what advice would you give about on & off relationships? what if the 2 partners are very in love however there is some incompatibility? is there potential?
I’m going to write this with the assumption that you, anon, are in such a relationship.
My advice to you in this situation, is to ask yourself the following questions:
Why do you keep breaking up?
Why do you keep getting back together? Is it because you realize you really do wanna make it work, or is it because you can’t tolerate the initial pain of the breakup? Or maybe it’s because you’re afraid of being single?
Are you making healthy sacrifices, or sacrifices that are slowly killing you and the relationship?
Are they doing any of these things?
Maybe you’ve heard the phrase, “love is not enough.” Being in love is great, and it’s necessary in a romantic relationship. However, love is not enough to create a fulfilling and truly happy relationship. Someone can love you and not be good for you; even if you’re not “bad” for each other. If you’re not compatible in the ways that matter, you’re both better off being single so you don’t damage one another, and so you can both find the people you’re meant to be with.
Maybe there’s something they do or believe, that you can just tolerate enough that it’s not unbearable. Sometimes there are sacrifices we make in our relationships, and they are worth sacrificing. Maybe your partner doesn’t mind that you smoke, but they don’t like the smell; so you smoke outside — even when it’s freezing cold outside. The key difference between something that is worth sacrificing and something that is not, is whether or not it’s negotiable. For instance, maybe your partner doesn’t approve of you smoking. In this case, they may tell you, “this is non-negotiable for me. If you smoke, I can’t be with you.” So this gives you two choices: 1) continue to smoke, and the two of you break up, or 2) quit smoking and stay together. For you to make this decision, you must ask yourself if this is a sacrifice you’re willing to make. Specifically, if you do make this sacrifice, will you become resentful toward your partner, and are you betraying yourself by staying with this person? If so, you have your answer — this is not the relationship for you.
Assess the relationship. Are you making sacrifices that deep down, you know you don’t want to make? Are you putting up with things that you would rather have as your non-negotiable boundaries? Are they doing this? Are you feeling resentment toward them because of what you’re tolerating? Have you tried to be okay with it but you just can’t? That’s resentment, and it’s not going anywhere. You’ve found the edge of your boundaries.
If you can tolerate the things in your relationship that bother you without too much distress, then you need to learn to accept these things. Resentment will strangle the life out of your relationship. If you’re harbouring resentment, drop it or drop the person.
You are not obligated to stay with anyone, and no one is obligated to stay with you. Just because you could stay, it doesn’t mean you should, and if you’re betraying yourself by staying, you definitely shouldn’t. You deserve to be in a relationship where you get to be yourself, and where you’re mostly satisfied. There will always be sacrifices to make — that is the nature of love — but you should not be violating your own non-negotiable boundaries to make it work.
Study yourself and become aware of all your boundaries, then decide which ones you’re willing to be lenient with, and which you just cannot be.
I hope this helps, anon. 💙 Take care,
~ Bella ✨
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Could I request a natsu x reader with like an on and off relationship but the reader tries to break the cycle with someone else but ends right back with natsu
I'll Always Come Back- Natsu Dragneel (Fairy Tail) x Reader
Summary: You and Natsu don't work. It's been well established and documented, both by you and your peers at Fairy Tail. But that does nothing to discourage him- or you, for that matter. Even when you're with someone else.
Warnings: Romance, on and off relationship, swearing, emetophobia trigger (mention of throwing up/feeling like throwing up).
You and Natsu didn’t work. You’d been over it in your head a hundred times and you didn’t see it working out, not now and not in the future. It’d never worked before, after all. Clearly there was some compatibility issue that needed resolving but since Natsu was stubborn and you didn’t know how to air your issues without starting a fight, that was never getting resolved. So you’d break up, time and time again.
But every time, you’d fall right back. It was a vicious cycle, diving in just to barely escape drowning and resurfacing with the intention of going right back in. Most of your breakups were amicable enough. You’d be hot and heavy, sparring and making out and buying each other large quantities of food, and then one of you would be away for too long and you’d realize that you only worked because neither of you could handle being alone. So you’d break up. And then you’d remember that you couldn’t handle being alone, so one of you would knock on the other’s door late at night for a rematch or to pay back a debt.
And again, you’d dive right in. It got to the point where your fellow guild members were running betting pools on the rates and reasons of the break-ups and make-ups. So far Mira Jane was in the lead with a whopping ten correct predictions, seconded by Cana who had somehow managed eight correctly.
This was the last time, you promised yourself. You were leaving Natsu’s house after what was honestly one of your biggest fights. He had, of course, gone off on a mission without telling you that he’d be gone at all, let alone where he was going and you hadn’t let it slide this time. Not, of course, that you’d been very forgiving any other time he did this, but this time especially you were done. There were a million men who could put him to shame, who’d show up, who wouldn’t forget birthdays or anniversaries or who would let you take the damn train.
None of them were Natsu, of course, but maybe that was good. So along came Ferran. He was sweet, gentle, soft-spoken. He didn’t so much as leave for groceries without letting you know an approximate time he’d be back and where you could start looking if he wasn’t. It was a relief, really, how easily things came with him. He wasn’t a guild member so Natsu’s jealousy was unlikely to drive him away. He was easier to get along with. Maybe he was even good for you, in a way, because of how different from Natsu he was. Break your patterns. Keep it simple, don’t overdo it.
But perhaps seeing Natsu every damn day at the guild was getting in the way, a little. Every time you heard his boisterous laugh you’d glance over and see salmon hair bobbing with his head and broad, tanned shoulders shaking. His stupid pretty eyes stayed in your head long after you left the guild, following you home and into your dreams.
But you weren’t giving in. Not this time. Ferran was a perfectly nice guy, and you two were doing fine together. He was spending more nights at your house than at his own. Like this night, for example. And you had the perfect way to escape Natsu- and hopefully, thoughts of Natsu- for a few days at least.
“Hey, babe,” you said. “I’ve been thinking, what if you came with me on my next mission?” He swallowed his mouthful of food.
“Wouldn’t that be a bit dangerous?” he asked. You laughed.
“What, scared, my damsel?” you teased him. “Don’t worry, I’l protect you!” You gently poked the back of his hand. “Besides, it’s not an S-class mission, it’s just a minor problem with some fire spirits plaguing a village. We’ll be fine. It’ll be like a camping trip, but for your partner’s job.” Ferran seemed to consider for a moment.
“Okay,” he said. “If you’re sure.”
“Course I am, wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.” That was a lie- you weren’t sure. Weren’t sure this was safe, weren’t sure this was the right way to get away from Natsu, weren’t even sure you wanted away from Natsu.
Natsu was noticeably more mopey than usual. Maybe it was just because he lost another fight with Gray- which always bothered him- or maybe it was because he hadn’t seen you all day. You always came in at around this time, and you always said hi to him. Even when you weren’t together. Had your fight really bothered you so much that you were actually done this time? He knew he needed to be around more, but how could he be around if you weren’t?
“Hey Natsu,” Mira Jane greeted him. “You okay? You haven’t finished your drink which is pretty out-of-character for you.”
“You seen (Y/n)?” Natsu asked. “Is she still mad at me? I mean I know that fight was kinda bad but it wasn’t that bad and she never just straight-up avoids the guild like this.” Mira Jane’s brow furrowed.
“Oh, she didn’t tell you?” Mira asked. “She’s on a job. Using it as a romantic getaway with Ferran.”
“Ferran? What kind of name is that? Who’s Ferran?” Natsu asked. Mira started wiping out a glass as she explained.
“Ferran is (Y/n)’s new boyfriend,” she said. “They started going out last week. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you, you told her when you went out with Lucy.” Natsu nodded.
“Yeah, I did!” he said. “What’s up with her?” Were you really that mad at him after all? Sure, you were broken up, but it only took you a couple weeks to find a new guy? Well, good for you but he found that hard to believe. There was no way you’d actually just disappear on him with some other dude, especially not on a mission. You always did those together, from the moment you joined the guild!
Maybe you were jealous of Lucy. Sure, that could be it. Ever since she showed up things had been a little different, and she was the subject of one brief fight. Although he thought you’d believed him when he said there was nothing between them, not like that.
He’d fix this. And then he’d take you on a romantic getaway-mission. He was who you should’ve been going on them with anyway, he was your damn boyfriend! Sort-of. He wanted to be. He had been. He really did need to be there this time.
Things were actually going pretty well with Ferran. The mission went successfully, your inn was clean and comfortable and you got to know him pretty well. He was a carpenter, nothing too flashy but it payed okay and he enjoyed it. He liked to do all the fine details on his work himself, even the paint if there was some to be done. He grew up on a farm out west and wanted to retire to a farm out west eventually. That wasn’t so bad. You could live with that, and it actually sounded nice compared to your life of excitement.
But he still wasn’t Natsu. Why couldn’t you get him out of your head? You needed him to be out of your head so you could be in your current relationship, one where you hadn’t broken up too many times to count yet. You almost didn’t want to go back because you knew if you did the thoughts of him would only increase. It was wrong, to think of him so much when you were with Ferran. You should’ve just… been with Ferran. There were plenty of nice moments to live in and so many stories you’d heard but didn’t listen to, all because you couldn’t stop thinking of him!
And now you were on a train back, remembering how when Erza would force you to use the train Natsu would get sick and put his head in your lap. Ferran was quietly reading in the corner, unaware of your internal conflict.
“(Y/n), this is our stop,” Ferran said. You grabbed his hand and pulled yourself up. “You doing okay? You haven’t spoken since we got on the train.”
“Just… motion-sick, is all,” you lied. Even your lie had him involved! Why couldn’t he just leave your head?
You bypassed the guild and went straight to your house to eat and maybe sleep off some of your Natsu-fever. It didn’t work, in fact when you woke up from a series of dreams involving Natsu you were thinking about him more than ever.
So you decided to finally get rid of all his stuff. You left Ferran in your bed, tucked in under the blankets, and started collecting Natsu’s things in a box to take to Natsu. A few shirts he left around that still smelled like smoke and his soap, some odd trinkets he collected from various jobs, love notes… love notes. It felt so cold to return love notes. Natsu couldn’t always make himself articulate, or even make himself say things that made sense, but these notes… Every day I find another reason to love you. You’re irreplaceable to me, don’t forget that babe. I’ll be gone this week but I’ll come back. I’ll always come back. He did warn you of his absence that time.
I’ll always come back. Not this time, he wouldn’t. If he wanted to be gone he could be gone for good. You had Ferran now, it was time to finally let go of a relationship that didn’t work and enjoy the one that did.
You arrived at Natsu’s house in the early evening, the dim sun desaturating the colors. You carried a box on your hip full of all the things you wanted to return. He answered the door, shirtless and yawning. He perked up when he saw you.
“Ha! I knew you’d come back,” he said. I’ll always come back.
“I’m just dropping off your things,” you said. “Got anywhere I can put this?” He stepped back in shock and you invited yourself in. Nothing had changed. It was still the same cozy little place you were accustomed to. You set his stuff down on the floor, against a wall, and turned to find him standing with his arms crossed and the door shut.
“So this is the end? For real?” he asked. You nodded.
“I’m seeing someone, Natsu,” you said.
“I know,” he said. “But I don’t think you actually like him.” You rolled your eyes.
“Who are you to tell me who I like, Natsu?” you asked. “It’s not you. Not anymore. Take a hint.”
“Well I still like you!” he said. “And we were dating just a couple weeks ago.” He paced across the room looking agitated and you could tell this was gonna be the longest few minutes of your life. You should’ve just dropped his stuff off while he wasn’t home and left it at that. At least you’d be spared his ranting. All he was doing was making you want to kiss him.
“I told you, Natsu, I’m seeing someone!”
“And I told you whatever you have going on with that guy isn’t- y’know what? Fine,” he said. “Tell me you don’t feel anything then.” You couldn’t, not honestly.
“No,” you said.
“Go on, do it. If we’re really over, if you’re really gonna stay with this Ferran guy forever, tell me you don’t feel anything for me.”
“Natsu, of course I still feel something for you, you’re not just gonna disappear from my life,” you said. “We’ll always be friends, and guild members together. We just… we don’t work.” He looked baffled and hurt, so you took your opportunity to continue, “We’ve broken up so many times, I’m sick of doing that over and over again. It’s gotta mean something.”
“Well then the fact that we’ve gotten back together means something too!” Natsu argued. “Every time we’ve broken up, we’ve gotten back together. We’ll figure it out!”
“Will we?” you asked. “Because the same things keep doing it, every single time. You’re never here and I don’t communicate and we just- we’re great friends. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be over you the way you think I am-”
“So if you’re not over me why can’t you start dating me again?”
“I just explained-”
“Then explain it until I understand-”
“We’d be here all week!”
“Are you calling me stupid?”
“Sure, if the shoe fits!”
“I’m not stupid!”
“You’re not getting why we can’t be together!”
“Because nothing you’re coming up with is a good enough reason!” Natsu shouted. You hated it when he was right. Because he was right, nothing you were coming up with could keep you away from him. Not when he was right there. Honestly the only solution, the only real solution, was to leave the guild entirely and desperately hope you didn’t come back. But why should you do that? Your friends were there, your strange family of misfits and weirdos.
“Look, we’ll always-”
“Don’t say we’ll be friends,” Natsu looked crestfallen now. “We can’t be friends, we always get back together. If you really mean it, if you really think we shouldn’t be together, then we can’t be together. At all.” Your heart sank and your ribcage seemed so painfully tight around your lungs. That wasn’t what you wanted, but… he was right. If you couldn’t be together then you couldn’t… be together. He opened the door. “You should just go.” You almost managed to get out the door before you turned around.
“Screw it,” you muttered, grabbing him by the back of the neck and pulling him in to kiss you. He immediately kissed you back, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in close so that you had no choice but to hold onto his shoulders for balance.
“Knew you couldn’t stay away from me.”
“I’ll always come back.”
You woke up in Natsu’s arms, clothed but still tasting him on your lips. You felt awful. Ferran was a perfectly loyal partner and you just cheated on him. Were you really so dependent on Natsu Dragneel that you couldn’t stay away from him even when you made a commitment to another person?
You got up and gave him a kiss, mumbling, “I’m gonna go make breakfast, babe,” against his forehead. You were glad for the excuse to concentrate on something other than your failure to honor the most basic requirement of being a decent partner. What, exactly, were you supposed to do now that you’d done this? Ferran was probably back at your house, awake and wondering where you were, and when you returned, what were you supposed to say? You couldn’t lie, of course. This couldn’t go on any longer than it had to. But how did you tell the truth the right way?
Everything you came up with seemed too brutal. Time was really running out, you were done cooking and Natsu was in the kitchen. You put everything onto one plate- you couldn’t eat, the very thought of it made your stomach churn uncomfortably.
“You doing okay?” Natsu asked. “Don’t tell me you still think we shouldn’t be together, I was right. You even said so last night.”
“No, I said ‘screw it,’ those are two different things,” you said. “And it’s Ferran. I have to tell him that I cheated on him.” You stood up. “I’ll be back when I tell him, okay?” You got up. Every step to the door was horrible. Your footsteps echoed in your ears. Your heart pounded against your ribcage and every breath felt like lead sliding into your lungs. When you opened the door, Ferran was sitting at your table drinking coffee.
“Hey, Ferran,” you said. “Uh…” The words wouldn’t come out. Your stomach churned. You felt like throwing up. Finally, you managed, “We… we have to break up. There’s someone else, I thought…” He wasn’t reacting so far but you couldn't stop now. “I thought I could get over him by dating you, and that’s so unfair and I’m so, so sorry.” Finally, Ferran reacted. He nodded, slowly, and set down his coffee.
“I understand,” he said. “I don’t want to talk anymore, but I understand. I’ll… I’ll see you around, (Y/n).” He walked past you wordlessly. You heard the door open, and then close. A sigh escaped your lungs, and you inhaled again only to release it just as quickly. You were… well, you were relieved, for one. It felt like the world inside you had gone still and quiet. Also, yes, you were a little happy that you could be with Natsu openly again. Just thinking about maybe, maybe making it work this time was filling you with happy little butterflies. And at least Ferran had taken it better than he could have.
The moment Natsu’s door opened, you flung your arms around him and kissed his neck and face as many times as you could.
“So,” he said. “Wanna go tell the guild?” You ruffled his pink hair.
“Yeah,” you said. “Let’s go, you big puppy-dog.”
“Dragon, thank you very much,” Natsu grumbled. You held his hand all the way to the guild. Maybe this wouldn’t work out quite right. Maybe this wasn’t the perfect relationship. But it was yours and you really, really wanted it. Wanted him. This time, you’d try to make sure that was enough.
“Guys!” Natsu hollered into the packed guild hall. “(Y/n) and I are back together!”
“Aww, man, lost again,” Lucy huffed. She pulled out a bag of money and dropped it in front of Mira. “There.” Mira grinned.
“Keep it,” she said. “Their happiness- and your defeat- is payment enough.”
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