#okay I’ll see myself out now

[nami-moittli]

This counts as a “meme”, right?

#that moment when you realize that basically all of his personality is based off a trauma response #ofc I do think he’s naturally optimistic and such by nature! #but pair that with his denial and childhood trauma #yeah it’s not looking good for you buddy #twisted wonderland #twst #twst meme #twst kalim #now I don’t think all of the symptoms fit him #like apparently somatic means relating to the body separately from the mind #and Kalim has been shown to be actually really observant about those kinds of details! #just. he has denial baked into him so you can’t tell as well #but you could say that Kalim’s very… #mindful #*bu dum tsss* #okay I’ll see myself out now #sorry for rambling I just sometimes start thinking about Kalim’s trauma and then #oops! #I don’t stop

[thisearthycat]

i miss i-no :(

#im sick and i cant draw her or play guilty gear im so done for #i feel like im experiencing withdrawal symptoms #knees week #palms sweaty #okay i’ll see myself out now #not art

[wherelanguage-ends]

While you were learning the family mafia business, I was studying the blade*

- Porsche probs at some point (during bodyguard training)

*the blade being kinn’s tiddies

#kinnporsche #okay I’ll see myself out now #but I’ll hold on to the truth that is completely within canon for porsche

[vilwil-brr]

so. in light of recent news, I’m logging on here so I can delete what i have written for cwilbur - I was already debating on leaving it up or not anyway - and I’ll be changing my username once I figure out a new one. I know this hasn’t blog been focused on his characters for literal years, but I figure it’d be best to let y’all know - especially considering the username change.

I will probably continue to be inactive for the next month at least, but will be active for the next few days trying to edit things here, if anyone wants to talk through asks or DM’s. I hope you all are doing well, and I hope Shelby continues to receive the support she deserves.

#a little more personal in tags. bc I know for me his music especially was so important to me. and this sort of image he’d made for himself #his music has gotten me through some of my worst moments he’s put out music I relate to. and it makes me kinda sick to think abt now #basically its okay for you all to grieve too about this #fuck him. he claims to have grown but there’s no accountability in his actions #and no apology where he claims to be taking accountability #I hope Shelby continues to face support and I hope other victims are helped by this in feeling seen and heard #and see the warning signs in both what she has shared of her experience and in that manipulative ‘apology’ #and I hope despite his ass ‘apology’ he really has changed. or will continue to do so moving forward #this all hits a bit too close to home for myself. that’s all I’ll say on that. I hope you all are doing okay in light of this all #will babbles #info

[fraberry-stroobcake]

is it gay to be so overwhelmed with emotions by thinking about someone you care about so much you almost want to pick up writing again

#- but also it’s night time and you can’t fall asleep even though you need to get up early #and you’re just stuck imagining the lines you want written down #so your only options are to do it now while they’re still there #or not and then forget all of them in the morning and cry #hi i’m the gay one help i haven’t been in this state in a while #i’m just in that state again somehow i guess #probably because i never got a chance to tell this person how something so small for them meant a world to me in that moment #i hope i’ll be able to tell you all that myself in a more direction way but i love you so much you mean the world to me #okay i don’t actually want to scare you off by saying that but knowing what my mind is imagining for this you’d think that yourself anyway #i should probably stop taking now it’s way too late and i’m being tooooo emotionally vulnerable rn #hi guys sleepy night time frab here i’m the (other) emotion + vulnerable one #don’t you love to see it #i wonder if anyone is still down here reading these tags #hi if you are! send aaaa hmmm send a little ‘£; e’ if you read to this point #also why r u still reading? weirdoooo /jk love you #but really don’t be down here too long i’m sorta bleeding all my feelings out right now #because i’m so bad at expressing myself directly and as soon as i want to #ugh i’ll leave now i’m lonely and talking to myself too much again #night night everpony #frabrant #wonder if i’ll write more again… ok i’m LEVAING now gah

[makkie-is-screaming]

.

#Okay so tw cuz im gonna rant about suicide #so back in July I planned on killing myself today #I told myself I needed to try n get better n if I couldn’t that was it #and I’ve tried I really have #and I’m obviously still struggling but not to the extent I was #like I’m depressed n my ed is getting worse #but I’m finally hanging out with D n she’s just so much fun to be around #im calling my bestie more and she sounds genuinely happy to hear from me #im doing a bit better with my parents to n im seeing my cousin more who I’ve missed so much #I have plans for break for the first time in years #im finally getting piercings #it’s crazy cuz even just 2 weeks ago I didn’t think Id be ok today #but I am like today isn’t gonna be another attempt I’m gonna make it #and that’s wild to me bc I was so bad over the summer I was constantly debating it that’s why I set the date #And I don’t think I’m fixed and there’s a big chance I’ll attempt at some point in the future knowing me #but right now I feel like I have a reason to try and I haven’t felt like that in a long time #okay I’m done now just wanted to say that #screaming #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #kinda

[skoulsons]

The same hand that beat the QZ soldiers face in is going to hold her face so unbelievably gently when he finds her during winter

im gonna throw up

#winters gonna wreck me !! and I know I keep saying that !! BUT ITS TRUE !! #if he wipes a tear away #if she combs his hair #if she sleeps next to or close to him the night they’re back together #when she sleeps next to him with her hand over his heart #if we see her trying to tell him a pun while he’s out… #if there’s a gentle ‘hey’ from her when he grabs her hand back bc she now knows hes there and she tries to reassure and talk to him #if while she’s out and hunting and she hears Joel’s voice telling her what to do #if she says his name into his shoulder when they hug #if he smooths her hair. #WHEN I HEAR HIM SAY SHH I GOT YOU BABYGIRL I GOT YOU ITS OKAY #I’ll delete this blog and vault myself over the highest bridge. #the last of us hbo #tlou spoilers #joel miller #ellie williams

[seventh-district]

it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!

#Seven.txt #my face #i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post #i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this #hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom #anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨ #the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good #so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh #and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans #we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good #okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more- #-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee #now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :) #man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually #uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life #its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete #even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it! #if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it #fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good #in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that #i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies #like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out… #anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!! #after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again #but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is #so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go- #Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo! #i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!) #anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part #for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)

[passthroughtime]

i’m starting to suspect that i just fucking suck 🤔 unsure yet though, but there are lots of signs already pointing to this... gotta mean something 🧐

#not to imply anything and didn’t want to vague-post but i really don’t think i have the right to complain #i mean people say a lot of kind words to me. and i cherish them #and i know it’s just post-publishing depression #or how should i call it #i don’t really want more comments? but maybe i want to know which thing squicks people the most about my writing #i know my biggest problem is the characterization and i want to discuss this so bad #please tell me where i fuck up. please tell me how you see these characters interacting. please give me more food for thought #i just want to talk about the chatacters i think about for several months #ok i’ll. i’ll try to get over myself #💪😞 #i know asking for opinions is not the answer because i should figure this out myself #and i’ve started kind of. analyze every canon scene a bit deeper. #if that would make the difference... we shall see #though i think the people who’d be able to tell me what’s wrong just. don’t go that far into the story lol #understandable. don’t blame them #fuck okay that’s quite enough of tags for now. i should go to sleep. maybe it’ll be easier after #sorry you had to witness this. i’m not well in my head

[youngharleezyxo]

imagine your Jacks girlfriend and he gives you this KY chain to wear bc it’s like having a piece of him when he’s away on tour 🥺

#jack harlow #jackman thomas harlow #okay i’ll see myself out now 🥲 #like my thing is rings but i’d love to wear that necklace #you know what also makes a great necklace #his hands around my thro- nvm

[hinadori-chan]

low key wanna like

set up a queue for posts i like that don’t circulate anymore so that way the recirculate but also i don’t spam but like

i don’t think i’ve ever used a queue before tbh lol

#listen i’ve always been the kind of blogger where you just know what i’m about when i’m about it #but since this is more of a fandom sidespace than my actual blog maybe that’s the better route? #cause there’s a lot of really good fanart and fanfics and analytical pieces that just #don’t get as much love since they got burried by time and i wanna bring them back to the forefront becuase they’re GOOD #and people put their heart and soul and time into them and i want them to be appreciated becuase i love them and they make me happy #but also i’ve hit post limit multiple times becuase if this blog and i’m scared it’ll happen again #cause i think you still hit it with the queue too #and like #i do actually use my main blog a log and the posts come from the same pool #(pro tip for new users btw if your side blogs are connected to your main account all your posts come from a pool that your account gets) #(kind of like a deck of cards that has to be distributed between all players) #ANYWAY it might be the better move for now #i’ll stew on that while i try and get myself out of writers block #cause i’ll need to get the first draft of peghawks2023 done this weekend if i want ot done in time for the 16th #need to figure out how to trick my brain into working #had this problem in school also #the only reason i passed is because most my teachers loved me and wanted me to succeed in spite of my executive dysfunction #and my other two teachers hated me so much (adhd kid with a pension to cause problems) that they passed me #just so they never had to see me again lmao #it’s okay feelings were mutual fuck those guys #(or love those guys for the teachers that adored me) #(hope they’re doing good) #what was i talking about #RIGHT queues and writing #yeah i should go do that okay bye for now!!!

[deityofhearts]

blah blah the constant feeling of inadequacy and fear that I’ll never be loved and that my life will remain the same as it is now forever

#deity dialogue #divine despair #the feeling will pass and then it’ll come back because it’s just #like underlying always and forever #rn I’m trying to convince myself that it’s okay if this is all that life is going to be for me #if I’m going to be stuck living where I am not forever then I should try and make the best of it but sometimes it’s like #I’d rather die that have to live here the rest of my life but my only other option is to be far away and alone and not know what to do about #it #so either stay where I’ve been my whole life and at least have that familiarity and know that there are people I know everywhere #or go somewhere where there’s more to do more to see but be completely lost and alone #I don’t even know where I’d go I know nothing about places outside of where I am now #like I know everything about the city I live at or the neighboring cities but I don’t want to be here or in the neighboring cities #but where will I be happy is there anywhere that I’ll be happy at #I’m only growing older and more miserable #sorry this post turning into a lil spiral #I’m gonna get back to making blood droplets out of beads

[ectoplasmer]

squinting really hard at that egogender label again

#i am so indecisive #like being referred to femininely is okay!! i think #some phrases feel. weird and unfitted though #and sometimes they only feel right in certain contexts #and she/her pronouns still feel fine. i don’t really see myself 100% identifying with any others aside from those #but. i guess it’s specifically the idea of being a girl that has me confused #and maybe it’s because of how i feel now. femininity doesn’t come as naturally as i would want it to #i feel like i don’t fit in with what is defined by society as a ‘girl’ #but every time i think that i can only think about how that sounds so inherently misogynistic of me to think lol #like there isn’t any defined label to what being a girl is. #i could still be a girl and still do everything else. i shouldn’t be with held from that just because of how the majority view that #but i guess it’s just. i don’t know. i don’t think it’s all that important to me #i just want people to see me as *me*. i don’t think my gender really plays all that much of a role in how I perceive myself or how i want- #-people to perceive me. i’m just rainy and i think that’s what is important #but again identifying femininely doesn’t feel inherently wrong. its confusing i don’t know how to explain it #i struggle to explain things that aren’t like. solid or have actual things i can recall back to lol #anyway. i have been thinking about the demigirl label too and i think it’d be funny if i started using that #collecting all the demi- labels this year apparently #i keep saying i’ll figure it out but i had this exact conversation with a friend almost a year ago #i don’t know. identity is confusing. i’ll get there eventually though #rainy.file

[enigma-the-anomaly]

:’( i yearn for the sea

#I’m sure I’ll see my wonderful blue maiden in a couple of months but still #it’s just…I can hardly wear a swimsuit without intense dysphoria #ofc it gets better once I’m actually in the water but it’s rough yanno #I miss swimming out on a calmer day and letting the waves just gently lift me up and down #and I’d stare out toward the horizon and wonder about the wonderful places I could go to if I swam toward it #and the fish brushed by my legs like they were giving me little kisses #and everything just felt okay and peaceful and perfect I smiled #I miss the comforting embrace of the dear ocean :(( #things are too different now and nothing feels right anymore #idk man. I just want to see the ocean again and swim and feel alive again #back when I was stupider and happier and I still loved my body and myself #my darling the sea…they have ravaged both our bodies but only you can remain loved #ramble #vent #im having big feelings sorry #have to be a poetic bitch for a moment

[bulletsfrank]

#inhales. i am so god damn unlikeable i get so fucking sad seeing everyone have their own circles of friends i want to die #i wish i wasn’t the worst person alive i wish i wasn’t so bitter and jealous but i can’t handle the loneliness honestly like being dead woul #hurt less. i feel outcast and like everyone is throwing me to the side on purpose. i feel like i’m living through a punishment #i deserve it if that’s the case... i’ve done enough wrong. that’s why i can’t be close #i have to remind myself my feelings don’t matter and me being lonely is just a monster of a person crying like he even deserves to #it’s sad lmao. #and i’m too mentally ill to ever have friends i know now. i’m too crazy and i never open up ever. what else do i expect #but it feels like anyone i know who is also mentally ill isn’t this fucking freak of nature like i am #i stick out and i leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouths and most of all. man i just. i can’t take it if this is what life is #i CANNOT bear this loneliness even slightly. i’m scared of myself. i want to stop my breathing #i still feel like i did when i was 16 #trapped and receding into myself. i’ll never feel okay #how am i supposed to cope when i’m acutely aware everyone fucking hates me

[pallases]

THEY APPROVED MY CALC OVERRIDE

#personal #the calc chronicles #okay now for the hard part… convincing them to let me into a full class the day before classes start #obv i don’t expect them to respond before classes start and therefore am under no illusions that i will see the first day or perhaps even #week of stats but i am still submitting this request the day before 🤕 this is so bad #there is a v good chance they will deny me and that means i’ll either have to shift my whole schedule around to accommodate an open section #(highly unlikely to be achievable) or i’ll have to take chem which i was planning on testing out of next summer to save me a good thousand #dollars… iugrht #*to save myself a good few thousand dollars i can’t type #v glad they got back to me abt calc tho