Exactly What His Heart Meant
Pairing: Pornstar!August Walker x Pornstar!Reader
Summary: August Walker has wanted you forever. You want him, too. It's perfect.
Word Count: 7.4K
Warnings: This is Pornstar!AU, okay? 18+ ONLY Drug and alcohol use, mentions of a three-way, generic anal, bad business practices, oral sex (F & M receiving), vaginal fingering, anal fingering, P in V missionary and doggy style, sex toys, pegging (gasp - yes I'm going there), aftercare. Love.
A/N: I am nervous, okay? This is not your average everyday August Walker, but I love him and I hope you do too. I have been wanting to do this since forever. I've posted a few blurbs in WIP tag games here and here. I gushed about the song that kicked the whole thing into high gear and the fic title is taken from "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" - Rod Stewart. Both songs can be found on the playlist.
Bonus points if you can find the nods to other HC characters. There is definitely one, maybe two or three if you squint hard. (These points don't get you anything, sorry.)
Playlist: Listen to the music of the night on Spotify here.
Header and dividers by me.
August owned his entrance like no other. The studio made sure to send a PA ahead to prep the DJ and once he heard the first strains of “Night Fever” spill out of the club, he stepped out of the shadows and headed to the entrance, ready to start his decent down into the lights and glitter and debauchery as soon as Here I am sounded through the speakers and a spotlight made its way to him.
The already celebratory crowd went wild as he struck the iconic pose and thrust his hips in time to the rhythm. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face if he tried, no matter how he had protested his employer’s choice for him. He would have sworn on any stack of bibles he didn’t like disco and abhorred polyester, yet here he was gyrating away. First time for everything. Starting with enjoying this awards night and after-party.
Each one prior had a story already attached to it from the beginning of the night, starting with his inaugural ceremony and guaranteed newcomer award, and trailing through the end of every relationship he thought would be the one. He finally stopped assuming because they said yes to the event after a few months or more of dating, that meant they were saying yes to him forever. The next few years were brutal and lonely, not that he couldn’t find some starfucker to take home at the end of the night, but that wasn’t what he craved.
Tonight was Club Retro themed. Award ceremony glamor as usual, but a costume change was required somewhere on the way from the venue to the after-party if you wanted to really up your game. Arrive in club gear of whichever era you wanted, but arrive dressed to impress nonetheless. He wasn’t the only actor a studio had convinced to go for the Travolta look, but he was probably the most surprised to find himself exhilarated by it and the attention it received. He kept all three pieces of the white suit, but he ditched the dark blue shirt altogether. Maybe he didn’t have a full head of hair, but the ‘stache and chest hair on display held 70’s swagger and he was running with it.
He grabbed a glass of champagne from one tray and a pill from another and set off into the crowd in search of the rest of his crew. He caught glimpses of the fresh-faced sweetheart who’d just inked a new deal grinding on the studio’s number two out on the dance floor and knew his plan to link them up had worked. The fans would eat them up, he knew it.
Knew it better than the owner, who wanted August to break her in. Ethan had begun making some really bad casting and scripting decisions and August was glad his contract was coming to an end. He was starting to feel like he wanted to just blow the whole studio up, let loose with all the bullshit he knew about his boss and how he ran his business. The industry could be awful, plenty of horror stories, but August had initially thought he’d found a place to call home.
What he’d begun to uncover about Ethan Hunt could fill a manifesto that would take the place down. And as crazy as it sounded, though he was tired of breaking in new talent, he wasn’t ready to be the reason all his friends lost their jobs. Not everyone was in a position to land on their feet. Regardless, at least now, with the sweetheart and the roughneck on a solid trajectory he wouldn’t be in the middle of something if tonight panned out the way he hoped.
Though, to be honest, it wasn’t looking good. He’d found his crew and then scanned the room for her with no luck.
“She hasn’t shown up yet,” his agent purred in his ear. Kelis was always down to party whenever he had an itch no one else would scratch, and he appreciated how decidedly non-attached she always was. No clingy phone calls or pouting over non-existing anniversaries. It aggravated him, though, that she was looking to seduce him here, tonight of all nights. Especially because she knew where his mind would likely be, but it didn’t stop her from begging for his cock every now and then. He could tell she’d gotten the hint his look gave by the way she toned it way down to answer his next question.
“A few from her studio have shown up but she wasn’t with them and they wouldn’t tell me where she was. It was all very secretive. So at least let me have my way with you on the dance floor if you won’t take me home tonight. Please?”
He relented and found himself having the time of his life. Song after song flew by as he grabbed water then whisky, a line, then water, another line, then whisky, water, whiskey, whisky, water. Dancing with Kelis gave him a chance to forget about his frustration with his studio and everyone, here or not, for the moment. He let himself be free and felt a weightlessness he hadn’t in a long time. No call sheets waiting at home. No scenes to prep. No “scripts” to read. Tonight and the next two weeks were his and his alone. Time for some decisions.
He noticed the crowd had begun to thin, and realized he wanted some fresh air, so he peeled himself away from Kelis with a promise-to-return kiss and tap on the ass. He took the elevator to the rooftop bar and found himself a little amazed at the streaks of light just beginning to emerge in the distance. Time had really flown while he was having fun.
He was about to head towards the drinks when he spotted her leaning against the railing in the opposite direction. The white-golden hair flowing behind her was an obvious wig. He’d seen her step to the stage to accept multiple awards tonight (or is it last night now?) and she had looked just as gorgeous with her natural color as she did all done up in her Farrah waves now. An unexpected jolt of excitement coursed through his veins as he realized she’d also opted for a 70’s look, complete with a scandalously (though by whose standards?) short metallic silver skirt with slits on either side and what he assumed was a matching top, though with her back to him as she peered out over the awakening city, all he really saw where the two thin silver chains that criss-crossed across her back. They looked like they would hold nothing up.
But she was alone and he knew it was now or never, so he strolled around the roof-top pool to step up beside her.
"I’m glad I finally found you. I wanted to congratulate you. It's not often a producer gets awards for both behind and front of camera work," he opened.
She turned her head and beamed a dazzling smile in return before thanking him and offering her own congratulations along with her hand and then a surprisingly friendly hello hug.
“I saw you nailed Best Male Performer and Best Anal again. Your Missionary: Impossible series was a true stroke of genius. I wish I had thought of it first.”
“So she’s not immune,” August thought as he peeled himself away from her warm body. “She remembers my name.” At least she recognized his star status. Maybe she hadn’t forgotten him. He pressed his lips to the back of her hand and trained his eyes on her through his lashes.
“You know I’d love to have you join the cast,” he spoke as he finished the hello hand kiss and lifted his head to gaze directly at her. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen eyes that scream ‘spy’ quite as much as yours do.”
“And I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a producer acting for another studio. You’ve got balls to ask, that’s for sure,” she laughed, tossing back the rest of her whisky before grabbing another off the tray passing by.
“Where’ve you been all night? I tried to find you right after the ceremony, but you disappeared and I had to run for a wardrobe change.” August tossed a casual grin and motioned at the cheesiness of his costume, though inside he was kicking himself.
The point of engaging wasn’t to offer her a part. How ridiculous! He’d been doing that for months now and she wasn’t biting. No. Tonight he was going to get answers. Why had she consistently denied him another shot with her? It had to be more than just the technicalities of trying to untangle ownership and percentages filming another studio’s producer would bring. She broke into his train of thought with an explanation of her quick and sudden departure from the award banquet and why she hadn’t arrived at the after party locale for what had to be at least a few hours.
“Already prepping material for next year. We had a newcomer attend with the studio tonight. He’s an absolute stud. Looking to get his name out there so we filmed his first scene backstage.”
August’s hopeful heart sank a little. He couldn’t expect her not to keep putting out material just because his advances might finally be successful, but it would take all his cool charm and guile to woo her if she was already cock-drunk tonight. He put out another feeler.
“You look well put back together already,” he commented, eyes tracing her figure with obvious intent.
“Oh not me. No, I was directing. Looking to nab that ‘behind the scene newcomer’ award next year,” she beamed, her smile still welcoming. “No, Mikey did a little gonzo three-way for his first official movie with Darkk Angel. We’re releasing it next week after a quick trip to post and then have him lined up for three more scenes next month. I’m wondering if we can talk AVN into a “most prolific” award.” Her laughter was infectious and he found himself with a wide grin, verging on goofy in spite of his aim.
“You’ve never directed? How have I missed that?” August sought to focus attention away from whoever this Mikey kid was and back on her completely, then mentally kicked himself again for admitting something that could only make him look desperate and maybe a little creepy. From his statement, and along with all the official asks from his agent, she had to think he was a stalker, completely obsessed with her.
Not that he wasn’t. Not since that very first time. Her “first’ anal scene. He understood she had to be a little overwhelmed at that shoot with so many people on set. She had clearly already fucked the director (for a scene) and was now just taking on a few actors who were already on a rise. It was his last commitment to the old studio and then he was off to a new contract with Hunt. God, he wished he could have taken her with him. As it was, the only thing he kept was her scent that lingered not long enough.
"You know, I've asked my agent about another scene with you more times than any other actor. He never has a good enough reason to tell me no. What gives?" August inquired.
She debated telling him the truth. That she was completely enamored of him despite, only having met once, and afraid to ruin her own fantasy. Yes, she thought about him often. She’d be lying if she said otherwise.
But what if he refused her counter-offers? What if he didn't play the way she had come to discover she wanted sometimes, needed even?
She could accept if his big dick in her pussy or ass was all he'd agree to again for one scene. But she wanted more. More than a scene. More than a spectacle.
"Industry's hottest stars finally fucking again!" she imagined the trade headlines would scream, not bothering to temper her own ego about her status.
And which studio got the rights? His or hers? Of course she would never give up the rights to those shots, those stills, that video. It had been years since any studio other than the one she owned had any rights to any images of her. Why August Walker didn't make the same professional move she had was beyond her, but at least she could play the upper hand if it came down to it. It was power to own the rights to your own material and that power trumped his studio contracts. Or at least she'd make that case. Plus Ethan Hunt was a little bitch and she’d be damned if she contributed to his profits in any way.
Still, she couldn’t get past the concern that having his big dick in her ass again would ruin her for anyone else ever again. It wasn't the size. Hell, she'd had two almost equal to him in there just the other day.
No. It was the fantasy. Not only what she already knew of his prowess, though if she’d improved over time, and she knew she had, he had to have gotten better too. But also what she imagined she knew based on the stories she'd heard. Stories about his true personality as well as the image she made up in her head based on tidbits of their past and innuendos of his present.
On set, she'd heard he’d become a bit of a prick. Even worse when the storyline called for Daddy. Not that it didn't make her wet to watch. And daydream about. Calling him Daddy, mmmm.
Except that wasn't her. Not her kink. Not her need. Not really.
And off set? Well, lips are usually loose in the industry, but somehow very few factual stories about dating August Walker were out there. Most of what she'd heard was easily dispelled rumor.
No, he wasn't into animal play. Either kind. Good.
No, he didn't force his partners to sleep in separate rooms after finishing. Why would someone even start that rumor? To what end?
Her private private detective had tracked down the source and verified quickly. It was a little bit of column a, a little bit of column b. The studio was looking to cash in on the mystery and intrigue of their dashing playboy, and a jilted date wanted more. Who wouldn't want more of him? But that choice was self-sabotaging to say the least.
She was well aware that some women, and men for that matter, liked to imagine their favorite actor to be the world's largest asshole. No, not that way.
That was the way she liked to imagine him. And the basis for her declination. He'd never say yes. She was sure of it.
And yet here he was. Blushing at the mere mention. Maybe she should have countered with that when he first started seeking her out. But she hadn't been ready to give up the rush she felt every time a message from Hunt Club studios appeared in her inbox.
August felt the heat rise in his cheeks and knew someone out there would say he was blushing, but August Walker does not blush.
As she leaned in, he swiped another surreptitious peek at her gorgeous and barely covered tits, though he was so smooth no one could have seen this time. Not that it mattered. He was right about the thin silver chains holding onto barely anything up front. Where she found tissue paper thin metallic material, he had no idea but her nipples showed through what little fabric there was making up the plunging neckline of the deep-vee tank, as if they weren’t also practically peeking out of the top as it was. She had them on display for a reason. But he was trying to make a move here. Trying to differentiate himself from the rest of the industry players and hangers-on hoping for a hook-up after the awards.
Champagne and liquor had flowed all night, powder cut, pills popped. He was tipsy but it was really the sunrise inching its way into the sky behind her, here on this rooftop bar next to the pool full of drunken, naked bodies, and the angelic halo circling the crown of her head that had him staring back into her eyes in no time, enraptured. Well, that and her reply.
“I have certain … desires that I’m not convinced you’d be amenable to and I didn’t want to alienate you.”
He went on to ask, no - insist, she explained her terms, right here right now. And she obliged, clarifying that she didn’t intend to be filmed at all. That her interest in climbing into bed with him was related only to the burning desire she’d felt to track him down, beg him for more, practically every day since that shoot. And the thing that convinced her not to bother was the never ending stream of talent she’d seen draped around him months, years later.
But she wouldn’t, couldn’t deny that she wanted him. Wanted to relive that moment and then build on it. Take the scene farther than was written. Fuck him right off the page and into her life forever. It was indescribable the way he felt listening to her narrate her desire to own him. She was only mentioning the bedroom, but he got the feeling she meant the heart as well.
Still, she was being mysterious with the details, so August began to mention specifics. What he wouldn’t do.
"I won't lick your boots," he'd said with a grin after a shorter than expected list, still wavering on if he actually meant to convey the opposite.
"Maybe not," she replied before leaning in and whispering in his ear as he tilted down to meet her. It was clear from her next sentence that she’d finally figured out he’d say yes. He was practically begging for it right here in front of these few end-of-the evening stragglers. "But you will take every inch of me."
Negotiations had already begun and this was just ink on the dotted line. Along with a string of consent questions with compatible answers and now she knew his safeword and he knew hers. It wasn’t what it used to be. Because things can change. But not his desire for her.
He brushed past her non-binding handshake and drew her in for a confirmation kiss, hands gently pulling her waist towards him. “You still smell the same. It drives me crazy,” he admitted before pressing his lips to hers with a smile. Then he broke the kiss, which had begun to turn lascivious even for the nature of the event, afraid they’d never make it off the roof-top if he didn’t.
He gave a deceptively shy smile and knowing nod to Kelis as he passed her on his way out with the true object of his desire draped along his arm.
She sent her limo off with whatever crew was left at the party before climbing into the back of his. They had no sooner pulled away from the curb and begun to make their way to his hi-rise apartment building than the driver’s shield went up and she went down, unzipping his trousers and slipping her hand in to coax him out.
She had gotten incredibly better at sucking dick in these interim years. But it was like she was finally home. Like her mouth opened magically around him to hold him close and taste his skin. It took everything in his power not to blow his load down her throat in the car. He wanted to be in her pussy when he came and there wasn’t much he wanted more at this moment.
He managed to pull her off and get her back on the seat, legs spread and ready to take his shoulders as he slipped his tongue deep inside her core. Moving the floss she’d bothered to pull on out of his way wasn’t hard in the least. He had her screaming by the time the limo pulled up outside his building.
August draped his suit jacket over her shoulders before he helped her out of the car and into the lobby. When the elevator doors closed around them, she turned and pressed him back into the wall, staring up at him with hunger and power equally.
“That’s the last time you call the shots tonight. I’m taking my shoes off as soon as we walk in your door, so you can’t accuse me of asking you to lick my boots. But you will be on your knees and you will put your mouth back on my pussy and do that one more time before anything else happens tonight. Understood?”
He stared down at her with amusement that morphed into understanding that ended in solemnity before the ding at his floor broke the silence.
“Yes ma’am,” he finally replied, resigned to her whim. He opened the lock with practiced ease, nothing shaking out of fear but only vibrating with anticipation. How had he missed her meaning all those years ago?
“I wish I could show you how this feels,” she’d whispered in his ear as he held her chest tight against his. “But it’s nothing compared to how it feels from behind.”
At the time he thought she had meant for him to turn her around, still on top of him but back to chest. So he did. And she liked it. She came like a banshee and that squeeze is something they can’t fake. That’s what wins the awards anyway. The audience knows it’s acting, but when they can tell it’s something the actor actually wants, when the chemistry is kinetic, the high is so much higher.
Clearly she’d had so much more in mind. When she came back down, he made sure to check the front door lock before he turned back to scoop her quivering body into his arms and carry her down the hall to his bedroom.
“Don’t think I’m anywhere near done with you just because I’m a wreck right now,” she called to him as he set her onto his bed. “Where are you going?”
“I would never think you’d consider that enough for an evening. I want to freshen up, if you don’t mind. May I?” August quirked an eyebrow awaiting her response and it was clear he’d come right back to the bed if she forbade it. No questions asked. But she allowed it and that only made him ache for her more. He’d be quick.
“Damn right you will!” she called out after him before ridding herself of her own garments.
Her hand must have found its way to the soaking mess between her legs and this is how August found her when he stepped out of the bathroom a very short while later, rubbing a towel over his head after peeling it off his body. He watched her luxuriate in the slippery slide feel of her fingers dipping in and out, rubbing, pinching, pumping, pumping, pumping.
He dipped carefully onto the bed. He had no desire to startle her out of her joy, he only wanted to witness it up close. He crawled alongside her and watched as her chest heaves softened and listened as her sighs became longer. When she finally opened her eyes on a deep inhale, he smiled at her.
“May I join you?” So respectful.
“Kiss me,” she commanded, and while he heeded she lifted his arm and guided his hand between her legs. “And touch me,” she whispered into his mouth.
He obeyed. His fingers drifted through her folds and made use of the slick that remained to press up into her. One, two, one, two. And now three. And now she’s grinding up against his hand and breaking the kiss to demand more and he’s giving it to her but it’s not enough, is it?
“More,” she cried out. “Fuck me, August.”
He was grateful at that moment for two revelations from the rooftop. He already knew his own status, testing often despite Hunt’s lackadaisical studio regulations. But she had shared that her studio adopted the standard of routine and regular testing early on and therefore she knew exactly what her status was, too. And, coupled with the fact that she had the implant, she had no qualms going bare. All these things led to the next thing he was grateful for and that was the feel of her pussy wrapped all the way around him as he slipped his prodigious cock deep inside her.
He mused he could do this all night. Or rather all day and into the night, when the moon began to rise again. Because it wasn’t night at all. It was broad daylight now and it was streaming in through the mirrored windows. Nobody could see it, even if they did find themselves on level with the height of his apartment. But no curtains meant he could see the way the sunlight brightened her face and it made him want to see all of her.
“Will you take it off, too?” he asked, staring down at her while he pistoned his hips into hers and felt her open and warm around him. “Please?”
He wasn’t used to begging. As much as he wasn’t a blusher, he definitely wasn’t a beggar but he found himself wanting to do anything for her and she wanted him to beg. Or at least ask nicely. And he wanted to obey. For the first time, maybe ever, August Walker wasn’t in charge.
She obliged and pulled the wig off easily. It wasn’t even pinned on, there was so much bang to cover the cap. All that meant was she was able to free her natural hair with ease and he was thankful. Now she lay bare before him and he got to take a good long, up close and personal look before she took it all away.
Faster than he would have preferred she slipped back and eased him out, but turned just as quickly to take him in her mouth. August let his eyes fall closed while he relished the feeling of her mouth around his cock again, but just when it started feeling really good, it also started feeling too good. If she continued he was going to come and he really meant it when he decided he wanted to be inside her for that. And not her mouth.
“Please,” it was practically a whisper. She almost hadn’t heard. But she let go with a pop and asked.
“What was that?”
“Please,” he begged again, raspy but with sound this time, voice hitching as she took him back in her mouth for just the briefest of sucks.
“What are you asking for?”
When he pleaded again with a cracked voice, she smiled as she let go.
“What is it, August? Huh? What do you want? Or not want?”
“Please…please don’t.” he stuttered as she continued to toy with him. Dick in and then out of his mouth with no concern for his predicament.
“Say it, August. Ask nicely.”
“Don’t make me come,” he begged, even as she sank to wrap her lips around him once more. “Please.”
“If that’s what you want. You only have to ask. Nicely.” She was so proud of him and he could feel that. Could tell she’d do anything for him. And let him do anything for her.
“Let me fuck you,” he asked. “Please. Just ….”
“Don’t bother saying it, you and I both know 5 minutes turns into 20 in no time,’ she laughed with him as she lay back with her legs spread wide for him. He stayed kneeling between her legs and watched her face explode with pleasure as he rocked deep and strong inside of her. He wasn’t trying to overcome her, wasn’t looking to establish any kind of dominance. Not on purpose at least. Because the fact of the matter was, that no matter how much he wanted to let her be in charge, it just came so naturally to him. It was hard to drop that mantle. Especially while fucking into her and watching her fall apart around him.
Then she shook her head and through sheer will, dragged herself back from the precipice to snake an arm up his chest, fingers drifting to his neck and drawing him down against her.
“Kiss me again, August,” she commanded and he obliged with no hesitation. It wasn’t that he couldn’t resist and instead put her right back in the trance his cock had caused, but he didn’t want to. They’d agreed on this night. Agreed what it would mean. He was finally getting what he’d craved all these years. And so was she.
Their tongues tangled while his fingertips traveled over velvety skin, her legs wrapped around hips, his thick member pistoned in and out of her wet and slippery cunt that she controlled so well. She hadn’t been wrong. August imagined he could stay like this forever if she’d let him, drowning in her glory, ego stroked with every gasp and whimper and cry of hers. It was music to his ears. He’d heard enough fake moans and pants over the years to know what the real thing sounded like and he never wanted to give it up.
When he felt her squeeze tight around him for the second time, he began to slow, sure that more than twenty minutes had passed but completely uninterested in confirming his suspicion. No, he wanted her on her knees again.
“Can I have you from behind?” he murmured in her ear after kissing his way along her cheek and neck. “Just for 5 minutes.”
She could feel his grin, but before she could compose an appropriate response, he’d shifted, changed tempo and hit a different spot that had her howling and fighting the urge to beg him for more. Even then brief respite she’d have while they switched positions should allow her to gather her wits and tamp down her desire to just let him rail her into the next day. Because tonight was for something more. So she pushed him back away from her, flipped and pulled herself to all fours while crawling towards the center of the bed.
With a seductive glance over her shoulder, she called to him, “Come and get it, stud.”
Five minutes in heaven. That’s all she was going to allow him. She pressed her chest down into the bed and let him drag her hips into the air, flesh captured under his strong fingers. She screamed into the sheets as August directed her pleasure with practiced skill and just when she felt she couldn’t hold on any longer, he slipped a saliva-coated thumb into her ass and sent her reeling. He’d timed it perfectly.
“You’re done,” she fought through her haze to flip to her back and clarify. “We still have a deal, right?”
She watched him stroking himself lazy and slow to stay hard while his eyes blinked shut with relief almost involuntarily.
“Yes,” he replied, his exhale full of yearning. “Will you show me?”
“Show you what, August? Hmm?” she asked with a tilt of her head, pleased he was finally ready to give in to what he’d already agreed to back on that rooftop.
“Show me how it feels.” It wasn’t a question, yet still not a command. He’d never dare to command her. Not until she was ready for him to. And that wasn’t tonight.
“I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that since we met.”
All those years. All that time. August closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and told himself it’s fine. It’ll be fine. He pulled back a bit from the ledge that he wanted to step over for missing her meaning all along. As if she could read his mind, she spoke from somewhere that felt like a dream.
“I’m glad you waited though. I wasn’t ready either. I was trying to get over my nerves and thought a little brazen tease directed at the top talent on set would help. But I’ve discovered I really do like sharing that experience, knowing I can make a man feel the way he makes me feel. Make him understand how much better it is when it's from someone who cares."
When he opened his eyes, she was pulling herself up to her knees to meet him. He felt her hands trace along his chest as she pressed her lips to his. It was almost sweet, but definitely a relief. She really did want this as much as he did.
For a mini-eternity, they let their tongues tangle and hands roam. August shivered as her nails traced down his back with the perfect dig and smiled into her lips as he thought about the red lines he’d be left with the next day. He cradled the nape of her neck as even on knees he towered over her and let a hand drift down the soft skin of her side and around her waist to cup her ass.
When her hands finally landed in the same spot on him, he felt another layer of tension release as she caressed and squeezed each cheek with passion. She broke the kiss and nuzzled down his chest, landing on her elbows before him. With eagerness, she took hold of his still invigorated member, gave a few soft strokes, and then put him back in her warm, wet, inviting mouth.
But this blowjob had an ulterior motive that August felt as soon as it turned sloppy and her saliva began to drip and pool around him. With a now slick hand, she slipped her fingers off the base of his cock and in between his legs, tracing past the waxed-bare skin off his balls and teasing his entrance.
She circled and smoothed and kneaded until he finally felt a finger ease past the first ring of muscle and he had to put a hand on her head to slow the bob that was already threatening to pull his orgasm too soon. Surely she didn’t want that, did she?
August dropped his head back with a groan of pleasure as she let her spit drop onto her fingers again before pressing a second digit inside, just beginning to open him up to all her possibilities. It already felt so, so good. If this was all she did for him, it was worth it, but not really what he wanted. He’d had a few other lovers tease him like this, but he always stopped them short, still too nervous to let them go all the way to where he needed.
He’d kept this part of himself secret, shared it with no one, tested it only when alone. He knew it was stupid to hide this craving, especially given how exposed he allowed himself to be on film. But this was something different. Something personal. Private. That’s what he told himself. And he let his stature in the industry dictate the type of man he was in a bedroom, with a woman but without the cameras, for far too long.
His head was spinning as her tongue licked his length and her fingers teased and touched. She was pressing and pushing deeper and when she finally found his spot it took every ounce of willpower to maintain composure. He still wanted more of her, still didn’t want to come yet.
It dawned on him then that she hadn’t brought an overnight bag with change of clothes for the morning or toys for the evening. Just her ridiculously sexy wisp of an outfit and a tiny clutch that couldn’t have hidden even a bottle of lube, let alone the tool she needed to fulfill their bargain. She’d promised him he’d take every inch of her. Could she really have meant only this? Was she expecting him to come as she beckoned inside him?
“I can hear your thoughts, August” she purred up at him with a smile, mouth off his dick, but fingers still toying with him. “I don’t want to stop here either. I’m sure you can help me out, can’t you?”
She felt him tense and knew he was weighing the pros and cons of admitting what she had guessed when he agreed to take her home immediately without offering to make a stop along the way. August had his own equipment. No doubt about it.
“It’s okay,” she soothed, removing her fingers completely and returning to her knees to kiss him hard and deep before speaking to him on his level. “You don’t have to hide anymore. Show me what you need.”
She watched the seas of his eyes storm with fear before settling into calm as she held his gaze with no judgment, no mockery. She kissed him again, licked into the space between his lips and felt the passion as he held her tight, almost holding on for his life while he kissed her back.
When he finally broke free, he stepped back off the bed and opened the nightstand to remove a bottle of lube before he moved across the room to a mirrored armoire. He opened the doors and removed a sleek, black box which he brought back to place slowly on the nightstand, clearly deep in thought. And then he hesitated, hands resting on the lid of the box, head down.
“I don’t…” he started, and she felt a small ache in her heart. She had never seen him so vulnerable. Not that she spent much time alone with him at all, but this was truly a side she hadn’t quite expected after everything she knew about him.
“We can take our time, August,” she spoke with a careful tone and no desire to spook him. He remained still and she felt reassured he wasn’t running, not in his mind or his body. When he spoke, she had to stifle a small laugh for fear she would send him running from misplaced shame.
“I only mean, I don’t have a harness for you.” He turned, fingertips of only one hand still on the closed box, eyes scanning hers for understanding. And she understood completely.
She moved closer to the edge of the bed and grinned at him. “Oh, August. Oh baby, this is what has you worried? You think I can’t make it good for you if I’m not wearing it?” She watched this new layer of tension begin to melt away as he registered her words. “August Walker, I meant what I said and I can’t wait to fuck you however I can. And believe me, I know how to make it good.”
She waited for him to relax, to speak, to return to his usual manner and let her back in. Then she took a calculated breath, dropped the timbre of her voice, and called to him.
“And you’re going to let me, aren’t you August?”
Her eyes dropped just in time to see the twitch in his still hard-cock and she knew he was back and ready to let her have him. He flipped the lid to the lacquer box with one finger and revealed a small treasure trove of devices, any of which she’d be thrilled to treat him with. With no idea how prepared he really was, she let him choose.
“Will you start with this?” August handed her not the smallest, but not the largest either and she accepted willingly. “It’s been a minute.”
With complete understanding she led him back into bed on his knees before grabbing the lube from the nightstand and setting about her business. Kisses first. Deep and hungry. She wanted his tongue down her throat and he obliged while she held the dildo and lube in one hand and stroked his rock hard cock with the other.
Before too long, she’d dropped the toy to the bed and flipped the lid to the tube, using proprioception to drop several dollops onto her open hand before reaching between his spread legs while still commanding his kiss. Her fingers smoothed the viscous fluid over his entrance and dipped a little in with a finger before she reached for the prosthetic and smeared the rest around the tip and down the base.
Her lips left his reluctantly as she ordered him to hands and knees while she maneuvered behind him. With practiced skill, she massaged and manipulated her fingers inside him once more, listening for the moans and groans that told her he was ready for her to place the tip alongside a finger and ease the toy inside. She watched him carefully, moving slowly and waiting for him to relax fully before she slipped the whole thing in and he took it with the sweetest grunt.
“You’re doing so good for me, August. Just like I knew you would. Does it feel good?” she questioned, while gently pulling and pushing, twisting and pressing, smiling when he answered in the affirmative. With each motion she listened for the sounds that would tell her where and how it felt best and she was quick to learn his needs.
“Fuck…just like that,” he begged and hitched back into her, already wanting more.
“Impatient,” she teased lightly as she shifted to the side so she could both lean over to capture his lips again and still work the toy in and out of his slowly writhing body. She kept him wanting, shifting the speed and direction, for as long as he could last before he finally begged for the real thing.
She left him face down and ass up while she switched gear, careful to add more lube to both him and the larger phallus. But when she was ready to finally give him what he wanted, she paused for just a moment to consider orientation. She was certain positioning him to face the mirror would be too much for this first time together, but there would be others, she was sure now.
Other times to see the exquisite pain she knew would soon drip down his face as she wielded the apparatus and gave him every inch he asked for. She ran a hand up his back and grabbed onto his shoulder for more leverage as she worked him into a frenzy. He was bucking back into her and the moans that drifted from his lips were music to her ears. All the practice and care she’d taken, learning how to please a lover this way were paying off.
She knew how it felt, knew how he was riding each high and low. Watched him relax into his pleasure, at times letting her control him completely before he shifted his hips and dug into the bed with hands and knees to find purchase that would allow him to grind hard onto the sizable dildo she brandished with expertise. She’d go all night like this if he wanted.
As his circuits finally broke, she could see the waves of pleasure begin to ripple along his spine. He was coming furiously hard, perhaps harder than he had in a long time, no matter how many uses this toy of his had gotten on his own. She was that good at sensing and feeling and pushing and pulling exactly how and when and where he needed.
And August definitely needed. That much was abundantly clear as he collapsed fully to the bed, panting and gasping for air as he rode the waves of his lingering orgasm. She could see him twitching and knew the feeling because it was exactly how she felt after everyone of the orgasms he’d given her tonight. Like an explosion of sensation she never wanted to come down from and she’d given that to him finally.
She left him to catch his breath and stepped to the bathroom to run warm water over a soft washcloth and grab a fresh towel on the way back. When he was cleaned and dry, she tucked into the covers with him and pulled him to her, guiding his head to her chest.
“You feel okay? Need anything else right now?” she asked him quietly as her hand drifted up and down his back.
“I wanted to come inside you,” August admitted with an exhausted sigh.
“We’re gonna have a lifetime of that.”
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I can’t exactly pin the specific reason I’m not caring for C3, but here’s some of the things that’s bugged me about it.
Fandom Perception/Fanon over Canon
C3 is the first campaign I’ve been able to watch live, which means I get fandom reactions rather immediately after something takes place. The fandom perception is more than likely opposite of the one I form which often leaves me wondering if I’m in the wrong or one of the few seeing clearly. The biggest so far being the whole Yu/Birdie situation in Joe’s. I believed Bell’s Hells were in the wrong, but the fandom Did Not. I watched highlight reels about the entire arc to try and perceive why I could possibly be wrong but I just couldn’t stand with the other side that Birdie was the biggest problem in the room. It seems like to me that the fandom has a reoccurring obsession with toxic behavior and characters that I can’t get behind. Like when I met Essek in C2 and learned later on everyone calls him their little meow meow despite the fact he did terrible things and a characterization that was destroyed so the Nein could have a powerful ally.
There also seems to be this muddling of canon material to support fanon idealization. Happened with Jester in M9, and is now happening with Laudna and Imogen’s characters in BH. A lot of the fandom is drawing conclusions on interactions and character decisions, and are turning that into facts or statements about the plot and such. Shipping is fine, but to mold a character into your personal liking and then get upset when it isn’t canon, is not the material’s fault. We don’t know any of the BH’s sexuality other than Orym’s, so to state Laudna and Imogen are lesbians madly in love with each other when canon has not stated such, just undermines what the actors themselves are capable of doing. Two female characters are well able to care about each other and not develop romantic feelings. The fandom isn’t owed anything, these aren’t their characters to puppet around as dolls. There’s been very little substantial emotion between the two, there’s been more words of surface encouragement about the other than anything else.
It’s like Caleb/Vax romances between an NPC (Essek/Gilmore) vs PC (Molly or Jester/Keyleth) all over again with what the fandom believes would be a better story to tell. Ship wars and shipping altogether from the fandom reach so far that Dani Carr no longer makes any word about anything due to what happened with M9, it’s honestly really disgusting the way fandom has done that to Dani and god knows to how many other people with opinions relating to shipping or other factors the fandom has discouraged over the years and campaigns.
Lore Drops
This campaign hurts my head. I remember watching the others and feeling exciting when the ties were being drawn together in these big moments that often led to something big like the Ziggurat or the Beacon. This campaign when it comes to Lore not focused around the characters, it feels like whack-a-mole. It’s like the group (and by extension the audience) can’t get a break before something else drops into their laps slowing and weighing them down. Everything about the Moon and this big group of assassins feels out of the Bell’s Hells league especially after the Otohan fight of Ep33 and it’s been implied Otohan has allies and other branches in other cities. And the potential of experimented Paragon’s Call with poltical leaders make up some of the strongest members. Then there’s this whole thing about the Feywild, which is another plane of existence they can’t even reach right now!! There’s just this overhanging cloud of hopelessness that won’t lift. BH have no allies with magic capabilities (and no I’m not counting previous campaign PCs) who could fight Otohan at a distance or take control of the field to give the Hells the advantage in the fight. There’s not a single “connection” who will willingly aid them, everything they ask for will come at a cost. If Eshteross joins them, he could die, and Jrusar would lose someone who is actively looking out for the John and Jane Does of Jrusar, not to mention all of the benefits he’s given the Hells which means they’d theoretically would have to start over with building that connection and trust with some other patron and I don’t think they would. I know Matt’s excited about all this stuff he’s been working on and that they’ve ignored in past campaigns, but it honestly feels like they’re drowning in lore which brings me to my next point.
Pacing and Plot
We started off great. All the episodes with Dorian present had great pacing, Heartmoor/Museum was nice. And then since they got back from Heartmoor, it’s been rough for me to care. I know they don’t want to Roleplay every conversation in passing, but this whole “for brevity” thing with skipping SEVERAL days is insane to me. Heart to Heartmoor was the first episode the characters got to take watches and have those in depth moments. We didn’t get those episodes on the way back and I feel like this story with these characters NEEDED that. Why? Because they’re still hiding so much from each other and actively accepting that not as a group but as individuals. No one is pushing anyone for information or a genuine bond, no one is testing the waters on where that limit is character to character wise which is why we end up in these “I’d assume I know [blank].” We keep getting these assumptions between the characters which causes problems of their own. Like recently, on whether or not FCG knew Fearne could Revivify. Just because someone can heal doesn’t mean they automatically can Revivify. What if Ashley multiclassed into Rogue for Fearne earlier and Fearne hadn’t gotten 3rd level spells yet? Considering Sam didn’t even known Imogen or Laudna were Sorcerers, I highly doubt he’s keeping track of character’s class levels, multiclassing abilities, let alone each caster’s spells. That Revivify Chain was nothing BUT metagaming.
Another case is the Yu of it all. Chetney’s conversation with them. Orym reading lips. Imogen scratching at their mind. No one talked to anyone because, to me, at least, it feels like there hasn’t been enough time to make that foundation of trust between everyone. Chetney was surprisingly closest with Dorian in a short amount of time, now with Dorian gone, I can’t exactly place who he’s closest with. FCG, perhaps? FCG and Ashton are said to be close friends but I don’t think they interact as much with each other as they have with other characters. Fearne and Orym are of the EXU crew. And Imogen and Laudna have only known of each other for 2 years prior. Fearne fits into Imogen and Laudna’s dynamics on the simplicity of weird as fuck women with cool powers, but she very much still puts Orym first like Laudna does with Imogen. It honestly feels like no one is actively seeking to make friendships. Everything with Orym and Imogen feels forced not because it’s “the twins” with Liam’s character supporting Laura’s, but because it feels like Liam’s character cares more or wants more for Imogen than Laura wants for her own character right now.
I know Critical Role prides themselves on improv, but with any good story whether it be a book, tv series, or movie, you have to have some sort of planning. Whether it be an arc or an end goal you actively work towards, there just has to be something. They did this really well with Robbie and his character Dorian, Matt worked in a way and time for him to leave and the cast knew about and let it happen as the story unfolded. That’s about literally the only thing. I can’t even see the main thread for why the Hells are still together. At first I thought maybe it would be Bell’s Hells fighting against corruption with the Shade Mother Arc and having met a few sleazy NPCs, but now with the pacing going absolutely crazy since the sky ship and meeting Yu with how the episodes are filmed some being heavy lore, others being combat, I’m pretty sure it’s only been a few days, probably not even a week since BH got to Bassarus. And overall a month they’ve been together, and another month til the apogee solstice. It doesn’t feel applicable for them to bond over anything other than trauma which isn’t the healthiest way of making long lasting friendships, which at this point I don’t think they’re going to be. It doesn’t feel like there’s been time set purposely aside by Matt to give them those moments necessary like M9 had with by always moving and always being vigilant with watches. They have Treshi, Yu and Fey assassins, parents and respective trauma, Ira and the Telescope Moon Tide crown business, Otohan, Paragon’s Call, Grim Verity, the Experiments of Too Many Mages to Name, the Quorum, Jiana Hexum, Yios academic research, Vasselheim Stolen Texts, Murderbot Mode of FCG, and Red Storm dreams to all deal with in a week. All of that information has been given to them day after day after day. They haven’t tied these treads together like in previous campaigns, Matt’s freely dropping this on them with their first investigation into the thread. It’s absolutely insane the amount of things they have to keep track off it almost feels like they don’t have time to deal with their own issues which might just be why they aren’t bringing them up.
Characters and Characterization
I’ve seen some other posts about how the Bell’s Hells had too much at the very start with being able to afford single rooms for everyone, and having “homes” or shelter at least miles away from the others and how they were even introduced already having more than the average DnD party dynamics with pre-formed friendships and connections lasting longer than a week before the party met. But that honestly isn’t that big of a problem considering money and magic items can easily be taken away as easily as they’re gained. Imogen and Laudna knowing each other for 2 years doesn’t matter when you consider Vex and Vax being twins having known each other since they were in the womb, or that Pike and Grog lived together for several years pre campaign. What I think is the real problem with the Hells is how they met and how they continue to act stemming from the way the were created individually during character creation.
How the Hells met was different and fine, a battle in the street against furniture is on brand for Critical Role honestly. They’ve fought so many standing doors, why not give furniture animation this time around? Hilarious for Matt to do so and that combat is probably still the best one that displays how they can work together (divide and conquer) other than combo attacks. I can’t remember exactly where, but I’m pretty sure Matt said he wanted to open C3 with a different “enemy” than people because the cast has a tendency to be murder hobos and not care about human lives. Having heard that, I expected C3 to be more ingrained in the laws of Exandria reality than VM or M9. VM are heroes who killed a lot of bystanders to get to be heroes and there’s probably a few families who hate them and want them to pay for the innocent lives they claimed along the way. M9 actively hunted down groups of individuals to kill no matter their human state like the Gnolls (which they mutilated their ears for money), fucked Avantika’s Crew by associatation, Lorenzo’s crew, Chained Oblivion Priests in the Dawnfather’s temple, and countless others. But the ones who were probably closest to average people just trying to survive were the Bandits they crossed paths with. Both groups in their respective campaigns killed so many people for a reason they justified that I was excited to hear that murder would actually be a problem this campaign. I was a fool. Because as soon as BH started killing people, no one held anyone accountable. And they kept killing and killing and killing. Their justification was that everyone they killed had done something bad and to believe no one was good in Bassarus. And it’s not just killing, they have little control of themselves too. Like w/ the Verdict in the museum, or invading people’s minds, or the merchant Chetney attacked. They have power and abilities and they’re using them to aid their cause (which is what, exactly?) simply because they can, and they’ve even stated they use them against one another if it came down to it. And I think the fact that so many of them have independent powers has led to this problem because the only way for their powers to work together is with these combo attacks unlike with the M9 span of abilities or even VM winning terrain control.
Majority of Bell’s Hells were created with selfish abilities. I don’t say selfish as in that was the cast member’s intent, I say it as in laying out the battle map a lot of them can only help themselves.
Chetney: Offensive Melee (all he can do is make fire on a weapon or his wolf claws. The only ability Chetney has that could help the others is his blood Maledict we haven’t seen him use many times, even then it’s dependent on their enemy attacking someone which doesn’t help low AC and HP allies).
Laudna: Supportive Range Spellcaster (Laudna’s reactions save the day sometime. Silvery Barbs can be used by her Sorcerer spell slots or Warlock if she has no 1st levels left. Same with the iffy Shield for herself, or Feather Fall in Orym’s case. She also gets Bane with a Warlock spell slot from an invocation. Her Sorcery Points allow her to make Quickened Eldritch Blasts which don’t always land but allows her to stay out of the middle of battle despite always walking into it. In a weird way, Laudna is Scanlan with some clutch spells I question whether they’re meant to reflect her character’s sorcery or her Warlock patron or if these spells choices is a sacrifice Marisha made since the group has so little support which is why I can see her continuing this route and getting counterspell).
Fresh Cut Grass: Primary Healer, Defensive Range Spellcaster (Shield of Help, his funky Bond feature halving incoming damage, FCG’s priority is to keep their people up rather than knocking enemies down. They do have Spiritual weapon and a melee attack with their buzzsaw but more than likely he’s using the action economy to heal their teammates. They are the only Spellcaster of the entire bunch that gets full caster amount of spell levels and spell slots while also being able to prepare their spells each day; beneficial if the Hells ever want to plan 12 hours beforehand FCG can pack spells accordingly).
Fearne: Offensive Melee Spellcaster (Flame Blade seems to be Fearne’s new go to other than her Scorching Rays which require an attack roll each for 2d6 damage on a hit. Mister offers a constant range option as a bonus action from Fearne, but again needs an attack roll for little damage output. And all damage is fire. Fearne hasn’t used many of the utility spells available to Druids or any to help enhance her allies and we all know she’d rather not heal if she doesn’t have to. With her multiclassing into Rogue—Subclass undetermined, she likely won’t get higher level spells at the same rate as others and won’t be able to prepare as many Druid spells, however it improves her damage output with Sneak Attack).
Imogen: Offensive Range Spellcaster (For someone who complains about the voices hurting her head, she sure does willingly use those abilities on people out of combat a lot. All of Imogen’s lightning or psychic damage spells require saving throws according to Laura, which means she’ll more than likely will always do damage to a target or targets. Instead of controlling the battlefield with a Slow spell like Caleb often tried, Imogen’s reskinned spells with names I can’t remember actually cut off battle terrain for the Hells to use, leaving a lot of them to waste their movement just getting around her spell alone. I can’t see Imogen having any reason to learn counterspell so she’ll likely keep blasting away. With Laudna and Fearne multiclassing, this leaves Imogen the sole Witch who will always have the highest spell slot available to full Spellcasters as long as she doesn’t multiclass).
Orym: Defensive Melee (Bait and Switch can give someone extra AC, Goading Attack makes it harder for the enemy to hit the others. Goading Attack requires a saving throw but is more consistently available for everyone than Ashton’s terrain abilities which have a 10/15ft? radius. Downside is Orym likely won’t be able to apply this to large groups of attackers with heavy AC and HP and various abilities).
Ashton: Offensive Melee (Ashton’s Barbaric Rage means half damage against the three basic types and advantage on attack if they so choose so meaning like all barbarians at higher levels he could soon take down enemies alone especially with those Chaos Bursts on a crit. Then there’s the problem of being left stranded with no movement and no enemies in range of their terrain affects from his rages. On the RARE occasion he gets space portals giving them Range as option).
I’m not saying the Bell’s Hells are going to continue to lose battles if they don’t get the favor of initiative and aren’t aggressive off the bat, but their downfall will be that they lose in the terrain control/utilization or against multiple combatants considering that so many of them have an unbalanced action economy or simply unused action economy, especially when it comes to reactions other than making an opportunity attack. What I am saying is that Bell’s Hells could adapt their battle strategy if they knew each other’s capabilities, but since the characters are all cagey about talking to one another about their abilities (or simply don’t know where they’re coming from) I highly doubt the cast members themselves are willing to deviate from what they intended their character’s endgame to look like ability wise at level 15 during initial character creation if this campaign goes as long as the M9 did (where we saw Caleb adapt spell wise but still pursued his interest, Caduceus was a character they needed capability wise, even Fjord probably gave up a spell he (or Travis) was likely interested in for Counterspell instead due to it being a magic/mage heavy campaign). That being said, a story device can always force a change like Vex and Vax and the Raven Queen or Cad mentoring Fjord with Melora, but these C3 characters are probably the most selfish designed characters across all three main campaigns leading to them being missing puzzle pieces all from different puzzles that just can’t make a new puzzle. And that probably has something to do with they all took ties from previous campaigns and thought it would work flawlessly in a new one.
C1 kicked them off. C2, they didn’t dare reference anything to prove they could survive and make Critical Role continuously successful without relying on C1. Now that “all bets are off” I’m pretty sure they created their characters with no care of thought it would be held in Marquet. How does a Beacon bottle end up in Marquet? Elaborate experimental crime ring apparently and Ashton is just an “accident.” More like that’s what Tal wanted to play the moment they learned they left that thread open with the CA. How does a Sun Tree Body end up in Marquet? Because that’s literally what Marisha wanted to play as. Orym is a replacement character for Vax with a few things changed around to fit the new timeline. Travis has wanted to be a werewolf since they met them in the feywild, but why one from Uthodorn and not Marquet? Sam didn’t know FCG was an Aeormatron but because of M9, Aeormatrons were now an “unlocked race” they could play as so of course Matt was going to hide that in there along with how FCG got to Marquet via being sold since it doesn’t seem Sam had a specific reason himself. Fearne is literally from the Feywild, not really supposed to be here at all but just kind of happened to be by reoccurring chance, fate, or destiny. Oddly enough, Imogen feels like the character who was designed for Marquet but could honestly be placed anywhere in the world. Not a single character really has a strong grip to Marquet specifically, which is drastically different compared to everyone in C1 being from Tal’dorei and everyone in C2 being from Wildemount, yet not a single PC is designed to be from Marquet with a background unique to Marquet and couldn’t be swapped with any other city unlike previous two campaigns.
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