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ohmytheon · 6 years

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Kimblee's instagram? (Oh god, I'm afraid to know.) Izumi's insta? Lanfan's insta? Scar's insta? Mr. Garfiel's insta? Bradley's insta? Greed's insta?

Kimblee was blocked from Instagram. No one is quite sure why. There was a lot of (admittedly beautiful) pictures of explosions and then videos, including seemingly innocent ones of fireworks. Pictures of his new suits because the man is all about style and he was in direct competition with Roy over it. And then one day his account was just…gone? It remains a mystery to this day.

Izumi’s instagram is filled with a combination of really cute pictures of her and SIg with cute captions because

Lan Fan has an instagram, but she barely updates it. She only got one because Ling forced her to, so she forgets about it constantly. Every now and then, a cool and edgy picture of her in her mask with an awesome background gets updated. She posts a picture of Fu on the anniversary of his death and also on his birthday. Sometimes there are pictures of Ling, but there are never any captions and he’s either smiling like an idiot or in his Emperor clothes, no in between. Never the two of them together. She’s professional. Once she posted a picture of May at the palace with a caption that said, “This little shit,” and May lost it.

Scar does not have an instagram. He considers it a waste of his time and he hates the whole thing. (He still lets May take pictures of and with him and post them on her instagram though without complaining at all.) Miles did suggest he have one so that they could start posting about Ishval, but basically Scar would not do it so Miles was left to run that account. It’s part of the job.

Mr. Garfiel’s would probably have a lot to do with automail and his shop. It’s part of his business as well. He posts pictures of what he’s working on and also happy customers after they get their automail. There are a ton of pictures of him and Winry at the shop and also some really candid ones of Winry working. He’s so proud of her. He probably posts a lot of a motivational pictures too.

Bradley’s account is all about his family and his soldiers. There are so really sweet pictures of Mrs. Bradley and Selim together. It’s a perfect mixture of humanizing professionalism to make him seem almost approachable and rigid at the same time. He also posts a lot of patriotic stuff about the country and military. Of course, the fact that Selim and Bradley are both Homonculus faking the whole family thing makes things so absurd. lmao He hates it, but Pride/Selim says that it is a necessary part of being the Fuhrer. (Part of Bradley thinks Pride is just saying that to be a little shit.)

Greed, oh man. If you don’t think Greed’s account is almost entirely about his friends then you’re wrong. It’s always these pictures of Greed and his gang out and about doing whatever shit they do. Hitting the club – there’s videos of them dancing with babes, doing shots, and singing karaoke. Going shopping – yeah, look at all the shit he just got. He’s on his instagram a lot. He has a ton of followers who are living through him variously. His account is wild. His main photo is of him in that tacky as hell vest and sunglasses with a huge smirk on his face and the caption, “I’m gonna get what I want!” and if that doesn’t tell you what you’re in for, I don’t know what will.

#fma #fmab #fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood #anime #fma:b #greed #king bradley #izumi curtis #garfiel #zolf j kimblee #lan fan #scar #instagram

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susebron · 7 years

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ohhhh. maybe... i don't know... all the numbers. yes let's go with all 100 of them

i sincerely hate you and these took forever to answer so you better read ‘em all!!!!!!!! but also thx bc some of these were v nice and fun to answer

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk bc i came for the cereal, not the milk

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? if i’m in a good mood, yes. if i’m in a bad mood…. not at all

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? reciepts usually but i very much prefer actual bookmarks; specifically those with a magnet

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? with honey or sugar and lots of milk

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? i sincerely feel confused about how to smile properly??? so i guess a bit. like i can’t smile on order. i did as a kid but if i did it that way now, ppl would Wonder

6: do you keep plants? i had a cactus a while ago called robert plant but he died. my mum is currently keeping some plants in my room tho and i decorated one with some plastic dinosaurs but they are definitely not my responsiblity. i mean, robert plant died

7: do you name your plants? if you read the sixth answer, you would know that yes i do

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? writing i guess. idk it’s usually Metaphorically my feelings but i do make attempts to keep a diary sometimes. it doesn’t go well for long

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? not really

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? i really really really like sleeping on my side. i’m currently forced to sleep on my back and i do not like it

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? if one shouts sir yes sir then the other one has to shout I CAN’T HEAR YOU PUSSY #tbt @13000ants

12: what’s your favorite planet? tatooine which makes no sense

13: what’s something that made you smile today? leif gw persson was on tv

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? there would be books everywhere

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! neutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? um. macaroni and cheese or pasta salad. NO WAIT milk-stewed macaroni

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? tbh i’m content with my hair colour

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. that one time i thought sydney was in asia #tbt @weeplittlelannister

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i do! idk i have one more diary-like, one with lists and drawings and shit… but also a calendar with is also somewhat a bullet journal

20: what’s your favorite eye color? what kind of q….. lmao oscar isaac’s

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my mum gave me aleather messenger box, like a post office bag or whatever and I Love It. it’s tbh never big enough to fit everything but it tries

22: are you a morning person? no

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? read

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? i was gonna say my grandfather but then i realised there is no way he wwon’t end up telling my grandmother ausifsafa. idk. my stuffed elephant

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? me and william once broke into this storage room where we live. he stole one of those long light bulbs and hit me in the head with it. it hurt

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? just normal chuck taylors. off-brand tho of course lmao

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint or y’know…. bubblegum

28: sunrise or sunset? both

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i know this says friends but listen. when @sneutrinos talks about physics or physicists he admires… his eyes are like Glittering and it’s endearing as fuck. makes me want to listen (or watch lmao) him talk about it for hours

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. the best way to describe my socks and usage of them is that my nurse the other week when i was getting dressed to go home was like “oh! you’re wearing mismatched for rock the socks day (a day to uplift/celebrate down’s syndrome) and i was like “i guess….. but this is also just how i wear my socks” i very rarely end up having matching socks?? it just??? never happens even if i try

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. lmao idk if this was after 3am but i remember that one time me and @kkruel were ranting about his dorm neighbour showering at like midnight but literally just shrugged it off when the ceiling caved in saihfoasp

33: what’s your fave pastry? pastry is such a loose term though??? there is so much to choose from??? but i’m like really feeling muffins lately

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i had a bunch but let’s talk about the one stuffed dog i got when i was like six and is still like brand-new because i was terrified of ruining it so i just…. occasionally gave it a pet. nothing more

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i do, i do. i prefer certain pens, even if the ink’s only black, and i tend to use them more than pencils.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? nirvana unplugged would fit so much i had to go listen to it

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i like when it’s clean but i don’t mind if it’s messy… as long as it isn’t Messy

38: tell us about your pet peeves! flour

39: what color do you wear the most? um probably blue or black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? i honestly don’t really own any jewelry. i do have a watch that i use sometimes but it doesn’t really have a meaning other than that my mum bought it for me during one of our trips to uppsala. so i guess it does mean something after all lmao

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? i really loved nimona. it was hilarious and amazing

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! idk i really like espresso house because they have really good chocolate muffins but it’s always crowded and overpriced. wayne’s also has good muffins and are usually a bit cheaper, a bit less crowded

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? i guess micah and his dad lmao

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? um probably last tuesday

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? i mean i guess?

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. my mind is BLANK

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? ticks. oh this said FOOD. um. mustard

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? i can only think of my trauma-based fears and they were usually about water and losing my parents??? i’m not sure i’d say either is the biggest fear now, but i still feel really uncomfortable in muddy water

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? p sure the last i bought was highlights from the original french production of les misérables

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? as a kid i used to collect popcorn boxes from the movies? i think i only have lotr ones left

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? i associate @conradsricamora with conrad’s cover of ain’t no sunshine

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? i like the meme about ted cruz as the zodiac killer but it’s not from this year. uh. i can’t think of a 2017 meme

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i’ve seen beetlejuice and pulp fiction and i love them both. one’s the perfect funny rainy october night movie and the other’s just… wow

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idk someone on grey’s anatomy. mum’s been watching it a lot lately

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? gosh idk. i hope nothing too Dramatic

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? their love for their hobbies. like when someone is really intensively into something and it’s so Obvious. i love that

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? it always makes me feel so good. and i mean… yeah…. who doesn’t…

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? um @itsjustaheartache is the wine mum and @caesarsbuddy is the vodka aunt because…. they just are

59: what’s your favorite myth? um anything to do with swedish trolls tbh

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? tbh i love poetry but i’m a bit picky with it. but i’ll read anything by richard siken

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? um my aunt once gave me a cp3o pen for christmas. like that was it. i think it was in the 1 dollar bin

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? no i don’t but if i have to, i prefer orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i really like them organized but i have so many books that i just.. give up a lot

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? it’s late so probably dark, dark blue. perhaps even black

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? all my friends at this point lmao

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk… flowery

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? like it’s time to travel to middle earth

68: what’s winter like where you live? it’s either really cold and snowy or no snow and probably really rainy

69: what are your favorite board games? dnd or monopoly

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no and i fucking never will

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? rn it’s my pokémon tea that my dad’s gf got me

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? lmao i definitely need to write everything down which i’ve failed to do lately and i hate it

73: what are some of your worst habits? procrastination

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. gay

75: tell us about your pets! one is satan but also the sweetest??? v interesting mix. she is honestly so good. and the other one is chunk in cat form. also p good

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? i’m trying to finish my assigned math tasks for today but ashfpsao god damn ebba made me answer all these 100 q’s

77: pink or yellow lemonade? neither? i’m not a big fan of lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i haven’t seen the movies so i was neutral… and at this point i’m neutral evil about it. stop it

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? john boyega exists so that was a cute thing of his parents to do

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? blue at dad’s and like white/cream-ish at mum’s…. bc blue felt most neutral and the other one was already there, so

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. sea with a touch of caramel

82: are/were you good in school? lmao

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? um. tbh anything by led zeppelin

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? i’d want some, sure, but i’m uncertain of what. probably something relating to ryan dunn at least

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? it’s been a while since i had time to but i really love captain america, sweet tooth and…. tbh i’m not picky???

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? i love them. esp if it’s by king diamond. if i have to choose one of his, it’s got to be them or abigail tbh

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the lord of the rings trilogy and the star wars original trilogy. also artifical intelligence

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? resistance

89: are you close to your parents? i mean yeah? in different ways but i’m close to both of them which is v nice

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. it is really neat with beautiful old buildings and lots of book shops. or at least a bunch of good book shops. also actual shops dedicated to comics or gaming. also a v nice tea shop

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? i’m hoping to move to a new city this autumn, so there’s that

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i don’t get cheese on pasta unless it’s mac and cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? a luke skywalker inspired ‘do

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? um some family friend on facebook

95: what are your plans for this weekend? um. study, probably

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? i procrastinate. def

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? infp, leo, hufflepuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? i don’t remember when it was but i know that i did not enjoy it

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. anything by led zeppelin or stromae. a specific song though is the freshman by the verve pipe

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? no. no. you do not mess with time ok

#philipsunshea #tag: asks

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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A Prompt

April 14th: What do you like about being autistic?

can be Hard To Say only because it's like, literally everything about me being an autistic person's Characteristics lol, and that like, that initial sense of Difference between myself and other people was like, noticing some sort of mismatch / misalignment, but also that i was the one feeling shut out / out of place about it, so it's defined in that negative way like, well i guess i'm doing things wrong somehow, and it all keeps being framed like, whenever it seems to stand out that there's something Different about myself, it's about trying to figure out what's wrong here, why some interaction isn't working or whatever, and when actually getting positive responses or whatever, it's doesn't quite feel so individual, like, oh i guess i'm just seeming normal to people here, right lol. but that, also, of course, things you Could consider positive / like about yourself sure might not be received / responded to in that way by other people, can't always even just feel neutral about anything / not notice it, even if it can't possibly actually Matter / isn't causing any kind of problem for anyone else it's like well why are you doing this unnecessarily & Weirdly.....and you know, pathological model vs social model, naturally, where i don't think "hey if this part of being autistic led to Negative Experiences, it's b/c being autistic is worse than being allistic and i wish i was allistic, b/c that's the only way to Not be, for example, objectively and rightfully excluded and punished by people around me" lmao

but for a start i saw some quote from an autistic person the other day mentioning just this sort of like, what they love about themself re: being autistic, and i remember one of them being You Mean What You Say lol, with the example "if i ask 'how are you' it's because i want to know how you are" lmao like yeah a really exhausting Greeting Ritual in particular when it's like, literally every time you hear that you have that awareness like "okay remember this person doesn't Actually want to hear about how you are," tbt to times like "when it's was really discouraging being texted regularly like 'what're you up to / how long will you be away' because for a sec i'd interpret it as 'this person is actually just asking what's up or wondering when you'll be around to hang out with, might be asking with the intention of making plans With you,' but then i have to remember it's about hoping i'm Away so my presence isn't interfering with what they want to do and of course it's not about genuine interest in my life/day otherwise or wanting to hang out" like, this shit is exhausting lmao. and you know, of course i know Different Communication Styles and how people will read different implications and intentions into the same kinds of interactions or behaviors or whatever, it's just Funny(tm) when like. some nt ppl think their social/communication styles are what's Objective, Universal, Correct, Intuitive, Effective, etc. like they'll be like "it's Great to say what you mean instead of Playing Games" and think autistic people are blunt / rude & it's b/c they're communicating Wrong, like actually you guys are saying you love ppl who are Real & Honest while being that post like "i love drama i love games if you fuck with my friends i will help you do it" lmaooo

also yknow to an Extent i think that like. sometimes just being very independently Enthusiastic about something can seem fun to nt people lol like, yes i can monologue about something aloud for 5 or 10 or 80 minutes maybe, or just you know, talk about it to myself via Posting lmfao, and sometimes that appeals to people or they at least regard it Neutrally because it's like. supposing that sometimes even when it's not something someone else is also interested in, idk, people are down for a like, individual experiences of unfettered expression of that passion lmao, but like, ftr i would hate instances of this as like a "because being enthusiastic like that is," deep inhale, "cute" or whatever, like, if i'm gonna talk about something it's a Lecture okay lmao. and plus i do plenty of it via Text lmfao, so, not many times i get to in person talk about whatever, or it'll be like, look at this video of a cool bird. i do not need someone's like, Personal Affection to find it Cute or Wholesome that i'm passionate about birds, or, god knows, fine anything else Cute, an assessment i never need or want, engage w/the information being shared please lmao. and then also, you know, i Draw Things based on it being v Of Interest lol so that's like, thank you to myself for having these Thoughts i want to express about Things Of Interest, i get to have fun like, just focusing in on what Creative Project i wanna do about it lol even if it's also like, boy, what if i could just have the idea and it'd Manifest, and you know, drawing is a way i am Talking About Something, certainly also if i'm dropping a tags essay about it lmao.........love to just delve tf into things and have all these thoughts & things to say about it, and really like, Exceptional when anyone wants to engage with this like, repeatedly / regularly lol. shoutout, Thanks, Epic

and well you know. i don't have any incredible specifics coming to mind here but in whatever ways i might think of things Differently it's like, hell yeah then, epic of me, i will be out here Figuring Shit Out even if i have to marinate on things, i'm sure motivated to engage with stuff that's Of Interest to me, when i have these solid ways to communicate with other people it's fun and flexible lmao, and i think there's that fun of being like, Performative in a way, theatricality, which i think like, maybe a source of that can be when you Have to be aware of the "rules" of interactions / social performance, but also how yknow, you can Act any way, there's nothing universal, there's maybe plenty of bullshit involved, hence how you can Have to be at least somewhat aware of things because you have to try to figure out the Secret rules and patterns and you know, simply Being Yourself and Behaving Naturally at all times isn't an option.....def have the Theatre type Theatrical thing lmao, the "theatre gay ft religious parents, enjoying harmonizing in the church choir lol i'm a Tenor babey" experience lmao, being in 4th grade auditioning for this set of play scenes like oh i get to be the main Antagonist guy? also i'm playing a guy? also i'm in this play and have lines and stuff? Hell yes lmao. and the Stage Performance via eventual roles via dance classes, i remembered the other week the studio i used to be at Used to have this like, idk, thing where the older dancers in a certain group maybe used to have a trip to nyc, think that fell away not long before i was one of those more Skilled Dancers like damnit, never really went to nyc except driving in and out to pick people up from the airport, like hey that distant smudge out the car window is probably the statue of liberty or something.....but the rehearsing and playing a Part and being in shows was. a ton of fun. i Said No to Stage Fright lmfao and really enjoyed being backstage and rehearsals and etc. but also i think i just Can be theatrical you know, in my own social approach lmfao, i'm big on talking with my hands lmao and i can get like, some Social Momentum going that way, i can have some confidence and can sort of hit that groove and it's like, not exactly masking trying to act """"normal"""" but i'm still Being Myself in this more "acceptable" way that nt people might better Understand or whatever. i also just like, personally, i love to be kind of theatrically Funny for sure lmfao and like, if people are just like overwhelmed by the least amount of goofiness / can't or won't play along at all i'm like, Please, work with me here lol, also like damn you live like this??? cmon lol

and well, nonconclusion, but it's pretty difficult to think of things like, what do i Dislike about being autistic which isn't about the way allistic ppl treat you sucks, like, e.g., it'll be like damn augh oof Misophonia, aural texture hell, hardly fun but that's not always a disaster, and as long as i can like, do something to block it out, and if i have to be like "hm this is distressing me b/c this noise is really really pissing me off lmao" as long as you know, i'm not amongst people who are just going to be annoyed at me for making up some problem and/or daring to speak about this experience inconveniently. be normal maybe. idk i'm just like right on, Myself

#30daysofautismacceptance #2021

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

#me and ''Disappointed and a lil bored'' out here #round of applause from me to me....like the time i stumbled across the Source Media for some preview i remembered from a blockbuster vhs #like 20 yrs ago or whatever like ''am i making this sort of Distinctive memory up or modifying one to hell and back / combining them'' like #no i was not but it sure took me a While to mostly coincidentally find it via watching a list on youtube of like. partially Lost or just rly #obscure niche shit....it'd been a preview for a pc game for an ye olde disney series i'd never heard of in my life #anyways the point is it'd been something *i'd* been searching around for intermittently for a good while and managed to find and it was like #hooray but also i realize it's hardly relevant to like. much of anyone else but oh well good for me

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