#ohhh you know it's real when i make meta posts. this is my first time ever doing so....

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

sorry mutuals this has to be the longest reaction post i have ever done in like 7 years of tumblr sldkjfklsd this episode was just A Lot

-weekly butthurt recall that chibnall beat me in using the faiths in a 13 doctor story and now when i do it in next year in my xena crossover is not gonna seen as clever. damn u chibnall. -”bel’s story” omg what is this.... high concept realness??? im in. -my meta-analysis of "flux is a metaphor for climate change/enviromeltal catastrophe" gets stronger every episode. -SEXU BRONZE DALEKS. love those fuckers. bless them for finally iguring out floating. rip any stairs or swamps that get in their path. -even more irl enviromental collapse parlallels: the fear over right neo nazi factions rising in europe rn. -"my love" is she gay? -these blue time-bees reminds me of the thingies from father's day. miss those cute guys. they never showed up again ): -there's so much color everywhere this season... who knew the end of the world would be so pretty... -the little echo effect of swarm fingers snapping in the recap... ooh yes -the day going to black effect ohhh yesss -im watching the audiodescribed version for the first time and i's really interesting to be honest! im picking up a lot of new vocabulary for the weird things that they describe on screen lol -ooooooohhhhhhh pov of the doctor man!!! im loving this. i have read a lot of fics of people trying to do this, specially this era, and it feels very satisfying how the show is confirming that “high speed” thinking. -”leap and the net will appear, that’s what john buroughs told me” we love 1 little bitch namedropping even in monologue / just to show off to the audience she doesn’t know is there.

-(yes in this case “little bitch” is gender-neutral)

-this effect of the other 3 “falling” into the time storm looked a bit silly tbh dskljfkl and i love jodie but her green-screen acting in this bit.... dsklfjklds well... let’s just say she’s had better moments. -the eu feelings intensify -WHAT IS HAPPENING -I LOVE THIS -INFERNO REALNESS??? -jodie is so beautiful -seriously what is happening -diana get away from him he has a dog husband to come back to >:( -he's so smooth tho i love him. -"you are not ugliest fella in this city" oh no they are cute ): -i hate liking dan this much. how dare this show make me root for someone male straight and white AGAIN. -ohh and his parallels to the doctor’s personality intensify... - -THASMIN REGULAR PEOPLE AU. -ok not quite but i got really excited for a sec sdljkf -all this casual banter is killing me what are ya'll  saying stop speaking so fast. there’s foreigners in the audience. -dan/diane x thasmin parallels -lol this constant "diverse casting for cops" is sure a thing huh. i see through u chibs/bbcs. #acab -the sfx artists are on fire this episode (i hope they got paid well and didn’t have crunch time....) -Right. if all time is bleeding through and things are like, all over the place..., it actually makes a lot of sense lore-wise that weeping angels are over-powered and feasting on everything. it’s not seeming like a pointless bringing of an old monster for fanservice, but actually serves the story a lot if u think about it.good stuff! -i want all these aus omg -mandip in napoleonic era sicfi outfits is doing things to me -wow "grant serpent" doesn't sounds ominous and evil at all vinder. def an organization u can trust. -jodie in black is doing thins to me -NITRO NINE TIME -Ace should have patented that formula smh -13 referring to vinder as "that other lad" cos she doesn't know him yet lollll -once you get the "trick" of how this episode / serial work’s structure works is a little less impressive, but i’m still having fun w/ it and the actual content of the flashbacks. -time storms ldskfjlk THIRTEEN QUICK THROW THIS ALARM CLOCK!!! THE PAST IS COMING OUT OF HER EAR...... -(do ppl still remember that meme? i should find it again man, it was so good slkdjf) -the art desiggggnnnHhhhnggggg -also: something about pyramids and platonic solids and greek mythology./alchemy.. maybe they should have put a dodecahetron instead? pyramds represent fire after all, not the ether/time... (not that they dont look cool but, they could have continued the greek theme!) -RUTH RUTH RUTHTHTRFJKHKJDSLHFLSKJDHFLSDJKHFLSKDJHFLKSJDHFLKJSDHFLKSJDHFLKJSDHF -¨this is my past" HOLY SHIT I JUST GOT THE TIME LOOP IM- THAT'S WHY WE DIDNT HAVE 13'S IN A FLASHBACK IT'S BECAUSE THIS IS HER FLASHBACK AHHH -chibnall have my babies -the absolute disgust when ruth looks at thirteen as realizes she is her reflection.... peak In-Character doctor mood. ("i’m not the woman i used to be, thank god") -(look all i want is 20009809 low-stake stories about thirteen/ruth having a fun two/three // seven/five mutual-repulsion dynamic... is that really asking too much, EU/fic writers. i never asked you for anything) -"pretty smart for a dog" -no but memes aside this is really impressive... like, it's very sophisticated plotting, and the weaving of lore is great... but it's still all about character building for our 4 (5 ) heroes. it’s nice that chibnall keeps that in mind. -that said... this episode is kicking my ESL ass... my brain is spinning trying to keep up ToT -OHHH man. so much backstory. -lol ruth is so done even when she is helping her future self. i love them so much -"you fucked up, me." -dallying. -OHH THE CAPITALIST PIGS IN THEIR FUNNY HATS ARE BACK - im digging the like, subtle horror-vibe of this. the cackling was pretty creepy dslkjf. -honestly this serial is also a great tourist ad for liverpool. just look at that waterfront! woah -this ghostly effect is pretty nice -BEL THE LUPARI ARE FINE DONT WORRY (the retroactive storytelling!!!... chef’s kiss) -the subtle commentary of these alien fuckers (meritocrat cybermen, nazi daleks, supremacist warmonger sontarans, etc) having to be fought even at the end of the world is really y cool. idk what to make of it yet political-messaging-wise but i dig it lol something like... how we have to fight until the end and shit and we have to struggle as long as we are alive and... that's fine... good stuff worth thinking about. -hey there not-brax. -"challenges are temporary, life is constant" -is she a past / future companion? like melanie bush in trial of a time lord? -vinder's story makes me want to replay SW: KOTOR 1+2 so bad. The aesthetic/vibe of this mission is so on-point w/ that game... -ok i think the specific primal horror this story is tapping into is like..., being at work and not knowing what's happening that day or missing an assignment and school lol -SONYA SONYA SONYA SONYA SONYA -bless this confirming a headcanon i didn't even knew i had that, not only is yaz not into any kind of "modern music", she also doesn't like "video-games." ( i love 1 boring-ass bi-mess with no social life). -also im losing my mind at fake-gamer-gurl sonya. -13 is such a sassy asshole to yaz even when she's helping her lol im sorry guys but this is every entertaining dslkjfsdklfj -noooo!!! this was my thing ... i was going to have thirteen take the place of the fates dammit again chibnall ): im gonna have to rewrite the climax of part 3 aghhslkdjf -future memories... eyes emoji -omg omg omg yaz picking up things!! i love you yaz u are so smart even if 13 doesnt see it. -this episode reminds me of how much dw deserves a proper videogame. -ooh they took the "image of an angel is angel" thing! i like. -CLEVER YAZ -"do you want me to be single forever?" i died -"PROTECT YAZ.... and that lad." -division dark-side thirteen/ruth are doing things to me. -"do not underestimate me" put me down as horny *and* confused :D -man division!era swarm was a lot less glittery... it’s like the meta of how each master is very much designed as a foil for "their" doctor lol -also swarm gives tim-shaw such a kicking. -hmm... ‘the passenger’ gives me watcher vibes... -the eu-vibes of this adventure intensifies. -there's so much lore and funky wilderness-era dialogue happening here and it's all nonsense scientifically ... and i love it. -”TIME SHALL NEVER SURRENDER TO SPACE” -which other show gives you dialogue like this honestly? i’ll wait -cartmell is weeping for not coming up with this. -thirteen/ruth using the “forbidden form” of multiverse tech... ohhh yes -not!dan with karvanista laser’s axe :)  dogtp -"YOU AND ME TOGETHER" that’s gay doc -bell is so cute --- she is so gonna die isn’t she ): -i have no idea what ruth!thirteen did but it sure seemed epic, clever and....... ruthless (eyy) -ohh another bit of retroactive storytelling here... now we know how swarm got captured! -”WE SHALL NOT BE CONTAINED” swarm is such a hamm. i love them. nimon serial energy tbh. -i appreciate the continuity of the time storm design being the same as the time vortex this era (as per the opening credits) -also the continuity of the faiths being gold! aka the screwdriver aka the current tardis crysals aka the logo aka thirteen's signature color. we love meaningful and consistent color usage *clap cla*. -”CONVERT THIS CU*Ts” i love her. -7 billion cybermen... are these the parallel earth OG cybermen? from hartnell era? hence the same population as earth? -i love the message of this story: all these civs striving for conquering things-... but there's no point to conquering because the earth/world/universe is all gonna end anyway. good stuff. -*blasts the cyber with a laser* "Love is the only mission.idiot.“ wtf i LOVE her. -(also i rewatched one of my favorite fiive/tegan scenes after the bit with and it was relevant to this moment!) -”stop te recording” ohh shit the guy is gonna betray vinder / do something shady. -i liked the continuity of "recording" motifs connecting the previous bell scene and this storyline. -ppl were right last week man i mean "fray samport"?? these names are such classic who bs lolll -honestly props to chibnall for making me so invested in all these side-characters. vinder u deserve the world son not these corrupt space napoleonic fuckers. -vinder you are an idiot though dslkjf if someone tells you "have you spoken to your family about any of this?" you cant trust them it’s obviously a threat. -idiot slkfjkl -segun has been pretty chill this episode tbh. i noticed a couple moments that could have done with more music... -maybe it's better tho it might have been too much sensory overload skldjf -YESSS DOGGIE -OHhh ho fuck i love this. the temptation of the doctor to see everything... even more torture bc it is yet another “selfish” choice they aren’t even allowed to make... ugh poor bb ): -”WHO ARE YOU??” i love flux. what is anything. who are we? who are you, tumblr user? we don’t really know. -"lost causes are my specialty" <3 <3 <3 -so “THE RAVEGERS” azure and swarm got  introduced by something? meaning there’s a bigger fish behind all this? valeyard? -is she the master? romana? the rani?????? SUSAN??????¡¡¡¡ -"EVERYTHING HAS ITS TIME" ahh my favourite rtd themeeee!!!!! - also again..., climate change fightin' vibes -ahh frog universe vibes. -"it was made. it was placed" more: "humands" didn't cause climate collapse some very powerful people that resist systemic change did. -who knows who this old lady is but she is calling out the doc hypocrisy so obviously, we tan :) -"You dont understand anything" maybe if you told her things... jackass....??? -man im so into this arc. so good. -ohhh--- the first few chords of thirteen's theme in this scene suddenly interrupted with the "this is bad happenings" music... i see u segun. i see u. -"WE'RE GONNA STOP YOU" (crickes) dan i love you you absolute madlad. -dude the constant parallels and all the “romantic  love beating the odds” framing and thirteen just not getting it and yaz subtle side glance... dare i say.... #thasminendgame. -swarm has a little pig nose. -aghh the reflection thing coming back again!! cinematographyyy -hehe another "vinder as yaz's companion" moment. so cute. -dan has known the doctor for like 2 day but it’s like he has speed-run through an entire companion arc lol -thirteen like HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THINGS dsslkfjlksd ass!!! -i feel like yaz might die / sacrifice herself by connecting some dots before the doctor and thirteen is gonna realize it only too late and she's gonna feel like a complete idiot for the rest of her fourteenth incarnation. -(sigh of relief) ohhhh god bless. vinder isnt yaz's endgame dslfjsdkl good for him vinder/belll otp let them reunite and have a million little tamagotchis :) i do not have an ulterior agenda for this :)))) -”and YOUR URBORN CHILD AS WELLLLL” slkdjfkld this is so cheesy i love it. -oh no ): i dont like where this is going.... -omg i love this cheesy grease summer loving effect... what is doctor who if not intellect and ROMANCE over brute force and cynicism? -if im gay and you are gay then who is that angel piloting this plane

#im just #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #dw #flux #dw spoilers #took me like 3 hours to get through this one sdlkfjklsdjfklsdjf

[dotthings]

Well that flayed my emotions as much as I hoped and in some encouraging ways YES PAIN WITH PURPOSE THANK YOU. There’s a lot here, as is usual with Bobo eps and I’m going to have to take this one at a time especially since I really really need to break down what happened with Dean and Cas in this ep, at length. Yep I am going to go on a bit about Dean and Cas. As you do.

I’ve posted quite a bit of meta about how the rift was a combination of things. It’s years of unaddressed issues. Dean’s abandonment issues vs Cas’s tendency to be taken away, or die, or leave. Years of that. Then on top of it, when Cas couldn’t stand with Dean about Jack, and when he kept some crucial information from Dean that he shouldn’t have due to Jack. Let me restate something I’ve said before: Dean wasn’t wrong to express his hurt and anger. He loves Cas, and Cas is imperfect. No Cas isn’t always the screw up and Dean I already knew regretted that and didn’t believe that (see? I told you) nor does Dean ever want Cas dead. But Cas is imperfect and Cas has hurt Dean, as Dean has hurt Cas. Then there’s Cas’s fears about not being needed/wanted, his doubts about his place in this family, and in Dean’s heart vs. the complicated mess that is involved in being adopted into the Winchester clan as deeply as Cas was. So their insecurities have been their own worst enemies for years, and then the Jack and Mary thing happened. And then ON TOP OF ALL THAT, Chuck and Dean’s wondering what’s real what isn’t. I was pretty sure at least some of that might make it overtly into the prayer. But no none of that.

While I think it is definitely good that Dean expressed himself so openly and did it in a prayer he definitely had reasons to believe Cas would hear and it is really really good Cas HEARD HIM OH MY GOD THANK YOU CAS HEARD ALL THAT. It’s also not such good news that what comes out here is that this is all about Dean’s anger issues and he “can’t stop it.” And I’m not deciding here whether this is authorial eye or Dean’s. It certainly makes sense that Dean would pull guilt onto himself (rather than authorial blaming Dean). But Dean pulling all the guilt into himself, crying and apologizing and there being very little in the ep to address the other side of this--the Cas pov, and how Cas has hurt Dean--is just more cyclical unhealthiness.

Maybe this prayer was cathartic. Maybe this will help Dean going forward, letting go of that anger, that guilt. 

So that dynamic therefore is actually really unhealthy. Lashing out at your best friend, who you love, that severely because you just can’t help it when a crisis happens and the pressure is on, even if said best friend hurt you? It’s not a problem that Dean expressed his hurt and anger, it’s that he went too far. And he couldn’t help it. And it wasn’t Chuck existential crisis or even about Mary, it’s just that when under pressure Dean lashes out at those he loves and can’t stop it. While that is a valid issue...that kind of takes the entire burden and puts it onto Dean. Full stop. It’s all Dean’s fault. Dean, how dare you get angry and hurt when you best friend does stuff that actually...hurts you. This is, IMO, canon putting the kind of pressure on Dean that fandom does. Only express positive feelings, Dean, otherwise shut up. Regardless of intent, that’s kind of what this scene validated.

So on top of years of issues Dean and Cas haven’t dealt with, chronic issues, about each other. On top of reasons here Dean might think the bond was manufactured by Chuck, but all right, that last point doesn’t seem to be presenting itself unless I reach pretty down deep into subtext. Maybe we can say it’s fueling Dean’s anxieties and made everything worse, ramped everything up.

But I think given how this unfolded, Dean and Cas having some time apart isn’t a bad idea. That this turned out to actually be “Dean lashes out when he’s panicked and he can’t stop himself” and hurt Cas so much with it is worrying and I get it’s supposed to be worrying. But I’m not exactly vomiting rainbows. I  WANT THEM TO FIX IT.  I’m incredibly uncomfortable with how the story (whether authorial view or not) places it all on Dean. 

This is, frankly, going to feed the Dean hate and I’m just so tired of it, it’s unfair, it’s a twisted stanning view of the character, it lacks empathy, and I’m sorry that this episode did something that validated people who literally needed Dean LITERALLY ON HIS KEES CRYING AND APOLOGIZING before they might believe Dean isn’t an uncaring asshole. Some of us didn’t need that to know, while it is good that Dean said what was deepest in his heart. Yet there’s still going to be stans who keep bashing him and saying he doesn’t care about Cas. I really wish they would just stop and they never will so I will ignore it best I can.

After what I just witnesses in this ep, I am beyond FLOORED if there would be ANYONE LEFT IN THIS FANDOM WHO COULD THINK THAT. I get thinking they need couples therapy or maybe they need space. I’m thinking it. But to actually keep flogging the idea that Dean doesn’t care about Cas, that was already egregious before this ep, now it’s REALLY really egregious to keep flogging that.

So I’m uneasy, for what this means for Dean and Cas--not that they can’t or won’t fix this. OBVIOUSLY THEY WILL FIX THIS. They want to fix this. The arc isn’t over--and for what it means for Dean.

On the one hand, I’m glad to see things dig so deeply into Dean’s issues. Because it’s not Dean hate to say, yeah he’s got some anger issues and needs to examine that. But on the other hand, Dean crying and apologizing on his knees is NOT THE FIX FOR THE RELATIONSHIP. Because there’s unaddressed stuff from Cas’s side. And I’m sure a lot of people are going to breeze right by that. Because in this fandom you have to choose Dean or Cas, and one or the other is being dragged as being an uncaring assholes. 

The good news, this ep was exactly what I thought and hoped it would be for Dean and Cas otherwise, in terms of getting them past that early season freeze. 

Oh that revisiting of Purgatory was effing beautiful, structurally and emotionally. Cas refused to split up this time. Cas waited at the portal. Cas went through the portal with Dean. There is healing in this ep, they went through a similar situation only with a different outcome. Cas isn’t voluntarily staying in Purgatory to wear a hair shirt this time. This time, Cas didn’t run off and leave Dean just to protect Dean, they only got separated after they were overpowered. Cas waited and waited by that portal and Dean looked and looked. That was no really, that was beautiful (whatever issues I have about the prayer itself).

This was the thaw. This was the beginning of the next phase for Dean and Cas, and no it’s not intended as a fix. The door’s been opened, the ice has broken, the walls have crumbled, so that they can fix it and hopefully to an even better, stronger relationship that all they’ve been before, which is really strong already but damn they have so many issues. While Dean and Cas have mostly been a comforting relationship for me on SPN (health for relative values of healthy) and it is mostly a positive relationship...yeah. Issues. 

JFC I just really hope Cas is going to get to voice how he feels about hurting Dean as he has and it does an incredible disservice to the characters and their story to skip over that, not just because I’m defensive of Dean, but for Cas’s sake, for the sake of his character and pov. I feel like Cas’s pov is incomplete. He’s not getting to express himself the way I really really hope he will and I think he needs to. Hell, can I have Cas on his knees in tears pouring his heart out about Dean, it wouldn’t be a prayer or actual tears probably, since he’s an angel, but give me something.

Howe even did things get to the point where it’s Dean carrying most of the Destiel and expressing most of the feelings and bleeding out emotionally again and again in canon and yet so many people act like CAS is the one doing all the pining, as if Dean is the uncaring asshole, while we have such gaps in Cas expressing his pov on Dean. It’s absolutely WILD. It’s beyond wild. 

The other good news is despite my discomfort with the speech, I am reeling a bit at just how expressive it was. I do think as the one who said the harsh things, Dean would be the one who needed to take the first sledgehammer to the ice wall and he did it. It’s not that I agree all the blame is on him. But yes Dean opened the door and that’s a good thing. Dean falling to his knees, weeping because he’s scared he is losing his best friend again. To PURGATORY AGAIN NO LESS *screaming internally* and with all the times since he’s lost Cas. It wasn’t an angry emotional rant. It was a vulnerable, sad, quiet pleading prayer directly to his best friend. I am a bit shook that the Dean and Cas feelings weren’t nested in with some other bigger plot thing eating at Dean, where Cas is one of a list, or it’s something else breaking Dean and losing Cas is just too much on top of that. No, it’s just a guy falling to his knees because he’s scared he’s losing his best friend who he loves in every sense of the word yet again and it’s just them and their feelings.

The last time we saw something this overt from Dean, tear-filled, raw, laying it all out there, Cas was dead and in The Empty and Cas couldn’t hear it.

Ohhh and remember how I pointed out in S14 Cas hearing in Dean’s trauma memories the scream Dean let out when he lost Cas and I wasn’t sure if Cas knew that was for him or not, just that it was traumatic.

BUT THIS TIME CAS HEARD IT. HE HEARD THE PRAYER. HE KNEW DEAN CRIED. HE HEARD ALL OF DEAN’S ANGUISH ABOUT LOSING HIM. (Hopefully Cas will get an actual clue now, I hope).

#Dean Winchester #Castiel #Dean and Cas #Destiel #spn #supernatural #meta #supernatural spoilers #COPING WITH MY FEELINGS BY THROWING WORDS AT IT

[amwritingmeta]

Hey! What’s your take on where Destiel’s headed with the end of the season? I’ve been unfollowing some people who have been very negative about the show. They’re allowed their feelings and opinions, of course, but I’m kind of at a weak point in my life right now and just can’t handle the negativity. I’m personally ready for the angst, and let’s face it, one of the reasons I love Destiel is because of their unhealthy dynamics.

Hi, love! 

Ohhh, good question. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, actually, (shocker I know) so getting to write it out is a good thing. I thank you! :)

I’m sorry that you’ve felt affected by the negativity you’ve seen, but I’m glad you made the decision to put some distance between that negativity and yourself. Self-care and being honest with yourself about what you want to and perhaps especially what you can and can’t handle is so important! And being able to recognise it and make that choice for yourself is an immense strength, so whatever point in your life you’re at and whatever brought you there, I hope you lean on that.

To your question! And, oh, the Destiel question complex, dude!

I’ll start out by saying that Destiel exists within the weave of this narrative as an important possibility for deepening the message of this narrative. 

I’ll add that I believe Dean and Cas were set up as romantic from the first episode of S4 (come hell or Eric Kripke bitchslapping me for reading too deeply into things) and that Cas was meant to be a catalyst for Dean beginning to see a reason to face his biggest fear, step out of the role of weapon and into his true identity, yeah? 

Okay, I’ll elaborate on that.

But first I want to say that, for all the Destiel meta I’ve posted on this blog, for all the Destiel focused analysis and the flailing and squealing and the tagging of the greatest love story ever told (through subtext) I feel I have tried to be clear about the fact that this narrative, as a whole, is not centred on our love story.

Bear with me, there’s a point to this statement and I assure you I believe Destiel will happen, because I believe the writers wouldn’t spend all that thought-power on baking in such delicious subtext if what they were striving for wasn’t to have that subtext brought into text and doing what it was always meant to do, which is deepen the message of the narrative as a whole. #daretodefy

(let me also be clear that me believing is not the same as me promising it will happen okay?) (I just have complete faith that it will) (let me outline why) (and if you don’t want an earnest and personal dissection of my way of analysing the narrative that is also rather unromantic, but lands in all the positivity, then please look away now!) :)

When reading the love story arc, I can’t dismiss or overlook the importance of the individual arcs for Dean and Cas, because Supernatural’s overarching themes are freedom, choice and identity, which are all interlinked, of course, and the characters are each of them playing a part in exploring these themes and are pushing for these themes to come together into a message related to freedom, choice and identity.

That’s how narrative structure works, yeah? 

I love these three men like they were my own. They live in my mind and have a piece of my heart and that’s not just me paying lip service. They’ve changed me, you know? Changed how I understand myself. So it’s not breezily I distance myself from them as people and look at them as basic narrative tools meant to help the writers make a statement about the world we live in and about how to live in it.

But that is what they are. That’s what they have to be in terms of narrative analysis. It’s all about asking the questions What does this mean for his progression? but also fitting that into What does this mean for the whole? How does this fit with what’s come before? And as far as speculation is concerned, landing in: What does that mean for what might follow? Yeah? Still with me? :P

So then, here’s the biggest thing that’s very easy to forget to underline when talking about Destiel: however real the love story is, this narrative does not exist for or revolve around the love story. 

I think this is so, so important to remember. 

The message of this series will be deepened if the love story is brought to surface text and the ginormaneous fuck you to the traditional (straiiiiiight) way of perceiving love and how love should be and how it should act and what it should look like is delivered by the end of S15. 

And the effectiveness of the delivery is determined by the fact that it’s a traditional white male hero set to act as symbol for leaving that closed-minded and societally conditioned bullshit behind.

But the love story, to me, is the bright red bow around the overarching thematic message of facing your internal fears and finding your way to who you truly are. Because that’s what freedom is. And it’s freedom begotten through trial and error. Through learning from your mistakes and all those choices you’ve made. Yeah? That’s the core of the show. That’s what we’re watching here. 

*and it is beautiful*

It’s also the thematic premise that unites the individual arcs of Dean, Sam and Cas, and now Jack as well. (but Jack is a mirror for all of them so his arc was bound to be a reflection, right?)

So when I think about what’s right for Destiel, first I look at where Dean and Cas are at in terms of this hugely important, overarching theme of identity, which is what is guiding their individual arcs towards a moment of catharsis. 

I just cannot believe that a show that has spent close to a decade and a half exploring the idea of individuation would bring its lovers together and have them make each other whole. 

I believe they need to first be whole in themselves, with all the self-worth that would bring on. 

Which is why all the enormous internal progression that’s been given to us over the last few seasons, particularly in Dean, but in Cas and Sam too, has been so exciting to me! Because it’s a push for them all to reach a moment of individuation. And for Dean and Cas, that means believing themselves worthy of love and happiness!

Which is why the love story is the bright red bow, yeah? Because through making it surface text and letting them finally get together they’re given this huge reward for doing all that internal work, right? 

And both of them reaching a point of individuation and laying the foundation for internal balance (because staying balanced is a continuing internal process of self-awareness and self-care) would be what allows the narrative to effectively send its message out to the world: let no one tell you who you are, you choose who to be, and good things await you if you dare to open yourself up to your true identity.

Well, then where are Dean and Cas at in their individual arcs as of 14x17? 

(um got long…) :)

Dean

Dean battled with toxic masculinity representatives pushing awareness on him all through S13, so when Michael came around, Dean could now recognise him for what he was - his shadow. 

Only, the awareness brought on an unconscious identity crisis that left Dean incapable of facing down his biggest fears and instead of engaging with the needed shadow work, Dean, in fear, decided to simply give up and give in and drown himself, because he couldn’t imagine what his identity could possibly be without this side to him pretty much in charge of him, yeah?

Taking control means admitting you’re out of control, and for someone so in need of control, admitting that you really don’t have any control over yourself is terrifying. So I get it. 

It’s just that Dean’s inability to engage in shadow work and opening up to being honest with himself about the imbalance within him led to his shadow infecting the regressed side to Dean that was always in most need of acknowledgement: his neglected inner child. (represented by Jack)

Here’s what Dean needs: to let Sam go. 

No, I don’t mean as in say goodbye forever and move cross country.

I mean, he has to let Sam be the adult he’s been for a very long time. He has to trust that Sam can take care of himself. Because even though I think Dean consciously recognises Sam as a grown man, unconsciously he is very, very stuck in the emotional patterns tied directly to Protect Sammy.

Dean sees Sam as his kid, and this was even underlined in 14x17 through how it opens on a board game Dean used to love as a kid before Mary died, and ends with Dean playing a game with his brother to keep him conscious.

Sam saying: You always put me first. Your whole life.

Honestly it continues to blow me away, because that exactly is the issue here. Dean never puts himself first. Ever. 

His purpose is still to Protect Sammy at all costs. 

And his neglected inner child is suffering for it, because Dean never had a childhood, and until he can admit to himself that Protect Sammy has damaged him in ways that he has to come to terms with, without feeling like he’s in any way betraying Sam, but rather opening up to acknowledging that neglected inner child, who is so starved for love and affection, Dean will never be able to confront his fears, expel them and in so doing integrate his shadow.

How exactly this is supposed to happen I wouldn’t dream of speculating on, but, to me, it does feel like this is what the narrative is circling for him. Because he’s aware of so many things. He’s aware of what the codependency has done to Sam and how it’s shaped his view on life and their joint purpose. 

If we die, we do that together. Yeah? 

And Dean doesn’t want that for Sam. And he’s tried to let go this season. And he’s tried to make Sam let go. But they keep coming back to well-worn paths, don’t they? And they still can’t find that balance in their relationship. Like how Dean just decided to leave Jack by himself in 14x16 and Sam’s annoyance at the deception, while Sam didn’t just step on Dean’s decision and override it in the moment, however much Sam was questioning it and disagreeing with it.

Oh, Sam. So much crap bottled up. Gah!

And then we can ask ourselves where Cas is at, and it’s an interesting at.

Cas

If you’ve taken a gander at my 14x08 meta on Cas and his shadow and the glory that is Carl Jung’s doctrine, then you know what I’m about to write, which is that Cas, at the start of S14, had come much further than Dean in his shadow work. In fact, the way I read S13 after Meredith Glynn planted the idea of a Jungian perspective on the narrative in my head is all to do with Cas doing a lot of shadow work and effectively reaching a point, at the start of S14, where he’s beginning to become truly self-aware.

The way he communicates with Jack about family and about belonging at the start of S14 is very different to the lost and rather adrift way he speaks about belonging with Mary in S12. Then Cas didn’t know if he truly fit in at the bunker, but now, and after the brothers markedly fought for him in 12x12, of course, he’s at a point where he’s actively referring to it as his home.

He also confronted the worst side to himself, his worst nightmare, a shadow representative in AU!Cas in S13, and not only killed this nightmare version, but acknowledge that he carries that nightmare version inside of himself.

So because Cas engaged in shadow work the moment he was confronted with his shadow representative (the Empty) in 13x04 and stood up to it and demanded his freedom, leading to all sorts of character progression throughout S13 and leaving him quite balanced at the start of S14, in 14x08, his shadow came to put a goddamn end to Cas’ growing self-worth and awareness, and the shadow came for the representative of that awareness for Cas: Jack. 

And Cas, instead of giving into his shadow and handing over awareness, made a deal, trading his happiness for remaining in control of himself. Rather than drown in his fears, he confronted them and said no, I’m not giving into you. 

But. 

One fear had to remain in spite of this confrontation and saying no. 

And it’s the biggest fear of all, for him as well as for Dean. And it’s the fear that stands in the way of either of them being able to fully open up to what they want for themselves.

What is it?

Indeed, it’s the fear of happiness. 

Now, it would be grand to say that happiness in all things for Dean and Cas are explicitly tied to them getting it on already. But I would gently argue that it actually isn’t. And if I’m right, because I might not be and if I’m wrong then, omg, bring on the smooches NOW, I really don’t mind, but if I’m right, then I believe it strengthens the love story, rather than weakens it in any way.

Because?

Because then the fear of happiness is tied into the series overarching theme of identity, which makes sense to me that it would be. And it ties right back around to the theory that for Dean and Cas to be happy together, they first have to be happy in themselves. To be together, they first have to answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be?

Essentially: What do I want?

So, real happiness is tied to them recognising and embracing their true identities. 

For Dean this is all to do with letting go of Sam as identity marker, letting go of Protect Sammy as life purpose, and putting himself first. (for once) There’s a helluva lot of baggage for him to rummage through to get there, because his entire self-worth has, for practically his whole life, been tied to taking care of and looking out for Sam. Yeah? So I’m curious, if I’m even in the ballpark with this reading and this is what really needs to happen before anything else can really happen, how the writers will approach truly breaking the codependency once and for all.

I’ve always had this sense that it’s on Sam to properly instigate it by stepping out from Dean’s shadow, and Sam is being a research God and getting shit done and solving problems like it’s nobody’s business so maybe… We shall see!

For Cas… Well, anyone following this blog will know what I’ve got to say about Cas and his true identity, yeah? 

For him to choose to cut out his grace and become human. 

Cas has gone through many stages in his progression, but I do believe he’s repressing his true want because it’s such an absolute affront to Heaven, to God, to the strict rule book of angel/human interaction that Cas has been brought up on. (so his conversation with Anael in 14x17 was just manna from Heaven to me) 

Choosing a human life, to him, isn’t anything he’s even considering and I think that’s actually telling, because he’s avoiding even the hint of happiness like the plague, and I believe humanity has always been where the root of happiness truly lies for him. Because it’s his true form, you know? Not this in between thing he is rn.

*still makes me want to cry that he called himself a thing*

I mean, the whole Making a Big Choice thing could be circumvented by the fact that Cas cutting out his grace is the same as him not having to fear happiness anymore, because as a human he doesn’t belong in the Empty. So he could essentially realise that he can free himself from the deal, and then, actually, understand (when the Empty shows to nab him in his happiest moment) that humanity is what he wanted for himself all along. Like holy fuck THIS is what happiness truly feels like. *personal freedooooooom* *individuatioooooon*

But I wonder at what would bring about such a choice - whatever the scenario -  with drama on the horizon, so I’m doubting this choice will happen this season. 

(if at all) (let me be clear) (human!Cas is just what I - and others with me! - see as the narrative push for his progression) (it’s not a 100% has to happen or bust) (I mean it kinda is to my mind and I’ll be hella curious to learn what the big turning point is for him if it’s not realising he doesn’t even really think of himself as an angel anymore) (I feel he’s been transitioning since S4 tbh) (from angel to man…)

Anyway, that was one helluva roundabout way of landing in an actual answer to your question. Phew! Sorry this got so very long!!

The answer to your question is that I’m not expecting any sort of textual Destiel before the end of this season.

I am, however, very excited to see exactly what the subtext is about to deliver with the next episode. And, well, I suppose what the text will deliver, too, because Dean is textually telling Cas that he’s screwed up badly enough that Dean is ready to threaten to shut him out of his life. I mean. Drama. Right?

And, look, the thing to take away is that everything is connected. 

The individual arcs are influenced by the joint arcs (Sam and Dean and Dean and Cas) and the joint arcs progress thanks to the growth happening in the individual arcs. 

The love story arc doesn’t exist in a vacuum all on its own, but I do believe its conclusion is the needed punctuation mark for both Dean and Cas’ individual journeys, because their individual progression would never have been what it is right now in the narrative without the other there to act as catalyst and northern star.

And you can see it. Because when you take one of them out of the story, the progression of the other stops dead in its tracks. And it’s something I’ve always loved the subtlety of. And it’s really what has me convinced beyond any doubt that there will be a satisfactory conclusion, too. It would leave such a hole if there wasn’t and I think the writers would feel it like a wound in the brain. 

(#daretodefy)

And hey, I think that the unhealthy dynamics between them - with the absolutely atrocious lack of communication in moments that truly matter at its core - are all about the unhealthy imbalance within. So fingers crossed they’re getting on that introspection train. They won’t lose the sass and the throwing bitch faces at each other, you know? The fact that they question the other’s choices is actually part of the healthy in their dynamic. But, yeah, man… if they could just know when to speak up and when to share and when to… 

Yeah.

:)

xx

#answered asks #deancas #destiel #identity #shadow work #self-worth #balance #all the good stuff #happy endgame #fingers crossed #my reading #spn meta #spn spec #theory #character analysis #sam #codependency #tfw #everything's connected #better together #the greatest love story ever told #(through subtext)

[alewyren]

final fantasy!

I wasn’t sure if I should include Bravely Default or not because ohhh man I have some fuckin Thoughts, so I’ll just do one for mainline FF and one for Bravely Default.

The first character I first fell in love with: 

Tidus left a strong impression on me as a kid due to the way FFX ended, and I still really like him, but I wouldn’t say I was ever in love with him. On the other hand, Fang from FFXIII turned me gay.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Kuja, I think? As much as I will maintain that he is the objective best FF villain until the day I die, and as much as that outfit is IC for him, it’s still, uh. Not good. It’s not even that it’s too feminine, it’s just fucking ugly, lmao. Doesn’t make for a great first impression. But god fucking damn, he is very, very good. Maybe at some point I’ll whip up a meta about him, but I’m not sure what to say that hasn’t been covered already.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Sephiroth. He’s got a cool design, a great theme song (those chosen by the planet, not one winged angel), and a phenomenally intimidating presence. But the thing is, as far as FF7 itself is concerned, he’s barely a character. He’s long dead by the time of the game and exists only as an echo of the past and a manifestation of Cloud’s psychological problems. By the end, he’s more Jenova (who herself is more a force of nature than a character) than himself imo. He works because of what he represents, and the mystery surrounding him, not because of who he is. Hailing him as the “best FF villain” misses the point. I feel like Squeenix themselves don’t get what was great about Sephiroth, since we keep getting these immensely fucking bland villains like Vayne, Caius, and Ardyn that are clearly trying to recapture the Sephiroth magic by focusing on the cool factor or the relationship with the protag or whatever when none of that is why Sephiroth worked in FF7 to begin with.

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

Vanille. Yeah the English voice direction was awful, yeah the noises she makes when riding her eidolon are immensely fucking uncomfortable, but she’s actually a really interesting character who deserved more time to shine, and I maintain that she should have been the protag of FF13 rather than Pink Squall. Since she has like, y’know, a much more direct hand in the entire plot of the goddamn game.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: 

uuuuuuuhhh I really don’t know. Maybe Kain. I used to think he was the shit but now I’m just like “haha, mr. friendzone at it again.” Or maybe Cloud, thanks to Advent Children taking a steaming dump on his personality in the name of fanservice.

The character I would totally smooch: 

FANG. SHE IS SO FUCKING HOT GOOD LORD I’M GAY. Also Rydia. Uh, adult Rydia, that is.

The character I’d want to be like: 

Fang is pretty goals, but she’s a bit more butch than I personally see myself, haha. Maybe Celes, sans heterosexuality and poor taste in dudes. She’s very cool, strong, and sexy.

The character I’d slap: 

Squall I guess? Cheer Up Emo Kid!

A pairing that I love: 

Kuja/Terra! I’d toyed with the idea before thanks to Dissidia 012, but NT sold me forever. There are a lot of reasons these two work so well, the most important being that their interactions are absolutely fucking precious. The reason he freed her from Kefka’s control in the first place, apart from wanting to stick it to the asshole clown, was because he empathized with her, but when she thanked him later he downplayed the hell out of it. Terra genuinely tries to reach out to him, and he’s receptive, but aloof, and acts so theatrical about it (”If that is what Her Highness wishes.”) It’s… cute? Like, they’re both pretty damn emotionally stunted due to their, uh, irregular upbringings, and there’s so much potential there! *slams fists on table* GIVE ME MORE

A pairing that I despise: 

Come to think of it, I don’t think I have a single genuine notp in the entire Final Fantasy franchise. Even ships I don’t really care for, like Cecil/Rosa, Locke/Celes or Wakka/Lulu, I wouldn’t say I hate them, just think they’re lame and poorly written. I guess Kuja/Zidane? Yeah, yeah, I know, rich as fuck coming from me, but I just don’t like them romantically at all. The most important reason being that they’re ugly as sin together.

and now, the bravely default hot takes nobody asked for but that I will rant about at literally any given opportunity.

The first character I first fell in love with: 

EDEA!!! I love her SO MUCH! She’s an adorable, precious ENTJ child who’s so headstrong, but naive, and so endearing. Her design (in the first game–blue is not her color) is great, and she has some of the best class outfit designs as well. She’s also the main melee bulk of the party, which I find immensely refreshing in a franchise where the girls are usually mages or rogues. 

Her character arc is pretty basic, sure, but it works. For starters, she’s the best handled rebellious princess I’ve seen, in that she just flat out turns on Eternia–everything she’s ever known–with scarcely a second thought. Not because she feels trapped by the burdens of being royalty or whatever, she’s just stubborn and willful and has an iron sense of right and wrong that she’s willing to fight for above all else. Which, I mean, yeah, evil empire, but it’s not that simple. Which is why her arc is about reconciling with the fact that it isn’t all black and white, and embracing her role as eventual queen of Eternia. 

The writing is pretty hamfisted, what with her literally calling things “black and white,” but she’s 15, so I’ll give it a pass. Yeah, I know the American version aged her up to make the fanservice shit less gross, but it doesn’t really work when her character is about overcoming her childish worldview, lol. Like, she’s a babbu. You can’t just change a number and make her less babbu. Her theme song is literally called “Baby Bird.” Maybe just don’t fucking sexualize characters who are meant to be read as childish in the first place? She deserved so much better than the writing she got in Bravely Second, which I’ll… get to later, but she was still an absolute delight. Did I mention she’s also hilarious? “Oops, my foot slipped.” “You just DROPKICKED ME!”

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Yew. I mean, I don’t love him as much as Edea, but Bravely Second was kind of a hot mess, if fun, and his arc pleasantly surprised me. He kind of had a similar arc as Edea in the first game, but in the opposite direction. Over the course of the game he gradually overcame his rich, upper class nerd privilege worldview and became Woke ™, and then used his privilege to help people. By contrast, Edea still had to go through the journey of getting past her simplistic worldview, but whereas she was quick to recognize the fact that her world was wrong and had to learn not to see things in extremes, Yew had to work to claw his way outside of that box in the first place. The plot twist about his brother was obvious as hell but like, whatever, it was fun. His mask didn’t even cover that much of his face, how did he not know,

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Tiz. He’s boring, not much else to say there. Except, his design in Bravely Second had me excited as hell because he looks so emo and ow the edge and I was really excited to see what they were gonna do with him, but his personality is… exactly the same as the first game? Why bring him back at all? For that matter, why kill him off in the first place? I know they were going for some meta shit, but like… why?

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

Airy, but idk if that counts because I love her for precisely the reasons everyone else hates her. Even if I think the good end should have been obtained by seeing through her ruse and blowing up the crystals rather than just going along with what she says and repeating the same fucking sequence of bosses over and over…

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: 

Ringabel. Mainly for shipping reasons and because I’m increasingly exhausted with the whole chivalrous pervert trope, especially when Edea was very much underage in the first game, lmao. He’s a good character objectively speaking, but a lot of his potential wasn’t capitalized on and I still don’t get how Alternis did a complete 180 from his brooding initial personality, to… that. Or why there were AU Ringabels in the ending sequence of the first game when I thought the whole point was that he was a spanner in the works who shouldn’t have been part of the party in the first place, and that’s how they managed to foil Airy? Or, it should have been, if they didn’t literally just go along with what she said until the end despite his very clear warnings that she was up to some shady shit. The final stretch of Bravely was a fucking trainwreck, nothing new there.

The character I would totally smooch: 

Edea. But like, a forehead smooch, because she’s a babbu. Though she is 18 for real this time in Second, isn’t she? And she’s matured considerably by then too… hrm.

The character I’d want to be like: 

Edea post-character development. She’s got her shit together, and she’s still strong-willed, outgoing, and adorable as all hecke.

The character I’d slap: 

Yulyana. Fuck the quirky pervert trope, seriously. It’s not funny, it’s never been funny, and it never will be funny.

A pairing that I love: 

Well, Agnes/Olivia is the only pairing that I straightforwardly ship, and I’ll never not be mad that they just, like. Forgot about Olivia in the final stretch of the game. Like they really just killed her off for shock value, huh? Okay Sure.

I like Edea/Alternis a lot too, but it’s complicated. Reading through D’s Journal during a blind playthrough left way more of an impact on me than Ringabel’s dumb flirting, but they definitely have a lot of shit to work through before they get together. They obviously both genuinely care about each other, though Edea’s got other shit on her plate to worry about rather than Alternis being a lovelorn, emo weirdo. But like, he’s not only so emotionally distant from her despite his feelings that she doesn’t even know what his face looks like, but he’s got a weird possessive streak towards her? It might be a translation thing but the phrasing “I would have taken you as my wife” is a bit. Iffy. Especially considering a. the age gap and b. she outranks him. Of course she’s having none of this shit, but I do like the idea of them both maturing, actually bonding like human beings, and getting together when they’re older, ie: when Edea is queen and Alternis has learned to accept his fate as a permabottom. Childhood friend loyalty kink is my passion, and like, while Edea is very much a take charge no nonsense lady, she struggles with personal relationships and emotions. They both do, and that’s why their relationship is so complicated and interesting. I’d love to read slowburn of them.

A pairing that I despise: 

Rindea. But wait, you say! Didn’t you just write a whole paragraph on how you like Altdea? Well, yes. I do stand by that, and I enjoy the ship because of its problems rather than in spite of them. Rindea is. Not that. While Altdea is  a flawed relationship that I’d love to see mature into something functional along with the characters themselves, Rindea is a disgustingly written trainwreck that shits on all that potential, as well as Edea’s entire fucking character, constantly.

I don’t hate the very idea of these two as an item. The problem is how badly said item is written. Even though Rindea has the same problematic base as Altdea, which is treated as flawed, it just completely fucking glosses over all of that, everything that actually makes their relationship interesting, in favor of generic hetero pervy slap slap kiss tsundere bullshit. Yes, Ringabel’s feelings for her run deeper than that, but that’s basically all that their dynamic, their actual interactions, amount to. And for some reason she’s into it? Like, I’m sorry, but fucking when and why did she develop feelings for him? Was it before or after she learned about his true identity? Is it because he’s Alternis or in spite of it? Hell, how did she feel about that revelation in the first place? All of that is very much worth addressing, but they LITERALLY NEVER DO.

Did she just secretly like his annoying flirting all along because no obviously means yes? Like, Ringabel still fucking carries all the baggage associated with being Alternis but the game doesn’t give a fuck! It’s overbearing and weird when Alternis comes onto Edea, but when Ringabel does it it’s peak romance! He loves her so it’s okay! And we don’t know anything about Edea’s feelings for him because the game just never fucking goes into it! It’s just assumed that she must like him back! Hey, here’s a thought! Maybe if Ringabel actually loves her so much he could respect her feelings and lay the fuck off! Oh wait, no means yes, right. And don’t even get me started on Bravely Second, jesus fucking christ. You seriously mean to tell me that, according to Yoko, my girl’s only personal damage is being tfw no bf? Nothing about the stress of ruling a nation or any of her other relationships? Nothing even about how her feelings for Ringabel might actually be more fucking complicated than dokidoki take me with you ringabel kun? Absolutely Fucking Disgusting.

Listen. I like problematic ships, but Rindea is just fucking bad, and it’s made worse by the fact that canon thinks it’s good. At this point they’ve missed so many opportunities to actually expand meaningfully on Edea’s side of the relationship that it’s a lost fucking cause and I want it to die in a fire. Good lord I hate this ship and it’s exhausting being an Edea main when it’s the entire fandom’s OTP. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I ranted more about this ship as well as the other canon Bravely ships in this post and will probably do so again when presented the opportunity.

#motorrads #asks #ff #bravely default #unfortunately i don't have a custom tag for the bravely series. y'all are gonna have to witness my hottest of takes #come fight me #musings

[beewaggle]

:O *slides into the askbox* so soulmate/soulmark au where the letters of your soulmate's name start appearing on your skin as you grow older (like, let's say 10/11/12 is when the first letter appears and by 25 you *might* have a full name if theirs is short, or at least most of a first and last), with hhhhh either Grimmons or WashCT

Title: Finding DavidPairing: WashCTRating: Canon TypicalWarnings: AngstSummary: It’s hard to find the right David when the universe is full of them. Sometimes you pick the wrong one. Note: Sorry it took so long! Unbetaed cause I have to run but I really wanted to post it. 

-

“Hey, I’m David.”

She hated that name.

As a kid she played all the same games as other kids with soulmarks. Carefully she would trace the unfinished lines, explore what the name hidden beneath the skin could be. There were lots of names that worked and she always tried to make it the most outlandish one possible.

Because that would mean it would be easy to find them.

When she was sixteen at karate camp she remembers vividly sitting on the floor with another girl and playing the silly kid’s game to pass the time. Harriet(?) scribbled on her calf, “Maybe it’s Dana… but no that’s too short.”

One of the boys she didn’t like marched over smugly and grabbed the sharpy, “You girls really don’t see it? David. Like ME.”

And he smiled at her, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Yeah, they weren’t soulmates.

But David fit perfectly.

David Banks (the karate camp kid) wasn’t her one and only and it didn’t take a soulmark to figure that out.

But there were a few confusing Davids in her life. David Shane, David Lee, David Winston. The problem was the last name was all dots, it could form anything.

When she joined up she gave up on Davids.

Soulmarks didn’t have to mean romance. Maybe David was going to be something else to her.

So she dated a couple of Daniels, a Decon, Destiny, even a Dana. They weren’t long. You get moved around a lot and you don’t have time for anything other than passing the time in the army.

Meeting her David didn’t feel like how it always was in the movies. A sudden realisation. A click. Everything falling into place.

She knew him as Pikeplace first. He came from Seattle or lived in Seattle at some point? They were stationed together. Watched each other’s backs. Had long conversions on the things she had always wanted to have long conversations about.

It wasn’t a sudden click, but it was a click.

He was court martialed. Which was bullshit.

So they wrote and she told him about Project Freelancer, how she was on a shortlist. He told her he might be able to avoid jail time.

“I’m Ezra, and this is Mike and Vera!”

“Hi, I’m David--”

“I would like to first start out by emphasising not to use your real names while in this project,” The counselor spoke loudly over the training hall.

‘David’s’ eyes bugged out.“Oops, sorry,” Ezra whispered.

She snickered.

“I’m Connie,” She winked. David slowly smiled. “Short for Constance?”

“Short for Connecticut.”

David groaned.

“It’s okay David, we’re all in this together!” Mike said cheerfully.

“Stop using my name you guys!”

Connie liked David.

It wasn’t her David. Her David had made a deal with Charon industries.

-

Wash was a frustrating person. It wasn’t that she wanted him to change it was that… she wanted him to be real.

“That’s against the rules, Connie.”

All the time. And it wasn’t that he knew she was … talking to David more and more about things that were happening here and things that were happening out there and not liking the conclusions, but it hurt her when Wash sided with them.

Especially when there were these glimpses, that it was an act. That there would be hesitation before warning some of the rank and file beneath them about stepping out of line.

“The ball was dropped!” He said. He was trying to lighten her mood, but he couldn’t.

He didn’t say to her: you broke the rules, this is the consequence. And the rules of Project Freelancer are that you’re the best. You’re a high number or you mean absolutely nothing.

That was when it started not mattering about Charon or Freelancer anymore. Freelancer was bad. She didn’t realize how bad until later, but the things David was telling her weren’t reassuring either. She had to get out.

She wanted Wash to come with them, but he refused to see. He refused to follow the threads she was offering him.

“Lots of junk out there…” Wash said quietly to himself.

“Lots of junk in here too,” She muttered bitterly.

“I don’t get it,” He turned, and it wasn’t goofy hurt puppy Wash, it was serious Agent Washington, she saw him a lot when he was about to talk about rules and regulations.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“If you have problems with the program you can leave you know?”

That hurt. That hurt so much that if Wash had gone up to her, taken her knife and stabbed her in the gut the pain might have been preferable.

“Ohio, Iowa, and, Idaho left. There’s nothing stopping you!” He kept going.

“Then what’s stopping you?” She asked furiously. “Why are you here?”

“Why am I…”

“You KNOW--” But he couldn’t know, not what she knows, not how dangerous, not how EVIL that man-- “the Director is--”

“He HELPED me.”

“What?”

“I was being court marshalled.”

She stared at him dumbly. He had turned back to his locker staring hard at his helmet.

“You?”

“They busted me down to corporal.I fought my superior officer because he was going to send me and my men on a suicide mission that would have accomplished nothing. We all would have died, but he was completely fine sitting in the back and throwing our lives away. I saved them.”

“You broke the rules.”

“And I was facing twenty years in prison because he knew people. Or death. I hear he was pushing for going old school, and that was after my demotion.”

“But you found another choice,” She said slowly thinking of her David.

He turned, “Connie--Sorry, CT. The Director, the project saved me. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life because at the worst possible moment I let my emotions get the best of me.”

“You saved yourself and your men. How is that a mistake?” It was like clouds were parting and the Washington that she had seen glimpses of was finally finally in front of her. Like the mask he hid behind had cracked and finally this was really him.

“I didn’t have control. He was another bully on the tram. He was another shove from my sister. He was my dad terrifying my cat. He was another link in a chain. I didn’t want to save anyone, I just wanted to hurt him and get back at him, and other people too,” He laughed. “I wanted to get back at old memories that don’t matter anymore.”

“I miss you.”

She didn’t realize they had been standing in silence until he broke it.

“What?”

“I miss being your friend,” He said. “I miss hanging out with you, and laughing with you. I miss the Triplets. I miss the old days. I have to believe what we’re doing is right here, because I can’t leave. Freelancer saved me, so I have to protect it and not screw up again... I know I’m not explaining it right, but--”

Their armor clacked when she hugged him.

“I hate the stupid list too,” He admitted, “But we have to be doing something good. We have to be.”

She mentally wanted to scream. Because no, no they weren’t, they never have been, they were doing all this for a shadow of a memory. Wash was making the same mistakes again and he didn’t even know it.

She took a deep breath. “Listen, there’s something I need to tell--”

They jumped apart at a wolf whistle.

“Don’t mind us, just getting ready for the mission,” York grinned.

“It’s not--we weren’t--” Wash was beet red. He quickly grabbed his helmet shoving it on his head.

“Fraternizing in the locker room,” North tutted.

“We’ll talk after the mission, okay?” He took her hand and squeezed it and ran before York and North made a routine on the entire incident.

“Some girl name Jessica is gonna be real pleased one day,” York rolled his eyes and Wash’s retreating back.

It was weird hearing her old name. The name she never told anyone here. The name that was nice and generic and plenty of Davids had attached to their body. Like David Banks. Who wasn’t her soulmate, but scared her for a second, because what if he was.

“Jessica?” She asked.

“Yeah, soulmark,” North said, “So I hope she’s not the jealous type.” He joked. Then he frowned, “Hey, I--sorry. You know I’m just joking, I didn’t actually think you guys were--”

She looked up at him. Realized there were tears running down her face. She hadn’t cried since David Banks said that the name on her leg was David, and showed her the Jessica on his bicep.

-

The choice had always been to settle on the right David.

And now there were two. Her lover David and her best friend Wash.

And there was still the Director, and there was still Charon and there was no time at all.

She almost put the dogtags in his locker, but thought about what he had told him. How had always lashed out, how he didn’t want to make the same mistakes again.

How maybe they would kill him if he came at them.

Maybe someone else could end this and bring Project Freelancer to justice. So she put them in Tex’s locker like she had initially planned. She deserved more than anyone to know the truth anyway.

-

Meta had finished. Washington was still shooting one of the alien corpses in the face.

“Ohhh nooo,” Doc whimpered. “I thought he was supposed to be the rational one.”

Meta snorted. That was really funny. “Are we going to bury her?” He gestured. CT’s body was already half buried by the sand.

Washington ignored the question.

-

“Can we play a game? You have lots,” Caboose said.

Wash sat on the hill overlooking the Dinosaur valley.

“Lots of what?”

“Soul names! Here and here, and here--”

“Those are just freckles, Caboose.”

“No, this is Freckles,” Caboose hefted freckles and scritched under his muzzle.

Wash knew arguing was useless. He tugged up the leg of his pants.

“Oh! One of them is complete,” Caboose traced the name slowly. “Jess-i-ca Mar-tin-ez. Is she nice?”

“I don’t know,” Wash answered.

Caboose went about carefully connecting freckles with his blue felt pen. Michael J. Caboose was a long name, but he found room. Stupid Tucker he had to get a bit creative with the spacing. Carolina was misspelled, but it was obvious who was meant. Epsilon was a careful E, and L.L.C was for Alpha, not the other man who held that name. The Reds he had run out of room so just put ‘The Reds.’

“Can you add one more for me?” He asked suddenly.

“There isn’t many dots left.”

“Add CT, there should be room for that, right?”

Caboose grinned. He carefully added a T under the C in Jessica. He looked proudly up at Wash, he rubbed his nose, and sniffed once, before clapping Caboose on the shoulder.

“Time for dinner I think.”

-

Finding David in a universe full of Davids was hard. Especially when you were looking for one in particular.

Luckily, he had a unique name. She watched the message one more time.

Agent Washington was on Chorus. So that’s where she was going.

And maybe they could finally finish that conversation.

#agent washington #agent Connecticut #ct rvb #washct #blue's fics #soulmark au #orangeycookiekay

[woozapooza]

Wynonna Earp 2x07

I rewatched it and as always I loved it even more the second time

so much good stuff happened

Drunk Nicole “Aphrodite Made Me Do It” “It’s Like Drinking Christmas” “You’re So Pretty And I Like You So Much” Haught

Waverly dispatching her girlfriend to babysit her sister

Waverly ending up having to babysit both Wynonna and Nicole

Not a ton of WayHaught content but still some great stuff

“Hey, cutie!” “Don’t ‘cutie’ me...Hi, sweetie pie.”

SO much quality Ghost River Triangle content

Doc getting choked up while declaring his loyalty to Wynonna

His sweetness made Wynonna cry but not me because I would NEVER cry at a TV show (I cried)

Dolls swallowing his jealousy (no judgment), congratulating Doc, and demanding maturity from Doc...and ALMOST articulating his love for Wynonna out loud but not quite, goddammit

Doc and Dolls willingly hanging out at the end of the ep even though they’re no longer bound

Doc asking Reeves to take him and let Dolls and Jeremy go and then his apology to them oh my god he’s grown so much

Dolls’ speech to Reeves in defense of Doc! It parallels Doc’s “He’s also not a man at all” speech in the first ep: each starts critically but turns into serious praise. DON’T TELL ME THEY DON’T LOVE EACH OTHER OH MY GOD

Dolls pretending he was just buying time but then he and Doc both smile and Jeremy goes “You two!”

Jeremy got to live out his fantasy of being literally bound to BOTH of his crushes

Jeremy praising Doc’s "nimble and soft” hands

Jeremy being inarticulate with excitement at the prospect of going on a stakeout with Dolls

“I told you not to make this weird.” “I didn’t say I wouldn’t.” Jeremy is honestly one of the funniest characters ever

Dolls the hypocrite being all “This ain’t tickets to Cosmic Con” to Jeremy but later in the episode turning into a DORK when meeting his historical hero

Actually, that deserves a bullet point of its own: Dolls meeting the dude who inspired him to become a marshal and turning into a DORK FANBOY I love his stupid smile

Now you know how Jeremy feels when he’s with you and Doc, dude

(“Cosmic Con” also deserves a bullet point of its own)

For Dolls’ sake I’m glad the episode didn’t turn into one of the “Never Meet Your Heroes” stories that Brooklyn 99 is so fond of (I love B99, I’m just using it for contrast). It turns out Reeves is an okay dude who is super serious about serving justice but is not malicious. He respects the US Marshal badge—which is awesome for Dolls, partly because it allows him to save the life of his boyfriend “brother,” partly because he gets the experience of his idol deferring to him!!!

Speaking of justice, though, I’d like to have words with that judge who wanted Doc dead. I don’t know for certain but I doubt adultery was a capital offense in Colorado in 1882, so that judge needs to reel it in. Judges are awful on this show, aren’t they?

I feel like there’s interesting meta to be written about law and law(wo)men on Wynonna Earp

Ooh, my suspicion that Reeves was a real person was correct! I should read up on him. That’s awesome that they added another historical person to the cast. It’s also awesome that cast has been so much more diverse this season.

The ep implies that Dolls was able to punch Reeves because they’re both marshals, I think? But I assumed it was because they were both supernatural beings.

It cracks me up how when Dolls pardons Doc, the Justice Posse is like “awesome let’s go home and rest.” It was anticlimactic, sure, but it still worked for me as a resolution to the plot because I never saw it coming.

The whole Ye Olde Western Justice Ghost Posse thing was great just from an aesthetic/atmospheric standpoint. I love when this show goes all Old West...which it looks like it will be doing again, and more intensely, in the next ep.

ohhh dude who played Jonas is the dude who played Justin on Slasher that’s why he looked familiar! that was driving me crazy

Wynonna killing Jonas—PHEW! And first she made that badass, moving speech about how she’s going to raise her kid to be good, i.e., an Earp.

Waverly “Shut Your Stupid Sexist Pie Hole” Earp

I was confused about why Waverly assumed that she wasn’t related to Wynonna. “Not an Earp” could just mean they had the same mother and different fathers. However, it occurred to me that she might have gone ahead with genetic testing offscreen.

I mean it was sad to see her cry, but her name’s Earp and she was raised as part of the Earp family so I’m confident she’s gonna end up realizing “not an Earp” doesn’t mean much

Waverly herself tells Doc “You’re still a part of this family, even if the baby isn’t yours” (whoops!)

Dolls similarly tells Doc that he (Doc) is the baby’s father regardless of who put it in Wynonna “because we need you to be [its father].” I saw a tumblr post that pointed out that he said “we,” not “she.” That’s some acknowledgement right there that Dolls is going to be its father as well!!! #GhostRiverTriangle

On a sad note, Doc coughed and my world shattered :(

I forget if other stuff happened

Oh wait, “Code Rainbow”! The fact that Doc and Dolls came up with CODE WORDS so they could take care of Wynonna!

I love this show more than almost any show ever

#x #Syfy Wynonna Earp #Everybody Knows #Wynonna Earp #Anna watches tv #Anna watches Wynonna Earp #spoilers

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

waxifraski asked:

Hi, after a long time reading your metas, especially your predictions and how accurate and sensible they seem, I was wondering whether you could do some meta about meta… Did you start making predictions or identifying Chekhov’s guns as you were first reading AGOT? I guess the overall arcs and themes must be easier to predict now, with 5/7 books published but, what were you predicting with the first ones? Could you explain which events surprised you and which didn’t?

Sorry for the weird question, I really appreciate what you do on this blog, all the effort you put and how you have turned ASOIAF criticism into a science, if I may call it so, so I’m very curious about your methods. Thank you in advance!

You’re very welcome, and please, don’t worry, honestly it’s not that weird a question. :)  (For a week I was calculating incest coefficients for goodness sake. Meta about meta is not remotely weird compared to most things in this fandom I’ve been asked about.)

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I was making some predictions while reading the books? But like I’ve said elsewhere, I initially read the first four books so quickly, I didn’t have time to do any real analysis while I was reading, barely even a “gosh, what will happen next” since I was continuously reading and found out what happened next within a minute or hour or day or so. And afterwards (since the fandom turned me off), I didn’t reflect on the series that often. (I’ve said I didn’t even start shipping until my reread.) I picked up on R+L=J right away though. And things like the Isle of Faces, and Nymeria being sent away, those spiked me as Chekhov’s guns, for sure. And prophecies sparked my interest, definitely. (w.org’s FAQ helped with those.)

And as for ADWD, that wasn’t quite so long ago, so I remember my reactions there a bit better. Mind you, I had been rereading the books to remind myself and prepare myself, so I was a bit more open for analysis, and also I deliberately started looking to see if I could pick up layers below the surface. (And therefore formulated my crack theories. Possibly crack. We’ll see.) But even with that… what were my surprises in that book? Oh, right, Bloodraven, my god, I was holy fucking shit shocked there, completely unexpected. I hadn’t read TMK at that point, but I had read TSS, the comic version, and I’d read his description in So Spake Martin, and so I knew him quite well from Miller’s and Amok’s depictions. That he turned out to be Bran’s three-eyed crow… my brain melted, I swear. Oh, and Reek-Theon made me gasp in shock, it did. Let me see, other dramatic scenes were dramatic, but the other big reveal, Aegon that is, just had me going “ohhh, here’s the mummer’s dragon at last.” And yeah, again, various plots came to their climaxes, I mean, it was kind of shocking when Jon was assassinated but not really surprising because I could tell things were going bad for him with the NW? And Dany’s flight scene was less of a surprise than, um, a thrill to read… yeah, thrill, let’s use that word.

Anyway, my “methods”, as you call them, are what I do when I’m not reading books for the first time. ;)  I really don’t know how I’ll handle TWOW. Possibly take notes? But I don’t do first reads and note-taking very well, and I definitely suck at liveblogging. When I’m reading I don’t like to do anything but read, I don’t like slowing down to answer questions or get bogged up in analysis when it’s the first-time holistic experience I enjoy. My reaction posts to TPATQ and TRP and the various TWOW preview chapters were all written up in a second read, but those were short, and me stopping to review each chapter of TWOW when I have the whole book in my hands (finally) is not happening. I’ll have to cut myself off from the internet, I suppose…

#waxifraski #asoiaf #about me #meta about meta #faq #submission

[blyedeeks]

Bellamy, Clarke, Monty and the list : Pre-mortem

Hello everyone, seems like the 100 is really back now as the show finally hit its first big controversial act of the season: Monty’s name is not on the list! (*dramatic music ensues, 10 shocked emojis*)

And with that, here comes also one of my first real metas of the season. But before I give away not only my opinion, but what I see as what the writers intend to do (something people tend to ignore completely), let me see that this is a pre-mortem analysis. The truth us: I think it’s ridiculous and useless to start a fandom fight, go tweet the writers badmouthing their houses and their dogs when we didn’t even see the episode, or Clarke’s (and Bellamy’s) reasons.

(a trial without defense sounds fair to you?)

At this point we can only guess Clarke’s reasoning by trying to see her situation as broadly as possible. So here are the facts (take your emotions and throw them in the trash, they are not needed for now, look at the facts):

There are 500 people in Arkadia. Clarke’s job is to pick 1/5 of them.

(catch: Clarke is not even supposed to be looking only at the sky people? As stated on 4x01 and 4x02, they should be looking for ways to save everyone’s people – or their alliance with Roan, and the other clans, will fall. And then everyone will be out for themselves)

Clarke isn’t choosing them as Clarke. She’s choosing them as a chancellor.

 “I'm not the Chancellor, but here we are.” (4x02)

 But not only that, she cannot choose them as Clarke:

 Note that no one voted for Clarke as chancellor.  (meaning: arkadians don’t HAVE to agree with her decisions by law. They don’t have to take her decisions as her decisions. They owe her nothing)

If said list is really used, it will have to go public.

“We have to make a plan for the day we close the doors, drill for it, make sure only the survivors have guns, agree on protocols for dealing with the people who are pissed off they're not chosen.” Raven (4x03)

 Whoever is on that list, it has to make sense – not just for the deliquents, not just for the audience (who knows probably 4% TOPS of all arkadians), but for the 500 people whose lives are literally on Clarke’s hands. 

For the 400 people who are going to die and let people they love die  for those 100 left. For the 100 Clarke chose.

 They gotta be “worth it”

(again, not in our eyes, not even in Clarke’s eyes, but in the “greater good” eyes. Which, yes, is not always right- as this show does tend to teach us)

 So this is one of the reasons why she didn’t save all the delinquents, in case anyone couldn’t tell. It’s not just about “who is going to be more useful to society” thinking (even though it is the most imporant part of it), it’s about “who society will think it’s more useful” right back.

Clarke cannot save all her friends (which would be like 10 people? So 10% of the survivors?) and choose to let everyone else die. Not only it’s unethical, but it simply won’t go through, people won’t let it happen. 

When you are in charge, you can’t simply believe you and your friends will hold hands and save the word, that’s not how it works.

 Why Monty?

 I know what you are all thinking. “Yes, yes I know Clarke didn’t have to save all delinquents. But why monty? Why not only Jasper? Or Harper? Or even Miller? Why Monty? The tech guy, the guy who figured the ark was the solution in the first place?”

(Or something like that)

The reason can probably be somewhat understood if we take into account two things: our inability to know the whole picture and writer’s intent.

We don’t know the 500 arkers, therefore, we don’t know everyone that was candidate do be on the list. Simple like that. 

How can we decide that Monty is more worth saving than 400 of them if we don’t know those said 400? Who are we to choose?

And yes, we saw how he saved the delinquents over and over and over. HECK, he was the one who found out the ark was the solution.

But do we know if he’s the only one who could have figured that out IF the delinquents weren’t the only ones who knew about the radiation wave?

(no, the answer is no. 

And please, don’t you freaking think ~i~think this is fair. This is not what this discussion is about. This is about trying to see what is happening in arkadia where the “camera” doesn’t follow)

Did we know what the heck was happening with all the other people meanwhile? How did they, idk, make the alpha station work once it was on the ground, how did Farm station people survive that long on ice nation territory before they were found on season 3? Who did what? Who is what? We don’t freaking know.

We assume the most important characters are the ones we know about, because the story is about them so therefore, they are the ones who are going to save everyone. Which is an obvious and fair thought, but it makes us biased.

While we are screaming, OF COURSE YOU GOTTA SAVE MONTY, WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?!? If we weren’t privy to this point of view the show provided us, where we saw what Monty had done, but not what the others have( Riley anyone? LOL), we would know there are other characters with their own abilities who are (supposedly, rationally, theoretically speaking) useful. 

And finally, of coursea this is all intentional.

 Of course the writers were going to put a controversial person in or out the list guys, come on.

And this is not because they are “evil” and “ohhh writers are only here to cause drama and ruin characctteers-“

Please, let me tell you what writers are not here for. They are not here to hold your freaking hand. They are not here to write coffee shop AUs no matter how much you beg.

(or lie to yourself. Because if you have been watching the 100 for 4 seasons and this is one of your favorite shows, you can’t possibly believe you’re 100% a coffee shop AU kinda person. You dig the gore, the drama and the death, don’t lie to yourself and things will be easier)

That being said, (these) writers don’t always write controversial things to “create drama”. Not when it comes to the MAIN plot of the season, no romantic crazy plots involved, no filler episode. This is about moving the plot forward, this is about raising discussions that are tied to this show’s moral questionings. Even more than that, This is tied to character’s plots (Clarke’s, Bellamy’s, Monty’s etc) that need to evolve and change. They need to be wrong, they need to be right, they need to fight, otherwise a post apocalyptic show doesn’t even work without such conflicts.

The writers didn’t create this to “destroy” Clarke’s character. They need to push her, we can’t have a main character that always does everything right (:?) and everyone agrees with her all the damn time. The 100 is dynamic: it needs to raise questioning, it needs to puts their characters to the test, it needs to put all point of views to the test and raise moral discussions otherwise it just stops being the show it is at its core.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t agree with the decisions Clarke made, it matters that it made you think. 

And for everyone wondering about Bellamy, who (supposedly) made the list with her, who wouldn’t take an approach (in theory) as rational as Clarke’s and not put Monty on the list…. Wait for it. 

We don’t know yet if Bellamy indeed saw the whole list, no matter how much you believe he did. And if he did, be ready to know he probably agreed with Clarke’s reasoning. Which shouldn’t be such a surprise because Clarke and Bellamy tend to change each other’s respective “head and heart” points of view with their own reasoning.

And it doesn’t make Bellamy any less Bellamy. I think people saw the list scene on 4x03 and got so distracted by bellarke that they didn’t realize what was happening. Saving 100 people over 400 means children will die, (yeah Bellamy Blake allowing children to die), along a lot of people they know and that trust them. People that now think they can all be saved. Bellamy agreed to do that already. Let that sink in.

It wasn’t an easy list to make it. (there was a reason why Clarke didn’t wanna do it). But it was freaking needed. And if anyone thinks there is a right way to measure how one life is more worth than another then you are seriously kidding yourself.

If you think there is a “smart” or “right” way to tell someone their life is not worth living while someone else’s is, then i don’t know what to tell you.

Now, about Bellamy and Clarke being on the list…….. that’s subject for another meta.

See you on the other side of the episode.

#the 100 #the 100 talk #my rants #clarke #bellamy #monty #4x04 #the 100 spoilers

[violetemerald]

1,2,3,4,9 ships meme!

http://lovesjustachemical.tumblr.com/post/157357970101/40-questions-meme-for-shippers

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had.

It's somewhat impossible to really know what my actual first ship was, likely a bunch kind of happened simultaneously at once since it's not like I ever only watched one show at a time. I'm pretty sure Ross/Rachel on Friends I was shipping hard before I knew what a ship was though, before I ever really used the internet even, like they were my main motivation to keep watching the show, to see what happened next with them. I've answered other things other times I've answered this question but I think they might be my actual first.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life. There are so many"important" ones lol!! But gosh it's also such a thought provoking question, because what makes a ship "important" anyway? It's also hard to narrow down to 3 when I have so many that shape who I am today or what I've spent my fan effort on, etc etc. I also hate to list only het ships as the three "most" important ones but...

Literati aka Jess/Rory - Gilmore Girls. So much energy and effort has been expended in my life thinking about them. I watched everything Milo ever did for years because of this ship, hey Alexis too now that I think about it. They were the reason I was so invested in and so disappointed by the Gilmore Girls revival. They were the first real "ship" I vidded, repeatedly, and one of few first ships I consumed fanvideos of en masse. They really pushed me through the door that was me getting into fanfiction; while other fandoms may have crossed my path, this got me there. They are one of the first things I think of when I think of the word ship.

Clana aka Clark/Lana - Smallville. Ah I have more feels than I know what to do with for these two?? Weirdly I never got into fanfiction for them or done much like here on tumblr about them but I have probably vidded them more than any other ship. They have more total scenes than any other OTP of mine and I'm a vidder who lives off watching and creating fanvideos, so that kind of matters a lot. I got two of my most amazing online friendships out of this ship, the three of us were friends with each other for years and knew a lot about each other's personal lives and stuff, were the biggest fans of each other's vidding, made dedicated vids in a variety of fandoms for things like birthdays, made collab vids together, etc and even if we're not as close now, if Clana is not a main ship really for any of us anymore, we are all still friends and it's been like a decade OK? ALSO... Like I am still vidding this ship, that has never stopped, I still like thinking about Smallville as a whole, and... Idk. Both this ship and Literati have a lot of songs in common that work, have a surprising amount of parallels, and yet... The thing that's so special about Clana is that neither is clearly the dreamer vs the realist, there is no "bad boy" or "cold hearted bitch/bully who thinks she's too good for someone" to be redeemed/changed/saved, both characters have their fair share of trauma in their past but are genuinely sweet people all along and care about each other all along?? Like idk. OHHH and one huge thing that's so important about Clana as a ship to me is that all along I knew they weren't endgame. Don't ask me how just generally existing in American culture had me aware that Clark was destined to end up with Lois even before I saw a Lois on Smallville, when Smallville was my first ever actual Superman based piece of media I consumed, but I knew OK? And I think it means something huge about how I ship to know that i never was rooting for them to end up together and overcome those odds. Not at all. I just really wanted to see the journey, the validation that it can be amazing And real love even if it's not forever? I wanted to relish in the angst trainwreck too. I'm a glutton for punishment sometimes.

And for #3 I'm gonna have to go with LoVe (Logan/Veronica) - Veronica Mars. Like... I helped fund the Veronica Mars movie Kickstarter campaign and I'm pretty sure at least 50% of why is that I needed them to have a happier ending. If you look at my fanworks, I haven't written fanfiction for LoVe yet but I've planned out a fic about their hypothetical future daughter so like, I was close lol... Also I have podficced this ship, multiple times, something I haven't done for the other two ships on this list... I adore Logan/Veronica, vidding them, engaging in meta about them, etc. These two characters are so amazingly complex and I relate to a lot when it comes to each of them.

3. What’s your current OTP? Really hard question to answer. Honestly I'm not even sure if I have one per se.  It changes with the tide, you know? Lol OK so like... I have extremely hard shipping-esque feelings for Mario/Angus on Code Black which is part of why I've kept up with that show when I still fall behind on others. I internally squee when they have moments. I don't even know if I really ship them in a slash way but I need more people to know this show and care about how much amazing love these men have for each other (even if it's platonic love??) and oh I'm already grieving the show's likely cancellation. I also am feeling too many things for Dana/Lara as I watch season 1 of The L Word for the first time right now on Netflix? I don't even care if you spoil me, just like... They just broke up and I really want to know they're gonna get back together?? I also am feeling so many Karma/Amy (Faking It) feels lately as I brainstorm how to vid for the current femslash multi-round contest I’m in...

I’ll answer the other two questions... “4. What’s your current NOTP?” and “9. Do you have many ships that never got together at all?” later, as soon as I get a chance lol. This post is long enough now and I have to leave the house!!

[sobdasha]

I know tomorrow’s ep is gonna ruin me

so I might as well start a ~thoughtful post~ about it ahead of time.

Specifically, the thing I anticipate wrecking me the most is that Tohru's "let's go home" speech to Kyou isn't a love-and-acceptance speech.

It's a fuck-you speech.

I wanted to do a meta post about this because while this is a very powerful moment and gives me very powerful feels, I've also always kind of not got it? Like what makes this moment with Tohru special? Because she's scared? Other people were scared too, the fact that they tried to deny it kind of proves how scared they were. And Kyou said she didn't have to love everything and she kind of basically said "too bad I love everything anyway" so how was that a compelling argument? Everyone else here (Kazuma, Kagura) has behaved selfishly so why does Tohru's selfishness fix the problem?

Like with that Hiro post, I figure if I just keep pondering and typing eventually I'll figure it out and go "oh snap Takaya's brilliant"

Anyway.

I've always been tempted to read Tohru's "let's go home" speech to Kyou as a love-and-acceptance speech. Which is a waste of a good resource, and a huge disservice, because thinking that way tends to reduce Tohru to the Mary Sue stereotype that Hiro accuses her of being--all Tohru has to do is stand there and say a few nice things and suddenly everyone's problems melt away? Seriously?

((Doing more skimming research later in this post, it turns out I'd completely forgotten that Akito and Kyou literally have a whole conversation about this, where Akito's like "wow St. Tohru is unreal" and Kyou's like "you literally missed the point tho." My bias for Yuki as favorite character instead of Best Boy Kyou is unfortunately strong, guys.))

Which is probably why I find the True Form arc to be a bit forgettable when I don't have it open in front of me. And also why I've always found it a little illogical. While I love the end results, why is this particular love-and-acceptance speech, at this specific time, actually effective for Kyou?

Kyou's received a lot of love-and-acceptance speeches in his life, and to be quite honest he doesn't believe them. He has no faith in them. And he's got logic here.

Kyou's mother always told him she loved him, she loves her son, she's proud of her son, you're not a monster you're just...under an evil spell temporarily, and I'm not scared at all. She talked the talk, but Kyou was always sensitive to the fact that her actions didn't necessarily match her words (she was always, always scared, I think. Maybe a bit of Kyou, but mostly of her husband). And when it became too much and she gave up on herself and her future and took her own life, well. Kyou knew exactly how empty "love and acceptance" was.

Kagura was the first one to play with Kyou when they were kids, and she's devoted her life to telling Kyou that she loves him, she loves everything about him. But when she saw Kyou's True Form she ran away, kept her distance for a while, and then came back and pretended nothing had ever happened and restarted her dating campaign with a vengeance. It's not clear to me whether Kyou ever realized that Kagura started paying attention to him out of pity, but I suspect it's something he's pretty good at picking up on.

Kazuma adopts Kyou out of a mix of pity and an attempt to atone for his past behavior, like Kagura, and honestly I'd forgotten that Kyou literally says a couple of times that he suspects pity was a factor. But their relationship grows beyond that pity, even Kyou is sensitive to that, and it's not something he holds against Kazuma. So I'm sure Kazuma gives Kyou plenty of earnest love-and-acceptance speeches, given that he loves and accepts his son. But even so it's complicated for Kyou, and those speeches can't make Kyou love and accept himself.

Tohru, of course, gives all the Soumas plenty of love-and-accepting speeches, and Kyou is no exception, Kyou you have a plum on your back. This doesn't serve to make Kyou like himself so much as it serves to make Kyou like her.

This time, though. This time that's not the kind of speech Tohru gives Kyou. Look at Tohru's face, right as she turns around. She's determined and she's pissed.

This is a good character development for Tohru! I think this is her first real, stubborn attempt to be selfish without someone having pushed her towards it first.

Kyou has just hurt Tohru, physically and emotionally. Get the fuck away, he tells her. I can't stand you, he tells her. I don't ever want to see you again, he tells her, and if I do I'll take my claws to your face next time.

And Tohru starts to go. This whole thing is overwhelming and it's only been like 10 minutes and she hasn't processed at all yet. She's hurt, she's really hurt, but most of all she doesn't want to be a bother, she doesn't want to be a burden, she doesn't want to be hated, Kyou has clearly expressed his feelings and she should respect that.

And then Tohru stops and draws herself up and makes that face.

And runs back.

And grabs Kyou and tells him, fuck you, what about my feelings, come home. I literally don't understand what the fuck is going on, I'm sick and I'm scared and come home. I don't want you to give up on yourself, but you don't get to give up on me before you've even given me a chance to process this and decide if I'm okay keeping you in my life. And guess what, fucker, I still want you in my life so come home because I don't want to live in a house that doesn't have you in it. You told me to tell you that so listen. You have to return the favor and tell me when you're upset and let me care about you so just come home.

Obviously Tohru phrases it differently but I feel like that's the accurate gist of the hysterics lol.

Tohru doesn't say "oh it's okay I love you it's not...it's not that scary! Trust me!", which is a thing Kyou has learned not to trust.

Tohru says "I know this sucks but bitch what about me" which is, honestly, one of the things Kyou feels in regards to his mom that he's yet to unpack, so this really resonates with him. This is real.

(It's real and it's raw and Laura Bailey is going to destroy me and I can't wait to actually be debilitated by the True Form arc.)

I don't have a good transition but now I wanna talk about Kyou's relationship with pity

Pity in regards to Kyou is something that comes up a lot throughout the series. Kagura befriends Kyou out of pity so that she can feel good about herself. Kazuma pities Kyou after seeing the shit the Cat has to go through and takes him in. Kazuma worries that Tohru might only be with Kyou out of pity, like his grandmother towards his grandfather. I believe Shigure tells Tohru at one point "seriously did you really think we don't all know about Kyou and we aren't all pitying him and saying 'thank god it's not me, I'm getting off great compared to the Cat' to ourselves in secret?" And of course, Kyou himself says that he doesn't want or need Tohru's pity during the True Form confrontation.

Pity can be condescension and looking down on someone. Pity is something unequal, compared to compassion, something that might imply insult, something that's embarrassing to receive because it implies you can't get compassion on your own merits or your own level. And pity is something forced.

Thinking about this, I think Kyou can actually really relate to Rin (which might be part of why he was so jealous that she might take Shishou from him when Kazuma got concerned about her welfare, that similarity, in addition to the obvious fact that Kyou has just got a good thing and it's his good thing and don't take it from him). Rin's parents, presumably out of some combo of pride and pity and status, decided to force themselves to make a good show of being a happy family. And because they forced themselves to "love" Rin, it went to hell in a bullet train when it broke.

Kyou's mom went a similar-enough way. She tried to put on a show of normalcy, tried to force herself to be okay and say all the right, loving things to Kyou while her husband kept telling her that she'd shamed him, bad enough to have a cursed child but of all the Zodiac you gave birth to the cat monster, you should have died rather than have that child, we'd all be better off if you'd do us a favor and just die. And when the pressure got to be too much, she did just that.

So I think it's not unreasonable that Kyou might have separately come to the same conclusion that Rin does. Pity--forced love--breaks people. People who feel compelled to love you will get burnout and possibly explode and definitely have their lives ruined. (This is why Rin doesn't want to rely on Haru, doesn't want Yuki to rely on Haru, doesn't want anyone to rely on Tohru.)

This is, I think, half of why Kyou distances himself from people. Half of it is to protect himself, because obviously he doesn't like getting hurt. But half of it is to protect other people, because he doesn't want them getting hurt.

He does it with Tohru, trying not to get close to her (he already killed her mom, the least he could do is just never get involved with her again), trying to run her off during the True Form arc by hurting her so badly that she won't regret having nothing to do with him again. He does it to Kazuma, yelling "He's not my dad!" so people will stop saying the shit they associate with Kyou to Kazuma as well (directly after the True Form, Kyou levels up his character development and tells Kazuma that one day he'll be worthy of calling Shishou his dad in public, which is good, although the fact that Kyou still thinks he is currently not someone Kazuma can claim as a son without shame is a development Kyou will have to work on later).

And, ohhh shit, I'm pretty sure Kyou does this with Kagura too. Kagura says that Kyou is the first one to pull back after their own True Form incident (she later admits to herself that no, actually, the first one to pull away was her because she never invested herself in their friendship in the first place because pity). And that is probably, again, partly because Kagura freaked out and ran off and just left Kyou there, and Kyou doesn't want any further rejection from her. Partly because it probably got around, and Kyou's dad made sure Kyou's mom heard about it, and Kyou's mom tried to make peace by keeping a tighter rein on Kyou.

But before the incident, Kyou and Kagura are really good friends, and Kyou really enjoys being with her. After the incident, after they mutually avoid each other, after Kagura comes back around and pretends that nothing happened, after Kagura reaffirms that she loves Kyou no matter what, that's when Kyou starts pushing back for her to leave him alone.

Maybe it's just Kyou's usual touchiness and I'm reading too much into it. It's not terribly long after the incident that Kyou's mother ends her life, and Kyou's being blamed for it instead of being allowed to grieve, and he blames himself, and after that he's a different kid and he's really prickly and quick to anger around everyone except Shishou.

But I don't think it's unreasonable to put forward that Kyou still liked Kagura as a friend, and he saw how Kagura reacted, and pretending nothing was wrong was part of what killed his mom, and if he still likes Kagura as a friend then the best thing Kyou can do for her is to shove her forcefully away from him, over and over, until she stops associating with him and getting hurt because of it. Before she gets hurt badly.

Like I put somewhere in an earlier post, Kyou doesn't like Kagura romantically. He certainly doesn't like having his space violated and his feelings ignored. But he (grudgingly) lets her get a way with a lot that speaks to a certain tenderness towards her. Especially later, during Kagura's confession--he's not warm and he's not close and open to her, but he also listens to Kagura, he forgives her, he says thank you, and when she runs to him he lets her cry into his shirt until she's through. You aren't that accommodating to someone you don't care about.

(On the flip side, it occurs to me that--for all that Kagura is a jealous rival of Tohru for Kyou's love--Kagura doesn't come around and act like it much. As Tohru points out, Kagura's really been holding back. I think that Kagura's being honest when she adds at the end of her confession that she really did come to love Kyou after all. It's unrequited, and she's always known that, and she's been struggling with it since Tohru came into the picture. But I think deep down she does like Kyou enough to want him to be happy, and she's realizing that he might be able to be happy with Tohru in a way he can't be with Kagura, and it's super embarrassing and painful to have to admit that to herself, but she's been working on letting go even though she herself doesn't want to be doomed to a life of unloved loneliness, which is what she believes will happen if she lets go of Kyou. Kagura, like Hiro, has character development struggles that are mostly internal.)

Things I only just realized about Kyouru

I have talked before about the fact that Kyou and Tohru's relationship works because they can get to the heart of each other and really see each other and connect on the same level in a way no one else does with them. What I did not really think of, at the time, is that Kyou and Tohru are actually very similar. They actually have a very similar problem.

Which just goes to show my intense Yuki bias, because Kyou has flat-out said over and over again that he believes himself to be a burden and I guess I didn't notice??

And I've just spend so much time saying that this is Tohru's biggest anxiety.

They differ a bit in the execution. Tohru considers herself as starting off at a net zero, basically: she doesn't exactly think her existence is problematic, but she doesn't feel that she offers any worth or value to compensate for the efforts she takes from other people, so she's terrified of being a burden and thus causing people to resent and hate and reject her.

Kyou considers himself as starting off at a negative: he has nothing of any worth to offer to people around him, and he believes that just being around him is actively detrimental to other people, so he just assumes people naturally hate him and avoids everyone and pushes away people who try to get close to him, especially people he loves. (He makes some exceptions when he really really loves, like keeping Shishou at arm's length in some regards but basking in his dad the rest of the time, and giving into his fondness for Tohru even though he knows it's going to go bad.)

Tohru's had her worldview reinforced by being abandoned by a young and grieving Kyouko. Kyou's had his worldview enforced by being told that people who are kind to him die of it.

Kyou's mom loved him more than anyone; Kyou's mom died for him/died because it's his fault. Kyouko was nice to Kyou; Kyou's secret is safe at the cost of Kyouko dying from that car. The beads that keep sealed the Cat's true form are made from the bones and blood of a priest; the way people retell the story implies that Kyou straight-up murdered this guy ages ago, or at least that Kyou's taking advantage of a sacrifice that was forced and not willing. (I mean honestly it could go either way, but lately I've been thinking that it seems unlikely you'd go murder some holy guy to make some beads to seal up a cat monster that you hate when you could just murder the cat monster, don't tell me olden days Souma wouldn't just find that simpler; it seems to me like the sort of effort you'd go through for someone you actually cared minimally about, and that the priest probably devoted himself to holiness for just such a reason, probably offered to have a holy death and create a protective relic. Not that that would make Kyou feel any better.)

This probably ties back into the whole pity thing...Kyou doesn't want people to feel compelled to love him, to force themselves to love him, because not only do they not get any benefit but he has actively negative worth and it hurts people to be around him. Kyou, like Tohru, finds it hard to accept that people might not see it as a burden or a harm to be kind to him. That they might want to be kind to him and enjoy his presence. These children can't just let themselves take the damn donuts.

And that's probably the why of why Kyou, specifically, and not Yuki, is so good at noticing Tohru's issues and actively pushing her to be selfish. It's hard to help yourself, but it can be easier to see yourself in others and give them the advice that you yourself won't take. Let yourself be selfish and live a life that makes you happy. Complain when you need to. Let yourself have some donuts when donuts are being handed out, even if you don't think you deserve them/some jerks have told you you don't deserve them and you're a fake for taking a donut.

(I'm not sure Kyou's ever actually heard this bit, and I don't have time to unpack it right now, but uggghhh I just remembered that Tohru low-key blames herself for her mother's death as well. If she'd been more grateful...if she'd had her priorities straight and her mother was the most important thing in her life, more important than trying her best in school...if she'd just managed to say "Come home safe", then her mom wouldn't have died, and because she was an ungrateful daughter and didn't say it that one time she lost her mom. Nnnn my heart.)

Again I don't have a good transition, but as I think about all this I think I get why Kyou is able to accept Tohru's fuck-you speech as being a real and sincere thing he can depend on instead of instantly assuming it's pity. He's probably not thinking straight enough to realize that Tohru's just taken a level in character development and is being remarkably selfish and open about what she wants from him, not just yet.

But looking at Kyou's past experience with True Form reveals…

Kyou's mom tries to reassure Kyou that everything is fine and normal. She smiles and says all the right things and pretends not to be perturbed. Tohru, as Kyou notes, is clearly not fine about things, she's overwhelmed and sick and scared and clinging to him while shaking and crying. "Can't you see?! Smell?!" Kyou demands when Tohru doesn't instantly run off, but it's pretty clear she does because Tohru isn't smiling, isn't trying to pretend this doesn't bother her. She's undeterred, yes, but she's very bothered.

Kagura's scared too, when she sees, and Kagura runs away. Tohru's scared and she runs toward. Again, Tohru's not hiding her fear even if she's not letting her fear stop her, Tohru's not smiling her serene smile, Tohru clearly would rather run away and go "what the fuck?!?!?!" for a while before dealing with the fallout. Tohru's not a saint, Tohru's just slightly more scared that she'll never see Kyou again after this if she leaves now than she is of Kyou's true form. She's kind of almost passed through the other side of terror into desperation.

Tohru's biggest anxiety is that she'll be abandoned for being a burden, true, but Tohru also is terrified of being preemptively abandoned because the other person has decided they're a burden for Tohru. That's exactly what Hana tried to do in middle school. Hana tried to give up on Uo and Tohru.

"Give up on" isn't a phrase used in the True Form arc, but it comes up plenty elsewhere. Momiji says much later that he's done giving up on the Cat. More specifically, when Kyou's unpacking his complicated feelings about his mom and her death, he says at one point that he wishes she hadn't given up on herself and had stayed together with him. And since mom plays into the True Form arc (as does the "being together" sentiment), I feel it's valid to drag the "giving up on" idea into it as well.

Kyou tries to give up on Tohru--decides for himself that she'll reject him, so he rejects her first and pushes her away so she won't force herself to take pity on him and keep forcing herself to love him--and Tohru probably realizes that he's doing it, since she saw it before with Hana. She's determined to go back to Kyou because she's prioritizing her own wants, but I think probably the reason she also looks pissed is because she's realized Kyou's given up on her and she's not gonna let him get away with it.

I think Kyou wishes that he could cling to people, could have clung to his mom and told her not to give up, the way Tohru is clinging to him there. That he could admit that things suck and are scary and painful, but that he wants to keep clinging on regardless and staying together without anyone giving up, the way Tohru is doing right now. Instead of, like everyone else, pretending that shit is fine even though it sucks and it's scary and it's painful and then giving up on the people around him and keeping a distance.

Kyou recognizes what Tohru feels--and that what Tohru feels is sincere--because it's the same feelings he has about his mom. Which is why, even though it sounds a bit like a Saint Mary Sue love-and-acceptance speech, it's a fuck-you that hits Kyou right in the heart and makes Kyou feel accepted and understood for the first time in his life. Not because Tohru is perfect, but because Tohru is flawed and broken and a terrified mess.

#sobdasha fic adjacent #fruits basket #i didn't outline this out to the best effect #or really proofread thoroughly #so hopefully it makes sense #but i spent hours investing myself into this lol and having too many feelings #i stayed up too late to finish this because i know i won't be coherent enough to put anything like this together after tomorrow's episode #this is how good the reboot is though #no longer am i reevaluating my interpretations with each new episode #i'm managing to re-engage with the source material even before new episodes air to give me a new perspective #also the sheer amount of things i've missed that are right there in the manual are...embarrassing

[patheticphallacy]

Hallo!

So let’s start this post by referencing the major creative crisis I went through this month, stemming from a blogging rut I found myself in beginning in July. I’ve got through it now, and I have basically the next month and a half of content already scheduled in preparation for my return to Uni, but the rut was real, guys.

I spend a lot of time on my posts and I found myself very low regarding the content and the amount of response I get to what I post. I know blogging is a lengthy process, I’m not going to immediately get response considering the blog is only just over two years old, and I genuinely love writing these posts and reviews. It’s a worry I tackle often, but sometimes it just gets to me and makes me feel kind of hopeless of ever getting over my general anxiety regarding interacting with other people. I keep my distance just because I don’t know how to make friends in the community, and I feel like that translates over to my blog sometimes too, but I’m really trying to change that by talking to more people!

Other than that: August was boring. I read, I watched random stuff, and I worked overtime shifts so I have enough money for rent when Uni starts. I’m honestly a pretty boring person during off-time from University just because of how far away I am from people, combined with my lack of money. Maybe next Summer will be more exciting.

I also want to add that my blog is going to be a lot busier now the end of the year is approaching. I always seem to have a calm period in November, but every other month, expect chaos! Good chaos, though. Friendly chaos. October is a great month for me as I love horror and supernatural things, which means I have twice as many post ideas.

READING WRAP UP

    Assassination Classroom Volume 3-4 by Yusei Matsui– I expect to read more Assassination Classroom this month, but I ended up starting another popular manga series (that’ll come up later). I did enjoy these two volumes, and we got some intriguing looks into Korosensei’s backstory. 

Ibitsu by Haruto Ryo– I hated this. Straight up. It felt very targeted towards the humiliation of teenage girls with a lot of unneeded torture and nudity, and I just felt sick after reading it, and not in a way I can enjoy with some stories. 

Bond of Dreams, Bond of Love Volume 1-4 by Yayu Sakuragi– This is an age-gap romance between an 18 year old and his childhood friend who is… six/eight years older than him, one of the two. There were some really weird moments, for sure, and I won’t dispute that the age gap was kinda gross at points, but I feel like by the end the conversations on adulthood and the main character finally having his frustrations recognised meant a lot. 

My Love Story Volume 7-13 by Kazune Kawahara– I’m in a perpetual state of mourning now that I’ve finished this series. It’s one of my all-time favourites. The ending is so heartfelt and they get into heavier issues towards the final volume that I feel helped carry the main relationship from feeling young into adulthood as the characters began college. It addresses jealousy and feelings of incompetence, while never belittling the trust these characters have in one another. It’s handled so maturely and so unlike other stories, and I’m satisfied with the conclusion, even if my heart is broken. 

    My Hero Academia Vigilantes Volume 4 by Hideyuki Furuhashi– Not as good as volume 3, but has some solid character development and we finally have a showdown of sorts. This does end on a cliffhanger, fair warning.

Starlike Words by Junko– Reaaaally didn’t like this. Poor development of character and relationship and the nudity felt gratuitous and gross, especially considering these characters are only 15/16. 

These Witches Don’t Burn by Isabel Sterling– Another one that disappointed me. I have a review for this linked at the end of this post, just know that I had issues with the treatment of toxic relationships and a victim blaming attitude. 

Peter and Alice by John Logan– An OK read that’s very meta, a play that imagines the meeting behind Peter Llewelyn Davies and Alice Liddell in 1932. It’s very tragic and the weaving of the characters they inspired into their own stories was incredible, but I found myself thinking the whole time about how this… probably didn’t happen. I know I should have suspended my disbelief, it just felt impossible. 

    One Piece Volume 1-11 by Eiichiro Oda– EE. This series is great! I literally started the longest running manga series I’ve come across so far and I don’t regret starting it, even if I did at first. The first 100 chapters have flown by with incredible character development and a wonderful world being shaped, and I adore it. 

Their Body and Their Afterthought by Shelby Eileen– Not my favourite poetry collection. I don’t want to be too harsh, but it felt like it reiterates what I’ve read in other collections on similar themes and issues without ever offering anything new with form. 

I Hate Fairyland Volume 1 by Skottie Young– I previously read this volume years ago. After a re-read, I’ve lowered my rating. I’ve just read way too many different comics and manga and whatnot to not be slightly critical. The art is still great, but it felt like I was struggling to get through this at points, especially after starting volume 2 and having to stop from boredom. It feels repetitive. 

Sunshine, Sadness and Other Floridian Effects by Shelby Eileen– This collection was better than Their Body, luckily! It has some stunning imagery, calling up impressions of water and the turning of the tide in tandem with loss coinciding with moments of happiness, and I do recommend it. 

    Faithless #3/#4 by Brian Azzarello– Starting to get bored with this series. There’s only so much shocking stuff and nudity without any kind of explanation for it before you grow tired. I’ll carry on reading for a few issues; I’m just ready to drop it if nothing much keeps happening. 

Pochamani Volume 1-5 by Kaname Hirama– Ohhh this was such a great series! It’s out of print so I had to read it online, and only the first five volumes are actually translated, which was so disappointing but I still recommend this series. It’s got the first fat main character I’ve seen in a manga series, and has so much conversation surrounding body shaming and positivity and the constant grappling with self-hate when you have a fat body. It means a lot to me, and seeing a romance where a fat girl is adored by her boyfriend is so wholesome. 

The Diary of a Bookseller by Shaun Bythell– I literally started this last year and it took me that whole period of time to read 140 pages, and then in the space of a week I read the last 150. There’s definitely a sense of elitism and anti-genre fiction (especially what is typically branded as targeted towards women) which aggravated me, but the general humour was great and there was an interesting insight into the running of independent bookshops. 

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling– I feel like I’ve gone OFF about this book on here in August, but this book deserves it. It’s an intense psychological sci-fi horror where main character, Gyre, goes on a caving mission that ends up being more than it first appears. I love the relationship that develops between Gyre and Em, and I highly recommend the audiobook!

My Life with Bob by Pamela Paul– I have a whole review on my Goodreads that I feel summarises my issues with this book. I enjoyed this, but same with Shaun Bythell’s book, there’s a definite sense of elitism in some ways. I think Pamela Paul was willing to paint herself negatively in some respects and show the harmful thought processes she could have, and I appreciated that. My review is a lot more elaborate! Sorry!

  Pen & Ink by Isaac Fitzgerald and Wendy MacNaughton– This is a fun side-by-side of tattoos with the explanations behind them from the people that have them. The stories are whacky and fun, in some places, but are also sentimental and heartfelt in others, and I like the different thought processes behind getting them and the way everyone still seems to love them. 

My Hero Academia Volume 19 by Kohei Horikoshi– SO. GOOD. The real strength of this series lies in how well developed the characters and their relationships are, and this volume especially reaffirms that. Aoyama is so sweet and if he’s the traitor I’ll riot! 

  TBR JAR PICK FOR SEPTEMBER IS: WILLFUL MACHINES by Tim Floreen! My best friend picked this one out for me, thank you friend!

THINGS I WATCHED

I FINALLY went to the cinema again and watched BTS: Bring the Soul. I loved it.

I re-watched Daddy Day Care (don’t ask, it’s literally the only film I watched on Netflix the whole month and I hate that) and it opens with Ben– Eddie Murphy’s in-movie son– climbing out of bed and putting on the exact same Spongebob slippers my sister and I had when we were younger and it was amazing. I’ve never felt so nostalgic over something so unintentional in a film.

Not a watch, but a listen: the Teenage Scream podcast hosted by Kirsty Logan and Heather Parry, where they read and breakdown classic Point Horror novels from the 90s.

As always, I watched random stuff on deep dives on YouTube. This included: An Aesthetic History of The 1975, fat people don’t belong in magazines (it’s not what it sounds like), Being Lowborn w/ Kerry Hudson (an author interview! yes!), and I guess I’ll recommend the latest paperbackdreams video because I love Kat’s channel!

POSTS

University: Second Year Breakdown

A Bookshelf Tour: Part 1

REVIEW: These Witches Don’t Burn

Shakespeare Plays as Taylor Swift Songs

REVIEW: The Luminous Dead

Top Ten Tuesday: Read Books I Wish I Owned!

A Bookshelf Tour: Part 2

If you liked this post, consider buying me a coffee? Ko-Fi. 

Goodreads|Twitter|Instagram|Letterboxd

August Wrap Up Hallo! So let's start this post by referencing the major creative crisis I went through this month, stemming from a blogging rut I found myself in beginning in July.

#august #books #movies #reading wrap up #tv shows #wrap up

[strivesy]

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Kate Dobrzenski on episode 274 of the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Kate Dobrzenski spotlights K-4 innovative science practice. She discusses how to incorporate the observation of phenomena and other Next Generation Science Standards in elementary science.

Legends of Learning has amazing game based science experiences for students in 3-8 aligning with Next Generation Science and select state standards. Go to coolcatteacher.com/science and sign up for your free account now.

Whether it is earth science, life science, or physical science you can reinforce, reteach, and take kids further as they play the science games at legendsoflearning.com. And thanks to Legends of Learning for sponsoring science week this week on the 10-Minute Teacher.

Listen Now

Listen to the show on iTunes or Stitcher

Stream by clicking here.

***

Enhanced Transcript

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Link to show: www.coolcatteacher.com/e274

Date: March 15, 2018

Vicki: Today we’re talking with Kate Dobrzenski @aacps_k5science about learning science through authentic investigation.

Now, Kate, you have some exciting strategies for us to really help kids engage in science.

Where do we start?

Kate: Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be sharing some science strategies with y’all today.

Truly, the best way to be engaging kids in science is to have them learn through authentic investigation.

As well all know, kids are naturally inquisitive.They’re natural investigators. A lot of times they ask questions we don’t even know the answers to. (laughs)

Vicki: (laughs)

Kids are naturally inquisitive

Kate: So, I think for teachers sometimes it’s really hard to reconcile that idea about letting students explore and learn in a naturally investigative way — with what’s expected of them with standardized testing. But it really can be done.

Vicki: So give me an example of how you’ve helped a K-5 science teacher have their kids learn through authentic investigation.

Kate: I think that one of the big problems that we were having in our district is that the teachers were harping on the importance of vocabulary. And vocabulary is important, but for these littles, it’s a lot easier to teach them by establishing the concept first so they have a frame of reference to hang a vocabulary word on and give it meaning.

I mean, just for example, in 3rd grade, we were really wanting to understand forces and motion, balanced and imbalanced force, gravity, those kinds of things, magnetism.

And the teachers were really harping on, “Take out your notebooks. Write down what balance force is. And write down what magnets are.” and all this.

And we went in with a new approach to let the kids just kind of explore magnets and explore balanced and imbalanced force.

We let the kids play Jenga. I mean, kids love to play!

Vicki: (agrees)

Kate: A lot of the frame of reference that we have as humans about forces in motion comes from playing games when we were kids.

So we let the kids play Jenga. Once they’ve played and they’ve got sort of a frame of reference of how gravity affects things, and how balance works…

… then we go back and we hang vocabulary words onto that experience.

Move the vocabulary to the back end of the experience

Vicki: Ohhh, that’s tremendous! Because you’re making it real, aren’t you?

Kate: It has to be, for kids. They get bored so easily. You know, they need to move around and they need to do things with their hands and get into stuff and make a mess, you know?

Vicki: Well, and also the thing with younger children is that they are so concrete. Abstract concepts are so hard for them.

Kate: It really is.

And so like for example, I was beating my head against the wall trying to get kindergarteners to understand what properties of matter were.

And all of a sudden it came to me. Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt.

Let’s find something flexible, something stiff, something shiny, something smooth.

And then we come in and have them classify those things by their physical properties. Then we hang a vocabulary word like “flexible” or “waterproof” or something like that on that experience.

Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt and then classify their findings

Vicki: Ohhh, that is tremendous!

So learning through authentic investigation and really helping them explore — and then hanging the vocabulary on top. That’s tremendous!

OK. What other ideas do you have for us?

Kate: Maryland is a Next Generations Science Standards state. So one of our big initiatives is to introduce phenomenon-based science.

Introduce phenomenon-based science

What that means is that we’re trying to get kids to learn science in a way that’s more authentic to the way science is done in the real world.

So, if you’re a scientist, and you’re trying to discover some new medicine or something, you’re trying to solve a problem, you’re trying to answer a question.

We want kids to naturally have the questions about those things.

We found that the best way to do that is to spark their interest by providing some sort of little mystery.

For example, in 4th grade, we are teaching kids how animals use their senses and what animals use each sense is really used for in the wild.

S before students would come into the classroom, we would spray a little bit of like Glade Air Freshener. And the kids would come in and say, “Oh my gosh, there’s a smell in here!”

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: That’s the phenomenon.

And so we’re like, “Where did that smell come from?”

And they’re like, “Well, I don’t know, but it smells like Apple Cinnamon.”

And then we were like, “Oh. How did you know that it smelled like Apple Cinnamon if you didn’t see the Glade spray?”

And they were like, “Oh, we’ve smelled it before.”

Vicki: Hmmm.

Kate: And we’d tie that into the idea that animals have to be able to learn the meaning of different smells and recognize those smells quickly to determine whether there’s danger or a mate or a food source or whatever.

So, just things like that, where we lead off with the phenomenon and then start asking the questions about it.

Vicki: I love that.

Lead with the phenomenon, and then ask questions about it

And you’re really thinking about this whole concept that great teachers consider, which is the whole environment. Not just things you see, not just things… but EVERYTHING, aren’t you?

Kate: Yeah. And then it’s really important for kids to develop models of things.

Like you said, they’re so concrete at this age. Telling them isn’t enough. Showing them a video isn’t enough. We need to get up out of our seats and we need to move around and act out what it is we’re talking about.

Whether we’re talking about food webs or forces in motion or the solar system or things like that. We need to be getting up with our bodies and actually acting it out, physically modeling it, making concrete models — you know, getting that arts integration in there.

There are just so many ways that we can enrich our science experience for kids and not make it so vocabulary and worksheet and video driven.

Enrich our science experience for kids by making it experience driven

Vicki: Oh yeah. That’s tremendous.

Now, do you have any advice for us for the younger children? I mean, you talked about the Glade Air Freshener which is a great one.

Think about your kindergarteners. I mean how do things look in that grade?

Kate: One of our kindergarten phenomena that I just love is…

We show this little video segment about penguins living in Antarctica. It’s during a unit about animals and what need to animals live and those sorts of things.

The kids will naturally ask the question, “How do penguins survive in that freezing temperature? I mean it’s so snowy. Don’t they get cold? Where’s their home?”

And so we get all the kids together, and we purposely put this unit during the winter when it’s cold. We take them all outside without their coats. They’re out there saying, “Oh, I’m so cold! I want to go inside!”

And we say, “No, we’re not going to go inside. We’re going to survive like penguins. And then we show them how huddling together taking turns and being in the middle…

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: … it helps you not be cold!

Yeah, you’re freezing on the outside, you’re going to get your turn in the middle, but once you’re warmed up, you got to go back to the outside and help keep everybody warm.

How do animals survive together in a group?

That sticks in their mind so much. They love that.

Vicki: As well as the adults.

I guess you couldn’t do that for too long, or you might get some parent complaints.

But that is a powerful example.

Kate: You might.

Vicki: OK, what else do you try to do to make science real through authentic investigation?

I love these.

Kate: One of the science and engineering practices in the Next Generation Science Standards is planning and carrying out investigations.

We really try to provide time for teachers to listen to student questions on whatever the topic is, and really kind of go down a wormhole of letting the students plan an investigation.

Let students plan an investigation

That is like wildly different from what we usually see in the elementary classroom.

Generally, we see, “OK, today, boys and girls, we’re going to learn about conduction, convection, and radiation. And here’s the lab we’re going to do about it that is going to give us this desired outcome.”

What we’re trying to get away from that. So instead, let’s think about what question we want to ask about conduction, convection, and radiation. And then let’s critically think about what investigation we can do to get that data.

And that’s pretty hard. It looks a lot different in K-2 than it does in 3-4-5.

So in K-2 it might look more like, “What do animals need to live? I don’t know. Let’s go outside on a scavenger hunt and gather some data about anthills and bird nests and things like that.”

But at the higher level, it’s really going to involve something like, “Let’s make a hypothesis about this. Let’s think about what the best strategies would be, to actually collect real data about this.”

So I think just letting kids make up their own investigations is so powerful.

Vicki: So, Kate, we could just go on forever, couldn’t we? (laughs)

Kate: Yeah. (laughs)

Vicki: So as we finish up, could you give a 30-second pep talk to teachers about how to really make science exciting.

I think it’s important to get us past the traditional to really make it become real.

Kate: Yes. OK, here’s your pep talk.

Y’all. Get your kids outside. Go on a scavenger hunt. Look for rocks. Classify those rocks. Study the weather. Give them weather tools. Come up with exploration centers where they can play with magnets or build things. Play games into your classroom. Get up out of your seat and act all of the things you’re trying to teach.

Like I would like to think right now, “What am I teaching in my classroom, that I could have the kids tomorrow get up and make up a skit about?”

That right there is the stuff that sticks out in their mind when it comes time for them to repeat it out on a test.

Vicki: OK. Teachers, let’s make science real. Here are some exciting ideas. And you know, science should be thrilling.

You can always tell when a student has had one of those amazing science teachers who really relates it to the real world, because they’ll always say, “I love science!”

Kate: Yes!

Vicki: … when they had that kind of teacher. So be that kind of “I love science!” teacher.

Kate: I totally agree. Thank you so much for emphasizing science on this show. We need all the time we can get!

Contact us about the show: http://www.coolcatteacher.com/contact/

Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford [email protected]

Bio as submitted

Kate Dobrzenski works as the elementary science resource staff for Anne Arundel County Public Schools in Annapolis, Maryland. She has a Masters Degree in K-12 Science Education and loves teaching science teachers how to engage students in inquiry through play.

Twitter: @aacps_k5science

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation published first on https://medium.com/@seminarsacademy

[aira26soonas]

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Kate Dobrzenski on episode 274 of the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Kate Dobrzenski spotlights K-4 innovative science practice. She discusses how to incorporate the observation of phenomena and other Next Generation Science Standards in elementary science.

Legends of Learning has amazing game based science experiences for students in 3-8 aligning with Next Generation Science and select state standards. Go to coolcatteacher.com/science and sign up for your free account now.

Whether it is earth science, life science, or physical science you can reinforce, reteach, and take kids further as they play the science games at legendsoflearning.com. And thanks to Legends of Learning for sponsoring science week this week on the 10-Minute Teacher.

Listen Now

Listen to the show on iTunes or Stitcher

Stream by clicking here.

***

Enhanced Transcript

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Link to show: www.coolcatteacher.com/e274

Date: March 15, 2018

Vicki: Today we’re talking with Kate Dobrzenski @aacps_k5science about learning science through authentic investigation.

Now, Kate, you have some exciting strategies for us to really help kids engage in science.

Where do we start?

Kate: Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be sharing some science strategies with y’all today.

Truly, the best way to be engaging kids in science is to have them learn through authentic investigation.

As well all know, kids are naturally inquisitive.They’re natural investigators. A lot of times they ask questions we don’t even know the answers to. (laughs)

Vicki: (laughs)

Kids are naturally inquisitive

Kate: So, I think for teachers sometimes it’s really hard to reconcile that idea about letting students explore and learn in a naturally investigative way — with what’s expected of them with standardized testing. But it really can be done.

Vicki: So give me an example of how you’ve helped a K-5 science teacher have their kids learn through authentic investigation.

Kate: I think that one of the big problems that we were having in our district is that the teachers were harping on the importance of vocabulary. And vocabulary is important, but for these littles, it’s a lot easier to teach them by establishing the concept first so they have a frame of reference to hang a vocabulary word on and give it meaning.

I mean, just for example, in 3rd grade, we were really wanting to understand forces and motion, balanced and imbalanced force, gravity, those kinds of things, magnetism.

And the teachers were really harping on, “Take out your notebooks. Write down what balance force is. And write down what magnets are.” and all this.

And we went in with a new approach to let the kids just kind of explore magnets and explore balanced and imbalanced force.

We let the kids play Jenga. I mean, kids love to play!

Vicki: (agrees)

Kate: A lot of the frame of reference that we have as humans about forces in motion comes from playing games when we were kids.

So we let the kids play Jenga. Once they’ve played and they’ve got sort of a frame of reference of how gravity affects things, and how balance works…

… then we go back and we hang vocabulary words onto that experience.

Move the vocabulary to the back end of the experience

Vicki: Ohhh, that’s tremendous! Because you’re making it real, aren’t you?

Kate: It has to be, for kids. They get bored so easily. You know, they need to move around and they need to do things with their hands and get into stuff and make a mess, you know?

Vicki: Well, and also the thing with younger children is that they are so concrete. Abstract concepts are so hard for them.

Kate: It really is.

And so like for example, I was beating my head against the wall trying to get kindergarteners to understand what properties of matter were.

And all of a sudden it came to me. Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt.

Let’s find something flexible, something stiff, something shiny, something smooth.

And then we come in and have them classify those things by their physical properties. Then we hang a vocabulary word like “flexible” or “waterproof” or something like that on that experience.

Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt and then classify their findings

Vicki: Ohhh, that is tremendous!

So learning through authentic investigation and really helping them explore — and then hanging the vocabulary on top. That’s tremendous!

OK. What other ideas do you have for us?

Kate: Maryland is a Next Generations Science Standards state. So one of our big initiatives is to introduce phenomenon-based science.

Introduce phenomenon-based science

What that means is that we’re trying to get kids to learn science in a way that’s more authentic to the way science is done in the real world.

So, if you’re a scientist, and you’re trying to discover some new medicine or something, you’re trying to solve a problem, you’re trying to answer a question.

We want kids to naturally have the questions about those things.

We found that the best way to do that is to spark their interest by providing some sort of little mystery.

For example, in 4th grade, we are teaching kids how animals use their senses and what animals use each sense is really used for in the wild.

S before students would come into the classroom, we would spray a little bit of like Glade Air Freshener. And the kids would come in and say, “Oh my gosh, there’s a smell in here!”

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: That’s the phenomenon.

And so we’re like, “Where did that smell come from?”

And they’re like, “Well, I don’t know, but it smells like Apple Cinnamon.”

And then we were like, “Oh. How did you know that it smelled like Apple Cinnamon if you didn’t see the Glade spray?”

And they were like, “Oh, we’ve smelled it before.”

Vicki: Hmmm.

Kate: And we’d tie that into the idea that animals have to be able to learn the meaning of different smells and recognize those smells quickly to determine whether there’s danger or a mate or a food source or whatever.

So, just things like that, where we lead off with the phenomenon and then start asking the questions about it.

Vicki: I love that.

Lead with the phenomenon, and then ask questions about it

And you’re really thinking about this whole concept that great teachers consider, which is the whole environment. Not just things you see, not just things… but EVERYTHING, aren’t you?

Kate: Yeah. And then it’s really important for kids to develop models of things.

Like you said, they’re so concrete at this age. Telling them isn’t enough. Showing them a video isn’t enough. We need to get up out of our seats and we need to move around and act out what it is we’re talking about.

Whether we’re talking about food webs or forces in motion or the solar system or things like that. We need to be getting up with our bodies and actually acting it out, physically modeling it, making concrete models — you know, getting that arts integration in there.

There are just so many ways that we can enrich our science experience for kids and not make it so vocabulary and worksheet and video driven.

Enrich our science experience for kids by making it experience driven

Vicki: Oh yeah. That’s tremendous.

Now, do you have any advice for us for the younger children? I mean, you talked about the Glade Air Freshener which is a great one.

Think about your kindergarteners. I mean how do things look in that grade?

Kate: One of our kindergarten phenomena that I just love is…

We show this little video segment about penguins living in Antarctica. It’s during a unit about animals and what need to animals live and those sorts of things.

The kids will naturally ask the question, “How do penguins survive in that freezing temperature? I mean it’s so snowy. Don’t they get cold? Where’s their home?”

And so we get all the kids together, and we purposely put this unit during the winter when it’s cold. We take them all outside without their coats. They’re out there saying, “Oh, I’m so cold! I want to go inside!”

And we say, “No, we’re not going to go inside. We’re going to survive like penguins. And then we show them how huddling together taking turns and being in the middle…

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: … it helps you not be cold!

Yeah, you’re freezing on the outside, you’re going to get your turn in the middle, but once you’re warmed up, you got to go back to the outside and help keep everybody warm.

How do animals survive together in a group?

That sticks in their mind so much. They love that.

Vicki: As well as the adults.

I guess you couldn’t do that for too long, or you might get some parent complaints.

But that is a powerful example.

Kate: You might.

Vicki: OK, what else do you try to do to make science real through authentic investigation?

I love these.

Kate: One of the science and engineering practices in the Next Generation Science Standards is planning and carrying out investigations.

We really try to provide time for teachers to listen to student questions on whatever the topic is, and really kind of go down a wormhole of letting the students plan an investigation.

Let students plan an investigation

That is like wildly different from what we usually see in the elementary classroom.

Generally, we see, “OK, today, boys and girls, we’re going to learn about conduction, convection, and radiation. And here’s the lab we’re going to do about it that is going to give us this desired outcome.”

What we’re trying to get away from that. So instead, let’s think about what question we want to ask about conduction, convection, and radiation. And then let’s critically think about what investigation we can do to get that data.

And that’s pretty hard. It looks a lot different in K-2 than it does in 3-4-5.

So in K-2 it might look more like, “What do animals need to live? I don’t know. Let’s go outside on a scavenger hunt and gather some data about anthills and bird nests and things like that.”

But at the higher level, it’s really going to involve something like, “Let’s make a hypothesis about this. Let’s think about what the best strategies would be, to actually collect real data about this.”

So I think just letting kids make up their own investigations is so powerful.

Vicki: So, Kate, we could just go on forever, couldn’t we? (laughs)

Kate: Yeah. (laughs)

Vicki: So as we finish up, could you give a 30-second pep talk to teachers about how to really make science exciting.

I think it’s important to get us past the traditional to really make it become real.

Kate: Yes. OK, here’s your pep talk.

Y’all. Get your kids outside. Go on a scavenger hunt. Look for rocks. Classify those rocks. Study the weather. Give them weather tools. Come up with exploration centers where they can play with magnets or build things. Play games into your classroom. Get up out of your seat and act all of the things you’re trying to teach.

Like I would like to think right now, “What am I teaching in my classroom, that I could have the kids tomorrow get up and make up a skit about?”

That right there is the stuff that sticks out in their mind when it comes time for them to repeat it out on a test.

Vicki: OK. Teachers, let’s make science real. Here are some exciting ideas. And you know, science should be thrilling.

You can always tell when a student has had one of those amazing science teachers who really relates it to the real world, because they’ll always say, “I love science!”

Kate: Yes!

Vicki: … when they had that kind of teacher. So be that kind of “I love science!” teacher.

Kate: I totally agree. Thank you so much for emphasizing science on this show. We need all the time we can get!

Contact us about the show: http://www.coolcatteacher.com/contact/

Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford [email protected]

Bio as submitted

Kate Dobrzenski works as the elementary science resource staff for Anne Arundel County Public Schools in Annapolis, Maryland. She has a Masters Degree in K-12 Science Education and loves teaching science teachers how to engage students in inquiry through play.

Twitter: @aacps_k5science

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

from Cool Cat Teacher BlogCool Cat Teacher Blog http://www.coolcatteacher.com/e274/

[ralph31ortiz]

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Kate Dobrzenski on episode 274 of the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Kate Dobrzenski spotlights K-4 innovative science practice. She discusses how to incorporate the observation of phenomena and other Next Generation Science Standards in elementary science.

Legends of Learning has amazing game based science experiences for students in 3-8 aligning with Next Generation Science and select state standards. Go to coolcatteacher.com/science and sign up for your free account now.

Whether it is earth science, life science, or physical science you can reinforce, reteach, and take kids further as they play the science games at legendsoflearning.com. And thanks to Legends of Learning for sponsoring science week this week on the 10-Minute Teacher.

Listen Now

Listen to the show on iTunes or Stitcher

Stream by clicking here.

***

Enhanced Transcript

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Link to show: www.coolcatteacher.com/e274

Date: March 15, 2018

Vicki: Today we’re talking with Kate Dobrzenski @aacps_k5science about learning science through authentic investigation.

Now, Kate, you have some exciting strategies for us to really help kids engage in science.

Where do we start?

Kate: Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be sharing some science strategies with y’all today.

Truly, the best way to be engaging kids in science is to have them learn through authentic investigation.

As well all know, kids are naturally inquisitive.They’re natural investigators. A lot of times they ask questions we don’t even know the answers to. (laughs)

Vicki: (laughs)

Kids are naturally inquisitive

Kate: So, I think for teachers sometimes it’s really hard to reconcile that idea about letting students explore and learn in a naturally investigative way — with what’s expected of them with standardized testing. But it really can be done.

Vicki: So give me an example of how you’ve helped a K-5 science teacher have their kids learn through authentic investigation.

Kate: I think that one of the big problems that we were having in our district is that the teachers were harping on the importance of vocabulary. And vocabulary is important, but for these littles, it’s a lot easier to teach them by establishing the concept first so they have a frame of reference to hang a vocabulary word on and give it meaning.

I mean, just for example, in 3rd grade, we were really wanting to understand forces and motion, balanced and imbalanced force, gravity, those kinds of things, magnetism.

And the teachers were really harping on, “Take out your notebooks. Write down what balance force is. And write down what magnets are.” and all this.

And we went in with a new approach to let the kids just kind of explore magnets and explore balanced and imbalanced force.

We let the kids play Jenga. I mean, kids love to play!

Vicki: (agrees)

Kate: A lot of the frame of reference that we have as humans about forces in motion comes from playing games when we were kids.

So we let the kids play Jenga. Once they’ve played and they’ve got sort of a frame of reference of how gravity affects things, and how balance works…

… then we go back and we hang vocabulary words onto that experience.

Move the vocabulary to the back end of the experience

Vicki: Ohhh, that’s tremendous! Because you’re making it real, aren’t you?

Kate: It has to be, for kids. They get bored so easily. You know, they need to move around and they need to do things with their hands and get into stuff and make a mess, you know?

Vicki: Well, and also the thing with younger children is that they are so concrete. Abstract concepts are so hard for them.

Kate: It really is.

And so like for example, I was beating my head against the wall trying to get kindergarteners to understand what properties of matter were.

And all of a sudden it came to me. Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt.

Let’s find something flexible, something stiff, something shiny, something smooth.

And then we come in and have them classify those things by their physical properties. Then we hang a vocabulary word like “flexible” or “waterproof” or something like that on that experience.

Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt and then classify their findings

Vicki: Ohhh, that is tremendous!

So learning through authentic investigation and really helping them explore — and then hanging the vocabulary on top. That’s tremendous!

OK. What other ideas do you have for us?

Kate: Maryland is a Next Generations Science Standards state. So one of our big initiatives is to introduce phenomenon-based science.

Introduce phenomenon-based science

What that means is that we’re trying to get kids to learn science in a way that’s more authentic to the way science is done in the real world.

So, if you’re a scientist, and you’re trying to discover some new medicine or something, you’re trying to solve a problem, you’re trying to answer a question.

We want kids to naturally have the questions about those things.

We found that the best way to do that is to spark their interest by providing some sort of little mystery.

For example, in 4th grade, we are teaching kids how animals use their senses and what animals use each sense is really used for in the wild.

S before students would come into the classroom, we would spray a little bit of like Glade Air Freshener. And the kids would come in and say, “Oh my gosh, there’s a smell in here!”

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: That’s the phenomenon.

And so we’re like, “Where did that smell come from?”

And they’re like, “Well, I don’t know, but it smells like Apple Cinnamon.”

And then we were like, “Oh. How did you know that it smelled like Apple Cinnamon if you didn’t see the Glade spray?”

And they were like, “Oh, we’ve smelled it before.”

Vicki: Hmmm.

Kate: And we’d tie that into the idea that animals have to be able to learn the meaning of different smells and recognize those smells quickly to determine whether there’s danger or a mate or a food source or whatever.

So, just things like that, where we lead off with the phenomenon and then start asking the questions about it.

Vicki: I love that.

Lead with the phenomenon, and then ask questions about it

And you’re really thinking about this whole concept that great teachers consider, which is the whole environment. Not just things you see, not just things… but EVERYTHING, aren’t you?

Kate: Yeah. And then it’s really important for kids to develop models of things.

Like you said, they’re so concrete at this age. Telling them isn’t enough. Showing them a video isn’t enough. We need to get up out of our seats and we need to move around and act out what it is we’re talking about.

Whether we’re talking about food webs or forces in motion or the solar system or things like that. We need to be getting up with our bodies and actually acting it out, physically modeling it, making concrete models — you know, getting that arts integration in there.

There are just so many ways that we can enrich our science experience for kids and not make it so vocabulary and worksheet and video driven.

Enrich our science experience for kids by making it experience driven

Vicki: Oh yeah. That’s tremendous.

Now, do you have any advice for us for the younger children? I mean, you talked about the Glade Air Freshener which is a great one.

Think about your kindergarteners. I mean how do things look in that grade?

Kate: One of our kindergarten phenomena that I just love is…

We show this little video segment about penguins living in Antarctica. It’s during a unit about animals and what need to animals live and those sorts of things.

The kids will naturally ask the question, “How do penguins survive in that freezing temperature? I mean it’s so snowy. Don’t they get cold? Where’s their home?”

And so we get all the kids together, and we purposely put this unit during the winter when it’s cold. We take them all outside without their coats. They’re out there saying, “Oh, I’m so cold! I want to go inside!”

And we say, “No, we’re not going to go inside. We’re going to survive like penguins. And then we show them how huddling together taking turns and being in the middle…

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: … it helps you not be cold!

Yeah, you’re freezing on the outside, you’re going to get your turn in the middle, but once you’re warmed up, you got to go back to the outside and help keep everybody warm.

How do animals survive together in a group?

That sticks in their mind so much. They love that.

Vicki: As well as the adults.

I guess you couldn’t do that for too long, or you might get some parent complaints.

But that is a powerful example.

Kate: You might.

Vicki: OK, what else do you try to do to make science real through authentic investigation?

I love these.

Kate: One of the science and engineering practices in the Next Generation Science Standards is planning and carrying out investigations.

We really try to provide time for teachers to listen to student questions on whatever the topic is, and really kind of go down a wormhole of letting the students plan an investigation.

Let students plan an investigation

That is like wildly different from what we usually see in the elementary classroom.

Generally, we see, “OK, today, boys and girls, we’re going to learn about conduction, convection, and radiation. And here’s the lab we’re going to do about it that is going to give us this desired outcome.”

What we’re trying to get away from that. So instead, let’s think about what question we want to ask about conduction, convection, and radiation. And then let’s critically think about what investigation we can do to get that data.

And that’s pretty hard. It looks a lot different in K-2 than it does in 3-4-5.

So in K-2 it might look more like, “What do animals need to live? I don’t know. Let’s go outside on a scavenger hunt and gather some data about anthills and bird nests and things like that.”

But at the higher level, it’s really going to involve something like, “Let’s make a hypothesis about this. Let’s think about what the best strategies would be, to actually collect real data about this.”

So I think just letting kids make up their own investigations is so powerful.

Vicki: So, Kate, we could just go on forever, couldn’t we? (laughs)

Kate: Yeah. (laughs)

Vicki: So as we finish up, could you give a 30-second pep talk to teachers about how to really make science exciting.

I think it’s important to get us past the traditional to really make it become real.

Kate: Yes. OK, here’s your pep talk.

Y’all. Get your kids outside. Go on a scavenger hunt. Look for rocks. Classify those rocks. Study the weather. Give them weather tools. Come up with exploration centers where they can play with magnets or build things. Play games into your classroom. Get up out of your seat and act all of the things you’re trying to teach.

Like I would like to think right now, “What am I teaching in my classroom, that I could have the kids tomorrow get up and make up a skit about?”

That right there is the stuff that sticks out in their mind when it comes time for them to repeat it out on a test.

Vicki: OK. Teachers, let’s make science real. Here are some exciting ideas. And you know, science should be thrilling.

You can always tell when a student has had one of those amazing science teachers who really relates it to the real world, because they’ll always say, “I love science!”

Kate: Yes!

Vicki: … when they had that kind of teacher. So be that kind of “I love science!” teacher.

Kate: I totally agree. Thank you so much for emphasizing science on this show. We need all the time we can get!

Contact us about the show: http://www.coolcatteacher.com/contact/

Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford [email protected]

Bio as submitted

Kate Dobrzenski works as the elementary science resource staff for Anne Arundel County Public Schools in Annapolis, Maryland. She has a Masters Degree in K-12 Science Education and loves teaching science teachers how to engage students in inquiry through play.

Twitter: @aacps_k5science

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

from Cool Cat Teacher BlogCool Cat Teacher Blog http://www.coolcatteacher.com/e274/

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Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Kate Dobrzenski on episode 274 of the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Kate Dobrzenski spotlights K-4 innovative science practice. She discusses how to incorporate the observation of phenomena and other Next Generation Science Standards in elementary science.

Legends of Learning has amazing game based science experiences for students in 3-8 aligning with Next Generation Science and select state standards. Go to coolcatteacher.com/science and sign up for your free account now.

Whether it is earth science, life science, or physical science you can reinforce, reteach, and take kids further as they play the science games at legendsoflearning.com. And thanks to Legends of Learning for sponsoring science week this week on the 10-Minute Teacher.

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Enhanced Transcript

Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation

Link to show: www.coolcatteacher.com/e274

Date: March 15, 2018

Vicki: Today we’re talking with Kate Dobrzenski @aacps_k5science about learning science through authentic investigation.

Now, Kate, you have some exciting strategies for us to really help kids engage in science.

Where do we start?

Kate: Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be sharing some science strategies with y’all today.

Truly, the best way to be engaging kids in science is to have them learn through authentic investigation.

As well all know, kids are naturally inquisitive.They’re natural investigators. A lot of times they ask questions we don’t even know the answers to. (laughs)

Vicki: (laughs)

Kids are naturally inquisitive

Kate: So, I think for teachers sometimes it’s really hard to reconcile that idea about letting students explore and learn in a naturally investigative way — with what’s expected of them with standardized testing. But it really can be done.

Vicki: So give me an example of how you’ve helped a K-5 science teacher have their kids learn through authentic investigation.

Kate: I think that one of the big problems that we were having in our district is that the teachers were harping on the importance of vocabulary. And vocabulary is important, but for these littles, it’s a lot easier to teach them by establishing the concept first so they have a frame of reference to hang a vocabulary word on and give it meaning.

I mean, just for example, in 3rd grade, we were really wanting to understand forces and motion, balanced and imbalanced force, gravity, those kinds of things, magnetism.

And the teachers were really harping on, “Take out your notebooks. Write down what balance force is. And write down what magnets are.” and all this.

And we went in with a new approach to let the kids just kind of explore magnets and explore balanced and imbalanced force.

We let the kids play Jenga. I mean, kids love to play!

Vicki: (agrees)

Kate: A lot of the frame of reference that we have as humans about forces in motion comes from playing games when we were kids.

So we let the kids play Jenga. Once they’ve played and they’ve got sort of a frame of reference of how gravity affects things, and how balance works…

… then we go back and we hang vocabulary words onto that experience.

Move the vocabulary to the back end of the experience

Vicki: Ohhh, that’s tremendous! Because you’re making it real, aren’t you?

Kate: It has to be, for kids. They get bored so easily. You know, they need to move around and they need to do things with their hands and get into stuff and make a mess, you know?

Vicki: Well, and also the thing with younger children is that they are so concrete. Abstract concepts are so hard for them.

Kate: It really is.

And so like for example, I was beating my head against the wall trying to get kindergarteners to understand what properties of matter were.

And all of a sudden it came to me. Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt.

Let’s find something flexible, something stiff, something shiny, something smooth.

And then we come in and have them classify those things by their physical properties. Then we hang a vocabulary word like “flexible” or “waterproof” or something like that on that experience.

Let’s take them outside on a scavenger hunt and then classify their findings

Vicki: Ohhh, that is tremendous!

So learning through authentic investigation and really helping them explore — and then hanging the vocabulary on top. That’s tremendous!

OK. What other ideas do you have for us?

Kate: Maryland is a Next Generations Science Standards state. So one of our big initiatives is to introduce phenomenon-based science.

Introduce phenomenon-based science

What that means is that we’re trying to get kids to learn science in a way that’s more authentic to the way science is done in the real world.

So, if you’re a scientist, and you’re trying to discover some new medicine or something, you’re trying to solve a problem, you’re trying to answer a question.

We want kids to naturally have the questions about those things.

We found that the best way to do that is to spark their interest by providing some sort of little mystery.

For example, in 4th grade, we are teaching kids how animals use their senses and what animals use each sense is really used for in the wild.

S before students would come into the classroom, we would spray a little bit of like Glade Air Freshener. And the kids would come in and say, “Oh my gosh, there’s a smell in here!��

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: That’s the phenomenon.

And so we’re like, “Where did that smell come from?”

And they’re like, “Well, I don’t know, but it smells like Apple Cinnamon.”

And then we were like, “Oh. How did you know that it smelled like Apple Cinnamon if you didn’t see the Glade spray?”

And they were like, “Oh, we’ve smelled it before.”

Vicki: Hmmm.

Kate: And we’d tie that into the idea that animals have to be able to learn the meaning of different smells and recognize those smells quickly to determine whether there’s danger or a mate or a food source or whatever.

So, just things like that, where we lead off with the phenomenon and then start asking the questions about it.

Vicki: I love that.

Lead with the phenomenon, and then ask questions about it

And you’re really thinking about this whole concept that great teachers consider, which is the whole environment. Not just things you see, not just things… but EVERYTHING, aren’t you?

Kate: Yeah. And then it’s really important for kids to develop models of things.

Like you said, they’re so concrete at this age. Telling them isn’t enough. Showing them a video isn’t enough. We need to get up out of our seats and we need to move around and act out what it is we’re talking about.

Whether we’re talking about food webs or forces in motion or the solar system or things like that. We need to be getting up with our bodies and actually acting it out, physically modeling it, making concrete models — you know, getting that arts integration in there.

There are just so many ways that we can enrich our science experience for kids and not make it so vocabulary and worksheet and video driven.

Enrich our science experience for kids by making it experience driven

Vicki: Oh yeah. That’s tremendous.

Now, do you have any advice for us for the younger children? I mean, you talked about the Glade Air Freshener which is a great one.

Think about your kindergarteners. I mean how do things look in that grade?

Kate: One of our kindergarten phenomena that I just love is…

We show this little video segment about penguins living in Antarctica. It’s during a unit about animals and what need to animals live and those sorts of things.

The kids will naturally ask the question, “How do penguins survive in that freezing temperature? I mean it’s so snowy. Don’t they get cold? Where’s their home?”

And so we get all the kids together, and we purposely put this unit during the winter when it’s cold. We take them all outside without their coats. They’re out there saying, “Oh, I’m so cold! I want to go inside!”

And we say, “No, we’re not going to go inside. We’re going to survive like penguins. And then we show them how huddling together taking turns and being in the middle…

Vicki: (laughs)

Kate: … it helps you not be cold!

Yeah, you’re freezing on the outside, you’re going to get your turn in the middle, but once you’re warmed up, you got to go back to the outside and help keep everybody warm.

How do animals survive together in a group?

That sticks in their mind so much. They love that.

Vicki: As well as the adults.

I guess you couldn’t do that for too long, or you might get some parent complaints.

But that is a powerful example.

Kate: You might.

Vicki: OK, what else do you try to do to make science real through authentic investigation?

I love these.

Kate: One of the science and engineering practices in the Next Generation Science Standards is planning and carrying out investigations.

We really try to provide time for teachers to listen to student questions on whatever the topic is, and really kind of go down a wormhole of letting the students plan an investigation.

Let students plan an investigation

That is like wildly different from what we usually see in the elementary classroom.

Generally, we see, “OK, today, boys and girls, we’re going to learn about conduction, convection, and radiation. And here’s the lab we’re going to do about it that is going to give us this desired outcome.”

What we’re trying to get away from that. So instead, let’s think about what question we want to ask about conduction, convection, and radiation. And then let’s critically think about what investigation we can do to get that data.

And that’s pretty hard. It looks a lot different in K-2 than it does in 3-4-5.

So in K-2 it might look more like, “What do animals need to live? I don’t know. Let’s go outside on a scavenger hunt and gather some data about anthills and bird nests and things like that.”

But at the higher level, it’s really going to involve something like, “Let’s make a hypothesis about this. Let’s think about what the best strategies would be, to actually collect real data about this.”

So I think just letting kids make up their own investigations is so powerful.

Vicki: So, Kate, we could just go on forever, couldn’t we? (laughs)

Kate: Yeah. (laughs)

Vicki: So as we finish up, could you give a 30-second pep talk to teachers about how to really make science exciting.

I think it’s important to get us past the traditional to really make it become real.

Kate: Yes. OK, here’s your pep talk.

Y’all. Get your kids outside. Go on a scavenger hunt. Look for rocks. Classify those rocks. Study the weather. Give them weather tools. Come up with exploration centers where they can play with magnets or build things. Play games into your classroom. Get up out of your seat and act all of the things you’re trying to teach.

Like I would like to think right now, “What am I teaching in my classroom, that I could have the kids tomorrow get up and make up a skit about?”

That right there is the stuff that sticks out in their mind when it comes time for them to repeat it out on a test.

Vicki: OK. Teachers, let’s make science real. Here are some exciting ideas. And you know, science should be thrilling.

You can always tell when a student has had one of those amazing science teachers who really relates it to the real world, because they’ll always say, “I love science!”

Kate: Yes!

Vicki: … when they had that kind of teacher. So be that kind of “I love science!” teacher.

Kate: I totally agree. Thank you so much for emphasizing science on this show. We need all the time we can get!

Contact us about the show: http://www.coolcatteacher.com/contact/

Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford [email protected]

Bio as submitted

Kate Dobrzenski works as the elementary science resource staff for Anne Arundel County Public Schools in Annapolis, Maryland. She has a Masters Degree in K-12 Science Education and loves teaching science teachers how to engage students in inquiry through play.

Twitter: @aacps_k5science

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Learning Science Through Authentic Investigation appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

from Cool Cat Teacher BlogCool Cat Teacher Blog http://www.coolcatteacher.com/e274/