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friendship-ended-with-pokespe · 3 years

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Kirby: Rescue the Friend in the Great Labyrinth! Chapter 4

Looking around the workshop, Waddle Dee was wide-eyed in amazement. “Wow......amazing!” Several works of art that Claycia has made up to this point were lined up on the shelfs along the wall. You cannot understand what any of their motifs are.

Works resembling an animal, a plant, a rock, a furniture, a trash......at any rate, it’s jam-packed with puzzling works. Kirby gazed at a certain sculpture and said. “What’s this? It looks like a milk bottle, melon bread, and Chef Kawasaki combined......” “That’s a touching sculpture expressing eternal love! Doesn’t your heart tremble from looking at it?” “Hmm, it doesn’t look very yummy.” “What’s this one?” King Dedede stepped before a work of art. “It looks like a birthday cake turned upside down and trampled with katsuobushi sprinkled on top.” “It’s a magnum opus expressing the beginning and the end of the universe! Eek, don’t touch it!” Meta Knight spoke. “I don’t understand what is what......” “That’s because you’re an average person.” “Hm. In any case, these are the works of art? Doesn’t seem like we could help.” “I was saying that from the start. You should leave if you get it now......” “It’s ok-ay!” Shouts Kirby, hopping up. His eyes are sparkling like a star. “I can help! This looks really fun!” “......Huh?” “I didn’t know that an art would be this fun! I feel like I realized my own artistic talent! Yay!” Shouting Kirby in joy, and ran to the corner of the room. What she uses as materials for her work were piled up there. Clays, wires, blocks of wood, nails, strings, scraps of cloth, and whatnot. “These are all I need to make an art every now and then, huh! Alrighty, I’ll do my best!” “H......Hang on a sec......” She tried to stop him, but she pondered suddenly and muttered. “But...... a blank mind that’s never been exposed to art might be able to pull off a miracle. A child like Kirby is too preposterous for me to anticipate what he would make. True art could be in him!” Clay sat on a chair. “Alright Kirby, why don’t you show me what you’ve got? I can’t wait to see what art your absurd heart will bring forth!” “You can count on me!” Kirby began kneading a clay with much excitement. Needless to say, King Dedede was the one to see him and lose control of his temper. “Hmph! You think he has any clue about art!? I’m the true artist!” Claycia looked at the king with vacant eyes. “Hmmm, your absurdity may not lose to Kirby, but I can’t sense any pureness in you like Kirby. Your heart is like a sock that hasn’t been washed for a week, where I don’t think it can produce a beautiful art.” “You ninny, you don’t seem to grasp my overflowing talent!” “So cool, Your Majesty! Please give it your all!” Clapped Waddle Dee, cheering for him. Meta Knight and flops down right on the spot. Magolor grumbled. “Gosh......Kirby and King Dedede are both forgetting our goal! We aren’t on a journey for art. It’s to rescue my friend!” “It won’t take long.” Said Meta Knight. “They’re both equally matched in their lack of perseverance. They’ll get tired of it soon enough.” “But......I’m worried about my friend......” “You didn’t seem to mind it until now, but you're suddenly worried for him like you just thought of it, huh, Magolor? Where is your heart really at......?” “......” With no response, Magolor plopped close to the wall and watched the work of Kirby and his friends.

It was just as Meta Knight had expected. Before long, Kirby and King Dedede lost interest in art. Sticking a chopstop in the object that he made by kneading the clay, Kirby shouts “I’m done!” “What a fantastic art this is! Am I a genius or what!?” “......I’ll hear from you for now. What is it expressing?” To Claycia’s offhand question, Kirby answered boldly. “The tastiest dango in the universe! I expressed my love for dangos!” “I see, and as for Mr. King Dedede?” “Haha! Don’t be surprised!” King Dedede exaggeratedly lifted up a lump of clay wrapped in cloth in display. “My work is in a different league from Kirby’s. Built up in a universal scale, it’s a mind-blowingly Dededeish, Dedede-style, Dedede......” “That’s great and all, but what’s the theme?” “I expressed the magnificent feeling of all the foods that exist in this universe being offered to my stomach. So to speak, that’s where all my ambitions are!” “Your ambitions, sure.”

Claycia turned away and sighed. “Phew......I’m in tears from my stupidity of expecting anything from you guys. An average person is really an average person. “......Hmm? What do you mean?” “Don’t worry about it. Sigh......that was a complete waste of time. I need to get it together and focus on my artistic work......” Clacia stood up and stared at Kirby and King Dedede’s work. Her countenance showed her regret of time spent in waste, but...... Her dull eyes sparkled suddenly like a star. “Mm......? Hmm......? Wait a minute! Just now, an miraculous insight came into my artistic mind!” “Huh?” “T-This is......!” Kneeling before the work of Kirby and King Dedede, Claycia said in a voice trembling in passion. “Ohhh......the miraculous images are flowing out one after another!” “Claycia......?” “This the first time. What an ingenious flash of inspiration! I’ll create the greatest masterpiece up until now......!” Clasping both her hands, Claycia looks up at the sky as she weeps. Exchanging glances, Kirby and King Dedede both exclaimed at the same time. “It looks like we were of help to her!” “Wahahaha! It seems my superb work of art gave her a hint. She’ll have to give me plenty in return!” “Elline and Claycia will be able to patch things up with this. What a relief!” Kirby and Dedede jumped about, hands together in unusual friendliness. “Strange things could always happen, I suppose.” Said Meta Knight quietly. “To all appearances, the pair’s work only looks like garbage, but......how did it shook her heart? I can’t comprehend it.” “That’s because you don’t have any artistic taste!” “He’s right, Meta Knight!” “An artist will understand the brilliance in my work from just a glance!” “He’s right, Meta Knight!” Kirby and King Dedede started laughing in good humor. Claycia rose up quickly and said while kicking away the work of Kirby and King Dedede. “I mustn’t let eyesores like these run rampant all over the world! This world should only be filled with beautiful things!” “......Eh?” “I should create something that’s beautiful, sublime, and heart-trembling! That is the duty of an artist: to save this unsightly world!” Claycia shouts with rapt attention. “My eyes were opened thanks to the stuff from the ordinary people. I can’t stop here. I’ll make the most beautiful work!” While shedding tears, Claycia squeezed Kirby and King Dedede’s hands. “Thank you, ordinary folks! I came to realize my duty from you guys’ awful works! Only a true genius can send beauty to this world. That is to say, only I, Claycia!” “E......Ehh......?” “This world will be filled with eyesores if not for me. I will make it! The finest work that’ll beautify this world......!” Claycia got her skates on. “Please leave, would you? Before this ingenious inspiration disappears!” “I-Inspiration......?” “I said get out! I’ll give shape to all my overflowing imagination-!!!” Kirby was chased out from the workshop. Kirby didn’t have the slightest clue as to what Claycia was saying. He said in a daze. “What happened? She was overdoing the compliments on me, wasn’t she?” “Nggghhh......looks like that wench sees me as a rival. Darn it all, even my talent means trouble.” “That’s great. Her artistic taste doesn’t seem to be too different from mine.” Said Meta Knight. “Hm? What do you mean by that?” “Nothing really. At any rate, we made her come through her slump. All we need to do now is to wait for her work to be completed.”

Kirby and his friends didn’t have to wait for very long. For Claycia, having gained an artistic insight, completed her work in only a few hours. Coming out of the workshop, Claycia had a bright face. Her stiff attitude is gone, with a friendly look instead. And finally, a very small work was on the palm of her hand. Together with Kirby and his friends, Elline was waiting for Claycia, where she fluttered her pale wings and rushed at her. “You’re done with your work, Claycia!?” “Yeah, I’m done. It’s my magnum opus. Please look, Elline.” Kirby and the others couldn’t understand what it was from their eyes. Kirby said in a low voice. “What’s that. It looks like a snail tossed and turned in its sleep and kicked away its blanket......” “Huhu, you chump has no taste. That’s displaying a wonton noodle soup blown away by a hurricane.” “......I don’t really get it, but it's a fascinating work somehow.” That is the impression of Meta Knight. Waddle Dee nodded in agreement. “I think so too, sir. My heart is getting warm for some reason.” “Aye. It’s far better than any work from Clacia up to now.” Their whispers fortunately didn’t reach Elline and Claycia. “So pretty......how lovely this is, Claycia! An image of the morning sky......an image of a garden grass......and the harmony of the sky and the land......are all being conveyed.” Said Elline, her voice trembling from all the emotion.

”......” Kirby and his friends exchanged whispers once again. “The morning sky.” “The garden grass, she says.” “The sky and the land......uhh.” “I didn’t get any of it.” Elline continued. “I love all of your works, but this is the best. It’s a really lovely work......tears come out when I keep looking at it.” “I made this for you, Elline.” Elline felt a little embarrassed and talked fast. “Huh? For me......?” “It’ll be your birthday soon, right? I was desperate to make it in time no matter what.” Elline was shocked and blinked her eyes. “Claycia......” “I was so desperate that I ended up in a slump, huh. How I could make you happy, the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t know......I was pretty awful to you, wasn’t I? I’m sorry......I don’t remember it very well myself.” “Geez, Claycia!” Elline started laughing with a voice like that of a jingling bell. “You’re always like that. You focus on your creation and forget everything around you.” “I’m really sorry, Elline......” “No problem! I love that side of you!” Closing her eyes gently, Elline embraced the gift from Claycia dearly. For Claycia, the work was small enough to be placed on her hand, but it was big enough to be an armful for the tiny Elline. “......I’m really happy. Thanks, Claycia. Sorry for getting the wrong idea even when you were making the work for me.” “It’s not actually complete yet you see.” “Huh?” “I want you to add something to it. Since it’s your duty to paint my work!” Elline’s face glowed. “Gotcha! I’m all pumped up now. Let’s make the very best work, Claycia.” “I’m leaving it to you, Elline.” Exchanging looks, the pair began laughing cheerfully. Having been caught up in them, Kirby’s face was beaming as well. “What a relief! Elline and Claycia were able to make up.” “It was all thanks to me. I'll be taking the reward in plenty!” “That is very tasteless, King Dedede.” Meta Knight chided him. “It’s not all peaches and cream just because the pair regained their smiles. We still have something left to do.” “Right he is!” Having been facing the back in tedium, Magolor turned around and agreed with both his hands raised. “We’ve got to go and find my friend! Let’s make haste and go back to the Great Labyrinth of the Mirror!” “The Great Labyrinth......of the Mirror?” Claycia overhears and cuts in on them. “You guys are going into the Great Labyrinth of the Mirror?” “Uh-huh! It’s to rescue Magolor’s friend!” Kirby jumps up and answers. “We strayed up to Elline’s room on the way. But it’s all okay now! We’ll go back to the Mirror World soon enough!” “Hold on” Claycia said quickly. “I heard that the Great Labyrinth of the Mirror is quite challenging. I haven’t lost my way there before, but I do know of some rumors. They say that it’s very complex, spacious, and can never get out once you lose your way.” “Yup, we got lost.” “I see then......” Claycia pondered and said. “I might be of some use to you guys.” “Huh?” “Elline, bring “that.”” “Gotcha!” The two are in perfect harmony. Even without Claycia saying in detail, Elline nods and flies off to somewhere. What she came back with were some drawing paper and crayons. Claycia received it and said. “Kirby, do you remember our battle in Seventopia?” “Yeah, of course!” “I don’t have any memory of when I was controlled, but I did hear from Elline afterward. I heard that I was saved thanks to your great efforts.” “Ehe!” Kirby spun once in delight. “She used a canvas at that time, didn’t she?” “A canvas......?” Elline expanded on it. “I drew a picture and transformed you into a tank or a submarine, right?” “Uh-huh!” Nodded Kirby, thinking back to the days of adventure spent with Elline. “That was really fun. It was the first time that I transformed into a tank or a submarine!” “Using that power, you might be able to proceed through the labyrinth without getting lost.” “Huh?” “I’ll try it out.” Claycia drew a picture on the drawing paper. It’s a drawing of a cute pink and white rocket. Claycia raised the drawing that she drew high. With it, the sketch of a rocket flew out of the paper. The rocket combined with Kirby, as though it was wrapping his body.

Waddle Dee jumped up in surprise. “Whoa, amazing! Kirby turned into a rocket!” Having transformed into a rocket, Kirby said. “It’s Kirby Rocket. It can blow enemies easily away. It’s really powerful!” “That’s not all.” Said Elline. “This rocket has a high-performance rader. It can automatically head to its destination.” “That means......” “You’ll proceed through even the Great Labyrinth without getting lost. It’s a beeline to the destination.” “Wow!” Kirby tried to jump about in delight, but Waddle Dee stopped in in a panic. “You can’t! You’re different from your usual self right now. You’ll tear down the ceiling like that.” “Ah, okay.” Kirby looked down at Claycia.” “Thanks, Claycia.” “I’m the one that should thank you, Kirby. I was saved twice, from when we fought and right now. I’m really thankful.” Claycia held out the drawing paper and the crayons. “I’ll give this to you as a gift. This drawing paper is made of the same materials as the one that Elline used in that battle. You’ll be able to transform into the vehicle that you draw.” Waddle Dee accepted it, in place of Kirby who couldn’t use his hands. “The transformation ability has a time limit. If the transformation wears off before you reach the destination, you can draw the Kirby Rocket in that drawing paper again.” “Thanks a bunch!” Kirby turned to face his friends. “Off we go at last! Let’s go to rescue Magolor’s friends. Cheerio, Claycia, Elline. Come to visit us in Dream Land.” “Sure. We’ll come over as a pair someday.” “Be careful out there, Kirby.”

Passing through the mirror in Elline’s room, Kirby and his friends head to the Great Labyrinth of the Mirror a second time:

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#kirby novels #kirby of the stars #light novel #translation #kirby rocket #waddle dee #king dedede #meta knight #magolor #elline #claycia

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365days365movies · 3 years

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February 24, 2021: Annie Hall (1977) (Part 1)

Well...Woody Allen.

I, uh...OK, look, I could get into the whole Woody Allen thing, but INSTEAD of me doing that, I’ll just say this: look into it. Because there is a LOT on this subject, and it’s controversial as HELL. At the end of the day, I’ll recommend this upcoming series on HBO, and just recommend that you look into it.

Because, uh...yeah, it’s not great. That’s all I’m gonna say, because I need to educate myself on it more as well. Instead, let’s talk for a few seconds about divorcing the art from the artist. But ONLY for a few seconds.

I understand why some of you might be surprised I’m doing this one. Because, again...Woody Allen. But, yeah, I always try to do my best to divorce the art from the artist. Because some people suck, but they still make nice things, or at the very least, things that should be open to interpretation and appreciation.

“Superfreak” is a classic song of 1981, and everybody’s heard at least some of it, but Rick James fuckin’ kidnapped two women and kept them in his basement, WHERE HE TORTURED THEM. Edgar Degas made beautiful paintings of ballet dancers, and was also A MASSIVE ANTI-SEMITE. And before he was (RIGHTFULLY AND JUSTIFIABLY) outed as a roofie-ing piece-o-shit...I grew up with - and genuinely enjoyed - this guy’s comedy.

And you can judge me for this, but...I still think his stand-up was and is genuinely funny, and I still appreciate the cultural impact that The Cosby Show had on society’s perception of African-American families, divorced from the stereotype of the ghetto. Fact of the matter is, works themselves deserve to be separated from the artist who made them. That’s my philosophy, and I’m sticking with it Entirely fine to disagree with me, by the way, I get it.

But in that spirit, I’m watching Annie Hall, despite its creators likely transgressions. After all, this is technically his magnum opus, and it’s a good look into the man himself. And so, with that in mind: Annie Hall! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

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Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) is talking directly to us about his outlook on life, and his view on the potential future. He tells half of a joke, then an amusing anecdote, and a bit more until telling us that he’s broke up with Annie, and he’s still thinking about it, trying to figure out exactly where things went wrong. He goes back to the beginning, which is punctuated with flashbacks.

He grew up in Brooklyn in World War II, and a young Alvy (Jonathan Munk) is with his mother (Joan Newman) at the doctor’s. He’s depressed after learning that the universe will one day end after a period of expansion, and is having his first real existential crisis. I had mine around the same age, actually, went I learned that the Earth will one day get swallowed by the sun. And THEN came the realization that I’d be dead by that point. AND THEN came the realization that I’d die one day, and that was a WHOLE NEW crisis to...anyway.

He grew up under the Coney Island rollercoaster according to him (although his analyst says that he exaggerates), and that’s what he blames for his “nervous personality. He’s also got an active imagination, often blurring fantasy and reality. His Dad ran the bumper cars on Coney Island (a place that I’ve never been, but desperately want to go).

He continues on talking about his former schoolmates, and not really that well. While in class, young Alvy kisses a...little girl...ahem. And then, when reprimanded by the teacher, current Alvy notes that he was always...like that...and he also says this to the little girl, and they talk about Freud’s latency period, and Alvy said he never...had...one...that’s uh...that’s fuckin’ SOMETHING, now isn’t it?

OK, well, shoving that forcefully aside as hard as I can, Alvy wonders aloud on where his classmates now, and one of them says this:

This also involves a little girl saying she’s “into leather,” which is...awkward as FUCK, but WE’RE GONNA MOVE THE FUCK ON. Alvy recounts his paranoia, and was so even after he became a famous comedian (which we say after a VERY good joke about qualifying for the army as a hostage). He speaks to a friend, Rob (Tony Roberts) about potential anti-Semitism from a person in a passersby meeting, then heads to meet Annie.

Annie Hall (Diane Keaton) arrives at a movie theater, late and in a bad mood. The two are late to their intended film, argue briefly, then head to another film that they’ve already seen, The Sorrow and the Pity. In line, they’re in front of a man loudly soliloquizing on film, much to Alvy’s annoyance.

Annie and Alvy continue to argue a bit, while Alvy openly berates the casual film critic. In the middle, he talks to the audience about it, only to be followed by the crtiic himself, who also acknowledges the audience! Huh! Anyway, he’s a professor at Columbia, and starts continuing his line speech, this time on the work of Marshall McLuhan, one of the most important early media theorists ever. And then, Alvy brings out Marshall McLuhan (Marshall McLuhan) to debate him on it, only for Alvy to turn to the audience and wish aloud that life could really be like this!

I’m beginning to understand why people like this film. It’s metacontextual before metacontextuality was really a thing in film. It’s a fourth-wall breaking movie in some fantastic ways. But will it still hold its muster after breaking the fourth wall’s become so commonplace? we’ll see, I guess.

After a showing of the film, the two return home, and Alvy tries to initiate sex. But Annie’s not really into it at the moment, and Alvy complains that they used to have sex all the time, and it’s been a while since. So, I guess that retroactively awkward scene at the school was meant to foreshadow Alvy’s high libido, that will probably cause some conflict in the film. Anyway, Annie notes that Alvy once went through something similar with Allison, his first wife. Who’s Allison? Flashback!

Allison Portchnik (Carol Kane) is a graduate student in political science, working for a campaign that Alvy’s about to perform for. He’s nervous, as he’s going on after another comedian. She comforts him by saying that she thought he was cute, and he does well. But we flash-forward to a night after they’re married, shortly after the death of JFK, which Alvy’s obsessing over, entertaining various conspiracy theories.

However, Allison rightly points out that his obsession is simply a way for him to avoid having sex with her, which mirrors the present-day situation him him and Annie. Flash forward TO Alvy and Annie, and there are just lobsters...everywhere, on the floor in their kitchen. After that commotion, they talk about Annie’s past romances.

And by talk about, I mean they LITERALLY WALK THROUGH her memories. And I gotta say...I fuckin’ love this method of storytelling. One of her previous boyfriends is an actor (John Glover), and his over-dramatic prose sickens Alvy. We see a second marriage of Alvy’s to New Yorker writer Robin (Janet Margolin), who’s dragged him to a stuffy high society party of intellectuals that he has no interest in going to. Same her, Alvy. I bet the caviar’s canned.

He tries to initiate sex with her - in the middle of the party, mind you - and she turns him down. later, when they get to it in their apartment, she’s unable to, uh...reach satisfaction. From there, we flash-forward after that marriage ends to a tennis match with Rob, where he meets one of his mutual friends: Annie Hall.

And for the record, Annie’s pretty obviously got a crush on him, and she’s adorable as fuck. Also, that outfit, real talk...that outfit rules. She offers to give Alvy a list, during which he’s quite worried about her driving, but the two still get along well enough. Annie’s an amateur photographer, during a time period where photography is considered a relatively new art form. The two go to her apartment, and share familial anecdotes and personal stories about themselves. And as they talk, we also see a set of subtitles on top of each of them that betray their inner feelings and thoughts.

I do genuinely like the stylings of the movie, goddamn. This conversation leads to Alvy asking her out on a date, although they end up scheduling it after Annie auditions at a nightclub as a singer. And while it doesn’t go great, Alvy tells her she was fantastic, and they share a kiss before they head to dinner. They head to her place afterwards, and we cut to later that night, post-coitus.

And then, we get a flash-forward back to the next day, where the two are at a bookstore, and Alvy speaks on his personal philosophy of life.

I'm obsessed with uh, with death, I think. Big - big subject with me, yeah. I have a very pessimistic view of life. You should know this about me if we're gonna go out. You know, I - I feel that life is - is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Those are the two categories, you know. The - the horrible would be like, um, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life - you should be thankful that you're miserable because you're very lucky to be miserable.

Iiiiinteresting.

Shortly into their relationship, they admit they’re in love (or “lurve”, as Alvy says). She moves in with Alvy, which he initially isn’t the biggest fan of, having been burned in two previous marriages And already, their relationship is showing a few bumps. Alvy’s also always trying to push her to take college classes, while she uses mariuana whenever they have sex, which Alvy doesn’t agree with.

But as they have sex one night, without the marijuana at Alvy’s urging, Annie’s mind wanders - LITERALLY.

This film...this film has a VERY unique style of visual storytelling, and I am HERE for it! Seriously, I genuinely love this method of storytelling and comedy, it’s extremely engaging to me.

Soon enough, Alvy gets an interview to write for a talk show host, which he ABSOLUTELY despises. But in doing so, he decides to go into stand-up for himself, and is actually quite successful at it! But before we get to that, we’re at the halfway point! See you in Part 2!

#annie hall #woody allen #diane keaton #tony roberts #carol kane #paul simon #shelley duvall #christopher walken #romance february #romance movie #romcom #romantic comedy #user365 #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year

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somepinkthing · 4 years

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WANGXIAN! POKEMON AU! WANGXIAN! POKEMON AU!

Summary: Wei Wuxian is pretty sure he’s been labelled the most annoying Pokemon trainer on the face of the Earth at this point, and he intends to defend his title. He’ll start with this stuck up kid who just caught him mud-wrestling a Yungoos.

Eevee and Gengar held him back by his jacket, the little traitors. He hand raises them and this is the thanks he gets? They would allow him to be disrespected by this Yungoos without a fight? Clearly, they've been spending too much time with Jiang Cheng and his incessant nagging. Wei Ying loved his brother, but he lived his life on the straight and narrow too much--what's life without a bit of trouble?!

Trouble, this time, took the form of a thieving Yungoos taking his sandwich.

Did he have others? Yes. Did he need that back? No. The sandwich was filthy now, he couldn't even eat it. But no little rodent was gonna steal from Wei-gege and get away with it that easily… unless his Pokemon have something to say about it.

Wei Wuxian tugged at his jacket. "Hey, come on! Heel! Sit! Lemme at him!"

Eevee shot him a truly unimpressed look and didn't loosen her jaw in the slightest. Ok, fair. Wei Wuxian has never once taught his Pokemon any commands to follow so he probably sounded like a madman screaming orders at them. But still! She understood him! He knows she did! Show some filial piety here, girl!

"Fine!" Wei Wuxian groaned, shoulders sagging in defeat. "Fine. Let me go and I won't do anything. On my honor."

This time, his whole team shot him judgemental looks. Mimikkyu even stuck his fake head out from inside the bag to judge him with beady little fake eyes. They weren't even his real eyes and Wei Ying could still feel the judgement rolling off of them!

What is up with that?! Zero respect, he gets zero respect!

"I won't!" he insisted. "Besides, what are you gonna do? Hang onto me forever?"

Eevee looked like she was considering it, but she followed suit when Gengar reluctantly loosened her grip.

"Thank you," Wei Ying said calmly, being the bigger person. "See? I won't do anything. On my honor, I won't."

And he really wasn't going to. He reached into his pack to grab another sandwich, to prove to this Yungoos that he wasn't any broke bitch and could afford his own food without having to steal it from unsuspecting travellers.

...But then he heard a derisive sniff come from the Yungoos. The little creature actually scoffed at him!

"Got something to say?!"

Yungoos only sniffed again and… turned his tail at him?! Showed Wei Ying his ass-end?! Disrespected him in front of his own children!

Oh. It was ON.

He thrust his bag at Gengar and jumped into the fray before any of his team could react.

Sorry guys, he never had much honor anyways.

---

“What are you doing?”

Wei Wuxian freed himself just enough to look up towards the source of the question. He found a boy dressed in pure white staring down at him with a pinched expression.

“Nothing much?” Wei Ying replied, managing to free his shoulder from the sharp jaws digging into his flesh and face slam the screeching Yungoos into the dirt. “Why do you ask?”

The boy’s expression only became more pinched. “Let the Pokemon up, please.”

Wei Ying suddenly realized how this must look from an outsider’s perspective.

“Hey, hey! Listen! He started it!” But he let the Yungoos go anyways. The little demon hissed and ran towards the boy in white who easily plucked the little creature up and checked him over. Oh sure, now it was docile. Determining that it wasn’t truly injured, the boy set the Pokemon down.

Watching Yungoos race off, Wei Ying asked, “Hey… he wasn’t, like, yours, was he?”

The boy shook his head and Wei Ying sighed in relief. At least he could avoid that earful. Though, the boy was still looking at him like he was dirt beneath his pristine boots--which, considering the state of him right now, was kind of fair...

Well! No time like now to make a new friend, then! As soon as this boy spent some time with him, Wei Ying was sure he would be able to wipe this horrid first impression clean from his mind!

...Which could be hard to do if the boy left.

Wei Ying hopped to his feet and gave chase. He couldn’t let this boy leave until he’d at least gotten the chance to explain! He couldn’t lose out on a potentially interesting friend because of a stinking Yungoos. He heard the pitter-pattering of little feet following after him, letting him know that his team was right behind him.

“Hey, wait up!” Wei Ying called out. When the boy didn’t stop, he tried again. “Either you stop or I’m grabbing your perfect white jacket with my muddy, muddy hands!”

The boy halted and turned to grimace at Wei Ying. “What is it?”

Wei Ying wasted no time. “I’m Wei Ying, courtesy name is Wuxian. And you are?”

The grimace got deeper, but apparently the boy was too polite to not answer him.

“Lan Zhan. Courtesy name is Wangji.”

“Cool name!” Wei Ying admired. “You can call me Wei Ying. Or XianXian. Or even A-Xian, if you’d like.”

The boy nodded. “And you may call me Wangji.”

Ouch.

“Lan Zhan rolls off the tongue much better!” Wei Ying pressed on, undeterred.

“Wangji is just as easy to say,” his new pal insisted.

Stingy! Wei Wuxian was sure that even Jiang Cheng wasn’t this prickly! At least his brother would try to get along with anyone who wanted to befriend him. This guy was obviously giving off some very strong “Do Not Breathe Near Me, Filthy Mortal” vibes.

Well! Unfortunately for him, that only made Wei Wuxian more likely to suck in all the oxygen around him! Back home, they called him the world’s most loveable menace (or at least his sister had)! He wouldn’t be giving that title up easily! This boy could obviously use a friend and some lessons in chilling out and Wei Ying would happily provide them for him.

Plus, it didn’t hurt that, objectively, this was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen in his entire life. Wei Ying would like to think he was good looking for a kid and no one in his family was ugly by any means, but this guy blew them all out of the water! Skin as white as alabaster and as smooth-looking as jade! Features that looked as if they were carved by a master sculptor working on his magnum opus! Long, inky hair flowed with every step he took! Thin, pale lips with no sign of dryness or imperfection! Groomed, broad shoulders, narrow hips, long legs, tall, well-dressed! He was like a prince out of a fairytale!

And Wei Ying bet that he’d be even prettier with a genuine smile on his face! Though, that wasn’t to say that the look of mild-disdain he was giving Wei Ying now took away from his attractiveness in the least.

He was entirely fascinating! And Wei Ying was definitely staring!

“Well,” Lan Wangji sniffed, turning to leave yet again, “If that’s all then…”

Shit. Wait. He hadn’t at all managed to redeem himself! All he had done was give his name, annoyed the kid more, and stared at him like a creep. Wei Ying hurriedly wracked his brains for something to keep the boy around. Somehow, that translated into him frantically looking around the area looking for something more to talk about. It was then that he noticed….

“OH MY GOD! You have a Glaceon?! Did you evolve her yourself? Oh, look at her!”

Wei Ying didn’t even give Lan Zhan a chance to respond, lunging forward and scooping up Glaceon and swinging her around, making sure to get a good look at her from all angles..

“How did you already get her evolved, you can’t be too much older than me! Eevee, are you seeing this? Evolve into this, she’s so pretty! Woah! Her fur sparkles! What?!”

Lan Wangji cleared his voice sharply, grabbing Wei Ying’s attention.

“He doesn’t like to be touched by strangers.”

Wei Ying felt his fingers go icy-cold. He looked down at his hostage and only caught a glimpse of Glaceon’s glare before yelping at the feeling of sharp claws raking across his cheek.

---

“It’s very minor frostbite,” Lan Zhan told him, “You should recover fully within a day. The scratches should also heal without scarring, they were very superficial.”

He was gentle as he finished applying some antibiotic to Wei Wuxian’s cheek.

"Thanks. For bringing me to your medical bay and for the help. And sorry for scaring your Glaceon."

Lan Zhan nodded his acceptance of the apology and started to pack up the supplies. Wei Ying laughed awkwardly, never any good with silence.

"So your brother's the gym leader, huh?" Wei Ying had gotten to meet Gym Leader Lan Xichen and was embarrassed that he hadn't made the connection until he saw the resemblance between the two brothers. He had helped both boys to the medical wing when Lan Wangji had dragged a bleeding Wei Wuxian onto his doorstep. He was as kind and serene as people said he was, even if he had looked close to cracking once he'd heard the full story.

"Yes. You are here to challenge him, correct?"

And, technically, he was right. Wei Ying and his brother had both set out to challenge trials and gyms, trying to get as many as they could. It was a trial a lot of young trainers underwent and there was no way Madam Yu would ever allow her children to skip it. If they were going to do this, they would do it right! Or so help her, lord….

But now that Wei Ying had seen Lan Xichen's lineup, he was starting to wonder whether or not he should wait. He didn't even know where he'd even begin with a Wailord, how does one take down something the size of two whole houses? That thing could fit a city on his back! The only thing he could imagine might work would be to have Pachirisu zap the water and that was dangerous on so many levels! Even Wei Ying wasn't that reckless, no matter what his reputation was! He wasn't looking to die die. And, well, not to mention that it may not even work--Pachirisu could hardly produce a bolt that strong yet.

Of course, it didn't hurt that the longer he waited, the more time he'd have to get to know Lan Zhan, who only got more and more fascinating the less he talked to Wei Ying. And he really did not want to talk to Wei Ying. At this point, the ever-silent Lan Wangji was practically the most curious thing on the planet!

"I don't know," Wei Ying said with a shrug. "Hey, maybe I'll stick around, see the area. It's beautiful landscape and I'm something of an artist! Maybe… you could show me around?"

Lan Wangji looked like he enjoyed that idea as little as Wei Ying had expected him to. It took everything in his power to not laugh at the sour face the boy was pulling. His face could really get stuck that way at this rate!

Lan Wangji opened his mouth to--presumably to tell Wei Wuxian to get lost and die (probably in much more polite terms but with the same meaning)--when a melodious voice interrupted their conversation.

"If Mr. Wei truly is so taken by our humble little corner, you are naturally welcome to stay as long as you like. We have more than enough empty rooms in this compound," Lan Xichen offered generously as he entered the room with quiet, graceful steps.

"R-Really?!" Wei Ying cannot say he was expecting this outcome. He knew that Gym Leader had probably found him cute enough for a kid, but not enough that he’d want to invite him willingly into his home! Expecially with how much his brother obviously hated him.

Lan Xichen nodded though. "Of course! Presuming you show me the art you produce. I consider myself something of an artist too, you see."

"Brother…" Lan Zhan protested, his voice flat and filled with disapproval, but he was silenced by a single smile.

"Wangji, show Mr. Wei around, will you? Maybe he can even help you on your task.”

"That is not necessary," Lan Zhan cut his brother off as quickly as possible, clearly trying to nip that idea off at the bud.

Too late, Wei Ying heard that.

"Gym Leader Lan, you're as good as they say! I'll be happy to share any of my sketches!" Wei Ying thanked the big brother before turning to hound his new friend (and they would be friends. Wei Ying would get to know this kid if it killed them both).

Lan Wangji’s expression couldn’t be called a sneer, per se. But Wei Ying had a feeling that it was as close as the other boy had ever gotten to sneering in his life.

Excellent.

"Hey, I can help with your task! I'm actually pretty strong, you know. And, more importantly, I'll literally do anything! Nothing is too lowly for me, I have zero use for pride! No need to be embarrassed, just ask away! What do you need? Hey, don't ignore me! I'm saying I can help! Hey! HEY! Lan Zhan, wait for me! I'm coming too!"

Glaceon hissed at him as he made to follow Lan Zhan out the door. Wei Ying happily ignored him.

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roughentumble · 5 years

Text

i watched the poughkeepsie tapes and, ignoring everything else about it, i seriously legitimately at the end of the movie went "huh, thats a cool twist. the serial killer is the one making the documentary," but i cant.... find anyone else saying as such online

like!!!!! to me, it makes so much sense. the obsession with filming, the occasionally odd interview questions("do you [admire him]?", the entire interview with Cheryl), the fact that he's already proven to be someone who taunts the police and likes to insert himself/make his presence known somehow, it feeds into how "intelligent" and "good at hiding his tracks" they said he was, it adds a beautiful layer of irony at the end when the cop is like "man when yr documentary comes out we're gonna be watching the theaters, he'll come see it, mark my words," it explains why there was so much graphic footage that would NEVER be allowed in a documentary, and it could also explain the MISSING TAPES(he kept some of them in order to have footage for the documentary)

also i figured at the end, either cheryl's death was faked and then he went and picked her up(although that seems a bit elaborate), OR she did actually kill herself, because he left AGAIN and didnt take her AGAIN and she was too devastated to handle it.

plus, if he's that vain and intent on documenting his story and his crimes WITHOUT getting caught or revealing personal information, then surely a long movie where you hear about all his crimes, step-by-step, and also all the cops are admitting that he's a genius who gave them the run-around and saying they might never find him, where we learn nothing about who he is in the slightest except that he was so good at murder, would be pretty appealing to him.

so like you can imagine my surprise when i dont see ANYONE else mentioning it lmao. so after that i gave it another thought.

admittedly, it does raise a few issues.

1) the cheryl interview. the weirdness of some of the questions couldve just been awkwardness in the face of someone so clearly and extensively traumatized. she didn't fall over herself with joy about how "you came back for me!!!" but with how hardcore he trained her, i think he could easily get her to act like she doesnt know him. in general, her acting here works for being read as both "abuse victim and no other reason" and "youre pulling a con and im in on it but i dont know the plan and im Flighty and Nervous(and also an abuse victim)."

the "i dont know what you want me to say," is completely applicable whether he's the killer or not. she's either saying "i dont have an internal barometer yet for what answer you specifically are looking for from me, so i dont know what to say," or shes saying "im frightened that if i answer that im happy to be home youll be mad at me for saying i missed it, but if i say im not happy to be home itll make your documentary unconvincing, you didnt fill me in on what you wanted from me(possibly on purpose to distress me) and im scared of the repercussions of me making the wrong choice." the stuff at the end about how she loved him makes just as much sense if its not the killer, but when i saw it i read it as a semi-coded message. "i love him(you), and i know he(you) will sweep me away from here soon, *makes heavy eye contact with the camera man*"

2) the mother didnt recognise him, and no one recognised his voice from the tapes. this ones a big sticking point, but if hes so meticulous at preparing crime scenes and has such a wide array of tools and "toys", he must have a decent amount of time and money on his hands, so he couldve possibly hired a dude off, idk, craigslist to interview the mom. as for his voice, he was only ever shouting and growling in the tapes, but the interviewer was very quiet and softspoken whenever he did speak. possibly that was enough to make him sound different? he was shown using sign language at one point, so maybe he hired an interpreter and signed questions to obscure his voice, so the voice we hear when the interviewer speaks would actually be the interpreter's voice.

3) i guess, thinking about it, documentaries usually have a whole crew, not just the guy doing the interviews but a lighting guy and a sound guy and a camera guy and an editor... but again, he doesnt lack the resources to do time-consuming and expensive tasks, so i dont have a hard time believing he'd be able to cobble together a small crew, just bare-bones enough to technically function.

actually, if he had something to mount it on, he wouldnt need anyone to hold the camera, and he could set up the lights and sound himself before he starts each take. and i cant imagine he'd let anyone construct his magnum opus except himself, so he'd do the editing. itd be work, but he could probably pull off being a 2 man crew(him+either an interpreter, or a craigslist interviewer.)

4) if he did, indeed, take the missing tapes in order to use them in the documentary, then as soon as it was played somewhere, theyd find out this was previously unseen footage and theyd know he was the killer. BUT if he gave them fake info and didnt leave any dna, they might not be able to find him. BUT ALSO itd be nearly impossible for them to not get him on surveillance footage, so he'd have his image spread around like wildfire. but then again, this issue could be solved by just saying "ok he used footage from the tapes in police custody. the other ones were special, possibly mementos or future breadcrumbs to taunt the police with."

idk. idk!!!!! i think my theory holds up. i think it makes a lot of sense, and also its literally the only reason i can think of that such graphic scenes would EVER be allowed-- or put-- in a documentary... because he doesnt care about censors or ratings(like pg-13 sort of ratings) or legality. all he cares about is showing off and preserving his legacy. he led the cops to the house because he wanted them to see the tapes, yaknow?? he wanted someone to see them.

like!!! the interview segments, while not perfect, were good enough that i felt more than a little jarred when we just straight up saw mr. serial killer decapitate someone. and not, like, a good jarring, like how horror movies are supposed to be upsetting. it just brought me out of the experience and felt so fake it was almost goofy. it was preposterous. (and also the effects were a little cheesy/plasticy in that scene, so that didnt help.)

a regular editor, putting that clip in, unblurred? who. who on gods green earth would ever do their job that poorly

a vain serial killer who wants people to see his creepy snuff films putting in that unblurred clip? extremely logical. makes sense.

#long post tag #very long post tag #sorry for how long this is yall #the poughkeepsie tapes #i just. idk for some reason i literally thought #not just that it made sense but that it was CANON #i didnt think it was subtext i thought it was text. i was so confused when wikipedia didnt mention the Big Reveal

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its-warm-in-here · 6 years

Text

To Err is Human ch1 (Connor RK800 x Reader)

Ok so I haven't posted anything I’ve written since 2013 so please don’t be to harsh, but DBH got my creativity flowing again.

Summary: You are one of the head designers of the RK800 and when you here it’s going to be decommissioned, you make a move to keep at least on of the models in tact. Word Count ~1,000

“You can’t just decommission the entire product line,” you snapped your head of research. Bill Stanerford was a portly man with kind eyes, and--up until this point--you thought he had your best interests in mind.

“I wasn't planning on shutting the whole thing down, but the development of the RK900 was rushed along due to the success of your prototype,” Bill tried to explain, his overly active body language starting to get on your nerves.

You scoffed. “The RK800 was never intended to be just a prototype. It was supposed to be integrated all across the U.S, it was you who pushed it into just Detroit with deviant programming.”

“You know full well that was not my decision!” he smacked his hand down onto his desk. “You have the template for the most advanced Android that CyberLife has ever come up with and while you were field testing it, another development team worked on its successor due to how well it performed.” He squeezed the bridge of his nose, moving his thick rimmed glasses up and down. “This is how things work here.”

You opened your mouth to protest but were silenced by his open hand, so instead settled for a sour look on your face. “We are always working towards the future and that does not slow down because your Android, that stopped the uprising in Detroit, didn't get the mass production that you were hoping.”

There was a moment of silence as you were unsure if you were allowed to speak yet, when Bill didn't say anything you took a deep breath and added, “The RK900 was constructed without my knowledge all the while using my design. It wasn't my team that did it. My design was handed off to another team without my permission. That isn't some kind of violation here?”

Bill went back to pinching his nose bridge. “You know that it's not. All designs all property of CyberLife, not the individual.”

“So there's nothing I can do?”

“We can try and file a complaint with HR to see if we can get your name on the patent for the RK900 because it is based on your design but that would be it,” Bill heavily sat down into the desk chair.

You shook your head. “I guess I’ll try. There is just so much red tape...,” you ran a hand through your hair, “When are the 800’s scheduled for decommission?”

Bill wheeled the chair closer to his terminal and began scrolling thought what you assumed was a schedule. “The last Connor field model is set to return to CyberLife tonight and the remaining models will be recycled starting tomorrow.”

You sucked in a breath through your teeth, “CyberLife is that desperate to trash the old model huh?” you stood up and gave your blouse a quick tug, straightening it into its proper position and began to leave to office, adding over your shoulder, “Thanks for the heads up, Bill.”

You stepped out of the office, closing the white door behind you. Taking a shaky breath, you resisted the urge to punch the glass wall of the offices. You had given how many years of your life to this company? How much blood, sweat and tears into making this perfect detective? Only to have it all ripped away in an instant. Cyberlife had screwed you over in the past but nothing like this. You felt the pinpricks of tears start to form as you started to dart back through the pristine halls to your office. You avoided looking at a few of your coworkers who were glancing your way and dove into your office, locking the door behind you.

Sucking in a breath you slammed your hand into the desk, causing everything on it to wobble. “Damn it...” you cursed. You struck the desk again. “Damn it! They can't fucking do this to me!” you swept your arms over your desk knocking blueprints, pens and photographs onto the floor. You grasped the scream of your terminal ready to throw that to the floor. You lifted it up before you dropped it back to the surface and flopped into your chair, pressing your fists into your eye sockets.

You grit your teeth together so hard that it hurt and slowly regained your composition. Breathe in, breathe out. Fuck ‘em. Breathe again. You glanced slowly at the clock on your terminal. Nearly six. If the last model was arriving tonight, it would be here soon. You ran a hand over your face, trying to compose yourself. You may not be able to stop the destruction of your product line, but at least you could see it through to the end of it's tragically short run. Cursing CyberLife once more, you called down to the front desk.

“Thank you for calling CyberLife, this is Annie, how may I direct your call?” a bubbly voice answered on the other line.

Tapping the end of a pen on what was left of your desk, you gave your name, “I'm the head designer of the RK800 and the last field model should be arriving tonight. Could you please inform me when it does?”

“Of course Ma'am, call you back at this number?”

You agreed and tapped your pen harder against the table. Wait. That's the only thing you could do. Wait until you magnum opus walked through the doors to be destroyed. After everything the RK800 did, after how it had stopped the entire deviant uprising single handedly, they were ready to throw it away like hot garbage. CyberLife had screwed you over for the last time. Taking everything from you and spitting it back in your face in the form of the RK900. You ran a finger over your eyebrow to try and curb your stress.

You sat in the uncomfort desk chair for probably to long tap tap tapping that pen, your head in your other hand, racking your brain as to what to do. Write to HR was the most obvious course of action. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to submit the report.

The desk phone let out an unpleasant ring that caused you to jolt in your desk chair. You fumbled with the phone a moment, “Hello?”

“Miss? This is Annie from the front desk, you asked me to inform you when the RK800 arrived?”

Hearing this immediately caused your heart to beat a bit faster. “It's here? Could you please have it wait at the desk? I'll be down in a moment.” Wiping a hand down your face one last time, you exited your office to bid adieu to the RK800.

#detroid become human #dbh #dbh connor #connor rk800 #connor x reader #connor rk800 x reader #self insert #return to writing #o god im doing this again

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a-rat-and-a-blob · 6 years

Text

Drabble Arch: A Chimera’s Cry - Latching and Leeching

This is the sixth chapter of the story A Chimera’s Cry. If you want to read the previous chapters, go over to the fanfiction.net page! (link)

3 days. It would take 3 days to get it ready.

It's nothing more than a cave on the side of the shore, but it's far away from here and it's particularly hard to get in without my stretchy arms and legs. Those two alone made it perfect. I just need to fix anything that can go wrong, but it shouldn't be hard. That's always my job up there in Zaun. Fixing anything that could go wrong, vents, crimes, and all. Not really good at it myself, but I at least have experience.

However, as I look around the vacant sewer room one last time with only a bag of me and Scratch's stuff, trashbag beds and one sole lantern, I feel the dreading sense of sadness looming over my shoulder, like being in the dark and cold shade of a shadow. The empty room only echoed the creaking and dripping of pipes and nothing else. I hear the echoes in my dreams and I hear it when I'm awake. What would it be like? This place being so eerily silent as it is right now for days, months, years. Even Twitch stopped banging the door for insistence of being let in. I can barely hear him scream at intruders or cry at failures. This sewers has been my home ever since they died, yet even days before we would leave forever, I can't even recognize it. I somewhat missed it.

And yet look what happened. I've supported a psychopathic rat. I've went with his delusions of superiority. I've told myself a lie that he would ever get better. My parents have always told me there were good and bad people in the world. Right and wrong. Hero and villain. I've seen it myself. The chem baron that murdered my parents and now the rat that sees people as nothing more than tools. I used to be his friend. I used to call him a friend. He even plans to take over the world for crying out lo-

I suddenly feel a slight tug at my leg. I look down to find the brown rat looking up to me with a stained napkin. I smile as I hold Scratch up. "Aw.. Look at you! You finished breakfast and actually used your napkin this time," I shout happily. "Guess you're not just a typical dirty rat anymore, huh? You're a civilized rat!" I scratch behind ears. He giggles happily in comfort, dropping the napkin on the floor. It used to be Twitch's favorite scratching spot.

Once the scratching stopped, I place him down. I grab the napkin and throw in a separate garbage bag. "There. Just remember to put the dirty stuff in the bag, ok pal? Maybe if you keep this up, I'll buy you a bowtie. I bet you look cute in a bowtie!" Scratch just tilts his head, staring into me trying to translate what I said in understandable terms. I forgot he didn't know much about the surface. Not yet. Maybe in a safer note, he will learn more about it. He would learn how great people can actually be!

I grab a stick of green chalk and moved over to a wall with the lantern. I proceeded to draw a small, skinny, smiling rat on the boards with a scarf, some scars, and a chipped ear. I give him a small bowtie and a cute little top hat, and, for the finishing touch, I add a small monocle. "..And there!" I said in satisfaction. "See. That's you! There's the bowtie and the hat and the little fancy eye-thing. I think you would look like a refined gentle-rat if I do say so myself. Heh. Y'know... I have a large tie in the bag. I could show it to you if you want!"

"..........Uh. Scratch?" I look towards him and he sits there silent, not looking at the picture, but the many others on this wall. I even forgot the many stories told here. The many drawings we made together. The heroic tales of Blitzcrank and ZAC. The heroes up against villains from evil witches to robotic dragons. There was even the drawing of the two of us, looking to the sun, to the future, in our capes and super-suits, ready for anything that the world can dish out.

Scratch looks at me as we shared the wistful thought.

"Heh... We'll be leaving... but that doesn't we'll forget these now, don't we?"

The answer didn't comfort him. He looks down, forlorn.

Suddenly, I have an idea. I go to the bag that holds all of my stuff and take out an old camera. I used to hide this camera far away from Twitch as possible in the fear that he would break it. It was my dad's old camera, and he would take pictures of him and Mom all the time to show off in the house, but in secret, he would take pictures of me growing up.

"Hey," I call out to him. "Look at this." I showed him the pictures. "During my entire life growing up, my parents would take these pictures. They're me when I was just a child. There's me as a little cute bloblet in a petri dish with my parents caressing me and there's me sitting on my parents lap for a picture playing with some metal toy, I think I was trying to make it form Atomic man, heh, and there's me growing to the lengths of my dad! There's the wall where I would measure my heights for all the 10 years I've been with them. I never grew ever since that day.."

Scratch looks at the picture with wide eyes at the clearness of the detail and how real it looks. To think that ZAC was once that size.

"And.. maybe I should do the same with you. With these pictures. So we'll remember our first times together forever." I look over to the wall. "How about we start?" I grab the camera from him and posed for a picture. I aimed for the little drawing of us two in the sunset with our superhero capes. We worked on that together. "All you gotta do is line up the shot you see in this camera and press this button.."

Click!

"Lookie here Scratch. Our first photo," I whispered happily as I showed the phto to him. Pretty dim, but still works. "Now we can just put in on the wall with our new home."

Suddenly, I hear the faint ringing of the bells of Zaun. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Eight AM.

"Oh no. Guess I'm running out of time," I said as I got up. "Don't wanna leave, but.. I can't let Zaun get any worse! Heh. Besides, I need to deal with something.." I take out the ID of Mont Grimes, plagued by multiple dried bloodstains from the incident. Even the IDs presence haunts me and Scratch. I see him shivering and backing off as I revealed it from my substance. "Hey. I'm ZAC. I've dealt with monsters before. That's what heroes do, ok?"

I give the camera back to him. "Now. Remember the rules. No opening that door in any circumstance, y'hear? No letting anyone in. Just like those people are counting on me, I'm gonna count on you for one important task. I trust you to take pics of the best stories."

Scratch looks up in response.

"I'm trust your fine taste, gentle-rat! And I trust you to be my hero today! I can't wait to see what photos you take when I come back for lunch."

Scratch nods, smiling and holding his camera up firmly and proudly. I smiled.

"Good. Anyways. Gotta go, can't keep Zaun waiting! See you at lunch."

I leave the room before hearing the first clicks being made. I walk to the surface, lost in thought.

I stopped at the intersection between me and the path to Twitch's lair. I look the direction of his lair, still puzzled at the silence both in sound and emotion. I feel my first steps going in that direction, but I stopped. I was growing attached again, and I can't get attached to a delusional psychopath.

I walk to the surface and enjoyed the soothing sewer's silence.

The chaos would come back eventually, and I don't think I'd want to be here when it does.

I look at the ID carefully, eyeing the tan, brown haired man carefully through the dried bloodstains.

I didn't hear much about the metallic, crow creature in quite some time. I never heard any attacks happening in the surface. Maybe he's gone forever?

A chill reach my spine as I said that. I remember it quite clearly. The shattering of lights and the crumbling of buildings surround me.. It could attack again. Everyone felt it. The commercia wasn't the happy place it was before. Rarely anyone goes outside, and people often stray away from the darker alleys of Zaun. Rumors spread daily of the whereabouts of this crow-man and they begins to nest and fester in my mind like the plague they are. Rumor aren't exterminated until certainty is there. Until they see this creature's corpse.

This was my only lead, and possibly my only suspect; it would explain how someone could invade the high class commercias, and even if he was wrong, someone gets their ID back.

From the top of a building, I gaze up at the towers of the college of techmarturgy. Many people were eager to go in and learn from the many prestigious professors. I've never really been to school myself, but I had enough science in my life honestly.

As I move from crack to crack and through the pipes, I sense many unique emotions to the college. Some new coming freshmen were eager to start learning. Some were excited to do a project that they would claim would be their magnum opus.

I felt hope. Hope for a new and bright future. Hope for a nice life in the promenede or even Piltover. Hope to get their family out of the sumps. And hope that I would solve the mystery once and for all. I feel my pace going quicker and quicker as I go to the main office for their records.

As I begin to move further away from the students, the emotions become faded. They're now just echoes fading in the wind. I only hear the faint scratching of the pen and typing of the typewriter. I move deeper and deeper until I hear nothing.

I seep through the small cracks of the pipes and find myself hanging on the ceiling with shelves upon shelves of records below me. The only thing illuminating it all was dim lights that marked the doors, but it shouldn't be an issue. Sewers were always dark for me.

I let go of the ceiling and let myself land on the floor.

SPLAT!

The sounds echos through the wide room. I froze in place. I tried to hear the footsteps of people taking notice of my intrusion. None came.

With a sigh of relief, I begin to look at the letters marked on the shelves. It seems that it was marked by last name. I went over to the Gs...

Suddenly, I feel a sharp presence cutting through my skin. It was undeniably strong. The intensity flooding through me quickly, driving all senses and recognition away. What was it? Anger? Displeasure? Sadness?

I look into the direction of the aura and see the dim red light of a door.

I steered away from it, running as fast as I can to find "Grime" on the shelves and hide in safety. I all over to scour for it.

"Gm.. Gn.. Go... Gr.. GR!"

I jump at the sight of finding and scour the folder. The aura became much stronger. I felt my fists clenching. My head heating. I slam the files around the shelves to search for it, but I also notice someone else. Someone who's.. quiet. And unflinching. Cold. His emotions were faint, but I could see it. There were two of them.

At long last, I finally found Mont Grimes. I slammed the file on the floor. I couldn't hear the echoing sounds anymore. All I could hear was anger and resentment. They were nearing the door.

I glance at the folder and it had a big red stamp that said "Expelled". I look at the files and switched between them one by one. Grades, Attendance, Projects.

"CREAK!"

The door opens. All the lights on the ceiling were turned on. I took the paper at the top and shoved the folder back in its spot. I quickly ran, avoiding their line of sight and tried to make as little as a sound as possible. Once that was done, I seeped into a crack on the floor for hiding..

"WE MUST DO SOMETHING HEAD MINISTER! They're going to blame us for this monster!"

"I know professor. You need not remind me of Grimes."

"When all of our efforts to make this a reputable college is on the line? Disasters in the sumps isn't our business. Anything can happen in the sumps, but.. THIS! The higher ups will know. The students talked about it now."

"Enough."

They were still conversing. I had time. I pick up the page concerning projects I dropped by my side and read.

"Mont Grimes was an ambitious and exceptional scientist, but too ambitious. His latest projects consisted of merging alchemy and technology in ludicrous ways. He saw in animals heightened senses that could be proven useful to humans. He researched a lot on Singed and imagined what would happen if he could change the forms and senses at will, but because of mutated animals and contamination of the promenede sewers, he w-"

"SIR!" the professor shouts, much closer now. I dropped the paper and went back into my deep crack, watching from the faint light. "I found a missing piece."

"Well.. thank heavens. Give me that." He grabs the papers and gives it to the head minister. They both walk away from my view. "We must leave no connection professor. The sooner we destroy all record of Grimes, the faster our hands will be cleaned..."

I hear a machine beep in the distance and then the paper shreds. Its fabric ripped easily ripped apart by steel. I flinch as it's eaten up.

"Good. I hope you're right. Minister," the professor says. The footsteps begin to sound more faint with each step. Then the lights were out. I run back to the file, and it wasn't there anymore.

I slump in the hollow vault, arms laying limp, with only the 6 red door lights accompanying me in the dark.

#ic #ZAC #Scratch #Mont Grimes #Drabble Arch #Drabble Arch: A Chimera's Cry #2473 words #2473 goddamn words #this was really long

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lenin-it-to-win-it · 7 years

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“we are so (thot) married”

i was bored so i decided to write a parody of the first chapter of my good comrade @theseerofdoomisunaltered‘s magnum opus “we are so (not) married”, if i have time maybe ill do the rest but no promises bc im a lazy inconsistent bitch lmao

*****************************************************************************************************

hizashi was fuckin PISSEd!

he was angery and is upset bc shouta THAt dumB THOT had gone and goetten himself injured AGEIN!!!! he hadnt sleeped in 69 hours (hehe) bc he was 2 busy gettin turnt with tha bois (painkillers and mowten dew) and had goten into a fite with some villens (fourth graders) bc they sed cats were lame.

showta got carried by on a stretcher and hibachi pissed himself and not even in the kinyk way. paremdedics kept hziashi from geting close to the stretcher or the room shota is carreid into. “shit boi u fam?” a nurse asked.

“no’ mic sobbed loudly. “we;r emore like,, friends wtih benefits? as in, i beneFIT this dick up his ass ayy lmao” he lamaoed thru his tears.

the nurse kept askieng quetions but hizashy was sobbing too loudely to hear so he just said yes bc why not its good enouff 4 improv rite? the nurses let haizashi pass so he RAN into shotuas room, screming so loudly he killed like four people and a dog.

shoauta looked like he’d gotten fucked by knife dicks in all six holes at once. one of his legs was being held together with silly string and glue (aizawa was sniffing the bottel) and he was covered in blood and helo kitty bandaids. to put it simply he looked fine as fuck and mic was super fuckign horny for him but his teeers killed his boner

“mike u ignoernt slut ur so fcukin loud” aizawa moaned, taking a big hit from the glue bottle.

hizashey wanted to screm but he didnt want to get sued for murdeer again like last time so he kept his mouth shut by tenderly taking the glue bottle from aizawa and shovig it up his own ass.

“wat, arent u gonna offer me some simpathy sex?” aizawa asked raiesing an eyberow.

“maybe later” hixzashy wept sobbily. “right now im too full of emotion and ass glue to present my mic up ur bootyhole.

aizawa tenderly patted mic on the cheek with his scotch-taped cock (cock tape) and then licked the tears off his nuts. “its all good in the hood”

“All is N OT good in the hood you jelly filled fucknut!” mic screamed tearfully and angrily. “what if u are is DIED??? then the two of us could never cha-cha real smooth again!??? HOW COD U DO THIS TO MEH>???? IF U DIED,,,,,,” hizsahy cried and nutted at the same time “i’d die 2 bc my gay ass cant fuckien drive but its too far to walk 2 school so id try yo drive anyway and id crash the car and die and it would be ALL UR FOLT!!!!”

aizawa just rolled over in the hosptial bed and ripped his hospital gown open,e xposing his lush bird nest of chest hair and supple pink nips screaming out for slurpage. “ur so dramatic” he whsiepred seductively. “why dont u quit the shakespeare and start suckspeareing me off?”

hizashy wiped away his tears and got to succking. the nurse walked in as hizashi was giving aizawa some eraserHEAD if u know wat i mean. she crumbeled some paperwork into balls and threw them at mic and them stormed off.

“FILL THOSE OUT YA GODDAMN TWINK”

mic fillde out the paperwork with aizawas pen(is) and tehn tenderly cradeld aizawa in his arms (carefully cupping his nuts for protecktion of course) and got on the roomba he used insted of a car bc his gay ass never learned how 2 fuckin driev. “vrroom vroom bitch” he said as they sped away at a blistering pace of .005 mph from the hospital. “the ass-magnet 9000 is in motion fuckers!”

‘take me 2 taco bell” aizawa whined. “i hav some casual craigstlist sex solicitors to meet for dinner tonite”

“NO CASUAL CRAGESLIST SEX UNTIL U RECOVER FROM UR INJURIES!” hizashi screamed. “IM GONNA TAKE CARE OF U, U BIG SALTY BABY” hizashy was super mcfuckin gay for aizwa so watching him get fucked the hell up and then just want to immedetly get back on the plow horse (so to speak) and jump into th e casual craigslist sex wasnt fun.

hziashi did a sick ollie off his roomba and knocked the door down with his throbbing erection only to promptyl start sobbing when he got a dick splinter.

“u dum fuck thats wy u shoud go thru the door like a normal person” aizawa grumbled as he sucked out the dick splinter. “for fucking out loud even that 5 dollar thottie ALL MIGHT, SYMBOL OF PEACE TM goes thru doors like a normal person.” shouta thought for amoment. “well except for the one time at that christmas party in april,,”

“well YEAH but if i didnt kick down the door dick first wat kind of pro hero wold i be?” hizashi protested

“one wihtoout dick splinters”

“ya ok tru”

hizashy threw aizawa over his shoulder like a thicc sack of poatatos and caried him 2 his lightning mcqueen racecar bed where they made the sekcs for 35 seconds before aizawa fell asleep. mic, exhausted from the hwole dick splinter fiasco, fell aslep too, resting his head on shoutas soft pillowy ass.

he woke up the next morning when nemuri broke down his door and started kicking his ass “HIZASSHI YOU STUPID BITCH HO W D ARE U GET MARRIED WITHOUT ME????”

tensei, who had been wheeled in in a weelbarrow, slapped mic in the face with one of those rubber stretchy extendy hands that he carried around for that express purpose. “YEAH YOU WHORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BRIDESMAID DAMMIT I ALREADY HAD MY OUTFIT ALL PICKED OUT I WAS GONNA WEAR THIS DANK ASS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COSPLAY AND U FUCKERS R O B B ED ME OF MY HAPPINESS”

“wat in the fresh hell are u talkign about?” hizash asked confusedly.

tensei whipped out his rose gold iphone 69 and hsowed hiszashi a news report that said “THEY GAY BITCH” followed by a picture of mic and aizawa doin the scooby dooby doo on the hospital bed.

“Everyones shook af by the news that screme mcmeme, also known as president michael, and iceicezawa are married!” the report said. there was a picture of one of the paramedics mic had accidently murdered with his screaming. before dying she had apparently tweeted to the news and told them that mic had said YEAH when she asked if he was married to the patient shoota and so now everyone in the world new they were gay and thogth they were married!!!

some ppl like tensei and nemuri were happy (about the marriege anyway, in general tensei wasnt happy bc his twitter had got hacked and the entire internet could see his turbo-nudes and his ingeniDONG) but there were some bitch ass hos that were not plesed with this developement.

for example endevor had posted in the yuotube comments of a video entirely unrelated to the marraige thing “these daM hOME OF SEXAULS keep ruinging eeverything with their GAY AJENDA!!!! my son looked at a Gay once and hes fuckin gay now, thx oBamA!!111! THIS IS THE FUTERE LIBERALS WANT!11! present mic?? more like present CUCK!!1!”

hizashi dropped the phone. how was he gonna explain this to the internet? how was he gonna explain this to shouta?!?????

tune in next week for more fuckery, i can probably get this done in three chapters lol, if not three then DEFINITELY six, it sure would be wild if it ended up being nine chapters huh lamao

#bnha #erasermic #tag yourself im present cuck

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stevecanmakeanythingnerdy · 7 years

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RANDOMRECORDWORKOUTSPRINGTRAINING2017 Session 10 Queen: Jazz Time: 45 minutes Songs: 13 Calories burned: 337 calories per song: 25.92 Calories per minute: 7.49 Scouting Report: Ok, by show of hands: who here does NOT know who Queen is/are/were? If you raised your hand, please show yourself out. Get out. Get. Out. Right the f#*% out. Jazz is the seventh studio album by the British rock band Queen, released in November 1978. The first album produced by Roy Thomas Baker since he had co-produced their 1975 album A Night at the Opera. The album's varying musical styles were alternately praised and criticized. Jazz has sold over 5 million copies to date. You know why? Because it is Queen!! And at a great time in their career! They were full swing and at the top of their games. They should be named King (#seewhatididthere)! The magical front-man wizard known as Freddie Mercury (the best in show biz if you ask me) begins our operatic adventure. "Mustapha" is perhaps an homage to Freddie's home? It is a brilliant mathematical rocker. "Fat Bottomed Girls" is of course the high charting single you will recognize. Also the theme song for many bar going women everywhere...at least in my experience. It is kind of disturbing, actually and sort of makes cringe a little inside. It s a quick, radio friendly gem though. About as classic rock as you can get with a line like " Get on your bikes and ride!" The next song, "Jealousy" is more of a ballad salad. On a diet after the heavy rock sauce from previous. Pretty, pretty, etc. "Bicycle Race" is up next. Personally, I feel as though this song should follow "Fat Bottomed..." Simply because of the aforementioned bikes line. Huh? Yeah? You hear/see it now, right? No matter. THIS is the reason to own this album in my opinion. An almost punk rock Billy Joel. Such harmonies and range. And hey!!! Who DOESN'T like Star Wars, Freddie?!!?! WTF, dude. Just kidding. Brian May's guitar are immaculate conceptions here (#seewhatdidthere). Sister tones (?? Is that a thing??) to Pink Floyd if you ask me. That is followed up with the return of Kansas level rock, with "If You Can't Beat Them". Perhaps Yes, even. Yes the band, not the affirmative actions. Multi-level harmony and vocal prowess too. Side one ends with a mildly forgettable track called "Let Me Entertain You" -written specifically by Mercury for the audience. Side two opens with "Dead On Time". Perhaps a lesser known but certainly overblown track full of sweet (suite?) and sour moments. I think this is where The Darkness learned a few tricks. A cacophony of harmonies. Written by May, it contains some very impressive guitar work. The song ends with the sound of a thunderbolt, followed by Mercury screaming "You're dead!" The thunderbolt was actually recorded by May on a portable recorder during a vicious thunderstorm. The album's liner notes humorously credit the thunderbolt to God. "In Only Seven Days" is a song about making you a man from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Just kidding. (#seewhatididthere). Actually, it is a soft and subtle showcase of this ban's amazing range. There is literally no one like them. They can practically pull off anything. "Dreamer's Ball" follows and has an almost vaudevillian vibe. Good old ragtyme jigs. The next two tunes are "Fun It" and "Leaving Home Ain't Easy"- both mediocre and filler. And I am not just saying that because "Fun It" has disco undertones...which now that we are on the subject; gross Queen. Just... Gross. Gross in that it is disgusting use of your talents, and gross in that it is negligent for the protection of your listener's ears. It's fine though, because they recover with "Don't Stop Me Now"- one of Queen's most famous songs. It s a piano driven rocker, which Mercury was so good at live. Basically, it might just be their "November Rain". Actually, it may be the inspiration for G 'n R's aforementioned chart topper...I fully expect G 'n R fans to chime in here and correct me if I am wrong. I feel as though Freddie probably was listening to a LOT of Elton John's Yellow Brick Road around this time. Finally, the album comes to an epic conclusion with "More of That Jazz". Hold up, hold up, this isn't jazz at all!! It's borderline metal! It does also humorously sample parts of other songs on the album. Pretty witty. Truly, this may not be the magnum opus for Queen's catalog, but it really is an excellent example of why they were and still are so revered today. Aside form a few duds here, Queen equals Quality and you could certainly do your ears a favor by listening. Queen "Bicycle Race" #RANDOMRECORDWORKOUT #RANDOMRECORDWORKOUTSPRINGTRAINING2017 https://stevecanmakeanythingnerdy.tumblr.com

#randomrecordworkout #randomrecordworkoutspringtraining #randomrecordworkoutspringtraining2017 #queen #jazz #bicycle race #vinyl #records #70's music #80's music #70s #80s

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atleastputinsomeeffortinuroc · 7 years

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Rant/Review: Powerpuff Girls D -or- Worse Than The Reboot

(Yes. This gif describes it perfectly. Plus, I didn’t want to disgrace the powerpuff girls’ very image with this shit. So there.)

Ok, I’m not going to lie. My initial plan for this rant was to do a full on review and rant about my gripes and bitterness towards an animated show everyone likes for some reason (which you’ll probably see in the near future,) but something happened.

And, uh…Ok. Before I start. You ever find something so dumb, stupid and hilarious that once you see it you find you’ve gotta tell EVERYBODY about it? Like it’s so incomprehensible to your mind about what you just saw that you’re left stunned and without words? But not in the good way? In the “What in the actual fuck” way?

WELL! GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!

I was doing my usual shit on the internet, minding my own business, when I just so happened upon an old webcomic I had read back when I was a younger kid. A little comic called “Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi” by a dude named Bleedman (who the Encyclopedia describes as a man who “shows little talent for drawing, and has no imagination when it comes to storytelling.”) I’m not going to lie to you, I remember having fond memories of reading that as a kid. A kid who didn’t know any better and thought that Mulan II was just as good as the first one. A kid who was honestly a moron. And still is a moron to some capacity.

I snorted and thought, “Hey. I’ve got nothing better to do. Let’s blow a couple hours and read this shit and bring back some good ol’ nostalgia, huh?”

That decision has changed me. For the better or for the worse, I can’t say. But let me tell you, this shitty web comic is both the stupidest and yet oddest reads I’ve had since I read “Face the Strange.” And it left me almost wanting to recommend it in some demented capacity just to see other people’s reactions to this weird ass shit.

Let’s back up, though. What’s this webcomic about? Well, you remember that show Powerpuff Girls? Remember how much you loved it before the reboot shat on it with outdated jokes and corporate memes? Imagine those three (well, I say those three but more of shells of their characters, but I’ll get into that in a bit,) in a city where every single cartoon character you’ve ever seen seems to exist…and in some generic anime plot and setting.

Yeah. That’s what I did with my day. I’m a REAL adult.

But what else do I even say? Already you’ve made a decision in your mind about whether or not your morbid curiosity is going to give this thing the time of day. Recommended or not. Plus, it’s over ten chapters and ten YEARS OLD. The man who is doing the comic I think is still working on this sunvabitch like it’s his magnum opus. Going at this thing in a single sitting will take the entire website’s bandwidth.

And yet, I still kind of want to go into it. Because, again, I think this crap is funny. (Though there is some shit that happened in the background that is honestly disturbing, but I’ll get to that when I get to it) Criticism or not, I do technically recommend it as this terrible reverse masterpiece of just…just pure shit, but only in a certain shaudenfruede kind of way. In no ways am I saying this is good. At all. I want to emphasize that.

So I’m gonna break it down by just using the first arc to highlight the kind of issues prevalent throughout this piece of shit’s run. (Arc being basically a kind of completed narrative structure that spans several comics with a beginning, middle and an end—YOU KNOW WHAT AN ARC IS.)

First arc is what I’m gonna call “The Introduction Arc.”

Also spoilers, I guess. But, y’know, who actually cares? This thing is a decade old.

Right off the bat. The instant you pull up the comic. You immediately know we’re up shit’s creek without a paddle. The art style is BAD. Like that generic anime bullshit art kind of bad. In fact, I’d go so far as to say this shit looks TERRIBLE. And it’s worse in the actual comic (which I won’t show you, save for the image I’ve already got set up.

And, what’s even worse, is that it starts off EXACTLY LIKE EVERY HIGH SCHOOL ANIME IN EXISTENCE. “OH LOOK! IT’S THE NEW STUDENT! THEY’RE WACKY AND DON’T FIT IN! BUT, WHAT’S THIS?! THERE’S A STUDENT WHO IS JUST AS WACKY AND DIFFERENT AS THEY ARE”—I’m not a fan of this kind of storytelling. Can you tell?

The Powerpuff Girls are going to a new elementary school in Megaville (because fuck Townsville, it’s not like supervillains were tearing that place to shit on the daily, am I right?) And, like I stated before, they’re new and don’t fit in. (Insert *wah wah* noise here.) They go in front of the class and introduce themselves in front of their pink haired teacher (who, fun fact, NEVER SHOWS UP AGAIN AFTER THE FIRST COMIC,) and announce themselves as the superheroes known as The Powerpuff Girls. And the class starts laughing their asses off at them. (I WILL BE COMING BACK TO THIS SCENE IN A MOMENT.)

Everyone’s laughing, save for one person. Dexter. You know. From Dexter’s lab. Because, like I said, this is a big fan fiction comic. Later in the day during Recess, he says hello and demands to see their powers if they are superheroes because, as he says, he just so happens to “be a superhero” himself.

…NO HE’S NOT. HE’S AN ASSHOLE.

Then, when Buttercup starts getting up in his face, he says “Perhaps you’d like to see a sample of my capability and to prove which of us holds true.”

And…no, I don’t really know what language he’s speaking either. Yeah, he wants to fight these guys, and that’s obvious, but what is that sentence even? To see a sample of my capability. So how capable you are of being a hero? How is throwing down going to prove you’re a hero? Is it to see their abilities (which was stated two panels earlier?) Ok. Sure. I get that part. But to see which of us holds true is what confuses me. What holds true? There’s nothing in question. Nothing needed to be proven true or false. You have said this in the most incomprehensible way imaginable. Now, I know what you’re thinking.

Why does this matter?

…Honestly, it doesn’t. I’m just making a needless mountain out of a small molehill, but still. That is a bad line of dialogue.

Ok. Back on track. Buttercup being buttercup wants to brawl with Dexter. And they do. In true, glorious and terribly drawn fashion. But how does Dexter fight a Powerpuff Girl wearing nothing but a backpack? Oh that’s easy. HE JUST PULLS A MUCH OUT OF HIS ASS.

SERIOUSLY. THE PAGE BEFORE, HE HAS HIS BACKPACK, WHICH ASSUMEDLY IS WHERE THE MECH IS IN, AND HE DOESN’T MOVE OR FLINCH WHEN BUTTERCUP COMES FLYING AT HIM, AND THEN SUDDENLY—BAM. MECH SUIT. BECAUSE FUCK YOU.

Anywho, the two start throwing down. Buttercup flying and fighting whilst Dexter in his “fuck you” mechsuit tries to land in a couple hits. And while I can complain about how the negative space and lack of backgrounds make it feel lazy and pointless to stretch the fight scene out to three or four pages, but I want to harp on something else.

Ok, so do you remember back when the kids earlier were laughing at the powerpuff girls for calling themselves superheroes? Well, guess how they reach to this shit?

The answer: THEY DON’T! THEY JUST SORT OF STAND AROUND AND WATCH AS THESE TWO (and later FOUR, when Bubbles and Blossom show up to help whoop Dexter’s ass) THROW DOWN. SO IF THEY’RE FINE WITH THIS SHIT HAPPENING AT THEIR SCHOOL, THEN WHY THE FUCK WERE THEY LAUGHING!? AND FOR THAT MATTER, HAVE THEY NOT HEARD OF THE CONSTANT SUPERHERO FIGHTING GOING ON IN TOWNSVILLE?! BUT EVEN IF THEY DIDN’T, THEY KNOW DEXTER. DEXTER WITH THE FUCK YOU MECHSUIT. THREE GIRLS WHO CALL THEMSELVES SUPERHEROES ISN’T THAT FARFETCHED WHEN COMPARED TO HIM AND HIS ANTICS. AND THEY KNOW OF HIS SCIENTIFIC ANTICS, BY THE WAY. THEY REFERENCE IT LATER. SO WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT SCENE ADDED EXCEPT FOR TO ADD TO THE STUPID ANIME TROPE THAT EXISTS GO FUCK YOURSELF JESUS CHRIST

…

…Ok. Ok, I’m back.

So Blossom and Bubbles join in the fight after Buttercup seems out-matched because they’re more powerful together with sisterhood and friendship or whatever bullshit over these white backgrounds that are lazy as shit. And then they release those little energy things at him, presumably to MURDER this motherfucker, when Dexter slams his hands down and does…something? I dunno. They never explain, but they just blow up a good chunk of the ground and knocks the girls on their asses. Dexter gets ready to fight some more when the gym teacher stops them.

Who is this gym teacher?

Samurai. Fucking. JACK.

But in the background, while he’s yelling at them for doing shit, evil forces are in the background “hidden” on a rooftop and state how the girls are “more powerful than I have ever dreamed them to be” and other cryptic bullshit. I say “hidden” because there’s this BIG FUCKING MECH BEHIND THIS DEMON LOOKING THING AND THIS LOLI MOTHERFUCKER. AND I’M SORRY, BUT NO. I DON’T CARE HOW FAR AWAY YOU THINK THAT SHIT IS, YOU’RE GOING TO SEE A MECH THAT’S THE SIZE OF A DAMN HOUSE FROM A MILE AWAY. ESPECIALLY IF THAT SHIT IS PINK. WHICH, Y’KNOW, IT IS.

The next thing is a “joke” issue where it’s this spin off about “oh, Buttercup watches too much anime,” even though it isn’t funny. At all. Like…there is no real punchline. Just a bunch of “lol so random” unfunny shit.

But anyway, enough of that. Back with the main plot. Jack calls the group of four into the…dojo that the school has for some fucking reason, also, why the fuck is Samurai Jack teaching a gym class when he’s supposed to be fighting fuckin’ Aku and saving the future? Wh-what ever happened to that shit? Doesn’t matter—ok, I’ll go fuck myself then.

Anywho, Samurai Jack is not happy with the PROPERTY DESTRUCTION AND NEAR LOSS OF STUDENT LIFE OUT OF WHAT WAS BASICALLY A DICK MEASURING CONTEST, but has decided to LET IT GO. BECAUSE THE GIRLS ARE NEW. And Dexter’s punishment? HE’S GOTTA SHOW THE GIRLS AROUND THE SCHOOL. BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT. (Oh yeah, and Courage the Cowardly Dog is Jack’s dog now. Because his previous owner gave him to Jack to help him feel better, but the owners never came back so Jack, feeling NO RESPONSIBILITY TO FIND THIS DOG’S OWNER OR FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THME AT ALL, decides ‘eh, fuck it. I got a dog now. (And, to be fair, at least Courage is away from Eustace, that asshole.))

And then suddenly, BAM! THE ART STYLE CHANGES.

And when you get there, you’re going to ask the same question I asked which I will just go ahead and answer for you. No, you’re still reading the same comic, and yes, the same dude is doing the art for it. He just changed up his style. And, y’know, to be completely fair, it isn’t THAT bad. It’s not GOOD. But it’s not a pain to look at.

AAAAANYwho, blah, blah, blah, exposition, exposition, exposition. Dexter just lays out that Jack is basically a ninja (which is WRONG. SAMURAI ARE NOT NINJAS YOU FUCK.) And we see another problem that the writer has. An overusage of ellipsis.

And I know that sounds like a bullshit claim coming from ME, but here’s the thing.

My ellipsis? They’re only three dots. I keep ‘em like that.

This guy uses……….twenty……..dots to…..explain……….breaks in………………………………………….dialogue.

It’s something that, whenever I see it, call out for being really juvenile in terms of writing technique. Just use three dots, dude. You aren’t writing a rant on Tumblr. This is a comic. Fan or not.

Anywho, Bubbles is playing outside and alone with Courage, when suddenly this HUGE ASS MONSTEROUS LOOKIN’ THING SHOWS THE FUCK OUTTA NOWHERE. LIKE, OK. LOOK.

You set up a certain tone and art-style. Mainly just some cutesy bullshit. BUT YOU DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, IMMEDIATELY PUT THAT NEXT TO SOME BLOODY AND GORY THING WITH SHARP TEETH AND CLAWS WITHOUT GOOD REASON. Some comics can pull this off, like if it’s a parody or a joke. Courage the Cowardly Dog pulled this off because its tone was always so off the wall and creepy. But PPGD doesn’t have that luxury. It’s a generic high school anime. And what’s worse, is that it’s takin this shit SERIOUSLY. So it’s just JARRING as hell.

Especially when the next scene is immediately Courage doing charades with Dexter, Buttercup and Blossom to tell them that some huge freakin’ monster is outside in another *wah wah* tone.

Anywho, again, OUTSIDE OF THE FUCKIN’ SCHOOL, THERE’S ANOTHER BIG FIGHT. ONLY THIS TIME, IT’S WITH SOME BIG ASS DRAGON LOOKIN’ THING WHOSE DESIGN IS SO HARD TO PIN DOWN THAT IT JUST BECOMES A MIX OF FLESH AND METAL AT THIS POINT. ALSO. I’M PRETTY SURE THAT THIS THING HAS A BIG METAL SPIKE WHERE ITS DICK IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

Anywho, Blossom topples over Dexter in, again, MORE ANIME BULLSHIT WITH THE BLUSHING AND THE “o-oh. I-I-I-I-I-I’m so sorry” CRAP AS BUBBLES IS ABOUT TO GET EATEN ALIVE BY THIS SPIKE DICK DRAGON MOTHERFUCKER.

Buttercup runs up to whip this thing’s ass when the dragon blasts her and then PRECEDES TO CHOMP INTO HER. WITH BLOOD BEGINNING TO SPUTTER OUT OF HER BODY.

WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BUTTERCUP IS FUCKING DEAD. (No she isn’t, obviously, but it’s just framed in such a way that you’d believe it.)

And then, right before Bubbles gets the same treatment, Dexter holds Blossom back as Jack leaps out of nowhere to slice that motherfuckin’ dragon to pieces. BECAUSE HE’S SAMURAI FUCKIN’ JACK BITCH.

AND HE SLICES THROUGH IT WITH HIS BLADE. AND BLOOD STARTS COMIN’ OUT OF THE STUMPS WHERE ITS HAND-MOUTH THINGS USED TO BE, and Buttercup wakes up in Jack’s arms and blushes. She’s now got a crush on him.

Because fuck you.

AND WITH THIS CHILD STILL IN HIS ARMS, AS THIS ARMLESS, SPIKE-DICKED DRAGON STARTS RUNNING TOWARDS HIM, JACK RAISES HIS BLADE AND PULLS THE ANIME SLICING BULLSHIT THAT YOU’VE SEEN IN EVERY ANIME AND MOVIE EVER. AND HE KILLS IT.

The day is saved…I guess? The kids look on from the windows, because the teachers I’m guessing DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT GETTING THESE JUDS TO SAFETY WHEN THERE’S A FUCKING DRAGON IN WHAT’S ESSENTIALLY THE SCHOOL’S PLAYGROUND.

Now. Who sent this dragon? Why was it made?

WHY IT WAS MOJO JOJO OF COURSE! WHO IS WATCHING FROM A DISTANCE. SPECIFICALLY A COUPLE FUCKING FEET, BUT THE OTHERS CAN’T SEEM TO FUCKING HEAR HIS MONOLOGUE DESPITE THIS OR ARE ABLE TO SEE THIS GREEN MONKEY WITH THE SWIRL HELMET WITH THEIR PERIPHERAL FUCKING VISION.

Another plan of his to destroy the powerpuff girls that, come to think of it, really did almost work it axing one of them, but was defeated through the power of anime bullshit. But before Mojo Jojo can escape without being seen, he’s stopped by that Loli from earlier. “Another powerpuff girl” (never explained as of ten chapters in) named Bell. And as she grabs Jojo by the throat, she tells him that her father wants a word with him as monsters surround her.

Monsters that, again, NOBODY SEEMS TO FUCKING NOTICE OR BRING UP DESPITE BEING IN A PUBLIC SETTING. LIKE. AT ALL.

And with that, that’s the end of the first two chapters and the conclusion of the first arc. And this is just the beginning, my dudes. It gets MUCH stupider.

Mandark is introduced. DeeDee is revealed to be DEAD. Like LEGIT FUCKING DEAD. AND DEXTER IS TRYING TO REBUILD HER WITH THIS BLOODY FUCKING ANDROID. AND THEN THE COMIC BECOMES THE DEXTER SHOW AS BLOSSOM IS KIDNAPPED AND DEXTER HAS TO NOW SAVE HIS WAIFU THAT HE TOTALLY DOESN’T THINK IS HIS GIRLFRIEND FROM MANDARK WHO HAS KIDNAPPED HER SO HE CAN KILL HER TO HAVE REVENGE FOR THE DEATH OF DEEDEE BECAUSE MANDARK LIKED DEEDEE, AND HE BLAMES DEXTER FOR HER DEATH, EVEN THOUGH TECHNICALLY IT’S HIS FAULT.

AND THEN INVADER ZIM AND GIR ARE INTRODUCED. AND GIR IS A GIRL NOW APPARENTLY? OH AND MEGAS XLR IS THERE. AND BILLY AND MANDY. AND A BUNCH OF OTHER CARTOON CHARACTERS THAT ARE JUST THERE BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT. X-J9 IS THERE FOR A LITTLE BIT. THE MEN IN BLACK ARE THERE. TEEN TITANS AND THE JUSTICE LEAGUE ARE REFERENCED (WHICH BRINGS UP A WHOLE NEW CAN OF WORMS LATER ON DOWN THE LINE.)

IT’S A MESS.

It’s a car wreck of different shit that’s trying to be this edgy high school anime with blood and death while also incorporating your favorite cartoon characters from EVERY channel imaginable in this cutesy anime art style, complete with terrible dialogue and action sequences.

And…it’s almost kind of funny? As you’ve seen, it’s frustrating to think about. But it’s that fun kind of frustrating, where you can’t just help but laugh at how STUPID everything is. And how DESPERATELY it wants you to take it seriously the instant it gets dark.

It gets relatively worse writing wise, as you’ve no doubt noticed with that whole shpiel about the Mandark arc. But the characters drift from being themselves to being this kind of former shell of their personalities until they’re completely unrecognizable. Dexter becomes this distant, tortured soul who has a thing for science. Blossom becomes the girl in distress as she’s tied to the hip with Dexter in wanting to understand him. Buttercup becomes a tsundere for Jack…because, again, fuck you. And Blossom is just…there.

Also GIR is there and gets annoying. REALLY. FUCKING. QUICK.

But aside from that…yeah, it’s fucking terrible. Nothing good in it. At all. No redeeming qualities to be found. I only recommend it if you’re interested in going down the rabbit hole and laughing all the way down as you do because it’s just so terrible that it becomes a ball to laugh at.

And that’s all I would have to say on the matter…except for one little, kind of EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THING. And that’s the writer and artist. And how he may or may not be a pedophile.

Now I didn’t know this going into it this time around, I only found out about it while reading up on who the fuck made this shit for this little thing.

Now the art-style itself doesn’t show anything REALLY pedophilic. (Nothing I haven’t seen done far worse in an actual anime that tries to save itself, anywho.) The most you get are a couple high-skirt shots that are more part of the action sequences. There’s a beach section that you are afraid might get REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE, but it doesn’t go that direction. They never get naked. There’s no sex. It’s all just a bunch of anime tropes. With Lolis. Only the Lolis are actually in elementary school. (At least, as of chapter 10. I haven’t read past that. Nor do I really want to.) My point is, it didn’t feel malicious. Stupid and terrible, but not malicious.

But I can’t say the same for the next thing I’m going to look at.

This may have been a fun, stupid and brain numbing romp through memory lane for me (with a couple disturbing realizations towards the end,) but it didn’t do anything that crossed the line into offensive and terrible shit. I don’t think anything I’ve talked about has gone that far. The closest of which being the Barbara thing in the Killing Joke adaptation. But even then...they never went this fucking far.

Within the pages of the infamous and dreaded “Grim Tales.”

To be continued…

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therainbowjen · 6 years

Text

soothe

How does one heartbreak soothe another?

Seems counterintuitive, right? One slighted me a little over a year ago with a bizarre form of deception, and the other broke up with me about 2.5 weeks ago. Wouldn’t those feelings build on each other, into a mounting self-depreciation pile? That’s what I️ thought until about an hour ago.

I️ was working on an intervention plan when my computer dinged and my phone buzzed. Assuming it was one of my girlfriends with a meme or two, or maybe my best friend checking in from California, I️ casually flipped my phone. My jaw physically dropped.

Man from over a year ago - man I️ spent years trying help mend - man I loved thoroughly, as a friend and lover - sent me a Facebook message.

Seems pretty normal, of course - unless you take into consideration that I️ had messages piled from 2015 from me to him in there. We had a running joke that he would never check his Facebook messenger links, so there’s scores of paragraphs of me writing to a hypothetical him - saying “hello, Grandpa, I️ hope you’re enjoying 2065” or generally writing crazy messages I️ knew he’d never read. A magnum opus for crazy girls of Facebook, which was apparently my flavor of the week despite the fact that I️ only spammed silly messages under the full understanding he would never, ever read them. He didn’t, apparently, until now.

I️ didn’t even remember sending the link I️ sent - t shirts of his favorite anime. An unassuming response from him, like “yes! And 20 years to go” [more of his show], I️ responded simply with “yup thought you’d appreciate it!”. I️ figured that was the end of that, so I️ flipped my phone back over and back to my intervention plan.

Buzz. Bing. My nose wrinkled. His name popped up again.

He then inquired about the clothing store I️ sent. Another polite response back - not disarming yet not particularly friendly, not itching for a chat, and certainly not desperate. Once again, flip, back to work.

Buzz. Bing.

Really? I️ thought. What is even going on? Why is he even trying now, I️ wondered. Questions seemed rapid and confusingly interested: how was I️, where was I moving after this, how was school, what kind of job are you seeking after this? I️ caught myself answering anyways, but in a going through the motions sort of way. If he really cared about me, he would of checked up on me way before November. He would have texted me happy birthday. How’s Philadelphia? How’s Syracuse? How’s D.C.? How’s your goddaughter? How’s your nephew? How’s Chicago? Congrats on the man, I’m sorry about the man. I️ am deeply saddened by your best friend’s father’s passing. Are you okay? You are not ok. Yet none of these things were ever dropped until this moment.

He asked me a flurry of questions - gave me answers to some of my polite ones towards him, and said goodnight while offering up his weekend plans as an excuse (“going to retreat (with Lifeteen) this weekend so that means no sleep!”). So jovial. So strange. I️ flipped my phone and stared at the wall, confused by the bizarre nature of it all.

No part of me hurt from the exchange. I️ wasn’t longing for his words, or for him to call me later, or even for some sort of emotional intimacy again with a man I️ know, without a doubt, that I️ loved.

And that is when I️ realized one heartbreak could soothe another.

I️ thought in the beginning, I️ had wasted years on him. I️ had loved someone who didn’t love me back, and I️ had ached without him. Yet now, here I️ am, laying in bed, typing this strange post and thinking, huh. There’s no pain. Something that used to feel omnipresent is gone now.

My most recent heartbreak? Yeah, it burns. It stings through my veins, radiating from my heart to the tips of my fingers, and sometimes I️ felt it more than ever. Yet I️ also have more moments of reprieve than I️ had last week - less moments where all I can do is perseverate on him - and less searing pain.

If I️ can get a message from a boy who I️ had loved unconditionally after a year of not talking and hardly feel a thing either way, I️ can stop hurting from this one too one day as well.

When I️ crawled into bed with this realization, I️ realized nothing hurt for a moment, and I️ let myself readjust to what my body is supposed to feel like - painless. Even if it was just for a second and a half, it’s truth in her glory:

I️ thought I️ would never stop hurting. I️ have. I️ can. And I️ will.

#personal

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