#older me is havin a fuckin heart attack but the good kind

[packsbeforesnacks]

Drumming Song || Salva & Winn (feat. Noah)

TIMING: Saturday, May 9th, 2020, after The One Where They Become a Pack LOCATION: Winn’s Cabin in the Outskirts PARTIES: @drunk-and-howling, @packsbeforesnacks, & @noah-kalani SUMMARY: After the ‘Pack’ Meeting, Winn sees a side of himself that he hasn’t before. WARNING: Emotional manipulation, violence.

Winn waited in the woods with Denny for a while, mind still turning over his anger. He was, truly, a lover, not a fighter. It wasn’t like him to fly off at the handle because of some guy. There was guilt, too, in the pit of his gut, for talkin’ about the Hunter like he, what, enjoyed killing the fucker? It fucked up his life. Salva. It all came back to him. So, maybe Winn was hiding, a little bit. Waiting for the others to go home, to explain things to Noah before drivin’ the other man home. He knew it was against the bro-code to drop your tragic, manslaughter-filled past on your bro, unprompted. Denny nosed his hand from where he was sitting on the forest floor, head in his hands, a clear “Dad, let’s go back inside.” He walked back to the house, perfectly calm. Well, until he saw Salva. The dick was smoking like it was his last cig, and, what, fucking with his sunflowers? “Hey, asshole,” he called, as Denny ran immediately for the cellar, where Winn assumed Noah was stationed, away from the crazy. “Why the shit are you still here?” He was chill, weirdly, but he could feel the wolf growling, as if anticipating… something. What, Winn didn’t know.

While he was alone and relishing the silence, Salva decided to busy himself in sniffing around Winn's property, succumbing to canine curiosity. The meeting went... well enough, considering the vastly different personalities of all the wolves involved, and he wasn't sure about all the hunter relationship shit going on, but he'd have to work on that after Gotch was taken care of. Suddenly, that aromatic scent came drifting back, and Salva's poking around was interrupted by none other than the homeowner himself. He took another long drag of his cigarette and kept it in as he turned to address Winn. As he breathed out, he noticed that although his expression and demeanor were relatively relaxed, he watched Winn with a critical eye, and never broke eye contact. "No reason... just admiring the landscaping. Great venue, I love what you've done with the place." Sarcasm. Salva began approaching Winn, moving silently over the leaf litter like the prowling predator he was. "What did you think of that meeting? You seemed to be having a rough time... Next time I'll be sure to bring a whiteboard for you." His tone was cold.

“Told you,” Winn started, a smirk on his face, “I already have the whiteboard. All kinds of things you can draw on it, man. A ‘Get Off My Damn Property’ sign, for example, for when a local asshole just won’t quit.” He stretched, still relatively at ease. “Why don’t you just go home, bro? I’m sure the cave is missin’ you.” Winn winked, leaning down to pick up a stray piece of trash that had blown out of the car when he’d brought Noah here. “So…” Winn drawled, hamming up the ‘oh shucks, gosh mister’ attitude he reserved for folks he didn’t trust, a category which Salva slotted squarely into. “Seems like you’re not much of a people-person. No offense, my dude, but I can’t imagine you havin’ much of an altruistic streak. Why help us — Luke — out? Or is just another kill for your diary? May 10th, 2020, plotted a murder with my homies.” He took a step towards Salva, still loose, still easy. Maybe it wasn’t this guy, after all. Maybe it was just lingering Moon juice, runnin’ and thrummin’ through his veins.

It was all Salva could do to stop himself from growling at Winn… he just kept going and going, each insult more obnoxious than the last, until the older wolf was finally ready to just attack this guy and call it a night. But Salva knew he couldn't do that — he couldn't preach about wolf unity and then trounce one of them on his own lawn. But with every step that brought Winn closer, Salva's muscles tensed, and he prepared for anything. "If you want my advice, get on your knees and start thanking me for helping you and yours," he bit back. "And while you're down there, lick my boots, you punkass mutt."

Winn scoffed, taking another step forward. He wasn’t above trouncin’ this asshole and kickin’ him out the old-fashioned way, but… he couldn’t do that to Luke, to Miles. There was a ring of truth to Salva’s words. His information was valuable. But even so… “If you wanted me on my knees, Alpha,” Winn said, voice high, dripping with mock-reverence, “You should’ve just asked.” There was a growl to his voice, he knew, despite the amount of fake sugar. If there was anything he hated more than a big ego, Winn had yet to find it. “I wouldn’t fuck up nothin’ for Luke, but, man, if I had my fuckin’ way—” And then it hit him like a truck, burning in his nose. Smoke, but not charcoal. Oily, black, feeding a fire in Winn that he didn’t know was there. “Actually,” he growled out, walking slowly towards the other man, not wanting to alert him. “Just might have somethin’ there, ‘bout the boot-lickin’.” And then he leapt at the other man, shoving him against his porch, a hair gripped in Salva’s hair. He pulled the man’s head to the side, snarling. “You’re fucking worthless, you know that? Wolves like you make me sick. You think you can just take,” the hand in Salva’s hair tightened, as Winn forced the other man to bare his neck, “whatever the fuck you want. I’m so tired of that bullshit.”

Salva braced himself just as Winn leapt at him, but he was a little taken aback by the raw weight and power of his musculature, and he allowed himself to be pinned. As his neck was bared, he was stricken with a unique fear, deep at his core… it was such a rush to be under another wolf's teeth, moments from death, and Salva couldn't do anything but growl through a flashing grin. "Oh man, I love this energy!" the older wolf grunted, and admittedly it was difficult to talk while Winn gripped him. But now, getting a good look at this violent streak, Salva couldn't help but wonder… "H-hey… Don't I know you from somewhere…?" He could easily push this wolf away, but something made him stop.

Winn could feel the change coming, could feel his teeth sharpen as he hovered over the other wolf’s neck, eager to sink them into the soft flesh there, eager to show the other man how a fuckin’ wolf handled a wannabe. He pulled back, long enough to yank the other man’s hair back, to meet Salva’s wild eyes with his own. “You’re fuckin’ kidding, right?” he said, voice quiet, even, and deadly. His hand went up, unbidden, to push against Salva’s chest, fingers, slowly turning to claws, itching to get a hand around the man’s throat, to steal the word away from his crooked mouth. “Like I would ever associate with you.” He raised a fist, drawing his hand back, his entire body coiled with barely suppressed rage, rage he couldn’t place, much less name. Why? He growled, from the back of his throat, from the deepest, darkest part of his heart, where the wolf paced its cage, eager to be let out.

Salva saw destruction in Winn's wild eyes, but he suddenly didn't fear anything… Even the vulnerability he felt couldn't amount to the feeling of hot blood running through his veins, and something in him even longed for Winn's claws. Salva just grinned wider. "You’re a good actor, but you look like a killer." Salva winced as Winn's grip tightened even further, and he braced himself against the wall. "What would your friends think…"

“Shut up,” Winn growled. He’d never met this man in his life, regretted immensely the displeasure of meeting him tonight. And yet, he didn’t pull away, fist wavering in the air. “It’s not— I’m not acting. And I don’t kill.” Winn listened, but the man’s heartbeat was steady. He really believed it. Winn’s nose twitched, the oil and smoke burning, burning, burning. No fucking way. He wasn’t a killer. He wasn’t. “What,” Winn said, growl coming out again as his rage rose and rose, “the fuck.” Fast as the wind, Winn’s hands went from where they’d been ready to fight, to destroy, to clenched tight in the other man’s shirt, lifting him up against the porch easily. “I don’t know who you are, or what you think you know about me. I don’t give a shit about your mind games. Fuck with me. But if you hurt any of them, I will hunt you down and make you wish that Gotch was after you. Do you understand me?” He pressed curled fits into the other man’s collarbone, trying to make it hurt.

"Ha." Salva snarled lowly, his voice tight with the pain he felt. The more his nerves screamed, the more high he felt from the violence, until he was sure he was close to either passing out. Winn's fists applied pressure to his neck and Salva's hands twisted into long, untrimmed claws, one of them finding their way into Winn's back to dig at the flesh there. "This is all very lovely, but don't dare mistake my intentions, mutt… I won't hesitate to claw that stupid face off…"

Noah had fully expected Winn to come back down of his own accord after the meeting was over. But when he didn’t, it set off alarm bells in Noah’s brain. Something was amiss. Climbing the stairs up and out, Noah followed the sounds of voices, his ears still a bit more sensitive than they usually were. What he found though left much to be desired. Because what he found was Winn pinning the other wolf (what was his name? Salvatore? Stevia?) to the front porch, his entire body practically oozing anger. And the other wolf, Salvia (Salvia! that was it), was just standing there egging him on, long claws already ready for the inevitable fight. Fucking. Hell. Pushing up his metaphorical sleeves, Noah walked up to the pair, clearing his throat loudly. He knew that they would have known he was there regardless, but he still wanted to make a statement. “So, I don't know what's happening here,” he started, dark brown eyes narrowing and his arms coming to cross in front of him. The last thing he wanted to do now was to get in the middle of two, full-grown, snarling wolves. But he would not stand by and let Winn allow his anger to get the best of him. Nor was he going to let the other dude draw anyone’s blood. “But both of you need to knock it the fuck off.” It was not a request, it was a command, especially as Noah locked eyes with one Winn Woods.

The change was near-instant as Noah’s scent filled Winn’s senses, calming him inexplicably even as Salva’s scent, the oil and the fire, lingered in his nose, stewing there. Noah’s eyes met his, and Winn nodded, a short, quick movement. He lowered the other wolf to the ground, cautious, and extracted himself, pulling the man’s claws out of the soft skin of his back firmly. No more fighting, not tonight. He refused to look at Salva, couldn’t even think about what the other man was saying. He pushed it from his mind. “Leave,” Winn said, all emotion drained from his voice. He had to keep it together, for… for Noah. Winn wouldn’t lose it in front of his friend; Winn wouldn’t prove Salva right, Winn wasn’t a monster. Not like Salva was. “Let’s go,” Winn said to Noah, quietly, as he “ran” with his tail between his legs back into his living room.

As Noah approached and Winn backed off, Salva seemed wholly unbothered. In fact, his expression was lighter than a feather, and he took a moment to roll his shoulders and pop his neck before following. "Good of you to join us, One-Sixteenth," he greeted, his tone rather chipper considering the heavy context. Obviously, he was addressing Noah — he'd scented him at the beginning of the meeting, and his practiced nose noticed his low-content blood. Maybe the wolf had a transfusion, or even a skin graft or a body part. Absolutely hilarious. "Don't worry, I'm leaving." Salva began to walk back to his car, but not before taking a long moment to pointedly brush off his dress shirt. As Winn and Noah went together into the house, he made sure to call out one last statement. "You know, we're all friends here. Us wolves have to stick together. If anyone were to jeopardize that... I'm just not sure what I would do." With that, the car door slammed behind him, and the older werewolf was sitting alone in his car, the thoughts of the evening filling every corner of his brain. Anyone standing outside could have heard a sudden clatter, almost like a fist punching out a radio, before the car’s tires screeched on the street and vanished into the night.

Denny was lying across the couch, oblivious to the fight going on outside of his home. Winn was shaking, he knew. But it wasn’t the transformation, no. This was fear, pure and simple. Terror, straight to his bones. Noah came through the door, and Winn immediately wanted to touch him, to lean into the other’s body and not think. “I—” he choked out. Because what if Noah was scared of him? What if he’d heard something that would make him want to leave Winn alone, to cut himself out of all of the drama and horror that was Winn’s life. “Can I touch you? Can I hug you?” He hung his head, unable to meet Noah’s eyes, afraid to let Noah see what lurked in his own, before whispering out a quiet, “Please.”

Noah just stood there, arms still crossed, watching as Winn slowly extricated himself from the other. Winn was being good, that was evident, but Salva was still quite a wild card. Hopefully, he heeded the “advice'' that had been given and actually took a hike. Walking back to the living room, Noah just, well, stood there too, eyes taking in Winn for what seemed like the hundredth time this week. Normally, Noah would have instantly gone to comfort, but there was something about the overwhelming amount of information that had been thrown at him this week that he just. He didn’t know what to do. He didn't want to deny Winn some comfort, but man was he just exhausted. “One hug. You can have one,” Noah said, holding up exactly one finger. “Then, you are driving me home. Silently. Because my brain is done processing emotionally heavy shit for the night.”

The wolf paced in Winn’s mind, worried it had done something to hurt Noah. Rationally speaking, Winn knew the situation outside had looked, well, bad. But he couldn’t explain it to Noah, and, from the sound of Noah’s voice, the younger man didn’t want an explanation. Not right now, anyway. Winn approached the other man, and hugged him tightly, breathing in Noah’s scent. (The meaner, uglier part of his mind thought maybe this would be their last hug. The kinder, brighter side stayed silent on the matter.) When he let go, he let his eyes drift downward again, staring at the hardwood with a frown. He... he wasn’t. Salva didn’t know him. He needed someone who did. A thought popped into his head as he grabbed his keys. But… no. He couldn’t do that. 

Winn walked to the car, silently, with Noah in tow, eyes scanning the yard for any sign of Salva. Nothing. Small victories. He drove in silence. He wanted to respect Noah’s boundaries, he did, but he had to say one thing, before the night was over — one thing to remind Noah that Winn wanted him around, and that Winn was worth keeping around. “Thank you,” Winn said as they pulled up to Noah’s house. “I wouldn’t have made it through that without you.” A pause, no response from Noah, other than the clicking of his seatbelt. “And… I’m sorry. Goodnight, Noah.” The younger man left the car, and Winn watched until Noah was safely inside. Then, Winn took a shuddering breath, leaning his head against the steering wheel. Stray tears built up and fell from the corners of his eyes, onto the leather of the wheel. For the first time in a long time, Winn felt truly alone. And here was nothing else to say but a soft, earnest, “Fuck.”

#wickedswriting #para #Salva #Noah #Drumming Song #Sunshine Riptide #emotional manipulation tw

[depressedgamerxx-blog]

Coffee and Mental breakdowns

Summary: It's 3 am and Scout is not have a good night, he's comforted by someone unexpected.

An: Hey guys! I thought it was about time I wrote something with Medic cuz I love him. This fic is also sorta like a stress reliever, in other words I'm projecting my own self experiences on poor Scout lol.

Words:1630 

Scout stared into the dark waves he created by stirring his spoon in his cup of coffee, watching as he created dark swirls with the bitter liquid.

A few drops splashed out onto the table, but Scout didn't pay them any mind. He would clean them up later. After a few more moments of his rhythmic stirring he reluctantly brought the cup up to his lips.

He always hated the taste of Coffee, it was always so bitter and it didn't matter how much sugar or cream he added.

He sipped the coffee and swallowed it with a grimace, for now he would just have to deal with the bitter taste. He didn't have anymore energy drinks so coffee was the only thing keeping him from passing out.

And he was certain that falling back to sleep was not what he wanted to do.

He rubbed his tired eyes, glancing at the clock on the microwave. 3 am flashed on the clock, creating a sort gentle glow of light, just enough to give Scout some sort of light source.

3 o'clock in the morning, In about 3 or 4 hours from now he would most likely be joined by Engineer or Sniper, and later the rest of the team.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His normal uniform was replaced by his sleeping wear, which consisted of an over sized Red Sox baseball jersey and black basketball shorts. The only thing that remained were his wraps which he almost always kept on.

Always.

He rested his head atop his folded arms; blue-grey eyes wandered around the kitchen. A place he knew as well as the back of his hands having spent many breakfasts and meetings in the room.

He felt his eyes begin to sleep close and he sat up with a jerk, quickly reaching for his cup he downed the rest of the bitter coffee. Nearly choking on the bitter taste as it burned the back of his throat on the way down.

He sat the cup down on the table and wiped his mouth with the back of his bandaged hands. He knew he should be asleep, he knew it wasn't good for him to force himself to stay awake but he couldn't help it.

It didn't matter if he drank warm milk, it didn't matter how many sheep he counted. Every time he closed his eyes he wasn't met with the bliss relief of sleep. He was left with nothing but his own thoughts, his insecurities. And he hated it.

this wasn't the first time his thoughts had kept him awake, sometimes they would keep him awake for days on end. On those days he would give in on his exhaustion and ask Medic for something to help him sleep.

Scout didn't understand why this happened, but it was like a routine.

Some days he could look in the mirror and see this super cool guy who could do it all, but some days when he looked in the mirror, all he was was someone who just...wasn't good enough.

That, no matter what he did none of it would matter in the end. He was gonna die eventually, so what was the point of even trying? It was routine, fighting, dying, respawn, repeat. Eventually he just ended up feeling numb.

And on those days, he had to fake it. All of his stupid jokes and cocky attitude, his confidence. He had to fake all of it, and it always made him feel gross. Like he was lying to everyone, like he was just a big faker.

He blinked a few times to clear his vision which had blurred just a bit, and he considered getting another cup of coffee; but his stomach seemed to twist at the thought and he decided against it. Not wanting to make himself sick.

Instead he began to pick at his bandages, an old habit of his. He probably shouldn't do it because it messed up his wraps, but it distracted him.

Plus it was better than him picking at his skin.

He pulled a small string, causing the end of the bandage to unravel and fray. He sighed, now he'd probably have to get some new ones. Great.

"Having fun sitting alone in ze dark?"

Scout jumped a very un manly squeak sounded from his throat as he whipped around in his chair in surprise , nearly tumbling out of it.

Medic stood in the doorway of the kitchen, somewhat illuminated by the light of the microwave. He gave Scout a somewhat sheepish smile.

"Apologies! I didn't mean to scare you"

Scout relaxed slightly when he saw who it was, he let out an annoyed huff. Mainly embarrassed that the older man had snuck up on him.

"Geez dude gonna give me a fricken heart attack, how long 'ave ya been standin there anyway?"

Medic shrugged " Not to long, just long enough to watch you as you sit alone in ze dark"

In a few long strides he sat himself in a chair in front of the younger, resting his chin on his hand.

"So please do tell me vhat bothers you"

Scout blinked in surprise, slightly a taken back by the Doctor's sudden interest in his well-being "

"Wha...What da hell makes ya think sumthins wrong wit me?"

Medic rose a brow "Vell, for starters it iz three in ze morning and you are drinking coffee. Plus your expression isn't exactly cheerful"

Scout sputtered slightly, narrowing his eyes.

"Y-Yeah, well you're up too aren't ya?"

Medic shrugged "Vell yes, but I waz finishing up some vork. And I vaz heading to bed, you however look like you plan to spend ze rest of ze night here. So please.."

He leaned forward slightly " Tell me, vhat bothers you? "

Scout scowled at him, before he sighed. Shoulders slumping in defeat, he mentally cursed the older man and his ability to read people so well.

"It's..It's just...nothing...really, I'm just....being stupid"

He gave an awkward chuckle, squirming in his seat under the doctors gaze.

He swallowed thickly.

"I..just uh...I've just been havin a rough night ya know?"

Medic gave a sympathetic hum " And vhy iz zhat? "

Scout shrugged, looking down at this bandaged hands. Clenching and unclenching them into fists.

"Hey, you uh..remember awhile ago when ya found those..things under my wraps?"

The doctor's eyes widened slightly in surprise, sitting upright his gaze turned serious.

"Vhy...Yes Scout..I do"

Scout glanced up to meet the doctors gaze almost shyly.

"And uh..remember how ya told me that I could always talk ta ya it I needed too..?"

Medics gaze softened as he smiled at the younger man sitting across from him, placing a hand over the others smaller bandaged one.

"Of course Scout, you can tell me anything."

"And you promise won't tell anyone nuthin?"

"I promise"

Scout took a deep shaky breath.

"I..I don't know man, it's just been one of those night ya know? I just couldn't sleep and every time I tried my mind just kept sending all these negative thoughts to my brain man"

"What kind of thought Scout?" Medic inquired gently .

Scout half heartedly shrugged his shoulders, he hated talking about this stuff. Or more so that he was terrible at expression his thoughts and shit.

"I don't know, like just bad thoughts ya know? Like how I'm not good enough or how I'm gonna die alone a-and how everything gonna leave and shit and how I'm nothin but an annoyin brat and..and"

Scouts rambling was cut off by his voice cracking, struggling to swallow last the lump that was steadily growing in his throat he choked back a sob. He brought a fist up to his mouth and bite on it, turning away.

Fuck Fuck Fuck, why the fuck was he crying for? He wasn't some little kid! Yet here he was gettin all emotional shit, in front of fuckin Medic of all people.

"I-Im sorry Man, I just -" his breath hitched as more tears sprang to his eyes, threatening to spill over.

Suddenly next thing he knew he found his face being pressed in the familiar white lab coat as Medic, who had made his way to Scouts side of the table while he had been speaking, wrapped his arms around the runners smaller body. Gently pressing the boys face into his shoulder.

"Shhh, it's alright Klein. Go ahead and cry, it vill be good for you. You'll feel better afterwards."

Scout choked out a sob, clutching at the man's shirt he buried his face in his shoulder. His own shoulders shaking as he sobbed. Medic gently rubbed the boys back.

"Shhh Shhh easy Das Kind, I am here " Medic cooed softly.

"I-It just fuckin hurts man! A-And I'm just so fuckin tired"

" I know kleiner hase I know"

Medic continued to coo softly in both English and German while Scout continued to cry into his shoulder. After awhile Scout pulled away sniffing and rubbing his now red eyes. Face flushed slightly from embarrassment.

He rubbed the back of his neck "T-Thanks man" he mumbled.

Medic smiled at him, gently patting his cheek.

"See! I told you, you would feel better "

Scout laughed slightly "Heh, yeah...sorry bout messin up your shirt"

He stood, saving the younger man off.

"It's nothing, it's just a shirt after all"

Pulling the younger to stand he began pushing him gently towards the door.

"Now! Time for bed, might as Well gets some sleep vhile you can"

Scout rolled his eyes "Alright Alright Ma, I'm freakin goin"

He made his way to leave but paused in the doorway.

"Hey uh, goodnight Doc"

Medic smiled at him .

"Goodnight Scout"

#Team Fortress 2 #Tf2 #Medic #Scout #Fluff #Team as family #team bonding #Platonic relationships #Hugz #angst #Hurt and comfort #Mental breakdowns #Anxiety #Coffee #Self harm me mention #TW #Oof #My fics #My writing

[mclennunf]

This Boy - Chapter 23

~Paul's~ The smell of his musky skin was a turn on in itself. As John crawled on top of me with a smug smirk on his face, I could feel the blood rushing from my head down to my groin almost making me light headed.  I felt his thighs brush up against mine. His shirt was hanging off of him, showing off his distinguishable collarbones. The light moan that escaped his mouth and touch of his lips on mine was indescribable, it sent shivers down my spine. I felt a smile creep out the sides of my mouth uncontrollably. John slowly began to pull my trousers off, kissing down my thighs as he did so. The heat between us was like fire. 

Soon, we found both of ourselves completely nude. John was lying on top of me kissing me passionately as he thrusted himself against me. "I need you so badly, Paul," John moaned against my mouth. He slid down my body so perfectly he felt like my missing puzzle piece. When he took me in his mouth I couldn't help but yelp his name. John worked his way up and down my shaft and moaned against me. I thrusted into his mouth and tangled my fingers in his soft auburn hair.  "Fuck, Johnny," I moaned as quietly as I could. John lifted himself up and sat on top of me, grabbing my dick and placing himself on top of it. As he slowly slid himself down I closed my eyes. As I slid fully side of him I grabbed his hips. "Fuckin' hell, yer so fuckin tight." I groaned. John made a few uncomfortable noises before he settled himself on top of me, beginning to thrust his hips. "You feel so fuckin' good inside of me," John moaned as he began wanking himself as I fucked him. Beads of sweat were  dripping off John's forehead, the mere sight made me close. "Oh Paul, don't stop, right there fuck I'm gonna cum," He began moaning louder. I began to pump myself in and almost-out of him, hitting that lump that made him squeal. "Fuck, John!" I yelled almost too loud as we both spilled our seed, me inside of him and him all over my chest and stomach.   John went to the bathroom, and I stood up and grabbed a dirty towel to wipe myself off. I collapsed down on the bed and John wasn't far behind doing the same thing on my small bed. "Fuckin' hell. That was amazing." John said breathlessly.  "Yer tellin' me." I smiled and cuddled up next to him as he flung his arm around me. "Have ye ever thought about kids, Paul?" John asked quietly. "Ye mean havin' some of me own?" I asked, resting my chin on his chest and looking up at his wandering eyes. "Yeah, I mean, we obviously can't make 'em. Does that change anything for ye?" John said, remaining quiet. "Of course not, John! Y'know we can always adopt." I said, smiling, trying to bring his spirits back up. They were seemingly down, now. "Oh alright. I just want to make sure I give you the life you've always wanted.." John said through a yawn. "A life with you is all I'll ever need." ... ~John's~ I woke up to a bright bedroom with sunlight shining desperately through Paul's window. Paul was thrashing back and forth. "STOP!" He kept crying out. "Paul, love, it's only me. Wake up," I said soothingly until finally he opened his eyes. "It's only me," I whispered again, pulling him in close. "Sorry," Paul mumbled into my neck. "What happened, baby?" I asked. Paul sat up and stretched, showing off his perfect figure, flawless skin and adorably messy bed-hair. "It was just me Da--, it was just Jim. Took Mike. I don't really wanna talk about it." Paul tried to explain. He stood up and began to get dressed. "Where d'ye think yer goin'?" I asked, sitting up and stretching myself. "We've gotta take Mike to school!" Paul giggled as he jumped to pull his trousers up, a small baggie falling out of the back pocket and onto the floor. "Paul..." I began, as I stood up myself and grabbed my shirt. "John, I swear these are the trousers that I wore home from Hamburg, I haven't gotten a chance to get rid of 'em, I promise..." Paul was a rambling, nervous little boy again. "It's okay, I believe you. Can we get rid of them?" I asked, still sounding disappointed. "Not yet. I promise I won't take them, I'm just not ready... Y'know?" Paul sounded like he was begging as I turned my back and took my medication, the talk of his pills had reminded me. We were interrupted by a knock at the bedroom door. I opened it as Paul shoved the baggie into his top drawer. "Good morning!" Mike greeted with a smile from ear to ear. "I am ready to go!" He announced. Paul grabbed Mike into a tight hug, it warmed my heart. Mike laughed and pushed his big brother off of him. "Lets go! I'm gonna be late!" Mike said as he ran down the stairs to put his shoes on. "Come on then, love. Let's get Mike off to school, then you best go see Mimi." Paul said, walking back over to me and placing a kiss on my cheek. We followed the young boy out the door after throwing our jackets on. Mike was skipping and hopping around us like a child on Christmas morning. I loved how close he and Paul were, but I suppose they had to be close considering their previous circumstances. "Paul, do you think Mum is still watching us?" Mike asked out of the blue as he grabbed his older brothers hand, not slowing his pace but his facial expression changing from a smile to a straight face. "Of course she is, Mikey." Paul sighed. "But, then, why would she let that stuff happen to you?" Mike asked even quieter. My heart nearly stopped at the question. I had no idea how to answer that question, I couldn't even help Paul with that one. Paul, like Mike and I,  remained silent for the rest of the walk to Mike's school. We approached the gates, and Paul crouched down in front of Mike. "Sometimes bad things happen, Mikey. But no matter what happens, no matter where Mum is, you know I'm here. You can rely on me, okay mate?" Paul said, trying to be assuring. I smiled at Mike over Paul's shoulder, who smiled back and looked at his brother. "Okay!" He agreed and hugged Paul. I crouched down and hugged him too. "We totally look like a queer couple dropping off our child." I joked. "We kind of are, Johnny." Paul laughed with me. "I've gotta catch the bus, love. We need some food in the fridge, figure Gin should rest. Send my love to Mimi." Paul said, I wished that I could've kissed him. "I'll call ye?" I called after him. Paul didn't respond, he just turned around to walk backwards and winked at me. As I walked toward Mimi's house I thought about our wedding and how excited I was. I wished that I could've told Mimi, but I knew she wouldn't have been supportive at all. At least we had little Mike to support us. Suddenly I was shoved and fell onto my hands and knees. "Bloody hell!" I said angrily as I shot up onto my feet, noticing small little scrapes of blood on either one of my hands. I spun around quickly to find Jim McCartney staring at me with anger in his eyes. We stared at each other for what seemed like five minutes, silently and angrily. "I don't know what kind of nonsense you've put into my son's head but it's your fault he won't even give me a chance." Jim stated, finally breaking the silence. "I haven't put anything in your son's head." I growled, trying to keep my composure. "It was only after you came along that he started talking back, getting stroppy on me." Jim said, taking a slight step back from me. "You were a raging alcoholic who nearly killed his own son, d'ye realize that mate?" I snapped back, taking a bigger step toward him. "I think yer probably the most daft man I've ever met." I snarled and stepped closer. "Unfortunately for you, young man, you can try as hard as you'd like, but my son will never love another man the way you evidentially love him. It just isn't going to happen." Jim said, inching closer to me. "Dirty fag." He added. Before I could stop myself my knuckles were already bleeding and Jim was lying on his back, cupping his bleeding nose. "Leave Paul and Mike the fuck alone. If you want to bother me, I don't mind givin' an old man a busted nose." I said as I spat on the ground beside him and walked away, checking out my knuckles. They were bleeding quite profusely now, must've gotten his teeth.  I felt a sharp pain in my left lower back, shooting up my spine and down my legs. I turned around to see Jim, standing with a small, sharp pocket knife dripping with blood. "Ye just bloody stabbed me?!" I grabbed at my back, trying to find the wound. My hands were shaking. I knew it wasn't enough to kill me, but it was enough to make me want to kill him. As I lunged at him, he spun around and bolted as fast as the old geezer could. There was no chasing him, I could feel blood trickling down my back. I couldn't go to Mimi like this, she would have a heart attack. I limped my way to Paul's house, hoping to God that nobody saw me and that he wasn't home yet, nor his Aunt. I burst through the door, not taking off my wet boots and limped up to the bathroom. I striped off my shirt and tried to twist my body to see the wound in the mirror. "You've had worse, Lennon." I muttered to myself. I ran the bath and waited for it to fill, feeling light headed. I stared at the water, holding my shirt against the bleeding hole. Once it was full, I striped down and climbed into the bath. Fuck did it ever sting. I lied down carefully, watching the water turn deep red. My eyes faded slowly shut.

#mclennon #mclennon fanfiction #this boy