#oh my f*cking god. oh my GOD JESUS F*CKING CHRIST | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sleepdeprivedsimp234 · 9 months

Text

~incorrect quotes cuz idk what I’m doing with my life lmao~

=======================================================================

Mass: I hate you with every inch of my body.

NY: Pfft- that’s not a lot of inches.

=======================================================================

NY: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute f*ckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges

============================================

Florida: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

============================================

Georgia: Oh, fiddlesticks.  

Texas: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the f*cking language.

============================================

Texas: Truth or dare?  

Loui: Truth.  

Texas: How many hours have you slept this week?  

Loui:  

Loui: Dare.  

Texas: Go to sleep.  

Loui: I don't like this game.

============================================

Gov: You remind me of the ocean.  

NY: Because I'm deep and mysterious?  

Gov: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

============================================

Gov: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?  

Loui: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.  

Gov:  

Loui: You literally bought me. I don’t know how you keep forgetting this-

============================================

Mass: I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

============================================

NY: *playing Stray*

~a lil while later~

B-12: *is f*ckin’ dead*

~a lil while later*~

Cat: *does the slow blink before leaving the place where B-12 died*

NY: *jaw drops slightly as tears run down his face* What the f*ck man?! I-is this h-how it ends?!

*credits pop up*

NY: NOOOO!!-

============================================

Loui: Underestimate me. That'll be fun.

============================================

Delaware: Why do you fuss over them like they’re three year olds?  

Connecticut, exasperated: WHY?!?  

Connecticut points at Mass: HE TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!  

Connecticut points at NY: HE NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!  

Connecticut points at NJ: AND HE ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!  

Connecticut , turning back to Delaware: AND YOU ASK ME WHY???? YOU LITERALLY GREW UP WITH THEM- YOU’RE ONE JERSEY’S BEST FRIENDS YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS SH*T!

Delaware: Ok ok calm down I was just asking-

============================================

California: Hey, can you do me a favor?  

NY: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.  

California: You don’t even have a legitimate reason?  

NY: Oh, no, I do.  

California: Well, what is it?  

NY: You see, I simply don’t give a f*ck.

============================================

Florida: Wasn't icarly that guy that girlbossed too close to the sun because he was down for Apollo?  

Mass: ICARUS?!

============================================

Loui: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-  

Gov: A doll.  

NY: A cinnamon roll.  

Florida: A sweetheart.  

Loui:  

Loui: *blushing like an anime girl* ...stop it-

============================================

(HUGE cuss warning ⚠️)

Mass: Hey, Yorkie?  

NY, playing a video game with the squad: What?  

Mass: Can I share something with you from earlier today?  

NY: Wh- what is it, Mass?  

Mass: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.  

NY: Mhm.  

Mass: Because I have to go out of town for a weekend this month. And, so I was like- I won't give specific dates, but I was like, I don’t need this kid panicking again cuz he has no idea where tf I went. 

NY: Yeah?  

Mass: Your response.  

NY: *trying not to crack up*  

Mass: At 9:30 in the morning.  

Mass: "motherf**king Jesse Eisenberg jesus Christ motherf**king Facebook movie jesus can you believe this sh*t"  

NY: *laughing*  

Mass: No- no- no punctuation. Random capitalization.  

NY: You just made me dieeee hehehehehe...  

Mass: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."  

Mass: 45 minutes pass. I get a text from you.  

Mass: "goddamn created Facebook and frickin’ lawyers and sh*t right f**king winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat f**k yo sh*t i cant even f**king believe this sh*t have you seen this sh*t f**k I just watched this sh*t f**k Jesse eisenberg man"  

NY: *wheezing with laughter*  

Mass: I respond "York, you're scaring me." An hour passes-  

Mass: You respond, "motherf**king spiderman Spiderman you put in the time f**k put in the time motherf**king built stuff with his bare hands friggin’ best friend sh*t jesse eisenberg"  

Mass: "im very tired"  

NY: *struggling to breathe*  

Mass: And- and I'm just like, "No- no worries, kid, I'll- I'll do most of the talking at the meeting today-"  

Mass: IMMEDIATE, like, response, like I'm talking 5 seconds later,  

Mass: "no man ill just talk all day crap man you have to be so interested in the sh*t I have to say about the Facebook movie f**k dude I just watched it a year and a half ago f**k Jesse Eisenberg man he f**ked over Spider-man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent Resin or did the soundtrack f**k this guy who invented Facebook I don't like dying I can't think of who the heck invented Facebook All I can think is who played the guy who invented Facebook who the hell invented Facebook"  

Mass: And then, in all capital letters, two hours later,  

NY: *falling over with laughter*  

Mass: "MARK ZUCKERBERG."

NY: *is a squeaky giggly wreck on the ground now*

Mass: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SLEPT BRO-

============================================

Mass: Why do you hang out with me?  

Loui: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me!  

Mass: …  

Mass: I feel a bit sorry for you.

============================================

NY: What’s up? I’m back.  

California: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead. You got shot three times and stabbed 5 times.  

NY: Death is a social construct.

============================================

Georgia: Can we go to a haunted house?  

Loui: What’s wrong with the one we live in?  

Georgia: Wh-what?  

Loui: Goodnight, Father.

============================================

Loui, holding a knife: You know you’re talking a lot of sh*t for someone who has 2 perfectly good eyeballs each cost about $16,000 on the blackmarket.  

Alabama: *I’ve never heard silence quite this loud* 

Loui: *smirk* That’s what I thought. *gets up and walks away twirling the knife like the bada$$ b*tch he is*

Alabama: *gulp*

Texas: Woooo buddy- I know your life just flashed before your eyes huh?

Alabama: Y-yea….

============================================

Gov: What did you two do?  

Loui:  

Florida:  

Gov: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

============================================

Loui: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking ‘are we about to kiss?’  

Loui: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though.

============================================

NY, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-  

Kentucky, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?  

Loui, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.  

Georgia, appalled: Call the exorcist.

============================================

NY: Mass is off at an appointment, so while he’s gone, I’m going to cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.  

NJ: Why?  

NY: He’s like 90% of my impulse control.

============================================

#welcome to the table #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #wttt #wttt new york #wttt louisiana #wttt texas #wttt massachusetts #wttt gov #wttt florida #wttt new jersey #wttt georgia #wttt kentucky #wttt connecticut

24 notes · View notes

tracy-warcross · 2 years

Text

Warcross characters but they accidentally cursed

-and other peoples reactions- Tremaine Commentary

Roshan: f*cking SH*T

(Others: who hurt you, let me deal with it)

(Tremaine: Alr who tf stole his favorite capybara squishmellow)

Emika: oh my fucking god

(Others: what is it this time, Emika?)

(Tremaine: cat scratched your toe, raider?)

Hideo: for fucks sakes

(Others: yo yo the HG CEO cursed, did you get that on camera?)

(Tremaine: that’s unexpected…oh shot here comes the fan girls)

(Fan girls: AAHHHH HIDEO [censored] [censored] m-[audio cut]

Hammie: ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME

(Others: something bad must’ve happened to her)

(Tremaine: I bet someone stole the thief’s things)

(Hammie:*later* REN WHY IS MY PILLOW IN YOUR ROOM)

Tremaine: holy f*ck

(others: [no comment cuz they're used to him cursing 24/7])

Jax: shit yourself (others: what the hell is up with her) (Tremaine: are you guys *that* not used to cursing? stop acting so surprised jesus christ)

zero: f- fuccc- fuck (others: the heck?) (Tremaine: oh okay... that's surprising)

keira: shit

(Emika: what happened?)

(Tremaine: wait who tf is Keira)

#jax warcross #warcross #warcross marie lu #warcross wildcard #emika chen #hideo tanaka #marie lu #tremaine blackbourne #hammie jimenez #roshan ahmadi

6 notes · View notes

lyrics724 · 2 years

Text

World’s Smallest Violin Discord Parody

[Verse 1] My mother left me at the age of 3 She was actually a tree From the IRS I flee I won’t pay my taxes, see My dad left me for a goddamn flea Forgot to clean up last years pee I need a f*cking therapist Or just some coffee, can’t resist [Pre-Chorus] (Oh my God) That’s so insane (Holy shit) My house is in flames Yesterday, I lost my rubber band I kinda wish I had my rubber band Jesus Christ…

View On WordPress

#AJREarlyReleases

0 notes

lecliss · 3 years

Text

Not sure guys, but I think I might be gay 👀

#servamp spoilers #servamp #not to be gay but oh my f*cking god. oh my god. jesus f*cking christ. oh my god.#nicco my new beloved fifncicncjfhcufbcifbcidbcifjfbc

40 notes · View notes

isalabells · 3 years

Photo

#Neda Rahmanian #Branka Marić #oh my f*cking god. oh my GOD JESUS F*CKING CHRIST #good RIDDANCE @world #conclusio: Iranian actresses should take over and we all should say thank you #throwback to way back then when Verena said she thinks I look like Neda which is maybe the best compliment I ever received BUT seeing this #I cannot accept this honor she's too powerful too beautiful I'm-#(Branka does indeed dress like me tho it's true!! and Idk wanna invite me for dinner so I can try and copy that pose from 2? I'm in!)#the one where Verena and Isabel congratulate Sascha Draeger on his excellent taste in women sjdjfkdlls #also petition to free all these uber talented women from ARD's mediocre crime shows I cannot take anymore of it Is2g

17 notes · View notes

wearepurplejackets · 2 years

Text

Okay, okay, but

But-

I just fet like shit clapping when, 200 chapters of manga after, Takemichi finally said to himself:

"Oh my god, Jesus Christ, Mikey's smiles are fake!!! It's was fake all the time!!! He is hurting in realise!!! oH mY-"

And went to actually confront him: finally. (GOD.)

Like dude... aren't you friends? Aren't you all friends??? Aren't you all like f*cking family? Like of course, Mikey lost control and it's his decision, really bad one, to end this way rather than ask for help, because he doesn't know how to. Because this kid doesn't know how to dare with lost. Because he kept losing his loved ones. Because he is probably mentally ill since he lost his brother and only father figure at the age of twelve. But like... c'mon, you all were saying when he disbanded Toman like nothing happened "I don't like this but Mikey must be worse." "This is the best even if I'm sad about it, if I was Mikey I would do the same, He lost too much." I mean he just lost his f*cking sister. And his brother in f*cking law. The same way. He didn't cried even once. And you think is okay? No, right???

Then why the f*ck, you didn't do anything to stop it?? why did you ALL keep acting like nothing happened? For the sake of Mikey??? For the sake of Mikey MY ASS, wtf, WTF GOD, to be a japanese teenager is so complicated, Wakui stop, StOp iT NoW!! Bring me the light again. I want a divorce!

32 notes · View notes

jade-it-queen · 3 years

Text

Jade. The fate of female character in Mortal Kombat

It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog cause I’ve been busy with my life and rapid changes in it. During this time, I’ve watched the new 2021 Mortal Kombat movie as well as the new animation Battle of the realms and also rewatched the Story Mode of MK11 a few times. As you probably can tell, I have a lot to say.

JADE. MILEENA. KITANA. SONYA.

Skip this if you don’t want to read my very important (and long as sh*t) rant about female characters in MK.

DISCLAIMER. This thing is going to sound extremely feminist and women-supremacist or whatever. By saying things that I’m going to say, I by no means think that male characters should be weak or lacking. If anything, it would be nice to have some godforsaken EQUALITY. I’ll explain further later.

Part One: Mortal Kombat (2021)

There’s no Jade in this movie.

The end. That should be the sole reason I dislike it.

However, it might be better this way since the Nitara and Mileena portrayals in this movie are... questionable to say the least. Okay, y’all been robbed. If MY JADE would be brought into this movie to BE THERE for like 4 minutes of screen time only to get absolutely brutal FATALITY I. would. be. pissed.

More than I already am and that means something.

Sure, there’s a possibility that she’s going to be present in some of the upcoming movies because this one is definitely not the only one they’re going to make. But do I want that? Yes. And no.

Mortal Kombat movies (and Mortal Kombat in general) have a problem with women portrayal in general. The target audience for them are MEN, potentially heterosexual men, who want nothing more than bloody gorey fighting scenes with occasional sex scene here and there. To achieve that, they need a female lead, an attractive, kinda kick-assish but not too much, to not overshadow the absolutely badass men characters. Girls tend to be “independent” (because God forbid they’d want to express interest in the male leads before the time is right), sarcastic, laid back and sometimes even bitchy. Because, you see, they are fighters. And they are Sonya Blade. They need NO MAN. They just need plot armor, bigger than America itself. And if they’re not Sonya Blade, they are... non existent. They are there, but they are never really there. Here, let me walk on screen for a couple seconds. Let me sit beside Very Important Male Character (aka Shang Tsung) for a couple of seconds, looking absolutely gorgeous. Let me have a fight scene in which I make choices so f*cking stupid there’s no potential explanation to it. I exist in this movie to make people that love me (this character) to come into theatres in hopes to see some good action and interesting plot.

Now, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how the world works. It’S bEeN LiKe ThAt FoReVeR, gEt OvEr here iT. Yeah, it’s been like that forever and the result is a mediocre movie that pleases neither the casual viewer, nor the actual Mortal Kombat fan. I don’t know, there might be guys who just saw Kung Lao’s fatality on Nitara, thought to themselves “Neat” and went on with their lives. But I exited the cinema with a sour taste in my mouth, feeling like I’ve watched one of the “fighting genre” films based on video games that had nothing worth remembering. Well, besides Kano. He was my favourite part of this movie and I normally can’t stand the guy :’D

Would it really help if they changed the way the women were portrayed? I mean - is that the ACTUAL problem of the movie? No, women being the eye candy and barely something else (if they’re not Sonya Blade) are not the only problem it suffers from. It’s that MK has been going the same route, retelling the same goddamn story for the millionth time. It’s always THE SAME. The only thing changing is who’s gonna get brutally killed. But - of course - out of the “disposable” character pool. It’s never Sonya (because you need our female lead or else there would be no female characters in the story), who ya know could be killed by Mileena but magically WASN’T. Because Mileena FOR SOME REASON was like: Ya know what? Naaah. Even though Sonya’s from Earthrealm and is actively trying to stop you. If anything, kill her because she annoys you. BUT NAH. It’s never Liu Kang because he’s the Chosen One. But killing Kung Lao is fine, he can die so Liu can awaken or smth. It’s not the main character because how else can you portray THE MAGIC OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP? Ya, that’s what I thought, don’t even think about it.

You have an amazing universe, filled to the brim with SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. Let go of the same boring plot line and show us Kombat from another perspective. Change something. F*ck, go all feminist route and make a story center around Mileena dominating the world. Try with different versions of the same story, making it center around different character each time.

SURE, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOSE SOME VIEWERS BUT TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND MOST OF US ARE TIRED TO PAY FOR THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Part Two: Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms

Jesus f*cking Christ.

To say this film was rushed is an understatement. While I was watching it, I was like: TF? Everything happens all at once, we have Kuai Liang-Scorpion story line, we have Outworld’s attack, the tournament, not to mention the final fight that should be whole another movie. I felt like no story line was properly laid out, some of the characters died before I got to even know them and the battles were... disappointing. I believe they needed to push this movie out so they squished in everything they had and just went with it.

But, again, this movie just repeats the same things as its live action version. Let me lay it down for you:

Kung Lao dies (because yes)

Sonya Blade lives (because yes)

Jade is just there (more of it later)

disposable characters are disposed of

Liu Kang is badass and always wins

You watch it and feel like you’ve already seen it before. Sure, gore is fine, human Raiden is precious and need to be protected at all costs and adrenaline is pumping (I guess).

BUT NOW.

You know what’s coming.

JADE.

My f*cking piece of sunshine, the gorgeous goddess of beauty and kombat, the woman who owns my heart.

She’s there for like not even a minute.

Words can’t describe how f*cking PISSED I am by this portrayal. These motherfrickers put her in EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SNIPPET OF THIS MOVIE. HER BATTLE WAS IN THE TRAILER, ONE OF THE SNEAK PEEKS WAS A SCENE OF HER AND KITANA.

TURNS OUT EVERYTHING I SAW BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS RELEASED... WAS EVERYTHING I WAS ABOUT TO SEE OF HER!!!!

THEY MADE ME HYPED UP FOR NOTHING!!!!!!

I know I’m not the only one riding this trolley. Li Mei was there just to be killed. Kung Lao had a f*cking single dialogue line and then BAM, fatality, buh-bye. But I was watching everything of this movie, being so enormously happy that I will finally see Jade in the movies, FINALLY! Only for her to be present in a single scene, get her ass kicked by Liu Kang (what’s new) and then she’s never seen again, even when the whole f*cking world is breaking apart.

Again. She’s just there. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best Shao Kahn’s assassins, gets her ass kicked in fourty seconds. They NEVER let her speak ffs. She just spews some general villanous sh*t and proceeds to step on Johnny. Then, she just goes Observer mode as Kitana “betrays” Shao Kahn, gets tied to the column and then the world is ending.

WHERE THE F*CK IS SHE?!

If you hype me up for her every chance you get, at least GIVE ME what you’re advertising. This is a scam. This is criminal offense. And homophobic. She is more than a revealing outfit and Liu Kang’s punching bag. I’m SO. F*CKING. TIRED. OF THIS. SH*T.

Kitana. The rebellious princess of Outworld... turned damsel in distress in this movie. Her role is so effing bad it hurts me to my core. You see her as a general being so badass and independent... oh right, we need Liu Kang to save her because he needs to maintain his hero look. And we need two kissing scenes. How do we get there? Oh, right, let him save her, because you know - that’s what makes wahmen kiss you.

ARE YOU NUTS?!

The movie started just fine, with Kitana being in charge with her right hand, Jade. Then, obviously, they water her down and soon she is a princess in a tower (in this case, princess on a column) that needs her buffy sexy man to save her. Oh, and she can’t resist him - you know, every normal girl’s reaction to getting untied is to kiss a guy you’ve known for like a few hours but seen before and you’ve talked like three dialogue lines in total. Sure.

Kitana just gets the unfortunate role of a female main character. She’s Liu’s love interest and that makes her take the role of a strong (but surface level, only) woman who still needs her hero to free her. Classic damsel in distress story, with Kitana being the princess, Liu being the Prince charming and Shao Kahn as the dragon (lul). Of course, they try to cover this up by making Kitana a general, letting her win a few fights but it won’t matter in the end. Some say that women want to believe in fairy tales but the more I see fighting games’ lore, the more I say it’s the men who want to believe them.

Is it necessarily bad? No. But it’s boring as fuk.

I would like to ask the directors to stop being so afraid of upsetting the target audience. Target audience can change and sometimes it comes out better than originally planned. My Little Pony was designed as a child’s cartoon but it was the creepy men who made it reach the top. Morally? Questionable at best. But business is booming, right? And that’s what they care for, right?

All I’m trying to say is these days women and gays are the future.

Thank you for today, more to come. I’m going to rant about the Story Mode.

#Mortal Kombat #mk jade #kitana #nitara #mileena #battle of the realms #female #commentary #article #mortal kombat movie

28 notes · View notes

queerprayers · 3 years

Note

okay so i’ve got like 2 questions regarding using god’s name

1) i’ve seen people get angry at others for not capitalizing the g in god. like saying that it’s disrespectful. and i never do it to be disrespectful but i just always type in all lowercase. should i capitalize god’s name?

2) should i stop using exclamations (such as: “jesus christ” “jesus f*cking christ” “oh my god”) when i’m angry or physically hurt? i’m not really thinking about god or anything when i do it... it just feels good to curse you know? and it’s kind of become a habit and i’m wondering if it’s not a very good thing.

1) Capitalizing proper nouns is just a grammatical rule in a lot of languages; it's not a statement or anything. Using standard English, one would capitalize all proper nouns, including the word "god" when used as a name. I can definitely see why someone would view not capitalizing God's name as a sign of disrespect, because technically capitalizing things can be a sign of respect, but it's honestly a personal preference. I hesitate to say "it's not a big deal," because I'm sure to some people it is, but honestly unless you're writing an essay or something, I wouldn't even notice.

2) "saying "oh my God" is not say[ing] God's name in vain. using the name of God to justify hatred towards your neighbors through things like homophobia, transphobia, racism, xenophobia, antisemitism, islamaphobia, [ableism], etc. *is* saying God's name in vain." —@/ope_I'm_gay on Twitter

I personally am working on not using those exclamations, just because it doesn't feel right for me, and I don't want to associate those phrases/names with anger or pain, but that's part of my personal spiritual journey! I really do think it's something to figure out for yourself.

I guess it depends your view on the actual words. To some people, the names "God" and "Jesus" are just that—names. I mean Jesus wasn't been called Jesus during his lifetime—his friends would have called him Yeshua. The word "God" is from Old English—it's literally just a word humans made up and gave a meaning too. But to others, these words name the most important things in our lives and can't imagine ever not approaching them with the utmost respect and care.

Don't beat yourself up about habits, just think about how they fit into your ethic and whether you think it's important to change them! Sorry if you wanted a more definitive answer :) -Johanna

#asks

19 notes · View notes

lexicled · 3 years

Text

12/4 Dream SMP

I'm watching from Tubbo's POV, and there are A LOT of spoilers for the Exile Streams, so beware!

0:42:30 - tommy istg, dont make me regret singing your praises for the last two days. let tubbo be president and take charge. don't charge in, swords ablazing.

also, theyre repeating history again! like a week after! they brought techno in to fight against one government, and he's gonna swoop back in and take out you own government!

0:46:33 - AH LET TUBBO BE PRESIDENT PLEASE! QUACKITY AND FUNDY NEED TO HAVE MINDS OF THEIR OWN! TOMMY IS NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE

0:48:30 - tommy apologized! f*ckin finally! unfortunately, they are massively over estimating their power. they are screwed.

its the first 40 minutes and i can tell that everythung has already gone to sh*t

0:50:55 - i love the people of l'manburg so much, but theyre being so obnoxious. tubbo is getting ignored

0:52:52 - HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T! TUBBO F*CKING DID IT! OH MY GOD! HE FINALLY SNAPPED!

0:54:29 - "They're just music discs." I'm in tears oh my god.

also ghostbur lurking in the background just like "???"

0:56:44 - Tommy sounds like he's going to f*cking cry, jesus christ

1:00:12 - I have no clue who's in the right. Quackity is right, they threw away their dignity and respect to give to Dream. But, they didn't listen to Tubbo's concerns, didn't listen to his authority and wanted to just charge in.

also "Tommy thinks too emotionally..." Now, where have we heard that before The Pit

1:04:05 - Damn, Fundy really likes writing minecraft books unnecessaryily formal.

1:07:05 - Quackity, this room is a big step down from the other two "mystery-last-moment-rooms"

What are they going to do to Techno? I don't agree with what he did to L'Manburg, but he was open about his ideals, accomplished his goals and then left to be alone. He hasn't done anything to the nation since.

1:11:05 - This is getting terrifyingly violent. Chill out guys, this is going to leave the war crime counter at "No days" for weeks.

1:14:06 - Is Tubbo ok? He's gone from exiling his best friend to keep the peace, to planning to violently murder a man?? These are going to be dark times L'Manburg if the next few weeks are going to about smoking a man out with propaganda.

1:18:48 - Yes, Tubbo, this is definitely communism.

1:21:09 - I feel like they're back to overestimating themselves again. I don't think Niki would be on the side of "Let's violently axe Technoblade to death."

1:24:40 - I still hate Dream in this situation. The green bastard. He's full of lies and deception, ready to switch sides to fulfill his goals.

Fundy, stop flirting. FwT is great, but this is just so important, I'm begging you fox man.

1:27:55 - God, I love Quackity's passion, but this is not good, or healthy or right. He...sounds a lot like Schlatt. Wanting power, craving superiority, not caring what he needs to do to get it. Tommy might've stirred up a bit of trouble, but Quackity is swaying the country in a horrible direction. I'm not sure where they're going from here, but I don't think its very good.

1:44:30 - Entirely unrelated, but what's up with the presidents of L'Manburg and substance abuse?? Schlatt with the alcohol, Wilbur with building the nation from inside of a drug van, and Tubbo being high or some sh*t??

#dream smp #dream smp spoilers #tommyinnit #tubbo #quackity #fundy #dreamwastaken #lmanberg #schlatt #jschlatt #ranboo #technoblade #tw cursing #tw swearing #tw alchohol mention #tw drug mention #tw death mention

57 notes · View notes

sandersfanders1 · 3 years

Text

Ok.... we're gonna try this again. No stupid answers ok?

*Picks up card*

*mutters* oh my f*cking god.....

OK. Name- *sighs* Name something you might hurt yourself riding on

Oh lord, you know what i'm thinking

jesus christ- PROSCIUTTO GET THE HORNY HAMMER!

NO PLEASE-

#jjba #jjba vento auero #jojos bizzare adventure #la squadra

17 notes · View notes

renee-writer · 3 years

Text

The Surrogate Chapter 37 Dealing with Geneva

“I really don’t know why I am here.” She stands with her hands on her hips, looking pissed. Jamie is not just acting this. He is truly furious.

“Because you dare to come into the NICU and try to get access to my child!”

“Come James, you know the baby is ours. That was the deal.”

“It was. But you broke that deal, along with our marriage contact when you cheated and stole. We are done. Nothing to do with me or mine is any concern of yours no longer.”

“What do you mean?”

Ned decides to intervene, least he has to defend Jamie against assault or murder charges. “Miss Duscany, Jamie is requesting a divorce.”

“A divorce! Don’t you think that is a bit much?” He looks at her, starts to say something, then pauses and laughs. It feels good. After Faith’s birth and all that occurred after, it feels wonderful to freely laugh.

“A bit premature,” he chuckles, “Oh Christ! I couldn’t imagine laughing,” a deep breath, “Jesus! In this meeting. But that is the funniest thing I have heard in awhile.” He wipes his streaming eyes. “You face felony charges for embezzlement, from my company, you and your f*ck buddy, but a divorce is premature. Please.” He breaks out into a fresh wave of giggles.

“The pre-nub gives you what you brought into the marriage. Jamie offers a bit more. Ten percent of his overall wealth. You know that is considerable.” Ned continues.

“Why?” she turns to Jamie, who is slowly getting himself under control.

“To get rid of you. If you sign the divorce papers today. They include the fact that their was no issue from this marriage. My child is in no way yours. Ned has also asked for a restraining order for me, Claire, and the baby. Violate it and you will be sitting in jail awaiting your other trial.”

“If I don’t?”

“I will still get my divorce. The video of you and Bonnet f*cking in my office will be played in open court, a transcript of your hearing on embezzlement will follow every CV you ever submit. You will be lucky to find a job cleaning offices. I want you out of my life Geneva. You can go easy or heard, the chose is up to you.”

“Fine.” She takes the pen that Ned offers and signs the divorce papers. She then walks out without a backwards glance.

“Thank God.” Jamie sinks into a chair and let’s his breath out.

“Amen. How is Faith?”

He smiles. “So wonderful. Once she figured out how to nurse, she caught on like a pro. Nurses ever two hours. Has already gained another ounce in two days.”

“How extraordinary. You are all in my prayers. I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Thank you. She keeps up like she is doing, it won’t be long.”

#my writing #outlander fanfic #the surrogate #dealing with Geneva #jamie and claire #cannon divergence #modern au #outlander fandom

27 notes · View notes

dovand · 3 years

Text

some of my favorite answers to my spn uquiz

I wish I could explain my complex destiel feelings

SUPERNATURAL IS THE WORST YET BEST SHOW EVER AND I HATE THAT

Can PTSD be caused by TV show? I think I need therapy

with every passing day the spn finale fills me with more and more rage. the negative emotion i feel towards it is literally indescribable

That fuckin danglers and tacos series of tweets haunts me I don't know if I'll recover from that

justice for the blurry wife

carving rhyming couplets about the color of his eyes under the loose floorbard in your room, praying on your knees for forgiveness under the halo of the neon gods, blessing children with incurable illness and killing all the evil under the moon

EVERY OTHER TIME CAS WENT MISSING DEAN WENT FERAL AND THEY JUST. FORGOT. ABOUT HIM. I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING.

bro i just want some gay representation i am so tired of the bury your gays trope

I’m not good at writing but I know for sure there should’ve been a destiel kiss or a F*CKING WEDDING!!!!

yes hi i have no fucking clue what spn is, i just want a show to watch. i am an outsider looking into a chaotic mosaic and laughing. also what the fuck that is the worst way to end a fucking show jesus goddamn christ on a damn hockey stick, im so sorry this happened to your show.

bro I have eldest daughter syndrome so take a wild guess which character I relate to most. Lmao it’s actually both Dean AND Cas so I’m suffering

what if when cas and dean retire they (or at least cas) learn how to bake and open a bakery and pies are his specialty. this has probably been thought of a million times but whatever lol

oh my god the finale sucked so muuuuuch.

I wanted to see cas raw dean in the back of the Impala

My four-year-old niece could have written a better finale and that's the real tea.

Still beautiful; Still Fandom ie found family

Cas makes my heart go úwù

Why did every main cast member have to be a white man? Where's the diversity? The taste?

bro hamlet and horatio didn’t deserve the end they got, but at least it fit the story. Dean and Cas didn’t even get that lmao

I baked gingerbread cookies shaped like Sam, Dean, and Cas.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #spn finale #supernatural finale #destielgate #HEEEEEAT OF THE MOMENT #deancas #this better get me a ton of notes

28 notes · View notes

impala-dreamer · 4 years

Text

Watch Your F!cking Mouth!

SPN FanFic

~Dean gets whammied with an especially frustrating curse and Y/N tries to keep him calm, much to her amusement and annoyance.~

Dean x Reader

1,984 Words

Warnings: NSFW. Foul Language. Oral Sex. Intercourse. Comedy.

A/N: I'll be honest, this took me all day to write because I kept stopping to laugh. I just... Idek. It's ridiculous. Enjoy :)

My Masterlist ~ Become A Patreon

“Son of a broadcaster!”

Y/N looked up as Dean stumbled backwards, reaching down to rub his shin after whacking it against the bedpost.

“Still?” she asked; hint of a laugh on her breath.

“Yeah, yeah, shuttie.” He rolled his eyes and stood up, limping his way towards the couch. "You know, this is some real hogswallop! I mean what the fig!"

Y/N's laugh broke free and Dean growled as he fell down onto the sofa.

"This isn't funny! It's balderdash!"

Trying to calm down, Y/N put her book down and frowned at him. "I'm sorry, baby. This is really fucked up. Super funny...but fucked up."

"It's not ducking funny!" he shouted, sulking into the cushions. "What the fork kinda nasty basted witch curses someone like this? It's like my tongue has flagging autocorrect!"

"I only got like half of that, to be honest."

“Please shut the freight up and leave me be.” Dean sighed, letting his head fall against the seat back. “I just wanna be able to open my gold digging mouth and have the right frosted words come out!”

Quickly, Y/N left her seat and went to him, hating to see him so frustrated, even if it made her laugh harder than she had in a long time. For the last six hours, Dean had been cursed with the inability to curse as if he were stuck on some network television show. The worst he’d been able to muster was a ‘freakin’’ when Sam had knocked over his beer, but after a while, he just gave up and stopped talking. It was quiet without him, but Y/N couldn’t imagine how tough it was to think one thing and have your tongue twist it into another.

“Hey,” she said softly, perching on the coffee table in front of him. “Sam said it should only last a few more hours. Then you’ll be back to cursing like the sailor I know and love.”

“It’s not just that,” he said with a whimper, shaking his head at the ceiling. “I can not curse, it’s not like I have to constantly-”

“I know, baby,” she soothed, placing her hand on his knee.

“It’s just that I should be able to say what I wanna say when I flamingo say it!”

Y/N coughed to hide her laugh and Dean’s head popped up, his eyes narrowed on her smirk. “Don’t laugh at me, please. For frying sake, it actually hurts. Like there’s a sharp pain in the front of my head every time I try to say ‘fling’.” Dean pointed to the spot, right above his left eyebrow and cringed as he tried to curse. “Salad dressing! Gah!”

“Well, stop, ya moron!” Y/N teased, scooting a big closer. “Just stop talking!”

Dean glared. “Do you have any idea how hard that is for me? Come on.”

“You wanna talk about your feelings about where our relationship is going? That shuts you up quick.”

Her smirk was on point.

His eye roll was superb.

Y/N sighed but kept a sweet smile. “Dean, just...relax, OK? It’ll be over soon, I promise.” Her fingers curled around his knee.

He let out a breath and his shoulders dropped a bit. “Fine. Yeah.”

“There’s my good boy,” she teased, pushing her hand slowly up his thick thigh, nails dragging on the rough denim as she came back down. “Just relax.”

Dean shivered as her thumb brushed over his dick. “This is… quite relaxing… farm…”

Y/N bit her lip to keep from laughing, wanting to focus on distracting them both from his new speech impediment. “Shh…” Her palm rubbed against him and Y/N felt his cock push back, growing hard beneath the tightness of his jeans.

“Feels so nice, baby,” he whispered, wiggling his ass against the seat to try and ease the strain. “Love when you play with my coins.”

She let out a deep, slow breath to calm her giggles and set her other hand on his leg, sliding off of the table onto her knees. “I like it too, Dean,” she cooed, massaging his inner thighs with both hands. “But you know what I love?”

His eyes glazed over as he looked to her in lustful anticipation.

She bit her lip and reached for his belt, easily loosening the leather strap. “I love…” The brass button came free with a pop. “Sucking…” She eased the zipper down slowly, carefully. “Your big…” Reaching in, she pushed aside the thin cotton of his boxers. “Beautiful…” She pulled him free and Dean moaned in desperation as she bent her lips to the swelling head. “Cock.”

“Oh, Jiminy Christmas!”

Y/N kissed the tip and Dean whimpered pitifully.

“Please…”

“Love it when you beg, Dean,” she growled, flicking the tip of her tongue against the base of his cock, watching as he twitched. “Such a good boy.”

Dean lifted his hips as she licked a stripe from base to tip and grabbed a fistful of her hair, forcing her to hold still while he groaned. “Stop forging teasing me and get to work.”

Her smile was abandoned as Dean jerked his hips, shoving his cock between her lips. She hummed in excitement and sucked hard, sealing her lips around him as his hand pushed her down.

“Yes...fang...you take my cab so good, baby.”

His cock hit the back of her throat and Y/N gagged loudly, drool spilling from the corners of her mouth as he released his hold on her head.

“Flame, baby, love that sound. Makes my drum so hard.”

Y/N did her best not to laugh, trying to ignore his insane dirty talk and keep her mind on her task. As long as he didn’t talk, she was fine, working his cock like a pro, teasing and taking him deeper and deeper with each pass.

When his breath quickened and his moans became dark, Y/N pulled back, looking up at him with innocent, wide eyes, her lips bobbing gently over his leaking head.

Dean reached for her, big hands closing around the soft flesh of her upper arms. “Get up here,” he breathed. “Golly, I wanna factor that sweet little poinsetta so faking bad.”

She laughed, she couldn’t help it. Y/N closed her eyes and sealed her lips tight as the chuckle shook her entire body. “I can’t. I’m so sorry, Dean. I can’t.”

His grip tightened on her arms. “Please.” His face was red, muscles in his throat tense and exposed; a thin sheet of sweat sparkled on his brow and upper lip. “Please, baby. I gotta falafel you. Now.”

Dean grit his teeth in a growl but Y/N couldn’t take much more.

“Baby,” she laughed, sitting back on her heels, “I...I can’t…”

Green eyes went wide with pained disappointment. “What? No…” He reached for her, leaning forward to grab her face between his warm hands. “Please, Y/N. Don’t leave me like this,” he begged, the pathetic yet passionate tone in his voice making her pussy throb. “I need you so bad.”

While Y/N pondered the situation, wondering if she could stash her giggles while he took her for a ride, Dean sucked his bottom lip fully between his teeth and then slowly let it slide back out, wet and red and swollen. Y/N’s cunt clenched and her heart raced; her fate was sealed.

“Please.”

Y/N sucked in a deep breath and jumped up, opening her jeans as she stood. “OK,” she told him firmly, “but you keep your mouth shut. I can’t take anymore, I really can’t.”

Dean’s gleeful smile was perfection, dimples and lines and bright teeth on display. “Yes, totally. No more talking.” He zipped his lips with two fingers and nodded enthusiastically as she peeled her panties away. “Not another word.”

“You promise?”

“Mhm.”

“Good.”

Dean held his breath as Y/N climbed into his lap, kissing him hard while she gripped his cock and rubbed it through her slick. His eyes rolled back when she rolled her hips, grinding her clit against his hardness; grabbed her thighs as she slowly sank down.

“Oh…f-”

Y/N bit down hard on his lip to stop his cursed cursing and his words turned into a yelp instead.

“R-ride me,” he gasped, blunt nails digging into her tender flesh.

Setting her hands on his shoulders, Y/N began to ride, slowly bouncing in his lap and watching as he fell apart.

“Y/N…” Dean buried his face in her shirt, panting as he struggled to hold his tongue.

“Shhh…” Y/N fucked down hard, hoping to distract his brain, pull his mouth away from words and push it towards empty whimpers and lustful moans.

“You feel so good,” he whispered, breath heavy against her neck as he kissed any place he could reach. “Feel so good on my camp, fringe!”

Y/N slapped a hand to the back of his head and tugged at his short hair. “Dean!”

“Sorry, sassafras! Flange, it just- you feel so amazing. Please, don’t stop!”

Her nails scraped across his scalp. “Then shut up!”

“Yes. Shut up. Yes!”

She licked into his mouth and bounced faster, feeling the moment blossom.

“Holy feathers, I-I’m gonna capitalize! Fire! Freckles!”

“Do it,” she moaned, tugging on his hair until his chin lifted to hers. “Give it to me, Dean.”

It did not take long. Dean held her close, arms tight around her back, hands pawing at her shoulders and ass as he came, a strangled cry filling the room.

“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!”

Y/N laughed so hard she nearly fell off of his lap, giving up entirely on cumming or trying to stay calm. “Did you just? Really? Oh my god, Dean.”

He kissed her cheek and pulled his lips across, capturing her shaking lips with a sloppy kiss. “Shh…”

“Don’t shush me, Winchester,” she laughed, kissing him back quickly before peeling herself away. “This is too much.”

He caught her hand before she went too far, yanking her back so hard that she fell into his arms. “I’m not done with you,” he said firmly, another kiss stopping her laugh and melting every muscle. Dean pushed her down onto her back, shifting to sit between her legs. “You need to confetti.”

She whimpered around a laugh as Dean leaned down, laying kiss after kiss on her belly. “Please stop talking…”

He lifted his eyes to hers with a smirk as his hands wrapped around her thighs. “I’m done talking,” he said, licking his lips. “I’m gonna eat this prism until you crank all over my face.”

“Jesus christ, shut up!”

Her frustration turned to pleasure as Dean kept his word, sucking hard on her clit as his fingers caressed her pulsing cunt, massaging deep inside as her body writhed above.

“Fuck! Dean!”

He never let up, drawing her orgasm out until her legs began to shake. When her thighs clamped around his head, he slowed to a kitten lick, enjoying the glow of her smile and the sexy whimpers as she came down.

“Come here,” she whispered, releasing his head and reaching for him, needing him close.

Dean smiled sweetly and wiped his mouth before sliding up her body and collapsing on top of her. “Damn, baby,” he sighed. “That was fan-fucking-tastic.”

Y/N gasped, eyes wide and smiling. “Oh my god, Dean! You said fuck!”

“I did?”

“...yeah!”

“I didn’t even notice. Fuck. Oh! I said it again!” He grinned like a school boy and laughed. “Yes! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fucking fucker!” Excited, he jumped off of the couch and pumped a fist in the air. “Fuck that fucking bitch-ass witch in her ratty old cunt! Fuck yes! This is fucking awesome!”

Y/N sat up, shaking her head as she reached for her pants. “Oh, Dean,” she sighed. “Such a fucking potty mouth…”

2020 Forever Tags: @67-chevy-baby @akhuna01 @amanda-teaches @autumnmoon @because-imma-lady-assface @blushingjared @broiderie @burningcoffeetimetravel @classic-rock-angel @coopercharlie16 @cosicas-cuquis @covered-byroses @crashdevlin @deansgirl215 @deans-baby-momma @deangirl7695 @deanwinchesterswitch @dolphincliffs @dontshootmespence @edge-oftonight @emoryhemsworth @eternal-elir @fandom-princess-forevermore @fangirlxwritesx67 @feelmyroarrrr @flamencodiva @focusonspn @herbologystudent252 @heycasbutt @hornyandsmol @ilovefanfic86 @i-love-superhero @ilsawasanacrobat @imjustadrummer @ivvitm1109 @joseyrw @justagirlinafandomworld @justcallmeasmodeus @katymacsupernatural @laxe-from-outer-space @leatherandfrackles @lessons-of-red @letsby @letsdisneythings @lonewolf471 @maddiepants @mariekoukie6661 @meganwinchester1999 @mellbelle45 @missjenniferb @mrswhozeewhatsis @onethirstyunicorn @our-jensen-ackles-love @screechingartisancashbailiff @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @starboycas @stephaniecanfield96us @stoneyggirl @squirrelnotsam @thebookisbtr @the-chocolate-moose @thehardcoveraddict @thevelvetseries @veevm @winchestersister55 @wendibird @winecatsandpizza @winterpoohbear

and bc I think you could use a laugh: @kittenofdoomage

#spn fanfic #dean x reader #one shot #crack #dean winchester

627 notes · View notes

vangoghmusings · 4 years

Text

a/n: hello! i’ve been wanting to do this for a while now since im a huge astrology nerd (so i know what im talking about teehee) so this is male match-ups according to sign and compatibility. this isn’t my usual kind of writing so i hope you guys like it!! <3 if you don’t know your sign check here

this took me so long oh my god i hope you guys like it

taglist: @mixfi @lilacskyura @katsuhoee @moonlightinsanity @anime-waifuuu @iiminibattlehero @leeeah-loooser @bby-chloe1999 @verymuchbabey @h0wab0utw3d0ntd0that@unknownweeabo @cookednoodlez @helloshoutohere @star-mum @izuku-sakura @thegalxe

UA STUDENTS

Katsuki Bakugou- April 20; Taurus

the absolute SHOCK in my face to learn he wasn’t an aries

it would be expected that katsuki is a fire sign, like cmon look at his quirk

but taurus is actually an earth sign

taurus are typically seen as quite calm, but,,

katsuki does seem like a true taurus in many ways

they can be stubborn and unwilling to compromise

they are very realistic

HATE FEELING INSECURE

they are often great at cooking and love to shop

i feel like katsuki isn’t a self indulgent shopper but would buy anything for his s/o

taurus are really good at working with their hands ;)

theyre soft romantic bbs and as much as katsuki hates being vulnerable he’d definetly be a softie with his s/o

id match katsuki with a calm pisces

Izuku Midoria- July 15; Cancer

i am not shocked at ALL to see that the lil broccoli boy is a cancer

like cmon he’s so sensitive

he is a cancer to the T

he’s loyal, emotional, imaginative

he also carries the negative traits of many cancers

such as feeling insecure and having difficulty taking criticism

i mean the kid breaks his bones to prove others wrong

cancers love being with their friends and family

and they love helping others

the career of a hero would be natural for cancers

cancers are such sweet babies and izuku fits right into that category

i would match izuku with a chill taurus

Tenya Iida- August 22; Leo

i didn’t expect tenya to be a leo but im also not surprised

leos are often seen as flashy and arrogant

but they’re more than their stereotype

leos are passionate and natural born leaders

like cmon class rep!

tenya being a leo makes a lot of sense

he’s generous and kind and always strives for the best

they tend to be a bit dramatic, and tenya can be too

being that leos are a fire sign they gravitate to self growth

this can be seen in tenya wanting to improve and challenging himself

leos struggle facing harsh realities, similarly to tenya when he learned about what happened to tensei

leos are known for their bravery and tenya fits right in

i would match tenya with a kind aquarius

Shoto Todoroki- January 11; Capricorn

i practically screamed when i realized shoto was a capricorn

it just makes way too much sense

they’re responsible, well-mannered, respectful !!!!

HOW IS HE SO HOT AND RESPECTFUL

capricorns i just,, i love them, truly

shoto is no exception

they love family, things of quality, traditions

and their dislikes vary from day to day

why?

cause they’re iconic thats why

however, capricorns aren’t always the nicest

they tend to be condescending and can often come off as rude

they’re incredibly unforgiving *ahem endeavor ahem*

but, its because they just have naturally high standards

it makes sense that he is an earth sign because he’s super grounded

because saturn rules capricorn, the tend to seem cold and distant at times

but they are incredibly loyal friends and always strive for the best

i would match shoto with a down to earth cancer

Mashiro Ojiro- May 28; Gemini

i must admit, i was surprised to learn ojiro is a gemini

but if you really look at his character it makes a lot of sense

gemini’s have a bad rep of being too faced

they’re actually one of my favorite signs!!

gemini’s are are gentle and affectionate

and sweet bb ojiro is exactly that

however they also tend to be quite anxious, another thing ojiro happens to be at times as well

they’re very adaptable people

this can be seen throughout ojiro’s training and how much he learns and is willing to continue striving for

gemini’s are very sociable and will talk to almost anyone

like, he doesn’t see hagakure but they’re still good friends

this is why i think ojiro would do great with a fire sign

i would match ojiro with a cheerful sagittarius

Denki Kaminari- June 29; Cancer

alright cancer number two!!

to be honest, denki doesn’t really give cancer vibes

but, his personality traits align to much of what a cancer is

tenacious and loyal

and denki is definitely that

however, cancers can be suspicious of others and their actions

and denki feels like the kind of guy to snoop on somebody

but we gotta give denki some credit

cancers strive to be there for their friends no matter what

denki shows this in the usj attack when he protects momo and jiro

cancers tend to avoid conflict but even so, they search for conflict in those who pose bigger threats to them

similarly to when denki makes fun of bakugou even though he could totally blow him up

denki is a chatty and flirty baby

and cancers tend to be most compatible with earth signs

buuut i think denki would be better suited with a fire sign

i’d match denki with an outgoing aries

Hanta Sero- July 28; Leo

at first i was like hmmm no

but then i used my brain and i was like actually yes

leos are prideful and while sero doesn’t seem like the boastful kind, he does have a lot of pride in himself

leos are very committed to their goals and sero’s actions show his dedication to becoming a hero

leos are also so funny?? and sero is literally one of the funniest guys of 1A

sero is one of the most sociable in the class and a total class clown

leos are almost always seen with their friends and sero is no different

sero’s vibes are just immaculate in my opinions

so his s/o needs to match the energy

i would match sero with a funny gemini

Eijiro Kirishima- October 16; Libra

GOD IT JUST MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

I CANT EVEN EXPRESS

THE ACCURACY

ok ok but seriously, of course kiri is a libra

libras are diplomatic, fair, and strive for justice

aka being MANLY is in the stars for bb kiri

however, libras aren’t the most confident people

they’re quite insecure and pity themselves a’lot

which makes sense that its canon that it took kiri so long to accept his quirk

have you ever wondered why kiri is so hot and cute and perfect?

ITS BECAUSE HES A LIBRA

im not even kidding

libras are known for being physically attractive

i mean libra is literally ruled by venus

who else is venus?

APHRODITE AKA THE GODDESS OF LOVE

long story short, kiri is the god of love

libras hate being alone

why do you think he puts up with bakugou constantly calling him shitty hair and pushing him around?

i considered putting kiri with a water sign but they’re kinda babies (no offense i love my water signs)

but i don’t think he could handle a person who is constantly emotional like many water signs are

i would match kiri with a kind-hearted sagittarius

Hitoshi Shinso- July 1; Cancer

jesus christ ANOTHER CANCER??

i cant even be upset cause it makes sense

while i would’ve thought shinso was a calm scorpio or a relaxde picses

he fits much better as a cancer

as mentioned previously with deku and denki, cancers really do have a heart of gold and just want to help people

cancers are also very manipulative people

i mean, look at this mans quirk

cancers are also moody and pessimistic

characteristics that shinsou has but are seen more as stoic and quiet

but cancers are also sympathetic

and bb shinsou is a softie i just know it

cancers are guided by emotion

like deku, he is seen as passionate for his desire to be a hero, even though his quirk is seen to be one of evil

shinsou needs to be with someone who’s willing to listen when he opens up (which cancers hate doing)

i would match shinsou with an understanding taurus

Tamaki Amajiki- March 1; Aries

HUH

HUUUUH???

youre telling me this man is an aries and bakugou isnt??

i need to collect my thoughts

OK so tamaki is an aries

and honestly its pretty accurate

most times aries are seen as passionate in a reckless and angry manner

but tamaki’s passion is displayed in his dedication to being a hero

i mean he’s literally in the big 3

aries tend to be moody, which is seen in tamaki’s shy actions

but they’re also enthusiastic and courageous

tamaki’s courage is shown in the mission to rescue eri

aries are seen as intimidating and tamaki’s dark features are exactly that

and while he is very shy, he needs someone to help bring him out of his shell delicately

id match tamaki with a gentle libra

Mirio Togata- July 15; Cancer

whats up with mirio and deku sharing the same bday doe

this is way too many cancers

BUT mirio is such a cancer lets be real

we’ve covered the basics of cancers

sensitive

loyal

will do anything for others

and most importantly brave

the sign of a cancer is a crab

the crab symbolizes someone who doesn’t realize their great strength

mirio is the personification of the strength of the crab

and poor baby has gone through so much and deserves the world

he’s so cheerful but he needs someone to be there for him when he’s at his most emotional moments

i would match mirio with a tender capricorn

PRO-HEROES

Shota Aizawa- November 8; Scorpio

i mean cmon

ofc dadzawa is a scorpio

he’s the image of a stereotypical scorpio

dark features, dark clothing, serious and kinda rude

but scorpios get a bad rep for being meanies (we should be watching out for virgos tho) (jk jk i love my virgos <3)

but scorpios have some of the best characteristics

their loyalty is beyond words

they would literally lay down their life for a friend or the good of others

scorpios are passionate and assertive, and this side of aizawa definitely comes out

aizawa is so stoic he needs somebody to soften him up

i would match aizawa with a cheery cancer

Hizashi Yamada- July 7; Cancer

another f*cking cancer

AND IT MAKES SENSE

not just because aizawa and him are married and he’s a cancer and it totally makes sense

but hizashi is such a cancer oh my god

he’s sensitive, and caring, and brave, and a literal pro hero

which is a cancer living the dream

cancers often have difficult childhoods and struggle immensely to find outlets

this fits with the theory that as a child, hizashi was put up for adoption and/or muzzled as a child because of his powerful quirk

cancers are ruled by the moon, which would make sense to why they are so emotional

because the moon goes through phases, so do they

hizashi needs someone that would help him be strong outside of his hero work and for his own mentality

i would match hizashi with (aizawa or) a charismatic virgo

Toshinori Yagi- June 10; Gemini

ofc all might is a gemini

he literally has 2 forms

and geminis are literally two faced

it makes so much sense that the symbol of peace is a gemini

he’s adaptable and a quick learner

geminis are affectionate and you cant tell me toshi isn’t the biggest cuddler and softie in the world

geminis are people pleasers and just want to make others happy

and all might’s literal thing is smiling to comfort those in fear

toshi needs someone who is understanding of what he had gone through as a retired hero and the bearer of one for all

i would match toshi with an inquisitive aquarius

Keigo Takami- December 28; Capricorn

DADDY

ok but he is such a capricorn its not even funny

he’s a cocky know-it-all kind of capricorn

but he’s also a responsible and well mannered capricorn

capricorns are people who are willing to take on immense responsibilities

and hawks is literally the no. 2 hero so of course he’s got a lot of responsibilities

because he’s an earth sign, we wants to get the most out of what the world has to offer him

including fame and money

but hawk’s head strong and professional attitude is what comforts people and makes him such a great hero

he needs someone who would match his energy well

i would match keigo with a level-headed scorpio

VILLAINS

Dabi- January 18; Aquarius

FINALLY AN AQUARIUS

i have a deep love for this sign

dabi is an aquarius and it is so accurate

aquarius love to fight for a cause

in dabi’s eyes, the league of villains is the best cause he can support

and he’s at the front lines

they’re considered humanitarians,,and dabi is in his own “special way”

aquarius love a good conspiracy and mystery

and dabi is a total mystery

aquarius constantly have to be stimulated and doing something

otherwise their boredom can lead to reckless actions

they are also anti all emotions

this is why they seem so aloof, they don’t know how to confront their own feelings

i’d pair dabi up with someone who is willing to listen to him and hopefully allow him to open up

i would match dabi with a charming sagittarius

Tomura Shigaraki- April 4; Aries

now this is a stereotypical aries

aries is ruled by mars, which was named after aries

AKA THE GOD OF WAR??

like his literal goal is to destroy society,,

aries love to be in leadership roles

they’re also short-tempered

impulsive

and aggressive

how ever, his more “positive” traits such as determination and passion are also evident in his characteristics

they’re competitive people and tomura definitely is one

tomura would need to be with someone who is calm

i would match tomura with a patient leo

Kai Chisaki- Birthdate Unknown;NA

so kai’s sign is unknown

BUT

he still deserves a match up

besides his stance in villainy

kai as actually very well mannered and polite

but he doesn’t value human life and sees his as more important and pure than those who are “sick”

a lot of his characteristics would lead me to believe he is an unevolved sociopathic capricorn

outside of being a villain i would match kai with someone who was understanding and a good listener

i would match kai with a sympathetic pisces

65 notes · View notes