#oh my god also wincesters if you even fucking LOOK at this post i will beat you to death with my hooves
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orchid, edelweiss, ivy!
what's a song you consider to be perfect?
oh god too many of them. but if i had to pick one right now, probably "smooth" by santana. fun fact about the song, it was actually the last number 1 hit of 1999 and the first 1 hit of 2000!
how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?
okay listen. i want you to picture a little girl, about 12 years old, who just learned from her friend at summer camp about something called "fanfiction."
one year later, she is on tumblr and she is in deep. and she learns about this show, "supernatural," which everyone is watching, and apparently people who like that other show about sherlock holmes (and you have read sherlock holmes so you must like that) and doctor who (you like that) really like THIS show.
so she watches it. and is enthralled.
decades (1 more year) passes and she has moved on from this show. she's posted fanfic on other sites, but has started to realize it's popularity on tumblr.gov and says "hey, i could do that."
but she needs a new sideblog. and it needs a name. something familiar, something witty, and something not well thought out so it can happen now.
so she does some wordplay with the most cursed ship of the century (the only one that she really remembers from that show besides destiel) and boom.
see but the thing is, she forgot that people actually read fanfic. and see her blog. and the name. and now she is stuck with it. stuck with this very cursed identity that she chose in a flight of fancy.
that is where my cursed blog name came from. and to be honest, i forgot i had it for a while until one day, someone dmed me asking if i supported wincest, and i remembered that i had. that.
honestly at this point i haven't changed it just because i've had it so long. it would be a huge pain in the ass to like re-get all of the links so that the masterlist actually, uh, works. and tbh people on tumblr have more cursed usernames, mines not that special.
but yeah, whenever i think about it, i think about middle school me first getting into fandom culture on tumblr.
sorry for the novel but lots of people over the years have pointed out how wack the name is so it requires a thorough explanation.
what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?
oh fuck if i know i'm one dense motherfucker. but i'll try anyway.
when i'm happy i either 1) don't shut up or 2) fidget/pace a lot. some may notice that i do this even when i am not happy, which is true, but when i am happy i do it a lot more. i may also do a little jig.
if i'm annoyed i'll look out into the distance like a disney character about to sing. sometimes i'll twitch at anything sensory. and usually i'll answer any questions someone asks in as few words as possible.
if i'm upset you will not know unless i tell you. and that's not me being like "oh yEA i'm so good at hiding my emotions" like some pleb, it's just that when something upsets me i usually go into fixing mode and focus on addressing the problem as well as i possibly can, which usually leaves me kind of detached from the whole thing, so i don't really show any signs of it.
if i'm tired i also usually don't show it, but i do tend to quote a lot of vines/internet jokes. this is because i am Funnyman but if i am too tired to think of something funny to say i will default to an internet joke.
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birthday boy!!
#supernatural#supernatural fanart#spn#spn fanart#sam winchester#bobby singer#dean winchester#castiel#eileen leahy#birthday sunday#i had things to work on but birthday boy..........dear to me#i originally wanted to do one with him and jesse too but i got lazy#oh my god also wincesters if you even fucking LOOK at this post i will beat you to death with my hooves#i will travel back in time have sex with both your parents and break up their relationship thus preventing you were ever born
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That post you reblogged about destiel shippers transforming into wincest shippers tho!!!! Thank you for sharing that. I experienced something sort of similar in the sense that everyone who recced spn to me talked about Dean and Cas. Or if someone was their favorite, it was Dean, and then they'd shit all over Sam. I also have two siblings who watched the show. I don't know if they've seen the whole thing but one of them was very vocally anti wincest and she thought everyone who shipped it was fucked up. The other shipped wincest secretly but tried to keep appearances up cuz he lived with our anti wincest sibling.
I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when I finally watched the show and Cas isn't a main character and Sam's actually really fucking adorable and sassy and oh my god I was ruined from the get go, from easy tiger and the YEARNING and the STARING and the looking like they're gonna beat each other up or eat each other or both and OMG I HAVE SEEN THIS SHOW SO MANY TIMES AND I STILL FORGET THAT THEY DON'T KISS. Because they always look like they should be kissing. I am obsessed with this stupid show the way that Dean is obsessed with Sam. Like I just wake up and stupid little things remind me of them even though I've been in the fandom for YEARS. ugh. And obviously you know I love Cas too and wincestiel but DAMN getting into wincest tho. There is nothing like finally giving in to it.
Tori you phrased this perfectly, the anti wincest and pro wincest sibling dilemma sounds like the worst fandom inner family drama :/ Sammy is so sassy and sweet and I absolutely adore him bonus points for early seasons floppy hair Sarah Blake you were so right to miss the old haircut. Don't get me STARTED on the staring it always feels like i should either look away or look directly at it incase they start making out. J2 panels are absolutely INSANE the second Jared & Jensen share that look I have to get up and grab my aluminum foil and put on my little tinhat. Giving in to wincest top ten feelings of all time.
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Fic: The whirlwind is in the thorn tree
wincest | about 3000 words | R for language and adult themes | characters: sam winchester, dean winchester
synopsis: My first and probably last stab at Wincest. No actual sex, just post-coital angst.
Flowers in the Attic is a cheesy gothic novel featuring four children who are locked in an attic by their scheming mother who hopes to hide their existence; the oldest son and daughter eventually begin an incestuous relationship.
The title is from "The Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash, which I never heard until recently but am now obsessed with.
. . .
Part 1: Dean
It doesn't start with romance or lust. It doesn't start with that little flash of bare skin visible above his jeans when he raises his arms (it makes you crazy and you don't know why; you see him shirtless all the time but for some reason that little strip of skin that isn't meant to be showing just brings you to your knees). It doesn't start with you staring at that perfectly sculpted spot at the base of his throat and finally setting your mouth to it and marking him up the way you've dreamt about for years (you've bruised him when you were sparring, and you've battered him in anger, but you've never left a mark for the purpose of saying hands off, he's mine and oh, what you would do just for the chance). It doesn't start with you too drunk to keep holding it all in and Sam too drunk to say no (you would never, you would never).
It starts with terror. Pure balls-to-the-wall terror that you're about to lose him. A horribly fucked-up hunt where you almost die, but more importantly, you almost watch Sam die, and you stumble into your motel room, both still out of breath, still not quite sure what happened out there, and you're checking him for injuries and every breath is a silent mantra, I almost lost you, I almost lost you, and nothing is enough, you want to crawl under his skin, you want to open him up and cradle his heart in your hands to make sure it's still beating, you're holding him tighter and tighter and he's clutching you just as tight, looking into your soul with those big wet eyes and saying “Dean, Dean," like your name itself is a prayer, a request. A plea. Whatever he is pleading for, you will give it to him. And it turns out the only thing he wants is all of you.
Which is convenient. Because the only thing you want is all of him.
. . .
But then comes After, and you have to face what you've done.
When you wake up (his arm is still flung over you, it's so wrong, it's so wrong), you quietly crawl out of bed and hurry into the shower. There is no water hot enough to scrub you clean, no soap strong enough to wash away your sins (watch out for your brother, it's your most important job). When you give up and turn off the water, you realize you didn't bring any clothes to change into, and you sure as hell weren't wearing any when you fled into the bathroom. There's nothing you can do but wrap a towel around your waist and hope he's still asleep.
He's not. He's sitting up in the bed you shared. His hair is a tousled mess, a silky brown cloud, and your fingers twitch with the craving to be tangled in it again. He doesn't look disgusted, or repulsed. He looks… hopeful. Like he hasn't caught on yet that you are a monster.
(He will be the death of you.)
(He is your reason for living.)
You sit on the other bed and try not to stare at that hickey that you finally managed to put at the base of his throat. (There are other marks. Don't look at them either.)
He speaks first. "Look, I know this is some crazy Flowers in the Attic kind of shit—"
"Oh, this is so much worse than Flowers in the Attic."
"Why?" His brow furrows. "Because it's gay?"
Which stops you in your tracks, because of course that's not the problem. But also because you haven't even thought of this as gay. It's not that you're interested in guys. You're not thinking about random guys when you jack off in the shower, or when you can't fall asleep, or when your life sucks and your heart hurts and you need an escape. It's not guys. It's not anyone else. You've chased a lot of tail over the years, trying to convince yourself otherwise, but it's just Sam. Only, always and forever, Sam.
But now he's looking at you like you're some kind of monster, like being a homophobe is somehow worse than being a sick bastard who wants to fuck his little brother. So you quickly say "No, dammit, you know that's not it."
"Then what? Why is it worse?"
And it's not fair that Sam is both your victim and the priest who will hear your confession; it's not fair that you're going to have to say the thing that will make him hate you, make him walk away from you again, but, well. Life stopped being fair when you were four years old. He would have figured it out anyway. He's too damn smart not to eventually realize whose fault it all is.
"It's worse because I raised you, Sam. I did this to you. I made you want this."
"What?" Sam's voice goes up an octave, incredulous. "You're saying you groomed me?"
"Not on purpose! But yeah, subconsciously, I must have done something! I must have screwed you up somehow. Otherwise, you wouldn't… there's no way you would have…"
"Slept with my brother? So there's no way I would have wanted to have sex with my brother unless someone snuck into my brain and planted the idea there? Someone must have made me want it? Is that what happened?"
Oh, Jesus, Sam just needs to stop talking, because he's making it worse. Yes, obviously you planted that idea in his sweet, trusting little head. Who knows when or where or how, but obviously you did that. Obviously you took him, the brother you were supposed to watch out for, you took his innocent love for you and twisted it into something awful and self-serving.
But he's not looking at you like he just realized what a monster you are, like he finally saw the darkness you've managed to hide all this time. He's smiling.
"You're an idiot," he says. "But okay, let's say you're right. Let's say the only reason I would want to have sex with my brother is because someone raised me wrong. Someone screwed with my head when I was little and made me want this. Then who did it to you?"
No, wait. That's not. You stare at him, mute.
"If you raised me to want this," he continues, "who did it to you? Dad? Is that what was going on, all those times you guys went off on a hunt and left me at a hotel? Dad spent the whole time convincing you that at some point you were going to have to throw me on the bed and have your way with me?"
"Dammit, Sam, that's not funny."
"I'm not trying to be funny, Dean. I'm just trying to show you how ridiculous it is to blame yourself. No one made you want it, and no one made me want it. It's just a product of our fucked-up lives. There are no victims here."
Is that possible? You want (so much, so much) to believe it. But even if he's not your victim, he still has to see how wrong it is. You've ripped your heart wide open and he's staring right at its dark, festering core. Surely he sees that.
"It may be a victimless kind of fucked up," you say cautiously, afraid to break whatever spell has been cast. "But it's still pretty fucked up."
"I'm not saying it's normal," he says. "You and me, this is definitely not normal. But we left normal behind a long time ago. We were never gonna have that. And this is something we do get to have."
Oh, okay. Sam can't have normal, so he's settling for Dean Winchester, the world's shittiest consolation prize. Well, that's the only part of this that makes sense. And you're not too proud to accept that role. You look at the carpet (you can't look at him) and nod. He will leave you again someday, when he does find normal, but for now? This is enough. This is still more than you ever thought you'd have. More than you deserve.
Sam throws back the covers. He is still very, very naked. Bruised from the hunt, and bruised from what happened after the hunt. (And so goddamn beautiful. He doesn't even know.) He gets out of bed and sits next to you. Not touching, but close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off him. When you do finally force yourself to look at him, he smiles at you again, that fond smile that stabs you right through the heart. You would give anything to have him sitting next to you, smiling that smile at you, for the rest of your life.
"You know," he says, "all those years I spent chasing normal, it was because I didn't think I could have what I really wanted. This, Dean. You and me. This is what I want. I wouldn't trade it for normal. I wouldn't trade it for anything."
If that's true. Oh God, if that's true.
"So," he continues, "maybe we just appreciate it. Maybe we hold onto it. I mean. Only if you want to."
Only if you want to. Like there's anything you want more. Sam is offering you all you've ever wanted, and all you have to do is reach out and take it.
You've lost the ability to speak, but whatever words you came up with would surely fuck it all up anyway. You take his hand and entwine his fingers in your own. He squeezes. You squeeze back. It's just one more in an endless history of wordless conversations, but it's the most important one you've ever had. You both sit there quietly for a minute, and you are very aware that you are wrapped in a towel and he is naked and you're holding hands and… it's not weird. It's okay. It's better than okay.
"You know," he says, "the most disturbing thing about all of this is that you just admitted you read Flowers in the Attic."
You have to clear your throat before you can answer. "It was a book? I saw the movie on TV once, when I couldn't sleep."
It's a lie. He knows it's a lie. He was there with you, that awful winter in Nebraska, when Dad dumped you at that weird old house for a couple of weeks and the only thing to do was pick through the pile of ragged paperbacks some teenage girl left behind. He knows you read it. He doesn't know you got to the incest scene and tossed the book away, no, no, I would never do that to him. I would never. He doesn't know you picked it up again, later, hoping it had a happy ending.
He knows you're a liar. He knows you're twisted and wrong. He loves you anyway. And maybe you don't deserve it, but you'll take it anyway, and hold onto it for as long as you can.
Part 2: Sam
Something about almost losing Dean puts everything into perspective. And yes, you almost died too, but it's hard to see your own death as comparable. Dean's near-death is what matters, the thing that paints everything in stark black and white.
There's no time to talk, no time to wonder, no time to check each other for injuries and try to figure out how you escaped this time. He shoves you into the Impala and speeds away from the scene, and you stare at his (beautiful) profile and think I can't do this any more, I can't die and not tell you how I feel, I can't let you die without knowing what you mean to me, I can't do it, I won't.
But it's not the first time you've told yourself that, or the second or third. And you know you'll fail, in the end, as you always have. Except. Except that when you finally make it into the room you're both still a little panicky, still having a hard time catching your breath, hearts pounding, and he says are you hurt, are you hurt as he paws at you, and then holds you tight and won't let go (you don't want him to, oh God you don't want him to) and you grab him, hold him just as tight and this is it, this is the moment, use your words, dammit, but all you can do is keep repeating his name like an idiot and you finally just kiss him and it turns out neither of you needs words after all.
. . .
Dean's hasty exit wakes you, and your heart leaps panicky into your throat for a minute. You fucked it up, he's running; all those years you held your feelings in check and now you've fucked it up and he's running. But he simply rushes into the bathroom and turns on the shower. He showers for a long time, which gives you time to think about what to say. Because you know he's going to be freaked out. You know he's going to say this is wrong, this is bad, we can't do this again. But there is no going back now; you can only go forward. You salted and burned just brothers last night. The only option now is brothers plus whatever this is. You'll have to make your way through whatever objections he has.
When he finally comes back into the room, every speck of his normal bravado is gone. He looks frightened and guilty (and beautiful, so damn beautiful, with the morning sun peeping through the flimsy curtains highlighting him in gold, picking out each eyelash as if God himself were directing it) and your heart melts like it always does. You are so fucked.
He clutches the towel wrapped around his hips tightly, and you're pretty sure the only reason he hasn't already put three layers of clothing between you and him is because in his hurry to get into the the shower he didn't take time to grab his armor. So, yeah. He's freaked out. It's okay. You'll talk him down (there is no choice, there is no other option) and it will be okay.
But it turns out you are not at all prepared for what his real objection is. Not at all.
You could tell him the truth. Yes, you made me want you. Just by being you. By being beautiful and brave and smart and funny and strong and exasperating. You made me love you in a way you are not supposed to love a brother, just by being you.
Or another truth is this. You think you were grooming me? When I was thirteen? When I was a gangly, clumsy, morose little barely-a-teenager? Because that's when it started, Dean. It wasn't anything you did. You weren't grooming me, you were busy chasing anything in a skirt. I had just turned thirteen years old and all I wanted was you.
But there is another very important truth, which is that you're both kind of irreparably fucked up. And this is possibly a silver lining to that. The fact that you're fucked up the same way, together.
"I'm not saying it's normal," you tell him. “You and me, this is definitely not normal. But we left normal behind a long time ago. We were never gonna have that. And this is something we do get to have." He has to see that, right? He has to understand that you two cannot measure yourselves by other peoples' yardsticks.
His reaction is to withdraw a little bit. Does he not believe you? Can he not tell, even now, that you love him so much it burns? You have no choice. There is no going back. You get out of bed and sit next to him. "You know, all those years I spent chasing normal, it was because I didn't think I could have what I really wanted. This, Dean. You and me. This is what I want. I wouldn't trade it for normal. I wouldn't trade it for anything. So, maybe we just appreciate it. Maybe we hold onto it. I mean. Only if you want to."
You gave him an out. You pray he doesn't take it. He doesn't. Thank God (or no, probably not God), he doesn't. You sit next to him, naked as the day you were born, and he doesn't flinch, doesn't lean away, doesn't say no, Sam, this is weird, this is bad, this is wrong. He just looks up at you like he's dumbfounded, but in a good way. And then he takes your hand. He's clasped your hand thousands of times, shepherding you across busy streets as a child, hauling you out of freshly dug graves as an adult. But this is the first time he's actually held your hand, and it feels like something greater; like a vow.
You need to change the subject pretty quickly, before you make a goddamn fool of yourself.
"You know, the most disturbing thing about all of this is that you just admitted you read Flowers in the Attic."
Dean's voice is hoarse. "It was a book? I saw the movie on TV once, when I couldn't sleep."
It's a lie. You know it's a lie. You made sure he saw you reading it, and you watched him pick it up after you were done. You had a thousand imaginary conversations where he said what did you think about that book and you said siblings locked in an attic for years, all they had was each other, it makes sense that their relationship would transform into something else, it wasn't hurting anybody, and after all, incest is only taboo because of the risk of birth defects, and many civilizations actually encouraged marriage between siblings, it's not really a big deal, and he said exactly, especially in a situation like that where they're literally in their own little world, and I've been thinking, and then and then and then.
None of that happened. What happened was he turned 18 and then 19 and then 20 and grew more and more maddeningly insane and reckless and beautiful and you realized that either he was going to die, or he was going to keep breathing but remain forever out of your reach, and either way you couldn't live like this any more.
But now he's sitting on the bed next to you, almost as naked as you are, holding your hand.
"You want to get some breakfast?" he says.
"I would love some breakfast. Let me shower first."
He gently swats you on the back of the head. "Go on then, Princess. Wash your pretty pretty hair."
The knot of fear that's been squirming in your stomach since you woke up quietly unclenches. And for the first time in a very long time, you think everything might be okay after all.
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u wanna say anything for spn ending? Today's their last day of filming
Yeah sure! I love how you worded this ask, it makes me want to give a very serious answer. I’ve been rewatching random episodes the past few days and thinking about how much of my life was shaped by this random lil tv show, both positively and negatively, so here we go.
I started watching Supernatural during my junior year of college, when I was grappling with being gay and religious, and had a pseudo-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive. I remember I started watching the show because I had been on tumblr for a while and thought, well this is a popular show on tumblr and looks like something I’d enjoy, so I might as well try it. I remember barely paying attention to the first season and thinking it was kind of silly, and I distinctly remember making fun of it right up until the season 1 finale when that truck slammed into the Impala and I said oh.
I remember sitting in the dining hall between classes, hiding in a corner with my pink headphones and my laptop, watching one episode after the other, completely consumed by it. My personal life was a mess at the time and I was angry and sad and frustrated, but I could forget about everything for a little while when I watched spn. I remember falling in love with Dean Winchester, season 3, when Sam gave him the amulet.
Because I had already spent a lot of time on tumblr, I knew about Castiel. I couldn’t wait to get to season 4, the anticipation killed me. I didn’t really have a choice in shipping destiel, I literally shipped it before I even watched a single episode of the show lol. My first time watching seasons 4 and 5, I remember how mad I would feel every time the opening credits scrolled at the bottom of the screen and Misha Collins wasn’t listed. I cared about almost nothing but Dean and Cas interacting with each other. I was totally enamored by them, by their potential. At some point I got over that and watched the show because I liked the show, but boy did my heart and brain break for destiel.
I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. I started coming out to more people, including people involved in the Christian campus ministry I was heavily involved in, and it was very very hard. It was 2013. The first episode of Supernatural I watched live was the episode where Dean turns into a fucking dog.
I don’t remember when I started reading fanfic, and I had no idea how to read fanfic. A friend invited me to ao3, what is ao3? I didn’t know. I used my email address as my username. I read Twist and Shout and Pie Without Plot and other very popular fics that I knew about because everybody knew about them. I vividly remember the first fics I read because I was 21 years old and had never had an orgasm in my life and believed sex was sinful and so when the sex scenes in fics turned me on, I felt guilty about it.
I quickly got over that and started writing explicit destiel fanfic.
I still had no idea what I was doing. I know the very first fic I ever wrote was a mess, I’ve completely erased all traces of it, but other than that I began posting with abandon. Pretty much everything I’ve ever written for spn is still on tumblr and/or ao3. I was running a Hannibal blog at the time and started posting more Supernatural content than Hannibal content, so I created a sideblog, @deancasheadcanons, and things very quickly got out of hand after that.
I was depressed, I was confused, I was spending my last couple years of college trying to figure out my sexuality, trying to hold onto a religion that was rejecting who I was becoming, trying to find my identity while picking a career path and being sad and being pulled in a hundred different directions. Sometimes I was working three jobs at once, on top of 17-credit-hour semesters. I was getting a degree in a field I did not care about, and I spent every class reading and writing fanfic, scrolling through tumblr, making internet friends, letting my life be consumed by Supernatural. I projected myself completely onto Dean Winchester and partially onto Castiel and did not even realize it.
I started dressing like Dean, and my sister and brother-in-law noticed and assumed I was gay. They were extremely unsubtle in their attempts at getting me to come out by pointing out the flannel and army jackets, and I did not have it in me to admit to them that I was dressing like a fictional character, but I DID tell them I was bisexual.
I went to therapy every week during my senior year of college, and I was embarrassed about how often I talked about my “internet life,” as I called it. I remember having the arbitrary goal of getting 1,000 kudos on a fanfic, and I remember the day it happened for the first time and I remember going to therapy that week and saying that I didn’t feel any different, that I thought getting attention for my writing would make me feel better, somehow, but I still felt the same, and my therapist asked me if I would still be writing if I was the only one who got anything out of it and I said yes. But I was still obsessed with writing things that were meaningful, and despite the fact that I would receive 10 negative/mean anons per day, I never turned anon off because I desperately wanted people to tell me that my writing meant something to them, that it mattered to them. I was fighting with myself every day over my sexuality and my identity and my purpose, and I put all of that on the shoulders of Dean and Cas.
There was also chubby!dean. I had lived my entire life with this inexplicable thing, this shame that I knew I could not share, that I knew I would just have to suffer with for my whole life, and then I joined the spn fandom and found that there were others like me, others that had a fetish and had similar experiences as I did and were drawn to Dean Winchester because there’s no other character that could make eating and gaining weight be as enticing as he makes it (in fanfic). For the first time in my life I had a community of people that I could relate to about a thing that I never thought I would ever be able to talk about with anyone in my life. I don’t remember if I consciously chose to start posting publicly about it, but at some point I did, and I started writing kink fic, but I was still so uncomfortable with myself and so scared of the things I felt, and I tried so hard to temper myself and not offend anyone and not go “too far” and not be too weird and I was so sexually repressed and pent up and full of guilt and shame, and so now when I go back and reread some of the stuff I wrote it feels like reopening an old wound and letting myself bleed out.
I was constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t getting as much attention as so-and-so, and I always made excuses about how maybe my writing was too weird and I was too much and maybe I just wasn’t good enough and I hated myself and wanted to delete everything I ever wrote, but also I’m awesome and receive a lot of attention and get a lot of good feedback but maybe that means I’m just a narcissist! I acted like an asshole online and justified it by saying it wasn’t really me, that I could be someone totally different on tumblr than the person I was in “real life,” but in hindsight, now when I think back on my early 20s, I cannot separate what I was doing in “real life” from what I was doing in the spn fandom. I shared so much of myself with the spn fandom without even recognizing that that’s what I was doing.
And I made mistakes, god I made mistakes, and I tried to be so careful about everything I said but I was also presenting a certain version of myself to the spn fandom so that people would like me (for instance: running a destiel blog and trying my best to hide the fact that I also ship wincest) and still I got in trouble constantly, and I grew bitter and mean because you can only receive the “when are you posting the next chapter?” comment so many times before you want to bang your head into a wall. I became defensive and unkind, afraid to check my inbox because it was a nightmare, and yet unable to turn off anon because, like I said, I desperately needed that feedback, I needed people to tell me that they felt what I felt, that they understood what I was writing and why I was writing it.
I expected Supernatural to give me everything I needed. I fantasized about Dean Winchester being canonically bisexual because I thought it would confirm something in me, that it would somehow make my life a little bit easier. I didn’t want to watch other shows that could maybe help me, I wanted Supernatural to do things for me that it had never promised and would never deliver, and it’s because I was defined by it for so many years. Now that I’m back on tumblr, I’ve been going back through some of my old posts on deancasheadcanons and it’s like reading a stranger’s words. Even so, I find myself telling people “I was deancasheadcanons” instead of “I ran a sideblog called deancasheadcanons” because it really was such a huge part of my identity. What’s wild is that every time I’ve tried to explain it to someone in real life, they just look at me like I’m not making any sense.
It was easy to stop watching Supernatural. I didn’t have cable, and I had been driving to my dad and stepmom’s house each week and watching it on their tv after they had gone to bed. I was in a new relationship with a woman I nearly married, I was back in school for a new career, I was working full time and absolutely did not have time to continue writing fanfic as prolifically as I had done for so many years. I finally reached a breaking point in 2017 and haven’t watched any new episodes since then (I don’t remember the last episode I saw). But now, as I rewatch some old episodes, it is easy to feel the way I felt the first time I watched the show. It’s easy to see why this campy little heartfelt show was a lifeline during my formative adult years.
So it turns out I have never reckoned with any of this, have never written it down, hence the 2k jumble of words you see here. And it’s like, I know that a lot of this may seem silly, trivial, especially for a show that in itself is not very serious, but as it comes to an end I have to reflect on it as a person who put so much of my heart, my creativity, my pain and my floundering identity into it. I am somewhat embarrassed and wish I could respond to this ask with a joke instead, but we’re in a pandemic and I live alone and have had way too much time to think and reflect and become a lot more self-aware, and part of that reflection has definitely been about my time in the spn fandom. I remember thinking the show was never going to end, yet here we are at the end and I felt compelled to type all this out with a desire to, I don’t know, get some closure? Convince myself that I was a whole person, that I wasn’t just a faceless URL posting destiel fics into the void, that my real life was not at all disparate from the time I spent online? In any case, I’ll always think fondly of the time I devoted to Supernatural, and I’ll take the good and the bad and everything in between. Thanks for the nice ask, anon, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.
#madd replies#long post#spn for ts#this is 2k words i am sorry lmao#wouldn't it be cool if i had any semblance of chill
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Hey, I'm sorry if this comes off as invasive, but I'm legitimately curious...
How did you go from 'not being able to get over the brothers thing' to being super into a wincest ship?
Were you more comfortable with it as time went on, or was it really sudden?
Has it affected your feelings about irl incest?
Also, I've noticed that the content for this ship on your blog has been very horny, but with a lot of the previous ships you've posted on your blog have been more romance centered with the occasional sexy sex post. Is this because of the appeal of a new exciting genre with a twist of the 'forbidden fruit' thing, or do you just think this ship is hotter than the other shippings you have? Perhaps there is just more of better nsfw content of this ship that you like?
This isn't hate mail or bait, I'm a longtime follower and I'm just very curious on how your journey was discovering you're into something this Taboo and how it's affected your feelings of incest overall.
Again I'm very sorry if this came off as invasive or rude. Thank you for your time and if you'd prefer to answer me privately, I can always DM you!
Have a lovely day :3
lol No no that’s fine, but it does make me laugh, in a rather disturbed way, when people ask the question of “has it affected how you feel about incest in real life?”.
The very FACT that anyone has to ask that says more about the askee, than it does about the person they are asking. Do I suddenly want to start fucking my own brother or sister? Of course bloody not! I’m an adult human being who can tell the difference between fantasy and reality and just because i’ve started shipping two fictional brothers, played by actors who are not brothers ,I haven’t suddenly started looking at my brother going ohh yeah I want a piece of that ass (oh god i actually shuddered even typing that).
Those that ask that question give off more of a vibe of panic of “omg i’m gonna start wanna fucking my brother if i start shipping wincest aren’t i omg NO! EVIL! SIN! THESE PEOPLE MUST BE GROSS BECAUSE I’M THINKING THAT I’D WANT TO FUCK MY BROTHER IF I EVEN START THINKING ABOUT WINCEST!”
I mean honestly, the ones who scream in anon “omg you’re so gross you ship wincest you must want to fuck your own siblings” I’m sure are also screaming into the inboxs of, say, Will Graham and Hannibal Lector shippers by saying, “Omg so gross you ship a cannibal you must go home and cut the legs of your family and eat them!”
No? Yeah, well that’s how ridiculous anyone asking if I now want to fuck my own siblings sounds like to everyone else.
Anyway, that answered that part of your Ask. As for whether it was gradual or sudden, it was very sudden, as per the post I did at the time.
As for the content I reblog, I can’t control what’s out there, Supernatural has had 15 years to accumulate all sorts of stuff and what I’m reblogging happens to be what I’m coming across, I honestly haven’t paid the slightest but of attention as to whether or not it’s “sexier” than of the fandoms I’ve posted about before. Perhaps those others fandoms just haven't had sexier posts.
Basically, I don’t think any different about shipping Sam and Dean than I do about any other characters that I have ever shipped in my entire life, there is literally no difference, and I know this is a genuine and polite question and you’re not hating or anything, but I tell you what, having to constantly justify myself to anyone who pops into my Ask about this is really starting to piss me off. And I’ve only been a shipper of them for one month! How people have survived for 15 years I bow to them I really do.
Anyway, I hope that answers what you need.
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Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.
The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.
I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.
It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.
I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"
Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.
In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.
Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.
They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"
Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that
- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.
- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.
Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.
As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"
And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.
And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.
If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.
Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!
Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done?
First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on.
I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course).
I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.
The truth:
Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.
Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear.
I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection.
Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up.
If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably.
If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.
You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3
CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family.
And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.
Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing.
What is real? We are.
Don’t you ever change.
I rather have you, cursed or not.
It’s love, hun, and love always wins.
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DESTIEL AND COCKLES RANT
THIS IS A RANT ON ALL THINGS DESTIEL AND COCKLES
PS. I do not know how to make gifs and or use photos yet so feel free to add yours
I have said this before and I will say it again. I have been in this fandom for a month and I ship Destiel and Cockles anyone who has a problem with this then move along and/or if you are an anti and read this, keep your hateful comments to yourself.
That being said, I have read about almost all ships in the fandom but mostly Destiel, Cockles, Wincest, and J2. Through all the reading and discovery, I still have to say I ship Cockles and Destiel more than ever before. However, I have seen some things from the antis that did not sit well with me.
This is going to be a long post so brace yourself and it is mostly about the hate the antis (anti-cockles, anti-wives , and anti-Destiel Shippers spread). Also this is a rant so don’t mind me,
ON DESTIEL
The hate on Destiel is massive. Mostly this is from Bronlies who hate Cas like he is the anti-Christ, and the Wincest shippers.
Now I am not trying to rain on anyone’s parade but come on. Cas is Dean’s best friend. Whether you ship them romantically or not, it is canon that Cas Dean’s best friend. We have seen time and again how miserable Dean is every time Cas dies. Dea has also expressly stated that Cas is his best friend and even said they are better together; all three of them including Sam. He has called him his family. So why the hate? Chuck himself has said that he has rebuilt Cas more times than anyone.
Now, people who believe that it is better to ship Sam and Dean who are literally blood brother but it is not okay to ship Dean and Cas what is wrong with you? Is it okay for someone to fuck their brother and/or be in love with them? I mean come on.
Before I was even a shipper, I always looked forward to episodes that Cas was in. He brought a different dynamic to the show in a positive way. Yes, I love the brothers but Cas is just deifferent and all the sass he brings makes the show, at least to me 10 times better. Sue me.
People saying that JA would never be comfortable with Destine because he is a Christian. I mean, he can call Chuck a dick, call angels dicks, make deals with demons and all other unchristian things but kissing another man is where he draws the line? If he was such a Christian, why does he let another man straddle him on stage or want to kill God?
Someone once said that JA supports wincest. I saw the video and I get what he said is that whatever floats your boat or something like that. So why is it so hard for him when it comes to Destiel? I don’t understand this man. He is a paradox.
ON COCKLES
I have seen antis, mostly those who ship J2 throw shade at MC saying that JA doesn’t like him, he just tolerates him and everything they do is for PR. I have not once seen anyone say that JP doesn’t like MC. You know why? I believe they view MC as a threat to their J2 ship.
So I stumbledupon this antis blog who had a whole analysis (much like am doing here) on why JA cannot be a couple. Here are some that I remember from the top of my head:
1. That JA said that he thinks Matt Bomer is attractive.
2. That JA moved to Austin to be live next to JP.
3. That JA and MC have nothing in common being that JA plays golf and sings etc and that MC does woodwork, writes poetry and bicycle touring.
4. That JA is with JP hence no. 2.
5. That JA does not curse on stage but MC does.
6. That MC does not take acting seriously but JA does.
Now now now. This beats logic. All the above things I beg to differ with not because I am cockles shipper but it is just common sense.
Being with someone or rather being in love with someone does not mean any of the above things have to be true. Hear me out.
1. On finding Matt Bomer attractive. I have many celebrity crushes, there are also ordinary people that I find attractive. But then again, I have a boyfriend, who I am in love with; I have been with for six years. But he looks nothing like my celebrity crushes or the ordinary people I find attractive. Does that mean I am not in love with him? No. It means I have eyes and I can appreciate beauty and have a few fantasies but I chose to be with him because I love him. He also has other people he finds attractive that look nothing like me, does that mean he does not love me? I mean come on.
Oh the most hilarious thing is that the anti said you cannot compare Matt to MC since Matt is way attractive. I mean come on; they may not look alike but they both have dark hair, blue eyes. Seriously people! And MC is so handsome and adorable at the same time. Sometimes I feel like he looks better than JA and JP. Sue me.
2. On JA moving to Austin. Lol. This means that he went to live next to his best friend. I mean come on. I have moved to live next to my best friend (bff) who is married. Does that mean I am in love with her? Hell no! But I feel safer knowing that she is there for me.
Also people need to understand, MC and JA could be involved romantically or not (pick your poison) but you don’t need to be next to your lover to love them or be in a relationship with them. Lond distance relationships anyone? They have families and kids and other priorities. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not necessarily mean you live together or evn in the same area. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and also they are where they are now because of other priorities in their lives. So, living together or in the same town doesn’t make you more or less in love.
3. On the issue of common interests. This made me laugh so hard. I mean comeon, People who are together do not need to share any interests. The diversity of their interests is probably what attracted them to each other. Also how can you say a poet and a singer have nothing in common? They are artists. MC can write poems that JA can sing. Oh also remember that video MC’s friend DM posted on Twitter where they did the whole bicycle touring in Germany? Uh huh? JA seemed to be interested in that a lot. So..
4. I could say a lot about JA being with Jp. This J2 being married and their wives being beards is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Seriously, J2 tinhats have gone ahead to hate of D’s posts and call her names. Telling her to stop pretending that she is JA. It is laughable and not in a nice way, really. Can they just stop? Before I became a cockles shipper I watched J2 videos where they interact be it cons, red carpet moments or even gag reels. It is just different. All I see are two bros; one that is really playful like a little puppy and the other one trying to be the big brother. As for JA and MC, it is different, there are things that JA is comfortable when Mc does that he is not comfortable when JP does them. Neck kisses for a start.
Also most of the J2 tinhats evidence about J2 being real is rarely backed up by visual evidence and if there is any, it is usually from years ago. I am not hating on antis, just stating facts.
5. I mean, cursing on stage really? I curse all the time my bf doesn’t. Does that mean he doesn’t like me or love me? Hell to the Fucking No! Suck it!
6. On Mc not taking acting seriously. Yeah I can guess why he doesn’t. It is not his only priority unlike JA who has chosen it as a career path. From what I have seen, MC’s priorities include making the world a better place through charities, politics, and oh, he is also a writer. Oh so forgive him if he is not obsessed with acting. Besides JA says that he likes how he acts as Cas because it is not like anything he has seen from other guest stars that have come on the show. I mean not being serious about something does not mean that you are not good at it. Would he have lasted 11 seasons if he was not good at what he does?
There was also hate that JA is only around MC for PR and he actually hates him. There were some photos and gifs so the apparent hate. So, if he cannot stand him, why is there so much evidence of JA going to MC to give some love, Neck kisses, intimate IG posts, face caresses, ass smacks, calling him his baby dadfy, heart eyes, even when they don’t know that they are being filmed?
Also why is it during the Vegascon 2020 all JA did was bring up MC unnecessarily even when no one, absolutely nobody asked him to. Come on! stop the bs and admit that Cockles is the realest ship in the history of ships!!
ON THE WIVES
I swear bitches be crazy. How can you just hat someone for literally nothing? This is mostly from J2 tinhats at other J2 stans who do not ship J2 together romantically. I mean…comeon. You do not need to be a stan for the wives just because they are married to J2 but please stop with the madness.
I recently saw someone comment on various JA posts on IG asking why he is lying to the fans that he is with D when he is with JP. So many rude things have been said about the wives especially D that it breaks my heart.
Seiously? People have gone ahead even to say that she is with JA’s friend SC and that the twins are not JA’s they are SC’s since D and SC are ‘always’ hanging out together. My question is, so D is not supposed to hang out with their friends? And for Chuck’s sake, everyone can see that the twins especially the boy (idk their names, sorry) looks like JA’s twin. I mean come on people.
I believe that they hate D because she says how much she loves MC and that Cas is her favorite character and that they are also bitter that JA chose her and not them. Just my opinion, but what do I know. On JP and G. I don’t know much about them mostly because I do not follow either of them of IG or elsewhere but I have seen hate on G as well.
The antis have gone ahead to say that when JA said that he was hanging out with SC writing songs, that he was lying and that nothing was happening he was just trying to dampen the rumours. I wonder how they felt when the album by JA and Sc came out last year. Jokes on you haters. Bitches be crazy fr.
Oh, the antis also say that the same way JA looks at his wife is the same way he looks at MC. With contempt. I mean talk about hanging yourself with your own rope. What they are saying is, JA feels about his wife the same way he feels abouts MC. Aww! That is true love bitches.
If JA actually cannot stand MC, shouldn’t he have gotten him fired from the show or at least make sure he gets less screen time and that they don’t have any panels together being that JA is the star of the show and all. I mean Mark left and he was a major character to the plot so...
Also why would JA give and buy MC clothes if he hates him? Give him a ring, a bracelet? Huh? Explain it to me.
Oh, some anti also said that before every Cockles panel at JIBCON JA cries and has to be forced on stage by Daniella and JP has to give him a hug and that’s why he drinks a lot of apple juice. LOL. WTF? What do you say to such people. I cannot even..My question is, are we talking about the same Cockles panels that I have seen? Then JA deserves all the Oscars and Tony Awards for his impeccable acting skills when he is around MC. Must really hate him. *wink*
MY TWO CENTS ON COCKLES
I know JA gives off mixed actions about MC. But I think it is to confuse people like us, shippers. He does’t want to too out there so he tries so hard to be mean with his words. But his actions tell a different story. I mean, who gets a boner when their friend straddles them on stage and then goes ahead to post that chest to chest selfie on IG. That is the gayest thing I have ever seen.
Sharing clothes? I mean friends do share clothes but if it is like a daily thing. More than 20 articles of clothing exchanged between each other on various occasions even when they are apart does not make sense to me. And to make matters worse, JA does not deny it. One even had a tag on it. Lol. We are not children, we can see what is going on.
The 2014 DallasCon – Rob’s Birthday Party. WTF? Was all that between JA and MC? Why did he he swallow and react like that when he saw MC’s bare abdomen? Who does that? Also the looks when MC was leaving the stage. Come on.
Also what was up with the” I love you from the bottom of my heart” at the MTV top 10 in 2010.
The wife is my rock but I am glad to have some pebbles in my life.
Truth is, JA could post a video of him balls deep in MC and the antis could say that somehow MC manipulated JA to post it for PR.
People need to leave MC alone, he ie a human being who has made mistakes, JA and JP have too and I don’t see the antis hating on them. The double Standard s FOH.
I could write about this forever but the truth is JA loves MC, and D and V know that they love each other. All their friends know including JP and other castmates. I believe they know it is more than just friends and the antis can’t stand it because they also know it to be true.
JA LOVES MC. JP LOVES MC. J2M LOVE EACH OTHER. J2 LOVE THEIR WIVES. STOP THE HATE!!
I am not done but I am done for now. I could be here forever writing about this if I do not stop.
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Babe, I need a commentary on "Swan Song" more than I need my next breath. Pretty please ‼️
[Send me an ask with your favourite or a random SPN episode and I’ll comment on it while re-watching it.]
+SPN Commentaries+
Season 14
a/n : all the episode SPN gifs are made as I watch , unless they’re from google , you can see that if they are. If you can’t see them you need to use a computer or use the gifs post right under the episode link.
UUUGH *wraps herself in a blanket*
[zoom on Dean as the song goes “don’t you cry no more” ] J F C
[Chuck’s voice] “On April 21st-”
[slams the laptop close] I can’t do this.
————————————————-
- I gotta .
*sobs* [open laptop] “ -1967 , the 100 millionth..”
- “the most important car “
-” Getting folks right for judgment day”
- “ a used car-lot in Lawrence, where a young marine bought her on impulse” [sucks breath in]
- “ Where the story begins ..:”
- “…and here is where it ends”
- “Watching out for you,it’s kind of been my job” “ it’s kinda who I am”
- “I let him out…I gotta put him back”
Goddamn it this will hurt like a son of a bitch , I can’t even be funny
- I always cringed seeing those two demons hanging from the ceiling to bleed out like pigs honestly.
-…and damn that fucking jacket!!!! I hate whoever stole it with all my heart
- Oh fuck Sam’s so disgusted and scared
- Looking at Castiel sleeping in the back “oh ain’t he a little angel?”
S:”Angels don’t sleep”
D: Well…fuck
-DETROIT
-S “Dean I’m sure he know a buttload we don’t”
-S” you gotta promise me you are not gonna try to bring me back”
D: WUT, lol sure
-Apple-pie life ….sorry but that doesn’t suit neither of you. AND just because Idgaf about y’all haters….I don’t even want that for them . I mean…I don’t see supernatural ending like that , do you? Blaze of glory guys.
-HE DID NOT PROMISE THO
-time for the goodbyes .
- S “Do you mind not watching this?”
[skipping forward crying] I CAN’T YOU GUYS FUCK YOU
also…that was a lot to drink, I can barely drink two bottles of water a day without being sick.
-S “ We’re here you sons of bitches”
MOOD
- Hey Lucy…looking rotting
- All those little details in the car makes me so sad and warm and happy, ffs
-WHY DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THE RIIIIINGS
-oh my fuck look at Dean right now….my heart
-The moment where Sam becomes Lucifer…..DAMN JARED
- And here we have the entire fandom mood
-The mirror talk
-Samifer: “ Such anger, young Skywalker”-Samifer “ we are two half made whole”S: first of all EWW
-Jesus H Roosevelt Christ , that is so not Sam
-”Sam Winchester this is your life”
Hi hello, uhm…can someone send help? I think my heart is being ripped off
- C “I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol “ A MOOD
- D” yes, well, .thank you Bukowski “
- OH WOW BOBBY’S BROKEN FACE DOESN’T AFFECT ME AT ALL.
Jk that’s insufferable
-”Sam used to insist on honest jobs.” that’s cute.
-”They could go anywhere and do anything” LIVING THE LIFE I WANT
-”Sure , they never really had a roof and 4 walls, but they were never, in fact, homeless “
-”It has to end where it started I guess”
-”You are gonna do something stupid. You got that look” TELL ME AGAIN HOW BOBBY IS NOT THEIR FATHER
-”Well I ain’t gonna let him die alone”
[ok …I’ve run out of pitiful cats pics ]
-oh well that’s a graveyard that @curly-haired-disaster would enjoy
- Angels and their constipated staring contest.
- is it bad that I find the fucking Devil reasonable ?!?!?! Like??? he’s?? not wrong??
- JFC Michael is so…aseptic
-but also I’m imagining this with Michael true vessel and I’m dying because….PARALLELS
ALSO , Michael and Lucifer:
- [PURR] *GASPS* OH look it’s Dean doing something stupid.
-[Rock of Ages starts to play ] My lame 90s’ ass:
*record scratch* In my defense….nope…there is no excuse….proceed *record starts*
-”it’s better to burn out than fade away”
D mentally : hello you stupid motherfuckers, Dean-suicidal-tendencies-because-nothing-to-lose is here.
- Michael : RUDE
-Lucifer : lol I love this stupid son of a bitch, i’LL KILL HIM LAST
-”Hey, we need to talk”
can someone get me an infinity rule to measure Dean’s balls right now?
- Satan: This is a new whole mountain of stupid” also I’m so entertained right now. You go mud monkey, do a little dance.
-Dean addressing Adam
Adam in hell : SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH
- AND HERE WE HAVE THE GREATEST INSULT
-also…HELLOOOO YOU CASTIEL HATERS MOTHERFUCKERS, HE LITERALLY JUST SIGNED HIS DEATH TO GIVE 5 FRIGGIN MINUTES TO DEAN FOR SOMETHING HE ISN’T EVEN SURE WOULD CHANGE A THING
- Satan “ did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?”
Castiel : …..nnnnno…?
[SPLAT]
- Lucifer grabbing Dean by the collar , slowly , saying “ You are such a pain……” [dramatic pause because Lucifer is a drama queen] “…in my ass”
HOT.
(please don’t start sending me Wincest or SamLucifer x Dean or SamxLucifer stuff , I still don’t like them)
- NAH BOBBEH
- “Oh he’s in here all right” …. kinky
(please don’t start sending me Wincest or SamLucifer x Dean or SamxLucifer stuff , I still don’t like them)
- [Dean gets trashed]
- The toy soldier!!!!
-THE FLASHBACKS
-OH my god he’s so scared and oh look you can see the moment he gives up
-those silent goodbyes
- [gross sobbing]
- also….bye forever Adam and Canon Michael arches.
-The moment Dean realize it’s done and his head bump into the car and his lips trembles and his eyes are so lost and full of pain and then he closes them and turn his head [fades to black]
OH LOOK HE IS ON HIS KNEES , FUCKING GREAT THANKS…..wow ok YA REALLY NEED TO STOP MAKING ME DO COMMENTARIES ON SAD EP , but that would mean that there would be just a handful left then….
- *whop whop * here is Castiel
- D:”Cass are you God? “
C: “ no but I’ll make you scream that later in the seasons. That’s a nice compliment, but no”
- C: “ New and improved” CASS IS A SERAPH NOW , [LEVEL UP]
- “ you try to tied up any loose ends, but you never can “ … are the writers calling themselves out?
“The fans are always gonna bitch”
HEY
“There’s always gonna be holes”
yeah riiiight
-D “ wow…God gives you a brand new shiny set of wings and suddenly you are his bitch again”
oooooh speaking the truths and we all know what happens in season 6 .
C : “It’s just seems like the right thing to do”
me : *cringe *
- D: “ All I’ve got is my brother in a hole!”
- C: “ what would you rather have? Peace or Freedom ?”
CASTIEL WHAT’S WITH THESE IMPOSSIBLE CHOICES, JFC he’s already starting to sounds like what he’ll become in season 6
- D:” You really sucks at goodbyes”
-Bobby and Dean’s hug *sobs*
-Chuck:” Every part of him, every fiber he’s got wants to die…”
thanks god, I hate it
- “..he’s made a promise”
A VeRy FuCKIng StUPid onE
- THE VOICE CRACK
- Chuck:” they did alright”
*spluttering* I’M SORRY WHAT
Also FUCK OFF WITH THIS MUSIC AND THE FLASHBACKS
-”Nothing really ever ends”HERE….RIGHT HERE…at the time I’ve watched this the first time I was…..BITCH WHERE U GO? AND THEN…….OH..OOOOH YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
God every time something bad happens on heart, heaven and hell :
OH WAIT …
-[ camera pointing in Sam’s face] and where the fuck did you come from bitch.[Hello by Adele starts to play]
.
.
.
Next up : Free to be you and me
ugh I forgot who wanted the tag in these so I’m tagging the ones from the season 14 ones
@waywardbaby @ravenangel33 @mariekoukie6661 @wayward-and-worn @spnskinnyballs @starfirerules @cloverhighfive @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @destiel-honeypie @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee @jacks-word-of-the-day
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destielette1 replied to your post “It's fucking hilarious how you don't even have to give a hint...”
I sent the comment too fast anyway i was saying that the show and the fandom are agonizing, that’s a fact , I don’t think they can save it now , not with these writers , and not with the main reasons that made the show go to its 15th (no matter what the incest shippers say) are being treated like shit and literally killed, and I’m talking about both Cas and destiel.
We lost so many good people , so many excellent meta writers , like awed frog for example, people are fed up, thousands Shippers get fed up of their queer baiting and left the show, and it shows in the ratings. And the way the show been pandering to incest Shippers lately made things even uglier , I will always cherish Cas and Destiel no matter what , but I will not keep a good memory of Spn. I always said that a show success doesn’t lie in its longevity but in its ending ,
The shows that end badly are quickly forgotten , the main actors of these show often pay for the writers errors and they rarely find other significative roles again, just look at the actors of lost, this getting really long , I needed to someone who is not an hypocrite , thank you for trying to stay honest and don’t ever change , love you 🌹
I hope you don’t mind I put all your comments together because I think they are on point. And coming from you, and how much I know you love Destiel and Cas are incredible important right now.
Under the cut the rest because it got long... as usual...
I agree almost completely in all that you say. And I say almost because I think when spn ends is not going to be forgotten or forgiven. It’s going to stay in the history of queerbaiting tv forever. It’s already happening even before the show ends, the only thing that maintains it like you say, it’s destiel and Cas, and I’m saying this not as a shipper or a Cas’ fan, it’s simple facts. We don’t have to search too hard for these facts either, destiel has been on lists with otps and canon ships on major sites for quite a while now, everybody knows that making a list with deancas is surely going to get thousands of clicks, the polls always have them for the same reason. The amount of fics, art, codas, metas, articles about them is incredible. And we are talking about a ship that is not canon, and that Dabb made sure to kill it dead. Imagine if things were different, just imagine.
That’s why I say that spn is going to go infamous in that respect, is going to be up there with Sherlock, and the meltdown johnlock created is going to pale with the one we are going to have with spn. It’s going to be hard af to watch and I have been saying “please don’t listen or read meta bs that is is lying to you because is not healthy” like a parrot, because I KNOW some people are going to get hurt so so much.
I’m glad that I can finally started to distance myself a little from the show and from the ship, it’s really liberating not to be so down or angry all the time. Or just waiting for my 3 minutes of Cas every now and then just to be disappointed again, I’m not letting tptb do that to me ever again. And yeah it’s fiction, but fiction can hurt you too, can turn into an obsession, and that’s what happened with spn on so many levels... Tptb play with that constantly, and worst of all they know VERY WELL what they are doing. Metas like to talk about how “everything is so well crafted in the writer’s room!” and that “everything has a reason to be” yeah the reason is to keep fans watching, buying merch, going to cons, and spending money. Sorry not sorry, but spn at this point is so clearly just all about the money tptb can get out of fandom.
What is sad af, it’s the lost potential, spn could’ve been incredible, not only if destiel went canon, but if the writing wasn’t so shitty, repetitive and boring. Also metas likes to point out how “season 14 is all about characterization” lmao! If the 300th ep proved something is that they dgaf about characterization! They brought back John with a storyline that didn’t make sense AT ALL, it was pure fan service. They also like to point out how much the bros have expanded their family and “it’s not about only them anymore”. But again, the 300th proved them wrong, it’s all about blood family, it’s all about the bros (and I totally agree with you that we have so many wincest winks lately wtf). I have talked so many times why this is not going to change, that I feel the deja vu running through my veins. They have a formula, a formula that gave them 15 seasons, they are not going to change it, even if the ratings are down, they are stuck with their bs. Dabb’s era is the worst that I have seen, and I’m not afraid to say it. Even when I hated Gamble for so long, at least we had great eps now and then. But these last three years oh gods, they are so bad! They totally destroyed Cas and Dean, and deancas, and the myth arcs and lore were non-existent to them. Continuity? What’s that? And don’t make me talk about their obsession with abusive white males that they keep bringing back or giving a redemption arc too (ketch, john, nick/lucifer to name a few).
Ugh... there’s so much more to REALLY analyze about spn, instead of writing about parallels and the light, and the wardrobe. But alas, I’m no meta, and I’m really tired of all their bs. What I feel the most is the lost of great bloggers, friends and fans, I terribly missed them. Nowadays we have to go around social media, esp twitter, being really careful about what you say, otherwise the horde of positivity police will bury you shouting “you’re a casonly! you’re bitter and that is as bad as being a bronly! you’re the dark side of the fandom!” And that’s why metas and their positivity policing are also responsible for destroying fandom. It shows in the amount of blogs that are deleted or changed by fans, it shows in the mess that fanfiction is right now, it shows in the wars that we have and how much the fandom is divided. We have to thank them for that imo, I have seen them in action, I have experienced their policing. But idgaf about what they say about me or my little blog. I’m not shutting up, they can all go fuck themselves because I’m not forgiving or forgetting how much they clapped when tptb killed Cas in season 12. And they call US the dark side of the fandom? Lmao!
Sorry it go this long. But I’m venting and ranting, well you know me at this point. And I want to really thank you for your last words, because I know that we have different opinions on certain matters but you always showed me so much respect... I really appreciate it like you have no idea, because it shows me that we can all exchange opinions or think different but also we can be decent with each other. For me you’re one of the greatest in this fandom. I have to thank spn, despite everything, that I could meet people like you. All the hugs, and love you too.
#destielette1#rant#vent#rant of rants#replies#ranty replies#opinions#don't like don't read#anti spn#just in case#destiel for ts#just in case too#anti metas bullshit#dirt for ts
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Ok, so that fanfic questions ask meme? You wanna do ALL OF THEM?!
YES, LET’S DO IT, HERE WE GO, PREPARE YOURSELF I’m copy and pasting answers I’ve already done just so I don’t have to retype them and there’s a break because god this got long. I might link this on my About Me post, cause holy shit I spent time on this
1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?
Actual fandom? Probably DC. That’s when I started reading fanfiction and really poked my head around online communities dedicated to media and all.
2. What is your latest fandom?
I don’t know, probably Marvel? Maybe Riverdale, but I was a fan of the comics before so
3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?
If I’m assuming this question is about the actual fandom and not the source material and the people in the fandom and its community as a whole? Probably the Percy Jackson fandom. Not really into it anymore so I don’t know the state of it now, but it was a pretty wholesome and positive community. Any community that calls it’s creator “Uncle Rick” has gotta be pretty dope.
4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?
Oh lord save my soul for admitting I like this, but definitely Five Nights at Freddy’s. The indie gaming, creepypasta, underground subculture as a whole is something I regret getting into. Don’t get me wrong, I usually love the source material, but the fandom is just so bad. You probably know what I’m talking about, the fangirls who insist they’re insane and are in love with Slenderman or something.
But specifically on FNaF, lord, I don’t even know what the fandom is anymore. It’s a meme, a fetish, and a hellspace all at once. And I’m not gonna fucking lie, I’ve been in this hellhole long before any of that. Like, I can’t even try to escape it, I’m in it for the long haul. I was just someone who joined for the lore and now we’re here with fucking casual bongos and trash gang and fuck I didn’t ask for this. I can’t escape. I know so fucking much about the franchise it hurts my fucking soul. I remember when the FNaF 2 trailer came out and we were all micro-analyzing London Bridge Is Falling Down. I remember when Springtrap didn’t have a name and we called that fucking Spring Bonnie or Golden Bonnie. I survived that era and I have PTSD from it, trust me. I remember when we were naive enough to think FNaF 3 was the last game. I know what channels were born and what channels died because of that series. I know it all.
I’m sorry, I got off topic. BUT I DON’T GET TO FUCKING RANT ABOUT IT ENOUGH, FUCKING FUCKSHIT
Oh, and a lot of bandoms I was in too. I went through an alt phase where I’d only listen to shit like BVB, BMTH, MCR, PTV, SWS, and so on. Once again, that sort of fandom was the same as the indie/creepypasta in being ‘different’ and ‘insane’ and all that and I was no different. I was a weird fucking kid when I was like 13. I regret all of it.
5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?
Marvel, DC, and a couple Riverdale.
6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.
Not in many fandoms but
Marvel - WinterIronDC - SuperbatStar Trek Voyager - Captain Janeway/Seven of NinePercy Jackson - Solangelo
7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.
Marvel - Stucky, Stuckony, Romanogers, Clintasha, any incest ones, (save me for admitting this) SpideypoolDC - Any batboys shipped together, Bruce/Talia
And I don’t really have NOTPs for my other fandoms? Marvel and DC are really the only two things I’m invested in the fandom of. I guess you could count Wincest as well for Supernatural.
8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?
What even is my latest fandom? Um, we’ll just say Marvel because I’m really not into joining fandoms much anymore. Honestly, I was a big DC fan who felt the need to hate Marvel because no shit. Eventually, I just got sick of the absolute shit movies DC had and I decided I had nothing to lose by just watching Iron Man. When I watched it I realized “wow, superhero movies can actually be good???” and I just binged the entire MCU in one month and was ready to see the next movie in theatres and I think I’ve seen every single MCU movie in theatres since Civil War? Definitely since Homecoming. I gave up on DC movies. The new Aquaman looks like shit, I’m so fucking pissed they redid Mera’s look when she looked perfectly fucking fine before and now she’s oversexualized and it’s gross. I’m excited for the new DC Batwoman TV show because I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE A LIVE ACTION BATWOMAN SINCE THE DAWN OF FUCKING TIME
9. What are the best things about your current fandom?
Probably the Tony Stark Defense Squad. As a collective whole, I think the Defense Squad is one of the sweetest, nicest corners of the fandom. We’re incredibly kind to each other, write great meta and fic, and it’s just a great community. Of course, there are assholes, but you know.
I might get flamed for saying this, but also the HYDRA Trash Party corner of the fandom is actually really nice? Like, they understand consent and abuse aftermath and all the real shit better than the rest of the fandom, not gonna lie. Like, for as dark as the fic is you’d expect the people to be fucking nasties, but I have never met a rude HTP enthusiast. Or even one who’s unaware of how consent and whump work. They’re all very aware and kind. It’s bizarre, considering the source material. They get an awful rep though.
10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?
Literally any fandom I’m in besides Marvel and DC. I think I wrote like 2 Riverdale fics. Getting into reading fanfic and getting into writing fanfic are two entirely different ballparks. I don’t really read that much fanfic anyway, especially not anymore. I read Marvel and DC, but even then. I think it’s hard because sometimes you can’t switch off the whole ‘reading like a writer’ thing. That’s why I enjoy classic literature. I’m a slut for some good ass prose and symbolism.
11. Who is your current OTP?
WinterIron, of ducking course.
12. Who is your current OT3?
I’m not really a fan of OT3s, to be honest, I find I’m personally pretty weak with writing poly relationships and I don’t really enjoy reading them because one character is usually focused on a lot more than the other two. But if I had to pick, I would say T’Challa/M’Baku/Bucky only because I am solely responsible for the creation of that abomination and you have no idea how much people begged me for a series after the first one, it astounded me.
13. Any NoTPs?
As before listed, Stucky, Stuckony, Spideypool, Clintasha, Romanogers
14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?
IronWidow is my top BroTP, but I also like WinterWidow as a BroTP. Stucky is good as a BroTP too, as well as Tony & Rhodey.
15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?
Literally any ship I have. Yall I’ve been here since WinterIron was obscure. But to name a specific one I’m just gonna go with Pietro/Tony. I don’t know, I just had an idea I was writing for them and I was thinking about how much missed out potential there was between them. And with Pietro as a whole, but you know. Marvel has to kill off the only good Maximoff they had.
Oh, Natasha/Pepper too, but they aren’t as obscure, I guess.
16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?
Stucky, clearly.
17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?
Stony, and no. They fell apart for me, at least MCU-wise.
18. What ship have you written the most about?
By now, WinterIron, I believe. I recently passed my count of fics for Superbat.
19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?
Pepperony, probably. I think it’s actually a cute and sweet ship and I like their in-canon moments, but I just can’t get behind reading fanfic of them? It never works out for me, I don’t really get it. It sucks because I do enjoy seeing their cute moments.
20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?
I’ll do a different answer I thought of besides the first time I answered this. But Thruce was a big shocker for me. I didn’t even think about it during Ragnorak but then I saw an incorrect quote for it and I was like? Oh? This? This is a good, pure ship right here. The funny thing is, I actually wrote a fic with them as a side ship long before they hit it big so like, I was shocked when they came out of nowhere. But hey, I’m fucking here for it. I’ll probably never write it, but I’m here for it.
21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?
Goodnight, My Angel. It was a Superbat fic and really sad, but I still love it.
22. Is there anything you regret writing?
Probably... You Deserve Love And You’ll Get It. No, I won’t link it because I hate it that much. I’m not even gonna talk about it. It’s my most popular fic too why
23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.
Super dorky, but The (Un)Wanted Kiss. It’s my first finished chapter fic, and the first chaptered fic I did on Tumblr and it just brings me a lot of nostalgia. It reminds me of where I was as a writer when I started it and it was an entire fic spawned from people wanting more of a simple 500-word prompt and that just blows my mind. It reminds me of the power of fans and how much love and support I got from it. It really kicked me off as a “serious fanfic writer” I think.
24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?
All You Are Is All I Need. That is a hot fucking mess. Probably The Red Halo too.
25. What’s your most popular fanfic?
*sigh* You Deserve Love And You’ll Get It
26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?
I bullshit my way through them. My most recent fics have actually followed a trend of being named after songs.
27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?
Summaries. I always make them so fucking corny, I hate it.
28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?
One Foot In Front Of The Other, probably. Just because I want more fem!WinterIron fanart. I can’t say what scene because spoilers but.... yeah, anything from that would be great, really.
29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?
Sort of. I make some of my friends like Pizza read over my shit before I post it, but that’s not often, only when I think I need it. I don’t just because I write a lot and I’d feel bad for constantly annoying someone with making them read everything I write. I hate inconveniencing people.
30. What inspires you to write?
The better question is what doesn’t. I never stop thinking like a writer. My brain forgot how to turn off that feature.
31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?
Ummmm, I can’t think of an exact thing? I get so many beyond sweet comments and messages, it’s hard to pin down one comment. I think if I had to pick, I once got a message from someone on Tumblr who was old enough to be my mother complimenting me and telling me I didn’t write like a teenager and I think that was really sweet.
32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?
Yes, yes, yes, yes. And honestly, any genre. I listen to everything. Everything. But specifically, Emilie Autumn has inspired a lot ideas/fics I’ve written.
33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?
All of the above.
34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?
Around 23k, I think?
35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?
Yes, and whatever I get prompted for, really.
36. What’s your favourite genre to write?
For fanfiction, I guess romance? I mean, that’s really all my fanfiction is. Otherwise, I’ll write quite literally any genre I feel like. I go wherever an idea takes me. I’m character based, not genre or plot based.
37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?
Third. I fucking despise 1st person. I just do. That’s an entire rant we ain’t here for today.
38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?
Usually canon characters. I only use an OC when I absolutely have to, to make the plot do the plot stuff.
39. What is you greatest strength as a writer?
Nothing. My writing sucks. All of it is shit.
40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?
Everything. I screech the most about pacing and sentence structures though.
41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:
Most of these are actually on my to-read list but whatever.
Winter's End by ali_aliska Winter is Coming (aka Fifty First Avengers Dates) by 27dragons, tisfan My Love is Vengeance by seikaitsukimizu The caged Hawk by asamandra Fertile Ground by 27dragons, tisfan
42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:
27dragons tisfanChiaki_Hamano arianapeterson19 thepartyresponsible
43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?
Not really? I’m not knocking any of the other ‘big names’ in the Marvel fandom, but I don’t really draw inspiration from other fanfic writers. Not for plot, and definitely not for writing style. I get inspiration from fanart I see sometimes, but it’s never one main artist who I stalk to be inspired, just whatever I happen across online.
44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?
WinterIron, duh. I will not rest until WinterIron is the biggest ship in the Marvel fandom.
45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?
I’ve mentioned this fic before and honestly, it hasn’t been topped yet, but In the Company of Monsters by Chiaki_Hamano. It’s not even a Marvel fic, and it’s not even a ship I like, but god, I fucking adore it. I’d love to write something like it, but with WinterIron if I had the time, I think the entire world and setting would fit WinterIron beautifully.
46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?
Well, that all depends on what they’re looking for in my fanfiction. If they’re looking for WinterIron, I’d probably tell them to start with The (Un)Wanted Kiss just because that’s one of my most loved fics and I think I did really well with it. But if they just want a general fic, A Great Connection is one I’m really proud of and I still get gushing feedback about.
47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?
For just writing fanfic, Ao3. Tumblr can be a pain in the ass, and I don’t even use ff.net.
48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?
Yes. But only if 1, I really, really loved it or 2, I don’t think the fic has enough attention. It also helps if the writer responds to comments. I don’t see the significance of saying “I loved this!” if the fic has dozens of other comments saying the same thing. As a writer, I know what comments writers prefer. Longer ones, deep comments pointing out what things they liked, and so on. However if I write a comment that long, I like to get a response because you know, I love seeing the writer talking about the elements of the story I liked.
49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?
Not really, to be perfectly honest. Yes, I love and cherish every kudos and note I get, and the sweet comments make me want to die of joy. But I write for me. Even when I take prompts, in the end, I write because it makes me happy. Yes, I love the validation. But even without it, I would still write. I do not write fanfiction for you, I share fanfiction with you. There’s a difference. Writing makes me happy. If I only cared about the validation, I wouldn’t have a folder reserved of fics I’ll never post but I wrote just because I wanted to. I write to write. The moment I start writing for validation, I might as well stop writing, because it’s not worth it.
50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?
Ummmm I think I was just curious? I was new to internet culture, I saw fanart of Superbat and I discovered Ao3 and was like “wow, this stuff exists??? Words for free????? About my favourite characters being happy and dating each other??????????” and it was a downward spiral. I was like, 11 when I read my first fanfiction. I was obsessed with Superbat fanart, and I thought, what would it hurt to try actually reading it? Like, that was so taboo to me. And now we’re here. Tadaaaaaah
51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!
Oh, a chance to ramble. Yay. I’m gonna rant because I’m a rant-y person.
I think something that annoys me about fanfiction is not necessarily a probably within fanfiction, but rather the outward view of it. Fanfic has an awful rep within the real world. The one-time fanfiction really took centre stage was when Fifty Shades came out, which only hurt the platform by furthering the stereotype that it’s all porn made for horny freaks who just want to get off.
I should not be ashamed to say I write fanfiction. I should not feel childish saying it to myself. No one should. At least half of my ‘fans’ are nearly a decade or more older than me. It’s clearly not something that’s immature or silly. Of course, it can be, but any hobby can be dumbed down to a kiddy version.
But fanfiction at its core is ignored for what it really is. When adults talk about fanfiction they belittle it and only see a tiny subsection of it, ignoring what it’s supposed to be about. It’s about creating transformative works for media you’re passionate about.
Fanfiction gets a worse rep than other transformative works such as fanart or whatever. Writing as a whole does. Fanfic is painted as this utter trash.
I’ve read fanfiction that made me cry, laugh, feel shit. I’ve read fanfiction that tackled heavy topics. Even on a sexual standpoint, I’ve read fanfiction that was willing to write erotica that published authors wouldn’t fucking touch. Both in a kink sense, but also in terms of how the relationship functions. I’ve read shitty fanfictions, sure. But I’ve read fanfictions that were better than 90% of the published books I’ve read. Even fanfics I didn’t like.
To put fanfiction into perspective, the average YA novel (the age group fanfiction is generally but not always aimed at) is 70k words. I’ve read fanfiction that blows that word count out of the water. And it takes fucking skill to write something that long. It’s not just writing a bunch of porn or cute scenes, that takes serious world building and character arcs.
Fanfiction kills so many tropes that are common in YA and literature in general. I read a YA after reading nothing but fanfiction for a long time and I was fucking appalled? It was a popular YA too. I won’t name what one because you could literally imagine anyone and it’d probably fit. The characters were flat, the romance was outright manipulative and toxic, the plot was dull, even the writing itself was bland. This was the type of book years ago I would’ve loved. But compared to most (of course, not all. Shit exists, but I think in fanfiction, we’re able to better filter out the shit) fanfictions, it was fucking trash.
When I started reading fanfiction, I assumed it’d lower my standards. The first time I picked up an actual novel I was relieved, excited to not have to deal with the problems that are in unpublished writings. But I quickly realized it was the complete opposite. Fanfiction threw my expectations through the roof. I expect fiction to include representation, fresh plots, interesting characters, thrilling romances, and decent fucking sex scenes if they’re there. But it just wasn’t there. It all fell flat. As someone seriously into the writing and reading community I hear so often that it’s hard for plots to be original and you shouldn’t judge on originality, but then I read fanfiction written by fucking teenagers that’s fucking mind-blowing with plot twists and original ideas, and I have to wonder is it really that hard? It’s clearly doable, you just have to take away the fanfiction part.
I have YA novels sitting on my sheld I know I’ll never read and enjoy because fanfiction just made my expectations too high. Which is good in a sense because I pray some of these amazing writers, when they get older will go on to write mind-blowing original novels and I hope that this generation of writers will put out great literature in ten to fifteen years, but for now I’m just… underwhelmed. I think it’s why I read a lot of classic literature too. Shit was better back then.
And yet despite all that, fanfiction is still made to look like shit in the modern media. It sucks so badly for fanfiction writers not to look like serious writers. I could publish one book, have it get the amount of attention my biggest fanfic got and be considered a serious author. My biggest fanfiction currently has 40k notes on Tumblr. Imagine if that were a published short story. It’d be a fucking hit. And there are others that make my numbers look small. And yet it’s brushed aside as unimpactful.
I think a lot of that stems from the fact that fanfic writers do generally start out younger. I’m 16. Others either are or were my age. But age does not equate to skill in writing. Sure, that is a factor, but it is not the entire story. I know a 14 yr old who writes some of the best prose I have ever seen. And even if younger fic writers aren’t on level yet, fanfiction is what’s helping them grow as a writer. But because we’re teenagers, we’re turned away just because of that. Even more specifically because we’re teenage girls (for the most part, I’m not saying other genders and/or age groups aren’t writing/reading fanfic) and we all know how society feels about them. It’s just a fucking shame that fanfiction can’t be respected for the legitimate form of writing it is because of the stigma. I’ve seen fanfic writers say they aren’t real writers because of the stigma, it’s awful. We feel the need to tear ourselves down for an admirable hobby. I can’t say my favourite book is a fanfiction I read, when I has every right to be a valid answer.
We’ll cut this ramble off here because wow I really went on didn’t I.
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