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kuwdora · 1 year

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om nom nom - Cooking/Baking shows I've been watching

Usually my go-to comfort show and things to have on in the background is Star Trek. I’ve been rewatching Lower Decks and want to start rewatching Strange New Worlds but my mind has not been able to relax and I feel like I've needed to try something new to occupy the weary brainmeats. So! I’ve fallen for cooking/baking competitions over the last two months. These are all things I found on Netflix.

The Final Table - a dozen teams of two chefs from across the world compete in country-themed challenges. I haven’t been up on cooking shows for awhile so I was surprised and fell in love with the depth and nuance that some chefs bring to their work. The sheer artistry and love of their craft! But also a lot of these chefs were thrown into the deep end when they haven’t had Japanese food before or their partner had more ideas/ability to pull off the idea for their dish for the challenge. It was very exciting. It also was filmed on the biggest soundstage and the most fake sounding studio applause and cheering but I had a great time following the chefs around the world.

Cook At All Costs - three people are given $20,000 each to bid on secret boxes of food and ingredient add-ons to create a dish for specific challenges. Whatever people have left in their bank is the money they get to bring home. There’s a lot of bidding wars and strategic haggling going on in the show and the set’s got a cute conveyor belt that brings out the ingredients and other competitive quirks that I quite liked. Very refreshing and fun.

Bake Squad - this is basically capturing the feel-good vibes of Queer Eye and puts it to baking feelings! Instead of competing against each other, their competitions for the chance to make a guest’s Big Event with a magnificent cake. It features four bakers who have different specialties and everything is so gorgeous, sweet and funny. Really really fucking heartfelt and delightful. 10/10 will watch again.

Baking Impossible - this show pairs baker and an engineer and gives them a challenge that requires both amazing design and flavor. There are cake robots! Cake cars! Cake buildings!! Their work is judged on the engineering/design merits as well as aesthetics/flavor/presentation. It’s hilarious and gripping and extremely outlandish and FUN.

Pressure Cooker - Top Chef meets Big Brother. 12 chefs enter a house. There are no celebrity judges. The chefs judge each OTHER’S DISHES and votes them out of the show. The ego! The mind games! THE FOOD! I was engrossed in a way I haven’t been with reality shows for ages.

Snack vs Chef - chefs/food scientists compete against each other for money. The challenge?? They are given classic snacks and are asked to recreate them and then also recreate their own version of it. Pringles. Oreos. This was fucking brilliant and tasty.

Drink Masters - Basically a bunch of bartenders/mixologists are putting together the most delicious concoctions I’ve ever seen. I want to drink almost everything I saw, even when I thought it would probably be personally offensive, because damn. The presentation and ingredients were so beautiful and interesting. There was a whole challenge where they made like, alcoholic boba pearl things. Molecular Gastronomy!! It's a whole chemical thing! Fucking wild stuff. Crazy Delicious - This show is not... good, I don't think, but it is entertaining enough for me to turn off my anxiety brain for a half hour. It's your usual 3 contestants and a cooking challenge with certain ingredients. Except they've designed a set on a soundstage to look like a magical forest where contestants will go and 'forage' for their ingredients. There's random shots of parrots and fluffy bunnies chilling out in the forest, and a delightful host with gorgeous bright dresses and colorful eye shadow. The food judges on the show are cast as 'gods' so everyone is cooking to 'please the gods.' The gods are all dressed in white and bestowing judgment and advice. Some of the contestants are really, really terrible home cooks but some of have managed to make goodies worthy of the show's title. It's definitely ridiculous.

Fried, Fresh, and Crispy - not a competition, but a travel food show featuring Daym Drop touring all the fried foods in the US. Daym is amazing and I am losing my mind at every episode and all the fried delights he’s bringing to my screen. I want to eat all the non-seafood/crispies please. Daym has me howling because he's so much fun and a delight to watch.

Got any cooking/baking shows that you’ve enjoyed? I’m also going to probably get into all the glass blowing/metalsmithing and flower decorating shows on Netflix at this rate. Also probably the interior design shows, too.

#kuwdora watches #cooking and baking shows #rec me some delicious shows?#my posts #textpost #queuedora

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sshbpodcast · 2 years

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Shark Week: Imagining Starfleet Ships as Sharks!

By Ames

It’s Shark Week and I’m in a sharky mood, so here’s a special blogpost that has surfaced from the deep. I’m a big fan of the Discovery (no, not that one) Channel’s annual celebration of sharks because they’re really fascinating, respectable creatures who get a pretty bad rap sometimes. And ever since we saw the Excelsior in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, I’ve been comparing that thing to a sleek, zippy shark, so I’ve decided to combine these two passions and determine which Starfleet ship would be which kind of shark. That’s right: I’m going really niche with this one. Enjoy!

This comes just in time for A Star to Steer Her By’s next Blogtivity series taking a hard look at different starships across the franchise, which you can look forward to over the coming weeks. So stay out of the water and check out all the fishy choices I’ve made below and maybe learn some fun shark facts! You’re bound to make a splash!

USS Enterprise (Constitution class)

Oceanic Whitetip Shark These are sharks that boldly go! Jacques Cousteau dubbed Whitetip Sharks as the most dangerous of all sharks because of their aggression when feeding. They’ve got rounded, paddlelike fins that I can see reflected in the rounded, paddlelike nacelles of the OG Enterprise. They love to explore strange new worlds and their persistence would make them admirable captains!

USS Enterprise-A (Constitution class refit)

Blacktip Shark When the Enterprise gets a refit, she’s still the same old ship under that coat of paint and shiny new fins. Er, nacelles. Whatever. Generally considered dangerous because they frequently find themselves close to shore, Blacktip Sharks are the jackals of the sea and are as at home in coastal waters as they are in estuaries and rivers mouths and even the Mutara Nebula!

USS Excelsior (Excelsior class)

Thresher Shark These sharks are the main reason I started this blogpost, because whenever I see the long, graceful nacelles and sleek underbelly of the Excelsior, I do nothing but compare it to the absurdly long tail of the Thresher Shark. Let’s hear it for the biggest show offs of all sharks and Starfleet ships alike.

USS Enterprise-B (Excelsior class refit)

Bigeye Thresher Shark So the Enterprise-B is still a Thresher Shark like the Excelsior, but the derpier kind because of that bulge in the engineering section that was added for Generations. So to honor that addition, here’s some silly, bulgy eyes ruining a perfectly serviceable Thresher Shark.

USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy class)

Whale Shark Just. Big. That’s all you need to know about this gentle giant of the deep. It’s a huge, bloated fish that seems impractical most of the time. Want your incongruous starship to house hundreds of families yet also need to fly into a war? Here’s the Galaxy class. Want a massive shark that somehow feeds on plankton? Here’s the Whale Shark. Go figure.

USS Enterprise-C (Ambassador class)

Bull Shark This fish is thicc AF. The Bull Shark is built for eating like the Ambassador class starship is built for war. They’re responsible for lots of near-shore shark attacks, have the greatest bite force, and make more of a mess of their prey than Great Whites. I picture both the Enterprise-C and the Bull Shark as a flexed bicep: just a show of muscle.

USS Enterprise-E (Sovereign class)

Great White Shark We all love and fear the Great White: the largest and deadliest predatory shark in the world. Behind all that muscle and teeth, they’re still the third fastest shark on the planet. These are truly the decathletes of fishes, just like the Enterprise-E is the biggest kid on the block who single-handedly chomps up a Borg Cube like it’s nothing. Om nom.

USS Defiant (Defiant class)

Cookiecutter Shark Don’t be deceived by this little beasty. The Cookiecutter Shark has the largest teeth in proportion to its body size of any shark, and they sure use them! They fire up their little food processor mouths to rip bites out of critters much larger than themselves like a Tough Little Ship™ flying around Dominion space. They also have their own cloaking device, with the strongest bioluminescence seen in a shark.

USS Voyager (Intrepid class)

Blue Shark These sleek, attractive sharks with their big eyes, beautiful color, and pointy snouts reminded me of the cute, flappy Voyager, but there’s more! Blue Sharks stay far from shore, following currents in the deep ocean and migrating vast distances over their lives. Hopefully, they stay out of the Delta Quadrant, although something tells me a good captain could migrate them home again.

Enterprise NX-01 (NX class)

Mako Shark Okay, I couldn’t help the pun that Enterprise’s MACO organization already made canon, but these sharks are also pretty kickass. Hang on tight because these are the fastest sharks in the world, careening around at upwards of 50 miles per hour, and can jump the highest at about 30 feet above the water. What better way to honor the fastest starship of its day?

USS Enterprise (Kelvinverse) (Enterprise type)

Sand Tiger Shark These sharks are all bark and – well – I guess some bite too (they are sharks after all), but not as much as you’d think by looking at these generally passive aquarium denizens. Those ragged, snaggly teeth are as much for show as the Kelvin universe’s unnecessarily flashy redesign of the Enterprise. Is it eye-catching? You’d better believe it. Is it necessary? Not really.

USS Discovery (Crossfield class)

Epaulette Shark Like the Discovery, the Epaulette Shark has a nifty locomotion trick up its well adorned sleeves! When the tide goes out, they can crawl around using their fins to effectively walk over corals to get back in the water where they can breathe! It’s the spore drive of the shark world! This is a shark that can go to Black Alert.

La Sirena (Kaplan F17 class)

Wobbegong Shark These beautifully patterned bottom-dwellers have quite magnificent beards, like a certain La Sirena captain I could mention. But don’t let their diminutive size and cuddly appearance fool you! These camouflaged sharks pack a punch and are known to attack “with incredible ferocity if harassed.”

USS Protostar (Protostar type)

Silky Shark This is just a really pretty shark! Look how streamlined and sleek it is. All I’m really here to tell you is that this fish is a supermodel. It’s active, fast, and aggressive and almost too perfect to be true, like a certain really lovely CGI-rendered starship that we’ve been drooling over since Prodigy came out.

USS Cerritos (California class)

Lemon Shark Perhaps the Lower Decks writing team can make a better joke, but the Cerritos is notoriously a lemon. It’s always getting the short end of the stick, it’s not kitted out with all the latest accessories, it’s just a stubbed toe away from being entirely adrift in space. Just a lemon of a ship. Nothing against the Lemon Shark, which is lovely.

SS Botany Bay (DY-100 class)

Greenland Shark Wanna go into cryosleep? The Greenland Shark has some tips that even a genetically augmented crew could use. They are notoriously long-lived sharks (the oldest is estimated at about 400 years young!) who like it really chilly! We know revenge is a dish best served cold, and it’s very cold… in space.

USS Grissom (Oberth class)

Brown Shyshark When I read that these little cutiepies curl up with their tails over their eyes when they’re frightened, I thought of the Oberth class right away. These critters are just adorable little muffins who surf around being a nuisance to fishers yet have next to no defenses. You get ‘em, Shyshark. Or don’t, because it’s scary and you’re just a tiny thing.

USS Reliant (Miranda class)

Scalloped Hammerhead Shark Instantly recognizable, you’ll see the Hammerhead Shark pretty much all over the place because they’re so versatile. Like a good Miranda class ship, they come equipped with the most advanced senses of any shark thanks to their distinct heads. Scalloped Hammerheads have even been seen living in an active volcano, kind of like certain Genesis Devices I am forbidden to share information about.

USS Sutherland (Nebula class)

Great Hammerhead Shark Speaking of excellent sensory capabilities, the Great Hammerhead is known for detecting rays and fish who’ve buried themselves in the sand on the seafloor and pinning them to the surface with their big hammery heads. Reminds me of the Sutherland detecting cloaked Romulan ships using their tachyon signatures.

USS Pasteur (Olympic class)

Nurse Shark A little obvious for a medical starship, but the Nurse Shark is also fitting because it’s typically sluggish and docile. If you’re going to see any big sharks in captivity in an aquarium, it’s probably going to be some Nurse Sharks looking like they probably have Dr. Crusher’s chill bedside manner. Paging Dr. Shark.

USS Rio Grande (Danube class)

Ganges Shark This critically endangered shark can only be found in rivers in India, making it a true freshwater shark unlike other sharks that need to retreat to salty waters. What better shark for the runabouts, which are all named after Earth rivers and can travel into places that larger ships can’t go?

Phoenix

Frilled Shark These eel-lookin’ sharks are absolutely ancient. Evolutionarily, they remain mostly unchanged since the Jurassic Period and their morphology is primitive at best but they do the trick. Just like Zephram Cochrane and the Phoenix did. Whether in the early seas or past the warp barrier, don’t fix what’s not broken.

USS Equinox (Nova class)

Horn Shark The Horn Shark is just too cute for words! Look how little and floppy and happy it is, with its little bell-shaped head and funny sucker mouth. It’s like the teeny tiny Nova class starship in that it’s just so wee with such a distinct notchy face that’s simply endearing to look at.

USS Prometheus (Prometheus class)

Spinner Shark While the Prometheus can come apart into sections as its trick, Spinner Sharks have moves of their own! They’re known for leaping clear out of the water while spinning around through schools of fish to nab some prey. Talk about an impressive saucer separation!

USS Relativity (Wells class)

Zebra Shark A very mysterious shark, adult Zebra Sharks don’t actually have stripes but lots of flashy polka dots all over! Their name comes from the zebra-like stripes they have as baby sharks (doot doot…) that fade in time. Speaking of flashily designed things with a harness on time, check out the pearlescent Relativity while you’re in the right century!

USS Kelvin (Kelvin type)

Blacktip Reef Shark I’d be remiss if I didn’t include the Blacktip Reef Shark somewhere in this list because it’s one of my favorite sharks! They’re very skittish but inquisitive, like a certain curious starship that just had to go investigate a black[tip] hole. The sharks also specifically prefer very shallow waters so you’ll see their distinct dorsal fins zipping over the surface, which struck me as akin to that funny top nacelle of the Kelvin.

USS Enterprise-J (Universe class)

Angel Shark Flat. Just a weird pancake fish for a weird pancake ship. Who designed this thing? Angel Sharks are in a class all by themselves and they should stay there where they can pretend to be rays but not actually be rays. Like the Enterprise-J can pretend to be a starship while actually being a pizza cutter.

USS Vengeance (Dreadnought class)

Megalodon If you thought the Enterprise-D was unnecessarily huge, get a load of this thing. For just the sheer size and terror of it all, this shark is the perfect embodiment of an evil ship born straight out of hell. And sure, we can only guess based on teeth fossils that Megalodon was probably an absolutely immense 60 feet long, but have you seen these things? Yikes!

USS Shenzhou (Walker class)

Leopard Shark Leopard Sharks are pretty chill sharks with very striking patterns that make them quickly recognizable, much like the patterning on the saucer of the Shenzhou. Sure, neither of them get to do very much, but they’re really nice to look at!

USS Nightingale (Wallenberg class)

Sawshark A toolbox of a fish, the Sawshark is the carpenter of the seas and actually uses its buzzsaw head for cutting and slicing. We see a similar shape in the little tug boats in season 1 of Picard that are used to transport Romulan refugees. Just a very utilitarian little ship like a multitool in space!

USS Zheng He (Inquiry class)

Salmon Shark Riker calls the Inquiry class “the toughest, fastest, most powerful ship Starfleet ever put into service” and we spend most of Picard waiting for him to put his money where his mouth is. Definitely don’t put anything where the Salmon Shark’s mouth is. It’s the second fastest shark after the Mako and it hunts in packs like wolves. Or like the fleet we see in “Et in Arcadia Ego.” Definitely a top-of-the-line ship, I mean fish. (I mean ship.)

USS Titan (Luna class)

Tiger Shark Luna class is one of the finest in the fleet and one of the most popular postings we see in Lower Decks. Clearly a Tiger Shark, one of the most popular sharks. This very epitomic shark has the widest range of prey, is second only to Great White in fatal attacks to humans, and “may nonchalantly take a bite while remaining cool and casual.” Sounds pretty Riker-like to me!

USS Curry (Curry class)

Goblin Shark We don’t know much about the deep sea–dwelling Goblin Shark except that it is sluggish, flabby, and strange-looking. That deep in the ocean, you don’t need looks because no one can see you anyway, so this ugly fish with its extendo-face just looks like the off-balance underbite of the Curry. No one here’s winning a beauty contest, that’s for sure.

USS Thunderchild (Akira class)

Megamouth Shark We never get really good looks at the Akira class ship, and I’m not missing it. The huge, downsloping saucer section just looks like the massive maw of the Megamouth Shark, a filter feeder that survives by shoving its huge face into pockets of plankton like a derpy ship barreling mouth-first around through space.

USS Firebrand (Freedom class)

Basking Shark I needed to include the most ridiculous starship in the fleet and assign it the most ridiculous, bulbous-headed, top-heavy, filter-feeding shark on the planet. The Freedom class is just too ludicrous for words, scooting around on just one nacelle with an enormous saucer, so here’s an enormous, gaping mouth to go with it. Tada!

—

Keep following along here for more starship discussion in the coming weeks as we plunge into season four of Voyager on the podcast! You can catch up on those episodes over on SoundCloud or wherever you're picking up podcasts through sensory vibrations. A group of sharks is called a shiver, and you can join our shiver over on Facebook and Twitter. Pretty soon, we’re gonna need a bigger boat, er, starship!

—

[Learn more about the sharks at https://www.sharks.org/species, where I pulled all the above illustrations by Marc Dando (except the Thresher Shark which is from Fisheries.NOAA.GOV, and the Ganges Shark, Megalodon, and most other shark images which are all from Wikimedia Commons. Ship images are mostly from Ex Astris Scientia.]

#shark week #sharks #star trek #star trek podcast #podcast #starfleet ships #the original series #the next generation #deep space nine #voyager #enterprise #kelvin movies #discovery #picard #lower decks #prodigy #great white shark #jaws

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lex-munro · 2 years

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[Suicide Squad Scrap] Princess pt. 14

self-indulgent batjokes-flavored SS/BvS/JL, snippet #14.

references to past Constantine/King Shark (lol).

the piece as a whole is rated Mature for pervasive language, varying degrees of violence, use of controlled substances, sexual references, questionable ethics, and themes of mental illness. set from Flag’s POV, with references to Birds of Prey, but not compliant with The Suicide Squad.

***

Savant keeps his eyes on Joker for the whole flight.

For his part, Joker has been drawing on himself with an eyeliner marker. Flag recognizes some magic runes in the scribbles.

“Constantine teach you that?” Flag asks.

Joker smirks. “Ah, John… It’s not what you’re thinking, you know.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I’ve known my darling all my life, remember? I only met John eight years ago, buying a lot of booze at my club. Just broke up with his boyfriend. Got the whole sad story, plus a parade of other sad exes the more wasted he got. I was intrigued—have you seen King Shark?”

Flag grimaces. “Yup.”

“You know he eats people whole, right? Just…om-nom-nom, like the fuckin’ Cookie Monster.”

“Yup.”

“So yeah, I was fucking fascinated. What kinda guy sees that and thinks, ‘I wanna get wrecked by that dick’? Or is it ‘dicks’? Sharks have two, right?”

“Oh my God, Jay…”

Joker shrugs. “Apparently the guy’s as dumb as a really heavy brick but weirdly sweet. Anyway, John couldn’t pay his tab after that sob-fest, so I was gonna get me an ear, or maybe some teeth, and he tells me he knows magic. Ha-fucking-ha, magic, sure. He makes fire by snapping his fingers. Yeah, whatever, I can do that too, with the right chemicals. He draws on the table with fire, and out pops an imp. Y’know, teeny little demon from hell?”

“What the fuck?” says Savant.

“Right? Sitting there on a table in my club! And then the little fucker steals my drink. ‘See?’ says John. ‘I can pay in spells!’ So I say to him, ‘You can walk outta here in one piece right this second if you can give me a way to write just one message in the clouds that lasts for thirty minutes.’”

“What’d you write to the Bat?” Flag asks (while Savant says, “Bullshit!”).

A shrug rolls its way across Joker’s shoulders. “‘Our special place, 8pm,’ and then I signed it with a J in a heart. May or may not have encouraged John to run up more tabs for more little tricks. Nothing major—don’t need demon invasions or portals to hell cramping my style. But it made it pretty easy to set up dates.”

“Waller was pretty adamant I take you along. Thoughts?”

Joker puts the eyeliner away. “Maybe she just wants Daddy to visit again?”

“Why would she want that? She can’t stand him.”

“Well, then maybe I’m just Satan’s special girl.”

The pilot gets on comms to tell Flag they’re almost there.

~“And, uh…I dunno if you’re one for scenery, but this place takes the taco.”~

Frowning, Flag gets up and looks through the front porthole into the cabin. “Oh, you gotta be kiddin’ me.”

It’s a volcanic island. If this Shin guy has a shark tank in his lab, or a white cat, or an absurdly-named henchman, Flag will resign on the spot.

~“Man, shoulda listened when my pops said to go civilian. Nobody said shit about James Bond villains when I took this transfer.”~

“I hear ya, man.”

They land and get escorted inside by a little robot that reminds Flag of a shrunk-down Gonk Droid (according to Junie, the unsung heroes of the Star Wars universe). In an obvious lab area, a guy in a labcoat is poking around at some kind of flying (or swimming?) drone under a magnifier. Twenty feet off, their target is carefully performing a set of physical therapy exercises.

The labcoat looks at them and scurries over. “Oh!” he says. “The—the ones from Ms. Walder—”

“Waller,” Flag corrects him.

“Waller? Waller. Right. From ARGUS. Um. Sh-she didn’t say much about the nature of—”

“We’re here to see Mr. Kane.”

Kane settles into a chair and towels the sweat off his brow and neck. “What for?”

“Job offer,” says Flag. He’s distantly aware of Joker poking around in his usual catlike fashion. “ARGUS is interested in being able to combat potential oceanic threats to the United States. You have experience, knowledge, and technology that we find extremely desireable to that end.”

“Well, for a contractor like me, governments do pay best, when they finally pay. I hear ARGUS is a pretty ruthless outfit—no-holds-barred, get-shit-done, hide-the-dirty-laundry kind of thing.”

“Typically, yes. High risk, high reward.” Something clatters behind him, and he turns to see Joker on the table, crouching to watch Shin work. “And we keep tabs on folks with meta-human abilities, like that unhinged surfer guy calling himself the King of Atlantis.”

That gets Kane’s attention. “Curry?”

“We have a vested interest in being able to knock him cold—or potentially dead—should he become a threat. Sounds like your wheelhouse.”

“Ooh, they use magic!” Joker announces.

Kane gets up. “Hey, don’t touch that!”

Joker grins. “I’m shaking in my boots,” he says as he defiantly pokes the drone with one finger.

“I am an inch away from—”

“From getting a bullet in your knee, if you don’t mind your manners,” Joker says cheerfully. “I recognize some of these runes. Water is the biggie. So these guys from Atlantis use magic that at least a few landlubbers could understand and replicate. Good news for ARGUS.”

“Man, who the hell are you?”

Joker jumps off the table and takes a little bow. “The Joker.”

Flag watches the immediate change in Kane’s tone with deep amusement.

“The Bat’s little boytoy,” Kane says warily. “I hear you know everyone and everything that goes through Gotham or Blüdhaven.”

“You hear right. And who the hell are *you*?”

“Name’s David Kane. I’m not looking to make any enemies, here.”

“Great news! Mmmmizz Waller is looking to make *friends* with you. Between you ‘n me, she needs all the friends she can get, ‘cause she’s kind of a dick.”

Flag holds out the tablet with the contract Waller greenlit. “You’d be monetarily compensated for any missions you choose to complete with us, as well as for any technology we examine. You get all your gear back intact after thorough examination. Interested?”

Kane gestures to the scientist. “Dr. Shin understands it a little more thoroughly than I do, at this point. He’s had time to dismantle and repair while I recuperate.”

“And the offer extends to him, as well.”

“Do iiiiiit,” Joker urges. “It’s so much fun. Travel the world, steal shit, shoot people, get called a hero. Non-stop laugh-riot.”

After a tense moment, Kane takes the tablet and starts reading. He nods, he signs, he hands it back.

“Doctor?” Flag asks, offering the tablet.

Shin looks from the Atlantean tech to Joker to Kane. “Well,” he says, setting his tools aside. “I really couldn’t commit to anything—I’m sponsored now, you see, and in order to keep this amazing facility, I have certain obligations to fulfill. I mean, I—I didn’t sign a non-compete or anything, but…well, I wouldn’t want to risk making my sponsor angry when it was so hard to get any serious attention on my work in the first place.”

Flag nods. “Fair enough. Mr. Kane, we’ll be in touch. Let’s go, gentlemen.”

~*~*~

This time, Flag tries to show up early.

It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference; they’ve already drugged Joker when he arrives.

Slouched on his cot, looking half-dead, half-hungover. Glassy-eyed with sweat making his hair stick to his temples.

The Bat’s gloves creak audibly when he walks past Flag.

The gates open and close with stark, echoing sounds. A startled heron flaps awkwardly overhead.

“You can’t keep coming,” Joker says listlessly. “Who’ll save Gotham?”

“Who’ll save you if I don’t come?” Batman counters.

“I’m making you weaker. I’m not supposed to make you weaker.”

“Don’t say that, Jay.”

“You shouldn’t be coming here. It’s my fault. Take me back to Arkham instead.”

“I thought you were having fun. They let you be bad. There’s Killer Croc, and Deadshot, and Flag…”

“They’re not you. I miss you. And you look worse every time you come. And it’s my fault.”

Batman gestures sharply. “Stop saying that.”

Joker smacks his fists against his cot and screams his frustration at the floor. Then he starts to cry. And then he starts to laugh. He says something too quiet for Flag to hear.

“I know,” Batman says softly.

Another muted whisper, longer this time.

“That’s why I can’t just leave you here. But I can’t get you out, either. Not yet. There’s something wrong at Arkham that makes what Waller’s doing to you look like a damn picnic. It won’t be safe for you there. I have to leave you here, where Flag and the others can help watch your back, but it’s not forever. I’m not—I’m not abandoning you, Jay.”

“Promise you’ll be careful. You’re not getting any younger.”

“That hurts my feelings.”

“Promise!”

“I promise. I’ll even ask for help.”

They lean together, and it’s not really a hug, but it feels twice as intimate. It’s the kind of thing two people get used to when there’s glass or chain-link between them.

NO PHYSICAL CONTACT WHILE CONSCIOUS

Flag feels like an intruder.

When Batman leaves the cage, he stops right beside Flag. “You need to find a way to keep an eye on him when you’re not here. I can’t get here fast enough to make a difference when he needs help.”

Flag nods. “Look, uh…I’m sorry I didn’t trust you at first. It just kept flashing through my mind—every headline, every video clip where you beat the shit outta somebody, and all the times it was him.”

“He gives as good as he gets. I’ve got six major scars caused by him, and three of his tattoos commemorate devastating attacks on my family.”

“I just didn’t think you’d…” Flag trails off. “His file talks a lot about narcissistic delusive fits, and obsessive tendencies, and a certain overriding fixation. I guess I just thought he was imagining that you care. But you do. So.”

Batman gives him a long, weary look.

Oh.

“Oh, shit,” Flag says aloud, but stops himself from saying anything else.

It’s not just heroic compassion or whatever; it’s love, and it’s mutual.

Batman just nods. “Oh, shit,” he agrees. “I know you know what it’s like.”

He thinks of Enchantress and Junie, stuck with each other in the same body, one of them dangerous and borderline-evil, the other sweet as peach tea. He thinks of Joker crouched with the little girl chained up next to the bomb, covered in blood but showing a soft half-smile of reassurance. “I do know what it’s like.”

“There’s a new director at Arkham. Hugo Strange. He’s decided to call himself a ‘warden,’ like it’s a damn prison. Within the first week, the number of lobotomized patients went from two to twenty-seven with no consent forms signed, no next-of-kin to notify. Vulnerable people shuffled away into the fog. When I think of them doing that to him, snuffing out all that fire and parading a dead-eyed vegetable as some kind of success story…”

Shit. Seeing the guy on downers must be like a nightmare come true.

“That’s not gonna happen,” Flag says firmly. “I’d bust him out myself before I let a member of my team suffer something like that. When I say I’m gonna keep a real eye on him now, I mean it. He’s not some lab rat, and whatever Waller’s doing is fucking him up.”

“Thanks. The League…they’re not very sympathetic. I’m used to working alone, but this is too much, and it makes a nice change, getting help from an unexpected corner.”

“Unexpected, huh?”

“I didn’t exactly believe you gave a damn about him, either.”

“That’s fair. We are called ‘the Suicide Squad.’”

Batman takes a long breath. “You have his phone from his confiscated effects?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna send you the footage Waller sent me last night.”

.End.

#fanfic #scraps #Suicide Squad #CANON DIVERGENCE #universe alteration #fic series: princess

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hirazuki · 1 year

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I AM LATE BUT BACK, sorry work ate my life |D but yes! camelot movies are a bit different; mostly in order of events and dialogue and how certain events happen, not the big stuff, but some stuff is shuffled around and altered for time purposes. i'm pretty sure they also added mordred vs sanzang in the second one, that wasn't in the game. but it's still good! it's very very good, it's just a bit edited down etc because they crammed a whole chapter into 2 ovas rather than a whole 24 ep anime.

the extra anime does sound fun! i absolutely fucking adore Robin and Drake, so om nom nom more content for them is always wonderful, and i like nero's route in the game best so i'm glad it's her starring-- i should definitely check it out at some point once i finish apocrypha.

(i...am very early on into apocrypha. i need to finish that. i love everyone in it, they're all delightful. especially astolfo and achilles, though honorary mentions for karna and vlad.)

kojiro BALLS honestly he's really cool and i hope he gets more stuff in future events, we do get a 'gudaguda' historical japan event every year and i think they finally ran out of sengoku shenanigans, so maybe he'll get to star in a future one? here's hoping he deserves it (or maybe he'll be in that new koei tecmo game, since musashi is in it!)

you have excellent taste tbh, everyone on that list is amazing, and i stan shishigou SO HARD you have no idea he's So Cool. waver too, i love him as small and dorky but also older and...still dorky. but hotter. Gil, Cu, Emiya, Robin, Merlin, and Dantes are some of my favs but honestly i can't name a servant i HATE 100% (okay yes i can, but that's just one of them XD)

No worries!! UGH I hate when that happens, I wish work was just. not a thing XD

Oh, yeah, that makes sense, with Babylonia they did a full anime season; I wish they had done the same for this, but I'll take what I can get! I don't really have the time/interest to explore the game chapter for myself, but I wonder if I could maybe find a let's play or something to watch, I'd be interested in seeing the content in full.

Haha, Apocrypha is also very differently structured in terms of Holy Grail War dynamics (14 servants on the field....... it's so many....) but I really, really liked it. Lots of pain, of course, but it's so well written and executed. Enjoy!! Astolfo is a gem <3 (Achilles I'm not a fan of, but I've never liked him in any form/media and idk why; I like to pretend we don't share heritage XD BUT that's just my personal taste and, as a Greek, the Apocrypha team did an absolutely excellent job with his portrayal! I honestly have zero complaints about how they've handled any of my culture's mythological/historical figures, they consistently produce some of the most intuitive and nuanced interpretations I've ever seen).

It's just my curse, always falling for the side characters with the least amount of screen time lmao. I hope so!! Fingers crossed! (though Musashi favoritism kind of abounds in sword/historical circles, so it that might not mean anything -- but I'll be very pleasantly surprised if he does turn out to be in it!!).

Lmao THANK YOU! You have excellent taste too, Gil is one of the best boys and Cu is amazing as well <3 Shishigou is just so badass (and a necromancer, so instant bonus points for me) and his attitude is so relatable, he'd be my number one pick for a Fate mentor figure, you know? YES I love both young Waver and older Waver, and can I say how much I adore that he's so completely and utterly out of shape? Wheezing when he runs? I love that about him XD

I haven't spent too much time with Robin and Dantes so I can't really say anything worthwhile other than they are awesome and I love their designs, but MERLIN is also a top choice, 10/10, he's absolutely irritating but also a delight and his relationship with Fou is one of the best things ever.

Same! There are definitely characters that I don't like, as in, they don't vibe with me, but no one who I dislike as a character in terms of their role/purpose in the story, everyone is extremely well written.

#what i really want from fate at the moment is more el-melloi case files tbh #like. Fate universe + victorian mystery aesthetic??? yes please #XD

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