I need an AU where Bi-Han is a Minotaur and Noob is a Wendigo. Someone make this a thing, I’ll pay I’ve just lost my own passion and desire to write anymore.
Sareena/Bi Han Intro Dialogues
Sareena: “You saved my soul.”
Noob Saibot: “That was in the past.”
Sareena: “Now I have to save yours.”
Noob Saibot: “You will be mine for eternity Sareena.”
Sareena: “Only IF you rejoin the Lin Kuei!”
Noob Saibot: “Sexy, but difficult.”
Sareena: “I still love ya baby~.”
Noob Saibot: “Despite what I’ve become?”
Sareena: “Our love is unconditional.”
Noob Saibot: “Kuai Liang betrayed me!”
Sareena: “He did what was best for the clan!”
Noob Saibot: “So you take his side!”
Noob Saibot: “You will be punished.”
Sareena: “Hell yes.”
Noob Saibot: “I knew you would enjoy it.”
Sareena: “I don’t want to fight Bi Han.”
Noob Saibot: “Bi Han is dead Sareena.”
Sareena: “Not to me he fucking isn’t!”
Sareena: “You slept with Jataaka?!”
Noob Saibot: “Only because she reminded me of you.”
Sareena: “Sweet talk can’t save your ass now baby!”
While Sareena was in the special forces, in America she learned how to play the guitar. With Johnny’s Hollywood connections he helped her become a Rockstar!
She toured the world and learned a lot about humans. It also helped her get over her insecurities of her demon form. Because her being a demon only made her more popular among the Rock community.
Later, she retired her music career to join the Lin Kuei.
(This is during the time period of Cassie and Jacqui growing up.)
I’m seriously considering leaving the MK fandom for good. MK, Bi-Han specifically has been something I have been in love with for the last 27 years of my life. So, it’s a very difficult and painful decision to try and make, but at some point I guess I have to grow up and face the truth. I’m 36, I can’t keep living in some fantasy world where some fictional kharacter is actually in love with me. Particularly when all it ends up doing is making me miserable, it used to be one of the only things that made me happy but between on the drama on here, Reddit even Instagram I’m kind of to the point of why bother anymore? My whole life has been like this, anytime I love or get excited about something and express it I always get bullied, ridiculed, made to feel ashamed for it. I feel like I’m never allowed to enjoy anything, so before I loose my love for MK entirely I may just have to step away from the public side of things.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Bi-Han: *quietly slips his way inside the building notices their gues* Oh? Who do we have here and why do you have my shirt?
Sareena and Bi-Han headcanon
Sareena and Bi-han wouldn’t be the greatest parents. They don’t know how to parent properly because they weren’t raised by parents.
They don’t have anything to take example from. Bi-Han was raised by cut throat assassins and Sareena grew up in the hell pits where no one cares for you.
They’d be trying to figure it out as they go and fucking it up a lot. Their first child would most likely be a basket case because of this. I can see Bi-Han being very strict and cold while Sareena would let the child get away with a lot and spoil them.
The two would love their children unconditionally though. They’d kill for their children. They would want the best for them and try to provide the best.
How Bi-Han’s story should end:
He becomes good again, ￼becomes Co grandmaster with Kuai, married Sareena, has 2 kids, boi hyper named Fang, and a adorable girl named Daiyu
Son of Sareena and Bi-Han Fang
- 12 year old lil shit.
- Half demon half cryomancer.
- Sometimes called Ice Demon by mainly his friend Satoshi.
- His attitude comes from the two big idols in his life. His father and Johnny Cage.
- (Is a huge fan of Johnny Cage and has watched all of his movies multiple times.)
- So it’s no wonder he’s a cocky jokester who doesn’t like taking things seriously. He’s also very rebellious.
- He also uses humor to hide his emotional pain.
- Curses a lot. Much to his parents dismay.
- Also is a flirty lil fuc boii. Hits on Jackie and Cassie everytime he sees them.
- Actually is the strongest cryomancer ever born. This is because of his demon heritage.
- He’s not at his full potential though because he doesn’t put effort into his training and often skips classes to go to the city.
- He has a strained relationship with his father. Bi-han isn’t the most nurturing type and puts a lot of pressure on him. He wants him to become grandmaster one day.
- Bi-han just wants his son to be the best and doesn’t see the emotional toll it does on Fang.
- It’s to a point where Fang just doesn’t try because he knows he’ll just disappoint.
- His mother on the other hand dotes on him and lets him get away with a lot.
- He’s closer to his uncle Kuai than his father because he’s easier to talk to and attempts to understand Fang.
- Owns a YouTube channel where he vlogs daily life at the Lin Kuei and his cool ice powers. His dad and uncle aren’t happy with this. His mommy was his first subscriber!
- Hates having to live in a traditional temple in the middle of no where with shitty internet connection.
- “DAD!…..Wifi’s down!”
- Wants to live around other kids and have a normal life like in the movies.
I apparently need to clarify this because too many of you seem to be misunderstanding things.
This blog, MY blog is extremely biased and unapologetically pro Bi-Han. Both OG Sub-Zero and Noob Saibot, I have absolutely NO compassion or empathy towards Scorpion whatsoever. I give exactly ZERO shits about him.
So, stop giving me shit about how much I fucking hate MK Legends, maybe try seeing shit from my perspective. Like oh fucking joy of all joys another piece of shit where the fucking man I love gets fucked over and killed AGAIN for something he didn’t even do! Like fuck off. Stop sending me asks involving him or fucking anything about Hanzo/Scorpion. I do not and never will care about him or his shitty family, nor will I ever feel any sympathy or empathy for him. None of that excuses his inability to control himself or his stupidity to not be taken advantage of by Quan Chi. If this is a problem for you, guess what? There’s a fucking unfollow button.
I’m so over this shit show.
Honestly I’m not really sure what to make of this ask, I’m very anti-Scorpion and really don’t like the idea of him being anywhere near Noob let alone fused with him. It also puts me in a really awkward position because my wifey @fromthewifecage is in love with Johnny.
So, I’m going to beg her forgiveness before answering this, but Noob wouldn’t need Scorpion’s help to defeat Johnny. Absolutely no offense or disrespect to Johnny but his true strength really only comes out when he’s protecting his family. Bi-Han as OG Sub-Zero was already canonically one of the strongest fighters within the lore. Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero is the only game I know of that is canon in both the Midway and NRS timelines. In there game Bi-Han not only easily defeats Hanzo both as a human and as Scorpion, but he also defeats Fujin and the three elemental Gods, he then goes on to kick the shit out of Quan Chi’s personal body guards as well as Quan Chi and Shinnok. This is all while he’s human and Noob is canonically stronger than OG Sub-Zero, so if we strip away all the shitty writing and NRS’s obsession with turning Bi-Han into a jobber he’d have absolutely no problem defeating Johnny alone.
Scorpion on the other hand is a worthless plot maguffin who only beat OG Sub-Zero with the power of plot armor, and being Boon boyfriend. Without all of that he’s still the loser who couldn’t save his family and clan and was killed twice by Bi-Han. Johnny would rip him to shreds without Noob’s help.
I hate Boon’s golden boy and won’t apologize for it.
He’d have a Leopard Seal, because it’s an Arctic animal and utterly ridiculous. Not only are they ridiculously impractical for him to keep as a pet they are nasty and vicious creatures. Bi-Han is much better with animals than he is with people though so he and Xuě Zhèn (Snow Flurries) get along like peas in a pod. He built it a ludicrously large habitat right outside the Lin Kuei Temple and brings Xuě Zhèn lots of fish and often goes for a swim with his seal pal.
(Look at how huge they are!)
… you just want to see their dongs don’t you, you filthy spectre! 😲
I don’t know that anyone can take a dick helicoptering competition seriously. 🤣 As far as training goes, let’s just say Bi-Han’s sees a lot more action than Kuai Liang’s does so he’s clearly the front runner as far as training is concerned. They both have impeccable natural talent though, so it’ll be a tough battle but since we all know I Stan Bi-Han on my blog, his stamina and endurance lets him squeak out the win.
Don’t even think about lusting over my Polar Bear you deranged demon you! *flails a broom around* Back to the Netherrealm with you!
Tomas got the bright ideas once to make zabijačka (pig blood soup) for both Bi-Han and Kuai Liang when the three were out on a mission. Little did Tomas know that Bi-Han and Kuai had a pretty impoverished and rural upbringing so both of them are very used to eating every part of animal. Neither brother even batted an eyelash and Bi-Han ended up eating three helpings while Tomas spent the night pouting and scowling that his dare back fired on him. The really funny bit is Tomas is actually the one who can’t stand zabijačka and had to suffer quietly through the meal after Kuai Liang gave him a lecture on not wasting food.
Thanks for the ask @chilaxchick 😘 oh and don’t forget guys, check out her blog for all things Tomas and send her asks about everyone’s favorite smokey boy. :)
Ooo! First S.A.S.S. ask of the night! Thanks for the ask my lovely!
You mean when he does right?? XD I think everyone here particularly this “anon” know I’m an extremely naughty dinosaur that’s often disciplined with a slipper. Or at the very least often threatened to be beaten with a slipper.
These right here are his weapon of choice, just basic martial arts slippers. Don’t let their appearance fool you, the soles are woven and breaded straw that sting like a bitch. Not to mention we’re dealing with a man who has insane strength, thank the Elder Gods he has self control or I’d end up in the Netherrealm waking up next to Noob if he didn’t. 👻
So, I’m thinking of doing like a dedicated theme ask night. Which I’m going to start tonight and if there seems to be enough interest I’ll try and continue it weekly or at least once a month if there isn’t very much interest. So, going forward Saturday’s here in Tomoka Land will be S.A.S.S. aka Stupid Ass Sub-Zero^2 Saturdays. Which basically boils down to you guys get a night to ask me anything you want about the Sub-Zero Bros. it can be silly things, sexy things, pretty much anything within my rules (aka no kid/parental asks). I may or may not be tipsy when answering these asks, so please keep that in mind. I just figured it might be a fun way to interact with all my lovelies since admittedly I haven’t been around on Tumblr as much as I usually am. I’m also hoping doing shorter asks or headcanons or whatever might help me find my groove again so I can maybe snap myself out of my mental health coma I’ve been in so I can get back to working on the asks in progress I have.
So, all that aside welcome to the first S.A.S.S. my lovelies! Feel free to start sending things in.
Some Sareena intro dialogues I came up with
Sareena: You treat with your brother’s killer?!
Sub Zero: Quan Chi was responsible for his demise not Scorpion.
Sareena: They where both responsible!
Sareena: I’m only teasing Kuai. *giggles*
Sub Zero: It is not amusing Sareena.
Sareena: Yes it is! You’re too easy to fluster!
Jax: Bi-han is a lost cause sareena.
Sareena: We can’t give up on the people we love just because it gets hard.
Jax: Trust me, he doesn’t deserve your love.
Sareena: Is this you’re idea of a girl’s night out Sonya?
Sonya: Hell ya it is!
Sareena: *giggles* Very well, winner buys drinks!
Sareena: I admire your prowess Blade￼.
Sonya: Thanks you’re pretty badass yourself.
Sareena: I believe this is the beginning to a beautiful friendship.
Sareena: Enough Frost!
Frost: You’re not my mom! So stop acting like it!
Sareena: You’re in need of a mother figure. Desperately.
Cassie: You’re the nicest Demon I’ve ever met.
Sareena: *smiles warmly* Thank you, I get that a lot.
Cassie: Makes me feel bad for what I’m about to do.
Raiden: Are there other Demons who think like you?
Sareena: No I’m considered to be an oddity among my kind.
Raiden: A pity.
Noob: Come back with me Sareena.
Sareena: I will never return to the NetherRealm Bi-han!
Noob: You have no choice.
Sareena: I’m not giving up on you my love.
Noob: Love is for the weak.
Sareena: It was your love that freed me!￼
Raiden: Demons like you are known for their treachery.
Sareena: My love for humanity is genuine Raiden.
Raiden: It better be Sareena.
Kabal: Hey beautiful.
Sareena: Sorry, my heart belongs to another.
Kabal: I’m not interested in you because of your heart Babe.
Sareena: You’re very funny Cage.
Johnny: I know. Handsome too.
Sareena: And I thought Bi-han had an ego.
Quick Language Headcanons:
- So, I know Bi-Han and Kuai Liang for that matter don’t have noticeable accents but I totally headcanon them having accents and I will fight Boon over it.
- This is unlike me to be anything but filthy but a cute/fluffy headcanon I have is when Bi-Han is very tired or very tipsy/drunk he has a hard time keeping his languages straight and will frequently talk in a mixture of both Cantonese and English. He will also look at you completely confused when you don’t understand what he’s saying until you/I gently remind him “English Polar Bear, English…”.
- Kuai Liang’s English is slightly less accented and less impeded, he’s also less likely to flip flop between the two languages. This is due largely in part to Kuai being much younger when they were kidnapped by the Lin Kuei and therefore younger when he started learning English as a second language.
- Bi-Han is also a big fan of dirty talking in Cantonese too, especially when his partner (me) can’t understand him. You don’t need to with the way each filthy syllable rolls off his tongue it’s more than enough to convey his meaning.
- Kuai on the other hand has a tendency to rely on Cantonese when he is embarrassed or hot and bothered because he doesn’t want his partner (not me lol) to know what he’s saying or how they’re really making him feel.
- In addition to Cantonese and English, Bi-Han also knows Mandarin and Japanese.
- Kuai on the other hand can also speak Mandarin and Czech, thanks to spending so many years with his best friend Tomas.
I mean I would want him to be much more than my sensei, but seeing as though Bi-Han is Chinese, sifu would be a much more appropriate title for him. I’m more than happy to receive private lessons from Bi-Han anytime, day or night. 😏
I was also asked to tag this as ‘happyhoganon’ which I did, so hopefully you get to see this anon.
I went ahead and drew Sareena because I love her. I also designed a demon form for her.
(A lil headcanon of mine is she’s insanely insecure of her demon form and would never show it to anyone. So when Bi Han became curious and started bugging her to see it she refused every time. She feared he’d be disgusted and leave her. But when he finally did convince her to show him she was surprised he wasn’t disgusted at all. This is because Bi Han isn’t a shallow bitch. He accepted her and it brought the two even closer.)