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#oh I am gonna get shit for this
vale-vents · 10 hours ago
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Wow they really do have so much control over me
#wow every time ive been to the doctor recently ive had a pakic attack#it doesnt help that theres been needles and people touching me a lot#definatly confirmed fear pr touch and needles and control issues#god i miss swimming like so mich that im so clpse to crying im the ficking car#am i pushing things off so that i dont have to be oberwhelmed and make choices#now is not the time start hallucinating bigs again like its been happening a lot but it hadnt today#and like its on my toes but loke it clearly cant be because they are wrapped#please dont make fun of my voice i already hate it#my mpm is being better and its so frustratong#oh brain no work#i feel so stupid for being upset and overwhelmed by this stuff especially meds#i wish my brain would focus on anuthing other than distressing stuff#tomorrow im gonna try my very fuckinrg hardest to get shit done like packing and clenaing and shit#oh god i am in so much pain ahain#im so nauseous and i cang breayhe#everybodies pitting everybody against each other and i dont know what to do#everythings too much please hust make it stop im so scared#angry frustrates scared and guilty all at the same time#too much has happened and i cant handle anymore please#this will all be over soon#trying to figure stiff out akd do things simultaneously helps and gives me hope and syresses me the fuck out#im so tired and so scared#im just gonna silently panic insteas pf saying that it makes me veru ipest and incomfortavle because it feels rude and mesn#not lnowing how to interact woth people and not understanding social cues and not know what response is good and ehay people want#bugs gibe panic so many bugs#want to help and make things better but idk hoe and kike yeah i know its not my jon and i dont have to but i stiol want ti#what of i just let myself do all the bad things oike it wouldnt be that bad rightt#whats the point of going to sleep if o have to wake up in less than an hour to takeeds
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vintagehellion · 8 days ago
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hey @ the followers and or mutuals that have the m//c////y////t tag blocked I would like to say something specifically to y'all (not negative) :
I do not care abt d//re//am. I watched like 2 videos in 2019 or so, checked out his Twitter then, and seriously disliked his whole like. vibe.
I'm literally only here for r//an//b//oo and like 5 other people in the d////s///m//p because I think they're neat but mostly ??? entirely checked out of everything else related to the guy.
saying this bc I keep seeing like call out posts or whatever abt him
#iirc i disliked his vibe and also he was throwing a fit on twitter abt people saying he shouldnt say the r slur and i was like huh. yikes#xo.txt#also ngl from what i remember he has the same flavor of personality that the people who bullied me all thriugh school had LMAO#idk if i could say i was neutral abt him i dont think ?? i am but also i literally do not give a shit about the dude#literally only here bc i was a soo//tho//use viewer a few years ago and was like ah this wil/bu/r dude is funny. i will follow him#fucking. domino effect#also bc i saw ra//n///bo//o on tiktok and was like oh this kid is also funny and he reminded me of the freshmen i adopted as a hs senior#anyway. gonna avoid doing something like this again unless i really really gotta#also unrelated but i forgot to write in my journal for like a month i think its bc im horrifically mentally ill but i cant get help lol#suffering in his house. in this flesh prison#also also im excited for the mc updates this year i missed playing ao bad while i was at school#also also also ive seen people talking abt the new b Bur//nha//m special dont know if ill watch im currently moderately fragile mentally#most of the mdeia ive been consuming recently had been streams and fuckin. mc longplays and aesthetic build videos#i have a yt playist called therapy its kinda. well#in the playlist is 2 longplays the steve jobs died of ligma video eels eatinf pizza and sea lamprey panic response#and ive been having weird off the shits dysphoria as of late lmao. keep accidentally playing binding chicken#as in i forget im doing it and its like 6 hours later and im like OH SHIT UH and i have a mental debate on if i should go to 8 or cop out#hhh. hell on earth#also im putting so so much random shit in the tags to hopefully avoid literally any main tags on anything#YOOOOO WAIT#ra//n///b//oo doing big donations to gay charities this month hell yeah#just saw that good for him#well good for gay people too i guess#i say as if i myself am not gay
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gardenerian · 19 days ago
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cool cool coolcoolcoolcool cool coolcool cool coolcoolcoolcoolcool cool coo-
#tag rant incoming i'm sorry asfdhaksdja i am just ✨freaking out✨#been seeing a new pdoc since the thing and i am starting to realize that she kinda sucks?#she is constantly changing doses or adding things#it's only been three months and i haven't been able to get used to anything#so it's been a wild ride of side effects and mixed features#and it's fine i'm just tired of it ya dig?#but then last week she was like#oh you're still experiencing x y and z? let's change /everything/#so she took me off all the current ones and then prescribed one single med instead of a combo#which is an ssri? which i am not supposed to take??#she was like oh no i trust this for you we're gonna try monotherapy asdfjhoas#i do not function without the antipsychotic i just don't#and there was nothing wrong with my original cocktail!! i just stopped taking it! that's on me!!!!#and my insurance straight up denied it so i can't even get this demon pill#AND she gave me no refills to taper off the others#so i ran out! and it's been four days of cold turkey straight up taking nothing#she's not responding to me or my pharmacy and i am losing my shit#things were already so sloppy like it's gonna come for me#so if anyone needs me i will be DOCTOR SHOPPING idk why i didn't push back on this more#so sorry for this vent please disregard me as a person thanks#and if i get weird or idk then i am very sorry but at least it's not totally my fault this time#i'm just panicking like my kingdom for a mood stabilizer#mental illness tw#medication tw#mel complains and overshares and weirds everybody out tw
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zijuu · 21 days ago
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#Ok I’m gonna complain for a bit so pls ignore#I am so tired . just so exhausted#I have worked way too much this month and we are begin schedule with our thesis and have just so much left to do#our client is leaving so she expects a concept of our results several weeks before our deadline. we have a meeting w our advisor and 2nd#client next week so we need to send them a separate concept of the final thesis before Monday#I’m currently on my period and I feel like I could break down any moment. I’m very emotional and I think the stress from the past few weeks#and also the stress from the upcoming month (until everything from this semester is finished) . it all just feels like too much#I also haven’t seen my therapist in over a month. which is the longest period of not seeing him since i started therapy last year#I feel like the past few months I’ve just been living trying to get through this day through this week and crossing off one thing off my to#do list but then having another 100 things I need to worry about next. I’m so exhausted I can’t even do much house work or do anything for#my little brother and though my mum is a sweetheart and knows how busy I am w everything and so doesn’t even bother asking me for help#I myself feel shitty that I can’t help her . my room has been a mess for like 2 weeks now but I can’t find the time or energy to clean it#so it’s just another thing that’s on my to do list and which adds to my stress. I have a bunch administrative things I need to do for#both my parents as well (bills. health insurance. health related things. appointments) and I just can’t#like usually I will make a to do list to cross off. that’s my thing and it helps me stay on top of things but I’m at a point where I’m even#dreading doing that because it’s just so much and I feel like it’s gonna be overwhelming seeing it all on paper. on the other hand my brain#is in chaos and I keep having these moments where I’m like ‘oh shit I still have to do this and that’#I’m just tired. I’m so tired#I’m gonna go take a nap because my body hurts and I’m exhausted and I need to have energy to be able to code 3 interviews tonight
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artof-apollo · 21 days ago
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#apollo’s.rants#oh wow i hope none of y’all meet me irl i am insufferable#but anyway i’ve felt like crying or throwing up for the past few hours and i don’t know why.#summer’s either gonna be fun-ish or hell and it’s a 50/50 chance at this point. my sister’s making it worse on everyone cause she#intentionally tries to piss off our parents and i’m the one that has to clean up the mess. i’m exhausted to the point where i just dont care#this is the first time i’ve had an actual friend group that includes me in shit but she’s in it too and she just ruins everything#she’s just flat out MEAN to one of the guys in our group- he thinks she hates him and he’s a genuinely kind guy#and she calls it ‘empowering’ or some shit like shut the fuck up you wouldn’t know empowerment if it bit you in the ass#i told her aot was written by a facist and she said ‘no’ like tf? i convinced her but she doesn’t analyze her media at all. she probably has#adhd but if she gets diagnosed she’ll use it as an excuse for everything. she’s 14 and she wants to be a stipper. like what the genuine fuck#i just wish she didn’t exist sometimes- and if that makes me a bad person so fucking be it. some of y’all don’t understand how exhausting it#is to constantly take care of someone that isn’t your fucking responsibility in the first place. ‘oH [deadname] yoURe sO MaTuRe’ thanks mom#it’s the emotional trauma you’re putting me through. and i’m going to be a junior next year. and that’s fucking terrifying#i have to start applying for colleges and i’m so scared of being alone but i want to be away from my family. but if loneliness is the cost#of getting away from here i’ll pay it without a single moment of hesitation#ugh and one of my friends is making me uncomfortable and i don’t know how to tell em to leave me alone. and i can’t even get a full breath#in most of the day. shortness of breath is now a symptom of being me i guess? n i read somewhere that it’s a symptom of an anxiety or panic#attack. which is fan-fuckin-tastic btw. and i think i made another one of my online friends uncomfortable so i’ll just back away from them#for a bit if you’re reading this and you know who you are i’m sorry if i did. and i’m feeling so many things yet also nothing at the same#time. it’s great i hate it. anyway i feel like crying or throwing up but i’m probably just gonna stay up until 1 am#don’t respond please unless you’re the one friend i think i pissed off#vent in tags
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subbydean · 23 days ago
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yet another life crisis for tumblr dot com. so i'm studying this career right? well, now i wanna transfer universities because there's this other uni that offers title completion abroad, (half in my country, half in another one of my choosing) and trust me i want out, i want more. i'm positive it'll be more expensive than the one i'm currently in, but in the long run it might save me some money and actually help me achieve certain specific goals which otherwise would be next to impossible. right? RIGHT? this will fuck my unemployed pockets so bad.
#god there are so many fucking education obstacles when you're just an average person born in a latinamerican country.#and my sister's probabmy gonna move out but her job she can do anywhere and it'd still be fine#mine tho? licenses and. bunch of requirements and shit so it's better if i plan carefully#but im a mess because hello atrocius records#why dont rich people sponsor me or something#i promise i can do nice things when give the chance :(#and now my france thing is coming to bite me in the ass. i cant just spare three months of my life just looking prettyish talking french#my youth's fading and i need to get on the fast track#funny thing is im aiming for a doctorate and what level am i? an entry level bachelor peasant#good fuck there's so much studying before me#but most important thing is. i want out of my country. out ut out#so i always complain about our shit weather but also there's so much corruption it's disgusting and lgbt hatecrimes? non recognized#they talk big game about inclusion yet our government always declines human rights 'advice' from the UN if it's lgbtq#no recognition in any capacity of queer families. ofc no same sex marriage or civil unions#there are so many awful things happening and i wish i didn't wanna move but i just dont like it. and understandably so.#feeling trapped once again 💔#ah shit back to the france thing. maybe I'll just get some classes online at least to use up some of my credit#i hate everything. why are borders even a thing. why am i born with less rights just because of the coordinates i was born in#why am i limited to 75k km2 and others have so much more#and before you say oh that's enough! it's not. especially when your country's completely centralized#there's ONE city. the rest i don't really count because... they're not cities#my passport opens no doors#im so tired im TIRED!#personal#sorry to vent. long sesh w my aunt.#am i repulsive in my wanting#if i was from a nice fancy country I'd be a foreigner but little old me? uwanted immigrant#im making myself upset now *sighs* sorry guys.#it's just so sad being unhappy by the place you live in. you can't be happy if your surroundings are always bringing you down#every time i travel and i go back i feel hopelessness
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transdean · 28 days ago
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#GUHH I JUST need to vent about fucking school really quick now that im off work#so *checks clock* my registration for fall classes opened. FIVE HOURS AGO right.#i still havent registered.#last night i went online to like check my time ticket for today or whatever and it said i had Holds and i was like !! no way jose! and they#were just like for immunization records or whatever. so i spent an hour filling them all out and eventually#my college portal said You're Good Beloved! No More Holds! and i was like ooo awesome i can register#no problemo now !! right !! so i made a term plan so i could easily just import that when i was gonna register blah blah blah so the time co#comes. mind you i have to get to work at 12:30 and the registration is at 12. so i go on literally as the clock strikes 12 like cinderella#or some shit. and it says. i have Holds. and to check my portal#SO I GO BACK TO THE PORTAL. and guess what. IT SAYS I HAVE NO FUCKING HOLDS#SO WHAT THE FUCK??? i email my counselor. i email the registrar. i email student health#i email Immunization which is a thing i guess. and when none of them answer i CALL my counselor like right before i head to work. nothing. i#leave a voice mail and then send her ANOTHER email just in case. i go to work for four hours. no emails. i send my counselor a third email#nothing. i am now at home it has been five hours i still cant register and i want to Die. i hate the college system i hate everything i just#want to sleep. i JUST WANT TO TAKE MY BEES AND BEEKEEPING CLASS OH FUCKING KAY????? IM UPSET. because im sure it filled up by now and i wont#be able to take it. so. im sad. upset. frustrated. mad. dropping out of college /j#rambles
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aloyssobek · a month ago
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hmmm
was talking about future plans with someone at work today and it got me thinking again abut like the whole public vs private school divide and like......i have a friend working in a private school and i would NEVER say this to her bc this is just me being jealous and petty but like...........................i swear even with the pressures of her school, it still sounds like a breeze compared to my work like........a snarky kid i can absolutely deal with but sometimes the sheer amount of behavioural bullshit i have to deal with wears me right down 
anywya......................................................i think dealing with parents breathing down your neck and pressure from school admin would be so much easier at a private school 💀
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