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grounded-parasocial · 20 days

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I am still having so many feelings about the final season of YR and I have been feeling like I don’t have anywhere to put them. It’s like the warm smolder of my obsession has sparked into a wild fire and now it’s too hot to stand near, but I cannot get it under control. I feel so much love, appreciation and pride for this queer love story and the truly magical way it has been told. However, I also feel so much heartbreak and loss both for the suffering in this season and that the show has come to a close. I feel consumed and a little bit embarrassed, but when it really comes down to it, the thing I am struggling with the most is the loneliness/isolation in my real life. It hasn’t really bothered me before that nobody in my life is obsessed with this show (which is still odd to me considering I live in a very queer community, so you would think I could find at lease one person irl) and I just want to be IN IT with someone who gets it. I feel like I have a pinball mess of feelings inside of me and everyone is just walking around living life like nothing has happened, but something DID happen!

These thoughts have me thinking about grief- grief is not always associated with death or separation- grief is associated with loss. And if I keep going with these thoughts on grief/loss- everyone’s loss experience is different and personal, but one thing that is a common thread when going through loss, is we need people to see it, “witness it” and be able to hold it. This is why we (therapists) so often suggest support groups for people experiencing grief (different than therapy/treatment groups). In support groups there is space for healing because there is witnessing and story telling and shared experience with people who understand. There is also safety and trust when you are with others who will not diminish your experience and who will not try to fix it. One of the other things that is helpful in support groups is all the different perspectives and being able to see people at different points along their journey. You can also see and share in all the different ways people cope and move through- some write, some lean into music, some exercise, some talk, some listen, some take drives, some use humor, some give hugs and some people take a lot of hot showers- but overall it’s community and human connection and those things give us sense of belonging.

This long ramble leads me to here, on tumblr, this fandom feels like my support group. I’m grateful. It’s the place I dont feel embarrassed, my experience doesn’t feel diminished and it makes me feel like other people “get it”. It’s kinda feels like the Young Royals office is holding support groups in conference room #2.. And have you seen the coping skills (TALENT) in here!

This may be only going out into the void, but if it lands for just one other person, then my point has been made.

Sending y’all a gentle hug 💜

#on a personal note #rambles #young royals #young royals s3

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kissmefriendly · 1 year

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On a slightly more serious note, I just wanna post this before the final entry, not counting the epilogue. I’m so, so thankful for Dracula Daily. It’s been an absolute blast beginning to end, reading discourse, seeing the jokes and memes and all the art, reading theories and reactions. And getting to be apart of that! Reading this book again in this format was a hell of an experience but the fact that I didn’t do it alone, I don’t know. We’ve all gotten to experience this book in a new way in real time together. I love that. And I hope that it won’t be just a one-off event, either. And even if it is? But this? It’s been wonderful. So, thank you to everyone for collectively going nuts over a 130 year old novel. Thank you for posting and making those artworks and memes and analyses. Reminds you you’re human and not stuck and alone.

#sorry for being emotional lol #but seriously #I didn’t exactly make new friends or connections #I’m not exactly someone people like seeing post etc etc #but you know what? I got to be in the same room as a bunch of strangers while we all shared an experience #on a personal note #I looked forward to DD everyday because irl I’m pretty isolated #even online I’m isolated this is my 5th or 6th blog. and it was just nice to feel apart of a group #and yeah we still have the epilogue and all but tbh #idk I don’t want it to end #I don’t wanna go back to being alone #I loved talking about this book with y’all I loved seeing your art and theories #it was exciting!#I read this book when I was 8 and my mum had never read it and my brother was too young to #so reading has always been very lonely #but this? this was amazing #and I really don’t want that to end #it’s less about the book itself and more about the people I’ve read it with #which I guess is rather at the heart of the book #dracula daily #dracula #so long and goodnight #lol

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anths-girl · 4 months

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I'm not one to try and write long-winded posts or like, get very passionately into a certain topic, or whatever. Mostly for the fact that, for one, my anxiety just makes me believe that nobody gives a shit about what little ol' me has to say about anything. And secondly, the few times in the past I DID kind of…speak up about things, I got such horrible responses that it just put me off ever actually saying anything at all, anymore.

But, BUT…sometimes I just CANNOT shut up. And this is one of those times.

I've lately started noticing this thing where, apparently, if you're asexual - and I AM very much asexual - you're not "included" in the "community," if you're a "straight" asexual. Like, go to my blog, see me posting pictures of like, Kirk Hammett with heart eyes emojis…BOOM, nope, you're not a "real" asexual. You're not valid. You're not included. Because I find men aesthetically pleasing, I'm…a fake? A fraud? Or, not actually asexual at all? Doesn't matter that, when I was 13, a guy I actually thought I liked, wanted to kiss me, and I fucking RAN AWAY. Or when another guy I also thought I liked, touched me, or hugged me or did anything physical, I would get nauseous and so uncomfortable that I pushed him off and made some vague excuses to just get the fuck AWAY. Or that, at the age of fucking 40, I am a virgin, I've never been kissed, AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH ANYONE, EVER?

BUT, again, because I find MEN attractive (to LOOK at), and because I'm sex positive, I've watched porn (and YES, enjoyed it), like sexy movies, LOVE to read (and occasionally write) smut…I am not actually asexual? So…what? I'm just this broken, wrong…thing? That doesn't belong anywhere, because I'm not "attracted" to someone of my own gender? Even though asexual literally means I am not physically attracted to ANYONE? Because I am, according to "normal society," for all intents and purposes, labelled as "straight," I am not worthy of the "community."

The same "community" who is ALWAYS preaching inclusivity, and understanding and compassion? Well, shit, lately it's everything BUT compassionate. I've become wary, or even scared, of saying I'm asexual, because I'm afraid of ridicule. Again, I have pretty damn bad anxiety, and I get afraid when I just post a simple comment on things online, because I just don't have the mental energy to get into arguments or disputes. Though…it SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY?! WHY does everything always have to end up being about people shunning others, who are different? Everyone talks about NOT hating or excluding people who are different…but then they turn right around and do EXACTLY that. The LGBTQA+ "community" is supposed to be a SAFE PLACE for ALL of us…and yet, now, apparently, the "us" is not…included? I can't be part of that "us," because, what, there's some specific set of requirements I'm meant to fullfil? I'm not asexual enough, because I'm not completely repulsed by sex as a whole, or because I'm a woman, who finds men attractive?

So now, what…it's right back to that mentality of hiding your true identity, because there's nowhere you fit in? Being ostracized because you're not ENOUGH to be part of something that SHOULD be welcoming to you?

Seriously, the world is regressing. Instead of being embraced and accepted for who you are…we get scrutiny, and told we're not good enough to be part of something that is supposed to include us.

So yes, what I'm trying to ACTUALLY say…it's sad and scary and LONELY, to be asexual. It's isolating. Because where we SHOULD be finding support and understanding, we just get hate and scorn. And one would truly think, that in this day and age, that wouldn't happen anymore. But like with everything, people just always have to ruin things for each other.

Because hatred towards people who are different? Will NEVER change. Humanity is still just too fucked up, for that.

#anths-girl posts #on a personal note #asexual #asexuality #ace #aspec #lgbtq community #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqa+#queer #sexuality #text #discrimination

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owl127 · 7 months

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Alpha alpha clexa for the win 🥵 I need to see clexa tear each other's clothes off and sin in their locker room. Can Lexa bottom for Clarke this first round 👉👈

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN! (Previous)

Clarke had hated every single move Lexa had played that entire day.

Except now. As Lexa’s hand sneaked into her shorts, Clarke very much encouraged her by moaning into curls freed from a tight ponytail. The motion sensor light hadn’t turned on as they continued to make out in the dark storage room, their hands wandering. One of Lexa’s legs made its way around Clarke’s hips, and the hand that wasn’t busy inside Clarke’s shorts kept Clarke’s head buried in her neck.

Clarke was curious and confused, but she was also horny, and decided that questions could come later. She sucked hard enough to bruise Lexa’s skin and shivered at the responding moan.

This was insane. A small and receding logic part of Clarke’s brain protested under the onslaught of Lexa’s mouth with valid questions like “Lexa’s a bitch”, “Isn’t she straight?”, but those questions were slowly consumed by “She’s good at a hand job. Also, boobs.”

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s ass and pulled her closer, noticing the lack of the rough material of Lexa’s shorts. Her fingers found soft underwear instead, taut from the erection rubbing at Clarke’s belly. Lexa growled and pulled blonde hair tight for a kiss, swallowing the responding gasp.

“Lexa,” Clarke said when they broke for air, feeling a hand pull down her shorts and underwear down her thighs. She shivered at the exposure, but fingers quickly enveloped her to pump into full hardness. Clarke blinked as she adapted to the low light, but all she could see was a strip of white as Lexa gritted her teeth and continued to touch her mercilessly.

This wasn’t going to last. If Clarke wanted any say on how this would go, she’d have to act fast.

Teeth sank into the pulsing flesh of Lexa’s neck and she yelped in surprise, faltering enough that Clarke pinned her hand to her side.

“What are you doing?” A glint in gray eyes as Lexa spat the question.

“Do you want this or not?” Clarke growled back, not holding the moan as she pushed against the wet patch on Lexa’s underwear.

Lexa huffed, and short nails bit the back of Clarke’s neck, tangling into the small, shaved hairs there. The harsh touch felt marvelous on her sensitive skin, and she pushed into Lexa with more purpose. Lexa wanted it, but it was always this dominance dance with other alphas.

Clarke fucking loved it.

Her teeth found the soft pulp of Lexa’s earlobe, and she thrusted a couple times to make her point across. “What?” Clarke whispered into fresh sweat. “Big, bad captain Lexa doesn’t like to admit she enjoys getting dicked down?”

Clarke grinned for no one to see as Lexa growled at that, fighting the grip she had on her. But Clarke was heavier and had both legs on the ground for support, so she kept Lexa in place, never missing a chance to rub their hardening cocks together as Lexa tried to escape.

“I can feel you getting harder,” Clarke said, going for a kiss that turned into a bite. She moaned at the peak of pain and the taste of blood. “God, Lexa, if you really want to me stop, I will, but—”

The trashing animal that was Lexa went still, and instead she used both legs to keep Clarke in place, a small whine escaping her throat.

Clarke understood and held back a chuckle, holding Lexa up. “It’s okay,” she whispered, the moment suddenly heavy and vulnerable. “I got you.”

That seemed the wrong thing to say as Lexa pulled on Clarke’s hair. “Do you always talk so fucking much?” The heat of Lexa’s breath on Clarke’s quickening pulse made her legs tremble, and she pressed harder into the other alpha.

“Most of the time, yes,” Clarke said, but didn’t stop the slow grind between them. “If you want it hard and dirty, I’m down for that.”

For a moment, Lexa stopped moving her hips, and Clarke was disappointed at the prospect that this would end up in a frustrated jerk off in the shower. But a small lick on her throat made her chuckle. “You’re weird, Woods.” She kissed to ease the sting and completed, “but I’m game. I bet you’re tight as fuck.”

“Can you shut up and get on with it?”

Clarke read the softness behind the words and wiggled a little to get her shorts lower to her knees. She’d need space if she wanted to do this right. And fuck, she wanted to do this right.

It was dark, hot, and Clarke was about to fuck the one teammate she should never touch, but there they were.

After a wet kiss, she spit on what she hoped was her own erection and felt Lexa’s hand guiding her.

“Should I use my fingers first?” Clarke asked, nervousness creeping in as she realized this was indeed about to happen.

“Touch me while I use my fingers,” Lexa said and moaned when Clarke let her other hand go to cup her for the first time. Lexa moaned an octave higher and Clarke just knew she had a finger inside herself.

“Getting ready for me, Woods?” she teased, getting Lexa’s cock out. It felt longer than hers, but Clarke did not dwell on that streak of competitiveness.

“How can you be this insufferable?”

“Fuck, I felt you leaking just now. You like when I talk, don’t you?”

“Oh my god, shut—shut up!”

Clarke laughed and picked up her pace, her hand gliding on Lexa’s pre cum. “Let me know when you’re ready for me.”

“You’re so full of yourself.” Lexa’s threatening effect was subdued by the way she gasped when Clarke used her thumb to play with her head.

“No, you are about to get full of myself.”

“If you keep this up, I’m calling it off!”

“Sorry,” Clarke said and meant it, leaning to kiss Lexa’s lips in apology. “I’m a little nervous.” Clarke hoped the honesty would calm Lexa down, and not being able to see her reaction, this was the peace offering she could do. Clarke cleared her throat. “You good?”

Lexa nodded, her forehead moving against Clarke’s damp cheek. Clarke held on thin hips and felt herself being guided into warm, welcoming heat. She moaned as she sank in, her hands trembling as she pushed inside.

“Holy shit, you’re tight,” Clarke gasped, her hips already starting a rhythm. Lexa’s moan was a mix of a growl and a gasp, but Clarke swallowed it nonetheless with a messy kiss. “Fuck, fuck, I’m close,” Clarke admitted as she picked up the pace, the shelf behind them banging with their thrusts.

Lexa bit Clarke’s shoulder, all of her holding onto the other alpha for dear life. “So much for your talking.”

Clarke groaned at that, speeding up. If she was going to embarrass herself and come in a minute like a pup, she’d at least make Lexa remember it. Lexa gasped as Clarke pulled her an inch higher, thrusting deeper.

Clarke felt the telltale signs of her impending orgasm, the tingling in her groins, the clenching of her own entrance. “Lexa, Lexa,” she said between forceful thrusts, the slap of skin on skin filling the room. “I’m gonna cum. Can I cum?”

The nails were back at Clarke’s nape, leaving marks all the way to her back. The idea of Lexa marking her almost pushed her to the edge. Lexa’s skin was so warm against her, and she felt tight and inviting. Their breaths mingled as their kisses lost track, reduced to a single need to meet again and again. The last bit that pushed Clarke to an orgasm so intense it was almost painful was a silky voice in her ear. “Come inside me, Clarke.”

Clarke fell forward, her legs holding to dear life as she came inside the other alpha in one, two, three long thrusts, and when she thought she had emptied herself, Lexa grabbed her chin for a bruising kiss that milked another shot out of her.

They stood in silence, one of Lexa’s legs on the ground, Clarke’s knees trembling. A single moan filled the room as Clarke pulled out, her dick still hard but oh so spent. She rested her forehead on Lexa’s shoulder, breathing in their mixed scents and smiling, completely satiated.

Clarke’s bubble of pure bliss popped as she felt Lexa’s moving shoulder, realizing she was jerking herself off.

“Wait, wait.” Clarke batted her hand away, and Lexa whined.

“Clarke,” Lexa pleaded, and she wasn’t a woman who pleaded. “You came too soon,” she added as a jab, and Clarke was too blissed to feel shame.

“I know.” In one move, Clarke kneeled in front of Lexa, finding her straining cock leaking. She leaned for a lick of their combined fluids seeping down Lexa’s thigh and guided the other woman into her mouth.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Lexa cursed as Clarke sucked on her, and Clarke realized immediately that Lexa was big. But okay, she could deal with that. Her hand pumped what she couldn’t take, and she teased the leaking slit with her tongue before licking the throbbing length up and down. “Clarke,” Lexa warned, and Clarke moaned around her, taking her a tad deeper. “I’m, I’m—” Lexa’s moan was loud as she thrusted into Clarke’s mouth with abandon. At the first jet of come hitting her throat, Clarke tried to pull away, but the same hand that had scratched her back held her firm in place. “Take it, take it, please,” Lexa begged, and Clarke breathed deep through her nose and let the other alpha fuck her mouth as she came in slowly, de-escalating whimpers.

Clarke swallowed what she could, but felt it spilling down her chin as Lexa pulled back. Clarke leaned on her haunches and it kicked in the light motion, and a harsh, white light shove from above.

Lexa’s curls were spread on her face, her eyes blown. She had her jersey, but her shorts were dangling by one foot, her boxer shorts in a shade darker under her softening cock. Her abs shivered, and her eyes closed as a last spurt of come leaked from her cock.

Clarke wondered how she looked like to have that effect on the usually stoic alpha.

With the light, reality set in. Clarke coughed a little, standing on shaking legs. She pulled up her shorts with a hiss, one hand threading through her destroyed braid.

“Lexa,” she started, but she didn’t know what to say. Thank you for the fuck?

“You can go. I’ll clean up.” Lexa pulled her own shorts up with trembling hands. Clarke bit her lips while watching Lexa tuck herself inside her underwear, the taste of her come still vivid in her tongue.

Clarke looked back at the door, at the gear littering the floor, then again at Lexa. God, she was marvelous with that freshly fucked glow.

“Should we… talk?” Clarke said, wincing at the stare Lexa threw back at her.

“You and your talking.” Lexa redid her ponytail with cold efficiency. Clarke watched those fingers work and felt herself respond at the thought of how they would feel inside her.

“I really liked that. Fuck, Lexa, I’m getting hard again just looking at you.”

That caught Lexa’s attention. She swallowed, dark eyes staring down at Clarke’s crotch, and truth be told, Clarke felt herself harden under that stare.

“You’re not half bad.”

“I’d say you enjoyed it quite a lot.”

“Yeah, all 30 seconds of it.”

“Don’t tease me, Woods.”

“I can do better than that.”

Clarke groaned and went for a bruising kiss.

This time, the light didn’t turn off.

#clexa #drabble #fanfiction #abo #alphaxalpha #I heard you my loves #here's more smutty goodness #on a personal note #I broke my ankle 3 weeks ago and everything has been a challenge #so thank you for your patience

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simnes · 18 days

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hello :) I hope everyone is enjoying Rebirth. I haven't been here for a while and I don't really make gifs anymore (long story short: too much trouble and nasty people). I don't want to abandon my sideblogs though so I have filled the queue of @clotiforever with all recent cloti works I found and will do so for @ff7reunion as well 😊I love to see everyones amazing works! 💕

#on a personal note

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gaylorarchive · 1 year

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#gaylor #gaylorarchive #forever winter #red #red tv #lyric analysis #closeting #twitter #on a personal note #i remember this campaign so clearly #and I remember holding onto that sentiment #hoping desperately that one day I could be out and open and safe #and i'm not even that old #like at all #i'm not even a millenial #but I remember the it gets better campaign so so clearly #it really helped

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athousandotherfaces · 29 days

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Tempus fugit (et numquam revertitur)

Guess who decided to back track 5 hours because she wasn't happy with the outcome of an encounter

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gaming #on a personal note

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taylorrepdetective · 3 days

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I know she had era tour but I don’t think I can do it w a broken heart is actually eras tour

I thought of this too. Maybe sometime down under? No way to know, but I did think the line she threw in at the end “Try and come for my job” might have hinted at something. I can read it both ways. As always, we’ll never know for sure. But I think it’s fair to say she has felt this way many times. It reminded me of Katy having to go on stage immediately after having her husband tell her he was filing for divorce. And it’s relatable. We’ve all had to put on a happy face at work and pretend things are fine at home.

#on a personal note #it reminds me of one of my depressive episodes where everyday I just didn’t want to get out of bed or do anything #and as a result I lost 15 pounds in a short period.#and when I did get out of bed and smiled I got a lot of comments about how great I looked #so I don’t think we need to necessarily dissect this so much #the point is sometimes she is deeply unhappy and we won’t know because like everyone she hides her feelings #and we should remember this always. we don’t know her.#body language experts should shut up because if she’s in public she knows she can be video’d or photographed at any moment always #so she always has the face on she wants people to see #that sounds so exhausting

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veleci · 6 months

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Silly men dancing:

#ryan stiles #whose line is it anyway #wliia #comedian #whoseline #whose line #colin mochrie #improv comedy #comedy show #rycol #early 2000s #improvisation #edit #my edit #editor #i will just dump most of my wliia edits here #on a personal note #i loved the scene they did the rocky horror inspired dance

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grounded-parasocial · 1 month

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I have decided- they will be together.

I just simply cannot get my brain around-what was it all for- if they do not end up together.

It was an intense work week and an intense young royals week, so when I woke up to another beautiful weather day, I decided, this is my truth. This is how I will get through this weekend.

They will be together.

“I just wanted you to know. This is the situation. This is how I feel.”

(Also I don’t think they would put all those fans in a room together with the cast and blow it all up)

#on a personal note #self preservation #wilmon #young royals

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kayedium-writes · 1 year

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At AO3 you're working on a lot of construction sites and you are killing us with your slow updates. So, I scolded you now and I feel much better ;-)

So, I went back and forth on answering this. Numerous times, really, in the last few hours since I received and read it. But I decided to go ahead and do so. And it got a little long, but so be it.

I'm glad that sending me this message made you feel better, and that you were able to get this off of your chest about my lack of updates and the numerous projects I have going.

Personally, it didn't make me feel better at all.

Not that I think anyone owes an explanation for their absence or lack of updates, but I guess I just wanted to take a moment to say that I'm human. A real person on the other end of this message. With a life that sometimes gets complicated and messy and busy.

My creativity ebbs and flows. I get ideas for a while, some of them come to fruition, some of them sit in my notes folder for months on end. I write when I can, and what I can, and choose to share it with others because my writing brings me joy and I think that just maybe it might for someone else. Perhaps I'm wrong about that.

For months on end, I wrote thousands and thousands of words on the fly, week after week, because I was having the time of my life doing so. Lately, things have been slower and the updates have become fewer. But I still love my projects, I'm still proud of what I've written, what I have to write in the future, and where my stories are going. Those things are for myself, first, and for 'you all' second.

I can say that messages like this are disheartening, and sometimes downright hurtful. They don't help with motivation. They don't help with creativity. They don't help with wanting to share the writing that I put so much into.

So, may I suggest remembering the person beyond the screen? That prior to sending things like this, one takes a single moment to consider the other person's circumstance and what they may be going through, before deciding to scold, or ridicule, or criticize?

Because I love this community. I love my fandom. I love my blorbos and my projects and my friends. But I don't love being scolded over my passion projects that I write, for fun, in what little free time I have.

I'm not sure what's been going on lately with the attitude toward myself and some of my writer friends, but I do wish that it wasn't this way. And maybe, eventually, it won't be.

—Kay

#on a personal note

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