be deemed as melancholic crossed his face. “I never want her to feel abandoned like that again, so I always make sure to drop her off and pick her up now.”

As he said his last words, something managed to shift inside of you in a matter of a split second. Suddenly, his name was no longer “the worst person in the world” in your mind. 

In all of your months of having this “nemesis relationship” — as Eddie would call it— with Steve Harrington, you never thought that your opinion of him would ever be able to change. However, in this moment of you two standing across from each other at your small kitchen island as Steve held a freaking juice box in his hand, it finally did. He was a good person, a really fucking good person.

You were able to see it so goddamn easily then— the exact ways that he and Maddie were just alike. She got her personality from him, you were now quite literally certain of it. And you immediately felt bad for ever thinking differently.

“I’m sorry about what I said last year during conference week,” You told him, suddenly ready to give him your own burst of honesty. “I was pissed that you spilled my coffee all over me, and I was even more pissed because it was you, and you annoyed me so much. Because even though we’re kind of in the same boat with the amount of “active” things we do for the school, all of the moms love you so much and I swear they hate me, and it’s just so annoying.” You let out a small sigh and then met his gaze before saying the words that you didn’t think you’d ever say to him. “Anyway, you’re a really good dad, and I’m so sorry for telling you differently.”

“I’m sorry for what I said that day too. You’re a really great mom,” He said, giving you a small smile, and it slightly shocked you how much hearing that meant to you. Aside from Eddie, you couldn’t remember the last time someone said that to you. “And I don't think the moms at school actually like me. I think they just pity me because of everything that happened, and how they basically saw it all blow up in real time. Since pre-school, Maddie’s mom was dropping her off and picking her up, and suddenly one day she was completely gone. I swear the number of times I got phone calls that were a bunch of them saying, “We’re here for you,” but they really just wanted to get the full story about what happened, was insane during those first few months.”

“Jesus, small town moms are the worst,” You said as you shook your head. “Or, at least, ours are.”

You looked away from Steve and turned around, finally going back to the fridge to grab a water. “Oliver’s dad was kind of the same way. He left too. Or maybe it’s actually not the same because I made him leave— he was having an affair with his coworker. But, he also wanted to leave and be with her, so maybe it actually is a little similar. Sorry, now I’m just rambling about that asshole,” You said and rolled your eyes at yourself. You weren’t sure why you even decided to circle the conversation back to your exes.  

“Do you and Oliver ever see him anymore?” Steve asked, and when you closed the fridge and turned back to face him, you shook your head at his question.

“Not since we moved here. He does the bare minimum and sends Olly checks for his birthday and Christmas. Which I think is dumb because no kid wants a check as a present; even I would rather get an actual gift than a stupid check,” You told Steve as you opened up your water. “Does Maddie ever see her mom, or does she ever come around sometimes?”

With the way she left, you were almost certain that the answer was no, but you were still curious.

“No, she hasn’t, and I don’t think she would ever want to,” Steve answered and you gave him a small nod of understanding before he continued. “I remember about a week after everything happened, and after avoiding my many calls and texts, she finally called me. She was really apologetic about the way she decided to leave, but she said that she just couldn’t do it anymore because none of this life that we had here was making her happy, and she didn’t want me to try and convince her to stay. When she said that, it made me realize that the smallest part of me knew that this would eventually happen. Maddie was completely unexpected and our relationship had already gotten pretty bad before we found out, so neither of us was remotely ready to be parents, but we still decided to do it and try to make it all work. Right when I saw Maddie for the first time I knew that she was the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn’t imagine my life without her, and that never changed. But, it wasn’t the same way for her mom, and sometimes it seemed like she felt the complete opposite way. So, in a way, I can understand why she knew she had to leave. I hate the way that she did it, but ultimately I understand that this wasn’t the life she wanted, and she’d never want it.” A sad smile took over his face.

“We don’t have to keep talking about this if you don’t want to,” You told him, suddenly feeling bad that you had been the one to bring the conversation back to this in the first place. “We can change the subject to anything else. Maybe the weather? I wonder if it’s gonna rain again tomorrow…” 

“No, it’s okay,” Steve said. “I really never thought I’d say this because we’ve never had a real conversation before, but I think I actually like talking to you.” He shook his head at his words. “I’m sorry, that probably sounds fucked up.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I feel the same exact way. Ten minutes ago I couldn’t really stand the thought of having any sort of conversation with you, and now I feel like an idiot for hating you all this time. So, this is insanely fast progress,” You said and then immediately thought of something. “Wow, I really wish I had some alcohol for us to drink right now because us actually not despising each other anymore is a milestone that truly should be toasted to.”

Steve laughed a bit; it was nice hearing that sound after all the sad stuff that had just been shared by both of you. He raised his juice box toward you a bit. “This will have to do, I guess.”

You raised your water and “clinked” it with the juice box. “Cheers to… whatever we are now.”

It didn’t feel entirely like a friendship, but it, at least, felt like you two could actually be nice to one another and not feel pained to do so. 

“Cheers to that,” Steve said with a quick nod and then finished off the rest of what was left in his small juice box. “I should grab Maddie and head home. She has dance class at eight in the morning. She hates it for the most part, but she has a recital next week and I told her that she should push through until that and then we can quit. A part of me is kind of glad that she hates it, though, because classes are insanely expensive.”

“Olly’s starting soccer at the end of the month,” You told him. “It’s for boys and girls. You should see if Maddie wants to do that.”

“If Oliver’s doing it, she’ll probably say yes.”

You nodded at that and how true it was on both sides. “I’ll text you the information.”

“Thanks,” He said and smiled.

You followed him as he walked into the living room to get Maddie. She was still fast asleep as her arms circled around his neck when he picked her up. You grabbed her bookbag that she and Oliver left by the front door and helped Steve hook one of his arms in it.

Somehow something was silently exchanged in that last look shared between you and him before you said your final goodbyes for the night, and you softly shut and locked your door behind him. It was a look that expressed that you both were glad about what happened in the past twenty minutes— the honesty-filled conversation that led to you two finally understanding one another and realizing how you were actually more alike than either of you had ever thought. 

It was a realization that was simultaneously surprising and refreshing. 

“Goodnight,” You said, giving him a small smile and he smiled back at you. 

“Goodnight.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

let me know ur thoughts<333

PART TWO

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #dad!steve harrington #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x fem!reader #stranger things fluff #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x fem #steve harrington x reader smut #stranger things fic #stranger things imagine #stranger things series #steve harrington series

[lavendertom]

The Neighbor Across the Street pt. 5

Mike Schmidt x Babysitter!f!Reader

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 6

wc: 3.6k

warnings: angst, little bit sad (if y’all can stick thru this ONE part 🫶), fluff sprinkled in some parts (as always, lmk if there’s anything i’ve missed)

summary: the neighbor across the street needs a babysitter, so you take the job, not knowing what’s in store for you as you grow closer to the siblings. AU where nothing bad ever happens at the pizzeria.

A/N: this is gonna be the “hard” chapter, but it’ll all be worth it for part 6, the official finale of the series 🥹 no worries tho, i still plan on expanding the story once it’s over!!!

——————————————————————————

You could barely focus in any of your classes today. Your mind was full of thoughts about one person and one person only: Mike. All of the things that happened in such a short amount of time were eating you alive. You couldn’t take any of it anymore. In a way, you wished Abby hadn’t told you about her secret. You didn’t want something as silly as a “crush” to get in the way of your goal of keeping Abby and Mike happy.

As you drove home from your classes, you didn’t know what to expect that evening. You knew he probably wanted to clear up whatever had happened the other evening. Maybe he just wanted to tell you he was sorry for not paying you again. But then why did he want you there an hour early? What on earth could he want to talk about for a whole hour with you?

You only ever had two serious conversations with him in the two months or so of knowing him, the one the first night shift of babysitting Abby and during your walk with him just a few days ago.

There was that voice, all the way at the back of your head, that was telling you something completely different. There was a voice that was saying this had to do with Abby’s secret. You attempted to quickly get it out of your head, your hands getting sweaty at the thought as you continued driving home. You hated to admit this was making you more nervous than it should’ve been.

The thought of him waiting at his door until you got home crept into your head once more. The way he saw how you looked back one last time like you’d done every time before. How often did he wait at the door like that? Did he genuinely care about you that much to wait?

When you got home you had an hour until you knew you’d have to be at Mike’s house. Of course today was one of those days where your professors just knew you were having an off day and assigned what felt like 10x more work than usual. You hesitantly took out all of your textbooks and notebooks in an attempt to knock out a few assignments before you left.

As you sat down, something hanging on the headboard of your bed caught your attention. The black hoodie Mike had lent you was there. You truly intended on giving it back to him yesterday since you’d accidentally wore it home the other night. Whether you forgot it by chance or on purpose you couldn’t even remember anymore.

It sat there like a painful reminder of not knowing what was to come later. He said it wasn’t anything bad, but maybe he just didn’t want to stress you out. What if he had to quit the night job, therefore leaving you jobless? You didn’t want to leave them hanging. You didn’t care if you were getting paid consistently or not. You just wanted to be there for them. That was all that mattered to you now.

You continued to sit there, looking at the hoodie, thoughts racing through your mind with no signs of stopping. The textbooks and notebooks all over your desk were never opened, you didn’t have the energy now at least. Not when your leg wouldn’t stop bouncing and stomach was twisted into knots. You kept telling yourself “It’s just your imagination, everything is fine. Everything will be okay.” It was already almost time for you to go, so you threw all the books back into your bag, grabbed the hoodie, and made your way over.

The feelings were mutual back at Mike’s house. Mike wasn’t sure why he felt so anxious about having to talk to you. It really wasn’t a big deal at all. He just wanted to clear up last night and, well, some other things too. He was just as scared of the unknown as you were. The kitchen smelled like pasta cooking as he tried his best to distract himself by making Abby’s dinner. Just incase the conversation went really bad and you didn’t want to stay. Not that he was anticipating that it would go badly.

He stirred the spaghetti as the water bubbled, focusing as best he could on everything but his thoughts.

“Mike why are you making dinner tonight?” Abby interrupted standing by the fridge.

“Thought I’d give Y/n a break for one night.” he said, still looking down at the pot of boiling water.

“She makes it so much better than you do though.” Abby started whining.

“Beggars can’t be choosers Abs.” he said with a sigh.

“What does that mean?” Abby said with a confused tone to her voice.

“Life’s not fair, that’s what it means. You either eat my pasta or nothing.”

He could practically hear the girl roll her eyes in response.

“Well, I’m not hungry right now.”

Now she’s just being a smart ass, Mike thought to himself.

“Good thing Y/n can warm it up for you later when I’m gone.”

“I don’t want to eat it later though. It’s gonna be gross later.” she crossed her arms now, she knew what she was doing.

“Well you’re either gonna eat it now, later, or never. This is what you’re getting for dinner.” Mike was getting more impatient with her sudden attitude.

“Your pasta is gross Mike I’m not eating it.”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore, don’t eat it.” Way to ruin this evening Abby.

“Why do you have to be so-“

“Abby, just stop! I’m not having this today. Go to your room.” he didn’t realize how much he rose his voice at her. Arguing wasn’t uncommon for them, but he rarely, if ever, rose his voice this much at her. He looked back at her, the young girls eyes were welling with small tears. This evening already wasn’t going as planned and Y/n hadn’t even arrived yet.

“I hate you Mike!” Abby shouted before running to her room, slamming the door shut.

Mike took a deep breath, putting a hand over his face. Why did he always have to mess everything up? He should’ve never asked Y/n to come over early. If he hadn’t asked, then this situation would’ve never happened. He should’ve just let the situation go. He looked back at the pot of spaghetti, the water still bubbling, finally deciding to shut off the stove.

He looked at the landline phone hanging on the wall beside the fridge. It was almost calling his name to pick it up, dial your number, and tell you not to come by anymore. He stepped forward reaching out a hand to pick up the phone. Just before he could start dialing the numbers he heard a door slowly and quietly open.

He looked at the clock on the stove, quickly realizing what time it was. There was no escaping the situation now, for either of you. He walked out of the kitchen, now in the dining room as he watched you shut the door and set down your backpack.

“Hey.” you said in almost a whisper, your usual smile on your face to hide the nervousness that still lurked deep down.

Just like that, time felt slower than ever before for Mike. Honestly, every time he saw you it began feeling more and more like that. It wasn’t like you tried to dress to impress or anything like that. The only times you had a remotely “nice” outfit on were the first few days of babysitting and extremely occasionally after that. Even then, it was nothing more than a pair of jeans and a somewhat nicer t-shirt or sweater.

Your hair was in a low messy ponytail, loose strands of hair falling out of the scrunchie. You wore a t-shirt with your college’s name plastered across the front and extremely baggy black sweatpants. This was a look that was all too familiar to Mike. The days you wore outfits like this were days that school was beating your ass. Those were the days he’d come home and find you still finishing up work at the dinning room table far too late in the night.

The way that an outfit so simple and, for lack of better terms, lazy, could make Mike feel this way felt like a crime to him. He was convinced that any other outfit imaginable would not compare to this. There was no way to explain this, but this just felt different to him.

Maybe it was because of your determination and drive for success. It was something he didn’t see in himself. Maybe he envied that you had that in you and he didn’t. He saw how hard school was. He saw that no matter how hard it got, you were still there on time every time. He wished so much he had that level dedication in him.

That’s when his eyes turned to your hand. It was holding the black hoodie he let you borrow when you stayed for s’mores. He had honestly forgotten he even gave you it, but now he was wondering why you’d brought it back. He really didn’t mind if you’d kept it. Now thinking about it, he wanted you to keep it.

“You didn’t have to make dinner Mike, you know I’ve got it.” your voice, still quiet making sure Abby wouldn’t hear your presence, broke the thoughts in Mikes head and brought him back to reality.

“Yeah, um, about that…” he began, sighing heavily.

“We need to talk.” you immediately noticed the tension that was now forming.

“Yeah.” he pulled a chair out of the dining table for you, and you both quietly sat down.

You both sat in silence for a minute or so. You waited for him to start talking and you were going to give him as long as he needed to gather his thoughts. You focused on the salt and pepper shakers in the middle of the table.

“I’m sorry.” he finally spoke up.

“Why are you sor-“

“Let me explain before you try telling me I have nothing to be sorry about.” he interrupted, his volume significantly louder than before.

You didn’t say anything back, you were ready to let him say whatever he needed to say because clearly he needed it.

“It’s just-“ he paused again, putting his face into his hands. He took a deep breath attempting to gather his thoughts and emotions before he spoke again. He wasn’t going to let them ruin this conversation.

“I don’t deserve you, Y/n.” you finally looked up. Those incredible brown eyes met yours. They almost appeared to have tears forming in them.

“You do so much for us Y/n. You’re here on time every day, no matter how much you had going on during the day. You’re always willing to do literally anything with Abby. All of the dumb things I’ve said no to her about, you’ve said yes. You’re the mother figure she never had. She doesn’t act the same way around me as she does with you. She deserves this so much more than I do. She needs you, Y/n. I don’t deserve any of this. I can rarely pay you on time. I’m putting you in this horrendous situation where you go to class every day, then you come home for 2 hours max and babysit for the entire night. You’re working literally 2 jobs and you didn’t even want this. I accidentally threw you into it, you should’ve just not taken it. It’s not fair. And yesterday when I stormed out without explaining anything, that wasn’t fair either.”

“Mike-“

“You deserve more Y/n. You deserve the world. You have so much motivation and determination in you it’s actually insane. You’re always smiling, always trying to be kind and helpful. You put others before yourself. I just feel that someone like me, the complete opposite of you, doesn’t deserve to have you in my life. I have not even an ounce of dedication or care inside of me. You don’t deserve to have to put up with all my crap. You just don’t Y/n.” he stopped, still looking you in the eyes.

You really wanted to break down and sob. How could he think he’s worth nothing? How does he not see all the effort and care he puts into taking care of Abby? He’s trying a whole lot harder than other people who have half the worries in life that he has.

“How long have you felt this way?” you said quietly, you knew if you spoke any louder than a whisper you’d start crying.

“Since the moment you first came by to try out the job.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” small, but noticeable tears were now falling down your face. “You’ve felt this way for almost 2 months and you didn’t say a word?”

“Y/n, please don’t-“

“What do you mean ‘please don’t?’ How am I supposed to brush past this knowing you’ve felt like this for 2 months now?” You wiped the tears off of your face.

Mike was now looking down at the table, avoiding your face at all costs. He knew if he saw you that way, it would be over for him. It was never his intention to make you feel this way, he knew you would care, but he didn’t think you’d care this much.

“Mike, look at me right now.”

His eyes hesitantly met yours. Your heart was beating so fast you could hear it in your head.

“You are the most thoughtful, caring, most determined person I’ve ever met. You sacrifice so so much for Abby and you don’t even realize it. When I talk to Abby, I hear all about a big brother who pours his heart out just for her to be happy. She is so incredibly lucky to have someone who dedicates so much of his time and energy just to make her happy. You didn’t ask for this and I know you’ve been through hell and back, but you do everything for that girl. No matter how much you think she doesn’t see it, you are genuinely her whole world. I have never, ever, met someone so caring in my life. You don’t have to do any of it, yet you are so selfless that you do it.”

“Then why does she hate me? Why does she always say so much about how great you are and how much she loves your cooking more than mine? Why are we always arguing over the stupidest things?”

“That’s what siblings are for Mike.” you said with an airy laugh through your tears. “After I came over to hearing your argument I went to talk to Abby. She said how she thought you hated her, how you’re always working and never do stuff with her anymore. I told her to look at all of the amazing things you do for her, all of the toys and art supplies she is lucky enough to have. I asked her who gets her all of these things. Who works their ass off for her to have the greatest childhood ever? You do, Mike. She just doesn’t know how to put that into words or actions. We’re gonna work on that though, okay?” you reached across the table to grab his hands and held them in yours.

“You need to give yourself a whole lot more credit. All I want is for you guys to be okay.” you smiled, tears still running down your face. “I just want to help you guys in any way I can. I don’t care how much I get paid or how often I get paid, that doesn’t matter to me anymore Mike. I just want to be there for the two of you.”

After all he said, after his vulnerability showed the underlying jealousy he had for you and your kindness you did it once again. You put others before yourself. He didn’t realize you were not going to give up.

“This is exactly why I don’t deserve you.”

“Quit saying that, you deserve me just as much as Abby does.” you squeezed his hands, reassuringly smiling at him. “You’re not getting rid of me.”

All he really wanted to do in this moment was to get up and kiss you. You believed in Abby, and in him, when you didn’t have to. No one was forcing you to do any of this and to know you were taking it upon yourself from the kindness in your heart made Mike feel even crazier for you. You were one of the first people to show genuine care and love to him and Abby since their parents passed away.

“I love you Y/n.”

Those 4 words came out with no thought, no hesitation, no control. It just felt right.

You were both shocked, yet relieved to hear those words. Your next 4 words didn’t have much thought to them either

“I love you too Mike.” you said, not hesitating either. It didn’t feel forced in the slightest, it felt right for both of you. You honestly couldn’t believe what had just happened and neither could Mike. Neither of you would admit it, but you weren’t even sure what to do next.

“Well it took you guys long enough.” a small voice peeped from behind you.

You turned around to see Abby, standing with her arms crossed, a smug look on her face.

“Abby, how long have you been here?” Mike said, quickly letting go of your hand he still had in his.

“Long enough to hear you and Y/n say you love each other.” she said, smiling wide and giggling. “I am so happy you finally told Y/n you have a crush on her! Or did Y/n tell you she has a crush on you?” her eyes lit up with excitement.

“Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say that’s what happened but-“

“Oh, he definitely was the one who told me first.” you smirked after interrupting.

“But who decided to hold hands first?” he quickly responded, returning you a small smirk.

Your face began burning up as you buried your face in your hands for a moment, but you also couldn’t help but laugh. Leave it up to Abby to be little miss matchmaker. Of course she’d sneak her way in to finally see her hard work come together. Once Mike realized there was no point in hiding anything anymore, he grabbed your left hand again and held it in his. It felt almost freeing, like a weight was lifted off of him in multiple ways, to be able to hold your hand.

“Also, I’m hungry.” she chimed in quickly, with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

You and Mike both looked at each other, knowing that the pasta he attempted to cook was probably off the table now. It was also almost time for Mike to go to work now, which he really didn’t want to do anymore, but there was no other choice.

“I’ll just order you guys a pizza.” he said with a smile, a genuine smile. “Y/n doesn’t need to be cooking for you after this, and I know you won’t eat whatever I can make in 10 minutes Abs.”

Abby began jumping around with pure excitement. Probably a little too excited after just offending Mike’s cooking, but that didn’t matter anymore. As long as she was happy and you were happy, Mike was gonna be happy. He was going to start changing his attitude about everything and he wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else than you. It wasn’t going to be easy, but was gonna try his very best.

“You sure Mike? I don’t mind cooking.” you replied.

“Really Y/n?” he said, sarcastically rolling his eyes.

“Okayyy fineee.” you said holding out the endings extra long, just for dramatic effect.

“Thank you Mike!” the Abby shouted, running up to his chair to give him a hug. Mike smiled at you as the young girl clung onto him.

“Thank you.” he mouthed to you.

You gave him a soft smile in response. You looked down at the black hoodie still in your lap. You brought it in the case he wanted it back, but after the conversation you two just had, there’s a good chance he’d want you to have it. Whether that was his original intention for you to keep it or not, you decided you would keep it. A constant reminder of who you were doing this for. Taking this job, you didn’t know what you were getting yourself in to. You also didn’t know why you were so nervous for this conversation. It couldn’t have gone any better. You were ready to go through whatever hardships and challenges you had to for your two favorite neighbors.

——————————————————————————

A/N: get ready for part 6 hopefully before thanksgiving 🥳🫶 also trust i see all of ur comments and i wish i could reply to ALLL of them, but i don’t wanna flood the comments! sending each and every one of u and virtual hug rn and love! 🫂 if anyone wants a little preview of what’s to come, check out of my first work my favorite prize, those r the vibes i am going for in part 6 🤗

jules jewels (tag list! lmk if u want to be added or removed 🤗)

@balesita @universi8 @browneyedgirly93 @marsmallow433 @prongsprincessworld @ajlareads @k3nnlolz @louweasleymalfoy @chompwoman @wasabidottie @queenie-official @emmaishere432 @curasimp @nevvdrinksteaa @rcailleachcola @scribblesandsherlock @iheartyouyou @prosteticsynthesis @novausstuff @dessxoxsworld @1-akira-2 @starringo @planetevermore @cherriebat @mxrvelouss

#fnaf #fnaf movie #mike schmidt #abby schmidt #josh hutcherson #five nights at freddy’s movie #mike schmidt x reader #fnaf fic #five nights at freddy's #mike schmidt x y/n #mike schmidt x you #mike schmidt has my heart #reader and mike schmidt should kiss already 🫣

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Roommate Blues

Pairing: Dean Winchester x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary:  Reader is a grad student in college trying to work hard for her degree while maintaining a long distance relationship with Dean Winchester. But what happens when Dean isn't there? This is part two of my "Before You Go" series, but it can be read as a stand alone fic. (I'm so bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Part One

Tropes: Angst, Fluff, Age Difference, (Reader is early to mid-20's and Dean is probably early 30's), Protective Dean, Established Relationship

Word Count: 7K (I have an addiction don't judge me)

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ just to be sure, because this fic contains attempted sexual assault/ dude being super creepy and sleazy. There is some swearing, mentions of sex (not explicit, but it's there), references to past sex, Dean might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

Masterlist

****************************************************

You dragged yourself through the front door of your apartment shaking rain from Dean’s oversized green coat that was wrapped around your shoulders and stomping your black rain boots on the welcome mat. He left it the last time he came to see you, a welcome surprise, given that it still smelled like him, but it made you miss him even more.

He hadn’t been by in a month, not for lack of trying. It seemed that every time he got ready to make the six hour drive from the bunker to your apartment, there would be an emergency, but you tried not to be disappointed. You understood that what he did was equally important if not more that what you were trying to accomplish at Med School. And at least Dean made an effort to keep your long distance relationship afloat. You remember before you got serious with him, when he wouldn’t call or text, just show up out of the blue and leave after a few days, breaking your heart every time. You were thankful those days were over.

Those days had been hard, when each day you hoped he would show up only to be disappointed, when you turned down dates from others because there was only one person in particular you were waiting for, when each time he showed up you felt your heart warm, and when each time he left you felt it sink in dismay. You hadn’t expected Dean to give in to an exclusive relationship when you gave him an ultimatum, but now 3 months in you were happier than you’d ever been.

Even if it was just long distance.

The late night phone calls, flirty texts, and the occasional picture kept you both in touch. Of course none of that could replace how you felt when Dean was with you. You missed waking up with him, watching a movie in bed, going out for pie, driving around in Baby and all the other wonderful things that you did with Dean.

But this was the deal you made when you started dating, a fact that you had to remind yourself of often. You wouldn’t make Dean feel bad about his job and you would finish school. When you graduated you could think about moving closer to him, but until then you were stuck. And missing Dean.

“Hey y/n!” Your roommate, Suze, crows from the couch as you enter the living room.

Something animated plays on the tv, bathing the room in brilliant white and blue light, but when you raise your eyes from the mat to look at her, you’re surprised to see that she’s not alone, her boyfriend Cooper sits next to her, his arm thrown around her shoulders.

You try to not look disappointed. Cooper and Suze had been dating on and off for a few months, and you always tried your best to either stay in your room or out of the apartment when he was there. It wasn’t that he was mean to you, it was that sometimes he made you uncomfortable. Like the time he “accidentally” walked into your room while you were getting changed and proclaimed that he didn’t know where the bathroom was, as if finding it in a two bedroom apartment required a masters degree, or like the time Suze left early for work and Cooper asked you to go to dinner with him or like right now when he traced his brown eyes up and down you form as if trying to see through your clothes.

You shudder into the jacket, thankful that it was bulky enough to cover your body.

“Hey Suze. Cooper.” Your smile is more tight lipped than you want it to be. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

You hadn’t told Suze. Yes you were roommates, but sometimes it felt more convenience than friendship.  You both didn’t go out of your way to spend time together. Another reason why you were looking forward to moving out after graduation to start your residency.

“Well I didn’t want to stay away from my girl for too long.” His hand raises from her bicep to rest directly between her collar bones, closer than you would have liked to her chest.

The urge to vomit rises in the back of your throat.

I mean, Dean is handsy sometimes, but not in a creepy way. At least he doesn’t make eye contact with someone else when his hands drift. Dean's usually looking at me. You think to yourself with a frown.

“Uh-huh. Well, I’m just gonna go-uh- study.” You lie.

“Didn’t you have a test today?” Suze leans further into his touch making you even more uncomfortable.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to get behind, plus Dean is coming this weekend and I don’t want to have to study the whole time he's here-"

“Hasn’t he cancelled on you the last few times?” Cooper asks.

You blink. Why did he remember that?

“Yeah. Family emergency.” It was the excuse you always used when someone asked you why Dean couldn't make it.

“What is it this time? His mom has a cold or something?" Cooper chuckles at his joke. "Kinda sounds like he’s with someone else and he doesn’t want to be here with you.” He shrugs. “Maybe you should break it off with him, consider your other options." Cooper's smirk turns into more of a sideways grin that makes your stomach turn in knots.

“I'm good.” You say as monotone as possible, lips pulling down into a frown.

You turn and walk down the dark hallway, thankful that Dean's jacket is big enough to hide your figure.

As soon as the lock on your bedroom door clicks, you fall onto the bed face first with a loud groan, dropping your backpack along the way.

Your room was small, smaller when Dean stayed, but you always welcomed that. When he was here it felt more like home and less like a way station. The mediocre study-sleep-eat-work cycle was becoming a mantra and it seemed that the only time you were actually in your apartment was to sleep or change

There was that one time when I camped out in the library. You think to yourself remembering exam week.

It was 24/7 and you stayed after your shift to study for exams but nodded off. Dean had been mad about that though, upset that you slept in a public space where anyone or anything could have walked in. You thought that it was hypocritical for him to condemn your sleep schedule when you knew for a fact he went days without sleep.

Plus it was easier to sleep in the library instead of making the trek in the morning.

You sit up to look around the room. It was small, just big enough to fit a full-sized bed in, the thought made you smile. Dean barely fit in the bed, he was too tall and broad, and each time he would groan about how Baby’s backseat was ten times bigger and that you both might as well go sleep in there. However, you knew he secretly liked how small the bed was. The small size of the bed meant that you had to practically sleep on top of him, and Dean was not one to complain about cuddling. He often coaxed you into bed to study instead of at your cluttered desk because it meant you used him as a pillow while he watched tv and you tried to understand Metabolic Pathways and commit anatomical structures to heart.

Of course Dean always made the joke that he could help you study anatomy more than a dusty old textbook could. Your cheeks redden thinking about the last time he helped you “study.” It had been beneficial, but you didn’t need to have the memory of what you did to study distract you from the test questions. But what a wonderful distraction it was. The proctor of the exam had asked if you were okay because you looked a little flushed. Dean of course thought it was hilarious when you told him after he picked you up.

The room served its purpose. It had a small desk in the corner covered in textbooks and papers, a small closet, a cassette tape player that Dean bought you so you could listen to mixtapes he made, the ones he brought whenever he’d come visit with ridiculous names scribbled over the label and the ones you’d listen to when you missed him the most, and a dresser that was spilling clothes out of the drawers with a small T.V sitting on top. A purchase that happened after you started dating because it meant that Dean and you did not have to sit in the living room on the couch to enjoy a movie together.

You turn over on your back and fish your cellphone out of the deep pockets of the jacket, before calling Dean.

"Hey Sweetheart, how was the big test?" Dean’s voice washes away any sour feelings you have from interacting with Cooper.

“Harrowing.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was 156 questions.”

“Shit.”

"It’s okay, but my brain feels like mush." You groan pressing your fingers to your temple.

“Don’t joke about that. Sam knew a guy that died from mushy brain syndrome.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“Oh I’m pretty sure it’s like Mad Cow-“

“I haven’t ingested human flesh recently so the possibility of me having that is low.“

“If you ever do let me know, because that could be any number of things.”

“I don’t know. I think if I told you I’d suddenly developed a craving for human flesh, you’d shoot me. I’d rather just keep it under wraps and hope that I didn’t eat you by accident.”

“I’m sure I’d be delicious.”

“Dean!” You snort.

“What? You were thinking it.” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice. “I also wouldn’t shoot you.” He laughs.

The laugh is enough to make your heart jump and buckle in your chest followed by a wave of loneliness.

I miss him. You think to yourself as you burrow further into the jacket with a sigh, and reach for a pillow to hold against your chest, wishing that it was him. “Oh right, you’d make Sam do it.”

“No. I’d lock you up and have Cas deal with it. Work some of that angel magic shit or whatever.”

“How are they?”

You had met Sam a few times and Cas only once. Learning that he was an angel was a bit of a shock. Despite listening to Dean's stories, sometimes you wished he was kidding about there being another world of dangerous supernatural creatures.

But you thought that Cas was sweet.

 Your cheeks flush with embarrassment remembering the first time you met Cas, when Dean was undressing you in his bedroom and Cas teleported in because he forgot about normal things like knocking. Dean couldn’t stop laughing at you when you fell off the bed with a squeal at Cas’s appearance.

Of course he laughed. He wasn’t the one who was naked. And he wasn’t the one who had to have the awkward conversation with Cas later about the importance of knocking.

“Sam’s geeking out as usual, and Cas is-“ Dean pauses. “I don’t actually know where he is.”

“Did you lose him?” You laugh into the phone.

“No I think he said he had something he had to take care of. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“You really have to work on those listening skills babe. So, what’s the monster of the day?”

“Sam thinks Vampires.”

“Well he’s usually right.”

“Don’t tell him that. It’ll go to his head.”

You hear a metallic clink in the background and imagine Dean standing at the back of Baby, sorting through the arsenal of weapons.

There are so many red flags that I choose to ignore about this man. You think to yourself. The trunk of Dean's car was probably the biggest red flag, or it would be if you didn't know what Dean did for a living.

“I’m sure Sam already knows but let me text him real quick.”

“Y/n.”

“Please be careful.” You sigh tightening your grip on the phone. Trying not to worry about Dean was hard given the family history and his stories about what had happened to him already. The thought of one day getting a call from Sam to tell you that Dean was dead haunted you.

"I'm always-" Dean begins to say.

"No. No you're not."

"I am."

"Dean."

"I'm careful enough."

At least it’s only vampires. You reason to yourself with a sigh. I can't believe that's something I've ever thought.

You hated it when Dean told you about some of the worse creatures out there, hated everything that he had been through over the years. But vampires were easier, you guessed, or at least he never seemed to be too worried about vampires.

He will be fine. He's with Sam. Sam knows what he's doing, Cas will probably show up and help.

The sound of your roommate and her boyfriend watching T.V bleeds through the thin walls. Cooper mumbles something to Suze that makes her giggle.

Why can’t they just leave?

"I can hear your frown on the phone. What's wrong?" Dean asks.

“Um." You bite the inside of your cheek to avoid saying what's on your mind. You and Dean had never talked about Cooper before. Dean knew that Suze was "dating" someone, but he had never met him.

"Y/n? You still there doll?"

"Well, my roommate's boyfriend is here and there are thin walls." You begin slowly.

"Oh so you get a front row seat to all the reunion sex." Dean laughs. “Probably payback for whenever I stay with you.”

He thinks he’s so clever.

Your cheeks flush bright red. "Well yes, but at least we try to be quiet. They’re really loud." You press your lips together in a tight line, briefly wondering where your noise canceling headphones are. "But, it’s not funny. He's kinda creepy-"

"What?" Dean's tone changes from flirty to serious. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know he's-" You shrug as if he can see it. "He's okay."

"You're gonna need to give me more detail that that sweetheart,"

Dean's silver ring warms between your thumb and forefinger as you bite your lip. You had begun wearing it around your neck on a chain. It was comforting, a reminder of the promise he made to you 3 months ago that he hadn't broken.

"Well, the last time he was here I kinda thought he was coming on to me." You confess.

"What?"

"I mean, Suze had just left for work and he asked me if I wanted to get something to eat. But it kinda felt like he was asking me out. And then there was this other time when he walked in while I was changing-"  You shut yout eyes, waiting for Dean's response.

“He came into your room while you were changing?” You can hear the clench of Dean’s jaw in his voice.

Dean was always fiercely protective of you, a trait that you had never found attractive until you met him. It made you unafraid when you went out late to a bar together or when he sat with you in the library in the middle of the night, or when you went on a pizza run at 2 am. Knowing that Dean was there made you fearless in the best way.

“He made a mistake and he apologized.” You wave a hand in front of you as if trying to brush away the thought. “Plus he’ll be gone in a few days and then you’ll be here. You are still coming this weekend right?"

You think about the sneer and the taunt Cooper gave you when you got home about Dean blowing you off. You knew that Dean wasn’t cheating. Sure he was flirty, but you trusted him. If anything Dean probably worried more about you cheating, but you wouldn’t do that to him, couldn’t do that to him, not after everything he’d been through.  You couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else, didn’t want to. Perhaps that scared you a little, how much you needed him. You’d never needed anybody else before.

"Yes. I’m only two states away and I promise I’m going to make it this time.” The plea for understanding is clear in his voice. “I’m sorry about last time-“

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand. I really miss you though. I wore your jacket today but it doesn’t smell enough like you anymore.”

“You’re weird.”

“You love it.”

“Yes I do.” His voice is softer when he says it, sending pins and needles across your skin. “Did you eat today?” Dean's voice is tinged with worry.

He knew your tendency to forget something like that, especially when you were studying or stressed about a test. Whenever he’d visit, Dean always showed up with food and a bag of snacks that he shoved into your room by your desk so you would remember to eat something when he wasn’t there. It was the question he always asked you because he knew that no matter how intrenched you were in studying it would be enough to pull out of the hole and send you into the kitchen.

“Not yet.”

“Doll-“

“I know. I’ll go out and get something in a bit.” You fiddle with the ring.

“I’d feel better if you ate something now.” Dean says.

“It’s okay I just forgot-“

“Y/n.” He sighs your name, but you still love the way it sounds.

“I know. I’ll wait until Cooper and Suze leave, they’re still watching T.V. I don’t really want to walk out there again.” You press your lips together in a tight line remembering his eyes on you and what he said about considering your options.

Yeah, not going to mention THAT to Dean.

Dean doesn’t say anything for a second. “Who is this guy again?”

“Someone she met at a frat party forever ago. Basically on and off fuck buddy until something better comes around. At least for him anyway.” You remember the last time they broke up and what a mess Suze was. It had made you feel guilty enough to sit with her one night and watch a few rom coms and hold a box of tissues.

No one should go through a break up alone.

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t know he’s just kinda creepy. Sometimes I think he’s staring at me or whatever. Maybe I’m paranoid.”

“You should go to the bunker for a few days-“ Dean begins to say.

“I’ve got class- plus it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Y/n, I don’t want you staying there with him.”

“Come on it was you that taught me a few maneuvers to get someone to back off.” Your smile turns more into a smirk. “I actually remember you teaching me a few other things too, but I don’t remember those being used to push someone away. I remember those things being better when you’re really close to someone. Might need a refresh when you get here, as I recall I was a good student, very eager to learn.”

“Don’t tease me right now. I really miss you. It’s been too long.” Dean groans into the phone.

“I know. I miss you too. But you’ll be here in a few days and my brain will no longer be mushy and I’ll be all yours.”

“Can’t wait.”

"Be careful."

"I will."

"Tell Sam and Cas I say hi."

"Okay. Text me when you go to bed and please get something to eat.”

"Okay. I will."

"Bye Sweetheart."

"Bye Dean."

When you hang up you feel the weight settle in the pit of your stomach again.

All I have to do is last til the weekend. 3 days, more like 2 1/2 because Dean will be here on Friday. You think to yourself with a sigh.

You lay on your back for a minute thinking about what you planned for the weekend. There was a vintage car show happening only an hour away and knew that Dean would not want to miss that, especially if it meant showing off Baby and spending time with you. When you first started dating officially, Dean had taken you to one a few states over, and had been surprised when he realized you knew almost as much about cars as he did.  Your dad’s obsession with them lead to a childhood of car shows and junkyards and meant you had a healthy dose of car knowledge. You probably would have been a mechanical engineer if you hadn’t liked medicine more.

But then that meant you never would have met Dean. You wouldn’t have been living at the apartment where he collapsed in the hallway with jagged scratches up his chest and a bite mark on his shoulder.  That meant that you wouldn’t have dragged a complete stranger inside and treated his wounds while he complained like a baby and lied about how he got them.

Dean never got better at lying to you. You smile at the memory that's quickly followed by the one of when he chose you. However, you didn’t know that he had chosen you the day that a complete stranger pulled him into their apartment and began to take care of him better than anyone ever had.

The sound of Cooper and Suze laughing pulls you out of your head for a second and brings the weight back down on your stomach.

You just had to survive to the weekend. How hard could it be?

****************************************

The next two days trickle by. Another test rears it's ugly head, a pop quiz darkens your doorstep, and an overnight shift at the library causes you to drag your feet all over campus. But you welcome it. It meant that you weren't in the apartment long enough to be around Cooper. A welcome bonus to having a busy week, because you couldn't find your noise cancelling headphones and one night was enough.

Dean hadn't been able to call, only text you to let you know that he was still coming and that he was alive. It wasn't the same as hearing his voice.

But you made it to Thursday night, that meant that you would be seeing Dean in less than 24 hours and the anticipation was killing you. You could hardly wait to see him, wished that you could sleep through the next few hours and wake up with Dean.

The apartment is quiet when you creep into the kitchen for a late-night snack, quiet enough that you figured Suze and Cooper had gone to bed a while ago. You couldn't figure out why he was still here. He did not often sleep over, usually Cooper would stay for a few hours and then high tail it to whatever rock he crawled out from under.

The kitchen was small, divided from the living room by a large bar bolted to the ground that ran from one wall and jutted out into the beginning of the hallway that led to your room. It meant that there was only one way in and out of the kitchen, past the refrigerator. Suze's room was directly across from the living room and the front door while yours was further back in the apartment down the dark hallway that also held the bathroom.

You stand up on your toes to reach into the cabinet for the peanut butter. Suze was taller than you and often forgot to leave it on a lower shelf, despite all the times you reminded her.

Come on. Your hand finally closes around the jar-

"Hey." A voice says behind you.

You jump up and hit your head on the cabinet door. "Ow." You groan turning around with the peanut butter jar in your hand, and rubbing the bump with your other one.

Cooper is leaning against the refrigerator door shirtless, wearing a pair of dark boxers that are slung low on his hips. His appearance makes the warm feeling of excitement that you have over seeing Dean so soon fizzle up and die.

I don't have time for this right now.

"Cooper. I didn’t see you. Um- where’s Suze?" You keep your voice even as you look away to get a butter knife in the drawer to your left.

Maybe he'll just go away. You hoped, but honestly you knew it was wishful thinking.

"She’s asleep." Cooper runs a hand through his reddish hair to push it back from his face.

"Oh. Did you need something?" You continue to act like you don't care that he's there, when it's taking all your willpower not to go back to your room. You don't like how dark it is in the kitchen, or the way that his eyes keep tracing your frame. It wasn't that you were wearing anything revealing, you were wearing one of Dean's soft t-shirts that hung past your waist and a pair of gray sweatpants.

But under his gaze you felt, naked.

"I just thought that I’d come talk to you." He sounds casual, nonchalant.

"Why?" You spread peanut butter over the piece of bread before moving it back towards the jar.

"Well, I thought we should talk about us."

Your knife stops halfway in its path. "Us?"

"Come on. It’s obvious that you’re into me."

"What?" You look up at him, face scrunching in confusion.

What the hell is he talking about? You think about all the times you left the room immediately when he walked in, and think about whenever he tried to start a conversation and you smiled tightly and nodded before coming up with an excuse to leave. When have I ever acted like I was into him? If anything I've made it painfully obvious that I don't like him.

Cooper is watching you with the same smirk he had two days ago when he asked you to consider your options. "You’ve been avoiding me because you can’t stand to see Suze and me together."

"No I haven't."

"You have." He smirks wider. "But it's okay. I get it."

"Get what?"

"I get why you're into me. Everyone is."

"I'm not." Your mouth turns downward into a frown.

You don’t have to pretend.” He traces his eyes up and down your body once more, causing a shudder to travel down your spine. “Because I’m into you too.”

“Cooper-“ You breathe, hand tightening on the knife in your hand that is still frozen in the air in front of you.

The temperature in the room seems to have dropped fifty degrees.

“Don’t try to deny it. You always get that cute little flush in your cheeks when you see me.”

“I don’t.”

How many times do I have to say no to this idiot? Is he really that stupid? You wonder to yourself.

“Sure you do. It’s adorable.” Cooper rolls off the refrigerator to take a step into the kitchen. “And I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Sorry that guy Dean is jerking you around. I’d never do something like that.” His eyes flash in the dim light coming from one of the lamps in the living room.

“He’s not jerking me around-“

“He keeps disappointing you. Let me make you feel better.” Cooper puts his hand on the edge of the bar. He’s still a good 4 feet away, but it’s enough to block you in.

If you wanted to leave the kitchen, you’d have to push past him. And the thought of you touching him or him touching you sends another shiver down your spine.

“Look Cooper. I’m not into you. And as for Dean, our relationship is none of your business-“

“Some relationship. He comes up with those stupid family emergency excuses and ditches you. Do you have any idea what I’d do to you if you were all mine? I’d never leave you ever-“

His confession makes the disgust come roaring back through your chest, followed by the sour taste of bile when you think about what's going to have to happen if he doesn't move out of your way.

You take in a deep breath, standing tall to face him. "But I’m not yours, and I don't want to be yours ever. I’m saying no. No to whatever warped reality you’ve come up with in your head. No to you and me doing anything further. No to me being into you." Your eyes narrow. "And that means two things can happen: one, you go back in that room with your girlfriend or two, we’re going to have a problem. Honestly,  I hope you pick door number one because I’m really tired.” Your hand tightens on the knife.

The truth was you weren’t afraid, more disgusted. If you screamed loud enough Suze would hear you and you also still had a knife in your hand hovering between the two of you. It was more the principle of what was happening that was disturbing, his inability to listen to you, to hear you say no.

“Well I think a know a few ways to wake you up baby.”

"I'm not your baby." You snap.

"You could be-"

"Hard pass."

"Aww come on don’t be like that. We both know you want me." Cooper moves forward a step dragging his hand along the counter.

You back up so that the drawers are biting into your back, knife covered in peanut butter clutched in your hand.

Just because you had taken an oath to heal people didn’t mean you were going to let him walk all over you.

"How many times do I have to say no?” You shout, not caring if you wake up Suze, not caring if you wake up the whole damn apartment building.

"Come on it’s been a while for you hasn’t it? That guy Dean’s been stringing you along, hasn’t been taking care of you. I bet he's selfish, doesn’t take care of your needs. You’re saying no to me for him? I guarantee even a few minutes with me will be well worth it. I bet you I can make you feel things that guy can’t.” He takes another step forward so that you’re almost chest to chest. “So why don’t we go back to your room and I’ll-“

Cooper’s body is yanked backward through the air so fast you get whiplash, cutting off his next words.

What the-

Someone is standing there, hand on Cooper’s throat, pinning him to the black refrigerator so tight against the metal that you’re sure it'll leave a dent. The magnets scatter at the feet of the two men, clattering against the floor sharply.

“She said no asshole.” Dean’s low growl vibrates through his chest and you realize the figure towering over Cooper is your boyfriend.

Your wonderful, sweet boyfriend, who told you he was going to be here in the morning, but wanted to surprise you. Relief courses through your veins at his appearance and you let out a shaky breath to compose yourself.

Dean towers over Cooper, who isn’t tall enough to look over his broad shoulders, let alone be as intimidating as Dean. Cooper's gangly frame and short stature made him look like a hobbit compared to Dean's muscular and tall body.

The heat of Dean’s anger burns through the air of the small kitchen as his eyes narrow, staring Cooper down with pure hatred.

“What the hell? Who are you?” Cooper sputters, clawing at Dean’s grip, but Dean doesn’t move. Scarier still is the fact that Dean is acting like Cooper weighs nothing at all, holding him a foot in the air so he can look into Dean's rage filled gaze.

"Cooper, this is Dean, my boyfriend." You say, finding your voice. "The guy that you said has been 'jerking me around.'" You form air quotes around the words. "Maybe you'd like to discuss our relationship with us, since you have so many interesting suggestions."

Cooper's eyes widen when he realizes who Dean is. "Whoa wait a minute I didn't do anything!"

You'd only seen Dean lose it once before, when you were at a bar late and a guy shoved you out of the way to get a drink at the bar. Dean broke his pinky on the guy's face, but he had looked so good doing it. You told him so as you set his pinky later.

Cooper gasps. "I didn't touch her-"

“What you did was enough.” Dean's face is contorted in fury.

“Wait a minute, come on. She’s acting like a fucking tease! You’re never here, she’s always prancing around in these little outfits-“ Cooper lies, grasping at whatever he can to save his own skin.

“Not her style.”

"Please I didn't know you were here-" Cooper twists his body with his plea, but Dean doesn't let go.

"Even if I wasn't, it doesn't give you the right to touch her." Dean spits.

“Cooper?” You turn your head towards the voice and notice Suze standing in the doorway of her bedroom with wide eyes. Her gaze traces over Dean. “What happened?”

“Hey baby.” Cooper smiles at her, his eyes still wide. “We just had a little disagreement that’s all-“ His hands find purchase against the front of Dean's red flannel shirt.

“A little disagreement?” Dean seethes. “Your asshole of a boyfriend was coming on to my girl.” His hand tightens on Cooper’s neck.

“What?” Suze looks Cooper wide eyed before looking at you. "Is that true?"

"Yes." You say gesturing with the peanut butter knife that you forgot was in your hand, before you place it down on the counter, no longer needing it.

Dean's got this.

"Baby come on." Cooper looks at Suze. "Do you think I would do something like that?"

Suze stands there for a minute looking from Dean, to Cooper, to me. "I don’t know.”

“You know me-“ Cooper smiles despite the situation, hoping that she can get Dean to back off. “You know I love you. You think I would throw you away just because a slut like her comes on to me-“

It’s enough for Dean. The sharp crack of Cooper’s nose breaking beneath Dean’s fist fills you with an ungodly amount of pleasure.

Suze's scream pierces the air as she watches the blood begin to flow down Cooper’s chin and onto his bare chest.

“If you ever talk to her, look at her, or try to touch her again,” Deans voice is a growl. “I’ll break more than just your nose.” He drops Cooper, who slides to the floor holding his broken nose.

Dean then grabs your arm and hauls you through the kitchen and into your bedroom, ignoring the string of curses that pour from Cooper’s mouth.

As soon as the door of your bedroom closes behind you, Dean pulls you against him. You can’t help but melt into his warm embrace, the disgusting feeling that rose with Cooper’s attempts to get you in bed fading away.

"Are you okay?" Dean's voice is tight with the force of his anger, but one of his hands moves up and down your back in a soothing motion.

"Yeah." You breathe, cuddling further into his chest.

The smell of leather, metal, and something spicy that you ascribe to your boyfriend makes the hole that opened in you while he was away close. It soothes whatever residual anxiety you had over what almost happened in the kitchen. You rub your face against his warm flannel with a smile, but when you turn your gaze upwards, you realize that Dean isn’t staring down at you like you thought he would be, he’s staring at the door. You can hear Suze and Cooper shouting at one another and it's quickly followed by the slam of the front door that you hope means that Cooper is gone and wouldn't come back ever.

“Dean?” You whisper.

“I should go out there and tear his fucking head off." Dean growls, tightening his grip on your waist.

"Hey. It's okay-"

"No it's not." Dean spits looking down at you. "Nothing that just happened is okay."

"I know." You soothe. "But it's okay. You handled it. I'm pretty sure that Cooper is never going to bother me again-"

"If he ever shows up here. I don't care if you have classes or a test, you call me immediately and come to the bunker. I don't want you here with him." Dean says, his green eyes piercing. "Promise me."

Dean knew better than anyone that you never broke your promises, no matter how big they seemed.

"I promise."

"Okay." Dean's jaw is still tight, but the tension in his shoulders loosens for a second when he looks at you, until finally he sighs. "I missed you." Dean's thumb brushes against your cheek.

"I missed you too. It was such a nice surprise for you to come early." You smile at him, before arching upwards to kiss him, but as soon as your lips meet, Dean winces, his right hand tightening subconsciously on your waist.

"Ow." He hisses, face scrunching up.

"Dean what's wrong?" Your eyes widen with worry. You reach up to cup his cheek, but Dean makes a face leaning away from your touch.

"Vampire got a few lucky hits in." Dean groans.

"What?" You turn on the lamp on your bedside table.

Both the kitchen and your room had been dark enough to hide the discoloration and swelling of Dean's face, but now that he was in the light you understood why he moved away from your touch. As soon as you turn back to look at him, your mouth drops open noting the split lip, the ugly purple bruise that circles his right eye, and the swelling of his jaw. "Dean!"

"I'm okay sweetheart." He tries to smile, but his lip twitches.

"Where else does it hurt?" You ask him gently touching his face where the skin is bruised.

"Just my ribs-"

You immediately grab the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up and off him with a gasp when you see what's underneath.

"Little eager aren't you doll?" Dean tries to laugh, but winces with the movement.

Black and blue marks mar the muscular skin of his abdomen and curve around the right side of his rib cage in a sickening pattern.

"Oh Dean." You whisper, heart breaking for him when you imagine how much this must have hurt.

"I'm okay baby." He says again, thumb stroking against your waist. "You just gotta be gentle with me tonight."

"You might have a broken rib or a perforated lung-"

"Y/n." Dean sighs. "I'm okay."

"This is more than a few lucky hits." You pull yourself reluctantly from his grasp and walk around him to see his back, following the black and blue trail with your gaze. "THAT’S A BOOT PRINT!"

"Don't shout-"

"What happened to being careful?" You whisper yell looking up into his eyes.

"I was. They ambushed us." He shrugs, but winces again.

"Is Sam okay? Cas?"

If Dean looks this bad what about the others?

"I got the worst of it." Dean half-smiles, but you don't like the way his lip twitches when he does.

You wonder how much pain he was in when he pinned Cooper to the fridge, how much of it he was willing to ignore because you were in danger. The thought warms your heart. He was willing to endure the pain if it meant protecting you.

“Stay here. I’m going to get you some ice-“ You turn towards the bedroom door, but Dean blocks your exit.

“You’re not going back out there.”

“You need ice.”

“Don’t care.”

“Dean-“

“I promise it doesn’t hurt that bad.” His hands find your waist again. “I missed you.” Dean says again.

"I missed you too." You can’t help but smile back moving to hug him, but you stop when he winces. “Dean-“

“I’m fine.” He leans down to kiss you but groans in pain as soon as your lips brush against his. Dean sighs, pressing his forehead against yours. “This is not how I wanted tonight to go."

“And how exactly did you want it to go?” You smirk up at him.

“Well for starters I didn’t want it to begin with that asshole trying to-“ Dean’s jaw clenches so tight together that you’re afraid he’s going to hurt himself. His eyes darken with anger, as he remembers what almost happened in the kitchen.

“Dean I’m okay.” You whisper again. "But thank you. It means more to me to know that you were hurt and yet you were still in there protecting me." Your hand traces over his chest as soft as you can without hurting him.

"I'll always protect you." Dean presses his forehead against yours. "I didn't like the way you sounded on the phone the other day and I wanted to come see you early, didn't want to leave you with him alone."

"Thank you. I'm glad you came when you did." You kiss him on the neck, because it's the only place that you can without hurting him.

Dean sighs. "I can't believe those damn vampires jumped me. I've really missed you." He puts his head on your shoulder, crumbling into you with a sigh.

You sink into the warmth that comes from his body, dragging your hands through his hair while he tightens his arms around your waist with a groan.

"Baby is it okay if we just go to bed? I know that you wanted to-" Dean trails off, mumbling into your shirt.

"Yes it's okay if we just go to bed." You laugh. "I care more about you having broken ribs or a concussion than having sex with you."

"Really? Because we could try-"

“No. I don't want to hurt you, plus I'm also kind of tired. I had a long few days." You soothe. Your hands continue to slip through his hair. "But if you're not going to let me get you some ice, please at least take some Tylenol.”

"Fine." Dean grumbles into your shoulder.

When he falls asleep, you stay up and watch the gentle way his breath moves through his chest and watch how the wear fades from his face leaving him years younger. Worry still tugs at your heart as you examine the bruises and discoloration of his face and you stop yourself from dragging a fingertip over his features for fear of hurting him. Instead, you tuck the covers up around him, settling against him. His arm tightens around your waist in his sleep, pulling you tighter against his bare chest with a sigh. And as you curl into his chest you forget the events of the night and allow yourself to be lost in feel of his heartbeat against your hand and the soft sound of Dean's breath.

*******************************************************

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#spn #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #dean winchester x you #spnfandom #supernatural fandom #dean winchester fanfiction #supernatural #spn fanfiction #dean winchester fic #dean x you #supernatural fanfic series

[atxxzist]

sweetest lies | c.s (02)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x f!reader

word count: 7.3k

warning: not any i can think of

a/n: not much drama but lots of trips down memory lane

in all honesty, you can't remember when the line between respect and infatuation started to blur when it came to yunho.

you met him at the age of twelve, just as you were about to enter junior high. you had found him crying outside the choi's residence one afternoon, and was shocked by the news; both of his parents' passing and that he was now one of them, because the choi only had one son and he was nothing like the sweet and obedient boy in front of you.

despite him being younger, you had a lot of respect for him because he was smart and treated everyone he ever came across with only nothing but kindness.

yunho wasn't only well mannered and pleasing to the eyes, but he was hardworking--a trait that made him incredibly easy to like, although you did felt bad at times because you were afraid he was pushing himself to meet the expectations of those around him.

but he was never fazed by any of it--the hard work, or the efforts he had to go to. he simply did it because he wanted to.

by the time he finished high school, he had enough trophies, medals, and certificates to fill his entire room.

yunho💕: can we please talk

the sigh that leaves you is both the contrasting combination of irritation but also relieved, because you weren't sure what was gonna happen after last night.

if you were gonna have to be the one to go out of your way to settle things or whatever they are at this point.

you leave him on seen just long enough to be petty, until another text comes.

yunho💕: i'll come to your workplace after you get out?

y/n: 👍

yunho is there and waiting for you just like he said he would, the moment you catch the other's gaze, you think he must've swallowed down some tension. he usually isn't one who's ever nervous about anything.

it's a lot of awkward fidgeting and humming under breaths until you two agree on a bench just outside of the office, just about when the area's cleared of most of your coworkers.

it's like an air of dreaded silence, considering you've never got into a fight with yunho before, the moment feels never-ending.

"h-how are you feeling?" he asks, everything about his voice to the question surprising you.

a part of you wishes he had said something else, or at least for the delivery to come out meaner just so you'll have another reason to get over him and not think about the million others why you can't.

"how do you think i'm feeling?" you reply, a little snappy in nature that yunho almost wants to be surprise by the tone, but he knows better than anyone that that's just how you are.

you have a way of showing emotions, often times flip flopping between vulnerable and cynical, the latter of which he always believe to be a defense mechanism.

"sorry..." he mumbles, like the word falling out of defeat. "i should've told you sooner. i mean... i was going to."

you can't help the scoff that slips despite yunho doing his very best to make the conversation as tame as a situation like this can be. but you suppose you also hold some rights to complain and be a bitch about it.

"yeah, but you didn't. i had to walk in on you and my own sister myself."

yunho recoils from the sentence, your delivery poking at something he's not sure what is, but he knows he don't like it.

"i didn't know you were coming," is all he says, calm in his voice but also ominous to a degree.

you cross your arms, continuing to stare ahead. the entire time, the both of you haven't looked at the other once.

"i was able to get off early and texted you like a bunch of times."

"i don't always have the constant need to check my phone, so i'm sorry."

he's apologizing, but there's an impatient edge to his voice that if you just continue pushing it, he will burst; at least it feels like it, the undertone of his response not sitting well with you.

a moment of unpleasant silence passes before you speak again.

"so it's true what san told me? all this time, you've always had someone else? and you've never thought of telling me any of it?" that same hurt and betrayal multiplying by the second just bringing up the reminder.

you add on, "and of all people, that someone is my sister? just when exactly did it even fucking happened?"

yunho opens his mouth to say something only to retreat with a sigh instead, waiting for just long enough in order for the appropriate words to strike.

"it just kind of happened naturally, i guess."

naturally. it stings more than it should, the visual in your head of the progression day by day as your sister's smile or small quirks catches the interests of yunho to the point he falls for her, and she falls in return.

that he sees what everyone else sees, and it's the part you hate the most.

the attraction toward one another built on a foundation similar to gravity where one cannot help but to be pulled toward each other. unlike you and yunho. even if you were magnet, he most likely still wouldn't stick.

no matter how much you try pushing the thought away; know that you're being immature and unreasonable, bitter is a feeling you've always acted on.

consumed by the jealousy and rage that your sister once again, took something from you.

"oh... i see," you murmur, yunho could've missed it if he wasn't next to you, but he can hear very clearly how your voice drops after, following with a dry chuckle that makes him turn head.

"tell me, what is so special after her?" you hold his gaze, your head now tilted as the mean and mocking look in your eyes says everything. "what made you fall this hard when i was the one who was actually by your side?"

now you're starting to really push it, yunho doing his best to contain the brewing temper but you have such a way with words that knows how to hit exactly where it hurts.

"she's really that fucking good, huh? that you--"

"--stop talking about your sister like that!"

the outburst takes you by surprise, your body flinching at the sudden crank of volume, yunho sounding and looking the most angry you've ever seen since almost 11 years ago when a group of boys were picking on you.

"can you for once, leave your sister's name out of your mouth?"

his heaving chest and stern look on his face is something entirely new. you didn't even think yunho could ever be this pissed off about anything before.

it leaves you speechless, your mind scrambling for something to say in return just to make yourself feel a little better.

"this is exactly why i couldn't tell you," he says, now calming down but still serious as he runs a hand through the front of his hair. "i knew you wouldn't be able to face the truth."

“because he didn’t want to hurt you,” he unveils, much to your stunned reaction. “he knew you’d lash out and act exactly the way you did when you saw them back at the party.”

"and what would that be?" you push, really setting yourself up for all the hurt and pain that's about to come because yunho is absolutely right.

"that me and your sister love each other."

his words sink in like a bad ache, your brain still refusing to accept the pain receptors but it's all very real. the heavy and uncomfortable sensation running through your chest and the curling of your grip as they tighten.

you don't wish to hear any more of how perfect they are for each other, or more specifically, how more perfect she is for him than you.

"but i love you, too."

it's awful and cringe and makes you regret it the second it comes out, but you literally couldn't think of anything else.

"no..." yunho talks under his breath, shaking his head. "i'm not sure you've ever really loved me."

you draw back slightly, the puzzled expression on like he's accused you of a crime you didn't commit.

"i don't think you love me," he finishes off.

yunho didn't want to tell you (just yet) for numerous reasons. the fact you wouldn't be able to accept the truth is one thing, but he mainly held it back for this long because he didn't want to hurt you.

no matter how frustrating you can be at times, often than most acting on impulse and letting the unreasonable voice in your head get the better of you, he didn't want to be another someone who had let you down.

disappointed you and tossed you away; and for your sister of all people.

he grew up with you and watched as you go from a somewhat lively and carefree person to the one you are today.

how, you actually used to love and care for your younger sister, always by her side to protect her and fend off anyone who thought any less of her.

he's watched and sat through dinners and social events of family members comparing the two of you, able to vividly recall the both embarrassed and sad look on your face when they'd all praise her instead.

how much prettier, smarter, and better she is than you.

and he was definitely there when your parents sidelined you for your sister's accomplishments, over the years also a witness to the relationship that soon turned sour and leaving a huge wall between you guys.

he can't remember the last time you two even spoke to one another without all the lingering tension and bitterness up in the air.

so he more than anyone knows how much of a sore spot just talking about your sister is, the prolonging of the revelation one that is to protect you from the hurt he knew you'd undoubtedly experience.

but he's afraid that it's been going on too long; the need to tear the band aid right off and tell you everything for what it is.

"of course i love you, yunho." your soft tone rips him from the thought and to the desperation in your eyes.

"if you love me then you would be happy for me."

you've never been shy of letting such a thing be known, whether saying it outright or making implications of it. yunho always well aware to the fact that you've been silently hoping he'd take matters into his own hands one day and ask you the long awaited question or say those three words.

but truth be told, even if it wasn't your sister, it would've been someone else.

not because he don't think you are wonderful and worth loving in your own little ways, but because ever since he turned 18 and graduated high school, his cognition much more developed and refined, he was sure of a suspicion he had quite some time ago: that you don't actually love him. at least not for the right reasons.

"how can i be happy for you when it's her of all people? you know how she makes me feel!"

that all or most of it is just to one-up your sister, this twisted game having turned into obsession and masked under the pretense of love, succeeding in convincing yourself to believe it as well.

"i know that you've spent all your life being compared to her, and i understand... but don't you think it's time to grow up a little and start facing those issues?" his voice turns a serious, reprimanding tone without coming off too harsh.

"i'm not some trophy to be won over to prove who's better, and just because i like your sister doesn't make you any less. i'm sorry that the adults were so awful to you growing up, but it's time you start loving yourself. not look to someone else for validation just to feel better temporarily, but i want you to be happy..."

he pauses to catch his breath, an empathetic expression washing over before closing it off.

"i should've told you sooner, i'm sorry. i was a coward. but i don't want to carry any more baggages or be responsible for someone else's entire self esteem. let's free ourselves... from each other."

you stay quiet and yunho's not sure what to make of the lack of reactions, but although he's said everything he's always wanted to, the guilt blooming in his chest weighs heavy; it's always been too easy to sympathize with you.

another reason he's sure made you cling onto him as hard as you did, was because he was really the only person to accept you for who you are.

yunho never asked for anything, or for you to change.

if someone was to tell you that one day, you'd go out of your way to look for san, you would've laughed and told them to go fuck themself.

but you're standing in front of the door to his condo--somehow surprisingly able to recall the location just from the trip earlier today, and silently going over everything currently wrong with your life and how you have no one else to talk to about your problems but san.

the one person you swore up and down to that you wouldn't even give the time of day to if you and him were the last people on earth, but now seeming like the only option.

you place a few knocks but for all you know, he might not even be home. he could be back at his parents' place or fucking off somewhere else.

the door comes apart when you were least expecting it, san's figure standing before you with his black shirt, sweatpants, and hooded beanie.

his rather dull pair of eyes turning a wide one when he sees it's you. it's not everyday that you'd come waddling through the front of his doorstep. or at all.

"i thought christmas is still a month away," he remarks lightheartedly, the comment honestly slipping before he can even fully process the strangeness of the situation, or the fact you obviously look like you had been crying.

"can i come in?" you ask, the soft, vulnerability of the question takes san a step back because he most definitely expected a snide comment in return.

"yeah, sure..." he replies hesitantly, widening the door and moving aside but unable to help but be suspicious that at any given moment, you just might come clear it’s all just a cruel joke.

you stay still in position, gaze fixated on the interior that you saw this morning until you hear the shutting of the door and snaps around.

"missed the place already?" he lets another one slip, a smirk at the corner of his lips that prompts an eye roll from you.

but he might just be doing it because he's not sure what to make of a conversation if you're both not spewing hateful things to each other's faces, or that he just remembered what he said to you this morning and feels just the slightest awful about it.

the complete and utter silence from you makes the scene both uneasy and unsettling, he lingers in the awkwardness for a few more seconds before opening his mouth, only for you to beat him with words that's been dying to get out.

"i'm uhm... i'm sorry," you utter lowly, sounding and appearing ashamed by the way your fingers fiddle with each other at your front, san almost can't believe it.

"pardon?"

"i'm sorry, about this morning."

because all it took for you to realize how pathetically nonexistent your social life is, or that you practically chased off anyone who has ever given the slightest fuck about you, is that other than yunho, you're not sure who else to confine in.

who can stand you and listen to your problems; and now that he's the cause of it, the lack of a support system you have is quite eye opening in a depressing sort of way.

"oh," he says, sounding similar to a whisper and eyes downcasting to the floor for a quick second. "it's fine, really. i didn't think too much of it."

not of what you said because you've definitely spewed worse things before, but he did think a lot about what he said and how carried away he got.

you might've called him a manwhore and told him to fuck off more times than he can count, and he'd retaliate with sensual remarks bordering offensive, but there seems to be some kind of unspoken ground rules between the two of you and he might've broken it.

he still grew up with you nonetheless and holds some weird, sentimental value over the fact.

you just nod, both of your body language so unusual and the atmosphere oddly pleasant.

he breaks the silence with a rather heartfelt apology, "i'm also sorry. that was a really mean thing to say."

"no." you shake your head to rebut. "you were right. i was just in denial."

your mind races back to the departure not even two hours ago, like you can almost hear yunho's voice through the flashback.

"you should probably start heading back. it's cold out here," yunho says, the swift glance at your attire makes him wonder how you're not shivering just yet.

"i can walk you to your car," he adds.

"i'll be fine."

your cold, cut-throat tone stops him dead in his track, yunho only able to stare as he tries to predict your next movement.

"you can go."

the words die in yunho's throat, a tiny protest on the horizon but he knows it's best if he leaves you alone for now. take the time to dwell in your own emotions as you try to process the changes, and eventually and hopefully, accept them.

he nods, clearing his throat the same time he stands up and takes one last look at you, giving into the last thing he wants to tell you.

"i hope you won't think of it as a loss, but instead, i want you to see it as an opportunity to find yourself."

"also, thank you for looking after me last night. if you didn't, i most definitely would've ended up on the news, or worse."

san's stoic expression soon morphs into a somewhat cocky smile at that, one eyebrow raising to complement it.

"this day cannot get any weirder. i mean, not that i'm complaining." he shrugs, and it makes you want to yell at him for ruining the moment.

"no, really. thanks to your stalkerish behavior, i was able to wake up in one piece," you snark playfully, half expecting him to be offended, but it has the opposite effect with his smile growing even bigger.

it's not the first time he so shamelessly takes pride in the fact.

most of your greetings or first words upon seeing him always within the line of "did you follow me?" given ever since your parents got acquainted with the neighbors next door and forced you kids to get along, choi san has had a knack for following you since the mere age of nine.

you still remember his much smaller figure back then trailing behind you and around the entire perimeter of the gated community, annoyingly pleading for you to play with him or else he's gonna wipe his boogers on you.

he was very much a kid of his words and had done exactly what he said he would when you told him to get lost, smudging your new shirt with what he'd call "shrek" because he was a disgusting nine year old boy who liked to name his boogers.

it was the first out of many that you made him cry, retaliating with a hard push to his shoulders that sent his frail body to the cement, and in turn, got you in trouble.

(if you try that now, you'll get it handed to you)

it was the start of your dislike for him that only seemed to grow the older you two got. because san went from being a defenseless little kid whose most threatening act was to tell your parents, to a middle schooler with wider, meaner vocabularies, and by the time he entered high school, you practically had no chance against him.

if he wanted to corner you in a room or put another of his snot on your new shirt, you were just gonna have to put up with it.

"how do you, by chance, always know where i'm at?" you ask genuinely, thinking back to all the instances he just so happened to be there.

"you're predictable," he simply says, making you raise an eyebrow in response, wondering if that's the case or if he just pays way too much attention to you, which, you never fully understood.

you both existed to piss off the other person, but san always knew more about you than the other way around.

"hmm," you dismiss it with a hum, followed by a pretentious act of checking the surrounding because you have a big favor to ask him, and your lips at the moment feels like they don't want to cooperate.

"san," you call even somewhat sweet-sounding, it might be the calmest you've ever said his name, watching as some kind of amusement takes over him and he reacts with a head tilt, hands shoved inside the pockets of his pants, replying with a cool, "yeah?"

"can i stay over? just for tonight?"

you almost expect him to crack a snarky comment, something in the fashion of how he's been waiting for this day where you practically get on your knees and beg for his help, but where you're predictable, san is quite the surprise.

he doesn't drop any smart comments or take the very tempting chance of rubbing your helplessness in your face.

he just nods and proceeds to state, "but you're gonna have to tell me why you're here."

you scoff.

"you literally already know why i'm here."

you think you're gonna go crazy if you have to retell (and relive) yours and yunho's 'relationship', and how disillusioned you were in all of its expectation.

"yes, but i'm gonna need to know how you managed to piss off so many people for you to show up here of all places."

you didn't have many friends growing up, san recalling you being tough as a nail and frightening most of the kids away, girls and boys.

most of the time, if you weren't busy sniffing yunho up who was right by your side, you were alone at a table ripping stickers from sticker sheets and decorating the journal he's seen you with since the first day he got moved to the same school.

he still doesn't know what's in it, but he knows you gave a kid a black eye once when they tried to steal it.

the only other people he's ever seen you with besides yunho, were hongjoong and seonghwa.

it was during his first ever college party, an invitation by a fellow classmate and now friend, mingi.

he might've had far too many drinks that night and a small makeout session that left his shirt wrinkled and neck stained with kiss marks that he just needed to find a restroom and get cleaned up; it being the first party and all.

that was how he winded up near the hallway of you and two males, one of them leaning on the wall with a drink in his hand, and the other debating with you as both of your voices fight to become the dominant one.

none of you guys noticed him as he quickly slipped into the found restroom, too entirely distracted by your own interests.

he assumed they were sophomores just like you, and he was right.

he wasn't as surprised that you were even capable of making new friends, but more so at the fact that yunho wasn't there.

probably the only instances he'd see you at a social or public event without yunho was when you were with them, sometimes even using either hongjoong or seonghwa to locate your whereabouts because you were whatever they were at.

his and your friend group even started banters on the occasion and just do stupid party shit together sometimes.

but by the time you were about to graduate and leave school, you stopped hanging out with them for some reason he never dared to ask.

it was a bummer for sure because san's never seen anyone just click with you as much as they did.

"it's complicated," you tell him when he finally brought up the question, seated across from you on the single sofa while you take occupancy of the big, modular one.

similar to how you've dealt with most of your problems, you don't like talking about it or reopening wounds of the past. but if you're gonna be using san as a getaway, you figure you owe him at least an answer.

something about his current state and attentiveness a telltale sign that you can trust him. though to be frank, you never felt threatened or endangered with san having so many knowledge of you in the palm of his hand. oddly.

you tell him of the last conversation you had with hongjoong before the both of you declared you two were better off without each other.

the conversation a heated one, but neither about stupid politics or gross food combinations.

one that ended nastily and with a lot of bad feelings that leaves enough grudge to fill an entire room, unable to bear the sight of the other for more than a minute at most.

"tonight. at chan's party. he said he can hook up some equipments and i can just bring my laptop. so it's like a reveal party or whatever," hongjoong informs over the phone.

"oh shit, tonight?" you repeat, pacing around your room to find something to wear.

"yeah."

"i uh... i can't," you break the news, catching yourself in the mirror and recoiling almost immediately because you know how much of a shit friend you're about to sound. "i promised yunho we'd catch a movie. i'm actually getting ready right now."

the silence from hongjoong's end makes you nervous, but it wouldn't be the first time you blew him and seonghwa off for yunho.

you realize that day, you have a limit, and it would only be fair that so does others.

"it's just a movie. can't you reschedule?"

the shift of tone going from cheerful and excited to impatient takes you by surprise, having to scramble quickly for what to say in response.

"i can't. yunho's gonna be busy for the rest of the week."

"okay? so am i. it's probably still gonna be in theaters for the next couple of weeks or so anyway."

"i already said i'm going and we're leaving in like 20 minutes," you say, the annoyance in your voice very clear to hongjoong.

"it's a fucking movie, y/n," he states, the more careful tone from before all gone, unable to believe you. "you're acting like it's not gonna be available online a month or two from now."

you fume through your nose, time running shorter as you spend it arguing with hongjoong over the phone.

"and it's a fucking song, hongjoong. show me on your laptop or send it some other time. beside, i already told you i'm not going to another college party for the rest of the year. they're always so filthy, filled with stupid people, and i always end up making bad decisions."

hongjoong scoffs from the other side and you don't miss how dry and sarcastic it sounds.

"i'm asking you to come listen to a song i've been working on for almost two years, not for you to come snort some fucking coke."

"well it's too late. you should've called earlier."

"maybe i should've, but i also thought you were gonna be better than this and not leave your friends for a guy who barely gives a shit about you."

granted, you both did say a lot of fucked up things that day that neither can take back, and you were, undoubtedly, furious at the time (and especially at that comment) and only thought of how to hurt him the same in return.

the guilt passed with time, but you wouldn't ever tell him that you knew you were in the wrong. everything all your fault because you always placed yunho above them despite knowing that deep down, the two cared for you and treated you like family.

they always looked out for you at all parties and never pressured you to do anything you didn't want to. all the stupid, bad decisions were by your own choice because you were too sad and depressed and didn't want to hear any more of your sister's acceptance to one of the big three universities, nor read another email from one of your professors about withdrawing the class before you'd most likely end up with an f.

but you're too prideful, selfish, and a bit ashamed, you won't ever admit it to hongjoong's face. especially not after all these years.

"that's it?" san exclaims after you finished.

"well, yes."

"if you know you were wrong, you should just apologize. nothing good about prolonging some bad blood. especially when it could be easily mended."

you admit the scene is a bit bizarre; san giving you advice and you sitting calmly as you try to digest his words that doesn't trigger a nerve, because for once, it actually sounds somewhat reasonable, though unrealistic (according to you).

but you suppose it's what this night is gonna be all about.

"it's not that easy," you counter, "a sudden apology all these years is... weird."

san chuckles, picking up the manner in which you curl your hands together in your lap as you said that.

it's hard to take your tough act seriously sometimes, because he can see the guilt or fear in your eyes and that you just want to give into it.

"yeah, and look at where that behavior got you," he says, not mean or intending to hurt. if anything, he actually takes sympathy on you "stuck talking to someone you don't even like."

you twitch an eye for a second at that.

"but i'm not having too bad of a time so far."

"hmm," he hums, quick to move the topic along. "i suppose you haven't eaten?"

"i had lunch... a couple hours ago."

well, it was more a snack that you had gotten from the vending machine because there was no time this morning.

"i could probably whip up something real quick."

you watch as he stands up and trails to the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets left and right before a smile quirks up on his lips.

"buldak or shin ramen?" he waves both of the packages as he awaits an answer.

"shin ramen. i don't feel like destroying my stomach tonight."

he nods it off with a light snicker, your lips puckering from the silence after and deciding to throw in a lighthearted tease.

"i thought you were gonna be making steaks or call for delivery."

he looks up from the pot he was washing and sends a smirk your way, completely unfazed.

"i'm a 23 year old guy, of course i don't know how to cook. but if you want to call for delivery, suit yourself."

"if you're gonna be living by yourself, it would be beneficial to learn how. but i'm good with just ramen for now," you reply, eyes moving away to wander the area before fixating on san again.

"you have any extra towels?" you ask.

"should be in the bathroom."

"okay. then i'm gonna head in for a quick shower while you do that."

you can see his nodding from where you're at, stopping as you have the bathroom door halfway open and looking over your shoulder to bother him with one last question.

"uh, do you have any extra shirt and shorts i can borrow? just for tonight. i'll return it by morning. i've just literally been wearing this thing for almost two days now," you refer to the red dress, not as satin or clean as it was yesterday.

your boss almost went into cardiac arrest when you showed up with it, considering the strict dress code, but he took pity of a story you made up and was honestly just relieved you even showed up at all—though you did get a written warning for the late arrival.

"i should. you can go to my room and pick them out for yourself."

you're a tad taken aback by the freewill but thanks him anyway before going into his room and taking the first black t-shirt and shorts you see because it feels wrong in every way even if it isn't.

you catch the sight of him humming a tune under his breath and rocking his head to it before you disappear off into the bathroom, releasing the giggle you've been holding.

"this is definitely overcooked," you pass the comment while examining the soft, mushy, yellow strands of noodles in front of you.

"i might've gotten distracted," san explains, sitting in the stool beside you on the kitchen island where he might've been for a while, it makes you think back to the soft call of your name after you finally got out of the shower and stuffed yourself into his clothings.

"i gotta give it to you. it takes a real lack of skill to mess up something as simple as ramen," you poke fun at him, the words more casually sounding than anything because you're used to putting him down, but still taking a sip of the broth nonetheless because he worked hard on it--more or less.

he smiles it off, and even while guzzling down the noodles, you don't miss the way his gaze lowers to your chest, and then legs, prompting you to cower just slightly because it's just you and san in a big, almost empty condo.

san's good at making you feel a lot of things, but nervous and flustered usually weren't the cases.

"you look good in it," he says casually, your heart bursting in relief because you have no idea what the hell you thought he was gonna say.

you look down at his shirt you're wearing before meeting his eyes again, mustering an unnatural sounding, "thanks."

you return to your food and let the thought die, but san's gaze burning the side of your face makes you snap back.

"what's wrong?" you ask, and you can see him tensing up from the question.

"so what after this?" he breaks it clear and direct, though filled with joy just sitting and talking to you, the air never this nice and pleasant before, he's also curious to an extent. about you and the steps you're gonna take.

you shrug, releasing the spoon and chopsticks in your hold before engaging in a silent stare-off with him.

"i haven't given it much thought. i was kind of busy burying my relationship with yunho, whatever that is."

he lets a quiet hum of acknowledgement coast by, figuring it's fair enough you would need time, only for you to start talking again.

"but there are things i've always wanted to do, too," you tell him a little shy, because it must sound crazy that you also have your own dreams and wants beside yunho's attention.

yunho was many sources of your happiness, but he also held you back in many ways. not he the person, but the ideals and expectaions you've built for him.

you've had a lot of chances and opportunities to better yourself, and you threw them all away for a fantasy in your head.

true friends, ambitions, some sort of true calling that you're not existing just to exist--you don't have any of those at the age of 24.

"yeah? and what are those things?" he asks, so much enthusiam, you want to believe he actually cares what you have to say.

"it's not that big of a dream or goal," you say with a chuckle, like he might find it ridiculous. "i just want to... travel."

you await his reaction, your heart wrapped in a foreign warmth when he just smiles.

"a dream is a dream. no matter how small or big," he comforts you, "but traveling is definitely not anything small. where do you want to go?"

"everywhere," you answer, "i want to go to many places... but preferably anywhere but here."

he cranks an eyebrow.

"you're not planning on running away, are you?" he questions, the delivery innocent enough but also slightly concerned because he thinks there's a chance that might be exactly what you plan to do.

"no," you reply, giggling only shortly.

"i hope you won't think of it as a loss, but instead, i want you to see it as an opportunity to find yourself."

you're still mad at yunho and hate how he chose your sister over you, but if anything, you hate how reasonable and logical he still managed to sound amid all of it.

that you pretty much placed everything else on the backburner just for the hope that his reciprocated love would fix the sorrow and unhappiness you experience on a daily basis.

"just brainstorming," you assure, "thinking about what i can do, now that i don't have to consider yunho and leaving him."

leaving him for your heart's desire, so afraid that you would let the chance slip right through the palm of your hand if you did. but now, there's nothing left to lose and you suppose it's a conflicted and warped up feeling of freedom.

san nods to it, snapping himself out of the trance and catching just how immersed he was to every word that you said.

"i should probably finish the noodles before it gets cold," you say, once you realize how long it's just been sitting there while you two talked.

you get two gulps out of it before you're pulled away by a question.

"why do you care so much about what others have to say about you and your sister?"

he's aware it's a bit blunt and inappropriate considering how well it's going, but he doesn't say it to be mean but because he wants to understand you.

he's been there and has seen as much as yunho have, watching you throw nasty glares your sister's way or growing irritated at the drop of her name.

he knows there's psychology behind how all of this works (that he's unfortunately lacking of knowledge about), but he wants to hear it from you. why you always put yourself down and chooses to live in your sister's shadow when you're as equally capable.

"you wouldn't understand," you mumble, refusing to look him straight in the eyes although he isn't shying away from it one bit, going to pick at the noodles with your utensils.

"if you tell me, i might."

the shift of atmosphere is heavy, the air no longer lighthearted but now serious as silence fills it briefly.

"is it because you're insecure from always being pitted against her?"

you still don't answer, instead taking a bite out of your bowl and hoping he'll just let it pass because you're aware in some ways that you're gonna sound unreasonable, childish, and petty.

just an older sister jealous of her younger one because she's better in every way.

but you've always been one to sit and brew in your own emotions and anger until they eventually turn into something much worse.

"if you want some help, you need to talk to me. i understand you might not want to, but i promise i won't run off with the information or use it against you. i'm much better than what you give me credits for."

you swallow and drop the utensils, facing him on and releasing a sigh.

"yes," you say, "i care so much about what others have to say about me and her because i already know they'll just talk down on me."

"and why would you assume that?" he asks.

you scoff, as if he's making you state the obvious.

"because i always fall behind on everything. even small things like socializing and making friends comes so much more naturally to her," you say, strong at first but tapering out eventually. "but it's not as easy for me... i-i find it hard talking to people or trying to make friends."

and even when you do, you seem to have a habit of driving them away.

san takes a deep breath and stares at you in pity.

"but you shouldn't be measuring your worth based on your sister's accomplishments or setting her as the standard. comparison sucks, i understand. and i know it's easier said than done, but you're great in your own ways. trust me."

you don't say anything back, not because you don't want to, but it's how your heart takes a dive and leaves you speechless hearing san tell you that.

a light pink blush makes an appearance on his cheeks but he's quick to move it along with a clear of his throat.

"what i meant to say is, i've been there before. you really think i was spared any of it when yunho of all people is my stepbrother and i'm the biological son?"

you suppose if she was your stepsister instead, it might be a lot worse.

but with san, he's always been nonchalant like nothing ever bothers him. it would be a lot easier for him to dismiss it.

"well if only i could be as carefree as you," you mumble.

"it definitely bothered me at first, but i didn't see why i should be losing sleep over it. me and yunho are two very different people after all who does our own things. i'm proud of what he's achieved so far, and he's always had my back when needed."

when the night drags on and you're both getting too tired for overwhelming conversations, you go to bed in the spare bedroom after helping him clean up and let today's event sink in. so many things to process at once.

despite all of yours and san's history and indifferences, you can admit that there may be a thing or two you can learn from him.

so unusual seeing his irritating and cunning self turn so much more soft and empathetic, you're starting to feel bad for all the times you've cursed his name over simple mishaps.

thinking back to what he said earlier and being surprised he even had the kindness to do so.

"comparison sucks, i understand. and i know it's easier said than done, but you're great in your own ways. trust me."

that san would be able to make one of your worst days into something a lot less worse and even comforting.

then you think about yunho, wondering if he's right about the fact you never loved him, before drifting off.

--

when san wakes up in the morning, he almost forgot you had stayed over until he makes way into the kitchen and the yellow sticky note plastered on the front door takes his attention.

thanks for letting me stay the night :) you're kind of pleasant to be around when you don't think with your dick. btw i left your clothes in the laundry basket. see you around i guess - y/n

next // series m.list

taglist: @freeandrealme @shingene @cookiechristie @softie00 @crimson-mia @hexheathen @lixpixstix @atinytease @turtash @moonseonghwa @kkayfan @curryramyeon @justineasian @sannie-pudding @itsokaytobedumb00 @nerdy-kimchi @fannyxmh @acciocriativity @mel-the-mad-hatter @eastleighsblog @diorwoo @devilsmatches @kyume02 @distvrbia @wonwowzers @endeav0rsb1tch @sannwa @brown88 @sangiluvem @eburneon @hotteokhatyu @yeosangsbiceps @sankatchu @lynnsqueendom @harusoraa @ad0rechuu @interweab @revehosh @byunniebaekhyunnie @nabi-sannie @gugggu6gvai @rockstarsanie @shakalakaboomboo @yeosangsbbg @yawnzshit @avantalem @lelaleleb @mountiiny @arinyyy @svintsandghosts @yoongiworshiper @raineadlr

#ateez angst #san x reader #choi san x reader #ateez x reader #ateez series #yunho x reader #fic: sweetestlies

[bts-aera]

Relationship w/ Members

Kim Namjoon

Jokingly calls him Appa

Gave her, her first lyric notebook (she still has it)

Went to Bang PD about at least keeping her on as a lyric writer if she wasn't going to be included in the group

Taught her the basics of the producing software

Taught her how to rap during pre-debut

For deep talks, he's the one she seeks out

They intellectually vibe on a completely different level from the other members

They recommend books to each other constantly (non-fiction traded for fiction)

Demanded he read the Harry Potter Series

Kim Seokjin

His biggest dad joke supporter

He spoils her with his cooking

Taught her how to cook her favorite meals during pre-debut

She is his biggest cheerleader when it comes to his singing

Always gave him pep talks when he was struggling the most

Calls her his baby

Foodies of the group

Gets really mad when she catches people questioning his skills in singing or dancing

Gets extra choreo lessons from her whenever he's struggling with a particular choreo

Min Yoongi

Considers her his Protégé since he teaches her how to produce

Has a lot of songs set aside for her in particular due to her voice being the only one he sees performing it

Was the first to aggressively shut down any hate she received early on in their career, he does it less now because he taught her to speak up for herself (it gets her in trouble sometimes but he always looks proud)

She has helped keep the 'Marry Me Yoongi" trend alive

She loves that he's a grumpy old man

He can't bring himself to truly scold her most of the time

He will let her hang all over him and never say a word about it

Truly helps the narrative 'Maknae on Top' when it comes to her

Jung Hoseok

Is her biggest cheerleader

Gave him the nickname 'Hobi'

She tends to crash his lives often to cause chaos

They dance together a lot just the two of them

He took care of her often when she first came to Seoul

He was the biggest driving force in adding her back into the group

Was very happy when it happened

She calls him 'Sunshine' a lot

Calls her 'little duck/duckie' more than the other members

His sister jokes about trading him for her in a heartbeat

Park Jimin

She is forever his baby

He's a momma bear when it comes to her

Cuddle buddies

They tend to pull each other out of their negative head space when they see the other in it

He taught her some of his Contemporary Dance routines in the beginning

When she has something heavy on her heart she usually seeks him out

He's the only one who ever truly knew how bad her struggles were, especially in the beginning

Pre-debut he would help her do her nails since she gets hand tremors when it's cold

His parents have also attempted to adopt her, his mom absolutely loves her to pieces

Kim Taehyung

Gave her the nickname 'little duck'

Bodyguard #2

Loves her to pieces and thinks she's the most adorable thing to walk this earth

They bring out each other's weird side

He gifts her Gucci a lot

He dotes on her heavily

If she's feeling down he will literally do anything to make her laugh/smile

When he does take photos of people it's usually of her

He will occasionally be overdramatic about how much she's grown since he met her

They like to go out to eat together

He's deemed her the baby sister of the Wooga Squad since they all think she's absolutely adorable

Will do a vibe check for any man standing close to her

Jeon Jungkook

Is her ride or die, he knows her better than she knows herself

Bodyguard #1

He is very protective of her

Anyone that's interested in her must pass his test in order for her to even think about dating them

They share 'custody' of Bam

Is her go-to drinking buddy

His parents basically adopted her, she calls them Eomma and Appa

Prank each other incessantly

Is the first person she seeks out when she's struggling with something

He talked her into learning boxing/kickboxing with him because he wants her to be able to protect herself if needed

Workout buddies

Promised to be roommates until one of them get married

Moved into the same apartment rather than living alone after the lease was up on their last dorm.

He vibe-checks any dude that wants to get close to her

He will get pouty and mildly jealous if she starts hanging out with someone else more than she hangs out with him (he can't help it)

She helped with designing some of his tattoos

He drew her first tattoo and they got their first tattoos together

Still tries to get her to see his side for the Perilla Leaf debate

#bts #kpop oc #bts 8th member #bts additional member #bts femal member #bts addition #8th member of bts #bts oc #relationships #Bts-rm #Bts-jin #Bts-suga #Bts-jhope #Bts-jimin #Bts-v #Bts-jungkook #Rm #Jin #Suga #Jhope #Jimin #V #Jungkook #Namjoon #Seokjin #Yoongi #Hoseok #Taehyung

[gemini-sensei]

A Big Help | Boss!Eli x Nanny!Reader Pt. 2

Chubby!Fem!Reader ○ Widowed!Dad!Eli ○ Part One

Series Masterlist

After everything was set up for Readerz the following weeks were an adjustment period. Her bedroom was upstairs, just down the hall from the kids if they needed her, and she was allowed to bring most everything from her little apartment down town. Eli had set up a computer for her to do business from, though it was nothing too fancy, which she didn't mind; it got the job done. She was sleeping on lush sheets with the softest pillows she'd ever put her head on. She felt like a princess.

The morning cries of little Junie reminded her that she wasn't, though, but that was hardly a bad thing.

She loved Junie as soon as she met the happy baby. Luckily, Junie loved her as well. She clung to Reader the first time she held her and was hard pressed to let go of her warmth.

When Junie wakes up before everyone else, they all know it. She hated to be alone, so she'd start crying as soon as that realization hit. It woke everyone up, but Reader jumped out of the bed and hurried down to check on her. The first few mornings when that happened, Eli was still in the habit of going to her nursery to soothe her, so when he walked in to see Reader rocking his baby girl in nothing but a thin robe and a baby doll night dress, he was a little flustered. She wasn't yet used to living with others, especially small children, so her night wear was a little out of tune with the rest of them.

Not that Eli could complain much, as he was now in the presence of a lovely woman and he walked in most morning in nothing but his pajama pants. His abs on full display as his bedhead took a backseat in Reader's eyes.

They had to learn how to live with each other. Reader had to get used to his early schedule as well as the children's. She would often run into Eli while trying to get the children ready for school. He tried his best to keep out ofnher way as she helped the twins get dressed and he fretted about looking for his keys - because the kids just loved to play with them and leave them places.

By the time they're all heading out the door, Eli would say goodbye to Junie while Phoenix and Mia were bouncing about ready to go to school. He'd drive them now that he knew his youngest was in capable hands, then he'd head off to work.

In the meantime, Reader would have play time with Junie, sing songs to her, and go over some statements from her little store. She'd make business calls while Junie napped in her arms and do some tidying up after the twins. There was so much to do, so much to have ready. The house was so big, she was scared she might get lost.

The only thing she didn't have to worry about was cooking or laundry or major cleaning. Eli had a long time butler to do all of that, though he usually stayed out of the way in the mornings and resided in the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone. By the time everyone else left, he came out to do his other chores. He and Reader were friendly and so long as she minded Junie, he didn't really have much to worry about. Now and again, she liked to help him, putting away the children's clean clothes and picking up their toys.

Eli went to the office two days out of the week, which wasn't a lot but it was enough. He did most of his work from home, stuck in that routine since he'd started it a year earlier. Most of his time was spent on the computer, reading emails and such. Sometimes he was on the phone, other times he was on video meetings. It was long and hard work, though it sometimes didn't look like it. So when he took breaks, he liked to get out of his office tostretch his legs and use the time to see Junie.

One afternoon, he got up and walked into the livingroom to see Reader sitting on the floor with Junie on her lap, singing a song as Junie threw her hands around in a little dance. He sat with them and asked to join, at which point Junie stood and shook and laughed and played, only to fall back onto Reader's lap in a fit of giggles.

Reader smiled and laughed, tickling Junie. The little girl squealed, then Reader looked up and said, "I don't see why not."

So they sat and sand songs that the baby girl danced to. She tried to follow along but her words were mostly gibberish and a few exclamations.

When she was decidedly done with dancing, she stood up and walked over to her daddy to plop herself down on his lap. She cuddled up to him with a big yawn and he started to feel bad. He had to get back to work.

"I don't want to move, but I have a work call in ten minutes," he said, sighing heavily.

Reader jumped up. "Oh, don't worry about that. I'll bring it to you. Just tell me what you need."

He was hesitant at first, but the snoozing baby in his arms was very convincing. Reader's can-do attitude helped a lot too. "My phone, laptop, and the blue binder on my desk."

She scurried away and came back with everything he asked for. She set up everything on the coffee table and put some pillows behind him so he was comfortable with the baby. While he had Junie, Reader got to take a break. She fell asleep on the couch behind him while he was on the phone.

When it was over, he set his phone down and went to talk to Reader, but she was fast asleep. He smiled as he saw her, then turned to his laptop to read some emails and reports. It was nice for him.

By the time everyone was settled into the new routine, things were a lot smoother. Before they knew it, it was Junie's 2nd birthday and they were celebrating the girl with a big party. It was there that Reader met a lot of Eli's friends, as they were most of the people invited to begin with. Their children ran around the house and played happily while Junie giggled at all the attention she got from everyone. It was rather sweet.

Reader got along with Moon and Sam very well as they all watched over the children playing in the yard. It was chaotic, joyful yelling that they were sure if they took their eyes off ofbthe kids for a second, someone would get hurt. Nevertheless, the women got to know each other and laughed together. Moon and Sam were so interested in Reader, they asked her a multitude of questions, eventually coming to the conversation around how she liked working for Eli.

"It's nice. It's not very hard, I suppose, and I don't have to pay for housing," she said, laughing softly. She looked over to Phoenix and Mia as they laughed loudly, running in circles with the Diaz children. "It's fairly rewarding as well."

"Raising kids usually is," Sam told her, only to realize what she said. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by that."

"It's okay, I understand," Reader told her, smiling softly. The Moskowitz babies weren't her kids, so what right did she have to say such a thing anyway. "I meant it more as, I guess a teacher sort of way. One that stays at home."

They laughed about it, but Sam still felt bad. Luckily, Eli came out with the birthday girl on his hip, announcing it was time for cake.

So everyone rallied inside to watch Junie attempt to blow out the candles on her own personal little cake. She blew more spit than air and nothing happened to the candles, so when she tried again, Eli secretly blew them out and cheered for her. She laughed and Eli quickly got rid of the candles before she threw her tiny hands into the cake.

Reader helped serve slices from the second cake, the one Eli knew they'd need because he insisted Junie have her own. It was a pretty themed cake for her favorite show at the time (Bluey because everyone loves that lol). He didn't flake out on the guest cake, though, making sure everyone got a piece of rich sweetness.

Once everyone settled with cake and ice cream and whatever else was around, Reader sat with her own little plate, smiling as she watched everyone's happy smiles. Eli sat beside her, enjoying the festivities as well, before he turned to her.

"Thank you, this wouldn't have been possible without you," he said.

She smiled graciously. "You don't have to thank me. This was fun to help plan out."

"I don't just mean the party. I mean everything else. Working for me, especially. You've been a big help," he told her. He took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "I don't usually ask for help. It's something that's always been hard for me to do, so this really means a lot to me. So thank you."

It felt like there was more he wanted to say, but Reader didn't push for it. She just nodded and smiled, believing a kids party wasn't the time or place for further deep thoughts.

"You're welcome, Mr. Moskowitz."

"Oh, please. Call me Eli."

#nanny!reader #single dad!hawk #hawk moskowitz x chubby reader #eli hawk moskowitz #hawk moskowitz x reader #hawk moskowitz #eli moskowitz x chubby reader #eli moskowitz headcanons #eli moskowitz imagine #eli moskowitz x reader #eli moskowitz #cobra kai #cobra kai headcanons #cobra kai x reader #cobra kai x chubby reader #cobra kai x plus size reader #chubby reader #plus size reader #nanny au #gemini sensei

[tierneysodegaard]

Dirty Secrets - Pierre Gasly x reader - Part One

Pierre Gasly x female!reader

Summary: Being the golden girl of Mercedes was easy when your dad was Toto Wolff. You’d been his Personal Assistant for a while with no problems until Pierre Gasly started to sneak around with you. Toto would kill him if he found out he was sleeping around with his daughter. Let’s just hope you have a good concealer to hide those marks Pierre leaves on your neck every night. 

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: Fluff, Swearing, mentions of parents leaving, sexual innuendos, sexual tension 

AN: This series will contain smut ;) It is also fast-paced and set in 2020 but for the sake of the fic we are going to pretend covid didn’t happen, I’d rather not think back to that time either.

—

Mercedes had a golden boy in the form of Lewis Hamilton and they also had a golden girl in the form of you. The only difference is you didn’t drive around a track at hundreds of miles an hour. Instead, you had the role of being your Dad’s assistant, constantly gathering files for him, always making sure he had coffee when he needed it, scheduling the meetings for him, and ensuring things ran smoothly for him. Everyone on the grid including the workers knew that you were off-limits yet even if Toto didn’t care who looked at you they would still back away from you, no one wanted to be on Toto’s bad side. 

Everyone but Pierre Gasly. 

You were the one thing he couldn’t have but he didn’t care, he still wanted you.

Pierre would always see you in the paddocks and garages, he was fascinated with you. To him, you were the innocent good girl that never went out very often, always stayed late to finish up work and was always at work early. You always looked neat and clean, your hair, make-up, outfit, everything was always done to perfection. Not to mention you were the daughter of Toto Wolff, the same man who wasn’t exactly Red Bull’s biggest fan and although Pierre no longer drove under Red Bull he did drive for Alpha Tauri which technically was managed by Red Bull and was a part of them. 

You weren’t hard to look at, Pierre always found himself staring and jumping into a conversation with you whenever he could. Charles had always snapped at him for it. Always complaining that one day he would get caught and Toto would make sure he was dealt with, even if it was for just talking to you. 

“I have everything you need for your meeting in this folder.” You held out a folder for Toto to take. The two of you were standing in the garages, going over what he needed for the last-minute meeting before the race started that afternoon. 

“Perfect.” He took the folder from you, scanning it to make sure everything was in fact there. “I won’t be in the meeting long.” He looked from the folder to you, smiling as he did so. “Thirty minutes maxim.”

“No worries, I will see you when you’re done -”

“Could you bring some coffee when the meeting ends? I’m shattered.” 

You smiled at your dad, a light laugh escaping your lips as you replied. “Of course, does Susie, Lewis or Valterii want any?”

“I’ll ask and text you.” He replied. “Right,” He checked his watch. “I’ll be back in thirty. Be careful and if anyone even tries anything with you come straight to me.”

“I’ll be fine.” You turned on your heel. “Good luck!” You called back with a smile on your face as you walked past all of the other garages.

It didn’t take long for a familiar French accent to grab your attention. “Is that the Mercedes golden girl I see? On her own as well? What a rarity!”

“Good morning Gasly, I see you haven’t lost your charm if you could even call it that.”

“Would never lose it for you love.” He joined your side, looking down and sending you a wink. “How are you?”

“Good, are you?”

“Perfect now I’ve seen you.” You rolled your eyes at his comment. 

“Charming well I’ve got work to do so -”

“Oh that’s a lie, just saw your dad disappear to a meeting with your mum, meaning you have nothing to do for like what thirty minutes  -”

“She’s not my mum.” You cut him off. 

“She’s not?” 

“Nope, I’m the odd sibling out.” You replied, clearly forgetting you were now having a full-blown conversation with Pierre Gasly. 

“How many do you have?”

“Three and including me there’s four of us. Two with Dad’s first marriage and one with Susie. Dad had me with another woman but she left him with me years ago.”

“That’s a shame.” He gave you a light smile. “At least you’re close with Toto.”

“So close he doesn’t let another human near me.” You returned the smile. 

“Everyone but me.” He smirked. 

“Especially you.” 

“Why me?” 

“I mean you do basically drive for the rival. Not to mention how you stare at me all the time.”

“You finally noticed.” 

“Rather hard not to Gasly.” You gave him a side look. “I can always feel your eyes on me, all the bloody time.” You huffed, speeding up your walk in the hopes of getting away from him. 

“Can’t help it when a girl as pretty as you is standing in the garages.” 

“Gasly is there a reason you’re still talking to me?” Your eyes scanned through the crowds before you, hoping to catch an eye of a Mercedes worker but just like your Dad, the majority of them were all in meetings. 

“Am I not allowed to talk to you?”

“It’s not that you're not allowed to talk to me it’s more that you probably shouldn’t.”

“Why? Do you think I’m scared of your Dad?” He gave you a cheeky smile as he continued to speak. “He doesn’t scare me -”

“Is that why you never approach me when he’s alongside me? I only ever seem to talk to you when I’m on my own.”

“I do it so I can have your full attention.” He winked as he looked down at you.

You’d always caught the eye of Pierre Gasly. Ever since you started working at Mercedes and he caught yours. He was an attractive guy but for you he was just too cocky, not to mention how he drove for Alpha Tauri and you worked for Mercedes and things like that never ended well.

The first time you ever spent time alone with him was when he lost Antoine and lost his seat at Red Bull that same weekend. You were walking through the garages late at night after finishing up some work for Toto when you saw him sitting outside, head in his hands and light sobs coming from his mouth. You just walked straight up to him and took him in your arms, soothing him as best you could. From that day on Pierre was never far from you, his gaze always looming over you whenever you worked, 

“Very smooth Gasly.” You checked the time. 

“You’ve got plenty of time until that meeting finishes.” 

“Do you stalk everything I do?”

“I try not to but you basically did confirm that they went to a meeting.”

You turned to give him a side glance, a small smile tugging on your lips as you kept walking. “You have a point but don’t you have a meeting to go to? Last time I checked you are also racing today.”

“I am but I’ve already had my meeting this morning.” He smirked over at you. “I did want to ask you something… what are you doing tonight?”

“Sleeping.” 

“That means you’re free tonight.” His smirk grew. “Do you want to come out with me and a few other drivers? We’re heading to a club just outside the track and if you’re free I’d like you to be there.”

I’d like you to be there. 

He knew what to say. 

“What time?” 

“We’re leaving at ten.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

“That means yes -”

“No, it doesn’t!” 

“Well then give me an answer.” His tone was cocky. You hated it but it was hot. 

“I’ll see you at ten.” Huffing you picked up the pace once again but this time Pierre let you walk off, he’d gotten what he wanted. 

—

The drivers were currently completing their formation lap and you were sitting alongside your Dad. Toto was sipping on the coffee you’d bought him, eyeing over every screen in sight. “Are you having dinner with Susie and me?”

“Tonight? Depends, what time.”

“Don’t stay here too long, you need to stop overworking yourself.” 

“No I’m not working tonight, I actually have plans.”

“Who with?” 

“Umm… a few of the drivers -”

“Absolutely not.” 

“Oh don’t be like that, come on I’m an adult -”

“And?” He snapped his head towards you. “I don’t want you crowded around all those men.” 

“y/n?” Susie’s voice grabbed your attention. “Go out tonight darling, you never take time for yourself.” She then turned to Toto. “She isn’t your little girl anymore -”

“I’m still her Dad -”

“And she’s an adult.” 

Toto huffed, picking up the headset for the radio. “Lewis?” He spoke. “I know it is not a good time but are you free tonight?”

“Oh for God’s sake Dad!” You spat trying to pry his hand off the radio button. 

“Toto…” Susie's tone was a warning sign but he didn’t care. 

“Lewis will go with you tonight -”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I’m aware but I don’t want you going on your own.”

“I won’t be on my own, I’ll be with Charles and Pierre… and the rest of them…”

 “You’ll have someone responsible with you at least.” 

You huffed, leaning back in your chair as Susie looked between the two of you. It wasn’t uncommon for you and Toto to argue about boys. He was naturally protective of you, you were his first child and unlike the rest of his children, you had no mother, just him. Sure Susie was basically like your mother and so was Stephine, Toto’s first wife, but you never called either of them Mum. However, Susie was very much the person who would pick up the pieces for the two of you and mend everything. 

The woman leaned down and whispered in your ear, her hand on your shoulder as she spoke. “I’ll talk to him, you just focus on the race.” Nodding you followed suit with her wishes, watching as the race started. 

Bottas had got away rather well, leading the race as Verstappen and Norris followed whilst Lewis trailed behind them. In lap nine Lewis overtook Albon, taking him to third. In lap eleven Max had to retire the car due to a loss of power, which made Toto a little happier. He always knew that Red Bull and Ferrari were the main rivals and if those drivers had to retire it made his job easier. Lewis had now managed to get into P2, Bottas was still in P1. On the thirty-first lap, Vettel was clipped by Carlos, making him spin out. Another smile on your Dad’s face grew, knowing he had both drivers on pole. Your eyes kept flicking to see where Pierre was, hoping he wouldn’t get into any incidents. 

In lap fifty-one, George had to retire his car. You glanced over at Toto who seemed to be taking notes. He’d mentioned that he taking notes on the young lad, clearly impressed by his talent but there was no sign that Toto wanted to sign him anytime soon. Toto’s expression turned sour when he saw the safety car come out onto the track. 

“Fuck sake…” He spat, bouncing his leg up and down in frustration. 

“It won’t be long, Bottas and Lewis will be fine.” You spoke up. “They both have the pace and the tyres will be fine.” 

“Yes, but others have pitted -”

“And they’ll need time to warm up their tyres, the safety car won’t be out for long.” 

Susie smiled, looking between you both earning a glare from Toto. “What?” He asked her. 

“You can tell she’s your daughter.” Smirking she planted a kiss on his head as the race got underway again. There were only twenty laps left, Albon had overtaken Perez and was trying his best to close the gap between him and Lewis but that didn’t last long when Kimi had an incident, allowing the yellow flags to wave. 

With ten laps left Albon attempted to overtake Lewis and that didn’t end well. Lewis held his ground and Albon ended up clipping Lewis which sent him spinning into the gravel but Lewis was still on track to place second which prompted an investigation. 

Thankfully Bottas secured P1 which meant your Dad was ecstatic but unfortunately Lewis came P4. Pierre finished in P7, a small smile appeared on your lips when you saw he was in the points.

During the ceremony, you could feel a pair of eyes on you. It didn’t take a genius to work out who was staring at you. Pierre kept looking over at you, a smirk on his lips as you finally caved and looked in his direction, hoping your Dad wouldn’t catch on to who you were looking at. Pierre winked at you, his eyes trailing up and down your body as best he could through the crowd. 

“You could do worse,” Susie whispered in your ear. Snapping your head to the side you met her gaze as she flickered between you and Pierre. “Don’t worry I won’t tell your Dad -”

“It’s not like that!” You gave her your full attention. 

“Oh come on, I know your Dad is a bit slow on these things but I’ve seen him staring at you.” 

“And it isn’t like that.”

“Did he ask you to go out tonight?” 

“Yes.” 

She smiled at your words. “Just be careful around him because if Toto finds out he’ll be six feet underground.” 

Replicating her actions you looked back at the podium. “It isn’t like that. The most we are is friends. We just speak around the paddocks and that’s it.” 

“Hmm…” She smirked as you all watched Bottas receive his trophy. 

—

“I’m sorry you have to come out with me tonight.” Lewis was sitting on your bed in your hotel room, watching you put on your heels for the night ahead. “Toto was -”

“You don’t have to apologise.” He gave you a warm smile. “I get why he’s on edge and hey I don’t mind. I’d rather tag along and be a little bored than not go and you get into trouble.”

“I don’t know why he’s so against me going, I’ll be with the other drivers.”

“That’s why he worries, he just knows a few of them have a little reputation and you’re a beautiful girl.” 

“Aren’t you a charmer?” You smiled. “Thank you, Lewis.” 

“Besides I think there’s a driver who has his eyes on you.” 

“If you’re going to say, Pierre -”

“Oh, so you do know.” 

Rolling your eyes you grabbed your bag and started to walk towards the door. “How many times do I need to tell everyone this… there’s nothing between us, we just talk occasionally.” 

“And he stares at you all the time.”

“Who else knows?” You opened the door, narrowing your gaze as he followed you out. 

“Only me, Bottas and Susie.” 

“As long as Dad doesn’t catch him staring that’s all I care about. I’d rather him not kill Pierre.” 

“Looking out for him already?”

“Nope, more looking out for Toto.”

The majority of the grid was at the club, the lot of them all drinking their weight in alcohol. Even Lewis who thought he wouldn’t have a good time, sat in a booth chatting away to Daniel with a drink in his hand. This left you alone without the watchful eye of Lewis. A perfect window for Pierre to jump in. 

“Christ…” Pierre’s voice made you turn your head as the Frenchman walked past you before standing in front of you, his eyes trailing up and down your figure as you leant against the bar. “I would have asked you to come out a long time ago if I knew that’s what you looked like under your uniform.”

You gave the man before you an unamused look. “I’m not naked Pierre, I’m just wearing a dress.”

“Yet…” He mumbled. “And you look beautiful in it.” 

“Thank you.” You gave him a little smile, your eyes flickering over to Lewis. 

“Am I that bad you need to call for your babysitter to come and get you?”

“He’s not my babysitter… okay maybe he is here to look out for me but he’s not here to babysit me just to keep an eye out so my Dad doesn’t lose his shit.”

“Can’t say I blame him, you look stunning any man here would want you.”

“Doesn’t mean I want them.” 

“Oh, I can tell.” He looked over at the bar behind you. “Can I get you a drink?”

“I wouldn’t turn down a free drink.” 

You and Pierre spent the majority of your nights at the bar, the pair of you both finishing every drink put in front of you. You’d started to let your guard down around him, after all, you didn’t have to worry about Toto catching either of you and it was clear the others knew that Pierre had his eye on you. 

“So what’s the plan for you?” Pierre smiled. “You just going to be your Dad’s assistant until the end of time?” 

“Nope.” You took a sip of your drink, slowing down your alcohol consumption. “I want his job, I want to take over from him one day or take over another team and battle against him one day.”

“Yeah? You think you could do that?” He propped his head up on his hand, giving you every drop of his attention. 

“I know I could do it, I’ve watched him over a million times, I’m the one who plans meetings and organises everything for him, I could take over tomorrow if I wanted to.” 

He let out a light chuckle. “I admire your confidence, it’s hot.”

“I am hot Gasly.” 

“I’m aware.” 

“What about you? Planning to race until the end?”

“Hope so, I would like to win a Championship, maybe join one of the bigger teams one day and win one there. Then when I can I’ll retire and hopefully have a wife and kids to spend it with. Have you ever thought about something like that?”

“Nope, I’d rather be successful than settle down fast.” 

“Who says it needs to be fast?” He arched his brow.

“Fair point Gasly… I guess if I found the right person then sure but I would be nine months pregnant and still doing my job at the side of the track.”

Pierre laughed at your words before his stunning glass eyes met yours again. “I admire your attitude to things.” 

“Could say the same about you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“After what you went through last year well, you deserve the most respect out of anyone on that grid.” 

His eyes softened at your words, a small genuine smile appeared on his lips. “Thank you y/n, means a lot coming from you.”

“Why me?”

“You work with Lewis Hamilton, the bloke is a legend and self-made.” 

“So are you.” 

“Done your research on me?” He shifted closer to you, a smirk on his lips. 

“Oh come on it’s not hard to work things like that out and don’t say that as if you haven’t done your research on me.”

“It’s hard to stay away from your Instagram account.”

“It’s hard not to notice when you like everything.” The pair of you shared a smile. 

“Can’t help it when you’re posing in those lingerie sets.” His voice went dark, his hand skimming across your bare thigh.

You knew what photo he was talking about. Being the daughter of Toto Wolff had its perks and one of those perks was companies asking for you to model for them whilst promoting their clothes. A small brand reached out to you and asked if you’d promote their new set of lingerie, you accepted but the one thing that stood out was that you could have your partner's name displayed in the lace material. 

“Oh yeah?” You leaned closer, teasing him as his hand went higher up your thigh. “Thought about your name on my underwear Pierre?” It was the first time you’d referred to him by his first name and it sounded like heaven falling from your lips. You were right though, Pierre had found himself staring at those photos countless times, imagining his name displayed in the material. 

“The golden girl has brains too…” His eyes flickered down to your lips and back to your eyes. “Good girl for noticing.” 

Fuck that sounded good coming from him. 

Those words and the added pressure on your thighs making your legs shift at the feeling in your stomach made your words run dry. Pierre leaned closer, tucking a hair behind your ears. “What’s that matter mon amour? You were so confident earlier..” A smirk grew on his lips as he took in your flustered state. “Was it that easy?” 

“Oh fuck off Gasly.” You went to stand but he grabbed your wrist, tugging you towards him so you crashed into his body, your hands on his chest whilst his arms wrapped around your waist. Your face was inches away from his, his hair falling slightly, covering his right eye but that didn’t stop them from adoring your face. 

“Such harsh words coming from that pretty mouth of yours.” His thumb moved up to your bottom lip, swiping it in a teasing way. “Maybe I should teach it a lesson.” 

A surge of confidence swam through your veins as you spoke. “You wouldn’t know how.” 

That’s all Pierre needed. He moved his head closer until there was no air between the pair of you, connecting his lips to your soft ones. The kiss started slow, the pair of you moving your lips against one another before Pierre started to quicken his movements. He swiped his tongue along your bottom lip before groaning in frustration that you wouldn’t part your lips for him to get closer. 

“Oh, you’re in for it ma douce.” Pierre grabbed your hand and dragged you out of the club, not caring that you were under the watchful eye of Lewis. 

Was it the alcohol talking or did you really want to fuck Pierre Gasly?

---

Read Part Two here

#pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly x you #pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly #pierre gasly imagines #f1 x you #f1 blurb #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 7

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 16.8k 

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.  

A/N: Happy Friday my lovelies! This is probably one of my favorite chapters and you'll know why by the end of it. Seeing your reactions to this one is gonna be a wonderful birthday gift hahaha, so I'm very excited to see what you think of it!! Enjoy xx

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It was the start of the second week of the year and Matt had just arrived in Los Angeles. Ella had picked Breana up early to go and pick him up from the airport, and she had acted like the couple's reunion hadn't made her tear up. She truly loved them both so much, even if they were a multiplied menace together.

The three went to have breakfast, with Julian joining them shortly after they had been seated. It was a cute little bakery that had some of the best pastries and coffee Ella had ever had, she went there so often that she was recognized by the staff.

"So how were the holidays?" Ella let her cup of tea rest on the table softly to give the drummer her whole attention, hoping to hear only wonderful things about the holiday season in his hometown.

Matt just shrugged, knowing it had been good but like usual, "Really good, nothing too interesting. Got to spend time with my mum and dad, the lads..." But he trailed off, remembering his grand discovery. "Well..." He started with bubbling excitement but when he realized Julian was there, and Ella was very much not single, he decided against telling her. It would only bring trouble. "No, yeah, nothing interesting."

Ella chuckled, sarcastically replying, "Don't sound so sure there."

"Sorry, I thought something worth telling had happened but it's nothing." It was something, but he just couldn't say it. It was a bad idea. "Hope you spoiled this one for me during the holidays." Matt was quick to change the subject, hugging his girlfriend into his side.

Ella smirked, "Surely, I did. I'm sure Julian got a bit jealous over how much time I was spending with her rather than with him."

"These two right?" Matt asked jokingly, with a facial expression that screamed 'can you believe them?'

Julian shook his head, "They're unbelievable."

"Don't go complaining much, most of the time we spend together is when we take those pictures you two love so much." Bre fought, raising her finger up in the air and pointing at both the men accusingly.

Matt lifted his hands up, "Right, right."

Ella wanted to taunt the drummer some more so she added, "Don't show him the pictures from the last session we had, make him beg for them."

"Jesus Christ," Matt scoffed playfully, "Does she always have you begging, mate?"

Ella turned her gaze to Julian, scowling at him. "You will not disclose that information."

"I won't," Julian agreed but then he turned to Matt and mouthed, "Sometimes."

Bre smirked and Matt laughed, Ella smacked Julian's hand which was resting on top of her thigh. The two boys were nothing but trouble.

The next seven days had been just like that, pure banter coming from the drummer, mainly targeted at Ella. He just couldn't hold himself back from teasing her, it was funny seeing her glaring at him all annoyed.

Ella had spent most of the days third wheeling for Bre and Matt, but she truly didn't mind. Julian had started the year with full force, work taking him away most of the week but she wouldn't complain, not when he enjoyed what he did so much and he still made sure to text her sweet things and updates about his whereabouts throughout the day. He had promised her to spend the weekends he had free with her and that's exactly what they had done the weekend before the rest of the band was due to arrive.

When Monday morning arrived, she was ecstatic to go back into the rhythm of things at the studio but much more excited to have her friends back. She was determined to start the year well, having fully let go of any grudges she had from her past with Alex and with her mind set on having things be the way they had been before, when they first had met.

She gave them all a tight hug when she had gotten to Rancho de la Luna.

"How's everything been?" Ella asked them all, and they all replied positively with smiles on their faces. They were brief at telling her how the holidays had been but it all sounded so nice, she was happy for them.

She'd smiled back at them and, once inside, they all rolled right back into the groove of things.

About three hours into the time they'd been there, James had gotten sent the final version of a song they'd done in their last week in LA. They had all agreed in wanting to hear it so James plugged his laptop to the audio system and played it.

The drums quickly drowned the room and then joined the bass which made the room vibrate, the guitar soon came after and Ella was already obsessed with the song.

She hadn't been prepared when Alex's sultry voice started singing, but hearing the first word be the name Arabella got her thinking about how this song was a love song for Arielle.

She cooed internally, thinking about how adorable Alex was for that.

When it got to the chorus, she'd gotten excited over hearing their own version of the 'War Pigs' guitar riff. She'd started beaming at the music she was listening to.

She was slightly confused about the first line of the second verse, feeling oddly personally addressed but it just had to be her brain trying to make shit about herself. She even ignored the fact that the chorus lyrics reminded her of when they were driving down San Diego's coast on the way to that restaurant they visited after Belmont Park.

But when the bridge started and it brought back those memories with each line, she couldn't help her smile faltering, falling down until it completely disappeared. She couldn't believe what she had just heard, her thoughts too scattered to even gush over the stunning guitar solo that was bouncing off the walls by the end.

Ella only snapped back to reality when the last chord of the guitar died inside the room and the lads started eagerly talking about the song and how it had ended up sounding. She was too stunned to speak, having trouble letting the words roll off her tongue when Jamie asked her if she'd liked it.

Forcing herself to smile, Ella nodded, "Oh, yeah, you absolutely killed that Black Sabbath guitar riff." Her gaze was swimming around the room but trying her hardest to keep it from falling on Alex's. "What's the name of this one?" She asked just to make sure.

"Arabella." Jamie replied with a soft grin and she could only nod.

She was so confused, her steps slow as she went back to the settee and focused again on replying to emails but as the minutes passed and the letters on the screen turned into one single blob of unreadable imagery, she decided she needed a breather.

She grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and exited the place. Her shaky legs were barely able to carry her up to where her bike was parked. She plopped down on it, sighing with her head still scrambled. What the fuck? The whiplash she'd gotten from that song was enough to make her want to take the day off.

So much for wanting things to go back to normal.

She sat there, with the sun keeping her warm despite the chilly winds of January, smoking until she felt better. It was on her third cigarette that she had tried to turn the situation around in her head—Maybe he just wrote it a long while ago, she convinced herself and the more she said it, the more it became more factual.

She nodded as she threw the dying bud and stepped on it—It will be the only one about me, he's happy and in love with Arielle.

That's the one thought she kept on loop as she walked back in, going to the kitchen and pouring herself a shot of the studio's brand of tequila. She fucking needed it.

Ella was startled when she left the shot glass with a thud on the kitchen counter and Matt had seen her swallow the gulp of alcohol, "Oi!" He'd exclaimed, "We starting the party early today?" The clock showed a pitiful 12:23pm which made her sigh heavily—it was gonna be such a long day for her.

"Be my guest." Her voice didn't sound inviting at all as she poured a shot for her friend.

Matt frowned at her, "Well if you're gonna be the one starting the party, you should come alive a bit. Damn."

"Piss off." She muttered, no energy left at all to deal with Matt's teasing.

He snorted, "You hated the song that much?"

She shook her head, "No. It was... it was good, just–" She started, but she had to bite her tongue not to spill it out to Matt. "When did you record that one? After I was gone?"

He downed the alcohol without much of a reaction to the taste, "Yeah, we made it pretty quickly actually. I think it might be one of the best and fastest songs we've done for this record so far."

Ella hummed, not knowing what to do with that information. She just turned to the sink to wash the glass and then followed Matt back to the recording room.

When she'd walked through the door, it was like no one had realized how much the song had affected her. Alex was sitting in a chair with a guitar in his hand, next to James and Nick who were also in their own chairs but in front of the massive mixing console.

Their backs were facing her, and she was grateful for that—she was sure her every thought was written all over her face.

She knew she wasn't brave enough to ask Alex about it, to confront him or get any reasoning from him, so she just decided to ignore the whole situation. She had wanted the whole recording period to go smoothly and drama free, but she now knew there was never gonna be a dull moment as long as she was around the band.

Taking a deep breath she reminded herself of her plan of action, just ignore it. And just like that she forced herself to resume sorting through emails, hearing Alex mumbling along a melody he was playing on the guitar.

Isn't it hard to make up your mind

When you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

She heard them celebrate at the sudden composition of the lines, encouraging Alex to go over it again and see if he could come up with anything else. His brain was going a thousand miles per hour, trying to find the perfect words to rhyme for the first part of the verse he was coming up with.

After a few tries he knew which configuration of lines he'd liked better, settling for:

I'm not sure if I should show you what I've found

Has it gone for good, or is it coming back around?

Isn't it hard to make up your mind

When you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

James nodded eagerly, "That's it. That's it mate." he patted Alex's shoulder proudly, "Sounds like a good chorus actually, we can make it one."

Alex and Nick nodded, having worked with James so many times before meant that the band trusted him fully to take out the full potential of whatever they'd come up with.

That's how that day, Ella had gotten back home humming the melody of the song. She dropped her bag on her sofa and ran to her room to call Breana.

She'd told her all about it, trying her hardest not to mess up the order of the lyrics she could remember and asked the model if she was overreacting, to which Bre firmly said no, agreeing that it was something she'd freak out over too.

Breana had helped her settle adding, "He's a musician though, honey, they all do that. Don't be surprised if there's another one there about you."

Ella groaned, "I rather not. I hope Arielle doesn't even notice about this one." She stayed quiet for a few seconds before she whined in dismay, "Why did he have to go and record a song about me when he has a fucking girlfriend?!"

Breana giggled on the other side, "'Cause he's a man, babe."

Ella sighed, "Fucks sake."

"He could've been more discreet though, don't you think?" Bre added, amused. "He literally has your name in the title of it."

Ella whined like she was in pain, "Why are you making it worse?"

A hard laugh was what she got as a response, "And there's also some of Arielle's name there but that's purely to fool everyone."

Ella rubbed her temples, tired. "I just hope they scrap it from the final record, they told me they had recorded some more songs in London back then along with 'R U Mine?' and 'Electricity' so I'm crossing my fingers they do the same for this one."

"Hopefully, yeah." Her best friend agreed, "Just, don't lose your mind about this okay? If there's any trouble with his girlfriend, it's all his fault."

"I will try my hardest. The worst part is that the song is good..." She was truly in dismay but then she heard the muffled sound of Breana's doorbell through the phone and she laughed, knowing exactly who that was meant to be, "Right, have a fun night hun."

Bre giggled, the sound filled with joy, "I will. Love you! Bye!"

"Love you too, bye!"

The line died, and Ella sighed. What had she done in her past life to deserve this? She was so stressed about the whole thing, she was close to start pulling her hair out.

But then her phone rang and when she saw it was her boyfriend, she felt like she could escape the situation for a bit. Hearing Julian's voice was a breath of fresh air, and him telling her he was coming over was like everything had lifted off her shoulders.

What would she do without him?

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Julian having four days free to spend with Ella was the cure to it all. The next few days at the studio had gone by like a breeze when she knew she would be coming back home to him.

But the day she'd come back home from the studio to kiss him goodbye, since he was leaving for a week to work in San Francisco, it had all gone to shit.

Every bit of calmness that Julian had given her after the 'Arabella' situation was thrown out the window when none other than Arielle called her in despair.

"Hi Arielle! How are you?" Ella had asked her in a chipper tone but her whole face fell when she heard the model sniffling on the other side of the call.

"Hi Ellie, not that well to be completely honest."

Ella was completely confused, she wasn't close enough to Arielle to receive a phone call from her during a low moment but that didn't mean she wasn't going to be kind to her and help in any way if she could. "I'm so sorry, is everything okay? Anything I can do for you?"

"I was wondering if you knew anything–" Arielle started but her voice broke and Ella's heart hurt for her, "I saw you were with the guys at the studio already," She remembered the picture she'd posted the day before of the lads just doing their thing, scattered around in the studio.

Ella had no idea what this all was about but what she didn't expect was the model suddenly asking, "How's Alex?"

Her frown got impossibly deeper after that, "Alex? What do you–"

"We broke up." Arielle was quick to say like the words were burning her tongue, "Well, he broke up with me."

Ella pouted to herself, feeling a wave of sadness for the model but the confusion was still very much there because Alex seemed so okay at the studio. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Arielle. I had no idea. I don't think anyone knows... No one mentioned a thing at the studio."

Arielle covered a sob with her hand, heart breaking a bit more at seeing that apparently he hadn't told a single person about it, Matt had texted her earlier asking her if she was joining them anytime soon and that had been a cruel reminder of what had happened, hence why she had decided to call Ella.

"Right." She replied defeated, "I had hoped he'd told you about it, just so I could get some answers."

"What do you mean?" Ella's confusion grew every time Arielle said something else.

"It's just– He broke up with me out of nowhere, Ella." The model took a deep shaky breath and continued, "Can I tell you something in confidence? It's gonna be TMI but I–"

Ella nodded despite knowing Arielle couldn't see her, "'Course you can, it's okay."

But Ella wasn't prepared for what she would get in return, "I'm so sorry, this is so TMI but I'm just baffled," She started again as if she was giving Ella the chance to take it back but at the silence, she sighed, "The night before, Ella, I swear we had the best sex we'd had in months. He fucked me dumb, telling me how gorgeous I was over and over. He called me darling! He's never used that for me before, I–. Fuck, I'm just going crazy trying to understand this."

Ella was shocked. Not only to have to be hearing this but she truly wouldn't have suspected a thing from Alex's behavior—and she was sure the lads didn't know either because only a few days ago Jamie had made a joke and teased him about the singer's girlfriend to which Alex only had replied with a short chuckle.

She decided to ignore the details Arielle had given her, which weren't many but the fact that Alex had called Arielle darling for the first time in that moment had Ella shifting in her place uncomfortably.

"Arielle, I'm so sorry. I genuinely had no idea, he seemed so normal." She sighed, biting on her thumb. "Jamie mentioned you a few days ago, to tease him and he didn't say a thing. He just laughed and kept doing whatever he was doing."

"It's okay Ellie, I guess I will always wonder what happened..." The model sounded so defeated but she continued telling Ella what had happened that last day, "The next morning he made me breakfast and everything, and in the middle of it he just said he couldn't keep our relationship going. Just like that." A curt chuckle came from Arielle, "He almost said that 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit."

Ella winced, "Oh fuck that..."

Arielle could only hum in agreement and then remembered her poor timing, "Sorry Ella, I probably just interrupted something."

"No, no. Was about to go to bed. Don't you worry Ari, truly." Ella consoled her, "We could go out this weekend? To drink and dance it all away? Julian just left for work and I'll be alone for a week, I'm sure Bre will be down for a girls night." Yes, Alex was her friend but Arielle was one as well so Ella wasn't choosing any sides and if there was anything she could do to help Arielle feel better then she'd do it.

Arielle smiled, silent tears rolling down her cheeks at Ella's kindness. "I would yeah, just send me a text and I'll go wherever."

"Sure. Now go dry those tears hun, he doesn't deserve them."

Arielle giggled, wiping her cheeks. "Thank you, Ellie. Have a goodnight."

"You too Arielle, can't wait to hug you soon. Goodnight."

Fucking hell.

Ella had no idea what the fuck had just happened but she'd decide to ignore it for as long as she could. She needed to relax.

So she rolled a joint, and started smoking out in her backyard. In between puffs, she decided to call Breana and quickly tell her everything, also make sure she was in on going out with Arielle two days from then.

Needless to say, retelling everything had left her even more confused and she ignored the silence on Breana's side when she mentioned his use of the pet name for Arielle. In the back of her mind, Ella knew just what her best friend was thinking but she didn't want to give that another thought.

The next day, Ella had been extra observant, her eyes on Alex at all times and by the end of the day, she was fully intrigued.

She'd bitten her tongue all day, waiting for the perfect moment to bring it up but when they were all leaving and she hadn't had a chance to talk to him alone, she basically baited him into staying a bit longer before they left.

Ella asked him for a cigarette, knowing damn well that would make him stay to have one with her. Two minutes had passed of them smoking as they watched the sun die on the horizon, when she gained the courage to ask.

"How's Arielle? Haven't seen her in a while." In her mind it made more sense to go straight to the point, like ripping a bandaid.

What she hadn't expected is for him to hide behind an inquiry of his own, "How's Julian?"

She chuckled quietly to herself, someone's defensive. "He went to San Francisco yesterday night, he's doing a weeklong shoot over there for some city event." And then she turned to him with an eyebrow raised, challenging him to respond to her question.

Alex barely looked at her then, he was afraid that if he told Ella about his new relationship status while looking her in the eye he might beg with them for her to have him.

"We broke up." His statement was simple, not heartfelt at all—it sounded more like he said it fast to get it over and done with.

"Oh," She muttered, trying to contort her face in the best way so he didn't notice she already knew.

But Alex didn't even turn to look at her, he kept his gaze straight ahead of him and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"I'm sorry." She added, hating the suffocating silence.

The singer only shrugged though, "It's okay, just wasn't right anymore."

Her hum was low and quiet, Ella had no idea what to say. "Are you okay?"

He offered her a half smile, "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know, you just seem so normal. Do the guys know?"

"No, don't tell them." Alex silently begged her, "Matt's gonna try and set me up with someone, or worse he's gonna force me to go out on the pull– I can't be arsed."

Ella giggled, fully convinced Matt would. She offered her pinky finger, and Alex locked it with his—the 'death ramps' ring on her skin once again. "Promise."

When she was done with her cigarette, she discarded it on the ground. They hugged each other goodbye and he watched her as she left on her bike.

He shook his head, now that she knew he had no idea what to do with himself. Especially not when he still felt her pinky finger intertwined with his and his skin craved her at all times.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Alex had seen Arielle's post that weekend, the three girls with tequila shots in hand and flipping the camera off.

He had no idea how that had happened, if it had been something planned before he'd told Ella about the breakup or if Ella had called Arielle and taken her out because of it. But he didn't care much, as long as they'd had fun then it would be fine by him—he thought it was kind of Ella and Bre to take Arielle out to distract her after everything.

Ella knew Alex had seen it, the look on his face was enough to know but she was glad to see he seemed completely fine about it. Maybe even happy, as the singer asked her subtly if she'd had fun, she nodded with a smile and added "Trying to power through the hangover though."

That day had been quite calm, the lads had focused on giving a few modifications to some of the songs they had been making and putting on a queue to finish later. Of course Ella was recording the whole process, she'd left the camera on the end of the table they were all sitting by so the angle had the camera catching perfectly what they were all doing.

They had gone back to 'Fireside', trying to make the verses work with the melody they'd been creating and she had been watching it all unfold from her usual place on the settee so she managed to catch Matt instantly when he went to disturb the footage she was getting.

"Oi! Matthew!" She called out after the drummer had stuck his face right in front of the lenses of the recording device, "Stop fucking with the footage."

Jamie had cackled loudly as he turned to point at Ella, "You've just said 'oi', you're officially spending too much time with us."

"Only because I'm getting paid for it." Ella joked with a straight face.

"Same here." added James, making Alex laugh beside him.

His chuckles were contagious, making the rest of the room erupt in laughter. Ella loved moments like these, it was just pure bliss for everyone around.

The hours were going by and the guys had reached the point where they had exhausted their brains too much over finding the perfect placements for the verses in the song, so they moved on to talking about random shit.

Ella had gotten a call from Julian in the middle of Matt telling his childhood antics and how he'd fake being ill to skip school, so she excused herself to go outside. It hadn't been a long call, just about ten minutes since it was all her boyfriend had gotten of free time while working.

When she'd gone back to the room, it was all a frenzy. They were arguing so loud, she grimaced at the change of volume compared to the crickets softly building up a choir outside as the night fell.

"What is going on?" She couldn't even make up what it was that they were talking about.

"Ella, how many instruments can you play?" Nick asked quickly.

The question was so sudden, she automatically let out a confused, "Huh?"

The bassist sighed, he wanted to prove a point, "How many instruments can you play?"

"None," She blushed as it was embarrassing to admit in a room full of musicians.

Matt turned fast to the bassist, "See! Told you."

Nick shook his head, "No, c'mon, you gotta at least know one. Even if it's simple."

The PA stayed quiet under their attentive stares, thinking about how she'd only really played one instrument consistently at a point in her life. "Xylophone." She mumbled to herself, somehow that was even more embarrassing to her than saying she didn't know how to play a single instrument.

"What?" Jamie asked since he was the closest to her and not even him had been able to hear correctly.

She raised her volume enough for them to hear her, "The damn xylophone."

Matt had laughed out loud, whereas the rest of the band had smiled amused at her. She rolled her eyes at their reactions, the only one she liked at the moment was James who was smiling at her understanding how annoying they could be.

Nick turned back to Matt and brought their argument back up, "See! At least one."

Matt refused to accept his defeat, "Not agreeing with you until she plays it. She can say she knows but she might not."

Ella sighed exasperated, "Why would I lie dumbass? That'd be even worse. If you find me a glockenspiel then I'll play it for you, dick."

Matt stood up and went to find the percussion instrument not before telling her, "You're on it." as he walked past her.

Five minutes later, she was sitting in front of a coffee table where the thirty note glockenspiel rested. She had two little wooden mallets, one on each hand, and she started getting nervous under the gaze of all the boys.

"I feel like I'm back on fucking eight grade about to perform for father's day, Jesus Christ."

Matt was ready to take the piss out of her so he encouraged her, "Go on then."

She'd rolled her eyes before thinking back to her last few years in middle school and how she'd been assigned band as extracurriculars. She'd chosen the xylophone because she really hadn't want much of a challenge, it was enough that she'd had to be in band to start with.

So Ella hit the first note and after that E note reached her ears, it was like memory had completely taken over. She played 'Für Elise' smoothly and when she was done she flipped Matt off, "Whatever it was, Nick won."

The drummer waved her off like one waves an annoying mosquito, "But everyone knows how to play that song in whichever instrument they know."

She didn't say anything back to him, just grabbed the mallets back up and with a C note she started playing 'Fly Me to the Moon' by Sinatra. Right after she'd finished with the chorus of it, she started playing 'Take On Me' by A-ha and just to shut him up she finished her repertoire with 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen.

Ella remembered the endless days she'd practice that last song until she got it to perfection, her middle school self was really hard on herself—she still remained the same in that aspect.

Everyone but Matt started clapping making Ella blush, "Thank you, thank you." She took a small bow, "I cannot believe I still remember how to play those songs, haven't played since I started high school."

"Well she can actually play an instrument, so your argument is fucked Matt." Concluded Nick with a victorious smirk on his face.

The drummer rolled his eyes and proceeded to stand up, "Whatever, Ella might be able to but I stand my ground."

She was confused but, honestly, she didn't want to bring the whole thing back up so she decided to just stay with the curiosity. "Where'd you get this? So I can put it away." She asked Matt but before he could answer, Alex interrupted.

"Actually, can you help me?"

Ella set the mallets back on the table, "With what?"

"I feel like we should try and make a soft song," He looked for words to describe what he wanted to do, "Like a lullaby of sorts."

Ella slowly nodded, not so sure if she'd be much help but agreeing nonetheless, "Sure, yeah. Just... I never really composed anything so I'm gonna be hitting notes like a dickhead for a while until I manage to find a melody that sounds right."

Alex shrugged, "That's fine. Would you like to go to another room so you can do it in peace?" He subtly nodded towards Matt and Ella chuckled.

"Yes, please."

A few minutes later, Ella and Alex were settled in the keyboard room. She set the glockenspiel on the small table she was sitting in front of and Alex sat beside her with a Gibson J-45 on his lap.

She had no idea what to do first so she laughed embarrassed, hiding her face in her hands. "Alex what do I do?" Her giggles kept going as she felt her cheeks grow hot.

He laughed with her and started playing random chords to distract her, "Whatever you'd like, just go at it and when you play something you like try to write down the notes so you don't forget."

His journal was open then, in front of her with the pen he always used to write resting in the crease of the middle of the open book. The pages were blank and intimidating, she was so nervous for some reason and she didn't want to disappoint him so the pressure was even greater.

But after an hour, Ella found that making music with Alex was truly an easy smooth ride. He'd played different melodies, sometimes along with the random notes she was playing and when they'd fallen on a pattern that sounded beautiful, she gasped.

"No fucking way." She was truly blown away by the fact that she had been able to help in the making of something that sounded actually pretty.

He smiled proudly at her, "That was stunning. You remember the notes?"

She nodded eagerly, grabbing the pen with her right hand to start writing it down as she played it with her left hand slowly.

It was a tiny part, but it was a start and Alex seemed to really like it. Soon, Alex was playing away on the guitar like a door had been opened and the inspiration had just flooded out.

Alex raised his eyebrows expectantly when he was done with all he was coming up with, "That sound good?"

"Beautiful." She confirmed with a beaming grin on her face.

They went over it again and again, Ella timidly adding a few notes here and there which he always smiled and nodded to. She had a good sense of timing where to put them.

Ella listened to him attentively as he played the chorus again, "I think the bass coming on after the second chorus would lift it all up, maybe everyone could come in after it."

He had a thought, "Change it all, maybe to start a bridge..."

Ella nodded excitedly, that sounded great.

They went over it again, he was racking his brain trying to find anything that he wanted to sing about to such a slow-tempo song.

She'd seen times before how he mumbled as he played, trying to find the perfect words that fit the song, and how like that, slowly, the lines came to life.

On this occasion it wasn't different, the chorus being played by him over and over again as he formed sentences. He seemed to have settled for 'Mad sounds, in your ear. Make you get up and dance' and it sounded beautiful.

"What is it about?" She asked as he wrote the lyric in the journal, his handwriting contrasting against hers on the bottom of the page.

"Dunno yet." He stared at the words he'd just written, what did he want to write about?

"Sounds like the start of an ode to music."

His eyes went over the words again, seeing it in that light made sense. Maybe he'd try and make it go in that direction. "You're right, it does."

Ella smiled once again, feeling very much overjoyed at the new experience she'd just gone through. She was sad about the fact that she hadn't caught at least something on camera, having left it in the other room after the battery died earlier.

When they went back to where the rest of the band and James were, sipping on beer bottles as they chatted, her cheeks hurt from smiling. They showed them all what they'd come up with and Alex made sure they heard Ella's idea.

Matt had stood up and crushed Ella in a hug, "That sounds fucking lovely, welcome to the band Ellie." Her giggles filled the room as Matt squeezed her tighter and she tried to get away from him.

"Thanks but I'll leave that to y'all, I'm not a rockstar." Matt let go of her, and ruffled her hair just to annoy her. She shrieked as her hair came all over her face, she poked him in the ribs making him yelp so loud, it got a chesty laugh out of her.

Alex couldn't wipe the smile out of his face, nothing would. Not only had he gotten Ella to be part of this experience but she had enjoyed it, and seeing her genuinely happy was all he wanted. He'd have to get used to not having her with him in the way he wanted, as long as he had her as a friend then that'd have to be enough.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The days had gone by fast—between songs getting written on and wiped off the whiteboard they had on the room now, demos getting sent and returned, Ross Orton joining James Ford in the production of some of the songs, days they'd stayed well past the time they had planned, spending weekends at different places of the city. The year was going incredibly well so far.

One afternoon of the very last week of January, they had found themselves rather bored and stuck. They had gone to a pub the night before and they'd been absolutely plastered before it was even two in the morning.

Ella vaguely remembered holding Breana's hair back as she heaved in the pub's bathroom from her attempt at taking consecutive shots of tequila.

So they were all wearing sunglasses indoors, the curtains were closed—but it wasn't doing much because they were pretty much see-through—, sitting in the worst positions on the settees.

"Shouldn't we have just taken the day off?" Jamie wondered with a groan, he had drank just enough but having to basically carry Nick out of the pub to the cab and out of the cab and to the hotel was what had exhausted him completely. "Not even James, nor Ross are coming today."

"It was already booked for us, mate." Replied Alex, his head thrown back and resting on the back of the settee.

Ella grimaced as she sat back straighter and reached for her bag, she smiled seeing the ziplock bag she'd brought with her. She didn't even know why she'd thought it would be the best idea to bring them to the studio but if there was a possibility of nursing their hangovers then she'd take it.

"Would these help?" She lifted the plastic bag in the air, it said 'sandwich bag' and it made her chuckle because inside there could be seen five thick spliffs waiting to be smoked.

No one really cared to see what it was. Ten in the morning was too early for them to want to be there, but when she moved the bag around in the air and opened it, the smell of weed hit them so suddenly that they instantly perked up.

Alex straightened up beside her, taking his sunglasses off and squinting to adjust to the light coming from outside. "What the fuck?"

Nick cleared his throat, "Didn't know you smoked."

"Don't be too surprised." She shrugged, getting her lighter and resting the ziplock bag on her lap, "University parties get you started quite easily..." She trailed off trying to figure out how it would work out, "Should we just pass it around or do each of you want your own?"

"Let's pass it around, so we can smoke for longer." Jamie said logically, he'd rather smoke slowly and throughout the day than finish the weed in fifteen minutes and then have to endure the day being sleepy and still hungover.

Ella lit up the first one, taking a long drag of it and relishing in the familiar feeling of the smoke in her throat. She let the smoke out and passed the spliff to Alex, who mirrored her actions.

By the time the second spliff was done, they were chatting about stupid things. They'd gotten hungry and seeing that it was past noon, they all settled in ordering McDonald's—there had been an overall consensus on how it was the best food to have while high.

They had basically smoked the whole day and when they had smoked the last two, consecutively, it was already nighttime. They were all outside stargazing, the blue of the night so piercing that the spheres of plasma contrasted brightly against it and let their presence known to anyone who could catch it.

For some reason she had started going on and on about everything she knew about galaxies, space and celestial objects. Surprisingly, the lads encouraged her to keep going which ended up in all of them agreeing on how, as kids, they thought that by 2013 they'd be driving flying cars and being able to buy lightsabers at the shops—even admitting that they'd thought time traveling would've been a thing already.

That's how they had ended up back in the recording room, completely determined on how they had to make a song about it all. She'd sat beside Alex, reading the things they'd all come up with and nodding like it was the best line ever written. Jamie was playing the guitar and Nick his bass, Matt patting his thighs as he analyzed what his friends were composing.

She wasn't sure what had happened afterwards as she woke up and found herself sleeping on the biggest settee of their usual recording room. Alex was sleeping on the one adjacent and Matt was snoring away on the floor, with a cushion under his head.

Her groan made the two men stir in their slumber. She grabbed her phone that was thrown in a corner of the room and saw that it was five in the morning. Her back was killing her, why the fuck hadn't we just taken a cab home? she wondered as she walked out to the bathroom.

From afar she saw Jamie sleeping peacefully on the settee in the keyboards room and Nick sleeping on the one by the kitchen.

She was grateful she had been way too hungover to actually do her makeup the day before so the smudge of her mascara was very minimal and she got rid of it easily by washing her face.

Once she was done, she went to the kitchen to make some coffee for everyone. She was drinking a glass of water when Nick's voice startled her.

"Good morning, why the fuck did we sleep here?" Since he'd just woken up, his voice was so much deeper than usual and it actually surprised her.

"I have no idea, I don't even remember at what time we fell asleep."

Nick sighed, rubbing his eyes and stood up slowly. "What time is it?"

"Like five twenty" She cringed, it was still dark out but the birds could be heard singing softly.

The bassist cussed and left to use the toilet. She poured herself and Nick a cup of coffee, it was piping hot as it had just been made in the coffee maker the studio had.

It took about half an hour for everyone to wake up, Matt being the last and the one who complained the most.

"Why would yous let me sleep on the fucking floor?" He said through his teeth, making an appearance in the kitchen.

Jamie scoffed, "I tried to get you on one of the settees but you ran back to the main room saying you had to add something to the song."

Ella remembered then that they had all made a song, "Oh my god... We made a song, didn't we?" They all nodded, sipping on their coffees. "Fuck, I don't even know if I wanna listen to it."

But as soon as they finished with their drinks and they had washed and dried it all, they went to the recording room to hear the demo. The bass was prominent in it, and the guitars complimented it perfectly. Alex's voice was slurred and it made them all laugh, but they quieted down at the guitar solo by the end of the recording.

"The guitars are fucking sick in this one." Ella said in appreciation, she was not expecting something actually that good when they had all been in the worst state.

Nick agreed, looping it back to hear the guitar solo once more. "Has b-side potential, to be fair."

They played it once more, hearing the lyrics more closely this time.

It's two thousand and thirteen all across the galaxy

It's two thousand and thirteen

So, baby, take a walk with me

Past flying cars and time machines

There's magic like you won't believe

Ella let the song reach its end to comment, "We are aware that the galaxy is far older, right? Like..." She paused to clear her dry throat, "It was only Jesus who was supposedly born two thousand and thirteen years ago, not the galaxy..."

Matt let out a loud sigh, "Ellie, we're not high anymore so stop nerding out."

"That's just common knowledge–" She argued.

"Ella." He replied sternly.

"Matthew J Helders the third," She said back in the same tone. "Shut. Up."

"Yes Matt, fuck off." Nick sided with Ella and Jamie repeated the same phrase to support the motion.

The drummer scoffed, "Why am I being bullied right now?"

"Because you deserve it." Alex replied this time.

Matt frowned, "I do not."

"I still remember you slandering Bre's favorite Fleetwood Mac record so if you want to keep your stunning girlfriend then shut up."

That had been the only reason why Matt stood quiet for a good ten seconds, and then he told her. "I can't stand you."

Ella gave him a cynical smile, "The feeling is mutual."

Jamie cackled at them, "You two are like fucking siblings arguing, I swear."

Before they could continue bickering though, they heard the front door being opened and closed and by the time they went out to see who it was, they were greeted by the sight of David coming in.

"Good morning everyone," Dave greeted with a smile on his face. "Was coming to check on you, how are you feeling? Slept well?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah mate, thanks very much."

"I tried to get you all a ride home but you all agreed on staying so..." The bearded man added and they all nodded.

"Thank you for letting us stay, man." Matt patted his back in gratitude. "We're just gonna go pick everything up and then we'll leave."

They didn't have the studio booked for the next few days so they gathered all of their stuff up and tidied the rest of the things they had used. They left the place as the sun rose up, Ella waved them off as she took the opposite direction to where they were going. Alex saw the sun hitting the little mirrorball hanging from her rearview mirror, making the light reflect all over the inside of her car.

"Love you guys! Bye!" She yelled out her rolled down window, disappearing into the highway.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Things had been going normal. After those three days they'd had in a sense of a small break, they had gone back to the studio with fresh ideas and the energy buzzed in the room whenever they were all together.

Ella had been more and more invested in the whole process, sometimes asking each of the guys what different things did or how they managed to get an instrument to sound the way it did in their demos. James had gotten used to having Ella beside him in the days Ross wasn't at the studio.

She was usually there first, smoking away as she waited for them, greeting whoever arrived first with a lovely smile and her arms open and ready for a hug.

That's why at the start of the second week of February, Alex had been incredibly confused at not seeing her already there when he got to Rancho de la Luna at eight in the morning.

He greeted David, asking him if Ella was already inside and when he shook his head, the singer's confusion grew. Maybe she'll be late today, he'd told himself so he didn't worry but just in case, he'd left her a text.

(11/02/2013 08:13) Hi Ellie, good morning. Around what time are you coming today? Was surprised to not see you when I got here xx

Slowly, everyone started coming in and when James got to the studio at around ten in the morning, that's when Alex started worrying even more. They hadn't seen her as she usually didn't go to the studio on the weekends like them, where is she? She wasn't one to just miss a work day or be late and not say anything.

Around noon, Matt had gotten a call from Breana—who was currently out in New York for a modeling gig—and Alex would've teased him about how they truly couldn't live without the other if it wasn't for Matt's worried facial expression.

The call was rather quick and all of his replies were meek, it was strange for him to talk like that with Bre so he started to wonder if they had fought or something, but then Matt had told her "Alright, I love you" with a loopy grin on his face before he hung up that had Alex discarding the thought.

Everyone was looking at him expectantly because the call seemed to have had a negative effect on his mood and they wanted to know if everything was alright.

Matt sighed, "Ellie's not gonna make it today, maybe not even the rest of the week." Alex's heart sank at the thought of something having happened to her that could keep her from going to the studio. "She's not feeling very well apparently."

Alex felt his whole body grow cold and it was an instant reaction for him to pick up his phone and leave the room to call her.

He dialed her number over and over for about ten times but none were answered, so he went back to texting her in hopes that it was just that she was ill and had fallen asleep.

(11/02/2013 12:06) Ellie, is everything okay? Bre's just called saying you weren't feeling good and that you'll be missing the next few days here. Just let me know when you see this that you're fine xx

(11/02/2013 12:07) Did you catch a cold? I'll come over with some soup for you, I promise I make the best chicken noodle soup (either it is good or my mum lied) xx

(11/02/2013 12:08) You're probably asleep and I'm being an absolute knob making your phone ring over and over. I'll stop now but just let me know what's going on. Sending you loads of hugs xxxx

The more Alex stared at the clock, the slower time went by. He was too distracted to care about what was going on in the recording room, everyone having to bring him back to reality every five minutes.

By the time it was one thirty in the afternoon, he hadn't been able to take it any longer so he excused himself and ran outside to call Breana. He didn't even care if he'd be interrupting her photoshoot by calling her over and over, he had to know if Ella was okay.

When he rang her for the fifth time, he got his call answered. "Jesus Christ, Alex, is everything alright?"

He was so relieved the model finally picked up, "Yes. Everything's good. Just... Ella. What happened to Ella? Is she okay?"

Breana felt silent, only the shutter of the camera and the clicking of heels on the floor was heard for a few seconds, "Erm, yes. She's just not feeling well."

"Did she get ill? I've been trying to call her and she won't answer." His voice was laced with worry and that wasn't missed by Bre.

Silence again, "Yes..." Bre replied but it sounded like a question and that's when Alex knew she was full of shit.

"Bre, what happened? Is she okay?" His voice got firmer, he didn't understand why she'd be keeping quiet about anything happening to her best friend.

She sighed, "Alex, she's not feeling well and that's all that I can tell you. I promised her I wouldn't say anything else."

"So something did happen," The singer insisted, "Bre, at least let me know her address so I can go check up on her."

"Alex–" The model started in protest but he was quick to interrupt her.

"Bre, you're far away and not coming back until next week. At least let me be the one to check up on her. I just wanna know if she's okay." He heard her sigh and when the line stood silent he continued, "I don't care if she's just ill and you probably think I'm overreacting, I'd rather do that and find out she's okay than brush it off and find out afterwards that something worst has happened and she's been alone."

"Fucking hell, Alex," Breana cursed, giving into his point. "I'll send you it in a text, but just... let me know how she's doing when you get there okay? And hug her tightly for me, please."

He felt like he could finally breathe, "'Course. Cheers, Bre."

It was only seconds after hanging up that Breana sent him Ella's address through text. His hands were sweaty as he went back inside and told the lads he'd be leaving for the day. He didn't even give them time to ask why, because he was out the door as soon as he'd finished his sentence.

Ella's home was only an hour away from the studio but traffic had held him back forty minutes, he'd been fidgeting in his seat all the way to her medium sized one floor house which was painted a gorgeous light green color.

Alex was quick to park his rental-car on her driveway which only had her car present, he figured she had her bike inside her garage. Without missing a beat, he got out of the car and with long fast strides reached her white door and knocked on it.

A long minute went by and no one was opening the door, he knocked harder and rang the doorbell before knocking furiously again. He heard shuffling behind the door and he was relieved but when the door opened, he felt every bit of worry fall over him like a ton of bricks.

Ella was still in her pajamas—a big gray shirt almost covering her red flannel shorts—, her eyes were puffy and just as red as her nose, her hair was a mess in tangles on a bun atop of her head and she had a glass half full on her right hand.

The last person she'd expected was the singer to be standing outside her door, "Alex, what are you doing here?" She was so tired of everything, she just wanted to be alone and wallowing in self pity not having to worry about how she looked and how she was dealing with the shit show that had just unfolded in her life.

"Hey Ellie," His voice was so soft, she was surprised at how just hearing him had felt like a hug. "Are you okay?" He asked, very much worried but not really knowing what to do.

"How did you even find my address? Did Ben or Aaron give you it, I'll kill them." She ranted, on the brink of exploding in anger. Her emotions were a mess, she was a mess, she had no idea what the fuck to do anymore. Nothing made sense to her anymore.

"No, no, I had to beg Bre for it, but what's wrong?" He wanted to know why she looked so broken or, if anything, he just wanted to comfort her. "What are you even drinking?" He took a step towards her and into her house and she stepped back but with the sigh she'd let out, the alcohol in her breath hit him. "Ellie, it's only three in the afternoon."

She laughed, without a hint of humor, "Alex, I truly rather be drunk right now. I do not fucking care what time it is."

He shook his head, watching her leave so he closed the door behind him and followed her steps. "No, absolutely not." He stated and tried to get the glass from her.

"Yes Alex," She downed what was left on the glass before he could get to her, wincing at the whiskey burning her throat. "I've run out of cigarettes, have no weed, I look too crazy to even bother going out to get shit and all I have is whiskey and a few bottles of wine." She used her fingers to count all the misfortunes that had come after the blow she'd taken the night before.

She turned to the whiskey bottle and poured herself another glass, way too full, but it was what she needed. She took a gulp of it and whispered a curse after it struggled to go down her throat.

"Ella, you're gonna have to stop right now." His words were firm, he was trying to be patient but he didn't want her drinking her problems away.

She rolled her eyes, setting the glass down harshly so the alcohol splashed around it. "Alex– I truly don't need you to be logical right now." She took a deep shaky breath and continued, "Just leave okay? You've seen I'm alive. I'm just not feeling good so just go, you have shit to do much more important than me and my fucking mess of a life." The way her voice broke saying that last sentence had him frowning deeper, he wanted to do something, anything to stop feeling the hurt she clearly was was feeling.

"What's wrong, darling? Talk to me." Alex hadn't called her that in a long time, not after he'd caught his mistake in doing that after that call at the Olympics opening ceremony, but he just couldn't help it. He'd tried to reach for her hand but she'd flinched away at the pet name.

It had made her wince, thinking back to what Arielle had told her the month prior about how Alex had called her that as he'd fucked her dumb. She felt so fucking pathetic, so far from special. Am I the problem? She had wondered that all night, as she cried herself to sleep.

She was tired of crying but she couldn't stop it. She was tired of people making her cry, making her believe that she wasn't worthy of anything.

She slowly turned around, sighing heavily before admitting, "He fucking cheated, Al."

Alex felt a blow to his chest, "What?"

Ella's tears cascaded down automatically, breaking his heart in a million little pieces for her. "He's fucking cheated on me, I–" She started but she had to stop as a sob ripped through her. "And you wanna know how I found out? Because his parents caught him in a lie. He told them he'd be going out on dinner with me and when they went to surprise us, they found him with someone else." Her voice raised as she narrated everything, fury in her eyes and the heartbreak making her tremble.

"He fucking admitted to it to them, how he's been seeing this girl for over a month, but when they told him he had to tell me the truth, he fucking refused." A loud scoff came from her, "His mom has had to fucking call me and tell me because this fucking cunt didn't have the balls to say it." She was so baffled, sobbing in disbelief.

Why does it always happen to me? She'd asked herself so many times, she had given up on an answer.

She sniffled, wiping her nose, "So now I've had to break up with him over the fucking phone because I know I wouldn't have been able to do it in person."

Alex walked slowly to get closer to her, not wanting to startle her. "Ellie I'm–" His words were cut by Ella's words of desperation.

"I fucking wanted to marry him Alex! I thought he was it for me!" Pure agony was what was filling every inch of her body and soul. "We had started trying for a baby." She broke down in loud sobs that made her hiccup as she tried to get oxygen back in her lungs.

Alex had no idea what to say to that, he wanted to do nothing more than to murder Julian after torturing him in the most sadistic ways. But she was his priority, making her feel better was what he had to do. He was quick to envelope her in a tight hug, she cried harder hidden in his chest as she fisted his maroon shirt.

Her tears bleed through his shirt and it felt like her heartache was burning his skin. "I just want this hurt gone, I feel like my chest is caving in, Al. I want it gone. Please." Ella begged and her body trembled in his arms. In that moment, all he could think was how he'd do anything to be able to take away the pain from her—he'd carry all of her burdens if it meant she'd be eternally happy, like she deserved.

His left hand was rubbing up and down her back, his right hand holding her head to his chest. He softly shushed her trying to calm her down in the slightest, he had never been good at consoling crying women, but for Ella he'd try and excel at anything she needed from him. "It's gonna be alright Ellie, I promise. You are gonna be okay."

Alex had her walk to the settee with him, she just let him guide her as her cries did nothing but increase.

Pathetic, pitiful, worthless, meaningless, replaceable.

That's all she felt about herself and she hated it, with a deep burning passion.

Alex sat down with her and she scooted onto his side, needing the warmth of his touch around her. She needed someone even if she didn't want to admit it and Alex was determined on keeping his hold on her for as long as she wanted it to.

His fingers started scratching her head, making her relax in her arms. Her sobs started to quiet down after five minutes and her breath slowed down.

"I'm here okay? I'm not leaving." He assured her, looking down at her still shielding on his chest.

She nodded, and she whined softly at the waves of memories coming back to her trying to push her back into a breakdown.

It had been like that since she'd gotten the phone call the night before, she would cry for hours and eventually calm down finding some sleep which was interrupted by the situation being reflected in her dreams, making her start sobbing all over again. She'd only gotten a total of three hours of sleep the night before.

A thought flashed through her head, making her break the hug as her skin crawled in disgust for herself. "I hate this so much," She muttered, recoiling to the corner of the settee, the furthest she could from Alex. "I'm gonna have to go and get tested now, not only for pregnancy but for everything else 'cause I don't even know who he's been fucking. I feel so disgusting."

The singer scooted closer to her, rubbing her arms which were hugging her folded legs closely to her chest.

"He's an absolute prick. I'm so sorry, Ellie. I really truly am." His honesty was so clear but she couldn't take it.

She started crying again, shaking her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. He should be."

That made Alex scowl, "Did he not?"

Ella chuckled entirely unamused at the memory of her phone call to him that had happened earlier that day. "He did, over and over but it just made me sick. He said it so many times it started sounding weird. He didn't mean it at all. He's only sorry for himself, that he got caught."

"I want to kill him." Alex said simply.

Her face contorted in pity for herself, because she still felt how much she loved him. "I want this to be a sick and twisted joke." Her chin wobbled, and he knew exactly what it meant.

Of course she still loved him. That's the type of person she was, always a giver. And she never half assed anything so when she loved, she loved in the very best way: passionately and endlessly. He knew that from the way she talked about her family, her friends, her hobbies, her job.

She threw herself in his arms again and sobbed away, none of them noticing how she was basically straddling his lap and how her breasts were pressed against his chest. Her face was buried on his neck and his arms wrapped around her again, the same way they had been doing before. He could feel the erratic thumping of her heart on the other side of his.

It had been an hour that it had taken Ella to exhaust herself to sleep. When her breathing slowed down and he heard one of her soft snores in his ear, he felt relief flooding his system. He knew then that hated seeing her cry, he hated seeing her in despair, sleep deprived—her dark circles were prominent when she'd opened the door and the sunlight hit her face—, relying on alcohol to drown her sorrows.

She deserved so much better.

He stood up from the sofa with her still in his arms, slowly to not wake her up but not even if he had been more careless could she have startled awake. She was in a deep sleep, having found comfort after long hours of misery.

He set her down on her bed, which was still unmade but not that messy which confirmed to him that she hadn't slept well at all the previous night. The covers were soon over her and all the way up to her chin, she'd let out a sound of satisfaction as she snuggled her pillows.

Alex decided to kick his shoes off and sit beside her, watching her peacefully sleep. Sometimes she'd flinch and start crying, hot tears falling from her closed eyes and wetting the pillow under her head. He'd rub her back, whispering 'you're okay, you're okay' until she settled back down, but it hurt him having to see her like that in the first place.

He felt so helpless.

After about three hours, seeing that she was in deep slumber, he thought it would be good for him to get some food. She had definitely not eaten at all that day so she'd be hungry when she woke up. He slowly put his shoes on and exited her house, grabbing her house keys and writing a little note before leaving.

Alex let himself smile fondly at the Tennessee keychain she had, a little silver cowboy boot it was and it reminded him of her mirrorball.

He had seen a few restaurants about ten minutes from her house so he settled for proximity rather than finding a restaurant he knew was good. The thing he least wanted was for her to wake up and see him gone, even if he had left a note.

The singer had decided to get some films from the redbox rental her neighborhood Walgreens had, wanting her to get distracted and enjoy herself for a little.

Despite him rushing to get back as soon as possible, and getting annoyed at himself for taking much longer than anticipated, when he got back she was still asleep. But it was eight in the evening then, so he had to wake her up to have her eat.

He dropped everything he'd gotten slowly on her kitchen counter and he walked carefully into her room. The bed dipping beside her had her stirring, so he felt less bad when he started brushing her hair back and softly whispered her name to have her wake up.

She'd hummed in response to hearing her name being called and he grinned at her pout, she was so effortlessly breathtaking—it was beyond his understanding.

"C'mon darling, I brought you some food." He finally said and she mumbled gibberish in response, "There's ice cream too and some films."

Her eyes slowly peeled open, her pout was replaced by a frown because she didn't remember much of how the hell Alex had ended up in her house.

Regardless, she rubbed her eyes awake and yawned. Slowly but surely she got up and threaded to the bathroom to freshen up, Alex told her he'd be serving their food in the kitchen and to join him when she was ready.

Twenty minutes later, she was out of the bathroom. Freshly showered, with her hair damp and wetting the back of her shirt. She'd changed her pjs for a 'Queens of the Stone Age' big shirt and some joggers.

Alex wanted to coo, seeing her hugging herself as she walked to the living room where he had set everything up. Italian food—her favorite—, a few bottles of Mexican coke he'd found in a bodega next to Walgreens, and 'Sherlock Holmes' ready to play on her TV.

Ella felt a knot tightening up in her throat, she was sure what she'd needed was to be miserable by herself until she'd cried all of her tears but seeing him there, sitting in her living room after having brought her food and shit that would make her feel better with the sweetest smile on his face, reminded her that she needed someone to help her during tough times.

Her pout grew on her face, and Alex was quick to stop her from getting herself worked out over nothing. "Hey, Ellie. It's okay, c'mere." She nodded and walked towards him, tears slowly filling her eyes and threatening to spill. He turned to her once she was sitting beside him and brushed his thumbs on the apples of her cheeks, "Don't cry okay? Let's watch a film and eat well so we can have a good sleep tonight, yeah?"

A tear slipped down and he was quick to wipe it, he pressed a kiss on her forehead to then turn and grab her plate for her. "Here," He handed her the plate, "Spinach ravioli bolognese, your favorite."

A pathetic little chuckle fell from her lips as she received the dish, it indeed was her favorite. "Oh, you remember."

He watched her as she placed the plate on her lap, sitting straight next to him. "Of course I do. I remember loads of things," But it wasn't about that in this situation, so he got her excited for the movie. "Have you seen this one? People say it's great."

Ella had been sure she wasn't hungry but at the smell of her favorite food reaching her nose, her stomach growled. She blushed, shaking her head at Alex's question, "I haven't, no."

Alex smiled at her, and pressed play but as the opening credits rolled, he pushed her softly to start eating. "I wanna know if you like it, try a little bit."

"Well, how different can it be from any other place? I'm sure it's good." Ella replied as she stirred some of the sauce around with her fork.

"Just a bite," He negotiated, "For me?"

The pout on his face seemed to twist her arm, she gave him a tight lip smile before she shoved a bite into her mouth. Her smile got bigger then, as she savored the food. "It's really good," He smiled, pleased to see that she liked it. "Thank you, Al."

He nodded before grabbing his own plate and they both ate slowly as the film played. It had gotten her giggling and quietly gasping at different moments, which made his heart swell inside of him. When the end credits rolled, he asked her if she'd liked it to which she gave him an excited nod of her head. She was smiling, small grins, but it was what he wanted to get from her.

Alex took the dishes to wash them and Ella followed after him with the empty coke bottles and complained about him doing the dishes in her house. He just stared at her right in the eyes as he quickly washed what they'd used and his smirk got bigger the more she complained.

"You're annoying." Ella simply stated when he was done.

Alex chuckled and walked over to her fridge, "Would some ice cream help you forgive me for being annoying?"

"Maybe..."

She took out two small bowls and two spoons, pointing him to where she had her ice cream scooper and thanked him when he filled her bowl with three big servings of the sweet dessert.

They went back to her living room, to play the next one. He'd changed the discs quickly in her DVD player and played the new movie in record time, "I've actually seen this one already, pretty good. You'll like it."

She saw Ryan Gosling on the cover of the DVD case and nodded, "Give me anything Ryan Gosling and I'll love it."

He laughed, and nodded, "Brilliant." and turned to watch the screen just as 'Drive' showed on the screen.

About thirty minutes into the movie, Alex's phone started going off so he excused himself to go outside and pick it up.

It was Breana, who had been texting him over and over because he hadn't given her an update on Ella like he'd promised. He cursed under his breath and closed the door behind him. He'd told Ella to keep watching but she was honestly just trying to please him by watching it with him. She'd been lost in her thoughts all through the start of it, seeing the main characters subtly flirt with one another had made her tragedies catch up to her again and made her silently crumble.

She'd left two of her windows open since the morning, when she'd been smoking her sorrows away until she ran out, so she could hear what Alex was saying.

"Hi, I'm so sorry," She knew he'd lit up a cigarette because she could smell the burning tobacco making its way inside her house. "Got caught up with everything and forgot about my phone." She heard nothing but silence for a few seconds until he started debriefing, "She's okay. I had her sleep for a few hours and got her food, we've been eating and watching some films." She was so confused as to who he was talking to but then he mentioned a name that had her in the brink of tears again. "Bre, I–. Yes, she was crying a lot but she's stopped for now." She wanted nothing more than for her best friend to be there but, alas, Ella's life seemed to be highlighted by always having the worst timing. "If she lets me then yes, I don't want her to be alone while she's going through this. Much less if there's a slight possibility of that cunt coming to bother her."

It didn't sound like jealousy in his voice, just plain anger at what Julian had done to her and in that moment she realized that maybe Alex and her were meant to be friends. Despite the direction things had taken when they'd first met, maybe they were meant to have a strong friendship so they could be there for each other, have each other's backs.

Ella realized how good it felt to have him there with her, because he understood her in a way that only a few people did and he made her feel calm. She needed that.

His voice could be heard further away as she went to her kitchen after pausing the movie and saw the other things that Alex had bought for her: two little bags of gummies, a dark chocolate bar, another Mexican coke, and a pack of Marlboro reds.

He was a life saver, truly.

She opened the pack and grabbed a cigarette, placed it on her mouth and, after closing her windows down, she joined him outside.

He'd gotten scared by the sudden movement at the door behind him, she laughed as she came to stand beside him and he lit her cigarette up at her silent question for it.

"Thank you." She muttered and he smiled in response.

Alex nodded and hummed at whatever Breana was saying, "Yes, Bre, I know and I won't. You have my word." A cloud of smoke left his lips when he chuckled, "I'll text you later, bye."

Ella watched through the corner of her eye as he hung up and placed his phone in the back pocket of his jeans.

"Thought I told you to keep watching without me." His gaze came over her, watching her relish in the bad habit they both had.

"You did, but I needed a breather." Ella admitted.

Alex nodded and they both fell to their tangled thoughts. She was lost trying to find answers to the one question echoing the most in her head, why? And he was stuck thinking about what he could do to switch her hurt for brief moments of joy.

"Are you feeling better?"

It took her a minute to answer, her eyes lost in the sky and the sight of the moon. So beautiful and unbothered, shining over every single person on Earth so effortlessly.

"It's a weird thing, honestly. I feel just... numb. Like I'm in shock and don't even know if what's happened is real but then I suddenly feel it all coming over me like I'm getting swallowed by fire and I'm burning alive, but somehow the emptiness I feel in my chest overpowers it all." Word vomit, that's what it had been and she shook her head at herself. "I'm talking out of my ass, aren't I?" Pathetic.

But when Alex instantly shook his head, she felt relieved. "No, you're not. He deserves hell, Ellie, not you. And he surely doesn't deserve your tears or your heartache." He threw the last of his cigarette on the floor and took two steps to be right beside her. He threw his arm around her shoulders and let it fall until he could hug her tightly to his side.

She let her head fall on his shoulder, "I've begged for hours that this is a nightmare but I've pinched myself enough times to know I'm unfortunately awake."

"I'm sorry, Ellie." He kissed the top of her head, and then rested his cheek on it. "But I know you, and I know you're gonna be okay. The shadow of his actions that's following you right now will wither away in time, but it will haunt him till the end of his days."

Tears had started falling again but this time in frustration when she explained, "I hate that my brain wants him to suffer but my heart is begging to spare him some mercy."

"Your heart will catch up, just be patient with it."

He was so good at just saying things like that, it blew her away really. "God, you're so poetic. No wonder you ended up a musician." She felt his chest tremble as he laughed, the cold breeze was a nice contrast to the warmth she felt by being held by Alex. "Thank you, by the way."

That had him lifting his head to look down at her, "What for?"

Ella was still pressed to his side but she tilted her head back slightly to look up at him. "The food, the movies, the candy, the cigarettes, letting me ruin your shirt with my tears, letting me ruin your day with my tragedies, begging Bre for my address, spending the day with me..." She was glad he was there, she was glad to have him. "You're a true friend, Alex Turner."

It hurt, 'friend', but he promised himself that that'd have to be enough for him so it would. He gave her the sweetest smile, "No need to thank me darling, I will always be here for you. No matter what." And he meant that—even if he was on the other side of the world, he was determined to always be there for her. "And you didn't ruin my day, if anything you saved me from Matt being insufferable since Bre is in New York."

She giggled, wiping her tears with her right hand. "Ugh, yeah. He must be unbearable."

Ella decided she was done with her cigarette, so she flicked it and watched it die in the ground of her driveway a couple of feet from her and Alex. She brought her arm to circle around Alex's waist and squeezed him softly, "Let's go back inside."

Alex nodded and dropped his arm from around her, Ella started walking ahead of him back to the front door but stopped in her steps when Alex spun her around by her wrist and crushed her in a hug.

"That one's from Bre," The singer said in her ear, "Forgot to deliver it until now, sorry."

She melted in laughter in his hold. He was such an idiot and she was so damn grateful he'd pestered Bre into giving him her address because she truly didn't know what it would've been of her if she'd spent the day completely alone.

They went back inside and finished the film, which ended up being really good and she'd be sure it would be one she'd watch more times in the future. It wasn't too late, barely midnight but she was falling asleep slowly, the exhaustion catching up to her.

Her yawn made him turn to her, he was gonna have her go to bed and then leave but she offered him to stay before she could even stand up from the settee.

Alex accepted, of course. If Ella hadn't offered, he knew he'd go back to the hotel and then be at her door in the morning to make sure she was alright.

She showed him the guest room and reminded him of where the bathroom was. She'd offered him clothes for him to sleep in but he kindly turned them down as he was fine just sleeping in his underwear.

He had managed to get some sleep for a few hours when he was suddenly woken up by her sobs at three in the morning. He wasn't sure what the noise was at first, too sleep drunk to grasp any logic but when he realized it was her crying, his heart broke.

Alex debated within himself if it would be good to just go and get her to calm down or if he should just let her cry it out but when he heard silence and then another heart ripping sob, he got up and walked to her room.

He knocked softly on her door twice before opening the door, his heart broke seeing her against her headboard hugging her legs. The brightness coming from her phone screen was the only thing keeping the room from being absolutely pitch black.

She saw him blurry through the tears, his hair ruffled and his clothes on his body messily. He hadn't had time to properly button his shirt up, too busy trying to check on her as soon as he could to put every button in its correct place.

"Ellie..." Alex cooed, approaching her as she sniffled, trying to calm herself down.

The second he reached her bed and sat beside her, he saw exactly what she'd been doing. She'd been looking at pictures of her and Julian, not the ones that she'd post but the random domestic ones like the one currently frozen in time on her phone. She looked to have been doing her makeup when he interrupted with a hug, their smiles so big on their faces it made her shiver—it felt like those two people in the picture were making fun of her.

Alex locked her phone and in a quick motion hugged her to his chest.Ella broke down all over again, clutching him like it was the only way she'd hold onto reality and not lose her mind altogether.

"Let's not do that, alright?" He suggested, rubbing her back.

She trembled under his touch from the force and continuity of her sobs, it had been such a stupid idea to go through her phone before going to sleep. Her nod was so small that he'd missed it but he continued on consoling her, pressing kisses to her head and talking in her ear.

"You're okay. He's a fucking idiot. He doesn't deserve your tears. He didn't and doesn't deserve you."

There was sweet conviction laced in his words, somehow Alex telling her helped more than if she tried to tell herself. It resonated more, it echoed louder inside her mind.

"I just don't understand it." Ella hated having to bring it all up again, but when it was all silence around her was when the questions would hunt her down. "A fucking month, he's been fucking someone else and sneaking off while I've been here like a love struck puppy stupidly waiting for him to come back. I feel so used and so stupid."

He lifted his head from where it had been resting on top of hers, so that she'd look at him. It was so dark but he could clearly see the soft sparkle of her eyes. "You're not stupid, Ella. You're the smartest one of us all."

She bit her lip trying not to cry again, chin wobbling at her naivety. "I'm clearly not. I didn't see it happening right in front of my eyes. Fuck knows if she was the only one." She let her head fall back, pressed against her headboard while she stared at the ceiling. The ceiling was the only part of her room she could see that didn't spark memories. "He's everywhere I look, Alex. Every inch of my house is tarnished with him and it's making me feel sick."

Her breath faltered, tears rolling down the corner of her eyes and falling down her temples. She'd started spiraling when she closed her door and suddenly her eyes seemed to only fall on bits that reminded of him. And she had tried her hardest to ignore it, to just think of anything else and let it pass but her heart ached to look back at every moment they'd spent together and she'd been too weak to say no.

Too weak, too naive. Stupid, stupid, stupid. All she felt was stupid.

The more her tears fell on his shoulder, the more Alex could hear her heart tearing apart. "I know, darling. But it will get better."

She straightened up, as her insides filled with anguish. She had no hope left. "I don't see how it can. He was everything. My everything."

He squeezed her tighter and she lifted her head up to rest on his shoulder again. His hand unwavering as it rubbed up and down her arm, warming the coldness in her. How could someone blatantly ruin someone like this? It was so insolent. "I know it's easier said than done, but you'll forget. You'll make new memories to replace the tarnished ones. And with time, the hurt will go and the beauty will remain." Because she seemed to glow so bright when was with Julian and he'd hate to see her dull away.

Ella started crying even more, "How stupid is it that I don't want to let the memories go though? I do this all the fucking time, I cling to every bit I have left of people until I just become numb to losing them one random day. But it's just an endless loop of torture until I get to that point, why can't I just skip this all?" It had only been a day, and she was already exhausted. "I don't even want to be in my own bedroom anymore."

"I know, I know." His hand left her arm to start scratching her head, he smiled slowly when he heard her sigh in content at the feeling. "But think about how this room could easily become your salvation if you ever accidentally let Matt and Breana stay over. And you know how shameless they can be—you'll have to start a new life just in here so you don't accidentally get flashed with Matt's arse. And believe me you really don't. Not a pretty sight at all." That was his awful attempt to lighten her mood up and it seemed to have worked when she snorted and her body shook with laughter.

In between chuckles she managed to respond, "You're an idiot."

Alex hummed a 'no', faux-defensive. "No, Breana is the idiot for going for someone like Matt. Me and you both saw him when we were high in the studio. That line about the galaxy being two thousand years old was definitely him."

"It definitely was." Ella agreed, why would he have gotten so offended by her correction if not.

"Yeah, we're not that stupid." He further backed his point.

But Ella was quick to scoff, "No, not at all Mr. 'Little tiny fruit coming after you'. How high did you get? Rude of you to not share your hallucinogens with me."

He let out a small gasp in fake disbelief, "I've never done such a thing, Miss Hayes."

"I don't believe you. No one writes such a shit song on just weed alone."

"Okay enough of your backchat." Alex argued, but he broke out in laughter at her chosen adjective to the song. "I know it's shit but it's still getting put out, it was a very monumental moment for us. New band member and all."

She moved her head up and tilted it back to look at him with an amused expression, "Yeah, very monumental with your new Glockenspiel player bandmate that doesn't even play a thing in it." The sarcasm making him giggle and the contagious sound had her giggling with him.

After their laughter died back down, Ella felt the ball move back up her throat. And maybe it was the way she held him that little bit tighter which gave her away, but Alex didn't hesitate to pull her the tiniest bit closer and continue to stroke her arm as he asked, "You don't have to stay in here if you don't want to, we can go in the other room?"

She wanted to accept, knowing at least that would make her feel better but the brief feeling of comfort would end up in something worse, "I won't come back in here if I do that... I can't let him take more from me. He's already chewed my heart up, he's not taking anything else."

"Atta girl, see? You're already in the right direction." He could only encourage her. After all, she was going to go about it at her own pace and he'd just be there with her through it.

"I just want the pain to go away. It's not fair." It really wasn't, she couldn't help but think how she was breaking down over and over while Julian could be enjoying his time with whoever it was he'd been seeing. "There's no way he's sobbing at god knows what hour in the morning like I am. How is that fair, Al?"

"It's not, darling." The whole situation infuriated him beyond belief, he wanted to seek revenge for her but not more than he wanted to strip her of the heartbreak. "I wish I could take it all away for you. I really wish I could."

"I just want it all to go away." Ella begged. It was a plea to life, to whoever was up there that thought it was fine to have her go through that.

"It'll pass I promise, and from here it will all just get better and better for you, Ellie. I cross my heart, darling." He'd find a way to pull the strings of the universe if it wasn't soon that it'll all look up for her.

Her hazy mind was able to grasp all that and it was the last thing she remembered before she'd succumbed to slumber, every atom of her being just giving up after the efforts of the past twenty four hours.

She hadn't felt Alex leaving her after he made sure she was truly asleep so she was the tiniest bit disappointed to find herself alone in bed in the morning, without his gentle touch on her to make her feel like all would be alright.

She reprimanded herself, it was just her being greedy at that point—he had been doing more than enough and she shouldn't be asking for more.

Her movements were quiet as she completed her morning routine, trying her best not to wake him up. He'd probably been up most of the night because of her cries, she felt so guilty.

She started making breakfast, finding comfort in the sizzle of the frying eggs and bacon on the pan and the drip of the coffee coming from her Keurig. The toasts were the perfect golden brown and, as she plated everything up for them, she found herself happy over the small victory it was for her to feel even the smallest amount of joy out of cooking a small meal.

Ella decided to move dirty utensils so she could wash them, carefully placing the hot pan in the sink when she saw Alex walking down the hallway and towards the kitchen. He looked to have just come out of the bathroom, she hadn't even heard him leave the guest room in the first place.

She didn't know if it was because of the fact that she was going through the worst heartache of her life, but the sight of him with his hair ruffled and wrinkled clothes shattered her.

Not in a negative way, not that it made her want to drop to the ground and cry, but in the way that she was already mourning the fact that she'd never be able to see him like that ever again. She'd always found him so breathtakingly pretty, but the image was so mundane that it added a layer to his general beauty.

He rubbed his eyes in the most childish way, she almost wanted to scream because of how adorable he looked, "Smells good." was all he said and she grinned like an idiot, filled with gratitude.

She slid the plate towards him on the kitchen counter, "This is the 'thanks for putting up with me yesterday and I'm so sorry for keeping you up all night', kind of like the most popular breakfast on the menu."

He chuckled, looking at the food and then at her. He shook his head with a smile and walked over to hug her, "You don't need to thank me or apologize for any of that. But thank you very much for this, it looks delicious." His arms held her tightly over her shoulders, she hid away on his neck with a smile and her arms around his waist.

They stayed like that for a minute and she tried backing away but he was reluctant to let her go. She pinched his waist and laughed, "It's gonna go cold, Al. Sit down and eat."

Alex left a kiss on her temple before letting go of her and sitting on one of the high chairs to dig into the food.

Ella watched him expectantly as he grabbed some of the food with the fork and placed it on the piece of toast, he lifted it up and took a big bite of it. It was good, really good but he exaggerated his reaction to entertain her.

His moan of satisfaction had her blushing and giving him a bright smile that reached her eyes. "That's really fucking good, Ellie."

She looked down at her own serving of food and timidly said, "Glad you like it."

They continued eating, settled in a comfortable silence and when they finished, he had beat her once again to washing the dishes.

She was leaning on her forearms, by the sink, sipping on her coffee while she watched Alex. The truth is that she wanted to ask for a favor but she was too shy to ask for something else from him. He noticed though, and it was so easy to read on her face that she was dying to say something.

"What's wrong?" His voice was so calm, inviting her to just use her words.

"I, um," Ella rose back up straight, leaving her coffee cup on the kitchen counter. "Could I skip this week at the studio? I would go but I'm sure I won't be the best company while I feel like this."

A sweet smile appeared on Alex's face, "Of course you can. But I have to ask for something in exchange..."

She got the tiniest bit more nervous with that, "Which is?"

"That you let me come over and disrupt your peace every day until you're back."

Ella didn't know what she was expecting but that made her let out a breathy chuckle, "Yeah, sure."

"I could take the camera and record for you as well, so you don't have to tell Ben and Aaron."

"You sure you can work a camera?" She teased, remembering how bad at checking his phone he could be. "A phone is enough of a nightmare for you."

Alex rolled his eyes jokingly, "Yes, I know how to work a camera. How hard can it be?"

She only shook her head, "Okay, I'll get everything ready for you. Are you leaving now?" She checked the time on her microwave and it flashed a 9:25 back at them.

He nodded, drying his hands with one of her kitchen towels. "Just so I can get over with the day as fast as I can and then I'll drive back."

Her eyes froze on his face after he said that. She truly was so glad he was there with her and so willing to stay around. She nodded, and when her gaze fell to his wrinkled and tear stained shirt she frowned.

"I'm gonna lend you a shirt so I can wash yours," She pointed at it, "I ruined it."

"No you didn't. It's fine." The singer spoke back, really not worrying about it but she was quick to shake her head and leave to get a shirt out of her closet.

He followed and when he walked through her door, she was looking through her shirts. "C'mere, choose whichever you'd like. Those are the biggest shirts I have." She waved him over and he complied.

He grabbed the first black shirt he saw and when he unfolded it, he laughed. It read 'Boot, Scoot, Boogie' and it had a pair of cowboy boots beside the big words.

"It's a good country classic, to be fair." She commented with a very amused grin on her face.

Alex lifted the shirt up in the air, "Thanks, Miss Tennessee."

She felt the squeeze in her chest, the last time he'd called her that was when he'd written it in the back of their photobooth pictures—one's that were hidden away in one of her drawers in between pages of her photo albums.

"You're welcome." Ella gave him a tight lip smile, "Now go get ready, before the guys start calling you non-stop"

He waved her off, "Already told them I'd be running late."

He walked into the guest room to gather his things and put them in his pockets, changing his shirt for Ella's and he knew he'd be in the best mood all day because the second the piece of clothing was on, he was drowning in her scent.

Flowers, sweetness and that small hint of tender woods.

He was already drunk on it when he came out, maroon shirt in hand and with a beaming grin on his face.

Ella smiled seeing him with the new shirt, "Suits you well."

"Thank you, darling." Bet it looks better on you. "I'll be back later, alright?"

She nodded, exchanging the shirt in his hand for the camera bag. "You take care of that like a child, Turner."

"I will, I promise." Alex let his arm drop dramatically making it seem like he was gonna drop the bag on the floor causing her to gasp loudly.

He started cackling, her face tinting pink at how easily she'd fallen for his prank. "You dick!"

She pushed him lightly and he started walking towards the front door, "Alright, alright. I'm leaving now." He stopped as she opened the door and right before exiting he opened his arms to hug her.

Ella gracefully walked into them, he wrapped them around her and made them both sway in the embrace. "See you later, Al."

"See you soon, darling." A kiss was left on her temple before he left.

She watched as he carefully placed the bag on the floor of the passenger side and, when he backed out into the road, he waved at her before leaving.

Her chest started feeling heavy again, those hours without Alex there would be hard but she had to power through them.

She remembered his words, 'the hurt will go and the beauty will remain'. She couldn't wait for that day to come.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: I think that after this you can come to the conclusion that I'm an absolute whore for some angst, I love it so much. Bless Ella though, so sorry girl. Hope you enjoyed this one, shit is getting real now... See you soon with the next one, thank you a billion for reading! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100​ @red---moon​ @kennedy-brooke​ @faveficz​ @indierockgirrl​ @ladydraculasthings @moonvr​ @unwantedlovergirl​ @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn​ @funniestpersoninnyc​ @andrearroe​ @justacaliforniandreamer​ @alexturnersgf69​

#alex turner #alex turner x reader #alex #turner #arctic monkeys #alex turner arctic monkeys #alex turner fanfiction #alex turner fanfic #alex turner fluff #alex turner one shot #alex turner blurb #alex turner drabble #alex turner imagine #alex turner fic #alex turner x you #alex turner x y/n #matt helders #nick omalley #jamie cook

[dubiouslynamed]

Alright, this idea has been giving me a hard time for weeks. Out into the void it goes! Sorry it's so long. There's more under the cut, believe me.

CURTAIN/ NIAT RUC

The Bentley's license plate, NIAT RUC, has been visible from the beginning of this show and it's been nagging at the back of my head just as long. Why is it 'curtain' spelled backwards? What does it mean? And what is the overall story about? Crowley asks the question at the beginning of Season 2. What's the point of it all? Angels, demons, heaven, hell? Is that license plate a Clue? Obviously, I think it is.

Good Omens is about friendship and love, certainly. But there's more going on. The book and show both deal with huge moral and ethical questions-often in the flashbacks, but not always. Why is the universe the way it is? Why do bad things happen to good people? How do you choose between two bad options? Why should you have to, sometimes? Is it right to harm one person to save another (Or many others? Or all the others?). What's the point of it all?

I think that's part of why this particular story, in whatever medium it's told, is so compelling. I love the characters and the writing and the direction and the production-clearly all the work of many very committed people who also love the story and have the skill and talent to bring it to life. But the best stories, and for me this is one of them, examine the *really* big questions. Good Omens asks those questions and somehow (Maybe by using an angel and demon as protagonists? I don't know. It's a mystery!) manages to be hugely entertaining while doing so.

Curtain is Agatha Christie's last Hercule Poirot mystery. She wrote it in the early 1940s, partly worried she might die in the Blitz and leave her detective without a satisfactory ending, and locked it up to be published over 30 years later in the 1970s. In it, a dying Poirot solves the mystery of the identity of a serial killer who has mastered the art of psychologically provoking other people to commit murders without ever being found out as the person who persuaded them to kill. There isn't enough evidence to charge this indirect murderer with anything and Poirot believes he will continue his crimes uncaught. Poirot murders the serial killer himself (by deceiving his friend Hastings to a fare-thee-well and then arranging the evidence to look like the killer committed suicide). He then stops taking the medicine that has been keeping him alive. Poirot's solution is what he sees as the lesser evil of murdering the killer followed by atonement in the form of his own death. In short, Poirot has chosen among the bad options available to him while retaining the moral sense that his choice is itself evil. Some Christie fans won't read Curtain and I don't blame them.

The Metatron looks a lot like the manipulative serial killer in Curtain, though a writer as skilled as Neil Gaiman doesn't borrow entire characters or plots. The Metatron is certainly in a position to have influenced or even caused some of Heaven's morally outrageous actions by representing them as the word of God. Poisoning the angels against humanity bit by bit over millennia until they have no problem with the idea of destroying all of creation. They're even enthusiastic about it. Heaven is arguably worse than Hell at this point because, in fairness, Hell seems to look at humanity as a recruitment opportunity more than anything else.

In the first series of Good Omens, we see Crowley propose murdering the Antichrist to stop the Apocalypse and Aziraphale come close to doing it (he is only stopped by Madame Tracy's good sense from firing the thunder gun at Adam). You have to wonder what would have happened to Aziraphale if he'd managed to succeed. Something like Poirot's death? Do even good-hearted angels have to choose between bad options?

I believe that authors, being deeply concerned with words and their meanings, should be taken seriously about what they call their stories. An omen is a portent, for good or for evil, of events to come. So the name Good Omens essentially means 'this is a story about good things that will happen in the future'. Perhaps, perhaps, then, Good Omens is a story about finding and removing a source of evil in the universe without having to commit a moral crime to do it and, as a consequence, getting things more on track to a happier ending for everyone, our characters included. Not to a place where too often there is only a choice among bad options but to a place where there are more good options. More reason for the dealer in God's metaphor to be smiling all the time. Not Curtain, but its reverse.

#gos2 #good omens #good omens meta

[eelfuneral]

After dealing with my emotions surrounding the season finale and looking at the situation from an objective point of view, I have a very strong suspicion that we have not seen the last of Tech. From both a marketing and storytelling standpoint, it makes the most sense to have this be a misdirection. This post runs a bit long, so I am going to elaborate under the cut.

First off, let’s talk marketing. Star Wars is a huge, merchandise-driven franchise, and The Bad Batch is an extremely successful part of it. It is so successful, in fact, that it remained relevant and popular while the Mandalorian, an absolute juggernaut of a show, was airing! I have also heard, anecdotally, that Disneyland has a hard time keeping Bad Batch merch in stock because it is so damn popular. Tech himself is a fan favorite and major money maker, and D/LF knows this. He is such a fan-favorite that he was frequently featured as the focal point for social media marketing for season 2, and his adorable armor is practically designed to make action figures of him sell. My point is, it wouldn’t make financial sense to kill a main character that sells so much merchandise off so early in the run of a series. Bear in mind that we are only on the second season of the show!

So why bother with leaving the audience on a cliffhanger where Tech appears dead? Two words come to mind: social media. Having a fan favorite’s fate be left up in the air is a great way to generate debate and discussion across social media platforms and keep your show trending for a long time. Trending topics have more eyes on them and often spark the curiosity of people who did not know about them before. Contemporary show runners know that a social media presence is yet another way to advertise a show, and TBB’s has been heavily marketed via social media anyways.

Having Tech’s death be a fake-out also makes sense plot-wise. First off, we didn’t see a body, and television shows often do this when they want to hint that a character may not actually be dead. This is especially true in Star Wars, where characters have survived immolation, explosions, and being cut in half. Big, main character deaths in Star Wars don’t tend to happen until the very end, and we are not quite there yet. We also don’t see much of Tech’s fall, meaning that he could have gotten dislodged from the tram car by an obstacle like a tree or fallen into water.

Second, Hemlock, a character who has been established as a dishonest manipulator of clones, was the one to break the news of Tech’s “death” by giving Hunter Tech’s goggles. As many others have established, Tech’s goggles are the most delicate part of his kit and they have an intact strap. They also sit underneath his helmet, so they would likely have to have been physically removed via human intervention. Hemlock would also see Tech, an enhanced clone, as an irresistible test subject, and Hemlock having Tech gives the writers an easy way to get into the facility where Omega and Crosshair are being kept. If I were a writer who wanted to have one of my super-soldier characters get captured and later help other characters break out of a laboratory with him, then I would go with the genius hacker/engineer.

Having Tech survive would also give us a nice parallel to the first two episodes of season 2. Tech fell and sustained a serious injury from being crushed by a box in a way that could foreshadow his current predicament. A big deal was also made about having a seriously injured Tech rescue Omega, so having a similar thing happen with higher stakes in season 3 would be a nice callback, and Star Wars LOVES callbacks.

Finally, Tech appearing to be dead, seeing the horrors of the Empire’s experiments, and returning to his family would bring additional emotional weight and character development. Losing Tech and then having him come back and tell them about what is happening to other clones just might be the push that Wrecker and Hunter need to join Echo and Rex in their fight against the Empire. Since we are in the very middle of the story, the stakes will have to be raised even further to get to the climax in the final season, and having The Bad Batch actively fight the Empire would be a good way to build up to that. Additionally, this kind of a plot would further reinforce how close this little family is by showing how lost they are without each other and how intense their emotions are when reunited, and that would make whatever happens to them at the very end (happy, sad, or bittersweet) that much more poignant.

And about those tweets from the Kiner Brothers: don’t take them as confirmation of anything. The score is one of the last things that gets added to television shows, so it is very unlikely that they have seen season 3. They also would not tell us over Twitter if they knew Tech’s fate, because they likely would have had to have signed an NDA and The Mouse is infamously paranoid about leaking spoilers. They also reiterated that they are not in the writers’ room in a recent Q&A.

#tbb spoilers #tbb Tech #tbb speculation #tbb Meta

[tariah23]

Genuinely curious: how bad did jujutsu kaisen get (i dropped off prettyyyy early but i thought it had potential! And i heard great things about it! But now it's like...hmmm not so good 🗿)

I wouldn’t say it’s completely BOOTY (It’s still pretty decent actually even though I do complain a lot about my grievances that I have with it!) After the Shibuya incident (the arc is fucking amazing btw. Idk how far you’d gotten but the Hidden Inventory was also sick as well!!! Two of the best arcs back to back! Gege was absolutely feeling himself when he wrote these 😭) the writing had definitely begun to noticeably take a nosedive.

I remember Gege often getting sick, resulting in him having to take multiple hiatus after finishing up with Shibuya and it had even gotten to the point where he’d put out rushed chapters (he never used to do this so whenever he’d do so, it was pretty noticeable because his writing had always been pretty entertaining and fairly good (imo) up to this point…) and even incomplete chapters…. (When I first read that very specific, incomplete chapter, I legit thought that it had been drawn that way on purpose??? Like maybe it was drawn in a sketchy way for stylistic purposes! It was pretty cool to me at the time until I’d learned that he just couldn’t finish drawing the chapter and had to put it out as is… then this is where the hiatus had began. Because he’d take a break (great! His health is more important than anything after all) and then come back with half assed chapters from time to time? (I believe all of the breaks definitely effected the momentum that he’d built up for himself tbh. But I’m glad that he put himself first regardless.)

Enemy curse users during both the Colony and the Culling Game arcs felt more like “villains of the week,” over than anything else and were just there to be defeated by the MC’s and to extract little pieces of information at a time. Most of them didn’t even stand out all too much outside of a few. Incidents that took place throughout these two arcs felt completely pointless and added nothing to the story whatsoever. Then there’d be long stretches of time in between the story where important characters like for instance: Megumi and Yuuji, would be absent from the story for unnecessarily long periods of time for no reason at all because Gege’s pacing had begun to take a toll on the writing side of things???

There would be instances where important and genuinely EXCITING things would happen only for the story to go back to feeling like a bunch of nonsense again and then this would become a sort of rinse and repeat type of thing. Don’t even get me started on the Gojo VS Sukuna fight…… both my fucking head and heart still hurts over what happened if I’m being honest because HOLY SHIT, Gege fucking sucks 😭!!! How do you do THIS to such an important character in the series bro. It still doesn’t even feel right like. What was even the fucking POINT of this 3 month long ass fight 😭😭😭!???!? Quite a few other slightly major deaths were poorly executed as well… there’s just…. SO MANY INCONSISTENCIES and plot points that felt as if they were going to MATTER in the end; become important later on, only for them to end up not mattering at all…

The plot is still unfolding but UHHH… Also, depending on how far you’d gotten into reading or watching it, things do become extremely depressing after a certain point in the story like, the characters have not had a good time ever since the students played baseball with each other in that one episode/ manga chapter before ALL of the bullshit started 😭. Everyone is a wreck! Everything is a mess! What is the point!!! JJK is definitely misery porn. It excels in it.

#I’d still rec reading and watching it tho because it really is a fun series #it’s just #I feel like gege is really trying to rush to the ending of jjk rn or some shit because he’s just been writing any damn thing now 😭… #and he is getting his rocks off I just know it!!! #when jjk is good it’s GOOD!!! #the writing has just been pretty all over the place as of lately though #the pacing goes from stagnant to fast then back to stagnant then fast then normal a lot though #but again #these are problems mainly associated with literally everything after the shibuya arc #if you gave it another go you’d see what I mean but it’s not the worst #I feel like gege needs to pace himself better idk if his editors have been getting on his ass or what because I swear to god jjk was not #written so carelessly before #I’m so serious #tkf replies #b1uetrees

[doppel-doodles]

Writing whatever I want: Yúnlü tid bits

Her personality as Cyber I always picture being incredibly charming and charismatic, most likely always the center of attention. Raw talent is what will get you noticed but it is your public perception that'll keep you in the spotlight after all! And for that they need to want you. Very energetic and friendly but still able to make witty remarks if the situation calls for it, she just has a way with words! Her self confidence is enviable. Most definitely a perfectionist, she wants things done in a specific way and will often do everything by herself to make that vision happen she is actually pretty bad when it comes to working in teams.

As Yúnlü she is a lot more chilled out and down to earth, often acting reserved to fade into the background the whole goal is to not be in the spotlight after all to keep what little privacy she has safe, meaning she is very protective of it, will often dance around the most mundane of personal questions. I like to think of her as the "moved out big sister type" meaning that if there is any problem she'll most likely be the one up to fix it either by you approaching her or her taking charge by herself, looks like she knows what she is doing(does she really tho?). Also very much still a people pleaser.

She has a habit of lying constantly, it has become her way of deflecting noisy reporters trying to gain information that they by all means shouldn't even want. She is already so used to it that she'll lie in casual conversation without meaning to.

While she is a little older than Mei,Mk and Redson(mentally speaking she is a demon-) I do think it isn't by that much so probably just around 22 or 23.

Her white her is actually natural, she has been going gray early from stress ever since she was a child so by know all of it had turned white, her cyan highlights are actually dyed though.

She actually isn't very good at using glamour or any magic for that matter, one half of her life she grew up in the celestial realm and the other on earth having to adjust to human society and how it always changed. Demonic traditions are basically foreign to her.

Jú adopted her after their attempt to overthrow the jade emperor failed, so she actually never knew any members of the brotherhood prior to the series, she does adress them as family once made aware. Specifically the demon bull family, much to Redsons dismay, these two basically act like siblings that would murder each other for trying to walk through a door at the same time-

With Sun wukong it's honestly pretty awkward, she treats him more like he is her distant third cousin rather than her uncle- like their conversation is basically what you have with your extended family you don't know very well over tea, every time they speak.

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT MACAQUE-

She is the only person in her house hold that knows how a computer works and yes they call her every time there is a pop up ad and think it's a virus-

#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk oc #lego monkey kid oc #doppel rambles #jin yúnlü

[ghostonly]

Disability, Cures, and the Complex Relationship Between Them

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about cures, just in general, as a concept. I've been watching the excellent videos of John Graybill II on Youtube, where he demonstrates his day-to-day movements as someone with Limb Girdle Muscular Dystrophy 2a, and updates every year to show how it progresses. I'm currently writing a character with LGMD and wanted to be sure I understand exactly how it impacts his daily life and movement limitations, so this has been extremely helpful, because there's only so much you can glean from a list of symptoms.

Quick Background on John Graybill II

John started this series in 2007/8, back when he was about 30 years old. He was diagnosed when he was 17, back in '95, and, when he started this series, he was very much fighting his LGMD, in a constant struggle, and angry with himself and the condition. In this, he directed a lot of toxic positivity at himself and became convinced he could defeat LGMD with positive thinking, healthy diet, etc.

Now, while I respect that there are positives to this (exercise and eating well is rarely a bad thing, and the stretches he does almost certainly have helped him to lengthen his time with mobility), there is also something to be said for accepting a physical disability for what it is. In later videos, he clearly had shifted that mindset toward something a bit more realistic. Where, in the beginning, he had been certain that he would somehow heal himself through positivity and such, he later says that may never happen, and he wants to enjoy doing what he can, while he can, instead of being in a constant battle with himself.

That being said, he does run an organization (I believe he runs it?) that seeks to fund research and find a cure for muscular dystrophy of this particular variety. And, while watching his videos from oldest to newest, I've been grappling with my complicated feelings regarding cures.

Why Are Cures a Complicated Topic?

The reason cures are a complicated topic is because, for a lot of us, cures are unlikely to ever be developed - at least not within our lifetimes and probably not within our children's lifetimes. Many physical disabilities and disorders are just too rare, too unknown, the cause unclear. For us, we have to just accept that this is something we have to live with, for better or for worse.

The other reason is that people are often proponents of seeking cures for things that don't need curing, such as autism. Obviously I haven't polled every autistic person alive, but I have known and read content from countless autistic people. I don't think I've ever found a single autistic person who wanted to be cured of autism. In fact, I would say most of them were pretty vocally oppositional toward the idea, for good reason. 90% of the difficulty that comes with being autistic comes from societal ableism and accessibility issues on a systemic level.

My Thoughts on Cures

I can't speak for everyone with incurable physical disabilities that are unlikely to have a cure developed, nor can I speak for everyone who's autistic, but, speaking for myself, talk of cures can be extremely uncomfortable to me.

I asked myself why. Because, in reality, there shouldn't be anything wrong with researching a cure for something like LGMD. It causes people great difficulty and often great pain. For certain variants, it causes early death.

And, after reflecting on my feelings for a long while, I think I've figured out why the word and the concept bothers me so much.

Cures Are Often Used as a Crutch for Ableism

There are, broadly speaking, two camps of people who want cures:

People who want to improve their quality of life, the quality of life of someone they love, or who want to prevent future generations from the difficulty they or a loved one have been dealt

People who are uncomfortable with disability and want it to go away

This is a venn diagram with a large overlap. The number of people who are purely in camp 1 is much smaller than you might hope.

Why Is Wanting to Get Rid of Disability a Problem?

Okay so here's why camp 2 is a problem. Let's say, for the sake of the argument, that every disability has a possible cure that just has to be found. Why is that a problem? Disability is bad, right?

Wrong! Disability is completely amoral - it has no goodness or badness. It just is. Ideally, some of the more painful disabilities could be cured to prevent pain and early death. However, the problem with viewing disability, in a vacuum, as bad, is that your opinion of the disability will inevitably rub off on the people with the disability.

When you view disability as an adversary, you view disabled people as a problem to solve.

Just as John Graybill II explains in one of his stair-climbing videos a few years into the series, he had spent so long trying to fight the progression of the illness, that he had spent every day in passive anger and frustration. He had forgotten to just enjoy his ability to climb stairs. And he said that he wished he could go back and just enjoy it - stop timing himself on his stopwatch and trying to beat his times. Basically, even as a disabled man himself, he had spent so long looking at his disability as a problem to fix, he hadn't been properly enjoying being a person and just living his life.

When you apply the same fix-it approach to someone who doesn't have a disability, it's equally easy for them to forget the personhood of the people with disabilities. Only, instead of it being directed at themselves, it is directed at others. They push their disabled loved ones to just try harder, just push harder and for longer, eat right, try this, do that, think right, take vitamins - if you just try hard enough, you can beat this!

Except... most of the time, you can't.

The idea that doing everything right will allow you to beat a chronic illness is just ableism in a scientific hat. You're afraid - of being disabled, of the consequences of disability, of someone you love being different, of them looking weird, becoming weird, being seen in public yourself or with someone disabled, of being uncomfortable, of having to put in more energy and effort into helping someone with special needs.

The list of things people are afraid of is endless, and the positive spin on that ableism is simply fighting to fix it.

Make it go away so that you don't have to deal with it anymore.

And then, when you take that approach and apply it to the countless disabilities that don't have cures and may never have cures, you end up with boatloads of people who are seen as problems to solve. They feel like a burden to their family and friends. They're pushed to do what hurts and will actually cause more long-term problems for them by forcing themselves to do things they shouldn't be doing - things that damage their bodies, which aren't meant to do those things anymore.

The Long-Term Consequences of Ableist Pushes for Cures

So back to that argument about all disabilities being curable with time: what's the problem with making some disabled people uncomfortable if, one day, all disability is cured and there are no more disabled people?

Well, the simple answer is this: that's never going to happen, and if you think that way, you're a eugenicist.

Even if every disability is curable with time, the ends do not justify the means - the means being to humiliate and degrade disabled people by treating them like problems.

And it would take decades, maybe even centuries, of those means to even reach the ends. But we'll stop that argument there, because there will never be an end to disability.

Why There Is No End to Disability

So, the thing about disability, is it will never cease to exist. Even if it was a good goal to have, which it isn't, it's never going to happen.

Disability is often caused by gene mutation. At one point, none of the gene mutations for our current physical disabilities existed. They developed. And, just as the current disabilities developed over time and with gene mutations, so will new and different ones. Even if we cured all of the current disabilities, there would always be new ones, likely developing as fast as we can cure the existing ones.

Additionally, a lot of disability is not congenital. People who are in accidents and lose legs will never be able to regrow those legs. Even if eugenicists managed to prevent any "deformed" babies from being born without limbs, people would lose them from accidents and infection, and all kinds of things.

In a world where all congenital disabilities were cured, what quality of life do you expect people in wheelchairs to have?

Because I think I can confidently say that, if everything congenital were cured, a day wouldn't pass before accessibility laws were thrown out the window. We would be returned to the days where disabled people are hidden away and can't leave the house - kept as shameful secrets by families who resent them, or shown off as paragons of strength and virtue when/if they're able to be fitted with a working prosthetic.

Neither of these outcomes is positive.

The Slippery Slope of Cure Ideology

So, on to another argument: there is a lot of danger in letting cure ideology go unchallenged.

I want to clarify again, that I don't think we should never research cures. I'm challenging, specifically, the social movement behind cures that is often driven by eugenicism and ableism.

So, why is it dangerous to let that exist? Well, let's look back at the reason I mentioned that people are in camp 2: they are afraid of being uncomfortable. They are afraid of what's different from them. They view difference as a problem to be solved - a disease or a disorder.

You can see this exact principle in action when people fight for a cure for autism. It's being fought for by the allistics who know people with autism, not usually the autistics themselves. It's being fought for by parents who are angry that their child is different or won't look them in the eyes. They see them as an obstacle to overcome, not as a person who has a different way of socializing. Even in the best case, where they see them as a person more than a problem, they are seen as a person with a wrong and disordered way of socializing.

Imagine, for a moment, that there was an allistic trait that people treated as disordered or wrong the way an ableist might treat hand-flapping or lining up toys. Let's take a direct comparison - something one does when they're happy - like laughing. Imagine, for a moment, that something you do when you're joyful, is treated like a maladaption. Perhaps, in this alternate universe, smiling is normal, but laughing is disturbing to people. You spend your life desperately trying to repress your laughter, hiding your joy, even though it's the most natural thing in the world to you. How would you feel hearing people chanting positively, with smiles, taking donations, running marathons and dancing, all for a cure for laughter?

Really, really, genuinely think about it.

Imagine living your entire life like that.

This doesn't just relate to autism.

The reason this ideology has to be challenged is not just by the concrete example of people trying to cure autism, it's the root of the ideology, that different is bad. That the majority being uncomfortable means the minority is wrong and needs to be fixed.

Is this ringing any other bells for you? Because autism isn't the only thing I desperately hope they don't find a genetic link for.

If fighting for a cure for anything people deem different and weird enough goes unchallenged, people will attempt to cure anything they don't like. Like being gay. Or being trans.

And I'm not talking about conversion camps that try to brainwash you into thinking you're not gay. I'm not talking about the abusive Christian approach, I'm talking about the eugenicist scientist approach.

If a genetic link were found or if there was some kind of actual biological difference, that could mean people trying to test fetuses for the "homosexuality gene" or whatever. It would give a concrete path for eugenicists to try preventing gay and trans people from ever even being born.

And, if that biological connection is found, how long do you think it would take for people to start excitedly pushing for a cure to "homosexuality" or "transgenderism"?

What is the point of this post?

It's food for thought.

I want, not only my abled followers, but my disabled ones as well, to reflect on how they feel about cures - about being cured or about curing others.

I want you all to ask yourself, am I in camp 1 or camp 2?

Your goal in supporting a cure should be to prevent death, to prevent pain that cannot be overcome through systemic support and accessibility, to help people live lives with quality.

Your goal in supporting a cure should never be to remove something that makes you uncomfortable. If you're abled, it should never be to make your life easier or alleviate your feelings of guilt, resentment, or stress. It should never be to make people normal, especially not people you care about.

And, on a final note, remember that the things you see in a disability you know nothing about may not have anything to do with reality. If you see a disability for the first time and you immediately wish for a cure for it, simply because it looks painful, maybe find out if it actually is first. Sometimes we attribute pain and misery to things that are no big deal to the people dealing with them. And, in doing so, we also attribute heroicism and virtue to the people dealing with them - which they did not ask for.

Don't make disabled people into a project. Don't use them as inspiration porn - putting them on a pedestal and using them as proof that "anything is possible."

Treat disabled people with dignity and respect.

Treat disabled people as people, with or without them jumping through every hoop you think will make them better.

Think about how fucking annoying it would be if, every time you got up from a chair in public, everyone stared at you, or even praised you for it. How uncomfortable would you be if no one ever saw you as yourself but as some kind of ambassador for strong, amazing people who are so so so cool because they can tie their shoelaces.

Think about how fucking infuriating it would be if every tenth person you walked past turned to you, looking sad, and said "god bless you."

Think about how old that would get, and how fast.

That's all. Just think about it.

#there are like 6 different points in this post fighting for dominance #i hope you walk away with all 6 #disability #ableism #ableism mention #chronic illness #actually disabled #disabled #lgmd #muscular dystrophy #autism #asd #autistic ableism #adriandontlook #queer #lgbt #long #long post #longpost #pots #eds #fibro #fibromyalgia #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #ehlers danlos syndrome

[total-loser-island]

General Headcannons Pt. 1

Gwen:

Gwen's favorite horror movie is Friday the Thirteenth, granted it's a series, but still. She watched it as a kid with her mom, and she felt really bad for Jason. You know, how he gets bullied and drowned? Yeah, she didn't understand and has a definite soft spot for him.

She loves when Cold Stone dyes it's sweet cream ice cream black for Halloween, she once pretended it was tar coming from her mouth to scare her little brother

Speaking of family, she actually has a super loving and supportive one. Granted her parents are divorced, but they're on good terms and she got therapy for it so she didn't feel like the problem.

She's the oldest with a younger brother, and two younger sisters. She loves them all and gives them makeovers if they ask, she also reads them spooky bedtime stories that actually have a good message at the end.

She LOVED "Making Fiends" when it was on, idk what timeline or how old, she adored it. The theme song got stuck in her head every time after though and she hated it.

While she also has two lizards (a bearded dragon and a skink), she also has a scrappy old dog named Marlow. She loves him and has had him since forever.

Her parents were furious after Total Drama, and were so upset they didn't read the contracts fine print.

Courtney:

Bisexual but leaning towards women. She dates the guys because she's scared that being with a femme person will ruin her reputation. She dates Gwen after the show, but doesn't really stick with her, realizing they're better friends.

Her family life was rough, but in the way where her dad wasn't around due to business, and her mother pressured her to excel in everything.

She definitely planned her life out and was so sure how it was going to go... Then Total Drama happened...

She has problems with control, and so she comes off as bossy often. She does mean well, really! But it's hard when no one is listening to her.

Speaking of, in relationships she needs a lot of reassurance and has a need to be in charge. It's why she wrote up that long list to Duncan of how everything was going to play out.

Over time she realizes that what she did was wrong, and tries to do better in letting people do their own thing, but she does have slipups and relapses

Her favorite nail design is a French tip, it's classy, smart, and business-like

Heather:

Okay let's get one thing straight. Heather's home life is shit. Her parents put her through electroshock "therapy" to "make her nicer"

Like that's fucked up, and she only realizes it until after Leshawna of all people brings it up with her

Speaking of, after everything, they have a love-hate friendship.

She only really likes her mom due to how much she has been manipulated by her. Like she said both parents, so they're both probably fucked.

She hated her siblings due to them getting away from their awful parents, she was taught that they were ungrateful and lazy.

Her parents did actually get divorced and eventually her aunt got custody. Her aunt is the nicest lady and over time helps Heather to become a nicer and more stable/open person.

She was also kind of chubby in middle school and early highschool, though her mom was not happy with that

She was put on an intense diet and exercise regimen, and it's why she cares about her looks so much and insults Leshawna for her size at first.

When she cried in season one when talking to Harold, she was partially being genuine and partially tricking him. Though she was shocked he was so... Accurate in his assessment of her. It kind of made her hate him just a little more.

#total drama x reader #total drama headcanons #total drama gwen #total drama courtney #total drama #total drama heather

[vesemirsexual]

read the entire series recently and saw your recent ask about yennefer and being abusive. question: why do people only think yennefer is bad/bitch/mean/abusive? bc reading the entire series i found that while i still liked geralt, i also didnt really think of him as a poor meow meow in the way fandom had made him seem and there were points i really didnt like him?

Putting the ask here for reference.

I have some thoughts on this that I think will be unpopular and not go down well. I'll throw them below the cut to be respectful. I think this is probably going to come across much harsher than I intend, which I just want to state: not the goal! Just more of some thoughts I have on this topic, fandom cultural, and general social-cultural trends.

Obviously, there's the argument of male vs females character, which I really do think holds merit here. There's not a lot I can say on the topic, because I think that horse has been beaten to death. I think it's safe to say that Yennefer does have traits that are better received in male characters, and rub people the wrong way otherwise.

Another minor point I want to make quickly that I mentioned in the other ask reply: a lot of the heavy criticism of Yennefer comes from her behaviour early in the story. Realistically, the characters all develop throughout the story, and are not the same people they are in the beginning that they are by the end. It's whether you look at a character as who they are at a specific place in their storyline vs across the whole development. Both Yen and Geralt develop from people who cannot sustain a relationship, cannot be together, and are forced by their experiences to grow and learn.

Now comes the part I think is going to be unpopular. I talked in the previous ask reply about both Geralt and Yennefer having terrible childhoods that left them with a myriad of trauma and baggage. The way they interact with the world as a result of this trauma is very different though - Yennefer faces her problems head on, much of the time with arrogance, steps into a role as an aggressor before she can be the victim. Geralt on the other hand, repeatedly repositions himself as a victim, often coming back to feeling negative about himself/sorry for himself, bitter and sardonic.

From this, I think two things happen:

• People identify with Geralt more. Yennefer falls into the "bad survivor trope", who's behaviour as a result of trauma minimises sympathy you might feel for her, and makes people flinching away from empathising with her further. Geralt is much easier to project, to see yourself in - it's much easier see your behaviour as someone you can imagine as a victim, than someone who is behaving as an aggressor.

• It also means it's easier to excuse when Geralt behaves badly, or in a way that isn't conducive or healthy. It's much more sympathetic and relatable in a way that isn't uncomfortable to identify with. Realistically, no one wants to identify with negative behaviour that could be cast as abusive or aggressive, let alone admit it to other people (i.e, fandom). It's much easier to identify with how Geralt responds to situations instead. I think this kind of identification also makes it a lot easier for in-group bias to form; it's an easy step to call Yennefer a bitch for her response to a situation than to critically analyse how Geralt is responding as well.

What both Yennefer and Geralt share is that they're both incredibly stubborn and difficult people. Neither of them thinks they're capable of love, and suddenly they're neck deep in it (and the wish really has nothing to do with it). Yennefer is absolutely a nightmare at times; at the same time, she's facing someone who is actively trying to convince themselves they don't have feelings or humanity, which is not pleasant or easy to face either.

Yennefer gets raked over the coals for all her flaws. Geralt is many good things, but he's also a cynic, irritable and takes the people around him for granted frequently. He's easily offended, sulks and is prone to self-pity. He can also be incredibly ignorant of other people's perspective and how they feel. He bases his morality and consequent actions on his own views and experiences. In his conversation with Nenneke, it's made pretty clear that he's as culpable for things going wrong for them as she is. After living together for a year doesn't work, he literally ditches her in Vengerberg with a note and flowers because he doesn't want to face her. Yennefer breaks up with him and Istredd after making it clear she would choose him because he won't admit he loves her, and instead retreats into his victim stance.

This is not to say that I excuse all of Yennefer's actions. She actively fucks up in many places, and seriously crosses the line (e.g. throwing jars at him). But I also don't think it's realistic to say that she is the only toxic one, or that their pre-Ciri relationship is the same beast as the post-Ciri relationship.

In many ways, Geralt and Yen are the same character. They're abused, abandoned and set on a life path they don't choose for themselves. They don't know how to love, and they don't think they deserve to be loved. They're a mirror of each other, which is how they end up in the shitty pre-Ciri cycle: infatuation, passion, sex, fight, break up, spend time apart, think about each other, miss one another, seek the other out. Ciri is the catalyst for them to leave this cycle, get their shit together and grow forward from it.

Honestly, I blame CDPR for a lot of Yennefer hate, because most of their portrayal of her sucked, and the rumor that the writers didn't like her is incredibly suspicious considering. I think a lot of the other overly harsh criticism about Yennefer comes from how we identify with characters and their struggles, and how we view the real life complexities of abuse survivors, trauma and relationships.

#this got ramble-y and there's other things i think merit talking about but anywhere here is some thoughts #katie txt #long post #meta #analysis

[obiwanobi]

Clem, I have a feeling that this show is going to rip me apart… I can’t wait, it’s going to be amazing !

So can we have a very soft moment with Anakin and Obi-Wan in a universe where they are happy (canon who?) or maybe SSK/ Jedi but ennemies where we have a vulnerable Obi-Wan (my✨favorite✨) like he has a nightmare or have very bad day and the only thing that keeps him grounded is to trace Anakan’s face’s features with the tip of his fingers and Ani leans into his touch 🥺🥺🥺

I chose to write 2.4k of an AU close in time to the Kenobi series, the slightly-too-early-clone-wars AU, where Order 66 happened when Anakin was 19 and still a padawan who fled the Temple and joined the Rebellion to be found by sad and resigned Obi-Wan 10 years later. Just enough hurt/comfort to handle the Kenobi series!

Sometimes, for a second, Obi-Wan forgets.

It doesn't happen often, but a moment of crossfire, orders given to people who will have to risk their lives in the next second or alerts of an imminent threat, and Obi-Wan is back in the clone wars.

And it almost feels good.

Then, at least, Obi-Wan had the Force to rely on.

At least Obi-Wan had the Order.

At least Obi-Wan had his family.

Obi-Wan shakes his head, focusing on his ship's console and entering his access code to let the Rebel base know he's approaching.

And not to expect the two pilots he left with.

His first Rebel mission, and already two faces he won't see again. His console beeps, authorizing his landing, and Obi-Wan braces for the grim face of Sato, asking for details. To know what to tell the families.

His mission's debriefing lasts longer than he would have wanted. He makes sure his voice stays levelled and neutral. He probably sounds too detached, with his arms crossed and his unwavering voice going through the ambush and the clinical description of his companions falling in front of him.

He can see it in Sato's eyes. His apathy doesn't bother him per se, but it doesn't make him like Obi-Wan more.

Obi-Wan prefers it this way.

The Rebels are good, reliable and trustworthy people, but there is nothing that links them to Obi-Wan. No constant flow of power from one soul to another forming an intricate crisscrossing pattern through the universe. No shared feelings and impressions of elation, sadness and joy, and the certainty of never being truly alone.

A connection is there, certainly, created by shared principles and the conviction that bringing justice and equity to the galaxy is possible.

But the silence in the Force resonates louder than the thousands of Jedi's voices used to.

Focus on the present, he used to tell Anakin. There is a time to reflect on the past, but there is no point in dwelling on it constantly. 

Anakin.

Anakin might still be awake.

His steps grow just a bit faster.

In the silence of the hallway —it is the middle of the night after all— the noise of his boots on the floor seems to echo in a disproportionated way.

He only stops in the communal refreshers for a few minutes, taking the fastest sonic shower of his life and diverting his attention elsewhere when his eyes wander towards the mirror, before hurrying towards his quarters.

Disappointment floods him too fast for him to contain when he finds his tiny couch empty, a ratty old blanket haphazardly thrown on it as the only evidence of someone's else presence.

Obi-Wan can feel his shoulders sag, sighing before even thinking about it. The pain in his left arm from a rough kick that he shouldn't have missed seems sharper. The day finally takes its toll on him, and making his way to his bedroom feels like an insurmountable ordeal.

He drags his feet, bones aching in too many places to forget that he's been doing this for too long now. How many years of wars and fights and deaths and losses can a body endure before giving up?

The question runs through his mind while he sits on his untidy bed, getting out of his heavy boots with difficulty, and it's only when he makes to lie down that he realises that he isn't alone.

Anakin has always been a heavy sleeper. 

Obi-Wan has found his padawan so many times half-lying on a crate, a bench or Obi-Wan's shoulder, in positions ridiculous enough that it would have reduced his own neck to throbbing pain for days.

Ten years later and the habit hasn't changed; Anakin is sprawled in a tangle of limbs and sheets, hair spread on Obi-Wan's pillow and drooling on his own biceps.

He shouldn't look so boyish, so innocent, now that he's almost in his thirties. But Obi-Wan suspects that he will always keep a certain childish eagerness to his features.

It is the loveliest sight Obi-Wan has ever seen.

It's a strange joy, the one that seizes him every time he sees Anakin.

A confused state of relief, nostalgia, and a bit of sadness too, but so much love that he barely knows what to do with it.

It is as if his mind still can't comprehend that he gets to have this, have Anakin back, that he didn't imagine the past month, finding his padawan after a decade of getting himself used to the idea that he was truly and irrevocably dead. That leaving him behind at the Temple to chase Grievous on Utapau, nineteen and angry and indignant, didn't sign his death warrant.

That the Order might be gone forever, leaving him asking if his home will only live in his memory now, but at least Anakin survived.

Knowing that he is alive would have been enough for him. But having him at his side makes the longing bearable. 

Even something as simple as watching him sleep softens his heart and appeases his mind with an easiness that almost worries him sometimes.

"Are you going to spend the night watching me? You're getting creepier in your old age, master," Anakin grumbles, eyes still closed.

Obi-Wan is surprised by his own quiet but fond chuckle.

At the sound, Anakin opens one eye, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth before smiling contently, as if this was the result he was hoping for.

Obi-Wan lies down, propping himself up on his elbow to face him. "What are you doing in my bed?"

"You took too long to come back. Couch's too small and I was tired."

It isn't the first time Anakin has found his way into Obi-Wan's bed since their reunion.

He jokes about it often, finds flimsy excuses and protests that crossing the hallway that separates their quarters to get to his own bed is an inhuman feat and Obi-Wan would be cruel to ask this of him.

Obi-Wan probably shouldn't let him get away with it so easily.

After all, even if he never finished his training, Anakin was his padawan. And Anakin still calls him his master.

The title doesn't ring the same though. It's lacking the defiance of his teenagehood or the respectful distance the name is supposed to create between them.

It almost sounds like a pet name now.

It's one of the many things that feel like Anakin, his padawan Anakin, just slightly different.

"So needy," Obi-Wan chides teasingly. He masterfully ignores the calculating look Anakin sends him before slowly settling himself closer, bed shifting around them.

"Got years of neediness to catch up on. I'm going to be unbearable, you know that."

Anakin would have been ashamed by his own need, once upon a time. Would have looked away from his master, eyes low and fists hidden under his robe, locking the words he truly wanted to say deep in himself so Obi-Wan would have never been able to extract what he was thinking about and what he desired from him. Being put on display would have been the most terrible of humiliation for him.

These days, Anakin is utterly shameless when expressing what he wants.

"I am resigned to my fate, I suppose," Obi-Wan murmurs, too gentle. Too happy about the prospect of keeping Anakin close for just a bit longer.

Anakin takes the time to nuzzle in his —Obi-Wan's— pillow lazily. His smell will linger here for some time.

His face is completely hidden under the mess of golden brown hair now, and without his eyes on him, the temptation is too strong for Obi-Wan to resist the urge to run his hand through it.

Anakin groans, shoulder visibly relaxing. Obi-Wan pushes his fingers more deeply through his curls, stroking his scalp and letting his hand falls to his nape to run his fingernails against the warm skin there.

Anakin would purr if he could.

It's almost as soothing to him as it is to Obi-Wan.

They have been way more tactile than they used to be, since their reunion. It probably has to do with the weakness of their bond in the Force, a way to compensate for the loss of years spent sharing their thoughts and feelings through such an easy and natural connection.

Anakin turns his head towards Obi-Wan again suddenly. "You look..." He wants to say old. "...Tired. It didn't go well, hm?"

Using the Force... Using the Force isn't easy and natural, not anymore. Not to Obi-Wan. Years on the run have taught him to only rely on the Force as a last resort, and he's afraid that the void it created in him will never be filled again.

But he can still feel it. He can still make the effort to open himself to it, just a bit, just to feel the tentative bond reforming between them. A frail and delicate thread between their signatures, frayed and new at the same time.

Anakin, though, Anakin is still the brightest star in the galaxy, a red-hot intensity burning in the Force with such brilliance that it can never let any part of Obi-Wan in the shadow for too long.

There is no doubt he felt Obi-Wan's lingering sorrow the second he had a foot on the ground.

But it's almost recomforting, to have someone who can feel Obi-Wan, who doesn't need him to say anything to know.

It reminds him of home. 

"Can I do anything?" Anakin asks, after Obi-Wan struggles with the simple act of opening his mouth to reply.

It's his sweetness that always renders Obi-Wan too tender. It's his eagerness to help that fills Obi-Wan's tired lungs with hope and comfort.

"This helps," Obi-Wan finally whispers, fingers brushing over his neck, his cheek, his eyes. "You help. I'm glad you're here, Anakin. I—"

He swallows with difficulty.

"I'm glad you're here too." Anakin turns his cheek into his hand, graciously saving Obi-Wan from an embarrassing declaration he wouldn't have been able to put into words anyway. "Being without you, it has been... Difficult. Lonely. I missed you. I miss the Order, the others, even the Council. I almost miss them telling me what to do," he chuckles darkly. "But you... You, I wasn't sure I could live without. I'm not sure I wouldn't have gone completely crazy after a while."

"You did well. More than that, even. You were alright for ten years."

Anakin snorts. "Barely. You can't even imagine the number of times Sato said I was flying like I had a death wish."

Anakin's voice is light and carefree, but his words make Obi-Wan's brows furrow. 

"The next mission, we should... We should go together."

It isn't wise for two Jedi to be paired together, Sato has said. They're too valuable, would be too much to lose if they both end up dead.

Or worse, captured by the Empire.

While Obi-Wan has agreed with the logic, it hasn't stopped the selfish part of him to want to protest.

Anakin blinks quickly for a second before his face brightens and Obi-Wan almost turns his head away from such radiance, here and in the Force.

"Yes!" He beams, reaching blindly for Obi-Wan's night tunic and pulling, making Obi-Wan awkwardly aware of how little distance there is between them. "Absolutely! Kriff the others, I've worked here for long enough to get the partner I want! Alright, so tomorrow morning, once I've shaved you, we go to Sato and—"

"Once you've shaved me?" Obi-Wan interrupts.

"Well not completely, but come on, master. We both know a clean and well-trimmed beard suits you way better than whatever has been growing on your face. I thought that you would do something about it already, but clearly..." It's Anakin's turn to run his fingertips along his jaw, stroking the tangle of auburn and grey hair there. Obi-Wan barely catches the flash of mischievousness in his eyes before his beard is being tugged on playfully. "...I need to take matters into my own hands."

Obi-Wan snorts, batting Anakin's hand away.

He hasn't cared about how he looks in so long, hasn't found any interest in his reflection and the lines on his face for years. No need to confirm that the meticulous and proper Jedi master he was is truly gone.

But perhaps, with someone else, with Anakin— 

His thoughts get derailed when Anakin's hand comes to touch his face once again, dragging his knuckles against his temple and through his hair, and Obi-Wan can only hold his breath, not daring to do anything that would make Anakin stop.

Anakin speaks as if he's just thinking out loud, the rhythmic movement of his hand lulling Obi-Wan toward a peacefulness he rarely achieves these days. "The hair I like, but we're getting rid of the rest."

We.

Them. Together.

It shouldn't be so easy to let his shield and guard down, shaken to the core by a few casual words.

Obi-Wan barely notices that he's letting his head falls, boneless that he is under Anakin's soothing hand, and it's only when his forehead presses against Anakin's shoulder and his hand closes securely around Anakin's hip that he realises that they unintentionally settled in a tight embrace, curled against each other.

Dread and a strange feeling of shame that he isn't feeling very remorseful fill him when he realises what he's done, and that Anakin's hand has stopped moving.

He shouldn't have done that.

He's ready to pull himself away and apologise, mortified, when he feels Anakin suddenly burying his face in his hair, a noise of approval lost there that sounds like 'definitely keeping the hair'. Only when Anakin's arms close around his shoulders and stay there does Obi-Wan allow himself to relax again.

"So you're my official barber now?" He says, trying to distract his mind from the affection that threatens to overwhelm him.

"Your beard looked like a womprat's nest the last time I left you by yourself," Anakin grumbles, words half-muffled. "Clearly you need me to take care of it for you."

"Oh, clearly."

"Glad we agree."

Obi-Wan smiles against Anakin's warm skin, brushing the incriminating beard against him and squeezing his hip teasingly.

But Anakin only hums gently, already drifting away again. Safe and untroubled.

"I'm glad too," Obi-Wan whispers to himself.

Sometimes, for a second, Obi-Wan forgets.

When Anakin is pressed against him, alive and warm and contented, talking about what they will do together the next day, Obi-Wan lets himself close his eyes and feels like there is still some good in the galaxy.

#and there was only one b-- well no there were multiple beds but anakin said 'nah' #it's going to take obi-wan months to realise that anakin moved into his quarters #(@allthetimeclueless I hope you like it! you're always such a sweetheart and send me amazing prompts 💕) #obikin #fic i did write #I should probably find a tag for this AU now