#okay there were probably some years before i was aware of gender

[blossom-hwa]

memory lane | j.yh

I'm nearly two years late but in my defense I had this written for months already, I was just too lazy to create a graphic for it until now. anyway, this was sparked by the memory lane trip that dr. strange took in multiverse of madness - there are definitely spoilers (check the warnings below) and this story might be confusing if you haven't seen the dr. strange and spiderman movies so keep that in mind!

I made some changes to the plots of both movies, so bear this in mind - y/n instead of mingi (ned's counterpart) is the one with sorcery potential and later joins dr. strange at the sanctum, so y/n is the one who goes universe hopping with america chavez and ends up replaying memories they'd forgotten from when dr. strange erased all memories of spiderman (yunho). this story takes place after they've defeated wanda and returned to the sanctum. this should sum up the biggest changes, hope it helps :)

Pairing: Yunho x gender neutral!reader

Genre: angst (happy ending), Spiderman!au

Warnings: spoilers for the last Dr. Strange and Spiderman movies

Word Count: 5.3k

When you return to the Sanctum, armed with a name and the knowledge of a love you don't remember, you go searching for answers. 

Ateez Masterlist

When the dust has cleared at Mount Wungadore and they’ve all made it back to the Sanctum, it takes Strange a few hours to realize that there’s something wrong with his apprentice. Not just the exhaustion, not just the trauma of universe hopping and fighting the most powerful witch in all of the infinite number of universes in existence—that would be normal. This is something different. Something darker.

Something more broken.

“Dr. Strange,” you say later that night when it’s just the two of you, everyone else gone to bed. Flames crackle in the fireplace, glowing weirdly on your face. “Do you remember what happened with Spiderman?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Spiderman?” He knows you were there, remembers that’s how he became aware of your potential for sorcery, but you’ve never really talked about it.

“Yeah.”

He tells you what he remembers. A spell, rips in the universe, a vigilante who wouldn’t let the aberrations die. The mirror dimension, hanging over the Grand Canyon for way too fucking long, and a second spell to right the wrongs of the first.

You take it all in silence, not a single question asked until the end. “Do you remember what the second spell was?”

He looks at you. You don’t look back.

“No.”

“…Okay.”

He ends up leaving first, exhaustion pulling his eyelids down to the point he can barely keep them open as he climbs up the Sanctum’s stairs. He tells you to rest, and you nod, but he’s still not quite certain you heard.

You probably didn’t. Because in the morning when he wakes, you’re gone, only a text left on his phone to give any clue as to where you went.

Gone to visit a friend. I’ll be back. I’m fine.

Please don’t follow me.

. . . . .

Standing in front of the apartment door, an arm raised to knock, you feel like time has been frozen still.

“Memory Lane. Replay your significant memories, now at a discounted price! We remember, so you don’t forget.”

A boy in the spider-suit, face bloodied, eyes broken. A wavering smile on his lips that couldn’t disguise the tears rolling down his face. Hugging you and Mingi with arms so strong but trembling so much you could—you could almost feel them shaking around your shoulders. Eyes zeroing in on the wound on your head, a short gash that left the scar you could never for your life remember where it came from—

He saw it. And asked about it. And heard your babbled reassurances, instinctively steadying you on your bad leg (how did he know? How did he know if you never knew him?) as you and Mingi tried to speak, before saying the words you don’t remember.

“You’re going to forget who I am.”

You swallow hard, trying to reconcile the smiling boy you’d met during your third fight ever with the broken, bloodied man standing before you in that moment. They had the same suit—nearly. Not quite. But they had the same face. The same eyes.

And though you didn’t have a name then, now you do.

“I love you.”

“I love you, Yunho Jeong.”

You loved a boy whose name you don’t know. And he—

He loved you too.

Nausea rolls in your stomach. Your arm has begun to ache from holding it up for so long, but you can’t bring yourself to knock. What if he refuses to hear you? What if he doesn’t want you to remember, doesn’t want you to ask? What if he just isn’t home? You don’t know if you could find the courage to come back again. You can already feel the adrenaline high of the past few days beginning to fade, that initial burst of anger and courage (or was it foolishness? Right now you can’t quite tell) falling away to reveal your confused and broken core.

Your sight blurs, the four numbers marking Spiderman’s door (Yunho’s door, your brain corrects you, and it’s unsettling how easily the name seems to roll off the tongue of your mind though you know you never knew it until the trip down Memory Lane) swimming in your vision. One zero two four. You remember it from the day you walked him back, one of his arms slung around your shoulders, one leg broken and propped up by a cast of your own magic.

The moment had felt—familiar, you remember. Vaguely. At least in the way his tired laughs left his lips, in the way he joked about the villain who had left him in this state, in the way he thanked you as he lay on his bed, the magic cast fizzling out of sight, his reassurance that he’d be healed by morning. It had felt easy, somehow. Like you’d done this before, or something similar.

At the time, you’d brushed it off as Spiderman’s charisma with everybody. The times you interacted with him, watched him fend off villains and help the elderly cross the sidewalk in just two breaths showed you enough. That infectious laugh, the witty barbs, his charming easiness with every person he encountered, villain or no, weren’t special somethings reserved for you, which you reminded yourself in the moments you thought that might be true.

But maybe it was true. That trip down memory lane told you that you knew him even before you did. Knew Spiderman, knew him deeply, knew him well enough to know his name, Yunho Jeong—

Knew him enough that you could kiss him and tell him you loved him, twice, even without the promise of a response.

“Wait. Wait and tell me when you see me again.”

He’d promised. With a nod, and a smile, and words said before that you know from the memory but still don’t remember. He’d said it, sworn it—

“It’s okay. I’m gonna come and find you and—and I’ll explain everything. I’ll make you remember me.” A deep, rattling breath. “And it’ll be like none of this ever happened.”

Yet he never came to find you. For what reason, you don’t know. But you found him. Over and over, you found him—during fights, on trips to the bodega, several times in the Sanctum. And he never said anything.

The ache of a memory that is yours but isn’t thuds dully in your chest. You need to know if it was real. And it if was…

You need to know why he never returned.

Your knuckles rap the door sharply—once, twice, three times. Something clangs and there’s a loud curse in a voice you properly remember, not just know from your trip down memory lane.

Footsteps sound. Something clicks in the door. You have just one moment to prepare yourself before it swings open—

Yunho Jeong’s face stares at you, confused, kind, smiling. If you hadn’t been watching so carefully, you would’ve missed the millisecond of hope and panic that flashed across his eyes that confirms everything you’ve conjectured so far.

You’re not sure how to feel about it.

“Good morning?” He laughs a little, and he’s so good at acting—so damn good, did he take acting classes before? Not that you would’ve known since you only got that one significant memory before you shoved America Chavez on, but you want to grab his shoulders and shake him hard enough to tug those memories loose and plant them back in your own damn head—

“Yunho Jeong.” You take a step forward. “We have a lot to talk about.”

. . . . .

His eyes are guarded when he lets you in the door, but he lets you sit on the couch before he lets loose with a question, more of a statement, of his own. “You know my name.”

You probe his gaze carefully. For once, it flickers as you stare at him, a shard of that steady, easy confidence he’s always had (was there a time he didn’t have it? Were you there when that was the case?) chipped and dropped into somewhere unknown. He doesn’t flinch away, though, not like you originally expected him to.

Maybe it isn’t just paranoia and caution behind those guarded walls, your mind whispers. Maybe there’s a bit of hope, too.

The thought is too much for you to handle, so for all your original bravado you’re the one who looks away first. “I do.”

Spiderman’s—Yunho’s—voice nearly trembles with how carefully he measures his next word. “How?”

You take a deep breath. How do you even start?

“I recently took a…trip, of sorts, with Dr. Strange.” Not really—it was more so just with America, but Spiderman doesn’t know America and you probably shouldn’t be telling anyone about her until Dr. Strange gives the okay. “Went universe hopping. Mostly unintentionally.” Ignoring Spiderman’s—Yunho, Jesus fucking Christ—sharp intake of breath, you continue. “One of them had a curious feature called Memory Lane. For a price, it would replay your most significant memories.” You swallow. “I got a…free trial, of sorts.”

The silence that follows your statement hangs heavily in the air. Never, not once in the time you’ve known him (at least not the second time you knew him, if the first time even existed) did you think Yunho (it’s still strange how not strangely the name flows through your mind) could have let such a tension weigh the conversation—he’s always been so charismatic, so ready to smile and laugh and joke away any heaviness that came. Hell, even when he had a leg snapped into so many pieces only a cast of glowing golden threads was holding it together, he wore a smile on the way back. But in the face of your words, Yunho’s head has fallen, the strong shoulders tensed to snap, his clasped hands trembling underneath his chin…

He looks up, straight at you. His eyes have fragmented and the shards you see in them frightens you—that’s just not a look that belongs on Yunho’s face. He looks ten, twenty, thirty years older than he is (your age, he’d told you with the perfect amount of surprise and warmth on his face the day you’d told him, the first time you’d had more than a few minutes to get to know each other more), with the tortured memories of someone who’s lived through millennia. And, you realize with a pang, there’s a reason for that. Because if you forgot him, if Mingi forgot him, how many others did?

And if you meant so much to him in that life you don’t remember, how much has he had to keep to himself in order to keep you from knowing?

“What did you see?” he asks quietly, hands clasped so tightly his knuckles have turned white. “If it’s okay to tell me, of course.”

Tears bubble in the corners of your eyes. That gentleness, that consideration, feels so warm. So very warm and familiar.

“I was with you. And Mingi. We were hugging.” You swallow. “You looked…beat up, but you still asked about a wound on my head.”

Yunho’s gaze flutters in the direction you knew it’d go, just to the side of your right eyebrow. Your fingers itch to rise, to touch the scarred flesh that’s still there, but you hold your twitching hands still.

“And then you said we were going to forget who you were.”

He goes still at that, still as a statue. It’s funny—there have been a few times where you mused, internally of course, that Yunho’s face—just Spiderman at the time—could have been sculpted by one of the gods, should they exist. A beaming statue of a hero, waiting for thousands to thank and worship him. But now, as he stares at you with no expression on his face, stone still and truly a human statue if there ever was one…

You promise yourself never to make the statue comparison again, because the warm Yunho, the alive Yunho, is the only one you’d ever want to know.

Swallowing hard, you open your mouth. And close it. Not because you don’t know what to say, because you do—it’s just recounting a memory that isn’t yours, basically a scene from a movie, how hard could it be—but because when you try to speak, you can’t. Your voice is gone.

Yunho’s eyes are shiny. A little too shiny. And there’s a little too much hope in them, now, a hope that makes you want to dig yourself into a hole and have someone cover up the dirt behind you. Because—it’s not right, that hope, it’s not right because you know what Yunho wants isn’t what happened.

He speaks first. “You…remember?”

“I—” You dig your fingernails into your palms so hard it hurts. “I don’t.”

His face falls. Crumbles. And this time, unlike all the other times you didn’t understand before when he’d see you and you’d do something—anything—and his face would do something strange for a second before his easy smile came back up—

He doesn’t try to pull it back together.

“I—saw it.” Your mouth moves on autopilot, trying to patch up a situation you’re not sure you can but anything, anything to bring something back to Yunho’s face. Even the terrible hope was better than this. “I saw it—and—I can’t say I remember it, exactly, because I don’t, but it—it felt like it explained things.”

Yunho looks up. Just barely. But he does.

“You—I’m comfortable with you.” Once it’s out in the open, you realize how stupid it sounds, but you barge forward because who the fuck cares anymore. “And I know—I know a lot of people probably say that, but—even at that first fight, it was like…it was like I knew you a little. Somehow. Even though to my knowledge I had never seen you before.” You wince at how that must sound but Yunho doesn’t, his eyes now fixated more firmly on yours. “A lot of things felt…familiar. Just stuff like your laugh. Smile. The way we could banter and talk and I—just—fuck!” Your own vehemence startles you and you slap your palms to your eyes and to your surprise, you find tears meeting your skin.

Damn it, you really hadn’t intended to cry when you came here.

“Y/N?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, scrub at your eyes with the heels of your palms. “I’m sorry,” you say, and wow your voice sounds so much more ragged than you thought it was. “I’m sorry. I—it all sounds stupid. I don’t know how to explain it. I just know that…sometimes, being around you felt like déjà vu. In some weird way.” The lump in your throat seems bent on returning so you swallow hard again. “The memory that I saw. It made some things, like that, make sense. But other things didn’t.”

“…What didn’t?”

It takes everything left in you to meet Yunho’s gaze. The adrenaline rush of yesterday’s fight has finally faded away fully and you think you might collapse soon, but you force your voice to remain steady even as a stray tear makes it cold way down your cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

. . . . .

For a long moment, Yunho doesn’t speak.

“I…was going to tell you,” he finally says. “I was. When you still had your job at the diner, I was going to go in and…tell you everything. Like I’d promised to. I was—” He laughs a little, broken and fragmented. “I was right outside. I could see you. Mingi was at the counter, too.”

There were many days like those. You’re not sure which one this was. “I didn’t see you.”

“No, you didn’t,” Yunho agrees. “But I saw you. And I saw your scar.”

This time, you can’t stop your hand from touching the warped skin on your forehead.

Yunho’s eyes track the movement. “I had a whole speech written out, you know.” That same broken, fragmented laugh from before. “It was on a piece of paper. I was going to read it to you two. But I saw your scar and…you were laughing. You looked so happy. I couldn’t ruin that.” He smiles a little, but it doesn’t reach his eyes at all. “When you knew I was Spiderman, all it did was cause you pain. And harm.”

You open your mouth to refute, but you can’t. Because you don’t remember anything. Not at all.

“Something happened to just about everyone I cared about who knew my secret.” Yunho’s voice drops. “So I thought it would be better if you didn’t know. It would be better if no one knew. Just the way it was after that day.”

“But—Yunho, I—” Words trip over your tongue and for a moment you still can’t speak, not for lack of thought but for too much. “We—you didn’t give us a choice. How did you know we wouldn’t—”

“You were at the battle.” Yunho’s words cut through your own like a knife and you almost flinch. “A battle I caused because I was an idiot. You don’t remember what happened, do you?”

Slowly, you shake your head.

“I went to Dr. Strange with a request. To wipe everyone’s memory of the fact that Yunho Jeong and Spiderman were one and the same. So many shit things had happened to me—and us—because of Mysterio’s stupid fucking video. College admissions, people taking potshots at us across the street…” He takes a deep, shaky breath. “He almost did. But I kept interrupting with exceptions. People I still wanted to remember me. You. Mingi. Aunt Mei. Happy. And that…that messed the spell up.”

You sit silent, quiet as Yunho tells you about the multiverse, about the other villains who knew him but whom he’d never faced—at least not in this world. He tells you about Aunt Mei, how Osborn had found her, how she’d pressed it into him that all of them needed help, not just to be sent back to their respective universes to die, and how he’d decided she was right.

She had been right, Yunho stresses. But she’d paid for it. With her life.

There, Yunho stops talking for a moment. Puts his hands over his face and breathes deeply once, twice. When he finally looks up, his eyes look redder.

“I’m sorry.” You wince as soon as you say the words, how flat they fall in the silence. But the thing is—you knew Mei. Somewhat. You remember her face, her smile, her burned cookies—you remember her, if not necessarily her nephew. She was a good woman, one of the kindest people you’d ever had the luck to meet. “I…remembered her. Somewhat. Probably not as much as I would have…before, but…”

“Yeah,” is all Yunho says. “Yeah.”

He continues. Two Spidermen, two Yunho Jeongs from separate universes. They looked nothing like him and apparently you summoned them with rings stolen from Dr. Strange himself (so maybe some things are best left not remembered, because if Dr. Strange doesn’t remember this you’re not sure you want him to). Back in their own worlds, they’d faced the villains he’d failed to corral here. They worked together and there was a fight at the Statue of Liberty and you and Mingi were tasked with keeping the unbroken spell safe from Norman Osborn and later, Dr. Strange, too.

You failed.

“Osborn freed the spell,” Yunho says, grief and fury etched in every line of his face. “Broke the casing with one of his stupid little toys. And so all these people—villains, friends, I don’t know—from other universes started coming into ours. Dr. Strange couldn’t contain them.”

You’re starting to feel a little faint. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” Yunho breathes. “There was only one way to fix it. Everyone had to forget Yunho Jeong.” His eyes bore into yours.

Forget feeling faint. You think you’re about to be sick. “Everyone.”

“Everyone,” he repeats. A little dark laugh falls from his lips. “No exceptions this time.”

For a long moment, you sit in silence. All of this information—your brain was already exhausted from universe hopping and dealing with a crazy, grief-driven witch, and you got maybe three hours of sleep last night before you found your way here—it’s so much. Almost too much. Maybe you should’ve waited to confront Yunho, should’ve given it a couple of days of thinking before coming here all tongue-tied and stupid—

“But—Yunho. You promised to tell us. You promised to tell me and Mingi.” You can feel your face scrunching up like you’re about to cry again and you don’t need that, don’t need that right now at fucking all. “You could’ve told us—you didn’t have to go through this alone—”

“Yes, I did,” Yunho snaps. “It was my fault. All of this was my fault—”

“No, it fucking wasn’t!” you retort. “It was Mysterio’s fault—hell, it was mine and Mingi’s for not protecting the stupid spell enough—”

“No, it was mine, for trying to change something that couldn’t have been changed!” he yells. “I got the villains into our universe because I couldn’t think of anything beyond our fucking college admissions! I did a fuck up job of keeping the villains in line! I got Mei killed, I got you and Mingi injured, I caused so much trouble for Dr. Strange because I wasn’t thinking—”

“You were a kid!” you yell back. “We all were! Barely fucking eighteen! Not even college students, not even legal adults! And—Yunho! I may not remember anything, but I do fucking know that we never would’ve been coerced or something into helping you. You wouldn’t have done that! If we were helping you in that fight, it was because we agreed to, because we wanted to!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Yunho snaps. “It doesn’t matter that you wanted to! Because in the end, this was a fight that I started and that I should have ended myself! Instead, I got a whole bunch of other people involved and people were injured for it, people—people died for it, Y/N.” His face crumples, and he turns away.

All the fight leaves your body. You reach towards him, slowly take his hands in yours. To your surprise, he doesn’t tug them away.

“I wasn’t going to get you and Mingi killed off because I wanted you back,” Yunho whispers. “My fights were going to be on my terms and only mine. I know you fight now, as Dr. Strange’s apprentice—don’t bring that up with me. Those fights are your choices and on your terms.” Teary eyes look into yours and you can barely fight the urge to brush the wetness away. “It kills me to watch it happen, but that’s your choice. And I can’t interfere with that.” He takes a deep breath. “But I can interfere with the stuff that shouldn’t happen because it’s my fault.”

The anger starts to rise up in you once more. “You didn’t give either of us a choice in deciding that—”

“Right before Aunt Mei died, she told me something.” Yunho’s hands tremble in yours. “She said, ‘With great power, there must also come great responsibility.’”

You swallow hard.

“I don’t think I ever understood until then,” he says quietly. “Sure, I’d always known I had power, and I tried to use it well by being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman, you know. Protecting the little guy while others fight the big battles. But the responsibility…my lack of that is what started this whole thing in the first place.” Yunho swallows. “When I saw you and Mingi in the diner, and I made that choice. That was my responsibility. I wasn’t going to purposefully involve anyone else in my fights, my issues. Not now. Not anymore.”

One of his hands releases itself from yours. It rises toward the puckered scar, brushes it with a gentle touch. His fingertips tremble against your skin. “Do you know how you got this?” he asks, whisper soft.

Slowly, you shake your head.

“One of Osborn’s…gadgets, sliced you.” Yunho takes a deep, shaky breath, and you grip his hand harder. “And because of that, you—you fell. Right off the statue.”

You couldn’t speak right now, not even if you tried.

“You fell.” The words seem to rip themselves from Yunho’s throat and he looks away, his free hand covering his face for one, two awful moments before he turns back to you. “You fell, and I tried to catch you but Osborn knocked me out of the way midair, and it—it was only a miracle that one of the other Spidermen caught you. A miracle,” he repeats, almost as though he still doesn’t believe it.

This time you do reach up to brush the tears from his eyes. The movement feels so remarkably natural that you have to wonder how many times you made the same motion in a time before.

“I saw you with the scar. And suddenly I was there, watching you fall with no way to stop it.” Yunho squeezes his eyes shut. “I couldn’t have that happen again. Not to you. Not to anyone.”

His eyes open, and between the tears, all you can see is the certainty of his choice weighing dark in his pupils.

“Not because of me.”

. . . . .

Silence falls in Yunho’s studio apartment. The sun has risen, slats of pale light filtering through his windows, illuminating his face. In the glow of morning, Yunho’s young face only looks older.

And suddenly you feel guilty. So very guilty. You came to his apartment unannounced with a name in one hand, news you were certain he wouldn’t like in the other, and caused him pain. That was it. You forced him to relive all these memories, made him explain things he perhaps wasn’t ready to speak of, and yelled at him for a choice you’re not sure you would’ve made differently had you been in the same situation.

“I’m sorry,” you croak, throat suddenly choked. You drop his hands and step back, desperately trying to swallow your tears. “I—I shouldn’t have come.” Yunho’s eyebrows furrow, but you refuse to look at him. “It wasn’t my place to demand answers of you and I shouldn’t have yelled—”

“Y/N.”

This time it’s his hands that take yours, large and warm and gentle. You look down at your joined fingers, then up at his face. If you had loved each other as much as your memory would have you believe, this must have been a common occurrence.

No wonder it feels so safe.

“I don’t blame you,” he says, and it’s the steadiness of his gaze that convinces you he speaks true. “You had questions, and no one else you knew had answers.”

“Even so.” You blink a tear away. “Even so, Yunho.”

“No.” He grips your hands more tightly. “Do you know how I felt after I saw you the first time after? When you showed up with Dr. Strange in the middle of fighting the drakon?” You open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off. “I was terrified, obviously, but watching you…” Yunho looks down at your joined hands and you think he’s going to start crying again, but when he looks back up, there’s a smile on his face despite the faint tears in his eyes. “It was good to see you, Y/N. Just so…good.”

You look down at your hands. Back up at Yunho’s face. 

Eyes so soft with tears, so warm they could melt.

“I was happy to see you,” he says quietly, and for all his words are unbelievable you have to believe them because of the way he says them. “So happy. I mean—I’d made the decision. And I’d come to terms with that I probably would never see you again, or at least never be close with you again. But seeing you then, healthy and happy and just—you—”

A choked noise escapes your throat. Something like a laugh. Something like a sob.

“I thought I’d gotten over it, you know.” Yunho smiles and it’s beautiful and broken and brittle, echoes of joy bittersweet on his lips. “Thought that I’d be able to move on. And I did, in a way, but before I thought that I would forget it all. I thought that I could. But that moment just showed me that I’d really never be able to, and that I would be okay with it. Because seeing you like that—it was good, Y/N.” The smile grows. “Even now, seeing you in front of me like this…”

Oh. Oh, damn.

You’d thought that you were all cried out, but your eyes betray you once more. A headache is starting to build up in the back of your head but you force yourself to focus, to decipher Yunho’s words for what they are. “So—” You swallow. Try to speak. “Do—do you—”

“I still love you,” he says quietly. “Every time I see you, it feels like I’m a little more whole.”

Your face burns. “I—”

“You don’t have to say anything right now.” Yunho smiles, and even on his teary face he looks so handsome, so steady, and if it’s true that you were in love with him before it’s not difficult to understand why. “I know it’s a lot, and that you’ve only just begun to figure some things out. I’m not looking for an answer when I tell you this.” He takes a deep breath. “I just wanted you to know.”

For a moment, the two of you sit in silence. You look at your interlaced fingers, think about how natural it feels to have his hands in yours, to have come to him in this hour of answers and need. Briefly you think of Mingi, and it doesn’t surprise you to think that they could’ve been good friends too.

“I’m not…closed off. To anything.” You swallow hard, looking back up at Yunho. “Yet, at least. I can’t say I—that I love you, not now, but I do believe I loved you once, and I could be there again. Someday.”

Yunho’s eyes fill with tears again, but he doesn’t say anything.

“I just.” Tears of your own start to squeeze down your cheeks, past your lips and chin. “I don’t know if I will ever remember everything,” you finally warn, voice wobbly. “I think it’s more likely that I won’t. But if you’re willing, even then…”

“It’s okay.” Yunho’s smile is warm, and it’s what finally sends the rest of the tears spilling out of your eyes. “This is more than I ever could have hoped for in my life.”

“I want to remember,” you choke. “I want to remember, I want to so badly—”

“I do too,” he says, pulling you into his chest. His warm heartbeat thumps quietly against yours and you take comfort in its steady pace, one, two, one, two. “But even if you don’t, I want you to know that’s okay. And it always will be.”

“…How do you know?”

Yunho’s arms, warm around your body. His hold so gentle yet so firm, so safe and steady as he murmurs reassurances in your ear.

“Because,” he says, pulling away. You look up at him with your sticky, aching eyes, feel all of your trust in him only grow as he smiles.

“Because we can always make more memories of our own.”

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

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[criticsstuff]

Counting the seconds (Series)

Addison Montgomery x freader

Chapter 3: hours

Words: 1.802

Summary: Back in Seattle you're not just dealing with a tumour, you met a amazing woman that is eventually going to change your life.

Warnings: in this chapter fluff and a slight panic attack , later I promise you smut, angst, cheating and more.

Updates: Weekly

A/n: Sorry I really needed long to Update. I WILL DO BETTER. Maybe. Anyway, have fun.

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,Do you like women?" Arizona asked softly, as she leaned forward, looking into your eyes. Do you? You never thought about it, the idea of liking woman never even dared to cross your mind. You were raised to think that it's wrong to love the same gender but of course you don't have the same opinion as your parents today. But you? You thought about what you could answer to this question, it was a yes or no question. You would say no obviously.

»l don't know, I never thought about it.“ you confessed feeling really confused. You would've noticed by now, wouldn't you? You never felt so puzzled because of a simple question, honestly it kinda scared you. Feeling uneasy under all the observation you decided to leave. „It was nice talking to you all but I'm gonna go and take a nap, I feel really tired." you added getting on your feet. No one tried to stop you, probably they understood that you needed time to think. After they all said there goodbyes, you made your way down the hallway.

Finally back in the safety of your room, you decided to sit down for a minute or two. The confusion was still pulling on your whole body, making you feel heavy and tired. The possibility of liking women was new to you. Your parents wouldn't approve this change, if you would tell them.

Minutes passed by and you realised something. All these years you found women awfully attractive but you never thought about it as something to do with your sexuality. To busy thinking, you hadn't noticed Addison coming in your room. The tall woman immediately took note of your thoughtful state.

As she neared you, you felt the presence of someone and turned around, feeling your heart skip a beat at the sight. She was breathtaking, you couldn't describe it different. She implied to sit next to you and you happily agreed, making her smile. You scooted over to make room for her on the small bed, as she sat down beside you looking at you for a few seconds, letting out a huff.

„How are you?" you questioned, aware that she must be tired. You studied her soft features, now that she was so close to you. Soft that's what you would call her but she truly had a sharp experience, confidence was something she owned. Nevertheless you felt secure by her side, it was new for you to feel that around someone you just met a few days ago. She was beyond beautiful, so beautiful it can be intimidating but you felt drawn to her, like a lost puppy.

„l'm exhausted, what about you?" she asked, while looking out the window. Her voice was a little raspy but sounded awfully soothing and surrounded you like a warm blanket. It was hard, almost impossible to look away. She looked amazing in the pink scrubs, you would even say she looked cute. „l'm okay:" you muttered absently, gazing at her side profile. You could imagine how tired she might feel right now, being a doctor yourself. You tried to think of a way to make her feel some joy. ,,Are you on a break?"you questioned, leaning on your elbows to get up. Confused by your question she turned to you, being met with your cheeky grin. She couldn't help but smile as well and scoffed. „Obviously, why?"she wanted to know tilting her head. At that you got up, as your feet touched the floor you walked around the bed and reached your hand out. Addison looked amused at you but took your hand immediately. Her hand was soft and warm and you remembered that you never felt her skin on yours before . It felt good, really good but you had to focus, if you don't wanna embarrass yourself in front of this amazing woman. So you gently pulled her up, following every move she made with your eyes, until she stood in front of you. You should take a step back, you were so close to her, if you leaned in you would feel her breath on your skin.

Okay now you’re were just imagining, if you would lean in, the lips of yours would met the skin under her chin, as she was a bit taller than you. But that could be interesting to, her skin looked soft and you would really like to kiss all over it. You couldn’t believe yourself, it was wrong to think like that. You continued looking at her skin, her neck, her collarbone, wanting to know what it must feel like to let your fingertips run over her.

A gentle squeeze on your hand, pulled you out of your thought. Looking up you found the older woman already looking at you. She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow „ Are you alright down there?” she asked, making fun of your high difference. Realising she must have noticed you checking her out, you slightly turned your head away, looking down and taking a step back. As on cue, your cheeks turned warm, letting you know you’re turning red. Trying to hide your state, but still holding her hand, you made your way to the door, pulling her with you. To your dismay you heard her chuckling behind you, as she leaned down to your ear. „ You’re blushing, honey.” she whispered, making your heart skip a beat or two at the pet name. You weren’t sure if you could talk properly, so you just gave her a pouting look.

„Where are we going?” Addison wanted to know, as you two left the hospital. „Just for a walk.” you told her, hoping she would come along. She was, still holding your hand.

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Over the next two weeks, Addison came to your room every day to talk, go for a walk or grab lunch together in the cafeteria. You would enjoy this time a lot and still thought about all of your many conversations. You mostly talked about your lives before you two met and you learned a lot about her.

„Y/N, your surgery is planned for this evening, so prepare yourself and don’t worry, I will take good care of you.” Amelia informed you, while checking your chart again. Slowly you started noticed the time until surgery was getting shorter and shorter. The realisation hit you and it felt too real. You were going to have surgery. You were scared that something could go wrong, you could loose your ability to speak, hear, see, walk and it wasn’t unlikely to die. You already decided that you wouldn’t want to be hooked up to machines for the rest of your life, so as you came to the hospital three weeks ago, you made sure to sign all the papers.

As Amelia left the room, your fears pushed down on your chest, it felt harder to breathe. Your hands started shaking and you couldn’t think. It felt like all the air was gone and the room got smaller. Struggling to get air in your lungs, you panicked, pulling with your hands on your t-Shirt trying everything to help yourself breathe.

After a minute fighting, you felt soft hands taking yours, pressing down on each finger, trying to distract you. „It’s okay, breathe with me.��� you heard Addison’s voice. She started breathing with you, still gently pressing on each of your fingers. „Everything is gonna be just fine.”she cooed caressing your hands. Slowly your breathing steadied and your hands stopped shaking. Finally able to look up, you meet her kind eyes looking worried at you.

„I’m really sorry, I didn’t mea-“ you started. „Shhh, come here darling.” she whispered taking you in her arms, laying down on your bed with you in her arms. She adjusted your position pulling you on top of her. Your head was on her chest as one of her hands caressed the baby hair on the back of your head. Her other hand was placed loosely on your back, holding you in place. It was the first time you were so close to her and if you’re honest it felt really good. Taking the opportunity, you hugged her closer and snuggled into her. Your legs hung around her middle almost hugging her. As she noticed your needy behaviour, she chuckled but didn’t say a word about it. After a few minutes she pulled the blanket up, on the two of you , tugging you in, caressing your back. You really enjoyed having her close to you, it felt warm and comfortable. Letting your eyes close you drifted off to sleep, relaxing completely in her arms.

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Feeling well rested and comfy, you started to wake up, stirring a bit in your sleep. You laid really soft, at first you didn’t realised you’re on top of Addison, letting your hands wander, as you woke up completely. „Are you enjoying yourself?” the older woman chuckled, amused at your hands caressing her side. At that you almost jumped, looking around startled. As you noticed your position your cheeks grew hot, making you huff in embarrassment. As you were about to stand up, you felt her pulling you down. „Relax honey, It’s fine.”she assured you, making you smile. At that you laid back down, snuggling into her. You never slept this good alone or with someone else.

But soon realisation hit you. „I’m gonna have surgery, what time is it?” you asked Addison, still laying on her chest. She started playing with your hair, as she took her phone out, checking the time. „Your surgery is in an hour.”she told you, trying to catch your eyes. You never told her when your surgery is, so she must have informed herself or she just saw it on the surgery board. „We can stay like this for the next hour.”she mentioned, looking down to you hugging her tight. You nodded exited, and looked into her eyes, as she chuckled at your joy about cuddling with her. As she stopped laughing, you stared into each other’s eyes. And for a split second you thought about kissing her, licking at her bottom lip, pulling her in until all of the air left your lungs. The minutes flew by, with the two of you just looking at each other, enjoying the calm moment.

„You’re warm.” you let her know, making her smile. She is really beautiful, you thought. Again you wanted to lay your lips on hers, the image playing in your head over and over. Making you blush and hide your head under her chin, you snuggled your face between her neck and shoulder, smelling her perfume.

Strangely you wanted to stay like this forever, in her arms. But for now, one hour is enough.

#grey’s anatomy images #addison #addison montgomery x reader #addison montgomery #addison x reader #reader x montgomery #Montgomery #grey’s anatomy x reader #grey’s anatomy #Dr. Montgomery #lesbian #w|w #lgbt books #lgbt #Smut #series #amelia shepherd #arizona robbins #meredith grey #female #freader #Love #Slow burn #female reader #Reader x Addison #blushing

[mitsies]

pretty princess tea party; megumi fushiguro

megumi decides to keep you company whilst you babysit your hyperactive niece.

megumi fushiguro x gender neutral reader fluff, pining, fake dating, confessions - 1.9k words

megumi fushiguro was in over his head.

he didn’t know what compelled him to join you in watching your 8-year-old niece for a night, but for some godforsaken reason he did, and he was very much regretting it now.

but if he was being honest with himself, megumi doesn’t think he’d say no to you even if he could. something about the way your lips moved and your eyes shone when talking to him made him putty in your hands.

it was utterly embarrassing how compliant megumi was with you. it was like a new side was awoken when he was around you- all stubbornness and noncompliance vanquished from his body. he’d never admit to how he would be anyone you wanted if you so much as asked.

yeah, megumi fushiguro was infatuated and absolutely, definitively in love with you. but it’s a secret he’ll take to his grave- words he’ll never, ever admit to you.

or so he thought.

“you guys need to say ‘i love you’ to each other now.” 

sitting in his tiny pink child’s chair at his spot in the doll party circle, megumi blanches and chokes on the imaginary tea he is drinking. you look equally taken aback, eyes widening at the little girl as she returns your gaze pointedly.

when your niece fails to elaborate, you clear your throat and raise a questioning brow. megumi stays silent, eyes flickering between the two of you as you spoke. “yui.. why do you want megumi and i to say- to say that?”

“because you love each other.”

megumi has to turn his face away from you at this, opting to scrutinize the wall next to him instead. he whips his head so quickly that the princess tiara he’d been forced into wearing slips, now hanging asymmetrically in his hair.

“you guys are dating. so you have to love each other.”

you gawk at your niece’s bluntness and megumi squeezes his eyes shut and forces himself to regain his composure. 

“megumi,” you start slowly, and he struggles to make eye contact with you. your face is unreadable, but something he can recognize as amusement is prevalent. “come with me to the kitchen?”

megumi didn’t need further convincing. he lifted his knees from where they were pressed to his chest, wincing at the soreness from the children’s chair he’d been placed on, and followed you wordlessly as you evacuated yui’s playroom.

“we’re dating,” were the first words that left your mouth when you were certain yui was out of earshot. megumi stared. the pink plastic crown dug into his scalp. he blinked once. then twice.

“..what?”

“you and me. we’re dating for today. or, at least pretend, for yui.” you quickly added, trying to adjust your wording. megumi stared at you blankly and you felt a rush of embarrassment heat up your face.

had you assessed his feelings for you incorrectly? were you too blunt? god, you knew you shouldn’t have taken notes from gojo on how to be smooth. this was the worst idea, no way was-

“okay. fine.”

it was your turn to be silenced. but it didn’t last for long before a huge, stupid grin cracked your face before you took his hand in your own and laughed. “it’ll be fun, promise.”

it was not, in fact, fun. torturous, was probably a better word.

megumi knew this was probably god’s way of punishing him for his sins because he was so fully aware that it was all fake when you looked him in the eyes and said ‘i love you.’ he hated that his heart beat so fast in his chest and he hated how he wasn’t lying when he replied, ‘i love you too.”

he must’ve done a fantastic job of hiding his inner conflict because your face bore no signs of understanding and yui simply giggled and continued hosting her tea party. but megumi payed no mind to what the girl was saying- he was too focused on you.

the way your skin was decorated with cheap rhinestone jewelry and mardi gras beads, and how the stupid plastic crown adorning your head matched your eyes almost perfectly, and your stupid voice when it changed an octave to fit the role of ‘tea party royalty’- megumi couldn’t help but fall farther in love with you.

but he was reminded that he could never have you when you looked back at him with that stupid look of yours, the one he didn’t know was only for him.

“i’m getting bored,” yui frowned, snapping megumi out of his thoughts. “let’s play a new version of this game!”

the little girl stood, grabbing your arm and then megumi’s and ushering the both of you to sit close together on the floor. the distance between the two of you was miniscule, and your eyes grew wide when you felt his hand accidentally brush your arm.

“sorry,” megumi said upon noticing your reaction, scooting further away. you internally cringed at yourself for losing the proximity, but forced a response. “no worries.”

yui stood in front of the two of you, her fairy wings and tiara askew, as she examined the both of you. 

“okay, new game. you’re my parents,” she said, pointing to both of you, “and we’re still fairy princesses. and we live in a big castle in the sky and you have to take me to fairy school everyday.”

you and megumi exchanged a glance before you nodded at the girl. “okay, sounds good,” you said with a too-tight to be genuine smile. “how do we play?”

after about 10 minutes of royal fairy princess decrees and magical powers, yui was bored. again.

“this doesn’t feel right,” the girl scowled. megumi looks at you before speaking, “maybe we could take a break for lunch-”

“no!” he snaps his mouth shut at yui’s ill-tempered retort. he remembers why he doesn’t like kids.

“yui,” you chide, “that was mean.”

she doesn’t respond. instead, she strokes an imaginary beard as if she’s contemplating the biggest decision of her life. after a few seconds of pensive silence, with you shifting closer to megumi out of discomfort (making him go still as a deer in headlights,) yui’s eyes light up and she raises a finger animatedly.

“i have an idea!”

nothing could have prepared either of you for what was about to come out of her mouth.

“you guys have to kiss and stuff.”

silence. you stare at yui. yui stares at megumi. megumi stares at you.

“why?” it was megumi who spoke first, again baring no reaction in his face or his voice. but his heart was running a million miles a minute and his skin felt so hot he might melt.

“because,” yui whines irritatingly, “you guys are married, remember? you’re my fairy royalty parents so you need to do what married people do and kiss!”

more silence. more staring. until, you speak:

“okay. sure.” you’re trying to be cool about it, but your voice cracks just a little bit, thankfully, megumi is too busy boring holes into your skull with his eyes to notice. yui cheers and sits back down next to her dolls, busying herself with fixing them new servings of cookies and tea.

“so, my love, what do you say?” megumi winces at the sarcasm dripping off the pet name and he reminds himself that this is all just pretend. it’s all pretend, it’s all just a game, and your lips look really soft and he really, really wants to kiss you.

but none of it is real. so he stands quickly, avoiding your gaze, and speedwalks stiffly out of the playroom, muttering some excuse about needing to use the bathroom. he doesn’t see the look of subtle heartbreak on your face. 

the rest of the day is awkward, to say the least. megumi sits as far away from you and yui as possible, remaining only slightly engaged in the games at hand. if he noticed your stolen glances at him, he said not a word.

just before dinner, it was finally time to leave. yui was bidding you goodbye at the door whilst her parents busied themselves with starting dinner, and she pulled you down to her level and whispered something in your ear.

megumi watched from a distance as your face reddened and you hushed the small girl’s incessant giggling. he spoke to you as he had been since the incident- in short, disconnected phrases. he didn’t look at you as you walked over, only asking, “you ready to go?”

you nodded and got into the passenger's seat of the car. it was a quiet drive, back to the dorms, and the tension was thick as could be. it practically suffocated you, and you think megumi was experiencing the same thing with how his grip on the steering wheel turned his knuckles white.

you weren’t expecting him to say anything. his silence was enough an answer for you, and you respected it. but the stillness was shattered when he let out a huff of air and pulled the car over.

you were on a long stretch of empty road. the darkness of the sky revealed dozens of stars lighting up the night. the moon was a sliver of white gold. you looked over to megumi, and he kept staring straight ahead, out of the front window of the now parked car.

“why’d we stop?” you words were quiet, almost a whisper, even though there was really no reason for it.

“i can’t do this anymore.” megumi’s answer was simple, but it made you furrow your brow. he still wasn’t looking at you.

“do what?”

“pretend.”

you blinked. “pretend? megumi, yui’s gone, we don’t have to pretend to be anything anymore. you know that, right?”

finally, megumi met your gaze. you couldn’t read his expression, but a sort of clarity had made itself clear in his eyes. it was addictive- you wanted him to keep looking at you like this. you wanted him to look at you forever.

“that’s not what i mean.” you waited for megumi to keep going, but no more words came out. your hand moved forward to take his own, resting it in your lap.

“then what do you mean?”

it was quiet for a few more moments. megumi looked away from you and up at the night sky and you felt almost empty at the loss of his gaze.

“i’m tired of pretending like i’m not in love with you.”

you inhaled sharply, closing your eyes like he’d struck you. you hadn’t expected a confession, even though you’d longed for one for as long as you could remember- if you were being honest with yourself, you had been prepared to play this game of cat and mouse for the rest of your life.

but here it was. here he was, so clear with how he felt for the first time since you’d met him, so blatant and obvious that you regret not kissing him sooner.

kissing him. it was something you’d thought about so embarrassingly often that it was almost muscle memory when you leaned over the center console and slotted your lips against his.

it felt so indescribably right when he kissed you back, a kiss full of pent up feelings and boundless emotions. he tasted like mint and the sugar cookies you’d baked with yui earlier.

it was in this moment that megumi fushiguro was very, very glad he’d agreed to help you watch your niece. yeah, maybe he’d been in over his head. but now he had you, and that was all that mattered.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #fushiguro megumi #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x you #fushiguro x reader #jjk fushiguro #fushiguro x y/n #megumi fushiguro #jjk #jjk fluff #jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen #jujustu kaisen #jjk megumi #megumi fanfic #reader insert

[astelren]

TWST being given a bouquet

ೃ⁀➷ TW/CW: Fluff, Gender Neutral Reader, A little bit of angst on Leona but nothing too much, Broken English, Rook is there, Save Ruggie, I say two words in french and they are prob wrong, let me know if I need to add more TW/Tags ♡ Minors please interact with me only by liking or reblogs. ➳ Pair: Leona Kingscholar x Reader, Vil Schoenheit x Reader (Twisted Wonderland) Words Count: 995

⤠ Relationship HCs (Lilia) ⤟ TWST Masterlist (soon!) ⤠ Reaction to you crying (Leona, Jack) ⤟

@/jackies-wonderland requested: Hello innocent little flower! Since we are talking about flowers, how about Leona and Vil who are pissed or sad for some reason (you know what expressions they do), with a s/o that gives them a colorful bouquet of wildflowers: "I took them for you but you have to smile, okay? " You decide how to write it, you're the writer right? Good luck, thank you!

This brings me back memories, I don't remember if I posted this before or after TWST first release but it was my first ever post about twst. Lets not talk about how bad my writing/english was at the time... - This is a rewriting of my old work, originally posted on @/severnrsstuff (now severnr0ses).

✧˚ · . Leona Kingscholar

Even if Leona acts like he doesn’t care about anything, in reality, it’s pretty obvious that it’s simply not true; he cares about a lot of things and people, but he has been too hurt to show the truth of his feelings. You know that very well. Leona rather than showing any “weakness”, as he calls it, would probably prefer to die. You also knew that very well.

But you also knew how to understand him, how to catch those little moments when Leona would show his real feelings; his eyes going dull for mere seconds, showing how much sadness he has inside deep inside of him, and every time you catch those time your heart drops.

You didn’t quite know what happened this time; did he remember something about his brother or family? Maybe he had a fight with them? You weren’t fully aware of what happened in Leona’s past, only what Ruggie had told you once, but you wanted to hear the whole story from Leona himself. You wanted him to be happy, so you had an idea. Finding Leona is always hard; whenever he discovers a new place to sleep he would take a nap there and not respond to anyone for hours, leaving you to worry and search for him with Ruggie more often than you would like to admit. So you had no idea where he could be, all you could do was either ask people or search all around the school like always, hoping to find him soon. After what felt like hours, you were finally able to find him and, strangely, he wasn’t sleeping but he was looking at the sky. 

“Leona?” you call him with a soft voice, getting closer to him hiding the bouquet behind you, although you knew that it was useless due to his strong nose.

“What is it no-“ Leona starts already annoyed and with a grunt on his face, only to get interrupted by your little surprise.

A bouquet showed up right in his face, all the different fragrances of the flowers on his nose probably annoy him a little bit. Leona watches you with surprise all written on his face, clearly confused at your gift.

“I took them for you but you have to smile, okay?” it’s all you said before giving the bouquet to him, watching as Leona took the flowers in his hands with surprising care, and you could almost swear he had an almost invisible smile on his face. For quite a while he didn’t say anything, making you worry that you somehow managed to anger him, but Leona just pats you on your head and gets up, muttering something about being hungry. The next day you heard Ruggie asking very confused and almost worried why Leona had some flowers in his room, ordering Ruggie to take care of them.

✧˚ · . Vil Schoenheit

Today wasn’t a good one for Vil: he was trying to make a new make-up, but a first-year somehow ruined it. You hoped the best for the first year, Vil could be very cruel when he wanted to, especially if you mess up with very important stuff, but maybe with a first year, he was going to be more… Merciful. Now you had to deal with a very angry dorm leader, and you didn’t quite know what to do.

Vil was really picky about anything, only wanting the very best, but he was even worse with gifts. You had to be extremely careful about every little detail, in hopes that his mood may improve having him in such a bad mood wasn’t ideal, and you wanted to see his smile. Searching on your phone for a few minutes you read a good idea: bouquets! It’s a simple idea, you weren’t sure if it was going to work, but one that could be very beautiful. You happily pick up the flowers, only choosing the most beautiful one and carefully searching their meaning, knowing how Vil was going to check for those (if he doesn’t already know), and you only wanted the best for Vil after all. Luckily for you, finding the most beautiful flowers wasn’t so hard not so long, you were able to find enough flowers to make a beautiful and outstanding bouquet, one that could only be at least fair to Vil's beauty. You make sure to make the bouquet as perfect as it can be, glaring at it multiple times during your walk to meet up with Vil as you two planned before, your mind full of anxiety and fear of rejection.

Before you could actually think of changing the gift you arrive at your meeting place for your date with Vil, that was talking with Rook about something you couldn’t catch on. As soon as the hunter sees you a big smile appears on his face, eyes full of curiosity at your bouquet in your hand.

“Ufufu” he laughs, glaring back at Vil “It was a wonderful talk Roi de Poison, but it seems I have to go. Au revoir!” Rook leaves waving at you both, clearly amused by this whole situation.

“Hello, my love” Vil greets you, calm and loving as always, but you could tell that he was still in a bad mood. He looks at the bouquet in your hand with a confused look on his face, then with a small but happy smile probably realizing why you did it. “Are those for me?” he adds, and you nod.

“I took them for you but you have to smile, okay?” you give to Vil the bouquet, and his smile gets wilder and softer.

“Thank you my love, it’s a beautiful bouquet.” he says, kissing your forehead and squeezing your hand. The date goes as planned and your gift managed to uplift Vil's mood completely, which the first year thank you deeply for, but now in Vil's room, there is a new decoration that he cares for every day.

This work belongs to @/astelren, do not repost, translate, copy, rewrite or share on tiktok without my permission. Reblogs are appreciated and encouraged♡

#twst x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #vil x reader #leona x reader #twst leona x reader #twst vil x reader #twst vil schoenheit x reader #twst leona kingscholar x reader #twst fluff #vil schoenheit fluff #leona kingscholar fluff #? #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland vil x reader #twisted wonderland leona x reader #🌹 ── my.writing #🌹 ─ twst.writing

[alexissara]

Trans Awareness and Remembrance

Being trans is something special, it means so many things to so many people and even people who should feel the same things the internal sense of something can still be so wildly different. Being trans is a core part of who I am, not just in that a core part of who I am is a woman but that being trans is a core part of me as well. I've often said if I was AFAB I'd probably say that my gender was just Lesbian but given the cards I was dealt with at birth being a woman and a lesbian are both important to me.

For me, coming out as trans was a long journey from when I found out about trans woman, and the reason it took so long was because of my status as a lesbain. It was the early internet, I lied about my age online so I could access age gated websites doing my best to type and behave like an adult to not get caught. I enter a fourm for trans women and gender change fetishists. Here, I learned more in detail about trans women. However, early 2000s internet trans women were 200% what we in the modern day would call truescum. You had to desire many surgeries, be utterly dysphoric, and the biggest barrier for me, you had to be straight. I fought back, and I was a passionate defender of trans lesbains on that fourm and around the net, but I did internalize it. I didn't want to be a woman, I wasn't a woman, I liked women. If I got with women, I'd not want to magically wake up as one, I'd stop fixating over ways to become a woman, at least beyond the way it had become a fetish. So I did, I dated a lot of women in my freshmen year of high school, I was always chasing after girls, especially bi women and women who wanted to dress me up like a girl. At the end of my freshman year, I would get with my current Fiancée who would explore their own gender and sexuality along with me.

I would spend several years convincing myself my desires were just a fetish even my telling my partner about my fetish came out in weepy tears as if I was coming out as trans because at that point I had to tie that to my identity, it was something that consumed a lot of my time with roleplays and what not becoming my central light in my life where I could play a woman or play someone becoming a woman. I'd eventually meet my long time long distance GFs through and through her status and a out trans woman started to push me towards finally leaving behind the pretext of fetish to explain my deep depression, my deep longing and my deep desire. After many years of concealing and doing my best to not be feeling my Fiancé and GF had a little intervention for me. They talked to me about being non binary and about my own transness and that I was probably trans and that both of them would happily accept me and that it was okay for me to be myself. I rejected it that night but the very next morning, I looked into the mirror, realized I couldn't keep up what I was doing and came out as gender fluid to them.

It would take a bit longer for me to admit what I had known since I was in middle school and first saw the world Trans Woman, when I first read Ramana 1/2, when I saw the body swap episodes of TV shows, that I wanted to be a girl, to have a woman's body, to live in community with other women and be a woman, that I was a woman and I had pushed it back for so long. I'd go to a university therapist to get formally diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I did get it and a letter of recommendation for a gender change and for getting on meds. I would start soon after and never look back. I spent so long doubting that once I was on the path to being a woman it was clear to me.

At that point being a lesbian seemed pretty obvious to me, it would take me a while to be set on what kind of asexual I was and before accepting I was trans I did for a few years ID as bisexual just because I knew I was some kind of queer but it was really just me trying to find a way to be in community while not being able to express my other aspects of queerness yet. I did talk about my label with my partner who was on his own gender journey but they were insistent that me being a lesbian didn't invalidate their own non binary masculinity or make them feel bad so I finally reached the point I had wanted to hit all those years ago, being a Lesbian and a trans woman.

I explain all this just to say to other people who might feel like because their sexuality or whatever else they can't be a woman, that they need to be some platonic ideal of the average cis/het white woman to be a trans woman it isn't true. You can be your true self whatever sexuality you have and whatever presentation you might want and anything else. You get to decide what being a woman means to you. It's worth being yourself even when I was in the pit of Texas, even when I lost family, I never regrated being myself, I finally wanted to be alive and I would trade any danger for the enjoyment of the living.

#trans awareness #transgender awareness week #TDOV #Trans #Transgender #Transbian #Trans Lesbian #Queer #Lesbian #Personal

[viiixs]

«🍵» FLYING GUILLOTINE WITH A SICK READER

(early warning: 🥲 rushed kinda, so pardon me for that)

. . . FG! Xie Bi’an & FG! Fan Wujiu x reader insert

reader is gender-neutral

+ note at the end of post!

SCENARIO «🍵»

“You're burning up, go rest.” Bi’an says as he feels your forehead with his palm. “We offered to give our umbrella to you as it was raining heavily last night, look where your stubbornness got you.” he sighed

While the tone sounded too passive-aggressive for your liking, you cannot deny the fact you put yourself into this predicament. the weather has been unpredictable these past few days and during the closing hours of the tea-house, it starts pouring heavily.

Xie Bi’an and Fan Wujiu, your co-workers, offered to let you borrow their umbrella for the evening as They’re aware that you walk home most of the time, They reassured that its alright and reminded to get it returned to them the day after, but then how will they get home? get soaked aswell in the rain? knowing their relationship with rain and large bodies of water, you declined.

Before they could open their mouths to say otherwise- you were already out in the streets, getting soaked while getting hit by the cold stormy air in the process, not even a warm soak in the bath can save you from the merciless weather either.

Now look where that got you.

“I know I should rest, but today is usually a busy day, I can hand-“

“then Bi’an and I will take care of it” Wujiu cuts you off

"How hard can it be serving and managing the Tea-House? As long as its for you to get rest, me and Bi'an can manage."

This was a suprise, really a suprise. since usually Fan Wujiu isn't usually the type to talk, Hes mostly quiet most of the time, only speaking when necessary. yet He still spoke on His and Bian's behalf.

Even Xie Bi’an was looking at Wujiu curiously, and with interest. Fan Wujiu’s usual quiet tone was different from the usual aswell, it had a tinge of sweetness that was really faint. yet still enough to convey how he felt, it was welcomed.

“Mhm, Wujiu is right. we can manage in the mean-time. go and rest, dear.” Xie Bi’an adds.

Their words and their actions immediately had you touched, it was practically impossible now at this point to think of excuses to work as these Two men already made up their Mind to get you to rest and would probably do everything just for you to get some rest.

you sighed. you really had no choice, huh? you then nodded at them with a small smile

“Okay.”

after hearing your reply, Xie Bi’an immediately smiles at you softly, while Fan Wujiu softened the serious look on His Face.

“That’s good. Theres a private room upstairs for reservations, no ones used it in awhile so you can occupy it while we handle things.” Bi’an explains “We can also provide you extra pillows to make a make-shift bed.” you nod as you make your way upstairs, before you could take step, you looked at them with the slightest hint of uncertainty.

“Are you sure its okay though..?”

they raise an eyebrow

“of course… we’ve been in This Tea-House for years now, don’t worry about it.” Bi’an reassures you. “just focus on yourself.” Wujiu adds.

they quickly give you a small push upstairs, “Hurry now, its almost opening time and like you said, today is a busy day. “

as They saw you make your way upstairs, taking steps until you’re no longer in Their field of vision. Xie Bi’an looked at Fan Wujiu.

“How hard can this be?”

.

.

.

DRABBLES «🍵»

» Xie Bian and Fan Wujiu care about you, alot. so its only natural they’d make you rest so your condition can improve faster. but since you’re also working for the Tea-house, They decided to take your role for a little while, Lady Thirteen hasn’t called for them in awhile for ‘work’, so why not also use up all this free-time to help you out? to also assist with aiding your recovery, they check up on you frequently when they have the time.

» They would also take turns checking up on you! if Xie bi’an checked on you before, Then Fan Wujiu will come in next. They have their own ways of treating you aswell.

» Xie Bi’an would check your Temperature with His Palm and offer you some Tea with herbs that can help alleviate your cold. If you complain about your cold, He’d make a small joke about how you should’ve taken the Umbrella that night, no hard feelings though! He cares about you alot and would understand your reasons if you do have some.

» Fan Wujiu takes a different approach in this scenario, He is the same as Xie Bi’an, yet the way He checks your Temperature is Different. Rather than His Hand, He checks instead by laying His forehead on yours. after He confirms your temperature, if its getting bad or still not going down, He’ll provide some medicine or Tea with some healing properties to Help. (I personally hc that fg!fan wujiu is super into physical touch teehee) also Fan Wujiu is incharge with your meals, He’s really good at cooking so expect some yummy congee along the way. (now i want congee aghhh)

» Being sick also has its cons, like for example; increased fatigue. If you can’t eat or don’t have an appetite, these men will absolutely pull a “Then i’ll spoon feed you?”. you need to eat to gain back energy and for your body to be strong! They’re willing to get you snacks that you particularly like aswell. even just a few spoonfuls will be ok, after that, go and rest.

» They’re both also super attentive to your needs. need a pillow? take three more, feeling thirsty? thats alright, take 4 variants of Tea that can help. need love and affection during this trying time? you got it.

» Though in the afternoon, during the same day, The Tea-house would get even more busy and crowded as Lady Thirteen arrives during that Time.

Their checking would get a bit delayed as the customers come in just to see Her in person, with no possibility of stopping anytime soon.

» now Fan Wujiu might, maybe has questioned once or twice about what He said earlier about how difficult will it be to handle the teahouse while youre resting, Sure, They’ve been in the Tea-House and have been working for Lady Thirteen for practically years now- yet they never took on the occupation of being a server until you came along, They usually just stand back and use the Tea-house to cool off after preforming their actual work.

» for the first few handful of customers that came in, things weren’t bad. now if we include the rest? bad.

» things were going… not so smoothly.. they had to take so much orders left and right, they were running in a circle which amused Lady 13 within the stage. hiding her amused smile behind the fan while she performs.

» not too mention, some customers were very… mouthy or just cant keep their cool! Fan Wujiu may or may not have shut a few people up in the process.

» it was busy, tiring day. yet they managed to serve everyone and tidy up. Lady Thirteen came up to the Two and only chuckled while asking what was all of that about clearly entertained seeing Her two hitmen busy running around serving customers. They only offered a small summary about what happened. Lady Thirteen only smiles due to the very warm yet strong bond you three share. as the Tea-house closes for the day, They had one last task to their temporary serving job.. and that was to finally check up on you one last time.

X-TRA SCENARIO «🍵»

as you hear the cheering from the crowd of people downstairs subside, you wonder, how were they doing now?

they haven’t checked up on you in a few hours, and the clock is almost striking the time of dusk.

you wouldn’t complain, though. it was one of the busiest days of the week.

your mind was soon interrupted by the door opening, rather than seeing one of them, you saw both of their heads peaking out. you wave at them with a smile.

“done?” they come close to only slump on the pillows near you. Fan Wujiu grunted within the pillow as if to reply to your question. you look at them concerned as they rest near you. looking a bit disheveled.

“It was very tiring.” Xie Bi’an tiredly responds.

“these people really are determined to see Her, huh? very determined to the point of causing us trouble.”

you only scoot close to them, removing their hats and fixing their position in the pillow to make them more comfortable.

“There were people cutting or trying to get close to the stage, Wujiu had to pry them off while i had to run around with countless orders.” He added, sounding more and more irked by the thought of earlier.

“sounds tough.” you stroke their head carefully, the ribbon that bounds the strands of hair slowly coming undone. their hair falling and spreading in an enchanting fashion.

“mhm. enough of that, how are you feeling? better?” Bi’an gets up to feel your forehead, sighing in relief as your Temperature has gone down.

“yeah, I feel much better than before.”

“thats good… thats good, just rest more… okay?”

“mhm, okay…” You continue stroking His hair, He closes his eyes and sighs in comfort. He definitely needed this after a long day of nonstop serving, looks like the silver haired is awake as He also leans close to you, hoping to receive the same type of Attention. Xie Bi’an’s hands immediately went to Wujiu’s Hair, providing the same attention as He also sighs in content.

it was a peaceful atmosphere inside one of the reservation rooms, you three just sharing a peaceful moment all-together.

“… I’m very sorry for the hassle i put you both through.” You spoke up, both of them immediately staring at you with a warm expression.

“no need to apologize, we were doing this out of our own will. we want nothing more but for you to feel better.” Bi’an responds.

You felt relieved after hearing those words come out of Him, being honest, Lady Thirteen was the biggest deal in China town. everyone is always eager to meet Her, this is one of the special days where She visits the Tea-house so everyone wanted that opportunity to not be wasted. You heard once that She preformed frequently in the Tea-house before suddenly stopping due to “private matters”. so seeing Her preform was a rare treat to those who can see it.

you only smile at them both before realizing the amount of contact They had on you, you just recovered from a Fever! you start pushing them a bit, not with much force but just enough to move them a little.

“?”

“I don’t think you both should be too close to me.. I just recovered from my Fever and you both are tired. It could risk you both getting sick…”

“Thats all? then its fine..” You look at them confused as they position themselves closer

“If thats the case.. then you can just take care of us.”

Note: omg hi im finally posting something after like almost 1 month of nothing, anw sorry abt that school is dumping tons of work at me and also because of procrastinating ahihi… anyway!! this post was actually inspired by a prompt;

these two are the main factors to why i even wrote this lmaooo and also i did a spin the wheel thingy and flying guillotine won!

anyway after i post this ill start working on my requiem rewrite or actually just focus on my requests? They’ve been collecting dust for awhile (im very sorry) so ill get to them once i can.

also could you tell my mind was very blank while writing this? i didnt know how to progress this scenario so i just went with whatever bs i was writing 🥲

update 5/7/23: how ironic would it be if i said i literally caught a cold in the middle of writing this 😭😭 my head hurts so bad and the only thing getting me through this is eating chocolate and music (maybe kinda helpful with the topic pf this post? LMAOOO 😭 i literally got the ‘spoon-feeding’ scenario because i genuinely cant move due to fatigue… but im sure when i post this ill be feeling better.

this si so crjnge im sos orry i didnt know gowbto SERIOUSIY prohress this scenario t now im being incoherent im soryr🫰🫰⛹️‍♀️⛹️‍♀️

#identity v #identity v x reader #idv x reader #wu chang #wu chang x reader #fan wujiu x reader #xie bian x reader #idv x you #identity v x you

[cloveroctobers]

OCTOBER PROMPTS 🦇 — 10. Napoleon “Leo” Usher

A/N: where is the work for my man who’s gonna do it for me every time?! This series wasn’t my fav (better than the midnight club ofc! Argue amongst yourselves) but everything was executed very well! EAT THE RICH! Anyways I’ll probably do a re-watch at some point to appreciate it better. Look at me being back on my writing kick, someone bring me a treat and by treat I mean truffle fries. Alright this is kinda late and I usually never risk writing for any of Mike’s work but here I am. Hope this doesn’t flop but with the dust in this tag makes this very likely!! Okay ✌🏽

PROMPTS ARE FROM HERE & HERE + I’m using: A is afraid to get the Halloween decorations out of the attic or garage, fearing there’s bugs, which leaves B to do it. + Going to questionable lengths to decorate their house/apartment.

Synopsis: People can say a lot of things about Napoleon Usher but some may not be aware that he’s actually a homebody. However there’s a few places he doesn’t mind spending his time and that so happens to be at his best friend’s place, who also doesn’t mind actually putting him to work.

WARNINGS: Platonic x reader! language + dark themes/humor + mentions of s*ic*de + gender neutral friendly!

<- read my previous anthology prompt here.

⋆♱🕸️🕷️🕸️♱⋆ ⋆♱🕸️🕷️🕸️♱⋆ ⋆♱🕸️🕷️🕸️♱⋆ ⋆♱🕸️

[6 weeks before the fall…]

Second guessing.

That happened to be something that was always jammed into Rudelle Povea’s head ever since they were young. Their parents taught them to be curious when things didn’t feel right in their gut and many times that resulted in phone calls home for being, “too disruptive to others in class,” which really meant too annoying for teachers who just wanted to teach without mountains of inquires coming from this kid to being, “too smart-mouthed and a know it all for me,” from their maternal grandmother who eventually gained guardianship over Rudelle.

If something’s been instilled in you for the longest, it can become a habit—whether good or bad is always up for debate. Sure at times it made Rudelle feel as if they were being a bit indecisive but they always looked at life as one big question mark. They didn’t have to just simply take it for what was thrown at them. If they were prompted to question it all, then in a sense they were persuaded to see everything from all angles before going through with a final thought.

Rudelle wasn’t incapable of making a decision, never think that but they always needed all of the facts before going forth. For instance: take the death of Rudelle’s parents when they were only twelve years old back in the United Kingdom. Rudelle’s grandmother was not only controlling and cruel but she was also a really good liar that kept up with the tale of how Rudelle’s parents died. As if Rudelle would never get older and do a deep dive considering the career they went into as a pathologist assistant before Rudelle got laid off.

How convenient that they seemed to be laid off the further along they got into the reports of their parents’ apparent murder-suicide. Lots of sealed off information and blocked out text was enough for Rudelle to come to terms with their family constantly hiding but what exactly?There were always more questions than answers but there was no doubt in Rudelle’s mind that their grandmother had something to do with this.

A crack sounded at the window, bringing Rudelle out of their lengthy daze, spotting a black crow flying from their sight yet again. Rudelle didn’t waste any time, pulling out their phone to make note of the arrival of the same crow and exact date when it provided more damage to their window in the living room. Sighing they got to their feet, phone still in their hand as they got closer to the window, inspecting the cracks that seemed to get bigger each time.

After the sixth ring the line picked up.

“Leo, you coming ‘round?”

“…what’s in it for me?”

“Good company.”

“Is that a underlying proposition for us finally hooking up?” He sounds wide-awake now.

Rudelle snorts, “Keep on dreaming, mate.”

Rudelle doesn’t wait for a response as they end the call, knowing that when they called each other it was rarely for a chat since they could just text and send voice notes to each other. If they called each other it was usually within good reason—although it was a fact that Rudelle Povea and Napoleon Usher lived slightly different lifestyles.

It was about half an hour later when Napoleon shows up to Rudelle’s apartment, barely appearing, almost as if he was struggling to hold himself upright against the door.

Rudelle snickers at the dark attire and their friend’s appearance, “I’m surprised you didn’t use your key this time, why the long face? Did I ruin the post party?”

Napoleon rolls his eyes as he shoves his way inside the familiar apartment. He’s kicking off his shoes in the foyer and heads to the right to dive face first into the beige couch.

Rudelle closed the door behind the man and heads to where he is and squats beside him, “So…”

“No! I don’t want to take your fucking quiz, let me sleep.”

“I wasn’t going to ask any more about your night because I can just tell how it went,” Rudelle responds before adding, “I actually saw that crow again—

Napoleon lifts his chin to glance towards the window and sighs, “Where’s the maintenance manager when you need them? You do have that here in this unpleasant building, yeah?”

“I don’t care about the window.”

He blinks hard at Rudelle, “well you should, love. There’s what? Three cracks now and if you don’t know, they can spread and who knows what else will get into this building once the window finally decides to give way?”

“Your concern is sweet.” Rudelle’s reply is sarcastic.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Buuut! This is the crow’s third time doing that and it’s got me thinking.” Rudelle plops down on the floor, eyes wide with curiosity.

“Let me guess? About you fantasizing about being Brandon Lee’s eternal lover.” Napoleon mumbles—as if he hasn’t heard this before.

Rudelle’s been going on about this crow for a few weeks now and, “the Crow,” (1994) happened to be one of their favorite movies. The thing about Rudelle is that they always tried to find meaning and symbolism for everything. They honestly should have went into literature. Napoleon may have half-lidded eyes right now but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t ever listening. He’s known Rudelle for years, before Roderick came around and molded him into a Usher. They’ve always had a hunch for something and Rudelle wasn’t wrong about Napoleon’s father so who’s to say they would be wrong about this crow?

“No Leo…this time I’m thinking about decorating.”

Napoleon sighs as a smile appears on his face then, “I knew this day would come! There’s not much to work with but I’ve been saying this flat needs a makeover. It just doesn’t fit for you, you know? You’ve got personality and yet this still looks like a staged showing when we first toured this dreadful place. It’s boring and sort of stale—much like Tamerlane’s home now that I’ve come to think of it.”

“Whoa there, I don’t have nearly enough mirrors for us to match.”

“Funny,” Napoleon smirks a bit at the jab since that’s what it was. It’s not like he would ever blame his siblings for the way they all turned out and carried themselves, they had their father to thank for that but that also didn’t mean they were really loving towards each other either. They didn’t know what that felt like either and although Napoleon had his mother in his life, they drifted the moment she sent him here to meet Roderick at eighteen. The Usher siblings gave each other shit right to each others faces and behind each other’s backs.

Rudelle’s been around since before Napoleon gained the title of “being a usher,” so she’s seen it all and only threw in jabs to get a reaction from Napoleon. They knew to tread lightly, not out of fear but they still knew their lane and left that open for Leo to completely bash—if need be. However that still wasn’t in his nature to bash any of his half-siblings, he still saw something in them that they all shared…the torment conditions of being a usher maybe?

Believe it or not, he’s got some feelings about the mere thought of having siblings although they had their issues…there was still some level of respect beneath it all. This was just who they were, take it or leave it.

The world would most likely leave it.

Yes he was closer? If you want to use that term—to Camille and Perry but he was the one who wasn’t afraid to stand on how fucked this family is and always would be while the rest chose to shield that to the public eye.

“Which space are you thinking of first? This living room should be it since it’s the second focal point of this flat. And please don’t tell me you’re going for wallpaper? This is not the bloody 1920’s.” Napoleon spoke, resting his cheek against the back of his hand.

Rudelle shook their head, “I’m not really talking about renovations Leo. The crow’s got me thinking about Halloween decorations…which are down in the basement.”

Leo sits up instead and opens his mouth ready to respond until something catches his eyes on the coffee table. He leans over to snatch the files up, already sensing what they were before his eyes briefly scanned over them. “Ru! You’re investigating again?!”

“Well yes but this has nothing to do with my desire to be festive this time around.”

“I can’t say I believe that,” Leo shakes his head in disapproval, “this is the same shit that got you laid off from a decent pay—for your standards and now look! You’ve gone and decided to be some sort of archivist?”

“They actually haven’t called me back about that interview so…”

“And why do you think that is?”

“My nan’s got just enough pull as daddy Roderick and Auntie Madeline?”

Leo rubs at his beard in frustration, “for fucks sake I almost threw up in my mouth just then. I told you before not to refer to Roderick as that!” He glared at Rudelle who is definitely amused, knowing that irritates him then continued on, “…That could be almost true since your nan gives shady vibes too but you can’t keep doing this.”

“Why not? I’ve got nothing else better to do.” Rudelle shrugs confused before stating, “Just your unemployed friend on a Tuesday that’s keeping busy and trying to not ride on their savings.”

Leo raised his brow, “you think cracking the case on your parents’ death is somehow gonna give you income? That’s like wishing on a lucky star babe. There’s a reason you haven’t got anywhere with this and it’s been months, yeah?!”

“They were framed for a murder they probably didn’t commit which led to their deaths…if I can fix this then I can sue this shit system for if not all it’s worth then…I’ll take half.”

The determination was clear in Leo’s best friend’s eyes. They didn’t see that it was sounding a bit deranged but they had their own facts as well and if they strongly believed this then who was Leo to stomp on it? Leo didn’t know how it felt to not have two parents around but he did know how it felt to have a emotionally sad mother raising him. His mum was kind hearted to Rudelle back when they all lived in Redbridge and it certainly wasn’t out of pity, she was kind to anyone who shared the same decency to her son.

See, Napoleon’s mum is also very observant. She knew from the moment that Napoleon and Rudelle became friends (aged fourteen) that they would be able to keep each other afloat.

They were the pieces of good—more so Rudelle on the surface—that battled the bad the world laid upon them.

“Alright then…” Napoleon trailed off glancing upwards in thought, “in the mean time, you suppose decorating for Halloween will bring you clarity?”

Rudelle shrugs, “maybe. This could be a breakthrough.”

A breakthrough to just accept the job Napoleon’s been offering them since they settled into this city back when Rudelle was twenty-one. Leo’s been into gaming since he can remember, always wanted the latest games that his mother couldn’t afford at the time just to end up with it later on mercilessly. Not really—Roderick made it his job to buy his way in and taking care of Leo financially from a distance.

Yet when those eighteen years arrived and he actually met the mysterious man who tried to buy—definitely not his love—but rather his place as a Usher…Napoleon thought he was getting a chance to build a relationship with a man he didn’t know very well…but instead he was one of the shiny pieces in Roderick’s game.

Rudelle had dreams of being a geologist until she was in custody of their grandmother. They always had that woman in their ear growing up, dictating what they should be instead of what they wanted. All kids have dreams and aspirations but along the way there’s often detours. Those detours happen to be people who only saw greed and Rudelle chose what she thought would be the better option. To do it all on her own instead of being beneath her grandmother’s claws and Leo was still affiliated business wise or not no matter what choice he made.

They were both similar in that way.

Making their own choices, thinking it would work out in their favor.

“Fuck it, let’s do it.”

“Great,” Rudelle grinned ready to get to their feet, “I’ll grab the keys for the basement and you can head down. It’s seventy-four which is in the path of almost like a S shape.”

Leo frowns as Rudelle begins to move around the apartment in search of the keys, “wait…you’re not sending me down there alone are you?”

“Yes I am.” Rudelle went through the cabinets of their white kitchen, “there’s bugs down there. I can’t—I won’t. I can still feel those ant bites from last year just speaking on it.” They trail off in thought, scratching at their collarbone, “Which is why I kept most of my decorations shoved in closets up here.”

Leo frowns, “you sure you weren’t on shrooms?”

“Oh piss off! I still got the bills to prove it.”

“So you want me? This glorious piece of ass to be a early feast for some critters? Do you hate me? Do we suddenly have a problem that I’m unaware of?”

“You just said you’re going to participate in my breakthrough? Aren’t we mates?”

“Mates don’t set up mates!”

Rudelle pretends to think about it, which earns them a shove from Leo while Rudelle laughs in return latching onto some keys that were tossed into a drawer.

“Fine, if you wanna hold hands just say that.”

“Are you really going to hold my hand? A taken man?”

Rudelle was tempted to throw in a, ‘Glad you remember that you actually have a boyfriend this time around, considering how many times I’ve caught you in cheating acts.’

But they refrained…only because they had this idea to get their hands on the decorations and didn’t want to do it alone. Sure Rudelle maybe grasping at straws but that holiday changed the trajectory of everything losing their parents on that Halloween night. If you believe in the supernatural…maybe just maybe they could communicate with them in some way.

“Only if you’re afraid of the dark.”

“It’s not of the dark, rather what’s in it.”

“Don’t you worry buttercup, I’ve thought of it all.” Rudelle’s patting Leo’s cheek who furrows his brows as they disappear again around their home.

Leo exhales deeply, “if you did then why am I being dragged into this?!”

“Because you’re my best friend and you can’t help but to love me back.”

“I guess…”

“What?!” Rudelle calls from somewhere in the apartment.

“I said I must confess! You know like queen Britney once said.”

“Uh huh.” Rudelle appears back in front of Leo who started peeking through their fridge.

He clasps a tatted hand to his chest, “I forgot that you’re so light on your feet, should have been a astronaut.”

“Not a chance, I think you’d miss me too much,” Rudelle winks and begins to model out the accessories they gathered for the both of them on their sudden adventure.

Leo thinks about it, taking a bite out of the cold veggie pizza and shrugs, “eh you’re probably right.”

There was no denying that Leo classified Rudelle as his only and legitimate friend who didn’t care about his nepotism. Don’t think they didn’t argue over money when his ignorance got the best of him in the beginning but it didn’t become a thing until it became a thing from time to time.

The basement in Rudelle’s building always smelled of moth balls, fresh dirt, cigarette smoke, and wet air. It wasn’t the best thing to inhale but with the city that they lived in it wasn’t anything foreign. The deeper the pair traveled through the bottom of the building, the colder it felt; even with the friends standing side by side.

Leo whispers to his left, “you look like you’re not batting on a full wicket.” Referring to Rudelle’s attire of a full hooded wetsuit, sunglasses, and a KN95 mask.

“Sounds like you’re jealous and wouldn’t be able to pull off this fit.”

“Even if I wanted to,” Leo starts doing that irritated blinking he so commonly does, “which trust me I don’t—I’d like for my balls to breathe so that’ll be a negative on the jealously part. You however still are giving very much nutbag.”

Rudelle bows, “thank you, thank you. A true star is going to war.”

“Star? Let’s not go that far with that outfit you’re wearing.”

“You should really talk to your therapist about your haterism,” Rudelle bumps Leo’s shoulder, “ready?”

“Not really,” Leo comments, “what are the sunnies for?”

“The jumping spiders.”

“The what?!” Leo stops in his tracks, “you never said a thing about that. I thought we only had to worry about the ants. Spiders are much worse than ants!”

Rudelle shushes the man from beneath their mask, “can’t turn away now, we’re not far from the decor.”

Leo is muttering away as Rudelle begins to drag the brooding man along, “you have me smelling like a old man who has back spasms on a daily with this lavender and eucalyptus oil. You better be lucky that I like you.”

“Oh what ever would I do if a usher despised little ol’ me?” Rudelle pouts beneath their mask.

“More like, what would you do without me?” Leo mentioned as they traveled the s path to the storage room.

You know that eerie feeling you have when it feels like someone is watching you from the corner of a room or standing over you as you sleep? It’s one of the reasons why Rudelle sleeps with the covers completely over their face. It’s also one of the reasons why Leo was more of a side sleeper than any other position—unless he was up to something else that is. That same feeling was creeping up the nape of Leo’s neck although his hoodie was tightened to his head.

As the friends take what feels like slow steps closer to the storage, there’s a tapping feeling that falls upon Leo’s right shoulder. It’s instant that he whips his head to his left to where Rudelle once stood but they’re actually up ahead, unlocking the first gates to the storage room.

“Did you feel that?” Leo calls out, while looking behind him at the path in which they came.

The creaking of the gate is followed before Rudelle says anything, “depends what was felt.”

Leo isn’t sure if he likes that response, “what do you mean?”

“I’m not the only tenant that doesn’t like coming down here.” Rudelle says, “come on then, don’t be afraid.”

“I’d actually feel quite better if I had my Mjölnir.”

“You’ve got me, babe?” Rudelle grins over at Leo who snorts as he cautiously approaches them.

Leo stands at the entrance of the gate while Rudelle is already inside, “is that supposed to be comforting?”

“Sonny and Cher think so.” Rudelle winks over at Leo who shakes his head at that.

“Cute but not really my style of music.”

“Don’t I know it Mr. Hangs out at cracked out pubs for fun.”

“Definitely not my kinda party either.” Leo steps inside the gate while Rudelle searches for their storage, trying to recollect which side it was actually on.

Rudelle let’s out a cackle at that. They remembered a time when a tattoo-less glasses wearing Leo was afraid to try a spliff back in the day and now look at him, the main party man out of the duo.

Leo let’s put a whistle as he walks down the aisle of gated storages that seemed to be collecting dust on top of their piled up items. “This isn’t so bad although most of you may have a hoarding problem.”

With those words lingering in the air, the main gate behind them seems to slam shut behind them making both Rudelle and Leo’s heads turn back to the entrance.

“Don’t tell me—

Rudelle shakes their head in disapproval, “I told you to use the brick to keep it open!”

“When did you say that?!” Leo exasperates, hands thrown up in the air.

“Back when you said someone tapped on your shoulder.”

Leo rests his clasped hands on top of his hood as he gulped, “I—I never told you that.”

“Yes you did.”

“No! No I didn’t, Ru!” Leo felt unsettled, “I only asked if you felt it but never elaborated to what it was.”

Rudelle hums at this.

They could have sworn they heard Leo explaining that to them? There were reasons why the tenants on Sycapine hardly ever came this far down in the building. Things that couldn’t be explained, much like what the two best friends were experiencing. Leo would later brush this off not bothering to connect what he encountered with Ru as similar incidents his own family would face but way more extreme.

“Well…might as well stay awhile. We got nothing else better to do, since you just locked us in.” Rudelle unlocks their storage section, holding eye contact with a very annoyed Leo.

Leo points, “I didn’t do anything! You thought you could suddenly telepathically tell me shit for real this time?!”

It wouldn’t be Rudelle’s first time.

“You’re the one who said someone tapped on your shoulder, so clearly you’re the one who failed at telepathy.”

Leo felt his eye twitch, “I knew I should have stayed home.”

“Whatever,” Rudelle says kicking a box towards the dark haired man, “pop a squat buddy, you’re not going anywhere.”

Leo kicks back at the box and rushes over to the gate to rattle against it, thinking that would apparently get it to unlock. Slipping their hand against the padlock, he couldn’t angle his wrist just right to pad any numbers in and the extra stab was seeing a brick right across the gate, almost mocking Leo with bright green eyes while the hallway went black for a good two seconds, demanding that Leo witness the disturbing image.

The after effects of a party never had Leo like this before.

There’s another touch but it’s a pinch this time that sends him snatching his hand back through the gaps in the gate. Holding onto his skin he examines it to see that there’s no damage only tricks playing on his mind?

He glances back at Rudelle who comes back out shoving a heavy box out of their storage.

Leo finds a spot on the lighter box Rudelle previously kicked his way, keeping quiet until they come back with yet another box to sit across from Leo. He tilts his gaze sideways to read the text, “HALLOWEEN,” on the brown box.

“You owe me big time for this.”

Rudelle dips their head, “cross my heart—

“Don’t finish that sentence!” Leo shushes his friend while peering around, “never made any sense to me anyway. Who the fuck hopes to die?!”

“Relax babes, the yelling.” Rudelle curls a finger against their ear.

“Sorry are my frustrations bothering you?”

“No but you acting like a dickhead is.”

“How are you being so calm about this?”

“Normally I wouldn’t be but things are happening too much for this to be a coincidence so I’m looking at this as another perspective. This all could be my parents’ doing. Thus! The breakthrough.” Rudelle taps on their temple.

“If you say breakthrough one more time,” Leo warns, “you’re good at second guessing yourself and believing whatever your brain tells you to but has it occurred to you that this could all be the devil?”

Rudelle says, “and here I thought you weren’t religious.”

“I didn’t put a label on anything, it’s not really my thing but one thing I know is evil. And what I feel down here is not necessarily kind. Are you sure you wanna fuck with that more with these decorations?” Leo leaned his elbows into his knees.

Rudelle sighs, “can you definitely say that? And not just blame it on anxiety?”

“Would you say the same with the crows? I mean that is the whole reason why we’re down here.”

Rudelle is silent at this for awhile and Leo can see the wheels turning but he’s not the most patient.

“I’m convinced it’s something else.” Rudelle exhales, “I know this building better since I did the research before moving in.”

“Do I wanna know that history?”

Rudelle lightly shakes their head, “I’ll keep it to myself…otherwise you might burst a blood vessel and I feel better having you focused rather than pissed.”

“fucking hell! I don’t like it when you keep secrets.”

“I know!” Rudelle yells back, “but this is an itch that I can finally scratch and I just need the support.”

Leo rubbed at his face, digging the palms into his tired eyes. He understood, of course he understood, he just didn’t exactly enjoy things that go bump in the night.

Never did but being the kind of friend that he is, he would get his point across—even if you didn’t like it but still find a way to be what you needed.

“Fine,” Leo holds out his hand which Rudelle smiled at before quickly tapping the back of their hands together before moving into a smoking motion, pointer and thumb pressed together as they pressed a kiss there before pulling away to exhale the bad into the air, “one love.”

“Always.”

Leo’s smile quickly vanished, “Just know…”

“Ah, here we go.”

“I’ll fucking haunt you if I go first.”

“Way to ruin the moment, Leon.” Rudelle rolls their eyes, “there’s answers in here somewhere.”

Leo feels he’s holding his breath as Rudelle begins to reach for the flaps of the brown box. He’s not sure what could be so off-putting by Halloween decorations and if these would be the usual kind? He personally wasn’t the biggest fan of Halloween as he didn’t enjoy being spooked since that tended to make things difficult for him.

‘Yes there are…but are they the answers they want?’ A feminine voice belonging to the entity named Vera, who hasn’t fully introduced themselves yet speaks above the long time friend’s heads but she doesn’t show herself.

She lingers in the shadows for now but she’s never far. So she watches on as the box becomes open, four flaps folded back as Rudelle takes a large inhale, peeking at Leo who holds their stare.

Unbeknownst to them, the gate behind Leo quietly unlocks and leaves the door ajar.

⋆♱🕸️🕷️🕸️♱⋆ ⋆♱🕸️🕷️🕸️♱⋆ ⋆♱🕸️🕷️🕸️♱⋆ ⋆♱🕸️

Continue along with my fall anthology prompts here.

#queued #tfothou #tfothou netflix #the fall of the house of usher #Netflix #rahul kohli #rahul kohli x reader #Napoleon usher #Napoleon usher x reader #leo usher #Leo usher x reader #fall prompts #Spotify

[intricate-ritualz]

advertising some of my nygmobblepot/gotham fics on here again bc i can!

Crossroads

This one’s probably one of my favorites among the things that I’ve written. I had a TON of fun with it. It’s written in the first person through journal entries, which I am very aware is not many people’s cup of tea when it comes to fanfiction. HOWEVER. I think I did an okay job with making the writing style interesting and not.. “cringe” for lack of a better word. If you’re at all into the gender queer/trans feminine Ed Nygma head canon I’d check the fic out! The journal entries span the weeks after Oswald wins the election, but the fic isn’t very plot heavy. It’s more of a study of Ed and his relationship with his gender/sexuality. Nygmobblepot is present, but it’s not the main focus of the fic.

Hello, My Name Is

This fic explores the trans Nygma head canon in a more metaphorical way. It takes place in a court waiting room years before the events of Gotham. Ed is there to get his last name changed from Nashton to Nygma officially, and he just so happens to run into a young Oswald who’s there for a name change as well. (Some heavily implied trans masculine Oswald for y’all.) The fic is yet another Nygma character study focusing on Ed’s relationship with his gender (very subtle but there) and his father (not subtle.) (I’m a creature of habit.) It’s nothing too special IMO, but I do think it’s a fun take on the first Nygmobblepot meeting. I will warn everyone that this was written when I was somewhat new to the fandom, so some of the details about Oswald’s past don’t fit perfectly into canon. 😭

Drown Me! (Title stolen from a song of the same name by Junie & TheHutFriends. Very Nygmobblepot-pilled song in my mind.)

Basically my take on the Wake Up Alone scene. If you’ve been following me for a bit, you’ll know I have very specific Opinions on what should have gone down. The fic is set in an alternate universe where Oswald confesses to Ed after killing Isabella, but before Ed finds out it was Oswald who killed her. And Nygmobblepot becomes #real for a bit. (Or whatever the kids are saying nowadays.) Ed does end up finding out eventually, and the whole Thing at the pier does end up going down, along with everyone’s favorite Amy Winehouse singing hallucination. The fic is half “look at how hard I can make Ed repress his feelings” and half me making the Wake Up Alone scene waaay more artsy than the Gotham writers had the balls to.

Hypnopompic Howls (Title stolen from the song Emotional Vagrant by The Scary Jokes. VERYVERY Edward-pilled song.)

This was my first Gotham fic, written before I consumed every piece of Nygmobblepot fanfiction ever posted on Ao3, so I wasn’t aware how common and overdone the concepts I was writing about were, LMAO. But if you enjoy a good “Ed talks to the hallucination of himself at the Van Dahl Mansion after killing Oswald and wrestles with his internalized homophobia and comphet for a bit” fic, Hypnopompic Howls is for you!

ty if you took the time to read All of That 😭

all of these fics are kind of old and kind of short, so if anyone has any ideas/things they’d like to see in future intricate-ritualz gotham fics lmk ! i like to think that my writing has gotten at least a tad bit better by now 😋😋

#emory scribbles #nygmobblepot #riddlebird #edward nygma #oswald cobblepot #the riddler #the penguin #gotham fox

[fanficfanattic]

Okay, no one asked but I love this fandom. Gonna talk about some of my fic outlines and see if anything stands out for y’all!

Sexy

Soulmates: Jamie and Keeley aren’t soulmates but they aren’t looking for that kind of commitment/life. Keeley and Roy aren’t soulmates, and yet neither care even though they are wishing for that kind of life. Obviously Roy and Jamie aren’t soulmates. Duh. No tension here folks!

But Roy + Keeley + Jamie touching initializes their soulbond. Just like with any two party soulmates, it doesn’t get tripped until all three are in contacrt together.

Secrets: Season 1 Dani starts dating Jamie shortly after the loan ends. He loved their shoot outs and liked drinking with him. So he was sad he wasn’t going to really get to meet him. Then realizes he can, he just has to call him up.

There is a team dinner and Jamie shows up and everyone is like “wtf?” Keeley even tries to ask why he’s there and he very Jamie-like says he was invited. So Keeley is all “okay, but before the transfer back. You aren’t on the team anymore?”

Dani finally makes his entrance and everyone realizes by invited he meant literally as the SO of a player. And Jamie has just enough self-awareness to go “Dani…you didn’t tell them you were bringing me?” “I did too!” “I told you Jamie is used for any gender. They probably thought you meant you were bringing a gal!”

Not addressed in this overview is that it’s a bit of a D/s situation. Dani is a doting dom, happy to give Jamie clear boundaries so he isn’t acting out to try to find them himself. Jamie is a sweet sub, he just likes making Dani feel good. And being loved AND respected.

Family

Mom: Season 1 Jamie has his mom and stepdad come down for the Family Day that Ted orchestrates. It’s where he flirts with Moe’s mum. Find out Georgie was a young mom, so she’s a little younger than Roy. Jamie is perfectly at ease with her, more smiley than they’ve ever seen him.

The two of them are even a bit silly together. They run off to do their ritual every time Georgie visits Jamie at a club. He gives her a piggy back run around the pitch while she times him.

Simon starts shaking hands and he called Wichita State to find out Ted and Beard’s favorite muffins and has baked them. In a fucking basket and all. No one knows what to make of him, and Ted finally says he had not pictured Jamie’s dad anything like Simon.

Who laughs it off explaining that he’s the stepdad. Jamie’s biological father deserves to burn in hell.

Dad: Jamie comes clean to Sam about how some of his antagonism came from jealousy over Sam’s dad being so wonderful. Sam is like “oh, is that what it was?” And “c’mon mate, got a solution for that.”

Calls his dad up and says he wants to introduce him to his new son, Jamie. Ola takes it completely in stride. Sam has told him about all the work Jamie has put in to show the team the real him. And Ola respects the hell out of that.

“Ah, yes, how could I forget to properly greet my other son?” And that’s not Jamie crying, it’s just raining inside innit?

Angsty

Spite: Season 2 Jamie gets a little flirty with Paddy O’Gara when they play Man City. Another player (first year with City) fouls him real rough. At the after match interview he explains that Jamie was flirting with them to try and rattle them. Admits he didn’t hold his temper but assuming they’re homophobic just because they’re footballers is wrong.

Ted, and the team that has just started warming up to him again, don’t even ask Jamie what his side is. Ted tells him he’s benched next game. Colin accidentally comes out he’s so upset. He can’t tell them the truth, since it would out Paddy. So he just says “okay, coach” and leaves.

The next training, someone yells that he hasn’t even apologized to Colin for being such a prick. When he says he’s done nothing he needs to apologize for, bloodlust rises. Ted sends him home for the day and says there will be a meeting the next morning with Rebecca.

Meanwhile, Paddy is beside himself because the media has been brutal towards Jamie. He’s about to retire. It wouldn’t affect his career as strongly. But he won’t do anything unless Jamie agrees. Which he now does, because the only team that would take him on, with this kind of shit staining his name, would be a team unsafe for him.

They contact a team to do an interview. Someone for telly and someone to write an article. (Trent Crimm y’all!) It comes out the next morning while Jamie is in his meeting with Rebecca. Tells her the truth that no one asked him for and that the article/video combo will be up soon.

Malice: Post Lust Conquers All, but before he secures coming back to Richmond, James kidnaps Jamie. Sells him on the black market. Later in that season or into 3rd season territory, Jamie has escaped. Ties up the buyer with his own chains and steals their car. Realizes he’s close to Richmond, and decides to go there.

He was disappeared the last time because no one was expecting him to be somewhere specific. But if 30 people, even people who don’t like him, literally lay eyes on him. It’ll be harder for him to be disappeared again. So there he goes.

To up the stakes a bit, I have the loose idea that when he’s first about to make his escape, a woman and her daughter get added to the basement make-shift prison. He has to wait long enough to know the woman isn’t going to betray him. Once they’ve decided to become brother and sister, making him the kid’s uncle, its time to bust out. Eventually. Because the circumstances have to be right to do so.

Bonus idea is that Keeley is upset about him being calm and rational after this. She can’t figure out why he is pretty much the same person. So he explains that she’s never known him pre-his dad being a sexual predator asshole.

#jamie tartt #jamie tartts mom georgie #jamie tartts stepdad simon #tw james tartt #ted lasso #roy kent #keeley jones #sam obisanya #dani rojas #rebecca welton #tw kidnapping #tw captivity #tw sex assault #ola obisanya #soulmates

[cookinguptales]

wwdits tarot: the empress

Okay, so I’ve already talked about The Empress and The Emperor, but I’ve never found a subject that I couldn’t manage to talk about more.

(I’m… so sorry. For who I am. lmao)

So yeah, okay, here’s III. The Empress.

I was a little unclear before which of the two I’d assign as The Empress and which was The Emperor, but I’ve made my decision. A typical differentiation between The Empress and Emperor is one of gender; The Empress is a mother figure and The Emperor a father one. But both The Sire and The Baron seem to identify as male while having no genitalia that lets them physically sire offspring (I……….. think) so that’s not really a good way to split them.

Instead, I’d like to focus more on other aspects of both cards. The Emperor also has a thread of the ruling class to it, while The Empress tends to emphasize more abundance. So… yes, I decided to make The Sire The Empress.

I’ll elaborate more on The Baron as ruler and leader later, but for now, I’ll focus on The Sire’s abundance.

Now, The Empress is a hugely maternal card. It symbolizes motherhood, nurturing, abundance, femininity, nature, etc. It’s not just literal motherhood but also the sense of something greater than all of us that birthed and sustains us all. Think… Mother Nature. That kind of situation.

The Sire, though presumably unable to sire physical children, actually has more descendants than anyone else — even probably Genghis Khan, Colin. Every vampire that has ever been and ever will be is descended from The Sire, and he is actually peculiarly… nonviolent, compared to other vampires of his stature.

He has seen all, it seems, and he has seen all fade away. He has spent eternity locked in a tiny, little box. And when he finally escapes, he doesn’t take revenge on anyone. He doesn’t attack anyone except for necessary sustenance and to escape from people he thinks are trying to kill him. And when he realizes that no one is trying to hurt him, he stops fighting back and instantly acquiesces to his new home with The Baron.

Let’s all be real with each other, would most vampires in his situation be so chill about all that? God. Just imagine if Nadja were locked in that room for five minutes. Nah. For a vampire, The Sire actually seems somewhat gentle, for all that he’s a terrifying, ageless little gremlin.

If you ask me, there’s a sweet sort of fondness between The Sire and The Baron, like The Baron has taken him by the hand and is finally introducing him to a modern world that he barely understands himself, and The Sire in turn never makes The Baron feel like he is any less than he should be. The two of them do seem like a partnership, and one that’s strongly associated with being the mom and dad (or I guess dad and dad, or sire and sire) of the main group. And if anything, it seems like being around The Sire has calmed The Baron quite a bit. He’s gone downright domestic by the time we see him in The Wedding.

THEY’RE IN LOVE

So… I think it’s fair to say that The Sire fulfills the sense of gentleness, fertility, and abundance that we need for The Empress — or at least as much as any character in this show might. He is far older than any other character, and has become staid, quiet, and almost affectionate now that he’s free of his cage. He does in some ways feel like the ageless, understanding mother of all vampires.

Even if he is more aware than anyone that all love turns to dust in the end. :’)

(Anyway, who ever said ya gotta be female to be a mother anyway? We do what we want here.)

Now, for the imagery…

As always, we start with the Rider-Smith-Waite tarot version of the card:

The original Empress sits on her throne surrounded by fields of grain to symbolize her dominion over abundance, life, and all growing things. The stars on her crown symbolize her dominion over the months of the year and time itself, and the pomegranates on her dress symbolize fertility.

Now… none of that quite suits The Sire’s brand of fertility and life.

I think, if you’ll allow me to be a romantic, I would make The Emperor and The Empress to be twinned cards. Both cards traditionally feature thrones, but I’m thinking about the way that The Sire and The Baron like to sit together in their living room with The Hellhound…

Instead of a field of grain with a river running through it, I would have The Sire seated in a field of desolation. Heaps of earth and rivulets of blood and cold, wizened trees. To the outside observer, this would be a scene of death, not life. But to The Sire, these are all features of the life he has given and the life he has created for himself. He has left heaps of ancestral soil all over the world, and his blood runs through the veins of every vampire. His new roommate just loves burning trees, and would be currently lighting one of them on fire.

No crown on his head, but above him, 12 stars shine in the night sky.

Rather than a traditional throne, I would have The Sire seated amongst all this in a comfortable chair, and rather than a scepter, he would be raising a chalice full of blood — his blood, in fact, which has been given to countless vampires to drink.

Like The Empress, he would be seated facing somewhat to the left — all the better to make a toast with The Emperor, The Baron, who in his card will be seated facing the right with his own chalice in his hand.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for love and violence. :’)

wwdits tarot masterpost

#wwdits tarot #wwdits #they're in love and I won't hear otherwise from anyone

[carlosfruitsnacks]

"we used to be a team"

PART 2 || PART 3

summary:

— The trio, you, Camilo, and Carlos were inseparable since kids until one day all of you were forced to be broken apart as things change and don't be the same anymore.

genre:

— fluff to angst, aged up, & modern au 

notes:

— gender-neautral reader. I do not speak fluent Spanish and all of the Spanish here is translated from google, feel free to correct me.

warning/s:

— heavy cussing, mentions of violence, and smoking

a/n:

— some of you guys wanted me to try more of fluff and angst fics so as I said, I will. grab some tissues y'all. part 2 will be coming soon hehe

The world beneath your feet has often been cold. From the start, when you first opened your eyes, you're aware of how cruel life is going to be. Loneliness, confusion, and misery were the only things present in your life, unlike your parents. You never discovered your parents' real names. At the age of ten, you were forced to make a living on your own as an orphan. You were forced to see things a child shouldn't see. It felt like your innocence was stripped away from you the moment you found yourself stealing from people for a living.

As much as you weren't proud of what you had to do to survive, you managed to land yourself in school and did relatively well. It was a public school welcome for those who wanted to learn. You were hopeful that once you finished school you'll find your place in the world. After you turned twelve, you were receiving mistreatment from the other children in school. It wasn't expected but after everything you went through, you should've seen it coming.

You were relentlessly bullied and harassed for being alone, you never bothered how to make friends because you didn't know how to. It was hell, trying to deal with other children picking on you because you had no friends. Life probably thought it was such a cruel joke and that you haven't been through enough.

"You're such a loser, [Name]"

"Poor [Name], they have no friends"

"I bet your mommy and daddy don't love you"

Laughter echoed in the background as you were getting beaten again into a pulp. You never learned how to defend yourself, all you know was to take every punishment the world has to give you even if it seemed unfair. They shoved and kicked you to the ground, one of them was prepared to give you another punch on the face until you hear screaming.

You gasped to see your bullies get trampled into the ground by two kids around your age. You watched with owlish eyes as they did a number on them. One of the kids was wearing a maroon sweatshirt, he punched one of your bullies which sent them cowering in fear. Eventually, the ambush was over as all of your bullies admitted defeat and decided to run away. You gazed at your two saviors who happened to be twin brothers. One of them offers you a hand to lift you up.

"Are you okay?"

He asked, he was wearing a bright yellow shirt with a chameleon print. You didn't know how to reply because this was the first act of kindness you received in a long time. The kid in the maroon sweatshirt scoffs and fixes his curly brown hair.

"Let's just go, Camilo. I'm hungry and I wanna get ice cream"

He says before walking away, acting like the fight earlier didn't happen. The twin, Camilo, nods but turns to you. He watched you stand awkwardly with scratches and bruises all over your skin. He smiles brightly at you.

"Hey, do you want to get ice cream with us?"

Camilo doesn't get a reply from you, he didn't understand why you behaved this way. Nevertheless, he gently takes your hand and leads you to an ice cream parlor with his twin brother. Three twelve-year-olds sat together on a hill on a sunny day, eating ice cream. One of them scrunches his nose.

"Why'd you have to invite them?"

"Oh, don't be mean Carlos!"

"Whatever"

The boy, Carlos, rolls his eyes and continued eating his ice cream. Camilo checks on you to see you peacefully finishing your ice cream. You didn't realize nor process what was happening but it felt nice so you let it happen. It was great to have someone around to spend time with. The three of you watched the sun slowly descend from the sky, all of a sudden, Camilo turns to you.

"Hey, what's your name?"

For the first time, you knew how to respond to a human conversation. You look into his eyes, wide-eyed and glimmering.

"[Name] [Surname]"

"I think we're gonna be friends, [Name]"

Years go by, and you're now in college. The most unpredictable event occurred in your life; you became best friends with Camilo and Carlos. Ever since you ate ice cream with the twins, they insisted on having you around so that nobody comes picking on you. Twelve-year-old you found it sweet when they would stand up for you whenever somebody wanted to mess with you. Day by day, the three of you grew close and eventually memorized each other's habits.

Camilo was a happy-go-lucky guy. He's a very kind-hearted and cheerful person. He'd always know how to make you laugh until you cry. He taught you many things like games and how to have fun. He was like your beacon of hope, your source of comfort. Camilo was an expert when reading your emotions and providing the best hugs when needed. He's the reason why you learned how to smile.

Carlos in contrast to his brother was a pessimist. He loves to deny it by saying he's only a realist. He loved nagging your ear off because of how naive you are. You weren't taking any of his insults to heart, you just figured it's his way of showing he values your friendship. Even if he's a grumpy guy, he's overly protective of you. Refusing to let you walk home alone or leave you alone in general. If you're somewhere, he's probably lurking by. Carlos made you feel secured, he's your safe haven. In the entirety of your life where you felt like nobody cared, Carlos made you realize that someone still cares about you.

The three of you would never miss a day without walking together to your classes. All of you would wake up early to jump on fences and explore for a bit. Camilo would take you to find bugs with him on the ground, and Carlos would insist on hanging out by the park. You three would safely walk to class without a sound. You all would meet up by lunch and trade food and share stories. Sometimes, when lunch is over the three of you would skip classes to fuck around. You'd all go to prohibited places in the university. One time, one of the staff caught you three sharing a cigarette but managed to escape any trouble.

And at the end of the day, when you would walk home with Carlos and Camilo, you'd lie on your bed and dream about the many things you'd do with them. The twins were aware that you were living on your own and had to go to a job on the weekends to pay your rent. They insisted that you should go live with them but you didn't want to be a burden.

Today, you, Camilo, and Carlos explored the park before walking to your classes. You can spend a lifetime with the boys, actually. They're the reason why you're still holding on. Carlos sighed.

"I wanna skip class today"

"Bro, why?"

"Don't wanna attend the first class"

You and Camilo shared a laugh but agreed to skip all of your classes with Carlos. The three of you began doing dumb stuff. Vandalizing an abandoned property, shoplifted a few chips from the store, and went out smoking at the back of an alleyway. You like to think they weren't a bad influence considering they had remarkable grades, they're just probably enjoying the rest of their youth.

Carlos caught your attention by taking a long drag and stomping the cigarette after. He glares ahead and you turn to notice a few thugs coming your way. Shit, they all look like they're want trouble. Camilo sucks in a breath as his smile drops at the sight of the thugs. You looked at them nervously. Carlos turns to you.

"Run, [Name]"

"What the fuck, Carlos? [Name] can throw a punch, they're not five!"

"I'm not risking it, dumbass. Get the fuck out of here, [Name]!"

Carlos shouted before one of the thugs began to run to him and delivered a solid punch to his face. You trusted his word and started sprinting away, you don't dare look back when you hear a couple of pairs of feet running behind you. As you kept running, one of them managed to catch up to you and kick you as you were sent face-first to the ground. You looked up in terror as the teens chuckled and circled around you. It felt like you were twelve again, getting picked on at school every day.

Tears began forming in your eyes, you look around for any sign of your best friends but there was nobody. Your breath turned heavy as your heart began skipping beats. You kept an eye on the thugs as one of them pulls out a baseball bat.

You watched helplessly on the ground as the men towered over you, smirking. They were having fun taking advantage of a helpless teenager.

"Please don't hurt me!"

You pleaded but they all laughed in unison, acting like it was all just a funny joke. Your scan your surroundings but there wasn't anything that can provide you any form of protection. You end up curling into a ball, waiting for your doom until you hear one of the men falling to the ground. Carlos arrived and threw a nasty punch across the man's face. It was incredible to watch him take on the adults on his own and win the fight in the end. He was injured but he managed to sigh and crouch down to you, checking if you're okay.

"I'm fine, thanks Carlos"

"Ay, you absolute moron. You shouldn't have wandered on your own like that!"

"...Sorry"

"Next time, if you need me, don't stay quiet, shout for my name"

"Carlos!"

You screamed. There was a long pause until the thugs began sharing a laugh when nothing happens. One of them began mocking you.

"Nobody's gonna fucking help yo-ARRRG!"

He was cut off when you see Carlos throwing his fist to his face. It didn't take long for a messy fist fight to break out, you take your cue to get on your feet and run to find Camilo. Fortunately, you meet Camilo near the block, he was badly hurt.

"Camilo! Carlos needs help!"

"Oh fuck!"

He panics as the two of you began running. Both of you couldn't find any help until you found a random car parked by the side of the road, Camilo looks over to you, pleading for you to not do what he thinks you're thinking.

"Camilo, do you want to lose a brother?"

"Shit, fine! Just fucking do it and hurry!"

Camilo gives in. You sprint to the car and began picking on the lock, a few long seconds pass as you managed to unlock the car and get inside. Camilo runs to you as you began to hotwire the car, he was surprised when the car's engine starts to roar successfully. He knew well he was in for a ride as he buckles on his seatbelt and let you drive.

Meanwhile, Carlos was on the verge of getting ripped to shreds by the thugs, he hated how outnumbered he was right now. His lip was cut, he's got a sprain and his nose was bleeding. All of a sudden, he hears a car honking in the distance. He turned and his jaw dropped.

"No fucking way..."

"¡Oye cabrón! Get out of the way!"

Camilo screamed as his twin jumps to the side. Carlos watched as you crashed the car into the thugs, they were toppled over the windshield and horribly injured. You stop the car and roll the window down.

"Hurry! Get in!"

Carlos smirked as he opens the backseat and climbs into the car. You pull on the reverse and swiftly drove away, escaping. The three of you sighed inside the vehicle.

"You barely made it in time before one of those assholes knocked me out"

"Okay wow, Carlos. You're welcome"

You laugh as the twin brothers began bickering, totally suffering from a few cuts and bleeds but they still have the energy to cuss each other out. It was a while until you find a discreet area and parked the car. You killed the engine and exhaled heavily on your seat, you rubbed your face and looked at your best friends. They gave you a worried look.

"What now?"

"[Name], you just fucking stole a car!"

"What am I supposed to do?!"

"Call for help! Dios mio, I get that you're an expert on stealing shit but this was unnecessary!"

"¡Cállate, Carlos!"

Camilo shushed his brother, Carlos bites his lip in regret when he saw your teary eyes. He gestures for you to crawl into the backseat with him, and you obliged and sat right beside him. Camilo scurries to the backseat as well. Eventually, the twins began to trap you in their arms as you sobbed.

"...I'm sorry"

"It's fine, Carlos"

"Can we get pizza? I'm starving"

You let out a laugh at Camilo, he grins at you. Carlos rolls his eyes but lets an endearing smile show on his face and watched you two. The three of you were a team, no one is able to separate you three. It's always and forever you, Camilo, and Carlos.

"Police! Step out of the vehicle!"

A man shouts from outside the car. The three of you broke the embrace and noticed a few police cars parked outside. You give the twins a terrified look. Camilo and Carlos panicked and looked at each other, they nodded in unison. It took a moment for you to realize, so you grabbed them before they can exit the car.

"No no no no...don't do it!"

"[Name]-"

"Don't fucking do it!"

"[Name] please we-"

"Please don't leave me!"

You went hysterical, tears were violently streaming down your tears as you hold unto them tighter. Camilo's breath hitches but fights back a sob, Carlos looks away. You couldn't stand the thought of your best friends getting arrested and the possibility of not seeing each other again. It seems like the fates are cruel to you because the brothers turned away and stepped out of the vehicle.

"NO! PLEASE NO!"

Carlos shuts the door behind him and blocked it, pretending to not hear your screaming within. The police pointed their gun at him and Camilo as they cautiously surround him. Carlos glared at the officers.

"Hands in the air where we can see them"

Camilo clicks his tongue and obeys. Never in his life did he imagine that this scenario would happen. He lets one of the officers put a handcuff on him, he looked over at Carlos, his twin had a scowl on his face. All of a sudden, Carlos meets Camilo in the eye and broke into a sprint.

"Get him!"

One of the officers shouted. Camilo watched his twin brother running into the distance without an explanation. All of a sudden, his eyes go wide.

"Fuck! No! Carlos get back here!"

"Come with me"

An officer drags him to the nearest police car, Camilo starts to squirm as the officer tries to restrain him.

"You have to get him! He's with us! ¡Mierda!"

Camilo pleaded as he was shoved into the police car. He couldn't believe it, Carlos fucking ditched him! Why did he fucking do it? When he thought things weren't worse enough, the police found you hiding in the car and finally gets you restrained. Camilo's eyes watched in horror as you were taken away into a separate police car.

"No! NO! [Name]! Please don't take them away!"

He begged and banged on the car window to get the officer's attention. You sobbed uncontrollably as the police put handcuffs on you and transferred you to the police car, you catch Camilo's teary eyes.

"Camilo! Please help me! 'Milo don't-"

You were abruptly cut off when the officer pushed you into the car and locks the door. Camilo was forced to see the vehicle you're in, driving away out of his sight. He screamed in the backseat and broke into a sob. He was punching the car window with tears streaming down his face. Eventually, the car starts to move and took him away as well. Aren't you guys supposed to be a team?

taglist: @vanevafu , @irisia-ckzkb1109 , @elegantkidfansoul , @candykamikun , @cahmilo , @pochi-moochika , @justzei , @try-cry-why-try , @nanaisheretomessupthings ...join here

masterlist

#encanto #disney encanto #encanto fanfiction #encanto fanfic #carlos madrigal #carlos my beloved #carlos madrigal my beloved #camilo madrigal #camilo my beloved #camilo madrigal my beloved #carlos madrigal x reader #carlos madrigal x y/n #carlos x you #carlos x reader #carlos x y/n #camilo madrigal x reader #camilo madrigal x y/n #camilo madrigal x reader x carlos madrigal #carlos madrigal x reader x camilo madrigal #camilo x reader x carlos #carlos x reader x camilo #gender netural reader #jay's fanfics™️ #jay's angst fics™️

[babsaros]

I think I'm trans and I'm so scared I love and support but I don't want to be trans, is that bad?

I know a lot of my family will hate

me.

I feel like a guy but how did I not know sooner,Idk wut to do, I'm so confused.

Like I've never felt wrong in till this year, idk if it's because maybe I was in Denial, but I feel I wad still know to some extent.

And wut if I'm just going crazy and lieing to my self I don't have a reason to but still.

You probably can answer, because your not me but if you think you can help pleas do.

Thx for your time :>

the very first thing i want to tell you is that i love you. i need you to know that you are loved. i need you to know that no matter who you are, you are loveable.

the second thing i need you to know is that you are strong and brave, even when you feel weak and scared. those feelings are so so so heavy, when you're carrying them around, all you can feel is the weight, and you forget how strong you are for being able to carry it at all. every breath you take is indescribably brave. every beat of your heart is worth it.

the third thing you need to know is that anyone that tries to put you down is scared of you. scared of how brave and strong you are, scared of your happiness, scared of your independence, scared that they won't be able to control you. you scare them. and that is the most wonderful thing in the world.

and it's okay to be scared!!! you are never ever alone in being scared. that's the very nice thing about community, especially the trans community. we've all been there. we know the hardships, we know the struggles. we're all in this together, 1000%. so being scared is okay.

i don't know you, what your living situation is like or how old you are and what your support network looks like. if you want to come off anon at all or shoot me a dm, please feel free to anytime. i can't promise i'll always have the spoons to respond, but you're not alone.

for me personally, i grew up in a pretty conservative household. i just was not exposed to a lot before i got my own computer (and more specifically got on tumblr). transgender was Not a word i had ever heard until i was in my teens probably. and it might never have occurred to me on my own that i could be trans. i know i didn't have a lot of the same experience my cis peers were having, i was always a "tomboy", there were parts of my biology i was deeply uncomfortable with but chalked up to puberty being a bitch. i mean, everyone tells you its awkward but that you'll get used to it eventually, right? :')

(here's a secret: you never have to get used to anything you're not comfortable with. if it sucks, hit da bricks!)

my journey started by identifying with the asexual label, it helped me feel a lot more in control of my own body? if that makes sense? like i had a word that explained (somewhat, at least as far i was aware at the time) my discomfort and boundaries, and it was the first time i realized i didn't have to be "normal". from there i realized i was gay, but it still took me a while to realize i wasn't cis, and then still a while after that to realize i wanted to go on HRT.

figuring out gender stuff is tricky! the good thing is its not a race. there's no way to lose! you can take your time, and experiment, explore your presentation and options! don't fall for the transphobic narrative that if you don't transition young enough you won't pass. that's just not true, and passing is more overrated than you might realize. having fun with is is honestly the most important thing.

dysphoria can be subtle, and it can manifest suddenly, even for things you were previously fine with. nobody has a totally static, unchanging mind. especially if you're young, your brain is still growing in there! even cis people get dysphoria sometimes.

it's probably not true that you're lying to yourself. that's another transphobic myth people like to push, that being trans is a mistake or a phase or something people do for attention. it's much more likely that this is something you've been learning more about yourself recently, and that's a really wonderful thing.

this community will celebrate your journey, no matter where it leads, whether you decide you're trans or not, and what you want to do about it. never let anyone scare you into thinking you're taking resources from someone who "deserves" it more. more demand and support = more resources and support for everyone.

i hope any of this is helpful to you, and i really hope if you do decide you want to talk more about this or look into it more, that you have the support to do so.

#ask #anonymous #i hope i've worded this well #if anyone would like to add on in the replies please feel free to #every time someone joins the trans community a star is born. #like i cannot stress enough how beautiful and sacred trans life is #you will be happier than you ever thought possible

[anachronistic-falsehood]

YAYYYY DRREAMSTUUCK HOURS!!!!! are there any specific headcanons you have that wont be explicitly included in the fic ?? things like. idk worldbuilding or little details that are so obscure that writing about them would be clunky or hard to fit nicely into plot. stuff like that etc :]

YES YES. YES I DO. okay first of all dstuck tommy is canonically trans so write that down. it's not really mentioned because wilbur straight up did not introduce the concept of gender to this kid and just called tommy he/him because he knew paradox space was going to give him a son no matter what, so when tommy learned what gender was and said "hey i'm a man >:3" wilbur was like sure ok. thog don't caare!! it is alluded to though and it will be heavily implied in my guardian wilbur oneshot that i'll prolly post sometime in the next couple months after i introduce our fourth beta player :3 (SPOILERS it's aimsey our fourth player is aimsey i feel like i've mentioned it before but yeah. fourth player aimsey :3 the session needs a knight so AIMSEY!!!)

ERET. they will not go crazy go stupid during murderstuck, they are not one of the murderers, but the concept of betrayal and redemption is very important to eret's character so they do have a backstory where they tried to hand skeppy over to the empire and get him culled. it will be mentioned!! probably will expand on it more in meteorstuck if possible, but for now it's barely there. there's SO much to include in dstuck it's insane

ponk lives in a tree because they ran away from the neighborhood they used to live in. someone got culled by some drones and in a panic, ponk ran away with their lusus and disappeared into the woods, where they met sapnap!! they were two of the first ones to meet, followed by sam, bad, and skeppy. they were the original five of their group before everyone else came in!

giving u some beta kids lore rn that will be expanded on in my guardian oneshots :3 tubbo started coding things at like three years old. GENIUS KID! PRODIGY!! he can also just kind of feel when other people are nearby? schlatt never caught him awake at night because tubbo without even hearing him would hide his book or device under his pillow when schlatt is just THINKING of checking on the kid. insane. ranboo is constantly aware of the space around him. try to trip him?? he's hopping over your foot without even realizing it. throw something at him?? he's dodging or catching it without looking up. because of this he has near perfect aim. would KILL IT in baseball!!! also would make a great marksman! unfortunately his weapon of choice is a sword, but he'll get really good with that as well and may even throw his blades in a strife. always hits his targets. tommy can keep perfect time without a metronome. knows exactly what time it is without looking. knows exactly how much time has passed since something happened last, down to the second. would make a wonderful dancer for the way he keeps time, but wants to be like his bro and become a musician!! kind of unnerving when he says "it's 1:32 pm" without even looking up from his keyboard when wilbur asks what time it is. aimsey. kind of a terrifying kid to raise! there one second and gone the next. shadows are their friend. constantly disappearing somewhere, not like they're invisible, but like they're just. completely unnoticeable until they speak. your gaze just sweeps right over them, thinking they're another shadow in the corner. kristen wakes up in the middle of the night thinking no one is in her room and then aimsey says "grandma i frew up" suddenly standing at the end of her bed. it's a got damn wonder that kid didn't give her a heart attack before the game

OOH another very little thing. ranboosprite? from the doomed timeline? not dead. :3 they'll be back :3 hehehehehehe

#dreamstuck #friend tag :3 #ds!tommy is trans but like it doesnt' even rly register for him that he is bc he was just kind of raised as whatever his whole life #wilbur was like “oh shit this thing looks like a girl? eh i don't give a fuck phil said i'm havin a boy so i'll let it do what it wants” #aimsey similarly was raised kinda gender neutral because phil was like “idk what that one is gonna be? take a guess ig do whatever u want” #the trolls all met at varying points in time but the first five all met when they're were only like three sweeps old!! some of them younger #some met in person and some found each other over trollian until they were all together in one tight knit group #def wanna talk abt eret's backstory eventually but it's more than i can fit into dstuck at the moment so it might have to wait for a onesho #THANK U THANK U MAC I LOVE TALKIN ABOUT DSTUCK! UPD8 TOMORROW!!!! #ALSO IM LISTENIN 2 UR VASH PLAYLIST RN. U HAVE IMPECCABLE TASTE

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 - 𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐧

A/N: Before you continue to read, I want you all to be aware that while I have kept this one gender neutral I wrote this with the intention of the reader being female/non-male. As Robin is a lesbian, I don’t feel comfortable writing her with someone who is male or male-aligned so I want that to be kept in mind when reading this fic. Robin is a lesbian and I will never write her with men. Ever. 

The usual warning and by now standard threat; this is 18+ only so MINORS DNI and if you go against that then I’m going to go to your local bar and hook up with your dad in the bathroom 

It would’ve been an outright lie to say that you’d never thought about kissing Robin. You’d both had a lot of lessons together during senior year and as a result you knew each other quite well and spend time together during school hours. You often crossed paths in the hallways but never hung out in the same social circles due to her being in band and you being one of the so-called freaks of Hawkins High, often sitting at opposite ends of the cafeteria to one another. In all that time, you’d considered more than once what it would be like to kiss her or hold her hand. You never said anything, however, because she’d never shown any interest in you beyond friendship.

Now, as you and Robin walked over to the closet in the next room over, you found yourself thinking once again about what it would be like to kiss her. The concept made you a little nervous. What if she didn’t like it? What if she thought you were bad at kissing? It wasn’t your first kiss, but you hadn’t kissed many people in your time, and you didn’t want your inexperience to be painfully obvious.

You were so busy overthinking that you walked straight into Robin’s back when she stopped at the closet doors. If it bothered her, she didn’t let it show as she turned and gave you an excited grin.

“You ready to jump in there and swap some spit?” she asked jokingly.

You laughed. “Is that what we call making out now? And here I thought we didn’t like washing machine kisses.”

“Who doesn’t love an unwelcome amount of saliva sloshing around in their mouth?”

“Ew, didn’t need that mental imagine, Rob,” you replied with a grimace.

The girl took hold of your wrist and pulled you into the closet with her, practically slamming the door shut. The onslaught of darkness had you reaching out to try and find Robin in the dark and you felt your cheeks heat up when your hand landed on something that definitely wasn’t her hand or shoulder. The two of you were silent and stood frozen to the spot for a moment, unsure of what to say or do without making the situation even more awkward than it already was. It felt typical that the first real chance you got to kiss her was probably going to perish because of the unfortunate placing of your hand.

Robin’s voice was hesitant as she spoke. “Um, you’ve kind of… got your hand on my… boob…”

You quickly pulled your hand back and cleared your throat. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to touch it, I swear, it just got really dark, and I didn’t know where you were, so I tried to reach out for you and then I panicked and froze up.”

“It’s okay, honest,” she reassured you. “Honestly, I thought you were maybe trying to get a head start on the making out part of seven minutes in heaven. If you don’t wanna make out though that’s cool, we don’t have to. It’s also okay if you do wanna make out. Or we can just, like, talk and stuff until our time’s up. Or we could even –”

Your giggle interrupting her caught her off guard.

“Sorry, I’m just glad I’ve not made things weird or anything. I was worried you might think I was being a perv or something.”

You heard Robin scoff and could vividly picture her waving her hand in dismissal. “Please, you say that as if we’re not all perverts in our little ragtag group. It was an accident and you panicked. No biggie.”

There was a short moment of quiet between you both before you piped up once more.

“So, uh… we probably don’t have a lot of time left in here, right?”

She snorted. “Shit, yeah, I forgot we were playing that game. Did you wanna make out? Or would you rather we just talk until we’re summoned back to Steve’s room?”

You licked your lips. “M-making out would be… nice… oh, only if you want to though. I don’t want you to think you have some obligation to kiss me or anything. I know I’m probably not your type.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well.” You rubbed the back of your neck anxiously. “I’m not really anything like Tammy Thompson or Vicky. I was one of the freaks in school that everyone dunked on whereas you were in band and had cool friends and stuff. You probably prefer girls that are more like you, right?”

Her laugh made your stomach do flips. “Are you kidding me? Just because you’re different to Tammy and Vicky doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re hot or that I didn’t ever want to kiss you. To be honest, I thought you’d never be into someone like me. I actually thought other people from your social circle would be more your kind of thing. People like Eddie or Jeff.”

Wait, did you hear her correctly? Did she just tell you that she wanted to kiss you in high school? Robin Buckley, the girl you’d admired from afar, thought you were hot and wanted to kiss you? Surely not.

“Please tell me you’re not joking,” you choked out, your voice barely above a whisper. You weren’t sure at first if she heard you and you were ready to forget you’d even said it until you felt Robin scramble to take your hands in hers, both of you standing toe to toe.

“I couldn’t joke about it if I tried. Tammy and Vicky were both my first loves, but you? You’ve always been there. I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I’ve not wanted to kiss you.”

Tears threatened to spill onto your cheeks, so you closed your eyes and took the leap of faith by pressing your lips against hers. You felt your heart plummet into your stomach when she didn’t kiss you back, terrified that you’d made a mistake and jumped the gun. However, she grabbed you by the hips and pulled you against her when you went to move away and kissed you back with fervour.

The faint taste of alcohol and bubble-gum entered your mouth along with her tongue while you tangled your fingers in her hair. The kiss was a mess of tongues and teeth clacking and lips moving messily over one another as you tried to stop your heart hammering in your chest. Her fingers dug into your hips, and you felt her step forward, trying to push you up against the side of the closet. Smirking, you spun the two of you around and pinned her where she’d tried to pin you. You hands removed themselves from her hair and instead you placed them each side of her head on the wood. Your lips began to trail kisses slowly towards her neck and you held back a chuckle when one of her hands flew to the back of your head to hold you in place when you sucked the skin just below her earlobe. She tilted her head to the side and you gently bit down, immediately soothing the spot with your tongue afterwards as she moaned.

A sudden gasp left your lips when you felt Robin start to fondle your chest, her palm rubbing against a nipple over the fabric of your shirt. You retaliated by biting her neck lower down and sucking at the mark to leave a bruise there. One of your knees slotted between hers and you gently ground against her. The resulting sigh that spilled from her lips encouraged you to keep going and you kissed your way down to the collar of her shirt. Pulling it down, you nibbled at her collar bone and pressed your lips tenderly to her skin.

“T-That feels nice,” she said, her voice hoarser and raspier than usual.

The corners of your lips pulled upwards against her, and you ran your tongue along her collarbone. “Maybe we should do this more often.”

Robin’s hips bucked against yours when she felt the fingers of one of your hands dip under the bottom of her shirt to delicately trace the curve of her spine. “I’d like that a lot if that’s what you want.”

“Wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t, princess.”

She shivered against you at the pet name and you chuckled, the hand under her shirt toying with one of her bra straps teasingly but never trying to unhook her bra or undress her. You pulled the strap a little bit then let it go to twang against her shoulder blade, making her cry out in surprise. You did it again and felt her wrap a leg around your waist, pulling you closer as you felt a familiar pooling of heat in your lower half.

The rapping at the door couldn’t have come at a worse time. Both of you stopped your movements and you heard Robin’s head thud against the closet wall.

“What’s up, my dudes? Steve said your time’s up, so I’m just here to tell you that. Also, I’ve got some more purple palm tree delight if either of you want any? Want me to light up a new blunt? We can share it round the group. Or we can just have it to ourselves. Either is cool with me…”

You and Robin giggled as Argyle continued to ramble on, climbing out of the closet without him noticing. The two of you smiled at one another and interlaced your fingers before deciding between you both to find another guest room where you could finish what you started. 

Tagging: @alonezz​ @peepshake (for some reason it won’t let me tag the second one, I’m going to riot) 

#spicy content #robin buckley #robin buckley x reader #fanfic #my fanfic #mine

[not-terezi-pyrope]

Vent post, okay to reblog though I guess

The thing I notice most about being a fat trans woman is how nobody wants to talk about it.

I mean, sure, it’s an identity combo that will come up occasionally in laundry lists of identity combos when people are professing vague textual expressions of unspecified support, but nobody is really willing to talk about what it means.

I have tried to talk about what it means, what it feels like, but after one too many untouched twitter threads and reddit posts with two upvotes, I am more than aware that thin people, even thin trans women, would much rather keep on scrolling to the next 1000k upvoted post of a skinny woman on two months of HRT who already looks more feminine than I will after my whole transition.

And I don’t have anything against those women; I wish them all the best. But it really hurts seeing it, knowing people don’t really care to talk about how femininity as a trans woman is so often only obtainable if you are skinny, or else if you are fat in the precise right way that is only obtainable through intense body modification and/or surgery. I don’t get to mention the uncomfortable smiles and derelict dating profiles when other trans women gush about the vibrant new queer sexual communities they have found since transitioning. I don’t get to talk about how I am far and am therefore either a man, or a woman so ugly I bring down the mood when I impose myself into communities that they expect to all be full of hot, skinny queer women.

Because the thin lefty queer folks in those spaces don’t want to admit to themselves how often they are viscerally grossed out by my body. It impinges on their self-image as liberated and universally accepting. And like, I don’t begrudge them not being attracted to me. Nobody owes anyone else attraction, or reciprocation to advances (at this point I mostly don’t bother making those advances). But what does bother me is how people will continue to talk like this isn’t a thing that is true, to cover their ears and shut their eyes and continue to crow about how achievable these things are for everyone, how femininity is just a clothing change and hormones away, how easy it is to date other trans women and form sexy catgirl polyam harems once you come out, how it’s “just about confidence!!!”.

I wish that were true. I wish that was my experience with the culture. But although I have been out as trans for a while, I am still treated, in terms of sex and romance, roughly equivalently as a fat woman as I was as a fat boy; beneath notice. Knowing through the subtle cues people give that if I even tried to approach a thin cis woman it’d be a genuine “hello??? Human resources???” moment.

I failed my last diet. I will probably start another one soon that will probably also fail, and then I will keep trying, because society has been screaming at me for years that getting thin is only way to achieve a version of me that they will accept for who I want to be. You can’t transition weight in the same way as you can transition your gender presentation, at least not without a lot of physical and psychological pain, but that is what is asked of us, or at least me. The world screams at me for it. It’s astonishing how much casually worse people see you as for being overweight; it’s so pervasive that people simply cannot acknowledge it, because it would too greatly shatter their impression of a fair world.

Because people won’t talk about this I’ve never been offered a serious practical alternative to continuing to hate my body and trying to, some day, lose weight. if there is an alternative solution I’ve never been offered it because people will pretend that there is simply no problem. I am repulsed by the idea of gastric surgery, but the last few months the idea has really started to grow on me as a last resort that I might simply have to try before it gets too late for me to have a womanhood. Dieting landed such a blow to my mental health at the end of last year and I have nothing to show for it since I have pretty much gained everything back. It really saps my hope for the future that even after all this, I still don’t get to just be a girl and be liked/wanted by other people in general.

#i am not sure how much of this is true to the extremes I lay out but #it certainly feels this way a lot of the time #i do need more confidence but if i were to say that was the whole story i would be kidding myself #at the end of the day its just true that most people think I am pretty damn unappealing #And that hormones won't change this #i want to tear out my insides some days #or stuff myself into a suit of armour that can hold the perfect shape they want #crushing everything within into a pulp #but hey its not the inside that matters right #it never is #not-terezi-speaks #my life #vent

[sparklyslug]

I’m really curious to know what Megan thinks of Eddie, like as a person, seperate from his relationship to Steve. Like what things does she like or not like about him while Steve and Eddie are still nothing but best friends? How much time has she actually spent with him over the years? How did she cope initially when they met and Steve’s two best friends in the whole world were both queer, and that was something she wasn’t used to, growing up like she did? I love Megan hours on your blog, i just wanna know everything about her and her inner thoughts and interactions behind the scenes. It’s truly such a testament to your writing that everyone is so interested in her like they are!! Megan hill girlies(gender neutral) rise up!

MEGAN HOURS ON THE BLOG! MEGAN HILL GIRLIES* RISEEEEEEE!!

(*gn)

A Megan POV fic is fully on the to do list for me and @greenlikethesea but our to do list is stupid long and it’ll be a wait so here’s some snacks so you don’t starve in the meantime.

In the context of Eddie as like, part of Steve’s merry misfit band of very strange friends and family, Eddie makes sense to Megan, in that they are a motley crew and Eddie is vested in motley to the nth degree (this joke will kill with the shakespeare fans). So in that sense, he fits right in to the overall weirdness that’s Steve’s life. But Eddie taken as himself by himself, makes no sense to Megan AT ALL. He is unlike anyone she has met or known before, from his looks to his interests to his mannerisms to his background, and she has absolutely no clue what to make of him the first time they meet. Which, in her defense, he is probably wired as hell about and in a STRANGE headspace for, so his behavior is probably not. Mmmmm. The best. Or at least not the most comfortable for someone who is sort of aware of Manners and Social Scripts in a very from-the-cradle way.

I don’t know that Megan ever fully like. UNDERSTANDS Eddie entirely, but she is perceptive and compassionate at her core, and it doesn’t take her long to clock that Eddie has a heart of gold under all that weirdness, that he is himself all compassion and heart, and—right on the heels of these observations—that he’s all heart for Steve. Probably a combination of small tells that clue her in, the kind of things that can actually be missed by people who know Eddie better than she does because they think that Eddie’s just Like That with Steve and haven’t put two and two together to get four (the That that he is Like is In Love with Steve). She probably has not really thought about or experienced queer people much in her life up til now (that she knows of anyway) but she kind of makes the quick call that Eddie is not trying to steal Steve, Steve does not seem to be aware of Eddie’s feelings for him at all, and even if he was he couldn’t return them, so why bring it up to him. That throwaway line about their wedding being hard for Eddie is the most Megan had ever intimated about it to that point, and tbh she probably wouldn’t even have said that if it wasn’t for like. Champagne.

Another kind of complicating or at least interesting thing about Eddie and Megan is that Eddie is so clearly Dustin’s guy, and Dustin is so clearly Not A Megan Fan. So Eddie’s warmth towards her and his friendliness and apparent appreciation of her means a lot, in that like best case scenario he can advocate for her to Dustin a little bit, and at the very least is the person best placed to ease that tension a little bit.

The Robin note is an interesting one! I think it helps that she probably doesn’t know that everyone is queer at the same time. Steve is never going to tell anyone about Robin until Robin herself makes that call, and I can see her loving Megan but also kind of feeling like if Steve doesn’t think she needs to know, Robin isn’t going to tell her either. When Steve comes out to Megan and it goes well, that’s probably around when Robin is like “oh okay she’s really safe” and they have that conversation. So the order in which Megan knows about the gang’s queerness is probably like. Eddie. Steve. Robin. Will. And by that point she’s not surprised by everyone’s queerness I guess.

When Steve comes out to her as bi Eddie’s been in California for a good long time—years. And to be honest, they got married quick and in a whirlwind, and shortly after that Eddie left, so she’s experienced him more through like Steve’s stories and overheard phone calls than quality time together for the first three years of their marriage. Eddie isn’t in her mind as a concern or a threat, because that infatuation was a long time ago, and Steve is adamant that he doesn’t want anyone else, and she believes him. Once Eddie is in the picture though, while she’s not suddenly suspicious of Steve, she is kind of simultaneously aware that the infatuation hadn’t blown over and also Steve’s own reactions to Eddie aren’t as like….simple and easy and she had thought.

LONG STORY SHORT: Megan likes Eddie for his humor and his heart and warmth and kindness above all. She doesn’t really like his attention-seeking or more over the top tendencies, she just doesn’t understand those moods and they make her uncomfortable. His strangeness and difference from herself is something she both likes and dislikes, depending on the day and the shape it takes. And she starts to resent him a little, even as she likes him, and that resentment makes her feel petty and guilty and she probably over-compensates by being very friendly and affectionate with him too. Which is exactly what Eddie is also doing in regards to her, so they have a bunch of things in common actually.

#MEGAN HILL HOURS #fair ithilien verse #asks #megan hill for president of my heart #my fic