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iknityounot · 4 months

Text

(Long post, sorry y'all)

A little more than two years ago now, my grandmother passed away. She and my grandpa had moved down to my home town a few years before so we could take care of them. I brought them groceries once a week, helped them write checks, fixed tvs, and found lost things. I was really close with my grandma.

In addition to her hilarious personality and dry wit, one of my favorite things about her was that she was a painter and a crafter like me! She used to crochet, and I took her to the craft store a couple of times so she could get more yarn and books on crochet. But her arthritis and the shaking in her hands kept getting worse, so she eventually had to stop.

She kept her most recent project, a granny square blanket, safely packed away in a plastic bin. She told all of us she was going to finish it one day.

Her hands never got better, and when she got sick, and we found out it was cancer, she rapidly deteriorated.

After she passed, I went to work helping my mom clean out my grandparents apartment so we could move my grandpa in with her. In our frantic cleaning, I found that bin again:

DOZENS of granny squares, dozens of half used skeins. I asked my mom what she wanted me to do with it, and she said she didn't care. I set it aside and later took it home.

Maybe a month later, that tumblr post about the Loose Ends Project was going around. It felt like a sign--I was never going to learn to crochet in order to finish my grandmother's blanket. But they might be able to help!

So I filled out the interest form. They got back to me SUPER quick. And maybe 2 weeks later, I was paired with volunteer in my state (only 2 hours away!) and the box of yarn, granny squares, and my grandmother's crochet hook were in the mail. That was at the end of January this year.

Over the next couple of months, my "finisher" emailed me regular updates on her progress, and asked me questions on my preferences for how she constructed the final blanket.

At the end of August, the blanket was done!

I had always intended the blanket to be a gift for my mother. So I cleaned it up, put it in the only bag I had big enough to fit it, and drove to my mom's. I gave the blanket to her and she was gobsmacked. I explained to her all about Loose Ends, and how someone volunteered to finish the piece for us. She was speechless. (I was quite pleased with this, because I am not the best at giving gifts, so this was a pretty exciting reaction!)

She said that it was the most thoughtful gift she had ever been given. She said "your grandma would love this". To which I replied, "yeah, I know she really wanted to finish it a couple of years ago". But that was when my mom dropped the bomb of a century on me--she told me that my grandma had started making those granny squares OVER 30 YEARS AGO. She had started the blanket when my grandpa was staying in the hospital, but that was back when my mom was younger than I am now! My grandma had packed them all away, planning on finishing it, when my grandpa was sent home from the hospital. Then it went from house to house, from condo in Chicago to their apartment in my hometown. All that time and my grandma had wanted to finish it, but couldn't. First because she was busy, then because she forgot how to do it, then because of her arthritis, and then because of the cancer. My mom said she had given up on expecting my grandma to finish it.

She said I brought a piece of her childhood with her mom out of the past.

And really, all of this is to say, if you have seen or heard about the Loose Ends Project and have an uncompleted project or piece from a loved one who has passed away--these are your people. They were so kind and treated my project with such care. That box probably would have been found by my own grandkids one day if I hadn't heard about Loose Ends.

Five stars, absolutely worth it!

(From what I understand, you can sign up to volunteer too! If you have time to share, it might be worth checking out!)

#loose ends #the loose ends project #joy knits #text #long post #knit #knitting #crochet #crocheting #craft #crafting #diy #crochetblr #yarnblr #yarn #knitblr

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skz-streamer · 8 months

Text

Cheeks

Pairing: Jisung (skz) x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: just brain rot fluff :)

Notes: Okayyyy so this wasnt exsactly an ask directed to mee but I was scrolling on my lovely moots page @seo--changbin and saw this post so ovi i had to write something 🙄🤭

Summary: Dinner with Han and the boys is always memorable, I mean who can forget Han's cute cheeks?!?

-please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people

Word count ~1.3k ;)

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The restaurant buzzed with laughter and chatter as you and the boys gathered around a cozy corner table. Tonight, you were dining at your favorite spot, and the atmosphere was filled with warmth and friendship. You found yourself seated next to Jisung, and your heart fluttered with affection as you exchanged a subtle smile.

As the night went on, the conversation flowed effortlessly. The boys talked about everything from their recent performances to funny memories from earlier the week. Amidst the banter, you noticed Jisung occasionally getting caught up in the excitement of shared stories.

Without even thinking, you reached for a spoonful of his favorite dish and gently offered it to him. Jisung blinked in surprise but accepted with a smile, his cheeks puffing up adorably like a chipmunk. It was an unconscious gesture, an act of affection that came naturally to you whenever you saw him engrossed in something.

The other members around the table couldn't help but notice the sweet exchange and their eyes sparkled with amusement. Changbin, ever the playful one, chuckled and teased, "Hey, y/nah, are you his chef now?"

You blushed, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and endearment. "Oh, I-I didn't even realize I was doing it," you stammered, trying to hide your shy smile.

"It's cute," Felix chimed in, giving you both a thumbs-up. "You two are like a cute couple!"

Seungmin and Hyunjin joined in the teasing, calling you "the feeding fairy" and "Jisung's favorite cook," which only made Jisung's cheeks turn even rosier. But amidst the playful banter, you could see the warmth in their eyes, appreciating the genuine connection between you and Jisung.

Jisung, however, seemed to revel in the attention, shooting you a grateful look. "Well, I'm lucky to have someone who cares about me," he said, a touch of affection in his voice.

Throughout the dinner, the playful teasing continued, but it only made you and Jisung feel closer. Every time you noticed him getting caught up in the conversation, your hand would unconsciously reach out to feed him, and he would eat the food you offered with a smile.

The dinner progressed with moments of joy and camaraderie. The boys shared stories, laughed together, and bonded over the simple pleasure of being in each other's company. All the while, you continued to absentmindedly feed Jisung, a gesture that felt as natural as breathing.

As the night wore on, the table was filled with laughter, and you found yourself lost in the comfort of their company. Time seemed to slip away, and soon, the evening was drawing to a close.

Jisung nudged you playfully, breaking you out of your thoughts. "Hey, y/n, did you save me any of that delicious dish?"

You grinned, realizing that you had been so engrossed in the conversation that you forgot to eat yourself. "Oops, sorry, Jisungie," you said, picking up your spoon and scooping a fresh serving of the dish for him. "Here you go."

He chuckled, taking the offered spoonful and eating it with a satisfied sigh. "Thanks, you're the best," he said, giving you a wink.

The warmth in his eyes made your heart skip a beat, and you couldn't help but blush. Feeding Jisung had become such a natural and affectionate act, one that spoke volumes about the bond you two shared.

As the night progressed, you found yourself lost in the enchanting atmosphere of the dinner. The restaurant's soft lighting, the laughter of your friends, and the gentle touches exchanged between you and Jisung created an ambiance that felt like a dream.

With every tender gesture, you felt the affection between you two growing stronger. Jisung's eyes would meet yours in an unspoken language of love, and a small smile would form on his lips every time you fed him.

It wasn't just about the food; it was about the connection—the intimacy of sharing a moment that only you two understood amidst the laughter and chatter of the group.

The other members also noticed the affectionate exchanges between you and Jisung, and they couldn't help but find it heartwarming. Felix leaned over and whispered, "You two are adorable. It's like you have your little world there."

You chuckled softly, glancing at Jisung, who was engaged in a conversation with Changbin. "It feels natural, you know? Feeding him is like an instinct," you replied.

Seungmin nodded, teasing a little. "You both are like a cute old couple."

As the night drew to a close, you felt a sense of contentment settle over you. The dinner had been filled with laughter, affection, and heartfelt connections. You were grateful for the love and brotherhood that the boys shared, and above all, you were grateful for the love you and Jisung had discovered in the simplest of gestures.

As you all bid farewell and left the restaurant, the cool night air greeted you, and you walked hand in hand with Jisung, savoring the moment. The stars twinkled above, and you felt like the luckiest person in the world to have such a wonderful group of friends and to have found someone like Jisung who brought so much joy into your life.

"You know," Jisung said, breaking the silence, "tonight was special."

You looked at him, a soft smile tugging at your lips. "It was, wasn't it? I had the best time."

He chuckled, his eyes shining with affection. "Me too. And thanks for taking care of me during dinner. It means a lot to me."

"It's my pleasure," you replied, squeezing his hand gently. "I love taking care of you."

His cheeks turned pink, and he glanced away bashfully. "Well, I love it too," he admitted, his voice a little shy.

The night breeze caressed your cheeks, and you felt a surge of happiness that you couldn't contain. Jisung, sensing your excitement, pulled you closer, wrapping his arm around your waist. His touch sent a delightful shiver down your spine, and you snuggled into his embrace, feeling a sense of warmth and security enveloping you.

"Let's do this again sometime," Jisung said, his voice soft and tender.

"I'd love that," you replied, your heart swelling with joy. "Every moment with you is special."

He smiled, his eyes sparkling with affection. "I feel the same way."

-----------------

As the night continued, you and Jisung strolled hand in hand, enjoying the tranquil beauty of the city lights. The energy and excitement from dinner lingered, and you both felt an unspoken desire to extend the night.

"I don't want this evening to end just yet," Jisung whispered, pulling you closer.

You smiled, loving the idea of more time together. "Me neither. What do you have in mind?"

He grinned mischievously. "How about we go for round two? Let's grab a drink at that cozy cafe we love."

The suggestion brought a playful glint to your eyes. "Sure, but only if you promise not to get too hyper."

"I promise," Jisung replied with a chuckle. "One drink and I'll behave."

You walked hand in hand to the nearby cafe, finding solace in the comforting warmth and dim lighting. The ambiance was perfect for a quiet conversation, and you settled into a corner booth.

As you sipped on your drinks, the conversation flowed effortlessly. You talked about everything and nothing—sharing dreams, recounting funny moments, and basking in each other's company. Time seemed to slow down, allowing you both to enjoy every moment.

As the night deepened, a sense of peace settled over you both. You rested your head on Jisung's shoulder, feeling the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat. In the soft glow of the cafe, his eyes locked with yours, and you felt a rush of affection wash over you.

"I'm glad we had this second round," Jisung murmured, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.

"Me too," you replied, your heart swelling with love. "I could spend forever with you like this."

His eyes softened, and he leaned in, pressing a soft, tender kiss on your lips. The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you at that moment.

As you pulled back, a sweet smile graced his lips. "I love you," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

"I love you too," you replied, your heart brimming with happiness.

Permanent tag list: @eee5533 @mixtape-racha @ot8skz-wifey @ren0325

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front-facing-pokemon · 1 day

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sandaconda SNIFFFF

this is true

sorry about the radio silence apart from the queued posts for the past few days, folks. i'm gonna drop all these asks and then give you a bit of an explanation, as well as a possible read on the future of the blog, down at the bottom of this post, if you care to read it

everyone loves appletun..! i used one to beat the champion in my first ever run of swsh because i thought it was so cute. and grass/dragon is a fun typing..! just one more way to be 4x weak to ice my belovèd

i don't even remember what this is in reference to unfortunately. this is the way to get to the grass gym from motostoke, i think..! though you have to go through a route to get to the mines

y'know, i'm not sure! perhaps if i knew what it was based on, i could tell you better

let them have it :/ they deserve it

okay. hi. you've reached the bottom. i have a confession! i have not been able to update the queue in like. a week

my commitment to uploading every pokémon in natdex order already fell off a little bit when the galar pokédex was out of order compared to the national pokédex and i was choosing to include regional forms in "natdex order" by using their placement in regional dexes. now that i've reached all the regional evolutions in the natdex, i've found that my previous methods for getting models and getting them to work are not necessarily panning out. this is, of course, for one specific pokémon: galarian farfetch'd. i believe this applies to the rest of the galarian forms that i have yet to upload, as well, as i can't seem to find models (that i know how to work with) anywhere on the internet. if you want to see the most recent state i was able to get galarian farfetch'd into, then here:

it's fucked up. you may have noticed that i also didn't post galarian corsola before cursola. that's partially because i forgot it existed, and partially because i didn't have its model so i didn't know it existed because of that

i don't really know what to do here. i haven't queued up a single pokémon in about a week, and even then, the pokémon at the end of the queue you'll notice are getting progressively more and more fucked up textures-wise just because of how difficult they're getting when i can't find the proper models and i have to throw something toegether in like an hour. which! this blog never used to take me an hour! it used to be a few minutes out of my morning, at most. now mornings are taking me upwards of two hours just to get these motherfuckers working—and now i've reached a point where i can't get them working at all

from my perspective, i have two options, neither of which i want to do. option one is to just post the pokémon that i have and can get working, skipping ones that i don't have or can't get working. option two is to just go on indefinite hiatus until i can get a hold of the models and get them working. i like neither of these options!

i suppose there's a secret third option, which is that i start using in-game screenshots like i almost did for phantump that one time, but those aren't the easiest to procure when i can't perfectly manipulate the model and the camera to get the angles that have become the style of this blog

i don't want to quit when i'm this close to the end (and especially when there's so many of you waiting for your favorite pokémon), but taking two hours out of my morning to get one pokémon working is becoming a chore i relent doing, and i've become unable to do it at all now that i can't get the models to render correctly

i don't have a solution to put at the bottom of the post here! i don't have a way to say "so because of this, i'll now be doing blahblahblah" because i don't have a blahblahblah that i can do. i don't know what the best course of action is, because i have never really encountered this kind of problem on the blog before. the hiatus i took back in 2020 was for completely unrelated reasons, and like 99.9% of you weren't even here for that. and sure, only like 20 folks read these asks, let alone down this far into them, but for those of you that don't, you'll just be missing out and confused. for those of you that do, i thank you for sticking around this long. this is not goodbye, and i don't even want it to be a temporary goodbye—but it is me saying that there are 18 pokémon left in the queue and i don't know how to add any more

the best solution is probably just to post the pokémon that i can and hope the models i can't get aren't anyone's favorites. how do we all feel about that? i could always try in-game screenshots, but that'd be such a big change in styling and visuals that i dunno if i wanna go through with it. i'm at an impasse here, and i've been avoiding even talking about it because technically most of the followers of this blog couldn't care less if there was a real individual behind it—they're just here for the silly pokémon images. but, y'know, hi! here i am, i'm a real individual running this blog, and it's not that easy anymore!

#not pkmn #nose ratings #i didn't want this whole ramble to be just me complaining the entire time but i really don't know how else to go about #y'know. conveying the information that i want to convey. besides. sounding like i'm complaining about it #so here it is. me complaining about it. apologies in advance if you're reading these tags before the rest of the post!

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stormoflina · 14 days

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hello! I'm sure your anons have been flooded with a lot lol but I wanted to change the subject a little. I'm a little sad that Trent is out until the Atalanta game (don't know if its the first leg or second leg) feel like he's been gone for the whole season. miss watching him play with the team and the last interaction we saw with Dom was with haaland being annoying lol.

Also idk if it's just me but I don't know if Dom is very appreciated by fans on how much he does on the field. I get he's had some off games but he's such an important piece to the midfield especially when it comes to his pace. During the Brighton game the right side was getting torched until he started spending some time there to help on defense and even the man u game when he was subbed off we were winning and then we lost control of the midfield. It was a glaring difference and I'm not bashing on any other player NOT at all or saying they don't bring anything to the team, it's just he's a part of the success to the team and it's not spoken about as much.

anyway have a good day!

Hi lovely! I want to thank you for this wonderful ask, it's always both a pleasure and an honour to read your thoughts, especially when it's so well put together! 🫶🏼

I know I miss Trent so much:( I looked back at the pre-match interview he did this weekend as much as I could find, and as lovely as it was to see him, I just wish he was back on the pitch, doing his magnificent passes as he does. :( I understand that with so many reinjuries, they are being extra careful with him, but I feel like the dates just keep getting pushed back and pushed back and it's stressing me out lol.

With Domi, yeah, the narrative around him has shifted recently. In a sense, I think he, too, became the so called stepchild of the team, same thing that I have called Cody back in the past, of course just under very different circumstances. I do think that now that we are in April and have already seen how the season progressed, out of all the starting midfielders he has had the least luck lol. Meaning that he basically carried that midfield on his back for the first three months, then yes, he both got fatigued and fell off a bit, but also Macca grew more comfortable in his position and role, Endo caught up to the Prem and Curtis had entered into a really good form too. Obviously the attention then shifted to them, which is only natural, they were putting in some fantastic performances. His injury also came at a very wrong time, then I think those weird social media posts that were made about him also didn't help ( I actually have a lot to say about that lol), then when he did came back from months long injury and wasn't dropping 10/10 he was quickly made into (one of the) scapegoat(s). Sadly, it's only natural, and what's even sadder that those 'fans' will only move on from him if they find another player to overly criticize. Agendas work like crazy. Right now, if Endo or Alexis loses the ball, likely no one will say anything, if he does, he gets ripped a new one. At the start of the season, it was the other way around. It's insanely annoying, but that's online fans for you. Also doesn't really help his case, that he is in a very limited role, which is good for the team (nobody has his levels of athleticism and pressing intensity), but it also highlights his weaknesses. I have talked about this before, but going from always being the protected player to the one who has to protect everyone else can't be easy and it's pretty easy to see that it doesn't come natural to him. However, it's a role that every team needs, and I think overall, he does a good job at it.

Haha, anyways, I spend waaay too much time wondering about the psychology behind how these things work, I could talk the pants off of anyone with this lol.

Have a lovely day! <3

Edit: With all that yapping I forgot to tell you that I agree with you regarding Domi. We definitely lost momentum when him, Andy and Mo were subbed off. The midfield especially got run over. Klopp nearly always gets his man management right, it just wasn't his day that day - or anyone's really, I mean we let Antony score. 😅😅

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thomashewittmybeloved · 10 months

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I came across your recent TedxReader fic where Reader was helping Bill and Ted study history and it was super cute!

I was wondering if you could do one where y/n was doing homework on their computer, but they forgot to click save after staying up late, so they lost their progress and is flustered so Ted tries to help cheer them up (this actually recently happened to me, so I'm having to redo a lot of an assignment 😅)

hellooo!! Thank you so much that's so kind of you🫶

First of all, I'm sooo sorry this happened to you, it's so frustrating 😭 also sorry for taking so long to respond !

It's kind of short but I hope you'll still enjoy what I wrote :)

.°•

A student's worst nightmare

Pairing : Ted Logan X G/N reader

Warnings : None ! Just cute fluffy stuff :)

A/N : this can be read as just platonic as well as romantic !! You didn't specify which one you wanted so I made it kinda ambiguous<3

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾

I sat at my desk, frustration etched on my face, as I stared at the blank screen of my computer. The glow from the monitor seemed to mock me, a constant reminder of my careless mistake. I had been up all night working on my homework, pouring my heart and soul into it, only to forget the most crucial step—clicking the save button.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I ran a hand through my hair, feeling utterly defeated. My mind replayed the countless hours I had spent meticulously crafting this assignment, all now lost in the abyss of digital oblivion. The weight of my mistake pressed upon me, making me feel as though I had let myself down. Just as I was about to succumb to the pure despair that threatened to consume me, I heard a familiar voice from behind; Ted's voice. He spoke as he put his hands on my shoulders and his head on top of mine.

"Hey !" Ted's voice was filled with curiosity, a gentle concern laced within his words the moment he leaned to see my face. "What's up dude ?"

"Hey, Ted," I replied, my voice tinged with defeat as I smiled weakly. "I... I lost all my homework. I forgot to save it."

His eyes widened slightly, mirroring my dismay. Without a moment's hesitation, he kneeled next to me and leaned on the edge of my desk. "Whoa, that's rough, dude. But hey, don't sweat it ! You can, like, re-write it!"

I appreciated his optimism, even though it seemed impossible to salvage my lost work. But there was something about Ted's unwavering faith in me that gave me a glimmer of hope. Seeing him smile so brightly at me while he's eyes searched mine made me believe that yes, I could easily just re-write everything. He leaned in closer to me, his voice filled with genuine care. I lowered my head to meet his gaze, seeing him smile once I did.

"Remember dude, you've got this big smart mind ! You can do anything you want, and even more, just have to do it !"

His words resonated with me, piercing through the haze of disappointment. He had always been the one to remind me to find joy in the process, to not get too caught up in my grades. He had a way of making even the most mundane tasks an adventure, making everything fun and joyful no matter what.

Suddenly, an idea sparked within me, fueled by Ted's infectious enthusiasm. "You're right, Ted. Maybe this is an opportunity to start fresh, to approach my work from a different angle. I can rewrite it, make it even better!"

A broad grin spread across Ted's face, his eyes glowing with excitement. "That's the spirit, Y/N! I knew you'd find your way out of this funk." He laid his head on my hand who was laying on the desk." We'll make it the most excellent homework the world has ever seen!"

He lifted his head and his fist. I giggled, fist pumping him before he pulled a chair to sit next to me, bringing it as close as possible, our knees grazing each other. "So, what's the subject of your assignment?"

"History...The Crusade's, more specifically." I sighed, seeing Ted's face fall for a split second before his cheerful smile appeared again.

"Oh ! Talk about the Lion dude!" He exclaimed, putting his arm on the back my chair, his skin hot against my back.

"The...You mean, Richard Lionheart ?" I chuckled, trying to control my growing blush. "You, you meant him, right ?"

"See, you have a smart brain !" He laughed, leaning against me. "You're a smarty."

I looked away, unable to hide my smile and heavy blush. Did he really have to whisper that last thing right in my ear?! I cleared my throat.

"I didn't even think about speaking about him, I just...explained what the Crusade's where globally but using him could be perfect !" I started taping on the keyboard, already feeling the inspiration coming back. "Thank God you're here Ted !"

He laughed before letting me write in silence, glancing at me sometimes, smiling to himself. I'm so focused, feeling the motivation coming back to me again, that I jumped in surprise a little when his head suddenly landed in the crook of my shoulder. "Ted..."

He cut me off, his voice shook a little bit; "I just, I just want to rest because, you know, life dude."

With newfound determination, and Ted's head laying on my shoulder, I began to rewrite my lost assignment.

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gabriellovescandy · 1 year

Text

I posted 7,339 times in 2022

34 posts created (0%)

7,305 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@despite-everything

@0utf0xed

@kurp-stuff

@omnipah

@d1mwit

I tagged 5,672 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#amazing - 228 posts

#tiktok - 212 posts

#toh - 207 posts

#wow - 157 posts

#drawings - 135 posts

#news - 135 posts

#uk - 122 posts

#cute - 122 posts

#art - 119 posts

#ofmd - 117 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#2. i had candy crush installed on my phone for like 10 years i stopped (but saved my progress in case one day i want to continue)a year ago

My Top Posts in 2022:

Frost, Maple, Orchard, and Quilt ♡

Ok this is on me I completely forgot to answer dammit ANYWAY

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?

Realistically nothing to not alter the timeline, but since this is just a cute ask, I would probably tell her not to shave until at least the second year of highschool. Before then I didn't know what I was doing since my mother never explained anything to me and now I have more work to do because of my younger self -.-

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

Yes! I always wanted to try photography, same for cosplay but I never had the drive to spend that much money. Also bookbinding, even if I discovered it more recently than the other two

orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

Finding a job! I mean realistically it would be in winter, because I finish the stage I'm currently doing in december, but I'll have to start looking in autumn and I hope I'll be able to find something to do from january on!

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?

I don't like coffee and hot tea, which I know is controversial, but I love cold tea or boba! So one of the two, I love them both during summer

Thank you for asking, sorry for the long time I take to reply! ^^"

3 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

Very brave of Alessandro cattelan to go on stage with a green suit on eurovision

4 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

Went to pride today and had lots of fun!!

4 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

The UK got points this is insane what is happening

6 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hi! So if anyone cares Italy now is officially under a fascist governament 👍

10 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #fun!#tumblr #2022 #the program definitely had to choose a random tag for the longest tag category since I never shut up and always reach the character limit

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sweetswesf · 1 year

Text

Check In

What I Did

Cleaned

Shopped for a new pair of jeans

Sent some friends some Christmas gifts

Led my professional black software engineering group last minute after the original leader couldn't make it

Online shopped for some Carhartt overalls

Reread an old journal...it happened to be a retelling of one of the hardest moments in my relationship with my mom that I think about often

Got invited to ride down to LA by a person I thought didn't want anything to do with me...she may just be using me, but, hey, whatever, I benefit from this situation too...

What I Learned

A lot of people care for me

Don't wait...tomorrow is not promised

But also...wait on God...

Don't be so quick to write people off

Don't be so quick to give people so much information

Feeling

A lot of days recently I have been feeling lonely despite the outpouring of support and check ins I've been receiving...I really want a romantic love...a friend asked if I was talking to anyone, and since about February of this year, I've had NO ONE that I was talking to in a sort of flirty stage

I know God has something great for me

Impatient...impatient for love, friendship, a new job, my family situation to get better, the scale to go down, to move...I constantly have to remind myself, "just wait..."

Bad that I doubted some folks...

Kinda paranoid, NGL, but I need to remind myself God's at the helm

Sad I've got looks from so many companies, some of which I really want to be at...and I am just not prepared...despite me working really hard...

Reading old posts I made made me really sad...I repress so many bad memories that, reading it back, made me feel a bit better about taking this time away to heal...it was so long that I had to stop reading...so much stuff I willfully forgot the minor details of but never forgot the major events and how they made and still make me feel

Kind of tired and that I need a helper...I

Shopping & internet are distractions

Nervous...I think of my gym crush a lot, but that's only because I'm more desperate for male attention right now, and he's the ONLY consistent one that I see every day...I've got a feeling that he may be curious about me but I've been wrong before and I don't want to be wrong this time because truthfully, I don't think he's who I should be with...not sure if it is lust, loneliness, or if it would actually be good to explore a relationship with him...it's times like these where I need to just go with my gut and listen more in my prayers about it

Hearing that another colleague has already done about 40 algorithms and I have only done a fraction of that, made me feel like I've been wasting time, but I have been making progress...I do need to make a little more though...time goes by fast

Glad that I waited on God and didn't go down to LA, because now I've got a trip out...and I bought the 2nd plane ticket by accident, but I guess it wasn't an accident, because now I'm going down and will use it on the way back up!

Takeaways

I should read the resources my therapist recommended

I want to stop dwelling on the past

I'm going to switch up my study schedule and focus more on algos

I'm not sure if I'm ready to stop being so hard on myself...I don't know if I am or not...

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut

Cooked for myself and ate the food that I had in my fridge, not the pizza I knew I really wasn't going to like after a few bites or food from elsewhere

Prayed

Finally decorated my Christmas tree

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals After Today

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

Learn more about my gym crush & get him to ask for my number

Get a house similar to that one in Spain

Update my personal app

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allqrcoded · 1 year

Text

Devlog 1: Progress crash course

hi , all! its kinda late doing this sort of blogging thing , esp 6 or so months into development... but, i figured i should do so since it looks fun. i haven't touched this side blog at all up until a couple weeks ago, but here are some highlights!

angel care is in its polishing stage right now and i'm thinking of getting some of my friends to play test it after i'm done with half of the work in that stage.

Updated sprites/text box + map progress

for this month, i'm focusing on the aesthetic side of things such as new talk sprites for the main trio, since i botched my pixel work there (didn't use pixel perfect in aesprite and etc).

i'm mostly done with the maps needed for the first half up to the middle-late portion of the game, but i'm sorta putting that aside for polishes and etc. thankfully, i'm done with coding in the dialogue and the specific variables needed in rpgmaker during the first week of this month ^^ i just have to playtest it a bit to see if my coding doesn't break or not. i wrote a lot of words, so it was very relieving to see the light in the end of that tunnel for that department.

speaking of text, i changed the default arrow in dialogue boxes to a cute feather. very nice :^)

OST works

other than visuals, i've also been working on the auditory side of this game. i sorta had a specific vision for what i wanted the game to sound like and most of the royalty free bgm i found didnt cut it, so i decided to do some tracks myself. i took inspiration from milk outside a bag of milk's ost in terms of ambience and etc, but i'm still trying to make the tracks not sound too same-y.

^this is one of the tracks i worked on earlier this week w/o headphones on. though, i'm not sure if i'll include it in the final game because i didn't have a specific scene in mind whilst making it. i just thought of it as filler bgm (ie. plays whilst characters are talking and not that much significant is happening), but then i messed with it more, so it turned out like this. i think i'll lose my mind if i listen to the telephone sfx any longer.

i figured i wanted to do something similar to sweet pool's bgm... but my music design knowledge is very sparse, so i stuck to making ambient tracks for now.

Bug doc 4 sanity + things that need working on

on notes of polishing, recently, i've been keeping a bug doc! which is helpful, since whenever i exit rpgmaker, i forget some of the things i need doing the next dev session.. along with some bugs i solved, but forgot the solution to.

i should've been doing that in the first place, but oh well. right now, it's cleaning up code past me did + directing cutscenes

#angel care #devlog #gamedev #rpgmaker

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starglitterz · 3 years

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If it's not much of a hassle, can you make hcs for Xiao, Diluc, Albedo and Razor with a gender neutral s/o that is really sweet and positive to everyone and anyone (They even are polite to hillichurls if you let them), but they suffered a tragedy, long before they met them, and they ended losing all their family.

hello !! one order of a donut coming right up ! i hope you enjoy it, and ty for ordering from quill's dessert cafe 🍧

🍩 genshin boys with a sweet/positive s/o who has a tragic backstory

feat; albedo, diluc, razor, xiao x gn!reader

warnings; mentions of death, nightmares, spoilers for diluc's backstory

albedo.

albedo was always fascinated with your behaviour, as he wondered how a single human being could contain so much joy and positivity. you were like the sunshine in his lonely days at dragonspine, bringing so much light and warmth with you whenever you visited him. he sometimes ponders how lucky he was to end up with someone like you, who was so incredibly kind and caring to everyone. however, he did have to step in when you tried to politely ask a lawachurl to stop attacking you both during one of his expeditions.

as the two of you had only started dating recently, you were still testing the waters and getting to know each other better. hence, he was still unaware of your past, and he found out in a rather strange manner. it happened during one of his rare trips to mondstadt. the people there all respected him and he was treated well, but he preferred the peaceful solitude of the icy mountain. he was calmly strolling around after checking on timaeus' progress in his alchemy studies when he bumped into kaeya. "oh, albedo! how are you?" the cavalry captain asked cheerfully. "i'm alright. have you seen y/n by any chance?" albedo replied. "isn't today 'the day'?" kaeya looked at him confusedly. "what do you mean?" albedo furrowed his brow. "you know, the anniversary of their family's death. it's not like you to forget something so monumental, albedo," kaeya couldn't resist teasing him. "it's not so much i forgot that i didn't know at all," the kreideprinz muttered before bidding kaeya goodbye and returning to his camp at dragonspine.

albedo spent the rest of the day pacing up and down his workspace, unable to properly concentrate on any of his work, to the point where even sucrose was concerned. "uhhh, mr albedo, are you okay?" unfortunately, albedo was too involved in his spiraling thoughts to hear her, and so sucrose was unintentionally ignored. rip sucrose

albedo personally disliked maintaining relationships, but you were the exception. however, this situation was just proving his belief that they were far too difficult to keep steady. a million different thoughts were coursing through his mind; why didn't you tell him? he felt so guilty for not being there for you on a day that was evidently important to you. were you going to be upset that he found out? was it a big secret? how did you manage to stay happy all the time even if your entire family had passed away on the same day, leaving you the sole survivor?

when you visited him that night, albedo wordlessly pulled you into a hug, stroking your head gently as some method of comforting you. "albedo...?" "y/n, i'm truly sorry that i wasn't there for you today. i know it must have been hard for you to go through on your own, but i'm here from now on. please don't be afraid to lean on me for support, i'll try my best to help however i can," albedo rambled, eager to get the words out before you could interrupt him. he had been planning what to say all evening. to his surprise, you giggled softly before pressing a kiss on his lips.

"so, i suppose you found out, huh?" "yes. i'm sorry if you didn't want me to know." "no need to apologise, 'bedo, i was planning to tell you soon anyway. i've always gone to visit my parents' graves alone, so i didn't think of bringing you along in the first place. perhaps next year you can come," you grinned before saying, "only if you want to though!" "i would be honoured," he replied, intertwining his fingers with yours, "i believe partaking in something so personal would serve to bring us closer, and that is something i wish to achieve." you smiled at him, "me too."

albedo wouldn't pry into your past, as he understands that you probably don't want to dwell on things that have already happened and instead wish to focus on the future. however, your sunny disposition only impresses him even more now that he knows what you've been through, and he is very glad that you chose to stay happy and honour your parents' memory by living to the fullest. he is still most definitely going to accompany you on adventures whenever he can though, because he doesn't believe that you won't try reasoning and asking the hilichurls nicely not to fight.

diluc.

diluc seems like such a stoic and intimidating man, so the people of mondstadt often wonder how he ended up with a cheery person like you. however, their opinion doesn't matter to the both of you, for you know diluc's hidden soft side which he doesn't show to anyone else, and you know that he loves you, and really, that's all that's important.

the two of you had been dating for quite some time, but you did not talk about either of your families. it wasn't as if you tiptoed around the topic like it was an elephant in the room, rather you both simply did not mention it, basking instead in the warm feeling of love that seemed to envelop you two whenever you were together. your conversations ranged through everything under the sun, yet never strayed even remotely near the specific area of blood relationships. and although you both noticed it, you never mentioned it, thanks to a tacit understanding between you.

one stormy night, you were staying over at the dawn winery, and sharing diluc's huge comfy bed. however, even though the plush mattress was as soft as a cloud, you were being tormented by nightmares that prevented you from having a restful sleep. in your dream, you were reliving the worst moment of your life; the day your entire family died. you were glued to the ground, trapped by invisible binds that you struggled against futilely as you gazed at your simple thatched roof house. it seemed so peaceful, but you knew what was going to happen next, and a silent scream escaped your mouth. a second later, the house erupted into flames, and you were powerless to do anything but watch as tears trickled down your cheeks.

"y/n!" a sharp call of your name awakens you from your slumber, and as your eyes adjust to the darkness, you wordlessly collapse into diluc's arms, sobbing as the horrific memory of that day floods through your mind. he pats your back comfortingly, pulling you into his lap as you nuzzle into the crook of his neck, prompting him to place a kiss on your head. "my father died in front of me," diluc says in the ensuing silence, punctuated only by your sniffing and hiccups, "and the knights of favonius claimed they would act as if he didn't die defending monstadt to preserve their reputation." his grip around you tightens slightly, and you listen to his tale quietly while intertwining your fingers with his to remind you that you're there for him. "from then on, i shunned the knights, and swore to protect mondstadt in my own way." "and thus was born the darknight hero," you poke his cheek, your natural optimistic personality returning to you in the warmth of your boyfriend's embrace. an embarrassed blush dusts his cheeks, turning them as red as his hair, "it's a stupid name."

diluc's expression becomes sombre once more as he looks you right in your eyes, "you're the first person i've told about that." "i'm honoured, honestly," you smile in reply. "i heard you calling out for your family members earlier when you were having a nightmare," he says hesitantly. your face falls and you open your mouth to speak but he cuts you off, "please don't feel like you're obligated to tell me. it's not easy to talk about these kinds of things, trust me, i know. but... just remember, i'm here for you. you aren't alone." maintaining eye contact with you, he lifts your knuckles to his lips and kisses them gently, "i love you." overcome with raw emotion from the outpouring of affection diluc is showing you, you can barely speak, so you kiss him back, knowing it conveys everything you're feeling better than words ever could.

diluc always has your back, and is always there to support you, just like you are for him. he definitely doesn't let you wander off on your own while the two of you are adventuring though, because he's already experienced far too many close calls where you tried to ask an abyss mage if they would mind letting you pass without a fight.

razor.

you and razor had met while he was out hunting and you were exploring, and after helping him, the two of you had become friends. however, razor knew that he didn't see you as just a friend, and hence asked you if you would date him after consulting bennett as to why he felt 'warm and tingly' when you were around him. of course, you agreed, for you had also developed feelings for the mysterious wolf boy.

the positive and cheery energy you exuded never failed to put a smile on razor's face, and a light pink blush would always dust his cheeks when you slipped your hand in his gloved ones. he also adored hearing your laugh, and was constantly ready to leap to your defense with his claymore for when your arguments with treasure hoarders went too far. not that you couldn't defend yourself, of course, you just preferred things to remain civil and hence would not unsheathe your weapon until the very last minute, which by then was already quite late.

one day, razor had invited you to come hunting with him. the two of you were able to wordlessly sync your thoughts and actions to compliment one another, making your hunting extremely effective. today in particular, you had a rather large haul of meat from boars and the like. razor was very proud, and as he clutched the large sack full of the results from your hard work, he grinned, "food for lupical. now lupical is not hungry." his face scrunched up slightly as he frowned, "red burny girl means no dinner," before his expression brightened, "but you are strong. like a wolf. i like to hunt with you. we catch a lot." he rubbed his cheek against yours with a smile and you giggled softly, running your hands through his messy hair, "i like hunting with you too, razor. you're very strong." baring his teeth, he made a mock growling sound and pretended to tackle you, "razor is wolf. grr!" playing along, you acted scared and fell backwards. after a few minutes of playfighting, razor offered you his hand, "come, let's go to lupical. eat dinner together."

the simple shining of warmth in razor's eyes as he mentioned his lupical finally sent you over the edge. you hadn't told him this, but today was actually your family's death anniversary. you had agreed to go hunting with him because you were eager for a distraction, but after hearing him talk about his lupical, you were wondering if that was a good decision. it didn't mean that you hated him just because he had a loving family, it wasn't that at all - you were just rather sensitive to the topic, especially today of all days. so although you tried to stop them, a few tears formed in your eyes and trickled down your cheeks, and though you hastily attempted to wipe them away, razor caught sight of them.

concern flooding his expression, he clutched your hands and looked at you, "y/n, why are you crying?" "i..." you felt such a crybaby, but razor was so kind, and he was such a sweet boyfriend that you felt he deserved to know. and so you told him about your deceased family, and the day a blazing inferno swallowed your house whole while you were adventuring, and about how sometimes it felt like it was just you against the world, and the loneliness that sometimes echoed in your core. razor listened wordlessly, never letting go of your hands and occasionally squeezing them if he felt you were slipping too far into those dark memories.

when you had finished speaking, and sobbed out all the tears you possibly could, razor pulled you into a hug while tracing circles on your back gently to calm you down. as your sniffles slowly faded away, he caressed your cheek softly before saying, "y/n, look here." razor tilted your face to his and leaned forward to bump against your forehead, "you are razor's lupical now. not alone anymore." with that, he offered you a wide smile before tilting his head to the side, wondering if he had said the right thing. unable to verbally explain how much his words meant to you, you flung your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly once more, a smile curving your lips as you felt his arms wrap around you too.

from then on, razor made sure to remind you that he loved you every single day, so you would never have to feel that gaping void of painful solitude ever again. he even accompanies you on all your adventures, although he won't admit that it's because he also needs to keep an eye on you so you don't try to being too kind to an enemy who's ready to hurt you.

xiao.

although the visitors and workers at wangshu inn may scratch their heads when they see you smiling joyfully while talking to the young man on the balcony, pondering how you two ended up together, there is no one else more confused on that topic than xiao himself. why was he, one of the strongest adepti to ever exist, one who had fought in the archon war and emerged victorious, even for the price of indelible bloodstains inked on his hands forever, dating a mere mortal? feelings were fatal, and nothing more than foolish and ephemeral tendencies that would lead to more sorrow eventually. yet as he looked at your grinning face, with happiness shining across it, his heart couldn't help but skip a beat. maybe feelings weren't that bad after all.

xiao's quiet, composed disposition quite contrasted with your kind, active one. you always seemed happy, bubbling over with optimism and positive energy. frankly, it was rather contagious, and xiao often felt his worries being swept away when he was with you. in your presence, he could rest, and the thousands of voices in his head would be silenced with a simple stroke of your hand. for a human, xiao thought you possessed an immense amount of power to be able to calm him like this. not to mention, smiles, a rare sight for xiao, would become much more frequent when he started dating you, even if you were the only one who was blessed with seeing them.

usually, you would visit xiao after completing your daily commissions for the adventurer's guild. however, the sun was already beginning to set below the horizon, painting the sky with splashes of red and orange, yet you were nowhere to be seen. xiao clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms and trying to keep himself grounded, trying to stop himself from worrying for you as he paces the wooden floor of the balcony so intensely verr goldet worries he's going to wear a hole into it. but as time ticks by, xiao decides he cannot stay put at the inn while his mind conjures up a thousand horrific things that may have happened to you.

using his adepti powers, xiao quickly manages to scan the entirety of liyue, placed under his protection by the geo archon, and finds you in an instant. you seem to be at a... graveyard? xiao's heart, which has been hammering against his ribcage like a trapped dove finally slows down to a regular rhythmic beat once more. thank the archons you're safe. he will be questioning you upon your return though, xiao would have hoped that you would at least inform him if you were going to make a detour.

the stars have already begun to twinkle against a navy sky once you finally arrive back at wangshu inn. as soon as you make your way to the balcony, the place where you and xiao tend to have most of your lover's trysts, he sends you a stare that causes a chill to run down your spine. he isn't angry, nor disappointed - xiao was scared for you, scared for your mortal life than can turn to dust within a blink of an eye. realising how upset he must have been, you dash forward and envelop him in a hug. although he normally isn't one for much physical contact, this time he gladly hugs you back, overjoyed that you're safe yet unsure of how to show it.

"where were you?" xiao looks at you, searching your eyes for a hint of the answer. "well... today is actually my family's death anniversary," your voice comes out much quieter than you would have liked as you utter the words that never get less painful to say, no matter how many years have passed, "so i went to their graves to pay respect." xiao's eyes widen and he steps back for a moment, processing what you just told him. your family... was dead? had you been alone this entire time? his gaze darts up to yours, meeting your warm eyes. they hold sorrow, far too much for someone as youthful as you, and glimmer slightly with unshed tears. and silently, now xiao is the one initiating the hug, letting you cry yourself dry on his shoulder.

after a few minutes pass, xiao speaks, "i am so sorry, y/n." you sniff softly, "don't be. it wasn't your fault, or anyone's fault. i'm sorry for suddenly crying like that." "you shouldn't be. you're allowed to cry, you don't have to force yourself to be positive all the time. i love you no matter how you're feeling, and i'll always try my best to help you get through it," xiao replies, rose pink colouring his cheeks as he struggles to verbally express how much he loves you. you smile, aware of how difficult it must have been for him to admit that, and lean against his chest, "i love you too, xiao."

from now on, xiao keeps a closer eye on you, reminding you not to bottle up your emotions, and you both continue to get along wonderfully - it's almost as if the two of you being together had been written in the stars long ago, two entirely different people designed to fit together perfectly.

quill speaks !

the way all my request posts so far have diluc,,, ok genshin fandom 🙄🙄🙄 /j

anon i hope you like how i wrote your request !

and i hope razor's lines weren't ooc,,, bc i wanted to kinda stay true to how hes dislikes long sentences yk? :) also apologies for switching up tenses HAHAHA i do that a lot sorry </3

catch the mxmtoon reference challenge go !

sorry for not posting in 500 years KFKSKD i made another post explaining why here !

i hope you enjoy your stay at quill’s dessert cafe ! 🍭

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nicanario · 3 years

Text

this post is a product of its time

tw: discussion of racism, homophobia, misogyny and a short mention of sexual abuse.

ok, this is basically gonna be a very long rambling post about my not fully developed thoughts on the justification many people give to bigotry when talking about the past: "it was a product of its time"

it would be fair to say, with me being a raging SJW socialist scumbag, that I don't think this is a very good argument and is most of the time actually an excuse to not think about the problems inherent to our society, historical or not, and, by extension, the problems with ourselves. but I do think that sometimes, just sometimes, this can be a valid point, or at least one that raises some interesting questions.

I'm going to cite examples from several pieces of media, but fear not, I'll try to make this as accesible as I can.

so, let's take Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS) as our first case study. this show has, correctly, been called progressive by everyone except for clueless people who don't know much about Star Trek's history, Star Trek's crew, Star Trek's cast, or, frankly, Star Trek. because if you ignore the clear, sometimes in-your-face political history and present of the franchise, I don't think you know much about it at all. I do think you can call yourself a fan if you like it, you may have watched every single episode for all I know. but lots of mental gymnastics are needed to ignore the political progressiveness Star Trek has had since its very beginning.

episodes like Let That Be Your Last Battlefield are obviously anti-racist, at least in their intention. but the episode in question really is "a product of its time," and at the very end fails to uphold its ideals. the episode ends with the two aliens (who are LITERALLY. BLACK ON ONE SIDE. AND WHITE ON THE OTHER. BUT IN THE OPPOSITE SIDES.) fighting each other on their devastated planet, and the crew is like, "oh yeah if they both would give up on their hatred that they both share both of them equally" when it has been firmly established that one is the oppressor and the other one is the oppressed.

and that's a lot of Star Trek, not just TOS. even Discovery, one of the most recent series, has done Bury Your Gays (and Trans) TWICE (though both times literally rectified it, which is cool). there are episodes of the franchise that are overtly racist, or misogynistic, etc. TOS is lauded, mostly justifiably, as very progressive, especially for the standards of the time. they put a woman of colour as one of the senior staff, for fuck's sake. of course, when you analyse that same character, as with most of their intentions at being progressive, you'll see that she was relegated and sometimes even outright mistreated when she had the potential to be much more. but, at that time, it was a lot.

I had a friend (emphasis on "had") who, after I told him about TOS's both progressiveness and constant misogyny, told me something like "imagine feminists trying to complain about a show from the 60s." so, with unearned spite, he was, in some way, trying to make the argument that it was a product of its time.

you could say Star Trek, all of Star Trek, is "a product of its time" in the sense that it's not always perfect. uh, yes, I would agree. but that doesn't mean people have to accept it. well, I mean, the show is kinda over, you have to accept it's that way. but you don't have to accept that it's not wrong just because it was a product of its time.

H. P. Lovecraft, as another example, was a greatly influential writer whose works still shape a lot of people's ideas to this day. I have only ever read like one of his stories, so don't expect me to have an opinion on his works. but I can have an opinion on what I know about him as a person (he did have a life outside his writing, after all). and, yeah, he was a huge asshole. if you want to know more in depth about the subject, please watch Hbomberguy's video on him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8u8wZ0WvxI

but basically, he was incredibly racist & homophobic. some people might even say, "he was a product of his time." well, there are two possible rebuttals to that. the surface level one, and the one that examines why that argument is wrong to the core.

The Surface Level Response to "it was a product of its time": um, no it wasn't. Lovecraft was more racist than a lot of people even in his time. he wasn't just a guy who carried the racist beliefs of his society like everyone else, he was a reactionary who actively thought and discussed how racist he was, and how right he was for being that way. but that's only applicable to Lovecraft. one can't argue the same for Star Trek: TOS, because TOS did try to be more progressive and more anti-racist than the rest of its society. that leads us to the next response.

The Response that Actually Deals with the Fact that No Matter How Progressive You're Trying to Be, Your Failings Can Still be Criticized: the thing is, trying to excuse Lovecraft's or Star Trek's bigotry because they were "products of their times" misses the fact that racism is still wrong, and some people knew that in those times as well. people from these times weren't all naive or stupid or whatever. they had the capacity for rational thinking. they could stop and think, "hey, maybe what we're doing is wrong." and the fact is, some people did. not perfectly, not to our standars, but they did. everyone could have stopped and think. but most of them didn't, and we can criticize them for it. racism, homophobia, sexism, etc. HURT PEOPLE. horribly. massively.

also, even if you agree with the "it's a product of its time" argument, some people aren't criticising people's or work's bigotry: they're explaining why they don't want to experience it.

The Talons of Weng-Chiang is a 1977 Doctor Who serial, and it's one of the show's more racist stories. almost all the villains are Chinese, every single Chinese person is a villain. there's yellowface, slurs, stereotypes, the Doctor speaking nonsense words instead of actual Chinese, and a general belittling of Chinese culture.

note that I'm neither Chinese nor of Chinese descent. I have been searching for hours for a few posts I've read a while ago (some by people who are of Asian descent) about this episode and I can't find them. sorry.

suffice it to say, even though I love Jago & Litefoot (the audio series and the characters), it's not an acceptable episode at all. but it's also important to remark that, because of it, some people aren't going to want to watch it. sometimes, people aren't saying "the episode shouldn't be this way," which causes others to answer that it was "a product of its time." sometimes, people are just saying, "this is an episode that attacks real people. I don't want to see it. I don't care if it was common in that era to be racist, i don't want to experience it."

however, there is an interesting point to the "it's a product of its time" argument. after all, everything is influenced by its society, for better or worse. and we can't change it anymore. TOS sometimes didn't quite understand the political themes it wanted to explore. Lovecraft was a horrible bigot. Talons was racist towards Chinese folks. and that's that. I don't think we should change the episodes/stories or anything. edit them in any way. that would be, in a sense, changing history. and we wouldn't learn anything from it, about how we can do better.

I think there are two solutions to this:

1. warnings before starting the text: this was done with The Talons of Weng-Chiang. on Britbox, where you can watch Classic Who, this serial has a content warning before the start. that's good.

2. the removal as a whole of the text from some places: I think before applying this one, there should be a lot of thought put into each case. I don't think removing a whole serial of Doctor Who or Lovecraft's stories from anything would be, well, fair. especially on tv episodes a lot more people worked on those, not just the writers and the directors. Lovecraft's writing influenced thousands. we shouldn't erase them or anything. but sometimes, for some cases, we should.

those in the US might seen a Confederate statue being taken down. that is, in a way, a form of removal of a piece of history.

but that is a good removal. statues glorify. one sees a statue and probably thinks "this was a person worthy of admiration." they should be taken down, maybe even with a permanent mark of why this was done (a plaque that reads "a statue of X was here, but he didn't deserve it because of Y" could be put in place of the statues, for example).

another example is the removal from DVDs of the short episode A Fix with Sontarans, a Sixth Doctor minisode that featured Jimmy Savile, a presenter who was later found out to be sexually abusing children.

the removal of that minisode is good, actually. it's not a full episode (it's not even Doctor Who). some might say that's "erasing history" but, like, you can still find it online or information about it if you want. this minisode deserves removal from DVDs and Blu-Rays and whatever more than content warnings. it's not an important part of the show and it prominently features a horrible person who did horrible things during that time.

so, after all that, I have explained why I don't like the "it's a product of its time" argument. it is an interesting point that deserves to be examined, but it's not very good.

I have had this in Drafts for so long I've probably forgot some of the points I was going to make, but eh, what can you do? hope you enjoyed reading this.

bye

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marieanneline · 3 years

Text

wait wait hold up i am actually seething about the reveal

ya boi's not a dabi stan. at all. the only reason i'm remotely interested in his character is if he's actually related to shouto and how that would affect hero society in general. i remember reading the training camp arc, seeing him being one of the villains there, him saying todoroki's full name, and thinking "SIBLINGS?????" because agshdfjlk their EYES are SO SIMILAR!! i really want to give credit to horikoshi being able to portray their similarities from artstyle alone because that's talent.

(it's more apparent in the anime since you see the eye color— but appearance-wise, shouto takes after rei and dabi takes after enji the most, so this definitely isn't the best photo to prove my point...)

anyways,,,, dabi's ideals of heroics fall in line with stain's ideals and so we all already theorized how if he was the long lost big brother touya, it would be because of the fact that his father really wasn't a hero. this makes sense. and so, we're all fucking right. props to us, really, and props to horikoshi for all the foreshadowing because i had fun :)) in terms of story and plot, i think this reveal is fantastic.

alright, on to why dabi is a dick

(i'm assuming this was his choice and no one pressured him after all)

the todoroki family is on the road to recovery!!

- shouto finally visits his mother back in season 2 and visits her every chance he gets. you see the effort he makes and it's nice to see him change from season 1 to 2 (early-roki!!)

(guys he even sends her letters- look at that sparkle by his face!! he's sweet :)) and rei's smile!!!!)

- enji (whether we wanted it or not, i don't mind much personally) is trying to atone for everything he's done to his family

- natsuo, who originally wasn't fond of shouto because he had their father's attention (although he does come to the horrible realization that shouto was one of the most unfortunate) and mother's attention (because she wanted to protect shouto), has a closer relationship with his little brother now (can you believe he didn't even know shouto's favorite food was cold soba until ch. 192?? i was sobbing). he really regrets the prejudice he had against shouto and he's trying to be an actual brother to him now.

- rei's almost recovered enough to be released from the hospital!!

- fuyumi and her idyllic "happy family"– wHICH, BY THE WAY, ALMOST CAME TO FRUITION. their mother coming home, shouto connecting with his siblings, and enji being not-the-way-he-was-before is the best outcome they could have hoped for. and it was happening.

and i realize that all of that setup is for this very moment

this? this. this. this is being broadcasted. to everyone. that means the citizens know that their new #1 hero is directly related to a member of a really bad villain organization (i almost called it a terrorist group oop-).

by ruining endeavor, the citizens faith in heroes will collapse. this also affects shouto's reputation as an upcoming hero, and i am so terrified of what this could mean for him. imagine your career ending before it even started, just when you found your passion for being a hero again. all that progress he's made for himself since starting UA could be seen as pointless to him and i would hate for him to retrogress like that because it's not his fault. i would absolutely hate it if the media starts bashing shouto for being related to a villain, when he was also a victim of abuse.

seeing this look on shouto's face is making me dehydrated istg i'm fucking SOBBING— he doesn't even look angry!! in the last few chapters he was angry and worried for his friends, teachers, father maybe, other heroes... but he just looks sad. and the fact that the panel chooses to show the left side of his face is.... there's so much to unpack.

but yeah, this is being broadcasted. does fuyumi know? the cameo she had showed her working so maybe not. natsuo's cameo showed that he was at a lecture, so he also probably didn't see.

but rei did. that's like- that's the person i would want to keep this from the most.

the effects of this entire reveal genuinely scare me. how will this affect rei's mental state? she'll realize that what enji did is actually so much worse. their first child being a villain?? i'm terrified for how she'll react, she's doing much better in recent chapters after all. her kids are visiting her, shouto sends her letters to keep in touch, and enji sends her flowers and respectfully keeps his distance. i really don't want this reveal to result in a relapse. and if she does relapse, then fuyumi's ideal of a happy family is once again out of arms reach. the future of their mother finally coming back home is so far away again and it's genuinely so heart-breaking.

plus— how will fuyumi's little elementary school students react to her being related to a villain? will the school fire her because of her connection to a villain and how that might cause concerns for students and parents????

it's also hard to say exactly how this will affect shouto and natsuo. natsuo was the closest to touya when they were kids so what would his whole opinion be of what touya's become? will he have a moral crisis?

in terms of moral crisises, i guess i'm more concerned about shouto. the boy knows he wants to forgive his father, but this is just making it so much harder. and after this, will he still want to? and finding out that his own sibling is a villain... remember the stain arc? there were some parallels between midoriya's, iida's, and todoroki's positions in the last chapter and i'm worried about what that could foreshadow. from that arc alone, we know that shouto doesn't agree with stain's views at all [i forgot what he said but it was really compelling]. we know that dabi's a stain follower though, so will this disrupt shouto's sense of justice? i hope not.

but family has always been kind of a weak spot for shouto, hasn't it? i hope this doesn't affect his resolve to be a hero because i do think that there's a way to– somehow– not have a corrupt hero society and i want him to fight for that.

touya being a villain is perfectly valid though, i don't doubt that. it's just disheartening to address that while every other todoroki was working hard to become a normal family, here's their oldest brother, who's not really dead. what's going to become of that altar at their house now?

learning the extent to touya's hatred towards endeavor is truly terrifying. we know enji is or was a horrible person and his redemption arc is based on the very fact that he can't be forgiven, despite some of his family trying their best to do so or at least get over it. but the fact that touya has even thought about killing shouto? that's just. ouch. touya's definitely gone through too much abuse, and all of the todoroki family problems are because of enji's bad parenting. but this does not justify murder and especially that of his younger brother, who also got the brunt of the abuse.

needless to say, i am a fool. i don't know if anything i just said will ever be true, but the important thing to take from whatever the heck i just shat out is that all of this is/could be a result of this reveal. it's the fact that dabi seems to have no sympathy. it's the fact that he doesn't care if his blood related family crashes and burns. really, if this is solely about endeavor and what he did, there's no need to bring the rest of the family into this. rei was sent to a hospital for god's sake. shouto has a scar. it's excessive and unmoral and although questionable ethics and values are key traits of a villain, it doesn't justify how much he's hurting the todorokis.

(look at this shit eating grin he has. no remorse. he really doesn't give a shit about the others but I DO and I'M so SAD)

and assuming that the whole "endeavor's wife admitted into hospital" was swept under the rug in terms of media, will that suddenly come back to light? because it shouldn't. maybe it should be known that she's in the hospital because of marital abuse but either way rei should not be dragged back into this disaster, and neither should the rest of them. there's also a chance that the media will accuse rei of having abused her kids too, which is messed up for different reasons. they're trying so hard to have any semblance of a normal family, and if dabi's way of revealing this to the world ruins that in any way then i hATE THIS REVEAL ASDFGHJKL—

#tw: abuse #this is just a rant for myself i'm so sorry for those who have this on their dash #how the fuck do you add those ''under the cut'' things on mobile??#and this is a long ass post #i wrote too much #and i was redundant #and i wrote this at 4 in the morning #many many typos...#i needed to let this out though #bnha 290 #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #notey

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hotchley · 3 years

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i saw your reblog of the Spencer giving Aaron a father's day card thing and i can't stop thinking about how Aaron is the father figure to the entire team now.

(yes I'm also especially thinking about that one scene of Spencer and Derek stuck in the malfunctioning lift shrieking for Aaron just because. 🥴 dad!Hotch ftw!!!!!)

i know this concept has probably been done hundreds of times already but imagine: (SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG ASK, I deeply apologise in advance)

[tw food/eating habits, some references to murder cases because you know this is Criminal Minds, some slight spoilers for people who haven't really watched the show and also reference & mention of autism & a character on the autism spectrum -> just a heads up, a disclaimer, I'm in no way diagnosed with autism, so if i have misrepresented autism, or made any mistakes, i apologise, it wasn't my intention, and i welcome all feedback & criticism — i genuinely want to learn]

a year after Spencer joins the BAU, Aaron notices & becomes very concerned over Spencer's (super bad) eating habits aka him only drinking coffee and forgetting to eat actual proper food when he gets absorbed in cases or research or reading etc -> which results in Aaron absolutely being like "hey Spencer let's grab lunch together" almost everyday just so Spencer eats (healthy, full meals)

(also Spencer picking up on this after Aaron "casually" gets him lunch/treats him to dinner/invites him over for meals for almost every day of the week and he was initially almost irritated/offended until he realised he could use Aaron's habit to make Aaron himself eat properly too because this hypocritical bastard doesn't eat properly himself either so every alternate day you can see Spencer purposely not going for lunch breaks while sneaking glances at Aaron's office just waiting for him to notice and drag them both to lunch together 😌)

also I really think Spencer is on the autistic spectrum (high functioning, imo, but I'm not really sure how this works, and I'd have to do more research) so I'd like to imagine Aaron knows that too because he's noticed Spencer's behaviors + Spencer got an official diagnosis and told him about it maybe 6-7 months into joining the BAU so I really think Aaron lets Spencer stim (physically, his hand gestures) on their lunch break because he knows that Spencer can't really do that in front of the others, so even when they're on cases, he would take Spencer out either for a private lunch or dinner or something, just the two of them, and he'd let Spencer stim & talk about any subject of his fancy as much as he wants to (I'm pretty sure someone wrote a fic like this and I absolutely can't remember the name or the author but I really LOVED the idea too)

initially Spencer was really taken aback too, because you know, this isn't something you do with your boss, of all people, but Hotch had always meant what he says and his facial expression and body language suggested that he was being absolutely sincere and serious about this, so Spencer tentatively started talking, and as their meal progressed, he eventually got comfortable enough to just go on, and not once did Aaron cut him off rudely, until the end of their meal, when Aaron couldn't continue to pretend to drink his soup because he'd finished it somehow with those incredibly small spoonfuls, and he'd had to gently tell Spencer that they had to go back, but Spencer wasn't upset, because he'd just got over an hour to talk about this recent seminar about the connection of ancient Greek mythology to the developments of the society in ancient Greece which no one had ever done for him before and he's full, satisfied and beyond elated because Hotch really didn't have to do this, but he did anyways

at first it was just something between them but eventually Derek noticed & like in the end I think it's a kind of open secret between Aaron, Spencer & Derek and now when Derek notices Aaron doing it he gives Aaron a small nod and he wards off & deals with the questions that the others have when they inevitably notices the private meals Aaron & Spencer has

speaking of Derek, Aaron definitely has 1 on 1 time with Derek too, but doing different things. Derek's thing is sports & home renovations, and he repairs/maintains cars & bikes when he can, and I like to imagine Aaron knowing about his hobbies and casually asking Derek about the home renovation he's working on one time (before or early S1) Derek came into his office to submit a case file, and Derek being kind of shocked/caught by surprised initially (because he knows Hotch has a soft spot for the kid because he's much younger and much, much more inexperienced but Derek's older and should know better, so Hotch won't do the whole private lunch thing with him, right?) but then he grins and starts telling Aaron about how "I got that place absolutely shining right now, man" and then he invites Aaron over to take a look at the place out of courtesy/habit (his mama raised him as a good, polite young man, and no way Hotch would even say yes right?) and to his surprise once again, Aaron does accept his invitation

after that one time, Aaron begins casually asking him about his projects and even starts offering to help him do some of the painting and decorating (to be fair, it calms Aaron too, to have a getaway from Haley and initially from the crying baby, because while he absolutely loved Haley and Jack with all his heart, some days, some days he just couldn't take it, all the stress from Strauss and from trying to be a good father unlike his own, and he had to take some time off to himself, and painting walls is calming and therapeutic to him in some sense) & Derek and Aaron start bonding over hotdogs while sitting out on the front porch of some halfway remodelled house, talking about the latest sports news (they support different baseball teams but that's okay, because Derek gets to grin at Hotch and ask him to pay up when Hotch's team loses to his, and Aaron gets to raise his eyebrows with that small knowing smirk of his and ask Derek to "complete this by the next weekend, will you" when Derek's team loses to his)

when Aaron recruits Penelope, he's read her file, or what little the FBI's cyberteam got on her anyways. he knows the Black Queen's reputation, and he knows that the cyberteam really don't trust her and recommended high levels of surveillance, but the moment he saw her through the glass of the interrogation room and her resume & application on pink paper, he knew that she's not just what the file said she is. initially, she sticks to the "bureau regulated office attire" because you know, Penelope knows she's lucky, she should've been jailed for what she did, she was jailed, until this Aaron Hotchner guy decided, somehow, that she was deserving to be on his team, even after looking at her resume, which she had written on pink paper out of pure spite (because nothing in the FBI rulebooks said anything about submitting your application on specialized coloured paper anyways) but she was moody and unhappy because she's stuck in this tiny office having to answer the phone whenever agents called to ask for details on icky, gruesome murders and disgusting, vile murderers so she decides that hey, since no one ever comes in here anyways, she might as well do some re-decorating right? so she starts bringing in her own soft toys and figurines and starts amassing a whole collection of soft, plushy, and colourful toys in because it's her office and if she has to deal with all these yucky stuff on a daily basis she's going to make it at least bearable to be in here

one day, some tall, stern looking guy just comes into her office with this Tupperware in his hands saying "hey, Garcia right? my wife made some extra cupcakes for the team, you want some?" and she asks "do i know you?" and he blinks, stands there for one, two seconds before- "sorry, i forgot we haven't actually met. Special Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner, assistant unit chief of BAU Team 1, nice to meet you," [i like to headcannon that before Boston & all, Hotch was Gideon's assistant, some kind of assistant unit chief probably, but while he wasn't yet the unit chief he was definitely taking care of most, if not all of the administration matters i.e. hiring new agents etc already because let's be real Gideon is caring & capable but really hands off sometimes (also in S1E1 Derek referred to Gideon as their Unit Chief so I assumed Hotch took over the position full time, officially somewhere between S1E1 and S1E2 or 3)]

and then Garcia's brain kind of short-circuits because holy shit this is her BOSS, aka the guy who somehow, crazily looked at her resume and decided to HIRE her and she just asked him if she knew him OH GOD ALL THOSE FIGURINES- and she tries to explain because she really didn't mean to break any rules with them and they aren't, are they? and she can remove them but just, please, she can't go back to prison.

but then Agent Hotchner just goes "hey, hey, Penelope. it's fine. I understand. this is your office, and you have the right to decorate it. I'm not going to fire you over.... My Little Ponies? and uh, some unicorns?" and Penelope can't help but laugh because he genuinely looks baffled by her collection on her desk, and did he just call her Penelope?

and after that, once, after a bad case that Aaron knew affected Penelope (it involved murdered parents & their only child left orphaned and it just hit too close to home for Penelope), he stopped by a local toy shop and bought the brightest, most sparkly, most colourful thing he could find in there (it ended up being a small figurine of a princess on a small, detachable throne that could light up and play some really funky pop music. Aaron cringed internally as he brought it over to the counter, and awkwardly nodded as the cashier asked, "buying this for your daughter, sir? she's going to love it, it's the latest in a collectable series" and he pretended to not see the questioning eyebrow that Derek gave him after seeing the package) and when he presented it to Penelope when they got back, he got the biggest and most bone crushing hug ever from Penelope because "aw that's so sweet, thank you! and you got me the latest in the collection! it's limited edition!" and it just ended up becoming a tradition — Penelope always looks forward to the end of a case now, not only because that means her people are coming home, safe, in one piece (sometimes debatable but still, they're coming home, to her) but it also means that Hotch has brought her yet another tiny figurine or souvenir to add to her collection and she can't wait to see what it is, and Hotch always, always, finds the time after they've wrapped up the case, before the jet leaves, to pop by a local toy shop to get both Penelope and later, when he's older, Jack some toys or souvenir from wherever state he's in, because he wants both of them to know, that despite all the bad out there, there is still good in the world, and they should never forget that

OKAY this ask is SUPER LONG already i apologise skfjsk i have ideas for JJ & Emily but idk if you'd even wanna continue reading them... (maybe.... give me a sign and I'll send another ask and write it? 🥴)

anyways this was just something that came up and i had to write it out 🥺 sorry for spamming you, i hope you're having a great day/night ahead.

- 🌙

Hi so I'm putting everything below the cut for scrolling purposes x

He is!!

Oh my god, I love that scene. It came up in a TikTok about ships, because Person A and Person B are both very smart when they're alone, but put them together and it cancels out, and it made me laugh.

I also love Dad Hotch. Like I love him as much as I love "fighting to keep his emotions in check because he needs to be a leader, but you can tell from the slight change in tone, or the slight glaze of his eyes that he's seconds away from crying" Hotch. Which is saying something.

DON'T APOLOGISE FOR LONG ASKS!! That's what the keep reading on posts is for :))

Oh I love how much Hotch cares about Reid, and of course Reid uses it to his advantage to get Hotch to do the same, because they're similar in that way. Also, he would definitely start grinning when Hotch looks down at his empty plate like: oh. Platonic Hotchreid is everything to me, because it's these two people that have been caretakers their entire life trying to look after another person that wouldn't let anyone do that and it's just... the HOTCH ANGST POTENTIAL THAT IS SO UNTAPPED!!!

Also, not a criticism of you, but from what I've heard from people is that functioning labels are harmful and shouldn't be used because it misrepresents the situation!

I love that idea though!! And Derek being protective over them so he's just like: no, you won't interrupt them, and I will take control of the situation for a few hours AAH!!

OH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MORGAN AND HOTCH BONDING!! It's so perfect!! I love the idea of Morgan teaching Hotch to do things, and Hotch realising how relaxing he finds it to do these things.

And because we can't have nice things: he refuses to go after Foyet breaks into his apartment because he doesn't deserve peace, but then Morgan just uses his key, drags him out, takes him to a house and presses a brush into his hand because he's not going to let his friend self destruct like this.

EVERYTHING ABOUT GARCIA!! OH MY GOD!! I need to get some work done, so I'm going to finish up there, but seriously!! Amazing!! I love the idea of Hotch getting her little figurines and stuff <33

(shameless self promo, she does the same for him in "and he will come back home" hehe)

I would love to hear the Emily and JJ ones!! I hope that's the sign you need :)

Don't apologise for spamming I was having a dull day, and I hope you have a good day too!

#🌙anon #people talk to me #tw food #tw eating habits

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petalsforbangtan · 5 years

Text

||coastin’ rollercoastin’|| jung hoseok

synopsis : fight after fight. scream after scream, both hoseok and you know its best if you break up. it doesn’t mean its easy.

word count : 3267

genre : angst,, slight smut

warnings : there is slight smut in this oneshot so please know that i warned you beforehand. i also wrote this for a friend a while back so some of the wordings i used in the smut scene was to match their likings and prefrences.

**********

seconds, minutes, hours, days.

time is a man-made construct. it stops for nothing or no one.

People also change as time progresses. It's not always big changes. It could be as small as your favorite color. One day it was blue the next it could be green. But sometimes there could be huge changes from one day to the other.

You have loved Hoseok for as long as you could remember. Being childhood friends always created different feelings towards him. There was happiness, sadness, anger, guilt, care, platonic love, romantic love, and out of love. Fights and anger recently were orbiting your perfect galaxy and you and Hoseok both knew it.

It wasn’t like you both wanted to fight for no reason, it just was so much pent up stress and aggression towards everyone and everything else. It was really unhealthy for the both of you. Hoseok wouldn’t be able to get a move down and get so frustrated that he’d let it out on you. You’d have a bad day at work with a certain coworker and you’d let it out on Hoseok. Days went by where this became your new normal. Angry screams of “maybe if you weren’t so selfish all the time.” and “you’re so clingy and annoying” and “you never have the time of day to spend with me” were always shouted back and forth, with never any true thought or intentions behind them. The worst thing is that the next day, you both went back as if it had never happen.

All the members and friends you both had knew this wasn’t the best and most sane thing for either of you. They remember when they thought you two were the perfect couple. And yes, if there was a true definition of a perfect couple, it would have been you two. Nothing raced your heart more than seeing Hoseok on stage doing what he truly loves with the biggest smile on his face. He would glow and you could feel his energy from any seat in the venue. You loved how his laughs and screams would bounce off the halls of you shared flat. It was never a dull moment when you two were together. You loved every little thing about him : all his blissed moments and even his flawed ones. The way his crazy hair would stick out in thousands of different directions when you two woke up on your days off. He’d roll over and look at you with hooded eyes, still heavy from the slumber. He’d give you a small, sweet smile and say his usual, “good morning baby” He’d wrap his arm tightly around your torso and bring you in closer and tighter towards him, hide his face in your neck and give it small butterfly kisses. Every time you’d want to get up to start your day, he’d just groan and wrap his arm around tighter and whine like a little kid

“5 more minutes,”

“Hobi you said that 15 minutes ago”

Along with you loving everything about him, it would be a lie to say that he didn’t equally love you just the same. He thought it was adorable every time your glasses fogged up after returning from one of your afternoon walks in the cold, crisp air of a wintery Seoul. He loved when you played with his hair, almost like it was second nature to you now. He loved seeing you do your makeup before you two would go out. He would be hypnotized by the way you would be so concentrated on the rows of those things you called foundation and lip liners.

“Hoseok! You wear more makeup than I do, it's literally part of your job!”

“Yeah but i never even pay attention. They just slap that shit on my face and I’m good to go”

You wanted things to go back to how they used to be. Perfect. But sadly things were far from that at the moment. You loved him and he loved you, you weren’t sure as to why you two were always fighting, always yelling at each other. It really hurt your heart more every time you two had a fight. Night after night, day after day, there was always a fight about something. He didn't wash his dish, you forgot to make the bed, he didn’t take off his shoes at the entrance even though you’ve had to remind him a million times. It was always small, stupid things but you two were too stubborn and hard headed to apologize or let things go.

You usually had the flat to yourself. Just you and your thoughts. It was a dangerous combination. You had time to really think about where your relationship with Hoseok was going and how rapidly it was plummeting. It was also nice to have quiet time to yourself. It was a time where you didn’t have to listen to an overgrown child scream at you over miniscule things.

It was around 11:34 pm and you were listening to music and browsing around on you computer. Scented candles and soft fairy lights gave your room the most calm vibe. You wanted no more than just a mellow, quiet night; but you knew that wasn’t going to be the case when you heard your front door slam shut and a heavy sigh. So many different thoughts were racing through your head and quite frankly, another argument with your barely boyfriend is the last thing you needed.

“y/n, baby you awake?” the soft, inviting tone that he used scared you to say the least. He had been up and doing something for almost 13 hours straight. You were sure he would’ve wanted to fight and complain about how tired and stressed he was. You weren’t expecting him to be nice or so warm and soft with his words. “Yeah, i’m in the room” you slightly yelled back but got quieter as you heard his footsteps thudding closer and closer to your shared bedroom. You were expecting him to come in with an angry expression on his face, his softness was too good to be true. He walked into the room with a soft and small smile. Was he tired? Definitely, you could tell just by his hooded eyes and the slight hunch over posture he carried himself with.

He sat down next to you and gave you a small kiss on your head.Your gut was telling you that there was something wrong going on but your heart melted at his tender actions. You were terrified to ask the next question, but it was a force of habit when you two were in your honeymoon phase, “how was work, baby?” you knew you fucked up when you felt him tense up next to you. You held your breath as you waited for a reply, but he grabbed your hand and interlocked his fingers with yours. You sat up from the bed and gave him a confused look, tired of pretending that his actions were normal.

“Hobi? What's going on?”

You truly wanted to believe that everything was okay. You wanted to believe that the fights and arguments were in the past but you knew that things don’t work like that.

In one swift movement, he pulled you between his legs to face him and you noticed how he wouldn’t meet your gaze even though you felt like you were burning holes into him. He grabbed your other hand and cleared his throat, the only thing that kept the situation from being too awkward was your low music playing in the background.

“You know that I love you right?” you hated how much that sounded like a trick question. Of course you loved Hoseok and he's always let you know that he very much loves you as well. He’d do anything for you and you’d shifts mountains for him if necessary. Sure you two were going through a bumpy path in your road but every couple has them, right? “The boys had a conversation with me today, m-more like an intervention of some sorts” you could tell he was nervous, he never stutters. He was always so confident in the words he spoke. “They told me some really hurtful yet insightful things.”

Oh no. this couldn’t be good. What could they possibly have a conversation about that was hurtful? Hurtful to who? Him? The group? You and him? “I don’t know how you’ll take this but i just want you to know that i re-”

“Hoseok are you breaking up with me?”

There it was, the bombshell that he was trying to avoid yet he knew he had to get to eventually. You couldn’t be surprised but yet you tried to avoid even thinking about ever breaking up and being seperated from Hoseok .

“Yes.” the word slipped through his mouth with hesitation and just by the sound of his voice you knew he had dreaded even admitting it.

“I love you y/n I really do. You know that. But they were telling me that the way our relationship is going, it’s better if we just broke up.”

Again, you couldn’t be too surprised because the members were right. The arguments were getting too frequent and more heated. There was no amount of work and reflection that could bring you and Hoseok to how you once were. Even though you were aware of these things, you couldn’t seem to stop the tears that started to fall from your eyes. You could agree that breaking up was the best thing to do but it certainly wasn’t the easiest.

Hoseok cupped your face and swiftly brushed off your tears, “this isn’t any easier for me either” you looked up and you saw that he had tears in his eyes too. At that moment you could tell that this wasn’t just another dream or some sick joke that him and the members were playing on you. You two were actually going to break up and go your separate ways. “Know that i’m not doing this for me but for you too. We can’t keep coming after each other's throats all the time. We both deserve better than that.” he was once again right. You couldn’t think back to the last time you two enjoyed each other's company. It wasn’t meant to be for either of you and it killed you to know that it was true.

the tense air made it hard for you to breathe. you looked into hoseok's brown, golden eyes and memories flooded through your mind. despite the tears flowing down his cheeks, that glow never left his eyes. you leaned in and gave him a soft, salty kiss, mixed in with your tears. he did nothing to stop the kiss, much rather he grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you into the kiss. you wrapped your arms around his hair and tangled your fingers in his soft locks. you knew it drove him crazy and in this moment all you wanted was to have him touch you, hold you, love you like it was the last time because you knew that sadly it was.

hoseok held onto your waist and ran his fingers along your exposed skin. you pulled away and rested your forehead on his. “please hoseok, show me what i’ll be missing. show me how much you’ll miss me, how much you’ll desire me when we aren’t together.” a low groan left his throat “you know how much i love it when you beg for me, baby” what truly got to him was when you whispered a soft ‘please.’ he attached his lips to yours wildly, wanting to savour the flavor and softness of your lips. his hands explored your body almost as if he’s never touched it before and wanted to know every single inch.

he was greedy with his actions and you loved it. you loved it when he made you feel desired; when he made you feel wanted. he knew exactly where and how to touch you. he pulled away to lay you down on the bed. he wasted no time and attached his lips to your neck, his left hand slowly trailing further down your body. you let out a soft moan when he started giving your neck light bites and tugs, he knew they would leave marks and it excited him to think he could mark you as his.

“i wanna feel how wet my pretty little slut is for me. can i do that?” you whined at his words and nodded, craving his touch like there was no tomorrow. his hand traveled down your panties and his fingers lightly trailed over your covered center. “you’re already so wet for me baby. i love how desperate you are for me” he sat up to pull down your pants, you shivered at the sudden action and the cold air hitting your exposure. he leaned down and kissed your inner thighs. you bit your lip holding back the moans that wanted to break free. hoseok slowly moved his kisses up towards your center. he placed a kiss over your panties “i’ll never forget this beautiful pussy of yours. how it stretches around me, how it clenches when you’re so close.” his words were like honey to your ears. you held your breath as you felt him pull your panties off. he groaned at his view. he’d never get tired of how beautiful you looked beneath him. spreaded out just for him. he leaned in inches away from your clit, you shivered as you felt his hot breath above your sensitivity. “tell me who this pussy belongs to, babygirl” you whined and grinded your hips towards his face and he held your hips down. “let me hear you say it, baby. tell me who you belong to” “i belong to you, hoseok” you whispered with a shaky breath.

he smirked at your words and dove into you and pressed his tongue against you. the moan that escaped your lips was out of total bliss. hoseok was certainly skilled and you’d been so lucky to experience it yourself. he never failed to make you feel, oh so good. he gripped onto your thighs in order to increase his speed. his tongue was swirling around your clit so skillfully, you were convinced you were going to explode with pleasure. That was until he pulled away. Was it expected? Of course, hoseok always loved to tease you and pull away before you reached your climax. Did that stop the whines that slipped through your lips? Did it stop the need you had for him? Never.

You knew him all too well. his actions were predictable but that didn’t stop how you squirm underneath him, aching for his touch.

you were completely enjoying the ride: the contact of his fingertips lighting your skin on fire. the way he’d give hickeys head to toe but he’d run his tongue over them to sooth the pinching pain, the way he finally stretched your entrance. no matter how many times you do this with hoseok, its almost as if it were your first time. he was so addicting. thats what made this time so dangerous. while we he was thrusting away, your mind stopped your pleasure and reminded you that this was the last time you’d ever get to enjoy this.

hoseok seemed to notice your mood drop.

he intertwined his fingers with yours and hid his face in your neck, slowing down his pace.

“focus on me, baby. focus on us, focus on now’

you hated how sweet he always was. how he made the worse situations so light and carefree. deep down you knew you shouldn’t be doing this. you knew the next day you’d be alone and heartbroken but your body was in sync with hoseok and it had no intentions of changing that.

***************

you groaned as the light of sun peeked through your window and hit your face. you kept your eyes closed, trying to avoid dealing with the sensitivity of opening them and having a bright greet from the sun. you moved around underneath your sheets and the fact you were colder than usual and feeling the sheets rustle against your skin was a dead giveaway that you were still naked from last nights event.

your heart dropped when you recalled everything that actually happened. from the amazing parts to the not so amazing parts. you opened your eyes to see if he was next to you or if he bolted out as soon as he got the chance. to your pleasant surprise, you saw his peaceful figure sleeping next to you. his back was facing you and even though your mind was racing, his rhythmic breathing calmed you.

things were going to be different from now on. you two were no longer dating. no longer two people with one soul. it wasn’t going to be easy to fall out of love with hoseok, and as much as you didn’t want to fall out of love with him, you truly knew it was the best for both you and him. ‘baby steps’ you thought. you sat up and your breathing increased and your mind paced faster. ‘it hurts too much’ ‘i can’t let him go’ ‘i’m in love with him. how am i supposed to fo-‘

“y/n?”

a groggy voice interrupted your thoughts before they could devour your mind into an abyss you wouldn’t be able to get out.

you turned around and saw him, the most perfect, flawless man staring at you. typically you’d be swooning over the image in front of you. a naked body covered by the thin blankets while his tan skin was being lightly kissed by the sun. and the bed head? adorable. but right now it only hurt you more.

***************

“if you don’t move your big ass head out of the way seokjin, i swear i’ll resort to violence”

it was currently movie night at the kim’s and jin, like always, was being a little shit

“its not my fault you happen to be right behind my normally sized head, buttercup”

its been three months since the breakup. fortunately for you, namjoon and jin offered you their extra bedroom while you got yourself together and felt comfortable enough to find your own place. you were lucky to have friends like them and even the rest of the boys. they were always checking up on you, invited you out to eat, took you out around town, in other words: trying to distract you. it was a tradition to watch a movie every friday night. you missed one friday night and jin never let it go. it was weeks before he stopped rubbing it in your face that you ‘broke our hearts by abandoning us on such an important tradition’ you made sure you always showed up to movie night after that. always.

“joonie can you do something about your annoying boyfriend?” you knew you had namjoon wrapped around your finger once the nickname ‘joonie’ slipped your lips.

“on it, sweetie”

he grabbed jin by the waist and pulled him onto his lap. you giggled as you won yet another battle against seokjin. jin of course couldn’t handle his defeat and was trying to detach himself from his boyfriends grip.

as you were laughing at the struggling couple, you heard you got a message. you reached over to grab your phone and your smile fell.

hoseok : i miss you, i still see you in my dreams.

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hippyexd · 4 years

Text

Collection of my stories: Explained

Here is the post that nobody cares about but I'll share it because I just want the world to know.

1. Demon Academy.

I've posted some things about it already, it's a comic I started in 2014 originally in hungarian. I'm not quite happy with the way I started it, but I've built an interesting world, and I adore the characters, it's one of my best work that I'm very proud of. I drew 260 pages in total (book 1 and book 2) and I intend to pick up the story again sometime soon, when I get over exam season.

2. Runner

A medieval-themed fantasy story that I eventually want to make into a cartoon series. It's a bit cliché, but the characters are fun, and it has a lot of potential for epic music. I basically came up with the entire plot while listening to fantasy music mixes. Fun times. I've only got some character drawigs, and I just recently managed to finally have eneryone's finalized version. I also have a side story/shared universe thing planned for it.

3. Xyber-no

A post-apocalyptic cyberpunk futuristic action horror cartoon series idea. I've got the characters done already, and plans for like 2 seasons worth of content, I'm just lazy to edit the 1st ep's script. It's not even 20 minutes long. Honestly I'm just anxious to touch it. Got most of my ideas while listening to Neffex songs.

4. Racer

I watched Initial-D, and way back I had a roleplay about a car racer dude, and these two motivated me to write this story. It's not really a novel, it resembles more to a script but it's not actually a script. It was mainly dialogue practice, to make the characters feel more fun. I just finished the rewrite like a week ago, I think it turned out pretty great. Planning on adding a part 2 or a season 2 or something like that, but again, too lazy to actually touch it. It's fun to re-read though.

5. Singer

I'm currently working on this story, because when I'm bored, I write. And when is the best time to be bored? Exam season. Hell yeah. Anyway, it's about a suicidal dude falling in love with a singer (also dude, I love my gay kids okay) and then they figure out their shit. Good story to fit in as much angst as possible, with a few lovely fluff parts.

6. ZR series

Most of my followers came from the ZR community, so y'all know what this one is. But in case not, it's a comic series portraying my reactions to various moments that happen in Zombies, Run!, a really fun and creative workout app. The comic is on hold right now because I've already got too much shit to do til christmas. (Such as the Fellow Five drawing I promised. It's not forgotten, I just don't have time!! XD)

7. Demon and Vampire

Basically an over the top gay fluff love story with a little angst. It's pretty cool, sometimes it's boring, it's full of clichés and stuff, but I read it like 6 times and usually I hate my own writing, but there are parts that I just genuinely love in it. Fun stuff.

8. Psychoville

I've written the first 10 pages in like 30 different versions, because I'm unable to nail it. The main character is the daughter of Satan, who's name is ironically Angel, and she lives in a small town called Psychoville in the desert in Nevada, next to Searchlight, Nevada. As the name implies, she lives with 9 (or 8, I forgot) psychopaths, killers, mass murderers, insane mentally ill people who love each other to bits (and sometimes cut each other to bits) until she gets the task to investigate something for her father away from her home. Got a lot of inspiration from Welcome to Night Vale, and that lawless town in Kansas, I think? The yes theory made a video on it on yt, it's pretty dope.

9. Hollywood Undead Hungarian Fanfiction

It's just what it is. A fanfic of the boiz going on tour, getting in trouble, drinking and so on. No romance (bc that's gross and I couldn't find any fanfic that was not in some shape or form a ship fanfic). Da Kurlzz was still in the band when I wrote it. I was like 12. I just wanted to have fun. The chapters are 2 pages long in total. But the hungarian fans liked it, was trending a bunch of times on wattpad and it has a lot of reads. Despite being horribly shitty, I'm proud of it, and it has a lot of really fun parts and jokes.

10. Wrong Number

I almost forgot about this gem, but this was my first finished english story. It's almost entirely written in sms text format, it's progressig a bit too quickly, but at the time I was having a lot of fun with it, and that's all that matters. It has some really funny lines I came up with, I like re-reading it just for that. But also, it was a fun way to get around having to write long paragraphs lol. I just wanted to have fun with it. Heavily inspired by the Call me Beep me klance fanfic.

11. Milky Boiz

Context: my friend and I, at 2am, were thinking about what our ship name would be, but I kept typing "mmmmmilky" in the chat, that turned into milky boiz, and she said, that if we were guys, that would be our ship name. This gave us an idea for a webcomic, which we didn't actually progress with yet, but we do have an insta page where we already posted some of our boiz, you can find it under the name of @ink.stars , go pay a visit, it's my art and my friend's, and she is a wonderful artist and a lovely person and I love her to bits.

12. Night Vale Steampunk AU

It's pretty much dead, but while I was really actively part of the Night Vale fandom, I started a Steampunk AU. It was fun, it got like 4 chapters or something and big plans, but the characters were not in character, and it lost the Night Vale vibe, so I just let it go.

13. Cop Comic

Also a dead project of mine, but I still like it. It was inspired by a moment on one of our high school class trips. The characters were based on me and my friends, but the resemblence stops at hair color, that's all. Mabye not even that. Anyway it's what it is: cops dealing with crime and their personal problems. I wish I had known Brooklyn Nine Nine back then, would have been a great help.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, there you have it, all my favourite finished and unfinished works/ideas, just so you know if in the future I reference one (planning to post more Runner, DA and Xyber-no content along with the ZR comic)

#character #zombies run #original story #original comic #comic #story #novel #plans #original #my story #collection #demon academy #demon #explain #explained

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

Text

Were you going to tell me?

A/N: this is my first fan fiction on here, so I'd love some feedback if you have any! Also, I'm writing this on my phone, so it probably has a bunch of typos.

Summary: y/n and Shawn have been together for 7 years, but y/n isn't so sure he still wants to be. (This is a really bad summary, wow. Sorry lol)

Warnings: some swearing. Angst and lots of it.

Word count: it's a lot sorry

***

Seven years. Five of which I was in school. (The unfortunate fact of getting into a long distance relationship during my senior year of high school and continuing through college.) Four of which he has been all about touring, and working at the studio, and doing promo. And two of which I have been living with him. Two birthdays and two anniversaries have gone forgotten - by him, I might add. I've never forgotten an anniversary or birthday. I'm good at remembering dates, especially with people that I love. And despite this, I have been completely invested in our relationship.

He's never home anymore. I'm always here cleaning our - his - condo, which used to feel big, but now it feels like I can't take a single step without being in his personal space. That is when he bothers to be home for more than an hour at a time and I'm not at work. He doesn't even notice anymore. It's like he just expects it now. Dinner is always in the fridge for him to heat up because he's never home in time to sit down with each other and eat like a normal couple would. And of course this also means that our sex life is pretty much nonexistent. It's not that I don't want to because that is definitely not the case, but every time I try to get him in bed he always says hes tired or "not now, y/n. I have to get this done." "I'm about to leave." "The boys are on their way."

We've gotten to this point in our relationship that I never thought we'd be at. I never thought he'd become disinterested in me, in us. He really doesn't even pay attention to anything I do or say anymore. So I high key doubted that he was going to notice when I didn't come home for a few days, weeks maybe. It's not like he texts or calls me to see where I am now.

I was throwing in a few more pairs of panties when the front door closed. He was home early. I panicked for a second, debated on whether or not I should I hide the suitcase, but I shook my head and zipped it, set it next to my nightstand. I went to the bathroom to grab my makeup and toothbrush.

“Y/n?” He said from the door to our room. I already wanted to burst into tears, but I couldn't. Not in front of him. He couldn't see how much I was hurting. I walked back into the room, “Hi,” I said softly, but I didn't dare look his way.

“What are you doing? Why is the suitcase out?”

I sighed and didn't answer for a while, trying to find the right words. “I’m going home for a while.”

“Home? You are home. What are you talking about?” He stepped farther into the room.

This was killing me because this was probably the longest conversation we've had in months. “No, Shawn. I'm going home. To y/h/t.” I finally looked up at him. He looked tired, so tired and I just wanted to put him to bed and have him rest for a few days, but I knew better than to say anything to him about how hard he was working himself. We've had that fight before. He thought I was having him choose between me and his work. I would never. (Because I know he'd choose work.)

“What?” He closed the distance between us, grabbing my elbows. This is the closest we've been in a while and it took everything in me not to melt into him. “Were you going to tell me?”

“Shawn,” I pulled away from him and tossed my bathroom bag on the bed.

“What? Is that not a fair question?” He was getting angry, that was obvious. “Why are you leaving?”

“Because I have to.”

“Were you going to tell me?” He asked again.

“Honestly? No. I didn't even think you'd notice.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What the fuck are you-?” He threw his hands up. “Of course I would notice!”

“When? Huh? When there wasn't dinner for you in the fridge?”

“Y/N, where is this coming - what did I do?”

“I'm tired, Shawn.” I rubbed my temples.

“Why are you leaving?!” His voice rose, and if I hadn't heard him like this time and time again in the past year and half, I would probably be scared.

“Because I want to go home! Because I can't just sit here anymore!”

He crossed his arms, eyes wide. “This is your home! This is our home!”

“No,” I shook my head, letting out a bitter laugh. “It's not.”

“Yes it is.”

“Shawn, this doesn't feel like home. This condo is not my home! You would understand if you bothered to pay attention to anything I say anymore.”

“I do pay attention!” He said defensively.

“No, you don't! For four years all you've thought about was yourself and your career. You never ask me about me and mine. Which, by the way is pretty much nonexistent since I moved here.”

“So, it's my fault that you don't have a career? Don't you put that on me, y/n! You know I work hard to put this roof over your head and make sure the utilities and anything else you need is paid for.”

“I don't ask you to do that! And I'd pay for it if you would let me! It's not like you're here to use the utilities anyway.”

"What is your fucking problem?! Why are you doing this?!"

"Because I'm tired! I'm tired of being overlooked. I'm tired of everyone asking me how you are and how we are and having to lie to them. I'm tired of going to bed by myself and waking up the same way. I'm tired and I want to go home."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I tried! You never listen. It's always 'I have an early day tomorrow, can we talk about this later?' Or 'I can't do this right now.' Or 'the boys are coming over, let's put a pin in it.'"

"You still haven't said why you're really going."

"I miss my family, Shawn! I miss my friends! I haven't seen them in two years and you don't care because it has nothing to do with you or your career!"

"Of course I care! How dare you say I don't?"

"How dare I?! How dare you?! You can't just come in here and act like you suddenly give a shit about what I'm doing! You haven't so much as looked my way in months, but now that I have a suitcase out, now you want to act like you care. That's bullshit and you know it."

"You can't just leave!"

"Yes, actually. I can. Because even though you feel like you do, you don't own me. I can make my own decisions. In fact, I've been doing a lot on my own recently."

"You're being ridiculous," he said with a scoff and an eye roll.

"I don't really think I am," I tugged at the ends of my hair. "I have a right to see my family. Even if I have to fly across the entire fucking continent to do so."

"Y/N-"

"Do you know how much I've given up for you?" I cut him off.

"Excuse me?"

"I moved to Canada for you. I left the only place I've ever known just because you asked me to. I left my friends and family. I left my job. I left my home to be with you in yours. Notice how I say this, Shawn. I'm in your home. Not ours. Yours. It's absolute fucking shit that I have had to give up everything I've ever known just to make you happy and you've never once said thank you. You don't act like you appreciate me. Half the time you act like I'm not fucking here. But I am, Shawn! I'm here and every night I make you dinner and I make sure the place is clean and your laundry is done. I do everything for you and you can't so much as look at me when I try to tell you about my shitty day or to say 'thank you for dinner, pumpkin' when you're coming to bed." I took in a shuddery breath, but didn't take my eyes off him. "I can't even remember the last time you kissed me goodbye when you were leaving in the morning. Or the last time you woke me up in the middle of the night because you thought of a new chord progression that you need a second opinion on. I don't remember the last time we made love to each other. Now, I don't know why you wanted me here, but I'm sick and tired of playing the role of the forgotten housewife. I'm absolutely fucking done!"

"What does that mean? Done. Done with what?"

"Us!" I said without realizing what was coming out of my mouth.

"Baby!" He reached for my hands again, his eyes practically popping out of his head. "I'm sorry! Okay? I know. I know I've been fucking up a lot lately-"

"You forgot our anniversary. And my birthday. Twice!"

"I said I was sorry about that. You know I was-"

"Working on the album. Yes, I know. I forgave you because you were under so much stress. But I'm stressed too, you know?" I pulled my hands away from him, wrapped my arms around my middle. "I'm here in a place that I still don't know that well. I don't have a single friend here that isnt your sister or one of the guys. And no matter what, they would tell you if I was feeling neglected or sad. But they shouldn't have to tell you! You should just know because we've been together for seven goddamn years and you know me better than anyone. You should know I'm not feeling well." I took in a deep breath before continuing. "But you don't. You don't notice that I've lost weight because I've been under so much stress that I can barely keep any food down. You don't notice that I clean this house spotless at least twice a week because I have nothing else to do, or that your laundry is always washed and put up. You don't notice anything I do for you and it hurts! I've given up everything in my life just to be with you and you. Don't. Care. That fucking hurts, Shawn! It hurts that you haven't realized that I'm not happy anymore!"

He flinched like I'd hit him. "You've never said that to me before," his intense gaze dropped to the floor.

I've never said it out loud before either and I felt just how powerful and hurtful those words acfually were. Not only for him, but for me. It hurt me to say that to him. To see his face after I said it. "Look," I said, guard down, defeated. "I'm going back to y/h/t for a little bit. I just - I need to get away from this for a while."

"Do you know when you're coming back?" He reached for my hand again and played with my fingers, swirled the promise ring he gave me six years ago that, even through all this, I've never taken off.

I shook my head. "No."

That's when he started to cry and I knew I had to get going before I changed my mind. "I need to do this, Shawn. I think it'll be best for the both of us. We need to figure out if this relationship is really what we want. If it's still worth the fight."

"I want you, y/n. I've never wanted anyone else the way I want you. Please." He took my right hand and rested it on his cheek, locking it there with his own hand. "Please stay. I'll be better. I'll work less. I'll make you feel as loved as you should be. I'll do anything you want me to. Just please," he begged again, his voice cracking. "I'll be lost without you. I can't- I can't lose you."

I sighed and kissed his temple, retracting my hands from his once again. "I have to go," I grabbed my bags.

He followed me out to the car, tears still streaking his face. I put my bags in the trunk and checked my purse to make sure I had my passport and ticket. Then I closed the trunk and stood face to face with my broken boy.

"Can I kiss you? Is that allowed?"

I nodded. I wanted more than anything for him to kiss me and never stop. I wanted this kiss go be enough to make me forget all that's fallen apart between us. Forget all the pain I've suffered watching him live his dream while I put mine on hold and stay in this house that isn't home, even when he isn't coming home and he can't send me something as miniscule as a text to tell me so.

But this lips still felt so good against mine. Like they were made to connect to my lips. His tongue wrestling with mine was heaven. To taste him again after so long without him felt surreal, and that's when I started crying because how could we be so terribly fucking broken and still be able to share a kiss like this? How could he still make my stomach do backflips when his fingers combed through my hair?

And how could it still not be enough?

"I love you," he pulled back, his forehead creasing as he fought back more tears.

I wanted to say it too. Wanted to put him at ease, but I'd been crumbling in that place for months upon months and some part of me, no matter how small, wanted him go hurt the way I have. Leave him wondering like he's left me. So I got in the car because the kiss, his words, they weren't enough.

***

So that's the end of that. Let me know if you want a part 2 I guess!

#shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst

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xtruss · 4 years

Text

Decadent like the late Roman Empire, the West is committing suicide through its irrational response to Covid-19

For years, I was puzzled why the Roman Empire ceased to exist and was replaced by barbarians. Looking at the West's response to COVID-19, I know now.

Decadent like the late Roman Empire, the West is committing suicide through its irrational response to Covid-19

— 25 March, 2020 | RT

Colosseum and Arch of Constantine during the Coronavirus pandemic (Covid-19). Rome (Italy), March 19th, 2020

By Dr. Luboš Motl, Czech theoretical physicist, who was an assistant professor at Harvard University from 2004 to 2007. He writes a science and politics blog called The Reference Frame

Many think Covid-19 is some kind of alien invasion that spells the end of the world. But the real threat to us is a much deadlier virus: a hatred of all the values that have underpinned our civilisation for centuries.

For years, I was puzzled as to why the Roman Empire ceased to exist and was replaced by communities that were uncivilized by comparison. How and why could mankind’s progress reverse in this way? Recent experience has eliminated the mystery. No special devastating event was needed; the cause of Rome's demise was simply the loss of its people's desire to support their ‘empire’ and its underlying values. And as it was 1,500 years or so ago, so I fear it is now.

The Covid-19 crisis – specifically, the reaction to it – demonstrates that people have grown bored, detached, and easily impressionable by things that have nothing to do with the roots of their society. We are all – or too many of us – fin de siècle Romans now.

A large number of Westerners are happy to accept the suicidal shutting down of their economies to try to halt a virus that predominantly causes old and sick people to die just a few weeks or months before they would have anyway. Just as they enthusiastically endorse proclamations such as that there are 46 sexes, not two; that the flatulence of a cow must be reduced to save a polar bear; that millions of migrants from the Third World must be invited to Europe and assumed to be neurosurgeons; and so on.

The widespread opinion that everything, including economies, must be sacrificed to beat coronavirus is a revival of medieval witch hunts; the sacrifice seems more important than finding an effective method to deal with the problem.

Our increasingly decadent mass culture has gradually become more ideological and openly opposed to the values Western civilization is based upon. And while it boasts of being ‘counter-culture’ and independent, it’s acquired a monopoly over almost all the information channels that determine opinions, including mainstream media and political parties.

Our leaders have become sucked into this group-thinking and happily institute policies that unleash shutdowns that may cause the worst recession in history. Thousands of businesses are closing and long-term prospects are bleak.

Governments are stepping in to pay wages and fund other services. As tax revenue will be virtually non-existent, public debt will soar. Some governments may default on their debts or resort to printing money, causing soaring inflation. These countries may be unable to fund healthcare, their police or their military, and be so weakened they will be invaded by others and be erased from the world map.

That may be a worst-case scenario, but it’s almost certain that the impact of the shutdowns will be a recession comparable to the Great Depression. Yet what do most Western citizens make of it? Well, they are either unaware, uncaring, or they’re happy about it. They don’t seem to appreciate the consequent dangers. Instead, they are more obsessed with the latest celebrity who’s caught the virus.

The consumers of this mass culture haven't built anything like what our ancestors did – enlightenment, the theory of relativity, parliamentary democracy, industrialisation, major advances in philosophy, science, literature and engineering. They don't have to defend any real values against a tangible enemy, because hiding in a herd with uniform group-think is good enough for them.

Our ancestors had difficult, short lives; they had to work hard, produce enough to survive, fight enemies, and defend what they’d inherited. Numerous lasting values emerged from those efforts. The current generations of Westerners are good only at producing and escalating irrationality and panic.

If a two-month lockdown isn’t deemed enough to contain the virus, they’re happy to extend it to six months, if not years. China decided to impose strict policies, but they were assertive enough to be relatively short-lived; many Westerners want less perfect policies to last for a much longer time. That’s clearly an irrational approach; instead of ‘flattening a curve’, rational leaders (like Beijing’s) try to turn the curve into a cliff. The faster you eliminate the virus, the cheaper it is.

Immortality As An Entitlement

This support for economically suicidal policies didn't start with Covid-19. Westerners have spent recent decades amid a prosperity in which they took material wealth and good healthcare for granted. They forgot what hunger (and, in most cases, unemployment) meant. They got used to demanding ever deeper ‘entitlements’, such as the ‘right not to be offended’.

Activists sensationalised smaller and more implausible threats and demanded that governments mitigated them. In particular, the climate change movement advocated that the 1-2 °C of warming caused by CO2 emissions in a century was equivalent to an armageddon that had to be avoided, whatever the cost.

In this context, it could be expected that the first ‘real challenge’ – and a new flu-like disease is certainly one – would make people fearful. Because if people were led to believe that 1-2 °C of warming was basically the end of the world, is it surprising that they're absolutely terrified of a new disease that has the potential to kill a few million old and sick people?

The existential threat posed by coronavirus – or at least, our irrationality towards it – is greater than the climate threat (though still very small). Westerners who haven't seen any real threats for a long time have developed a condition – termed "affluenflammation" by the American musician Remy – which is a pathological habit of inflating negligible threats. When this inflation of feelings is applied to a real threat, namely a pandemic, they lose their composure.

The context of Covid-19, where every death is presented with horror, makes it clear that ‘immortality’ is just another ‘human right’. This wisdom says that our leaders are failing because they cannot defend this so-called right. But this excessive sensitivity is just one part of the problem.

Many Westerners actively want to harm their economies, corporations, rich people, and governments, because they don't feel any attachment to or responsibility for them. They take security and prosperity for granted. Their money and food arrive from ‘somewhere’, and they don’t care about the source.

And they believe that the structures which allow them to survive – the governments, banks, and so on – are ‘evil’. Some are just financially illiterate. But others know what they are saying, and rejoice in demanding that trillions be sacrificed in order to infinitesimally increase the probability that a 90-year-old will avoid infection and live a little bit longer. They don't accept their dependence on society and the system at all. They don't realise that their moral values, their ‘human rights’, are only available if paid for by prosperous societies.

I have used some dramatic prose, so let me be clear: the scenario I’ve outlined – ending in the suicide of the West – is avoidable, and I hope and believe it will be. I know some who are willing to fight for its survival.

But even if this acceleration towards shutdowns is reversed and countries restore their pre-virus businesses, our world won't be the same. Many people will conclude that the crisis was exciting, and try to kickstart a repetition. The curfew is likely to reduce CO2 emissions this year, so climate activists may try for similar results in the future. Terrorists may deploy some new disease – which, after all, is likely to be more effective than any stabbing or bombing.

It's conceivable that the West’s brush with mortality will lead people to regain some common sense and survival instincts. Perhaps several nations going bankrupt will be a wake-up call. Maybe people will realise that the reaction to the coronavirus was disproportionate. But even if that is so, I’m afraid it won’t be enough.

We need to accept that the positive relationship of Westerners to the roots of their civilization will be still missing – and that this is a virus that poses a much more fundamental existential threat than Covid-19.

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