#omg legit im so happy about this! i always wished we could get food from familiar chests

[dire-vulture]

i got meat from..baldwin’s cauldron. not sure how much i wanna let me dragons eat that,

#gsdfgdg thank you baldwin haha #omg legit im so happy about this! i always wished we could get food from familiar chests #this is amazing omg. food from baldwin and tomo and bonding and aaa #just during microholidays but thats still great and im excited for the future c: #pheel talk #flight rising

[purplesurveys]

1024

What would you say is your favorite food? Sushi. < Ahhh, this is a good one. My favorite is down to a tie: it’s either chicken curry or burgers.

What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? Dark brown. I’m not too sure what the second question is referring to but yeah, she and her eyes are both pretty.

What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Hi-5, omg. That show was my life in preschool and I always watched the 12 NN replay as soon as I got back home from school, back when I was still on a half-day sched. I was so hooked I remember having legit tantrums before starting Grade 1 because grade school meant full days in school and thus having to miss out on the show entirely.

Do you like Mexican food or any other foreign foods? For sure. All my favorites are Asian (Indian, Japanese, Indonesian, Chinese, etc.) but I also enjoy Italian, Mexican, Greek etc cuisines. I generally haven’t tried African cuisines but I really, really want to.

What color is the keyboard you are currently using? The keys are black with white lettering.

Do you own any of those ‘chunky’ and cute rings? Nope, not my style.

What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I saw my dad cooking up something deep-fried; it was like his own version of katsu or something, or maybe it’s fish fillet? I’m not too sure what it is yet but I’m excited and will probably eat lots of it as I skipped all my meals and have only been running on coffee and vape all day - not good.

Do you own an iPod or MP3 player? If so, when did you get it? Technically I still do. Haven’t used it since high school. I got it when I was 10 back in ‘08; I was envious of the kids in school who had iPods, so I asked my dad to buy me one even though I wasn’t super into music at the time. Not the best kid in the world.

When was the last time someone took your picture? Last Saturday when my package came. Apparently online deliveries now require your photo to be taken upon receiving your package and I think it’s for the seller to keep track of their transactions. I’m not a big fan of the new procedure, but it’s whatevs.

Would you rather write a report or type it on a computer? Type. 

What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Gray.

Do you receive more compliments or insults on a daily basis? Neither, really. I haven’t been talking to people a lot; and when I do it’s for work, where I receive neither compliments nor insults.

Who is the lead actress / actor from your absolute favorite movie? Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney, or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Can you recite the alphabet backward? [continued from last night] Slowly, but I’m sure I can finish it.

Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? We don’t do hotdogs with chili here. I generally don’t see chili much where I live and I wouldn’t call it a common dish.

Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? At first I thought it was, but I’m slowly realizing that it isn’t.

What would you say is your favorite cereal, if you even like it? Cookie Crisp is the only one I like. I don’t have cereal often.

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where was it? It was a quick weekend getaway to Tagaytay and then Cavite, if it counts.

How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Zero.

Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Yep, especially with Andi and Angela.

Have you ever been an outcast at your school or anywhere else? I was definitely one in early grade school, and again in Grade 6 when both my closest friends migrated in a span of six months, and I spent nearly all my lunch periods alone. Looking back on it, I’m really glad I powered through and made it here because I truly wasn’t happy at the time.

Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? I have lots of sundresses and little black dresses because I was into those for a very long time at one point. Some of them are black, obviously, but I also have dresses in blue, maroon, and olive.

Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? I never drink soda as I’ve always felt like I spend more time complaining about how drinking it feels like burning my tongue and throat than actually enjoying it.

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Water.

How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? Just one. The walls have been white ever since we moved here 12 years ago.

Do you cuss? If so, do you ever cuss in front of your parents? I’ll slip in front of them sometimes but I never get in trouble for it anymore.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Our humor together can be raunchy sometimes but I don’t think I’d ever do this. I dunno if she wants to hear I’ve had sex with a girl either.

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily? Yes.

What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? *In the last week, hearing about the typhoon’s effects in other cities didn’t feel good. This entire country is literally only getting by with donations from the private sector because the government isn’t doing shit for cities and families who got severely affected by the typhoon; it’s almost depressing to hear and read about.

Have you ever been in a car wreck? I’ve been in minor car accidents but it would be too much to call any of them car wrecks. They had all just been tiny bumps or thuds.

Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? Yes, my mom had my earlobes pierced when I was an infant. I don’t plan on getting any more new ones as I’m not really into piercings.

Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Nope.

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people reach out first via text/IM then even if I get back to them in 5–10 seconds, it takes them a long time to get back to me. It’s especially annoying if they classify it as urgent, I drop everything to reply quickly, then they end up disappearing. Like why?

Do a lot of people understand you completely? Who does exactly? No, I like keeping a wall up. 

Would you say you’re really good at cooking and baking things? Haha no. But it’s something I want to be skilled in, definitely. I’d love to be able to make the food I usually just thirst over on the internet. I’m taking baby steps, like figuring out how to make certain sandwiches, but I have a long way to go before I can consider myself any good.

How is the weather outside right this second? It’s been a little cloudy this morning but it might start to get fair seeing how I’m beginning to see the sky turn blue. I’m just hoping there won’t be too much sun, period.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No buildings as I live in a gated village. We have a number of trees around, but I wouldn’t call it ‘a lot.’

Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?’ No. I have that title, and I believe I inherited it from my great-grandmother who was a bit of a pack rat herself, as I’ve been told.

Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? Kinda. I don’t associate with one of my uncles because he has a terrible drinking issue that he never got to permanently fix. Whenever I see him at family gatherings he just smells like stale gin or whatever it is he drinks, and it just ruins the essence of family reunions for me. As recent as Christmas Day last year he drove drunk and crashed into a car with an entire family, but as always his ass got lucky because 1) no one in the family got hurt, and 2) said family let go of the lawsuit they were planning to file against him.

Have you ever seen That 70’s Show? Do you watch it regularly? I tried watching the first episode but genuinely could not find it entertaining for the life of me. Sorry, Mila :(

If you could choose, what decade would you rather live in? I never really think about revisiting decades - they’re already behind, so what’s the point? As bad as the 2020s have been looking, I’m okay with staying here.

How often would you say you get sick? Once a year at most.

Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? I used to wish they would die, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

Has anyone ever called you a socio-path before? I don’t think so.

When was the last time you watched a movie in theaters? December.

Have you ever moved to a completely different state before? We’ve moved to different regions before.

Do you mind it when surveys ask you really personal questions? No. Isn’t that part of the point of surveys?

When was the last time you told someone you love them? Thursday or Friday I think, when Andi said it to me first and I said it back. I wasn’t having a good day and they were just looking out.

Which one would you like more: kiss on cheek / kiss on neck? Depends on my mood. Right now a kiss on the cheek sounds nice.

Does it bother you when people steal your stuff on MySpace? This never happened to me because I had Myspace for such a short time and I never caught it at its peak. Also, how do people steal your stuff over there? That’s pretty intriguing lmao

Do you have freckles? Do you like / dislike them? I don’t have any.

Who would you say is the best actor / or actress in your opinion? My biased ass would rally for Kate Winslet all the way, but some other great ones for me are Toni Collette, Emma Stone, Jodie Foster, and Natalie Portman.

How many times have you been drunk in your life? Many.

What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? Be confused and ask them to give me a few concrete reasons. I don’t think too highly of myself, but I know I’ve never done anything to make me deserving of hate, especially with regard to us.

Do you ever think you might be pregnant? No, it has never been a worry of mine.

When was the last time you acted really immature? The weekend.

Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more? Horror. I never watch comedies and the only subtype of it that I watch is romcom.

As a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend? Yeah but it lasted all of five minutes until I got bored with the concept.

Does anyone call you baby? Who would that be? No.

Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? I have no idea what take up means. If this also means ‘stand up for me,’ then yeah I can.

#survey #surveys

[feisty-fae]

If you still do the flower ask thingys.. 👉👈 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙜𝙤 :)

HoooH boY hEre we gO-

Alisons: Sexuality?

I sexually identify as a can of beans

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Cis female she/her

Amaryllis: Birthday?

27 September

Anemone: Favorite flower?

All flowers pretty,, but stargazer lily, rose, dahlia and cherry blossoms

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

I don't watch tv but I'll list some other stuff i like to watch:mha, beastars and aggretsuko

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

Idk depends on scenario??

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

"Kanye West he likes, fingers in his ass."

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Any Milkshakes or smoothies (mostly banana and strawberry for milkshake and p much anything for smoothie)

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I've never had kith

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

Well you see yes but actually no

Baneberries: Favorite song?

I listen to a lot but to keep it short:baby in the kitchen, in my mouth and friends slowed (chase atlantic)

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

We p chill fam

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

Irl bestie,, shes not on tumblr lol

Begonia: Favorite color?

PinKKK

But i like most colours

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Cats,,,,

FoxES,

ANYTHING CUDDLY AND CUTE

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

Night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

I'd be like a doggo bc it would be the most fun i think-

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a vet but then when my granny asked me "but whos gonna clean up the animal poop?" I was like "eWW pO0pP!" and then decided that mayb i shouldn't be a vet

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

They're either really kind and sweet

Or literal demons from hell

Legit no inbetween

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

I'm afraid of lot of things-

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

I was one dumbass bitcg-

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

Idk eat pizza and cry or smth ajakamkw

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

Single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

NEW YORKKK, CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFF THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO NOW YOU'RE IN NEW YOOORKKK

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

When someone hugs me or just generally spends time with me

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

Nop

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

I used to have piercings when i was a bab but eHh haven't worn them since and i dont think my ear holes are big enough now-

California Poppy: Height?

4'10 grrr I'm the omega midget and I'll devour ur ankles

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nop

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

Pant, pink top and black hoodie

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I think i have??

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

My mom and my dad

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

I never kith

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

I dont have one so imma say sans bc it always looks out of place and makes me laugh-

Columbine: Are you tired?

No

I feel like screaming and jumping around my room like a crackhead

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

Nothing in particular ig

Coneflower: Dream job?

Smth kinda fun and art or design related hopefully,,,,

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert but i also get lonley easily

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

Nop,,,,

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

I would get run over by 5 monster trucks, jump off a plane, get mauled by 10 bears, get trampled on by a stampede, get brutally tortured for 12 hours straight, yeet myself into the Grand Canyon and then break all my bones with my bare hands if they weren't broken already

Ok basically i care a lot

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

I had this st bernard plush called Sparky and this lion named Sammy,,

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libra

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

My memory is legit so bad it's probably concerning uHHH

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

Mayb art??

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

Ehhh i might reason with them and then if they still disagreed I'd just keep the relationship a secret

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

My parents

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

Ehhh arT

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

EhhHh everything that isn't art-

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

Oh boy here comes my shitty memory-

Hmmm

Idk but I'm mostly happy that I've been more social and stuff and i feel like im kinda coming out of my shell a bit

Not sure what to say for other 2 bc nothing in particular has really happend?

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Ehhh oK??

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Mayhapsn't

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

I hope to pass all my exams and get an okish job mayb

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

1.fRIENBS ILY MY HABIBIS

2. Fammm

3. eHhh yummy food,,

4. Drawing and uhhh art

5. EPIC MUTUALS

6. Ok idk what else aside from like serious stuff like house and etc.-

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

Drawing, crying, venting to a friend/parent

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

Hugssss,kith,cuddle, *draws u stuff*

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

MmmmmMy aRRt?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

Wake up

Don't go to school

Vibe with friends

Sleeb

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

MmMmMM aRT-

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Ehh 8yrs? We met in hell school

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Friendos

Mom

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

6..?? Aa idk theres some people that idk if they'd consider me a friend or not,,

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Idk any compliment is best compliment for me,,

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Ew yucky gröss

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

m y a r t

Also my hair bc its soft and wavy,,

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

Everything else-

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Climb trees and do dumb shit

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Same irl bestie i mentioned before

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

MmmmmmMMM,,,

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

MMMmMMmMMMMmmmMMm,,,,,,

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

Well I chose Fae bc i thought it sounded pretty

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Idk what to rlly say lmao

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

Kinda the same but i had toys everywhere-

Also when i was like 5 i had this legit fucking cursed thomas the tank engine shaped bed that i actually found a pic of but it's FUCKING HORRIFYING SO I PROBS WONT SHOW HERE-

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

EW BEING A TEENAGER SUCKS ASS HOW DO I UNDO????

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

Hi mom ily ur epic

Onions: Tell about your dad.

Hi dad ily ur epic

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

Omg i miss my grannies sm bc i couldn't see em this year bc nasty pandemic

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

Haha shit memory gor brrRR-

I don't really remember too many specific parties but when i was like 7-10 i had these epic parties in those birthday places with the giant play areas

I kinda wish i wasn't too old to go to them sobs

Peony: What was your first job?

I haven't had a job yet

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Hmmmm idk? I haven't really thought abt that but i don't really mind i just wanna find someone to vibe with,,

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

I cri

Pink: Where is home?

Home is home home

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

Now where do i start...

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I look up to people that are kind, caring, brave, funny, cool or stronger than me ig?

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

Basically my current life minus school, stress,pandemic and responsibilities lmao

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

I used to believe in ghosts after i thought i encountered one

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Hermmmst

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

Peoples laughsss also music

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Bro i dont have one,, my aphantasia makes it hard for me to remember stuff-

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

A

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

I wantttt better chargersss thattt donttt telll meee thatt myyy tablett will finishh chargingg innn 1 dayy andd 7 hoursss

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Kinda difficult but im opening up more

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

fRIENDS,,,,,wAh

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hrs

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

Idk ig i kinda have to go to school and do stuff

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

Non existant

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

My black and white stripy top, and all my hoodiess

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

I don't think i have just one aesthetic bc im drawn to so many different aesthetics at the same time-

Like vintage, neon, dark, spoopy, pastel, cute, etc etc

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

OMG I LEGIT JUST SCREAM AT ANYTHING ANYONE GIVES ME-

IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME SMTH I CRY,,

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

🤏

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

I haven't been reading anythinggg

But i should really finish reading Percy Jackson bc it do be picking up dust-

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Everywhere

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Mmm yummy 👅

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I am currently living and breathing yes

[penny44224]

BTS imagine :Valentine’s together

I know im late asfuck

Suga

You were currently scrolling through Instagram, watching couples  being romantic. You wished that you could have those surprises with Suga, but you guys weren't even dating. Being in love with your best friend was the worse, especially since he's an idol. While being sad and alone, Suga texted you. You thought he was going to wish you a ”Happy Valentine's Day” or something so romantic to celebrate the day. But when you looked at your phone.

Suga: Hey, my charger some how died on me, could you buy me a new one at that store by your place and bring it to the studio.

You sat there with this look on your face.” I know this dude did not,” you said to yourself.But the lovesick girl you are, you responded

Y/N: No problem

You reached his studio after buying the item he requested. You didn't want to stay too long because you couldn't face him on such a day as this. You knocked on the door but there was no response. You tried a second time, still nothing.

”Suga, if you don't open this door. I'm gonna return this char-”

That's when he opened the door, covered your eyes and pulled you in.

”Dude, WTF ARE YOU DOING!”

”Shh” Suga response.

As Suga moved you to a certain area of the studio, you heard music starting to play. That when he removed his hands. You gasped at the sight in front of you. There were lights lit, heart-shaped desserts, food, roses, champagne and etc.

”I've been trying to think of a way to ask you to be my girlfriend but you know I suck at this shit,” Suga said

You turned to him and kissed his cheek.

”This is so beautiful, I love it. And yes. I'll be your girlfriend if that's what you're asking. You said smiling at him.

He returned the smile

”Shall we?”

“We shall” you replied as you both sat down and began a night of new love

RM

You were on your way to meet up with your friend to have dinner for Valentine's day. You were supposed to be with your boyfriend. But he received called from work, which meant he had to leave early this morning. So your friend decided instead of mopping in the house, she thought it would be fun to go out.You made it to the location, but you didn’t see your friend or anyone there.

”Where is she? Wait, where is everyone?” you said to yourself.

You started to become scared. Until you heard harmonic music starting to play inside the restaurant. You were skeptical about following the music, but something about it drew you in, making you follow it. The music became louder and louder, as you headed towards the rooftop. When you reached the top, you saw rose petals on the floor. As you now followed the rose petals. You found Namjoon standing beside a table decorated with candles and roses.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby” Namjoon said as he walked toward you and held your waist.

“So that’s why you left so early, so you can do all this.” You said while smiling brightly.

“Of course, Through the rough paths I had to encounter in my life, you have been there no matter what.” Rm replied

“And I’ll never stop,” you said as you pecked his lips.

“Come on, I know your starving baby,” Rm said while leading you to the table.

“Hey, what's that’s suppose to me,” You said while pouting which made him laugh.

Jin

As the sun glazed onto your chocolate skin, your eyes started to flutter open. As you stretched out of your lumper, you felt bed lower beside you. When you turned over, you saw Jin watching a video on his phone.

"I thought you'd never wake up," Jin said 

                                                                                             You scoffed at his answer

"You know what today is?" you asked while  giving puppy eyes to him

"Another day," Jin said while still looking at his phone

" Really, Jin," you said

"It's not our anniversary, so it's not a special day," He said shrugs as he got up and left the room

"Unbelievable," you said as you turned over and buried your head into the pillow.

You thought of a way to forget the fact your boyfriend forgot about Valentine's Day. But that’s when you heard noises in the kitchen. You got up and decided to investigate. You gasped as you saw the decorations and food displayed on the counter. You felt arms wrapped around your waist and kiss the top of your head, even though you were wearing your bonnet.

"Happy Valentine's, my love"

"Sooo, you pretended to forget to do all this," You asked while facing him.

"Well, you took so long to wake up and the food was getting cold. You know I had to wait for you for an hour. You know I hate to waste food and do you have the-"you cut him off by giving him a long kiss.

"Thank you, my lover. I really appreciate this a lot. I'm sorry you had wait so long for me to wake up. Can you ever forgive me" you smiled sweetly to Jin.

He kissed your forehead

"Only if you eat this wonderful breakfast" He returned.

You skipped went to the table and sat down to dive in.

"Did you seriously write this in Spanish? "You questioned Jin

"Don't start!" he said while he starts eating.

Jhope

You were texting your boyfriend, Jhope about how his day was going. He had to help choreograph a new piece with his dance instructor, but it's taking longer than expected.  

You: This is taking too longggg

Jhope: I know angel but  hang in there for me

You: We were suppose to leave 5 hours ago

Jhope: aww I'm so sorry

You: Hey, it's ok. I understand baby. I'll cancel it. We can just chill here.

After you sent that text, Jhope didn't reply back. You figured he was busy once again.  As the sun began to set, you decided its best to change out of your dress. It made no sense of looking good for nothing. That was when the doorbell rang. Once you opened the door, you saw a tall man dressed in a lavish tuxedo, holding a huge bouquet of flowers.  You looked up and saw Jhope smiling down at you.  

"Happy Valentine's Day, my angel,"

"Wha-, How-, I thought you were held up at the studio." You said confused

"Well, we finish the choreography within 10 minutes, soo I had EXTRA time to prepare our night. He said raising his eyebrows.

You took the bouquet from him and placed them on the table.

"Prepared what I may ask," You said while folding your arms

He caressed your cheek

" That will be answered as soon as you take my hand and join me." He said removing his hand from your cheek and held his hand out to you.

You looked at his hand to face and back to hand.

"What movie did you watch to come up with that." You said chuckling

"Y/N just take my hand already," he said whining

You took his hand and kissed it.

" I was joking," You said smiling and pulling him out the door

As you both entered the car, Jhope started the ignition.

"It was on Pinterest," Jhope said quietly even though you heard him clearly.

"OMG, you have a Pinterest, what's your username!"

Jimin

After having to work for 9 hours on Valentine's day was the worst day ever. You wanted to spend time with Jimin but you were called in before the sun even rose. You felt guilty. Because you didn't have time to get him something special for your first Valentine's together. As you unlock your front door you called for Jimin. But you didn't hear any answer. You checked from the kitchen, bathroom and still nothing. But that when you realized you missed one room, your bedroom. As you entered, your bag fell out of your hand slowly and dropped to the ground. Your mouth opened slightly as well. There was roses shaped as a heart saying "Happy 1st Valentine's Day." Balloons everywhere, candles and a Jimin laying down on the bed.

"Hey baby," Jimin said in a somewhat deep voice

You stood there for 5 seconds when you legit ran "Get Out" type towards him

"Ba-Woah, Woah-" Jimin yelled terrified

You jumped on top of him and began to kiss him all over his face

"I.Love.You.So.Much.My.Mochi" you said with every kiss

You then remember you didn't get Jimin a gift. So you pulled away and pouted

"Hey hey what's wrong," Jimin asked gently taking your hand

"I had such a fucked up day, I didn't have time to buy you a gift, I'm so sorry. But-t I'll find a way to make it up to you."Jimin chuckled

"Well, I know one way you can make it up for me," He said with a smirk

He got up and took your hand to direct you to the bathroom. When you both entered, there were dim lights, a bath filled with roses and the scent of lavender floats around the room.

"You can make it up to by enjoying this bath I made for you" He whispered in your ear

With no question asked, you removed your clothes in a swift motion and entered the bathtub.As you sit, you inhale the soft scent and exhale bliss, while Jimin leans on the door frame admiring your relaxed form.

"You know what would be better." You whispered

"What," Jimin asked tilting his head"If the love of my life joins me," you said turning your head to face him.

Once he heard you say "joins" his clothes were removed within second and entered the tub to sit behind you.

He massaged your head as you laid on his chest.

"mm you're making me sleepy," you said as your eyes started to close.

"Then rest my baby, you deserve it," he said as he kissed your sleepy head.

Taehyung

Ever since you guys met, Taehyung would always take pictures. From random photos of any scenic opportunity, he finds to every living thing. But he never took pictures of you like that. You felt down at times about it, but you didn't let it get to you hard. Because it was just pictures, right?It was Valentine’s Day, and you were on your way home with gifts for Taehyung. But you got a text from Taehyung, saying to meet him at an address he sent you. You think much of it and turned on your GPS to proceed the destination.

As you entered the lobby, he sent you another text stating the room number. You went up the elevator and exit to go to the room. As you arrive at the room number, you knocked. No answer, so you knocked again. After being impatient, you twisted the doorknob and found it was unlocked the whole time. You entered with cautious and looked for a weapon that was closest. (Did you really think you were gonna enter an unlocked room that was, in fact, dark. ) You walked around quietly until you saw a light glaring in a room, so you decided to check in there. When you opened the door, you dropped your weapon following by your jaw. Before you were a heart shaped with roses and candles and inside the heart was photos of you and Taehyung.

”You like it ” he heard behind you

As you turn around, you see Taehyung smiling

”I-, I-” you tried to say as tears formed in your eyesHe then came to you and hugged you.

”I love it, thank you so much,” you said as you still look at the display.

”And I love you and all the memories you have given me. You are my heart” he said placing his finger on your chin and moved in to kiss you

Taehyung then felt an object beside his foot”Why is there a whisk on the ground

”Taehyung as he pulled away and looks down between them

”Shhhh, let's not worry about that” you pulled him back to kiss him again but he pulled away

”Was that suppose to a weapon?” he asked while laughing

”Oh my gosh, you ruined the moment!” you said frustrated as you walked lit the room

”Wait, no comeback,” Taehyung said as he runs after you

Jungkook

You weren't really into the whole Valentine’s day thing. You actually thought it was pretty irreverent.Why would people consider showing love or buying gifts for someone as a holiday when you can do it every day.Everyone knew your opinion of Valentines Day, especially Jungkook. As foryour boyfriend, he was so hyped to do something big for your first Valentines together. But after hearing your Valentine’s comments he didn't know what to do anymore.  You guys were casually texting each other. Until you made a  random suggestion that sparked Jungkook an idea.

Y/N: What if we someone made like an ocean movie theater

Jungkook: 🙃tf you smokin baby

Y/N: think about what if they like had the movie screen and the seats where mini pools

Y/N: ok now reading what I just texted it's ridiculous 😂

Jungkook: well you could be on to something

Y/N: yeah people who can't swim watching a movie, yeah it would close within a week. Omg what if the screen fell into the 🙊

Jungkook: 😀wellllll mmyyyy cccuutteee bbbaaby

Y/N: What you want boy

Jungkook: Can you pick up my to- go order at these three places💙

Y/N: UM EXCUSE YOU

Jungkook: if you bring you can have some too😇

Y/N: 😐

After 1 hour of getting food for Jungkook’s monsterous stomach. You reached his place. As you were about to knock on the door, Jungkook opened it.

”Hello,” Jungkook says with a smile on his face.

You looked at him strangely as you placed the food on the dining table.

”Hey” as you tried to read his facial expression to see why if he was smiling so hard.

”Sooo, baby. I know you don't like Valentine's Day, which I completely understand. But I still want to do something special for you”

”Jungkook you really didn't have to do tha” You tried to say

”Nope let me finish, Linda,” Jungkook said pointing a finger at you

You looked him up and down to make sure he didn't just lose his mind”

After the idea you gave me, I thought of an idea we can do together on this (not holiday).” Jungkook said as he covered your eyes and directed you to the location

After a few terrible directions, he removed his hands and as you opened your eyes, words could not  form. Somehow Jungkook made a legit an ocean movie theater. There was a giant inflatable kiddie pool floats in the pool. Inside the kiddie pool was lots of blankets, pillows, and plushies. There are roses and battery operated candles around the pool. Last but not least a projector with the Netflix logo.

“Omg, my, how,” You tried to say but was too captivated by the creation Jungkook made

“You should have known even on our FIRST Valentine’s Day, I wanted to do something special for you. It’s not too Valentineeee, it’s basic Netflix and chill but outside at night...with roses. “ Jungkook says rumbling as he scratches the back of his head.

You hugged him“I love it, baby,” You said with a smile

“well let’s get in” Jungkook he said

You and Jungkook got the food and brought inside the kiddie pool. but you guys decided to change into onesies to set the mood. Once you guys changed, you both struggled to get in the floating kiddie pool. After an hour of watching Netflix, you couldn’t imagine how someone would do something like this for you

“Hey, I really appreciate this. No has ever done this type of stuff for me” You started to say

“BabyGirl, I love you. I will do anything to make you keep that smile on your face.” Jungkook said as he looked into your eyes

You gave him a passionate kiss, but it soon started to heat up

“If you keep this up, you may tip us over,” You said placing a hand on his chest

“ Yah, stop disturbing the movie”

you heard a voice behind you. As you and Jungkook turned around you see the rest of the members in a kiddie pool also watching the movie

“When did you guys even get in here AND HOW WERE YOU GUYS QUIET THIS ENTIRE TIME!” Jungkook asked while you were laughing your ass off.

#bts imagine #bts scenarios #ambw bts #bts ambw #ambw poc #bts #bangtan #jungkook #jimin #rm #suga #jin #seokjin #minyoongi #jhope #hoseok #v #taehyung

[dfwemelie]

April 2019🌦

Wow, April 1st and so much has already happened. There were 4 fights today. The first one was 2 guys on the back stairwell I didnt know. The second one was Eugene punching Michael in the jaw over minecraft. And the last two happened on my bus. We sat on the side of the road for an hour until we were cleared to leave. The cops showed up and apparently it's a big deal. After the first fight on the bus, a kid jumped out the window and ran home. Over all pretty entertaining cause I've never actually seen a real fight before (only been in them). My mom and dad also dropped of my moms bestfriend to prison in Dallas today. It was really hard on both of them. We know she'll be back soon, its not that long.

April 4th, I almost punched Kelly in class cause she wouldnt stop talking shit :)

April 5th, hi welcome to missing Calvin a fucking lot :( (update from April 30, fucking die bitch)

April 9th, Yesterday we did Staar rotations. I hung out with Scott and Blake the entire time. Since I got Scott's snap we've been texting alot and I found he likes me.

April 10th, I told Calvin I thought we needed a 1 week break and now hes threatening to break up with me. Scott's helping me through it so I'm ok.

April 12th, Scott and I facetimed yesterday and after that we played Zombies with Seth. It was fun but I kept having to go help my mom and dad with something. Today he walked me to my first class which is Geometry. I think its extremely obvious he likes me. It's cute tho, Kaylie approves.

I have been thinking about this alot recently and I feel like its the right thing to do. I’m gonna break up with Calvin when 8th period starts. I just cant wait to do it later, it’s killing me inside. I am doing it over text because I genuienly feel like my life would be in danger if I told him in person. I’ll let you know how I goes and how he reacts. Wish me luck.

April 14th, I forgot to report how the breakup with Calvin went. Honestly went better than I expected. I'm glad we broke up, that was a really toxic relationship.

Scotty just said the sweetest fucking thing I've ever heard I'm gonna cry.

April 15th, OMG OMG OMG ok. this happened like 10 minutes ago so bare with me I'm still a little bit shook. Sooooo Scott took me to the back of the stairs by the Geometry and Art hall and KISSED ME! KISSED! ME! It was very sudden and at one point my braces got in the way but it's fine, we dont talk about it. After that we were walking down the stairs he said "well since that happened I might as well ask you now instead of after school, would you do the honors of being my girlfriend?" obviously I said yes cause hi, I like him, we just kissed. I immediately texted Kaylie. Scott now knows I tell Kaylie literally everything about anything. I cant help it, she is my bestest friend in the entire world. She knows everything about my life and she has always been there for me. My stomach doesnt feel good so ima take a quick nap until 1st period is over.

bitch even MORE SHIT has happened! first of all, Scott walked me to every one of my classes today which was super sweet. When the last bell rang Scott and I met up and just walked around school since we were both staying after. We just went up and down stairwells and kissed for a little then went outside by the bus ramps. When we got their we started kissing again, then talked and hugged, then walked around. Imagine that but legit 15 times. One time we were kissing and he picked me and continued to kiss me. When it was time for me to go we walked past all of our baseball and football friends. They were all cheering him on and congratulating him. We walked to the front of the school then my mom arrived. We hugged and kissed goodbye and that was it. We've been talking since.

I found out Izzy likes this girl and I'm so proud of him. He seems so happy and he blushed when I was talking to him about her. I'm so happy for him :')

Scotty told me hes my new addiction to stop my original. hes funny thinking I can stop.

April 16th, I had to go to a mandatory drill team meeting today. I'm worried i might not be able to tryout cause my grades are too low for me to bring up. It's fine tho. idc anymore.

April 17th, I get to hang out with Scotty after school today again

skrt skrt its 7:37. Scott and I hung out where we did last time. We basically watched Infinity War and made out the entire time. There were alot of people around cause everyone was getting their physical. Gage saw us but idc about that. I think around 2 hours ago Scott texted me but as soon as I got home I passed out. He said his mom found out about us dating and i was nervous. He said he was getting out of the car and his phone turned on and both his lock screen and home screen is us and his mom saw. She said I was cute and he had good taste. Glad his mom approves lol, now I just gotta tell mine. I was planning on it when she comes back from San Antonio later this week but we will see.

April 20th, wow I haven't done this in awhile sorry lol. Today I went to my friend Jaydens house and went swimming. It was really fun. She keeps wanting me to talk to her cousin Seth who is the same ago as me. Little does she know I have a boyfriend UwU.

April 21st, its 1:08 in the morning lol. Scotty got abssss. I'm not complaining, it's a weakness of mine lol.

April 22nd, yesterday was Easter and it was pretty fun. I went to my cousins house and hung around 2 goats and like 50 chickens. I keep telling my parents I want a goat and they said I'll get one one day, it would just have to stay at my grandma's house.

I'm done trying to fix something this broken. I've cried too many tears over you. I'm done.

April 24th, IM FINNA THROW SOME HANDS IF DEREK AND CALVIN DONT STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME AND SCOTTY OMGGGGG

April 25th, Scotty and I stayed up till midnight watching Netflix on facetime together. We got it to where it was timed perfectly so it was like we were watching it together. I’m hanging out with him after my fashion show rehersal after 4 until 5:15-5:30. I feel way happier and amazing now that I am with him. He makes me happy uwu. A couple days ago Kaylie showed me these socks on Amazon that she really wanted and i’m gonna suprise her with a pair of them tomorrow. I bought 2 pairs so that we could be matching and cause they are super cute. I am kinda nervous about it idk why. I know she is gonna love them. I like giving gifts to my friends, especially Kaylie cause she is my bestfriend and I would do anything for her to be happy.

April 26th, I went to see Avengers End Game with Jesse and Evan and it was the best movie I have ever seen, I get to see it next monday which is amazing. I gave Kaylie her shiba socks this morning and she loved them of course. I’m happy I had the chance to get her something she wanted. Scott and I were sitting and lunch and Carlos sprayed his water bottle everywhere. It scared me alot lol.  

April 28th, first of all...friday....hottest thing ever omg. I went on a trail thing yesterday and it was fun ig. I'm at my grandparents house and everyone wants me to make food??? like why??? I'm lazy and I just wanna sit on my phone looking at memes. uuggghhh. I'm supposed to be getting my nose peircing today but I seriously doubt that will be happening. My mom keeps saying shes gonna take me but it never happens.

April 29th, I was supposed to get my permit today huy I didnt have my ssc so we gotta do it tmrw. I'm on ft with Scott and his cousin Maria is adorable and I love her

April 30th, I got my permit this morning and now I'm about to cry. Mrs.Clary is stressing me the fuck out and I cant handle it anymore.

okay um hi. Scotty....best kisser ever. that was really hot. like holy shit

[okyio-archive]

                                                HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Hey guys !!! I just wanted to do a little smt smt for y’all (I know it’s like just a doodle (of either u/icon/oc) but I wanted to do smt ?? I can’t make cc / have time to make a grand ol edit so aksdjhf) to show how thankful I am for everyone I’ve met + how I appreciate you guys sm for being super supportive + loving. I didn’t have much time cause I’m going on vacation ( still need to pack haha) + I won’t have access to my game/laptop during the holidays so today was the only free time I had asdjfh. If I had more time, I would have drawn all of you guys buT know that i love each and every one of you because you have made a positive impact in my life and I’m super grateful to have y’all. You matter so much to me and I wish I could give everyone a good ol hug!!! ily + please take care !!

But here’s some ol cheesy ass stuff below (drawings are from l -> r):

@grapfruit :: hONESTLY i dont even need to say anything cause you know how much i love you okay?!?! idk why you stuck w/ me for so long like i’m not even that good of a friend?? like ur super social butterfly + im like a slow fucker at replying but u still stuck w/ me umMM?? legit the v first time u msged me about being from HK i legit fangirled b/c i loved ur sims + style sm and you’re one of the v first frds on here that i really clicked?? like it’s rare for me (even IRL) for me to find ppl im fine w/ but ilysm and i love how we’re super chill tgt + have v similar interests (i mEAN food is #1 priority lets be honest) but I only wish you the best w/ everything in life + i legit care about u sm that i practically adopted u as my sister ok yeah hopefully i can find time to meet up w/ u buT for now ily than ks

@ridgeport :: !!!! margarITA IS2G you’re the best at everything: cc making, story telling, editing okAY you’re the perfect package + i want to thank you for taking the time in doing this + being such a huge part of the community??? i legit can’t imagine this community w/o u?? so thank you for being here + blessing us every day. i hOPE you have a great life cause you deserve everything ok ilysm please have a safe holiday !!!

@chocolat-souffle :: okAY I LOVE HOW WE CLICK SM + we can rant about shit + be open about it + we relate to each other sm?? like our opinions, fashion sense, life in general, food etc?? i’m so thankful that we met on here cause it feels like we would be vvvv good frds if we met irl :’+) ilysm and thNANK YOU again for being so patient w/ me + my slow replies i hope you’re having fun on vacay !!! ilysm okAY

@catplot :: !!!!!! yES U SEE THAT PIXEL THING ON THE CORNER, IT’S OUR FAVOURITE THING AHAHAH bUT I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WE MAGICALLY FOUND EACH OTHER I S2G IT’S FAITH !!! yOURE 100X BETTER ARTIST THAN ME oKAY and I’m wishing the best okA i hope work isn’t too stressful + youre spending a gol ol jolly time w/ ur loved ones ilysm an d i hope we  can continue drawing di!Ck$ tgt for a v long time ily

@meisiu :: i hope you’re doing well w/ ur finals :’+) !! i can’t believe we have sm in common (animal crossing, bujo, sims, canto culture????) like i legit would lOVE to spend more time getting to know you but i just want to rave bout how sweet you are + your builds always amazes me?? i love them sm + once your finals are done, i hope you’ll spend a good time w/ ur loved ones :’+) !! tysm for posting your content everyday !! ily

@whiite-tea :: !!! you’ve been my legit #1 cheerleader since like the beginning. legit you msg me on the daily to make sure + check up if im okay + i’m really thankful for that??! you’re always here supporting me + others + put others first before yourself adsfj yoURE TOO KIND LOVE OKAY?1 remember youre loved + i hope school’s not too stressful :+( !! ilysm !!

@1tens :: yEAH OKAY JES LIKE ILY?? I WANT TO GET TO KNOW U BETTER BUT I KNOW WE’LL BE COOL FRIENDS CAUSE UR SO SWEET + I LOVE UR STYLE SM ??! LIKE U MAKE THE CUTESTS SIMS EVER + UR STYLE + EDITS ARE TO DIE FOR!!!! and you take the time out of your day to comment on like everyone’s post + you’re adorbs okay? im only wishing you the best + tysm for supporting love ilYSM :’+)))

@twikkii :: i drew nissi if you’re okay w/ that :’+) !! but i s2g you’re the cutest ever and my heart is always thinking about you okay?! you make the cutest edits + gameplay pics ever i legit get so excited whenever you post. you’re so sweet + kinda to others & i’m always wishing that you’re doing okay !! ilysm + i’m so thankful i met you- you really taught me things + i appreciate you sm kjadhf have a good holiday love :’+)

@dnasz :: okay honestly everything you post is so cute + aesthetically pleasing?! your builds are amazing (like wanna teach me lOL??! i legit jaw dropped when u post ur most recent ones) + you’re super sweet + kind to others. everyday i look forward in seeing you post cause i know it’ll be amazing :’+) i hope you’ll have a great holiday love !!! 

@simsao :: the fact that you match colours so well is inspiring. I’ve always struggled w/ colours + your posts are so unique that it has challenged me to step from my comfort zone + try to explore + play around w/ it more?! so thank you sm for posting + i love your aliens uGH!! your edits are super unique like idk how else to describe them but i love them sm. + your self sim ones atm are my fav omg we legit have sm in common akjsdhf bUT thank you sm for posting + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

@smubuh :: ABBY!!! okAY i’ve raved about you before but you’re such a sweetheart and a person I really do aspire. You’re kind, hardworking and have a beautiful mind + soul. I rarely look up to anyone but I can safely say you’re one of them !! Thank you for bringing so much to the community - you’ve taught us so much (esp when you have a super busy schedule). I hope you have a great holiday w/ your loved ones + your family :”+) ily !!!

@4fig :: !! i hope you’re doing well w/ ur exams love !! i know i’ve told you so many times but you’re one of the few reasons why i joined this community - your edits are legit my aesthetic ?! every time you post i’m always in aw because you create the most beautiful sims + your editing style is one of my favs. i honestly would love to get to know you better once you’re done w/ everything but you’re really kind + sweet + i only wish you the very best :’+) have a great holiday love !!

@faeflowr :: yeah your edits are my fav okYA?! scratch that EVERYTHING you post is beautiful :’+) your sims, gameplay, edits - they’re all amazing + I love them sm. bUT most importantly you’re so pretty iRl omg?! if i had to choose who’s my fav simblr posts are itll be you cause i love everything you do + your aesthetic is legit exactly what i love aksjdhf ily !! i hope you have a great holiday :+)

@ughplumb :: yEAH ILL FOREVER CALL U UNFPLUMB CAUSE YOU’RE FKING BEAUTIUL I SWEAR U CAN BE A MODEL OK idk why you aren’t like ?? i love how you make ur sims cause i can never make good sims like yours - they’re all beautiful just like you ;’+) aND im excited for you to post but take your time okay ?!? tysm for being here + ily !!! i hope you have a great holiday !!

@mooon-sims :: yeah who do i go to when i need a lookbook?? your styles the best ? i love your new editing style + im so glad youre still here :’+) i know it gets tough esp w/ collage apps + school but im so proud of you okay?1 you’re a strong fighter + im glad you still pull through in posting !!! ily + remember to keep doing you okay?! have a great holiday love :’+)

@blarffy :: !!! okAY YEAH EVERYTHING YOU DO IS PERFECTION AND LIKE EVERY1 CAN BACK ME UP HECK U HAVE LIKE 128736 SPOUCES LINING UP OUTSIDE THE CHAPEL RN bUT thank you sm for posting ?! i know we dont talk that often but youre super sweet (maybe it’s a canadian thing?!? LOOL jokES) but i would love to get to know you better cause youre fking bomb?! thank you for blessing us w/ ur content + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

@pink-tea :: okAY I MISS YOU AND YOUR POSTS !!! i swear youre so sweet + i love your aesthetic so much ajksdhf buT youre still here always supporting me despite having a super busy life so i thank you for that !! i’m always here supporting you + waiting till you post cause i miss them sm :’+((( i hope youre doing well regardless + remember i always love u !! have a great holiday love!!

@liltofu :: !!! i love lov elove your aesthetic + sims + style so much?! every time you post i get really excited cause you never disappoint? i’m always so jealous of your editing style cause it’s legit my fav thing ever alskdfj + i use like 99% of your recolours cause u pick out the best things to recolour?! bUT i hope youre doing well !! ily + have a great holiday love :’+)

@dust-bubbles :: awh man you’re always here spreading love + i swear youre my lil sunshine :’+) thank you for taking the time out of your day for sendin me love?! like i always smile when you do + i appreciate your unconditional support sm !! i’m wishing you the very best in life cause you deserve it ?! ily + i hope you have a wonderful holiday :’+) 

@nolan-sims :: i just want to say thank you so much for the ongoing love + support you give + show to the community. not only are you super sweet + caring but you take the time out of your day in making cc for us?! so thank you for being part of this community - i really appreciate you sm + i only wish good things happen to you + everyone around you :’+) ily + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones !!

@ayoshi :: okAY you’re the sweetest little bean ever + your fashion sense is amazing okay ?! i have ALL your cc downloaded so thank you sm for being part of this community + blessing us w/ ur bomb ass cc + edits :’+) i appreciate sm the time + dedication you take out of your day to make stuff for us !! im only wishing you good things + i hope you’ll have a great holiday !!

@obi-uhie :: i WISH I COULD ROCK YOUR CONFIDENCE OKAY ?! you legit inspire me sm + i love how unique your sims are okAY?! keep doing you + i love everything you do :’+) i hope youre having a great holiday love !!

@suspiciouslypinklady :: !! youre so sweet + i love your confidence?! i’m super thankful for the love + support you always give whenever things get tough + i appreciate it sm. it makes things a lot easier + you’re seriously such an angel. i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones b/c u deserve the v best !!

@viiavi :: okay i just want to say thank you sm for the love + support you give whenever shit hits the fan LOL your kind words + msgs really help me a lot whenver things aren’t the best so I thank you for that. thank you for being so kind, thoughtful + caring to everyone in this community :’+) i really appreciate that sm + i hope you keep doing that !! i hope you have a great holiday !!

@dicoatl :: i swear youre always so kind to others ?! im so sorry you’ve been getting so much negativity these days but i know you’re a super strong person who’s doing their very best + im super proud of you okay!! ive been loving your new edits recently + it really shows youre experimenting a lot + it looks amazing :’+) so thank you for being here okay? have a great holiday !!!

@oakglow :: catherine !! your editing + story telling is amazing?! i mean i can’t write for shit LOL but i love it whenver your post esp knowing you’re busy w/ life. so thank you for that :’+) i hope you + your loved ones a great holiday !! 

@simmerjade :: jADE I MISS YOU !!! I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL !! you’re one of the v first friends i made here in this community + ik youre super busy rn w/ life but im so glad we’ve met ?! i hope life’s treating you v well + youre not too stressed out from school - i know you can do it :’+) im always here supporting you whatever you do + remember ilysm !!! have a great holiday love !!

@waffle-pxels :: i know we dont talk that often but the times we do youre so kind ?! tysm for being here + supporting me :’+) i really appreciate u sm + i hope youre doing well !! have a great holiday love !!

@simharaa :: i MISS YOU SM OKAY aND I S2G I HOPE YOURE OKAY !! again my heart goes out to you + your family but please take care okay?! you’ve been here since day 1 + i’m super glad we’ve met cause the times we’ve talked i truely treasured sm :’+) i’m loving your edits + im so glad youre back posting again !! i hope you + ur fam a speedy recovery + remember ily !! youre a strong bean !!

@simsluname :: lunA!!! your gifs are amazing + i love how we grew tgt in this community ?? i remember we both started off together + been supporting each other since the v beginning when we joined this community :’+) thank you for being here + blessing us w/ ur gameplay pics + teaching us how to gif ?? like w/o you i wouldn’t have learned ajksdfh so thank you for that & ilysm you’re so cute !!! have a great holiday love !!

@alternacorn-sims :: you’ve been a long time supporter and i’m super thankful for you?! you’re always here liking my stuff + sending positive vibes + love :’+) i hope youre doing well !! please keep doing you + remember that i appreciate you sm :’+) tysm for being here + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones!!

@expressgo :: thank you for being so patient w/ me ?!! i’m a super slow replier but we manage to be able to talk + i’m so glad we do?! thank you for reaching out to me at the beginning + i really enjoy talking to you:’+) youre super sweet + we can talk about like everything ?? your cats are adobs + i wish you the best + happy holidays :’+) ily !!

@hazelios :: i seriously have all your cc downloaded in my folder + i appreciate it sm whenever you post content + cc for the community :’+) so thank you for that !! you’re always super kind + sweet whenever we talk and i only wish you the very best !! ily + i hope you have a great holiday !!

@simsthatsparkle :: !!! you’ve been like one of my og supporters for a v long time and i’m super thankful for you being here?! i can’t imagine the love + support i get + idk how else to express my appreciation asjkdfh i only hope you the best + ily !! i hope you have a wonderful holiday love :’+)

@femmesim :: okay you’re a hUGE inspiration to everyone in this community + i’m so thankful that youre here?! your edits + story telling is breath taking + it hits me all the time when you post ?! so thank you sm for creating bomb ass content + telling stories that aren’t often told. please keep doing you!!! i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

#my art #gift for my family #nonsims #queue #o #g #aksjdhf again sorry i couldnt get everyone !! i really wish i could :+( #know that i love you okay?! and i really do mean it #hopefully i can post when im on vacation buT idk kajsdf #so here's smt !!!! #idk im bad at showing my love kajsdhf uagdhfgjla #i wasnt feeling the best yesterday but i want to cheer some of yall up?!

[deeeelightfuldee]

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I would be devastated. Even if we are no longer talking, it would destroy me to know they aren’t on this earth anymore.

Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? not really no. well, I mean I’m happy with a conversation thats happening.

Do you want someone dead? absolutely not

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? if it’s kile we are referring to, yeah. I’m getting a lot better putting it out of my mind. my other exes heckin no except for the other one I loved.

Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? absolutely. we have adopted some from that method ahah

What is something you tend to worry about? people I care about. Like I worry that they’re safe, mentally OK, healthy, etc.

What is something you do that is unhealthy? hold on too long.

What is something you do that is good for you? I talk well about myself usually and I look for positives

What last caused you to force a smile? something in a video i thought was funny

What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? animal crossing. my controllers are SUPER whacked so it wasn’t too fun. I miss playing my games but I can’t afford new controllers yet

What is something not many people know about you? my assaults/history probably. I’m a very private person over all so i think most things people know about me are things they can see.

What word describes your basic style? classic

Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? oh a customer once told me that because they wanted a special ordered crib that day and it was a 12 week wait. so obvs a legit reason -.-

Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? .

If yes, what convinced you not to go through with it? ..

Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? yessssss

Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? brushing teeth or CHANGING THEIR SHEETS

Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? I made a choice to let go of a love that was destroying me. the motivation was like okay, i’m seeing he doesn’t love me, hes not going to love me. I’m spending my time, energy, and attentions to love him and I could be missing out on someone who loves me back.

What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? sewing

Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? never for me but I’ve gone with friends who were getting them -.- ridiculous

Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? yesssssssssssssssssssssssss and yes

Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? I’ve done that for school but not on my own personally

Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? art, animated shows/movies, games

Is there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? hmm, not really. I like going to tjmaxx & target better if I’m with someone.

Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? for the most part. because its not my money that pays the rent I def don’t get weird about it. but I like most ofit

Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? yes. I really want a particular type of coat but its hard to find.

Who makes you smile the most? hm. ummm... kile made me smile today he was bein a bit crass. it reminded me of how happy he used to make me. he used to be the one BY far that made me smile. these days its fairly even across the board.

What piercings do you want/have? I’d love to have my cartilage pierced again but it always gets infected because of my blood so i’m fine with what I have

What's your favorite website? probs tumblr.

Do you own a fish tank with fish? currently no

Do you like the movie 300? neverseen it.

Do you pop your knuckles? yup all the time

Do you have Photoshop? no its expensive

Do you use tinypic or photobucket? no

What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? if I had the effort I wouldlove to genuinely figure it out but I only have a quarter-butt effort rn

How about the 1990s? ^

Have you won anything recently? nerp. 

How often do you make Excel tables? What for? pretty much never.

What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? probably a bunny

Are you always available or online? I’m usually available

Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? gluten sensitivity and dairy sensitivity

Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? I always loved silver because I think it’s so attractive but it turns out gold is VERY nice with my skin tone and since I have had to replace all my fine jewelry from kile with cheap stuff i can afford, i buy pretty much all gold.

Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? I was on a gilmore girls kick but right now im watching bobs burgers.

If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? i loved when I used to get it done professionally but its literally several hundred dollars and I just don’t have that. 

If you have any, do you like your in-laws? I don’t have any. < Same.

Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? yes and no. It would be hypocritical if I said omg yes, you should always be in contact with your parents --- because obviously I never ever ever talk to my dad. But for a lot of people I know.. they put so much blame on their parents for things that are fairly unjustified or unrealistic expectations for their parents to not be human-like and remain perfect. It destroys me because I have spent years crying and aching for a father figure in my life that to think some people just create unnecessary division is frustrating. However, if there is serious conflict and its a matter of safety (physical/mental) then absolutely no problem with boundaries.

Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? hahahaha yes when I look like neither of my parents nor my siblings.

What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? honestly, loving and being loved.

Have you ever grown a berry bush? No

Have you done something new to your hair recently? I chopped about 15 inches off. 

Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? no. anxiety really has never been a problem for me, thankfully.

One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? rape

What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? i replay conversations from my split with kile despite my desire to forget it. 

How often do you have late nights out? pretty much never lol its just not my scene. I’d kind of like one or two a month but I don’t know anyone that would go out with me and it can be unsafe as a female to do so alone.

If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? yes. I’m oriented to pretty strict self-discipline so it wouldn’t be a problem for me.

If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? either a really strong thunderstorm or cooooooooold weather

Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? my motivation is completely there but my health is not

Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? i never remember names of them because i legit tune it out in my head.

Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? I always dreamt of going to college and doing well. I accomplished that (and then some!) I got into my dream colleges. I always wanted to travel by myself and I did. I always wanted to be in love and I was.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Yup.

What are you listening to? the freakin’ funniest song ever in bobs burgers -- the derek dematopolus song 

Do you think there will be a WWIII? I would not be surprised. there is a lot of animosity in this world

Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? lol no. i’m a super smiley, happy person so it wouldn’t be expected of me.

Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? definitely. Michael always throws me off my guard that he likes me. 

In all honesty, can a person be too nice? people always say yes that they get taken advantage of but I think those are two separate things. I believe you can be endlessly nice even with boundaries. I wish people aired on the side of overly nice than the typical overly rude

Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? in HS Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? absolutely. the effects are devastating

Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? once in a blue moon. but only online

Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? i never really played either

Do you own a rosary? no,I’m not catholic

[lastskiss]

My LA Reputation Secret Sessions Story :D

(i realize that this post is long so i decided to break it into fun little sections with names inspired by friends episodes :D )

The One Where Taylor Nation Attacked Me

On Thursday, October 19th I got the taylor nation dm :D The one that made my heart beat faster than ever. I stared at the blue little “new message” circle for what felt like hours (it was minutes, tops) and it had me crying and shaking at 10:24 am in my school’s dining plaza probably weirding out everyone around me. I was honestly minding my own business freaking out over the Gorgeous announcement when this happened. I could not believe it I couldn’t even breathe properly, but I opened the message and there it was, the all caps CONFIDENTIAL and everything.

The gag is, in the days before that moment i constantly shoved that thought in the back of my head because i didn’t want to be sad knowing that it would never happen to me. Yet even with it shoved in the back of my head I had such a feeling of hope. Sooo many people tried saying 1) taylor loves me 2) they think i’m gonna meet taylor this era or 3) they want me to meet taylor and as happy as that was for me it felt so :( bc it was such BLIND HOPE and i felt like it would honestly never happen for me. Ironically, i made so many tweets being sure that this would never happen to me, for example:

(the amount of old tweets or posts of mine where taylor proved me wrong and has made me look like boo boo the fool is hilarious)

but it wasn’t blind hope :D

Also, three hours before my taylornation message, I randomly tweeted “Don’t you see the starlight, starlight, don’t you dream impossible things!” which is....wild...like i can’t believe the universe works that way.

(point being i hope you guys who haven’t met taylor yet know you shouldn’t ever stop believing that this could happen for you. I know it feels like aimless dreams and impossible wishes but it definitely could happen for you, especially when your idol is trying just as hard to reach you.)

*taylor swift voice* next chapter

The One When It Was October  22nd

i have never felt so many emotions before in my life and i’m literally the most over emotional person in the world. my organs were flipping inside of me my heart was ready to jump out of my chest and there wasn’t enough air. it was such a feeling you guys. I was riding in my car with my parents where they would drop me off and i’d like to first of all thank the world that there is a 1989 secret sessions video out there so I could prove to my parents that this is a thing Taylor does and it wasn’t a scam and i wasn’t going to get kidnapped. My mom was legit scared to let me go and said “Lizbeth if you’re not back by 11 i’m gonna call the police” laasdkljakljs it was so funny (I got back at 11:17 she was scared but she obviously did not call the police she just waited outside the meetup with other worrisome/waiting parents) but anyway i checked in i met up with people and a lot of us knew NO ONe or just made friends with anyone we could find or some people did get to meet up with friends which was so nice ...honestly everyone in that room was just very friendly and very happy for each other and just happy in general. We were all going through the same “i can’t believe this is real and it’s happening to me” thoughts. So we got loaded into the bus and everyone was chatting and excited and nervous and excited and happy and just in shock. 

The One Where I’m In Taylor Swift’s Home

holy fucking shit??!!?!?!?!?!?! it was soo beautiful and big and we stayed in the pool area and were greeted with refreshments and food/snacks that i was too nervous to eat (except 1 rep cookie). When we were called inside, the room was very cozy and warm and there were candles everywhere and blankets and pillows and i loved it it was very intimate. I was so excited for her to just pop up and she did, she came in from the back and we all started screaming :D you can hear people start to sniffle bc honestly most of us were just on/off crying the whole night. She was so cute she did a little happy dance holding her laptop and there was extra screaming when we saw Alana, Jack, Ruby Rose, etc it was just so surreal. You guys...taylor was there..... she was so close and this wasn’t some high quality video interview i was watching her from this was my own two eyes and she was right there. She greeted us and explained how it’s gonna go and told us how excited she was to be doing this for us. You guys she loves us so much, not just the 100 fans in that room but everyone of us on here. She wants to do this, she’s excited to do this. She is also the happiest I’ve ever seen her be. throughout the whole night I just got very emotional at how happy she was and how sure of herself she was and just how cute it was seeing her so :D. Honestly, the fact that I’ve always called her my best friend but this time in that room she was talking to us and sharing stories with us like we were best friends was....wow. I love her. We danced to LWYMMD and it was so fun and the entire room just radiated :D :D :D :D!!!! and everyone was having the time of their lives just dancing with her. She truly wanted everyone to have a good time and made sure everyone knew how happy she was to have you there. Many of us have eye-contact moments and it’s completely amazing to know. Like that’s just how much you can tell Taylor was really dedicated to making this night feel special for all of us. i love her idk if i’ve mentioned this, i love her. fun fact: i love her

The One When I Liztened To ‘reputation’

just kidding i have a few words that i can say :D !

It was so good. It was so so so good. My face went through every emoji possible the whole album through. Sonically and lyrically it stunned us all and it was so enjoyable and full of bops and classic Taylor Swift genius writing, but like on a whole other level of amazing. That’s all I’ll say :D (Also the pre-releases, as much as i love them and would die for them, aren’t the peak of the album trust me, there’s soooo much more)(y’all are gonna be so shook)(i still am)(im also so proud of her you can tell she’s proud of her work and she very much should be)

The One When The Night Was Flawless And It Finally Happened

I have loved Taylor for as long as I can remember. She’s my #1. She’s always been, like she’s genuinely my best friend. Her saying “you are the longest and best relationship that I have ever had” that one time at the 2013 BMA’s was the most validating thing. Because like...i know. She’s been there when I was sad and when I was happy and when I needed someone. I’ve loved and defended that woman to anyone for years and have dealt with sooo many teasings and “she doesn’t even know you”s. So the fact that this happened was........ wow.

As I was getting closer and closer in line the butterflies (the beautiful kind) were going wild inside of me. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe i got to be here. I spent the last three days convinced i was gonna get a message that it was a mistake and she didn’t mean to invite me or it was gonna be cancelled or i couldn’t go or something because i was honestly so in denial. but it was almost my turn and the feeling when it’s hitting you that this moment you’ve wanted for so long is here is the most amazing and exhilarating feeling in the world. 

When it was my turn I walked up to her and was greeted with open arms and said “hi I’m liz” and she goes “Yeah i know you’re lizbeth right’ and i like gasped and was like “omg how did you know” and she’s like “yeah you’re lizbeth” :D :D :D :D (HER SAYING LIZBETH ACTUALLY MEANT SO MUCH TO ME I MADE A POST ABT IT) so i was like “taylor...i have to get this all out because if i don’t i’m gonna hate myself” and she laughed at me. queen of laughing. and then i just went for it and said “taylor, you’re my best friend.” and she said “aww” and I continued “like you are really my best friend. you’ve been there for me in my lowest moments and in my happiest moments. I love you so much. Like i literally sing with you in my car all the time and make sure it’s loud enough so it sounds like we’re singing together” and she laughed and went “oh my god i love that it’s like we’re duetting” and I’m like “yeah we are duetting taylor we honestly go off!!!” and then got serious again and told her about how there was an entire year period where I would cry myself to sleep every night listening to Safe & Sound because that year was so bad for me and it was so comforting to listen to. Then she gasped and said “oh my god” with the most concerned and loving look in her eyes. And i said thank you for everything and she grabbed my hands into hers and said “thank /you/ for everything i love that thank you” and then she went on about how happy she was that she was doing this and how she loved getting to do this for us and even with jack being there how nice it was for them to be seeing our reactions to the work they made. and she goes “and your reactions to eVERYTHING i love that” and i was like “oh my god taylor all those reactions were so genuine” “i know they were!” “because that album was just so so good it was so amazing i loved it so much!” and she said thank you :D 

when it was time for our picture she asked what kind of picture i wanted and i was like a hugging pic but for Reasons. and she looked at me like she was ready to #lizten which i appreciated. so i explained that there’s a picture of Taylena hugging at an awards show i couldn’t remember i probably looked sTUPID when she asked which one it was and i was like guh...idr.... but anyway i was like i wanna be on this side bc Selena was on that said and i was like “taylor i love you and Selena so much you have no idea I literally call myself taylena’s daughter and everyone agre-” and she cuts me off and goes “oh we would definitely adopt you we would totally adopt you she would want to adopt you i can confirm that she would want to adopt you”.... IF Y’ALL COULD SEE THE DUMB LOOK ON MY FACE............. GUH..... every time i call taylena mom now it’s gonna be #legit ....wow....anyway i was shook. so we got into position i was like another reason i wanted to be on this side is because when I met her i was on this side of our pic too and she goes “oh i like that I love your attention to detail”...wow.....queen of compliments. and then we :D (((also quick mention that the fact that she has curly hair again also meant...a  lot to me..not that she doesn’t always look good in any hairstyle ever but i’ve just always been insecure about my curly hair and seeing that she’s embracing hers again makes me emo.))))

so i hugged her one last time and told her i loved her and she told me she loved me and i walked out of the room still looking at her, facing her as i walked backwards and she still looked at me and that was it...I got handed my reputation merch bag and couldn’t stop smiling on my way out. :D

I am so happy and so grateful for her and everything she’s done for me and I feel so blessed to have gotten to thank her for it all.

@taylornation​ thank you for all the work you did to help make this possible for all of us too.

@taylorswift I love you and I miss you already. i can’t wait to see our picture together. you are still my best friend and will always continue to be. i’ll also be sending you the adoption papers for you and Selena to sign soon. :D

#la reputation secret sessions #this....was uhhhhhh the best day of my life #taylor swift #102217

[i-amusemyself]

All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

[swearronchanel]

My never ending commentary, 6.05 edition 🙃

I’m back in action people 

Valerie walking with her mother like it’s the first day of school lol

still not sure about her though

babs finally getting a new dress yes!

Oh no what’s wrong with the lady

UMM GIRL, WHAT U THOUGHT THIS WAS?? asking for her own room Lmaoo vete ya, get out of here

“I snore” lmao ugh idk if I like her

She’s gonna move Trixie’s shit, uh oh

I still don’t GET WHY IS SHE TAKING PATSY’s BED? Patsy is gonna be tight when she comes back like wtf

OMG ANGELA IS SO PRECIOUS

WHEN WILL SHE SPEAK THOUGH??

BUT AH SHELAGH MY BBY! & the cute nightgown from South Africa! 💕😉😏 we should be grateful for it

Aw Reggie, wait omg his mother is gonna die 😭

Phyllis loves that Valerie is punctual, are we surprised?

“Our own mother to be” finally some acknowledgment that Shelagh’s pregnant

YIKES those teeth.

Lol Dr Turner can diagnose almost everything

I still want Trixie’s pjs!

turn up with all the food

Trixie teasing I love it, but I also lowkey wish she meant it. I’m indifferent towards Valerie for now tho so I’ll chill

Helen is so flawless I cry

But they are all literally me I don’t care if the cookies are broken pass them over here 🙋🏼

Reggie is precious aw

If reggie’s mother dies right now I’ll cry

Tom is actually preaching in church haha, I feel like he never does that

I’ve heard this hymn woah lol

NO NOT IN CHURCH,  YOU REALLY GONNA BE LIKE THAT @ GOD?

now they have to tell Reggie omg I can’t

“.. when my mum comes back from seeing God” My freaking heart omg

my chest just hurts, everything hurts. This is so sad

Violet is so 60s wearing blue eyeshadow though haha

Sister MJ delivered Valerie with sister E 😭omg rip😭😭

Reggie has the plant in his bed my heart again ah it hurts

Sister Winifred is HYPE af that Dr Turner asked her aww

I used to think she was annoying but now I think she’s hilarious and deserves more screen time. Also she has some of the best cringey faces don’t @ me

SHELAGH SINGING AW AND HER BUMP IS SO BIG OMG SO CUTE. SHE LOOKS SO GOOD AND SAYS SHE FEELS SO HEALTHY AND ENERGETIC AND IM SO HAPPY

THEY NEED TO MOVE! BUT WHERE?

YES SHE CAN COME BACK YO WORK

aw Fred and Violet and Reggie

PREGNANT SHELAGH IN HER UNIFORM I LOVE IT😭why does this fictional pregnancy make me so happy? It’s actually horrible af I’m more excited for this fictional character to give birth than for my cousin - she’s the first grandkid to have a baby and I’m like “oh cool” 😂

I’m also so glad when shelagh interacts with other main/recurring characters

When am I getting a cute scene with Shelagh and the nurses?

Oh no Reggie got locked out, but that was such an honest mistake, like you know how many times I’ve been locked out my apartment in nyc?? too many

What is this toothbrush song though? Lol it’s gonna get stuck in my head

Sister Winifred is in her element haha, even Trixie scolding her and she doesn’t even care she’s enjoying herself

Tell ’ em trix

Alright .. this dentist is hella attractive😍 not gonna lie

Doesn’t mean I’ll like him though lmaoo

Fuck yea Trixie, you gotta get your work done

“No one likes dentists” I love u Beatrix

 There’s been a few “that’s what she said” opportunities but i don’t think it’s appropriate to mention😂 whoops sorry for the dirty mind

Those boys need punched in the face

I’ll knock them tf out. It really makes me upset

Reggie looking for his mum, so heartbreaking  

I don’t mind the dentist but I get that nervous about the doctors so I feel, I’ve legit had such a bad fear of hospitals/doctors offices ever since I was young

“Your lady wife” lol I love sister MJ

shit all her teeth gotta go, how do your teeth even get like that geez?

SHELAGH LOOKING ANGELIC 😍

& the mystery is solved! She was looking at a billboard for new houses 😭

Sister MJ and Reggie is sweet

“I’m happy, but now my mums angry” Aw Reggie with Violet 😭💔

SISTER WINIFRED WATCHING PHYLLIS HARD 😂 when is she gonna ask to learn ?

Ugh there’s been little of Phyllis this episode I’m a little sad but she’s still a gem in the little time she’s on screen

Aw Dito Reggie at the funeral 💔 dios te cuide

“No harm in looking” shit there is going to be

fuck I’m not ready

Yes Dockerill isn’t Trixie a dream?

Shelagh is legit just looking in the paper & I’m still praising her😭 her dress is also pretty!

I just really love Laura Main sorry not sorry she’s a gift to us all

those teeth are disgusting

do you think they’re plastic? They look real af

LMAO THE ANESTHESIA HAS HER LOOPY AF. I’d say something else but I don’t wanna be judged 😂

“I find two opinions are better than one, particularly if one is mine” I LOVE U SISTER MJ

shit it’s going to get real omg

no don’t send Reggie here 😭 if they do I swear Ima flip

No one invited u Dockerill, but alright we shall see

SISTER MARY CYNTHIA OMG 💔💔

MY HEART IS BROKEN, I AM CRYING

SISTER MJ IS RIGHT 😪😪😪

Trixie is a gem. Helen George is also a gift to us all

Her baby is so adorable 😭

NO ELECTROSHOCK NO

this has me so fucked up, I remember this shit in mad men. The world seems like shit these days but you can’t deny we have made some improvements

holy shit this is too much but bryonny hannah deserves an award for her portrayal of mental illness

Yes Fred don’t send him 😭

Fred and Reggie in matching overalls>

wait what is Shelagh cutting out?

SISTER JULIENNE BRING SISTER MARY CYNTHIA HOME 😭😭

SISTER W BOUTTA BE RIDING DIRTY #LETSGETIT1962

Still not over Shelagh’s tummy in her nursing uniform 💕but I guess that’s the place written in the paper that she cut

Dinner for 2 👀

”My name is Beatrix, but people call me Trixie“ MY HEART, SHE SAID THAT AT AA, MY BBY HAS COME SO FAR

She still doesn’t need a man, but This could be good. I’m giving it a chance. Plus Christopher’s handsome and seems to know Trixie doesn’t play games or take any shit

PHYLLIS TEACHING SISTER WINIFRIED IS THE GREATEST THING IM HERE FOR IT

aren’t we glad the wicked bitch of the east end aka sister Ursula left bc she wouldn’t have “allowed” this

“AUNTIE VI” 💔 I’m crying

SHELAGH AND PATRICK FOUND A HOUSE OMG😭💕 also she looks so beautiful!! I’m so happy

THIS IS WHAT I LOVE. THE TURNERS HAPPY AND UNBOTHERED 😭💖 Protect them at all costs. Protect all my bbys at all costs.

But also where tf is this house? How far from everything? & rip to the og flat

“And so we let go of the hands, but not their hearts. Of the need to be needed but not the need to love” Vanessa always knows what to say

Aw the Turners again💕

Trixie slaying my life in that gold dress I’m shook 😍

For real I say it all the time but if I could be half as beautiful as Helen I’d die

Lol “if it’s French they’ll serve snails” I had escargot when I went to the French** Riviera (haha almost spelled Rivera which is my abulea’s last name) it Wasn’t that bad though! 😂 I felt classy tbh

Trixie and Babs getting ready for their dates together, I love it!! 💕

That car though! Alright Christopher I see u

Violet growing the plants omg she got so attached but like me too 😭

This was such a great episode but the feels 😭😭😭💖💔💔 brb I’m crying

Preview for next week

BRING SISTER MARY CYNTHIA HOME 2k17 / 1962 !! 💔

FGM is gonna be real shit

Trixie serving more looks!! She better not be doubting herself. bby u deserve the world

CUBAN MISSLE CRISIS! I’m a history geek & Im American so I’m here for it! Especially since I’m an education major

“We’re all going to hell in a handcart” STILL RELATABLE IN 2017 BABS

Trixie’s face is like “okay Barbara shut tf up ”!😂

Oh shit why pull the ambulance over??

UGH NOW THE LONG WEEK WAIT

#call the midwife #I'm TRASH FOR THIS SHOW #I love it #lets get it 1962 #protect my bbys at all costs though #too emotionally invested #my commentaries™

[olive-angel-sweetie]

10/26/19

god today was horrible ifeel so shitty. my life should be easy but its not and i need to get thesee miniscule problems out of my mind where the taunt me and haunt me foever and ever. I need them to leave. i need to see that they are just small.

Got my period. ugh

Sweetie needed to have a medicated bath today. Giving her a bath is so hard and messy i was dreading it. i woke up and ate and walked and fed the dogs and saw leo. leo kind of made me mad because whenever i ask him about things he just doesnt answer me and doesnt want to tell me and its so hurtful and i feel like hes hiding some thing from me which feels terrible. I just wanted to go to sleep after that and i slept for a long time. I wish i wouldnt just sleep when i had a problem.. i should just get some coffee or something to wake up. im going to take sweetie to petco to get bathed its jsut too much i cant take it here. 

Then i woke up the dogs were barking. I walked them. then i got prepared to give sweetie a bath.. my back hurt so fucking bad when i was doing it. she makes it so hard by running away and constantly trying to get out. i put coconut oil on her too and she kept trying to eat it. I love her but taking care of her is so difficult. then i tried to brush her and i saw that a bunch of hair was missing and the skin under was all red and moist and scabby and disgusting! The scabs are just spreading and getting worse.It looked so painful i just started crying i cant believe this. I dont want my dog to suffer i got her to give her a better life and now she is so miserable she would probably be happier with someone else. but i really cant give up. i dont know why this is happening its so scary im worried she going to be completley bald! i dont think it is mange because wouldnt the doctors have told me?I feel so bad for sweetie i jsut want her to be healthy again. and now babo is all itchy and has a scab on his back too. I dont know how to fix both of them this is just all too much! Im going to call the doctor tomorrow and tell them its jsut getting worse please help!!. 

i wish i would just work and then come home do chores then go back to work but no i feel like i have to clean everything or it will nag at me all day. i would rather just sleep then not do the chores and go somewhere. so i could have worked today then bathe sweetie but of course i didnt. lazy shit. and there were so many high priced walks to day i couldnt believe it! there were tons and i wanted to take them but i wanted to finish this otherstuff! now i bet that there will be none tomorrow when im looking for some its jsut not fair! i also get worried for some reason that people will stop using wag! if nobody takes the walks! i want to help keep wag alive by taking these late walks. i hope people took them eventually.. i think i should just do some and come how and finsih stuff then do more but for somereason i have to finsih everything all at once. JUST GET OVER IT OMG. Ive been cleaning every single day now because im scared it will get out of control and make me su[per depressed again when the house is a diaster. even leaving one dish uncleaned starts the domino effect and then everything goes to hell. I am cleaning for myself not for leo.. I did the laundry, the dishes, cleaned the shower and the bathroom, walked the dogs again, fed them, got my meds, vacumed, cleaned the floor. im eating some food and then i made a lunch for tomorrow. when i buy some stuff i think i want to buy stuff i cant jsut grab quickly so i dont have to make a lunch all the time which i hate doing. if i get hungry then i can just eat that and then keep going. tomorrow i want to:dogs, eat, grab lunch, do walks, at 11 call doctor, come home at 1 maybe?, walk dogs, lunch, maybe have to go into vet?, do more walks.. i have 91.64 + 176.80 = 268.44. Possibly 160 + 268.44= 428.44 I need at least three hundred more for the rent and electric bill.. i technically have five - eight days left. if i can make $100 everyday for three days.. or $50 for 6 days... $70 for five days. i could get it covered. i jsut need to not be lazy and keep on going. THEN i REALLY need to start saving shit for taxes and gas mileage. i will literally be broke and have NO MONEY AT ALL. Its so hard not to spend money when im alwasy thinking about and seeing shit i wanna buy. i jsut need to fucking stop and i have to fucking save pleeease dont buy shit pleease only if its absoutley necassary and you would die without it. bitch. dear god. might jsut starve for a while. i feel dumb for buying the halloween costume and wasted all that money. i threw away the packaging i really hate returning things.. i dont know why im even gonna go to a party i cant drink and theres probably a cover fee. and i want to save money so icant even get like a coke or soemthing. when im sober i really feel comfortable enough to dance. i jsut hope we wil go trick or treatinjg with filepe and i can steal some of his candy or get some super cheap ones. thats good for me. 

vaccines sweetie has gotten:

Rabies, bordetella, parvo, leptospirosis, influenza H3N8, distemper, influenza H3N2

Core vaccines: rabies, distemper, parvo, hepatitus?, kennel cough?, 

so she dont need bordetella, leptospirosis, im not sure about the influenza, it says parainfluenza is noncore, 

she needs vaccines for hepatits and kennel cough which i thought bordatella was? 

so stop getting bordetlla, leptospirosis, the influenza ones, no lyme you fucking bitch

she does need adenovirus-2, and parainfluenza virus? ugh i dont know this is all so confuing and the doctors are just trying to make us spend so much money and then make you feel bad about not getting cause your dogs gona diee if you dont. and i legit have nofucking money to pay if they need me to pay for more meds for wsweetie which probably will becasue shes getting worse. then i really wont have any money for rent. i will probably have to ask mom to help pay and i really dont want to do that. i feel so bad im so helpless i jsut want to do things for myself...

why is everything so stressful i jsut want to stop..

1. take sweetie to petco to get bathed

2. call the doctor at 11. only get core vaccines. ask about babo too. get mom to help if needed

3. drink energy drinks so you can work 

4. you dont have to have all the chores done just do them eventually

5. work everyday and save money. dont buy any shit. 

im so tired. i want to be with my dog. mh body hurts. what is wrong with me

Leo is so unhappy and angry becasue he hates his job. hes always talking about what he wants to get in the FUTURE. Get a shiny new job with his work permit, then buy a shiny new car and get rid of the shitty one, he wants an eye surgery, he wants to travel he wants to buy a house, he wants a ps4 i cant keep up. its been pretty miserable around here lately becasue leo lost his job and hates this job. he works all day and then when he does get home hes mean and tiredand doesnt want to talk to me. and he hates his car becasue it doesnt heat and theres no radio. i told him to fix it but he doesnt.. we keep saying if we jsut go through this rough patch everything will be better soon! but i have a bad feeling nothing is going to change. its jsut going to shift to a new problem. maybe hell hate his new job and complains about it. maybe he dosnt have enough money yet for the car and the things he wants. then hell say when i get my car and my shoes and my eyes then i will be happy. no you want you will jsut move on to the next thing.Ive realized no matter where i go or work i will always be unhappy becasue the problem is inside me and the way i view the world. we need to appreciate what we have in the present or we will never be happy even if we are rich and have lots of stuff we will still be angry and empty inside. he doesnt get it. 

i feel so awkward with leo sometimes i feel so unsure about things. 

[ellerevelle]

polyamory

or is it just hookup culture

both exist. i dont think what im involved in is deep enough to be considered a polyamorous relationship, because i dont think this guy likes me enough to consider me a person he’s in a relationship with. I’m in that point where I’m afraid to ask him anything for fear of scaring him away. Which isn’t healthy at all, I realize. 

We went to a BDSM dungeon party friday night. I admitted to him that thats extremely intimidating to me. New places in general, new bars, new friends houses, new places freak me out and make me feel anxiety. So this was definitely, obviously, in that vein as well. But we went in, and my confidence felt normal. I wasnt buzzing with comfort, I didnt feel myself glowing (I miss that feeling) but it wasnt scary. If anything it felt neutral. And I felt okay because he and I were together. Hooking up with him wasnt frightening or anything at all, I felt safe because I felt wanted by him. It was liberating. Then again, there wasnt a ton of competition, he even said the next day that he didnt really think anyone else there was attractive. So I wonder if things wouldve been different had there been sexier women there. 

I have no idea how to feel right now. 

He just messaged me via facebook and didnt ask, he simply said “i'm gonna spend the night with my new friend Ali tonight,”

and continued on, “ does that make you feel any particular way to hear me say?”

And I hesitated in a major way. To be honest, my stomach dropped. Same way my stomach dropped when I was over there Friday night before we left for our event and found an open condom at the foot of his bed. I mean, I know we’re not exclusive, I’ve known that from the start. And have been down with it from the start. I had sex with someone else, too. And definitely dont hesitate flirting or carrying on with people when he’s not around. Which is why I’m not sure how I feel right now. Its a double standard, right? That I’m imposing? I want to be the apple of his eye, of everyone’s fucking eye... I want to be the only one, but yet I want to have the freedom to do what I want and not be judged or managed or shamed... 

But I like legit hate this feeling now. I hate that he’s with somebody else, that he’s excited to spend time with some new other girl. I’m trying to be confident, to know that humans are humans and we all have different things to offer and she’s not me and I’m not her, and that there are things about me that are very special and that him sleeping with her doesnt negate anything about how rad I am. 

But like, if he thinks I’m rad and likes me, why not just... ask me to hang out tonight? It makes my insecurities skyrocket. Like, am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough, funny enough? Was I not as cool as I thought I was? Am I being TOO clingy now that he and I are getting more comfortable? Am I setting myself up as the hookup BDSM group party friend? Because although I am excited about exploring that without judgement or slut shaming, my HEART NEEEEDS so much more... I’m scared. Multi level scared, like... He asked “does that make you feel any particular way to hear me say?” 

I wanted to type YES YES IT DOES MAKE ME FEEL A PARTICULAR WAY AND I DONT LOVE IT. but like... fuck man, like... does that ruin everything? he wont reconsider hanging out with her if I dont like it. I feel like he’d just still hang with her and reconsider ME. 

I want to be special enough for someone to prioritize. I guess maybe him deciding to ask me IS showing me he respects me? But it kinda feels like a trick question sortof? I mean... he wasnt asking me if it was okay for him to sleep with her. that part of the message was a statement of fact. 

The question was, does it make me FEEL something. that feels like a trick question. Does he want me to feel jealous? I kindof wish he did... Like, if he felt jealous of some other guy I’m sleeping with, I’d feel flattered. And consider trying to be more monogomous to consider his feelings, tbh. 

So what if I’d said, yes that makes me feel jealous? 

And then like... what if thats bad and then my jealousy scares him off or bothers him or makes him worry that theres pressure on him now and all the other things women do to men and men do to women in relationships...!?! I know he’s afraid of expectations, he said so in a voicemail and has never brought it back up... which I find quite telling. Its clear he’s scared. Which is kindof what I considered, warp speed, before I typed my reply to him on facebook fucking messenger. 

Because, you know, conversations of the heart deserve a rich and immersive platform, LIKE FACEBOOK FUCKING MESSENGER -___-

I replied to him with two gifs. 

One was a “eehhhhh I dont knoooooowww about this....” squidgy eyed shrug sortof face. 

Then the next one was a “go for it girl” wink from The New Girl. 

Then I wrote 

“ i think polyamory is great, the experience with you has been my first foray into it and so while i have pangs of hesitation, all in all im confident in myself and fucking love our chemistry and feel a smoothness to it all“

I dont totally feel a smoothness to it all. What I really wanted to say was, “just help me feel special. as long as I feel special to you, like, you show me that I matter to you, I’m down with other women in your life. Just dont make me feel like I’m just a consolation prize or a second thought or like, a back burner sort of person.  Make me feel special, that you know I’m awesome, and I’m okay” 

But I dont know if that would have read well. 

With my ex, that didnt go well. I didnt articulate it in a manner he understood and I guess I came off sounding like a controlling diva princess. Which I still dont totally understand but, hey, we’re all biased to whats in our own heads. Our own words and opinions always make sense to US because theyre OURS, right? So yea. I didnt type all that. 

I tried to come off as cool. Hesitant, but confident. So I hope that he like... sees that and like, sees me being cool and KNOWS that I’m special. Because I imagine not everyone would reply like that? Fuck me man. FUUUCKK, see!? all this big long post... I’m not cool about this. 

Who is she? Is she hotter, funnier, cooler? better in bed? is it a psychology thing, like shes a NEW person so thats intriguing? Younger? Harder to get? I’ll never know unless we talk about it but I’m concerned talking about it I’ll slip up and say the wrong thing and lose this whole situation, then he’ll DEFINITELY sleep with other people and DEFINITELY put me on the back burner and OMG insecurities suck.

I just want somebody to see me as awesome as I feel, and say nice things and want to be around me the way I want to be around them. I want to share and make music and food with someone I love and tell them theyre great and make out and make love and be proud to hold hands at a party and have no one else because we’ve got all we need and aint nobody gon’ step to our awesomeness because we’re royalty. Like having a best friend. Like a beeeeeest friend. 

I asked him if shes coming to his New Years Day party. I’ve been looking forward to going for a few days now, but now I’m realizing I wont necessarily be the apple of his eye. I’m horrible at competing for attention, especially in a blatant way. Plus I think it puffs up men’s egos too much to like, fawn for attention. I know I just have to be myself and if he sees me and notices and comes over to give ME attention then thats great, and if not I’m still just present and being myself and thats as pure as it has to be...

But I have a knot in my stomach now. Im trying really hard to be cool while still dropping hints of like, Hey I want you to treat me like a lady and maybe kiss my cheek and tell me its all gonna be okay, so to speak. 

I dont want to need to be coddled. But I’m not that indifferent of a person. I want to KNOW how people feel about me. 

I guess it could be cool tho, to like... be sexy and sexual and know he’s into me but okay with me expressing myself with other people. That is actually pretty cool, if thats whats happening. 

But then why am I having such a hard time turning it around and being happy for him and confident for him and psyched for him to be with other people? 

I feel like, ideally, I want to be with someone super hot and sexy and JUST into me, but to have the same intentions of like... kicking ass and taking names TOGETHER. Like, having threesomes or group sex and dominating the room, having everyone love us and fawn over us, but KNOW that we’re a TEAM and that without a single down we kick ass TOGETHER and are only in love with each other. That we can be physical and enjoy other people but at the end of the day we’re the ones in charge, our love is untouchable and although other people are fun and part of the mix, that nothing can reach the pinnacle of awesome that is us. 

THAT would be tight. But I dont think he’s in that frame of mind. Nor am I sure that I’d even want that with someone I’m not in love with. And I’m not in love with him. Not yet any way. There’s so much more to learn first. SOOOOOOO much more to learn first. 

Our “relationship”? does feel more mature though. At least for me. I am (contrary to this journal entry) much more brave about saying things out loud to him. I feel like I can confess and be more truthful about my opinions and what I need. Not entirely, but definitely more than with my ex. 

uuuugh I feel sad and weird. Probably gonna clean my room and pirate some version of Spirited Away offline. 

He just sent me a last little thing, because I said “have a good time tonight, be safe plz (implying please use a condom) and I’ll see ya next year.”

To which he replied “I absolutely will. Sending love hunnybunch.”

So he’s sending love... 

Thats at least a smidge of ease off the knot in my stomach. I just wanna feel special :/ I hope she knows about ME. I want some manner of authority here. Although I dont tell other people I flirt or hook up with that I’m sleeping with him... But should I? Are we stepping into actual relationship territory? 

I feel like if I knew where he placed me in this then I’d have more solid footing. But how the fuck do I ask that without sounding like a total dweeb/ or Nazi / or chaperone / or old lady? 

FUUUCK I feel so dumb! 

How can I feel less dumb?

No one is gonna read this far. 

Goodnight. 

#polyamory #Help #journal #rant