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lazyrezi · 6 months

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I have many thoughts, and I wouldn't exactly say I'm gonna say what I'm gonna say in defence of trauma dumping because it's not a defence, more perhaps an explanation of sorts...? But also this got away from me a little and I am sorry but I can't edit out any of it.

I don't know if I have ever trauma dumped on anyone, BUT I know for a fact that i have said things offhandedly that have made those around me extremely uncomfortable and often that discomfort turned to pity.

Where I was coming from at the time was this very deluded notion that was supported by everything I have ever since on tv and social media in general, and that notion was that everyone is suffering. Everyone has shitty parents. Everyone feels misunderstood. And sure. To a degree, yes. BUT. While it's important to see others suffering to know when to lend a helping hand for those in need or to simply sympathise with your fellow people it is a whole other thing when one uses that very same concept to excuse/normalise abusive behaviour. I am not disregarding the idea completely. Everyone has gone through varying degrees of shit. No one comes out of life unscathed, and that's a very human thought that we must all come to in order to be better. Unfortunately for the longest I have twisted that notion into something that it wasn't supposed to be and it was this; oh, so everyone went through very similar things as I did and worse and they're capable and well adjusted unlike me! Not only does this mean that what I went through was completely normal but also that I was merely incapable by default or some design in my system to better handle it! Other people feel exactly the same as me! Therefore, it is normal to feel this way!!

This is a stupid way of thinking of it, and not only that, but it is also a dangerous trap. Not everyone has gone through the same things. And me thinking that meant that I often made casual comments about my own experience with my parents specifically and how they treated me. And I regretted it every time because I would either get unwanted pity that confused me - or that other person would flat out say that their parents would NEVER do that or that they themselves would NEVER resent them which in turn would make me feel like I was lying about my own experience... which is just beyond stupid, but that's how i felt. It felt like when anyone denied this "universal" experience to be theirs, what they were really saying is that it didn't happen to me either. It couldn't have because my upbringing was normal! Just like theirs! Or it meant that it also happened to them, but they were the ones who handled it better, who, despite it all, never felt unloved. They were simply more grateful, better children to their parents or OR they were somehow deemed to be more worthy of love and support because in my twisted little mind I couldn't comprehend that not everyone had the same experience that I have because that is how i learnt to deal with it. I had to confront after too many occasions where I would slip up, and people around me would turn to me with pity that this wasn't, in fact, normal. And I guess maybe that isn't trauma dumping because they weren't strangers but we weren't that close either; I simply felt comfortable enough around them to talk about these things and because I was very isolated from my peers growing up I had no idea what was normal and what wasn't. Not to mention that everyone in my family normalised what went on. It seems like a common way to deal with stuff like this. Your mother shrugs it off, and your older siblings makes jokes of it, and you know it feels wrong but you don't know how to put it into words and everyone around you is acting like it's fine and then everyone on TV and online is saying that everyone goes through shit and you twist it and twist it until you also believe it is normal. Because if isn't. Well, that could mean many things, but one of them, the wrong conclusion, could just be that you deserved it. If other people aren't treated like that well why were you? Maybe you were too unruly too loud too disruptive. Maybe you were undeserving of love. And that is too bitter a pill to swallow, so you instead normalise it.

I guess I am just saying that one could slip up and say revealing things about one's experiences because one does not have a grasp on how not normal it all was until people deny them the excuse that it is normal. Everyone has shitty parents. Everyone felt unsafe around their father. Everyone was more relieved than betrayed when their father abandoned them. For that matter, everyone's father has abandoned everyone! I know that's a running joke online, and I know it is based on some truth but. Am I the only one who, instead of finding comfort in this knowledge, believed that it was normal to the point that when I see a loving father, I am still to this day thrown. Confused. Envious. I have met many people who have loving normal, wonderful parents who might not be perfect still, but there is love there. Unconditional supportive attentive kind of love. And I think it's important to remember that's normal. That should be the standard.

On another note, the normalisation of any kind of abuse is a very ugly trap. My mother has only just come to terms with the ways she has been abused as a child, and that carried over well into her adult life. She has repeatedly seeked out the same controlling personality to mould her life around. It can get you into dangerous situations if you don't know the difference between what's abuse and what's normal and unfortunately a big part of being around an abuser is that they will make you think their behaviour is warranted and that you somehow were deserving of it. And. The saddest part is that even after you combat these thoughts, come to these very uncomfortable realisations, and assign blame where blame belongs , you still might not be able to call it what it is. I slip back into normalising my childhood so often, mostly because I don't feel like anything that bad happened to me. It could have been worse. Some have it worse. That is such a dangerous slippery slope. If you do not grant yourself sympathy, you might go around talking about your horrible fucked up experiences like it was nothing to people who have also gone through something of the same degree! And then that person who might be dealing with the same struggle (calling it what it is) might fall back on the same crutch that you are clinging to - "oh, it wasn't that bad, really." And I don't think I need to say this, but that kind of thinking really makes one an easy target for further abuse. It is this weird disregard for your own well-being that came from being treated like that in the first place.

Also. This is uncomfortable. But. When a child is abused and they normalise it, not only are they likely to fall into similar unhealthy relationships where they are being abused but... they also might grow up to be the abuser. Maybe that doesn't come from normalisation as much as a victim complex, WHICH SOUNDS MEAN BUT BARE WITH ME. The abused child is absolutely the victim that is no complex. But then it happens too often that when that abused child grows up and they have children of their own they treat them the same way they were treated because they not only believe it to be normal but also are convinced that their pain was somehow bigger. If your father regularly choked you, what's a few slaps on the head and a lot of yelling? If it happened to you every day, what's a few times a week really?

And that's why comparing your pain and experiences to measure up who is the bigger victim is counterproductive. No one benefits from trying to dismiss someone else's pain, and that is why I wanna make it clear. Everyone does go through shit. Absolutely. This isn't a competition that's not my point. My point is how fast spread abuse can get if we continue normalising abusive behaviour, and to stop doing that first, we have to acknowledge that not everyone has been abused.

Ha. I really thought I said something groundbreaking there, but I bet that's just obvious to some. That's, I guess, the point of this post. It's for me to remind myself that it isn't normal. Not everyone was abused. And I guess it's a post for anyone else out there if they struggle with coming to terms with how bad their abuse was, if they want to keep dismissing it because it is easier than dealing with how it changed them, and a reminder to not. Do. That. It doesn't work. It only makes things worse. Call it what it is.

#tw abuse #tw trauma #thoughts #wow i have nothing more to say #i had to get this out i had to write it down put it into words #otherwise i might just start dismissing my own experiences again #and its sad that i have to remind myself that it doesnt benefit anyone else out there #to either trauma dump on them accidentally #or make someone else question their own experiences #when it should be enough that it isnt good for me #ah i guess i did have more to add after all!#personal #ok to rb

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nicromancytarot · 16 days

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WHO IS COMING INTO YOUR LIFE ROMANTICALLY?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what you need to know about the next person who is coming into your life romantically, pick a pile and find out what they had to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

This person is embodying the energy of the king of cups, they are giving off much more masculine energy, this doesn’t mean that they are a guy, however this person is more in tune with their masculine, leadership side. When you meet this person, they will be going with the flow, allowing life to take them wherever, and coincidentally they will find you.

I am getting the feeling that this person is new to most, if not all of you. So I’m not seeing any exes or reconciliations in this pile.

This person seems to have been going through something which led them astray or possibly ended in them getting hurt, for some this may have been a breakup.

Around the time that the two of you meet, they’re going to act like a taster for you, they’ll give you these little moments with them, which leave you waiting for more, yearning for them to allow you in some more, but you only receive a drip, a dribble of what they could actually give you.

They’ll keep this going on for a while, keeping you interested and guessing, during this time they may have you lined up as an accomplishment or trophy, they may still have feelings for an ex, and have you as a second option.

It will take a while to get out of the situationship and bring yourselves to something more committed and long term, honestly I’m seeing around 6-8 months of no label.

All while it can absolutely end well, it can give you what you desperately want in a relationship, the agony and anticipation may turn to be too much for you.

For those of you who choose to walk away from this without letting it grow or become anything more, you are making a good decision, you’re embodying the queen of wands energy, you don’t need anyone to define you or make you any more worthy than you already are.

For those of who choose to stay, be careful of your heart, make sure to protect your dignity and don’t let this person get you down, you can build something beautiful with a lot of patience and determination, however you are always ok to walk away.

PILE 2

A lot of you are getting over something at the moment, I’m unfortunately getting an ex, someone from your past who I’m not too sure that you received closure from when you last saw or spoke to them.

I do see this ex coming back into your life, if they come back during mercury retrograde, dawg bin them, we are in no need of negativity during this time! However, for those who do not come back during this current moment, either you will contact them, or they will contact you. I do see that a lot of you have some stuff to talk out with this past person.

The closure conversation won’t exactly go to plan, you may be sucked in by their drama, trauma dumping or a poor attempt to get you back. I do feel as though you will entertain this situation for a little, perhaps not too long, but long enough for some emotions and feelings to arise again.

However on the other side of things, you have someone completely new, someone who is willing to give you things that this past person wasn’t able to supply for you. This person is coming in hot and heavy, they will be very direct about what they want with you.

I feel like you’ve always been the one to make the first move, or admit your feelings, this person will turn your life on it’s head, they will be honest, direct, real and just very straightforward about what they desire.

They may say something along the lines of not wanting to be with you until you’re over your ex, this could be a drunken confession where you try to tell them that you are, and they tell you you’re not. It will either end up with you crying into their hands as they cradle your head, or some hot and heavy make out session lmao.

This person is willing to wait for you, they will be on the sidelines for as long as you need them to be. It doesn’t seem like they will be letting go easily.

The ex person is giving me twin flame vibes, meanwhile the new person is a soulmate.

So it’s either out with the old and in with the new, or out with the new and back to the old.

The choice is yours.

PILE 3

You guys seem to have gone through some type of break up as well lmao, something which forced you to let go of someone that you cared a lot about. If it’s not a relationship, then it’s a situation that had you up at night upset and stressing.

During this time there was this one person that you would confide in, this person was there to rub your back while you cried, and tell you that everything was ok.

They watched you through your healing journey, helping you become one with yourself and your expression once again, help you build yourself up until you felt comfortable in your own skin. This person is a people watcher, especially when it comes to you, they’re observing to the point of writing down every little thing about you, you could ask this person the colour of your eyes, or how many freckles are on your face and they would be able to answer without a second glance. They know you like they know themself.

This person may call you their flower or petal, you may have a flower relating name, something to do with how delicately they view you, you’re like a piece of china to them, one wrong touch and you’d break. They don’t want to break you.

They metaphorically stand by your bedside as you sleep, protecting you from every scary dream, or any unwanted negativity that could come your way, they want nothing more than to protect you and keep your safe, it’s their purpose.

You are Barbie, and they are just Ken. (No gender affirmed)

This person will wait for the right time before making their move, and when they do, they will resume leadership and continue to look after you for as long as you allow them to.

This person will love you like you have never been loved before, they will caress every inch of your skin as though you were sculpted by the Gods, they want nothing more than for you to be theirs, and them to resume being yours.

Because they will always be yours.

#tarot #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #tarot witch #free tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #pick a card #pick a pile

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ssparksflyy · 28 days

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Hiii I hope you are having a great day!! I was wondering if you could make another percy jackson x daughter of Hecate reader? If you don’t/ can’t do it that’s fine I just though i would ask.

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

percy jackson dating hcs ! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

pairing: percy jackson x latina!daughter of hecate!reader warning(s): swearin a/n: dw i got ur 2nd request that u wanted reader to be latina :)) i just added in some little things that tie in ♡♡ srry if these are short btw </3

in the dead of night, your eyes so greennnnnnnn

you and percy tend to stay up later than most of camp

your always up and out after curfew

u js function better at night

me asf

the day is reserved for lake dates nd the night is reserved for sky watching dates ♡♡

ur literally attached by the hip if you couldnt tell

as they say in waitress, i love you means your never ever getting rid of me ♡

u usually watch from the roof of cabin 3, just cuddled up nd sharing a blanket

but once percy suggested you watch from the docks

and you were like oh!

not actually but you looked really hesitant

he was like whats wrong??

so you told him about la llorona 😊😍👯‍♀️💕😁😘🥰🤩🤗😚😋😆

it was so preppy

but now youre both scared to go to the lake at night

even tho yk shes not real

and youve literally been through tartarus

and back

and you face unimaginable horrors every dam day

and percy's literally the son of the sea god

mexican folklore is scary ok yall

idc if it didnt scare you as a kid / you like horror

I DONT

IM TRAUMATIZED

MY GRANDMA PUT ON LA LEYENDA DE LA LLORONA WHEN I WAS FIVE AND I HAVENT KNOWN A DAY OF PEACE SINCE

srry 4 trauma dumping yall

kinda silly how some story about a lady who drowned her kids is enough to make 2 of camp half blood's strongest soliders shake in their boots

so u stick to rooftops ♡

u nd hazel are bestiessss

shes a honorary member of cabin 20 ofc

you exchange tips nd tricks, hazel telling you about the things she saw hecate do and the things she said to her

nd u tell her abt the things youve picked up over the years :))

percy cant help but smile whenever he sees you two together

he sees hazel as a sister

( yall remember in son when he was ready to fight somebody for her or somethin like that idk i dont remember but i do know he was ready to f i g h t )

nd ur his fav girl ever ♡

idk his heart just feels warmed

same way he feels when he sees you playing with estelle

you show her a bit of ur powers nd she flips outtttt

she asks sally to be a witch for halloween bcs "i want to be just like (y/n)!!!"

idk abt yall but if i went home and my family found out i was involved with ~brujeria~ i would not b accepted at home (please read as if ur white nd cant say shit in spanish)

thats just the mad religious side talking dw yall

but sally nd paul would literally let you in with open arms

the jackson's apartment is your second home

percy has a drawer reserved for your clothes in his room ♡♡

he loves it when you sleepover, at home or at camp

he absolutely adores kissing your hands

he doesnt care about the dangers you can produce from them, he'll kiss em allllll he wants

you could be cuddled up together, ur reading to him and he just grabs one of your hands and begins to leave a trail of kisses up your arm, shoulder, neck, cheek, and eventually leaving one on ur temple

it just gets u like 😵‍💫

he loves his badass gf, okay?

literally ur #1 fan

would beat up anybody who talks shit !!!

tea is ur holy ground ♡

u cant drink coffee

cause yk, adhd, youll just end up knocking tf out

though you do drink it when you cant fall asleep at night

its me, hi

and hot chocolate is strickly an only-in-december drink, bcs then it wont hit in december, cause you had it earlier in the year

(my mom does that with gorditas and tamales broooo its painful)

so ya drink tea!

i dont drink tea, so im not even gonna try to tell you what his fav is

he likes wtv u like

but you try a bunch of different teas nd stuff together :)

lowkey youd adopt a black cat together when ur older

youre never gonna beat your neighbor's witch allegations

(probably bcs their true but youll obviously never say that)

i feel like percy would be more over a dog person but lets be fr, he likes horses.

fkn horse girl smh

but that does not mean he wouldnt love and care for the cat

he'd so let you stop to pet any stray cat you see on the street

v patient with you lowkey

u cook together !!

u teach percy a bunch of different recipes nd stuff :)

has a 'kiss the cook' apron 100%

and what can ya say, you gotta kiss the cook

man you guys manage to stay silly throughout the horrors, we love

a/n pt.2: i had to do this TWICE bcs the first time i didnt i accidentally closed the tab and they didnt saveee, i feel like this is mostly me rambling but wtv, i did it tired, i did it unmotivated, i did it bored, i got it done! have a good day/night ♡

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson ♡

#percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson x reader #pjo x reader #heroes of olympus #heroes of olympus x reader #hoo x reader #child of hecate #by bells ♡⋆ ࣪.

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stealingyourbones · 2 months

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What suggestions would you have for cool, lesser known DC characters I could write a crossover fic with.

Preferably not Gotham-based characters because as much as I love them I need a break and I want to try something new. I know you mentioned Animal Man in another post. Does he have a solo run I can look up or is he usually in group comics/a side character in somebody else’s comics?

(I am deliberately baiting you to info-dump to me about any DC characters you want and I will write a fic with them so go nuts.)

Sadly at this current moment I can’t infodump nearly as much as I’d want to because my carpal tunnel is being a lil bitch but I can give synopses:

Animal Man- Buddy Baker, a typical suburban dad who also happens to be a hero that can use abilities based on any nearby animal (including bacteria?). He is powered by The Red which is the animal version of The Green (Plant Life). The Red is less the concept of all animals but more the concept that all animals are meat. his comics are either a beautifully terrifying body horror gore fest or a 4th wall breaking mind bending creation. No in between. Having Animal Man fight the Lunch Lady and realize she’s fundamentally a different being and not of The Red would be crazy awesome.

Booster Gold or Ted Kord: Booster Gold is a Time Cop who got his job from stealing shit from the Hall of Justice Museum and heading to the Age of Heroes to fund enough money and fame to pay for his mothers cancer treatment. He could be used in Clockwork related fics a lot and he’s also equally as much as a dumbass as Danny.

Blue Beetle also known as Ted Kord, is basically in the same package deal as Booster. Ted Kord, Late owner of Kord Industries, ja a brilliant master of technology and has stuff from a massive beetle ship to a gun. He’s best friends with Booster and their bromance could be fun if you want Danny to have two partially functional adult mentors.

Wally West. The second and fastest flash. A he’s the most go with the flow dude I’ve seen in recent comics, including dealing with an inter dimensional WWE esque fight where he fights alongside Space Hulk Hogan, and has a wonderful Wife, Linda West, and (sometimes) twin kiddos. The Flash’s entire sthick is family. They’re more family centered than the Fast and Furious movies for god sake. Having Danny find a new home in any speedsters home would be incredible.

The Spectre: the embodiment of Gods Wrath. I would go on far too long of a rant remind me to do one later but for now all I’m saying is that it would be sick as fuck for The Spectre to kill Vlad for the horrible things he’s done.

Green Arrow or in general Star City: Oliver Queen, inheritor of Queen Industries is a dude who got trauma after a boat sank and some island thing (tbh I don’t know his backstory off the top of my head), but he’s a very quippy and hilarious guy who’s jokes would mesh pretty nicely with Danny’s humor and in general he’s underutilized in both dpxdc and DC so it’d be nice to see that change :)

Ok hands are getting angry but I hope that’s a fun starting example list for ya!! :D

#dpxdc #bones replies #bones writes #bones prompts

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dreamchasernina · 2 months

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So since the fandom has come back to life and there is not enough Kataang content on this app I will start sharing my two cents. Yay.

I want to start off by saying that as the show was airing, I, as a 10 year old, did kinda ship Zutara. Let’s face it, that scene in the catacombs was a turning point for a lot of shippers. But that was before I saw the final season a couple of years later. When I rewatched the show as a whole, as a teenager I was over Zutara, honestly their interaction kind of felt awkward to me, because they were enemies for so long. So I was all for Kataang. Now, that I’ve rewatched it for like a 1000th time, as a 28 year old, I finally see Kataang for the amazing pairing that it is.

Anyway, I’m not here to hate on anyone, you can ship whoever you like, and I love Zuko so you will not see me slandering his character here. Plus I don't feel the need to hate dump on a character to make my ship feel superior (*cough* unlike some Zutara shippers *cough*).

Ok, so. I feel that when people think of Katara, and her part in the show, they remember her as the responsible one in the group, the "mother" of the group, the sensible and caring one. Yes, when Katara’s mother died she had to step in and take the responsibility of the mother in the family, like Sokka says in the Runaway, and that stayed with her throughout the show. But, I hate that that’s the only thing she’s remembered for, because that’s just the result of her trauma. I feel like most people ignore a very crucial part of her character. Yes, she is the responsible in the group, but when she gets a chance to just be a kid, that's what she is.

People forget about the fun loving side of Katara. The one that goes penguin sledding and remembers how she hasn’t done it in a long time because life hasn’t allowed her to. The side of Katara that gets obsessed with Aunt Wu’s prediction because she is just a regular girl who’s fascinated by her love life, and dreams about what her future husband might be like. The girl that tries flying on the glider with Teo. The girl that relaxes on Appa and lets the hippie girl braid her hair, completely forgetting about the next task in their journey. People forget the side of her that dances in a cave, forgetting about the war and just enjoying life. Let’s not ignore that whenever Katara has a chance, she just enjoys being a kid, not just a badasss waterbender travelling with the Avatar.

And when Katara brings that side out, you know who’s right by her side? Aang. He’s not just by her side, he’s the one initiating those little fun moments. Penguin sledding is his idea, he’s the one to remind her that even though she’s been through a lot, and has a lot of responsibilities, she’s still a kid. He’s the one to organize the dance party, in a middle of a war, in the enemy's terrorory, he still finds a way for them just to be kids. And she’s right there with him, dancing. He’s also taking part in her obsession with Aunt Wu, not belittling or making fun of her faith, but taking part in it. Also sitting right next to her in a flower crown and enjoying the music the hippies play.

You cannot ignore that part of Katara, the part that shines when she’s comfortable, the part that just wants to be a regular kid and have fun. And that’s the part that Aang brings out in her. He’s the Avatar, the weight of the world is literally on his shoulders, but he still finds a way to enjoy life and be a kid, even after going through the worst trauma you can imagine. And he’s there to remind her that even if you’ve experienced the worst, you can still find joy in the little things. She literally says in the first episode - Aang brought something we haven’t had in a long time - fun. And that’s what he brings to her, this light, and that’s why she’s so drawn to him.

Isn’t that what we want for Katara, after the war is over? To just let herself be a kid, not to miss out on that part of her life, now that she doesn’t have to worry about their survival? And the best person to bring this joy and childlike wonder back into her life is Aang. And that’s why I think that Aang is truly the best one Katara could have ended up with.

#atla #kataang #avatar: the last airbender #aang #avatar the last airbender #Katara

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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Aita because I asked my friend to not name his kid the same name as my abusive dad because it triggers me?

✨👶🏼 so I notice myself, sorry but I have a mental disability so my grammar isn't great. Sorry if I sound weird.

So let's just call my friend Fred (23,he/him, trans man)and I'll call my dad's name Sven. Fred has one other child(1,m) who I'll call Winston and Fred's newest child (Unborn lol, we know its another boy) is with one of his partners Brooke(22, They/She, transfem nb girl). I also offhandedly mention my partner Rosey(25, Any pronouns, Genderfluid) a few times, Fred's other partner Alan (20s?, He/him, Trans man), and lastly Me (24, He/she, Genderfluid).

Me and Fred have been bffs for like 7 or 8 years and I and Rosey are godparents to Winston and Fred got pregnant again. This time from one of his partners Brooke , Winston's other dad isnt in the picture. Me and Fred are super close (nearly dated at one point but it was before Fred and Brooke got together the first time and we are no longer interested in each other like that.) and I've been following both of Fred's pregnancies just to make sure everything is ok (I'm not encroaching, I just get text updates on appointments and stuff. Fred's first pregnancy was rough.).

Without going into a whole timeline, Fred and Brooke dated a couple years ago for about a year but Brooke raised a hand to hit Fred (never made contact nor any other physical abuse however they used it as a threat) and was controlling over him, they broke up and lost contact and over the last year/year and a half, rekindled and Brooke says they've changed and Fred trusts them again. I still don't like Brooke for obvious reasons but I'm being civil and trying to let them earn my trust again. So far their relationship is fine and it's not my place to muddle so until Fred sets off alarms that Brooke has gone back to their old ways, I'm trusting my friend's judgement. Brooke has been doing great through this pregnancy.

Fred knows the gest about what my dad put me through and how abusive he was to me. He knows I can't even be near cigarette smoke because it reminds me of him. However, Fred doesn't know his name. It's not because Fred doesn't want to, my dad's name just never came up and i didnt realize he didnt know his name till a few hours ago.

Me and Rosey sat in a call with Fred, Brooke and Alan while Fred and Brooke were brainstorming name ideas (They wanted our input). Brooke suggested the name Sven. I wanna be clear, Brooke doesn't know my dad's name either so I don't think this was a way of attacking me or something sinister. The name Sven is standing in for is a very common name in my country, though it's not popular for us gen Zers, it is common for my dad's generation.

I obviously froze up a bit due to the mention of his name and although Rosey tried to bring it up, Fred and his partners are kinda known for interrupting (Usually not viciously) and they didn't hear her. Fred and Brooke chatted happily about what a handsome name Sven was and how they might just decide to stick with it here and now but they wanted to hear other options. I waited out till the end of the call when Alan left (I don't know them so I didn't want to accidentally tell them personal things about my history of abuse) and told Fred that Sven was my dad's name.

Fred gasped and quickly said he wouldn't choose Sven and that he was sorry he forgot his name. Brooke however said that that was not a good enough reason to not consider a name they both dearly loved not 10 seconds ago. I tried to tell Brooke about why my dad was a bad person and some of the lighter things he'd done (not in a trauma dump explicit way, just in a he did *insert form of abuse* way) but they shut me down and said it was their kid to decide the name of. Fred told him he was also a vote in the name and he didn't want to upset me unnecessarily. Brooke said they were done with the conversation and Fred said they'd talk about it later. Fred then said to me and Rosey that he'd handle it and ended the call.

After about 30 mins, I got a couple of texts from Brooke and Alan that I was a jerk for trying to push my triggers onto other people and causing a fight between them and Fred and it wasn't my baby to name. (Alan doesn't live with Brooke and Fred so Brooke told Alan first what happened.) I decided not to answer for an hour or so because I was already worked up and they both essentially called me an asshole for overstepping. Fred just says hes gonna handle them but now I'm just confused.

I can see where I might of overstepped but I wasn't trying to be controlling and even if they would of picked Sven, i would of still respected it and tried my best to get over it as best i can. Was I pushing my problems on others or was I just letting a friend know what that name might be a bit painful for me when the name was just a suggestion? I don't think I'm TA but I wanna see if I'm missing something?

(I just realized rereading this that there is some important context to be added; Sven is not a sentimental name to Fred, Brooke or Alan. It's not a parents or grandparents name that might need carried on, it was just a name they liked. I checked with Fred to see if that explained Brooke's anger or something and Fred said no, they just liked Sven. There also hasn't been any hostility before this with Brooke or Alan so I'm not sure where all this anger came from.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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hearts4hughes · 1 year

Note

Hi! I love your writing….Can I please get #7. “you don’t have to like me, you just need to pretend you do.” With Quinn Hughes??

fake dating - quinn hughes

quinn hughes x fem! reader

warnings: swearing, nothing else :)

notes: this took way too long for me to write. it’s lightly proofread because i have no motivation to fully proofread it. i was really proud of this imagine towards the beginning, but i feel like it’s just really rushed at the end. let me know how it is!

gif is not mine

it wasn’t a secret that you and quinn hughes didn’t get along. it was quiet obvious to anyone who was in the same room as you two for even a few seconds.

with your mom being best friends with ellen- quinn’s mother- you spent most your time with the hughes family. this wasn’t something that bothered you. after meeting luke and jack, you immediately clicked. they were both like little brothers / best friends to you. however, you couldn’t say the same for the eldest hughes brother.

you weren’t sure what you did to annoy or upset quinn, but you do know the first time meeting him, he grew a deep disliking to you. most of your memories with quinn consisted of excessive teasing. for example, one of your favorite things to do at the hughes’ lake house was to tan. quinn quickly ruined that however after dumping a bucket of ice cold water on you while you tanned outside.

years, and years passed, and quinn’s disliking to you only grew deeper. he didn’t even tease you anymore, he just stopped paying attention to you in all. you didn’t know why it upset you so much, but it did. you’d spent countless nights crying yourself to sleep over an asshole who literally didn’t even acknowledge your existence.

quinn didn’t quite understand why he did this to you. the first time he saw you, he’d felt feelings he never had before. you were the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. but quinn hughes didn’t show any emotion. he was a closed book. so, his only way to avoid confrontation with his emotions was so teach himself to hate you. thus where the hatred started.

even this wasn’t enough for quinn, though. he thought if he insulted and teased you enough, he’d make himself believe the things he’d been saying to you were actually true. but it only made him fall in love with you more. he’d spend countless nights obsessing over you, wondering what type of spell you put on him that made him feel this way.

quinn knew what he had to do. he had to just make himself forget everything about you. which after further examination was impossible- without some sort of head trauma. therefore, his only other option was to completely ignore you. the less he’d engaged with you, the less he’d like you.

what confused you now was the fact that quinn hughes- the same quinn hughes who was your sworn enemy- was laying sprawled out across your bed, begging you to be his date to a party his family was throwing.

“is this some sort of prank?” you ask dumbfound.

“i really wish it was.” he huffs out. “but it’s not.”

were you in some alternate universe or something?

“ok,” you ask in disbelief. “explain what you want me to do again, please?”

“oh my fucking god.” he groans, shaking his body dramatically. “i need you to act like my girlfriend so my family can stop bugging me about bringing someone to this stupid party.”

“i just don’t understand it.” you laugh out sarcastically.

“what don’t you understand?” he runs this hands through his hair in frustration. “you don’t have to have to like me. you just need to pretend you do.”

“why you wouldn’t just ask anyone else is what i don’t understand.” you throw your hands up as if it wasn’t obvious. “i mean you, quinn hughes, could get anyone to gladly go to that event with you. i mean girls would beg, and beg to fake being your girlfriend… and you choose me? someone who would rather stab her eyeballs out than be seen with you.”

“first off, you are such a liar. it’s a privilege to be seen with me.” he starts off smug and cocky as ever. “second, yeah i think i know anyone else would gladly go with me. when i told jack he had like ten girls that were fighting to go with me.”

“and this is relevant because?” you say in an annoyed tone.

was he trying to make you jealous?

honestly, quinn himself didn’t know the answer to that one, but if he was, it was definitely working.

“listen, y/n.” he sits up on your bed. “i know you. our families have been best friends since forever. you are close with my mom, dad, jack, and luke. my entire family.” he counts on his fingers to get his point across. “what i’m trying to say is my family loves you. if i come there with some random girl, i’m going to have to go through the grueling process of introducing her to everyone and all that shit. with you i don’t have to do that.”

you take a moment to actual consider doing this for him. “what’s in it for me?”

“both our families won’t try to make us like each other anymore.” he reasons.

“fine.” your voice is barely above a whisper as you respond. the second quinn hears your response, he’s jumping with joy. a toothy grin takes over his face as he’s yelling out ‘thank you’s’ and other endearments.

“calm down over there.” a big smile takes over your face as you witness a side of quinn you’ve never seen before.

“sorry,” his cheeks flush red. “i’ll pick you up around 5pm tomorrow because it takes an hour to get there and it starts around 6.”

“i can’t believe i’m saying this,” you shake your head, looking up at the sky. “but, alright.”

quinn bids one last farewell and thank you before exiting your apartment.

5pm the next day roles around a lot quicker than you expected. your currently sitting in front of your vanity mirror. while fixing your lipstick, you hear a knock on your door. nervously, you put the small plastic tube of lipstick down and walk towards the door.

on the other side of the door awaits a nervous and eager quinn. he wipes his palms on his black dress pants, nervous how he’s going to react when he sees you.

you’d think from the amount of times quinn has seen you dressed up, he’d get used to it. but he never did. every time he sees you in a small, tight, fancy dress, his palms start to sweat and he can barely form a coherent sentence. of course you two never talked enough for you to actually notice your affect on him.

opening the door slowly, quinn comes into your view. he looks amazing. he’s wearing his signature black suit- not caring enough to buy a new one- and his hair is slightly messy. you could barely say the words ‘come in’, shocked at his gorgeous appearance.

quinn’s reaction wasn’t much different. the second you opened the door, his eyes landed on the navy blue mini-dress that dangerously hugged your curves. his throat went dry as he scanned up and down your body. the dress showed just a little bit of cleavage, not enough to be over the top, but just enough to make quinn want to pant like a dog. the material stopped at your mid thigh, exposing your whole leg. god, quinn was practically drooling just seeing this shade of blue on you.

“uh, come in.” you blink a few times, bringing yourself back to reality.

quinn shallows nervously, biting the inside of his cheek and nodding.

“i’m just finishing up my makeup, but i won’t take to long.” you awkwardly smile.

in response, quinn mumbles a quiet ‘ok’ and just nods his head. he was never much of a talker, so you just brushed it off as post party nerves.

with you exiting the room, quinn is left alone in your living room. he slowly wanders around the room, letting his fingertips brush against your fabric couch. different photos that decorated the walls and tables of your apartment catch his eye. he smiles to himself as he picks up a photo of you and emily- your best friend. you must’ve been around 13 or 14 because you and emily both wear the goofiest smile, showing off your different color braces. he lets out a small chuckle. even in your awkward teen phase, quinn was still head over heels for you.

placing down the small frame, he moves onto a different photo. you’re older in this photo. he guesses around 17 to 18. it also appears to be prom night. standing in the middle of a large group of friends, you beam with happiness. quinn vividly remembers this night. something that seemed to slip his memory was the boy standing a little too close to you. his jaw began to clench at the photo in front of him. the blonde boy’s hands were wrapped around your body. your face was flushed as you leaned back against the tall boy’s frame. it’s honestly surprising quinn didn’t whip the framed photo across the room in a jealousy rage.

“quinn?” you call out from behind him.

he quickly places the photo down, turning around to face you.

“are you ready?” he asks, pushing the jealous thoughts in the back of his head.

you noticed his sudden tense figure, confused at what he had just seen, but you just nodded.

leaving your apartment, quinn runs up to the car, opening the passenger door. he wasn’t really sure why he did it, but he made a mental note to do it more because it made you smile.

the car ride over was short. you both took the time to make a believable story for how you and quinn went from enemies to lovers miraculously. the story you agreed on was that you both realized that you never hated each other. you were both actually in love, but didn’t want to admit it. that story hit a little too close to home for both of you.

arriving at the hughes’ lake house, the nerves were really starting to set in. once again, quinn ran around the car, opening the passenger door for you and helping you out. the little subconscious movement gave you butterflies in your stomach and a familiar pink blush to your cheeks.

the walk up to the house seemed like forever. neither of you were in a rush to walk into the party. walking up the brick steps, quinn slips his hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze and finally opening the door.

as you and quinn walk hand in hand to the party, everyone’s attention seems to be shifted over to you. you both get sent confused looks and a whole lot of furrowed brows, but quinn pushes through the crowd ignoring them. quinn notices jack, luke, ellen, and jim all standing together and makes his way over to them.

“hey!” you awkwardly yell out.

first, it’s ellen and jim. they’re expressions fall a bit, shocked by the scene in front of them, but they’re quick to pick them back up.

then, it’s jack and luke. jack doesn’t even seem phased as he goes in to dap up his older brother. same with luke. he just stands there with a drink in hand, smirking.

“hi sweetie!” ellen greets us, coming in to give you a tight hug. “i’m glad you could both make it.”

“we’d never miss a hughes’ party!” you beam.

“well i’m glad you two could both come, but i must say i’m a bit surprised to see you here together.” jim is the next to speak up. he mirrors ellen’s greeting by bringing me in a hug.

“yeah, we are too.” quinn blushes, looking at your proudly. the look he gives you could’ve made you faint right there and then, but you keep composure.

the rest of the night consisted of a lot of explaining. a lot of explaining. almost everyone there was confused as of how this happened based on your history, but you and quinn sold the story of your ‘relationship’.

as quinn pulls into the parking lot of your apartment complex, you don’t want to night to end. being this close to quinn tonight really healed your inner child. you got to be with him romantically for two hours. it definitely was enough to make you forget about the past heartbreak he’s caused you.

“quinn,” you say softly.

“yes, love?” his use of the pet name sends adrenaline through your veins.

“what are we going to tell everyone tomorrow?”

the question had been the elephant in the room the entire night. you both had been avoiding it. not wanting this daydream to end.

“i guess that we broke up.” he answers unsurely, rubbing the back of his neck.

“oh, ok.” you mumble. “thank you for tonight. i had fun.”

“thank you for pretending to like me for tonight.” he says, nervously laughing. you fake a little chuckle, knowing what he said isn’t totally accurate.

silence fills the car as you two admire each other. your body is turned towards quinn as his hands rest on the steering wheel.

“i wasn’t pretending.” your words are barely above a whisper, not really intending for quinn to hear, but he does.

“what?” he asks, unsure if he heard you correctly. his mouth is hanging slightly open and his eyes are wide.

“i wasn’t pretending to like you, quinn.” you respond once again. this time you are more confident in your words.

hearing the words again makes quinn fall back in his seat. he looks up to the ceiling of the car in disbelief. ‘was this some prank?’ was all he could think because it didn’t seem real that the girl he’s been in love with since he was a kid was telling him that she liked him back.

“are you serious?” he asks a little harsher than he means to. his tone of voice startles you, causing tears to swell in your eyes.

“um,” you try to hold back the sobs, but once the tears begin to fall, the sobs spill out not long after.

you couldn’t believe you let your guard down like that. he might’ve been acting nice, but he’s still quinn hughes. once an asshole, always an asshole.

“oh no, baby.” quinn coos, wrapping his arms around you. “don’t cry. i didn’t mean it like that.”

“then what did you fucking mean it like?!” you cry out, looking at him through tears.

“i- uh,” he can’t find the words he wants to say.

“save it. i don’t want to hear your excuse.” you mutter. you pull yourself out of his hold, throwing the car door open and stepping out.

the second you exit the car, droplets of rain hit your body, but you don’t care. you storm towards your apartment building, despite hearing the car door shut.

“y/n!” quinn calls out, grabbing your wrist and causing you to spin around suddenly.

“leave me alone.” you growl. your face is painted with aggressive features. your jaw is clenched, eyes dark, and you’re sending quinn a glare that could burn holes in his head.

“just listen to me!” his voice drips of desperation as he practically begs.

you don’t respond, allowing him to continue.

“i really, really like you.” he starts off. “i’m not good with expressing my feelings as you can tell, but i’ve liked you since we met.”

“stop lying to make me feel better. you hated me when we met.” you blurt out, not buying what he was giving you.

“i didn’t, thought! i only acted like i hated you because i didn’t know how to confront the fact that i was in love with you.”

your gaze softens at his confession, still staying silent, allowing him to further continue. you both ignore the rain pelleting against your skin.

“dammit, y/n, i’m totally whipped over you. haven’t you seen that?” he moved his grip from your wrist, to your hand- holding it tightly.

“no,” you whisper.

“your just so gorgeous it’s not fair, and i’ve never felt that way about anyone else. i mean look at you in this dress right now. you are absolutely stunning inside and out. how was i not supposed to fall in love with you?”

“quinn,” you interrupt him. “kiss me.”

he doesn’t waste anytime, smashing his lips against yours. the kiss is filled with passion and pent up frustration. your fingers tangle in his wet hair while his hands find your waist.

breathless, you pull away from the kiss. the rains starts to come down a little harder, ruining your dress clothes, but neither of you seem too fazed.

“you don’t know how long i’ve waited to do that for.” he admits, smiling cheekily.

“you don’t know either.” you attempt to bite back a wide grin, but you fail miserably.

looking up at the sky, and then your soaking wet clothes, quinn laughs.

“we really just had a hallmark movie type moment.” he jokes, wrapping his arms around you.

“i guess so.” you giggled, leaning into quinn’s hold. “let’s go inside.”

#hearts4hughes #nhl imagine #hockey blurb #hockey imagines #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes #quinn hughes imagines #nora's writings 💐

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ianthoni · 9 months

Note

Ok, Idk if it's just me but I can't stop thinking about the part in Anthony's letter where he asks if Ian even knows the real Ian... like, I think I'm crazy and tinhatty for seeing Ian as visibly repressed, but Anthony literally sees the exact same thing.

My very detailed thoughts are under the gifs and videos. Buckle up that's a long ass post. I put some of the parts i find interesting in the video.

First of I wanna start with comments like "oh i think Ian is emotionless he doesn't show emotions" he literally did. Watch the video. Don't just listen to his words look at his eyes.

No no no you're not alone. The more i watch him the more I'm like damn this man has a lot to unpack. Like you can see he has so many emotions but also is hiding them. At first people were like Ian is so chill, Ian doesn't care and I'm like HE CARES?? You can clearly see he cares, you can see he's affected by everything happening around, happening TO him. He's just so closed up so withdrawn even he himself doesn't know how to react to things. Just like he said he's the most chill-unchill person. He probably has a hurricane in his mind but he doesn't show it outside. I think it's because he was alone for a long time. He was definitely more open when he's with Anthony but after watching the video I think their friendship stopped being close when Anthony started dating his girlfriend at the time. Ofc there was probably some stuff between them they're friends since 6th grade, but the strings broke and they stopped being best friends probably at that time. And probably after this Ian started to press his feelings. Cause I think he tried to talk to Anthony about that person but it backfired so he stopped it all together. At the time he probably didn't have enough close friends and after Anthony left he was just alone in his thoughts. Ofc he had partners he had co workers, friends, employees but at that point he was already in a state where "it's better if i just shut up about my own feelings/emotions/thoughts cause they're wrong they're the reason my best friend leave me" and everything else, the company, the break-ups whatever it was all his problems, he's the boss, he had to take care of everything and he had to protect his friends/company and everything. He should be the one doing it without bothering others. And that's why he's now "chill" he put on an unbothered person mask to stay strong in the game. He built strong walls around his emotions. He hide them so much that he lost his ability to show his emotions in the meantime. He's an amazing listener, problem solver, perfect boss and friend and best friend probably but he's not good to himself. His feelings are pressed, he has a lot to unpack probably. Idk if Anthony and him talk about everything (i don't think tho i don't think ian could just trauma dump) and i feel like he has to. Not just talking about shit happened before like they say in the video, no he has to talk about his feelings, how he feels about what happened, how he feels now, is he hurt, is he heartbroken. Without a filter. Like he had to leave the labels behind and idk have an open conversation with someone(probably a therapist tbh) and realize that showing emotions is not weak or wrong. And he's not alone. Maybe he felt that way before but he has friends, he has a whole family actually. I really don't believe he's an emotionless person he's just so so introverted in his emotions. And he's lost in his insecurities.

First of all you can see he's emotionally unstable already when he said let's keep going because he's either afraid he's gonna show emotions(god forbid he shed a tear) or so emotional to talk about the subject.

"I don't think I would even recognize if I was being put through emotional turmoil. This is just so sad.

"That doesn't mean you weren't being put through it, that just might mean that you're shutting things off" Anthony explained so well in this sentence.

And this part i definitely agree with Anthony. "How do you know if I'm keeping it to myself?" Cause eyes never lie chico! We can see the sadness showing from them. The fake smile thing is like. Ok yeah I don't think he's fake smiling in every smile but i think when he's actually hurt he just smiles at the person hurting him. Even in this video there are so many moments that you can see he's upset he just smiles and moves on. Not wanting to make things worse or trying to keep everything going. Don't wanna mess up again. But you can't live a life like that. You can't just accept everything anyone is giving and not have a breaking point. Idk him so idk if he had that point already or he'd have that in the future but i know if he keeps ignoring everything and trying to push them aside it's burst. (It's not about Anthony leaving this is not about anyone else I'm talking about Ian's feelings)

And the last part yeah I think we know the real Ian. Cause even if he pushes his feelings aside he's who he is. Him hiding his hurt moments is not gonna affect anyone but himself.

Also wanna add I was so so upset when he said he thought Smosh was his and Ian was just a sidekick to him and even then Ian just smiled and kept going. It's so obvious he knows Anthony felt that way at the time. He's not shocked about this. He probably had his moments about that. I'm so glad Anthony realized that Smosh is not this and that Smosh is them together. And praise him every chance he has for that.

Lastly. I was really sad when Ian said "I forgive you" and Anthony laughed with "for what?" I think this was the only moment we actually see Ian trying to show his emotions and Anthony's joke makes it go away immediately and Ian smiled and hid his emotions again with "just kidding". Again this is all me just putting my thoughts out there but I think Ian deserved an apology or at least a thank you(which Anthony probably did them in private i think) cause he fought to keep Smosh together for years alone. So there was something Anthony could ask forgiveness for. Yes it was the best decision for Anthony and his mental health and it definitely helped him. And Ian could have left with him but didn't. But if he didn't try to stay and fight there wouldn't be a Smosh to turn back to. Wow that was dark.

Anyways this is me overthinking for something I shouldn't at fuckin 2am and I swear I have a life outside this. I just love analysing shit and talking about it ok?

#smosh #ian hecox #asks and answers #this is by no means me going thats exactly what happened its the truth or anything this is just me analysing shit i saw #take this with grain of salt #☀️🔍#in a way #cause thats the longest slow burn to history ever probably lmao #allegedly #i literally just write words im not their friends idk them #this is not me being parasocial #overanalyzing #very over LMAO #i should stop overthinking

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csashton · 10 months

Text

Healing - PG x Reader

Warnings: mentions of domestic violence, injuries, trauma. Please read at your own risk. take care of yourselves 🖤 and do not read if this will negatively affect you.

Summary: reader is in an abusive relationship, it all comes to a head and Pierre finds out. Pairing: Pierre Gasly / Reader

Word count: 1872

A/N: This is really just a trauma dump from personal experience. But I am OK - I am healed. If you or someone you know is in a situation where you need help, please reach out. The domestic violence hotline: 800-799-7233. or I will try to help you in any way that I can.

The relationship you were in was beyond toxic. It had been for the last two years of dating, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Everyone had their suspicions about what went on behind closed doors, especially Pierre. You did your best to hide it.

He’d tried for months to get you to break up with James, but none of his tactics worked. You loved James, and James loved you. Sometimes had some rough days and he would take it out on you. But everyone had rough days, right?

The first six months were a dream. He treated you like you were a queen. Extravagant dates, trips, gifts, anything you asked for, he got for you. Then one day it was like a switch flipped. More often than not you were arguing, or he would start a fight over something trivial. Anything that went wrong in his day-to-day life was your fault. It took a massive toll on your mental health, but you pushed through. It was nothing you couldn’t deal with.

Pierre noticed immediately. He would call daily to check in on you, making sure you didn't need anything.

More recently, James had become physical with you. It first started with pushing or shoving you out of his way during an argument. Then one day it all came to a head. You had forgotten to wash his shirt for a work trip, so you wouldn't have time to iron it before he left. This ended up with you shoved into the wall, a hand around your throat as you gasped for air, begging him to let go.

You forgave him, of course. He came back from his work trip with flowers and a beautiful gift in hand. He showered you with kisses and apologies, so you swept it under the rug.

Coming up with excuses as to why you couldn’t hang out or go to events with Pierre was the hard part. He caught on, though you’re sure he assumed it was James not allowing you to go. He didn’t know about the abuse, and you were determined to keep it that way.

Over the last few months, you’d gotten a lot better at hiding the bruises. When Pierre asked to hang out, you'd fake a work trip or illness. You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d seen Pierre in person, the limited conversations either over facetime or phone calls.

Now, curled up in a hospital bed, you knew there was no way of keeping it from him. He was your emergency contact. You couldn't recall why this fight started. Unsure if either the concussion or blacking out was the cause. But it was the worst one yet.

There was a sharp pain radiating through your head and a dull ache through the rest of your body. The sound of a chair squeaking caught your attention, pulling your eyes, well eye that wasn’t swollen shut, to the corner of the room. Pierre was there, an angry look on his face, arms crossed over his chest.

“I’m guessing you won’t buy the ‘I fell down the stairs’ excuse?” You choke out, trying to lighten his mood. At the sound of your voice, he’s up and sitting on the edge of the bed, cradling one of your hands in his. “Please, don’t joke right now, mon ange.” His voice is scratchy like he’s been crying. “Sorry.” You whisper as you look away, “I don’t like seeing you worry, or seeing you angry.” His hand comes up to brush your hair from your face, thumb brushing your cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you.” his voice breaks near the end, his free hand coming up to wipe the tears on his cheek.

“You have enough to worry about, Pear. You didn’t need to worry about me.” He brushes off your explanation, opening his mouth to argue, but you cut him off. “It was never this bad, he’s never been this bad. I don’t know what set him off. Everything was fine, and then it wasn’t.” you mutter, taking a deep breath as you watch the emotions flick across his face.

His mouth opens and closes a few times before he finally speaks, “He almost killed you.” You nod, biting your lip as you shift in bed, groaning in pain. “You’ve got a concussion, broken nose, broken wrist, a few broken ribs, a broken ankle and foot. You’re more bruise than you are human at this point. But somehow no internal bleeding, even though he used your stomach as a boxing bag.” his voice trembles as he looks down.

“That explains why I feel like shit, but I’m sure the black eyes bring out my beauty, yeah?” you attempt to joke, earning a token judgemental Pierre glare. Humor had always been your way of coping.

“I thought you were dead when they called.” He admits, thumb rubbing over the back of your hand. “Your neighbor Ms. Nancy heard you screaming for help, she called the police. But you were silent by the time they got there. I got the call from the hospital, they had you stable by the time I got here.”

“I’m sorry for scaring you, and I’m sorry for not telling you.” You hesitate, gripping his hand in yours. “It wasn’t bad, in the beginning. He didn’t start any physical stuff until a few months ago - before it was only verbal. But he would always apologize and he was so sweet to be when he got back.” Tears fill your eyes as you continue, “But I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t burden you with that. I had to pull away from you, he would get so mad when he found out I was talking to you. I didn’t want anything to happen to you.” you whisper, squeezing his hand again.

Pierre’s got tears in his eyes when you look up, his mouth twisted in a frown. “I told you to stop protecting me. But that’s not the point right now.” he waves you off as you try to interrupt him. “What matters is you’re safe, he’s in police custody. You’re going to get healthy, the boys will move your things out of the apartment as soon as possible. You will stay with me until you’re healthy and safe.” he stresses.

“Pierre, I ca-” He holds his hand up again, “If the next words are not, ‘thank you, Pierre, I will move in, Pierre.’ I do not want to hear them.” his voice is serious, eyes hard when you look up again.

“Thank you, Pierre. I will move in, Pierre.” You grin, rolling your eyes at him. “He’s lucky that I didn’t get a phone call from Ms. Nancy, or he’d be in the morgue and I’d be in jail for murder.” You nudge him as best you can with your casted arm, leaning your head back on the pillow.

“Can you please not tell anyone this happened?” You ask, “I don’t want to worry anyone else, and I don’t want to deal with all the drama that comes with it.” He’s got a sheepish look on his face as you finish speaking. “I already told Charles, and Charles told Carlos who told Lando. They’re figuring out the logistics of moving your things, the police should be done surveying your apartment soon. Then they can get started.”

A loud groan leaves your throat as you bring your hands up to cover your face, “Pierre.” you mutter, “that’s so embarrassing. They’re going to think I’m so weak and stupid for staying.” His hands pull yours away from your face, pinning them to your sides. “If I ever hear you talking bad about yourself again, you’re going to sit through hours of myself and Charles complimenting you, do you want that? No one will thing you're weak or stupid. No one knows what you went through every day.” he states, voice stern but eyes twinkling. You shake your head, then groan at the pain of your brain rattling around.

“Ugh, okay. That was stupid. I need to rest, I’m getting nauseous again.” Your voice wavers as you speak. “Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” He’s quiet as he pulls the scratchy blanket back up over you, tucking you in. You’re not released until a few days later, but you’re chomping at the bit to get out. Against Pierre’s wishes, you make him take you back to the apartment. A fresh pair of clothes and a phone charger is all you want. The sound of voices greet you when you arrive, crutches and a hovering Pierre behind you.

“Oh, my god.” Lando’s voice is a whisper as you crutch into the kitchen where he’s crouching on the floor. He's cleaning up what looks like broken glass with specks of your blood mixed in. Carlos and Charles rush into the room not a few seconds later, Charles’ hand flying up to his mouth. Carlos muttered a quick, “Ay, dios mio!” before shutting his mouth, staring at you wide-eyed.

“I’m not a spectacle, I’m still the same old me.” You snap before taking a deep breath, looking around the room. There are poorly cleaned trails of your blood across the room, and shattered glass littering the floor. Duffel bags are sitting by the door which you assume has your belongings in it. “Please tell me you’re not cleaning up my blood.” You can’t help the shake in your voice, “Please, this is not your responsibility. Please stop.” you beg, wobbling on your crutches while Pierre grabs onto your hips to hold you up.

“Mon ange, please calm down. They wanted to help, they didn’t want you to come back to a mess when you got your things.” he explains, holding you as you lean your crutches against the wall, then lean back into him for support. “Please stop. I will call someone to deal with this, I want to get my things and go. I want a nap, my body hurts and I just need the emotional support of my friends. I don’t need you to fix my mess.” You can’t help but complain. “I’m very thankful, and I love you all very much. But, I would appreciate if you stop staring at me like a zoo animal and help me carry my things out of here. I don’t want to be here any longer than necessary.”

The tremble in your voice snaps them into gear. Carlos grabbing the duffels by the door while Charles and Lando grab whatever boxes they packed from the bedroom and living area.

Once you’re settled on the couch at Pierre’s, Lando insists on unpacking your things into the guest room. You must fall asleep on the couch because when you wake up, your head is in a sleeping Pierre’s lap. Your foot, in the massive boot, propped up on a pillow in Carlos’ lap. Lando and Charles are asleep on the floor in front of the couch and a credit scene is rolling on the TV. Sure, you’ve just gone through the most traumatic thing in your life. But all you needed to heal was being here, with them… and maybe a little (lot) of therapy.

#pierre gasly #formula 1 blurb #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 fics #formula 1 fanfic #pierre gasly x reader #csashton #csashtonwrites #mentions of DV #mentions of violence #trigger warning DV

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princessamericachavez · 1 year

Text

911 6x12 CODA

“I lied to Buck the other day.”

It’s not how Eddie expected to start his therapy session with Frank. Even though the idea had been bothering him for two entire days since the late night conversation in his kitchen, like a splinter under his skin that wouldn’t stop pestering him. I lied. I lied. I lied. But he was still surprised when the words fell off his mouth the instant he sat down.

Frank’s eyebrows arch slightly, prompting him to continue.

Eddie rubs a hand over his face, trying to clear his mind to put his thoughts in order.

“He came over to my house a couple days ago, running away from everyone else who kept showing up at his place to check up on him. So he came to my place, fell asleep on the couch before I’d even pulled the beers out of the fridge,” the memory makes him chuckle quietly with something close to fondness that he doesn’t dare poke at yet. “Anyway, when he woke up he was… quiet. Weird. I mean, I can’t blame him for it, right? He died. It’s not exactly something to brush off and move on.”

Frank’s eyes sparkle with something like amusement.

“Yes, yes, I know that’s rich coming from me.”

“Not at all. It’s often easier to cut others more slack than we do ourselves. You still haven’t told me how you lied to him.”

“He asked me about the shooting,” Eddie says, and even now the question sounds blunt. Buck hadn’t been blunt, he’d been careful and vulnerable as he asked. “I told him the truth, mostly. I said I remember the pain, falling, and then everything went black. I told him I remember thinking my life was over and then waking up in the hospital. No bright lights, no dreams, none of that.”

Frank nods slowly. Frank knows. It took them months of building trust, but eventually Eddie had talked about the shooting at large. Everything he remembers dissected slowly to help his brain reprocess the memory.

“That’s still the truth,” Frank offers, kindly. “It’s omission at most.”

“He asked if that was it,” Eddie looks down, trying to keep the edge of anger (at himself) off his voice. “I said it was.”

“Why do you think you did that?”

“Because it’s what he needed to hear. He was- he wasn’t really asking about what happened to me. This is about what happened to him. He died. He fucking- Buck died. He’s dealing with it, trying to make sense to what he’s feeling. I know better than anyone else what that’s like. The last thing he needs is for me to dump my- my own trauma on him too.”

“Do you think Buck is dumping his trauma on you by talking about it?”

Eddie’s eyes shoot up towards Frank and the anger in them would be enough to make nearly anyone flinch. But Frank isn’t just anyone and he doesn’t budge.

“Of course not.”

Frank nods slowly.

“It’s different, though.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not the one who died.”

“No, you’re just the one who saw your best friend die right in front of you.”

It’s like lightning. The sentence shocks Eddie with its unexpected bluntness. Frank sighs gently and puts down his notepad, which Eddie is incredibly thankful for.

“You haven’t talked much about how you felt in that moment.”

Eddie feels the urge to shut down. To make a snide comment about how it obviously wasn’t the best three minutes of his life but it’s ok now because Buck is fine. Instead, he pauses and really tries to think about it, to analyze how he felt, how he feels now.

“I was terrified. I saw him hanging there, like a broken doll, and I-“ He cleans one stubborn tear off his face. “I kept calling him, praying he’d reply, that he’d move, that he’d turn to look at me and smile and say he was alright. But- his body was so heavy. I couldn’t-“ a sob wrecks through him. “I couldn’t pull him up. Couldn’t do anything other than help him down. I- I know that’s good. That I got him help. But I felt- fuck I felt helpless. My best friend was dying… he was dead. I could tell. He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t breathing. I could tell he was dead. There was nothing I could do. I wanted- I needed to do something. To do more. But I-“

He stops, takes a moment to breathe. Frank let’s him pull himself together for a couple silent minutes until he’s able to speak again.

“It must have been hard,” Frank says finally, with gentleness that manages to avoid pity. “Would you say, then, that Buck dying was something that didn’t just happen to him? That it happened to you too?”

Eddie pauses and frowns down at his hands. He thinks of the fear and the loss and the anger. He remembers the way his whole heart was falling to pieces.

“Yeah. Yeah, I suppose so.”

Frank nods gently. If he had the pad in his hands, Eddie knows he would be taking notes.

“Have you talked to him about it? About how you felt?”

Eddie huffs a laugh and shakes his head. They both know that’s not something that he ever plans on doing.

“You don’t know Buck like I do,” he says, though he’s pretty sure Frank could make a perfect psychological profile of his best friend just from hearing Eddie talk so much about him. “He’s the guy who wants to fix things. Always. I can’t- I can’t dump this on him, make him carry my pain on top of his. Not again…”

“Again?”

“He’s just… he’s the one person I can always rely on. But this- I can’t dump this on him too.”

“Or the shooting,” Frank nods. “That’s why you lied.”

“Yeah. I guess… Buck will carry the weight of the world for others, but he’s already dealing with so much, I couldn’t make him carry it too.”

“What makes you think he isn’t carrying it already?”

Eddie blinks up at Frank, confused.

“We agreed that Buck getting hit by lightning, Buck dying right in front of you, is something that didn’t just happen to him. It affected you too, correct? So… by that logic, you getting shot right in front of him…”

“…is something that happened to Buck, too.”

Frank nods. He grabs his note pad again but makes no signs of writing on it for the time being.

“Why don’t you walk me though the memories you left out?”

“You already know.”

“Indulge me.”

Eddie sighs heavily and runs a hand through his face. It’s not hard finding those memories, they are imprinted deep under his skin like the bullet scars that greet him every morning in the mirror. Time and therapy have helped him talk about them without shutting down, though.

“I told him the truth about the pain and falling. I just… I remember seeing him there, covered in blood. I didn’t know whose it was, I still didn’t understand I’d been shot. After I- after I fell, I remember reaching out for him. I was- I thought I was dying and I was reaching out for him. Then I remember his voice, even in the darkness, calling for him. They said he pulled me under the engine. I just remember bits of pieces of it, the pain as he dragged me by the arm, the smell of gas oil. Then I remember laying down, the pain of his hands pressing the wound. I think- I think I asked if he was hurt,” Eddie chuckles wetly through the tears, embarrassed. “He looked so scared. I didn’t- I don’t think I understood. Until now.”

He’s quiet for a long time and thankful that Frank gives him a moment to compose himself again before finally asking:

“What makes you think that Buck doesn’t remember?”

Eddie blinks, like he is waking up from a nightmare.

“I don’t- I mean, I suppose he does.”

“Sounds like something you wouldn’t easily forget.”

“Yeah, yeah, I suppose.”

“Then what are you protecting him from? By claiming you don’t remember? I’m only asking because you said you didn’t want to dump your own trauma on him… but it sounds to me like he’s already carrying those memories, those moments. Perhaps, you not telling him isn’t protecting him.”

“It’s protecting myself,” Eddie deflates. “And I’m making him think that he’s carrying all that alone… again.”

“Eddie, you and Buck are partners, right? You face danger together, you have each other’s backs, you help each other carry the weight of the life you chose.”

Eddie is tempted to say it’s more than that. That they are a package deal, that they have created a life together of sorts, that they are practically raising Christopher together, that he can’t imagine his life without Buck any more than he can imagine Buck’s without him, that they would walk through fire to make sure the other is alright. Instead, he just nods.

“Then, you need to trust each other to carry the weight together. If you wouldn’t want Buck to do it alone, do you think he’d want you to?”

“No, I guess not. But I don’t know if I’m ready to tell him the whole truth. Not yet…”

“You don’t have to do anything. But you came in here saying you lied to Buck, clearly it’s been bothering you. So maybe you need to sit down and think about how you feel and what you need to do.”

Eddie knows. He knows he needs to tell Buck the truth. So Buck won’t think he carries the weight alone. So they can do it together, as a team. So they can move on from all this grief and near-loss.

…but not yet. Not now. Maybe later, when he looks less fragile and hurt, when his blue eyes aren’t pining him desperate for a sliver of hope, when he can look at him without thinking of his ribs cracking under his palms or his lack of pulse. Maybe then, they can sit down and talk about what it’s like to nearly lose each other… and what it might mean. Let yourself feel it, he’d told him. But what he feels is too much to put in words just yet. Maybe soon.

#911 fox #buddie #Eddie Diaz #Evan buck Buckley #911 fic #911 spec

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