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alloftheimaginesblog · 9 months

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an old friend, a new start part ii {remus lupin}

plot: Fourteen years after graduating Hogwarts, you're offered a job to be the new Muggle Music Professor. Funnily enough, your old friend, Remus Lupin, is also offered a new job at Hogwarts that year.

in this chapter: you and remus rekindle your friendship.

character: remus lupin x female reader

note: 6k words

PART ONE

It was surprising how easy it was, how normal it was to be here again and be with him. Remus had always made things easy, he made people feel comfortable it's why you already knew he was a good professor. He was exactly the right kind of soft that students would respond well to.

The first thing you did was give Remus a tour of your classroom, "It's not set up yet but can you imagine the vision?" You said after giving him an in depth explanation of everything you wanted to do with it. Remus smiled at your passion. You had always had this passion for music ever since you were a teenager, always singing and playing music for the group, introducing them to your favourite bands and songs. Remus missed that; he missed your music.

"First lesson, we're delving into the different periods of music and I'm going to introduce them to the Beatles."

Remus laughed, "Remember when you first brought the Beatles into Sirius's life?" You grinned at the memory.

"What's that?" Sirius frowned, hearing the music you were playing from the turntable, "Is that music? Is this some Muggle invention?"

"It's called a record player," Remus told him, "It's (y/n)'s. Plays music."

"Is that circle thing music?"

You laughed, "Yeah, that's a record. It has music in the grooves." You stopped the music to take the disk off to show him. Sirius pawed it carefully not wanting to break it.

"Muggles are pretty magic too, you know," he said, "Play it, will you?"

You set it back up, turning the volume up for Sirius to hear it. He was silent for three songs. You and Remus made eye contact, stifling your laughter, "What's this band called?" Sirius asked eventually.

"The Beatles. Band with 4 men in it; Paul, John, George and Ringo... What do you think?"

"I think... I love it..."

And from there developed Sirius's new personality. It wasn't long before he was screaming out the lyrics to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds as he danced around the common room.

"It became his personality for a few weeks, didn't it?" You and Remus shared a laugh, "Remember McGonagall put a silence charm on him so she could get through half a lesson without him singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand."

Remus's smile was wide, reaching his eyes making them light up, aglow with delight. You could tell that rarely happened anymore. You loved to see it. He looked five years younger when he smiled, not that he was particularly old as you were both in your early thirties but... he was tired.

It was then a clock chimed on the wall of your classroom. The two of you looked to it, "Oh, shall we head to the Great Hall?" You asked him, "Dinner will be served shortly." So the two of you walked to the Great Hall together, pointing at things on your way.

"Remember when we hid in that cupboard to watch Lily and James have their first kiss."

"That's the classroom used for the first time we all had detention together."

"Oh god, they've still never gotten rid of that god awful painting-" "Hey!" The painting yelled at you which made you give a sheepish, "Sorry" as Rem laughed behind you.

You found the Great Hall, it was indeed like riding a bike, you never really forgot how to get places and the more you explored, the more you remembered. Minerva smiled widely upon seeing you both laughing as you walked into the hall. She gestured to two seats beside Snape as the children began to funnel into the hall. It was then you noticed someone.

"Hagrid?" You beamed, "It is you!"

The giant, who had been attempting to sit on the far too small seat, straightened and looked at you, "(y/n)!" Hagrid grinned, clapping you on the shoulder, "Bloody hell, been a while, hasn' it? And Remus!"

Hagrid's giant hand took Remus's and shook it gladly as Remus smiled and said, "Hello, old friend."

"Look at you both. Are you Professors now?" You both nodded, "If only they could see the pair o' you now, eh?" He sniffed and you realised his eyes were watery and glassy looking. Hagrid was always one to get a little emotional.

You smiled sadly, patting his forearm, "Harry's just like James, isn't he?"

Hagrid nodded, looking out to find Harry in the crowd, "Love 'im," Hagrid sniffed again, pulling a large handkerchief from his pocket and dabbing at his eyes, "love 'im as though he was my own." It would be later from Harry you'd find out that Hagrid helped to look after him, always offering a friendly face and advice, always looking out for him. Hagrid had done the same for you, Remus, James, Sirius and Peter (and then Lily). Always welcomed you into his cottage for tea and to look at his newest creature. Hagrid was always there for you and you appreciated that he was always there for Harry too.

Remus patted his arm this time and the two of you moved around him to go sit down beside Snape as Dumbledore had stepped up to address the school. He gave you both a smile and a small nod of his head in greeting. Snape's frown deepened when you and Remus sat beside him which made you stifle a laugh, "Hey, Sev."

Severus scoffed.

After the sorting, Albus introduced you and Remus as the new Professors making you both stand up and give a little wave. You could see Harry, Ron and Hermione smiling as they clapped. You were excited to get to know all about James's boy. You just knew that if James were here, god he would be so proud of his son. He would be bragging to everyone he met and Lily would watch him amused. If Lily could see him, if Lily could hold him, your heart panged and you felt tears burn at your eyes. It broke your heart knowing that Harry would never know how much they both adored him. You remembered the day you first met Harry Potter.

James had answered the door, bags under his eyes but grinning widely, "He's upstairs with Lils," he told you and Remus, "Padfoot's already there." As you walked up the stairs to see the baby, you could hear Padfoot's coos and babbles to the day old baby, "He's taken to him like a mermaid to water."

You rounded the corner, turning into the nursery, and there they were. Lily's hair was tied up, she too looked exhausted but couldn't stop smiling and Sirius, bless him, Sirius was there with the biggest smile which only got wider when he saw the three of you.

"Look, Moony," Sirius beamed, "Ghost, look!" He used your Animagus name. You took form of a white wolf who was rather good at hiding and staying quiet, hence adopting the name Ghost from your peers, "He's real!"

"(y/n)," Lily said with a proud smile, "Remus, meet Harry. Harry James Potter."

"Can I?" You asked softly, reaching your arms out. Lily nodded and she helped you bundle the warm, tiny baby boy into your arms, "Oh my god," you whispered, laughing incredulously as Harry blinked up at you with big eyes. You could've stayed there all day with him in your arms, "Oh, guys," you said, eyes flooding with tears as you looked between James and Lily, "he's perfect."

You found yourself walking over to Remus, "Look at him, Rem." Remus's face softened, instantly under the young Harry's spell and you carefully handed him over to Remus. Your smile only widened as you watched Remus cradle him. Remus smiled up at you for a few seconds, a dazed silly smile on his face, before your attentions turned back to Harry.

Remus nudged you, noticing your watery eyes, "Are you alright?" He asked softly.

You nodded quickly, "Just thinking," you told him before you both dug into the feast that appeared before you.

Over the next few weeks, you settled quickly into your new role as a Professor. You, with the help of Remus after hours, had done up your classroom. Remus had painted the walls as you made a better display area for your Muggle instruments and you set up your record player and all of the records in a nice cabinet. Classes were going well, you were slowly beginning to get your class more and more interested in Muggle Music even Ron Weasley seemed to be more interested once he'd heard some of the music that Muggles made.

It was on the second week of term that Harry Potter asked you and Lupin if he could chat to the two of you about his parents. You'd both agreed and set a time and place. At three o'clock that following Tuesday, Harry knocked on your office door. Remus was already there with you.

"Come in, Harry," Remus smiled warmly. God, his voice was like honey, sweet and warm.

You poured some tea for the three of you and laid out some biscuits. Harry chewed on a biscuit with a slight frown, "Where do you want to start?" You asked him, "Do you have any questions-"

"How did you meet my parents? Sorry, I- I have a lot of questions." His cheeks tinged pink and you shook your head with a smile.

"We have all the time in the world, Harry, don't worry. Any questions you have, we'll answer." You glanced over at Remus who nodded and you began to tell the story of how you first met his parents.

The train was already packed full of Hogwarts students. You nervously checked in each train compartment and got a lot of blank looks from students who looked much older than you. You searched for what felt like forever until you came across a carriage with a nervous looking young boy in it.

"Hi," you said with a nervous smile as you opened the door, "Are you a first year too?" He nodded, "Can I sit with you? All the other carriages are full and I-" his nod cut your babble off."

"As you can tell by Professor (y/l/n)'s first impression of me, I was a rather shy, isolated young boy," Remus said, cutting into your conversation, "it was your dad who brought me out of my shell."

Harry smiled.

You were sitting in silence, the boy didn't want to talk at all so you stayed quiet. After a few minutes, the door slid open and a boy with long dark hair strode in with a boy with circle glasses, "I'm Sirius," he said with a curt nod, "you first years too yeah?"

You nodded as you introduced yourself. Sirius glanced at the quiet boy who sat in the corner, "What's your name?" He asked. The boy ducked his head, "What? Cat got your tongue?"

"Sirius," the boy with circle glasses scolded. They'd only just met and yet they acted like they'd been friends for years, "Sorry about him. I'm James. James Potter." James stuck his hand out to the quiet boy who eyed him for a minute before straightening and accepting his handshake.

"Remus," he said, "Remus Lupin."

James grinned and Sirius quickly moved on, "What house are you all hoping to be in?"

You shrugged, "I'm Muggleborn so I don't really know anything about Hogwarts or magic or anything like that."

Sirius ran through the four houses giving a quick breakdown of them all, "Slytherin's got the reputation for being full of evil witches and wizards... Speaking of, my whole family have been in Slytherin."

"Blimey," said James, "and I thought you seemed all right!" You and Remus laughed at what James had said.

Sirius grinned, "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

James lifted an invisible sword, "Gryffindor," he said loudly, "where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad."

Harry's face stretched into an amazed grin, "So my grandfather was a Gryffindor too?"

Remus smiled, "From then, we were inseparable. I met another boy in a class of mine, Peter, and he joined us."

You told Harry of meeting his mother after you were sorted into Gryffindor, "She was always so kind," you told him, "to everyone... except your father at first." Remus laughed, "James immediately fancied Lily and we had to put with him trying to get her attention for years."

"Did she not like him at first then?" The thought made Harry laugh, "What did she do?"

Remus spoke up, "He would always try and impress her, shout to her in public or in class. He was always very brave, your father. Lily would usually roll her eyes and shoot back from sarcastic comment to him."

"He always made us sit close to her and her group of friends at dinner and breakfast," you told him, "and she always liked us, she liked me and Rem, Peter, she even liked Sirius and sometimes Sirius could be hard to swallow but it took a long time for her to warm up to James."

"When was it they got together?" Harry asked curiously.

"Seventh year," Remus said, "your dad had quite a big ego, I'm sorry to say, but in his seventh year he really sorted himself out."

"Became Head Boy," you smiled, "I still think he was doing it to prove his worth to Lily-"

"And it worked?" Harry grinned.

Remus laughed, "Oh it worked. When Lily saw that he had matured, even just slightly, she fell for him. She was Head Girl too so had to spend quite a bit of time with him and it wasn't long before we watched them share their first kiss."

Harry laughed, "What were they like together?"

Your smile was wide as you remembered, "It was like they'd been together forever. They laughed a lot and always had so much fun. Lily was always keeping him in line. And god, once the two of them started dating, they were always kissing much to Sev's displeasure."

Harry frowned and you realised you might have said too much, "Sev? As in Severus? Severus Snape?"

"Unfortunately," Remus nodded, "your father and him didn't get on well at all."

"No wonder," Harry scoffed, "but what did you mean 'much to Sev's displeasure'?"

"Your mother had been friends with Severus, even before Hogwarts, they lived close by and they were friendly." You laughed at Harry yelling 'what?!', "Yes. There was a sort of rivalry with your dad and Snape. He liked your mum-"

"Tell me she didn't go out with him."

Remus chuckled, "No, no, she was his friend until he said some rather unpleasant things to her about her blood type." Harry knew the slur, Malfoy had called Hermione it before, "She wasn't friends with him after that. He never apologised and she turned her back on him but he always had a soft spot for her."

"Maybe that's why Snape hates me," Harry said with a frown, "he's always acted as though I'm the worst student in the world... He hated my dad and was jealous of him."

You shrugged, "Maybe yeah but Sev just hates everyone, Harry... Oh, I have a photo album!" You remembered and you hurried to your office and your adjoined room to dig through your books to find the brown leather book.

When you brought it back through, Harry was excited. He looked through the pictures, soaking each one in. You pointed out you, Remus, Peter and Sirius. He didn't need help pointing out his dad and mum.

"I really do look like him, don't I?" He laughed, "People tell me but he's around my age and... wow. And my mum! Her eyes!"

Tears filled your eyes and Remus's hand stretched across the table to take yours. You looked at Rem with a watery eyed smile which he returned, "Oh, I'm being silly," you said as Harry asked if you were okay, "I haven't seen these photos in years."

Harry looked at a picture of you and Remus where you were laughing together and then he looked at your joined hands, "Professors, this might be too invasive but... are you two together?"

Your eyes widened and heart skipped a beat and Remus's hand suddenly left yours. Remus answered with a laugh and a shake of his head, "Just friends, Harry, just friends." His answer left you feeling a little crestfallen. Were your old feelings for Remus beginning to stir again?

Harry shrugged before returning to the pictures. Your mind whirred. You'd seen the picture of you and Remus as you laughed, not knowing that Sirius had taken the picture until afterwards. You were both so happy, you'd always been so happy with Remus. James had tried to make you tell him but you were so scared that you'd ruin the friendship so it was your second best kept secret, first being Remus's furry friend.

"What were their laughs like?" Harry's question snapped you out of your trance.

You heart panged at his question, "Lily's was very musical," you said with a smile, "happy. But when she was with your dad, he made her belly laugh like no other. Her laughter was loud with him, she'd even snort during it sometimes."

Remus's eyes were glazed over as he remembered James's, "James laughed and you knew you were in for something, usually trouble but he had a laugh that would make you laugh as well no matter the trouble that he was about to get you in."

You looked outside realising that darkness had fallen, "Merlin's beard, look at the time! Dinner will be starting in fifteen minutes, we better go."

Harry looked disappointed, "Fret not, Harry," Remus said clapping his shoulder gently, "we'll happily answer any more questions you have or tell you stories or whatever later, okay?" Harry nodded, thanking you both before Remus sent him on his way.

You exhaled a long breath, "He's so like them both isn't he? Sweet like Lily with a hint of James's confidence."

Remus smiled warmly and agreed before telling you that he was going for dinner, "You coming?"

You nodded, "Yeah, I'll put this away then I'll come." Remus told you that he'd wait. You took your photo album and moved to your office. With a breath, you opened the book to look at the photo of you and Remus again. You looked at the way Remus smiled at you, eyes happy. Did you love him?

Remus called on you, "Are you alright?"

Clearing your throat, you closed the photo album, put it down before going back out to meet him forcing a smile.

The following week was Remus's time of the month. Severus begrudgingly was in charge of making the Wolfsbane for him to drink each day of the week before the full moon. He had asked you to cover a couple of his classes. The week leading up to his transformation was always taxing on poor Remus. He grew sick and lethargic. He managed to do his Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday classes but for the rest of the week, he couldn't manage to get out of his bed. Severus had taken his Thursday classes and you were covering Friday classes. You would bring Remus breakfast and dinner each day, he would hardly eat it but you brought it regardless.

The week passed slowly, you were finding that you missed his presence more and more, craving his conversations and his smiles. Once Friday was gone, he would be fine again. You just had to make it Friday.

On Monday, Harry, Hermione and Ron stayed back after Muggle Music to ask what was wrong with Professor Lupin, "Just a bug," you said with a dismissive shake of your head, "Harry, I'm afraid we'll have to wait until he's back on his feet before we have another little chat, alright?" Harry nodded, fine with that.

On Tuesday, you introduced your class to The Beatles. The different reactions were pretty funny. A few, like Hermione, were already aware but for those like Ron, his jaw dropped and he made you turn it up, "And they're Muggles?!" He said incredulously, "Bloody hell, they're alright aren't they?"

On Wednesday, you met with Minerva in her office for some tea, "How is Remus, dear?" She asked.

"Suffering," you said with a grimace, "not eating much but that's not unusual for the week before. It's usually the week afterwards that he really gorges on food. The potion that Severus is making is good, it means he'll keep his mind for his transformation."

Minerva pursed her lips, "Will you go and visit him when he's transformed?" She eyed you curiously, "As your wolf self?"

Your jaw dropped, "You know?!"

She sipped at her tea with a twinkle in her eyes, "Oh my dear, an Animagus always knows another. Just like I knew Mr Potter, Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew were all the same."

Your hand covered your mouth as your cheeks burned, "Oh my god, I can't believe you knew all this time! We thought we were so sly and- you knew the whole time?"

Minerva gave a comical roll of the eyes, "It really wasn't so hard to notice especially when James had the Mandrake leaf in his mouth for a month. The boy's face was permanently disgusted and I knew that feeling all too well."

"Does Dumbledore know?"

Minerva nodded.

"Why did you never stop us? Send us to Azkaban?"

The much older Professor sighed, "Because once I realised what you were all doing, I went to Dumbledore immediately. Of course I knew about Remus and his condition but it was Dumbledore who realised what you were all up to. You were transforming to make his transformation easier for him, keeping him in line and making sure he knew he had friends there looking out for him." She smiled, "Dumbledore would never send any of you to Azkaban for merely looking out for your friend. He was rather proud of you all though he would never dare tell Mr Potter, the size of his ego back then was already huge, could you imagine?"

You laughed loudly, "Oh yeah, James would've never shut up about that if he knew... I can't believe you both knew this whole time. Well, thank you... I probably will go and see him during his transformation, it always helped and even though he keeps his mind I think he might quite like a reminder of a friend. He's a lonely man."

McGonagall eyed you before speaking, "I don't know if you'll remember but I do. In your third year, I was teaching you all about Animagus's after Sirius had queried it. I told you that your Animagus form takes a lot of inspiration from who you are as a person and those you love dearly. Remus is a werewolf, you are a wolf, are you not?" You nodded, "What do you think that means?"

You swallowed feeling rather small in the red armchair that you were sat in, "I... I don't know what you mean." You couldn't hold her gaze. She pursed her lips and stayed silent waiting for you to come to the conclusion yourself. You already knew the answer. You loved him, "I think we both know, Minerva."

She smiled knowingly, "Yes, I suppose we do, don't we? Forgive me for prying, why did the two of you lose contact?"

"It was all too painful," you said with a frown, "After losing James and Lily, losing Peter and having Sirius to blame, it felt awful seeing Remus with that constant reminder hanging over us. We went from seeing each other every day to every other day to once a week... once a month... once every six months to nothing... It's been good getting back here and seeing him again. It's like things never changed between us. A coincidence but a great one."

Minerva placed her teacup down, "My dear, I believe in no such thing as coincidence. I think it was fate."

On Friday, you were taking Remus's morning and afternoon class. He had written down his plans for the week so you were merely following that though when you started, Hermione's hand shot straight up into the air.

"Professor (y/l/n)?" She asked with a curious expression, "With Professor Snape yesterday we were covering werewolves instead of this."

Your heart skipped a beat as you tried your hardest to keep your face neutral, "Oh really?" You shrugged, "He must've read Professor Lupin's plans for the week wrong." You could tell that Hermione wasn't buying it but you carried on, trying not to let it show that what she'd said had rattled you. Was Severus trying to expose Remus's condition to the class? You managed to get through the rest of the afternoon lesson and as soon as you had dismissed the class, you were storming your way to the Potions classroom.

Professor Snape was teaching his first years but you didn't care. You had to speak to him then and there. You knocked loudly on the door and gave a sickly sweet smile, "Professor Snape, can I speak to you privately outside? Won't be a minute."

Snape frowned and told his class to continue reading. He followed you outside, closing the door behind him. You strode across the hall, throwing his office door open and storming inside, "Oh please do come into my office," Snape muttered sarcastically.

Once he'd shut the door you'd rounded on him, "What the bloody hell are you playing at?!"

He raised his eyebrows, "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, bored.

"Teaching them about werewolves? Remus had left his lesson plan for the week on the table and-" you pointed to Snape's desk, "he left you one here. No mention of werewolves, eh, Sev?"

Severus rolled his eyes, "Must have been my mistake," he drawled.

"Bullshit!" You hissed, "You're trying to get him exposed, aren't you? You want him out."

"And what if I do?!" Snape snapped suddenly, "A school is no place for a monster."

"And yet they let you come back?!" You fake gasped, "You've never changed, Snape. Still a rotten, twisted bully."

This angered him, "Me?!" He spluttered, "A bully?! Your beloved friends James and Sirius were the bullies-"

"James never called her a Mudblood though, did he?" Your final blow rendered Severus speechless, "Never treated her like shit, did he? You did and you have to live with the reality that she never loved you - she loved him." You were breathing hard, knowing that you'd overstepped many lines here but you were past caring. Severus's lips were pressed tightly together in a straight line.

With one last glare, you began to leave his office when Severus said quietly, "He won't dare be with you, you know... He's a coward, he'll push you away. Doesn't matter if he does love you or not. He'll never admit to it. He'd rather be alone than be with you." You ignored him and slammed the door behind you but as you hurriedly rushed back to your office, you found tears burning at your eyes... He knew that Severus Snape was telling the truth.

When night fell, you went to Remus's classroom. He had made his way out of his room and was currently taking his last of the Wolfsbane Potion, "What you doing here?" He asked wincing at the foul taste.

"When was the last time your transformed with another furry friend?"

He blinked, surprised at your response, "You're going to stay with me?"

"Yeah. I'll transform once yours starts and I'll stay with you. You always did say it helped you."

"I have the potions now, they let me keep my mind so I'll be myself in my mind. You don't have to-"

"I know," your voice was soft like silk, "but I want to." Remus breathed in deeply, finding that his heart felt rather full.

You helped him lock the door with various protection spells. Neither of you spoke much, you knew how drained he was so instead you just kept him company until the moon began to shine through the windows. You could remember the first time you saw Remus transform and unlike James, who'd been rather disturbed by the cracking bones and elongated limbs, you were fascinated. You watched as he transformed, claws growing, fangs protruding, tufts of hair sprouting all over his face and body as his clothes tore and ripped off.

You closed your eyes, focusing, and then you yourself transformed into your Animagus form. You took the form of your white wolf and waited for Remus to fully transform. When he did, he looked around, golden eyes meeting yours and he gave a low growl. You stayed, unmoving, as you waited for Remus to take over control. He crouched low, growl growing louder. He blinked, gave a shake of his head and his body relaxed. You padded over to him as he lay down, pulling a blanket from his desk and covering him. When in his normal mind, he would sleep and wait for the night to be over. You curled next to him, fluffy head resting on his werewolf's arm, tickling at his neck. There you both remained until day broke.

You woke up early, feeling him transform back to human under your head. You transformed back, pulling the blanket over him. He stirred at the touch. Neither of you spoke but once Remus was fully awake, he realised that he was naked beneath the blanket, "Shut your eyes, will you?" He asked groggily.

You complied and you could hear him get up and go into his office. He called that you could open them so you did, stretching out your muscles. He appeared a few minutes later dressed in brown slacks and a grey button down shirt, the top two buttons left undone. He sat down beside you again, "Thank you for staying with me last night."

You gave him a small, sad smile as you scooted closer, wiping his hair from his face. He was so exhausted, so worn-out... Your heart panged for him, "You look so tired, Rem," your voice was but a whisper, "so tired."

Remus breathed in deeply, overcome with emotion. He loved you. He knew that, he always had and with you being back in Hogwarts and back in his life well that just proved it, didn't it? Where you had touched left his face feeling hot. He swallowed. This was it. This was the moment. The moment to push you away or let you in. God, Remus wanted to let you in, he wanted to kiss you, wanted to hold you, wanted to finally feel you. After all this time and he was still like putty in his hands, ready to do anything you asked of him... But there was something inside him, a dark mass that stretched out poisoning his mind with the darkness. You were his friend, that was all. There was no way that you could love him back. You were out of his league, you pitied him. And then all of a sudden his face changed, contorting to one of anger and he pulled back sharply.

"What are you doing?" He snapped, voice cold and angry, "We're not children anymore."

You were confused. You'd been hoping that he would've kissed you, would've told you how he felt but you never expected this, "Remus, what are you doing?"

He stood with a scoff. You didn't know why he was so angry, what had you done? "I let myself get carried away with you like I'm sixteen again running around with you but I'm not, you're not. We're adults. We're hardly friends now, we've not been in each other's lives for a decade! We're practically strangers." The way he yelled it, voice full of venom and disgust... It was like he was cutting the tie of his one last true relationship and for what reason?

"We are friends, Rem," you said, standing to meet him dominant stance, "You don't have to push me away. You promised I'd be the one you never pushed away!"

"You're not a teenager anymore, (y/n), it's time to stop acting like it." He had turned away from you, uncaring, "So I made a promise I didn't intend to keep, I'm sure you've done the same at one point or another."

"Why are you doing this?" You asked, eyes flooding with tears, "Why are you pushing me away?" You didn't know how to make him stay, you didn't know how to bring him back to you. Could you bring him back? "Remus, please don't do this. I-I care about you, a lot. I..." You took a deep breath, "I- I love you." Your heart hammered as you watched him still. He was still facing away from you and Remus thanked the gods for you couldn't see his teary eyes and pained expression, "I know that you love me... I know you do! Just- Just say it and it'll all be okay, Rem. Just... Just tell me that you love me." There was a pregnant pause. Remus's jaw clenched. He had to push you away, he couldn't risk letting you get hurt, "I'm not scared of you, Remus- I know that you won't hurt me. I-I trust you."

He shook his head as he swallowed hard, "I think you should leave, (y/n). We both have work to do."

You wanted to fight, you wanted to whirl him round, slap him across the face and kiss him to get the message across but your shoulders sagged as all fight drained from your body. He stayed unmoving and facing the opposite way, "I- I've always loved you. Remember when it was my fifteenth birthday and you gave me a first edition copy of my favourite Muggle book? That's when I knew. I knew how much it would've cost you and I- I knew I loved you then."

He stayed still.

"I knew you loved me when we were seventeen. It was after Sirius convinced us all to have one too many shots of Firewhisky and we went out to the Quidditch Pitch and were stupidly riding on brooms. I rode mine straight into one of the goalposts, lost my balance and fell right off of it to the ground. You were so worried about me, you ran to me with the most concerned look on your face, you wouldn't settle until you knew I was okay even though it was just a broken wrist. You were so worried. You stayed with me that night when I was in the hospital. I knew you loved me that night."

Remus took a breath, "I asked you to leave, (y/n)." His voice was tense, "We are colleagues. Nothing more."

You were crying, tears making their way down your cheeks, "You really are a coward," you murmured quietly but you knew he heard you. You left his classroom, slamming the door behind him. Goddamn Snape was right.

Remus managed to get back to his desk chair and sank into it, head in his hands, "What did I do?" Remus's mind wandered to when the two of you first met Harry for the first time, thinking about one of the many moments he was filled with some sort of hope that you could love him back.

Remus couldn't stop smiling as he watched you cradle the tiny baby, baby Harry James Potter, speaking in hushed songs and excited whispers. You looked delighted and seemed like a natural at this. James nudged Remus, breaking him out of his thoughts, "You could have that with her, you know," he murmured softly.

Remus was affronted. Eyebrows raised and arms crossed, he glowered at James, "I- I-" he was like a fish out of water, "Don't be so stupid, Prongs."

James rolled his eyes, "Come off it, Moony," he scoffed, "you love her and she loves you. She always has."

"She does not," Remus hissed. He had often stayed up late, hoping and dreaming that would be true but he knew that it couldn't. He was a monster, how could you ever love that?

"You need proof?" James asked, raising his eyebrows, "You're a werewolf... Her patronus and her Animagus is a wolf. McGonagall told us in third year that your patronus and Animagus take form from who you are and can be persuaded by those you love most. You're a werewolf, she's a wolf. She loves you, you big oaf."

That couldn't be true, could it? Remus watched you with a curious expression. You couldn't love him, could you? How on earth could you love a monster?

And now, over a decade later, you'd finally admitted it to him and Remus had done what he does best; pushed you away because he was scared. He was a coward, "God help me, Prongs," he muttered, head in his hands. He knew that if James were here he would've given him a good rollicking for his reaction to that. He was a coward and that's all he'd ever be. As Remus tossed and turned that night, one sentence that James had said echoed around his head.

"You need to tell her that you love her before it's too late."

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