Family Feud . . . but with the Waynes
Just-Just imagine it, this is the most beautiful and amazing thing i’ve ever thought of. just, think about it. a team with the kids, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and Duke. Bruce sitting in the audience with Cass and the rest of the fam.
Steve: Name something in someone’s closet that only comes out on special occasions
Dick: a vibe.
Steve: a- . . . a whAT?
Dick: *shameless and Bruce dies inside and the others laugh* a vibrator!
Steve: if you could go to the Land of Oz, what would you ask the wizard for?
Tim: to not be dead inside.
Dick: Timmy we’ve talked about this!
Steve: what’s something you keep in your car, just in case?
Jason: *immediately, no hesitation* C4
Dick, Tim, Damian, Duke (and others in the audience): *panic*
Steve: . . . huh?!
Steve: what fruits are most expensive out of season?
Tim: *internally-oh fuck* uuhhh, a banana?
Steve: ba- . . . A banana?! how much do you think bananas are?
Jason: oh god
Tim: like, i dunno, um, 10 dollars in season?
Jason: *groans and slams his head into his stand, making sobbing noises* i fucking hate you rich bastards
Duke: *jaw dropped*
Dick: *just laughing and pats Jason’s back*
Damian: 10 dollars is not much, i do not see the issue. *Tim meets his eyes and shrugs*
Jason: *slowly sliding down into a crouch* ten collars for a banana
Duke: *leans over and whispers in Tim and Damian’s ears. their jaws drop*
Tim: that little?!
Steve: name a type of building where it always seems to be cold
Dick: oh gosh, ballrooms are always cold.
Jason: Dickie, literally no one going to say that. doctor’s offices though, those are cold.
Duke: *nodding* go with that or a dentist's office Damian.
Damian: a morgue. those are always cold.
Dick: oh my god Damian.
Steve: man, i’m afraid to ask. *laughter* but you’re new, right?
Steve: I have high hopes for you, don’t let me down. Now, name an activity where a person might come up for air.
Dick: *perks and looks at Duke expectantly*
Duke: oh thank god, its a normal question. swimming.
Steve: *hits his stand* he’s normal!
Duke: *sweat dropping* and I really really hope it stays that way *laughter*
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Caleb: “Oh, buddy boy, this is just like the first night with us. Before we added one. Before we added nine. So many families. Cad’s got such a big family here. And Veth, such close ties. You know, we’re probably not going to make it back from where we’re going. But maybe we will if we try very hard. You and me, we’ll do our best to keep families together. You and me will keep people together, instead of letting families break apart. You know, I’m going to tell you something.”
Caleb: “If we do make it back, you’ve been a good companion all this time. Actually, it’s a win-win for you because if we all die out there, you get to go back to where your home is. But if we do make it back, I’m going to let you go anyway because you’re not my cat. My cat is dead. You’re a good boy anyway and you’ve done a lot of good for me. So, one way or another, you’ll be free soon.”
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A Well Meaning But Concerned Relative: It’s very good, but I just don’t get part of it though.
Relative: Like, are we supposed to empathize with the vampires and werewolves?
Me: They’re the main characters... so yes?
Relative: But they’re monsters!
Relative: Shouldn’t they be the villains? Like, who can relate to monsters looking for love?
Me, looking at my very queer, very disabled audience like I’m looking into the camera on the office: people who like the found family trope.
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