#okay have in mind this was writen by a half drunk mar last night okay?

[itssydneysweeney]

It all started with a letter so here we go....

i’ve been thinking about this for quite a while so trust me when i say it’s not just the spur of the moment or that i had one too many shots of tequila last night....

seasons have changed with us together, days, months... like it’s been almost 6 months which sounds... crazy? to say the least. and for reals when we had our very first date back on valentine’s day if someone had asked me i wouldn’t had put my money on you, or us...

you were broken, not sure if you wanted a new person in your life after what you had to go through with your ex... and me? honestly i was going through a bumpy break up too and not sure if i was ready to meet someone and become exclusive... the idea scared me. was i ready for that kind of commitment? i wasn’t. certainly not then. and the question has been hunting me ever since. was i ready? what made me take a leap of faith...

that answer was easy, you know? but to accept it, now THAT was the scary part. cause to admit you were the reason why i changed my mind, to admit that i’m happy with you and wouldn’t change you for the world means also admitting that you matter to me and i can’t see a life in which you are not my leading guy and i don’t get to fall asleep to your voice on the phone.

oh, dimples.... i’ve always heard my friends talking about guys who had turned their whole world upside down, but with you? that’s the biggest understatement... my whole world change the day i met you, or well --- started changing. and i’m no longer to admit that out loud.

i’m no longer scared to admit you are my biggest weakness and that when you cry i cry and when you are sad so am i but when you smile? oh, when you smile it’s when my whole world shines. everything feels like a field of dandelions when you say sweet things to me and my feet are no longer over the surface --- i float. and not in a vecna creepy kind of way...

when you kiss me i get that thriving sensation they write about on romantic novels. i’m almighty whenever you call me your leading lady or just casually mention i’m yours. 

so yes, i personally figured out the best way to say this was just how everything started between us... with a letter... remember that one day? you were in toronto, just like now, but i wasn’t there - i was in hawaii and yet you didn’t think it twice. it felt like an eternity but kissing you made the wait worth it... once again sorry for how long my reply took that time around but i wanted to be sure of my decision. as sure as i am now...

the whole purpose of this letter, and the only reason why i waited until the last minutes of your special day to give it to you is i’m shaking and internally screaming... guess this is how you felt on that road trip --- and i’m much better with words on a paper than saying them out loud... like imagine if even writing it’s taking me this long how it would be if i was actually speaking, face to face. 

but enough. i’m writing this with the fear of scaring you but i can’t live a life in which i’m scared to live, to feel, to .... fuck. well, not to fuck.

shawn, the truth is, i think i love you. and not just like i love pancakes, i love you in the way a girl who can’t stop thinking of you does. i love you and my heart skips a beat each time you get really close to me, your hands against my skin.... i love you and count down the minutes for every new meeting of ours. i love you and that four letters word never made that much sense to me before. i love you and im afraid maybe it’s just one sided (and it’s okay if it’s like that cause i don’t mean to rush you, we all have our own pace but i love you and i don’t want to keep it bottled up anymore)

i love you and i tried to mask the feeling as other things but it’s been a few weeks since i realised what others described me as loving their special one sounded a lot like what you make me feel.

in your presence my heart races, my legs shake and my hands feel all sweaty. but even if all those sensations are uncomfortable, i wouldn’t change them for the world. i love feeling that way for the most special guy i’ve ever met.

so... yes, this isn’t a letter to get a response back, it’s just my confession cause just as you did that day on your car, i couldn’t hold it inside of me anylonger or i’d explode...

but have some mercy on me, mendes.... even if you don’t love me, and even on the worst case scenario in which you feel like you could never love me... come find me in the bedroom cause there is one last surprise i have for you that implies a lot less clothing. one last birthday surprise you can have before midnight and that is all yours to take and enjoy as you please. here a hint: 

(P.S.: come rushing cause i’m getting cold and i might be able to resist it if you don’t say me that words back but it’s been a long day and what i can’t take is one more minute without your kisses and your hands all over me.)

@shcwns​

#╰ ♡ ✧ ˖ silky bows and shinny wrapping papers ┊ gifts . #╰ ♡ ✧ ˖ the only boy that matters ┊ shawn . #okay have in mind this was writen by a half drunk mar last night okay? #alexa play mercy by shawn mendes