#ok tbf i did dishes this morning

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

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#me this morning and through out the day: i'm gonna make time to write and plays Hades and text my cousin cause i keep putting all that off #anyone want to hazard a guess how many of those i accomplished today? #i'll give you a hint #it's less than one #it is not 1 AM and I didn't do a goddamn thing today #ok tbf i did dishes this morning #and i did finally do research to refresh my memory on some terms i'll need for school #still anxious as fuck cause flipping through my binder from the last course i did #I remember exactly none of it #like it might as well be another language cause i don't remember shit #and i already barely passed that year #my bil keeps claiming that the first three years are nearly identical and it's just a repeat of first year #but like??? It's been 9 years since i did first year. i barely passed back then and now I get to do it with memory problems #like even the terms i was looking up tonight i read the same sentence like six times and it still didn't stick #i'm gonna need a huge ass binder just for notes and diagrams of all the shit that doesn't stick in my brain #and hope to hell that maybe by the time we get to doing tests that SOMETHING has stuck #also comparing my first year binder to the binder i received for this year is both somewhat reassuring and also terrifying #cause like my bil said it is fairly similar to first year #there's some minor differences in the modules where maybe a page or two is missing which i assume is cause they've revised the course #but there are also whole modules missing i.e. the math stuff #but i know they're still going to test on math stuff. i'm terrible at math stuff. #and if they test on something they're not actually going to teach on this year i'm fucked #i guess i grab my first year math modules and try to make sense of it??? i have no confidence in myself though #i'm so frustrated at my brain #and it's coming up so soon #like exactly a week from now i'll be in dorm and going to the shop class in the morning #its so soon #i'm freaking out yo