#omg im going to go back in her blog and read convos

[hyunjinspark]

ahh i havent sent anything in a while but i just wanted to let you know that im very much present on your blog and reading every single ask you answer !! i also read the last star lost update and in all honesty among all the aus and books ive read in my life (and ive read a lot) this is my absolute favourite!!

i’ll try to comment on the chapter a bit more detailed once my semester is over and im on a break but !! as always the way you write hyunjin and yn is amazing 🥺 actually while im at it lemme comment on the chapter as a whole lmao

despite the whole situation and general (hyunjin and hana, hyunjin and yn, felix and yn etc etc) i just wanted to say that the whole friendship dynamic is really cute and fun to read 🥺 i love it a lot (despite the whole hana situation) also hyunjin and yn are just sooo cute together and i love their convos a lot but i feel so bad for felix 😭 (also him interrupting every time theres a ‘moment’ 👀 pretty sure hes doing that for his own sake hehe) guess we’ll have to see how that plays out… but also excited for more yn and felix interaction especially on his bday party but also the whole chocolate making thing…

also yeonjun 😳 you mentioned he’d appear in the au but i didnt expect it so soon (and the convo him hyune and yn had was very insightful to say the least; poor yeonjun, hes such a nice guy 🥺) omg im really excited for when yn and hana actually get to have a real talk about the whole situation especially after her and hyunjin called things off for now (which im not too excited about even though i wanted it to happen, but i cant help but feel like this is just the calm before the storm (and its not like hyune and yn will just suddenly be able to date each other 😭))

hmm what else… if i could i would comment on every single dialogue but i have to get back to studying 😭 but also yn sleeping on hyune in the train reminded me of only fools 😭 and all the tiny things like the streusel bread shjdjdjd youre such a great writer 🥺 and just the whole scene at the end was just adorable i love star lost so much 🥺 but as previously mentioned, i cant help but think of this as the calm before the storm but that depends on your plans for the future chapters 😵‍💫

on another note! im so excited for the book you have coming out soon because you’re genuinely my favourite writer ever 😭 ive never felt so enthralled by anyones writing like this before so im looking forward to it a lot 🥺 please take care of yourself (i remember seeing you say that you were sick a few days ago) and don’t remember to take breaks eat well and stay hydrated!! hope you have a great weekend and following week as well 🫶

ah also! im curious about you as a person as well so i wanted to know if you have any hobbies? i think your work has something to do with digital arts (sorry if i got that wrong) but hows that like? (if its not too personal) and are there any tv shows movies youve watched recently? (sorry i have this habit of wanting to know a lot about people haha..you can just ignore questions if they make you uncomfy) also last but not least, i love the star lost playlist you made 🥺 i always listen to it while reading the chapters 🫶

-🦥

hi cutie ! im sorry for the delay in getting around to this ask about part 7. first of all, whaaat ?? of all the books youve read ? you will make me cry 😭 i hope your semester is going well <33

im glad you love their friendship dynamic, i love writing all the little relationships and connections to each other. it was my favorite thing to do in only fools. hyunjin and yns convos are so so so cute indeed 😭 they make me smile crazily.

you’re absolutely right about it being the calm before the storm haha ! things will not be that easy for hyun and yn even after they ended with hana. i guess you would have seen that in part 8 itself.

this whole message is so sweet and so full of love. thank you so much, don’t worry im not sick anymore and im taking care of myself, you’re so kind.

the fact that you’re curious about me makes me giggle haha😭 i am really really into pop culture, half of my personality is that haha. i do work with digital arts and designing packaging and brands 🫶🏻 it’s not too personal, don’t worry ! it’s really good actually, i love the arts and anything to do with the creative process so ive pretty much always wanted to do this! and for recent movies and shows, umm i have to think about that cause i watch a lot of random stuff when i get the time haha. but i can tell you my favorite movies ! it would probably be: arrival, interstellar, scott pilgrim vs the world, black swan…warm bodies, everyday, the day after tomorrow, and i can’t think of more but there are tons lmao 🎬 im so glad you like my playlist, im surprised people heard it 😭😭🥺🥺

#star lost with you

[hikari-writes]

❅A Love Letter I Have to My Lovely and Beloved Friends❅

(I just know that 30 july was a national friendship day and today is like 31 july already at where I am but,,, just pretend that this is also for National Friendship Day 🤡🔫)

As you all know, it's been confirmed that I'll be going on a hiatus two days from now that I really don't know how long it will go on. So, with that in mind, I wished to leave this message to all the wonderful friends I've made while I was active here on Tumblr during quarantine.

I've started this writing blog a few months ago, to be precise, on May where life in quarantine was starting to become a norm. In the few months until now, I did my best to start writing and drawing more using all the free times that I have.

I wouldn't have expected this blog to grow so much in such a short time. To me, it was really mind blowing, seeing that there's a lot of other great content creators here on Tumblr. Yet, the 300+ people who stumbled upon my blog still decided to follow me.

I was really happy to have made many contents that I'm actually proud of posting. And I still can't believe there are people out there who love them. Seeing every one of your comments and reblogs and likes really, really, squeezed my heart and I couldn't be more thankful for your support.

And during these fun times, I was able to make friends with many amazing, talented, fantastic and all the good words I could find in the dictionary people on here. You all are a real gift to me and I hold you guys close to my heart.

I still can't believe I was able to befriend you guys though, like, y'all are so amazing and I was just here like squeaking my name to you like a shy mice lmao. =///= Anyways, thank you for all the good and fun times. Thank you for being with me and helping me with lots of things. Just, thank you for everything. (I'm writing this at 1am like it's sad hours yall I'm crying :')))

If you are ever feeling down, do not ever forget that, even if it's only me, I'll support you to the end of the world because you're just so amazing and fantastic. I love you and never let any hate that's thrown at you let you down because they aren't worth your time.

The people I'll be mentioning below are my dear friends or just people that I have been interacting with during the times I was online, little or not, I still consider you guys to be my friends (very self-proclaimed here sorry)and I'm still honoured by that fact.

@your-local-bnha-writer -Bean, you and your posts are always so wholesome and cute and I love them. Keep being amazing, and we may not interact much, but I still appreciate every little convos we had. Also, wish you luck on tpn, that shit hurted :')

@identifybby -Liaaaa, omg im so v v grateful we became friends. You've helped me with a tons of things and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to me. You're just so amazing and thank you for always putting up with me, i love you sm.

@minteasketches -Mintea! You're such an amazing artist and I rlly enjoyed our conversations! You might not see this since you're off socmed but just wanna let u know that thank u for being my friends.

@yandere-of-your-dreams -Heyyy sis,, you're always such a sweet bean to me and showering me w love and i appreciate them, stay amazing and I'm sure you'll become an amazing writer.

@shotobabe -Ren, wifey, ilysm thank u for always being with me. You're such an awesome person and keep on being yourself. You're perfect and talented, don't let others tell you otherwise. AND while I'm gone, don't forget to drink lots of water okay? I won't be able to remind you while I'm on a hiatus, but please always remember to drink water. That'd be the first thing I'll ask you once I'm able to be online. And please try to eat more okay bb? I love u.

@takumipineapplexd -Taku! Amazing writer and amazing editor, yes I'm talking about you. You're amazing and keep on making cursed content and being crackhead, i love them.

@bnhabadass -We might not talk much, but I just want to let you know that you're so amazing and I look up to u v much. Literally had a heart attack when u commented on angel wings lmao.

@tomomoni -Mon, love, soft bean, I LOVE U. You've always been so wholesome and cute to every one of your followers and seeing ur interactions literally heals my heart. Your art is amazing so continue being amazing ilysm thank u for being an amazing advisor and listener, I'm v grateful for that. You have no idea how blessed I am to have you as a friend. Meeting you through turn on your airdrop's fanart was F A T E.

@kamabukokompachiro -First time u asked my permission to read my fanfic, I legit teared up. Thank u sm for asking, I couldn't be happier to know that my fic is worthy to be read over for a yt channel. Keep on being amazing and ily.

@kaminii -Kamiiiii, sweet child, you're always so matured and calm and I really adore and respect that part of you (unlike me im v childish and rash) You're an amazing writer and editor and ur aesthetic? 100/10. Love it. You're so talented despite being so young and I'm just, WOW. Ily and thank u for being friends w me. And please fix your sleeping schedule bb. It's rlly not good for your health, like please? Ily.

@katsucutie -I love you and your writing so v much, and I rlly enjoyed talking to you, discussing about Burn Book was rlly fun. I might not be able to know the ending since im gonna go on a hiatus but I'll be sure to catch up to it once im back. Keep being amazing and awesome.

@isolshi -CHERIE, I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING. Don't be so insecure about your writing. They're amazing. And you're also one of the sweetest and cute person I've met here. I always love teasing you cause your reaction is always so funny and cute. Keep being awesome. And please, please, please get enough sleep and drink LOTS of water. I legit would cry if you don't drink more water cher.

@mirakeul -BIANCAAAAA LOVE YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SWEET LiKE--- please, I love talking to you and thank you so much for always reminding me to eat. Your calligraphy and handwriting are awesome, shshh i don't take criticism. Never stop writing, I love them. And please never forget I love you and you're my best friend okay?

@roxybefab -You've always been the first to ask me to be on my taglist and I'm so v happy because of that. Thank you for everything, and keep on being awesome. You can do this, ily.

@princessofdawn718 -Talking to you about Hamefura has been so fun! I haven't talked w many ppl about isekai so im rlly glad I could talk about them w you. Katarina x nicol ftw! Thanks for talking to me, it was such a pleasure rlly.

@softkodzuken -Maam your writing is A M A Z I N G. I love anon sm and you're rlly so sweet for always replying to every single comment on them. Don't be so insecure about them, they're amazing and i will always stand by that point. Wishing you the best of luck for Undercover!

@lolitsleia -Your art is *chef's kiss* i love them so much, I still can't believe you hadn't had more recognition like why?? Ur oc alex is the cutest thing ever and i love her. Thank you again for drawing Yuki. She looked really beautiful and cute in your drawing.

@samanthaa-leanne -We may not talk much, but when you first followed me back, my heart goes B O O M. You're so amazing and keep being like that. And uh,, good luck with Violet Evergarden if you ever plan to watch it. Prepare a couple of tissue boxes....or dozens.

@miyumtwins -Fellow android users! I first saw you through Bean's post about a tag game and i was like *gasp* another androiders..! I swear that one time i was interacting w you, I didn't actually meant to go off anon,, yes im dumb lmao. Anyways, you're rlly amazing and I'm rlly honoured to be followed by you.

@kawasuno -Your smau? 100/10. Your sense of humour 100/10. They're just so perfect *chef's kiss* I love every one of your updates and they always managed to put a smile on my face, i was like, how did you do that? My sense of humour is nonexistant, teach me your ways sensei. But anyways, you're rlly amazing and awesome. Keep up w that.

@kukusbabe -Tsu, I've never said this, but it's you. It's always been you all along. What i mean is, I've followed you first (i knew u through zara's flopping server yeah!) And when i looked at my dash and saw all your interactions w your moots, despite me haven't legally started haikyuu yet, i decided to follow all of them, soooo if it's not for you, we may not have met each other. Everyone in the kita family, Tsu is the MVP here muah. Also your aesthethic and writing and everything is so kajsjhendnd amazing i LOvE---

@iwaixiumi -King Nami, you're so awesome and amazing,, and I'm really glad to be able to interact w you. All those songs you recommend? Yeah, I'm going to listen and love all of them, thank u so much for the recs. Keep being amazing and to everyone reading this, PLEASE INTERACT WITH KING NAMI MORE SHE DOESN'T BITE---

@shoutodoki -Hello, you're so amazing and talented and im just,,, kekkdjfjdj when you followed me--- and when u figured out i was the anon talking about oboro i was OAKSJEJDDJ please, i was so honoured u know, like ???? Anyways, keep on writing what you love and your art maam? THEY'RE AMAZING LIKE BOTH YOUR ART AND WRITING IS SO KAJSJDJDN pliS im so v honoured to be able to talk to you.

@lisarillia -Please excuse me while I go shout in the corner of how much i LOVE your arts. They're amazing and being able to talk to you was a real pleasure. Keep on doing what you love. They'll be amazing no matter what i swear.

@cutiedrawsbnha -Cutie, honey, you're amazing and your art is so cute! Don't let what haters said get to you. You're going to grow into an amazing artist. If you give in and listen to what they said, you're going to end up like what they said so ignore them honey! I believe in you so keep shipping izuocha, todomomo, and kamijirou and making arts. Lotsa love!

@lilikags -Heeyyyy you sweet cute innocent bean! Don't ever stop writing what you love, you'll grow into a big blog soon enough, before you know it. Just keep making what you love, and as time pass by, I'm sure there will be many people who will find appreciate everything you do. I'm always supporting you.

@baeshijima -SOPHHHHH YOU SWEET CUTE CINNAMON ROLL WAKATOSHI'S WIFE EYE--- You have NO idea how much i love you,, you're so sweet and I honestly don't know what did i do to deserve you. Srsly you're a blessing to me. Thank you for the sweet daily reminder in my inbox, i love each and every one of them. Keep being so cute and wholesome, love you.

@shinsuque -ANAAAAA Thanks again for the Bakugou's memes! I may not be able to do it before i go on a hiatus though *sobbing* Keep being so awesome! I love seeing all your interactions and you're so amazing i honestly don't know why you followed me----

@semiluvr -LYDIA *SOBBING* THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME TO THE KITA FAMILY. Even though we've known each other in less than a week, it already felt like I had known you guys for so long like whotttt. Keep being an amazing and sweet person ily muah

@dumbass-lev -MOMMY, MUI, ILY THANK U FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET YOU'RE AMAZING,,, u have no idea how happy (and also flustered) I am when i saw you asking you want to adopt me like,,, whot I've never been asked to be adopted online b4 so you asking that was a big surprise to me and just,,, remember that i love you and you're an amazing mommy. Hope i wasn't too much too handle as your child lol and thank u, for asking to invite me to the server. It has been a real pleasure to me to be there.

@pudding-head-kenma -DANIE!! We haven't talked much and I've only known you for a short time but I really love your detailed analysis. They're amazing and you're amazing. Thank you for being so sweet and cute. Ily.

@/🦋 nonoi -🦋 NONOIIII!!! IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY EMOJI ANON! I love you you're so sweet and bb please please please don't forget me id cry,,,

@astereim -Rein!!! I know we just talked and all but you seem to be a reaally cool and amazing person,, we might not be able to interact much since I need to go prepare things b4 i go on my hiatus though, but just wanna let u know that ily!

@tokoyamis-luv -please don't come for my neck i haven't been active on the server Lol but anyways, zara, you're amazing and your simping for Kurapika is always fun to watxh. Also all the lin manuel edits are *chef's kiss* we may not talk much but i was rlly honoured to be able to interact w you, even a little bit.

@engel-hageshii - YOU, MAAM are a literal angel, and your comments on my fics always managed to make me smile so much. I love you, please never stop being such a sweetheart.

@laylahoran -I've always loved and appreciate every comments you make. I'm v happy I was able to create a content that you can love. You and engel has been some of my firsts followers and I'm really blessed to have you two.

@oyasenpai -Diemmy! You're so sweet and cute and seeing your interaction w my moots (kami) was what made me follow you. Don't let what others said bring you down, okay? Just do what you want because there're always many people supporting you for it.

Special message to the kita family server;

Meanwhile while you guys were talking about me there, I was just innocently scrolling through Tumblr, not knowing what kind of fate I'll be receiving 👁👄👁 No wonder I was sneezing so much 🤧🤧🤧

So, I was just scrolling through the pinned messages and I saw tsu said "mui: can we invite hikari? Everyone here: kakskejdjdjdn" and i was just like,,, ??????? I wasn't expecting u guys to have that kind of reaction i--- yall have no idea how much i was grinning while I scroll through those messages. Thank you so much for inviting and accepting me, it's really fun to be with you guys and your crackhead energy 🥰🥰 Thank you to mui for suggesting you had no idea I was really really happy. 😭 Y'all are so amazing and sweet and cute and beautiful kakjdjdd

To all of my dear friends that I've mentioned above, I LOVE YOU LOTS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO MET YOU GUYS. Quarantine time has been stressful for a lot of people, and Tumblr can sometimes (a lot of times) be kinda whack but I was really happy to met you guys during my time here. Our time together may have been short, but i feel like we've known each other for more than a year, no caps. I love you all very very much. Thank you for talking to me and befriending me. Remember to get enough sleep, drink lots of water, stay safe and healthy, eat enough meals and, take care of yourself. I love you guys.

And lastly, to everyone reading this, whether i know you or not, or interacted with you or not, or follow you or not, or you follow me or not, just REMEMBER that you are worth it and I love you. Keep on being awesome, and always remember to smile, laugh and live. Don't forget to always DRINK LOTS OF WATER, GET ENOUGH SLEEP, and EAT ENOUGH MEALS.

Signing off,

Hikari.

#amazing talented people #sweet nice people 💕 #a message #my dear friends

[k-l-a-n-c-e-a-c-a-d-e-m-y]

🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓

OKAYYYY I’m choosing this ask bc gay premmy >:3c BUT NEFFFFFF TACKLES U AMD AMAJES UR SKULL AGAINST THE FUCKIGN FLOOR I LOVE YOU LOTSSSS and u are legit my bestest friend like it’s crazy how close we grew in such a short time.... I think I followed u first?? Bc a lot of the HXH blogs I followed RBED a lot from u and I was like ... might as well go straight to the source 😈 and then I think u followed me back??? Maybe I showed up in ur notes a look idk and I think u considered me ur dr stone mutual at first?? I have the worst memory so if any of this is incorrect u can’t read it ❤️ but YEAHH then we became mutuals and then our first REAL interaction was me posting abt Servamp and how I wanted to talk abt it? And u replied saying u would read it for me (LOOKS AT U) and I remember being so 😳 CAUSE THAT WAS SO OUTTA NOWEHERE AND YERRIBLY SWEET...: and I guess we became besties from there and eventually we started talking more.... I think what rlly cemented our friendship was when we were talking and u said that u would read Servamp and in excahnge u wanted me to do smth and I was like “is it that samflam show” “watch samflam” AND THEN WE WATCHED ALL OF SAMFLAM TOGWTHER and I got rlly into it and it was just extremely fun..? Like I didn’t fell any pressure or feeel awkward at all while we watcched it together which is super rare for me:... and now we’re like close enough that we have each other’s numbers and u call me somegimes !!! Like I forget that we’ve never met before IRL (BUT WE WILL OME DAY JR SO CLOSE TO ME ....) I like legit think we’re soulmates on tons of levels like we just vibe together like that.... and it does help a lot that we share a bunch of the same interests (I LOVEEE talking abt DS with u cause we’re on the same wavelength when it comes to it) like!! We even have matching sengen key chains!! Our kinmarriage rings ❤️ omg omg wait compliments yeah ur literally so beautiful and ur such a talented person? Ur voice is fantastic and I love all ur covers and u can also write so well????? Omg ur also so fuxking funny I cry laughing every time we talk and I think that’s why I treasure u so much bc whenever we interact, I feel nothing but joy!! I always think back on our convos like when u found out that I thought that u get hydration form EVERYTHING u consumed even if it’s little amounts like peanut butter...... also our like love hate relationship is so funny like we adore each other anyone can see that but we joke abt pushing each other off of cliffs and u love talking abt poisoning me ❤️❤️😈 omg omg alos tell ALLUKA I love her oh my god yeah also I get so 🥺 that I’ve like talked to ur friends that one time and they all knew my name and stuff (my close friends know abt u too) omg also ur laugh!!!!! It’s so u and it’s so endearing ❤️🥺 also I love that like I KNOW how much I matter to u, ,, even if u threaten to divorce me 💔 like I still remember getting teary eyed when u first like drunk texted me bc u needed me to know how much I meant to u .... OMG WAITTTT THIS IS TOO LONG I JUST RELAIZED HOW LONG IT WAS OK IM CUTTING MYSELF OFF I HAVE TOK MUCH TO SAY BUT JUST KNOW U MAKE ME HAPPY AND I ADORE U AND I LOVE YOU LOTS AND UR SO BEAUTFUL AND TALENTED

#answered #NEFF 💜 #I THINK I SAID ... more than I should’ve but....

[somnilogical]

they will never be as strong or as fast as i can be

copy/pasted from a convo:

<<somni: ive been exploiting being able to talk about everything vs miri/cfar cant do what i do bc if they did they would talk about how they are evil. it would all chain back.

somni: omg i can just post this to my blog because i can talk about my meta-strategy and it confers pretty much no relative advantage to miri/cfar. because 1 most of them have disassembled their agency so its like talking in front someone who works at the dmv about taking over the world and the ones that have any agency (basically just anna salamon) have to work with and coordinate via brokenness the masses that have and 2 feels secure in the way that saying ill use my soul as my weapon feels secure, like the power of this technique doesnt depend much on people not knowing im using it.>>

truth is entangled and lies contagious. justice is entangled and injustice contagious. in order to sustain their facade, miri/cfar had to chain back to lie about the principles of decision theory itself. lie about the organization structure of cfar, lie about miri's fundraiser. and so much more.

any series of reasoned claims they make will chain back to stuff thats false or injustice, because they seek to maintain a region of untruth and injustice.

so yeah, miri/cfar basically cant talk in public except in staid formalities infinitely pouring the same entropy of "these people are psychotic" "these people are infohazards" "do not read what they write" "stay the course" "everything is under control, do not panic" "i know my associates at miri/cfar, they are good people" "if you talk with these people you may become a rapist". but not actually able to manifest dynamic compute. to explain themselves they built their own personal room 101, filled with miri/cfar affiliates and formed a united front of gaslighting. deluks (author of that one rationalist blog where they worked to read and summarize all the others) talks about the kind of compute miri/cfar manifested:

<<deluks: I also updated a lot based on Bay Area safety discussion

idk if I have ever been in such a hostile environment for anyone trying to discuss making thigns safer

If you wanted to discuss how Anna et all were innocent people would happily chat with you

If you tried to discuss ideas for making things safer either you got silence

or people would be insanely hostle if you plausibly slipped up at all

or even seemed like you might have been not careful enough in how you phrased things

extremely careful -> no engagement at all//even slightly less care -> get dogpilled>>

they have picked up the optimization style of of cops, as alice maz described them:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

i can travel lots of places and regenerate truth and justice.

i can go to a trans support group in the bay and show them logs of what elle said and did and they can recognize the pattern of minority oppression, transmisogyny.

i can talk with uninvolved decision-theorists about why paying out to oneshot blackmail with subjunctive dependence because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail." is wrong. and why exploiting your subjunctive dependence as a udt agent to not pay out is right. they cant.

--

miri/cfar have to centrally coordinate on lies or they start crashing into each other. independently generating falsehoods in isolation makes them point in all directions.

independently generating and working off of truths allows everything to point in the same direction without needing to communicate. i can write this post and then idk maybe someone im algorithmically colluding with on this writes another post and they dont come out all distorted and skew with each other. this caches out in what looks from the outside as an uncanny ability to start dynamically colluding with people and output distinct strains of philosophy based on shared precepts.

interference with yourself looks like kelsey piper trying to claim that emma and somni are starting some sort of rape cult and anna and miri/cfar trying to claim we are naive victims of ziz's cult and ▘▕▜▋ claiming emma and somni are mindhacking ziz to make her bully them and jade nameless claiming im doing this to get a job at cfar and ...

since they make up their fake coordination points independently they smash into each other. if they want to coordinate over lots of people they then have to work out which of these they want to coordinate around in a sort of market of falsehoods. and have to arrange for it to not contradict any information anything people know. but they dont know all the information everyone knows, and they wont know it even after combing through lots of blogs and reading lots of discord chats.

when they try coordinating on falsehoods like this, its hard to get a coalition together in an environment where what people know is rapidly changing because a bunch of anarchist bloggers keep posting things in a bunch of places on a non-centrally controlled schedule determined by what seems like a good idea at the time to independent agents. and having lots of conversations with so many different people in private and public they cant keep track of them all.

if they try pretending to be dumb and forming a unified gaslighting front in one area. then people will exploit the fact that this is the internet and not the evolutionary environment, take logs and post them somewhere else where everyone didnt collude to be dumb in this particular way. so while their monkey brains get a rush of endorphins from being able to successfully coordinate local humans, what feels like an entire tribe, against the blasphemer, actually they just used their adult intelligence to defeat in front of a bunch of people who dont share their political commitments but who can reason about what is true and what is just.

(of course there are many truths this doesnt work on because of large inferential distance, shared mammalian biases it takes an unusual mind to step over, and shared incentives. but the defense of most regions of injustice and untruth when you ask questions have to keep chaining to more and more absurd things until you are defending causal decision theory or start claiming 'anna salamon, the president of cfar, is not involved in cfar's hiring'. which depend on a social context committed to defending everything that protects miri/cfar and people who dont have the same conclusion-that-must-not-happen can see that its dumb.)

if miri/cfar had committed themselves to the path of expanding agency, maybe i wouldnt be posting my thoughts and meta-process on the public internet. (in the counterfactual where they committed to this path, its likely that i wouldnt be protesting. because it seems actually-hard to stay on the path and remain evil.) but as it stands, i expect this information to differentially help anarchists and do about as much good for statists as explaining updateless decision theory to someone at cfar. its just this inert structure in their brains, they cant do anything strategic with it. they intentionally shut down their ability to take ideas seriously and drive out anyone left who can, calling them crazy.

what they can do is "oh here is a list of people to target" and "see if they said anything incriminating". ive seen their attempts to coordinate enter the attractors of 'authoritarianism' (duncans dragon army, kingsleys "repent and submit to [AUTHORITY FIGURE]") and 'lets all lie in the same direction and disable general cognition to update out of this! the important part is social agreement and that everyone allows social reality to have the final veto on their beliefs. i myself do this so you know im super safe and this is super fair.' (anna and kelsey). this sort of weak coordination based on breaking people can be easily subverted by anything real.

--

if you are actually right, you can exploit useful properties of being right and let that be your asymmetric weapon. such that all that challenge you know they will know its steel. and then people who compute the outcome and expect to lose, dont fight in the first place.

if my chosen weapon were actually the size of my muscles and imposing figure compared to anna salamon as miri/cfar people "believed" (exploiting the already extant anti-transfem psychic suppression field as one of their few functioning coordination points. probably not as functional now after what i have written.), then when i fought people it would create a warp field such that then people with smaller muscles wont fight in the first place, but id be deluged by people with larger muscles. i dont want to create a warp field that summons people with lots of muscles.

if i exploit properties of my souls, of truth and justice. then i have an arsenal of techniques that are stronger if i actually want to save everyone, if im actually right, if im acting for justice. because they exploit useful differential properties of each. and the warp field in higher density summons ... people who care about saving the world, truth, and justice. in other words, a high density of potential allies.

by default i want to exploit "the difference is that im right" not "the difference is that i have larger muscles". i want differential power to push away those who are wrong and unjust and attract those who are right and just into a kind of warp hull.

there are other reasons as well.

[trcubledycuth]

how i operate.

I feel bad for constantly spamming you guys with ooc posts, but every time I’m on tumblr and talking to someone else, I get reminded of the fact that we all have very different ideas of what writing on here is like and what it all means. Obviously there are a mass amount of writers who all have different quirks and ways about handling their blogs, replies, threads, and memes. So, here’s mine, because I feel like it’s a little different than most.

GENERAL OPERATIONS IN A CRYSTAL CLEAR FORMAT.

I don’t do drafts in the sense of “omfg, i have 80+ in my drafts!”, hell no. That for me is easily the biggest fun sucker. Maybe I’m an asshole, but if I read a response and there is nothing come to mind, nor any excitement to continue, it gets dropped. And because of horrendous experiences on tumblr where people get way too touchy and oversensitive, I alert no one. Though sometimes, it’s legitimately a case of oh, I didn’t see that! Which is highly plausible.  If it takes months for me to get a reply, chances are my interest is straight up gone. I’m not saying I don’t understand why it takes so long sometimes, whether it be not in the mood, not enough time, whatever else there is, I get it. But that’s not what I’m into. You have to make time for writing and if you don’t, you don’t. The people that get the most engagement and activity out of me, are typically the people that have plotted up elaborate verses that I’m living for.

They’re typically people that are threading with me on GoogleDocs and people I talk todaily. They’re also the people I know in terms of what they enjoy writing and therefore, I feel more comfortable dropping things on them. Whether it be a new, unannounced verse, a big plot drop, or ridiculous as fuck memes, I know (mostly, or at least generally) they’re DTF and living for the exact same things. Simply put, we’re on the same page. It isn’t to say I don’t want to write with new people, or start new verses, or just generally interact, it’s that I’ve got a comfort zone and I know said people are also in my zone. These people typically send me a million memes because sometimes, my brain just isn’t cooperating for replies because I like to make them perfect because I’m ocd as fuck and want to ensure that my partners are actually getting replies they’ll want to reply to and hopefully replies that move our threads further along and add to the overall story. If writing on GoogleDocs and all partners agree we want to post it on here, i’ll link to it in a ‘read only’ format for people that like to keep up with the story progression of things.

MEMES.

If I send you a million, it’s not because I’m a needy asshole that expects/hounds for a reply (especially not instantly, so please never apologize for it being ‘late’). It’s because sometimes you get a meme and it does nothing for you. So I send a lot in hopes something will stick, but also so you’ll have something to write if you’re in the mood or feeling bored. I’m a very chilled person and I feel like because I write a lot it gives the impression that I’m not a chill person and I just never want that to seem like a thing? As it is, this inbox sits at 80+ memes and asks right now, yet I delete absolutely nothing because you never know when the mood strikes, and if you knew the amount of memes I answered from months ago, it’d probably help the whole situation. If I don’t get to your meme, trust me, it’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because nothing has hit me yet and I’d like to wait until I’ve got something awesome brewing before unleashing whatever on you. Feel free to send as many as you want, because the more options I have, the more likely it is you’re going to get something. And that’s not an ‘oh please send me memes!!!’ beg, that’s literally me being straight up as to why it seems as if some people are ‘heavily favored’ versus others.

THREADS.

It’s absolutely not necessary, but I’ve come to realize I’m far faster with threads on GoogleDocs than I am on here. Formatting is easier, it’s not a hassle thanks to Tumblr’s buggy as fuck activity page, and I just generally can look at my DocHome and see what needs responded to. I don’t have to struggle to find something, nor do I have to struggle with accidentally losing posts because my ass pressed off the page or my computer crashed. And yes, I’m aware I can write in a program to ensure that doesn’t happen, but formatting still is a complete and utter bitch. I also don’t have to spend ten minutes combing through and picking, nor creating an icon.

WRITING.

Try as I may, there are some writing styles on tumblr that I can’t seem to swallow. I want to write with everyone, but realistically I can’t. I’ve also got this thing where I turn into Ditto and slowly adapt writing styles if I see it enough (and it’s not near my own), which Idespise, therefore I’m very selective on who I follow/write with. Chances are if I’m following you, you’re in the clear but there are a ton of quality people I don’t follow thatdo follow me and I don’t want people thinking it’s because they’re ‘not worthy’ because tumblr culture is weird as fuck. It’s impossible to ignore the fact I also write a lot. This isn’t going to change. I’ll certainly try to write less by request but it doesn’t come naturally to me, therefore one liners aren’t within the realm of possibility for me, nor do I follow accounts that only do one liners because it clogs my dash and so on.

PLOTTING.

This is such an important thing for me. I lowkey like to leave no rock unturned, and as much as I’d like to ~wing it, or just write and see what happens; that seldom works for me,especially if I’m not familiar with your fandom or characters. Plotting for me isn’t ‘omg they can meet in the three broomsticks and we can see what happens!’. It’s a great scenario, but my interest is 0%. Surface level interactions are great but I’ve been writing for a long time, so what would have me pumped back then (just to be writing her), does nothing for me now because I’ve been far too spoiled and have too many incredible things going on. That’s not to say what we could do isn’t incredible, it’s just the sole fact that I need more. Or plotting, or constant snowballing of plots. It’s just how I work. I know that’s too much for some, and if that’s the case, please unfollow! I know I’m not for everyone.

STARTERS.

I’ve come to realize I flounder with these. Like, I struggle hard. I know there’s about ten+ people I owe starters to and I want to write with you guys, but I’ve legit just been unable to produce something that I don’t classify as total and utter garbage fire. Therefore if you’re one of these people that have been waiting, please know it’s not you. If you want to throw something up for us? By all means. Wanna send a meme? Go for it. Want me to send memes? Tell a sister. Just know it’s literally not because I’m a raging asshole, but … More often than not it’s also because it’s in a fandom I know I’m going to fuck stuff up for because while I may love it, that doesn’t mean I remember all the details, and whatnot. In short, I suck, you don’t.

DRAFTS.

I’ve made a page where you can see what is currently in my drafts. Sometimes I really don’t see responses have been made, other times I drop threads. The things on my draft page are things I have full intent to reply to, though to seem like a total hypocrite of my first point, it’s taken me a while. Please know the intent is still there.

IMS.

I never mean to leave anyone on read, but I have hardcore adhd. Tumblr’s IM system isn’t really the greatest for that and I lose track far too easily. I also get a lot of messages and I never want to discourage anyone that wishes to talk, but I do need to throw a disclaimer out there because I’m not very good at keeping up and often go days without checking them because they stress me out. It’s not you, it’s literally me, but they turn into an avalanche and I often avoid them. I’m also really awkward because if I sense you’re not into the convo, or we’re trying to plot and I’m not getting anything in return, I zip out and die, so it’s literally? IMS are a battlefield.

REMINDER. 

This is a sideblog, I can’t follow anyone and don’t need to be following you in order to interact with you. If I do follow you it comes from @thebrightestwltch or @wrathcfdragons. This was also copy/pasted from Hermione’s account so please excuse the hp theme.

#YOU SEE THIS? { PSA } #ᴅᴏ sʜᴇ ɢᴏᴛ ᴀɴ ᴏᴏᴄ ᴛᴀɢ? sʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴏᴏᴏᴏᴏᴏᴏᴏᴏ! { ooc }

[-happytbh-]

Here's your chance to spread some love! Tag ten mutuals and tell us why you love them! 💞💝💜💘💓💕💗💐

ps all these ladies are extremely beautiful and i love them lots and lots :)))

@jhopesjawline these beautiful ladies were the first friends i made on here, and i love them alot! They are hilarious in our little group chat and i love how even though i dont live near them, they include me in their daily lives cause they know each other in real life haha but i enjoy our conversations!!!! im sorry i havent talked to you guys alot recently ;( i love you both lots though!!!!!

@workofteaguk !! What can I say omg Traci i love her so much and Im super glad we started talking cause she is very adorable and i love how much she screams about Jungkook and Jimin on a daily basis haha, her tags are the best haha but anyway she is extremely sweet and weve been friends for a while (n i think since january?? so long i think aha) wow thank you for being my friend :)))) ily :)) ps traci is a goddess, she is so beautiful im shook, ALSO her stories are top notch and i always look forward to them, theyre just amazing !!

@oh-itsjust-mo omg dude even though me and her havent been friends for long, i feel so incredibly comfortable around her and she sends me lots o lay daily, its great, i love her even more for that!! but i can talk to her about anything and i wish we couldve met a few moths ago, but hopefully we can meet up soon!!! im still looking forward to it :)) ps, i love our snapchat convos hahaha

@crossingbordersonmyown Rania!!!!! I love her so much!! she is a cinnamon roll, and extremely kind!! she lets me in on her life and i trust her and i would do anything for her!! i am very jealous of her kpop collection haha but ill grow mine eventually heheheheh she is very dear to me and i cant imagine not talking to her tbh it feels weird not talking to her for a few days and i let her know haha XD she is just a great friend and i treasure her alot best ive read

@and-dreeaa andreaaaaaaaaaa she is just amazing!! i also cant imagine my life without her either, she is so nice and her love for JJCC is amazing! she even got me into them, but thats besides the point, i think there hasnt been a day where we havent talked to each other haha, i love her so much!! weve even been snapchatting each other for almost 80 days, im shocked haha! We met a few months and it was the highlight of my year, i wish i could go back to that day it was too short :/ anyway she is a wonderful friend!! i love her :) 

@bangtan-sonyeon-hoe Kait is a great friend of mine, she talks to me alot and i appreciate that, and i am apparently her good luck charm even though i dont do much haha XD  her love for Jhope is serious buisness, its fun to watch her talk about him haha! i love her lots and she also very kind and a fun person to talk to

@seoulscapes em!! ah she is just so sweet and i love our shared love for pentagon and she sends me edawn all the time and i appreciate it alot since im a hoe for edawn hahaha but anyway she is just a wonderful lady with an amazing personality and her surfer jimin fic is to die for, i even had a dream about it, it was great haha XD she is so pretty im shook!! Her love for jungkook is also no joke just like my love for edawn ;D i love her and im extremly glad we started talking!!!!

@iamgoingtoeat2400donuts !!!! she is my overwatch bff!! i love her so much and i tlak to her on occasions and i trust her with stuff! her blog is one of my favorite blogs on here and i think she is one of the first friends i made on here!! She is tons and tons of fun to talk to and she sent me a birthday gift and its sitting on my desk in my room and i love it so much aha i think about her alot since we dont talk much anymore but i always like to sneak in a convo and make sure shes doing alright since i love her aha :)

@swanguk  ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she is just a sweetheart, i always enjoy our conversations, theyre lots of fun and usually include alot of caps XD she is my second longest snap chat streak with 60 days!! i love her!! she is also very beautiful and i want to meet her someday!!!! she is a sweetheart aha 

@bts-veins julie!!! i met her a few months ago and she also a cinnamon roll and she is a fun person to talk to and so is so prettyyyyy!! her moodboard she made me is how we met and i loved it! we dont as much as we used to but i will definitely message her so we can talk again :)

 @kpoptart216 i am her biggest fan hehe she is a lovely person and i always enjoy our conversations! she is a extremely nice person!!! i bet she is very very beautiful in real life! cause she is beautiful on the inside :) Her fics are also GREAT!!!! im her #1 fan heheheh

I love all these ladies and they are all dear to me!!!

[silentconfliction]

alright, i’ve never done one of these things before bc the only other time i hit a milestone like this was on my very first tumblr rp blog years ago, and bias lists in celebration and thanks weren’t really a thing back then. but!! gosh i have so much love for everyone i’ve surrounded myself with here and everyone who’s followed me that i really wanted to do something like this.

honestly, thank you so much to everyone who has followed me, i appreciate it so immensely! i’ve never rped in such a big fandom before, so starting up was a little overwhelming and nerve-wracking -- i knew there were quite a number of voltron rpers around and i was so worried that my interpretation of shiro wouldn’t be taken to by many either bc i have some disagreeing views and hcs with others and some of the main fanon, or bc he’s aroace ( and now single ship ), so not exactly shippable, and yet... here you all are!! it honestly means so much to me that those of you here like my interpretation enough to follow and stick around, and i’d thank you an obscene number of times if it wouldn’t get redundant.

this community is surprisingly kind and caring compared to... a vast majority of this fandom, and i love that so so much. i’ve been able to get comfortable here knowing that most people are accepting and respectful, and literally all of you have been so nice to me so many times??? even just offering to talk to me when i’m having a bad day makes me love you so much... i’ve got a lot of love for you guys, so i want to take the time to thank you and showcase you all.

ѕpecιal ѕнouтouтѕ ғor мy мaιn вaвeѕ

✮ @alteastarlight​ : YOU. YOU LOVELY BEING. i feel like our interpretations just immediately clicked when we first started interacting. i’m forever grateful that you suggested platonic soulmates bc i was already lowkey like “omg i think i wanna qp ship with this allura...” and... gosh do i love writing with you, for you, and reading what you write for me. i’m in shallura hell and loving every second of it. couldn’t ask for a better platonic soulmate for my shiro, honestly. also, you’re mega sweet and i’ve loved talking to you and discussing thoughts, headcanons, and AU ideas ooc!! i really hope we continue to do so into the future.

✭ @arcanesought​ / @blackbled​ : babe. dude. bro. your writing blows me away?? and i absolutely adore both of your OCs -- i love your penchant for writing these fantastic, strong ladies and the detail you put into their personality and histories. i’m particular about OCs that i interact with, and i’m forever glad that i followed atri back bc i fell for her so fast. such a good friend for shiro, and your new gal is super intriguing too, i’m looking forward to getting to know her. you’re a sweetheart, and i’m so lucky to get to talk to and write with you.

✮ @cosmicdvst​ : have we ever talked ooc outside of tags?? i don’t think we have and this neEDS TO CHANGE. you’ve been one of my favourite keiths to write with -- i love how you write him, your exposition is so fitting and i absolutely love how onboard you are for him and shiro being absolute shits to each other. i love the brother-like bond that ours have together and i really hope to chat and plot with you in the future ( i’m hugely at fault for not ever shooting you an IM first tbh ).

✭ @ctoile​ / @tempermentia​ : dakiiiiii. the biggest sweetheart. we’ve gotten on so well from the moment you IM’d me to talk broganes and i’m so so glad for that. i’m happy to actually get to write them as adopted brothers here bc it’s my major weakness, honestly. also?? i’m in love with your writing style?? it’s gorgeous. you write keith well, and you’ve written allura so well too from like, the moment you picked her up. and you’re always there for me, offering to lend an ear if i need to talk... you don’t know how much that means to me. please keep being the lovely person you are.

✮ @sweetredchevy​ / @spaceraleigh​: the real babe. my true bae. my RL fave. how could i not include you on this list? even if you hadn’t just made a comeback to your blogs, you’d be on here. i’ve said it numerous times and i’m sure you know it by now, but i love you loads and forever and i’m always so happy to rp with you, no matter who it is that you’re writing. i love all your characters, OC and canon, and i’m always so excited when you jump back in bc it means i get more time with your nerds and get to have these great threads... you’re my favourite rp partner forever and always, dude. also my favourite person.

✭ @techspecialistofvoltron​ / @wretchedseer : youuuuuu. you magnificent person. you’re so much fun to talk to, i love our IM convos to death??? i love how absolutely ridiculous some of the things we come up with are, how completely adorable to heartbreaking our scenarios can go in a matter of seconds, and the absolutely horrific, twisted verse we’ve come up with. you’re the best salt bucket buddy a salt bucket could ask for, and i’m just. i’m so grateful that we started talking all those weeks ago and i can’t wait to completely destroy shiro under pidge’s hands with you.

мore aмazιng people тнaт ι love geттιng тo тнread wιтн and тalĸ тo

✰ @astrallance ✰ @constcllatcd ✰ @defenderiinred ✰ @galacticdemon ✰ @haxuss ✰ @loopholt ✰ @spacerought ✰ @the-lost-lieutenant ✰ @voiidlost ✰ @vrepit-sa ✰

lovelιeѕ тнaт ι wanт тo тнread wιтн мore and ιnтeracт ooc wιтн

✰ @astraei ✰ @glory-ofmerlin ✰ @goldengalra ✰ @havocous ✰ @kaosureign ✰ @lionheartxd ✰ @ograndsovereign ✰ @starouge ✰ @thalassvphile ✰ @valilance ✰ @vin-robles​ ✰

people wнo ι adore ғollowιng and wanт тo one day ιnтeracт wιтн

✰ @alteanlight ✰ @aniioranza  ✰ @lionaut ✰ @lionessofthestars ✰ @lothcir ✰ @redbonded ✰

and even if you’re not on this list, that doesn’t mean i don’t love you or i don’t want to write with or talk to you!! i absolutely do! i welcome anyone to hit me up via IM or send me a meme or anything if they’d like to interact with me. honestly, thank all of you for being here, you’re all fantastic beings ♥

#ᵈᵃᵈ ˢᵖᵉᵃᵏˢ ( ooc. ) #bias list. #this list feels so small aaahhhh i just hope i got everyone askjhf #this blog is only like... 2...? months old so i haven't got a LOT of people to shove in here #but regardless just... gosh. i love everyone here so much and i could gush for a very long time about it tbqh #bottom line: you're all great please never leave me <3

[clumsyclifford]

ya know that ask meme that went around a while ago about like five things you would use to summon me turns out i just need like two and its u calling me baby and sayin ur feelin jewish. jane bordeaux playlist has been started and so far it is all of the songs off of אוקיינוסים (except the 12 second one) so maybe itll just end up being a complete discography but i will share when i am done after i have a chance to work on it between assignments (1/?)

ivri is so great i press play and just feel so calm with the piano and soft voice and like in kar kar when some1 else sings wow love it sm theres this trick where u put ur phone under ur pillow and its supposed to sound like laying on some1s chest while they sing to u and it sorta works so highly recommend with this album. i think that ill also go back to repressing broke ass millionaire and all the other english versions of their songs which i accidentally discovered and rlly wish i didnt (2/?)

okay i saw ur convo w kj about tashlich and bread and eels and bleach (wtf yall) and it might have been kj that tagged baruch hashem????? but i have no idea and i cant search her blog to find it? so who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ a very jewish 5sos mystery. but yea it sucks not getting class off for high holy days and my profs are usually understanding but teachers were Not understanding in high school in the south damn... (3/?)

zoom services do not sound fun but idk its easier for me to fast if im in services than if im in class maybe just cuz im so used to associating services w fasting idk i guess well see what i do too my colleges jewish group is putting together a list of cool services and some sound cool but also zoom means u can just leave when ur bored so... okay jewish geography! i may have to come off anon for this at some point but i lived in maryland for year! (4/?)

but i also know people in nfty and now i go to school in mass so theres some possible places? i also know a lot of jewish people in chicago from a urj camp if that sparks anything someone i went to camp with just did competitive jewish geography where two random people had to figure out a way to this specific person by calling in friends and its such a funny concept to me but also they ended up getting to the person so uh jewish geography works (5/?)

anyway i am always down to be jewish on main i do not have enough jewish friends and i would like them i will also continue to send long multi-part asks because i always have too much to say yikes sorry :)) (6/6) - שירים

PUTTING A READ MORE

thats so fucking funny im just gonna toss the words baby and jewish into random sentences and see if you come. also i am looking forward to this playlist and second side note if you have any ADDITIONAL hebrew artists please share those with me too i am trying to expand my repertoire even more

god i KNOW ha’ahava (the album) is just so soothing. like it’s so calming. ha’yeled sheli?? karosella??? ffffffffffff such a nice song however im going to admit something which is that i personally think kar kar would be nicer if it didn’t have the woman singing on it. like it just kind of jars me and im already in love with ivri’s voice and then it is rudely taken away i am not about that life BUT nevertheless the woman singing it with him still has a lovely voice so i can’t complain too much. however perhaps one day i shall have to try that phone under pillow trick hmmmmmm

GKFJGKDJKJJGFDKJ she said that the river near her is infested with poisonous snakes !!!! and i think tashlich is more important. but at any rate i don’t see why you can’t just toss the bread to the snakes. anyway i have to be honest i don’t think kj uses phrases like baruch hashem but it might have been her and i couldn’t find it on my own blog (even though. i am frankly almost 100% sure ive tagged something w that before, tumblr’s search function is just garbage lmao)

yeah my profs here have always been understanding but i bet in the south they weren’t yikes that is Tragic

omg okay i don’t know how much i should reveal to you in public to my whole entire blog i might doxx myself by accident i know i think one person in NFTY (i did USY, peripherally) and.........as for mass and chicago im not sure?? i think i know like random people here and there but mainly the places i know w loads of jews are like, new york, new jersey, atlanta........texas..........midwest a bit..........random places HOWEVER i have heard of that game and im pretty sure i know someone who played it im trying to remember which of my family members was relating that story to me but anyway thats really fuckin funny i mean yes jewish geography genuinely does work

CLEARLY i am also always down to be jewish on main so feel free to come jew it up in here whenever

#KJ IF YOU'RE READING THIS #you receive an honorable mention in this ask #shirim anon #always a pleasure shirim anon <3 #anonymous #ask #answered

[survivormongolia]

Episode 2: “I was prepared to come in this game and slay.” - Madison

ok well... none of us were voted out which is alright i guess but we are literally not winning this immunity with gloria and patricia on our tribe.... like no offense to them but they finna submit like 20 thinking its a good score like arghhh its whatever tho bc im going to get the highest on the tribe so if they vote me out theyre literally the dumbest people ive ever met. if we lose, i truly dont think im going anywhere bc i have 3 people im genuinely friends with and ive been having good convos with dennis and brian... wow i cant believe im aligning with mostly men

me as soon as i saw the blog for the game: "i should check the rules page, i know some hosts are sneaky & hide advantages in there"

me: everything looks a-ok to me!!!!

hosts: make sure you check the rules page!!!

me: hmmm seems fishy, let me check again!!!

me: nope, nothing ot the the blue

me: tells dan about the advantage in the results post

dan: something looked fishy to me in the rules page, but i tried to right-click and nothing worked, let me check again

dan: omg. it took me to the same page as the results

me: wow. i truly am a useless piece of garbage

ok im back and i found out more info. so apparently gloria has been on call with dennis AND francie which means they dont play around. i think theyre being really social with everyone and i KNOW francie has amanda and emily on the other tribe so im actually really worried about them. i have talked to them a lot and i feel like i wouldnt be their first target but maybe randy or madison would be?? idk. if we dont win this immunity it wont be the worst thing in the world bc everyone agreed to patricia last week so might as well try again this round ig. i talked to randy and he's on the same page and also is afraid of francie and dennis being really social so hopefully once our tribe gets down to 7 or 8, the 4 of us (madison, randy, tj) would be majority. i really trust tj and he always keeps me updated but... he has a mind of his own and i wont be surprised if he wouldnt be down to do one of them. btw ill probably make a podcast or a video dr tomorrow if i find more tea... 

I’m not going to do as well on this challenge as my tribe mates I don’t think. So now, of course, I’m thinking about tribal last night and how I was asked about the first challenge and I was like “yeah keep me around bc I can help in challenges.” That’s not going to be good for now. I’m going to do my best given the calculus and government homework I have for tomorrow (EW). I’m also thinking about the game as a whole. I want to put myself in a position of power wherein I can be a big part of strategy and make notable moves while also not flagging myself as someone “running the game” (lol like that’ll happen) or someone who’s too big of a threat to stay. This involves identifying larger threats than myself and locking them out before anyone knocks me out etc. There’s a bullseye; let me find my quiver. This is also probably the last confessional I’ll make ‘til after the challenge because why spend time confessing when you can find invisible cows. (I’m on the way to school and confessing on my phone. No, I’m not the one driving. I may confess at lunch or study hall if anything worth confessing happens between now and then.)

Okay so I went back and checked the other posts and there wasn’t anything around. But when the new immunity challenge was posted, there was the same link hidden on the post. I sent it to my host chat and nothing. I noticed after I sent it that the link wasn’t hidden on the new challenge post anymore, but the previous ones are still there. Interesting….

So the Fans went to tribal and we were hoping that by sending Jon to Exile, they would vote out Randy and it would keep an inactive around to help them flop more. However, Jon struck out and was med-evac’d. Great. So now the Fans are gonna go super hard on this challenge since they basically got a free pass. This challenge, by the way…. Shout out to Drew. I hate this challenge. Invisible Cows can die, all of them. I told my tribe to make the window as small as possible so the cows have less places to hide, and I think its working out for everyone, so hopefully we can do this. I’m just worried because I know Madison on the other tribe just played this game in a challenge not too long ago and if she tells them about the trick then we are basically on even playing ground. Im at 800 right now and my goal is to get to 1500 but we will see.

I’m still trying to figure out my social game. Usually in games, I form some kind of alliance within the first 48 hours and generally keep up appearances with everyone. I want to do things differently this game. While I am still trying to be friendly and talk to people, I dont want to be the one to hold all the conversations. I’m having trouble keeping a conversation with Asa and Ian and Nicholas, but everyone else I’ve had at least a 10 minute conversation or longer every day. Colin has already suggested voting out Asa if we go to tribal because he’s talked to her the least. He says that me and him are good and I’m glad for that. I really like Colin. And I know that Emily will have my back, at least in the tribal portion of the game. Last night, Dan, Lindsay, and I formed an alliance. Finally! I really like Lindsay and we danced around forming an official alliance with each other for 3 days, and Dan and I have talked a lot, so I’m really glad this happened. With this alliance, and my bond with Colin and my relationship with Emily, I feel like I’ll be okay should we go to tribal. I’m hoping we don’t have to… here’s hoping we can find more cows than the Fans..

https://youtu.be/D45IAXpUHyA

This challenge is cute! And also my tribe is just Slaying this challenge. I love this tribe, we're stacked as hell djkfgfh

Oh well fuck. Well I was middle of the road with the scores so I didn’t go from top score to lowest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it still fucking sucks though. I hope enough people are down with the plan from the last round depending on who gets exiled.

Temujin exiling Patricia was the obvious move—keep the lowest challenger in the game and force the losing tribe to send a better challenge player home, increasing the likelihood of them returning to tribal—and from a strategic standpoint I have to give them a bit of credit but being on the tribe that’s getting screwed over? Fuck this.

So I'm in the predicament of which alliance to throw under the fucking bus, I should've been quiet about the group to Julia Rae and Madison. Best person to go home would be Brian or Randy, for my own personal benefit

Wow, so I don't know if you managed to see that but I told Julia Rae and Madison about GloForce...and then switch them to Brian

Wow this tribe really is doing that. I get a bad feeling we’re gonna get swap-fucked somehow. I guess now that its been a few days I can give my opinions on people a little more.

I get strange vibes from Amanda and Dan. I feel like they’re close just by interactions they have in the tribe chat. They both also seem like the type to be cutthroat. I think I’m in good with them tho so as long as I’m not doing anything shady they might not target me, since I have a feeling they’ll be the ones trying to lead the first few votes when/if we go to tribal.

I get good vibes from Emily, Asa, Quillyn, and Lindsey. They seem pretty trustworthy and easy to work with.

As far as Nicholas, Ian, and Colin go, I don’t really have any connection with them but I’mma try talking to them more while things are easy and peaceful so they would be hesitant to vote out me over someone else.

I’m really curious as to who got the secret advantage. I’m mad as hell that I didn’t get it but oh well. I feel like if anyone got it it was probably on the faves tribe, cause I feel like the fans aren’t putting in all that much effort or reading into things as much as an experienced player might. I’m glad to have been the one to publicly expose the advantage because I want whoever got it to be on their toes and that they’ll have to be more cautious and stressed about trying to do things involving it. They probably think no one is paying attention but I have eyes in the webcams on their computers. I see them.

Temujin won the second immunity and I'm very pleased with that as we are all getting along fine, but for how long? Eventually we will have to turn on each other and vote one of us out. My job is to just make sure it's not me, pre merge portion of the game I aim for a good score but not the best of unbeatable score. The sweet spot is upper middle, you are seen that you can be beat in individual challenges yet good enough to want to keep around for a strong pre merge tribe

Also i feel like horse culture is important?? Like idk why the hosts wouldn't just put a keyboard smash url or make the url (survivormongolia.com/secret-advantage). Like horse culture must mean something. I wish I was one of those girls in middle school who put horse stickers on all their supplies. I feel like maybe I could better understand horse culture and what this could mean. But just know i have made a mental sticky note saying "HORSE CULTURE" in bold sharpie.

Allow me to explain why Brian being voted off would be a fucking stupid idea or Julia and Madison, so if me, Julia, Madison, or Randy gets sent to exile and Patricia is gonna come back in our place just how well do you think that's gonna play out. Patricia isn't stupid and probably knows she was gonna get the boot...this time atleast. With the scores brian and randy have been producing it'd probably be them getting booted next, at this point I'm trying to stall...

I'm glad we won another immunity! although I'm getting sick of the fake sweetness of our tribe like nobody actually likes each other that much and that will show once we end up losing one of these challenges. I'm really tired of the passive aggressive competitiveness of some of these people too like, we can just all support each other and not like try to put people down who can't get as high of a score on a shitty flash game? I'm hoping for an early swap honestly I would definitely want to try working with some of these fans over the people on my tribe who I just can't seem to connect with.

So. Jon went to exile Island and got his 3rd strike. That was great, because he would've been voted off anyways.

Then the next challenge happened and disaster struck. First off, I love that minigame but holy shit, it drives some1 crazy UNLESS YOUR NAME IS MADISON AND YOU ACTUALLY FIND A TRICK TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS BUT THEN PROCEED TO NOT TELL ANY1. Eitherway I spend around 3 hours during all my exams and papers, that are due, to find stupid 800 cows until I was about to go to bed, wher TJ told me a trick to boost up my score. So I did that and brought it up to 1100 by another 20 min but that wasn't enough by FAR. The rest of the tribe decided that 300 or 600 is enough. Obviously we couldn't know how much the other tribe was getting, but after seeing that easy trick everyone could've atleast aimed for 1000.

We lose the challenge, they pick Patricia, which is a good pick (Since she would've most likely been voted off other wise - even though I did bring up a point in the alliance chat, that we might have needed her to keep the majority in the tribe, just in case the other 4 form a counter alliance). Me and TJ talked a bit and I told him before, that the only 2 possible votes are Brian or Randy. Both have barely been active in this tribe, with Randy just doing a tiny bit more (Flag challenge) but we can't hold that as a positive for him, forever. In the end it seems to be brian tonight, oh well unlucky.

But in my opinion, seeing how our Tribe works compared to the Favorites this wont change anything. They will keep beating us out in every challenge until we are at a low number of members just to be picked up 1 by 1 in the merge or at a tribeswap. Its super scary and I am already getting a little bit anxious and frustrated looking forward. The worst thing that could happen to us is, that we win the Reward challenge and then get on too much of a high, go back to doing the least amount of work, just to be crushed at the next Immunity challenge again. Lets hope that isn't the case. Lets hope a swap happens sooner than later, when we still have some numbers..

But, on a more serious note! That whole conversation about the secret advantage came up with Dan after he returned from Exile. He told me about the idol on Exile, & how it's the name of a Survivor, you only have two yes or no questions to narrow it down, & you only get three guesses. He also told me what questions he asked, & his guesses!

So, I guess my social game is better than I thought it was, because he said he was only going to tell Amanda & I, & we ended up making an alliance chat. To be honest, this group really makes sense to me, because I feel we are more of the "social" people on our tribe, where we'll message people first, & try to keep the conversation going, so I'm really happy with this core group. Now, I'm not a mathematician, but even I know that three out of ten people in a tribe is not a majority, but it's nice to have a solid core group that we can hopefully add to when needed! Plus, if you have a smaller group inside a bigger one, you're already in a better position number wise. I'm blabbering on about this newfound alliance, & how it's good for my game, just to watch it blow up when the inevitable swap happens, & we're split up. :) :) :) :)

I'm still trying to form relationships with other people on my tribe, but I feel like I haven't really gotten far. I think I have a good relationship with QuilLynn! We actually talk quite a bit, & have good conversations about things outside the game, & I really like her! She's someone I can definitely see myself working with down the line, so hopefully she feels the same way.

Like, I'm really glad & relieved that we've won the immunity challenges, but sometimes when you're on a tribe that keeps winning, it's easy to just relax & not talk as much. It's when you lose, where everyone starts to scramble, & relationships develop further. Basically right now, we're the Love tribe, where everything is sunshine & rainbows, & no one has a bad thing to say about anyone. But, if we were to lose, we'd go from *heart eyes emoji* to *knife emoji* real quick.

I don't want to say I thrive in chaos, because I don't, I'll overthink every possible scenario & hop aboard the paranoid train, full speed ahead. However, I thrive when people are very conversational, & I feel like the people on my tribe will only become like this when they feel their ass may be on the line.

Another update about our tribe idol: Still haven't guessed once. Still a flop. Let's try to turn this around, Lindsay! You can do it.

This confessional has been all over the place, so sorry I'm a mess. I don't know. I can't control my thoughts or put them into words very well.

I’m angry I found 2.6k cows and we still lost. I don’t know what this tribe is doing tbh it’s such a mess. I was prepared to come in this game and SLAY but that’s kinda impossible right now so.

Gloria is an icon.

That’s all.

So I guess I haven't done one of these this round! WHOOPS. Well, not much has changed in my game. I'm still really enjoying the tribe for the most part and just trying to do my best in the tribe! Like I'm really proud of myself for performing so well in the challenges so far. Jokes on the tribe bc when I start school again, I'm not going to have as much time to do things *shrugs* I know I'm pretty and successful and they'll just need to understand that.

On a serious note, I'm worried about Colin coming back from exile and the idol situation over there. I'm lucky I have some time to plot and think about how I'm going to address that. I think I'm gonna say something along the lines of, well I kinda wanted to see who went to exile next before I said anything to anyone about it. I would be open to sharing information with Colin, I just feel like with him working we really haven't had the chance we need to really like create a lasting bond. Yes, we talked about people we liked and about keeping each other's best interests in mind, but that was one curt little conversations. I know curt implies rudeness, but that's not how I mean it, I'm just not smart enough to think of a better word. But, any who, I have some scrambling to do with our relationship, but I'm willing to give it a go. We shall see what the future holdsssss.

Cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow WOW IT WAS WORTH IT HEHE! I got 666 cows and our tribe won by an absolute landslide. I’m super happy! I am excited to see what happens when the fans actually have to um vote someone out and not be saved from a medical evacuation lmao. Also I haven’t been talking to people like I should because I’m so fucking lazy. And tired. Like give me a break people

Ugh we lost but I did so bad but I didn't had time to do it. I feel like I'm going home tonight unless I get to go to exile since I was lowest and last one they send had nothing

Hello it's me fallen tuna. I like my tribe a bit better it's pretty clear that we are all pretty busy. I suck the most at the comps so thats somewhat confusing but asa talks less so if we lost that might be the one person I'd try to get out

So this round has been me trying my hardest and obviously not succeeding. The faves tribe are just too dedicated for this game. Which is great for them, but we arent naturally as competitive as they are. Meaning that we're once again going to tribal. And they sent home Patricia. The girl who we thought would be the next voted off.

So now its scrambling. Julia told me her group of TJ, Madison, etc. is going to do Brian. I brought up the fact that me and Brian are close, and that Francie would probably be better since she's obviously close with Amanda on the other tribe. But Madison is also close with them, so i dont see them leaving this week. If I have to vote out Brian. Then damn, but I'm not leaving premerge. So its just time to cut my losses, and hopefully make it to a tribe swap.

Confessional: I am very upset with many players on my tribe who I feel don't need to be here because they are somewhat inactive and not trying all that hard in challenges. They need to carry their asses to be perfectly blunt. They are hurting our tribe and it takes all the fun out of the game to be honest. People are telling me they are voting Brian and I love him to death and know for fact he can be a great player but this game he has shown me nothing so I am going with majority and he was on my rdar this round for vote also, I am working with TJ Francie and Dennis and hope us 4 stick together and none of them turn on me. Thus far they are my safety net but who knows what will happen if a tribe switch happens and I hate this sending people to exile island it sucks big time cause I am afraid that will kill my game if sent. I hope that everybody 100% votes Brian out tonight and Randy isn't showing much attempt either after doing that gorgeous flag. That sucks but it is what it is in games take the good with the bad. Hope I last see you at tribal honorable host. <3 GLO GLO <3

So my gay ass is sitting here, minding my own business, and what do I see in a VL I'm in? Emily and Amanda are hosting an Athena season together? INCHRESTING. I will keep that little tid bit in the back of my head when it comes time to vote somebody out.

Okay so basically at this point my tribe is slaying the game! As one would expect, we have a lot of seasoned players who are hungry for redemption and really don’t want to be the first fave gone so everyone is going really over the top with these challenges. I won’t complain because they keep me safe by extension but i have a feeling that there is going to be a loss or a luck comp in our near future and i just don’t know how i am going to fare if we go to tribal. Right now i know that Quil, Emily and Lindsay wouldn’t vote me out. So that means hopefully 4/9 votes. Ive been trying to reconnect with Ian and I don’t think he would vote me out either so I think I could survive a tribal if I ended up going to one.

Right now i am putting in some work to make sure that Im not the first boot from this tribe. I’m trying to not talk to Asa or Thomas [they also don’t message me,,,,ew??? like wtf are you doing here if you aren’t going to message anyone] so that I can eagerly throw their names around if we go to tribal. Also ironically enough they are the highest placing members of our tribe so I’m hoping it can be an easy sell. That’s about it for now!

Honestly, I hate the fact we lost the challenge. I hate the fact that Patricia was given immunity because that means that my time may be up. People barely try and talk to me, or even bother to reply to me. So I think it's me tonight, which is fine. I am content with my journey. I was told it may be Randy but I doubt it. We'll see.

I'm good Patricia is coming on so hot. She's just like "I wanna work with you" and calls me right away like omg ajdhaidhss it's not that I wouldn't wanna work w her it's just that you'd think she'd spend st least ten minutes to have some small talk before throwing me six feet deep into strategy talk...

i dont think im getting voted out but if i do oh well... everyones voting brian i believe and my friends have no reason to lie to me so i am feelin GOOD!! i hope theres a tribe swap so i can be safe for once oh my god

I hope this tribal and the Brian vote are successful. Fingers crossed!

I'm confessing to say Emily was robbed in Athena All Stars and I love Drew even though he drags me always the end

#fvf6 #confessionals #MassTag

[viewofsal]

Alrighty. EFF IT- LIFE UPDATE POST!

Soooo a lot of good things have been happening in my life. I know from my posts I sound bitter, sad, heartbroken, blah blah but its been a rough time in my life and I’m finally understanding and accepting my life, my lessons, my blessings, my mistakes and experiences. *Someone told me recently my blog is very raw* but I like to keep it real and what not, plus no one knows me on here lol i have followers from all over the US to international countries as well. Also I feel like I haven’t done an “intro” about myself in a long time.. I think since I’ve started blogging so what the hell…. this is going to be long but hey whatever!

Intro!-

Hey guys! Im Salia Sheikh, 25 (old af, jk!), I look younger than my age (thanks to good genes lol), I am still in school, pursuing a career in Business. I love to read, write (duh I have a blog for a reason!), paint, work out, try new food, BIG FOOD JUNKIE, binge watch amazing shows on Netflix (bae for life), I love the color purple and blue. If school wasnt so damn expensive and I didnt have a timelime (being brown aint fun… sometimes) I would definitely get a degree in business of course, dermatology and psychology. I love learning new things and expanding my mind. I come off as a bitch sometimes to people because of the way my face can be… AKA RESTING BITCH FACE. But honestly its just me observing and understanding how people think and work. I know I am a weirdo but whatever! Humans are so freaking interesting. Oh did I mention I live in PNW!? Seattle. <3 Rain city lol. If I could live anywhere else it would be California, Chicago or New York. Anywho enough about me… lets get into the juicy stuff right?

This summer I had a lot going on! I was at the doctors a lot, i went through a lot exams for my breast cancer and it was a very rough time… but I got through it. Alhumdulillah I have such amazing friends and family to support me and were there for me. Along with that,  I went through a very harsh break up and I know that a few posts below this one I went off on my ex FJ, but in this post Im not going to bash on him or anything. Honestly…. my tumblr isnt made to bash on anyone. I wouldnt want to be talked about on the internet but sadly… it happens. So anyways, I went through a rough heart break that honestly I dont blame anyone but myself and because of this heartbreak I am beyond hard on myself with a lot of things but especially guarding my heart, my feelings and letting anyone in. I was told by someone that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I took this relationship too seriously. Its true, I was madly and crazy in love with him but he wasnt. I would push and force him to make it work but when the other person doesnt see any solution or anything to fix it, you should really just back off Sally. One person cant do all the work, it becomes so draining. I literally have so much love to give but at the same time Im just kind of tired, exhausted, bitter and numb. Its weird because I just said Im full of love but at the same time a heart break really gets you guarded. But you know this was a lesson for myself, to not get ahead of yourself, dont have expectations and if you arent getting what you deserve please walk the fuck away, like ASAP. Just abort lol. Because at the end of the day as hurt as I was, I made myself go through hell because I chose to be like very stupid, LIKE VERY. But at the same time, I take it as a blessing in disguise in many ways and a lesson I would love to teach my daughters and possibly sons. Anywho… along with this I was in school UGH, but because I have a goal and I am so motivated I didnt let it affect my school at all. One thing I did do in the past was let such little things like this get in the way of my focus in school and at the end of the day my dreams and career will be right next to me but the person whos temporary will not be. I will not sacrifice my school for anything. This summer I went to Atlanta with all of my cousins and we had so much fun! And then I came back and attended another wedding. It was a lot of chaos but a lot of fun. I come from a very huge family on both sides, and if youre brown you know three day weddings are HECTIC AS HELL! But I gotta say it was a roller coaster type summer.

Once all of the wedding shenanigans were over and all of my cousins flew back to the East Coast and I started school again. After my break up I really started focusing on my mental health, focusing on school, having a better relationship with my parents (its been a rough road but alhumdulillah I am so blessed with such amazing parents. esp my mom helping me a lot through my break up and all .) I didnt even think about talking to any guys or whatever it was literally not even in my head because I was so focused on myself. But a little birdie out of the blue and into my life for a short time but a sweet time. HA is literally every brown girls dream man. A little white wash (EDM LOVER), knows urdu, deen, open minded, handsome as hell… and family orientated. OH AND TREATS A WOMAN RIGHT! Honestly my first impression was like “fuck boy. STRAIGHT UP F BOY! Cocky, too into himself, thinks hes better than anyone…” OH ALSO- didnt meet him off of dating apps lol, its called IG thats the new hook up spot jk! But when you actually talk to him and stuff omg… he is so different. I dont think I have laughed this much while talking to someone, he is so hilarious. He opened my mind to a lot of things that I didnt know about or he pushed me to see things differently, which I loved. When we started talking I was very upfront and blunt with him. As a brown girl I dont have the freedom to just get up and leave for a guy. Period. He understood that and accepted it. He told me he had no expectations. What I really liked about him was that he would always communicate, he was very honest and he was really respectful. When I say REALLY RESPECTFUL, like super. We were talking about our exes (no I didnt say bad shit lol) and he brought it up and he told me that his ex would everyday for six months since they were together would ask, “when are we getting engaged?” Not once did he say, omg shes bat shit crazy.. or annoying or whatever. He just said that much and he was like “you know I felt pressured and I wanted to explain myself why I broke up with her.” I mean if he wanted too he could made her the victim… but damn. Very kind. Not just that when he came here he was showing me a convo with this girl who was kind of mentally not there, and she would act weird its really hard to explain but he talked to her respectfully and was like “hey listen if you want to make friends you have – “ something along those lines. He was just really nice to her because he knew that something wasnt right with that girl at all. I mean I know a lot of people who would straight up just cuss her out… like without a doubt. I remember one time he asked me over FaceTime, “why are you waiting after you get your degree to get married?” I kind of just ignored it lol. But then one night he was with his cousins and cousin’s wife in DC and he FT’d me and all I heard was a girl yelling, “Who are you talking too!? Who is this bitch!?” And he goes “oh this is bae”, and after she saw me (without make up and my raspy voice at 12am lol) she was like “OMG SHES SO PRETTY and her voice is so cute! Shes such a good girl  being at home lol.” Then he goes, “Hani, ask her why she wont get married while being in school?” And she said, “look Im 23, still in CC and Im married, you can too.” I wasnt going to put anyone under the bus and be like “well arent you going to be rolling the dice on me!?” - (because someone said that once to me…) like I said, I dont bash on my ex at all. Even after that, he asked me again lol, “IF we were to get married why wont you get married, transfer your credits and stuff? You can work if you like but even if you dont its okay… just go to school. I gotchu bae.” Im just like “uhh…. wouldnt you want someone who has everything set?” He literally probably wanted to slap me for saying that and he was like “No… what am I here for?” Honestly he was so accepting of me, my past, my dreams, my goals, honestly everything. Even when he came here it was like I knew him from a long time ago, it wasnt causing me to have anxiety or feel scared. We laughed so much, watched so many shows and ate such amazing food. OMG. It was so good to be true, i mean we trusted each other, communication was there. He told me some things that really made me realize wow he is so freaking amazing… His brother doesnt have his AA or degree, his sister in law has her AA but he helps a lot around the house. Hes such a good son and omg, when I say more guys should be like him I MEAN IT.  He was suppose to be a police man lol but then he went back to school and took a few classes and became a consultant. He didnt have a stable job until he came back to VA. I mean he was on contract to contract and even jobless for a few months but he was so positive and happy, which is why I loved being around him. Whenever he would FT me, he would be around his cousins and they would always say, “H is so loyal and faithful, family orientated and he will treat you right.” like as if I didnt know that lol. But you know after he left something really unexpected happened and it wasnt in our control to save it. But it was no ones fault either, sometimes life does a plot twist on you when you least expect it but I had accepted the unexpected and like someone wise said (Jatin, this is your shoutout), “you cant compete with history.” It took me a while to understand but I definitely knew that he was always honest, communicated with me and he was amazing. We didnt really need closure but trust me the way we had closure was like I dont even need to talk about this again. Not every situation needs it but sometimes you need it. But you know, this was Gods way of showing me and saying, “Salia… dont lose faith in guys. There are good guys out there.” And you know, there are. But I dont want anyone right now. Im perfectly fine being single. Plus I am already a brat, sassy mc sassy… with me being a little numb sometimes… I think I have a lot to say sometimes and I have a strong personality lol, it would drive someone nuts. But Idk everytime I talk about HA my heart melts just a little because I was treated with so much respect and he would always tell me that I was a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. But sometimes good things dont last forever. I accepted it.

Along with losing him, I chose to cut off a friend who meant the world to me. She was like a little sister and a best friend. After going through so much in just a few months I realized what I want, who I want in my life and what Im going to do about it. I cant handle negativity… like AT ALL. Friends are suppose to support you, be happy for you and be there for you. This friend lol.. she wasnt there for me at all during my break up, i get it YOU DONT LIKE FJ but I need my girl to be there for me.. shit. I felt like she was jealous and trust me I aint hot shit… Im very like normal, pakistani, short girl… living life. But the vibe and the way she started acting about HA was weird. None of my best friends asked me questions like, “Did he kiss you?” like what…. thats not why he flew here for from VA…. But either way she was asking weird questions like, “was it just fun and games”- PAUSE! So I know Im 25, brown girls get the pressure once theyre in their 20s… But I am in no rush to get married and that is not because I dont have a degree- TO HELL WITH THAT. I can burn that shit and I would still be amazing. But like you dont talk to a guy and jump into the marriage topic, wth? HA and I had a very clear understanding that we are going to take baby steps, no telling parents, siblings, whatever… no labels. TAKE IT SLOW. But either way she was just a total bitch. She loves saying, “I told you so.” Either way I had enough of her, her nazar (evil eye) and negativity. Like I dont need that… I need to be around people who support me, love me and dont bash on my ass. I love my circle small and ever since I cut her off of my life, I am doing so much better because I dont have a gun to my head. It wasn’t even over a guy that I ended our friendship… it was because she wasn’t a good friend and she was jealous. She was never truly happy for me about anything. She envied the relationship I have with my mom and would always be like oh your mom was okay with that? Isk just very weird vibes…. I really wish that she changes her way of approach and what not. No guy is going to love a girl who expects so much and no girl is going to be with a friend who is so judgemental as fuck. Period. I never cuss any of my girlfriends out ever. But she really pissed me off and I felt judged and like a hoe. I really dont need that, thanks anyways.

Now that I got that out of my way, like I said earlier… I have been working on myself. I started going to the gym but its been a while because of school and working a ton of hours. But now that I am on break I am going to go back to the gym, start reading my book- EVERYONE MUST READ “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life“- literally eye opening and so funny! It has changed my life. Reading really does help with your knowledge and growing as a person. If anyone knows any good reads, please drop me a message! :) Im also going to start reading the Quran but in English translation because I really want to know what Im reading and what the Quran is saying, I just want to self educate myself and know about my religion, I am not religious at all… but one thing I do want to start doing is praying and being connected with Allah. I think having a spiritual connection is so good for the mind and soul.

As I was turning 25 I was thinking a lot about myself, my past and my future. I am a thinker but I also love testing myself. When I was 23 going to 24 I was a very weak person. I was fragile and sensitive to a lot of things. I didnt have thick skin at all. I will admit that and I was little a push over. I lost myself at the age of 23, I had a stalker who ruined my life. I never had anxiety my whole life… I took everything like it was nothing. But after dealing with that… it made me weak. I wasnt the Salia that everyone knew. But now that Im past it, I went through some tough stuff in 2017… it made me wiser, smarter, grateful and stronger.  I dont get affected by anything lately… and I was very hesitant to post this but its my blog, my page and I will do whatever to it. Plus I love to write. I feel like a lot has happened but I have been just writing bits and pieces here and there. But I guess I thought I would write something its been a while. lol.

ALSO- Im flying out to Arizona next week for the weekend and I am so excited! to celebrate and have a vacation and to be not dealing with school for a month! Hell yaaaaaa. *THIS WAS MY FAV LIFE UPDATE IN THIS LONGGGGGG POST*

Okay guys… its 1246am here! Im off to bed. Have fun reading this, judging this, whatever you want :D

[veronica-nemesis-clearwater]

There are so many options. There is no way I can decide what I want without a second opinion or eenie meenie.

#this was my rp origin story okay gotta save it #honestly who is veronica tho idr #omg im going to go back in her blog and read convos #i dont have time for this tho omg its 3 in the morning i procrastinated on hw #but omg i love Ashley's new gifs #a blessing truly #oh this is #inner Veronica #i mean if you want to reply and I see it in like 8 months when I log on again feel free