enough for you | LEE MARK
the five times mark realized that he wasn't enough for you
𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲
mark lee. the unattainable and incredible mark lee. the football team captain, the typical and cliché boy that dated the cheerios leader, the popular and untouchable mark lee. the shy mark lee that, somehow, ended up dating with you, an average girl unable to attract attention, to stand out from someone else. the same girl that started wearing make-up as soon as started dating mark, the same girl who wasn't like all the prom queens that her boyfriend loved before.
"mark, am i pretty today?"
the sunlight shined on your face, making you look like some kind of goddess. your pretty dress fitting perfectly all over your shape and your perfect hair that took away mark's breath. long short story, absolutely stunning. but he didn't had the guts to say it.
"you look... good", he said as his heart ran a race with his thoughts.
"i'm not the compliment type, actually. so, i don't really know"
that day, you felt a scratch in your being.
that day, mark thought that he wasn't enough for you.
𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫
"so, you're literally calling me because you need help to order your girlfriend a goddamn coffee?"
"dude, just help me out"
he knew he should know you better. he knew he was making a mistake calling johnny. he knew that everything in that situation was wrong. but he couldn't help it. and the despair was killing him.
"how many times did (y/n) showed up with your favorite coffee? she didn't call me on any of those occasions, or any of your friends"
"i'm not for this. it's literally a thing as minimal as a fucking coffee, jonh, just help me out and let's over this stupid conversation"
"maybe it's just a minimal thing for you, mark. but she knows you like the fucking palm of her hand. mark, are you even sure that you're enough for her?"
that day, mark was a little more confident that he wasn't enough for you.
𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐚𝐬
"i mean, that's basic"
"maybe it is for you but not everyone knows it"
a beautiful night with you and your friends as special stars. the eight girls that would hold your heart through storms and tides, the eight girls that would put their hands on fire for you and your happiness, the eight girls who hold your back. your backup team.
"(y/n), call mark and ask him your favorite song"
karina and irene were talking about relationships and how they work differently for each person. for them, you and mark were the steps to follow. for them, you were mark's person.
"why would i?"
"because karina said that a boyfriend should know even your playlist because it's a basic, but irene said that not every boyfriend knows that. the rest of us just wants to know. go ahead and call him. i bet that he definitely knows", ningning explained.
with shaky and insecure hands, you dialed mark's number.
"put him on speaker", giselle said.
"hello?", mark said as soon as he answered the call.
"hi, markie. um, this might be a very random question but... what my favorite song is?"
your friends could tell your sadness when mark didn't answer, but your hope and teary eyes wanted to wait a bit more for him to finally say something. and before you could ask if he was still on the call, he cut. cutting, at the same time, the edges of your heart.
that night, seulgi had to cheer you up to not cry.
that night, mark fell asleep with his mind screaming that he wasn't enough for you.
𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬
"explain me again why are we here, please"
"you don't actually have to be here, yeri, i'm the one who's reading"
"and are you reading for the worth of someone?"
no matter how hard you try, yeri would never understand. you just wanted to be something for mark, someone he would be proud to show up at the would, someone smart and diligent, someone interesting to introduce to his family, someone to walk down the street holding hands, someone right for him, someone... worthy.
"reading makes you smart"
"but you are already smart, (y/n), what the hell are you doing with all this shit?"
and right behind the shelves, mark was hearing the whole words exchange, unable to understand how someone like you could still be with someone like him, someone... unworthy.
that day, the books' words kept telling him that he wasn't enough for you.
𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝
"yuta came back from his japanese trip"
your bones were freezing, your soul was dying. the only thing you wanted from mark was a hug, or a kiss, or a word. but any of that arrived. no hug envolving you, no kiss suffocating you, no words comforting you. you were a mess, a mental mess, a teary mess.
"i called him"
"so he can join us. c'mon on, (y/n), he's one of my best friends"
"and i'm your girlfriend, mark. this was our date, no place for yuta or any of your friends. what, am i not that interesting for you? am i bored? yeah, maybe i don't have a whole japanese trip story to tell but this was supposed to be our time together. what are we even doing right now? what the heck is the fucking purpose of all this?"
before he could talk, the doorbell rang. now, it was a date for three.
that evening, mark could felt the eyes on him telling him that he wasn't enough for you.
i know explicitly that this is not the way to end the things up. and i know explicitly that right now i'm acting like a coward. or maybe i'm not acting, maybe this is the way i have always been. and maybe this was our fate to fulfill. maybe we weren't meant to be.
this past months, you've shown me that your heart was truly committed into this relationship. this past months, i've provoked you nothing but tears and sadness. and i've knew it from way before, but... don't you think i'm not enough for you? 'cause i've saw you at the library reading all my self-help books so i think that you were smart, 'cause i couldn't tell you how pretty you are, 'cause i don't know what your favorite song is, 'cause i had to call johnny when you asked me for a coffee because i don't know your order, 'cause i left you in the exact moment i had the chance to. god, (y/n), you know me by heart. all you ever wanted was to be enough for me and i couldn't even reward you back. and i am so sorry. i'm sorry for not being able to protect your heart, i'm sorry for not being brave. and i know that you probably don't want my sympathy, but try to find yourself back. do not cry for me, you did nothing wrong. you're pretty, and smart, and so excited. i'm the one who couldn't take it, i'm the one who's not enough. but, maybe, if the life wanted so, we would see each other again. and, there, i would maybe be enough for you. stop trying so hard, (y/n), you're good being you"
"STUPID! EMOTIONAL! OBSESSIVE LITTLE ME!"
there you were, on the floor, heartbroken. you never wanted to believe yourself, but you knew from the start this is exactly how he'd leave. what was it? you weren't that interesting as the girls he had before?
god, he couldn't care less about someone who loved him more.
between joy's arms, you couldn't stop yourself from crying.
"hey, it's okay, just calm down"
"WHAT AM I NOW? i loved him too much that i feel used and discarded. do i deserve this? do i deserve nothing?"
"look at me", irene said, "you know what? he's gonna feel sorry for himself because, one day, you'll be everything to somebody else. and they'll think that you're so exciting, and they'll be able to tell you how wonderful you are, and he'll be the one crying. you wanted to be enough, right? well, he wasn't enough for you. you're so much for him to take, you know that? we're here, (y/n), let the shit get out of your soul. we got you"
later on, you realized that wearing make-up for someone wasn't the key, you realized that trying so hard was meaningless, that reading was a self-pleasure, that you were actually smart, that the compliment type do exists, that you are interesting. that you were enough. and maybe someone broke much more than just your heart, but now you were the one smiling. and, far away, mark was the one crying.
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