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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years

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Found Love

This fic was commissioned by @asrasdarling. Thank you for trusting me! I hope you enjoy!

“There’s such a thing as lying by omission.”

If you’d like to commission me for a fic, see the guidelines here.

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Bucky had a lot of theories on life and death. Death, he had learned, offered a vast nothingness. He liked it better when he thought that there would be a resting place, no matter how good or bad. He tried not to linger on his thoughts of death for long. It always liked to pop up, always made a circle of thoughts occasionally

Life, on the other hand, offered more. He had options but rarely did life come with instructions-- personal or otherwise. Professionally, Bucky knew he would be lingering with The Avengers until the bittersweet end took him down for good. After Hydra’s manipulation, going back under cryo, coming back out of it, and then dying before reappearing left his head more than just spinning, it feels like it should’ve taken it clean off his shoulder.

It hadn’t though. Bucky was still standing. Fate was giving him another chance and he didn’t want to screw it up. Screwing up wasn’t a fear Bucky had with a lot of things. There was a confidence and swagger he had about his life. Bucky didn’t fear signing up for the military. He wasn’t worried about the battlefield. It was people that Bucky worried about, he didn’t want to screw up with people he loved.

Bucky wasn’t reckless about the relationships he had with people. And he couldn’t be reckless about this ring either. The salesperson drones on for a moment about the cut of the diamonds, carats and all. Bucky can almost hear her now, Jenna in his ear about it being big enough to block out the sun. So Bucky shakes his head. “It’s beautiful, but not quite I’m looking for.”

He wants to apologize for being so picky. He just knows it’s not right. None of the rings are. He could be going about this all the wrong way. He could’ve been trying too hard to find the right ring. Bucky wasn’t clued in on how to shop for engagement rings. The Google search hadn’t proved quite as useful as he hoped it would. With a sigh the salesperson stares out a the too bright white tiles.

“Never meant to be a bother,” Bucky states, catching onto the unspoken frustration.

“Not a bother. Each person is different. Each sale has its quirks.”

With a glance at his watch, Bucky winces. It’s much later than he anticipated. He can bet there are going to be a string of text messages. Gracefully exiting the store and thanking the salesperson for all their help, he walks out the doors of the jewelry store. And sure enough, his messages are littered. The latest one reads, I don’t know what’s got your attention but I do hope it includes food.

Bucky doesn’t like to lie. But he’s not sure being blatant about an engagement ring is going to help him with his surprise. Would you believe me if I said I ran into an old friend?

His phone buzzes. Ha! Can’t say I’d believe it because Sam’s been by the house looking for you. Unless you ran across some dinosaurs.

He knew it was coming. The moment his fingers hit send, Bucky knew the smart comment was incoming. It was only a matter of seconds. A tuft of laughter escapes him and he shakes his head. With his seatbelt strapped across his chest, he calls Jenna. She answers after three rings. “How are the triceratops?”

“They’re well and send their regards. So in order to make up for my utter idiocy, what do you want for lunch?”

She hums for a moment, mulling over the thought. “It’s far out, depending on where you are.”

Bucky knows the tactic, her attempt to figure out where he is. He won’t fall for it. He waits for her continue on with her food selection. Silence ensues between the two of them. Bucky holds the phone gently, resting his head into the headrest of his car. The parking lot faces a major road. He can see people stopped at the light, waiting. He’s a little trapped and has all the time in the world.

“God, I’m hungry and you’re good at this.” So Jenna rattles off her choice.

“Usual?” Bucky poses the question but knows the answer.

“Yeah, the usual.”

“Sorry again for being gone so long. Time’s really lost its meaning with me. After all these years,” he teases. Her laugh filters in over the speaker and it makes his chest warm. He adores the sound.

“I’m the only one that can make old people jokes about you,” she defends.

Bucky shrugs, a playful hiss falling over his lips. “Looks like I beat you to it that time, sweetheart.”

“It’s unfortunate. I’ll have to keep that one in mind for the future.”

“I want credit.” A couple more minutes of laughter later, Bucky pulls out onto the street. It’s going to be a ten minute drive out and while, normally this would inconvenience him, Bucky wonders if he can blame traffic for one more quick pitstop. There’s a pawnshop halfway up the stretch and he hasn’t had a chance to stop by it.

He ultimately decides against it. He can’t press his luck too much. He decides to be dutiful and just stick with lunch. There will be other days for him to venture out and hunt down this ring. He’s got some time.

Jenna grins when the keys turn in the lock of the apartment. Bucky saunters through, hair falling just slightly into his face. “Finally good to see your face.”

He disappeared in the morning after an early run and she hadn’t seen him half the day. She can tell something is off. Not a bad off, but he’s holding something back. She’s not sure what and he’s good at keeping secrets, putting parts of himself into smaller compartments and never to be touched again.

She can’t fault that though. She’s done much of the same in some regards. It’s not hard to want to swallow down pieces of their lives. After the snap, she fears shutting her eyes. Nights for the both of them include staying up too late, watching bad TV movies, while the screen flickers blue against their white apartment walls. Sleeping includes entangling themselves in the other and clutching to make sure they’re still real, that the world around them is still solid beneath their fingertips.

“That’s a thinking face if I’ve never seen one,” Bucky quips around his bite of turkey panini.

Jenna shakes her head. “Nothing, nothing.” Her hair falls like a brown curtain to hide her face.

Bucky hums, a bit disapproving and finds her chin to tilt her head up. “That’s not a nothing face. We’ve been together for how long? I know you.”

Jenna doesn’t want to admit it. She doesn’t want to bring down the moment. “Just worried.” It’s true. She is worried. It’s just not a full truth.

“There’s such a thing as lying by omission.”

“I’m not lying. I am worried.”

Bucky sets the sandwich done, wiping his fingers onto a napkin. “Worried about what?”

Jenna shrugs. “A lot of things. You got the time for it?”

Bucky watches her, the way her hazel eyes never quite meeting is. It’s a defense mechanism. Both of them know it.

“Nothing but time,” Bucky retorts, reclining into the chair. It creaks a little and he’s reminded that he was supposed to be getting something to support the bottom of the chair to help it stop creaking. He can’t lie that his memory has taken a small hit since the second thaw. He’s good about most things, having had to start writing down his tasks for the day so he better remembers.

“Yeah,” she mutters. Her voice is soft.

“Want me to be honest?” Bucky asks. It’ll ruin his plan.

“In a relationship, that’s kind of nice.”

“I was shopping around for you.”

Oh, that’s definitely not what she imagined. Part of her did have a moment’s panic that Bucky had either snapped, now a renegade and tearing the city apart, or was running around behind her back. Though shopping around for her seemed off too. “For what?” She risked a glance down at her old t-shirt, some paint splattered on it from them giving their dresser a facelift. She wasn’t one to be constantly shopping or in desires for new clothes.

Bucky pulls out his phone. Pressing in the passcode, he pulls up his search history. He then stands and goes to his backpack. He finds his journal and opens that up too. When he sets them down in front of her, Jenna’s not sure she can quite believe her eyes. The notebook has a scribble of directions and his search shows gold and silver rings.

“You’re buying me a ring?”

He has to restrain himself from the laughter pressing up his chest. “Yes, a ring.”

“A ring for what?”

“Aring for you,” he says. Maybe he can spare his plan just a little. “What did Sam want?”

Jenna still doesn’t let the confusion of his ring search completely escape her mind when she shrugs. “Really only asked if you were around and when I said no, he left.”

They finished lunch in relative silence. Jenna studies him, the strong nose, and beard covering his chin and jaw. Bucky seems so calm about it that she thinks it can’t be an engagement ring. Would he just drop a proposal? It’s not inherently a secret as they’ve discussed marriage. It was far away though. Marriage wasn’t immediate, but it felt right.

Maybe it would be a promise ring. Maybe this was Bucky’s way of saying someday soon. She liked that idea. That they both want to keep moving forward but aren’t tied down to any societal pressures or expectations. It was definitely freeing not to have to worry constantly. Bucky was always good on his promises.

A phone beeps, blaring through the silence of their apartment. Bucky, currently now bunkered down on the floor, cleaning his riffle waits for just a moment to know if the noise will go off again. He hadn’t shot since Tuesday, but the act of taking it apart, inspecting the pieces and putting it back together was cathartic. Jenna knew, watching him with q-tips at his side, that he only did this most often when thinking, when mulling something over. She looks back to his journal, ears perked too to listen for another beep. If it goes off twice with only a minute and no less and no more apart, they’re being summoned to the headquarters.

Shopping for a ring. No piece of jewelry should cause this much thought. It was metal and gems--as simple as that.

The beep signals again. An exact sixty seconds. Bucky assembles the riffle back together, with only a small grunt leaving his lips as he stands. “Alright there, old man?” Jenna asks.

He sighs, the smallest smile painting his face. “Too bad Steve’s not here. He’s the real old man now.”

It’s most likely routine, nothing more than a headcount check in for them. But as they slide riffle and bow onto their backs, they know not to spare any caution. A hazard to the job if one decides to let routine dampen their alertness. Bucky holds out a scrunchie to her. Jenna takes it wordlessly, the debate of who does a better ponytail always ending with the same results. Bucky purposeful sabatoges his attempts so she’s tasked with doing it.

She hasn’t forgotten the years prior, of watching him fixing his hair in battle. It’s a strange conundrum. Pressed down behind over, ears flooded with blood and the beat of one’s heartbeat and noticing the slip of a hair tie, demanding to be fixed. It’s a gamble for sure, to either let the hair band fall or risk the two seconds to tie it back again. Their fix now is to slip a couple hair pins in to keep the hair tie in place.

Bucky settles onto the little stool of their kitchen counter, his all black uniform a little snug but slowly giving into the warmth of him. There’s a brief moment, even though Jenna’s carding her fingers through his hair quickly to wrapped the brown tie around and they both know they are playing with time, that Bucky feels at peace. This is a normal that he wants to keep forever and even though he doesn’t have the perfect ring right now, he could just ask.

He could just ask. The thought hits him twice but it really only clicks after the second time. He should just ask. What if fate was opening another door for him? What if this was a moment--a make or break moment in life? There were a few of them. Deciding to enlist, deciding to trust himself again, deciding that he would heal on his own terms.

“Done,” Jenna says, grabbing the second hair tie Bucky brought and wrapping it around her own hair. Bucky can hear his own heart thumping in his chest, feel it beating in his ears too. “Do you want me to drive or you?”

He spins. Things feel slowed down. Like the blink of her eyes, he manages to catch it in action. She’s towering over him a little, thanks to his seated position and her tall stature. His fingers cup her jaw and he senses the confusion twitching up her face before it truly settles into her muscles.

“You alright?”

Alright, it’s a simple word. But there is something behind alright that Bucky settles on. He’s making it. “I know the proper way to do this is with a ring and on one knee. But you think you can spare an old man one of those things.”

“Buck, what’s going on?” This damned ring keeps coming back up and she doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, doesn’t want to think it’s real, but she can’t help but melt into his soft touch.

“Jenna, I’ve got just one question. I’m not a man of many words. But I need you to know that I do love you dearly. We work so well together and I mean that, like, there’s an understanding between us. And I know you’ll never quit on the jokes. But I look forward to the jabs. And I know if you’ve made your mind up, there’s no changing it. I don’t want to change it. I just want us. In every sense of the word. Will you marry me?”

There’s just an inhale. It’s a gasp from Jenna. At first, there’s disbelief. Bucky hasn’t just uttered those words. But he continues to watch her, a small glint of anticipation flashes through his eyes. Disbelief fades into shock and she can feel the sting behind her eyes. “You don’t mean that?”

“Sweetheart, I do. I really mean it. I know a ring would really help me right now. And I do apologize for not having one. I wanted too. And then, the moment just felt right. I know you’ll hang this over my head for the rest of my life and I can’t say I don’t deserve it.”

“I--” The words dry up in her throat. A tear falls and another one follows it. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t want to marry him. Four years together, of navigating the world. It’s been four years of them of arguing over ripe plums, deciding which toilet paper was the best, fighting in arms together. She wouldn’t trade that for the world. She couldn’t trade it in even if she tried.

“Yes,” she whispers, the elated sob chokes her just a little but she nods.

Bucky grins, a full blown, teeth showing smile. “I swear I can hear but say that one more time for me.”

With a watery laugh, she tries to glower at him. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Their kiss is soft, short pecks and she buries her face into his shoulder. Her laughter bubbles from her. The shock fades and she is just left with elation. “I love you,” she whispers, still having not removed herself from his arms.

“I love you too.”

The soft moment lingers but they are reminded of the check in and they have to return themselves to the real world. Bucky takes the keys and Jenna slips her hand into his. The drive isn’t terribly long. They opted to keep fairly close by. They’re far enough away that they don’t feel tied down to anything, but they know that things work better if they do keep close.

Just a ring for you. The thought comes back. Jenna laughs, staring at Bucky. “There’s such a thing as lying by omission.”

Bucky knows that she’s caught on. “It is technically a ring for you!”

“Yeah, an engagement ring! That’s totally different. It’s a whole other significance.”

Bucky reaches over, taking her hand. His traces around her ring finger. “I’m gonna make it up to you. I promise.”

“Oh you will, alright. You’re gonna have a whole lifetime to make it up to me.”

At the headquarters, they can see the other cars, planes and jets littered about and it’s a nice feeling. It’s a sight that they try not to take for granted after losing it all so suddenly. Bucky brings her knuckles to his lips, pressing short kisses over each one.

It’s definitely a sight when Bucky catches Sam in his suit, the shield on his back. Things have definitely changed. “Bucky and Jenna,” Sam says, “where are they?”

“Here,” they return in unison.

Sam grins, when he turns to their voices. “Nice for you to join us.” The check in goes by faster, all of them are dismissed. Sam motions for Bucky to linger back.

“Take the keys,” Bucky tells Jenna kissing her forehead.

When Sam and Bucky get alone together, Sam breaks out his phone. “Think I found something.” The screen shows a love band, gold in color with a simple rhombus shaped diamond settled into the middle with tiny leaves settled around it also littered with smaller diamonds.

“It’s perfect. I’ll have to propose a second time though.”

Sam slaps his chest. “You did not.”

“He did!” Jenna calls out.

“I told you to go to the car!”

#bucky barnes #commission #asrasdarling #bucky barnes fic #marvel #marvel fic

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