I'M UNWELL ABOUT LOOP imagine being trapped and so miserable you cry "help me, someone, anyone, I need help, someone save me!" And the universe listened and said "okay :)" and scooped you up and sat you down in front of a younger you and said "you want them to be helped? saved? then help them. save them." And you do your best but you couldn't save yourself so how are you supposed to save...yourself? But you try.
While you help your understudy, you watch them. It's hard to feel any sympathy for them (you've had it worse for longer why can't they just get over themself) and it's hard to feel anything but sympathy for them (you know, you know, you've felt what they're feeling and you know it hurts, you have to make it stop). But there's very little you can do aside from talk, so most of what you do ends up being teasing them, sometimes with more teeth than either of you expect.
And y'know what? While your help amounted to absolutely nothing*, the understudy does do better than you. They make progress faster. Learn more about the trap than you ever did. They get out! They get saved! And that begs the question**: where did they go right that you went wrong? What did they do better, how are they better than you, how are they worth saving and you're not-
Because that's it, isn't it. They're not an understudy. You're a prototype. The first draft. They're new and improved, better than you in every way, and that makes them valuable and you abandoned scrap metal. No, no, you abandoned yourself, didn't you? If you had just tried harder, you would've been saved, wouldn't you? But you gave up! You told the universe to help you run away and be a mentor instead of solving your own problems so now the final draft's problems are solved and yours aren't! You don't even belong here anymore, since they stole your life, you're extraneous!! What are you supposed to do now?
*That's a lie. There are differences between you and the understudy, but the only one that matters is that they had you to help them, and you had no one to help you. Their success hinges on you being there.
**With the other footnote in mind, the question changes slightly. Not "what did they do right?", because what they did right was have you with them. The question is "Why them? How are they worth saving and you're not? Why couldn't they have helped you instead?"
11 notes
·
View notes
Citrons from the South, daud/martin drabbles
the Eternal Serkonan Vacation/retirement AU. non-chronological, no plot just vibes and two horrible awful men finding something resembling happiness together
not all tags apply to all chapters, so please mind the author's note.
read here on ao3 <3
17 notes
·
View notes