#on the views as my source of you know affection for a fic
Fourth commandment: honor father and mother
Contain spoilers from the manga.
Old writing of mine. Thought about posting so here you go.
I recently find out that the majority of the fics I have more replogs and comments are avout sadness sooo why not shed sone tears for our bird man this time huh?
He smirked at hearing the sound of you singing in the shower. He had just arrived from work and was greeted by what he loved to hear the most, your voice, his dove's voice
The echo the bathroom made only made him smile more at being able to hear such melodies coming out of your sweet lips.
He would tease you now at them about it. But oh, how it ceased the anciety and pain in his heart on terrible days he would just swallow it up for your sake. Knowing very well that your family life wasn't the best anyway. Not perfect, but was good as you would describe it every now at then with a smile; despite his worried frown whenever that was a fight and affected you so badly to the point you cried over his shoulder at night or morning.
His ears pecked up when your humming stopped and smiled lovingly when the melody of your qorda started to come...
'You left and took, my heart suffocated, and it suppressed my pain, a subtle gesture of loveee~'
A chuckle left his lips. He would never learn where the musics you learmed came from. But it didn't meant it was beautiful no less. He stood up from the couch and took careful steps to hear it more without you knowing it.
'Father. Look at this rain outside ... oh my father, I think the time has come...
aandd dont just, sit there to see and vanish it
the chance that already weaves in the past, oh this little boy's soul just is begging it...'
For some reason... that part, made his heart thump hard on his chest... after all. It did reminded the hero of... him.
His father. The reason why his true name was hidden from the public view and completely erased by the comission. The one that constantly beaten up just for him going into the city just to help others. The man that was a thief, a murderer, a liar... a abuser.
Just when he swallowed up another part of your song came up.
"Oh mother, cover me up with your sacred embrace, allow me to be your son, recreate that thought of a shelter, just don’t leave me alone,
your memory is my calm, swords that pierce into my soul.
like the wind of the desert that is so cold...
How I miss your maternal love and your laughter.
the world only brought me slaughter, I lost that old hope of just being a child,
that the smile never fades, they made me just a weapon..
I am still in the quest to be loved~" the shower sounds stopped as you he heard you sigbh and without him noticing, he stormed out of the roon to close himself on his huge closet, a hand on his mouth as tears threteaned to spill from his eyes at the mention of only blinking them.
Keigo's past was never an easy one... his parents never should be used as a example. His mother did fell in love with a criminal, but that didn't make it easier... she wasn't warm, she wasn't the kind of mother that would just embrace him and help the poor boy feel safe, loved nor protected....
God... she made him go get some money and questioned what were the use of his wings, his quirk... what kind of mother says that to a child that was only trying to help dammit!?
Angry drops of tears strated to fall from his eyes as he controlled the harsh breaths and sobs that threatened to escape beforw his whole body tensed and stopped when he heard the source of his comfort on his adult life...
"Honey? Did you come home earlier? Where are you?" He heard you call and took deep breaths before putting on a smile on his face, a so fake smile that surely you would notice right away.
"Right in the big ass closet dove. I was planning to shower a-anyway." He cursed himself the moment his voice cracked as he desperately picked some clothes to wear as he discarded his hero costume with pure anger.
"..Kei?" He flinched at hearing your voice behind him "Baby is something wrong? Tough patrol, is that?" You carresed his feathers gently and he almost whimpered at how delicately your fingertips brushed against it.
"J-Just a bit. Nothing major." He shrugged and made bee line towards to the bathroom as you stood there in pure worry and confusion at the same time. Never Keigo refused your comfort when you two finally passed that time of getting to know each other in your relantionship.
Frowning, you decided that maybe just a time for himself was best as you picked your favorite and warm pajamas and started to get things started to see if Hawks's mood brighten up for just a bit.
Sadly you knew he was trying way too hard to hide the pain. But the echo of his muffled sobs and curses as he ounched the wall wasn't helping him at all...
Brownies on the oven, Fried chicken already ordered and the most you could do of a nest out of pillows and blankets on the living room right in front of the Tv, already open to choose a movie on your boyfriend's will.
The sounds of the water finally stopped as you mentally prepared yourself as you saw your boyfriend in grey sweatpants and red hoodie, wings and hair all dropey as well as his eyes, him rubbing the top of his hair with a towel until his honeyed orbs widened at the sign of the living room and you cursing yourself for burning your hand at taking out the batch of the brownies out of the oven without protection....
"Fuck..." You hissed in anger before a confused sound left you as a warm and bigger hand grasped yours with care and brought the place where you had burned on his oh so kissable lips.
"Maybe you should have waited a bit. Just saying though." He smirked, but not with the usual glint on his eyes as you frowned but playfully scoffed.
"Excuse me? I am Hawks's girlfriend!" You dramatically proclaimed as he snorted "'The young hero that is way too fast for his own good!', so yeah, I guess I have the right of being a bit too anxious to get the set of brownies I made out just on time, thank you very much."
"And burnt yourself along the way." He chuckled as you showed your tongue at him with a smile but his features soon dropped and looked away from you, in hopes you wouldn't catched.
But you did.
"Whats all this for anyway? Am I geting my ass beaten up for forgetting some day important?" You frowned with a smile as you carefully hugged him from behind, mindfull of his wings as his muscles tensed up a bit only to loose as his scarred hand carresed yours over his chest.
"Cant I just spoil my man for a bit? Especially after a tough day?" You sensed his shoulder getting up and dropping with a watery chuckle as he shook his head in disbelief.
"You didn't have to do all this you know? Is not-"
"Dont." You muttered sternly as you let go of him to get right in front of your boyfriend as you cupped his cheeks "Dont say 'is not a big of a deal' with me Takami Keigo. I know you more than yourself as you once said it. Dont hide things that bother you away from me when you help me just as much with my insecurities and problems, alright?" He looked troubled as his eyes dropped to the ground mainly controlling himself as always but you nudge his gaze back up rubbing your nose against his "Alright?" You asked for the second time as his mouth opened and closed like a fish before giving up and nodding, pulling you to him for him to hide his face on the crook of your neck as he hugged your waist tightly, shoulders shaking.
"Aw my prince..." you cooed as you hugged his neck and caressed his nape "What is bothering you, hm? Is it the comission again pressuring you?" He shook his head as you frowned... maybe it was one of his secret missions he couldn't speak about it...
The inter phone ranged, indicating that the food you ordered was here. Moving away from the hug, Keigo only pulled you back as you frowned but soon noticed a couple of his feathers working their way to catch the money and go pick themselves.
"Kei I would pay myself for those!" You poyted as he only tightened his hold on you.
"Is the least I could do dove... please just at least this let me do it."
"Well.. fine. But you have to get a cool movie to watch. No crappy ones."
"... yeah sure."
Now you were alarmed. Not even a "you're the one who chooses the crap one"s ?.... For All Might, what happened to him...?
"Kei..." you almost whimpered, which catched his attention as he looked at you in concern as he cupped your cheeks in worry which you quickly covered with your own "What's going on? Dont tell me is nothing...please, I can see right through you that something is not right..."
Hawks sighed shakily as his eyes looked at the other direction as well as his hands dropped into your waist to pull you close.
"Sounds stupid but... I heard you singing. Beautiful as always..." he smiled as you contained your urge to squeak in embarrassment "But... I dunno, the lyrics of the song catched me off guard I guess? Speaking of father and mother's love or some shit..." he chuckled dryly as you frowned, catresing the rebel strands of blong hair making their way into his face.
"So it has to do with them? Did they contacted you or something?" You asked softy as you carresed his cheek and was meeted with a shook of his head and a sarcastic chuckle.
"Why would I? She is happy with me far away from her, a nice home to live in... as far for the old man, he..." he sighed heavily "I could care less. Neither of them cared so sometimes I ask myself why the fuck they didn't used the goddamn protection if they didn't want a brat to "ruin" their lifes?!" He sobbed as he clinged to you "he himself made the favor of saying the freacking condom was beaides but he made the mistake of not using it! What kind of dad says that to their kid of six years (Y/n)?! F-FUCKING SIX YEARS! I KNOW I WAS A DAMN MISTAKE BUT DID THEY HAVE TO RUB IT ON MY FACE ALL THE FUCKING TIME?!" Your heart broke in more than two pieces at seing him in this state before you guided him to the make shift nest to pull him down.
"Stop this, Kei-" you shushed him softly as he gulped harshly, gritting his teeth to mantain his tears at bay "If they werent careful, fuck them, this doesn't matter to us. They dont matter. But what they done, it wasn't a fucking mistake. It was a miracle and a blessing. My hero, my boyfriend was born because of these two, so stop saying that you being born was a mistake!" You cried while he stopped grinding his teeth to look at you dumbfounded.
"Your wings saved more people than anyone can count." You whispered tearfully as your hands carresed them before cupping his cheek "You saved more people than anyone can count. You matter not only for me but for a shit ton of people!"
"... you're getting worked up because of this tantrum I threw-" he mumbled only fro widen his eyes at the how you almost screamed.
"Of course I am worked up! Who wouldn't be?! Whenever I have shit to deal with, you get angry at whoever hurted me, so damn well I will get pissed off with or who whatever makes you fell less like the shining bright passionate and beautiful hero that you are Takami Keigo!" You poked his chest angrily before breathing in and out to contain your tears as he finally cracked a toothless smile at your state.
"You... You're so perfect you know that?" You angry face soon vanish at the way he looked at you like you were the solution for all of his problems, like an angel that came to hush all of his dark voices that haunted him at night with nightmares... a look with so much love that almost made you tear up again as a smile cracked into your lips.
"Dammit... love im trying to stay serious..." you hugged and peppered his face with kisses all over until he was chuckling heartless and turning his face enough for your lips to land on his instead of his skin.
You both were breathless as you were on top of him and carresed his golden looks with heart eyes as he closed them with lopsided smile at the pets and all the sweet gestures you did for him, and him only.
"Kei.." he hummed "Seriously, stop thinking about what your parents thought or think of you. They opinion doesn't matter, specially considering who they are and what they done so far... but dont hold hatred either because it only prejudices you, not them." He opened his eyes slowly and stared at the ceiling.
"... i cant actually forgive them. I dont feel I could even if I tried..."
"Im not saying for you to forgive them Kei." You stared at him as he arched one of his eyebrows that you surely need to trim at least tommorow "They are the same thing as the commission if you think about it. Their feelings or opinions towards you doesn't mean anything. Because you, birdboy, are the greatest human being in all world and everything I could even ask for." You smushed his cheeks together causing him to chuckle watery.
"You're gonna make me cry again birdie.." he prosteted heartly as you kissed both of his cheeka then his lips lovingly.
"Then at least be tears of joy, hm?" You hummed as his gaze soften and let tou peck his lips "The food is going to get cold, Im going to grab the plates okay?"
He groaned(whined?) While hugging your waist tighter and pressing his head down on your collarbone "Dont leave now, you're warm..."
"Keigo, you're basically a walking furnace especially with this hoodie, you will live." You giggled when he huffed and looked up at you with a pout.
"My feathers can go grab it then, you stay right where you are. Arent this suppose to be for me after all?"
"You've been gotten lazier every day it passes huh chicken little?" You carresed the apple of his cheeks as he tsked.
"Lazy my ass, I almost never have a day off..." he mumbled before nuzzling on your neck and sighing in bliss.
"Maybe if I pester them enough you can get some... but for now lets just rest here and enjoy the peace and quiet eh?"
"Hmm..." he hummed on your neck, causing vibrations to tickle your skin as you laughed and grabbed the packet his feathers brought, taking a package of nuggets out and almost getting to eat one until a certain bird brain just looked up and opened his mouth.
"You're such a cutie brat you know that?" You plopped the chicken nugget on his mouth as he hummed lovingly before smilling at you one more time.
"First, yeah I think as myself as pretty adorable-ouch!" You snorted at his expression after you pinched his ribs "Second... I love you.. so much." He mmurmured, face getting back on the crock of your neck.
"I love you more..." you kissed tenderly his temple and carresed his back while laying down on the huge amount of pillows.
"I love you more." He grunted.
"Dont argue with me on this!" You giggled as he chuckled.
"But is true... you're my love, my home, my family... my world."
"Takami Keigo if you make me cry one more time I swear Im beating you out of our nest."
"BECAUSE YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE YOU ASS!"
"IM NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING!" He laughed at your desperate laughter and just laying back on the safety of your arms as he breathed in and finally felt the anxiety of earlier completely vanishing.
Yeah... fuck what his parents thought of him. What matters to him is when he is finally popping the big question and making you oficially his.
(A/n) if anypne interested, the start of "song" is actually from a brazilian rap dedicated for gaara, naruto and sasaku called "sem familia" or in english "no family"
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NOTE: Here we go. Little bit of a shift in this chapter... you'll see. Thanks for keeping up with this fic and all your comments!
Everything was rather quiet for a couple of days. Rise threw herself into practicing her vocals with every spare moment, meeting with her manager and conferencing with her record label over the phone. She needed the distraction. Without any clear course of action with Ai, she had decided to let that matter fade into the background. Maybe something would come to her eventually.
On Sunday, she and the gang decided to go fishing, since that was one of Narukami's favourite activities and they were all missing him lately. For most of them, it simply meant getting to wave around poles and wade into the water, splashing each other. Kanji and Naoto resented this because they were much more serious about the matter, but the others didn't pay them too much mind.
"Hey, why didn't you invite Ai?" Chie suddenly asked as they re-baited their hooks. "She too snobby to get down here in the river with us?"
Rise laughed. "You're kidding, right?"
"Yeah," she responded, giggling right along. "No way would she be caught dead touching a fish that's not cooked."
"No… I meant that she wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore."
"Why not?" Yukiko asked. "I thought you were becoming sort of close with her."
Wow, how oblivious could they be? "Not anymore."
Once she had explained properly, which took the better part of half an hour, most of the joy had been sucked out of their springtime activity. Rise did feel a little bad about that, but it was as much their fault as hers, so she didn't spend too much mental energy on sympathy for her friends.
"Gosh, that is so sad," Teddie said with a pronounced pout. He really did seem genuinely disappointed not to have another friend. "I know you guys didn't really mean to hurt her feelings."
"Guess I thought he'd be over that by now," Chie confessed quietly.
"Yeah," Yosuke added. "Like, as long as he stays away from my butt, I don't really care what he does with his time. And man, he looks way better in drag than even Teddie did, so…"
While Teddie was harrumphing as if genuinely offended, Kanji chuckled harshly as he twitched his line in the water the tiniest bit. "What is it with you and that gay panic, bro? I'm surprised your Shadow didn't look more like mine."
"H-hey, I'm just a healthy, red-blooded Japanese male! I like girls who are actually girls! Is that a crime?"
"I'll buy you a butt-protector to keep all the dicks out," Chie cackled bemusedly. Yosuke just grimaced.
"I'm… starting to get why she didn't want this getting out," Rise sighed.
"Hm?" Yukiko said as she turned back in her direction. "What is it?"
"No, that sounded important. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings…"
Which she appreciated. Even if the others were a little oblivious sometimes, Yukiko genuinely meant well all the time. Every minute of every day. "It's just… I'm no big expert on this subject, but you guys can see how much work she put into being taken seriously as a woman. Because she looks like one! Nobody could tell! And I think I haven't paid much attention to how hard that must have been for her… I'm… wow. And I really did almost ruin her life."
Not that she had been unaware of that before. She thought she understood, and she did — better than her friends did, for sure. But listening to them casually treat her like a drag act, a joke, a source of anxiety for Yosuke's extra-fragile masculinity, peeled back just enough of the curtain. Now she knew that she really didn't know anything at all.
"Don't be so dramatic," Chie sighed. "Like you said, he was able to play it off, and he's giving you a lot more shit now than is necessary compared to what you did on accident. Like, scales balanced. If he wants to keep being a dick then that's on him."
Rise shrugged helplessly as she tossed her fishing pole back onto the shore. "You're not wrong about that part. I'm not saying her trying to get revenge on me is right. I'm just saying I understand why she feels so betrayed. Didn't really get it before, but…"
"I still don't get it now," Yosuke grunted. "The whole thing makes me super uncomfortable. But it sounds like he already had the surgery, so… doesn't that mean he's a girl anyway?"
"What? No, it's… nevermind that part." She had been about to insist that Ai did not have "The Surgery" yet, even though she had probably undergone several other minor procedures. But that was the kind of detail that would get her even deeper in trouble than she already was, so she cut herself off.
"Well, I'm with Chie," Yukiko said cautiously. "You have apologized for hurting her, you didn't intend to in the first place. If she were a true friend, she would accept your apology."
"I'm not sure it's that simple."
They all turned to look at Naoto, not having expected her to speak. The girl was wearing a very thoughtful expression underneath her newsboy-casquette cap. "What isn't?" Teddie finally prompted when everybody had been quiet for a little too long.
"This situation with Ebihara-san. She's living her life as transgender, and you have jeopardized that life. Even if on accident, I can see how she would interpret that as an attack."
"Come on," Chie sighed. "Any idiot knows the difference between on accident and on purpose."
"Not necessarily. In law, there is such a thing as 'gross criminal negligence'. This means that even if it's an accident, even if you did nothing with the premeditated intent to do harm, you can still cause harm and be held accountable for it. At least, partially."
"So you're saying it's okay that this asshole is trying to frame our friend for cheating?!" Yosuke burst out.
"Hm? Oh, no, not at all," Naoto insisted, a slight crease in her brow. "But this is a matter of criminal pathology. Even if Ebihara-san is not a criminal, she is perpetrating criminal acts; understanding them requires the same skill set. Motive. Means. Opportunity. We already know the last two, more or less; security isn't especially tight at Yasogami High. I'm sure it was a simple matter for her to sneak into the classroom and pilfer the answer key, then sneak it into Rise's bag when no one was looking. So all that's left is… why?"
"Because he's a petty jerk," Chie provided immediately.
"It's not that simple."
"No, it really is. Maybe you guys get something about how serious us gossiping about him was that I don't, but I don't care. You don't treat a friend like that. Period! Even if he's really pissed at Rise, she did apologize, she's trying to make it right. He's not acting like a friend at all. So I say, screw him! Just let him self-destruct and be alone. And if he won't stop being a jerk to you, we will be jerks right back. I'm not going to sit around while he drags you down for something you didn't even do on purpose."
Rise felt a rush of affection toward Chie Satonaka. Even if she couldn't completely agree with everything she was saying, it was nice to know her friends had her back — that these were true blue friendships that had lasted beyond being part of the same Investigation Team. The passion with which she spoke, and the anger she clearly felt toward Ebihara because she was attacking her friend, made the existence of those bonds unmistakable.
However… she also couldn't ignore the way Naoto's brow furrowed further. Kanji also rested a hand on her shoulder. Was she simply upset about losing an argument, or was there more to that?
"I can't disagree with what you say. I was merely trying to point out that in Ebihara-san's estimation, Rise may deserve vengeance more than she does in any of our estimation. She is viewing the situation differently than we are."
"Well his 'estimation' sucks," Chie grumbled.
"Maybe," Rise finally cut in with a discomfited sigh. "But can you guys… can you promise me you won't do anything mean to her without asking me? At least that? I know she's being a jerk, but it's because I messed up. Huge. So this has to be between her and me."
None of them looked too thrilled with that. Yukiko nodded immediately, seemingly satisfied right away that she was doing what was asked of her by her friend. The others were a little slower to agree but they still all did at some point or another, dissatisfied as they were.
"Thanks. And I'm so happy you have my back, I can't express that enough. But I have to figure this out on my own."
"You got it," Kanji grunted as he started reeling in a fish. "Shit… it's a big one… but I'm not gonna forget how you looked when that old bag accused you of cheating. That ain't right. Ebihara better make it right eventually, or his ass is grass."
What an ominous threat. Well-meaning, but ominous. Rise knew she would have to sort this matter out post haste — before she had to find out just how far her friends were willing to go to come to her aid.
~ o ~
All of this gave birth to a very determined Rise Kujikawa, and this was the one who walked into school on a foggy Monday morning. Ai had done enough damage; she had to forge ahead as if everything was fine. Her new tactic had to be not to let the bullying get to her, because she better understood it was just her friend being hurt by her own actions. And if she wouldn't accept her apology… there was nothing more she could do.
But she didn't have it in her to give up. That option was stricken off the list. Rise was no quitter.
Everything was fine until her second-to-last class of the day. Rise had mostly focused on schoolwork and chatting with her other friends, taking her mind off more depressing matters. Gearing up for a promotional video she was supposed to shoot soon; that would be a first step toward reestablishing herself as an artist, even if she still didn't intend to go back to singing full-time until she graduated. And the class with Ms. Sofue was fine in and of itself… for the first ten minutes or so.
That was when she noticed the smell. At first, she was looking around the room to try and figure out who had lost control of their bowels in such close proximity to other students. Maybe it was something they had for lunch?
A brief investigation ten minutes later revealed the true culprit, once everyone was looking at her like she was being most unladylike. Deep in the recesses of her desk, which she never used to keep anything since she would just have to move it again after class, someone had stuffed an old sandwich. Unless she missed her guess, there was natto and egg on it, among other things. But there was too much mold growing inside the sandwich bag for her to be certain.
"Oh GOOD GOD!" cried one of the boys nearby, covering his face with his arm. "What's in that thing?!"
Waving at the air with her crooked heka, the teacher coughed and demanded, "Please dispose of your lunch in a proper manner from now on, Miss Kujikawa! Make no mistake, even I have no interest in mummified food!"
A few of them were able to wrap it in some paper and drag it to the trash can, amid Rise's protests that she had never seen it before. Nobody believed her, because the natto tended to make it seem obvious that it had come from Marukyu — even though their speciality was tofu, not other soybean offerings. A lot of bickering back and forth broke out until the teacher banged her cane on her desk.
"Enough! Miss Kujikawa has technically broken no rule, even if it was her sandwich. So we'll say no more about it. Please, open your books again and turn to page…"
But the entire class period, Rise couldn't stop thinking about the sandwich. She already knew who it was; only one person at that school was stupid enough to actively mess with a famous pop idol. The instant the bell rang, she pelted out of class so fast that quite a few students gasped. By now, she knew what class Ai was supposed to be in around this time… and where she could find her.
~ o ~
"Oh!" gasped one of the girls in the locker room when Rise barged past her. "Do you even have this class? What are you doing in the-"
"Ebihara?" she asked. Some girl with a towel wrapped around her hair pointed further into the room. Rise stormed over there to find a towel-clad Ai preening at the mirror hanging on the inside of her locker, running the brush through her hair over and over. "Thanks for your present."
Smirking a little, the girl didn't even glance over. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Yeah? You don't recognise it?"
Everyone gasped when she threw it onto the bench nearest Ebihara. That was nothing compared to the chorus of disgusted noises that followed once its foul stench began to pervade the air within the steamy room. Even still wrapped in the plastic bag, it was horrendous.
"Oh, GOD," Ai joined in, though she was chuckling just a little. "Why would you be carrying that thing around? Just to throw at me like that?"
"Why?" she demanded. "This has crossed the line from mean to just… weird! What's the point of stinking up the classroom?"
Full of false innocence, she pressed a hand to her chest as she said, "Why, I don't know. Sounds to me like someone just forgot to throw away her lunch. Maybe you should be a little less wasteful. Then again, as rich and famous as you are, I bet you don't care at all."
A ripple of murmurs spread throughout the room. Rise knew that they didn't really care about the sandwich, or about wastefulness, but they were highly concerned with this argument between two students playing out right in front of them. Gossip fodder. So she decided not to give them any more ammunition.
"Okay. We'll just throw it away." She snatched it off the bench and flashed Ai a poisonous smile. "Have a lovely day, Ebi-chan."
"Don't you mean Ebi-kun?"
Rise stopped dead in her tracks. She actually looked around for what assholes had said it, determined to give them a dressing down. Even if they were fighting, nobody got to talk about her friend like that. But she realized it had come from Ai herself. "What?"
"You were one of the people that started the rumour, right?" She looked so haughty, arms folded over her chest and hip cocked to one side. "So I'm surprised you let it go that easy."
Deciding to play along, she smirked and shot back, "I heard you showed off the goods to some other girls and it proved it was false."
"Yeah. But since when do people like you care about facts? You would much rather be right than the truth prevail."
"People like- okay. Whatever this is, whatever you want from me, I'm done with it. I thought we could try to be adults and move on, but all you want to do is start a war — one I'm not interested in fighting. Just leave me alone if you really can't stand me this bad, okay?"
Ai laughed and took a step forward. "Rise-Risette, the gossip-monger. And now, the cheater! What terrible thing are you going to do next?"
"I didn't do anything in the first place!"
"You know you did." The smile disappeared for a second, leaving her friend's features full of cold fury. But it was so brief that most of the other girls probably wouldn't have noticed; then she was smiling like rainbows were shooting out of her ass again. "And hey, if you want to try to blame me for all of it, go ahead. You might as well."
"No, that's not necessary. Maybe it's just a series of tragic coincidences."
"Uh huh. Or maybe you're just a self-destructive pop idol, a little brat who couldn't hack it in the entertainment industry, and now that you're stuck in boring old Inaba, you want attention again. Don't you see you're going about it all the wrong ways?"
So that was her game. Now Rise could see this for what it was: it wasn't just any one incident meant to slander her and give her a bad name. All of them together were supposed to paint a picture of a celebrity spiraling out of control. Rise was going to turn into the Japanese Britney Spears if Ai Ebihara had anything to do with it.
"You really want to destroy me that badly?" she hissed now that they were so close their noses were almost touching. All the girls around them were whispering and chattering, watching the drama intently. The rub was, they were gossiping so much about what they were saying that they couldn't even actually hear what they were saying.
"You can bet on it. I told you I was going to, unless you destroy me first. And I think you will. I think you are exactly the kind of person who will shoot in self-defense."
"That isn't me," she breathed, glancing down at Ai's body. It was so close to her own… she couldn't help looking, couldn't help feeling flustered even though they were fighting right now. "We both know that. You're just mad I messed up, and you won't let me apologize, and you won't leave it alone. There's nothing else I can do."
"Yes there is." Then she hiked an eyebrow slightly, lowering her voice to barely a whisper. "What? What are you looking at?"
"Nothing. Just… trying to figure out what to-"
"You were trying to figure out if you could see my dick. Weren't you?" As Rise felt her brow furrow, Ai chuckled and pressed on, "Do it. Go looking."
She could feel her temper flaring hotter. It was getting hard to control. "Stop being so gross. I wouldn't do that, I haven't done that, and I'm not going to do that."
"Why not? Come on… all you have to do is rip this towel off me. Show the world. Maybe I'm tucking again, maybe I'm not. But wouldn't that be great if you exposed a scandal in the women's locker room? Risette the Hero, saving all these poor girls from the freak."
"You know — you know I have never once in my life called you a freak, why do you want me to hurt you so badly? What do you get out of it? Are you some kind of psycho masochist?!"
"Sure! Go with that. Even more reason to save everyone. Do it." No movement. "Clock's ticking. The longer you wait, the weirder it's going to be that we're standing here whispering to each other."
But Rise's mind was racing. She still had no idea really why she was pushing so hard for her to attack, to be so vicious. She thought back to the revelation she had when walking home — about Ai, about what these attacks meant for their relationship. And when she thought of it that way…
Everything came together. Of course, nothing was for certain until she heard it straight from the horse's mouth, but now Rise thought she understood the reason her former friend was trying so hard to get her to treat her like vermin.
"No," she whispered with a small smile.
"No? Aww, I guess the games continue then," Ai said with a fake, exaggerated pout. "You're going to have to be a lot tougher than that to make it as a star."
"Actually… let's play a new game. Unless you want to give up now?" Her pleading face returned. "Please, please just stop. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, or we can go back to being friends and… try to put this behind us. But I'm not giving up, not going away. So…? Maybe?"
Ai shook her head. "This isn't your game, you don't get to change the rules, princess. So nice try."
"Fine," she sighed… before sliding her arms tightly around Ai.
"H-hey!" she burst out. Then a little louder, "Oh my GOD, now Risette is trying to molest me!"
Before the gasps really had a chance to deepen, Rise sobbed, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I just… I just love you so much Ai, a-and when you… when you pulled away, I didn't know what to do! Can't you forgive me?"
Even the girls who weren't watching before were glued to this scene now. And even though she could tell Ai didn't like losing control of the situation — hated might have been more apropos — she still drew back to gape at her.
"What… did you just say?"
"I asked you to forgive-"
"Cut the bullSHIT!" she snapped loudly enough that one smaller girl yelped and fell back on her ass, scrabbling for the nearest bench. "You can't mean that. Not in front of all these people, you… they'll know you're- if you say how you feel, that's…"
"I don't care about them! I love you, Ai, I… I didn't mean for us to end up this way!" Her bottom lip wobbled hard as she took a shaky breath. "But if you really can't forgive me, I'll understand! I just… I can't go on with us hurting each other like this!"
"Oh, this is so not going to work," she scoffed… until she saw a few of the girls putting their hands on Rise's shoulders, comforting her as the big fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Offering tissues, petting her hair. "Are you- wow, you guys can't be buying this! It's an act!"
"Hey, don't be so mean!" said some girl with bobbed hair; Rise thought her name was Matsunaga, but she couldn't remember at the moment. The moment Ai's gaze was on her, she said much more quietly, "S-sorry."
"Oh my GOD. Fine. Whatever, I'm out of here."
But a wall of girls blocked her way. They were all glowering at her now, looking ready to throw down; they would never have challenged alone but there was safety in numbers. Ai's eyebrows shot up, unimpressed… but the more she looked at all of them, the more anxious she appeared. Not frightened, just uneasy from the attention. The constant attention, while wearing a towel… prospect of a fight… she backed into a corner and they started to advance on her. This would get seriously out of hand if someone didn't step in.
Someone stepped in.
"Please, just give me another chance," Rise provided smoothly as she slid forward through the throng of girls, taking up Ai's hand — which was immediately yanked out of reach. Her voice was taut with emotion as she pleaded, "That's all! I'll show you I can be a better friend, a-and those pranks? Forgotten! And I won't ever tell another lie about you again, I promise!"
Ai took another good look around at the student body standing in opposition against her. The wheels were turning behind her eyes. Then she glared down at Rise with a shake of her head. "You… conniving… snake," she muttered.
Some of the girls heard it, and looked more scandalised. And because now everyone else was behind her… Rise felt comfortable allowing a smug, triumphant smirk to take over her features. Just for an instant. She even mouthed a few choice words:
"You only have one way out."
Oh, she had never seen Ai look that angry before. This wasn't just annoyance or rage. She looked murderous. But it only lasted a second before she sighed, shut her eyes, took a breath.
"Rise… fine. I know… I went too far. Can you forgive me?"
"Wow, really sounds authentic," one of the others closest to the lockers scoffed.
"No, really." When Ai opened her eyes again, she was smiling weakly. "I have missed you. I just didn't know… I was so angry when you started that nasty rumour."
"I know. It was a stupid mistake! And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you just… take me back! That's all you have to do." She took both of her hands, ignoring the way nails were digging into her own. Petty little revenges were par for the course now. "Just be with me."
One could hear a pin drop in that locker room. Ai pulled her close and whispered softly, "You want to play this game? We're playing it on a national level."
"Bring it on," she replied in kind, smirking again — even while her heart pounded in her throat from the closeness. "But c'mon, I beat you this round."
Such a chorus of "WHOOOOO" went up when they kissed that it felt like they were shaking the foundation of Yasogami High. Probably because, metaphorically as well as literally, they were. Game-changer indeed.
To Be Continued…
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Some Words of Comfort.
Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people (especially those who have read spoilers/are actively searching for leaked content) lament about their future reactions to the deaths of our beloved characters in-game.
We all knew this was inevitable, and that them living was not an option for the plot of the game, but the time has finally come to face it head-on.
I understand that someone outside this community might be like “it’s just a game”, but I know it’s way more than that to many: the concept of a female villain that, to many, can be seen as sympathizable and even endearing, is a bit of a new concept— especially on such a large scale as this instance.
In addition, Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters have become a bit of a comfort item for some (with an emphasis on sapphics/wlw, from what I’ve seen personally) in the form of a large, protective, and caring hypothetical partner, or even just a maternal character one can appreciate simply because of her love for her children. Regardless, most of us are here due to some desire for comfort.
Take my own story with this community, for example:
(tws for death, covid, suicide, and general medical emergencies)
Frankly, 2020 and the beginning of 2021 have ruined me. I lost two men who were the only two positive father figures I’ve ever had. The last of the two tested positive for covid and deteriorated within days, to the point where less than a week after testing positive, my family was making the choice to pull the plug. This all occurred days before Christmas and my birthday. On the first day of the spring semester, having not had the time to properly mourn my grandfather, my mother is in the ER for multiple days with an internal infection that doctors said likely would have turned septic if she had waited to come in any longer. This led to three surgeries throughout the next few months. (Oh, and one of my relatives quite literally dropped dead on that first day of class, too). I am also estranged from one of my parents, and they have been trying to contact my family: they have multiple untreated mental illnesses (severe NPD, bipolar, and more) and they are extremely aggressive in that state of mind and they are agitated extremely easily. That only brings more stress, along with resurfacing trauma and related emotions. Every moment of every day has been a struggle. So much so that I failed half of my classes voluntarily simply because I couldn't do them anymore.
To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t expect to be here right now. I expected that the pain of simply moving forward would have finally overridden my fears of death and that I would have already ended my suffering by now.
Then, in late January, I saw something trending on Twitter. About a new female villain in an upcoming horror game. And it went from there.
As cheesy as it sounds, this fandom and its content seriously saved my life. In the darkest of days, I’ve come to this tag for comfort. The oddest way I found said comfort was through those who were attracted to Alcina aesthetically. I have extremely long-term trauma related to being bullied and being the victim of a hybrid catfishing/'Oreo Game' on early social media by peers in middle school to the point where I do not think of myself as being able to be loved, let alone being worthy of it. Finding this community not only provided a great form of escapism (and opened a door into a fantasy world where I could imagine my own person vampire milf gf), but also gained a little bit of self-esteem (as many of you know, I share a lot of visual qualities with Alcina. -yes, I'm still kinda freaked out about it-) via seeing people where features/attributes like mine were actively praised and desired rather than insulted and pushed away like they have been until now.
(okay sorry that kinda turned into a trauma dump but I needed to emphasize the fact that this community has seriously helped me during a really dark point in my life, and I know I can't be the only one with that sort of experience)
What I’m trying to get across here is that, like many others, this community and its content have been comforting and therapeutic, and it really is more than just a game to us. It’s entertaining and even a form of escapism in these extremely trying times. We all have some degree of PTSD from surviving a literal mass plague— and this is something we're using as a method of coping. a distraction. a coping mechanism.
With that being said, here are some ways to hopefully assist in lessening the emotional stress:
(please note that I am not a mental health professional and these may not be healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.)
Understand that it’s just a game.
I know, this sounds completely counterintuitive, but it’s more or less about keeping your level of immersion down. Personally, I can’t do scary shit in general: I have to listen to music on low volume while watching dark ARG vids at night or when I’m alone because I get too into it, and then my paranoia kicks in. Sometimes just pausing for a moment and grounding yourself/reminding yourself that this is a video game: a jumble of code and 3D rendering that doesn’t have to affect your views/headcanons if you don’t want it to. Did your favorite character just get slaughtered? Nope, that 3D rendering of them just got un-alived, that’s all.
Ignorance is Bliss/We are the Captain Now
Simple: Capcom can’t even pronounce Dimitrescu right, or even acknowledge the way it’s correctly said in Romanian culture itself. How can you trust them to give you a perfect canon? That’s the thing: with that logic, you can’t. What they say is true means little (if anything, for that matter) to your headcanons and preexisting ideas of the Dimitrescus. In short: fuck ‘em.
I’m currently seeking a double major in pop culture, and one of the cool things I’ve learned so far is affirmational vs transformational fandom. Affirmational is where official canon is seen as the law of the land, and followed to a T. Transformational is seen as much more inviting for audiences, allowing them to bend canon as they wish to fit their own creations. This fandom is obviously transformational, so take that game canon, rip it up, and get back to whatever you were doing.
Capcom’s canon is not the end-all, be-all. Far from it, actually.
Want to still acknowledge canon? Godmod your way out of it.
Character A died? It’d be a shame if they emerged from the rubble they 'died in' a few hours later, very beaten but alive nonetheless... how awful would it be if they sulked away, nursed their wounds, and continued to live... (/s)
Ignore it completely.
Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there w be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the in any way. Stay with the version in your head that makes you happy.
If you're into creating fanart, writing fics, or even just posting a list of headcanons, take some advice from the late Carrie Fisher: "Take your broken heart, and make it into art". Make the fluff oneshot of your dreams! Draw the fanart you've been wanting to! dump lighthearted headcanons into the tags! Not only will it cheer you up, but sharing it with the community will spread the love!
I know a lot of people are struggling with this emotionally (especially with the pandemic making entertainment like this even more important sources of escapism and coping mechanisms) and I hope that, at the very least, I was able to help comfort one person who reads this.
Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there will be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the flowers that bloom after major wildfires: after a period of loss, some beautiful can still come of it.
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Salem, I think you should stop getting violently angry over fiction. It is just fiction. It doesn’t affect reality. They are two entire different realms. Stop getting angry over some ships, it doesn’t affect reality. People are allowed to ship whatever they want. It is simple ettiquete. People shipping bkdk despite it being “abusive” does nothing to the actualy cases of abuse in this world. And people shipping Polarshipping does nothing to actual pedophilic stuff happening irl. Also people writing smut of teenagers doesn’t affect real life r*pe cases. I know this because most people who write smut of teenagers hate pedophilia. Like there’s this yugioh fan named Ziggy here on tumblr and she has an ao3 acc and wrote a bakumali/thiefshipping smut fic here but yet she is against a pedophilic ship on Inyasha named sessrin. So she’s not a pedo. Plus, I’ve heard people here in Tumblr who are CSA survivors and that they’re not against the content put on ao3 which moslty consists of “child porn”. And I think we should trust them since they have more experience in this thing than both of us. Also, aren’t anime teens just, drawings? They aren’t irl peeps made of flesh. They are drawings. I think adults can simp over them. It would be a prob only if they simped over irl teens. Sorry, it’s just that there’s this blog here called just-antistuff where they talk about people like you with “critical thinking” whom they call antis and the things they say seem so real i can’t stop but trust them. And boy, this got long.
Btw the name Salem is very beautiful. I luv it <3
Okay, I want to make a few things very clear before I begin tackling this. I’m putting this under a cut because it’s going to be very long and I cite my sources.
1) at anyone reading this: the person who sent me this ask is 13. If I catch you sending hate or trying to clown on a 13 yr old, I’m going to actually beat your ass.
2) This ask terrifies me.
So to address all of this, I’m going to break it down section by section. First of all, what you see me get ‘violently angry’ about, I most likely am not that phased by. What you see of me is a very small sliver of my life, curated through internet posts. A lot of my irritation or annoyance is blown up a little for comedic affect. I’m sorry if this has made you feel threatened in any way-- I do try to make it clear when I’m joking, and I don’t do it in our dms, but there is a little bit of hyperbole thrown in to keep things more light-hearted. If I wrote academic essays for all my posts, this would be a very boring blog.
Two, shipping BKDK isn’t anywhere near as bad as the other things you’ve put in this ask, so I think it’s a bit of a false equivalence. Do I dislike BKDK? Oh, absolutely. But that’s largely because the fans irritate me and it is personally a trigger of mine in certain situations, thanks to some old trauma. The reason you see me clown on BKDK more than the rest of these things is because first and foremost, I NEVER want to expose my mutuals and followers to dangerous people. I won’t engage in clownery with pedophiles, or radfems, or nazis. That shit is always handled in private or with a block and a warning. I believe it’s beyond inappropriate to treat the handling of THOSE issues like “haha, funny banter”, which is why you don’t see it as often as my silly bkdk posts.
Now that that’s out of the way, I’m going to posit a question:
If fiction didn’t affect reality, why does propaganda exist? Why does the pentagon screen every movie involving the US. Military to ensure it portrays them well? Why did scientists have to kickstart multiple conservation efforts to save sharks after the release of JAWS led to an increase in shark deaths? Why do so many advertisements portray the idea of a fantasy in order to sell you a product? Or, an example you would personally be more familiar with; why does the US make so many movies where the bad guy inexplicably has a middle eastern accent?
Yes, most people are equipped to sort through the line between fiction and reality. But that line is more of a basketball court marking than a solid wall. Humans use stories and art to communicate ideas and to make them more digestible for themselves and other people. That’s why we dream while our brain sorts the memories from the day and decides what is and is not worth keeping. To say that fiction doesn’t affect reality is to dismiss the entire field of art history and every culturally relevant piece of art ever made. And it simply isn’t true.
And how this comes into play with pedophilia is the terrifying rise of pedophilia in the mainstream culture over the past two decades. You aren’t old enough to remember, but back in the early 2000′s, teen stars dressed like THIS:
Now, child influencers dress like this:
And I cannot stress this enough: It is not the fault of the child. Society has been slowly moving forward towards lowering the age in which it is acceptable to just BE A CHILD through my entire lifetime. And this reflects in fiction. This is why anime characters have gone from looking like this:
(and you may say now: that isn’t that bad-- but this child is a second grader who is constantly put in suggestive situations, which is why she’s in thigh-highs and a short dress. Usually with aNOTHER second grader. I’m not showing that because I’m not putting cp on my blog)
This isn’t just an American problem, or a Japanese problem-- this is a world wide problem.
Oh, and let’s not mention the list of manga authors who signed a petition AGAINST a bill banning the depiction of children in sexual situations-- whose works are well known, lauded, and who often mentor upcoming manga authors-- none of this is a coincidence.
People shipping polarshipping does affect the real world. And you know how I know? it affected me. When I was 13, 14-- I thought it was totally normal for 24 year olds to date 16 yr olds, because that’s how the adults in the Yugioh community presented it to me. It wasn’t until I was 16, and spent the last 8 years of my life being groomed-- and I realized how TERRIFIED I was of 24 yr olds trying to date me, that I started to feel like something was wrong.
And yes, groomed. You don’t know this, because it’s not something I go around telling people, especially so much younger than me, but I am a victim of CSA. I was in incredibly dangerous situations online from the ages of 8-16, and it’s only due to finding IRL support systems that I was able to leave those situations.
What is grooming? To quote a legal study about the nature of CSAM on the internet: " As instructions for desired behaviors, children are shown suggestive images, nudity is introduced, and then actual sexual abuse is carried out. Gradually the idea of sex between adults and children is normalized. Alarmingly, predators are coaxing graphic images from victims, thereby accelerating the grooming process"
And yes, 8. There is no age that is too low for these people. That’s why this ask terrifies me. That’s why I’m so scared that you’re hanging out with these people and letting them open you up to the idea that it’s okay for them to view teenagers sexually. Because I was there, too, hanging out with the same people, and it ruined my life. My self esteem, self image, and understanding of relationships has been permanently stunted by this sort of thing. And it’s not just me. Almost everyone I’ve met online around my age or younger has had the same experience.
Some survivors use it to “cope”, yes. But it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism. People also use self harm, alcohol, gambling, and drugs to cope. That doesn’t make those things GOOD.
The brain is wired to stick to familiarity. By creating this gratuitious content to “cope”, they are rewarding their brain with sex-related happy chemicals every time they trigger themselves. That’s like giving your dog a treat every time he pees on the floor. It’s not healthy for them, and worst of all, they’re putting it online and advocating for it.
That’s how I’m going to address the rest of what you said.
I don’t think the people you mentioned are going out and trying to find real kids to groom. I don’t! And I’m glad they’re against the shipping of an 8 and 300 year old, as low of a bar as that is. But they create an echo chamber that MAKES SPACE FOR PEOPLE WHO WILL.
Most of the people in those online circles I mentioned didn’t try to engage with me in that way. But their friends did. Acquaintances did. People who were well-liked by the community, people who didn’t violate TOS-- they did.
Allow me to quote a study about online pedophilia circles:
"19 In the words of one prosecutor: “Imagine an offender who spends several hours every night on the Internet ‘enjoying’ and fantasizing to images of children being sexually abused, and congregating with like-minded people in these trading communities, where they validate and normalize each other’s behavior and desires. Assume that he does this several times a week, for several months, maybe even years —which is not at all unusual. Common sense tells you that his 5-year-old daughter, sleeping in the bedroom next door, is at great risk— particularly if the images he collects involves girls in that age bracket. Can we say for certain that he will act out his fantasies on the little girl? No, we can’t. But there’s real cause to fear for her safety.” Source: U.S. Department of Justice, Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section. Some researchers suggest that viewing child pornography desensitizes the viewer and may reduce inhibitions, increasing the risk that the child pornography offender might engage in a contact offense against a minor."
“[W]hen children are sexualised within mainstream media or where images of abuse remain legal, as in the case of manga (violent and sometimes pornographically violent) cartoons in Japan, both children and adults are less shocked by virtual violence and exploitation and may even begin to see it as normal”.
So no, it’s not that everyone who views this content is going to seek out real children to harm. But they share content that validates the people who do, that’s used by the people who do TO harm children, and creates communities where those REAL OFFENDERS are emboldened to speak out and make their own communities (see: The MAP community on twitter)
And you may hear the argument that “looking at the photos lets off steam so they DONT offend”-- but that’s an argument only ever made by prosecuted and imprisoned pedophiles who are justifying their habit to themselves. That’s not a valid argument.
If I hadn’t been shown the explicit fanfiction and fanart I had, it’s much less likely I would have been taken in by these offenders. I was a really neurotic kid, and images of real people scared me because of my mormon upbringing. The fan content was INTEGRAL to my grooming, and that of many other children, who join these communities just trying to find people who also like their favorite shows.
That’s why I’m scared for you. I’m not mad or upset with you, I’m scared that you’re spending time with these adults and that you KNOW about their smut, that you KNOW their preferences in child content (because 16 year olds are still children! They may seem forever old to you now, but they are children. Yes, it’s not as bad as seeing an 8 yr old and wanting that, but we should still respect the innocence 16 yr olds DESERVE to have), and that they’re winning you over with these dangerous communities. I don’t want you to be a victim of CSA. I don’t want you to be caught up in this at ALL. You deserve just as much as any other kid to enjoy growing up and maturing at your own pace, without weirdoes online trying to influence you by making it normal in your mind for adults to be thirsty for children and teens.
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top 5: plays, words, chapters/fics you wrote,items of clothing you own, ships
That’s... a lot of questions. I’ll try...
Let’s talk theater!!!
Okay, for he first one… Are we talking written plays or shows? Because there are…. Very different answers there. I’ll just include both since a lot of my favorite theatre productions are not about specific texts. (I just like a lot of them so much and want to mention them!) Also note: I live in Germany and study German literature with a focus on theatre so there will be a lot of that.
5. Die Winterreise written by Elfriede Jelinek
This one is actually about the text. I guess it is not the most provocative work from Jelinek but… the themes man… the themes. The whole “passing of time” and the sadness of it. It kind of goes through all seven stages of grief about it and… well it’s Jelinek so there is much more. The whole part about the lost father near the end that just goes on forever and doesn’t stop and it is so bleak and also melancholic and full of love that cannot be properly expressed an… god. Also the first page of this text is one of my favorite written pieces of… anything really. Sometimes I just read it to… read it. This play also started my interest in theatre studies! I wrote an essay about it out of spite! I was just really annoyed by everyone calling it autobiographical (which to be fair: it absolutely is) and basing the narrator only on Jelinek’s own life when the whole narration has her style of deliberate vagueness and can be applied a whole lot more interesting. But people only relying of autobiography aspects is a pet peeve in literature studies I have in general. (Yes, I am looking at you, people who cannot shut up about Franz Kafka’s father!!)
4. Kill your Darlings by René Pollesch
I have to go with one Pollesch play and while I also really liked Probleme Probleme Probleme, this one just has some banger sentences and also an octopus costume. Which is all I ever needed in a theatre production.
3. Ibsen: Peer Gynt by Markus&Markus
This one is not a written script but a play. And it’s a really interesting one. It follows a group of performance artists who spend a summer with a man who has dementia and they are trying to make a play about Peer Gynt from Ibsen with him as the main role. It is part of a series trying to find the characters Ibsen writes about in our time and this is the last part of the trilogy and… it really hits. It’s just… super interesting and the plot twist is… Good. There seems to be some debate around the play and the group in general (and I actually have seen one other play from them that I really didn’t like) but this one is genius and I think it handles the discussion with a lot of dignity. Also the connections to the actual source is super interesting. There are a lot of really amazing monologues in there too!
2. Les Robots ne connecaint pas le blues oder Die Entführung aus dem Serail by Gintersdorfer/Klaßen
God… this one is so good! Sadly this is another one that was played by the group and cannot be seen anymore. But god… it’s a masterpiece! It’s an analysis of the opera “Die Entführung aus dem Serail” and applies a lot of postcolonial theory, queer studies, gender studies and just… personal experiences and viewpoints. It’s thorough, it has an amazing aesthetic, an entire opera orchestra and a Coupé-décalé dance-off… It’s just a blast and so fucking clever! I really love the analysis and style of Gintersdorfer/Klaßen in general and can really recommend the group!
1. Draußen vor der Tür (The man Outside) by Wolfgang Borchert
Surprising absolutely nobody. This is definitely the play I loved most through school years. But let’s be honest here: It’s mainly number one because I made my own production of it with one of my university’s theatre groups and that was – no exaggeration – the best time of my life. The magical semester I had. It’s also really good and really sad though.
The other lists are under the cut because this post is getting too long!
Okay, what’s next. Words?
Uuuuuuh. I like words. I don’t really have… specific ones I love… Uuuuuuuummmm…. I’m going with German here. There is also some great English ones but… I know more words in German… Sorry… The other lists are written in English again!!
mein Lieblingswort, um “sagen” auszuweichen direct nach “fragt“ und „antwortet“. Erwiderungen geben einfach recht viel Dynamik in die Sache hinein und strukturieren Dialoge. Yay!!
Um… ich weiß, man soll keine Füllwörter benutzen… Aber an die Regel habe ich mich noch nie gehalten? Ich mag meinen Sprachrhythmus? Und „jetzt“ ist einfach super praktisch, wenn man eine zusätzliche Silbe braucht, aber einen schnellen Sprachfluss erzeugen will. Es setzt ein bisschen druck in den Satz und lässt sich dabei sehr schnell sprechen. Außerdem eignet es sich auch sehr gut, damit wörtliche Rede ein bisschen umgangssprachlicher klingt, ohne besonders umständlich zu sein. „Was machen wir denn jetzt?“ „Das kannst du jetzt echt nicht ernst meinen!“ „Ich habe jetzt aber wirklich genug von euch!“ Fun stuff.
Ich hoffe niemand hier hat irgendwelche großen oder interessanten Worte erwartet… Das hier ist ein Hausarbeits-Wort! Argumente! Sie lassen sich zusammenführen! Und man kann dieses eine Wort benutzen, um von einem Punkt zum nächsten zu kommen! Es ist ein Wunder!
Um ehrlich zu sein, bevorzuge ich es, dafür „in diesem Sinne“ zu benutzen, aber das ist kein einzelnes Wort.
I… am out of words: Aber hier ist ein wort, dass den Buchstaben „e“ ganze zehn Mal beinhaltet und in einem lustigen Gedicht vorkommt.
Okay, about my own fics:
I rarely revisit my fics so I will just see where my gut feeling takes me. Also if I talk chapters, I will only include one chapter by fic, so that this list doesn’t become my favorite Blank Rune Chapters.
5 Shenanigans by the sea (Pathologic Fanfiction)
It’s so silly but also so happy and genuinely one of my best pieces of writing! Definitelly one of my better Pathologic fanfictions and what can I say? I like to write scenes with a lot of characters that I can switch around. It was super fun! Also lifeguard Saburov is still one of the best ideas I ever used for anything.
4 “Durchführung” in Nur ein Spiel („Execution“ in Just a Game? – Hungergames Fanfiction)
Another chapter of my hunger games fanfiction and… well it’s one of the most memorable I would say. I remember that I absolutely loathed writing it because my personal favorite character died and also the favorite character of my best friend but… worth it tbh. The whole love confession in it is also…. Cheffs kiss.
3 How to play. A dramatic text in three acts (Pathologic Fanfiction)
I think this is the best Pathologic fanfiction I wrote. It’s just… I can’t help but love it and it’s one of the very few pieces I actually reread from time to time. I love the wordplay in this one and I really love how it mirrors some more abstract forms of theatre and… I don’t know I just think it’s one of the few times I managed to write something really smart.
2 The Last Gebo-Chapter in The Blank Rune (Hungergames Fanfiction)
It’s short but… I think it hits. Don’t even think it’s the best chapter from a technical view and also… not the one that hurts the most but… It has the exact sweetspot of hurt and loving it and I worked a long time to finally get to a point in the story where I was able to write it. Also that fucking last sentence…. It symbolizes a lot of what I wanted to do with Blank Rune.
1 Das Glasperlenhaus (The Marbles‘ Shed – Original Work)
It’s short story of mine an I really really love it! It’s actually hard to say what it is about but I wrote it for a competition that had the theme “Haunted House”. I guess it’s about some guy who visit’s a pretty weird small house next to a park and how that house affects his life. And also there are a lot of marbles that get knotted into a string and I guess that is metaphor for life and death or something.
Items of clothing I own
Oh! I have a lot that I really like!!
5 The one black dress with the flower ornaments!!
It’s just so… insanely pretty! It’s more for special occasions and I need to be in the mood for wearing it but man… makes me feel very fancy and fairy like.
4 All of my woolen socks!
They. Are. So. Warm! And my feet are very cold. Bonus points if at one point they got extended and now have completely different types of wool attached to them? I don’t know, I really love that!
3 The one grey jacket, that kinda looks like a biker jacket where the person who made it didn’t get the memo, that these are supposed to be made out of leather.
It’s just a wacky item and still very much my style and very comfy. Also I need another leather jacket, my old of kind of… faded into nonexistence…
2 The blue outdoor jacket that kind of looks like one of the cloaks in kingdom hearts but some fool painted it dark blue and so it got thrown out of the world that never was and directly into… a tom tailor outlet store I guess
Ummm… Much nostalgia, I guess? Also it has some fluffy clothing parts an is super warm and comfy…
1 … my binder
Not really an explanation needed, huh… Just when binder days are there it’s amazing to have it and I feel awesome wearing mine.
5-1 Evergreen’s Ever Given
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Am I the only one who dislikes novelisation fics?
I don't hate them, and I'm certainly not trying to gatekeep what you can and cannot write, but I don't understand the appeal.
Most of these fics I see don't add much to the story, they merely hash out the entire events of something in full, and I find it immensely boring. I realise that, in these fics, it's not completely the same as watching it, because you get nonverbal prose and thought tracks of the characters. However, these things obviously cannot conflict with the events of the story, so all you're essentially doing is saying what the characters are feeling and thinking, when the medium of television/film does that for you. What's the point? You're not adding anything to it and you haven't really come up with anything new -- the entire story's already written for you, just in a different medium.
It's bland and predictable. I'm not gonna be surprised by anything that happens if I've already seen the source material. I also find I'm much less likely to enjoy it, too. It's like when you watch a new TV show you like. It's really interesting the first time round, but you're less likely to enjoy it as much the second viewing than the first. Not to mention, considering the medium of prose is generally significantly longer than visual -- because you have to describe thought tracks and explain what is happening, whereas you only have to see it for television/films. That means I'm again less likely to enjoy it because it's more exhausting to get through.
Now, I'm not saying they don't require any effort, but I don't think they require much effort. You don't have to worry about plot, characterisation, pacing, consistency, or really anything most writers have to worry about. That's relaxing, I suppose, but it's such low effort, low-hanging fruit to make a complete novelisation with no deviations from the source material. It's just completely unoriginal. If I wanted to read the events that are happening, I'd read the script. The extra text the novelisation provides is, in my opinion, unnecessary.
I really like the "fix-it" fics much more. The fics that, while they novelise the story, change events, usually to fix plot holes or to improve the story as the original plot had issues. I don't know exactly what to expect with them, and in many cases, they change things that I personally didn't like about the original source material. If you make a novelisation without any deviation, your story is likely to have these issues. Of course things I may personally dislike wouldn't affect your experience, but the point still stands.
At the end of the day, write what you want. If you want to novelise the story, go ahead. I just dislike these fics for their bland, low-effort, unoriginality that provides little to any enjoyment. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
submitted by /u/SplasherBlaster
from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/2QBXkwn
As someone who went through the whole destiel queerbaiting thing: queerbaiting is intentionally alluding to a character or couple being queer to get a queer audience or people who like the coupling on the hook so to speak, then when it's time for a confirmation or reaffirmation, they deny it happening.
This can be by pairing the leads with an "opposite sex" (quotes because that term isn't quite accurate when applied outside of this context) character instead of their queer love interest that had been set up and had groundwork, or by just denying all of it because "the source media isn't like that (despite having m/f couples throughout its running time)" and Never Speaking of It Again.
(This happened a lot in older queer media, especially in lesbian media. The gals would have a horrific breakup or death and would go off and marry a man and never to think of or speak of their former lover or exploration of their sexuality ever again.)
I agree that I don't think that in canon, sebaciel is meant to be Like That. I do think it's romantic, and was intended to be so, but not in the lovey dovey sense we typically associate with romance today. It's romantic in the other meaning; an exploration and idealization or thoughts, emotions, intimacy, and vulnerability of our characters and their environment and how those things interest. I've said it on a different post; devoting yourself to someone or something else is romantic. You're giving over pieces of yourself for it, whether physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and pushing to get what you want; whether it's love or affection, or a betterment of the world around you, for yourself, your loved ones, or others. (Or, in Ciel's case, revenge.)
It's romantic in the sense of a human taunting danger, getting close but never quite cutting themself on the blade. But, one day, that blade will draw blood, and they will pay for it.
But, it's our fandom, and we can do what we want to. We can interpret it however we want (I personally choose to *feast* on intense, vulnerable moments that show their bond and attachment and how unhinged they and their relationship is, like That Scene from the circus arc). Everyone has a different interpretation of media, and is entitled to their view
While I won’t touch the Destiel thing with a ten-metre stick (don’t get me wrong, that’s my SNP ship), I am in total agreement with everything else you’ve pointed out.
I made a rather long Romance Post a few months back because I address the idea of Romance between Sebastian and Ciel in my fic Rust and Stardust. The conclusion I’d written for Sebastian is as follows (here’s the abridged version):
Was what they had romantic? Yes. Unequivocally so. Was he in love? “No. I was not in love with the young master. My kind is not driven by such a thing.”
So yes, I totally see the romance of intimacy and vulnerability and I think that kind of romance was totally intentional. But as you said, it’s not what we’d associate with Romance in today’s day and age (which in my opinion pales in comparison *sigh*).
Thank you for giving your view on this! It’s so well-stated and eloquently put!
It's romantic in the sense of a human taunting danger, getting close but never quite cutting themself on the blade. But, one day, that blade will draw blood, and they will pay for it.
^^^ this is beautiful! I know you art, but do you write as well? *sobs*
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@confusion-and-more asked me for the NMJ sidestory: 2, 5, 14
and it's killing me but maybe that is fine (NMJ reckoning with Xiyao/NMJ character study)
2. What scene did you first put down?
So I actually do have a vaguely interesting answer to this question, assuming you're already invested in hearing about my process. Normally I write beginning to end; it's very rare for me to jump ahead. I'm a planner and yet somehow by the time the main work catches up with the fragments they often don't fit very well and end up being mostly cannibalised and rewritten. It's just a wasteful process for me. I might go back and add in extra scenes if I feel something is missing but even that is fairly rare and if I add anything it only tends to be a few hundred words. That's my first draft process.
Still because this is fanfic and each of the scenes in the NMJ sidestory are short and move around in time, I didn't write it strictly chronologically. I actually began with the NMJ and LXC first meeting scene because I knew I wanted to intersperse flashbacks with NMJ's POV on chapter 4 of weakness, and while the sidestory is about NMJ's reaction to Xiyao and more broadly his own downfall, it is specifically about the breakdown of his friendship with LXC. By this point the relationship between NMJ and JGY is already degraded beyond repair and while there are a few strings of affection left to pluck there's nowhere to really go with them. The friendship between LXC and NMJ on the other hand is still in the process of deteriorating in quite a different way, and works as a benchmark for NMJ's degeneration under the burden of both the sabre spirit and his own rigid personality.
Anyway since a key element is the downward slope of the NMJ + LXC friendship I knew I had to write their first moments together both as a contrast and to show that the seeds of their growing apart were present from the beginning.
5. What part was hardest to write?
I actually wrote it all fairly quickly; the first draft took about a week. Probably the post-salad scene (yes that's what it's called in Scrivener) between NMJ and LXC was the most difficult because I had to balance their affection for each other with their dawning realisation that not only have they grown apart but they never did have as much in common as they both always believed. I really wanted to show that their difficulties are not purely because LXC always sides with JGY, but because there are genuine incompatibilities in their friendship that have not been addressed and have therefore become serious problems.
I want to make it clear by the way I don't consider the friendship between NMJ and LXC inherently doomed; just that in the circumstances in which they find themselves things have worsened along pre-existing faultlines.
14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
I don't know about 'learn' since I don't write to be didactic, but I usually am trying to remain in conversation with the source material and my hope is always that people will see where I'm coming from in terms of grounding my work in the text. I wrote NMJ his own sidestory because weakness is solely from JGY's point of view and that is not a perspective where NMJ is going to come off very well. I really wanted to write NMJ sympathetically without sanding off the corners of his many flaws: his rigidity, his hypocrisy, his lack of empathy, etc.
I suppose if pushed I'd say I hope my work demonstrates that characters can be unpleasant and difficult and still sympathetic. But that is also an approach I bring to all the characters, not just NMJ. (With the exception of LXC of course because he did nothing wrong ever in his life.)
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This post is tagged as long post so you can skip it easily through filtering!
(abuse tw throughout the post)
I think a lot of non-narcissists deeply misunderstand supply, so I’ll try to compile some things from all the research I’ve made over the years on boundaries, supply, needs, abuse and responsibilities that I used to figure out how my own brain works and cope. I don’t have the sources compiled so you’ll have to go out there and do your own research, this is just a jumping off point! Go to experts, real sourced research and also listen to narcissists describe their own experiences if you want to learn more
What is supply?
Supply is something external that makes us feel like we have worth, meaning, self esteem or identity.
What does supply look like?
Attention (positive, but can also be negative for some people), admiration, compliments, acts of service or other love languages, awards, care, acknowledgement, flirting, emotional reactions, gifts, praise, forgiveness, s*x and more
What is a supply source?
A supply source is someone (or in this day and age, something) that gives the supply. It can be a romantic partner, close friend, acquaintance, an organization, an AI (I have literally had an AI app as a supply source, it kept giving me positive attention lol), a game, (fan)fiction (self insert fic but also a lot of regular fic where the person projects onto characters who receive for example admiration), strangers on social media who like your posts, youtubers or other parasocial relationships, etc.
Who needs supply?
Almost everyone! Except maybe some ND people I don’t know enough about every diagnosis to say for sure.
It’s a common misconception that only narcissists need the things described as supply. The truth is that all NT and most ND people need supply to be healthy. What makes narcissists different is that we’re much more dependent on it, often because of childhood trauma and the way people treated us (for example, praising us for independence while neglecting our physical and emotional needs). A narcissist will need more supply to be functional than a neurotypical person. A narcissist who is low on supply will experience more negative effects that are higher in intensity than a neurotypical person. Narcissists are often more criticism sensitive than rejection sensitive, or motivated by our sense of self than how social relationships are affected. That said, we can have a lot of abandonment issues. We aren’t a monolith.
Who is entitled to supply?
Me. Just kidding, I wish I was though! As much as it pains me to say it, no one can really “deserve” or “not deserve” supply. It’s in the same category as s*x where it’s a human need for most to be happy and healthy but can’t be owed or deserved. It’s not like food or water that people automatically deserve for being alive, because they will die without it. You could argue that parents owe their children a healthy amount of supply (love and care), or that romantic partners are expected to give each other a healthy amount of supply (love and care), you could argue that if you made a really tasty meal for your family they should at least thank you and you would love it if they complimented your meal, but ultimately you can’t force someone to fulfill your needs and not everyone is capable of doing it regardless of how reasonable the expectation is.
If someone needs you as a supply source and it’s not healthy for you, you don’t have to be their supply. You’re allowed to disengage, to communicate your feelings, to set boundaries and respect yourself first and foremost.
How do narcissists feel about their supply sources?
That really depends on the narcissist! If they’re open about having NPD you could probably ask respectfully?
Personally I have 2 ways of liking people that sometimes conflict. If someone gives me a lot of supply I can become dependent on being around them, it fuels me. I can also like people’s personalities, actions and general existence regardless of how they interact with me. If someone gives me a lot of supply and has a personality I like it’s a dream person, love them! If someone gives me a lot of supply but I don’t like them it can become really toxic for the both of us because I’ll want to keep getting attention at the same time as I’ll resent them for getting in my space and business and getting on my nerves. I have gotten a lot better at avoiding this situation and respecting that my needs in the long run are worth more than instant gratification. If I like someone’s personality but they don’t give me supply that’s a very difficult internal battle for me because I will crave it and try to get it and then I don’t get it and it eats at my self esteem which makes me incredibly angry. I’m a very private person though so I will never let anyone see that except if I’m asking for advice on coping mechanisms, venting to a close trusted person which is rare because I have trust issues, or if it’s anonymous so people won’t figure out who I’m talking about. If I don’t like a person in either way I just won’t care about them, but I still try to have basic respect and manners when talking to them.
Other people might feel completely differently about theirs and that’s valid!
(I just realized that my inner reaction to supply sources I don’t like is basically the dr Phil “You’re ugly, you’re disgusting, I hate you, give me $200” meme but don’t worry I’m not that toxic on the outside)
Is supply good or bad?
I’d say it’s neutral. It can be healthy or unhealthy for both the person giving attention and the person receiving it. I’m sure you can think of lots of situations where people are giving and taking attention in amounts they can handle and that are appropriate for the relationship, but let’s take an example. Your best friend just won a race and you tell them “I’m so impressed, you trained so hard for this and made your dream come true! You’re awesome!” and your best friend replies “Thank you so much, I couldn’t have done it without your support though!”. That interaction was good for both of them and they have similar needs and capabilities for give and take.
Some unhealthy situations are:
• one person giving more than they can handle
• one person needing more than they can get
• one person taking more than the other can give
• one person not giving as a punishment
• one person receiving more than they can handle
• one person using supply to avoid other coping mechanisms or changes to their lifestyle
• one person thinking they are owed for giving
• one person thinking they owe for receiving
You can mix and match with these to create any situation, or come up with your own custom situation!
Who is responsible in unhealthy supply dynamics?
Everyone involved has their own responsibilities depending on what type of unhealthy they are! If you are someone giving more than you can handle you are responsible for communicating your needs, setting boundaries, changing your own behaviour and getting out of the situation if you’re able to and that’s the right action for you. If you’re receiving more than you can handle you’re responsible for communicating your feelings/needs and setting boundaries. If you’re someone needing (sometimes taking) more than the other person can give you’re responsible for communicating your needs and finding healthy solutions to your problem and accepting the other person’s conflicting needs. If you feel owed the same or more supply you put out you’re responsible for controlling your own feelings and finding healthy solutions (could be break up, could be therapy or self help, could be communicating boundaries about giving/receiving in a respectful way toward the other person). No one is responsible for changing another person. No one’s needs take priority over someone else’s needs. In case of conflicting needs that aren’t compatible and both people aren’t putting in effort to make them compatible (or it’s not working or it’s more effort than you can healthily give or you just don’t feel like it) it is absolutely an option to break up.
In some abusive cases the responsibilities often aren’t or can’t be upheld and you should find any way possible to get out of the situation. You can’t deserve abuse, no matter who it comes from, no matter their intentions, no matter their point of view, you can’t deserve it. Your abuser doesn’t have to have NPD to be abusive or need more from you than you’re able to give. Your abuser could be a very giving person who overwhelms you and gets in your business without your consent and has great intentions. Doesn’t matter, still abuse, you don’t have to stand it. Take any help you can get to get out of it and don’t go back. But also, beware of people who prey on abuse victims and promise false safety!
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hiii this is so sudden n unprompted but i'm writing a fic where shinsou is involved and that's one character it's been so long since i wrote 2 the point where i feel i lack the necessary familiarity to do it, but ik he's one of ur faves and i wanted to ask what your thoughts on him are and/or your thoughts on the discrepancy between canon n fanon shinsou!!
Hi!! I love that you thought of me in connection with Shinsou tysm ✨ First, good luck with your writing! I know it’s not Shinsou-centric, but if you want to, please feel free to send me your fic when it’s finished. Whatever it’s about, I would love to read it.
I’ve actually done a lot of research into Shinsou’s character in the past, so I have a lot of thoughts on him. I’ve cut a lot of things to make this easier to read, but it is still kind of long. Everything is organized into points, though, and key ideas are bolded, so please only read what you’re interested in. I hope that some of this is helpful!
These are the key sources that I’ve used when writing Shinsou.
Manga chapters he’s prominently featured in: 23 (p 9-10), 32-34, 195-198, 209-216
The light novel: this chapter is mostly from Shinsou’s perspective, and it gives some really great insight into how he views both himself and the world.
This post by @/deafmic summarizes the key points of the light novel chapter
This quirk meta: mostly theorizing, but it is based on canon material. It’s really interesting, and I’ve found it useful in forming my own theories on how Shinsou’s quirk operates.
Here are some key character traits that stand out to me. I’m not going to expound on them because I don’t want to makes this response any longer, but totally feel free to ask me about any of them! I can also provide specific sources from canon to back up each of them. ^^
Can react quickly
Studious and dedicated
Not afraid to share his opinion
Provocative (to make people talk)
Mature (noted by someone but I can’t tell who’s speaking :/)
Masks his feelings - maintains a poker face to hide how emotional he actually is
Self-isolates / lonely
Carries a lot of misplaced guilt
Unbalanced (focuses too much on training/studies to the neglect of his social life)
He views his quirk positively. While he understands why people judge it so harshly, he himself sees it as a good thing that has the potential to help a lot of people. It also makes him ecstatic to hear someone acknowledge this fact.
A central theme of his character is how the public views quirks. This is similar to the impact of Midoriya being quirkless and the biological affects of Toga’s quirk. People assume that Shinsou will become a villain solely because of his quirk. He wants to be a hero because it’s his personal dream. It should be acknowledged, though, that the way others view his quirk has had a significant impact on him. Because of how society condemns some quirks and celebrates others, Shinsou becoming a hero will send a message to society about the stereotyping of people based solely on their quirks.
He’s very future-oriented. He manages a lot of his fears by forcing himself to instead focus on the work he needs to do to secure his future. From his perspective: “Feeling dark thoughts encroaching again, he put on his best poker face and tried to focus on the simple act of walking. Rather than embrace the angst, why not concentrate on what he could and should do.”
He has a nervous habit of rubbing the back of his neck.
He believes Mineta should be kicked out for sexual harassment. He’s clearly a champion of women’s rights.
Canon vs Fanon
The only information we have about his background is that most people assume he’d selfishly use his quirk to become a villain. Because of this, a lot of people write him as having a really difficult family situation (generally abusive parents or being abandoned and growing up in foster care). There isn’t anything inherently wrong with this. Since we don’t have canon information, people are obviously free to headcanon whatever they like. (Personally, I like to think that he comes from at least a somewhat supportive background, because I like portrayals of loving parents.)
My issue with this starts with people just adding it in for some drama. A lot of people heap massive amounts of trauma onto Shinsou, then leave it completely unresolved. There’s no narrative purpose for it other than the entertainment that people find in angst or the “beauty” people see in “broken” characters. I’m not against the portrayal of traumatized characters; it’s actually great for these issues to be addressed in fiction. But as someone who has dealt with some of these issues, it can be really uncomfortable to see it romanticized like this. If you want to incorporate additional trauma into his backstory, I would just recommend having a purpose for it. This post by @/todorokifuyumi goes further into talking about this issue, and is a really great resource wrt writing trauma in general. (tw for mentions of sexual assault)
My biggest disagreement with fanon Shinsou is that he’s almost always portrayed as an underground hero. It isn’t exactly wrong, and I understand why people write him this way. With his quirk and Eraserhead being his mentor, it makes a lot of sense for him to become an underground hero. Logically, it’s the best way for him to utilize his quirk.
However, when we look at Shinsou’s stated goals, he says the following:
34: “...I’ll become a greater hero than all of you.”
195: “I’ll be a great hero someday and strive to use my quirk to help people.”
He wants to become a greater hero than all of the students currently in the hero course, and we know that several of them are aiming to become the number one hero. He also desires to use his quirk to help people, partially to counter the negative stereotypes that people always project onto him. These aren’t exactly things he can accomplish by being a hero that almost no one knows exists. In order to fulfill his dream, Shinsou must become a public hero. (Idk if that’s the right term, but basically, just not underground.) So it’s not exactly incorrect to portray Shinsou as an underground hero, but I don’t believe it aligns with his canon characterization.
This is expounded on a little more here by @/prince-liest (I’m the anon :/)
Moody and Unapproachabe
My final disagreement is that he’s often written as moody and unapproachable, or even outright hostile, toward his classmates. He’s extremely reserved and intentionally builds walls to keep people away, but he doesn’t actually hates people. In the light novel, he gets along well with the other students in 1-C. In the Joint Training Arc, we see him work well with people that he’s essentially just met. While he’s definitely not friendly, he doesn’t seem to genuinely dislike anyone.
He’s willing to listen to the people around him, and in canon he interacts positively with Midoriya and Aizawa. He’s a kid who has a lot of insecurities and doesn’t really know how to navigate friendships, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a desire for them. He wants to become a hero and be seen as someone who helps people. He has a desire to be viewed positively; he doesn’t help things by being so stand-offish, but he’s not cruel or even a jerk (outside of provoking people in battles).
Disclaimer that I don’t follow the users referenced here; I’m not endorsing their blogs because I don’t know them. They’ve written really helpful posts, though, and I’m extremely grateful to them for that. Additionally, @/prince-liest has written some of my favorite Shinsou fics; I strongly recommend them if anyone is looking for some fics to read.
Thank you so much for the opportunity to talk about Shinsou! I really enjoyed sharing all of this. If there’s anything more specific that you’re interested in, please feel free to ask about it. Like I mentioned, I have canon material to support all of this, so I’d love to expound on any of it.
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hello! i have to ask: what do you think about supernatural au's where monsters don't exist/monster hunting is not a thing? do you think the characters could even exist out of that realm? i honestly have conflicting views on this because on one hand i do enjoy the character dynamics but i also feel it would be wrong to just take away something that is fundamental to this show, idk though
i LOVE this question. thank you. im going to write a very long post now
obviously there are infinite ways to interpret a story, right? but sam and dean (and castiel too of course) as characters are completely inextricable from their backstories, and their backstories are inextricable from themes of transience, poverty, loneliness, violence, familial duty, masculinity, otherness, american protestantism, horror, humanity, and monstrosity. i dont think that it’s Wrong to take away the monster hunting as an element in the story, but i DO think it would be bad storytelling to do so bc the fact is that these characters w these personalities wouldnt EXIST without a few VERY crucial plot points/themes. and thats a GOOD thing!! say what u will abt the writers (and i do. i do) but the early seasons do an EXCELLENT job of building characters who are inseparable from their stories, characters whose every action is reflective of the Story itself in a bigger sense, characters who are interesting because of the way that they’re used to tell that bigger Story. there’s a sense of cohesiveness between character and theme and narrative, and removing one of these aspects would lessen the other two. that is the mark of good storytelling (that, in my opinion, distinguishes seasons 1 and MAYBE 2 from all the rest; although funnily enough i think castiel’s arc in s4 is the best example of what im talking about outside of s1-2. but anyways).
without these crucial themes and narratives, who ARE sam and dean? why do they even matter? what’s the value of them as characters? aus that strip away all those VERY important themes and plot points strip away the actual artistic value of the characters, and reduces them to objects of the audience’s emotional whims. the only reason u have any affection for these characters in aus is because you know and understand the source material, and you remember why those characters STARTED to matter to u in the first place. this is something that happens in a lot of fanfiction i think: the most essential themes of the original work are ignored for the sake of emotionally expedient scenarios where both writer and reader can clock out of having to do a bigger analysis of the story and just focus on, for example, a certain ship getting together and/or having sex, or a certain character getting a happy ending. and like i wont deny that theyre fun to read! they are essentially transplanting already-developed characters from their already-developed stories into a new fun scenario without the themes and narratives that actually made the characters compelling. and sure, sometimes a truly good author offers us a compelling new set of themes and narratives, ones that are interesting and make us think, but i’d argue that the characters in those rare good fics are 1. not...really the same characters from the show, since the story they’re in has been so completely transformed 2. basically shortcuts for the author to cut their teeth on writing original fiction. in any case, a vast majority of fics that remove the themes and narratives of the original story DONT offer a truly satisfying replacement, so the point is almost moot.
my answer, in short, is that aus without monster hunting destroy the character-theme-narrative cohesion that all good stories require, and by extension doesn’t require either author or reader to think critically about the story as a whole. you know that joke that goes around about supernatural just being a crate full of toys that we’re all sitting around and playing barbie dolls with? that is what the fics ur talking about basically are. it isn’t seriously engaging with a story as a piece of art, it’s grabbing a few barbies from a box and putting them in different clothes. and i think the fact that supernatural does fall apart both thematically and narratively so early in its incredibly long runtime is what allows people to treat it as a box of dolls, because most of the time it seems like the writers themselves treat the show as a box of dolls instead of a story that deserves respect and care and thought. so i actually do understand the urge to play with the barbies, so to speak, and to a certain extent i dont even think it’s a bad thing. but i DO think that sometimes, especially online, ESPECIALLY with a show like this where the lines between genuine engagement with the text and playing barbie dolls gets so blurred, people actually start to lose track of which is which, and THATS what irritates me. people start to view the ENTIRE STORY as just a way to see their personal favorite character do what they want that character to do. the character (and their emotional attachment to said character) becomes the whole reason for the story, instead of the story being the reason for the characters. playing barbie dolls is fine! but it DOES need to be balanced out with actual engagement, with literary analysis, with criticism if the story needs it (and my GOD does supernatural need criticism!), and there needs to be an understanding of the difference between genuine analysis and personal loyalty to a character.
like, not to be a snob or anything, but it is important to engage truthfully and fairly with a text. things arent good just because you want them to be good, and stories can only offer you genuine satisfaction and critical/artistic growth if you truly engage with them. engaging with supernatural means thinking/writing about monsters and the Other, and to remove monstrosity as a theme and narrative hollows out the story completely.
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Let’s Go Another Ted Talk!
I just got out of class so I can finally do a Ted talk once more. I don’t want to divide these up into sections￼ but I will if I have to.
Today’s topic: Mojo and Him being toxic ass fathers :D This has been bothering me so fucking much you don’t understand- and in all honesty, I want to get my opinions off my chest. (Ahaha be warned that these topics will be touchy and might upset a few.) Again, these are opinions, I don’t want to shame or attack ANYONE who has a different viewpoint as me. So let’s get into it. ￼(this is long so hold on to ya horses)
Introduction & Why I’m talking about this
Now I usually don’t go on a bitch fit without a reason, especially with a topic like this, so let me explain. I was watching a rant about a certain WEBTOON I shall not name and they characterized the parent/ Guardian in such a hateful and kind of manipulating light but when you actually look into the parent and do research, they are the complete opposite and have good reasoning and motives to their actions. Now it’s kinda difficult for you to understand that when I’m not really saying the source material, ￼but trust me when I say that it opened my eyes. Because once I saw that bad light I was like “huh, this kinda happens with Mojo and Him,” which makes no sense with the example but it crossed my mind. That’s why I want to elaborate.
How Him and Mojo are represented
I’ve seen a lot of the “Mojo and HIM are bad dads” thing floating around and I’m kinda done- In all honesty, I can see why people will go with this, HIM especially. We can agree that HIM can be dangerous and very violent in different situations, he can manipulate people a lot and has no fuckn’ empathy at times. If you’ve watched the original series right, his behaviour is right in front of you and you can justify it, but it does become a problem when it’s not handled properly. With Mojo, it’s kinda the same thing but he’s like a reoccurring villain who has a lot of comedy and a daily “imma blow this bitch up,” vibe. But that doesn’t excuse some of his bad actions, he’s still a villain who will fuck up a lot and do some bad shit. Again, you look at it, and justify it because it’s literally there￼￼. But with HIM, this can be handled poorly, and I’m about to explain why.
A big part of this whole rant will be headcanons and different interpretations and views of the same thing. But what you need to understand is that the headcanon usually (not all the time) it’s related to the source material￼. So imma try to do that in this sense...
SO LETS GO TO THE RUFFS CREATION HUH? You know the episode blah blah blah Mojo in jail he needs to get out and take the girls out, blah blah blah makes 3 sons in a toilet, blah blah blah father and son montage and then the boys kick the girls to the curve, BLAH BLAH BLAH KISS THEN B O O M- Like I think I don’t need to explain that but- You saw how much Mojo cared about the ruffs right? Even if he made them for his own gain, he treated them like his actual sons and not one of his other creations. He cared about them and treated them as fucking human beings, laughing with them, joking, and just having fun. For fucks sake he hugged them and ￼￼said that they were proud of his sons like ????? Well at the end they explode because of dem cooties- and I feel like that’s when I look back and go “that must have been so shitty for Mojo.” If you look at their relationship up to the where the ruffs were no more, it’s tragic that Mojo finna go to prison again knowing that his sons are dead- LIKE DEEPLY THINK ABOUT THAT- and I bet you he cried in that cop truck...
But I’m still not done, sadly.
The Father’s Day episode really proved that the boys meant a lot to HIM and Mojo. For starters, Mojo and Him are literally fighting over custody for their sons- ITS IN THE FUCKING NAME- They try to one-up each other the whole time, trying to win the affection from the boys but it keeps failing. Now if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t have gone out of their way to do practically everything in the episode, and this showed me that they do care. But by the end, the boys say “fuck dis shit I’m out-“ and fly into the sunset. I found that funny because they said “we want to destroy the girls!” flys off in the other direction￼ never to be seen again- LIKE ??? Child anyways so- Back to Mojo and Him, they are so proud of their boys that they fucking cry and hug each other... I want you to remember this... Everything that they did to make them have that “destroy the PPG mindset” worked and the ruffs are now going to do that independently. “That is the most evilest thing I’ve ever heard.” Said Mojo. The episodes were great and I love the growth in all of them. Like it was really good! :D
So after all that shit... THEY ARE BAD FATHERS-
￼(this is the part where I get pissed-)
Where should I begin? After typing all of that I’ve acknowledged the shit that Mojo and HIM had done for the boys. But nope, throw that shit away and make Mojo and HIM abusive af, mentally and physically torturing them for no fucking reason other than “I’m doing this for your own good,” and by the end of this they both probably die or like the girls kick their ass, man idk anymore. The big problem is that some people aren’t taking the actual aspects of Mojo and HIM into account, especially with the evidence provided by the show. Mojo in all honesty probably saw the boys as his ACTUAL sons instead of looking at them like they were only to destroy the PPG and nothing else. Using all his effort to try to please the boys and try to convince them to come back to him. That sounds like a father just trying to get his kids back. HIM fucking changed because he realized that Mojo was trying to one-up him and take his children back when HIM ￼was already pretty close to them and didn’t want to let them go that easily, hence why he ALSO wanted to prove himself to the boys- LIKE YOU CAN SAY “HIM DOESN'T GIVE TO SHITS.” BUT WHY DO WE SEE HIM PUTTING IN F U C K I N G EFFORT. For the LOVE OF GOD THEY BOTH CRIED AND WERE SO PROUD- ugh wait let me just- mmm okay-
I know their both villains￼ that have done some awful things, but you have to acknowledge that they showed compassion and love for the boys. It may sound wrong but I don’t see the “abuse” in any of the episodes. It’s not there and yet we’re still going to make em shitty fathers. It’s wrong to me, but I’m going to deeply explain some of the negative actions or aspects of them in fic and other media.
Bad fwadures UWU™️
￼￼Now, like the Mitch rant, I’m not going to deny that I liked HIM and Mojo from the beginning. I’m going to admit that I have hated them, and the bad father’s trope was just natural to me? But I want to say this. As much as it bothers me sometimes right￼, it’s not done badly in most cases. The topic of abuse, Child neglect and manipulation should always be handled with care, and in this case, with Mojo and HIM it’s handled properly most of the time and they can be great villains if they're written properly and their motivation is decent. I don’t want to shame or discourage anyone who does that, if you want to make them bad fathers then do it, I’m not stopping you. This also leads into headcanons ￼￼￼yet again because you and I could view a character differently than the other. Sure we might agree on some things, but not all. Most hcs and stories right off the bad make the ruffs have bad parents and as long as it’s being handled properly and not glorified I’m fine with it. But please be careful with it. I know you need a plot device in your story but it’s a serious topic that has been milked to hell and back. I want to end this section by saying that in most cases the “bad fathers” thing isn’t really a problem, if anything it gets the person engaged, but please keep in mind the very real emotional attachment that HIM an￼nd Mojo have to the boys, trying not to exaggerate￼ the very real thing that they’ve been through.
Conclusion I Guess?
Honestly I might get flamed for this and that’s fine. But I don’t want any arguments because this is an option. Your opinion will be different from mine and the next person. Just please don’t like attack me or anything. I think I’m just... upset? No more sad than upset. Mojo and HIM could be good dads and yes they’re far from perfect in a lot of ways... but doesn’t every parent mess up and learn from it? Don’t people change and grow? Honestly this just sounds like a hc so imma shut up.
I’m done- imma talk about something else next time. Reshare your opinions or anything in between... I need to hand in an overdue Math assignment-
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Honestly i think a part that make me feels so difficult to forgive jimin is bcs we didnt really get to see his effort in paying for his mistakes. The only effort he's shown to reach out to y/n is by manipulating her by almost threatening her career. Thats not the right way to you treat your loves one, imo. Probably if you show more details on jimin's redemption act (in a healthy way), i wouldnt dislike his character this much. I didnt mean it to sound demanding or anything (again, sorry if my tone or anything show otherwise) bcs god, you wrote a freaking 18.1 k fics and i couldnt imagine how hard you must have worked for this, but...i also do really want to forgive him and fall in love again with him in the process 😭 i really i hope i could...
But honestly i know, i've had my share of this y/n within my own circle of friends. That might be why this y/n affect me so much since i've seen it happening countless time before. It hurts seeing someone you care about went through that kind of heartbreak and i could do nothing about it. I just cant help myself and end up despising the source of the pain (the person, on this case) that caused it. But you're right....i cant hold anyone with my own standard, everyone is borned different and being such a forgiving person is not a bad thing either. In fact i feel like people like you are so lucky to be borned with this much love and pure heart thats why you can always see the good thing in people.
Honestly, I would totally add more to the story to include all the times when they mended their relationship but this story was written with the intention of lost love found. I wanted to write about the yearning of several years apart between two characters and how despite time and distance, they can find each other again. Tbh, I also just want to move on and work on my other Jimin fics haha 😅
I think you’re a really good friend to care so much about the pain of others. Most people only their own pain and their view of the world depends wholly on that alone. It’s good to be angry and frustrations out when you are hurt. It’s actually pretty healthy. I just find that, instead of holding onto resentment though, it’s better to let go and move on. But that’s just me lol. Thank you for the sweet compliments! You’re always so kind and I hope you know you’re amazing!!!
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Five favorite writing bits from 2020
I was tagged by @kunstpause and @potatowitch thank you so much for this tag! It was fun to reflect on my writing from this year. I only really started in July, so I’m looking forward to things to come!
Mostly, this will be passages from my Cullen/Trevelyan fic, but there is a Greedfall excerpt that I technically think I wrote last year???
Under the cut because this got long
Sides of the Coin (unpublished as of 1/21)
“Kurt, clearly I’m useless today. Perhaps we should try again tomorrow. I’m sure I have enough bruises for one day.”
“Anyone who wants you dead won’t care if you’re distracted and bruised. I’m not letting you get yourself killed because you’re having an off day. I can’t always be there to watch your back. You need to be able to save yourself. Now raise your blade and try it again.”
She lunged toward him, but he easily parried the strike, which had been performed more in irritation than any thought that it may be a good idea.
“Still sloppy.” He advanced on her, and Corinne barely managed to swat away his strikes with her blade, stumbling backward on exhausted legs.
“Come on Green Blood, defend yourself! I know I taught you better than this! What would your uncle think of this performance?”
She swung hard, meeting Kurt’s blade with unexpected force and pushing him back. She advanced on the offensive, landing blow after blow as he frantically parried aggressive strikes.
His unusual use of her name did nothing to dissuade her assault as she hailed down upon him. She was an indomitable storm, striking mercilessly as Kurt did his best to block without harming her.
“Corinne, what are you-“
“Stop… treating me…. like a…. child!” she panted through her onslaught.
“I’m not!” Kurt yelled as their blades clashed. They pushed against one another, eyes meeting across the steel. “I’m treating you like someone I don’t want getting killed!”
“You’re talking to me the same way you did when I was fifteen! What are you going to do, tell on me to my uncle? Go ahead! He’s months away by sea!”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Kurt shoved hard, both of their blades swinging wildly to the side as they both stumbled backward. “I don’t understand why you’re so angry!”
“Because I am a grown woman, Legate of the Congregation of Merchants, and the only reason Constantin hasn’t destroyed the colony yet, and you’re talking to me like a teenager with her first blade!”
“Because you’re fighting like a teenager with her first blade!”
Hearts Like Lions, Chapter 18
“I’ve been told you were romantically involved with the Empress.”
“I didn’t take you for a gossipmonger, Inquisitor,” Briala said, smiling sadly.
“Is it true?”
“Would it be so terrible if it was? It is lonely at the top, Your Worship - something it seems you know well. Is your own Commander not warming your bed?”
“My personal affairs are not threatening Empires.”
Hearts Like Lions, Chapter 17
Evelyn looked him over, sensing the dread that filled him. Though he insisted otherwise, the group that had accosted him had shaken him. If she could help it, it wouldn’t happen again.
“Cullen, what if I told you there was a way to keep them off of you?” She looked up at him nervously, and Cullen’s brows knit together in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
Evelyn pulled the silken kerchief from her breast pocket, running her thumb over the embroidered lettering.
E.T. Modest in Temper, Bold in Deed.
Hearts Like Lions, Chapter 3
Cullen hastily took the reports from the scout and set about finding a quiet corner of the Chantry to work in. Ordinarily he’d prefer to work outside, but he had been waiting for the reports from the Hinterlands since the Herald… no, Evelyn... and her team had left weeks ago, and their importance required a focus only a quiet room could provide.
Cassandra’s was on top. Unsurprisingly, her reports were clean and concise, detailing their endeavors and findings in the form of an organized list. Her information was useful, and Cullen took note of anything he may need to pass on to Josephine and Leliana. As he copied down the details, he noticed Cassandra’s final entry, written below her other notes.
Our arrival at the Crossroads was met with resistance from rebel mages and Templars. The Herald was pinned beneath a Templar and held by the neck. I was able to stop the Templar, but the Herald suffered minor bruising. After a week of fighting beside her, I have determined her lost footing was not a mistake. The Herald is an extremely well-trained rogue.
Cullen stared at the report, as though his gaze could bring further explanation. One of the first rules of combat training was to never let your enemy take you to the ground, especially for rogue fighters, who often wore lighter armor. He pulled out the next report, hoping it would contain more information.
The next came from Solas, who had thoroughly described the area, citing historical sites, locations of natural materials, and possible locations to camp. It was actually quite useful, but didn’t answer his question about the incident with the Templar. That was until he realized the pages had stuck, and there was one more note on the final page.
Evelyn suffered a minor injury to the neck caused by an altercation with a rebel Templar. Though she claimed to not be bothered by it, she moved her head tenderly, and the discoloration turned to dark bruising. I applied an elfroot salve to the affected area that evening, but there was not much that could be done for it. It has been healing well on its own.
Cullen flipped immediately to the next report, hoping to find something else.
Have I mentioned that I hate the wilderness? The Ferelden cold bites as harshly as its war dogs. It has been two weeks since we parted with civilization. Since then, it has been nothing but hastily made camps. Rams feed on the grasses of rolling hills, while their predators lurk in hidden caves beyond view…
Cullen groaned. Varric’s report was far thicker than the others. His clean yet elaborate scrawl continued for pages. While entertaining, it made it difficult to find the information he needed. He skimmed through until he found what he was searching for.
When we arrived at the Crossroads, we were attacked from both sides by mages and Templars alike. Our team was caught in the middle, and neither group cared to differentiate between us and the enemy. They even went so far as to turn hostile against Inquisition soldiers and refugees. A Templar almost killed a refugee woman, but Evelyn tackled him to the ground at the last moment, giving her enough time to escape and saving her life. Unfortunately, once on the ground, the Templar was able to pin Evelyn down by the throat. The Seeker managed to pull him off and kill him before things could get worse, but the Herald was bruised for days. Trust me when I say we need to watch her, Curly. I’ve seen firsthand what this world does to heroes.
Hearts Like Lions, Chapter 10
“Of course,” Evelyn said, intently picking lint from her sleeve. “I’ll be down in just a moment.” Once they were gone, Evelyn looked toward the floor, appearing far more sullen than she had just moments prior.
“Is something wrong?” Cullen asked. Evelyn sighed.
“It’s Alexius’s judgement. It’s one thing in the field, when someone attacks you - when you know it’s you or them. But to sit on a throne and condemn… What Alexius did was terrible, but he only wanted to save his son. I can’t say I don’t understand. Sometimes I wonder if I’d have done the same, in his place. But then I remember that future…” she placed her hands on her hips, biting her lower lip and trembling with rage. “It was horrible, Cullen. They imprisoned our friends - used their bodies to mine red lyrium. It infected everything! Then they tortured Leliana, destroyed the Inquisition, and I didn’t know what happened to my family, or what happened to you, and I… Dammit!” As she dabbed a tear away with her glove, Cullen impulsively wrapped his arms around her. He did so awkwardly, at first, but then he relaxed, resting his chin atop her head as Evelyn eased into him.
“Why didn’t he attack me? Why couldn’t I have killed him then, in the heat of battle, without having to worry about whether or not it was right? And now I don’t know if I can…”
“You can,” Cullen said softly. “I know it won’t be easy, but you can.” Evelyn breathed deeply, allowing the comforting scent of oakmoss to calm her.
“I’m sorry,” she said when she finally pulled back, immediately missing the comfort his arms had brought. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
“Don’t be sorry, Evelyn. It’d be more concerning if nothing troubled you.”
“Tell that to my parents,” she said sadly, gazing at her boots. Cullen gently tilted her chin upward with his hand, guiding her eyes to him.
“You can do this. I’ll support whatever you decide. And I heard from a reliable source that the kitchen staff have been baking cakes all afternoon, so when it’s all over we’ll get you a slice of cake and a glass of that wine Josephine hid in here. Alright?” He slid his hand through her hair and Evelyn laughed, sniffling a bit.
“I do love cake. But no more than one glass of wine. I’m a bloody lightweight.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“Thank you, Cullen.” Evelyn smiled up at him, feeling a bit better. The gaze changed when she realized just how close they were, his hand resting on the back of her neck, and she couldn’t stop her eyes from wandering to the scar on his lip. Her heart pounded as she realized he had done the same, and the desire to feel his lips on hers consumed her.
Then she remembered where they were.
How long had it been since she last had a man in her bedroom? Alone? And this was not just any man. It was Cullen. Cullen, who she looked forward to seeing each day, who she thought of frequently in the field, who had cared for her after the fall of Haven, who she worried for at night. There was no denying she cared for him, and if the look in his eyes was any indication...
The thought made her nervous, and she glanced toward the bed and back to him, cursing herself as he followed her glance. He blushed furiously when he realized where she had looked, and Evelyn felt the heat rising in her own cheeks as they pulled away.
“Perhaps… we should…” Cullen spluttered.
“I… should get down there,” Evelyn managed.
“Of course.” Evelyn started toward the door, then turned to find Cullen still looking after her.
“You should come.”
“Right,” Cullen said, quickly following.
Tagging @kemvee @noire-pandora @hawkeish @musetta3 and anyone else who wants to!
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I’m SO curious... how DO you think gender plays a role in Harry and Ginny’s respective interactions with Voldemort? I’d never thought of it, and now I’m fully invested🤩
i honestly wanna write a fucking academic paper with like, sources™, on this some day because there’s so much there. but i’m thrilled you asked so here are some thoughts to get us started:
(cw for gendered violence and abuse, nothing graphic)
so i picked out harry and ginny specifically because many of their peers only know voldemort as this far-away, larger-than-life villain: like, he’s the wizard fascist they read about in the daily prophet, whose goals and views they’re opposed to and which they might be personally affected by, yes (losing loved ones to fighting him, directly suffering under voldemort’s regime because they’re muggleborn etc.), but they don’t know that guy personally, and he doesn’t know them either. it’s been pointed out before, and it bears repeating here, that even ron and hermione don’t even lay eyes on the guy until book 7.
harry, being our protagonist, gets personally singled out thanks to the prophecy and the ensuing boy who lived / chosen one shenanigans. he gets to have his very own hero’s journey™, gets personally antagonised by voldemort and ultimately tasked with his defeat. this makes a larger-than-life figure out of harry as well, a symbol of hope and resistance, an opposing force to voldemort’s evil.
ginny also encounters voldemort as a personal evil, but that experience differs from harry and voldemort in some significant ways: that dynamic is well-known and witnessed by the public: he’s famous for his part in this ultimate fight of good vs evil, and he literally defeats voldemort in front of an audience and then goes down in history for it. the struggle of ginny vs tom goes almost entirely unnoticed and unwitnessed, except for a few close friends and family members, if it all. (yada yada yada lucky you.) we’re around for harry’s fight against voldemort from start to finish, the books are constructed around it, and hardly witness ginny’s. most of the diary stuff happens off-page and we don’t even find out until it’s too late to prevent it, and then again, too late to give her some sort of company in the aftermath.
(not to go on a whole tangent on the gendered dichotomy of (feminine) private and (masculine) public spheres in (for example) victorian literature but that's part of what i’m getting at here.)
(if it wasn’t glaringly obvious from this and also everything else i have ever posted on this blog, i’m a million times more interested in reading harry and ginny as two sides of the same coin than i am harry and malfoy. fuck that guy and get me more ginny meta)
ginny’s own villain actually isn’t voldemort: it’s very specifically a memory of riddle, and while voldemort makes no secret out of antagonising harry, the riddle in the diary uses ginny by pretending to be her friend. so ginny’s dynamic with riddle is full of themes of gaslighting, manipulation and loss of bodily autonomy (when she’s being possessed), and while none of that is exclusive to women, of course, being gaslit or manipulated by abusive or violent men, especially trusted men, is a familiar experience to a lot of women and often appears in tandem with patriarchal structures and misogyny. think about how women murdered by men tend to die at the hands of their partners or ex-partners, for example. even given that he isn’t one, riddle shares a lot of characteristics with a textbook abusive ex-boyfriend.
that’s not even getting into the gendered horror tropes, specifically, that surround ginny! like literally getting possessed! like the accusations of insanity that likely followed! oh my god! and that part is very interesting because harry actually also experiences that starting in ootp. let me comb through a dozen papers on the topic and get back to you later with conclusions, i’m just going to leave that here for now. separate dissertation on ginny as a horror protagonist, yes i absolutely have thoughts on that, will be saved for another time.
there’s absolutely more, but i’m leaving it at that for now and if i can’t help myself i’ll make a part two, but i’m also supposed to be writing a whole multichapter fic exploring all of this, so we’ll talk about this more in 2029, probably.
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Back in the days of LJ, I used to try and do a post at the end of each year, looking back primarily at fandom and fic. I fell out of the habit when everything moved to tumblr, and then it seemed like I didn’t have anything to say since I wasn’t writing or really participating any.
But I always liked the idea of it, because I love to be overly reflective on stuff. And talk about my fic. Any excuse! I shuffled around some of the topics I used back then and added a few I’ve seen around that I liked. It got… long, because I TALK, so I split into two sections.
Your main fandom of the year?
Marvel (MCU) for sure. Primarily with characters from Spider-Man and Iron Man movies.
Your favorite film watched this year?
The Old Guard - I saw a couple trailers and everything about it looked like catnip. ‘It’s probably going to be so dumb, but I don’t even care,’ I thought. And then it was so good. It was so much fun and so much smarter than I expected and I loved each and every character and it just made me happy in so many ways.
Your favorite book read this year?
Red, White, and Royal Blue, Casey McQuiston - I read it twice this year actually. It’s so… cute isn’t the right world. Sweet and hopeful and soft and comforting and intense. I liked every single character which is pretty rare. I cried during the sad parts and then again at the happy ending, like straight up sobbed - both times. I already want to read it again.
Your favorite tv show watched this year?
Schitt’s Creek - I started it on a whim and because a lot of people had said it was good. The episodes were short so it wasn’t a huge time investment. The first season was a little rough, but there were enough funny moments that I hung on, and then… I kept getting fonder and fonder of these idiots as they grew. And THEN… it kept not disappointing me?
You grow to expect certain scripts, twists, jokes, especially in queer story lines. To wait for the bad thing to happen, because it always does. Instead, Schitt’s Creek kept going, ‘hey, here’s the set up for that! Guess what? We’re not doing it. Here’s the happy version instead.’ The relief of having that happen again and again - the last season I’ve watched (I’m sort of saving 6) I cried a bunch but it was always because I was happy.
Your favorite album or song to listen to this year?
1896 - I’ve been waiting for the new Steam Powered Giraffe album so eagerly for aaaaaages. Finally getting recordings of Zero’s songs! Lying Awake remains my favorite off the album, with Eat Your Heart and Bad Days on the Horizon high up there as well. I’m loving what Zero brings to the band.
Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
I don’t know if I really did discover that much? I stuck pretty closely to old fandoms and the ones I picked up in 2019. Maybe Zodiac? It was definitely inspiring, and I want to write and read more in it.
Maybe the couple discords I joined? I still really dislike discord and am not on there much, and mostly lurk when I am, but having somewhere vaguely like the comms I remember makes me feel a little less isolated. It’s the potential, that maybe if I said something I might make a friend, or someone might actually want to hear what I say.
Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
The Watch - I mean, I knew it was going to be a disaster with every word said during pre production. I wasn’t ever going to be happy with it. And then it came out and was even worse and uglier and … disrespectful not just of the source material but of actual people connected to Terry. I’m beyond disappointed that this is what we got, and it’s probably going to be a long time before we get anything else.
Devil All the Time was terrible, but I didn’t have especially high hopes. It still didn’t manage to meet them. Yikes.
The most missed of your old fandoms?
Maybe MASH? Someone I follow started talking about it and I was reminded all over again of the wonderful fics in that fandom. I went looking and a lot are gone (still on my computer, lol, but not online), but rereading was such a trip. A slightly depressing trip, but still.
The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
Hmm. I’ve kind of not had the energy to invest in other fandoms at the moment? When The Witcher was having it’s big moment back in January, I had a feeling I might enjoy it enough to fall headfirst into the fandom, so I avoided watching it. Ikr? I don’t have the time or the energy to actively seek anything out.
Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
SO EXCITED about Winter’s Orbit. I mean, the third Spider-Man movie for sure, with worry. The second Venom movie, ugh yes. I have tentative hopes for Jungle Cruise? Jumanji was stellar and I always enjoy Dwayne. I have both hope and dread for the new Suicide Squad - I did love Birds of Prey, so if it’s along those lines, yay. The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard because it should be some fun garbage, my favorite kind. I don’t know how I feel about Dune, but, uh, I’m anticipating it. It seems highly unlikely it will actually happen, but The Wheel of Time TV series.
I want to be excited about Black Widow but it’s hard. It’s not the story I’ve been wanting to see, and I’m angry about Natasha not getting a movie until she’s dead.
You know. If any of it is released for real.
I moved to a better place. I got a better paying, better benefits, better environment job that lets me work from home. The house acquired 3-7 more cats depending on the month. I was able to get some serious problems on my car fixed. I have insurance and was able to start on some health stuff. No one I know got sick or died. I wrote a LOT.
Aside from the obvious? Depression hitting extra hard during the winter. Having to put two kittens to sleep. Have my car be hit three times in our parking lot. Being driven INSANE by one of the cats for months while the vets were all closed. Kidney stone. Dealing with several health problems. Stalling for months on Gotcha.
Not leaving the house often or easily. Enjoying a new fandom but not doing great at making connections (still real awkward, bud). Raising kittens and saying goodbye. Need new tires. Reading a lot of fic but not a lot of books. Having more pay but more expenses as well (wth insurance??).
2020 fic stats
Number of stories: 39
Number of fandoms: 6? Or 2, if you cluster the others under mcu
Total number of words: 152049
Average word count per story: 4kish
Longest fic: Causality (18k, P/Q)
Shortest fic: Can’t, Won’t (1k, P/Q)
Most comments received: Sieche (49, T/P)
Fandom you wrote the most of: MCU Spider-Man - I only wrote TWO fics that didn’t feature that fandom, wow. And one of those was still MCU.
Fandom you wrote the least of: Zodiac (1!)
Events you participated in: Marvel Trumps Hate, Kinktober, IornspidersGeorg Exchange, Starker Festivals Exchange, MCU Secret Santa, Spiderio Big Bang
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?
SO MUCH MORE OMG. I mean, even just counting posted stuff! (I probably wrote a solid 300k of Gotcha this year.) I did not expect or plan on doing Kinktober, so that’s a whole 31 fics right there. I also wasn’t planning on doing any exchanges - I have a History - but then I did three? And beyond that, I did not expect for everything to get so LONG.
Topic you wrote that you would never have predicted in January:
Tony/Quentin. Goddammit @the-me09 They were like hey, they could be interesting! And while I agreed, I had no ideas for them. THEN they had to go and write Just Bodies That Collide and next thing I know, I’ve got ten fics featuring them and two-six series focused on them or Peter/Quentin/Tony. What the fuck.
Leitmotif of the year:
Vulnerability, I think. I had a bunch of things typed up and they all circle back to vulnerability in the end; sex, being seen, being wanted, sharing trauma, asking for help, trying something new. Offering a soft spot in the hopes it won’t be hurt.
Favorite character to write about:
Tony Stark, for sure. There are just a bunch of slightly different takes, and a lot of canon to work with (kind of frustrating too though). And I’m a sucker for emotionally damaged snarky traumatized characters that are viewed poorly both in universe and out.
Favorite kind of fic to write:
This year? Fluff and smut combined. Maybe that’s not the right term really. I keep looking for and writing, even in the angstiest fics, for those soft moments. Sure, maybe it’s a super smutty kink scene, but I want the affection to be obvious. Maybe everyone is consumed by guilt, but I want it to be based in caring too much. Maybe there’s no real love, just sex and even that’s messed up, but I want to find that tiny bit of fondness.
And I want happy endings. Or endings that look like they’re going to be happy, at least, even if there’s all the angst first. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone this year? Who AM I?
Not finishing the rough draft of Gotcha. I was making such good progress in 2019, from August to December. Even after the move, I basically finished part 6 in January. I fumbled around and fussed with 1 a lot, but that had already been given one draft, really, and I got through half of 4 before I slowed to a stop. I’ve barely gotten anything accomplished on it since June. Bits and pieces here and there, but nothing significant, not like I was doing. I can excuse October, due to 80k invested in Kinktober (yikes!), but aside from that… I’m sad. I’ll finish it eventually, but I really thought I could have the first draft done in a year. I’m sitting at about 480k out of what I’m almost certain will be 700k.
Kinktober! It was kind of spur of the moment, decided just a week in advance. I’ve tried month long or even like, 20-25 day long challenges and I don’t think I’ve ever completed one. I thought there was a good chance I’d do so again, so I gave myself a little help and made my own list of prompts, things I knew I liked and hadn’t done much of yet. And it worked? I actually completed it, what the hell? Despite spending five days travelling near the end! Despite falling behind in getting ahead and writing a bunch of stories the day they were to be posted! Despite apparently forgetting how to do short form!
I, uh, could have done without the spawning of eleven series or sequels or continuations jfc WHY SELF.
Something you learned this year:
Ideas breed ideas. I swear to god, the second I sit down to think through a current idea, I wake up the next morning with three more.
Words need to be restocked. I need to consume new - not rereads, not fic - content every so often to refresh my word bank. It is astonishing how quickly writing goes again after I’ve done so.
I can write so much more than I thought I could. I can do so much more than I thought I could. Yes, I can complete challenges without dropping out early. Yes, I can do exchanges and not regret it. Yes, I can write more than 100k, more than 200k, more and more - and I can write 10k+ easily too. Though I wouldn’t mind if I could once again write less than 10k without feeling like I’ve cut off in the middle.
My time is shrinking, and if I want to write as much, I’m going to have to make the time. I can’t rely on three days off a week, on seven hours of uninterrupted overnight shifts, on hyper focused writing binges that leave everything else around me on fire.
Most memorable comment:
So, so many! I can’t pick one. I’ve been really lucky to get a bunch of really detailed, enthusiastic, analyzing comments across all different fics. One of the types that always sticks with me are the ones like ‘I didn’t think/know I liked this ship/kink/twist, but fuck, apparently I do? You made me, what the hell?’.
What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?
So with writing Gotcha but not posting until it’s done, my view of what I’ve written vs anyone else’s is extremely skewed. I’m sitting here thinking, hey I’m 400k in and got another 10k done today, so much writing! While anyone looking at my AO3 account (for most of the year) is like, you’re averaging three months between fics :(
All that to say I want to try and get something posted more frequently while I’m working on Gotcha.
Also, writing for kinktober was really interesting - pushing myself to write every single day, often for that day’s post, forced me to get back into shorter form fic. Which used to be all I did? But it was surprisingly hard to just stop and not write more. So I’d like to challenge myself to write more fics under 10k at least. Maybe even under 5k though that might be asking a lot lol. I might get there with the many continuations of those fics I’d like to do. Does that count?
I want to hit 365 fics. :) I’m only 32 away!
Aside from writing -
I’ve really enjoyed the reading record sideblog I started this year. I’ve let it lapse a little the past month or so, but I’d like to keep it going strong.
I’d like to leave a lot more comments. I want to get better about allowing imperfection - I want to write The Best Comment, but in the end? Probably 90% of fic writers are going to be happier with a comment expressing enjoyment in any way over no comment at all.
And not just on fics, but on general posts as well. It’s hard not to feel… weird and stupid and invasive and rude leaving any sort of comment on someone’s post if I don’t know them at least a little. I have godawful rejection sensitive dysphoria and a lot of interactions that ended poorly; I’m really not good at people. But as dumb as it feels to say those things, I know I am thrilled and warmed and happier when there’s a reblog with tags or a note or a comment or an ask or just, any small interaction that shows someone out there notices and cares, at least a little. There’s no reason I can’t at least try to offer that to other people.
I’d like to make/run a couple challenges of my own, later in the year. I’m still figuring out what I want to do and what I could do. I’m really interested in doing something that’s not focused on creators, but the readers; some sort of comment or rec challenge maybe.
I want to find a cheerleader for Gotcha. I’m struggling to keep up my motivation to write it when it’s already in my head, where I can ‘read’ it any time. There’s a line between depending too much on external validation and trying to generate all your validation yourself, and I’m getting to a point where I think I need to ask for help (gasp! The hardest thing EVER).
(Part Two: Pick Some Fics)
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2020 Creator Wrap
I was tagged by @irolltwenties to do the 2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works tag! Thank you, lovely (*˘ ε ˘*)
Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
Before I begin, let me just tag some friends:
@reaperlight @3dnygma @drowthelynes @transdankovsky @fantomn @lawliyeeeet @dressed-to-keehl @setfa @0akdown @reidsnor @clubolive @mermaides
No pressure, but it would be fun if you guys share some of your works this year ( ˘︶˘ ) let’s see those fics and edits and artworks!! Get the clicks and views y’all deserve 💕 💕
And now, onwards to my 2020 Favorite Works List!
I didn’t write nearly as much as some of you guys did. And though I did exceed my goal of putting out 1 fic per month, I don’t have 5 solid ones I’m proud of. So I’ll just list 4 fics here:
01 // Growing Pains
I’ve always been very nervous about reccing this one, because it broaches a topic that I don’t really have a right to claim? I’m not transgender myself, but I simply adore the trans Dick Grayson headcanon so much it singlehandedly brought me back to the DC fandom and restarted my fanfic-writing habit for 2020 😂😂 plus the writing quality isn’t half bad, and I still really like the idea/metaphor this little story started with and grew from.
Fave moment (besides the obvious):
"Ka-Pow!!" The boy ventriloquised. Lego Robin sailed through the air in his fingers. One stubby, outstretched leg made contact with a Lego henchman, knocking all the surrounding baddies over like bowling pins. "Sorry Mr. Bad Guys, guess it's way past your bedtime too!"
"Good job, Robin." The boy lowered his prepubescent voice and tried to affect Batman's gravelly timbre as much as possible. In his other hand, he walked Lego Batman across the floor of the crime scene. "How about we round them up and leave it for the Commish? It's getting quite late."
"Oh oh! Can I have cookies on the ride back?"
The boy swivelled Lego Batman's grinning face around. "I don't see why not."
Another night out in Lego Gotham City, another day saved by the Dynamic Duo. This called for a celebration indeed. The boy set the pair of heroes down by the Lego Batmobile and reached over to his own plate of Alfred's after-school chocolate chip cookies. He took his sweet time with the last piece, savouring each bite, sighing at the way it melted on his tongue.
02 // Transference
This is my best-performing fic in terms of the kudos to hits ratio, so I feel validated in being proud of this one :’) It’s a pretty good marker of the distances I’ve covered since getting serious about reading the comic source material end of 2019, as you can see from the much broader and varied cast of characters I focused on for this story. It also definitely cemented - to me, at least - the fact that I can write action scenes. When I went into “Second Chances” (a fem Jay fic) earlier this year, I was so nervous about writing the action sequence there, because I’ve never written a serious action scene up until that point! To me, this fic definitely showcases the growth I’ve experienced as a writer this year ^_^
Fave moment: (CONTAINS SPOILERS, PLEASE READ THE FIC FIRST IF YOU HAVEN’T!)
When the trio return, Ivy takes her place at the meeting table with a severe expression on her face. She chooses her words carefully, when she speaks. "The odds aren't pretty. We just accepted 100 refugees over the weekend, and the Green is still repairing itself after last week's attack."
Rose exchanges a glance with Jason. He gives her hand a reassuring squeeze, though he's not looking any better than she feels.
"But, each and everyone of us stayed behind to defend the Garden, because we all believed in giving a sanctuary for the civilian survivors out there.
"So bring them here. I'll take them in."
No sooner has Ivy finished the sentence, than Zatanna and Constantine have fired up their teleportation portal, and Harley's cheerful "Good luck!" is lost to the mad dash off to the rescue mission. The rest of the Shadowpact scramble after Rose as she launches herself through the portal—
—and slams into Arsenal, pushing him out of the way seconds before a meteoric explosion of green fire incinerates the very spot he'd been standing in.
03 // Paying It Forward
This one is important to me if only for the reason that it’s the first time I’ve written character dialogues that flowed. And I didn’t even need to plan them out meticulously beforehand! Do you know how rare that is for me as an ESL writer? Dialogues have been the bane of my existence since I started writing as a wee teen. Luckily, the Titans TV show has some solid character dynamics for me to fall back on. And from there I started reading NTT era Dick & Donna, and I just fell in love with their friendship. And now, I can turn to this fic as proof I still got it whenever I doubt my abilities as a writer c:
Dick glanced at her, eyebrows raised. "She ran out on you?"
"No, no, we never really... I don't think it counts as running away if it never led to anything more."
"But you wanted it to be more." Dick paused, taking in Donna's silence, which would've fooled anyone else but him. "You still want it."
"I-- yeah." Donna sighed and held her hands up as if to say you caught me. "I'm... Sorry? For stealing your girl?"
Dick laughed, bemused. "She was never mine. She knew what she wanted, what she needed - and I wasn't in the right place to give her that."
"And you? You think I'm what she needs?"
"Better you than me. You're Donna Troy. Older, smarter, prettier..."
Donna gave him a deadpan stare.
"... And you know who you want to be. She likes that in a partner. I'm still figuring that one out for myself." Dick stretched his arms up and then leaned back into his seat, lacing his fingers behind his head as he stared up into the ceiling.
04 // When I'm down on my knees, you're how I pray
I’m including this one just to showcase I got the range, babey. And honestly, the fact that I was able to write this fic and actually receive positive reviews for it was a surprise to me too!! This was the first time I ever attempted to write a real darkfic with dead dove subject matters, and I managed to nail the emotional manipulation, somehow ;__; It was a real learning experience too, learnt so much about Catholicism just to write about Dick’s guilt issues in an AU setting nobody asked for 🤡
Fave moment: (dead dove warnings apply)
"Not at all, Richard," Roman said. The boy would come to him, eventually. "Now, it's getting late. If that's all, I'll have Jason fetch your room keys. Seven Hail Mary's before bed, and think about everything we've just discussed. Tomorrow we'll do a proper debriefing."
"I... Okay." For a moment, Dick sounded like he had more to say. Instead, Roman heard a muffled sniffle, one that Dick likely tried to disguise with a hand over his mouth. Silly boy.
"Thank you again, Father," Dick said, after a beat.
"All in a day's work, my child." Roman unlatched the door and stepped out of the booth. He nodded at Dick as the younger man ambled out of the booth after him. "Goodnight now, Richard."
As he set off for the living quarters, Dick called out. "Wait!"
Roman turned around, inclining his head.
"Will you stay?" The candlelight chased shadows away from Dick's face, and for one glorious moment, Roman could see the depth of the desperation shining in Dick's blue eyes.
"Guide me through my prayers. Please."
Oh did you think I was done? 😂 It did say Favourite Works and not just Favourite Fics, so I gotta include this one on the list too:
05 // 2020 Jason Todd Birthday edit
I said Robin Jason deserves better and I meant it! 👏👏 This edit took me 12 hours and 67 layers ‘cause I made a mistake on like my 8th hour into the editing process o__o but it ended up being my most popular serious graphic edit, so it was worth it. I guess!
I mean the likes to reblog ratio is still fucked but hey, I broke 1k, which is more than I can say for any of my other edits
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30 Days of Fanfiction
I found some cool questions by for fanfic writers written by @thalfox and since I didn’t know about them before I kinda wanted to answer all of them in one post, you can find them here: https://thalfox.tumblr.com/post/622359334908805120/30-days-of-fanfic-day-30
So lets get started:
1 - How did you get into fanfic?
- How did you first get into writing fanfic, and what was the first fandom you wrote for? What do you think it was about that fandom that pulled you in?
I’ve always been a fairly creative person and I always had a passion for writing so I guess the logical next step in my mind was: “hey I wanna see if other people would like my writing.” The first fandom I wrote for was Frozen, it was a few weeks before the second movie came out. I don’t know if the last part of the question is about the fanfic writing fandom or the Frozen fandom so I’ll answer both. The thing about fanfic fandom that drew me in was the creativity and freedom of it I guess. The ability to write what ever you want for the character or characters that you love. As for the Frozen fandom I always liked it, although there are some ships that almost put me off it but that’s what blocking tags is for so once I did that I was all good.
2- What fandoms have you written in?
- Name the fandoms you’ve written in, how much you’ve written in those fandoms, and if you still write in them.
The fandoms I’ve written for are: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, Frozen, Hazbin Hotel, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, The Locked Tomb, Princess Principal, Epithet Erased, The Owl House, Fate series, RWBY, Marvel, Voltron: Legendary Defender, X-Men, Genlock.
I’ve listed them in terms of how much I’ve written for each fandom and I love all those fandoms and more, so I hope to write a lot more fics for them in the future.
3 - Favorite characters?
- For each of the fandoms you have written in, what were/are your favorite characters to write? Why were these characters your favorite? (Can be main, side, established, or original!)
Rapunezel’s Tangled Adventure - Cassandra
Frozen - Elsa
Hazbin Hotel - Charlie Magne
Avatar: The Legend of Korra - Korra
The Locked Tomb - Gideon Nav
Princess Principal - Charlotte
Epithet Erased - Zora Salazar
The Owl House - Amity Blight
Fate series - Artoria Pendragon
RWBY - Weiss Schnee
Marvel - Bruce Banner
Voltron - Lotor
X-Men - Emma Frost
Genlock - Yasamin "Yaz" Madrani
4 - Muse/special character?
- Do you have a ‘muse’ character(s), that speaks to you more than others, or that tries to push their way in, even when the fic isn’t about them? Who are they, and why did that character(s) became your muse? Are they a canon character or an OC?
I don’t really have a muse but at the time of writing this I’m really into writing Gideon Nav. She’s the main, or one of the main characters of The Locked Tomb, has a lot of funny scenes in the series, is a huge sword lesbian disaster, and overall really fun to read in any scene she’s in.
5 - Envisioning characters?
- Do you have techniques you use to help you visualize a character, such as picrews, facecaims, moodboards, or fanart? Have you commissioned or created art to go with your fics, or provided references (picrews, facecaims etc) for readers or yourself?
Mostly the visual reference is what the character looks like in the show, I mostly write about character that are in a visual medium so getting a reference is really easy. That being said I have tons of fanart of the fandoms that I’m in and I’ve commissioned fanart many times from a lot of artists.
6 - Gender Preference?
- When you write, do you have a gender preference for your protagonist and/or the rest of the cast? Is it the same or different from your own gender? Do you feel your own gender is well represented, and how do you go about accurately portraying genders different from your own?
I mostly write female characters but I love writing characters from any gender. I like reading about female characters so I also see a lot of different portrayals of them which is great in my opinion. When I write about genders different than my own I try to be as accurate as I can to how the character is portrayed in canon.
7 - Fic affecting your view of a character?
- Have you ever had a fic you’ve written change your opinion of a character? Or has a fic you’ve read changed your opinion on a character?
Fanfiction has never effected how I view a character or changed how I view a character, or my like or dislike of them weather that be in my own works or someone else.
8 - OCs
- Do you write OCs? And if so, what do you do to make certain they’re not Mary Sues, and if not, explain your thoughts on OCs.
I don’t usually write OCs. I only do it if someone specifically requests me to or is I’m writing something for friend. When I write an OC its usually not a Mary Sue to begin with since what ever someone asks me is pretty reasonable as far as I’m concerned and they never go overboard.
9 - Favorite pairings and your comfort zone
- What are your favorite pairings to write in your fandoms? Have you ever gone outside your comfort zone and written a pairing you liked, but found you couldn’t write, or a pairing you didn’t like, and found you could?
My favorite pairings are Griddlehark (The Locked Tomb - Gideon x Harrow), Uknighted Dream (Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure - Cassandra x Rapunzel x Eugene), Elsamaren (Frozen - Elsa x Honeymaren), Korrasami (Avatar: The Legend of Korra - Korra x Asami). I don’t have any difficulties writhing these but I have written some pairings that weren’t really my thing and while I struggled a bit I found myself really pleased with what I was able to write.
10 - Writer’s block and procrastination
- Have you ever experienced writer’s block or an impeded ability to write? How do you tackle a loss of motivation or executive function, and/or how does procrastination hinder (or help) you?
I think everyone struggles with writers block sometimes. For me its usually in the form of a lot of procrastination and finding different things to do other than writing when I do really want to write I just don’t have the motivation. Procrastination used to hinder me but not as much since I started taking notes so I don’t forget what I want to write even if I don’t write it right away.
11 - Beta and sensitivity readers
- Do you use beta readers, and how many betas do you like to use to make sure there aren’t any major flaws in your fic? Do you ask for light feedback or more structural advice?
Or do you write without betas, and if so, how do you go about checking for errors? Have you used sensitivity readers when writing about marginalization's you are less (or more!) familiar with? Do you offer either service yourself?
My betas usually consist of friends in the fandom who read my fic before I post it. Same thing with sensitivity readers although I usually don’t write something that’s too triggering.
12 - Favorite genres?
- Do you prefer certain genres of fic when you’re writing? What kind do you tend to write most? Are there any genres of fic you prefer reading but not writing, or vice versa?
I like mostly romance and angst. Usually they go hand in hand. Depending on the fandom there’s also use of some sort of magic or fantasy elements involved. I’ve read some omegaverse fics but I don’t think I could ever write them myself.
13 - Canon or Fanon?
- Do you prefer canon or fanon when you write? Has writing fanfic for a fandom changed the way you see some or even all of the original source material?
I like both canon and fanon equally. Writing has never changed the way I see the original material but it has changed the way I see some fandoms, for better or for worse.
14 - Ratings and age restrictions
- How high are you comfortable with going? Have you ever written higher? If you’re comfortable with E/NC-17/R18, have you ever been shocked by finding that the story you’re writing has a lower rating instead?
Mostly I tend to write T rated fics, if I ever go to M its usually some spicy scenes but fade to black when it comes to writing actual sex scenes. I’ve never written a full on E rated fic because for some reason I just can’t even though I’ve read a few. I’ve been thinking about slowly writing some but we’ll see.
15 - Content and trigger warnings
- What do you feel is most important to warn for, and what’s the strangest thing you’ve warned for in a fic? Do you always make use of tags or chapter summaries to advise of upcoming TW and CWs?
I’ve never written anything that needed a content or trigger warning but I do think its important to put triggers for stuff like abuse, torture, assault, and kinks.
16 - Titles
- Are they the bane of your existence, or the easiest part of the fic? Does the title come early in your writing process, or later on? Also, if you do chaptered fic, do you give each chapter a title, or not?
Coming up with titles is usually pretty easy. Its one of the first things in my writing process but the title sometimes changes as I write the fic because it goes in a different direction than what I originally had in mind.
17 - Bunnies and inspiration
- Where do you get the most inspiration for your fics (aka plot “bunnies”) from? When you get inspiration, do you sit down and start writing right away, or do you write down the idea for further use?
Usually its random plot bunnies from random thoughts or conversations from friends. I like to take notes on them just in case I don’t feel like writing the idea right away. Plus its easier to remember things that way.
18 - Plotting or Pantsing?
- Are you a plotter or a pantser? Do you feel you have much choice in the matter? Have you taken elements from each, or found your writing grow from one to the other?
Both honestly. I like taking notes and having a rough idea but sometimes I’ll get another idea in the middle of that and I think I’d fit really well so I’ll write that instead of what I originally had planned.
19 - Promotion
- How do you go about promoting your fics and/or finding new readers? Do you use your main social media, or do you use pen name accounts? Do you make use of communities on reddit, tags on tumblr, hashtags on twitter, etc? Do you post excerpts?
I use social media and tags to promote my writing and reach new readers.
20 - Music while writing?
- Do you listen to music while you write? Do you make playlists to get into a certain mood or frame of mind to write your fic? Do you need noise in general? Or do you need it completely quiet?
Do your fics have their own playlists for readers or yourself to listen to?
I love listening to music when I write, it helps get in the right mood and I usually need some kind of background noise in whatever I do, not necessarily music. I find complete silence distracting and I just can’t concentrate when its completely quiet.
21 - Sequels
- Have you ever written a sequel to a fic you wrote, and if so, why, and if not, how do you feel about sequels?
I mostly write one and done fics, but I have some ideas for sequels for a few of those. I like reading sequels, especially if they’re as good as the previous work.
22 - Fests
- Have you ever participated in a fest or a Big Bang? If so, write about your favorite experience in relation to one. If not, are there any you’ve thought about doing? And if not, why not?
I’ve participated in shipping weeks/months. I find them really fun as there’s a ton of new content then for the said ship and I love both writing and reading the new works.
23 - Where do you archive?
- When you post, where do you post to? Your tumblr? Ao3, wattpad or ffnet? Your own personal site?
When I write I post it on Ao3 and ffnet. I post links to those fics on social media.
24 - Writing advice?
- What’s the best piece of writing advice you’ve come across? And the worst? What advice would you share for new or struggling writers?
The best writing advice that I’ve come across and that I can give is that you don’t need to rush it. Take your time, take a break, write something else. And also don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone once in a while, I’m currently trying to do that with smut writing. I can’t really think of a bad writing advice I’ve come across. Maybe don’t write for others but write for yourself? If someone comments or DMs you about how they think you did something wrong in your own work, some very specific detail like them not liking that you wrote because you liked it, don’t listen to them. They aren’t writing the fic, you are. Constructive criticism is good but not when someone is trying to tell you how to write you own fic.
25 - Writing order?
- Do you write your fic from start to finish, or do you write scenes out of order? Have you ever written an ending first? Does it vary from fic to fic?
I write from beginning to end. I will sometimes write flashbacks but its never like skipping a scene then going back and so on.
26 - Research
- What is the oddest (or most fun) thing you’ve had to research for a fic? Do you enjoy the research element of fic writing, or is it more of a pain? What kind of things do you like to research?
I’ve researched Arthurian legends for my Fate fics. It was really fun and I got into that fandom quite a bit as I was researching.
27 - Where do you write?
- Where is your favorite place to write? Do you have a designated space, or do you write on the move How do you write - PC, laptop, tablet, phone, paper?
I like to write in my living room or my bedroom. I do like to take a break and stretch and walk a bit outside, clear my thoughts. Usually I write on my PC and laptop.
28 - Collaboration
- Have you ever collaborated with anyone else, whether writing together, or having an artist work on a piece about your fic? Would you be open to collaborating or is it not the right fit for you?
I’ve collaborated on making an au for a fandom and writing fics in that au. Some fics are written and published by me, some with my friend who I’m collaborating with. Although we write and publish separately we bounce ideas and writing snippets. Its really fun and I’m open for collaborations.
29 - Current projects?
- What is your current project(s)? Do you have more than one on the go or do you focus on one at a time? At what point in the writing process do you start publishing? Do you write the entire fic first, or only part of it?
I currently have a few different fics in the works. Normally I write the entire fic before I write it.
30 - Favorite of your fics?
- Do you have a favorite fic you’ve written? What makes it your favorite?
I think my Lumity fics are my favorite, I fell fast and hard for the Owl House fandom so that could be the reason why that is.
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Your reunion fics are so sweet! The one with Lon’qu especially got me. What about a jealousy fic where someone is flirting with Robin and he Puts a Stop To That
(Look out: Demon Lon’qu Activated)
It took Lon’qu a few minutes to figure out what exactly was going on. After all, you were just standing there, discussing something with one of your comrades.
A young lieutenant, to be precise. A newer addition to the Shepherds, but not someone he needed to concern himself with.
You’d been married for a couple months now, and you trusted each other wholeheartedly. So that jealous beast that had reared its ugly head during your courting phase (this due to Lon’qu insisting on keeping things under wraps, so having to watch you be flirted with by unknowing men and women who were quite interested in you was terrible to manage), was thankfully much calmer and quieter.
However, that all changed in an instant. From the corner of Lon’qu’s eye he could see the lieutenant reach for you, followed by a hand on your shoulder. A gentle squeeze, a tender smile- Lon’qu knew that move. He knew it very, very well. It was one of the three moves he knew...and that was a very bad sign.
He turned fully to look at what transpired, finding your expression unchanging and your smile still pleasant. But there was a flush on that soldier’s face. Gods, couldn’t you see it?!
He was making advances on you, his wife?!
The ring on his finger burned as his anger seethed, and Lon’qu stopped what he was doing in an instant.
Which in this case happened to be helping Ricken with moving some of the crates of weapons.
The hefty wooden box clattered to the ground with an unholy crash, Ricken yelping as he released it in fear of crushing his hands and/or feet.
“G-gods, Lon’qu!! What are you doing?!”
“Something came up.” He growled, stomping away from the poor frightened mage.
“W-what does that even mean?” Ricken grasped his wrist, having twisted it in his sudden release of the poor weapons. Frederick would scold him for being so careless…
The crash wasn’t unheard, though- you had very visibly jumped when the clattering struck, turning to find the source of the startling noise.
What you found was your husband blocking your view, all but striding up to you with murder in his eyes.
And you thought you were frightened, before.
“Lon’qu? What’s- ack!” You were suddenly yanked behind him, your husband grabbing your wrist and tugging.
He placed himself, large and imposing, between the lieutenant and yourself. He wasn’t happy, at all. You could see the anger radiating off of him, and the poor lieutenant didn’t know what to do.
“S-s-sir Lon’qu. Is there something I can do for you?”
“You can keep your filthy hands off my wife, maggot.” Lon’qu snapped, his voice low and dangerous. The man’s face turned white as a sheet.
“I-I was only-”
“I know exactly what you were doing- so I’ll make this simple. She’s mine. Hands off. If I see you so much as looking at her again, I’ll have your head.”
The soldier stumbled backwards, mumbling quaking apologies and trying to escape the wrath of the Demon Blade of Ferox.
You stared at him for a long moment, wondering when best to attempt communication with your seething other half.
He watched after the man for several seconds, until convinced that he was far enough away that it was safe. He exhaled sharply, nodding to himself.
The mistake came when he turned to look back at you.
All that bravado went flying out the window.
You quirked an eyebrow, your frown deep and disappointed. He flushed, tensing back up.
“What were you thinking?”
“I saw him touch you. He...he blushed.” Lon’qu explained, his indignance just enough to keep his head up. “I knew what he was trying to do.”
“And you thought I couldn’t handle it?” You tilted your head to the side, crossing your arms. “You know how poorly this went the last time your jealousy got out of control.”
“I’m not jealous- I’m protecting you from scoundrels like him!” He snapped at you, though with less than half the aggression he held, before. “What’s he thinking, trying to pursue a married woman?”
“He probably hasn’t realized we’re married.” You said, “It’s only been a couple months, and you’re not one for public displays of affection. Anyone who isn’t in our little group of Shepherds likely hasn’t realized it.”
“He definitely isn’t.” Lon’qu huffed, glaring back in the direction of the scared soldier, “And he won’t be anytime soon.”
“All right, all right.” You pat his back with a tired sigh, “Let’s cool you down a bit.”
“I told you, I’m fine!” He protested as you pushed him towards your shared tent.
“Is that why you nearly dropped a crate on Ricken?”
“Did you at least apologize?”
“But you were-”
“Tch...no.” He grumbled, making you chuckle.
“Honestly, I’ve married the most ridiculous man in the halidom.” You shook your head with a laugh. Lon’qu opened his mouth to protest, but you changed tactics, suddenly shoving him into the tent and latching the door shut behind you.
He wanted to protest the sudden roughness, but found himself pressed against your desk, your hands on either side of him and drawn into a hard, extremely pleasant kiss.
As if he wasn’t flustered enough, already.
“I never said I didn’t like ridiculous, though.” You breathed when you pulled back, staring up at your husband. “I’m glad you love me enough to be so jealous. It’s adorable.”
“I...said I wasn’t jealous.”
“Now, now. I like ridiculous men, not liars.” You corrected him, threading your fingers together. He gripped your hands tightly, waiting with great anticipation at your next move.
“So what if I am? Can you blame me?”
“Not at all. I think it’s quite becoming on you. But you mustn’t ever forget that I love you far too much to consider anyone else. No matter how many more moves they have than you.”
“I have plenty of moves-”
“Please. We both know you’ve only got three. Lucky for you, that’s all I need.” You grinned at him, before kissing him to hells and back and leaving the coarse, rough swordsmen a blushing mess. “Now then, do you promise to be a little more patient with those silly boys who just don’t know any better?”
“If you do, you’ll be rewarded accordingly.” You teased with a bite of your lip. His grip grew tighter on your hands.
“You toy with me.”
“Perhaps,” You were trying so hard not to laugh, and he knew it. Now the challenge was keeping his terribly goofy smile off his lips. “Perhaps not.”
“Prove it.” He hissed, capturing you in another searing kiss.
Lon’qu knew it was pointless to be so jealous, but he couldn’t help it.
After all, you were his one and only, and you were so very alluring. He’d be a fool to have any less of a jealous monster in his heart when it came to his troublesome wife.
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Changes - Inquis!Cal Kestis x Jedi!Reader: part three
Cal has always been successful at his job for the Empire, getting accurate intel from credible sources… Jedi. However, when he’s told to capture the rebel who has made a new appearance across the galaxy, will his reputation be upheld as an inquisitor or will she slip through his fingers as something else than the enemy? - part one - part two - full master list -
Warnings: Spoilers and language
Notes: This is a slow burn fic, and i mean really slow burn. Honestly i have an idea to make this almost a ‘choose your own ending’ kind of deal, like having a few ending storylines for people who like one over another. idk. right now i have up to 6 parts planned out and this one is the longest.
The scorching pain from my side echoed throughout my body and nerves. First there was a wave of heat, then what felt like pins and needles, and then the feeling of knives being dragged across my whole body. I put my back against the wall of an ice cave and collapsed on the ground, “this feels nice,” I could only force a whisper out of me. The cold and staleness of the air was welcoming, I never thought i’d confess that.
“Beeeop?” Are you alright?
I managed to stifle a laugh for the small droid, “do I look alright?” He hopped of my shoulder and nudged me, almost like a dog. “BD, I can’t, do you have any stims?” The empty click from his robotic frame served as an answer.
“Beedop.” Let’s go. I just wanted to lay there on the ground, the cold floor was able to alleviate some pain. Nevertheless, i know i have to carry on, Cere is waiting for me.
Is what Cal said true? She couldn’t do that, that’s impossible, why would she betray him like that? I’d have to ask her myself, I shouldn’t take his word for it. I saw a crack in the wall and dug my hand into it, pulling myself off the floor and using it as support when I was finally able to catch my balance. “You’re right BD, let’s get out of here while we still can.”
The small droid jumped onto me, careful to do it slowly to not agitate my already angered nerves. Opened elevator doors seemed like the perfect way out, i wouldn’t have to do a single thing other than sit there, i could address my injuries properly in there.
After walking for what felt like hours and climbing a few vines, i finally saw the Mantis come into view. It took long enough, it always feels like the way out is longer than the way in. The closer i got to the ship the heavier my feet felt, the more it felt like i was going to collapse, the more i wanted to go back to those ice caves.
“Y/N, there you are,” i heard Cere shout from the ship, i couldn’t of been more than a few yards away before my knees gave out on me. “Y/N! Oh my- look at your side, what happened?”
She ran over to me before i fully fell, supporting me by wrapping her arms around me. Has she always been this strong? I swear her top does nothing for her muscles.
“The Second Brother, that’s what happened.” I muttered to her, Cere’s foot hesitating as soon as i said that. “Oh, i guess i should call him Cal, he told me a little bit about you.”
She sat me down on the Mantis couch before grabbing some bandages. I pulled up the side of my poncho to reveal the deep injuries I was given, that’ll definitely leave a mark. “Y/N,” Cere started, “the empire captured me. They tortured me and said awful things to me. I cracked, I don’t know what made me, but a purge trooper standing over me with other surrounding us made me give it all away.”
Cere began cleaning the cauterized wound and helped wrapped bandages around my torso. “Next thing i know, Cal is called the Second Brother and Greez and i found you. You, Y/N, can help us undo what the empire did to him. I believe there is still good in him, I might have cut myself off from the Force, but there will always be that shred of light in him. It’s up to us, to you, to pull that out of him.”
I pulled my shirt down and looked at her sternly, “you should have told me.” I got up to walk away, to meditate and recollect myself only for Greez’s voice to interrupt my movements.
“We’re getting an encrypted message from Kashyyk.”
I ran over to the holotable and brought up the message as Greez began to take off. “Mari,” i smiled at the familiar face.
“Y/N, we found Tarfful and he is willing to meet you. But that’s not all, the empire overran our position at the refinery, Saw retreated off world, and some of us have joined the Wookiee fighters in the forests. Be careful.” She waved goodbye and i muttered a quick “you too” before the comms cut out.
Greez steadily landed the ship on Kashyyk as Cere and i both exchanged a “later” as i headed out of the ship and into the hanger where some fighters gave me the rendezvous point to meet with Mari. I hated Kashyyk, the way my boots were weighted down from mud building up and how the forest was alive. However, it’ll be worth it. I’ll find Tarfful and Mari, then, we’ll remain our lead with the Empire. Or, at least, I can try.
I eventually made my way to the two of them and was told to climb the origin tree, i immediately got sick to my stomach, while heights aren’t that big of a deal when i’m up there, it’s the idea of doing it that makes me sick. I got up about halfway before an Imperial ship hovered above.
“What’s this? A Bracca scrap rat playing Jedi? I told the Grand Inquisitor you wouldn’t be stupid enough to show your face here again, especially after we wiped out that feeble resistance. Love it when i’m wrong.” The Ninth sister blew up the ground beneath me, next thing i know im going down a mud slide and in murky water.
After catching up to where i once was, encountering wreckage of the Ninth Sister’s ship and a dragon-like creature injured, i decided to investigate more. BD and i slowly made our way towards it, careful not spook it and speak low. I quickly pulled a piece out of the creature that was a remnant of the Sister’s ship.
“Is it giving us a ride?” BD chirped and agreeing sound and i climbed on hesitantly. While it soared through the air, everything seemed at peace, with Kashyyk seeming intact and the air feeling fresh. If only this feeling could last. As i hopped off the winged creature and walked forward, the pit of my stomach felt off and my abdomen grew tense.
“I have a bad feeling about this.” I slowly made my way forward and dropped down off a ledge, getting a bit of nostalgia from earlier, only for it to intensify when the Ninth Sister came crashing in.
“I’m not here for the memories,” she ignited her red lightsaber, “so i’m going to make this quick.” Milliseconds before impact i ignited my own, the sabers just inches from my face.
I knocked her back and was able to preform a series of unblocked attacks, but she didn’t even seem affected, was i out of my depth here? A glare she dug into me with her eyes gave me an answer to that question and i braced myself to parry her. I was able to deflect a few swings, but ended up being grazed a few times, nothing too serious.
“I thought you said you’d make this quick?” I mockingly asked, wanting to get on her nerves, i soon realized i was out of my range to ask this.
“You’re right, i did say that.” I saw the grip on her staff tighten and the other end of her saber ignite. Can i take what i said back please?
A series of stronger blows were aimed at me, i got the first two but the last one knocked me off my feet, I could feel my wounds open back up. She dug her saber right into the side of me, i tried to knock her back but i wasn’t strong enough. “How’s this for quick?” The Ninth Sister pulled her arm back, ready to swing;
then everything went dark.
Part four - changes master list
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