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orbmanson7 · 9 months

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And here's the last part of the analysis of the "The Sides Need a Nice Day" video, this time, let's talk about Janus and Remus.

(If you want to read the first part about Patton and Logan, go here.

If you want to read the second part about Virgil and Roman, go here.)

Right away, we have Janus letting us know he's about to one-up Patton and Virgil's attempts at cheering another side up, for whatever reason he feels compelled to do so (because acceptance isn't a competition or anything, right?), and says he will be giving Remus a nice day.

Specifically, he says that "freaks deserve nice days too" which is a funny but wonderful sentiment, because it shows that Janus sees Remus for what he is but also doesn't want him to change anything about that. Remus deserves to be who he is and enjoy himself, as they all do, which is kind of the whole point behind this video, even though it hasn't really been obvious up to this point, probably because Janus is being far more direct about it than the others were.

To explain, if you look back at Patton and Logan's part, you'll see that Patton wasn't trying to change anything about Logan and came up with things he would enjoy doing, but he wanted to do them far too quickly for Logan's liking.

And with Virgil and Roman, the suggestions all turned out to be things Virgil thought Roman would like but he changed those things to be something they might both enjoy instead, which wasn't really giving Roman anything he expected.

But Janus knows Remus very well, recognizes the purpose behind the trend is to simply give someone something they want and let them enjoy it, and he's prepared to properly do what the others had failed at, to give another side a nice day without flaw.

Also, Janus not knowing where the pens would be is likely meant as a little hint that Janus is still very unfamiliar with the light sides' area and where they'd keep things. Not sure how he knew where to find the note cards, though...

Janus goes looking for Remus in a dark closet, expecting him to be there but is still startled when it turns out he is.

He quickly gets to the point and simply tells Remus what to do and what the result will be. No constant questions back and forth, no push for an explanation, Janus just tells Remus what to expect immediately. See how easy that is?

Remus doesn't seem too pleased before picking the card, but is delighted after he sees the result. This may imply Janus has offered to do things in the past that have not been enjoyable for Remus, but that could be a stretch. We don't know these two well enough yet to really be sure.

Janus, though with little emotion, tells Remus to 'have at it' and that he's convinced Thomas to 'lean into his intrusive thoughts' for the day. It's very likely that this means Thomas is merely thinking out these scenarios, not actually participating in them, which would still be enjoyable for Remus as someone who delves in the imagination just as much as Roman. It also would keep Thomas out of any real-life repercussions for these actions and keep down his stress and anxiety, as well.

Considering DwIT showed that just the thought alone would often put Thomas on edge, it makes sense that these actions are thoughts being leaned into and imagined rather than legitimately happening (and would also explain some of the unused options on the cards). Thomas has learned by now that thinking about something doesn't make you a bad person, and who better to convince him to have a little fun with that than Janus?

Remus excitedly grabs for the next option, instantly delighted by what it turns out to be. This really does show that Janus understands Remus rather well, he knows what Remus enjoys and doesn't have to change anything to make him happy. This comes from knowing each other, likely for a long time, and Janus not just knowing his interests but also understanding why Remus likes something.

However, on the next round of options, Janus remarks that he can't believe he's doing this. He's either in disbelief that he's doing these nice things for Remus all to show up Patton and Virgil, or he is regretting how much effort he's put into this with how easily Remus is entertained by it.

Janus doesn't seem bored, but he's definitely doing this for Remus and not enjoying the activities alongside him.

As I mentioned in the last post about Virgil and Roman, this is likely in relation to love languages that have been on display throughout the whole video.

At this part with Janus and Remus, though, Janus is using his knowledge of Remus' interests to give him something he'll enjoy, making this the love language of 'gift-giving'. However, he's also acknowledging that these are activities others would be weirded-out by and then saying nothing negative about it. Janus is encouraging Remus to do these activities, regardless of what anyone will think, making this the love language of 'words of affirmation' in its own unique way, by validating what Remus enjoys.

While you could argue the others also did this, it means a lot more for Remus in particular, as someone whose entire presence is seen as a bad thing, that any ideas he may have are hazardous and awful, and he's shut down and ignored as much as possible at every turn. Something as simple as saying that it's actually fine if he wants to dangle a phone off the side of a bridge is incredibly kind to do for him.

But this also shows us that he's very used to being ignored and suppressed, because he was absolutely enamoured at the thought of getting to do any of these activities. From his reactions throughout this entire part, we know he would be equally as excited to eat paper as he would to summon Bloody Mary, which just proves that point. It's not just the extreme ideas of his that get pushed away, it's all of them. Remus finally getting the chance to act things out that he thinks up and enjoys must mean a hell of a lot to him.

Remus then thanks Janus in the end, a great big smile on his face, and Janus sighs and says "you're welcome. Don't say I never did anything for you."

It's possible this is just a little joke, but if it did mean something, it could be implying that Janus and Remus are not quite on equal ground in the current timeline of the plot. This would make sense, as Janus has just been accepted by Thomas, but only just. This still puts him leagues above where Remus is, even though Thomas does seem at least more used to him being around, at least.

This could cause a rift between Janus and Remus if it's not addressed soon, but Janus will still be working to earn his place amongst the others, so we'll have to see how that pans out.

It's also possible that Janus' line is more in reference to his overall purpose in the show. He operates more as Self-Preservation, but that doesn't have to be exclusive to Thomas, as many of the other sides can affect one another, as well. If he's attempting to restore some balance to Thomas' mental health by getting some of the other sides to understand their own biases (as he's been doing so far), this could still put Remus at a disadvantage until Remus is more accepted as Dark Creativity rather than Intrusive Thoughts. This may explain Janus' line if he's already been accused or expects to soon be accused of not paying enough attention to Remus, because Janus' priority will still have to be Thomas' well-being and that could put Remus at the bottom of his priorities.

He may not want Remus to change, but it's going to take a lot of work before the others can be ready to handle Remus without any changes, and he may know that a little too well, considering how long it's taken just for Janus to be accepted.

But, in the end, Janus did manage to prove his point in this part of the video, that he absolutely knows how to give another side a nice day, far better than Patton and Virgil, that's for sure.

He can be proud of that fact, for knowing Remus so well, but hopefully that isn't something he has to toss aside for Thomas' sake any time soon...

#sanders sides analysis #janus sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #long post #ts spoilers #hella remus angst in here whoo #orbs thought bubbles

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valeriesseacrettumbler · 9 months

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The little accident

Hotch x reader

Summery(barely) - After a minor car accident there maybe some lingering problems that scare the shit out of aaron.

This is a one shot unless some mfs ask for more lol.

WC- 4276

——————————

You knew there wasn’t much time till Aaron picked you up but your already strong procrastination skills paired with the sick lethargic feeling you had made it all the much harder to get out of your cozy nest. 615- it was nice to be able to have breakfast with Aaron but to do so you had to wake up at the crack of dawn. You wrestle yourself out of bed and throw on the clothes you layed out last night. Mornings had never been your strong suit so to make them more doable you took some measures. Always set out your clothes, towel if you were going to shower, and set the coffee maker to have a fresh pot when you walked down stairs.

You were definitely getting sick, the slightly dizzy and sore feeling indicated that. But it wasn’t bad enough to not go into work so you thought you should just tough it out.

Earlier that same week you had been in sunny California on a case. One of the best perks of working for the BAU was the travel. For some agents that was the worst but you didn’t have any real responsibilities in dc that would hold you back. There was max, your massive Akita but you had a fantastic dog sitter. Other than that you could pack up and go at almost any time. On this particular case after a long and tiring investigation, hunt and chase of a particularly violent bank robber you and hotch had gotten into a mild car accident.

————————

“HOTCH”

You yelp

You turn to look too see headlights pouring in through the passengers side window.

Not even 20 seconds had passed since you plowed into the back corner of car you had been chasing. The driver had attempted to pull a u turn in front of you but your vehicles were already too close for Hotch to stop the car fully before clipping the unsubs left fender. With the speed you were going it ended up spinning the car about twice till it was on the edge of the road.

“Are you ok!?”

Your lungs hurt from the sudden pressure of you seatbelt but other than that you were fine.

“Yeah, are you?”

“Ye-“

“HOTCH!”

And that was when another medium sized Sudan plowed into your side of the car, sending your cruiser tumbling down the hill to your left.

For a moment everything went black as your head bashed against the window. Then you were in it, the car came to a stop in a somewhat akward position. Tilted on it side so that you were looking up at Hotch.

As soon as you regained some sort of grip you reach over swiftly to place your two fingers on his neck. He was unconscious but alive and breathing.

“A - Aaron” you don’t mean it to come out as pained as it did.

“mhhh” a small exhale and then a deep groan and Hotch was back.

After further assessment you were genuinely surprised they you both were ok. A tree had come through the window and pinned your waist and right arm. Your ribs hurt wheres the tree had made contact, probably broken. Hotch was cut up but basically fine and so were you.

“Can you move?”

His tone if hushed and concerned so you try to give comfort with your response.

“I just have to move the seat, can you hold this up and I’ll slip out”

Hotch held the tree branches as you clicked your seat back and slipped into the back seat.

You both climbed out of the wreck and turned to get a good look at eachother.

He swiftly steps forward and cocoons you in his arms, you didn’t have enough time to hug back so you settled with your hands tucked onto his chest.

He was leaning into your shoulder and holding you so tightly.

“Thank god your ok”

He whispers.

——————

Both of you were fine, checked out for injuries but emts and sent home. On the plane back Hotch sat with one arm around you for almost the entire flight. He was normally anti-PDA but you could tell how anxious the whole ordeal made him.

Now you were ready and waiting for hotch to show. You decided to meet him at the curb so you walk down. The sun seems a little bright for 630 but the days we’re getting longer.

He pulled in-front of you about 30 second after you walk down your steps.

You hop in, immediately he kisses you on the side of the mouth and the cheak.

“Good morning to you to” you laugh.

“I wouldn’t do that again, think I’m coming down with somthin”

“Hmm too bad I really wanted to do it again.”

Hotch shot you a devilish grin.

“So where do you have in mind this fine morning?”

You knew, whenever he got to chose the breakfast place he picked the same one

“I was just thinking the coffee place”

Moon rise coffee.

Exactly your guess.

He would get 3 eggs with whole wheat toast, bacon and a cup of black coffee.

You already knew that.

The BAU was slow today, which infact was coming to an end. Good thing too beck you were definitely ill. There was a high possibility you had a fever and you felt like you had been punched repeatedly in the chest. There was nothing you could do except hope to sleep it off so you watched the clock and the minute hand crawled by.

457-458–459— and there you go. You leave all your things at our desk only grabbing a small file.

The stairs up to hotches office literally took the life out of you. By the time you were at the top you were panting and sweating.

You finally made it and as you walked in Hotches gaze shot up. It started as happily supprised but quickly turned into a concerning tone.

He got up quickly meeting you in front of his desk where you had already sunk into a chair and were holding out the file limply.

“How are you feeling? I know you said you were getting sick but you look like your in pain.”

You were, your chest ached, head was pounding, it was the worst you’ve felt in a long time.

“Ehh I’ve been better” you say sheepishly

“I’ll be fine after a good sleep, which is why I came to say farewell.” You smile and begin you begin to get out of the chair you had melted into. Hotch quickly reached around his desk to get his bag and then the coat off his chair.

“I’ll come with you” he said as he slipped on one sleeve.

“Really, your going home at a reasonable time?” It was not somthing that happened regularly, he was normally there for about 2 hr after you.

“I thought I should take you home, you really don’t seem ok.”

He seemed genuine in his concern and you know how things this like this really fuck with his ability to be in control so you try not to seem too offended by his insinuation you could not make it home.

“Alright Hotchner, I’ll let you take me home but I don’t think you’ll be safe from the rest of the children out there.” You notion to the rest of the team now gathering in the bullpen before they all leave for the night.

It was harder than it should have been to go from sitting to standing, for about 10 seconds you were so dizzy you couldn’t see but as it passes you started to leave.

Grabbing your things you give a quick nod to the rest of the team and turn to leave.

“Wait your leaving too?” Morgan Looks at hotch and with a giddy tone spits out

“I see your girls got you on normal time now!” The team laughs as hotch shakes his head. He wants to retort but you are already so far ahead he chooses to follow.

Yet in passing his throws in “have a good night guys”

You had done so well up to this point, the bullpen, the elevator, the halls, the car garage but now as soon as you were reaching the car you weren’t doing well at all. There was a tightening in your chest and it was getting hard to breath. Hotch had already slipped into the drivers seat but as you went for the handle you collapsed.

You could not see or hear or move. It was all loud and bright. You thought you heard you name being yelled but at this point you couldn’t respond.

“Y/N!”

Hotch jumped out of the car, bolting to your side as he trys to get any response at all.

“Hey! Hey!” He softly shakes you but to no success.

From what he could see you were shaking, breathing heavy and ragged, and you were burning up.

You can see the panic in his eyes, the pain even though you were barely conscious. He was shaking as his hands slip under your head and knees as he slips you into the passengers seat.

Hotch knew he could get you to a hospital faster than an ambulance could get there. It was only 3 blocks away but it felt like miles. For you and him.

“We’re almost there… just hold on… please.” He was pleading as he reached over to your face. His hands were unnaturally cold because of your fever but his touch helped you feel safe.

At the hospital he grasp onto your hand for as long as they would let him before you were wheeled into the emergency room.

Upon your arival they had asked him so many questions. It was all a blur. Your name, blood type, all about the car accident and even if you were pregnant. He answered the best he could but his mind was going a million miles an hour. He was sweating and shaking and as the doors slammed behind your gurney a wave of nausea slammed into him.

Hotch turned to the waist basket at the side of the check in desk and proceeded to vommit.

A stranger waiting in the lobby came to his side.

“Hey are you alright?”

At this point he was dry heaving and could feel tears boiling up in the back of his eyes.

After a moment he seems to gain back control of his body and try’s to stand

“How about we get you to a seat”

Said the stranger

“Thank you.” Hotch grumbles

——————-

Waiting was the hardest.

At this point the team had come in, they didn’t get the call untill well after they had become heavily intoxicated at their normal bar. When they all did come in hotch didn’t even notice. His head was in his hands, elbows resting on restless legs.

“Hotch!”

“Is she ok?!”

“What happened!?”

He was unresponsive, tied up in his head.

Rossi promptly took the seat next to him and placed a hand on Aaron’s back.

He flinched and looked up swiftly. Rossi could see the redness in his eyes paired with confusion and pain.

Rossi quieted the questions with a

“Give him some room and go ask her” he was pointing to the desk attendant.

The team did as they were told leaving aaron and Rossi alone for a moment.

“Are you ok?” A question no one had asked hotch yet. After a long moment and stiff inhale he responded in a hushed sigh

“I can’t even think Dave…. She was fine, sick but fine and then she was on the ground. They said they couldn’t find a… a heart beat …..”

he paused for a moment taking in a shaky breath. “ I can’t do this again.. I can’t..” he stops as he try’s to gain some composure before he starts crying.

Rossi can see that he is badly holding it together and places his hand on Aaron’s shoulder in a comforting way.

Morgan walked over to where Rossi and hotch were cornered in the waiting room.

“She doesn’t know anything” he scoffs

————

It’s been 2 hours since Aaron carried you into the ER and there was no update. At some point somone had called your brother, the only family you had, but he was over 6 hours away and wouldn’t be there till the next morning. The feeling that you would wake up alone kept Aaron locked into his chair. When he had delicately placed you on the stretcher his hands lingered under you. With Hailey he knew, immediately that it would be the last time he touched her. With you he didn’t know.

He tried to think back to when the last time he kissed you was. That morning. The last time he said he loved you? He couldn’t remember if he had said it after he left you last night. He couldn’t remember! He must have said it within the last couple of days but he couldn’t remember.

That’s what he thought about as he waited.

“Aaron, can I get you a coffee or anything?” Emily asks softly.

“Um sure, black” he was exhausted.

“You got it. Anyone else?”

Morgan and Reid volunteered to come with.

Emotionally the team was struggling. Emily was basically your best friend. You went out with the team almost every weekend as if spending all your time with them wasn’t enough. Morgan loved you like a sister. Reid looked up to you in a way that he didn’t with anyone else. You and Garcia we a little unit, always finishing each other deductions, mainly live had been saved based on your communal quick wit. Rossi was like a father to you even though you would never admit it to his face. JJ, even though you two didn’t always see eye to eye she loved you. They all did.

————

At the 3.5 hour mark a young looking nurse came out of the doors to the ER.

“Y/n L/n?”

As soon as he heard your name Hotch jumped up along with the rest of the team.

The nurse explained how you had suffered from internal bleeding along with a small tear and swelling in the tissue surrounding you heart and that they were still working on stoping the bleeding.

The car accident.

It made his stomach churn. He should have known, he was there. He saw you everyday since. There were small winces here and there like at his dinner table two nights before when you tryed to get out of your chair. He should have pushed you to go to the hospital. He should have.

———

6 hour mark came and went with no updates. Everyone but Hotch Rossi and Emily had gone home to rest. Deciding who would go was harder than it seemed. They all wanted to stay, but Rossi made the decision for them. It was for the best, someone had to go into work tomorrow.

———

11 hours in and the doctor finally came into the lobby.

Rossi and Emily had dozed off but Hotch was wide awake.

His arms were crossed and he was watching the ceiling, lost in thought.

He almost didn’t hear when your name was called. After a dazed second he jumped up again.

Emily woke up immediately but she had to slap Rossi’s stomach with the back of her hand to get his attention.

“It’s just too soon to know” it was a punch in the gut and Aaron could feel the air get sucked out of the room.

The exhausted looking physician explained slowly that you had coded 4 separate times once for 6 and a half minute which has caused your brain to receive very low amounts of oxygen.

They were able to stabilize you but until you woke up there was no way to know the damage done to your brain.

“When can I… when can I see her?”

“She is in the ICU so family can visit now, are you family?”

“YES” Emily chimed in.

Hotch turned to her and with a quick nod she continued.

“He’s her husband”

He wasn’t but with quick thinking on Emily’s part now Aaron could see you.

He was more thankful than Emily could ever know. As the doctor led him to your room he mouthed a ‘thank you’ over his shoulder.

He was almost running as he honed in on your room.

As he cleared the doorway he stoped.

Seeing you lying there with a tube coming out of your mouth, arms, stomach and wires crossed hectically over your chest he felt dizzy. He carefully picked up your hand as he knelt next to your bed.

It was cool and limp as he raised it to his face, kissing your palm as he did so.

“Oh… my love” he tenderly stroked your cheak as a tear fell down his.

——-

On the morning of the 4th day at around 5:14 am you woke up.

There was the sunrise coming up in the window but the light was faint. It was quiet except for the beeping of some machines. The birds are what you hear first though. Slight chirps pour in though an open window.

When you slept, you always left a window open. The only thing that would stop you is below zero temps. Yes, you had only been dating for a month but Aaron had a lot of time to study you before his skills were tested. He noticed your tendency to leave the car windows open and if any office you used on a case had one you would open it.

He opened your hospital room window on the first night.

You weren’t in the icu anymore which was a significant step. The fact that you had slept for 4days wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, the doctor explained. “She lost a lot of blood Mr.Hotchner, the trauma her body is dealing with right now maybe too much for her to handle awake and she just needs some time to heal.”

On the third day they took out the intubation but you still had a nasty drain coming out of your side.

It turns out it was very lucky that Aaron was there. The team made a schedule for him -and you- so that he could also go home to jack.

He was at the hospital from dawn to when he picked Jack up from school. And repeated for the first 3 days but on the 4th he planed to go into work. He wanted to see you one more time before he went back so he got there at around 445. The night staff let him in, federal badges do have a bit of power, and he sat quietly in the chair next to your bed. He was looking at case files that the team have had for 4 day already but he is just getting a chance to look it over.

By 513 he is done with the inicial interview folder and is trying to find the some paperwork he had to sign when he thought he saw something. It was still darkish outside but he swore he saw your hand move.

And then

He saw it again.

Your pale hand grasping for something.

He slid all of the paper off his lap and stood. He shifted over to the edge of your bed when you make a faint groan as he takes your hand, sandwiching it between his.

And your eyes open. Just slightly at first as you get used to the light. And then your staring into his.

He leans in swiftly making you recoil slightly. Trying to not move you as much as he can he only leans in to hug you so that you nesiled your head to his shoulder, you hand coming up to meet his back, just barely touching him. He pulled back after a few moments and kissed you. Your lips were chapped and you barely could muster the energy to kiss back. He sat for a while just kissing you , he pecks the side of your mouth as he pulls away.

“…what… what happened?” Your voice was horse from the intubation.

“You scared the shit out of me that’s what.” He chokes out. You grimace slightly as you start to assess the damage to your body. Everything hurt, your chest, your legs, veins, all of it.

Aaron explained what happened and you express the same confusion he did when he first found you keeled over.

“I was fine… how didn’t I know?” You almost whispered as a tear rain down the side of your exhausted face.

“They said the internal bleeding started very small and it was just eventually too much. They think it was from the car accident.” He paused as he just watched you. Just the fact you were animated in front of him put all his fear and panic on the back burner of his mind. He reached out and brushed your hair to one side of your face.

“… I was so sacred y/n. You died… four times…” his breath became ragged and he looked down at the hand he had of yours.

“I know” your tone is supposed to be comforting but as you breath in a little more deeply than before you shudder. Grasping his hand tighter, looking up at the ceiling as your mouth mimics a small yelp yet no sound emerged. It feels like your chest is on fire. Aaron looked up at your contorted face and quickly reached over to hit the nurses button.

“They should adjust your meds, your shouldn’t be in this much pain.”

The nurse came in and upon seeing you and Aaron a large smile crept across her face.

She had only seen Hotch as his completely heart broken and lost self as he watched you.

“Thank god!” She said in a volume neither of you had prepared for making you both turn to the door and jump back a bit.

She silently apologized for her loudness and began too look over all your readings and chart.

“Agent Hotchner would you mind moving to the chair” she motioned.

He slipped back but he moved the chair even closer to the bed so that they were almost over lapping.

The nurse proceeds to listen to your heart rate.

“She’s in pain, can you give her somthing?”

“Unfortunately we have given her almost all that we can,(she turns to you) your heart is damaged which mean we really can’t put much stress on it or we risk you having a heart attack on us.”

“Mhh” you grunt.

“So there’s nothing, nothing you can do”

You can hear him start to get pissed.

“Aaron it’s fine, I’m alright” you give him the best smile you can muster, which isn’t very convincing. “You don’t want me to have a heart attack after all this do ya.” You let out a short breathy laugh.

He only stairs at you as the nurse starts to leave.

“The doctor will be in at about 6 but from what I can see your doing well, is there anything i can do to make you more comfortable. Raising your head might release some of the pressure in your chest.”

You nod swiftly. that’s all you wanted.

She began to tilt the bed so you were slightly sitting. The release of pressure on your lungs and chest resulted in a small gasp for you as your breath deepened.

Even though your eyes were closed you could feel his focused on you. It only took one or two slightly pained breaths for your rhythm to become even. You did sound better than when you were horizontal.

The nurse left quicky afterwards, at this point it was 545, and hotch knew Rossi would be awake. There was no way he was going into work. Absolutely no chance he would leave you now that your finally awake and he could breathe again. He just needed some time to fully process that your alive and seemingly ok. He quickly shot Rossi a text “ she’s awake, I’m not coming in”

“So what have I missed?” you ask in a slightly raspy voice motioning to the mess of papers on the ground with a slight jesture from your Iv covered hand.

Aaron let’s out an emotionless laugh and looks at the floor for a quick second before joining your eyes.

“It hasn’t even been an hour and you already want to talk about work?”

“I will talk about anything Aaron,” you say defeated. You just wanted to hear his voice, hold his hand and… sleep. It seemed odd how tired you for how long you had just slept.

“, please just talk” you can feel your impulse to cry is peeking through. He can hear it in your voice.

He has been so worried about your physical condition he hasn’t even thought of the damage it had done to your mind. You were scared out of your mind and in pain.

He knew how to comfort you through words.

“Ok my love, ok.” He kissed your hand and began describing the case the files scattered on the floor held.

Everyonce in a while you would ask a question like “ what did the ME say?” Or “ do you beleive him?” Just like at the round table in the bau. Now you just had to close your eyes and imagine it.

There was a smile across hotches face, he explained more as he picked up and read the folders.

Eventually you fell asleep.

#aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #hurt/comfort #car accident tw #injury #big tough man crying #ur boo #hella angst

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poppyflavour · 4 months

Text

Must have been hard watching your friends forget about your existence. But the reward is unimpeachable, right?

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shuchu · 4 months

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Imagine if we had an illness much worse than Luke and it kills us faster. Then the game ends in our funeral with all characters standing in our grave.

omg nooooooo uhuhuhu ;w; i feel like that'll wreck everyone...

luke will probably regret not confessing to you earlier but will also be happy that he got to spend as much time with you as possible before you passed. he'd look out into the night sky with a sad smile, he knows you're watching over him but he breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably. he misses you. so goddamn much

vyn would find himself reminiscing on the memories the both of you made. every part of the house holds a special memory and he while he seems all collected on the outside, as he's reminiscing, a tear falls down his cheek and he sobs. he misses you so much

artem would bury himself in work but just being in the office reminds him of times where you'd bring him lunch and sit by his side while the both of you enjoy your meals. he'd remember how your eyes sparkled when you started piecing information together to solve the case. he buries his head in his hands as he sobs silently

marius would also bury himself in work as a coping mechanism but when he goes on his phone, he sees the last message he sent you. him being his usual cheeky self, teasing you and you being flustered, he smiles fondly at your conversation and starts to read the chat log. he gets to a point where you said, "i love you marius, i'll always be by your side." he feels his eyes sting and blur from the tears welling up, his heart hurts, realising that he'd never hear those words from you again. he wishes you were still here

i'm sorry if this drabble isn't in character for the men but gods the angst ueueue ;w; what a way to start the new year huh? thank you for the prompt lovely, i love me some angst even though it hurts T^T

#hana replies ♡#christfullity ♡#tears of themis #angst #hella angst ueueue #artem #artem wing #marius #marius von hagen #vyn #vyn richter #luke #luke pearce #nxx men

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voltfruits · 1 year

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hmm. thinking about how when the party goes into Aubrey's bedroom on One Day Left and she finally apologizes, Kel's immediate reaction is to apologize to her in return. and also thinking about how Aubrey always targets Kel in physical combat but also in her verbal accusations (Aubrey's dialogue upon winning in the church fight is "serves you right, Kel" and she doesn't seem nearly as mad at Sunny despite him actually slashing her with a knife). i know the common fandom perception is that Kel and Aubrey simply drifted apart after Mari died, but... i think it's very likely that something actively bad happened between them, but neither one of them wants to bring it up again. and i definitely feel like Kel secretly blamed himself for Aubrey's downward spiral.

#this is all headcanon ofc but my personal theory is #that after mari was buried aubrey would visit her grave ever day and try to get kel to come to #and eventually kel was like ''are you gonna do anything besides sit by her grave all day? when are you gonna move on and live your life?''#and aubrey (justifiably) took that REALLY badly and then there was a screaming match #i think kel is generally well intentioned and he always wants people to look on the bright side of life #but he doesn't yet realize that it's not appropriate to force positivity on people all the time #idk. he's always forcing himself to fake happiness so i feel like he could force it upon others too #TLDR what if kel and aubrey had a fight like kel and hero except things didn't get better afterwards. are you crying yet #omori #aubrey omori #kel omori #omori headcanons #volt.txt #kelbrey #not romantic ofc but i know kelbrey nation will eat up this angst so. take it #oops there are hella spelling errors in these tags. whatever. L taken

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rainbowpufflez · 17 days

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Wip (finished now posted here!)

Been listening to this song and thinking about them too much

#believe it or not this is the most typical Bo kinda drawing #heads exploding (not literally but yknow)#dream sequence #someone reaching out while the other is like dying /hj #y’know the likes #anything to not draw Lysandre’s face ig /j /nsrs /lh #I promised I shipped them for angst reasons so #gotta provide 😊#this is supposed to take place after all the Geosenge stuff #and is supposed to be like a weird dream sequence ish thing #basically it’s just Sycamore grieving and trying to move on #Lys is basically just clothes to represent him being dead(?)#plus if I ever made anything more to this scene it would be Sycamore grabbing him and then waking up holding his coat #had to make them hurt cause I love them 😊#we’ll see when I get this done cause I’m actually hella busy 😭#lysandre pokemon #professor sycamore #perfectworldshipping #rainbowpufflez art tag

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dirtytransmasc · 1 year

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the little warrior (spider fic)

What if spider sacrificed himself for jake? what if his family was forced to watch him die? what would spider see in his afterlife?

based off of this post

mother/father is ronal and tonowari, mom/dad is zdog and quaritch. It just feels right in my soul. I didn't beta this, I tried, got bored, and y'all are gonna just have to be ok with that. more notes at the end.

The shock of spider taking a bullet for jake was enough to stop the entire battlefield in its tracks. Think hector and patrolcus; the RDA had messed with spider a few times before and each time they learned only one thing came form messing with spider, and that was carnage. Spider was the heart and soul of the little platoon, he held it all together, bringing once enemies into one family. They knew that touching a hair on his head would get them all killed, but killing him? They knew to start saying their prayers. The intent was to kill jake, collapse the unit; whether it happened then and there or shortly after the fact, it hadn’t mattered to them. But now there was little hope any of them would make it out of there alive.

The first to react was Ao’nung, his instinct to protect his baby brother cutting through the shock and hazy disbelief. He has to push past jake to get to his brother before he hits the ground, screaming, curses and prayers alike, all the while. He knows spider knew what he was doing, saw his face ease as he saw jake turn around unscathed, he hated it, hated how selfless his brother was, wanted to scream at him for being so stupid (he never dropped his grudge with jake, it had been months since spider became his brother, but he would never forget what led up to it). But as the fear and adrenaline catch up with spider, his face freezing up as he registered the pain, he can't help but pull him closer and slowly to the ground, trying to ignore the sharp smell of blood, his brother's blood. It’s ok, it’s ok, mama will fix it, I promise she’ll make it better. He frantically hummed an answer, clinging to him as pain blossomed in his chest like a crude burn.

Their parents and sister are quick to follow - a war-seasoned chief, a tsahik, and a healer in training - all 3 trying to stay calm for their son and brother, but its hard when the light and life is so quickly draining from his face.

he tries to talk to them but between the pain and the blood pooling in his lungs, he can't get anything out. he seeks his mother's hand and his father's touch, but he can't ask for it and his strength is waning so he can't reach for it either. All he can do is listen to his mother's cries, and focus on his sister's hands on his legs or his father's big hands on his chest. he knows his brother's holding his head up, he tries desperately to keep his eyes open, to follow his coaxing, even if he would much rather settle into the warmth of his hands and let sleep take him. But he knows it would upset him if he went without a fight, that it would break his parents hearts.

His mother is be praying desperately, unable to pull herself way from her child, but her mind too clouded with grief to do much else. Same with his sister though she was attempting to apply what her mother had taught her. His father and brother could only focus on the blood, all the blood, pouring from his chest and his mouth and nose; that and the tears they couldn't wipe because of the mask he so desperately needed. He felt his father trying to keep pressure on the wound but the bleeding went deeper then he could have any effect on, and ao'nung was trying to keep spider airway open so he didn't drown on the blood pooling in his mouth. It hurt. He wanted it to end.

spider can see from just behind his mother, jake and neytiri in each others embrace watching with distant eye as he suffers the same fate as neteyam. it made him feel sorta guilty, but if jake was alive, the battle would live on, and his family had a chance at peace.

more faces, voices rather, join the scene. he hears his dad, hears reyzi screaming, but she doesn't grow closer. quaritch was struggling to hold her back, begging through his own tears for her to calm, that she could see him, she just needed to be calm for her brother. ravi and ro'eyk are standing next to their adoptive dad, ravi leaning into his arm, seemingly numb, though his anger is boiling him alive, and he's one wrong move away from ripping his skin off and using it to strangle his brothers killer to death. ro'eyk is similar to his brother, the craze in his eyes multiplying by the second as he is forced to watch his baby brother bleed out.

its quaritch who approaches his greiving family first, tapping tonowari's shoulder, their eyes meeting.

he's too far gone - both of their respective glances say, though neither can voice it. "there's no exit wound, the bleeding is in his lungs," tonowari says quietly, trying to avoid the children's ears "the bleeding is slow, but the damage is done. it won't be quick, but he won't make it back to camp either…"

quaritch nods, he couldn’t think about how much time his boy had left, or more so, how little. he kneels next to his son, the siblings gathering at his sides. Reyzi takes her brother’s hand, trying to smile when he weakly squeezes back; Ravi nudges against ao’nung, the two had grown close, helping the other boy shift their brother to lay between them; ro’eyk clings close to his dad, one hand holding onto him, the other on spiders leg.

The sounds are so intense, people speaking, crying, praying, begging. everyone’s moving around him, people are moving him, someones putting pressure on the wound and it hurts like hell.

his eyes float around; first to his dad, he’s crying, fingers fiddling with the braid behind his ear, miles had put in himself, the beads he carved by hands, spider never took it out. then to his brother’s, seeing his 2 big brothers embracing eachother, ao’nung hiding his face into the crook of ravi’s neck, both boys desperately trying to stay strong, ro’eyk eyes were analyzing him, trying to find a solution, because he was never one to back down. Then it was his mother and father that he looked to, the pain in his mothers eyes as she prayed to Eywa, as she held onto his body as if to hold him there; he’d never seen his father so distraught, like all his strength and was gone, his face no longer holding a sense of calm, there was only pain and anger now. His sisters both held a sense of rage, one he was very familiar with, reyzi wasn’t afriad to turn her anger on the world, but tsireya? He can’t think of a time he’s ever seen her truly angry, let alone filled with wrath, and he feels sorry that his death will introduce to such a horrible feeling. he tries to focus on jake and neytiri, but end up falling on the sully kids, more tears forming in his eyes; he was leaving them again, he was leaving lo’ak alone, kiri without her person, tuk with one less big brother, again. his breaths come fast and he starts to shake as sobs force their way out of his broken body realizes they’re all here, they’re all going to watch him die.

he's scared, he feels so alone, despite being surrounded by people, because his vision is going and he can barely feel or hear a thing. he just wants to be held, he doesn't care about the wound anymore, he just wants someone to make the cold and pain go away.

he must have made some sort of noise, a sign of discomfort because the aching stopped; whoever had been putting pressure on the wound let up a little, then his dad is talking to him, leaning over him to speak into his ear, I love you, he says gently, trying to hide the shake in his voice, I love you so much, and spider wants to say it back, he wants to cling to his dad and beg him to make it stop, but he can only stare up at him, weakly nod his head, let the tears fall down his cheeks. He hates this, he hates it so much.

He closes his eyes for just a second, trying to ease the tired ache in them, but then he hears his mother shriek, feels her hands on his face, my son, she cries over and over again, great mother please, please do not take him. He feels his gut churn as he remembers what neytiri had said the day she lost neteyam. He watches his father try to comfort her, but he knows it would be no use, nothing quells the pain of a mother’s grief.

He tries to speak again, but chokes, and his chest burns with something awful, he feels his brothers tense beneath him, sobs coming from the younger of the two. He wants to tell her that its ok, to bring her comfort like she has for him the last few months, anything to bring her any amount of ease. Shhh, my child, it’s ok, don’t speak, his father comforts, not even attempting to hide his pain, only focusing on easing his child. Spider tries to not be angry, tries not to scream at the situation; he’s dying and he can’t even say goodbye to his family, can’t talk to them, his body won’t let him, they won’t let him try, it’s not fair.

There’s movement at his side, his dad is leaving, he doesn’t want him to go. His eyes track him as he scoots behind his brothers, both like his sons in one way or another, wrapping an arm around both of them, ro’eyk joining there little group hug. Reyzi stays where she is, holding his hand, and the gap left by his dad and brother is filled by his mom, 2 of the strongest woman he has ever known embracing eachother like life lines. He’s really happy to see her, he just wishes she wasn’t crying.

She doesn’t hesitate from kissing the top of his head, pressing her forehead against the mask, the gap between their faces made by the glass lets him see the anguish on her face. How’s my strong boy doing, she says, trying to smile, lighten the mood, despite the pain it causes her. He’d say he’s right as rain, just like she did, but he knew he couldn’t, didn’t think it was worth trying. So he did his best to push into her, to make his need for her comfort known, pulling a sob from his lips as he strained to be closer. She peppered any skin she could get to with kisses, knowing she couldn’t hug him or hold him as she wanted, not without hurting him even more. I’m so sorry, my little soldier, I’m so so sorry, she says to him, as she tries to figure ouu where to put her hands, settling them against the sides of his face. He doesn’t want her to be sorry, his choice is what got him here, her being there wouldn’t have stopped him.

He hears ikran, assumes the other recoms had spotted the vigil from the skies. He’s pretty sure he heard his mom say something about them letting her go to her boy while they handled the remaining RDA soldiers who hadn’t given up. He saw all of them, all their ikran too, that was good, that meant his family was ok, all of them, that was good.

Mansk and lyle had gotten close to the sully kids, lo’ak in particular, as kiri was more often too busy her own world to pay them any mind, and neytiri kept tuk close to her, so spider wasn’t surprised when he saw his brother break from jakes hold, running into mansk’s side, accepting lyles arm to hold onto as well. Kiri followed, now that she knew she could in fact wander from her parents grasp without getting pulled back, though she went to zdog instead of following her brother, sitting opposite to reyzi. Hey monkey boy, he wished she said it like she aways did, not in the sad defeated voice that she had. though one thing was the same as always, she had her hand over his heart; she said he was na’vi in his heart, that his body didn’t matter, that to eywa, he would be her child just as much as she and their siblings and the rest of their family were.

The thought brought him comfort, that he would be with eywa soon, with the people his family had lost over the years. He didn’t want to trade out one for the other, and he definitely didn’t want to think about his family joining him, but there was some amount of peace easing his heart to calm, his breath to come a little slower. Part of him knew that shock was taking hold of him, but chose to let it happen rather then fight it, the calm eased his pain, the lack fo fear let his muscles relax.

He could tell people were shifting again, which meant more goodbyes, more words he couldn’t understand, more tears. He thinks its jake at his side now, neytiri behind him, tuk somewhere in the mix (he can hear her voice, though he can’t see her). I’m so sorry kid, shouldn’t have been you, you should have let it happen… none of this should have happened… I’m sorry I didn’t apologize sooner. Hearing jake apologize was weird, he never expected one, part of him wanted to keep thinking he didn’t deserve one, cause it was easier to forget what his life used to be like, then to dwell on it. Then tuk was hugging his neck before he could even form a reaction to what jake had said, forcing him to change his chain of thought to her; she shouldn’t be here, not on a battlefield, not watching another brother die, he wanted to push her off, tell her to run and keeping running till she was free of the smoke and rubble. I don’t want yout to go, you already left once, why are you leaving again? She asks, and he has no answer. Why was she still here?

Someone pulled her away and lo’ak took her place, he looked conflicted, and spider knew why; he didn’t want to regret his last words. Lo’ak was haunted by what he said to neteyam, he didn’t want to suffer that again. I see you, all of you, spider. You will always be my brother, always have been, and no matter what, there was never a moment I didn’t love you, even when I was angry and even if I didn’t act like it, I always love you Spi. even if it was hard, he hung onto every word, he could do that for his brother, after everything, he could do him the decency. He tried to quirk his lips up into a smile, hoping lo’ak would find comfort in it, but lo’ak only started to cry harder, hovering over him, why did you do that, you skawng, though he was probably attempting to scold him, there was no anger in his voice.

Eventually his brother pulled away, squeezing his shoulder before he rejoined the recoms who were both silently mourning and keep watch over the vigil. they didn’t do goodbyes, so he wasn’t surprised or even disappointed, he almost liked it better this way. He knew they mourned him, knew they would die to avenge him, he didn’t need them to go out of there way to do something that would only bring him more pain. He doesn’t even think he would be able to understand them had they tried.

His last few moments are hazy, his pulse in his ears, and the tears in his eyes so thick he can just barely make out the beginning of eclipse. He knew he was in his father’s arms, he wasn’t talking, not words at least, spider almost thinks he might be humming; it's a song sung to mighty warriors when they fall, as a way to tell them they can rest, that war is over. He knows his mother is next to her mate, sleep now, my little miracle, she's crying, he can barely tell what she's saying, you were the greatest gift I could ever be given, thank you, for being my son, for every moment we shared. his eyes burned, she was thankful for him, when he should be thankful for her, it wasn't right. he was slipping, thinking about his mama took his away from his focus on staying awake, and suddenly his dad was talking, I'll take care of her spi, don't worry, you go on now, everything will be alright here, his dad comforts, knowing spider is more worried about her than himself. his dad was across from his mother, the both of them holding his hands, their own hands over lapping. He knows zdog is next to him, whispering I love you, over and over again.

his brother’s were at his head, he could feel someone tucked into his neck, another pressing their head against his, I love you, I love you so much my brother, don't- (you have have to let him go) I… I'm gonna miss you, I'm gonna miss you so much, ao'nung he thinks, then Ravi, then ao'nung again. Ravi was taking care of the younger boy. good, he thinks, his brothers won't be alone. His sisters are gathered at his feet, collapsing in on one another; reyzi’s stiff upright posture and cold, thousand yard stare sticking out eerily amongst his hazy recollection. Kiri looked… peaceful wasn't the right word, she looked like she accepted it, she had tsireya and tuk pulled into her sides, Reyzi was behind her, accepting no comfort; he was sure that if he could get his eyes to focus he would see her wringing her hands, pulling her fingers until they hurt. he wished she would be able to move on, he knew it wasn't possible, it wouldn't be possible for her or her brother's, no matter how well they were holding themselves in the moment. Lo'ak was pacing the stretch of land that acted as an opening to the aclove, he was cursing, punching at the rubble, he didn't deserve this, not again.

he saw the recoms standing gaurd as well, someone was trying to keep Lo'ak from the rubble, earning a sharp jab to the ribs, which was redirected into in awkward hug of sorts, but he couldn't tell who it was anymore.

he couldn't tell who anyone was, his vision had faded to much. he whimpered, felt the burn in his chest as a result. he felt like he was sinking away, like when you have the bad dream of falling into the abyss. he was scared, he was so scared, he didn't want to die. he tried to grip onto something, but he's not even sure he was moving, but he felt his bubble get tighter, he tired to remember be wasn't alone.

the last thing he remembered was a choked cry, probably his mother, and then nothing.

then Neytiri, smiling at him sadly amidst of bright white. no, no it wasn't Neytiri… it was Neteyam, his big-little brother - spider was technically older him, by a little over a year, but aged slower, hense earning him the title of little- big brother and Neteyam the opposite - standing a few feet away from him.

"I didn't expect to see you so soon." Neteyam talks in a way that is much older and much wiser then his age lets on, more so then he did in life. he keeps his smile, but his voice and eyes let on his sadness.

"neither did I," spider makes no attempts to move or interact more than he needs to, not until he knows this ain't a trick of his dying mind

"why did you do it, you could have let dad take the hit, he had a better at surviving it,"

"I wasn't letting another person get shot in front of me."

"It wasn’t your fault brother,” neteyam stepped forward, placing a hand on spiders cheek, wiping a tear he didn’t know was there.

“Am I really dead?” he asks, wanting to accept that this was really the end, he needed this to be the end, because he couldn’t stay standing much longer.

“Yes… I’m sor-” Neteyam tensed at the question,

“No, no thats… that’s good, was just worried… worried I wasn’t gone yet and that my mind would start playing tricks on me.” he closed the gap, leaning into the taller figure, he was tired, he was so tired. “Please, ‘teyam, please tell me this is real.”

He felt himself being pulled down, surrounded in a ligth warmth, almost like a blanket of sand warmed by the light of the sun. he kept his eyes closed, unsure if he wanted to see the space around him, if he wanted to know what would be there. He just clung tight to his big-little brother and prayed The Great Mother showed him mercy.

“Its’s real, I promise you it’s real, open your eyes.”

When he did, because he trusted his brother, he was home, he was on a familiar beach, the beach his father would take him to, it was on the far side of the village, a place only really known by the chief and his family.

“What is this place, spi, it’s the place The Great Mother thinks you should rest, tell me about it.”

“This is where tonowari told me I was his son… it was the family beach in a way… its where me and ao’nung would train and tsireya taught me the stories of our people, where mother taught me to heal. This is my home.” he was too caught up in the relief to think about how neteyam may feel about him considering someone else family.

“You deserved more time with them, they were good to you,” he spoke softly, tracing his finges in the sand, “you were meant to be theirs, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re brothers. It’s ok spider, I’m happy that you were happy with them, you deserved that.”

“You saw?”

“Everything, had to watch over you and my other skawng brother, ao’nung too, make sure you didn’t get into to much trouble; though it doesn’t seem I kept that from happening… I watched you all, you did good brother.”

His stomach dropped. He knows, he knows what he did, why wasn’t he angry.

“I saved him… why aren’t you angry?”

“Because you were right. You felt the good in him, you saved him, and then let him pick his path. You saved him, all of them, preserved life; thats the way of eywa. By saving him, you brought them all together… and evne if you didn’t, even if he didn’t change, he was your dad spi, he did better then our- my dad… you had every right to want to save him. I can’t judge you for that.”

This felt wrong, something wasn’t right, there was no way this was going to be this easy.

“I… I don’t understand.”

“You will, it takes time.”

“Time?”

“Eywa will show you what you need to know to find peace, sometimes you need to see what happens first. You were bound to kiri for a reason, you were bound to tonowari and ronal for a reaosn, you were bound to the recoms for a reason. She will show you, it just takes time.”

Neteyam was holding him by the shoulders now, pulling him into a hug once more. Spider thinks he was crying. “You don’t understand yet, but I am so proud of you spider.”

That’s when spider cracked, he couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t stay strong. He crumbled in his brother’s arms, letting him hol all his pieces together. He falls apart into the sand, as his brother moves away from him.

“I have to go now, so do you,” his brother says distantly, spider only catching a glimpse of him before he disappears.

Before he can even call out for him, he hears another voice, one much more ethereal, layered and consisting of many tones; “you have places to be, my child.”

“What?” he searches the beach for a source, but comes up with nothing. “Who are you?”

“You know who I am,” the voice shifts, sounding almost like his mother

“Mother?”

“The Mother of mothers I suppose,” the voice was closer to what it had been before, though it kept its feminine pitch

“Eywa.” his voice was more a whisper then anything else, unsure of what should have been obvious.

“Yes, my child,” a woman appeared, emerging from the forest that surrounded the beach, she looked like his mother, which made some sense. She could look like anything, different to each person, so of course she would take the form of the woman he loved and trusted the most in his life.

“Where am I going?”

“You ask too many questions, always have,” she smiled, an airiness to her voice, almost like a laugh, “what do our people believe?”

Oh. “Every person is born twice,”

“That’s right little one,” the deity came closer, her ‘hand’ caressing his cheek.

He felt his heart begin to race, how that was possible considering he was dead, he didn’t know and didn’t care. He didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay with his family, with neteyam. He wanted to find the other’s, kiri’s mom, his mother’s spirit sisters, his ancestors; human, omatikaya, and metkayina alike. He’s so tired and just wants to stay here, just for a little.

“Don’t worry my child, you,” she points to his head, his mind, “will stay here, your soul,” she points to his chest, “will be reborn. You will rest, but your fire, courage, and loyalty will be given back to the world. You were born to be a great warrior, it is ingrained in you, and you fight for me and all of pandora with all of yourself and all of your strength. You will be sent back to finish what you began, to the end of the war. You will protect you’re family, and you will have my guidance to do so, that I promise.”

He was confused, unsure of how the whole ‘born twice’ thing worked logistically, but he knew better to argue with a mother, let alone The Mother. So he suppressed his weariness, his longing for his family, and accepting Eywa’s task. Little warrior, gift of Eywa. what were once terms of endearment now had meaning.

“Yes, Great Mother,”

“Your mother taught well, she is a good tsahik, her and your father, even the lost spirits that make up your dad, you call him and your mom,” hearing the Na’vi goddess use english words was so unnerving, and he found himself grinning a little harder then he should, and she grinned back in response, “they prepared you well, very well.”

“They did, I am forever greatful for them”

“Of course you are, you are a grateful child, your heart is larger then most, its what a great warrior, the respect you have for the enemy, even when you feel such immense hatred. It is what lead you to save him, what lead your siblings to him, what turned the tides of this battle. It is what made you protect the Toruk Makto, despite the battle he put you through so young. It is you’re heart that will live on…are you ready?” her words were so motherly, it sounded like a story he would hear from his mother, except it was no story, not yet, it was his life.

“I think,” he was honest with her, he had no idea what was going to happen, and therefore could not honestly tell her if he was afraid or not.

“When your soul is sent back to your family, finding a place to be reborn where it is needed most, you will join your ancestors; you will watch with them, both your living family and your ancestors, you will learn to be a guide as they are and when your soul has returned to you, living its second life, you will be a guide as well. Do you understand my child?” she explained with care.

So that’s what his brother meant, he will see in time, learn what he most learn, be show what he must be shown. He would watch the remainder of his family’s lives, watch the war, watch the effects of his actions play out. He would watch his soul live on, finishing what he began. He would learn from his ancestors, everything he needed to know. Maybe he would learn from his Mother as well, he couldn’t assume this was the last he would be seeing of her. He felt ease wash over him, his Mother embracing him fully now.

“You will be reborn to her, that I promise. Good luck little warrior.”

And with that the figure disappeared, he felt something leave him, more then just Eywa’s presence, and suddenly he was alone, still on the secluded beach. He had a feeling he had a lot to figure out, and that the tulkun calls in the distance were the calls of his first teacher, Roa.

~~~

So a few things. The only people I’m sorry for right now are fictional. chest wounds under the right circumstances can be slow inevitable death sentences; I milked that for every ounce of angst I could (his death took at least 10-15 minutes of agony just for a little perspective for him and his family; they couldn’t do anything so they just had to watch him fade). Finally, the only explanation for why the siblings don’t go hog wild immediately (this explanation is for all of 3 people, you know who you are/pos) is because their civility is directly linked to spider. If they don’t stay calm, there will be no stopping them, and they didn’t want spider to see that; basically, the only way they stopped themselves from going ballistic, was to go numb, practically comatose, which will fuel their anger later.

I kept the dialogue limited to put the reader in spider perspective, he’s so out of it he can really only hear what's being said when he’s putting effort into it. Just because the dialogue isn’t mentioned doesn’t mean its happening, which is my nice way of saying; he’s being talked to the whole time, he just isn’t “hearing” it. This is the same for character focus, he’s only really able to pay attention to the activity around him, so characters are only really mentioned when they are actively interacting with him/are the main point of his focus. angst via writing style is my favorite flavor of angst I toiled with the ending of this for like 3 days, I don't love it love it, but I'm content with it. I have complicated feelings for how the spirit world works in canon (as far as we know) and how I want it to work, so we're just gonna take the mess that I created and enjoy it. also eywa is based on my interpretation of our world's 'true mother' who takes many forms and names in different mythologies; think, fun mom, who's crunchy in the cool fun way. like will drive her kid to the ER at 2 in the morning for running a fever, but will also slather them in essential oils the entire way there. is the cool mom that everyone loves and always wants to hang out with. like I didn't want her to seem overly untouchable, so I made her have a mild sense of humor. so enjoy that

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