#on a lighter note so this doesnt end on a depressive note since i got my drivers license last week lets see if i can put it to good use 😏

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

Erm general questions

Fave food

Fave activities and why

Cuddler?

Scars? From what?

Type?

Favorite people

Type of humor

hi hello my bestie im gonna answer these for vicky bc he was on my mind

Fave food

vicky LOVES a good steak (he likes it cooked medium rare in case anyone asks), his mom would always make steaks on special occasions and so not only did it taste SUPER good to him but he always associated it w good times :) he has never tried to grill up som steak himself bc he knows it wont taste as good so he goes to nicer restaurants on special occasions to get some steak!

Fave activities and why

I feel like i barely ever talk abt it but vicky LOVES to sing and play guitar! its like the second part of his whole thing, he also collects records and in general loves to collect good sound systems to listen to music! hes always loved music ever since he was a kid and looked up alot to like singers and bands and stuff bc he saw that as like ... peak lifestyle, exactly what he wanted to be and do when he grew up... he tried to break out and become some kind of singer songwriter but nothing ever went through and when his daughter was born he basically gave up that dream but he still sings and all of that bc it makes him happy :)

Cuddler?

YES.... INTENSELY. his boyfriend gets his cuddles in FULL FORCE !!! hes very touchy and will sort of passively cuddle his bf when theyre just like . doin nothin. just standing next to each other he'll have his arms around him n stuff (note this does NOT happen in public places bc vicky HATES pda but in their own home and in private moments he is INSUFFERABLE) hes also very cuddly with his daughter! he would OFTEN fall asleep w her on his chest when she was littler c: shes also a cuddler bc of this ofc

Scars? From what?

oh boy does he have scars, i have a whole section on his ref sheet for his scars

(i put it in here twice so that the post doesnt KILL dashboards w how long it is lmao)

i also have alot of like explainations for some of em, the burns on his arm are from when he went to dispose of some evidence for a boss and was a BIT fucked up (drunk) and so he didnt notice there was some lighter fluid that got on him until he already lit the fuckin match (hes a lil dumb <3)

the scar that goes across his stomach and on his arm was when he was doing a hit and thought the person was dead but they WERENT they were tricking him so when he didnt expect it they could slash the fuck outta him and get away (he still ended up killing them in the end but it was a GOOD try <3)

his facial scar, his most noticable one since the rest he tends to cover with clothes, was from when he got fucked up on alot of stuff and went for a drive during the WORST period of his life (he had SEVERE depression man he was NOT doing well) and he ended up hitting a pole at like 100 mph and of course didnt have a seatbelt (this was in like the 60s so .) so he flew out the window and MIRACULOUSLY was not hurt outside of alot of bruises and small cuts along with a shard of glass getting stuck in his face as he skidded scross the pavement like a skipping stone (which is what caused the huge scar) he doesnt like people to ask about it bc he finds that part of his life embarrassing (guy doesnt like having emotions :/)

HI EDITING BC I REALIZED I MISSED THI s his missing pinky got cut off as a punishment from a boss he had <3 not much more developed than that as of rn

Type?

i am GUESSING u mean type in like dating partners... in which case ... i havent really thought abt it! i suppose he likes people that are different from him! smaller, got more meat on their bones, more thinkers rather than impulse type people like he is, also hairy-er people. he doesnt grow body hair and i imagine the first time he kissed his bf (who has a beard) he was like AHHHH OK . I GET IT. I LOVE THIS

mostly i think he also really loves people he can do things for... like people he can care for... hes terminally someone to has to be doing things for people (as long as he agrees w the things bc otherwise he wont!) his bf makes sure to give him stuff to take care of w him (he has chronic pain in one of his legs and used to just rub some pain reliever on himself but now he and vicky have a whole routine in the morning w it :) )

Favorite people

his boyfriend abel and his daughter rosa! they are his EVERYTHING.. like literally if he lost them he would PLUMMET back into the depression he had when his mom died but EVEN WORSE bc he prides himself on taking good care of his daughter, if he worries about her its all he can think about, rn in universe shes being held hostage for him to do a job and hes WORRIED SICK like she is ALL he is thinking abt rn :(

Type of humor

oh he would definitely be called problematic . i wouldnt say he has an offensive sense of humor but its for sure darker than usual, growing up as a bully who took quite a bit of joy in suffering will do that to ya :/

#rev lore #OC: Vicky Love #CHRIST i wrote alot 😭 have fun reading all of this LMAO

[akihikosanada]

i may not show it but being online 18 hours a day IS giving me an immense amount of brain damage so. see you all on friday

#irl im barely engaging with the people around me except for when they ask me if im okay for looking gloomy all the time and online i feel #like i became a more impatient and irritable person lately and its unfair to everyone i interact with #been feeling like absolute shit lately and im certain the main reason why is always being online which i hate so much -_- #will most certainly be back by friday to go crazy over tfatws but if i come back before then please take it as a failure from my part for #not being able to do this #mutuals you can find me on anilist which i hope is the only place ill be online recording whatever it is ill be watching or reading #im sorry i just need some time offline ive been thinking about this for a hwile now but i always failed to truly do it 😔 #on a lighter note so this doesnt end on a depressive note since i got my drivers license last week lets see if i can put it to good use 😏 #anyways thats all!! gonna miss you all MWAH :germkiss: #my post #WAIT forgot to say i still have my untagged queue going on so if you see me posting thats why #it posts 15 times a day every an hour and a half otherwise i know i would be WAY more annoying and be posting more

[tumblunni]

Brainstorming about my yokai watch ocs: Dimmy and Gorgeous Ambassador, the most cutest family

* My Dimmy's name is Blythe and they are nonbinary. Gorgeous Ambassador is male and i dont have a name for him yet. I was thinking maybe try and make up a dub name for kageusuo (anime exclusive pre evolution) that sounds like it could have been his nickname as a human? Cos his story is that he used to be a wandering mercenary in ye olde ninja times, i feel like itd be fitting.

* Blythe is the main partner of my protagonist in my yokai watch lp, basically the jibanyan of the anime of my heart. Their personality is mostly similar to the Dimmy in the anime, but i feel like theyre maybe older and more powerful than the average Dimmy? Like a weak low evolution yokai thats stayed unevolved for centuries and is actually more skilled and world weary than you'd assume. Protag just got lucky that she bumped into this one super magikarp, lol! Also i like to draw them looking more teenage age by just taking the regular Dimmy design and making the tail extra super long. They stand roughly twice as tall as the protagonist and can wrap around her shoulders like a scarf :3 Blythe is however totally unaware of their super powerful mega skill and is very self depreciating and low confidence. But Mallory totally sees them as a cool older sibling mentor figure and is always trying to figure out ways to make their tol squiggle friend feel included and valued :3

* the way Gorgeous Ambassador comes into the picture is that he was actually the same sort of figure to Blythe! Back in the ninja era Blythe was partners with another human, but he passed away in tragic circumstances and it led to their current depressed self. However he actually reincarnated as a yokai and has been trying to find his lil sibling ever since! I feel like he was a failure samurai who tried to protect people but was so weak he never could. And he was always broke and starving and begging to do any sort of miscellaneous jobs for anyone or even let them punch him in the stomach for a few coins. And he had just as much self confidence issues as Blythe but he coped with it by becoming a compulsive liar instead, always boasting and trying to sell himself as some legendary hero to keep from facing the truth. Since Blythe was a cute lil babby yokai at the time, they always believed their human master's tall tales and looked up to him, which made him feel really guilty and try harder to work on becoming someone this kid could be genuinely proud of.

* Blythe was first born as a household spirit. Cos i was thinking about what Dimmy would be before it became a ninja, since the medallium description says it 'got a job as a ninja to put its powers to use', so like it isnt really a ninja yokai but just a yokai thats a ninja? I guess?? I figured that the idea of being an invisible shadow supporter fit with household spirits/domovoi/zakishi warishi (probably mispelled that) and the various other similar creatures in mythologies all over the world. Just the idea that theres some sort of being that protects your house and if you give it offerings and take good care of the place it will protect you and your family. So yeah its my headcanon that thats how Dimmys are born, and that theres probably many variants wearing different outfits inspired by whatever type of humans they guarded. Tho yeh ninja is a job that works really well with their abilities so it makes sense itd be the primary representative of the species in the games.

* Human-dude-who-would-become-gorgeous-ambassador first met Blythe when one of his various failed attempts to get a job happened to cross paths with the family Blythe was guarding. This family didnt believe in such old suspicions and never gave offerings to their household spirit, so it stayed small and weak and was almost fading away. Baby blythe didnt know why their humans didnt love them, even though they tried so hard to bring good luck and clean the fireplace and stuff. So they felt a sense of kinship with this poor failure samurai who was begging for food on their doorstep. The humans of the household spat in his face and turned him away empty handed, but the tiny yokai snuck some rice from the pantry and gave it to him. They were surprised that he was able to see them, and he gave them the first thank you they'd ever had!

* Addendum note: i feel like gorgeous samurai was cursed with being able to see yokai from a young age and its part of whay made him so determined to become strong enough to protect people. Perhaps his biological family was killed by an evil yokai and nobody ever believed what he saw? And he wandered japan trying to save other people and always failing and being blamed for what happened, since nobody could see the real culprit. This reputation of being a liar when he wasnt = he ended up actually lying about how he was totally fine and not sad and also great and not hating himself. Its not really something he can control anymore, its like a stress response and it keeps getting him in trouble but he cant stop. "Yes sure i can save the day, i'm awesome!" only makes things worse when he inevitably loses again, whic only makes his self confidence worse and traps him further in the lies...

* so anyway, he became friends with this lil babby yokai and kept coming back to visit them and tell more tall tales of his grand adventures. And eventually he managed to help Blythe come out of their shell a little and agree to leave this house where they were only fading away. Haunting him instead, the lil shadow soon flourished back to full health from being loved for the first time. And their new big bro would always give them the biggest share of all the food even when he was starving, and always wasted his money buying things for them, and knitted them lil scarfs and just HE WAS A GOODEST BIG BRO! They also made a great team, and he was finally able to fight evil yokai with a yokai of his own helping him out. Things were good for a few years!

* Eventually though, they faced a foe too strong for them to defeat. (Not sure yet who it is, cos it could be cool if they faced it again in the present day for a rematch?) Blythe's human friend ran into a burning building to save the people being attacked by this yokai, but because he was already gravely injured he didnt manage to make it out in time. And blythe was just a tiny bab who wasnt strong enough to carry his unconcious body to safety. So their last memories of him are of crying and begging him to wake up as the house fell apart all around them, and eventually the flames swallowed him up. the tiny yokai just ran and ran away from their shame, and never saw an ashy figure rising from the ruins and calling their name...

* eventually after years of struggling alone and lacking meaning in life, Blythe had a chance meeting with our protagonist and thus begins my yokai watch 1 lets play! At the same time their yokaified big bro is still out there searching for them, and maybe one day theyll meet again...

* also i wanna go with the pre-evo the anime added of Gorgeous Ambassador evolving from a sad depressed vampire lookin dude. Even if the whole circumstances here are vastly different! But we dont really have any info on what kageusuo's powers or stats would be, so i guess i'm free to mess around with that? I like the idea of it being vampiric just cos i feel it looks like that. But instead of drinking blood maybe its a hunger for shadows? Which is actually beneficial to humans and makes them less overshadowed aka the opposite of Dimmy's power. So if you ever feel that you're radiating charisma with perhaps a slightly lighter shadow, maybe youve been inspirited by this guy! And then the evolution into Gorgeous Ambassador doesnt actually change anything at all, except just looking more fashionable and confident (which is absolutely a lie). His power already made people more fabulous while being unable to affect himself, he just worked a bit harder on himself to try and catch up with everyone else. Self care vampire!

* oh and in this interpretation the way that kageusuo would be integrated into the gameplay is that Gorgeous Ambassador would get a new ability that lets him switch forms in battle, rather than it being a separate yokai. (Tho would still have a separate entry in the medallium just for conveinience of being able to view both character models whenever you want) Stuff that causes low confidence would make him poof between forms, and itd just be something like more attack based vs defense based, or maybe having two separate personality stats so its like his AI is slightly more versatile than the usual frustratingness of most yokai? Srsly im still so annoyed at so many yokai that have two mutually exclusive moves and the ai is stupid about using them at the wrong time to cancel each other out. Like how Dimmy can be given the AI personality to focus on attacking and thus take advantage of its auto-skill to be good at dodging aka a glass cannon. BUT also one of its skills gives that same status to an ally instead, which by definition takes it away from itself cos 'dont target this other guy' means there arent many other options. So you cpuld alternatively play dimmy as a supporter who exclusively protects others with that ability BUT the annoying part is that even when you set an AI profile to one particular move it still only makes it LIKELY to do that and not guaranteed. So every now and again your attacking dimmy will cancel its own buff to protect an enemy, or your supporting dimmy will forget to support abd instead buff itself despite not having the attack stat build to take advantage of it. Plus you cant have both and switch between modes mid battle, so thatd be REALLY useful if one yokai actually could do that, and also could change stats to fit! Im not sure how to give it a trigger condition thatd let you sorta change at will but also not be 100% easy and overpowered. I was thinking tying it to his confidence could mean missed attacks turn him into kageusuo and critical hits turn into gorgeous? But thatd be TOO uncontrollable...

* oh actually i think maybe i'll nickname him Amber! Just cos my brain just mispronounced gorgeous ambassador and It Kinda Works??? Also its a kind of name that sounds very pretty but also has connotations of gentle shyness, i think. Matches the duality of his fake boastfulness vs his true self doubt.

* Oh and i also thought of maybe having Blythe evolve into Casanono, even though you cant do that in canon. I feel like turning into a pretty humanoid would be a good way to symbolize their growing confidence ans casanono/casanuva has a big nonbinary aesthetic in my opinion. Plus of course the fact casanono is a variabt of a confident yokai thats actyally shy. Originally older brother dude was gonna be a casanuva to match, until i heard about Gorgerous Ambassador and decided it fits him better (especially with that new anime form!) So now im thinking maybe have Blythe be both casanono and casanuva at once, similar to their bro's form switching? But itd be more like casanuva is a rare super saiyan esque powerup when they experience rare moments of confidence. Im pretty much just doing this because SADLY casanono is a joke character who is literally mechanically forced to be useless in battle. Its ability makes it harder to catch yokai which ia already goddamn difficult, and it wastes a skill slot too. As opposed to Dimmy who has a similar personality of always being ignored and depressed but its abilities are actually beneficial. Itd suck to go from Blythe being my mvp to being unable to use them at all, so this would be a way to still always draw them as casanono in comics to match their actual personality, but using casanuva in battle cos.. Well.. Yeah its the functional one of the two. Level-5 if youre listening please make casanono useable in future games!! Casanuva is absolutely the worst one personality wise so it sucks that the game agrees with his ego that he's great and also punches his depressed counterpart into the bin of ignoreness DESPITE BEING SUPER SYMPATHETIC AND RELATEABLE AND ALSO CUTER COLOURSCHEME

Anyway thats all the thoughts i have so far. Except oh also itd be funny if throughout the whole story blythe keeps talking about their dead brother as if he was the super best most serious hero and then when the protagobists actually meet him he's this gaudy dork XD

#bunni plays yokai watch

[cleosahar-blog]

[casey frey vc] what’s popppppppppinggg! i’m ari and i'm 20 + use she/her pronouns, and i’m in the est timezone. i’ve whipped my gorl cleo quite literally on the spot but def msg if you’d like to plot <3

( medallion rahimi, cis-female ) did you hear how CLEO SAHAR is applying to columbia university as a ART HISTORY major ?! the 21 year old is living in the EAST CAMPUS. i heard that they got in because they are + TACTFUL and +OBSERVANT, but honestly i think SHE can be -CUNNING and -TEMPERAMENTAL. they’re a real NIGHTSHADE. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end.  

+ dark lipstick, dried flowers, black marble, the dead of winter, cigarette dropped in a glass of wine, candles left burning for hours, lighter touching a tongue, scribbled notes

her pinterest board!

tw mental illness

cleora “cleo” sahar is textbook slytherin. born to a russian woman too smart for her own good, named with something archaic via her mother’s fascination with everything grecian, cleo was basically born to be the personification of a nightshade

her father is an iranian immigrant who had enough charm to convince her mother to go on a date with him after three tries. her mother, nikita, always loved to tell this story.

cleo resembles her mother in many ways. from a cutting stare to her obsession with control, cleo had always wanted to be like her mother -- erudite to the point of possessing the ability for world domination

was a bit of an elitist growing up because of the above — she was able to go to a good all girls private school on scholarship which led her to columbia

fascinated w mythology, art history, film, etc

extremely sarcastic and cold most of the time. her familial pressures were enough to make her household tense, and the largeness of new york never allowed her to keep many intimate relationships or friendships growing up

has a god complex that she doesnt like to admit

uses her beauty to her advantage in most situations n has a reputation of a heartbreaker ever since she realized that all the boys from the public school downtown would ogle her on weekends

she isnt as reckless as the usual femme fatale — there’s this refined edge to her. like a glowing flame that never truly goes out

a scorpio..... ???? i literally cnt decide this is subject to change bt her personality? stereotypical scorpio perhaps

she was classically trained but ended up sticking to guitar/bass, is very talented and her tendency to be drawn to harder rock music/punk from her uncle landed her in a band in her freshman yr (think fiona apple/mysterious frontwoman of every 90s rock band)

honestly an enigma like even her close friends are usually like [waka flocka okay gif] when talking abt her bc she’s a wildcard in the sense that no one is truly close to her

exclusively wears red and black 

winter is her favorite season

prone to depressive episodes extremely easily... despite her love of winter

voted Most Likely To Slit A Man’s Throat in high school (an unspoken award)

bisexual bc who comes out of a girls private school straight

moral compass? questionable. she’s not one to be the most reckless simply because she doesn’t care enough for the thrill the way her peers do, but she’s been known to be a kleptomaniac in her younger years for the sake that she was damn good at it

her intelligence makes the world limitless and her passion for art and music only confuse her intentions for her future... it’s like her ambition is on overdrive towards something intangible n cleo has a constant fear of grasping at straws bc of pressure from her mom

constant need for power n control due to her upbringing n probably some undiagnosed ocd... she has irrational problems that are more obscure in terms of what she needs to have control over bt she tells literally no one abt these

literally has an elaborate pocket knife in her bag at all times

WANTED CONNECTIONS

exes; people who have felt the brunt of cleo’s coldness and/or wrath. most likely on bad terms or she truly jst... does not have the mind to care abt them

the odd ex that she actually does care abt?? their relationship is... strange but if opportunity came she wld not say no to hooking up

fwb/hookups; u kno the drill... we love power play n unrequitedness n the confusion of who likes who more bring the angst 2 me!!!

unrequited crush?? cld go both ways... maybe someone who sees cleo so often that she’s jst curious enough to keep them around / someone who’s pining for her but she enjoys the game / someone she likes v easily (uncommon) n she truly.. doesn’t kno how to cope

NEMESIS 

childhood acquaintance that cld be fwb or hookup or weird friend...or  something.. idk.. cnt decide if her cleo’s mother is a prof or someone in academia yet bc if so then this person cld be  a child of one of her colleagues?

all friends any type welcome pls she’s so stone cold that she needs 2 loosen up... ive written a gd VILLAIN in my head

#columbiaintro #depression tw

[aguragura]

Random Ramble and Ranting

A relationship, is not always started with a happy beginning. Sometimes, it could happen when you think all world is falling down on you. I was at the lowest point of my life when I started this relations with her. It was the darkest time in my life, but I found a light to grasp on. 

It was still early in a new year. The previous year hasn't been kind enough to me. More so, it was very hard for me. House was like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. Money was just draining away into the sink. Work just felt so stressful and unfulfilling. At the center of it, I was in the state that I couldn't feel happy about anything anymore. 

However, there is always a time I keep waiting for. The time in some weekend night, I would go to pick her up, have some dinner, and watching anime from dusk till dawn. That is the time, I can only feel comfort during that year. 

At that time, I wasn't thinking about having a relationship with her. We had been close friends for long time and it just felt naturally comfortable with her. Comfort, is the one I seek at that time. It was the one kept me in balance from all of that stress. 

Alas, at one point, the balance of comfort and stress just tipped over heavily. Unfortunately, to the miserable side. That few weeks after new year, I was so deep in my darkness and felt like I cannot see the light anymore. At that time, I thought to myself. 'I just want to stay in the dark forever.' 

 At that weekend, I was getting ready with my preparation. I actually chose not to leave a note, because I didn't have anything to say. I just wanted to go alone. But, somewhere inside of me just telling me to go to her and meet her. I dont know if that was my consciousness having doubt or just my desire for trying to have no regrets before passing on. Nonetheless, I decided to postpone until I met her. 

 It was actually quite difficult to meet her, as she was going out with her family. I just kept waiting for her until she was available, and it was in the late night of Sunday, I finally met her.  As expected before, I told her I want to watch something together with her. I was just happy when she said yes and went out with me. It was actually an uneventful watch and without realizing I was already taking her back to her place. 

There is a moment, I thought to myself not to confess and keep it as it is. Even though, that might be a better option not to hurt her feelings, as selfish as I am, I brave myself to tell her that I like her. She immediately confused as expected. We were already too deep in friend-comfort zone, and here I am suddenly shaking the dynamics of our relationship. I knew from the beginning she wouldn’t answer, and actually I don’t want to hear her answer at that time. I was afraid knowing the possibility. 

Leaving our relationship hanging, I was somewhat satisfied. My head was clearer, my feelings became lighter, but my conscious become turbulent. Nevertheless, I have already  made my decision. 

As soon as I got home, I took a knife. I grabbed a wash cloth for me to bite so I wouldn't scream. I turned off the light so I wouldn't see the after effects. I grabbed the knife and I took a deep breath. As the cold steel felt through my vein, I did not think about anything. Not about my parents, about her, nothing at all. My mind just focused on how hurt it was. I couldn't keep control of my breathe when the knife cut deep enough. It was that unbearable. I should had done it quicker for less pain, but I don’t know whether my conscious got in doubt or God didn't let me die that night. I was doing it slower and I could feel every single pain. In just a few minute, I lost my consciousness from the pain. While there was a lot blood already gushing, my cut was not striking the vein yet. Thus, I survived that night. 

The next day came as expected, panic and awkward. My mother screamed in hysterical and with my father helped bring me to the emergency room. The doctor said that I only managed to cut my vein. I'm lucky the pain stopped me from reaching artery. My parents were relieved, but comes the next part. 

The awkward talk. The demanding of why. As I said before, there is no one reason for this and in my mind my parents were actually one of the factors. But, seeing them together like that, somehow made me feel happy for a while. I just couldn’t say anything to them. In the end, I was brought up to a psychiatrist.

Enough of the tangent and lets back to her. I was hesitant at first to contact her. Well, in my mind I thought I was having my last confession with her, and now suddenly I had to suffer the consequences of hearing the reply. God is good for stopping me, but He sure does make you pay for all of it. So, I decided to wait. 

The next few weeks, I didn’t feel depressed at all. I think the overly-cautious checking of message from her made me quite occupied. Well, also other than giving lie to the office about your terrible 'gardening" incident and all the hassle of going to psychiatrist every day. That took a quite toll on my focus. Thinking about it now, I should be grateful. 

Well, 2 weeks passed since that night and finally she replied to me. As expected of her, she didn’t reply directly. She just casually asked to go out to watch some movies. She didn’t bring up any of my confession. At that time, I don’t know what I was hoping for, but it really let me down. Well, she is known for always destroying hope 

That evening as disappointing as it was be, I expected fully of it. Not because she rejected me or anything. But, because she did the exact minimum thing I expected of her. Fuck, now I felt like I am ranting about her   

As 'expected', we just went out as usual. I picked her up at her apartment, we went to the movies, ate dinner together, and went back. While I knew she wouldn’t bring it up first, I was hoping she would have the courtesy to mention it first. Because, well you know, I already mustered up courage to confess first. She could have the decency to reply than stranding me in no man's land. 

The answer I got, while not being awful, It was a little let down as well. I was hoping a yes, preparing for a no, and I got a 'meh maybe lets try.' At that night, I was just happy to receive an answer other than 'no'. Reminding about it now,  I really should push her to a real 'yes' or 'no' answer. 

The reason why I think that way, because after 2 years relationship and a pre-proposal, I still didn’t know how she felt about me. Everytime I asked her if she liked me, she always said 'I don’t know'. Yeah, that sure gave me closure. Because of that, until now, I always have doubt of taking the next step. 

 It doesn’t mean I don’t take any next step. I already tried to make her involve in my life. Show to others that I am serious with her. But, I didn’t feel good at all. I still don’t know if she wanted to be with me. If she really love me or not. If she really do want to spend the next 50 years with me and raising a family together. I do want that, but I would never know if she wants it as well. 

I knew her too well. I know she's not good with relationship stuff. I know she is not the type to take initiative. I know she is someone who always do something on the bare minimum expectations. I know she is the one who doesnt like to talk future so much and prefers the comfortable present. I know that her ideal guy is not me. I know that she loves procrastinating. I know that all yet, I would still fall head over heels for her. 

I do love her that much, and what I want from her is just effort from her to keep this relationship. I appreciate her present when anniversary. I appreciate her effort to accompany to any of my event. But, that is still the bare minimum expectations. I just want her to make effort to show that she is sure with me, she wants to be with me. Not because I asked or the right occasion. I just want her to show me she do care about me as her partner   Until she could show me that, I will just hold this relationship in this stage. Not moving forward until the expiration date. Because, I would rather have a broken heart than a broken family.