#oh also i probably gave my sister PTSD

[grace-writes-shit]

I Found You (Bucky Barnes X Rogers!Reader)

Words: 4.1k

Warnings/Themes: Angst! Character death, abduction, torture, human experimentation, allusions to PTSD, depression, thoughts of wanting to be unalived

Characters/Pairings: 40s!Bucky Barnes x Rogers!Reader, Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter (Mentioned), Howling Commandos (Mentioned)

misspygmypie asked:

Hello 🥰 I saw your request post and figured I'd send something in. I've had this idea for years, and it would be fun to read it!

You know when Steve finds and rescues Bucky at Hydra in the first movie? What if it's reader who they're rescuing and Hydra did some experiments on. Maybe she's Steves sister and they wanted to get to him through her and obviously Bucky has a thing for her lol 🥰

A/N: Sincerest apologies for taking so long to get this up. I've been taking on extra duties at work since my partner got fired and things have been super crazy since it's end of quarter. it also hasn't been the best for my mental health, so writing had been a struggle. probably why this ended up being so dang angsty. Sorry. Adulting seriously sucks. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Rain pattered gently on the canvas walls of the medical tent, while boots splashed noisily in the mud it created. Outside of the tent, she could hear the daily drills going on, soldiers training, and officers shouting commands. Her own fellow nurses milled about the tent, tending to wounded soldiers or doing other daily chores. It was a quiet day for the 107th Infantry Regiment.

“Alright, Private Richards, try not to go sticking your hand into random holes again. I doubt the next rabbit will be so kind.” Nimble fingers began tidying up the bloodied cotton balls and gauze used to clean and wrap the boy’s hand. 18 years old, you would think he’d know better than to stick his hand in holes in the ground.

“Yes, First Lieutenant, ma’am…” The boy grabbed his jacket and sulked out of the med tent. She laughed to herself as she watched him go. Knowing him, he’d be back soon enough. Not unlike his Sergeant, who wandered in a few moments later, a lazy smirk on his lips.

James Buchanan Barnes. Or as she’s known for most of her life, Bucky. The charming Sergeant was her older brother’s best friend, having been around since she was small. They were all thick as thieves, hardly seen without one of the others.

It may or may not have been a blessing to constantly have Bucky around. He was kind, funny, and took good care of her and her brother. However, other boys and men didn’t seem too eager to get to know her with him hanging at her shoulder. It’s even worse now with Steve being triple the size he was a year ago.

Occasionally, a brave soul will strike up the nerve to enter the medical tent and ask her out to the nearest town for a drink and a dance. But Bucky had uncanny timing. He always popped up just as she was about to answer.

“Now, a pretty face like that shouldn’t look so angry.” A voice sounded in her ear. A startled gasp escaped her and her hands fumbled the tools she had been organizing. Bucky caught a pair of forceps before they could hit the floor.

“James! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” She admonished him with a firm smack on the shoulder. He chuckled and rubbed the sore spot.

“Ow, careful there, doll. Gonna take my arm off with that strength.”

“Oh please, it’ll take a lot more than that to get rid of you.” She spun out of his reach when he tried to grab her arm. A small smile graced her lips as she made a final spin to face him. “Did you need something, Bucky?”

“What, I can’t come see my best girl just because I want to?

 “I know your troop is supposed to be running the course right now, so no you can’t just come see me because you want to,” she said while gesturing for him to sit on the cot in the corner or her station. “Now, what mess did you get yourself into to be sent here?”

“You know me so well, Darlin’,” he whispered wistfully, smiling up at her with those big blues. He wore a dopey smile as he presented his cut left hand. She pursed her lips and tried to fight the blush rising to her cheeks. Damn him.

Stepping closer, she took his calloused hand into her softer one and observed the cut. It wasn’t too deep but still needed to be cleaned and dressed.

“What happened?” She remained in between his legs as she prepped some alcohol and gauze. His right hand toyed with the fabric of her skirt. With a narrowed look, she smacked the back of it.

“Just a climbing exercise; a nail was sticking out of the wall and caught my hand.” His voice was hushed as she worked. She hummed and began cleaning the wound. He hissed and jerked his hand back. With eyes rolling, the nurse grabbed his hand more firmly.

“You big baby.”

“Your big baby.” She smacked his arm again.

<><>

Gunshots fired all around her, men shouting and screaming. Some in pain, some as a battle cry. But all she could think about was how gentle Bucky’s hands had been in hers. And how much she wished it was his hands on her right now.

But larger, rougher hands now tore at her. Pushing and pulling. She screamed from behind her gag and her hands strained against the restraints. Black boots kicked out at her captors as she fought like a feral cat. She twisted this way and that, anything to loosen their grip on her. But against four burly men, she didn’t stand a chance.

She guessed they had gotten tired of her struggling because a blunt weapon struck the back of her head and she fell limp to the ground.

It was cold. Colder than she had ever been. The air was damp, making the ache in her lungs worse. Blurry eyes peeled open. The room she sat in was dark, only a green-tinted light on the other side of the room illuminated the space. Its murky light cast deep shadows around the room that seemed to move. Her head lolled to the side as one shadow moved closer.

Ah, not shadows. Men. Hydra.

“Good evening, Miss Rogers.” His voice was heavily accented and polite. Nothing like what you’d imagine a torturer or murderer to sound like. “I am honored to have Captain America’s sister as my guest.”

She groaned. The gag was no longer wrapped around her mouth, but her tongue felt like lead. Thoughts struggled to focus and grasp what this man was saying.

“Such a shame, a First Lieutenant, Chief Nurse, so much promise in your future. But because of your brother, you’ll never get to meet that future. We have another one much better suited for you.”

His words floated through her mind but didn’t stick. She was a nurse… She helps people. Why was she here? There were soldiers at camp that needed her. Bucky needed her…

“..ucky…” She slurred, drool dribbling from the corner of her mouth. Her bones felt heavier than lead and her muscles were like the slop served at breakfast. The shadows at the edge of her vision danced ever closer.

“Don’t worry, my dear, you’ll forget the pain soon.”

<><> 

Bucky tore through the camp, Steve hot on his heels. His blue eyes roved over the multitude of bodies and injured, searching for that familiar head of hair. Always done up so prettily. Like last week when she was bandaging up his hand. Her nails were painted red, and her hair was twisted up into a flawless bun. Her red-painted lips smiled warmly at him. Fear gripped his heart at the idea that he would never see that smile again.

“Bucky, stop!” Steve clamped a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, forcing the Sergeant to a stop. It wouldn’t do his sister any good if they lost their heads. As much as he wanted to tear the whole world apart until his sister was safe, he knew that reckless actions could get her killed. If she wasn’t dead already…

“She’s – she’s gone, Steve. Where is she!?” Bucky spun to face Steve, his eyes wide and slightly crazed. He can’t lose her. He never got to take her on a date. Never got to hold her close and confess how deeply and fervently he love her. Bucky bit down on his lip to stop its wobble. He can’t cry, not yet. Not while there’s still a possibility she’s out there.

“I know. I know, Buck. We’ll get her back. No matter what.”

Footsteps rushed up to the pair. A soldier stopped in front of them, slightly out of breath. “A-a letter for you, sir. It-it has the hydra insignia.”

Upon reading the contents, Steve and Bucky took off to Colonel Phillips' tent. The older man sat at a desk, signing letters to the families of the deceased and missing. Steve hardly gave the man time to put his pen down before requesting a team to rescue the captured. He decided to leave out the fact that he was only doing this to get his sister back.

“I understand the heroic need to save the day, but those who have been taken prisoner are far behind enemy lines and we don’t have the manpower or resources to conduct a rescue mission.” Phillips’ response was expected, but it didn’t stop Bucky’s jaw from clenching or his hands from balling into fists.

The Colonel looked at the two young men standing in front of him. He knew exactly why they wanted to go. Only a fool would think that Captain America wouldn’t move heaven and earth for the younger Rogers. An even bigger fool wouldn’t see the lovesick look every time James Barnes was near her, or the way his gaze follows her as she walks across the base.

Phillips sighed heavily, digging through a stack of letters yet to be signed. First Lieutenant Y/N Rogers. MIA.

Steve took the letter with shaking hands. Bucky felt a tear roll down his cheek.

They were dismissed and the two trudged away. A silent look was exchanged and they agreed. They would go after her with or without permission.

<><> 

“…name… Rogers…” Chapped lips mumbled her name over and over again. A tired mind determined to hold on to herself. Don’t forget. Don’t forget. “…Y/N… Rogers…”

“Y/N?” A voice hissed.

“Y/N/N?” A different voice, closer this time.

“Steve! She’s here!” The buckles around her wrists and ankles fell off one by one. Warm, calloused hands that she dreamed about cupped her face. She groaned and willed the fog from her brain. These hands. Bucky’s hands.

“Buck…” She croaked, red lipstick smudged, and once pristine hair hanging limply around her face. His smile brightened the shadows in her vision. Steve had joined them and helped her sit up.

“Hey, doll. What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?” Giving her a watery smile, he pushed the hair from her face. The cheap line earned him a weak chuckle.

“Oh, what any girl does in a place like this,” she responded. Together, the two men helped her to her feet. The room pitched suddenly, her legs giving out under her. Whatever they had given her made her legs weak.

“Guess you make me a little weak in the knees,” she joked as Bucky swept her into his arms. She tucked her head into his neck, leaning heavily into him. Steve carefully led the way out, checking around corners and taking out any enemy soldiers that they crossed paths with.

Eventually, the trio made it out of the now-burning building. A mass of freed soldiers met them and together the company fought their way back to their camp. Bucky cradled her close to his chest the entire time. He stuck close to Steve, letting him take the punches. Steve didn’t mind.

For almost two weeks she was laid up in a cot in the medical tent. It was strange, in the years that she had been an army nurse, she had been the one giving care. She had never been the patient. And the patient of her subordinates, no less.

Her closer friends teased her that she was a horrible patient. Their teasing helped ease the residual anxiety and adrenaline from her ordeal. But what had really helped, was Bucky’s constant presence. During meal time and recreation time, he would come to visit her in the medical tent. Steve would drop by as well, but it was mostly Bucky.

As the days passed, Bucky seemed more and more nervous, however. Like he had something to say, just on the tip of his tongue. Sometimes, when he maybe thought she wasn’t looking, she caught him looking guilty. She hoped beyond hope that he didn’t blame himself for what had happened.

“You’re cleared to return to light duty, First Lieutenant,” Second Lieutenant Fredricks said with a smile.

The first few days of light duty were spent organizing and assisting. Then after a week, she was cleared to begin training again. Nurses didn’t necessarily need to do the drills the men did, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t. She also preferred to stay in shape and to keep her skills from going rusty.

Growing up with her brother being bullied, Y/N learned how to defend not only herself but Steve, as well. The elder Rogers sibling didn’t care for her fighting but he did appreciate that in a pinch, she could defend herself.

In the early morning, dressed in a pair of trousers and a simple shirt, Y/N makes her way to the track. A run should be light enough.

She could make out the tall frames of Steve and Bucky amongst the other men getting ready for their morning run. Bucky smiled as she approached.

“Hey, how’s it going? You sure you’re okay to be running?” Bucky brushed his hand over hers when she stopped in front of him. The touch made her stomach flutter but she smiled confidently at him.

“Actually, I’ve never felt better. I’m tired of being cooped up in the med tent for so long.” She bent to tighten her boots’ laces. Bucky shrugged and patted her shoulder, teasingly telling her to not fall behind. She scoffed and took off after the troops in a light jog.

Steve and Bucky kept pace with her, both worrying she might become too tired and collapse. Their hovering and not-so-subtle glances did not go unnoticed by her. Irritation settled quickly in her bones. She wasn’t some fragile flower. Just because something bad happened to her doesn’t mean she going to break at any moment.

Spurred by anger, her legs moved faster on their own accord. Steve glanced at his best friend as they sped up to match. Soon, the three of them were overtaking the other troops. Bucky was breathing heavily as they passed the frontman, now in a full sprint.

“W-wait!” He panted as the two Rogers siblings were now racing down the path. How was she running that fast!? How wasn’t she tired? Her smaller frame broke past Steve, who was now struggling to keep up.

The younger Rogers didn’t even notice the concerned and shocked looks she was receiving. The wind rushing in her ears and the trees blurring in her vision was all she could focus on. She felt like she was flying; her feet barely touching the ground. She felt free.

She burst into the clearing at the end of their running trail, the morning sun warming her wind-chilled skin. The grass kicked up as she skidded to a halt. A laugh erupted from her, her head light with adrenaline and awe. Then reality sunk in.

Bucky and Steve broke through the tree line a few minutes later.

“Y/N!”

She turned to look at them, her brows scrunched together and lips forming a thin line.

“They did this to me…” She murmured, gazing turning down at her clenched fists. She had thought she was feeling so good because she survived Hydra’s torment. How quickly this revelation brought her down. They poked and prodded, injected, and dissected. They had changed her.

“Doll?” Bucky approached her slowly, hands out in front of him. Seeing her lip wobble had his heart shattering in him. Throwing caution to the wind, he wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest, drowning her sobs in the rough fabric of his shirt. Her brother stood beside them, rubbing his hand over her shoulders.

“I’ve got ya, sweets. I got ya,” Bucky muttered into her hair. “We’re gonna figure this out. It’ll be okay.”

Lord, he hoped he was telling the truth.

<><> 

Months went by as she adjusted to her new abilities. After she discovered her inhuman speed, she quickly learned she was inhumanly strong. Not as strong as her brother, but definitely stronger than any other man in the camp.

She began training with the men, easily laying anyone flat during sparring. Even Steve struggled against her. While he surpassed her in strength, she made it up in speed and agility. She had been given the moniker of Lady Liberty once the higher-ups found out.

But despite the usefulness of these abilities. She couldn’t help but feel violated. Every night she woke up in a cold sweat, dreaming of their cold instruments and icy laughter. More than once she ended up in the clearing from months before.

Each time she made it out there, Bucky wasn’t far behind. He held her as he had back then, whispering comforting words and stroking her hair. This night began no differently than the others. They sat in the middle of the clearing, the half-moon illuminated above their heads.

“I’m sorry, Bucky… You don’t have to come out here with me every night.” She sniffled, wiping her tears from her cheeks. She was settled in between his stretched-out legs, her own draped over one of his thighs. He shook his head and sighed.

“I don’t mind, Doll. Really.” Soft lips pressed against her temple. “Unless you tell me to go, I won’t leave your side. I can’t.”

Shining eyes looked up into his baby blues. She had never felt so safe and protected as she did in Bucky’s arms. Even though she could easily kick his butt in a fight, she knew he would fight tooth and nail for her. And she would burn down the world for him.

There was no doubt in her mind as she pressed her lips to his. He sighed against her as he deepened the kiss, pulling her closer by the waist. Everything clicked into place with this kiss. They had been dancing around this thing between them for years, neither willing to take the leap and possibly lose what they already had.

But the feeling of her lips on his, the taste of her on his tongue had him bitterly regretting not doing this sooner. How many kisses could they have had? How many dates and late nights have they missed? He sure had a lot of time to make up.

“I love you, Y/N.” His breath fanned across the skin of her neck as his kiss-swollen lips brushed along it.

“I love you, James.”

<><> 

Over the next two years, the Howling Commandos slowly but surely made their way through the Hydra bases. First Lieutenant Rogers led alongside her brother, Captain Rogers. Not only as extra muscle, but as a nurse, and occasionally, spy. Bucky didn’t like the idea of his girl being ogled by slimy nazi men, but she convinced him that no one would expect a woman to be a super soldier.

She would infiltrate their meetings as a piece of eye candy, acquiring information as needed and then arresting the men as she saw fit.

But this particular mission didn’t require revealing dresses or sultry makeup. Rather, she wore a winter coat and combat boot with reinforced soles. The speed that she ran quickly ate through nearly all of her shoes.

The Commandos were all situated on a cliff overlooking another with a set of train tracks. They were waiting on the train carrying Doctor Zola. Glove-covered hands clenched at her side. Doctor Zola. One of the men who had turned her into this. Turned her into a weapon.

Bucky’s heavy hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her to his side. His soft lips brushed against her temple.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he reassured. “We go in, kick some ass, and then get out. Easy.”

She chuckled and pressed a kiss to his waiting lips. The other men had the decency to look away from the couple.

“Alright, lovebirds, let’s get a move on.” Steve’s voice called out from the edge of the cliff.

She scoffed at her brother and kissed her sergeant once more. “See you on the other side, tiger.”

<><> 

Things were going south very quickly. Hydra had more gun power than she had thought. A huge man with bigger guns than himself stood in the doorway to their car. His guns glowed blue as they powered up.

Steve shoved both his sister and Bucky behind him, holding up his shield. The blast had her teeth rattling in her skull, her body flying back further than the boys. The impact of her head hitting the metal floor caused stars to dance in her vision.

She could barely comprehend the cold rush of air from the massive hole in the side of the train. And before she could gather herself, the man was priming another shot, pointed directly at her. Shaking legs tried to bare her weight as she scrambled for her gun.

Bucky had gathered himself faster than her or her brother, so she could only watch as he picked up Steve’s shield and fired a few shots at the enemy. A scream ripped from her throat when blue light shot out at her sergeant.

Bucky went flying, the shield in the other direction. Both the Rogers siblings jumped into action. Steve went for the shield, quickly taking out the other man. She leaped for the hole in the wall of the train that Bucky had flown out of.

Her eyes widened with horror as she gazed upon the man she loved, hanging on for dear life to the crumbling handrails.

“Bucky! Hold on!” She reached out to him, trying to find her footing to get to him and pull him to safety. The look in his eyes was one she had never seen on him before. Blue eyes wide with fear, his mouth poised in a silent scream. And as his fingers brushed against hers, tips barely able to curl around each other, he was gone.

His scream was joined by hers. The image of him falling to his death will forever be ingrained in her mind. It’ll be the last thing on her mind as she goes to sleep and the first one when she wakes up. It’ll be there when she fights her way through Hydra soldiers, and as she sends her fist straight into Johann Schmidt’s ugly, red face.

Steve worried about his sister’s mental health since that day. She had retreated into herself. Long gone was the witty and strong woman he knew. His sister, who had always been so bright, had been replaced by someone who only knew how to fight.

She only spoke to give orders or to communicate during battle. Her words were always clipped and to the point; no room for banter or sarcasm. The icy wall she had built around herself was all to conceal the torment her mind tortured her with.

If only she had been stronger, maybe she wouldn’t have been down for so long. If she had been faster, she could have reached him before he fell. If she had been better, maybe he wouldn’t have died. Every moment was filled with these thoughts. Awake or not. It was all she could think about.

Eventually, she became too tired. She fought with everything she had; Bucky at least deserved that. She wouldn’t give up simply because it would mean he died in vain. However, with each new opponent, she could help but wish that this one would be stronger than her.

No opponent was ever stronger than her. Until now.

It wasn’t a person that she now faced her death with. But a plane filled with explosives. Schmidt was gone, as was the Tesseract. Now, she and her brother faced the cracked windows of the plane. She tried to keep her lip from trembling as Steve spoke with Peggy.

Even if she hadn’t gotten her happy ending, she had wished her big brother would have gotten his. Tear-filled eyes opened when she felt a hand come to rest on hers. Steve’s face was solemn as he spoke.

“I’ve gotta put it in the water.” He was half telling Peggy and half asking for permission from his sister. It wasn’t just his life going down for millions of others, but his little sister’s, too. The siblings shared a weighty look before she nodded.

Lady Liberty listened quietly as Captain America spoke with Agent Carter. No.

Y/N listened brokenheartedly as her big brother said his goodbyes to the woman he loved and who loved him in return.

And as Steve redirected the plane to the icy terrain below, she closed her eyes and imagined the warm hands of her love. His blue fire eyes and easy grin. The feel of his lips against hers. The sound of her name on his tongue.

I’m coming, Bucky.

#my writing #grace writes shit #reader insert #request #angst #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes #avenger x reader #tw: mental health #tw: self loathing #tw: depression #tw: ptsd

[sarcastic-salem]

I’ve been struggling a lot with my PTSD ever since I confessed to Library Guy. And, no, I’m not blaming him for that. Its just that I haven’t been in a long term relationship since 2016/17. I haven’t hooked up with someone since 2021. That’s partly due to my mental health and partly due to trauma.

As a borderline with attachment issues, I’ve had to train myself to take a step back and say,

“This person does not hate you because they don’t respond to your text message five minutes later. They have jobs and they have a life.”

OR

“This person is not in love with you just because they decided to hook up with you. You are not gonna get married after a one night thing.”

I’ve gotten a lot better. Mostly because after talking to peeps for a few days I start to realize they’re not someone I would really wanna be with. Usually its because we just don’t have the same values.

I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks to my relationship with my ex-husband. Its beginning to dawn on me all over again that he never really wanted me to begin with. I say “again” because I think that sometimes I idolize the life that he promised to give me — the life he never gave me. Sometimes I find myself wishing that he was here just to handle the budgeting (he was good at math).

Then I remember the time he screamed at me in a Target after he spent $50 on Pokemon cards and demanded to know why I hadn’t stopped him.

Sometimes I wish I had been able to stay and watch his little sister grow up. She was four the last time I saw her, and I was usually tasked with babysitting her when we went to see his parents. I wanted to teach her about comic books, so she wouldn’t grow up thinking that they were only for boys.

Then I remember the Xmas my ex’s parents got into a fight — I don’t remember what it was about — and his mother spanked his sister for playing with a noisemaker toy that she had bought for her. And all I wanted at that moment was to be anywhere else in the world. I wasn’t allowed to speak up, but I cried during dinner.

I think more than anything I wish he was just here so I’d have someone to talk to. Even when I knew he didn’t love me it felt like we were friends at least — close friends. Things didn’t really begin to go downhill until he started defending his dad’s racism and Islamophobia, and until he asked if we could move in with his parents. While they were living in a two-bedroom McMansion and their youngest son slept in a coat closet.

Things didn’t really go downhill until I made it clear that these were not things I was willing to tolerate.

But he was still someone to talk to.

Library Guy is the first person I let myself really like in years. He was the first person that…..I don’t know why but he made feel safe. He was nice to me. One of the nicest things he did for me was saving a book for like a week I had on hold after I forgot about it.

After the library started letting people in browse again, I forgot that they closed at 4pm and he let me in even though it was after hours. That was the first day I realized he knew my name. He had remembered my name out of all the patrons in the library.

He would smile and wave to me every time I came in.

I caught him checking me once — just the once ngl — and he blushed so hard it was adorable.

The first time I rented horror movies he was beaming. He was probably just having a good day but I like to pretend that its because he also likes horror movies. Which he does — he asked for my opinion on Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet Of Curiosities and he went to Universal’s Halloween thing back in October.

We’re friends on FB — I’m not stalking the man.

Oh, and the nicest thing he ever did for me: He remembered my name after I corrected it with the library. I didn’t even have to tell him. He just already knew when I went to check out one day.

I think what upsets me the most is that I was dumb enough to misinterpret these signals. Apparently, its common for some autistic people to confuse friendliness for something more. And now I’m not sure if we’ll be friends again.

He was the first almost-friend I’ve had in years.

My ex-best friend and I had a falling out after she had a mental breakdown. After she called me one night and told me she wanted to help me “unalive” myself. Cause she knew I was prone to suicidal ideations. I just didn’t feel safe with her after that.

And the other friend I had — ha! He came over and used my wifi, and was on his phone the entire hour we sat together. He had also hit on me multiple times after I had already rejected his advances. The thing with the wifi was the last straw.

I asked him not to come back after that.

Loki reminds me constantly that I deserve to forgive myself. But I can’t stop wondering how I ever could have been so stupid.

#norse god loki #lokean #random #random update #my life #life update #borderline life #bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #actually mentally ill #actually ptsd #depressed #mental health #relationships #romantic relationships #adulthood #real life #i just cant anymore #loki help

[slowdamnage]

i played all of the game about a year ago. the setting felt very real... it was towa's story and what an incredible look at him you received. the story was conclusive enough that i felt no need to look at the fandom. i didn't interact with fanart, i didn't look up the game at all. it's the only time i've done this, but i liked keeping the game as is in a pocket of my mind. it's probably my favorite visual novel.

as someone mentally ill (among other things), whose friends are all also various forms of mentally ill... towa's demeanor and self sabotage all makes sense to me... memory loss and ptsd... realizing your unavoidable childhood has made you into the person you are without an escape and taking it out on yourself... feeling undeserving... but latching onto genuine affection when you finally experience it...

these are fragmented thoughts, but i connect with towa so strongly

now a year later, i'm replaying the game, together with a friend. it's not as serious as my first playthrough, we've given everyone funny voices. however, revisiting everything after playing the entire game is interesting. now that i know what makes up towa.

...but... i realized, i don't like fujieda. the "true" route felt artificial and disingenuous to me. by that i mean-- his role in it felt that way. i liked everything else about it. but it gave such strong light to towa's life and past, that it felt like there was no reason for him to be there, outside of him being something for towa's growth. the two are similar, they're looking for the same thing, they misunderstand each other, then when the clarity hits they both get closer and work on ...

towa is recovering. he's happy, because he can work on living a life not guided by his trauma

that's a wonderful thing... but it doesn't sit right, the way it was presented. sure he might've stopped towa from (spoiler scene) but outside of that, i could imagine the route without him completely.

towa lost his synesthesia, everything changes so fast. hell, when i look at the afterstory images, his in particular feels... artificial. like, "things panning out like this doesn't make sense"

sure he's found someone with similar traumas and maybe they're a good match to some, but it just feels... wrong...

i really don't like fujieda as a character

i dunno. my ideal would be towa trusting the people around him (the aftermath of taku and rei's routes)

like... taku understandably hid things from towa. because towa obviously would've hurt himself more than he already does otherwise.

and maybe oh, i don't know. some sort of situation where they come to some middle ground would be nice.

not to mention rei's issues (while to a much lesser scale) are also about family traumas... compared to a (somewhat) stranger

i feel so weird at the thought of seeing people enjoy fujieda and towa together... it feels so... artificial to me.

hell, i don't think madarame is a good person or his relationship with towa is particularly healthy, but at least i can perfectly understand it

anyway i'm rambling. maybe i'll write my ideal true route one day. including a new take on the "sister" but that's for another time

eiji is my MVP 👍

#this is for myself #not anyone else to read #so don't think much of my ramblings if you happen upon this

[firespirited]

Had some sleep and awake again so I thought I'd maybe drop some news.

First up all pro Palestine marches have been banned in town. Not even sure the local jewish folks agree with our non jewish secretary of state deciding that condemning Israel = saying it shouldn't exist let alone antisemitism but some Chetchen young man with clear PTSD went mad at seeing Gaza being well, Chechnya-ed into oblivion with international approval and killed a teacher so we're in right wing "terrorists under your bed" mode. I won't watch the news, there will be sound clips of horrific islamophobia like it's religion's fault and antisemitic dog whistles because this is french right wingers, they like Israel for strategic war reasons and also because they kinda hope all the jews will move there instead of their rightful ancestral lands which are Right Here in Europe. We did reparations so wrong. There have been jewish settlements, businesses, families, synagogues right here across Europe. A respected honored return and dedicated land for jewish refugees should have been right here, probably on German soil (I'd also say enclaves or debt from France... And Hungary and Lithuania but they're still in denial)

The profile as a terrorist is based on a single Allahu-ackbar. They had arrested him earlier that week, interrogated him and released him. The world saw him as a terrorist, he was watching another country like his get crushed, he lashed out with violence. Dude should have had a counsellor check in instead because of generational trauma. And now his stupid crime is propaganda for the machine. I hate this.

––––––

J, like me, also had cramps last night and then spent the morning feeling nauseated in the loo and I knew exactly what items to hand her (water bottle, anti spasmodic, caffeine, bucket, towel for sweat, baby wipes in case of need for quick cleanup and vicks vaporub under the nose) she thought I was reading her mind, I've just been there.

Went to the dentist, a double booking with Mum to set up the 'family' account with a new dentist (9 have retired in the past year and there are only 4 close by so it's been two years to get a slot - once you're a registered client the wait times drop to 2 months) it was up a steep flight of stairs so a year ago I couldn't have made it. Hidden in a residential building between two shops and called 'le France' no I have no idea what that's about either I'm guessing it's le france because it used to be le bâtiment or le café france and got shortened or something.

I had a clear plan of action the night before (ask about neck, ask about tongue) but was hazy by the time we got there from car dizzyness and lack of sleep. Then the receptionist asks us to fill in forms while she's also asking questions on the form. It was hard to focus on either. And she goes "don't you recognise me?" and I say "oh I'm sorry we're terrible with faces! where do we know you from?" - guess! Anyway mum and i managed to throw out pretty much everywhere we've lived in France since 93 and any groups we've been part of together.

Five minutes later she explains she knows us from an address we never lived at LOL and knew my sister at 14yo. That actually narrows down the options because we know a ton of Valeries. I have never met this woman. This is horse lady Valerie. She took tourists on horse back rides through the lovely scenery to pay for her horse sanctuary and gave kids lessons.

Sis has loved horses forever despite only meeting them in fields. So one year we got her riding lessons, she paid for half with stable work. She had a wonderful time, V has very strange social skills and isn't good with kids (specifically not picking favourites) but sis bonded with a stubborn reliable mare who didn't like people but who did like my sister for her respect for boundaries and always asking the horse first (Show the brush, ask, then brush. Show the saddle, ask, then saddle... ). Yeah the horse loved her and she loved her back, and they got to do horse riding and it was as amazing as the books and period films showed it to be.

So Horse Valerie is a dental assistant now and has a weekend job doing kids yoga. She told us quite a bit about herself (we asked all the right questions: how many horses did she keep? She carefully rehomed the others, How was she adjusting? She does sophrologie (?) now... but didn't ask a thing about sis or us. So she's still her odd self. 😆 I had a flash thought and asked about the horse that spends time in a field in town as the conditions had distressed sis: she felt they were insufficient for a horse to stay all day let alone night when sis and I visited. She said it's a hardy horse from the region from a family who've owned horses for generations. (sis thinks this is a non answer)

By the time I got into the dentist my mind was blank, I managed to list what I'd tried for my tongue and eventually asked if he felt I should get my wisdom teeth out. Forgot to mention the neck!!!

I'm trying base mouthwashes and extra brushing for a month or two we'll see if that helps. As for my wisdom teeth, it'll help the lower teeth not be so cramped and at risk of cavities because I can't floss half of them and he knew the right one comes out partially on the regular.

But otherwise I've been really lucky because I mouthwashed daily for over a decade when bristles would make my teeth bleed while only really brushing my teeth once or twice a week in the bath (because of POTS - brushing sat down is a mess when you can't get up fast and need both hands to get up), I only have been brushing daily for 18 months and use kid fruity toothpaste because mint makes it hard to eat for the next few hours. If my health goes backwards I really want to work out a sat down system with an electric toothbrush and a towel bib or something.

________

Ok so we get home J's feeling much better as she's fully emptied her system but has a fever. A friend called from the hospital to say covid cases are through the roof, time to mask up and avoid groups if possible: stomachs sink, we're all hoping J has a minor stomach flu, she'll be getting tested for Covid before the booster tomorrow.

I can't find the infection stats online in last years' places. Absolutely none of us want to go to hospital this winter unless pandemic protocols are in place. Me and the dentist were the only ones wearing masks, mine came off for the appointment, his came off to do computer work but he was right in front of a window. No-one in town, none of the five people in the waiting room or Valerie. Makes you feel like you're being paranoid. I'd be having a panic attack rn if I hadn't worn a mask today though.

—–—–—–—

Got two parcels done 🎉🎈, i still get a little bitter throwing money at laposte because I don't trust them and the box they made me tick saying "i'd pay return fees if things don't work out" doesn't help. But on the bright side I got to choose some cool stuff to send a friend and also said goodbye to more handpicked baldies: 3 Licca modern l07, 5 Licca classic modern k29, Karen chan ribon (I will find you again someday) and Kurhn.

Yes I had concepts for most of them. Split hair, gradients, thermal hair, a proper Cinnamoroll themed gal, a twin stars dupe. Blank nicely spherical heads with a flattish top (+small, soft vinyl) let you play with dividing it up in a way that's less easy with Barbie. From about 1cm back the hair falls backwards and won't be seen from the front.

Ok speaking of hair, Hair Wear Summer's green underhair streak is doll grade kanekalon and matte. No wonder there were so many rerooted versions of her on flickr, that will have frazzled right up if a boil wash was too close to the boiling point. She's pre-gluehead era thank goodness. If my neck wasn't busted I'd have replaced those 40ish plugs with a nice shiny green saran or a ginger blend so the next owner doesn't ruin it. Good to be reminded Mattel was also making baffling decisions for higher end playline in 2007.

Today I took Lily for a short walk and the new neighbours' dog came running to the gate (which is up a steep slope about 4 yards in) and barked, I was going to walk on by but decided to walk up to the gate because Lily is super chill, I told the dog "no barking. we're neighbours and we're cool" handed him a piece of cracker, he let me stroke his nose but later still wanted to bark at Lily. This is going to take stronger treats! In the meantime, orange cat came running and tried to squeeze through the fence to play with the fluffy dog.

We left right as he finally wiggled that derrière out of the fence. Sorry lil orange mischief, some other time!

#saf #Ramblings #The crampening continues #Dogs #Frpol #Dentist #Covid scare

[macpreg]

.

#okay so i just wanna rant #so my male parent is a shithead #you all know this #my whole family knows this #he has admitted to this #and yet still...... here i am......... living with him bc my mother refuses to accept that he is a horrible and abusive person #like i tell people about the one thing i know hes done bc he admitted to doing it and theyre shocked that i still live with him #thats not fucking normal #i just want to move out but im still in full time education bc my parents were shit and left me for 2 and a half years #so yeah #cant get a job -> cant move out -> stuck living with people who hate me #oh also i probably gave my sister PTSD #so thats fun #im not gonna say boo hoo poor me but like i didnt even have control when u did the shit that i did #i was driven to meltdown by my brother and d*d but she hates me and its so stressful #like shes allowed to but i also really want to leave so she can work through her stuff without the person who caused it being around her #bc thats the decent thing to do #i just wanna scream and not take my meds and just fucking off myself #ember rambles

[writersblog20]

Night Terrors

Tom Hiddleston x reader.

Not my gif! Credits to the owner!

Summary: you have a movie night at RDJ’s house with the entire marvel cast and it turns out in a sleepover. You and Tom were very close from the beginning. Everyone knew you found yourself in a hard time and they were always there for you. But when you all fell asleep you were cruelly awakened by a nasty nightmare. Tom tries his best to comfort you.

Warnings: Angst, ptsd (in my experience because everyone experience ptsd differently.), night terrors, passing of a loved one. Age-gap but definitely legal! Reader is about 24. Nudity but not sexual and a lot of comfort

Words: 3,3K

 It was a Saturday night and RDJ invited the whole marvel cast for a nice bbq and a movie night over his house. You were an beginning actress as well and this was your first big role. You did on the other hand directed a lot of small films which gave you an identity on it’s own. People loved the movies that you wrote and directed and loved to see you play in one. You were actually interested in acting as well so you took the opportunity with both hands when Marvel asked you to play in a movie.

You met Tom, Benedict and Sebastian already. They all acted separately in your movies. But the closest connection you had with Tom. You actually developed a huge crush on the British actor but you thought he saw you as a little sister. Not only that but you started working together as well.

Tom would pick you up to go to RDJ’s house together. You heard your doorbell go off and opened the door seeing a smiling Tom. “Hey Tom!” you said excited and he pulled you in a big hug. “Hello love, how are you doing?” he asked you. “I’m trying.” You told him and he gave you a weak smile. “I actually called my godmother today…” you told him. “really? How did it go?” he asked you. “We talked for about an hour and a half. It was very hard. I was becoming emotional but I didn’t want to cry…. Still in my system I guess.” You told him while he listened intently. “I’m so proud of you. I bet it was hard. But you are making so much progress and you’re really trying. You’re so strong and such a strong woman.” He told you giving you a hug. You nuzzled into his sweater. “Thank you Tom.” You told him.

Everyone knew you had a difficult time with the passing of your godfather. You always saw him as your father since your biological dad was a shithead to say nicely. So when he passed it was a big shock for everyone. It was sudden and unexpected. It also triggered your ptsd. You were always very open about mental health but at this moment it was a very hard time for you. The whole cast was there for you but Tom was always there and could read you like an open book. Which scared you as well because you were afraid that he would know about your secret crush on him.

When it happened you were all alone and tried to stay strong for your family like he asked you and so you did. Then came the roll around which he knew about and you promised him you would take him to the premiere. So with the premiere around the corner you felt yourself crumbling down. besides that you never really had time to process everything and try to heal from what happened. So when you were having a big breakdown one day, they all found out what was happening. Tom spend a lot of time with you after that. More than he already had. He was determined to never let you be alone again in one difficult moment.

You got your stuff and your present for RDJ and hopped in the car with Tom. He obviously helping you as the gentleman that he is. You chatted for a while about funny things and you told him you were writing a new script for a movie. “maybe you can read it sometime if you want and let me know what you think?” you asked him carefully. Tom’s heart filled itself with love that you trusted him enough to let him read your new script. “I would love to!” he told you honestly and you smiled while looking at the road.

Once arrived RDJ opened the door and hugged you tightly. You walked into the big house and saw that a lot of the cast was already there and you hugged them all. “oh I brought you something!” you told RDJ. “oh you didn’t have to!” he told you while gripping the present and opening it with a big smile. “can’t come empty handed! They raised me differently” you told him giggling. “You see! You can all take a note from Y/N here!” he told the marvel cast who were laughing. You made him a painting. Ever since he saw how you painted he wanted one and wouldn’t shut up about it so you thought this was the perfect time. “it’s absolutely beautiful y/n” he told you mesmerized by the painting. He pulled you in a big hug. “we’ll find a nice place to hang it up together later.” He told you softly which made you smile.

You all took a seat and started to eat. You all had laughs and sat outside in the evening. His garden was beautiful. There were fairy lights to make it cozy and a fire was burning. You sat contently staring at the fire in silence. Tom noticed that you had gotten more silent and he laid his hand on top of yours, looking at you. You got out of the daze and looked at Tom, immediately meeting his blue eyes. He smiled sweetly at you and took your hand in his now. his thumb caressing the top of your hand. You felt your cheeks heat up. he wasn’t planning on letting your hand go anytime soon.

After an hour you all decided to go inside to watch a movie on his big tv screen. The cast started to bicker over what movie to watch while RDJ tapped you on your shoulder and hinted to walk with him. You walked in the hallway with him and he looked around. “what about that place?” he asked you while holding the painting. He nudged to the end of the hall where everyone could see it. “are you sure?” you giggled and he looked strict at you. “Look what you made! Of course I’m sure!” he told you dramatically which made you giggle. “Then it’s a beautiful place” you both hang the painting on the wall. RDJ took a selfie with you, him and the painting before returning to the group.

You sat next to Tom and Chris E. Tom smiled lovingly at you and softly placed his hand on your knee. There were mattresses laying on the floor where the other half of the cast laid down. RDJ had a very big couch so there was enough space for all of you. You snuggled against Tom who laid his arm around you pulling you closer. It didn’t take long before you grew very tired. The others felt the same, some left to go home like Paul Rudd, Mark R and Paul Bettany since they lived close by. a couple of others could stay in the guestrooms but you rather stay downstairs.

When everyone settled the TV still played some background noise. You were now laying with your back to Tom but turned around. Tom watched you intently, getting his arm a little of you so you could turn. You laid now face to face with Tom and he smiled softly once again at you and kissed the top of your head. Chris E softly petted your hair for relaxation. Tom held you close to him with his arms wrapped around you. You rested your head against his chest and fell into a deep sleep.

~time skip~

You were woken up abruptly by people shaking you awake. You shoot up sweating. Tears filling your eyes once you remembered the nightmare. You were breathing heavily and looked around erratically. Chris E shushed you while Tom held you tightly while rocking you back and forth. You were wet from all the sweating. “hey shs it was a nightmare. You’re okay now.” Chris E told you. Tom placed his lips on the top of your head while keeping a protected grip on you. “You were calling for your godfather.” Chris E told you. Anthony came back from the kitchen with a glass of water and gave it to you. You now saw how concerned they all looked. Seb rested his hand on your knee while his thumb rubbed drew circles. You thanked Anthony but you really didn’t liked all the attention you were getting right now. “sorry for waking you all up.” they chuckled slightly “Don’t worry about it, we’re here for you y/n” Seb said. You pushed the tears away and Tom noticed that you were keeping it all in again. “why don’t we go outside for a minute? I think some fresh air would do you good.” Tom asked you and you nodded.

You got up and whished them a goodnight sleep so they wouldn’t wait up. Tom got a blanket and walked behind you. once outside Tom placed you on a chair and you looked up at the stars feeling the tears slip. He took your hand in his. “what was the dream about?” he asked carefully. You told him about your dream while crying. You tried to let everything out. Once you were done Tom stood up without saying anything and stretched out his hand for you. You looked up questionable with puffy eyes. he gave you a warm smile and you took his hand. RDJ had a sort of bed outside. It was more for the pool but there was a mattress with curtains. You smiled at the thought of how good Tom knew you. You didn’t want to go inside anymore and he seemed to get that. Luckily it wasn’t very cold outside.

You sat down on the lounge bed. Tom pulled you a little back so you both sat against the headboard. “I never knew him, only from the stories you told me and I believe full heartedly that he is so unbelievable proud of you. Of the woman you became and becoming, everything that you did and overcame and still the things you are working on. We can all see that and we all have so much respect for you. You are a role model for a whole lot of people! It’s okay to feel these feelings but you need to keep talking about them.” You felt tears slipping. He wrapped the blanket around himself and then around you which made you scoot closer to him. “he’s watching over you. I’m sure and he’s looking over you with probably the biggest smile.” You both laid down and looked at the stars. “Thank you Tom. For being there for me every time.” He looked at you. “Of course love” you stared at the stars with teary eyes while Tom kept looking at you.

Once you calmed down you said: “Tom, you’re staring.” While keeping your gaze at the stars. He smiled. “you’re more beautiful to look at.” He bluntly told you. You never turned your head faster than in that moment. He just smiled softly at you while you screened his face. He laid his head closer to yours. “do you mean that?” you asked him softly while looking down shyly. “I never say something I don’t mean y/n” you stayed silent in disbelieve. “I eh really like you.” he told you with a blush creeping on his cheek. You looked deeply into his eyes. “I really like you too Tom.” He smiled and came closer until your lips connected. His hand rested on your cheek. He gave you the lead at the moment and you took that opportunity to deepen the kiss. He rolled partly on top of you while leaning on his elbow, his other hand now going to your waist and rubbed with his thumbs your side.

You both pulled back and heard Sebastian and Chris H and E scream “Finally!!!” before going back inside which made you both laugh in embarrassment. You laid down on his chest while Tom kissed the top of your head. “Do you maybe want to be my girlfriend?”  he asked carefully which made you chuckle at the way he asked you, like a teenager in love. “I would like that” you said while lifting your gaze to look up at him and gave him a big kiss on his lips which made Tom sigh through the kiss in containment.

~time skip~

You woke up from clicking. It sounded like someone was taking pictures. You squeezed your eyes shut tight because of the sun but saw Chris H taking pictures along side RDJ. “so we can show your kids once you get them.” RDJ said casually. You chuckled. Tom sighed getting out of his slumber his arm tightened around your middle scooting you closer. “Awa let’s give these lovebirds some time to wake up, we made you both some coffee.” Chris H told you while pointing towards the warm mugs. “Thank you.” You told them giggling a little. Once they left you turned around to face Tom. He still had his eyes closed and your fingers traveled along his facial features. “Good morning love” he told you still with his eyes closed but with a smile. “good morning handsome.” He opened his eyes and smiled lovingly at you while connecting your lips again. You cuddled into his side. “this is nice” you told him. “It really is. Now I don’t mind waking up” he told you which made you chuckle.

Once you both got up you all had breakfast together and decided it was a nice warm day to go swimming. Tom brought you home so you could pick up your stuff and off you went to the beach. You all laid down in the soft sand and chatted away and shared funny stories. You all decided to take a swim. Once in the boys started a water fight. Scarlett sat on the shoulders of Chris E and you were on the shoulder of Tom. You both tried to push each other off but both fell in the process. Now it was the turn of the boys. Sebastian on the shoulders of Chris E and Anthony on the shoulders of Chris H. It took a while but in the end Sebastian fell and Anthony cheered which made you giggle.

You started swimming a little with Tom by your side. You were on his back while he slowly swam back and forth. You got off of his back and put both of your legs around his waist and hugged him tightly. He grabbed your chin to give you a kiss. Once you both got a little tired of swimming you both got out and dried up.

After a nice day at the beach you were tired out. Especially because of the night before. Tom brought you home. “Tom…? Can you please stay with me tonight?” you asked him softly. “of course love, let me grab my stuff and I’ll be back in an hour” he told you and gave you a kiss before you got out of the car.

You in the meanwhile cleaned your house a little and made your bed and took a shower to get all the sand off of you. You were done just in time for Tom to come. You opened the door and you saw that he showered as well. then your sight fell on the bottle of wine he brought and a brown back. “I went to the store and got us some snacks.” You smiled and let him in. He put everything on your kitchen counter. You poured you both a generous amount of wine and plopped on the couch. You put on a movie for you both to watch. After you drank the wine and ate some snacks you became even more tired. “Let’s get you to bed.” Tom told you. He took your hand and turned off all the lights.

You both got ready for bed and got in. “Tom? Can you maybe read to me?” you asked him shyly but he knew his voice calmed you down and it wouldn’t be the first time that he would read for you. “of course sweetheart.” He started to read to you while you laid in his arms and you softly drifted off to fall asleep in yet another night terror.

You sat up suddenly, breathing heavy and once again sweating. Tom softly sat up next to you and rubbed your back. “I’m sorry.” You told him feeling guilty and out of breath. “It’s okay love really. Don’t worry about that I’m here for you” Once you regained a steady breathing he asked you “ Let’s take a shower okay?” you nodded and he took your hand and lead you to your own bathroom. “I’ll wait outside okay?” but the thought of being alone scared you a lot at this moment giving you an anxiety attack. “No Tom please stay.” You begged saying it a little too fast for your own liking. “I’m sorry if you feel comfortable with that.” You told him again and he gave you a soft smile.  You both stripped out of your clothes. “I can keep my underwear on if you’d like.” He told you not trying to make you feel uncomfortable in any situation. “No it’s fine, if you’re okay with it.” you told him and he nodded. He stripped out of his boxers and you out of your underwear.

You looked at each other but at the moment it wasn’t sexual but more for comfort. He stepped in the shower first and took your hand helping you in. you the shower on and Tom massaged your head you turned around and rested your head on his shoulder while he put his arms around you. You started to cry. You felt so safe that you had all the space for your feelings. Tom hushed you while giving kisses on your head. Trying to give you comfort. You stood there for a good while just hugging each other. When you calmed down you both got out and Tom dried you off. “You are absolutely gorgeous.” He told you kissing your shoulder. You looked up at him and you made eye contact. He slowly held your face in his hands and gave you a soft kiss that turned passionately. Before anything could go further you both stopped. He helped you in his shirt and got into bed again.

Everything he did, he did with so much care and love that it was something you’ve never experienced before and it was heavenly. You laid both face to face and just looked at each other. His thumb softly caressing your cheek. You both didn’t have to exchange words, everything said it all. You went with your fingers over his features again while looking in his eyes. It held so much love and adoration that it felt you up with love.  “forever” he said softly “forever you said back and he smiled. It said it all, you were both an open book for each other and it felt like you’ve read that book a hundreds of times and you knew each line. That was how good your connection was. An beautiful antique book with it’s wrinkles and faded lines. Handled with love and care and reading it over and over again never getting tired of the story as the letters danced on the pages.

You looked at Tom and you both kissed each other falling this time in a peaceful sleep in the arms of the man you love the most and he in the arms of the woman he loves the most.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddelston fanfic #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston fic #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston imagine #Tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston one shot #tom hiddleston oneshot #loki fanfic #tom hiddleston comfort

[jotatetsuken]

Yellow (Jotaro Kujo x Reader)

Summary: You find out that someone who's the closest to you in your family passed away and look to Jotaro, someone who's not really good at coping, to help you cope.

Content Warnings: Reader is a Stand User, Fluff with angst, the reader has a death in the family, mentions of sicknesses and autoimmune diseases. Mentions of broken homes, PTSD, as a headcanon. Oh, and also, some people are alive in this AU. Please let me know if I’ve missed any more warnings…if it’s too dark for you, please skip #shyna angst

Writing prompt: “When you smile, it's infectious.” from @creativepromptsforwriting ^_^ @creativepromptfills

Number of words: 2250

Note: This is a story that I'm writing to help me cope with the fact that my elder sister passed away on Saturday after a battle with an autoimmune disease. Like all of you, she was an artist as well and will probably share her artwork sometime soon, but y'all can check out her work here. I miss her, but I know that she's free from pain, and this is one of the ways that I feel would help me cope. So, dearest elder sister, I miss you, and we shall meet again, someday. I thus urge you to read this even if this is not your fandom, as this is a tribute in a way to my sister. For this story, I specifically chose Jotaro for this is 'cause I'd been watching JJBA clips on repeat, his clips especially and they've been able to calm me down. The storyline is of my creation, but the characters of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure belong to Hirohiko Araki. Reblogs, likes, and comments are highly appreciated, but no copying or reposting.

Tagging: @saltyvanilla @akaashi-todorki @pencilpoked-heart @tiddieluvr @quirrrky @kagejima @ofallthingswhythis @discordkittenjoestar @i4sgwr

(finding a JoJo mutual is very very rare)

┍━━━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━━━┑

Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful You know, you know I love you so You know I love you so

┕━━━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━━━┙

With your eyes closed, your ears on alert for news, and your quivering lips chanting numerous verses to call for peace within, you'd joined your hands in a prayer posture and kept breathing deep breaths to calm yourself down as you felt your body trembling, with fear and nervousness. Your sister had been one of your closest friends growing up. Regardless of the age difference, she’d been one of the biggest supporters of your dreams when everyone was apprehensive of you achieving them. Years ago, however, you learned that she was to undergo an ongoing battle with an autoimmune sickness that kept attacking her body from within for no reason.

Over the year, you'd see her once healthy body begin to deteriorate as she would writhe in a lot of pain. She would refuse to eat anything, and you would see her lose hope in finding the cure for it all, feeling unnecessarily guilty that she was hurting others just by simply existing and in deep pain. Nevertheless, you had seen her persevere and do great things. As an artist, she channeled all her feelings into art, making some of the best and most poignant artworks ever known. As a businesswoman, she started her own company while being bedridden. As a sister, you strived to never leave her side as she was going through this, despite her screaming at you. As a daughter, she felt guilty about letting her parents down with her sickness. But, you were aware of her fighting spirit and hoped that one day, she'd open her eyes, and come home.

You and your sister had various wonderful memories together, which were all coming to a standstill when she became disoriented and unresponsive on two occasions, causing you and your family to be extremely worried for her. When she was taken to the hospital, you were not able to shut your eyes to sleep as you were riddled with concern. The last thing you heard was that the infection spread internally and she was on the ventilator and the dialysis machine. Eventually, her heart had stopped beating. You were told that the doctors gave her CPR for 45 minutes.

In the meantime when you were on your knees, praying for a second chance at life for her, your phone rang. It read: Noriaki Kakyoin. Both of you, along with Jotaro Kujo were friends from high school. You also had traveled to Egypt along with the two of them to help find the cure for Jotaro's mum's sickness. Like Jotaro, you'd developed your Stand, Dangerous Woman, quite recently, creating a sense of relatability with Jotaro. While Kakyoin survived by the skin of his teeth, recovering from major injuries, Jotaro was in a bad shape mentally, causing him to have nightmares, panic attacks, and severe migraines as a result.

Throughout the trip, you were able to bond with Kakyoin, him being kind and gentlemanly, however, with Jotaro, you'd always been at loggerheads, arguing over the minute details. However, when DIO gravely injured you, putting you at risk, that's when he realized that you were important to him and he didn't want to lose you. So, he tried his hardest to protect you and Kakyoin from DIO, even being willing to sacrifice himself. After coming back from the trip, he, Kakyoin, and Holly met up with your family. The two boys were amazed at your sister's welcoming nature and they then decided to help you take care of her with all their might when they learned of her diagnosis.

This is when you realized that you'd slowly started developing feelings for Jotaro, but life was going to take both of you on different paths. Jotaro moved to America to study marine biology, Kakyoin decided to major in game theory, where you were living, and you were in the same university majoring in sound engineering. While you stayed in touch with Jotaro, you were scared of losing him per se, oblivious to Kakyoin's observations. To earn extra income, Kakyoin decided to work part-time in a hospital. The hospital where your sister was at. He saw the latest events unfurling right in front of him, especially when he noticed a flatline on the heart monitor. He then decided to call Jotaro and put you on a conference call with them. The news that Kakyoin had to share, was very gut-wrenching.

“Hello, (Y/N)?” He inquired. With your body trembling, you were amazed as to how you could pick up the phone. You then replied, "Yes, Kakyoin. tell me?" He began to stammer in fear, saying, "Your sister, she, she passed away just now. They kept on doing the CPR for..." You weren't able to hear the rest of the conversation as he kept telling all the details while Jotaro shouted at Kakyoin. The argument was of no use as the phone fell from your hands, and your body started to shiver and tremble again as tears streamed down your cheeks continuously. Jotaro, however, said nothing, except, “Okay, listen (Y/N). I’m booking my tickets and coming to see you both right away. No questions asked.” You sniffed and nodded in response.

Two days later, at the wake, Kakyoin was with your family, helping in the preparations, when Jotaro showed up at the doorstep. You were so surprised, that your body fell to the ground on your knees. The next thing that Jotaro did, however, was very uncharacteristic of his nature. Still not uttering a word, he kept his backpack near the entrance, took out his shoes, walked to you, knelt down (like in the picture), took out his cap, cupped your cheek with his hand, brought it forward, and kissed your forehead. This silent act of affection proved to you that he wasn't going to leave you hanging dry. Realizing this, you hug him tightly, crying on his shirt, to which he replied, "yare yare daze," (means good grief) and he hugs you in return.

There was no dry eye at the funeral. You were asked to give the eulogy and you suddenly felt someone squeeze your hand. To your surprise, you noticed that it was Jotaro who did so. This alone enabled you to breathe again. Kakyoin, observing this, was determined to approach Jotaro to tell him to confess to you. “Jotaro,” he called out to him, patting Jotaro’s shoulder as he was leaving for the burial ground. “What’s up, Kakyoin?” he turned around, asking with a straight face. “Jotaro, I have noticed that ever since you came back, she’s been very attached to you.” Kakyoin and Jotaro decided to walk behind you while approaching the burial ground. The red-haired boy continued, “When all of us were in Egypt, I noticed that you were protective of her, yet…”

“What are you trying to say, Kakyoin?” Jotaro scowled at him, to which Kakyoin flinched backward, brought his palms forward, and said, “Listen, calm down. I’m just saying, it’s evident that you two have feelings for each other. What’s stopping you from telling her?”Taking in a deep breath, Jotaro approaches Kakyoin and says, “it’s none of your damn business…” his voice trailing into the air as Jotaro’s distracted by your sobbing as you were walking forward. Seeing you this helpless, somehow broke Jotaro’s heart. Even after experiencing all of those nightmares, even after being tired of his mother Holly and his father Sadao going on arguing, the only one who he thought about that brought him peace was your image. This alone caused him to visit you more and more before he had to leave. He moved to America because he was scared of the feelings he was experiencing. However, this conversation and the circumstances made him realize that nothing lasts forever, so it’s best to say something now than regret it later.

Jotaro calms himself down, while a couple of tears stream down his cheek and he tells Kakyoin, “Now’s not the right time to tell her anything. I want to wait before I tell her.” Placing his hand on Jotaro's shoulder, Kakyoin replied, “it’s okay. Just tell her how you feel and give her time to think about it. It’s better to say now than regret later, right?” Losing Avdol and Iggy and almost losing Polnareff, Joseph and Kakyoin were enough. He didn’t want to lose you too. Pointing his finger at Kakyoin, Jotaro replied, “Okay. I shall tell her. It’ll be hard though, so if she rejects me, it’s on you, Kakyoin!”

A couple of days later, Jotaro approaches your parents, asks them permission, and calls out to you. “Y/N! We’re going for a small drive. You’re coming, I don’t care.” You pucker your lips at him in confusion, wondering what led him to behave in such a peculiar manner. You freshen up, get ready and leave with Jotaro. He puts you in his car, starts it, and takes off on the road. You turn towards him and ask him, “Jotaro, where are we going?” He lowers his hat and says, “shush, I'm not going to tell you anything until we reach our destination.” Scowling at him, you fold your hands and look up in the sky as you observe the stars twinkling as Jotaro turns on the music and Coldplay's Yellow plays.

You side-eye at him in confusion as you look back at the sky, leaning on the car seat and shutting your eyes, feeling the breeze kissing your cheeks. As you drift into a short slumber, with your hands now drooping on your sides, you were oblivious to Jotaro's continuous stolen glances at you as he focused on the road. In the midst of those stolen glances, with the back of his fingers, he caressed your cheek and put the same hand on your left hand, holding it tightly. He softly smiled at you, whispering, "Just wait until we reach, (Y/N)," as he let go temporarily.

Moments later, both of you arrived at Tokiwa Bridge. Jotaro stopped the car, the jerk causing you to open your eyes. “Where are we?” You question as Jotaro lowers his hat, saying, "Tokiwa Bridge, I took you here to show you something." He opened the door of your side and put his hand forward. A tint of blush appears on your cheeks as you put your hand on his and he brings you out of the car. As you stepped out, you saw the incandescent moon reflecting her light on the clear cerulean sea. As your eyes were focused on the reflection, both of your hands were on the stone railing, as you noticed that some of the fish came out of the water and jumped into it. You stood beside the seemingly stoic man, in awe of what you saw, and just noticed that the moon shed light on him as well, revealing that he had tears in his eyes but he wasn't sobbing at all.

“Jotaro, why are we here?” You ask him, softly, placing your hand on his as the chilly wind brushes against the gap between both, causing you to lightly hiss in the cold. "When you smile, it's infectious," Jotaro recalled, causing you to look into his eyes in bewilderment. He pondered, "Do you remember quoting that for your sister in your eulogy?" You nod at him, replying, "Something like yes, why?" He took out his hand from under yours and softly caressed your cheek, saying, "I feel this way about you too."

Your eyes widen at his surprising confession. You knew that Jotaro was not someone who'd reveal his feelings to you. Yet, even that small statement caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach. Needing time to understand what was going on, your eyes look to the ground while Jotaro continued. "I know that it is not the right time to tell you this, but I..I.." You immediately look up into his eyes and call out to him, "Jotaro!" causing him to flinch a little bit. "Okay now, what is it, woman?" As if it was a reflex, you enveloped him in your arms and tell him, "I know what you're going to say. I like you too, Jotaro. I know that you feel the same way, else you wouldn't have rushed to be with me here. But..."

He sighs and strokes your hair, responding, "I know, you need time. That's totally fine. This process of grief is not easy. I, of all people, should know. But, she's with you in spirit, and you know it. While she's irreplaceable, this shouldn't stop you from pursuing what you want to achieve. As days pass, it will get easier." With his index finger, he pulls your head up so that both of you look into each other's eyes. "And whenever you're ready," he continues, bringing his face forward and pressing his forehead against yours as he kisses you for what seemed to be an eternity, but was only for a few seconds.

He then pulls away and says, "I will be here." No sooner did he say that, than tears kept rolling down your cheeks. You felt a sense of relief washing over you because someone you deeply liked, was willing to wait for you to heal, with the stars and the moon being witness to this declaration of love. You hugged him again, desperately wishing for a day when it will get easier. Your sister would've loved him, this is something that you felt tonight, and with that, you were slowly able to let go of the pain.

© Shyna 2022

If you've come till here, thank you so much. Hope you have a great weekend. Also, if you have a sibling, please cherish that relationship. Those bonds are super rare.

#Spotify #coldplay #yellow #jotaro kujo #jotaro x you #jotaro x reader #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyō na bōken #shyna angst #tribute to sibling #musings of an extrovert #jotarna

[sydneekomspacekru]

Not the Hero ~ A Stranger Things fanfiction feat. Criminal Minds Baby Sister, Y/n Reid. ~ Part 2

Inspiration: Literally nothing, like just my midnight brain lmao. Summary: Y/n Reid is Spencer Reid's younger sister. Dr. Spencer Reid worked at the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico, Virginia. His younger sister interning for Penelope Garcia. That was, before Y/n's life was put in danger by an unsub - who was never caught - who kidnapped and tortured her. Now, Spencer and Y/n have been put under protective custody and moved to Hawkins Indiana. Now, Y/n faces much bigger threats as she and her new-found family try to navigate the Upside Down and all its creatures, while also dealing with the usual hOrMoNeS. Warnings: Language, PTSD, Light Smut (Eventual), Pining, talk of Kidnapping/torture, drug use, self deprivation, gore, death, smoking, self harm, now I'm naming all of the warnings from Stranger Things on Netflix... I think that's it.

A/N: Ahahaha reader is bisexual because like how the fuck is she not supposed to be with Robin and Steve working there🤣 The order of things is kind of scrambled so beware. Also I have no idea if I've correctly written for PTSD so if anyone has any advice, it is completely welcome and wanted.

Previous | Next

Your weekend was shit. You sat around the house, doing nearly nothing all weekend. You hadn't received another text from any of the team yet, and the one that you had got last Friday had deleted itself on Saturday night. Finally it was Monday morning, and you mentally prepared yourself for the embarassment that was undoubtedly going to ensue.

Oh dear God, you thought, I'm going to make a complete fool out of my self.

"Hey Y/n," your brother hollered, knocking on the door. You flopped back onto the bed, you had got some unpacking done, and hung up some shelves to put your things up on.

You tugged on your shirt, you felt like a human gum ball. "Come in." You sat up, crossing your legs.

"Hey," he opened the door, looking around your room. "What time do we need to-" He snorted, trying to hold back a laugh as he noticed your uniform. You took off the stupid hat and threw it at him. He made no attempt to catch it, but picked it up and put it back on your head. "You look great."

"Haha, funny man." You rolled your eyes. "We should probably get going, my shift doesn't start until eleven, but I would rather get there a little early and it's almost ten thirty now."

"Okay, I'm ready when you are." He smiled at you and left your room. You huffed as you grabbed your bag, stuffing your charger, wallet, gum, and a change of clothes. You'd rather not change when you got home, you knew you'd be exhausted.

You heard a thump somewhere in the apartment, and you struggled to work back the memories that threatened to strangle you.

You were sitting in the corner, not really knowing what to do. Someone came up to you and offered you a drink. What was the worst that could happen? You get a little drunk and Spencer yells at you, who cares? You accepted the drink, you took a sip and heard a loud thump echo through the house, you heard someone yell that everything was fine, someone had fallen in the bathtub.

You swallowed the bile that rose in your throat, and you checked the time. 10:28. I should better get going, you thought. The mall was about fifteen minutes away, and someone had to show you how to do it all. Even if "all" was just scooping ice cream and using the register.

You took a deep breath, and hollered for your brother to start the car.

--

Spencer pulled up to Starcourt Mall, and warned you once again. "If anything bad happens while you're working here, then you won't go anywhere until you move out." He was serious, and stared you down until you nodded. "Have a great first day of work, Y/n/n." He smiled now. You smiled, grabbed your bag, and hurried into the mall, turning into Scoops Ahoy. You cringed as the kids looked at you, one of them giggled. You gave the little boy a small smile, and went up to the counter. You glanced at the clock, 10:52. You still had twn minutes, it shouldn't take that long to get with the program. It was scooping ice cream.

"Excuse me." You said to the girl behind the counter, she was faced away from you.

"Ahoy?" She turned around to face you, and started the greeting with fake enthusiasm, but it ended more like a question. "Are you the new girl?" She asked, looking you over, smiling a bit.

"Yeah, where do I need to go? I know I'm early, sorry about that." You rambled out, it was all very awkward. You were standing in front of the counter, wearing the same outfit as her but you couldn't feel more out of place.

"You're good, you're good." She said, still smiling. "Come on, I'll show you the back. Steve is on his break, I'll make him show you what to do." She waved you behind the counter, and showed you to the backroom. "My name's Robin, by the way." She looked back at you before opening the door.

"I'm Y/n." You felt your face grow warm. Even though it was a small gesture, her opening the door made you feel special.

"This is the back!" She made a grand gesture, spreading her arms, as she hopped in front of you. The room was small, and certainly nothing magnificent. "Where we smoke weed and eat ice cream right from the carton." She winked, and you both laughed.

She walked over to a boy with brown hair, and you seriously hoped it wasn't the rude one from the other night. "This dingus right here is Steve." She smacked him lightly on the back, and he turned around. "You have to teach Y/n how to scoop ice cream." She snickered, turning to you, "Good luck, it'll be the longest five minutes of your life." She smiled at you, and started towards the door.

That was when you realized it hadn't even been five minutes. You hadn't been around the pretty girl named Robin for five minutes and you were already crushing on her. You breathed a laugh out as she spun and walked back out the door to go deal with a kid that dropped her ice cream.

You turned back towards Steve, still a little pissed off about your interaction on Friday. "So..." You said.

"I'm sorry about being an ass the other day, it was a sucky day." He stood up and tried to give you a smile. He obviously was not feeling great.

"Thanks." You tried to get past how desperately you wished Robin was in here instead of him, the asshole who told you to fuck off when you accidentally ran into him. "So, are you gonna teach me how to scoop ice cream or what." You snorted, it was kind of ridiculous. The idea that you had to be trained to scoop ice cream and put it on a cone.

"I guess so." He shrugged and told you to follow him. He brought you to the freezer and grabbed an extra thing of ice cream.

--

Scooping ice cream proved to be harder than it seemed. Your fingers were sticky with melted ice cream, and you and Steve were both cracking up because you were either dropping ice cream or flinging onto one of you.

"You're actual shift doesn't start until 11:30, so you still have twenty minutes to practice back here. But unfortunately, my break was over ten minutes ago. So, do whatever." He smiled and jokingly saluted you before walking back out.

You scooped ice cream and put it back in for ten more minutes before you got bored of it, and checked your phone. You got a text from Spencer, Good luck, have a good day. I'll pick you up when your shift is over.

You texted him back really fast, Thanks😊

You looked through your other notifications, two from Instagram, a couple from Twitter, most were from the various little games on your phone. You swiped all of them out, then you got to a text message from an unknown number. Your eyes lit up, and a wide smile found its way to your face.

You opened your phone, and looked through the message.

68 65 79 20 6d 69 6e 69 20 72 65 69 64 2e 20 67 6f 6f 64 20 6c 75 63 6b 20 40 20 74 68 65 20 6a 6f 62 2e 20 77 65 20 6c 75 76 20 75 2e 0a 2d 20 64 6d 2c 20 70 67 2c 20 6a 6a 2c 20 64 72 2c 20 61 68 2c 20 65 70

Damn, this is a little harder. It's not too much of a problem though.

It took fifteen minutes, but you finally finished.

Hey mini Reid. Good luck @ the job. We luv u. - Dm, Pg, JJ, Dr, Ah, Ep

It was Morgan that texted you this time, he texted more like a teenager than a 30-somethin year old man. It was quite laughable, really. You didn't realize it until you had already deduced that Morgan had sent the message, but whoevers initials came first on the signature was the one who wrote the message.

You snorted, you figured Garcia had been keeping tabs on you. You didn't realize that she could do that, though. You hadn't even started your job yet and she knew. I mean, unless she had been talking to your brother... But he wouldn't do that, would he?

Your eyebrows pulled together, would he really talk to them without telling you? Especially about you?Granted, you were doing the same thing, but you were his little sister, and he knew how attached you were to everyone.

104 101 121 32 121 97 108 108 46 32 104 97 118 101 32 121 111 117 32 98 101 101 110 32 116 97 108 107 105 110 103 32 116 111 32 109 121 32 98 114 111 116 104 101 114 32 116 111 111 63 32 108 117 118 32 121 97 108 108 32 116 111 111 46

You read over it, checking it against your key - Hey yall. Have you been talking to my brother too? Luv yall too.

You sighed as you realized you had to start your shift. "This'll be fun."

--

"That was not fun. At all." You laughed as the three of you walked to the back room. Robin showed you how to close up, now you, her, and Steve were heading to the back to change out of the ridiculous uniforms. "I mean, it's scooping ice cream for giddy little kids. I would've thought that they'd be happier." You ranted, both of your new friends laughed. They understood. "I mean, they're little shits. They're parents are feeding them sugar, and they're assholes!" You let your hands drop to your thighs, making a loud slap.

"Yeah, it doesn't get much better." Steve snorted, grabbing his bag, heading to the men's bathroom.

"So," Robin said. "I didn't see your car out there, is your boyfriend picking you up?"

You snorted. "I think you're forgetting that I just moved here a few days ago. My brother is picking me up."

"Nice brother you've got there. What about your parents?" You hesitated when you went to grab your bag. You grabbed your pajamas - the only thing you were doing when you went home was going to sleep, you would take a shower in the morning - and shoved your hat into your bag.

"My dad left when I was little, and I decided to move in with my brother a few years back. My mom didn't have a problem with it." You had never gone over that detail of your backstory.

"Oh, cool." She smiled and walked out the back door. Guess she isn't changing.

You walked into the bathroom, you were careful not to let any of your clothes touch anything while you changed. You were nowhere near as bad a germophobe as your brother, but it was still disgusting.

You shook your body out, thankful to be in some comfortable clothes, and ran your hand over your face.

You sighed, content, as you walked out of the bathroom. You were ready for Spencer to come pick you up and go to sleep. You pulled out your phone, squinting at the bright screen. You turned the brightness down, the store was dark except for the last scattered light bulbs you would turn off when you left. You texted Spencer, telling him you were ready.

You sighed and looked up, only to see someone in front of you. "Jesus, Steve! You scared the shit out of me." You had slapped your hand over your chest and he let out a quiet laugh.

"Sorry, I was just about to leave." He smiled at you. "Is someone picking you up?"

"My brother is. He'll be here in a little while, I only live fifteen minutes from here." You nodded, following him out of the store, flicking off the lights.

"Okay. I'll stay here with you until he gets here. It can get pretty creepy here by yourself." He nudged you with his shoulder.

You smiled at the offer, "Thank you." Was all you said. It meant a lot though, it would have been absolutely terrifying to be here alone.

--

Thirty minutes went by, and no word from Spencer. You and Steve had sat there on the curb outside of the mall, talking about anything really. You found out you both liked some of the same music, and that he went to Hawkins High School. Where you would have went if you hadn't graduated early. He was really impressed by that, "My ex-girlfriend was really smart too." It got quiet after that, you didn't want to pry, even though you were curious.

"Shouldn't your brother have been here by now?" He asked after a couple minutes of silence.

You checked the time, you hadn't realized it had been that long. "Damn, I guess so. I'll try calling him." You sighed. This was turning out to be a ship shape day.

"Hey, I can give you a ride if you need one."

"Okay, let me just see what's going on really fast." You weren't very fond of getting a ride from someone you had just met, but if your brother hadn't left the house yet, you supposed you didn't have a choice.

The phone rang thrice before he picked up,

"I'm so so sorry, Y/n. I fell asleep on the couch. I'll be right there." You heard him stumble, and knock into something. You stood up, starting to pace behind Steve in the entryway of the mall.

"Spencer, calm down. I'll just get a ride from a friend that works at Scoops too. You can go back to sleep." You heard all motion on the other line stop, dead silence rang through the other side.

"What's their name? I don't think you should do that, Y/n/n. I don't know her." You sighed. His voice had done that thing where it gets all tight and high, you hated it. It gave you anxiety, you knew when you got home you were going to get a lecture.

"His name is Steve, it's fine Spencer. Calm down. I'm getting a ride home. I love you. Bye." You were dreading going home. It made your stomach twist, and you hung up before he could say anything else. It was an overreaction, you cutting him off like that, but you were old enough to get a ride home from a friend. Even if you were terrified.

"I'm sorry, Steve." You said, sighing. "Can you please give me a ride back to my apartment? I'm sorry for forcing you into this situation. I can call him back if you need me to." You turned to him, he was still sitting down on the curb.

He stood up, putting his hand on your shoulder. "It's alright. I'll give you a ride home, come on." He gestured for you to follow him.

You climbed into his car, and he twisted the key in the ignition. "Do you want the heat on?" You nodded, it was February and you were cold. You weren't expecting to be outside in just some night shorts and a too big flannel that covered a tank top. You rubbed your arms, you didn't realize you were cold until you felt the warm air kick in.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, of course. It's not a problem." He nodded, glancing over at you. Your phone was blowing up. Spencer was texting you, trying to get a last name so he could give it to Garcia. You knew they had been talking. You scoffed at him.

"What's wrong?" He shifted in his seat some, he was angled more towards you.

"It's nothing really." You felt like you had to tell someone. "Just my brother and some past drama." You didn't want to though. You barely even knew this boy. "It's just... Can I tell you something? If I do, you can never tell anyone."

He nodded, his eyebrows scrunching together. "No, never. My lips are sealed." He smiled at you, "zipping" his lips. But he became more serious once he saw you weren't playing around. "I promise."

You sighed. "My brother is an FBI agent."

He raised his eyebrows.

"And I'm under protective custody because of his job." You decided to dive right into it. Why sugarcoat it? You had already decided to tell him, why hold anything back.

"Wow." Was all he said.

#Not the hero part 2 #Spencer Reid x sister!reader #Steve Harrington angst #Steve Harrington x reader #Steve Harrington x reader fluff #Steve Harrington fluff #Angst #Fluff #Smut #tw kidnapping #tw kidnap mention

[rhaenyras]

EXTENDED LIST OF THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH CHAPTER 139

ymir the founder fritz, aka the most powerful and compelling plot device that isayama could have ever employed in order to explain the origin of the titans, the inherent slavery of the eldian people, and also everything else wrong in the world, was emptied of all value and purpose when she was revealed to have loved her abuser and oppressor. her life-long struggle to break free from the slave mentality that was pounded into her since childhood turned out to be... totally hollow. the woman's real purpose was to keep loving the man who cut off her tongue, raped her as a child and eventually had her cannibalized by their daughters when she failed to survive a murder attempt on his person. which makes for a very pinpoint parallel with eren, tbh, but he gets a whole paragraph all to himself later. amor vincit omnia should not become a convenient fix-it trope so that stuff can magically make sense in less than 50 pages. not to mention that this makeshift “solution” doesn't account for countless plot holes, that would only make sense if ymir was an abuse survivor looking to get her agency back. and even if i was keen on excusing the sloppy writing, i still wouldn't let the whole romanticisation of rape and trauma thing slide so easily. by giving a young victim like ymir fritz romantic feelings and a blind devotion towards her rapist, isayama is basically conveying a very pitiful and toxic message, one he refuses to even dignify with a realistic explanation for the thousands of readers who couldn't make a sense of it. the way this twisted version of love seems to be universally accepted by all the characters in the last chapter, as they just shrug it off like some sort of inevitable superior force that works in mysterious ways, made me wanna gouge my eyes out and never read another word again

mikasa's arc. mikasa had the potential to be the only character in the entire manga to come out on top when all was said and done. she had openly opposed eren's idea of a genocide. she had left the scarf behind when he voiced his hatred for her. she seemed ready enough to sever the proverbial umbilical cord and move on, live a life with pride, knowing how she could have outgrown her silly, dependent, obsessive old self. she might have started out as a yandere caricature, a passive and annoying side-effect to having eren as the main character, but she could have done so much better later on. she, too, just like ymir fritz, might have broken free, if only isayama liked liberated and strong women. she had the range. she had the potential, the backstory, everything. given the chance, she could have redeemed herself. but did isayama care? nope. he just threw her to the sickos in the fandom and said “here's your little psycho doll. do what you will with her. also, she's the key to understanding the superior force that works in mysterious ways aka love aka all the nonsense i'm actually too lazy to commit to”. and so, mikasa is as inconsequential in the ending as she ever was as eren's ever-present bodyguard, if not more, because now she's even refusing to look ahead and fight. two things that she at least tried to do every so often back when eren was alive. not only she surrendered to her own mental illness, but she even saw it turned into a pretty fantasy that the readers can idealise (again, romanticisation of all the wrong things) and that she'll never be able to escape so long as she lives. what's worse, she doesn't even want to, because in this manga we love downgrading and being stuck in the past, as the worst possible versions of ourselves.

historia's pregnancy. it shouldn't even have happened in the first place, unless it was dictated by historia's explicit desire to have a child precisely when she asked for one and by that one unnamed farmer guy and nobody else. whether that was the case or not remains, to this day, still shrouded in mystery because, again, isayama didn't think of coming clean about any aspect of historia's sudden decision. the notion that she might have been raped or submitted to something she really didn't want simply for the drama of it leads to some pretty terrifying implications. i have already explained countless times how it didn't even make sense for eren to be so adamant about rejecting the 50 year plan on account of not wanting historia to be breeded like cattle, titanised, and eventually devoured by her children, if he was just... gonna let her have her way, she only had to ask him nicely. why ever would historia need eren's permission to have a child? what was she even trying to tell him in chapter 130? why did eren tell her something as pivotal as the genocide plan if the friendship between them wasn't any different from any other in the 104th? why would eren take the risk to meet her in secret and suggest that they do something as radical as fighting the mp's or running away, if all she had to do was just... ask that he let her get pregnant? i suppose that was just a bait for a very specific side of the fandom, at this point, as the extent of the entire cryptic conversation from ch. 130 was never covered, and we were probably just supposed to forget about it. I can only forgive isayama for basically baiting me into shipping erehisu because he still gave historia a decent wrap-up in the ending, she looked in control and happy enough with her new life, which is something i warmly wished for her. she seems to be in a better spot than most of her former comrades, and virtually, she is the true inheritor of eren's original (and later disowned) ideology, as she is the one who will lead eldia into the future as a free nation, whatever that may mean for them now that titan powers are no longer a thing. I'm very proud of her and generally i am happy with how things played out for her and yeah, thinking back on it with a colder mind... i wouldn't have wanted it any other way, ships be damned

wHY WAS LEVI IN A WHEELCHAIR????? like..... scars aside, he was up and about in one panel, and in the next he was disabled... that was just... idk?? weird but i suppose isayama went overboard to provide us with some residual dramatic value here

the genocide being just a red herring. APPARENTLY eren never believed that the genocide was a solid way to achieve freedom. his true intention was to antagonize himself so that his friends would be hailed as heroes, but like... why... he didn't even achieve the complete annihilation of conflict in the world by doing so? his friends might be heroes now, but they're going to spend the rest of their lives fighting for their very lives. if anything, eren sparked new conflicts and made the new order so much worse for the eldians, as they have no choice but to keep fighting, except with the same weapons as anybody else now. he basically doomed his people to a bleak future of war and possibly extinction. he killed 80% of the entire world to cause nothing but a disappointing regretful outcome, and in the end he even disowned everything he ever believed in. in comparison, zeke's euthanasia plan was some genius level shit that would have achieved the same result as eren, except with not nearly as much bloodshed.

the parasite. again, great idea, poor execution. what on earth happened to it? it was the Scientific Shit that made titans happen one moment, and then gone in the next, wrestled to death by a buff war criminal with ptsd... my disappointment is over the roof

eren himself. like, as a whole. oh, what's not to regret about the 180 eren did in the finale? witnessing a mc forsaking every relevant trait that's ever made him who he is, is simply painful on the eyes. isayama basically went and said “remember eren yaeger aka the suicidal blockhead who would sacrifice everything in order to achieve freedom? yes? well forget about him, you've got aaron yogurt now.” …... who even is this man? when he broke down and cried in front of armin, whining like a baby that he wanted mikasa to never move on from him, i legit got second-hand embarassment. I felt actual shame for the way isayama handled his characterisation. like... he is a mass murderer, ok... how can he just... kneel down and cry about his step-sister whom he never did anything to date anyway like it's nothing??? armin is right to be pissed at him but he's pissed for the wrong reasons, sadly. I don't even want to tackle the topic of eren murdering his own mother, as he basically confessed to going through life on autopilot because the founding titan just erased all his feelings, gave him superior knowledge of all things and compelled him to go with the flow of things, aka the exact opposite of what he's been preaching ever since day 1. W HAT on earth man. like i said in point #1, eren's crush on mikasa is actually very frightening too, and it leads us back to that one dark force that overpowered even ymir fritz. eren is in love with a girl who's obsessed, in denial and damaged. and what's worse, mikasa reciprocates his feelings, even though eren always overlooked her or manipulated her. ymir fritz kept misunderstanding all those red flags from the king as love, probably. this is really not a story of breaking the cursed cycle, because it seems to me that everyone has returned full circle in the end.

CONCLUSION: nothing isayama or anyone might have said in interviews or elsewhere could have prepared me for this raging shitfest. the entirety of that last chapter was farfetched to say the least, everything looked half-hearted and rushed, clumsily glued together because the real isayama died and somebody else had to ghostwrite the ending for him. I am sorry if i do sound a bit disillusioned about the whole thing and can't bring myself to be outraged either, but i've been way too invested into this manga for nearly a decade, and now it all blew up in my face, so i guess i no longer give it the power to upset me lol

#sorry for the wait guys. it's not even that great lol i just had to get some things off my chest and then forget about it #i didn't even edit lol. snk doesn't deserve my efforts #snk spoilers #snk #aot spoilers #anti aot #chapter 139 spoilers #aot #snk chapter 139

[ordinaryschmuck]

For the drabble suggestions: Luz tries to introduce Vee to her Boiling Isles family, but Vee and Lilith have history that Vee isn’t willing to forgive.

(TW: PTSD and light torture in this one....yup, I went there)

Flashbacks

Months ago, Vee exited out of an old house that's not too far from her new home, leaving one life behind in one world for a new start in another.

Now, she's sitting on the porch steps of that same old house, drumming nervous fingers onto her knee, and about to return to that world.

And she. Was. Terrified.

After another few minutes, a bright flash shined within the house, making Vee look over her shoulder. Just in time to see Luz poke her head outside.

"Hey, there, sister from--"

"If you say 'sister-from-a-different-mister,' I'll punch you," Vee said curtly, making her adoptive sister's face droop.

"Woah, what's got you acting like a Grumpy Gus?"

"Sorry," Vee sighed, "I'm just...worried."

"Worried about what?" Luz asked, sitting next to the basilisk, "You're just meeting my Boiling Isles friends. Mom met them last week, and she had a good time. Didn't she tell you that?"

"She did, but there's a reason why I wasn't there when they visited."

"Which is...?"

"Luz, I haven't been near the Boiling Isles for months. The most magic I've had were those Hexes Hold'em cards you gave me. What if when I see your friends, all that magical influx will make me go...feral? As in, try and eat your friends."

"Oh, that won't happen."

"But what if it does?"

"Well, then we'll just knock you out with a frying pan."

Vee gives Luz a surprised look.

"Kidding!" Luz exclaimed, "We won't do that...maybe."

"...Yeah, I can't do this," Vee got up and off the steps, heading back home. Only for Luz to run right in front of her.

"Vee, wait! You're worrying about nothing."

"Am I?!"

"Yes, you are. My friends--even though they're more like a family--aren't going to hurt you. And you're not going to hurt them. I promise you that."

"Luz..."

"And if you start feeling panicked or uneasy and want to go back home, we will."

"Why is it even important to you that I meet them?"

"Because you're family. And they're family, in the spiritual sense, at least. I want my families to...meet. To get along. But if it ever becomes too much for you, we'll leave. No ifs or buts about it."

Vee took a moment to reflect in consideration.

"...You really mean it when you say we'll go if I want to?"

"It's a sisterly guarantee."

"...Alright," Vee sighed, "Let's go."

"That's the spirit, kind of! Now, let's go!"

Taking her sister by the hand, Luz then pulled Vee back to the house. Going up the porch steps and walking through the front door, the two girls stood before a working portal.

"You ready?" Luz asked, followed by Vee taking a deep breath.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Okie Dokie."

With that, Luz and Vee walked through the portal and into...another house.

Although, judging by the decore of weapons and items that wared off certain demons, Vee could tell that this house was from the Boiling Isles.

The group of witches standing politely in front of them was also a pretty good indicator.

"Everyone, meet Vee," Luz announced, "My sister from--"

Vee gave her a hard glare.

"...the human realm," Luz chose to say, "According to the adoption papers my mom signed, anyway."

"Wow," Amity said, "She looks almost identical to you."

"That's because she's in her disguise. If you want--and if it's ok with Vee--she can change back."

"Probably for the best," Eda shrugged, "That way, Baby Blight won't have two people she'll drool over."

"Hey!" Amity protested, "There's more to me than being Luz's girlfriend!"

"Is there, though?"

"Uh," Vee leaned close to her sister and whispered, "Are you sure that's a good idea? What if my true self is...unsettling?"

"Don't worry," Luz whispered back, "I already explained to them your whole situation a while ago. They won't be scared of you."

"You sure?"

"Positive. But you don't have to do it if you don't want to."

Vee looked at Luz, to her friends, then back at Luz.

"I...I'll do it."

Taking a deep breath, Vee transformed back into her basilisk form, presenting herself to the group in a nervous vigor.

"Tada," she said weakly.

"Woah, cool!" Gus was the first one to run up, inspecting Vee closely. "And you can do that on will?"

"Uh, I have to eat some magic first, but yeah. Basically."

"Fascinating..."

"This is Gus, by the way," Luz introduced her younger friend, "He skipped two grades, so he's a bit of a nerd."

"I prefer the term intellect," Gus corrected.

"And since we're starting with Hexide friends," Luz ran over to grab Willow and Amity and lead them over. "This is Willow and Amity. Willow is the first best friend I've ever had, mainly because she's so wonderful and nice."

"Thanks, Luz," Willow smiled, holding out a hand for Vee to shake. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

"And this is Amity," Luz gestured to the other girl, "She's the most awesome of girlfriends of all awesome girlfriends."

"Well, aren't you sweet," Amity cooed, giving Luz a peck on the cheek.

"Gag!" Eda shouted, making her way over and holding her own hand out for Vee. "I'm Eda, by the way."

"Mamá said a lot about you," Vee said as she shook the witch's hand, "Primarily how you're a bad influence."

"Only the best kind," Eda winked.

"Introduce me next! Introduce me next!" King urged, earning a chuckle out of Luz as she picked him up.

"This is King," she said, "And yes, he's a little cutie."

"I am not! I'm a tough guy!"

"Who sleeps with a stuffed bunny rabbit."

"...Shut up."

"Well, it's certainly nice to meet you," Vee smiled, "All of you."

"I knew it would be," Luz bragged as she handed King to Eda, "Vee actually got into her head that she should be worried about the whole thing."

"To be fair, I wasn't sure how you'd all react to me. Or, how I'd react to you, I guess. But I guess things aren't too--"

"LULU'S HERE!" Hooty announced when swinging the door open, thus ruining the moment.

"Ah, yes," Luz pointed at the house demon, "That's Hooty. He's...a lot."

"I can tell," Vee admitted, "But who's--"

"Sorry that I'm late!" Lilith told everyone as she came in, "Mother fussed over my look. It's funny, I killed for that attention years ago, but now that I have it, I...don't..."

Her voice faltered as she stared at the basilisk that everyone else surrounded. The same basilisk whose eyes went wide with surprise as her breathing began to slowly speed up.

"Vee?" Luz looked at her sister, getting worried, "Are you ok?"

But that question didn't register to Vee. Her hyperventilating started getting worse. At that moment, the look of realization shone on Lilith's face.

"Number V?"

And that's what did it.

The older witch's words, referring to Vee with a label she hasn't been called in months, took her out of the present.

Vee wasn't in the Owl House, surrounded by friends anymore.

She was in the darkest, dankest dungeon, shackles around her wrists and metal bars in front of her.

Vee struggled as much as she could, hoping to get the shackles off. But it was no use. She was stuck.

Worse yet, she was trapped.

"Number V."

Vee froze in her struggles, looking up to see the cold, heartless Lilith Clawthorne standing before her. The icy stare she gave Vee nearly froze her to the bone.

"Care to explain what you're doing?" the evil woman all but demanded.

"N-nothing!" Vee squeaked.

"Really? Because it looks to me that you're trying to wrestle yourself free of your shackles."

"I'm not! I swear!"

"You better not," Lilith leaned up close to the bars, her stare turning into a glare. "Because what is the point of bringing your miserable species back from extinction if you are only going to try and escape?"

"I'm not escaping! I...I would never try that!"

"Good," Lilith straightened herself, "Now, onto the experiments."

"Wait, NO!"

A coven guard walked up, a cage full of rats in hand.

"Please, no! No! NOOOOOO!"

"Vee!"

Vee blinked. She was back in the Owl House, with everyone staring at her, each of them worried. Especially Luz, who held her sister's shoulders with a steely grip.

"Vee, what's wrong?" she asked.

"HER!" Vee pointed straight at Lilith, who recoiled at the look of pure hatred aimed at her.

"Lilith? Why does--"

"It doesn't matter! I don't want to be here anymore!"

"Wait, Vee--"

"You promised if I wanted to go back, we would! You guaranteed it!"

"...Ok," Luz said, "We'll go home."

Without hesitation, Luz then wrapped an arm around Vee, leading her back to the portal to the human realm.

"Wait!" Lilith finally spoke up, "I want to say something!"

"Not now, Lilith."

"But I just want to say--"

Unfortunately, by that point, Luz and Vee had left through the portal, with it closing behind them.

"...I'm sorry."

***

Hours later, Vee lied in her bed, facing the wall.

She was too frazzled to sleep, yet somehow too tired to do anything but lie there.

Eventually, she heard the bedroom door open.

"Vee?"

It was Luz, clearly in the mood to talk.

Vee wasn't.

"I hopped back to the Boiling Isles. Even had a talk with Lilith," Luz continued, "She...explained the whole situation."

Vee still said nothing.

"For the record, I am so sorry. I wanted you to meet everyone, including some of the...messier people I know. But if I knew your history with Lilith, I wouldn't have had her come. I promise."

"...It's ok, Luz," Vee finally sighed.

"Is it, though?"

"Well...I'm not ok. Not right now. But...I'll live."

"...Anything I could do to help?"

"That's nice, but no."

There was silence in the bedroom at that point.

Pure, tense silence.

"...I'm sorry," Vee eventually said, shocking Luz.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because things were going great. I was meeting your friends, having a good time, and then...I freaked out and wanted to bail."

"Vee, no," Luz sat on the bottom bunk, laying a hand on her sister's shoulder. "Your reaction was normal. And, before you worry yourself any further, no one blames you for wanting to get out of there."

"Really?"

"Yup. In fact, they're just hopeful that you're alright."

"...You can tell them I will be."

"I will. And, about Lilith--"

"I'm not going to forgive her," Vee stated, making her point known.

"I'm not saying you should. But Lilith does want you to know that she's sorry for everything. She already doesn't expect forgiveness, but she still wants to try to make things right."

"...She really means that?"

"She does."

"...Ok," Vee looked Luz straight in the eyes as she said, "Then tell her to stay away from me. She can say 'I'm sorry' all she wants, but that doesn't fix the damage. Maybe one day I'll learn to...let go. But that's not going to be today or tomorrow. Or anytime soon, for that matter. Not after all she's done."

"...I'll be sure to tell her that."

"Good...and thank you. For being understanding."

"Of course," Luz smiled, squeezing Vee's shoulder. "It's what sisters are for."

"And, to be honest, I couldn't have asked for a better sister," Vee smiled back.

"Me either.

#the owl house #toh vee #luz noceda #eda clawthorne #amity blight #gus porter #willow park #king clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #agnst #tw: ptsd #tw: light torture #so very sorry for this one #the hiatus of drabbles

[cimmunist]

I did Cimmerian, now it's time for Clef! Like before, the one on the left is my main interpretation and the one I use in mine and my friend's, @bluethepearldiver, AU Gods and Pawns. The one on the right is the @ask-dr-cimmerian version. I put a more detailed overview under the cut, feel free to skip the blog version if you don't want spoilers.

GaP/Main interpretation of Clef:

Species: Immortal human (in most of the versions of the AU)

Age: Unspecified, really fucking old

Gender/orientation: Doesn't use labels, but if I have to specify he's non-binary, on the acearo spectrum and mostly prefers men

Pronouns: Any, prefers he/they

Ethnicity/nationality: Middle eastern, comes from Eden

Job: Department Head of training and development, an O5 or field agent in some of the versions of the AU

Appearance: 5'7'' plus size man, though weight fluctuates during the story, as he forgets to eat during a lot of stress. Two eyes, right is green, left is blue and hazel. Has sharp teeth, covered in scars, the biggest one being the x shaped scar on his chest, later on, gets a snake-shaped scar carved into his right arm. Naturally black/dark brown hair that's greying, uses his reality-bending to make it blonde because he's too lazy to dye it. Always carries around a star-shaped pin.

Personality & health:

Outgoing, charming loudmouth

Lies quite a lot, likes to tell clearly exacerbated stories (people just got used to it)

Cheerful and easily excitable

A huge bastard, loves to tease his friends and coworkers

Not afraid to speak his mind when needed, can be quite abrasive

Avoids confrontation when it comes to personal matters

Doesn't get angry easily, but when he does he gets quiet and stern

Will never cry in public, usually just in private or in front of people he trusts

Struggles a lot with PTSD (which is a problem when you can literally bend reality around you) and later on depression

Relationships:

Love interests: Bright, Kondraki and Cimmerian

Exes: Lilly (abusive + a God, bad combination), Kushim (friend's oc)

Friends: Aaron/Administrator/O5-1A (work acquaintance), Joseph Tamlin (brief old friend), Etienne Baudelaire (old friend, friend's oc), Lilith (best friend), Sophia Light (close-ish work friend), Maveth (friend, oc), Dory (old friend, oc), Lucy (old friend), Raphael (old friend)

Family: Brother to Eve/O5-1B and Kineret (oc, deceased), brother-in-law to Adam, uncle to a bunch of kids including Abel/076 and Cain/073. Had a daughter, Rut, with Kushim and a daughter, Meri, with Lilly.

Trivia:

Mostly known for two things: his great distaste and disrespect to gods, and his talent to almost dying but somehow getting away still alive (lovingly called a cockroach by the grim reaper for it)

Has literally fought gods 3 different times and survived, this list keeps on growing, somebody stop this man

Favourite hobby is probably annoying the death itself

How his immortality works: after he dies his body heals and he comes back to life

Loosely followed the 4231 canon, with some big changes to fit his backstory

Deathly afraid of deep water and drowning (ironic for an immortal)

Literally considered a Saint in one of the religions? Absolutely despises that fact

Real name is Abishai, but doesn't mind going by Abby or any of his many, many nicknames

Actually physically fought Adam Bright before, wouldn't mind doing it again

Very close with his sister

His other sister, Kineret, died saving him. He has major survivor guilt over it.

Actually helped create the foundation, since his sister is the founder, but dipped almost immediately after and started working for the GOC

Rejoined many years later, in exchange for protecting Meri and letting him see her from time to time

Meri was born around the time ancient rome still existed and he was actually able to raise her, they're very close

Met Jack sometime in the 1920s-30s, he was Clef's first real friend in the Foundation

Actually the reason Kondraki got recruited

Contrary to popular belief, he can play on his ukulele very well and can write songs, he just chooses not to

Knows a lot of languages

Both a reality bender and a reality anchor, unable to be affected by other reality benders

Actually is a lot more powerful reality bender than he lets on

Got his X shaped scar on the chest from Lilly

Used to travel a lot and didn't liked to be tied to one spot

Blog version of Clef:

Species: Nephilim, half-human half-angel

Age: 98, looks ~40

Gender: Non-binary/genderqueer

Orientation: Oriented aroace/ ace demi-homoromantic

Pronouns: Any

Ethnicity/nationality: Mixed middle eastern, raised in Cornwall

Job: Liaison for the Ethics Committee

Appearance: 5'5'' plus-sized man. Has three eyes, one right green one, two left ones, one blue one hazel. Has sharp teeth, is covered in scars, the biggest one being an x shaped scar on his chest. Has burn scars on his feet. Has naturally black/dark brown hair, dyes it a lighter colour. He usually keeps his hair in a braid. Flowers grow out of his hair.

Personality & health:

The loud, annoying yet charming bastard of the ethics committee

Has generally a laid back, jokester personality

Very devoted to his family and friends

Not the type to get mad easily, when he does get angry he just gets quiet and stern

Never cries in public, just in private

Little bastard man, loves teasing his coworkers and husband

Struggles a lot with PTSD and paranoid delusions, but is slowly doing better

Relationships:

Love interests: Cimmerian, later on Bright and Iceberg

Ex: Lilly

Friends: Kondraki (old friend), Bright (old friend), Tiffany Okely (work friend)

Family: Bastard child of an angel, raised as an only child of a single mother. Had Epon with Lilly, later on, had an "accident" named Melody with his husband, adopted a step-parent role to Cimmerian's older daughters May and Eliza

Trivia:

Roughly follows the events of 4231

Raised Epon for the first few months to year's of their life before they were found to be anomalous and forcibly taken from him

Regularly checks up on his kid and leaves her small gifts

Semi-omniscient, ever since he was born he could just see and know things others couldn't. Perfectly aware of the fact Cimmerian is a demigod, even before their husband finds out himself. Uses his omniscience to check up on Epon and make sure they're okay.

Used to be very close with Bright before Cimmeriam swooped in and stole the man, slowly rebuilding that relationship

Cannot play the ukulele for the life of his and has no intentions of ever learning

Had a lot of bucket and cowboy hats but gave them all to Melody

Cimmerian made the mistake of allowing them to pick out Melody's clothes when they were little, now they have Clef's sense of style, oh no

Is afraid of water, shouting and slamming things is a major trigger of theirs, they also dislike deer and antlers for obvious reasons

Suffers from chronic scar pain in her legs

They have exactly 0 respect for any of the o5s

One of their hobbies is gardening

Pretty much majority of their scars were caused by Lilly

Alto Clef is their chosen name and god help you if you deadname them

Loves cats, they're her favourite animal

The platonic marriage with Cinmerian was their idea

Child of 001 /J

#scp #scp foundation #spooky arts #dr alto clef #dr clef

[sinnoman]

the lack of reaction + emotion to MC’s choices via game is bothering me so… let’s talk about it.

tw: cursing, death, talks mental health and PTSD

i know that we all know that we love our nine demons, two angels, and shady ass sorcerer. but i wish solmare allowed MC to stop being so passive all the time. it’s a self-insert game, i should be allowed to be angry at times. example one, lesson one and lesson 20+:

“Welcome to the Devildom! Here you’ll be one of our only human exchange students where you’ll be forced to go to demon college and try not to die!”

huh? i don’t remember signing up for anything like that.

don’t get me wrong, Dia, honey, i think your dream to unite all three realms is amazing and i hope you accomplish it someday but come on. i didn’t even get a notice first!

what if i was using the bathroom before he summoned me, or at my dead grandmother’s funeral? or on a date? oh i’m sorry,. i didn’t know i just had to tell my date that it wasn’t going to work out because i was going to demon school now…

and that’s another thing to! imagine you just got your diploma for undergrad and now you’re being forced to go to school AGAIN for another year. however, you’re not learning anything that your diploma can help you with; it’s a whole new world.

“So not only have I been abducted, I’m being forced to go to school? What the fuc—”

honestly, i would have been so angry but more at the fact i can’t just willingly decline. and i know that defeats the purpose of the game but still. there’s so many things wrong with it. MC’s just willing to go along with it like it’s a normal everyday thing. no, baby, we were just kidnapped! put up a fight, bargain, do something!

i think i would have gone a little paranoid and burned out at first if it were real. not only have i been thrown into a new spiritual plane, i also have to make sure my grades are satisfactory to Lucifer’s taste. (the man is scary, okay? imagine him lecturing you because you have a D in one class. he would absolutely do this and i absolutely would cry.)

and then, when we come back you make me take test like all the other demons even though they’ve been there for centuries and i only a year.

example two and three, lesson 16+:

this an on and off conversation but i’m so mad that the brothers really didn’t care about us dying or basically pretended the whole belphie situation didn’t happen afterward.

you mean to tell me after i had brought your family closer together; constantly stuck up for all of you; and even managed to prove myself to you many many times; the minute i die your only reaction is a “Oh wow! There’s two [Name]s. Lucifer, do something.”

yet, when i start talking about your sister it’s celebrations all around. suddenly, the heavens have opened up and Jesus has descended back down to the human world again. (/j) all is good and all is great. it’s not as if i just saw my dead body in Mammon’s arms was a traumatic experience.

noooo, not at all…..

it just feels like MC is a replacement for Lilith, you know? i know that the boys have been through something traumatic themselves (they all need therapy) but to force actions and ideals onto MC just because they’re a descendant of her isn’t fair.

“Why do you prefer me more now that you know that I am related to Lilith?”

it’s a question that i think should be addressed but i know will probably never be addressed. however, you can really see the change in the dynamic between MC and the boys after the whole lilith reveal. hell, Lucifer even gave us a hug.

does this man look like he gives hugs?

i know that the boys love MC unconditionally (that’s their human) but you have to admit it’s a little backhanded.

the way Belphie goes through five stages of grief in three seconds after he murders us and i’m supposed to accept that he’s changed when he proposes to give me his pact mark?

i’m a little surprised that MC’s mental health hasn’t declined at all. or at least they aren’t a little doubtful about themselves. hypothetically speaking, i think it would have been better to build Belphegor’s relationship with MC from their instead of basically time skipping it and just throwing us a party.

anyway, whether emotional or not i still love obey me. its actually the only otome game i’ve kept on my phone for a long time (even longer than Mystic Messenger, which is like one of the holy trinities of otome games) although i criticized it i still know it’s just a game and that it shouldn’t be taken quite seriously.

i wanna hear your thoughts and opinions on this too. whether you agree or disagree or simply just don’t care. let me know.

#obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date? #let’s talk #lesson 16 spoilers #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #he did nothing wrong #obey me brothers #let me be angry solmare #ted talks #otome game #lesson 20+ spoilers

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

Penny being trans + autistic coded made me resonate with her as I am nonbinary and autistic myself. Her being a robot felt like me when I have to hide my neurodivergent traits. Her getting confirmation that she wasn't just a robot/machine but a real girl felt so validating. I don't have to look like everyone else to still be considered "real".

Ironwood's semblance being literal hyperfixiation, something I've dealt with since I have ADHD + autism would have made me feel better about myself. This is a man who, despite everything: his PTSD, being an amputee, still was a kind-hearted man. This is something rarely seen in media. I was happy.

Then they fucked up both Penny and Ironwood in ways that struck me. Penny is hacked into and forced to comply with basically forced suicide- she was to open the vault, then self-destruct.

Ironwood, oh dear god. They couldn't wait to fuck him over. He was so HAPPY to see team RWBYJNROQ. He told them everything about his plan, trusting them with literal GOVERNMENT secrets, giving them a place to stay, FREE weapon upgrades (Atlas is known for its advanced technology), hell even gave them their HUNTRESS LICENSES THREE-ISH YEARS EARLY (which Ruby later uses as a credibility source in her broadcast, which was eerily similar to Cinder's in Volume 3, when she says IRONWOOD CANNOT BE TRUSTED.)

Not to mention that she conveniently forgot she was calling for help from OTHER KINGDOMS. OF COURSE they wouldn't arrive soon enough. And no one had reason to trust her. She's a nobody. She was at the Vytal Festival and her team made it all the way to the singles? Cool. Ruby wasn't the final fighter, hell after the 4 vs 4 match she didn't compete further.

Blake would have obviously been a bad choice: she's a faunus and if anyone knows about the White Fang, they might recognize her.

Yang is more known than Ruby, but the world saw her kick an unarmed teen in the finals round. She doesn't have too good a reputation.

Weiss? She's well known as the Heiress, but also her singing. Having her give the speech is a mixed bag: on one hand, she's a recognizable face. On the other, that's a problem. Her father, the CEO of the SDC, is known for his cruelty. Blake said it herself way back in Volume 1: questionable business practices and partners.

So... How about no broadcast at all? What did her broadcast accomplish?

Nothing. Help didn't arrive and likely caused more panic. Plus, people still had a negative view of Atlas, as the last thing the world saw was Atlesian soldiers turning against civilians.

The last broadcast was before Beacon fell. So likely another hacker giving a message would be met with fear.

And what attracts Grimm? Negativity.

Ruby's broadcast could have been a DEATH SENTENCE to so many. But no, this is treated as the... Right course of action?

Ruby and co. hates Ironwood's plan, yet it's clear they don't have one. RWB spends a lot of time moping around the manor drinking tea. Team YOJR (Yang, Oscar, Jaune and Ren) actually DO SOMETHING. Oscar gets kidnapped and they chase after him. Ren rightfully points out that NONE OF THEM SHOULD BE DOING THIS. But that goes against the Hivemind™, so he must apologize and agree to whatever the fuck Ruby decides to do.

Which is NOTHING! RWBY didn't even take down the hound: WILLOW and WHITLEY did. A drunk woman and an unarmed teen defeated it.

Oscar is the one who blows up the whale (with his time bomb? huh??)

Ruby whines that it's all too much, cries on a staircase while her sister (remember that Ruby and Yang are related????) comforts her. The scene has no emotional depth because the two barely interact anymore.

OH GOD AND WHEN YANG TAKES A HIT FROM NEO THAT WAS MEANT FOR RUBY IT TAKES HER OUT COMPLETELY. AURA? GONE. HELL, SHE'S EVEN UNCONSCIOUS. I swear it's like the animation budget could only afford to have ONE character react, and it's Blake "sad kitty face" Belladonna. Not Ruby, who is her sister. WHO HAS A SPEED SEMBLANCE. But no, they just watch her fall, not knowing if she's alive.

Ruby has more of a reaction to CRESCENT ROSE, HER FUCKING WEAPON falling.

Which is retconned so hard in the Vol 9 trailer, where she tells Neo "I hope it was worth it" before falling into the void. Huh??

Anyways I'm rambling again but I am so angry!

-🎼

Never, ever, EVER apologize for rambling. I LOVE hearing peoples thoughts and sometimes it's a really nice feeling to let out your frustrations and anger towards something that has caused you harm and it really REALLY sounds like this caused you a lot of harm and so I do not blame you one bit for being hurt and angry. I should apologize for this taking so long. This was a lot and I needed to sort my thoughts and even so I probably missed some points so I also apologize for that.

Penny and Ironwoods biggest mistake was trusting and being kind to RWBY. They lied and betrayed James and treated him like garbage even though he showed them nothing but kindness and did whatever he could to help them and listened to them. Penny was told what to do and think far more so then James ever supposedly did. Ruby decided to give her a new body, decided she didn't like how James was treating her and that she thought James was a bad person, and decided that Penny was better off with them. Penny stopped being able to make her own decisions once she started hanging out with RWBY and co.

Really though what did they all think was going to happen when they sent out a message that matched beat to bear a lot of what Cinder said before Atlas fell? Did she think about the panic that would cause? Did she forget she was worried about Ironwood telling everyone back in Volume 7 because of the panic it would cause everyone??? Did that just conveniently slip her mind?

I honestly think Weiss would have been the best choice to give the broadcast of them all but I don't think they should have sent out the broadcast in the first place. It should realistically only cause panic and death but the narrative is gonna yadda yadda right past all of that.

Oh god yea RWBY and co complain and whine and scream that Ironwoods plan is bad whilst offering up no alternatives then just taking his plan and acting like it was theirs the whole time. They even did this in Volume 7 when in episode 2 they where worried about James telling Atlas about Salem and then turning around and acting all happy and shocked when James told everyone near the end of the season as if they wanted him to the whole time and not the other way around.

Man RWBY really did jack shit all volume huh? As you said all the major things side characters did: Fight James TWICE: Winter, Emerald, and JNRO.

Try and rescue Oscar: JRY

Blow up the Whale: Oscar

"Redeem" Hazel and Emerald: Again Oscar

Defeat the hound: Whitley and Willow

Launch the tower: Penny

Help defend Mantel against the swarm of Grimm: FNKI and the soldiers that all died trying to buy Ruby time while she cries in a mansion.

Like what does this girl do to help any of the people SHE trapped???

Oh god Ren, poor Ren, he's finally seeing the light but he can't stray from the Hivemind so he needs to get back in, we can't question the pure and perfect Ruby her plans are always right even if it causes Salem to get two relics and destroys the only kingdom with an army or the technology to restore global communications in the process.

Yea you're right like CRWBY can make excuses all day for why Ruby didn't react to Yang falling and MAYBE I can buy her not using her Semblance because she's in shock but not crying or reacting at ALL to her supposed death?? Why does her weapon get a more emotional response then her SISTER? Why is only BLAKE allowed to be sad about Yang supposedly dying? Why does fucking WINTER have more of a reaction to her sister dying?

Why are all the people we are supposed to be rooting for so fucking unlikeable???

#RWDE #Pro Ironwood #James Ironwood #RWBY Bashing #Pro James Ironwood #ironwood Protection Squad #penny polendina #Sorry for MY rambling #and more rambling to come most likely

[anyoneseenadam]

Home: Chapter eight

azriel x reader (acotar)

summary: (y/n) is a daughter of Persephone, still recovering from the trauma of her fall into Tartarus and doesn’t have time for a stupid, handsome, annoying, stunning, injured man. But now they’re stuck together in the middle of nowhere and there only chance of getting home is if she can heal him, and fast.

warnings: big spoilers for mark of Athena and house of Hades, also for the acotar series, eventual smut, blood, PTSD, graphic descriptions of violence, injuries and torture, enemies to lovers so az is a bit of a dick to start, swearing

word count: 1.6k 

a/n: ahhh this is the last part and I’m kinda sad but at the same time I don’t want to drag it out, I also have a new idea for a dorian x reader so it’s a good thing to finsih one but am still sad. I hope you enjoy I made it extra fluffy (also had a cheeky wee hint back to the first part)

--------------------------------------------

You were sat in front of a large mirror, taking in your appearance as you listened to the noise downstairs, the hustle and sounds of people speaking as they rushed about in preparation a sharp contrast to the silence of your and Azriel’s shared room. The girl looking back at you in the mirror was beautiful. Her hair was pinned up, revealing a long neck adorned with a simple necklace your lover had gifted you. Your skin was clear as well, any blemishes you had, any scarring from acne you had picked at, was gone, replaced by dewy, glowing skin. In fact everything about you seemed to glow, your hair was shinier, your skin had a new ethereal sense about it, and you looked more like your mother than you ever had before.

You heard a clatter of plates downstairs and bit your lip with a slight smile, running your hands over you dress. It was baby pink, as you had commented that white may be a little on the nose, with a deep V-neck and white and pink flowers trailing down the heavy skirt, you had picked it out with the help of Feyre and Mor who had dragged you out shopping, giggling when you had stared in shock at the sheer number of dresses you only believed existed on Pinterest. You reached over the vanity and picked up the delicate gold dangling earrings that you had ‘bought’ (Azriel had technically bought them but you certainly paid him back) and put them on, gazing wistfully at your now pointed ears.

So much had changed so quickly. Azriel’s family were extremely welcoming, instantly treating you like they had known you forever. You became incredibly close with Cassian and Nesta, much to Azriel’s amusement, as you bonded over books with Nesta and a general love of Azriel with Cassian. Nesta was officially sold on you when she finished ‘Call Me by Your Name’ the day you gave it to her, the two of you discussing it all night as you made promises to find a way to show her the movie. Rhysand and Mor treated you like a sister, the three of you soon teasing each other, Amren genuinely laughing when you let loose your more creative insults. The only one who seemed reserved at first was Elain, but soon the two of you were spending hours in the garden as you taught her about the different needs that different plants had and how to grow them most effectively.

Azriel had never been more in love. He already knew you were mates but now that it was official, and possible, he felt like he was on cloud nine. He was in love with how quickly you feel asleep in his arms. The way you lit up when talking about your passions, hands moving widely. He was in love with the way your eyes sparkled constantly now, only rarely being overcome with shadows, ones that he had learned to help dispel, you were laughing more and had even started showing your back again. When you went to the House of Wind to train with Cassian and Azriel one summer afternoon you had removed your top, leaving you in a simple sports bra, not missing the mix of pride and desire in Azriel’s eyes as you continued your exercises.

“Can I ask what happened?” Nesta had asked late that day, Feyre looking up from her book, Nyx cradled in one arm. You had explained, and after, when you expected to be pushed away, Feyre had simply passed Nyx to Nesta and wrapped her arms around you, holding you for a long while, even when the Illyrians entered the room. When she pulled away you noticed the tears in her eyes and offered her a small smile, as she whispered to you.

“You’re with your family now, nothing like that will ever happen again.” And then you were crying too.

Now you were sat in your low-back dress with your hair up, scars on display for anyone to see. You had been woken at nine am by an excited chorus of fae women and all but shoved into a bath, your hair washed, and skin scrubbed until you felt new-born. You had been brought a strong, dark coffee and some honeyed toast as you sat soaking in the bath, your friends moving about outside tidying your room and fishing out everything you needed, before you were pulled from the bath and forced to dry. When you had walked back into the room, you found Mor wiggling her eyebrows as she passed you a bag which, on further inspection, you found contained an intricate set of baby blue lingerie making you laugh loudly as you thumbed the material. They had then crowded you, Nesta drying and styling your hair as Feyre did your face, treating it alike one of her beautiful paintings, Elain painting and filing your nails as Amren and Mor sat sipping on champagne, both donned in beautiful, dark silk dresses, as they discussed the day ahead. You felt alike a princess when they were done and had commented as much, gaining you a glass of champagne and a comment on how you looked like one too. However they soon left, claiming there was much to sort out downstairs and that they had no faith in the boys to get it sorted.

Now you were sat alone, your gaze had moved to outside your window where light snow had started falling. You stood and moved the open window, perching on the ledge, smiling when a robin landed next to you, flying to rest in your palm, it’s ruby coloured breast not making you flinch. You still had nightmares as you were still part god and probably always would have the dreams you had grown used to; however you were making progress.

“If you’re planning on running away that ledge is too high,” You smiled as you heard his voice, turning to see your beautiful mate smiling at you.

“Maybe Cassian can come and fly me out,” you challenged,

“Ha, ha.” He deadpanned and you giggled, standing to wrap yourself in his arms,

“In my world it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the service,” you whispered into his chest,

“This technically isn’t a wedding,”

“That’s a fair point,” you muttered, and he smiled down at you,

“It would be a shame to deprive me of this sight, you look beautiful princess,” he spun you out of his arms and you giggled, making his heart swell with love.

“It would, wouldn’t it?”

“C’mon, we should go soon, Cassian’s already crying,” you laughed and grabbed his hand as he pulled you along and down the stairs. You gasped when you reached the bottom, there were flowers everywhere, the whole room transformed into a fairy wonderland that made you feel giddy. You smiled when you saw that Cassian was in fact, already tearing up as he stood to greet you, complementing you and thanking you for making his brother so happy, you had laughed and shoved him away in your emotional state, not wanting to cry so early, as you moved to the sink in the room that was spraying a fine mist of water, creating a rainbow.

“Oh Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow, show me Nico Di Angelo, Camp half blood.” You threw in a golden drachma, the image wavered before revealing your friends and family on the other side, waving, and sending greetings. The inner circle came over and you all conversed for a while before Azriel was rather impatiently tugging on your hand and you moved onto the ceremony, with just your found families present. Having been raised mortal you insisted on exchanging rings, and Azriel was completely happy to oblige, obsessed with the feeling of pushing the ring onto your finger and kissing you, having someone that was wholly his, and who he was completely devoted to.

The rest of the day was spent curled under Azriel’s arm, sipping cocktails, and laughing as you were told all the most embarrassing things the inner circle could dig up. You ate delicious food and laughed with your friends, you heart aching at how naturally this happiness came to you now as you gazed at the man you loved.

You stood outside, breathing in the fresh air, and enjoying the slight chill that came through the thin shawl you had wrapped around you shoulders. Soon you felt a familiar hand press into your hip, pulling you into his side tightly. You looked up at him, still in wonder of how you landed such a beautiful man.

He caught your gaze, brushing a snowflake of your cheek and grabbing your hand, pressing a light kiss into the palm. “Penny for your thoughts?” He asked, gaze so full of love that tears welled up in your eyes.

“I’m just so glad you got stabbed,” you muttered, and he laughed before you continued, “I’m serious, I don’t know where I’d be if we hadn’t met, but you are everything to me and I’m so glad we pushed through, I’m so glad we fought to be together.”

“I love you.” He whispered into your hair as he pulled you in tightly, his scarred hands moving over your scarred back as you sighed, content.

“I love you.” You replied, pulling away and watching as a red admiral butterfly landed on a nearby poppy.

#acofas #acomaf #acotar #azriel #azriel x reader #acowar #heroes of olympus #acosf #acofs #rhysand

[sashi-ya]

{+18} - Law x Fem Best Friend ♥ CH.2

♥ Daily living with the Heart pirates crew AU  ♥ Spoilers after Dressrosa Arc. Law´s backstory.  ♥ Female reader. Little physical description. Everybody is 18+, canon ages.  ♥ TW: Nightmares related to PTSD. Little NSFW. no further warnings. If you think I should include some feel free to tell me ♥Thank you for the likes and follows, I appreciate it them so so much! If you wanna know when I’ll be updating the next chapters, you can follow me on Twitter @LawIsMyWaifu, come interact I love to have mutuals that love Law and One Piece as much as I do ♥

Word count: 4.1K

» List of parts: {CH1}  {CH2}  {CH3}  {CH4} {CH5} «

Chapter 2.

The sound of his low, raspy voice resonated all over my head, making my body react instantly. I gasped as I felt a strike of pleasure travelling down my stomach to in between my legs. Closing my eyes, unable to move, I didn’t want to move, I wanted him to keep whispering, to kiss my neck… “Hahahaha, I’m sorry, I’m just fooling around, your face, you look astonished Y/N-ya”, he said while laying back on the bed, laughing. I chuckled as I stood up brushing my clothes as if I was trying to fix them. “Stop it, I’m not into that you ass. Goodnight”, I said trying to dissimulate how agitated and embarrassed I was.

Almost running, I left the room, directly to mine, holding on my hand my underwear. I jumped to my bed resting violently on my back. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” ... a little time passed until I passed out.

Hard knocks on my door woke me up. “Vice-Captain!! wake up! breakfast is ready!!!” Clione shouted from the corridor. “God damn how many times I have to tell this whole crew I fucking hate being awakened with shouting?” I mumbled annoyed, covering my face with the sheets.

I was brushing my hair when I remembered my “memory box” for some reason. Opened my drawer and found the little velvet red box that holds my “treasures”. Inside, there is a photo of my parents with me when I was 7, happy, eating some ice cream with them. It was taken during one of “the white parades”, on Flevance, before everything turned into hell. A little blue bow that my little sister used to wear, some photos of Law, Bepo, Shachi, Penguin and me when we were the only members of our crew. And, a necklace Law made with some seashells as a gift for my 15th birthday, were also inside.

I got watery eyes while looking at it, “I must be getting old”, I thought, “I got emotional over the memories” ... laughed and put everything back to its place.

“Morning..” I said, greeting the whole crew that was already devouring their breakfast. I noticed Law wasn’t there, so I had to ask. Uni told me he was in the control room preparing for the arrival at the next island. I took a few pancakes and some tea and headed to the control room to ask my captain if he needed help.

“Good morning, doc”, I saluted him. Law that was seated facing the controls, turned the chair to look at me nodding. He has more dark circles as always, so I asked him, “Oi, did you sleep last night? are you feeling sick again?”. “I’m ok, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I got caught up with the book I was reading”, he answered with his usual unfriendly tone. “Yeah, right” I answered back, rolling my eyes, and proceeded “Let me know if you need something before we get to the island”.  Left the control room and went back to my room.

I knew him well to know he hadn't slept because something was worrying him, and not because he was reading the old comic book of “Sora, the warrior of the sea against the evil Germa 66”. But hey, Law never shows any emotion besides annoyance if he is not sick.

A few hours later, the submarine got to the shore of some winter island, and we all got ready to accomplish our assigned tasks.  “Ok everyone, we will meet here at 7 pm, is that clear?” told my crew members, everybody agreed and headed to the island.

The temperature was pretty low, and it was snowing. Law was wearing the long black coat with yellow dots and our Jolly Roger that he used to wear at Punk Hazard, his hat and of course the Kikoku over his shoulder. I love when he wears warm clothing, he looks so cozy, hiding his mouth behind the collar. (He does it so his lips don’t get chapped with the cold breeze, haha).  I don't like to wear the boiler-suit when we get to explore islands, so I decided to wear a long yellow coat with a hood, also with our crew's Jolly Roger emblazoned on the left side of the chest.

We asked a few civilians where to find a pharmacy and headed to the destination following their instructions. Law didn’t say much during the walking, as he normally does.

The island seemed a little bit deserted, yet it had picturesque streets, full of colour that stand out from the snow.  It has cobbled lanes, some canals of crystallized water, there were wooden houses and shops with little lights that garnished their architecture giving the place a romantic aura. The scenery behind the city center included big snowed mountains and a big castle over one of the highest peaks.

I saw a boutique with some cute sweaters on display that caught my eyes and I wanted to try them on. “Law, would you mind if I enter here? I want to buy a new sweater.”, I said. Law looked at me and made a gesture with his hand as he was saying to go ahead.

While searching for the sweater I like on one of the clothing racks I saw through the shop window that a few kids approached the captain. The seller asked me if I needed some help, so I stopped looking at him and l directed my gaze to the girl in the shop. So, I forget about him.

After buying two cute pullovers, we continued walking through the picturesque streets.

When we finally arrived at the pharmacy shop, it seemed like it was closed, but the door was open, so we entered. I rang the bell over the counter and waited for someone to show up. Law walked in front of me and had his hand over his sword. I knew he was alert and trying to protect me even if he didn’t say a word. I didn’t think we could be in danger, yet he never fully relaxes when we are outside. After all, he is one of the most wanted pirates of our generation, so it's understandable he trusts no stranger.

After a minute or so, an old lady approached the counter from the inside of the store. She seemed a little weak and perhaps a little sick. She coughed, covering her mouth with a handkerchief, and then greeted us. “Good afternoon, how can I help you?”, she asked. Law handed her a list of supplies we needed, and we waited. “Oi, don’t you think she looks bad? I mean, she is probably sick, should I ask if she is ok?”, I told Law who gave me a disapproving sight. I rolled my eyes, and said, “Fiiiine…”, “You know that I hate you rolling your eyes at me, you did it yesterday and now too. Stop it.” I looked at him with an “excuse me?” face and while I was about to spit an insult to him the granny appeared. “I’m sorry, I put on the bag some of the supplies, but I don’t have everything you need. We are short on medicines'', she informed us and started coughing harder. “Excuse me, Mrs. Are you alright? are you sick?”, I asked as she seemed to lose composure from all the nagging coughing. Law, that hated when I don’t give a fuck about what he had just said, gave me the look of death. “Oh young lady, we are pretty much sick, a strange illness is hitting the island. Even the only doctor in town fell ill. The orphanage, though, is getting the worst part. All of the kids are bedridden”, as she said, the memories of Flevance and the amber lead disease hit me.

Law's expression changed to a more compassionate one and asked about the symptoms they were experiencing. He might be serious, he might not want to get involved in a lot of things, but he is a true doctor. And he can't let people die if he can help.

We decided to visit the orphanage in hopes of helping the sick people, so we asked the old lady to give us directions to it. She said it was pretty far from the city center and told us her husband would take us there with his cart.

"Thank you so much for offering your help, young doctors", said the old lady's husband that later told us his name was Gerald. The cart was pulled by two brown percheron horses that opened their way through the white landscape.

We had a small talk during the journey, until Gerald asked, "how long have you been together? Are you already married?". Despite the freezing cold weather, my cheeks turned to fire, and I could sense Law hiding his head even more into his coat and hat. Almost as if clarifying that we were no couple was a life or death situation I said, "WE ARE JUST BEST FRIENDS!". I realized I almost shouted and felt mortified. Gerald looked at us with a little smirk and kind eyes, excusing himself for the mistake.

A few minutes after we arrived at the orphanage. It took us almost 30 minutes to get there and the sun was starting to set on the horizon.

When we entered the place, the situation was worse than we thought. There were kids and adults lying on the ground, some of them shivering, others coughing while others were straight unconscious. A few nurses were working in order to maintain them, but the situation had clearly surpassed them.

Immediately Law and I started working. While I helped the nurses, Law used his ope ope no mi power to scan the bodies of the sick people.

We got to the conclusion that what they were suffering was a type of bacteria that caused the respiratory symptoms and the fever.

During our duty, there were times when our eyes interlocked, and we smiled at each other. I wouldn't say we like people suffering, but, we certainly enjoyed working to save lives together.

A few hours passed since we arrived there, the sun was already set, and outside it seemed as if a snowstorm was beginning. I've lost track of time until my portable Den Den Mushi started to ring. "Oi, y/n, where are you? Is Law with you? Are you alright? We've been waiting for you on the shore! It's 9 pm already and we were supposed to meet at 7!", shouted Shachi from the other side of the line. "Oh my God I'm sorry I forgot to tell you!... you see …" I explained to them what we've been doing and that we were probably not going to return to the submarine in a few more hours.

The kids and the other people began to get better and those who were helping there offered us some food that we accepted happily.

While we were having dinner, Gerald got back from outside, who's been in the forest collecting some firewood. He informed us that the weather was getting really bad so coming back to town would be pretty dangerous.

Law and I agreed that staying there for the night was the safer choice.

One of the nurses, Sister Alley, told us we could spend the night in the cabin next to the orphanage. "I'm really sorry guys, I wished we had a better place for you, we owe you so much. The cabin has a fireplace, Gerald would start a fire to keep you warm”, she said. We both smiled at her and thanked for it.

We walked some meters through the forest until we started to catch sight of a wooden cabin. Despite being a strong pirate, I’m the queen of the clumsy people, so I slipped off with what I assume was an ice patch on the already snowy ground. I was about to hit the ground when Law grabbed me by the waist and saved me from a few bruises. His face in front of mine, the feeling of being safe on his arms, I wished it has been eternal. But the romantic moment was destroyed by Law mocking me. “It must be the devil fruit; how come you are so clumsy? Be careful”, he said, and I told him to shut up, this time I wasn’t embarrassed, but I was almost angry at him.

“Here we are, let me help you with the fire”, Gerald said, opening the wood door that creaked as it moved. The inside felt cozy, there were a few cushions and pillows on the ground next to the fireplace. There were no separate rooms, so in the middle of the lounge there was some kind of mattress with a few blankets over it. Our “host” asked for forgiveness about the lack of separate beds, but Law intercepted him and said, “It’s ok sir, we are grateful to have a warm place to stay until tomorrow. If you need help with any patient during the night, just please tell us”. It might be ok for you, damn Law. Was I supposed to sleep with him? - I mean, I wanted to, but, he was still my best friend, and those thoughts should have been erased.

Gerald wished us a good night and returned to the main building.

I hung my coat and as I love to explore, I started to do so around the little wooden house. The kitchen seemed really equipped, so I grabbed a kettle and some cups. Gerald was kind enough to give us some tea bags, so I thought making some tea was a great idea.

Law was next to the fireplace, wearing only a sweater and his jeans. Apparently he has already hung up his coat and his white spotted hat. I saw him once more with a lost sight that seemed to contemplate the firewood.

Looking at him with my face resting on my arm that was over the breakfast nook, I got lost worshiping his profile. I’ve always adored his upturned nose, his spiky black hair, his facial hair, the contrast between his grey eyes and the tanned skin. How come he has always been so handsome, but I’ve never seemed to fully realize?.

The whistle of the kettle intensified as the water started boiling, but I was so into admiring my best friend's beauty that I didn’t notice. Law turned to me and woke me up from my reverie shouting “Oi, Y/N, the kettle!”. My stupid smile quickly erased from my face, and my whole skin turned red. “Sorry”, I said straight away and turned off the burner.

I served two cups, noticing that the tea has an amazing scent. I believe it was hibiscus mixed with some other spices, perhaps some cardamom and maybe a little hint of clover. The smell of the tea mixed with the slightly one from the logs burning, was wonderful.

I walked to where my captain was, “Here, I think you may like it”, I said and handed him a cup. Our fingers brushed softly when grabbed the tea, he looked at me and said “Thanks”. I sat not so near him over one of the cushions and sipped a little bit of my tea. Law looked at me and stood up from his place. I could sense how awkward he felt when he made a little pause, and then walked away.

Why is he leaving? Did I make him feel uncomfortable?, I asked myself trying to hide little stings of pain on my chest that traveled to my throat. Somehow I felt like crying, and when my eyes started to get slightly watery, Law approached me placing his hand over my right shoulder.

I turned my face to him, looking up with a slightly pouty face. I was about to cry, and I didn’t even know why when I noticed a blue little box on his hand.

He sat next to me and said, "Do you remember when we were 15?, that day when I gave you that necklace I made myself for your birthday? I looked at him confused but I answered, "yes, of course, I got it on my memory box, I'm afraid to wear it outside the polar cause it might get lost and I wouldn't forgive myself if I lose it". He was now looking at the little box moving it around nervously and finally said "I got you a better one". He handed me the little box still not looking at me.

"A present?? OMG Law, thank you very much!" When did you buy it??" I almost shouted in excitement while opening the box. Inside there was a fine rose gold necklace that has a little anatomical heart figure as a pendant. I grabbed it and admired the beauty of the jewelry I had in my hands. The heart had a little red stone crimped on it, that shined with every movement.

"Law, this is too much! It must have cost you a lot of Berries, I don't deserve such a fine jewel!, thank you so much", I expressed with a big smile on my face.

"You do deserve more than this, you know. I'm glad you like it", he said, a little embarrassed. “When you were buying the sweaters, I asked some children there if they knew a jewelry store, turned out it was just around the corner”, he confessed.

“Thank you so much, it is just perfect! You know how I adore hearts; they remind me of you.. “Doctor Heart Stealer”” I almost shouted, realizing I have said too much…

I tried to put it on my neck, but I couldn’t clip it right, so I asked him for help. He stood up, kneel at my back and passed from behind the necklace around my neck.

Some branches hit the window violently as they were suffering the merciless wind of the snowstorm outside.

He struggled a little and finally fastened the collar and when he did, the electric power went off. The fireplace was the only source of light, the dance of the fire created figures with shadows and highlights all around the walls of the cabin. We remained silent, maybe a little scared or even surprised, but enjoying the sound of the weather and the creak of the fire.

He was still behind me, and after a few seconds he placed a soft kiss on my back that sent a shiver through my spine. Once again I was unable to speak, did he… did he just kiss my back?.. Before I could say or do something Law stood up and headed to one of the windows. “The storm seems to be even worse than earlier; don’t you think?”, he said, trying to device something through the window.

I couldn’t focus on anything else than the kiss he softly planted on my nape, minutes ago.  He suddenly yawned and walked to the mattress that was in the center of the room, on the floor. He then took his jeans off and hopped inside the bed, naturally. I remained on my spot, contemplating his actions. “How could he be acting so normal?, I’m right here. He just gave me a necklace, kissed my skin and now he just goes to sleep?” I said to myself, still with a confused expression on my face.

“Oi, aren’t you coming to bed?”, he asked me, freely. “Yes… give me a second”, I said, and ran to the bathroom. The toilet was pretty tiny and basic, but enough for me to hide for a few minutes. “Come on, Y/N you slept with him two nights ago, it’s ok, he is like your brother, it’s ok…” I thought, trying to calm myself down.

I finally left my hiding place and headed to the mattress. Law was lying there, he took off his sweater, probably while I was in the bathroom, so he was only using a white tight undershirt, that molded his torso anatomy. Some blankets were covering the under part of his body from his hips. He had his forearm over his eyes, covering them with his neck stretched back.

I bite my lip, as a reaction for such a tempting scene. I was enjoying it, watching him breathe peacefully. I started feeling hot, so I took off the sweater but not my jeans and approached the “bed”.

I thought Law was already asleep, so I got in bed trying not to wake him up. I muffled myself up with the sheets. I remained still, hearing the snowstorm, fixing my eyes on the wooden ceiling, as the memories of my childhood flooded my mind. It must be the snowstorm, the wind, the cold that triggered these memories. eventually I fell asleep.

“No, stop it, my family, leave us alone!!!!”, I screamed. “Y/n-ya! Y/n-ya!, wake up!” said Law, pulling me out from the terrific oneiric world I was submerged in. I got lost into his eyes, and remained there with tears streaming from my eyes, rolling into my cheeks. Law was holding me close to his body around his arms. “Are you having those nightmares, again? why didn’t you tell me?”, he asked, worried. “This is the first time in ages, I think it must be the storm, perhaps the orphanage, the children…”, I expressed amid tears. My best friend brushed his tattooed fingers through my hair, moving it out of my face, and then wiped the tears from my cheeks.

“Oi, do you remember what happened when I gave you the first necklace?” he asked, trying to distract me. A feeling of warmth invaded my insides, suddenly I felt happy. “I do...” I said, laughing timidly, and continued, “It was my first kiss”. He smiled back at me, and said, “Mine too”.

For a second we both closed our eyes. I was grabbing the pendant with my left hand cherishing it and the memories of our younger days when we kissed for the first time. We haven't had much time to think about love while striving to survive so we forgot about it, letting the days, months and years pass, leaving the experience as a mere child’s play.

Suddenly we started laughing, Law didn't let go of me, and our faces were pretty close. “Everything's better when you laugh, I hate it when you cry, it makes me so sad…” he said, rubbing his thumb over my right cheek. I stopped laughing, as he got even closer. Almost as if the point of our noses were about to touch. I could feel the warmth of his breath over my lips, and he did too. My heart started racing, and the only thing I could hear was the blood pumping on my ears. I wasn’t moving, I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted to kiss him… I just didn’t care that he was my best friend, I just needed him to kiss me.  What is taking him so long? Why am I not moving if I wanted this more than anything?. After a good minute, that felt eternal, he exclaimed “Fuck it”, and plant the sweetest kiss over my lips. A feeling of happiness filled my insides, I’ve never been so joyful in ages, it felt the same way as the first time. I was like a teenage girl experimenting love for the first time. Both smiled still with our lips pressed. I doubted for a second if succumbing to my deepest desires was the right thing to do until he decided to turn the cute kiss into a more passionate one. From then on, the desire I’d been accumulating inside of me took control of my body…

We kept on kissing; Law slid a hand under my shirt timidly caressing the skin of my tummy. The kisses migrated from my mouth to my neck, mixed with little bites that surely would turn into hickies tomorrow.

“Law…” I gasped when his hands reached my breasts. “What?” he replied, whispering next to my ear and pinching one of my nipples in between two fingers…

Chapter 3

Ch1: Link

#Trafalgardwaterlaw #one piece law #law x reader #trafalgar d law x reader #Trafalgar law x reader #one piece x reader

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

I’m baaaaack bitches 😘 let’s be honest the last two episodes were shit & you wouldn’t have wanted that wwr anyways. SO let’s get into the ✨angst✨ that was Nick’s episode under the cut…

Oh but before I start, why yes, yes I called this theory too. Me and this writer share a goddamn brain or something because I’ve literally always guessed big plot points of his episodes correctly 😅

Ok Nick’s dad leaving like that, with poor bby Nick all sweet asking if he promises to bring him back his favorite pastry and him hesitating before he’s going to promise- NO. 

*picture Michael Scott gif here*

It’s not faaaaaair, little Nick deserved so much better- so MUCH better. And it’s only going to get worse as the episode goes on, so strap in for the walk down emo lane. 

Quick pit stop for cute banter because duh. Nick giving the real estate agent Ellie’s number cracks me up because bro you want this house with her don’t you 👀 you still keep her business cards on you when you could have just as easily gotten your own (or McGee’s) by this point 👀 you just want to maaaaarry her and move iiiiiiin with her I knooooooow it 👀 Ellie’s reaction the split second we see also has me dying because she’s like ha ha this is funny you had to talk to real estate agent you drew the short straw hey wait what the fu— you did not! Before McGee interrupts any protest she can hurl back Nick’s way and that’s just gold right there. Pure middle school flirting as per usual for them and I love it.

Oooooooh Kasie’s lab scene. The growth in this one. Nick worried his family and by extension him, is going to get implicated for murder (or is guilty) even though it sounds outrageous to him, he’s got PTSD from Mona Lisa (and who wouldn’t tbh). But Ellie immediately, like IMMEDIATELY goes and defends him. Is like uh-uh don’t even GO there, it’s not a possibility its just person of interest I don’t care if it’s literal hair at the scene of a man stabbed brutally seven times, he’s not a murderer. The grooooooowth Ellie, I’m so proud of you 🥺 we went from using that logical head to realizing it’s ok to listen to your heart and wade into situations with empathy (especially for the boy you ~*looOOoOoOve*~) And then Nick talking about his dad being dead and a deadbeat and walking out when he was 5, he looks at Ellie almost the entire time, only barely glancing over at McGee like he needs to have that connection with her, she grounds him when this is suddenly very jarring having a relative by semi-involved in a murder. And Ellie isn’t the slightest bit shocked when Nick dumps this news so clearly she’s heard it and by her look, not only has she heard this, but she does not like the man for what he did to Nick. She looks pissed his father hurt Nick like that because how dare any one hurt her man 😤

And oh here it is, we back on emo lane. Nick recognizing and seeing his dad for the first time in 30 years. It’s gonna hit like a 🎵freeeeeight traaaain🎵 at first he can’t even believe its him, he blinks like a thousand times because *surely* his eyes are deceiving him and then his dad goes and uses his nickname, his nickname people the CRUELTY. YOU DON’T GET TO JUST SHOW UP THIRTY YEARS LATER AND CALL HIM BY HIS CUTE LITTLE NICKNAME YOU GAVE HIM AS A CHILD. YOU DON’T MIGUEL. NOT IN THIS GD HOUSE. Ok and now nick is in pure shock because he just got confirmation that his dad is not only *not* dead, but he’s here in front of him, in DC no less, possibly a murderer no less. AND he’s finding this out by chasing him down *not* by Miguel reaching out to him while in DC. The shock and confusion and hurt my poor baby.

And when that shock wears off and it’s just barely contained rage, my heart 🥺 so of course Ellie goes in there with him and nows she needs to immediately be the support she knows he needs but he won’t admit to needing. Nick tries to deflect with a joke at first but oh honey it’s no use. But quick comedic relief for us on emo lane “sit down, no I don’t like sitting” AHAHAHA like father like son I’m cackling because the look Ellie and nick share and nick’s eyes warn her like don’t you dare fucking say it and she’s like yep yep nope I wasn’t gonna say a damn thing I’ll just look down and try to contain my laughter because now is NOT the time. But see I’m on my couch and I can laugh all I damn well please at this scenario that was gold from the writers thank you. On a more serious level this probably hurt nick even more seeing that he’s even got the smallest something similar to his dad. He’s probably desperate to be the exact opposite, he doesn’t want to even consider being capable of what his father was capable so this - while seemingly insignificant - thing like not wanting to sit in a chair will hit deep for him without him realizing it. If something so trivial is the exact same, wouldn’t something much much heavier like commitment to relationships and family be the exact same? Wouldn’t it?? And good god poor nick for going through that mental anguish, on emo rollercoaster lane. Because it just gets better when Miguel’s excuse for being in DC is “visiting family” like call your BULLSHIT Miguel you certainly ain’t visiting family and Nick now knows oh he lies too, great, another win for the Torres blood, fan-fucking-tastic. 

Quick peek at viewing room and we don’t believe in personal space, Ellie wants to be as close as possible to her hurting bby 🥺

But back to the emo stuff - Miguel just lying off his ass and Nick fed up with his father’s games because it’s truly just twisting that knife in his back that’s been stuck there for 30 years deeper and deeper. AND THEN Miguel has the audacity to yell out for “Nico” like bitch you do NOT get to call him that either. You walked out on him and never came back gtfo. And Ellie is trying so hard to keep it together but man she wants to do one of two things if not both at the same time - wrap Nick up in her arms and shield him from this deadbeat and/or punch this man through the glass to cause just a fraction of the hurt he caused Nick. But instead she just has to keep her cool to be the supportive girlfriend she is and ask nick what he thinks and then. Then. “He’s lying…because his lips are moving”

Well FUCK. Murder me right now. The anguuuuuuuish. Poor five year old Nick in a 35 year old Nick’s body. That little boy who was promised a big hojaldre in the morning from the next town over is right there. Right there to witness the father he thought he had, hasn’t changed. One of the only memories Nick probably has of his father is him leaving. Him lying and leaving. And what does he do when he finally shows up again? 

HE LIES AND LEAVES. HE FUCKING LIES AND LEAVES. (I know I’m getting ahead and technically at this point we don’t know he’ll leave again but whatever sue me because this shit is too much.)

Side note: Ellie talking about a “conflict of interest” that Nick didn’t interrogate his father is laughable considering she should have never interrogated Xavier but ok. 

Ooooo lets see some pissed off Nick. Let it loose baby, you deserve this. And I know I wrote about this in the tags somewhere but can we take a second to appreciate McGee’s growth??? Like bro went from straight up denial to acceptance and giving Ellie the look of “go talk to your boyfriend ok we need to make sure he’s alright and we both know your support is going to go a lot further than my support” and Ellie wordlessly kNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE’S SAYING. She’s like yeah, of course I’ll go help my man why wouldn’t I. 

I don’t know why but Ellie asking Nick if he’s talked to his “mom and sister” is just so 🥰 I can’t explain this one to you but I love this dialogue ok. Actually I love this whole ensuing conversation. Nick still is bitter (he has every gd right to be), Ellie playing the supportive girlfriend but *tiiiiiniest* bit of devil’s advocate with saying he might be innocent. Once again, so much growth because honestly she knows what it’ll do to Nick if his dad actually *is* a murderer. Like can we for a second imagine if his dad actually was guilty, right? Nick already saw he was like his dad in trivial things like not wanting to sit in chairs. Nick has already had serious, serious doubts to what he’s capable of aka worried he could, if the right buttons were pushed, be a murderer on multiple occasions. Ellie has been there with him for all of that, she knows how low his confidence is when it comes to his perceived “goodness” and she knows just how much it would break him if he learned his direct bloodline IS capable of murder. She knows how he’d spiral if that was true and so she’s gripping to any small possibility his dad is innocent. But nick, oh poor Nick my heart- he’s done. He opens up to Ellie without literally any prodding. He’s baring his long buried soul to her, that troubled, broken childhood that he surely keeps locked away in fear of letting anyone see a weakness. He bares it without question because he feels so safe in her presence he can let her in to see his deepest shame and by extension his deepest worry 🥺🥺🥺 and poor Ellie, she’s a little lost at how to go about helping him because she does have a good relationship with her dad, so yes all she has here for him is saying his father was guilty of a crap dad but it’s because she’s still trying to convince them both he has to be good. He has to be good for Nick’s sake. Buuuuuuut it doesn’t really work does it, because oh shit pissed the fuck off Nick is a site to behold isn’t it 🥵 kicking down doors once again and his smart “still think he’s innocent” oooooooo damn. Ellie’s face says it all- she’s trying so hard to hold out hope for Miguel, so hard. She needs him to be innocent she’s willing to speak it into existence a thousand times but her face is like fuck this is going to kill him and I can’t do a damn thing about it other than just watch. 

More pissed off Nick 🥵 but when you think about it is so so painful, all I can picture is that little 5 year old boy who woke up the next morning waiting, waiting, and waiting. Staring out the window at each car that slows down but ultimately passes. Tugging on his Mami’s shirt asking for the hundredth time when papi is coming back from the bakery with his hojaldre, oblivious to the tears that are slowly sliding down her cheek because she still can’t find the words to tell him what she knows deep down. That little boy who when the sun starts to set the confusion sets in with it. Why hasn’t my papi come back yet? Where is he? He promised. The sadness and sense of rejection that starts to fill his little heart when his mami tucks him and his sister into bed and he asks one final time where papi is and will he say goodnight to them and his Mami has to say she’s not sure when he’s coming home and quietly to the side, “if he’s coming home.” The little boy who weeks later has finally abandoned watching out the window every, single morning. The little boy who had his heart ripped out and thrown to the side of the road when he realized his papi didn’t go to the bakery and instead he was thrown out by his father like a day-old hojaldre. So yeah pissed Nick is fine af but good god the angst underneath is suffocating. Because Nick in this moment doesn’t know the *true* reason Miguel left. He knows what he lived and what he lived is a piece of shit. Nick’s response to “is that what you think of me” is amicable because OOF he could’ve gone the fuck off right there and told him what he really thought of him but he stuck with only a slight dig. TO WHICH MIGUEL. FUCK YOU MIGUEL. IT HASN’T HURT YOU MUCH. FUCK YOU MIGUEL. FUCK YOU. SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE A SHIT DAD SO YEAH PROBABLY A GOOD THING YOU LEFT. THANK HIM NICK WITH YOUR FISTS BECAUSE HE’S A LITTLE SHIT. FUCK YOU MIGUEL. TOUGHENED HIM UP SO MUCH HE SHUTS EVERYONE OUT. YEAH FUCK YOU. 

And then man here is the point where it all just muddies in Nick’s mind. The poor dude. He knows this line of work, hell he was undercover for almost a decade. He understands how that leaves almost no room for a family. He gets it, so deep deep deep down a tiny part of him realizes why Miguel likely *thought* it was ok to ditch his family. But for thirty years he’s felt abandoned- no reasoning can change that. 

“It’s good to know he was making a nice living while my family was starving” fucking GET HIM NICK. Damn I wish Miguel had been in the room for that. He deserved to hear that one. Ruthless. 

I do not know how I missed this the first time around but holy shit Nick asked to be removed from the case. Nicholas Torres- a man who does not back down. A man who bullied his way into finishing his first ever case with this team that he was arguably way too close to that one too. This is how much pain Miguel brings him. A man who does not quit, not in his vocabulary - was so pissed at getting sent home back when Reeves died, he asks to get sidelined. He actually asks to get sidelined. Holy shit Miguel did a number on Nick and I mean we knew this but 🥺😭😭 poor bby. No wonder you don’t trust yourself in a serious relationship. It’s not the girl you’re worried about it’s you. You don’t think you’re capable of staying, you’re terrified you’ll be just like your dad and leave. once again, you’ve seen the similarities with trivial things and so this just cements your fear of failing at commitment. And this is Nick in just so much pain he asks to step back. oof. I do love Leon stepping into a slight fatherly role for Nick right there though, he shows his support, his pride in Nick and in that moment I think Nick realizes while his father by blood is shit, he’s got several other strong role models in his life that care and that’s why he agrees to work with him. 

Nick’s smarts comment about leaving the note behind 🤣 oh classic Torres move. Also do yourself a favor and pause it on Ellie’s reaction to him. GOLD hahaha she’s like ooo-kay did you really feel the need to say that, let’s not. Honestly I think I’ve given this look to my husband almost daily. They married y’all. 

So married that she overhears Miguel trying to talk to Nick and her hackles raise!!! She’s like hold the fuck up do not traumatize my baby even more, Nick do you need me??? Because I will get you out of this, I will be here for you, I will fight this man, just say the damn word!!!! And Nick ugh, his look. They can communicate with just a simple look, he knows all that she would do for him in that moment and still nods her off, but that tiny bit of gratitude is present. Then we find out that yes Grace is really good at guessing theories “in order to keep his young family safe, it means he has to leave. Of course he can’t *tell* them why he has to leave so that they continue to stay innocent and safe. So he plays it like he’s a deadbeat dude who was “too young” to be a father and is just now realizing it and leaves his wife, little daughter & son behind. Flash forward thirty years and the NCIS case leads them to him. A piece of evidence pops up with his alias, they go knocking down doors to interrogate a potential suspect (Nick’s father) before our lovely CIA agent interfere and claims he’s innocent because he’s a CI…” like DAMN, I’m good. Hahaha any ways the reason I bring this up is because I feel like I predicted/analyzed Nick’s feelings really well back then in this theory and after seeing his expressions, they hold true. Nick is just absolutely warring with himself during this explanation, searching for anything to confirm his dad truly is a deadbeat (and yes he is still absolutely a piece of shit for what he did, but there’s a “good” reason for his leaving and that’s what makes it so- hard.) and as I said when I first broke this down, Nick understands undercover work and his dad (being the POS he is) brings that up to Nick. Like he should “get” it because wouldn’t he do the same thing since he’s in that life? But here’s where (and Nick doesn’t totally realize it yet) Nick and Miguel are different. Because Nick came back, Nick stayed. He stayed y’all and he says it here but he does not realize the implications of his words quite yet. He is NOT the same as Miguel. Yeah he doesn’t like to sit in chairs but he has stayed. He has stayed through some tough shit too but he’s stayed nonetheless. More than Miguel could ever fucking say, that’s for sure. So yes, when Nick has the come to Jesus and realizes that he is not the same as his dad and he can and will stay? Damn I can’t wait for that moment. Also I wanted to slap Miguel when he called Nick “mijo” because BITCH YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL HIM THAT. YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL HIM YOUR SON. NO. “I’m not perfect but I did the best I could” well fuck you too Miguel because look at this broken five year old boy inside a thirty five year old man’s body. Does that look like the product of a “best you could”?? Does he look “ok” to you??? Fuck you. 

But yes here’s my take on where Nick is at: how do you forgive someone you’ve despised for thirty years once you know they “didn’t have a choice” (even though it will always feel like they had a choice or they could’ve explained it to you even if you were only five) and left in reality token you safe and give you a better chance at life? How do you reconcile the real dad and the one you lived with in your head for so long?? How???

And then you’re stuck still reeling from the night before and the bomb that was dropped and the reconciliation you’re attempting to your dad bringing in the ONE THING. The ONE THING he promised to bring home in the morning thirty years prior. How the actual fuck does one come back from that. Can I give another big FUCK YOU to Miguel Torres? Because seriously??? Why do you ever think that’s ok??? Hey I promised my kid I’d bring him hojaldres in the morning for breakfast thirty years ago so may as well make good on that promise right, only thirty years late that’s totally fine right? He won’t tell the difference right?

Fuck you, Miguel. 

And they’re still clearly Nick’s favorite because he’s brought Jimmy to a restaurant specifically for them and that just makes my heart break for the man he had to become without a father. He still held onto that love for them even though they were probably always associated with a horrible, horrible memory of being abandoned 🥺🥺 god damn Nick you’re so broken I’m so sorry. 

Ellie is still as supportive as ever and good god we clearly have lost all pretense of personal space at this point, what is her we don’t know her isn’t this normal for coworkers? But this conversation implies he called her after his talk with his dad and ugh yesssss 😩❤️ I still think he called her immediately after leaving the building, talked the entire car ride home and while getting ready for bed, needing the comfort of her voice on the other end of the line as he worked through his whirlwind of emotions and tried to come down off the cliff he felt himself on. All pretenses of a bad boy with a mysterious flare forever gone, his heart is open for her to see and he doesn’t give two shits about it anymore. But Ellie does a damn good job of girlfriend duties here and not only supports him but also gently prods him to see if he can maybe one day have a relationship with his father. The parallels she brings up makes him think (and also makes him look at her lips twice 👀 he’s just so close to her how could he not I mean right 😅) and I love that she’s still being v supportive but also trying to help him grow. 

And then Ellie giving Nick the option to go with his dad or go to the other location because she’s not going to push anything on him he doesn’t want and then when he chooses the embassy to avoid his dad her reaction had me laughing 🤣 but she respects it. And yet shortly after Miguel tries to team up with Nick and Ellie hears it from the other side of the bullpen, immediately all ears to step in if he wants to avoid him again despite giving him flack for it earlier. Nick can sense her worry and support and this is the moment he takes her advice in just a tiny step and accepts teaming up with his dad. But OMG KILL ME WHEN NICK THINKS HIS DAD IS DEAD BEFORE HE GETS TO TRY AT A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN. HIS WHISPERED “papa’s” I CAAAAAN’T. 

Ugh and then his last conversation with his dad while Ellie is checking on him constantly. It’s just too much, that little boy is back, desperately hoping for his dad to stick around. And Ellie is just so happy she can’t contain it for him and it’s perfect. He walks right to her, her hand on his back because they just need to touch each other after such a heavy couple of days and Nick echoes her advice back at her because he’s showing he listens and he values her insight and I just love it. 

AND THEN MIGUEL HAS COME TO RIP MY HEART OUT BECAUSE HE’S A PIECE OF SHIT REMEMBER. 

My poor bby Nick’s face when he realized his dad LIES AND LEAVES. REMEMBER. HE LIES AND LEAVES. God Wilmer killed it because Nick is literally on the verge of tears and my heart breaks and then yes he goes to Gibbs to see his pseudo-father who he then realizes is more of a father figure than Miguel will ever be and hell that’s okay but STILL. 

I will end this WWR with a I love supportive girlfriend Ellie and another big Fuck You to Miguel Torres.

Goodnight.

#ellick #ncis #wwr #18x12 #there's a lot of yelling #there's a lot of swearing #there's just a lot yall #this ep was angst central and you know me 😅 #enjooooooy #hopefully i can get 18x13 out tomorrow before 18x14 lol