#okay I'm fucking dying this is hilarious

[lemonflavouredspatula]

hello i just got home from seeing my chemical romance and i still cannot believe it was real and that "i saw mcr live" is a real sentence i can say and MEAN

one of the most surreal and insane and absolutely fucking FANTASTIC moments of my life

#like they were THERE #METRES FROM ME #like can you even comprehend what hearing teengers/im not okay/helena/the black parade etc live is like????? #because i can't and i was THERE #and oh my GOD when they played THE G #when i tell you the whole stadium SCREAMED #i genuinely almost cried #i just #seeing them live was a pipe dream within a pipe dream #i NEVER thought i'd get the opportunity #and them like a week ago someone i know gets let down by who he's going with and is like 'you want?' like YES OBVIOUSLY #god this is so surreal #i genuinely don't think i'm ever going to quite believe that was real #for 2 hours 30000 people were 13 years old again and for once being 13 felt fucking FANTASTIC #my chemical romance #sorry i just needed somewhere to scream about this #like my chemical romance were INFRONT OF ME #like they were just THERE #also sorry but gerard is fucking HILARIOUS #the shit he came out with between songs made no sense and had absolutely zero correlation and i was dying #i mean at one point he was like 'what's next?' and looks down at the set list and just #'oh that's a fun one - get to walk around all moody and shit in the dark' #it was hilarious #also he told us about his adopted stray cat bringing them dead rats daily?? #honestly his stage presence is on point #what a night #WHAT a NIGHT

[evilminji]

Okay, but... now I'm wondering >.>

@the-witchhunter We talked about Danny being Morningstar's feral, probably engineering oils and ectoplasmic goo covered, mad scientist/himbo hybrid (attack) purse dog. His special lil guy.

But!

I seek your Knowledge(TM).

From second hand accounts? He seems to HATE the hypocrisy. The blaming HIM for humanity's own choices. The rat race and endless song n dance of "Righteous Good VS. Cartoonish Evil". Because it let's humanity paint themselves the helpless victims. Because it's all surface level. Because it is not so easy to escape the ugliness of your Sins, yet they keep trying to scapegoat him.

Fuck um.

He was tired of it.

But? He still has CONSIDERABLE POWER. It's probably written down. And the Ring Of Rage? Is proooobably not the loveliest of artifacts? I imagine, like the Crown, it's NOT leaving Danny alone. One of those "we don't CARE if there is no throne left to sit upon, you WILL wear us, as King" sort of systems.

It genuinely would not and DOES NOT matter, if not a single soul in all the Zone bows to him. Did he defeat the previous holder of their Right To Rulership? Yes or No.

If No, fuck off.

If Yes, new monarch.

Is it hurting him? Not the rings problem. Nor the Crown's. Heavy is the weight, etc etc. But! DANNY would certainly care. He is... is ANGRY all the time now. Has no idea who would even MAKE this bullshit ring. Why JUST Rage? Yeah, it makes ghosts stronger, but at what COST?

He can't even get rid of it!

......by himself.

Luckily, he's still clear headed enough to know that he's NOT in this by himself. And it's amazing what "mom, dad, this ring is trying to drive me insane. Help me" in a terrified and tearful voice, can brush over. No one threatens their baby and all that.

It would honestly be hilarious, seeing the extended Fenton clan decend like LOCUSTS on Pariahs Keep, searching for clues, terrifying the local ghosts, if... if he wasn't so tired.

God he's so tired.

It's Aunt Alecia who... "politely encourages" a passing scholar to lend them the book they need. Took the poor sucker right out of the sky. Guy never stood a chance. RIP.

He learns he has to head..... over? Like... 27 that-ish way, then up. Huh. 27 WHAT?

Realities, apparently. He's in the wrong bundle. Branch? Neighborhood? Eh. Clan Fenton rolls back out, he packs his bags, and hilariously enough? Goes off to the devils night club. Hopes he likes rings. Or hates them.

Thankfully, being "king" means the Zone? Kinda... humors him? Like... it still has RULES(tm). He can... can FEEL that now. But it's willing to bend some for him, if he asks. And anything NOT against the rules? If it's in the right mood? He need only ask. It's weird. Being suddenly so powerful, yet NOT, at the same time.

Cause none of it's his.

All he has is the Zone's attention. The ability to ask pretty please. If you don't mind. And then? The highways between... ALL will just? Shift and change for him. He can see how it went to Pariah's head. The Zone is pretty agreeable. Is by nature Amoral, cause it's not a Being, it's... well, it's the Zone.

And everyone wants him to ask things. Do things. Demand this or that. Use this power.

Maybe he doesn't WANT too! Maybe he didn't WANT to be king! Doesn't he have the right to say NO? To refuse? Why do they think he OWES them service? An eternity of politics and people trying to kill him, for something he never wanted in the FIRST PLACE.

He's so tired.

The nightclub's pretty cool.

So he comes to ask, politely of course, cause the guy's probably busy, if Morningstar could... dunno, fix or destroy it? Want a ring, maybe? Also he heard you MADE the stars. Huge fan of all of that. Can I ask about the process? Or are you in the middle of something?

And? Lucifer? Turns around, from where he's Leaning Seductive Yet Elegantly(tm) to see... scrawny. Tiny corpse child. No... half? Corpse? Alive. Dying. Alive yet dying. Huh. Well, that is different. And here he didn't think he'd get see anything NEW. You, child, are NOT a zombie. What are you?

Halfa.

I have no idea what that is. What do you want?

He gets shown the ugliest, crudest, peice of shit ring imaginable. A genuine foul little curse. Really stinks up the place. He destroys it, obviously. This club has STANDARDS. Hope that wasn't important?

Kid just smiles the biggest fangy lil grin. No. No it was not.

Obvious, lie, but cute lil teeth. He'll allow it.

He gets dragged into talking about the stars. And talking. And talking. Mostly bragging and explaining. Kid hangs off his every word. Follows him around as he makes his rounds. Asks good questions. Completely focused, dispite the booze and barely dressed dancing all around him.

Lucifer can't help notice the crown.

Lovely little thing. Space ice and star dust, glittering like jewels and light catching the mist. If he remembers right... that one iiiiiis..... not Limbo, it's.... Zone! That crown is the Zone, it changes to suit the wearer. He recognizes the vibe. Awfully young, aren't you?

And.... it all burst forth. He didn't even need to press. Use persuasive words and honeyed tones. Like an inflamed, festering wound. The merest brush is enough to spill everything.

Negligence, greed, blood lust. Bigotry and xenophobia. A tyrants endless quest for power. Ah, humans. They truly don't change do they? Realities away, dead or alive. Now they're harrasing a child. He honestly looks miserable. Whereas just a moment before, listening to Lucifer talk about his work on the stars, his soul practically GLOWED with light. A tiny little star unto himself.

.......maybe it's the big ol "I'm you BIGGEST FAN" eyes. The sad wet cat aura. Perhaps the scrawny "could snap you like a twig" teenager, all elbows and knees. The fact he is, in fact, NOT human; for all that he once was. But?? The kid? Is... not terrible company.

He'd even go so far as to say? It's like having a pet intern.

He can sleep on the couch.

Tell you what, you stay here? I'll keep taking about stars and YOU can do the chores I don't feel like doing. I'll take care of you and all that.

And Danny? Honestly was sold at the word "stars" but? This sounds like a phenomenally terrible idea... and he has yet to meet one of THOSE he hasn't made out sloppy still with, so deal! But as a minor, that DOES make you his new gaurdian for the next four-ish years. He's legally obligated to finish schooling.

Ah.

.....well shit.

(Just? Local stressed 14-15 year old Ghost King does RESPONSIBILE thing and finds Adultier Adult. With more qualified Adult powers. Unfortunately for everyone, the adult is Lucifer Morningstar, night club owner. Even MORE Unfortunately, said ghost kind has pack bonded with the Nice Star Man, who saved him from the Bad Ring, and effectively offered to let him crash on his swanky couchs.

Now Morningstar has to? Somewhat VAGUELY pretend he gives a shit local schooling system, as he puts his charge INTO it. Actively giving waking terrors to the magical community. What evil plot is afoot? Where did he get this tiny minor death god? What is his end goal FOR said child?

No one knooooows~

But Lucifer is just doing this cause he's a Being of his word. He hates the tedious minor chores he'll be foisting off onto Danny. And? Most importantly? Look at that face. *shoujo sparkly eyes of Star Sempai Noticed Me!* it's like having a golden retriever puppy. Ffs he has STANDARDS.)

(It'd be hilarious to watch the hostile 5th dimensional chess DC characters have going on in the background, all while? Danny is like? Man! Isn't this universe GREAT? Everyone here is so CHILL! And nice to me! I'm so relaxed now! Finally, I can finish my education in peace.)

@hdgnj @hypewinter @lolottes @babbling-babull @nerdpoe @mutable-manifestation

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dc x dp prompt #danny phantom #tw wounds #but only as euphemism for emotional state

[unreliablesnake]

The unlucky one (Ghost x reader x 141)

Summary: Ghost makes a move on you, but the time isn’t right.

Note: Another barracks bunny fic. I love Ghost, but I find the idea of EVERYONE but him getting to sleep with the bunny hilarious. / Check the barracks bunny fics tag for more. / If you want to know when I post new stuff, follow @unreliablesnakefics and hit the get notifications button.

"Reading again?" Ghost asked teasingly when he caught you outside.

You were lying on your back on the hard ground, keeping the ebook reader above your face in a seemingly uncomfortable way. He watched as your eyes turned to him, an eyebrow arching from the surprise of being found so far from everything and everyone.

"I have a question for you. What exactly do you want to try from your little books?"

Finally you closed the cover and put the device next to your head. "You want all the details? Every dirty fantasy of mine?" you spoke up with a smirk on your lips.

Before you knew it, Ghost walked closer to you, stepping over your body with one leg to be able to look down at you from above. "That would be nice. Maybe I could help you out with them."

You propped on your elbows under him, watching him with a wicked little smile. "Oh, Lieutenant Riley wants to fuck me? I should feel honored," you admitted with a whistle.

Ghost kneeled down, then grabbed the front of your shirt to pull you up into a sitting position. "You would like it, wouldn't you?" Instead of answering, you reached out to play with the hem of his mask as if you were about to take it off his head. "Don't," he warned you.

"I dare you to take me right here and right now. Without this mask," you added just to be sure.

"The mask stays on," he immediately told you. “Everything else can happen if that's what you want."

"Where's the fun in that?” you asked with an exaggerated pout as you slipped a finger under the fabric of the mask and gently massaged his neck. “I can't even kiss you with that thing on."

"No need."

"You're mean. I want to kiss you."

"Is that so?"

"Let me kiss you, lieutenant."

"How badly do you want it?"

"I'm dying for it."

"Don't be dramatic."

"Please."

Ghost let out a groan as he sneaked his arm around your body to pull you against his chest. "Bloody hell, you're adorable when you start to beg," he said with a laugh.

"Wait until I'm cock drunk and keep asking for more."

"Fuck, c'mere," he said before pulling up his mask to his nose and kissing you like his life depended on it.

You were lost in the sensation of his surprisingly soft lips devouring you, making you feel like you could melt into his arms if you let your guard down even for one second. Ghost knew what he was doing, he kept the situation under control, his tongue soon invading your mouth to explore you even further while his hand captured your breast under your shirt, kneading it gently.

"You're good at this game," you informed him when he pulled away for a little while.

"You liked it?" You hummed in agreement as you placed a few kisses along his jawline. "Well, we have all the time in the–"

“Ghost, are you out here?” you heard Price’s voice from nearby.

“Fuck.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at this. “I guess you’re officially the unlucky one of the team,” you told him with a wide grin. He didn’t seem to appreciate your humor, because he gave you a disapproving look in return. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. We’ll find the right time and place eventually. I promise.”

Before he could say anything, you gave him another kiss that he broke the moment he heard Price calling for him again. “You’d better keep that promise, sweetheart,” he whispered against your lips before he stood up and left to find his superior.

#barracks bunny fics #call of duty #modern warfare #simon ghost riley #mw2 #simon riley #ghost #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader

[msgexymunson]

Just imagine Eddie coming out of your bathroom, freshly showered, wrapped up in a robe, swinging around the end of the belt, ready to give you the sexy striptease of your dreams.

Except for when he connects his phone to the speaker, it doesn’t play the song he thought he had queued up—it starts blasting Baby Shark.

At full volume.

“Sonofa—”

It’s so loud it scares him, making him throw his phone. And you’re just dying laughing on the bed, clutching at your stomach as it rolls out of you, tears spilling down your cheeks as he tries to shut if off but somehow only makes it play louder.

Finally, he shuts it off, but his cheeks are scarlet and his eyes downcast as you shuffle to the end of the bed and reach out for him.

“It’s okay,” you hum softly, “If anyone could make that song sexy, it’s you.”

(hope you feel better soon, bub ily)

OK so this is absolutely everything!! I couldn't help myself. Thank you so much for the well wishes, love you babe ❤️

Warnings: modern AU, NSFW, Minors DNI, established relationship, allusions to p in v sex.

Masterlist

The first time it's a mistake. A hilarious one, but still a mistake. The first time leads to silly sex; all giggles and firm kisses and jokes and mock threats.. and soft touches.

And then grasping hands, and needy fingers, and moans.

The second time, it's a prank. You've just come out of the shower, all pink and clean, in your robe and towel, swaying into the bedroom.

"Oh, am I getting a little show?" Eddie's eyebrows raise, as he settles into the pillows, shit eating grin smeared on his face.

"Maybe... shall I set the mood?" You ask suggestively, flashing a bit of leg.

"Woah, a proper show? Go ahead, princess."

His hands reach behind his head, laying back like a king in his marital bed. You playfully smirk and turn on your little speaker, hearing the tell tale blip of the Bluetooth connecting. Slipping your hand in your pocket, you take out your cellphone, and press play.

"Baby shark do do-"

"Oh you goddamn evil-"

You laugh, and laugh, and laugh some more. Eddie's frowning, arms crossed firmly against his chest, neck and cheeks scarlet from the embarrassing memory.

The music is still playing, so you giggle and seductively drop your robe, fingers toying with the top of your towel.

"Come on baby, I thought you were into this."

He huffs, clearly torn between being angry at you and getting an eyeful. All resolve disintegrates when you drop the towel, running gentle hands over the top of your breasts. His eyes bug out when one hand drifts lower, toying with the tuft of hair on your mound.

"Stop it, I can't be mad when you-"

"When I what?" You ask, smirking, and start crawling toward him over the mattress, silky hands running up his shins, up his tensing thighs. Fingers snake under his boxers, teasing at the skin just shy of where he needs you. Tensing muscles, he grabs your hand before you can go further.

"Fine, you're forgiven just- fuck- turn that song off."

The third time, it was an in joke. Oven mitts on, you check on the casserole you've made, humming to yourself. Another 20 minutes you think, give or take.

Large hands grasp at your hips from behind, pulling your top up slightly to massage at your skin.

"You asking for it? That why you're humming that?"

"Huh?" You ask, entirely confused, trying to look at him over your shoulder.

"You were humming 'baby shark', thought you might want some lovin," Eddie breathes into your neck.

Laughing, you turn to face him.

"Was I? And whats that supposed to mean, exactly?"

"Yep," he replies, knuckles dragging over your cheek, "thought that was our song. You want Daddy Shark to take care of you?"

Rolling your eyes, you bat at his chest in a vain attempt to push him away. "Our song? Fuck I hope we don't have to play it at our wedding."

He chuckles, dropping to his knees, busy fingers expertly undoing your jeans.

"Wedding? I'm just hoping you don't play it in the bedroom again."

All rational thought exits the building however, when he begins rubbing you just right.

"No, no, whatever you want, just keep doing that," you beg, hand winding into his soft locks to keep him there.

After that, you're not sure what it was. There was humor in it, sure, a hint of a past silly mistake, but it had warped over time. Now, it seemed like a hint, a wink, a promise of something to come.

It surfaced again at a gathering; the little gang were holed up at Steve's, watching some shitty rom com that had been voted as tonight's watch. Restlessly, you tap your fingers on your thighs, wound up to the point of breaking.

"Eddie," you whisper, chest swelling with need.

"Hmm?" He asks back, oblivious to your desires.

Opening your mouth to say something, you shut it, until the idea pops in your head and out of your mouth. Leaning in, your breath skates his ear.

"Baby shark, do do do do do do-"

"Oh, we need to go." Eddie calls out loudly to the troop, met with groans and head shakes from everyone.

"Seriously? Why?" Steve asks.

"It's an emergency, sorry guys."

He's on his feet, dragging you to the door. When you're halfway to his van, he whisper shouts at you. "That's a kids song. A kids song. It shouldn't make me halfway hard."

Laughing loudly, you snake your hand around his tight waist.

"Sorry baby, I needed my Daddy Shark."

Tag list

@liminalpebble @eddies-puppet @rip-quizilla @micheledawn1975 @vanilla-demon @millercontracting @roanniom @josephquinnsfreckles @leelei1980 @mrsjellymunson @usedtobecooler @eddiesprincess86 @ali-r3n

#ms gexy writes #eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie x you #eddie x reader

[whump-kia]

whump bloopers

based on this post by whumpkinpie!

--

Whumper, struggling with a line: I'll wipe that--that sly--fuck!

Whumpee: [cackling] C'mon, try it again.

Whumper: I'll wipe that sly little grin--from your--stop laughing!

Whumpee: I'm sorry! You just look so constipated!

Whumper: [Laughing, huffs in frustration] I swear to God, I'll wipe that smug look from your face if it takes me all goddamn night--

Director: And cut, that's the take!

Whumper&Whumpee: [dissolving into laugher]

--

Caretaker: Here, stay still, I'll apply pressure--

Whumpee: [wheezes] Less pressure! Less pressure, we're actors, I'm not actually dying!

Caretaker: Oh God, I'm so sorry, I'm-- [cackling]

--

Whumper: That's what happens when you don't listen, Caretaker. I'll do this to your precious Whumpee. [kicks an "unconcious" Whumpee with their foot]

Whumpee: [makes a small 'oof' sound]

Caretaker&Whumper: [bursts out laughing]

Director, also laughing: Cut, cut, Whumper, be gentle!

--

Whumpee: Get off me, you freak-- [Whumpee's hand gets free and slams Whumper right in the face]

Whumper: [Lets go, cradles nose] Oh my fuck--

Whumpee: I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, are you okay? Oh, no, I'm sorry--

Whumper: [Starts laughing] I mean, that's one way to get someone to let go of you!

--

[The scene starts, and Whumpee wakes up handcuffed to a chair with a start]

Whumper: Welcome back to the world of the living, Whumpee.

Whumpee: Who--where am I, who are you--

Whumper: Don't try to struggle, just stay still for me, okay?

Whumpee: [Tugs against the handcuffs, which immediately break in half]

Whumpee:

Whumper:

Director:

Whumpee: I'm free! [Takes off running]

Whumper: No!! My nefarious plot!!! [Cackling]

--

Whumper: [Grabs Whumpee by the collar and shoves them up against the wall, and immediately forgets their line]

Whumpee: Are we about to kiss?

Whumper: [Cackles wildly] I'm sorry, I lost the line!

Whumpee, also laughing: You just stopped dead! No light behind the eyes!

--

enjoy some random whump blooper prompts I have rattling in my brain thanks to whumpkinpie and her hilarious post a while back :D

#whump #whumpblr #whump prompt #whump community #whump bloopers #kidnapping tw

[rayshippouuchiha]

I saw "9/10th with Fem!Naruto" and immediately thought "okay but platonic"

Because this is a village full of ANBU and jounin and That Bitch Danzo. So, being a stalker yandere would be kinda hard. BUT Tiny!Naru has ANBU guards and ROOT was still legally operating when he was smol so there probably was ROOT in his guard.

What I'm saying is that Tiny!Sai thinks Fem!Naruto must be the will of Amatersau Hi no Kami walking or her daughter or something because there is no other way she's that warm and bright in both personality and complexion otherwise. But the important thing is that he thinks she's one of the divine.

I'm also saying that the reason of Danzo "dying of old age" being Tiny!Sai heard Uchiha Shisui say "she's adorable" once would be hilarious. Instant trust. Like I can just imagine the wheels turning in both of their adorable little heads.

Shisui "he can't advocate against the clan if he's dead" Uchiha

&

Sai "I heard him talk shit about the Little Goddess one time and it will be his last"

I mean there are plot holes because Sai didn't graduate until later for one but. Just imagine. After Danzo's death many younger ROOT children just get shown into the academy/genin corps and suddenly Naruto has a following because they're easily manipulated if something is presented as a fact and Sai can't shut the fuck up.

I'm sorry this ran away with me but this got me really excited I might even write it but also everyone else is welcome to write this because I find the whole thing hilarious

Oh god this would be great platonic like you said, it'd be great as Naruto/Sai, or even a Naruto/Harem kinda of thing because yes ye yes to it all

#RayRambles #Naruto #prompt

[archangeldyke-all]

thinking ab sev and vampire reader again.. (im obsessed if u cant tell)

what if sevika walked in on vampire reader ranting to their pet bat about how annoying hunting for food can be and their bat seemingly responding back (like understanding what shes saying) ? my asks are literally so odd but like.. i think she'd be so fucking confused LMAOO

thinking about it being a vampire bat also cause.. it just makes sense lol

black reader pleaseee <33

eeeeek im so glad u guys like this little story! i'm gonna combine this with another suggestion i got!

now you know damn well you got us fiending for vampire!reader drinkin sev’s blood….. ohmygod just imagining it is making me giddy. like it feels sososo good but sevika has to pry reader off of her after a few mins bc she’s starting to get a lil lightheaded, and reader thought she’d be able to control herself better but nah 😋

same disclaimer as last time! i'm white, and this is a black reader, so please lmk if i get anything wrong and i'll fix it asap :)

men and minors dni

sevika wakes up to the sound of... squeaking?

she sits up in bed, rubbing her eyes before she stands and quietly pads into the living room.

she's woken up to a lot of strange shit since she started dating you.

you hovering over her and admiring her sleeping face, your cat laying on her head and purring away, you feeding on a rat in the kitchen, various combs and gels and bundles of hair littering the bed as you braid your hair while you wait for her to wake... but this is something new.

you've got the window open, and fluttering back in forth in front of you is a little... bird? sevika squints her eyes. no... not a bird... what is that?

"no i know it's so fucking annoying!" you groan. the squeaking happens again, and sevika furrows her brows, her eyes adjusting to the dark. the squeaking halts, and you stick a finger out, and the little creature comes to latch onto it. "hahaha!" you laugh. "dude, you're hilarious. no-- but have you ever accidentally fed on a poisioned rat?"

the squeaking continues, the little creature adjusting on your finger. sevika blinks again. it's... a bat?? you snort.

"right, you're too small for rats. poisoned mice then?" you ask.

the bat squeaks in response.

sevika shakes her head.

"it's the fucking worst dude! be careful, okay? avoid the slow ones-- it means they're dying from it." the bat squeaks in response and you laugh. "i know they're easier to catch, but you'll get sick!"

"are you talking to a fucking bat right now?" sevika asks. you turn your head, shocked to see her in the doorway. the bat flutters on your finger, its face turning toward you as well. she snorts.

"oh, hey sev." you say. there's a squeak, and you look at your little companion. "my girlfriend, sevika." you say, smiling. the bat squeaks repeatedly, and you laugh. "he wants to know if you're a human." you translate. sevika blinks.

"and he can understand me?" she asks, still frozen in the doorway. you wave her over, and she hesitantly approaches. "babe... that's a fucking rodent. you've got a rodent, in our house." she says. there's an indignant squeak and you gasp.

"he's not a fucking rodent, he eats rodents, don't be rude!" you exclaim. sevika snorts and comes up to your side, warily eyeing your little friend. your bat friend squeaks at her. you chuckle. "i know, right?"

"what'd he say?" she asks. you blink, a guilty look on your face. sevika grins. "c'mon, tell me." she says, wrapping her arm around your shoulder. you sigh.

"he said you smell good. that he should feed off of you."

"hm." she says, looking at you. "and you agree?" she asks.

"no." you say, shaking your head. "i'd get too jealous." you say. sevika snorts, and your bat friend squeaks, and you sigh. "alright, go ahead, but just be safe, okay? and come back next week, i'll get you a proper perch and everything." you say. your bat friend flutters, swooping in a circle before taking off into the night. sevika watches it go, still processing what she's woken up to.

"honestly, i don't think i'm ever gonna get used to all the strange shit you get up to." she mumbles. you giggle, reaching forward to close the window, then turning around to wrap sevika up in your arms.

"you are supposed to be sleeping." you say. sevika smiles.

"can't sleep without my bodyguard." she says. you giggle.

"c'mon back to bed for the two of us. i'll keep watch." you say, dragging sevika toward your bedroom. she doesn't move. you pause, looking back over your shoulder at her. she's smirking. "what?" you ask. she shrugs.

"i smell good, huh?" she asks. you roll your eyes.

"you already knew that, sev." you say. she giggles, pulling you back toward her.

"and you'd get jealous of your little friend?" she asks. you chuckle.

"i would. you're mine." you say, pressing a kiss to her cheek. she grins.

"but... you still haven't fed from me yet." she says.

"sev, not this again." you groan. she chuckles.

"yes, this again." she says. "c'mon, babe, how many times am i gonna have to fuckin' beg you to get those teeth in me?" she asks. you giggle.

"you know why i'm... hesitant." you say. sevika rolls her eyes.

"you think you'll fuckin' drain me." she says. "as if you don't get full on a pint and a half."

"but you're you." you say. "you're... so fucking delicious. in so many ways. i'm already fucking addicted to you, and i haven't even tasted your blood yet."

sevika smiles. "honey." she says, kissing your lips. "i'm yours. for as long as you'll have me--"

"forever." you say, interrupting her. sevika grins, and butterflies flutter in your stomach. you've told her before-- vampires mate for life. and if sevika ever wishes, you've told her time and time again that you'd be honored to change her so she can spend eternity with you. forever.

"exactly." she says. "baby, you know you'll have to bite me to change me." she says. you groan and roll your eyes.

"well, duh." you say. "but that's different--"

"please!" she cries. you blink. "please, babe, i'm fucking dying for it. i wanna... i wanna be the one who makes you warm. want it to be my blood pumpin' through you, giving you life. at least for a few years, before we gotta hunt together, yeah?" she asks, blinking at you with big eyes.

you gulp. sevika always manages to catch you off guard with the stupidly romantic shit she says to you. your hands are shaking at your sides, and your fangs are begging to descend from your gums. "sev--"

"and i don't give a fuck about your vampire strength, i could still take you in a fight. so if you drink too much i'll just shove you off!" she says.

"sevi--"

"c'mon baby please! i want it so bad--"

"sevika!" you laugh. she blinks. "fine." you say.

"fine?" she asks.

"let's... let's do it." you say, grinning. she blinks, then bursts into laughter.

"really!?" she asks. you chuckle and swoop forward to kiss her lips. she moans against you, wrapping her arms around your hips. she pulls away with a gasp, grinning at you. "where should we do it? should i set down towels? do i need to do like, a detox or something? or should i be drunk so you can get drunk too?" she asks, speaking at a mile a minute. your smile only grows, until your cheeks are aching.

"baby--"

"shit, this is so fucking exciting. i've been waiting for mont--"

"sevika!" you interrupt her again, reaching up to put a finger over her lips. she blinks at you, giddy. "take me to bed, babe." you say. sevika gulps and then nods.

you've got her sprawled out beneath you, her hands gripping your hips as she squirms under you. she's already looking at you with hazy, love-drunk eyes, and you haven't even bitten her yet. you grin down at her.

"you're sure?" you ask. sevika groans.

"baby-- please!" she whines. "i'm-- i can't-- if you make me wait any longer i'm gonna fucking die!" she wails. you laugh.

"you're not gonna die."

"yes i am!" she says, hysterically, reaching up to grab your head and pull it down toward her neck. you squeal.

"sev!" you laugh, dodging her neck to press your lips against hers. this satiates her a bit, and she stops squirming enough to hum against your mouth.

"i love you." she whispers against your lips. you smile.

"i love you too." you say. "i've never..." you trail off, and sevika blinks up at you.

"never what?" she asks.

"i've never done this with someone who i wasn't trying to kill. or wasn't blackout drunk." you say. she smirks.

"so, i'm your first?" she asks. you roll your eyes.

"shut up."

"fuck." she shivers. "if it makes you feel any better, you're poppin' my vampire cherry too." she grins. you groan.

"shut up!"

"why don't you make me?" she asks, lifting up her chin, baring her throat to you. you shiver on top of her.

"if it hurts--"

"i'll tell you." she says.

"i--" you trail off, gulping. you can see the pulse under her skin, you can hear her heartbeat. you lick your teeth, and your fangs descend. sevika gasps.

"fuck that's hot." she whispers. you bite your cheek.

"i love you." you whisper. she smiles up at you.

"i love you t-- oh!" she gasps as you duck down dragging your teeth against the tender flesh of her neck. you nip and kiss against it, darting your tongue out to lick against her pulse point. she whimpers. "b-baby." she whines. you hum against her. "plea--" she doesn't get the chance to finish.

you sink your fangs into her throat, groaning as the first drop of her blood hits your tongue.

sevika jolts underneath you, her hands clawing into your hips, gasping as the pain wracks through her body. you quickly push your saliva against your puncture wound, and groan in satisfaction as sevika's body relaxes beneath you as pleasure of begins to enter her system.

once she's relaxed, you retract your teeth, then purse your lips around the two puncture wounds and begin sucking.

sevika tastes like heaven. ambrosia. liquid fucking gold.

you moan against her neck, suddenly fucking ravenous as you gulp down mouthful after mouthful of her blood.

beneath you, sevika's encouraging you. the sweet little whimpers and whines she's letting out make you fucking dizzy, and when she starts squeezing her thighs together you groan.

you quickly adjust on top of her, snaking your hand down her body and into her pants. sevika gasps.

"please!" she begs. you chuckle against her, and slip your fingers down to begin working against her clit in gentle, slow circles. a full body shudder wracks through her body. "f-fuck baby, holy shit." she whimpers. you hum against her. "you're never feeding from anyone else ever again. ever. shit! fu-fuck me, please fuck me-- feels so fucking good."

you groan, a drip of her blood escaping your mouth, trickling down your chin. you shove your hands further down her pants, soaking your fingers with her arousal before teasing against her hole. she's pulsing against your finger tips, in time with the roaring beat of her heart.

you groan again, and sink two fingers inside of her to the hilt, unable to control yourself enough to be gentle. sevika doesn't seem to mind, if anything, she seems to fucking love it.

"yeah, yeah, yeah, baby, shit! you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to me, oh fuck!" she groans. you shiver on top of her, your fingers slamming in and out of her cunt, pressing against her spongy g-spot on every thrust.

you can barely make it out over the strong beat of her heart, the heavy breaths you're taking through your nose, the clicking of your throat as you gulp her down-- but sevika's cunt is fucking squelching, and her arousal is soaking her pajama pants and your fingers.

you're-- you're so fucking drunk on her. you've never felt this good during a feed, ever. even when you drain an entire body, even when you're killing an abuser and he's screaming in pain beneath you, even when you're drinking from a drunkard's neck and the warmth of the alcohol is settling in your veins. this is heaven.

"i'm gonna--" sevika doesn't finish her sentence, cumming around your fingers with a scream. "baby!" she wails. you don't stop fucking her, you just growl against her neck and continue pounding into her cunt.

she's shivering beneath you, her hands clawing into your hips. you're sure you'll have bruises tomorrow, but you don't give a shit.

your cunt's pulsing in your own pants, and you start to grind down on sevika's thigh. she just squeaks-- completely overwhelmed.

"b-babe--" sevika mutters. you groan against her. "i'm gonna cum again, shit-- cum with me, please, you feel so fucking good, i'm so fucking in love with you, oh my god i love you, i love you i love you i love yo-- ah fuck!" she cries, cumming again, her cunt clenching around your fingers hard enough for your knuckle bones to crush against each other.

you groan and cum against her thigh, shaking and nearly hyperventilating on her neck with how hard you're heaving breaths to keep drinking from her.

sevika grabs your wrist, and you pull your fingers out of her cunt, shooting your hand up to shove them down her throat. she groans around your fingers and you chuckle against her neck, and sevika sighs the prettiest little sigh you've ever heard come from her lips beneath you.

"shit, honey." she garbles around your fingers. you hum, and sevika grunts. "sh-shit."

suddenly, sevika's hand comes up to grab your hair by the roots, pulling you away from her neck. you blink down at her, suddenly aware of your surroundings now that her blood's not filling your mouth.

"are you--"

"lightheaded." she mumbles, grinning up at you. you giggle, bending back down to lick at her wounds, waiting until the blood stops flowing before pressing a kiss against her throat.

you continue to trail kisses up her neck, over her jaw, until you meet her lips. she hums against you, and you grin.

"are you okay?" you ask. she giggles like she's high.

"i'm fucking amazing." she whispers. you giggle.

"you're suffering from severe blood loss."

"i'm in love with you. let's get married."

you burst into laughter, feeling warm and satiated and so fucking in love with the woman beneath you.

"okay." you say. sevika's eyes widen.

"fuck, really?" she asks, grinning. you shrug.

"ask me again in the morning when you've got your red blood cell count back up and you've got yourself a deal." you say. "but-- once you start gettin' old i'm turning you." you say. "you sure you wanna do eternity tied to me?" you ask. she grins.

"i'm gonna miss bein' your bloodbag once i'm a vampire." she says. you giggle.

"you did it once!"

"we're doin' it every day from now until you turn me." she says, smiling up at you. you laugh.

"i'm not that hungry!"

"i don't give a fuck, we're doin' it for me!" she says. you grin, then duck down to kiss her again. she sighs against your lips.

"i love you." you say. sevika smiles.

"i love you too. i've never been so happy to have a stalker before." she says. you giggle.

"stay here, i'm gonna get you some orange juice." you say as you float above her body. you feel fucking amazing, full of life and magic. sevika smiles up at you.

"come back quick. i miss you already."

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki

#sevika #sevika imagine #sevika arcane #sevika x reader #sevika x you #soft sevika #sevika smut

[little-annie]

Okay, so they told Dustin and it was… interesting.

If interesting is thinking your friend is dying, then telling him not to get pregnant by his boyfriend before ultimately shrugging your shoulders and bullying your way to the arcade.

So yeah.

Interesting.

And now to tell Robin.

Which is less scary in a sense but also, like, fucking terrifying in another. Because they didn't tell her first. Because Steve kinda sorted out the whole Bi-Sexual thing on his own when he fell into bed with Eddie on some random Saturday night.

So yeah. Maybe Steve's a little scared and maybe Eddie finds it hilarious, because why wouldn't he?

They're at Family Video, Eddie hanging out with Steve while he finishes up the last remaining hours of his shift. A shift Robin will soon be joining if the schedule in the break room is anything to go by.

They don't really have a solid plan, because why would they? They probably should but they've, um, been a little busy, if you get what I mean. So in the last five minutes they've decided to be themselves and let Robin catch on. That's their hardly existent, probably not the greatest plan.

And for the most part it works.

They're standing too close to be considered just friendly when Robin arrives. Shoulders brushing, Steve's lips tickling Eddie's ear as he whispers something that makes the man blush and smirk before slapping Steve's chest and playfully shoving him away.

Robin just looks, smiles and carries on to the back room to clock in and grab her vest. When she returns, she offers Steve a raised brow and a questioning glance but nothing more.

They carry on with their work routine, skirting around each other in perfect sync while Eddie forever hangs in Steve's orbit; making the man laugh or sneaking kisses on the cheek when they're hidden and no one's in the store.

Occasionally they think Robin notices the lingering touches or the not so well hidden kisses, but she never says anything, just carries on, only offering a smile or the continuation of a conversation they hadn't finished last shift.

It isn't until Steve's on break and Eddie has him pressed up against the wall in the break room that Robin finally says something.

But it's just a simple, "You two wanna quit fornicating for two seconds so I can get to the bathroom back there?"

Not a 'What the fuck?' Or 'Since when?' Or a 'Steve's gay?'

Nothing.

They boys separate, Steve's a little shocked and they stay silent as Robin passes by and ducks into the washroom.

"What the fuck?" Steve whispers, looking at Eddie as if also asking, 'did you also just witness the lack of reaction from Robin?'

To which Eddie responds with a crinkled nose and a shrug as if to say, 'What're ya gonna do?'

"But, like, that was weird, right? Like she didn't say anything really. Just pushed past and carried on."

"Maybe she already knows?"

"Maybe"

And then there's a voice coming from the bathroom to their left, "You know I can hear you guys out there right?"

"….."

"I know you're together, you idiots. I'm not stupid." There's a flush and the sound of Robin washing her hands before the door swings open and she continues, "Like what, you've been together since you got all horny when Eddie shoved a broken bottle to your neck?"

Steve sputters because, well, no…maybe. "I- I didn't-"

While Eddie teases, "Oh Stevie, you liked that did ya?"

And Robin continues, "Don't lie to me, you liked it. Just as much as Eddie liked seeing you all sweaty in his vest." (To which Eddie shrugs, because she's not wrong) "If I didn't know better I'd say you two were doing the dirty that night in the woods. But, I do know better and if I'm right, which I usually am, this whole thing started a few months ago and you're already grossly in love. God,-" she scoffs fondly, shaking her head, "-I bet you guys cry during sex. Disgusting. But adorable. Just be safe. Don't get Steve pregnant." She claps them on the shoulders with finality and sanuters past like the pair aren't standing there with mouths agape in shock.

And then the door to the break room swings shut and they're alone again.

Steve's still blushing, jaw hanging open while Eddie has obviously moved on by the way he's rucking up Steve's shirt and mouthing at his neck and he mumbles, "She's not wrong, you looked hot in my vest."

#eddie munson #steve harrington #robin buckley #steddie #platonic stobin #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #steddie fandom #steddie fanfiction #steve x eddie #stevexeddie #eddie x steve #steddie ficlet #stranger things fandom #steddie fic #steddie headcanon

[rius-cave]

Micheal visites Hell, checking up on Adam. This is probably still when Luci and Adam are still not getting along.

Micheal (knowing his brother, drags him to another room by his ear): Okay, here is how it's going to go.

Luic (stund): uh... wha?

Michael: You are going to stop thinking with you dick and actually be nice to HIM, Got it.

Luci (confused): I have no idea who you're talking about.

Michael (rolls his upwards, asking Father for strength): You can't be that stupid, Lu lu. First Lilly, then Eve. You can't tell me you didn't do all that to get HIS attention instead of mine.

Luci (flabbergasted): I did?

Michael (slaps his face and walks away): idiot.

I am absolutely fucking WEEPING at imagining Michael say "stop thinking with your dick" and also "asking Father for strength" LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT IS JUST HILARIOUS I'M DYING. MICHAEL ABSOLUTELY HAVING NO PATIENT FOR HIS BROTHER'S BS SDJSsdfSDF

#crying #lowkey want Michael to be a wingman now #or at least trying to knock some sense into lucifer #hazbin hotel #adamsapple #ask

[flashfuture]

Jason Todd as Robin ... the first time

[I previously addressed how before the original Crisis Jason Todd was introduced to the world.] The world being Earth One and this Jason Todd is much different to the Jason of New Earth who smacked Batman with a tire iron. He has red hair

But this is the tale of how Jason was awarded the title of Robin the first time around.

It begins with Dick Grayson. Wally West has just quit the Titans because he's losing his powers. And Dick has an announcement of his own.

(New Teen Titans vol 1 #39)

Dick has been Robin since he was 8 years old but he can't be Batman's kid partner forever. "Costume, you and I have gone through a Lot together. Sure hope your new wearer doesn't abuse you as much as I did." He already has a successor picked out of course

But Bruce is maybe not so on board not at first.

(Batman #363)

Jason is rather peeved he isn't allowed to do anything in this new place he's been put and reminds Alfred he can just go back to the circus

(Batman #363)

Still Jason sneaks out to assist Bruce with his Batmaning which is Not appreciated. Bruce realizing that maybe the orphan he took in at eight shouldn't have been fighting crime and trying to stop his new child actually makes So So much more sense than fired an adult Dick Grayson to protect him and then hired a twelve year old to replace him

(Batman #363)

Anyways Jason is pissed and makes a break for it back to the circus. "... Not every conversation with a clown in funny." hilarious narration and excellent unintentional foreshadowing

(Detective Comics #530)

Bruce realizes Jason ran away and is like 'Let's go get him back before the police realize we are almost kind of holding a child hostage. And by we I mean you Alfred okay bye.'

(Detective Comics #531)

Then after a fight that was with some lions and other evil villains this circus has a rough time. Bruce agrees Jason can have a chance at being his partner.

(Batman #366)

Jason is bored waiting around for Batman partner training and goes and fucks around in Dick's room.

(Batman #366)

What he found was evidently one of Dick's costumes and hair dye? So to note Jason dyed his own hair black just to prove himself nobody made him.

(Batman #366)

Anyways SUPER important because I'm so Mad they changed this and the fandom gets in a tizzy about it to this day. But Bruce was pissed Jason dressed up as Robin. "But at the very first opportunity, you will remove that costume. You had no right to wear it in the first place. Becoming my new parter is one thing...stealing someone else's very identity is another-- and one I won't allow." Bruce was incredibly protective of Dick's claim to Robin.

(Batman #367)

Just want to say Jason's first suggestion of an alternative sidekick name was "Ishmael"

(Batman #368)

Jason is listing out other names he could be called and Bruce doesn't like any of them.

(Batman #368)

But here comes Dick Grayson and he comes bearing gifts.

(Batman #368)

He has a suit and a name for Jason Todd to use happy to give permission while also pleased with Bruce's protectiveness.

(Batman #368)

Like this meant a whole lot to Bruce and Dick as well as Jason. Dick was nearly crying from Bruce's sincerity and gratefulness.

(Batman #368)

And now it's time for Dick Grayson to take his leave.

"So long, Robin. Be great."

#dc comics #batman 1940 #detective comics #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #robin #jason todd #bronze age #earth one #long post

[beanghostprincess]

What is shank's reaction to cross guild getting together or any of the ex-Roger pirates like reyleigh or crous

Do you want the reaction I think he has in canon or the fanon, gayer one? Because I can do both. And both are pretty gay, ngl. Shanks is not even trying to hide in the glass closet he's just, out of there. Gay little man. Anyway-

Realistically, I think Shanks is happy Buggy is making a name for himself. The fact that he's joining forces with these other two is, uh, weird to say the least. He's honestly more surprised about Mihawk accepting to do this rather than Buggy having this organization, honestly. But I'm 100% sure he saw the poster and went all nostalgic. You know that bittersweet smile of "I'm happy for you but I wish we were together for this/We could've done this on our own"? Well, something like that. But I think that, even if he hasn't moved on from Buggy (never will. Gay little pirate) the whole point about Shanks with him is that he does see Buggy's potential and I don't think he's surprised about this. At least not in the way Luffy is, for example. It's a weird choice of business partners and Shanks doubts that he's the leader but damn his best friend (ex best friend. He has to remind the lil two letters that go before the term) is becoming even more important. I think that's also what makes him want to go look for the One Piece, besides Luffy, too. Like, things are definitely happening and changing and he needs to go after his dream too. Basically, I think he's proud of Buggy but he regrets not being able to be with him right now, and even could resent Crocodile and Mihawk a little bit. We'll see how that goes!

In a more fanon, self-indulgent concept, I think he wants to die. I think he's worried because what the actual fuck is Buggy doing with these two? And I think that, even if he's proud of him, he looks at Crocodile and Mihawk with so much jealousy,,, He'd be complimenting Buggy on his achievements and then turn around at the two of them like "grrrrrrrrrrrr *protective dog noises*". Thing that Buggy absolutely fucking hates because he can take care of himself, thank you very much, and does not need a reminder of how he has to be protected by Shanks. Not that Shanks is going all jealous ex on them, but he kind of is and Cross Guild is so fucking done because he has no right to act like this anymore. Beck tries to talk with him but Shanks is all like "hahaha why would we need to talk about this :)??? I am perfectly stable by the way where's the rum?" and his alcoholic self-destructive ass can't take the fact that Buggy is happy (could you consider that being happy? Not really. In a position of power. Kind of) without him. I don't remember the name of the fic but I read something about Shanks going to them and wanting to help Buggy because his Vivre Card was getting burned to ashes and Buggy refusing to be helped because he's tired of always getting saved by Shanks and he can protect himself and Shanks was going all worried boyfriend on him and aaaaaaaaaaaaaa great fanfic.

On the other hand, I think in general the whole thing is a surprise for everyone. I mean. It's not really the fact that Buggy is in a position of power because okay, he's still their little clumsy clown and it's weird seeing him like this, but he's been making a name for himself for a long time, and being even more powerful isn't surprising. What is surprising is that Crocodile and Mihawk are choosing to work for him (because that's what people think, and it's hilarious). I think they either laugh at this or are like "what the fuck??" but proceed to laugh anyway. I mean, the oldest generation is just watching these things happen like a telenovela. Also, I think Rayleigh is dying to see Shanks and Buggy again and talk about these things. Please Oda let them meet with their dad I am begging you-

#buggy is either having the best time of his life or the worst #we'll see when they show up again in the manga i am going insane it's been so long bring cross guild back i wanna see them i miss them #it doesn't matter what shanks' reacton is the important thing is that he's very gay #one piece #buggy the clown #cross guild #red haired shanks #shuggy #silvers rayleigh

[eleanorfenyx]

I have finished Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and here are some of my thoughts! (Obviously not spoiler free)

The cases are absolutely batshit insane and I loved it every single time they were like 'we totally collected this evidence that incriminates a secret suspect, just believe us and also don't question when the fuck we had the time to do this or when we figured out that we needed to look for it'. 10/10 no notes, that's a hilarious way to have a genius detective. Show us nothing, tell us everything, YES king.

That being said, I could have done with a lot less standing around having the supporting cast repeat whatever Li Lianhua and Fang Duobing announce, maybe in an attempt to make sure their genius is clear for the audience? I get it, but at the same time it felt a little too hand-holdy for me, especially in scenes where LLH and FDB had already discussed their findings between themselves before presenting them to the concerned bystanders. I can read between the lines (or else understand what has just been explicitly stated) without having every conclusion filtered through a slightly different sentence structure to make sure I got it.

Di Feisheng amnesia arc my fuckin beloved

Di Feisheng destroying his 'father' and freeing everyone in Di manor in a vicious act of catharsis that tied nicely into the main Nanyin bug-mind-control-thing narrative my beloved

Di Feisheng my beloved

The amount of times I was like...genuinely surprised he and Li Lianhua didn't kiss is both embarrassing (because I do in fact understand censorship and what I sign up for with these dramas and yet and yet) and numerous enough that I could...possibly...theoretically..write a 5+1 fic of every time I want them to kiss about it. No one hold me to that but it's something I think I'd like to do.

Re: the above point: because what the FUCK was that ending?!!! EXCUSE ME?! I gotta FIX THAT SHIT.

There will come a day when the strength of my hope for an unambiguously happy ending in a queer(-coded? is the source originally bl or is this its own thing?) wuxia drama is rewarded....but it is not this day. I must fix this myself.

Jiao Liqiao's laugh is one of the most annoying things I've ever heard. I was reaaaaally hoping someone would just up and stab her during one of her little evil laughing fits. At one point I was shouting "KILL HER, KILL HER" at my screen because I could NOT take anymore of her (unfortunately, I did in fact have to take more of her).

I still think her insistence on being obsessed with DFS is hysterical when he is so VISIBLY only interested in LLH. Explicitly STATES that his only life purpose is to fuck fight LLH again. Babygirl (derogatory) he is so fucking gay let's get you a nice knife to the gut instead, okay?

I thought the whole Shan Gudao plot was interesting, going from looking desperately for his body -> putting him to rest -> hunting for his murderer -> finding out he's alive/the mastermind behind everything going wrong (which I was proud of myself for realizing before the reveal, I'm normally bad at that) -> thwarting him with sass and superior martial arts at every possible turn -> killing him stone fuckin dead with beginner level skills because he's so up his own hole he can't see that's what's happening - was really fun!

He also has a SUPER annoying laugh he can fuck off

OH OH OH MARTIAL ARTS SKILL OF TRANS YOUR GENDER?! I MARRIED HER SO HER AFFAIRS ARE MY BUSINESS NOT YOURS??? ASKING YOUR WIFE FOR HER FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AS YOU LAY DYING AND SHE GIVES IT TO YOU?????? OKAYYYYYYY

The twist at the end that LLH is the one with royal blood was so funny to me. Like it's a good twist and I love that Shan Gudao was just quite literally always a fuckin try-hard loser in ways he didn't even know, but also it was SO funny. Granny coming in clutch at the last fuckin minute with secret knowledge she just literally never shared.

LLH is such a smooth motherfucker. Shame about his insistence on dying when quite literally everyone (bar the people who suck) is begging this man to just live. Just LIVE DAMN IT!!!!! I really liked it when FDB begs him to just consider his own life as important for ONCE and remember that people care about him because YES his self-sacrificing and committment to Chilling Out Farmer Style was not the mercy he thought it was!

LIVE AND GROW OLD WITH DI FEISHENG YOU DAMN IDIOT (the likelihood of me resisting the urge to write at least the one fic for them is zero to none)

Unironically love spitting up blood as a plot device and this show is no different. The Drama. The Panache. The desperation of everyone around you because you have BLOOD coming out of your MOUTH and you are FAINTING. Poison acting up? Spit blood. Someone bitch slap you with their magical palm ability? Spit blood. Get stressed? Spit blood. Get stabbed? Spit blood. It's always good!

Okay I think that might be all I've got for now, if I think of anything else I'll add them in a reblog. I thoroughly enjoyed it, would definitely recommend!

#mysterious lotus casebook #my thoughts #for whatever they're worth #it was nice too because unlike say Word of Honor I didn't mind the overarching plot about the jianghu #and the magical cures/objects that everyone is racing/fighting each other to get to first #WOH was just plain boring outside of the interpersonal relationships in my opinion #but in this there were only a few times I really just did not care about the latest fetch quest and wanted to get back to the relationships

[cure-icy-writes]

Thoughts on We Know The Devil:

-okay so first of all. i love venus but it's hilarious that lesbians continue to be able to sniff out closeted transfems and flirt with them. yeah they're pre-ordering. girls who go "well you're a guy and i'm a lesbian, one of us is gonna have to change and it ain't me."

-Venus is on hella antidepressants and unfortunately this has the side effect of making her a lightweight

-Neptune is disabled. she's one of mine i claim her. trust me on this one you guys

-"she doesn't want jupiter to know that she's dying of soap opera disease" false. her insides are fucked to hell and back and she plays it off as laziness because she doesn't trust anyone to understand that she's chronically ill. she pretends she's in the bathroom doing her makeup for hours instead of whatever gastrointestinal or lung bullshit her body has decided to attack her with. being a preppy bitch is her shield.

-she drinks from a hydroflask. She pretends it's water or maybe some kind of fancy diet flavored water, but the liquid is usually medicated, something with ginger and honey to soothe her insides.

-jupiter hasn't ever thought of leaving the midwest. it's home, after all.

-Jupiter used to keep her hair short. Not for any stylistic reason she just wanted a lot of haircuts because that’s when she could be touched. Her scalp was massaged and her head tilted and she felt amazing, but also guilty for taking advantage of the kindness of the hairstylist. She’s at shoulder length and says she’ll grow it long this time. 

#we know the devil #please play it it's like if magical girls had religious trauma and lesbianisms

[fanaticsnail]

My take on Shameless Part 1:

Reader, finally being convinced to give up her type: I want a visible outline in the pants. I want "swinging between their knees" big. You know the minotaur? Picture that. Then picture someone that makes the minotaur feel inadequate. Then picture that someone looking at you like a crab to split open and suck the meat out of. Then picture me, as a crab-

The crew: (varying states of horror)

Reader: **** in my ******, tickling my diaphragm, upside down-

Law: (considering a lobotomy)

Reader: *** dripping from his teeth, ***** spread open, *****-

Ikkaku, to the Kid Pirates: look out! I think Moto Moto likes you!

Reader, "I like'em big, I like 'em chunky" playing in the background: Shachi did I ever tell you I invented and held the title of mechanical bull riding champion for four consecutive years on my home island?

Shachi, terrified: What's happening? Where is that music coming from?

Reader: but you know what they say, save a mechanical bull-

Shachi: Seriously, am I the only one hearing this?

Reader: hellooooo sailor-

Law: aht! Down girl.

Reader: What?! You don't get to-

Law: Do you want to be grounded for the next thirty days?

Reader: you're not my dad!-

Law: with the collective amount of brain cells you lot share between you? I might as well be.

Reader: He could be my-

Law: Room.

Reader: Wait! Please-

Law: Shambles

Reader, from below deck: Your galley can't hold me forever! I will chew my way through these bars!

Reader: Him. He's my type

Bepo, looking at the hulking unit of a man known for violence warily: ... In what way, exactly?

Reader: any way he'll have me. Although I do have a penchant for all fours.

Kid, noticing the talking: OI! You lot quit yer yappin'! What are you, a dog?

Reader: For you? I'd be happy drooling, leashed, and on all fours.

Kid: what?

Reader: Woof.

Reader, hoping to bypass all laws of the One Piece universe to directly beam "Rodeo" by Lah Pat into Kid's head if she stares at him hard enough:

Shachi, bolting upright in his bunk: it's fucking happening again.

Reader, singing to the tune of Beyonce's "ego" under their breath as they work: walk like this 'cause he knows how to fuck

Shachi: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

Luffy, humming along: Oh, you hear it too?

Shachi: (screams)

Okay, this was so ridiculous I had to make a mood board so I could visualise it. This is hilarious. This is exactly what my mind did when reading your ask, snail, and I am here for it.

I am dying at Shachi's reactions to the music. That's way too funny. Luffy singing? Cherry on top.

Meanwhile, Captain Law's live reaction to his unruly crewmember:

And coming in hot with the song recs!? Hell yeah!!

I don't know what got into me with that three-parter. Something about Kid just said: "You know that guy? That guy needs to be rizzed. He needs to be rizzed so bad. I'm gonna have this afab!reader rizz him the hardest he's ever been rizzed."

You're always here when I need you, sweet snail. Thank you so much. So ridiculously funny, and just what I needed before I go to sleep.

#one piece #x reader #eustass kid #eustass kid x reader #ask snail #snail answers #op kid #one piece kid #op kid fic

[tsuk1sh1ma]

[5:30]

you sat behind the counter of the convenience store you were now forced to work at. you heard loud yelling, and what seemed to be a herd of orange and black blobs trampling into the store. "oh fuck i forgot they had a game today" you huffed, rolling your eyes, you knew this was gonna take forever. between your inability to count money, and the volleyball teams mission to be assholes wherever they go, you knew your day was going to get exponentially longer. "hey keishin-san" you mumbled as he walked in behind his players "they won today i assume?"

keishin nodded proudly. "was a great game, you really should have came y/n". you deadpanned, fighting the urge to punch the man you called boss. "right it's not like i'm working or anything...speaking of when am i gonna get paid?" keishin seemed as if he deliberately ignored you and went else where within the store. the first to come check out was tsukishima, you all didn't interact much except for when you worked; and let's just say it wasn't always pleasant. "still can't believe you like convenience store cake" you scanned his items as you fake gagged. he looked you up and down and rolled his eyes. "still can't believe you're minding my business" he said matching your energy. "still can't believe you guys actually have the ability to win a game" you fired back still scanning items. "that's hilarious, because i definitely cannot believe that you still work here for free."

"it's not for free, i clearly get paid..."

"you get paid with what? dust? your phone still is broken mrs.cracked screen"

"you know what—"

you all bickered for what seemed like hours, the noise in the store eventually dying down. the team and the usual pedestrians that stopped inside. all staring at you. tadashi stepped in front of tsukishima seeming irately impatient

"oh my god why don't you all just kiss already i've been waiting for 10 minutes just to ask the price on these chips!"

"ITS FREE ANYWAY" you and tsuki both shouted, making you slightly blush.

"good grief" keishin spoke up face palming and shaking his head "maybe i shouldn't pay you, look at this line kid...and arguing with customers...not a good look"

"but—" you just took a deep breath "have the day you deserve tsukishima. NEXT" you dismissed him , trying to get the store back to its original empty glory.

you closed up shop with a deep sigh, you were finally getting ready to lock the doors and leave out before a car pulled out an blonde, tall & slim figure seemed to run out of a car. next thing you knew, there he was tsukishima kei in all his glory in front of you, only thing dividing you all were glass doors. "let me in y/n i need to get something!" he whispered yelled, he seemed to be desperate which only amused you. "can't you see we close at 9:30? it's 9:32, you're too late blondie" you said trying not to laugh, you planned on letting him in you just wanted him to beg for it first. "cmon y/n i'm sorry about earlier, i just need some tylenol. i'm really fucking sore" he complained "i won't complain again!"

you snickered knowing how much of a lie it was. "hurry up, i don't wanna get in trouble" you opened the doors and flicked back on the lights. "you're a life saver" he said running the medicine aisle. "wow tsuki being appreciative, that's a first" you said going to the register snickering. "don't press your luck y/n" he put the medicine on the counter, staring at you as you did it. you could feel his eyes peer into your soul, it was a different type of look. it made you slightly uncomfortable, but it didn't make you mad like he usually did when you were in his presence. "that'll be 5-5.08" you stumbled, suddenly get a sense of nervousness as you looked up at him taking in how he really looked.

his hair was messy and he had on a plain white tee and some black basketball shorts, sweat dripping down his forehead. he looked like a mess, but at the same time he was kind of hot. "hey?" you locked eyes with him "you okay? you look kind of..."

"bad?" he finished for you as he handed you the money.

"if you say so..." you handed him his meds and followed him outside as he left (not before locking the door of course). "yeah i'm fine" he said as you all stood outside, the only thing making you all visible were the cars going by and the pale moonlight. "just couldn't sleep, don't sweat it." he leaned in close to you, making your head spin in confusion. his lips touched yours, you kissed him back. you both standing there for a moment, breathing synchronized as he pulled away in confusion. you looked away not sure if you could put what just happened into words. "so..." you started but were soon cut off by his lips on yours again, this time he pulled you closer by your hips. your body's pressed against each other as you alls lips moved in perfect harmony. you were nothing short of confused, but you didn't want it to stop. you hadn't been kissed since middle school, let alone like this. why stop a good thing if it was meant to happen?

"sorry" he pulled away, seemingly fighting a smile. "i had to make sure of something...bye y/n make it home safe okay?" tsuki said showing you a completely different side of kei tsukishima you'd never seen before.

"yeah uh...you too?" and before you could process what actually happen he was gone.

#hinata shouyou #haikyuu #tsukishima kei #haikyuu x reader #x black plus size reader #x black reader #black reader #tsukishima angst #tsukishima scenarios #tsukishima x black reader #hq tsukishima #haikyuu x plus size reader #anime #anime smut

[smaller-comfort]

So how do you imagine snail love darts and necrontyr working/combining? Cause I am interested~

Aksjdhsk ahahaha oh god okay here we go

(Tumblr crashed on me three times while I tried to write this, but I will not let that stop me from rambling at length about snail sex, speculative xenobiology, and various ways that necrontyr get to be fucked up little guys.)

Okay, now snails: they use the darts during courtship to deliver hormones that increase the likelihood of fertilizing their partner's eggs; after the several-hours-long mating dance, they'll exchange spermatophores. (Fun fact, the penis, copulatory canal, and dart sac are all located inside the genital pore, on the snail's head. Mating dances can involve a lot of biting.) Snails have bad aim, but it's not uncommon for both snails to end up getting stabbed during courtship.

Okay. Some assumptions/general thoughts: necrontyr do not have "dual-use" reproductive/waste elimination systems (inferred from Trazyn's hilarious disgust at the idea, but honestly it would be entirely believable for him to have completely lost any and all memories of necrontyr biology). Most higher order animals do (they're efficient!), but you start to see ones that don't when you get down to bugs and marine creatures, so that's what kicked off this train of thought.

I'm assuming also there is relatively little sexual dimorphism among necrontyr (not for any particular reason, although my understanding is that actual female necrons are a relatively new thing in wh40k lore, so that fits). And finally, everyone constantly dying of turbo cancer has led to a 'throw everything but the kitchen sink at it' evolutionary approach to reproductive strategies.

"Copulatory canal" is a deeply unsexy phrase, btw. So are most words we use when talking about sex, unfortunately. *sigh*

Okay, so, love darts. Pretty much only ever used by nobles/the military, because in the upper classes of society, sex isn't about reproduction, it's about reinforcing social hierarchies. And necrontyr social hierarchies tend to be inherently about violence in one way or another. Sexual dominance is generally more about who gets stabbed with the dart than it is about which penis is going where. (That's still a factor, but it's secondary, since genital configurations/functionality can be a bit of a wildcard.) Snails take an egalitarian approach to sex; necrontyr categorically do not. Both parties consenting to be darted would be considered weird and perverted.

Anyway. While many necrontyr do only have one set of functional reproductive organs by the time they reach adulthood (either because the other set was always vestigial or because it gets removed to reduce the spread of cancer), both sets are usually present in some fashion. Sterility would be fairly common, but medical technology is able to mitigate some of that; the lower classes, at least, need to be able to breed like rabbits to feed the war machine. Gender is mostly divorced from reproductive role by the time biotransference happens; in addition to male and female, there would have been at least one other normative gender, possibly two (to account for both null and multimodal genders). Gender fluidity would have been common and largely unremarkable for necrontyr. (It's still largely unremarkable for necrons, but it's not particularly common; they're mostly fixed with whatever gender they had at biotransference.)

The dart sac would be located in their mouths, under the tongue; it's meant to be ejected into the soft tissue of the mouth, but it's sharp enough to pierce the skin anywhere. (This does mean kissing can be Complicated, or at least somewhat subversive, depending on everyone's social standing.) Normally it gets broken down and absorbed by the recipient's body; pulling one out tends to be extremely uncomfortable/painful.

Kind of going off ancient greek/roman sexual mores here; it would be entirely unthinkable, for example, for Obyron to be the penetrative partner in either sense with Zahndrekh. (Then again, Zahndrekh is a shameless pervert.) Sex between two social equals is generally accompanied by an agreement- sometimes tacit, sometimes explicit- about not using the darts. Doing so would be an overt act of aggression. Often, to prevent any potential misunderstandings, they'll voluntarily empty their dart sacs ahead of time.

Forcing someone to empty their dart sac prior to sex is a pretty common form of sexual humiliation. When done voluntarily, it's a sign of submission or respect. (Darts usually have a refractory period of a few days, depending on the person's overall health. Single-chambered dart sacs are typical, but multiples aren't unheard of. Leads to occasional 'surprise! You thought I was submitting to you but now you're getting fucked instead' situations.)

The exact cocktail of hormones and neurochemicals it injects the other person with would vary somewhat between individuals, but can potentially vary widely between dynasties or social classes due to genetic/geographic/cultural differences. Some might include a mild paralytic agent; some sort of euphoric effect is also common. (This is all in addition to the original function, which, uh. Is to make the recipient more likely to get pregnant.) The shape of the dart varies in a similar fashion, ranging from a straight, smooth bone spike to something more elaborate with barbs or fluting.

(A bloody mouth can signify a lot of things to necrontyr- in addition to violence or illness, it's also inherently erotic. Necrons who remember this try very, very hard not to think about it when confronted with Flayed Ones.)

(Yenekh: *very sexily smearing his mouth with blood and draping himself all over Oltyx*

Crypteks have their own social hierarchies within their conclaves, but they're usually not as concerned with sexual politics as nobles and the military tend to be. Most people believe that crypteks all lace their love darts with poison, and the crypteks don't try to discourage that assumption. Some of them probably do, tbh.

Oltyx: *oblivious, can't stop thinking about how pretty Yenekh is*

The rest of the flayed ones: *still not sure why their king and his consort haven't fucked nasty in a pile of carrion yet. Maybe they need a bigger pile of carrion? Yes, that's probably it. They will take care of this for their beloved king.*)

Necrons, of course, don't have genitalia, but they can still stab each other with love dart analogues- this ranges from things like executive buffer override packages sent via interstitial channel, to actually physically jamming a spike of necrodermis into a neural input node. (From a purely aesthetic/romantic standpoint I also like the idea of love darts constructed out of crystallized core flux. The first time Zahndrekh does that to Obyron he goes into complete cascade failure and takes several hours to reboot.)

If Orikan and Trazyn did have sex pre-biotransference, one of them would have darted the other without permission (probably accidentally, being that they are both intensely nerdy losers and thus Bad At Sex by necrontyr standards), setting off a sixty-five million year hate-sex feud that neither of them can even remember the origin of. Orikan would've gone after Trazyn's mouth with a pair of pliers at some point; joke's on him, Trazyn's into that.

(Trazyn does have a collection of necrontyr love darts in the archives- all of them ones he collected personally when he was alive. He has no absolutely no memory of slutting it up back in the day, though, and probably doesn't even realize what they are. Sannet, unfortunately, does remember, and wishes he didn't. He has had to put up with so, so much over the years.)

#nattering #warhams #well i have now officially thought about this Too Much ahahaha #this is what i get for trying to be funny; now everything's gotten slightly out of hand #am i even going to use any of these ideas? who knows. they are free to a good home