ugh on one hand i really dont want to listen to the rest of everywhere at the end of time because it was bad enough listening to just stages 1 and 2 and knowing that it’ll just get so much worse in 3 and 4 (apparently 5 and 6 aren’t so bad, you “get used to it”) and it’s like… i’ve always had tendencies towards… paranoia.. i feel bad saying that bc it’s not like, debilitating paranoia, but for lack of a better word, yeah i do get like that sometimes, and so like. i’ve literally been so on edge since i just listened to stages 1 and 2 and i know it’ll get so much worse if i actually listen to stages 3-6 all in one sitting one day like it’s been over 24 hours since i listened to stages 1 and 2 and i still am feeling kinda off. i think i’ll be better after tomorrow cause tomorrow i’m going to school, im leaving the house for the first time since monday morning so like it’ll be a good way to clear my head. but if i spend all saturday or sunday listening to stages 3-6 then i wont be able to clear my head like that till NEXT thursday… and i kinda dont want this weird paranoia sticking around for several days like UGHH
but also like. idk. just stages 1 and 2 were so thought provoking and like, emotionally destructive, yeah, but like. idk. i feel like it’s an experience i should have, even if it fucks me up for a few days i just feel like it’ll be good in the long run. just stages 1 and 2 made me realize so much but i feel like those realizations cant really like, go all the way through, unless i complete the rest of the stages. it’s weird cause like, yeah in the Throes of it yesterday i was talking about my family member and it’s like, idk i just think. it’ll be good to experience this album because it’s really like, put things in perspective, what she felt, but stages 1-2 only really capture the beginning of it so i feel like to really understand i’d have to complete it. and i think i kinda have to finish the rest of the album, just to complete that new sense of clarity.
and even beyond sorting out my own grief, i just think it’d be important to experience because like. idk, already just after the first two stages, im already like. thinking about my own life and all the things i take for granted and it’s just like. idk i think it would be important for me to like, re-examine what im doing with my life and be thankful for what i do have still
and not only all that but also i am, curious to a fault, even if it’s kinda self damaging. and so like, god this has been EATING at me for the past day like i know it’s going to be a horrifying experience but i just, cant stop thinking about it, and it deosnt help that it will NOT leave my youtube recommendations like i just have to hear the rest of it even if its for nothing else but sheer curiosity