#one day everything that happened suddently just makes sense

[nyx-is-missing]

Graceland too

Clarisse la rue x fem!reader (Athena's kid)

Sumarry: When a certain daughter of Athena felt unappreciated her whole life, someone was there to see her.

Warnings: Sad girl hours, shitty parenthood, hurt/comfort because im no monster and probably other things wich i forgot.

a/n: look who is back!

Demigod.

Half blood.

Half a goddess.

Half a human (?).

And yet, fully a disappointment.

When Athena sent me to my Dad's house, in a golden crib, dressed in pure white dress, glowing, how the myths would expect a demigod to be, then, and only right then i was a gift.

A piece o divine love, something to prove to him, till the end of his life, that at some point, he was good enough for a Goddess.

But days after, immediately, i was just a crying baby, hungry, with a busy father, without a mother, and that only made him remember that, that was it.

He wasnt good enough for her, she wasnt staying, she never even actually even considered, he would never have that kind of honour, only a crying baby he never expected.

I wasnt a gift anymore, it actually felt like i was a insult, everything about me started to enrage him.

And oh, how did he reminded me of that every single day of my existence.

When i got diagnosed with dyslexia all i've heard whas that Athena gave me up to him because i was defective, when i couldnt sit still during classes, and exploded with all the repression i suffered everyday, suddently i was a clock bomb, when my grades where great, i was never rewarded, it was "the least i could do, to make up for the shame that i was".

I was never loved, never wanted, never encouraged, at least not by him.

The very little love i've known in my life, i own to the people who felt pitty of me.

The teachers, the neighbours who have heard the insults, the stray animals who could sense sadness, the very old grandparents who never actually saw me more than twice a year, and the people who worked at a nerby library, who let me stay past closing time, leaving only with the cleaners.

I was 12 when he had enough and sent me to camp, literally the very day school was over.

I came home to my clothes packed and him waiting by the car keys.

Being in camp for the first time, was also the very first time in my life i have ever felt....normal.

Not good, not bad, not great, not terrible, i was one, and that was enough.

I spend that summer being quiet, i sat in the corner, i didnt spoke, i didnt interrupted, i didnt had any ideas, i wasnt good enough to do that, thats what i've been told my whole life, thats my true.

It took a whole new summer for Athena to claim me.

I have always wondered if she was fighting with herself, if she had any problems having to admit that she made a mistake, with me, or with him.

It didn't matter, for the first time i had brothers and sisters, who wanted me, who understood when i wasnt the best, who asked for my graded tests, to put up in the wall.

They understood when i was hard to crack, when i insisted in being quiet, when i wouldnt share my ideas, they understood it all.

I didn't.

Each and every new summer i spent there, all i could ask myself was:

Why could i not be great like all of them?

Why im still afraid?

Why i was still useless?

Im now sixteen and the same questions still were unanswered.

And today i felt worse than ever.

It was my birthday, and i havent got a single letter from him, nothing, nothing.

It felt like he was saying i wasnt worth anything again.

Earlier, i tried to pretend nothing was happening, smiling with my siblings, finally making plans for capture the flag, finally belonging like i promissed i would try to do that year.

My plan was used, it wasnt perfect, but it was used, and surprising myself and the other team, we won.

I could see the other team confused, and Clarisse cussing us to death.

Still i was so happy, for the first time in my life i showed myself, and i worked....partially.

The happiness of victory didnt last much in me, because i saw a new brother of mine almost bursting to tears, he was young and just got claimed a few days ago, he wasnt used to that, and he wasnt supose to get hurt, but the red that painted his arms said otherwise.

I couldnt stare at him without feeling like i failed again.

Why couldnt i be perfect for once?

I took him to infirmary and held his hand while he was getting his stiches, saying sorry all the time.

I tried thinking it was okay, people get hurt, move on.

I had diner, i took a bath, i tried to sleep, i couldnt.

The tears were falling down and i knew i wouldn't be quiet.

So i got up and walked to the cabin's porch, sitting on the last step and letting my head fall to my knees.

Why couldnt i be great?

Why couldnt i be in peace with myself?

Why couldnt my mom bless me?

Why couldnt my dad love me?

Why did he had to be so mean?

I was a kid for fucks sake.

"Are you okay?" I heard someone saying, that made me freeze, that voice was not from any of my sisters, was i crying so hard i woke up someone from other cabin?

"I- yes, sorry i didn't knew i was crying so hard to wake people from other cabins, im sorry"

"You didn't, i was sneaking out to train some more, and saw you, our cabins face each other"

That was...Clarisse?

I wiped my tears and look up, she was staring at me with a almost worried look

"Clarisse?"

"Yes, why are you crying?"

She sat down by my side, dropping a sword in the grass.

"Its nothing really, im fine, you dont need to bothe-"

"No, cut the crap" she stopped me mid sentence "no one ever weeps in the middle of the night out of happiness, you are not fine and im not letting you lie OR leave until you tell me what it is"

We stare at each other, and ill need to thank the night light being bad because i probably look like crap right now, im sure my eyes are red, my nose too, im probably with a very swollen face and id bet all the dracmas i own that my hair its no better than a nest of birds.

"Go on...tell me"

I layed myself in the stairs, looking at the sky, trying to think of a way to tell everything, without sounding crazy

"I dont deserve to be here, Clarisse."

"Here..where?"

"This cabin, i dont deserve to be called daughter of the goddess of wisdom, i dont deserve being here with them, my siblings they are great, more than good, great, they will do great things with themselfs, amazing writers, architects, brilliant musicians, historians, why am i here? Im not even good, why im with the great?"

"Wait wait wait" she made me sit down again and look at her "not even good? What are you talking about? Wasnt the strategy in the last capture the flag yours? Yall won, and if somebody asks me later i've never said this but that was good, some really good strategy, i was almost thinking of asking chiron to switch you teams, you were great, more than that, and now you're here telling me you are not egen good? Are you on drugs?"

"Clarisse you dont need to pretend you care that much, and my plan wasnt all that, my brother got hurt, that wasnt supose to happen, i failed him, if i was good enough he wouldnt even be there"

She had a very confused look on her face, like she really did not knew what i was talking about.

"You're not talking about the little boy you took to the infirmary and that small cut in his forearm are you? Cause that boy was far from almost dying like you are making it sound like-" she looked at my eyes, i didnt needed a mirror to have sure how i was, i've seen myself like that too much to count, everytime my dad said i wasnt good enough, sad, lifeless.

"I failed again Clarisse, im not good enough to be here, im useless, worthless"

She looked at me and did the last thing i tought she would, Clarisse hugged me.

"Dont say that, c'mon, worthless? I've seen you fight, i've seen your plans, you dont talk much but i've heard your ideas, you are far from being useless or worthless, who the fuck told you that?"

"My f- you heard me?" I looked at her, only to see a look i couldnt distinguish "what do you mean?"

She looked at her own feet, then at her sword, reflecting the moonlight.

"You really dont know?" She looks at me "i- well, i've heard you, the same way i see you everyday, thats how i know you like morning walks, sweet green grapes, baked goods...how i know you are probably the only child of Athena who has never read "the art of war", that you walk without looking at peoples faces....its weird, i've seen you so much throughout this years and it feels like this is the first time you are actually seeing me"

"But i've saw you before-"

"Thats not what i was saying, you looked at me many times, but did you ever saw me until today?"

I looked at her blinking, and after a moment of silent i said "you like dark chocolate, and lemon flavoured soda, and sneaking out to train when the harpies take their breaks, by the way you missed that, and you always ask for double the quantity of food you eat, so when you burn it you still can eat enough, by the way i stole that idea-"

She is smilling, big, really big, i think i am too.

Of course i saw Clarisse, who wouldnt, she was strong, brave, beautiful, to me was a wonder she didnt had people running to get her attention.

She got closer to me "does that mean i can-" i stopped her mid sentence again

"Maybe..."

"Im going to make you forget that "im not good enough" nonsense, belive me"

She is smilling while kissing me, and i am too.

#fanfic #lesbian #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse pjo #pjo series #pjo tv show #clarisse la rue #clarisse x reader

[beanghostprincess]

Anon who suggested Hiyori×Kuina here.

I was elaborating on the whole "Kuina is alive and training in Wano" what if and something occured to me: imagine Kuina meeting Ace and instantly becoming best friends with him

They could have a similar first meeting to Ace and Yamato. They chill out one night, talk with each other sharing their dreams and ambitions, and they learn that they are both very similar actually.

If you think about it, Ace and Kuina were both oppressed by a society that hated them due to the circumstances of their births. Ace being the son of a criminal, and Kuina doing something in a male dominated field. Both struggled with self hatred but eventually found people who loved and supported them. They would both end up respecting each other a whole lot as well. And they would defenetely end up sharing stories about their younger siblings, Ace would warn her about Luffy emerging in a few yeats and Kuina would then tell him about Zoro likely doing the same as well.

But eventually Ace leaves, not before exchanging vivre cards tho. Kuina would keep herself updated on what happenes outside of Wano of course, so she woukd learn about Zoro and Luffy being on the same crew. She is surprised about this coincidence but also extited about the possibility of her and Ace meeting them again and the four of them hanging out togheter. After all they will have catching up to do, she wants to meet Luffy and Zoro has to meet Ace.

Except that never happens. Kuina would helplessly watch as Ace's vivre card disintegrates in her hands, becoming smaller and smaller until it ceases to exist, and the news about Marineford arrive shortly afterwards. Suddentely everything is just awful. One of her best friends in gone and his beloved brother that she hoped she would one day meet has been severely injured and has dissapeared. She can't stop thinking about them, and Zoro. Just how badly he must feel about not being with his captain in that moment. Kuina knows him very well, how hard he can be on hinself. She knows full well how he is hurting just as much as her.

But she made a promise. One with Zoro, and another one with Ace about one day meeting Luffy. So she keeps training, harder than before. She wants to be strong, the strongest swordsman and the strongest person ever for the people that believed in her, but also for herself.

Once Luffy finally arrives at Wano, she embraces him in a hug, being finally able to see the great man she was told about in person. They have a lot of cathing up ti do.

But on a more humorous note (cause this ask got pretty depressing) Ace and Kuina both pulled some fine bitches from this great country of Wano.

HELLO ANON I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY I AM SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK BECAUSE MY MIND HAS BEEN FILLED WITH HIYOKU ALL DAY (yes that's their shipname now) AND I NEEDED YOU BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY HEY HEY <333333

I mean, if you take into consideration that Kuina probably moved to Wano the second she was old enough (meaning, idk, say 17) to train (while Zoro went on his own journey too and followed what happens in canon, but his ambition is basically wanting to be the greatest swordsman by having this competition with Kuina yadda yadda) then it sort of makes sense that she and Ace met. I mean, you could easily just say that when Ace arrives she's there too and she's the one trying to protect Tama and the other citizens from Ace. And then it's when Ace shows he's the nicest person ever and they start talking and becoming friends.

Side note -> 17 y/o Kuina moving to Wano and meeting a 21 y/o Hiyori (I think she's 4 years older? I'm awful with numbers maybe not. Because she's technically one year older than Zoro and Zoro's 21 so she'd be 22 now? And Hiyori is 26, right? So 4 years) and having a crush on her and wanting to protect her because she sees the kindness and pain in her that nobody else does?? And she becomes extremely devoted to her and her protection while she trains. It makes me melt. However, I don't know if I want Kuina to know about Hiyori's identity because she told her at some point and Kuina kept it secret and protected her alongside Denjiro or if it's better that Hiyori kept it from her to protect her too and then the whole Wano drama happens and when Kuina finds out, Hiyori feels all guilty for lying to her but she doesn't care because she knows that even if her name was a lie, she has always been honest about her heart to her. (<- poetic devoted lesbian can't let go of her princess). Anyway, getting too carried away with the girls, I'm sorry.

And I- I absolutely love this. I'm sure Kuina would love Ace, and Ace wouldn't stop talking about Luffy to her. And tbh she would be the same about Zoro. They just wouldn't stop saying how bad they want to see them again and how proud they are of them. They'd talk about their dreams and Ace would believe in Kuina's wholeheartedly. He'd say he's waiting for the time in which she becomes the world's greatest swordsman impatiently. He's dying to see it. They both feel a bit left out in the world because of their different situations and they'd get each other so well!! And I can't stop thinking about Ace being like "Oh, yes, I almost died a couple of times. Being a kid in the woods is fun but, uh, fucking hard sometimes" and she's like "Well, at least you didn't fall down some stairs and almost died. That happened to me and Zoro wouldn't stop reminding me it would've been such a ridiculous death for me". Because I just find it funny that she actually almost died but didn't. Funny story to tell.

Then Ace dies, and her hopes of meeting him again are ruined. It's awful. She doesn't want to tell Tama because she keeps waiting for him and it would destroy her. So she keeps it to herself but Hiyori knows something is wrong. She doesn't want to insist if Kuina doesn't want to talk. But it's alright, because Kuina keeps saying things are going to change for the good in a few years, and Hiyori trusts her (swordsman's) words.

Side note² -> I just know they both take care of Toko. Those are her moms. I just know.

#okay so they've been consuming my brain a lot #i will keep posting about them they make me go shjfwekfbkewjbfjkwbf #i love devoted lesbians they mean the world to me thank you #ace and kuina literally dating the hottest people in wano #and i also can't stop thinking about zoro meeting hiyori and the story is the same and she admires him #except that kuina is there saving her for him and stealing his spotlight all the time and it's a running joke #and sanji sees that and he doesn't know if to feel frustrated bc he wants to save hiyori or if he should make fun of zoro #anyway anon i think we're soulmates and i think we should platonically hold hands and share braincells #one piece #kozuki hiyori #shimotsuki kuina #hiyoku #between this crackship and sabosan i literally am digging my own grave #'why don't i have content' I WONDER WHY

[ecopsycho]

wednesday, 21.04.21 💫

Lately I’ve been feeling like I‘m absolutely in the right place at the right time, doing exactly what I‘m supposed to do.

🎶 seven wonders - fleetwood mac

#studyblr #gradblr #psychblr #sunset #aesthetic #happiness #one day everything that happened suddently just makes sense #mine #sorry i have nothing more interesting to show than my neighbors houses haha

[i-need-air]

your hybrid!bkg hcs are mad cute 😖💞 i’m in LOVE— what if reader comes home w/ a stray kitten? 🥺 katsuki doesn’t like cats but this one is all small and shivering and reader couldn’t let the poor thing starve on the streets so she takes it in. the kitten gets attached to katsuki very quickly much to his displeasure, he thinks he’s his mom lmao

I'm so glad you like them, all I want is to make people feel uwu and it's happening! 💕💕 This is so cute and I can only imagine him being a big ass momma later on ahskdjsk let's see:

[ Main Hybrid!Bakugou HCs here: Part 1 and Part 2! ]

[ BNHA Masterlist to find all Hybrid!AU works ]

× you had to stay out longer than expected so it was getting late, and the worst part was that it started raining

× very dark clouds, thunder seen in the distance, bone-chilling wind; storm looked as if it was approaching fastly

× so you rushed fast home

× but something stopped you in your tracks a few streets away from home

× a small, weak meow that somehow you heard over all the noise surrounding you

× after investigating, you found this poor little kitten behind a garbage can

× frail, tiny, trembling, balled up trying to maintain body heat

× you had to save the little life, you just had to

× when you walked through the door, throwing everything but your jacket, in which the kitten was secured in, Katsuki heard the commotion

× he got out of the shower as it seemed he also got late from work and gave you a questioning face

× bc you mumbled a small "hi" and rushed to the bathroom

× to which he follows, like wth is going on and definitely catches on as he smells you

× "What the hell is that?" blurts, tactful as always

× you explain to him in a rush as you prepare a warm bath for the kitten, asking him to google anything you could do to help it

× gives you a stink glance

× lol like I'd bother type of glance

× yet still does it as you open your jacket to show him the frail kitten still shivering

× he comes around with his phone, acting done with life while reading out loud what to do, what to feed it

× meanwhile you realize you really don't have any food that would suit the kitten so you ask him if he could gently bath it while you go out to buy some at the corner grocery shop near by

× he just took a shower and you were still wet from the rain so it made sense you'd be the one going

× cue to him complaining like an overgrown child

× "Tsk, you're gonna catch a cold"

× "Just let it dry or whatever"

× "I cleaned the fucking floor yesterday and now it's all wet!"

× all while taking the cat from you and closing the bathroom door in your face 😒

× you change fastly and go out again while rolling your eyes at him

× but

× i shit you not, the moment you arrive home and go check on them, you find him in the living room with the kitten wrapped in a towel in his arms

× he's just looking down at it with a serene expression on his face

× 🦋🦋💕🦋💕🦋💕🦋🦋🦋🦋

× honestly, i genuinely feel he'd be compassionate about it, he knows what it is to have a rough life so he's definitely going to help, and will appreciate you for saving its life

× the first few days he really bitches about it though

× "Ya wanna keep it?"

× "I'm not taking care of that damned cat!"

× "Hey, you, brat, come here, you need to eat" to the cat instantly after telling you he ain't doin it

× exagerated scoffs as the kitten approaches him and cuddles him, demands attention, so on

× "This brat is so needy, tsk"

× still pets it gently while acting disinterested

× the funniest thing is when you both realize the kitty follows him everywhere and throws small fits whenever he leaves

× you record it doing so and send it to him

× he only responds with 🙄

× [ but saves the videos in a secure folder called Brat ]

× "The fuck is it followin' me around?!?"

× cuddle time is now him on top of you and kitty burried in his neck purring

× he has a high body temperature, ideal for snuggles

× thinks that you're not looking and puts a hand on the cat for protection

× seriously his words don't match his actions

× i swear, i feel he'd be like a cat whisperer or something

× bc whenever he orders the kitten to do something kitty does exactly that

× you had to argue with the cat to get off the table, Katsuki comes, orders it and the lil shit meows and gets off

× to which, of course, smug ass Katsuki gives you a smirk like "This is how you do it 💅"

× 💕 little shits 💞

× of course you're keeping the cat

× and he demands it has to have a badass name

× like it's a cute fluffy smol bean and he wants to call it Diablo or some shit

× to which he explains it's cuz the cat is a little demon and the name just fits

× fine, whatever, what's important is that you're keeping the kitty, win-win

× will definitely 100% buy cat toys and accessories

× "So it won't destroy the fuckin house while we're gone"

× proceeds to play with the cat

× throws toy mouse a foot away, watching how it catches it and plays with it

× records it

× "What a dumbass"

× sends you the video instantly

× makes fun of you bc it's obvious who's the favorite

× enjoys when you're pouty about it but kisses your forehead

× he might be the favorite but you're still his favorite

× but when he catches you snuggling together he goes 💕💓💞💖💝✨✨✨✨

× will [ again ] bitch about it but even the cat knows he's jealous; he just wants to cuddle with you both

× will scold the cat if it throws things off shelves or something

× if he gets a "meow" back he's gonna glare at it and say "Don't talk back to me" 💀

× if you have the audacity to laugh at him for it he'll scold you too

× Big Mom Energy

× Katsuki is soft for the cat

× but dear lord, can't stand the hairs on his black t-shirts

× "Fucking amazing, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

× "meow?"

× "Don't act innocent!"

× Chef Bakugou prepares the best food for the cat

× he's not buyin that cheap ass shit, nuh-huh

× vet trips make him more nervous than it should be

× he cannot stay in place, leg bouncing, all the anxiety bag

× "It's a regular check-up, Katsu—"

× "Why do they have to stab it, huh?!"

× "It's a vaccine, it's good for—"

× "Fuck off"

× 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

× "You did well, kid" and a scratch on the head after the tragic vaccination happens

× you know those pictures of big hunky dudes working out or doing manly stuff in the mirror? yano, those pics

× he sends you those but you suddently see kitty on his shoulders; the contrast is hilarious ngl

× demands you take some of those pics since he doesn't wanna disturb the cat

× he's soft, man

× his wallpaper is a picture of you and the kitty snuggling

× and he has hundreds of them

× most taken without permission or with you looking like a comfortable mess and that's his shit

× you start talking about pets, specifically cats with other people?

× his cat is better than anyone's cat

× no room for discussion

× will fight them

× his cat is a warrior, dude; no weak ass domestic cat, nope, his cat survived the streets, his cat is an apex predator, his cat is—

× akdjldkakdks you get it

× just say you love the cat and go lmfao

× then he shows em pictures of hIS cAt and it has a Christmas hat on, looking adorable af or something

× big ass apex predator, huh?

× his cat is also cute now stfu, extra 💅

× 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀

#boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #noirewrites #hybrid!bakugou #hybrid!au

[logically-asexual]

im so annoyed about this whole remus and logan thing i can’t stop thinking about it. so a long ramble under the cut.

i finally am being able to put into words what bothers me about logan’s character development, particularly him vs the dark sides.

first of all, virgil. virgil had a whole season for his development that was kind of natural and credible. he is a nuisance in different ways, thomas recognizes he has anxiety and looks for ways to cope, which logan learns to bring up later, then virgil keeps causing trouble but makes some good points sometimes, then thomas decides to accept him for the good he brings and they all manage better. all this happens within episodes that aren’t always about anxiety. they SHOW us how the sides’ perception of him and his character have changed through the stories, instead of lecturing us about it.

with janus they kind of attempted the same thing but with a speedrun of three episodes that crammed everything together with little plot. in fact the plot is just an excuse to make every single step of janus’s developement happen, and this progress with janus is the center of the episodes. at least there is some plot, but its not as natural, we don’t see thomas struggle with him casually, we don’t see logan or patton learning information about how to deal with him. its not how a normal person would go through this. but we do see different stages of his acceptance and we see all the sides learning new things about janus gradually.

but then with remus they just pressed literally everything in one video and all the learning thomas would have to do about him and dealing with him that he did with virgil in an entire year happens in?? 40 minutes? because he (logan) somehow already knew everything and he just had to remind himself (patton and virgil) of it?

that’s how i see the dark sides’ development (?). now logan.

with virgil you could assume logan took note of what Lilly said in that first video, then logan and had thomas research about it and find strategies to later use them when they were necessary. as if Taking on Anxiety was a first step with learner’s wheels and then My Negative Thinking was thomas being able to repeat the process on his own. it makes sense. first someone teaches you and then you do it independently. you can believe there was a learning process with Logan’s help right there, beginning with Logan (and thomas) not knowing something and then researching (between videos), understanding it, to finally accepting it.

after the debate logan was still neutral about virgil, and was pushed to reflect more about his role until he disappeared, to finally come to the realization of why he was necessary, by remembering a small fact he learned while researching strategies (the yerkes dodson curve). that one isnt a streategy, so makes sense that logan just saved the info and didnt completely internalize it until it became useful. thomas learned what he was told to and then used it when the situation required it.

but with janus and remus thomas has to figure it all out on his own. except he doesn’t, because Logan already knew everything. he already knows what the dark sides represent, every single thing they encompass, he knows what the studies say about the problems they cause, he has understood, accepted, and internalized everything before the videos even start!! and then its only him telling the rest of the sides what he already learned on his own? he learned all this with the rest not being present or without it causing any emotion whatsoever? how can logan memorize all this stuff if thomas used to be indifferent towards it? you learn through connection with your emotions. it mAKES NO SENSE that logan knows all this.

also logan is defensive and gets frustrated easily. thats essential to his character. and you could see he was annoyed and bothered by anxiety in the first season. anxiety got in his way sometimes so logan also didn’t want him around at the beginning.  WHEn did logan have this development of suddently not caring at all what the dark sides do? not caring at all how remus affects thomas’s productivity while when roman does it he goes into screaming matches and even throwing stuff!!. it is stated that he does have feelings no matter how much he denies it, , then why doesn’t he feel anything At. All. when confronted by remus? why is he so calm around him? when did he learn to deal with him?

even worse: logan went through a whole arc of accepting virgil, just like the rest of them, but he still can’t even deal with Roman and Patton with whom he interacts literally every video?? he is so affected by them everytime they do something irrational, gets angry, and starts yelling about what does and doesn’t make sense. he says he doesn’t have this problem with remus because his ideas shouldn’t have an impact on thomas if they don’t let them. but when and how did he learn this? how does he know intrusive thoughts are different from other thoughts thomas has that he, as logic, doesn’t like?

logan said in the video its bad to try too hard to make sense of remus’s contributions. that sounds like something LOGIC would do. try too hard to make sense of him until (with experience and research) he realizes it is impossible and gets them nowhere, and also would end up hurting thomas more in the long run. then why can’t we see this development? how does he JUST. KNOW? how does he know before the duke is introduced what will and wont hurt thomas if this is the first time ever that thomas is hurt by him?

i can stay here complaining all day honestly. there’s so much logan as rational thinking, reason, logic, of a person (who doesn’t have any experience with therapy or believe in it, apparently) could have gone through while learning about dark sides of your personality. they dont have to show it on camera if they think they already showed enough of this process for virgil! but somehow imply that this development happened, and not just have logan suddenly be this perfect all knowing  entity that knows exactly what to do before it happens. i think logan lecturing them about intrusive thoughts for 20 minutes was a lazy decision, no matter how much work it took to write those dialogues. its lazy because it doesn’t fit with the storytelling style they chose to make Sanders Sides with, but they didn’t take the time to figure out a way to make it fit.

im going off again.again i can do this all day. but im going to stop now. sigh.

#logan sanders #im no writer and i dont know much about intrusive thoughts #im just talking from my own reasoning #remus sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #thomas sanders #ts criticism #? i guess thats how ppl are tagging it?

[aroarolibrary]

Oh man so, first off: congrats to angel/dean shippers on getting your canon thing in spanish but secondly:

Man this whole thing that’s been happening with this show over the last few weeks has 100% reminded me that this show and Sherlock were the two fandoms that made be super romance repulsed because of all the internalized self-hate and trauma they caused me. Like. I was romance repulsed before but those fandoms?? Jacked it up to 100% for years in which I couldn’t interact with any romantic stories or fandoms at all.

Story time!!!

Tw for: self harm, self hatred, hypersexuality, mental health issues, child neglect.

So imagine you are me: a young person who has just graduated high school and, very suddently, went from being “single mother of your little sister” who you had essentially raised on your own for the last four years when she was 5 to 9 yo to “every day college kid that sees their sibling that they raised for the last four years maybe once a month.

Also imagine that, out of all of your high school friends, none of them are attending the same university as you and so. Well.

You’re feeling pretty lonely and depressed.

Now also imagine: you didn’t really have a chance to consume media I HS because: parent. In fact 90% of what you watched was kids cartoons for your sibling +bonus Inuyasha at 3am as a...Uh....treat.....(that’s the kind way of saying ‘setting an alarm at 3am to check to make sure the parents actually got home from wherever TF they vanished to nearly every night).

But hey! You are free now and can watch/read what you want between classes! Only, well, where to start? You go to a book store and find a Sherlock Holmes book and think “okay ya I’ve always wanted to read these!” And proceed to consume them in one week flat.

They are amazing. The relationship between Sherlock and John reminds you of your and one of your best friends/honorary cousins that you haven’t seen in a while and it brings you comfort to read, but now you are out of stories so, you do what any person this day in ages does: you find fanfiction. Now, Sherlock wasn’t a thing at this point and so nearly all the fanfics were based on the books and, of those, 80-85% you gen. No romance at all. Just relaxing stories about friends and solving mysteries.

Then Sherlock happens and, don’t get me wrong, I was definitely a fan when the show started, but suddenly fanfiction was no longer mostly gen, it was shifting, becoming more and more shipping and romance related and it became harder and harder to find non-romantic stories.

Then a person I was living with suggested supernatural. “It’s a story about brothers and it focuses on them.” They said “very little romance. You would probably like it.”

And so I watched it and, they were right, I did. And ya, that one wasn’t exactly like the early Sherlock Holmes fandom, it had a lot of shipping from the get go, but I could also really easily find gen fics that focused on siblings and familial relationships and ignore the rest since there was a pretty even 50/50 split with a slight favor on the gen side.

(Keep in mind there is a LOT of other irl trauma going on in the BG of this story which I know I’ve talked about before. A lot of which is also feeding into the romance repulsion and my avoidance of romance in fandom spaces along with my “blossoming” hypersexuality)

Anyway, the familial relationship in spn was a comfort. At the point I moved from Sherlock to SPN I was in my second year on university and was doing a bit better mentally (in the “sadness” front at least) but I was still missing seeing my sister a lot and so SPN was a comfort in that sense. It was something to relax with that didn’t have romance or anything of the sort that, at that point, was only driving me further and further into hypersexuality (I was dating my first ‘official’ partner at that point and, while I can recognize it now looking back, romance in shows and movies made me feel inadequate as a partner. Like I was failing and not doing enough. Was not romantic enough. Was not showing affection enough. But physically I also couldn’t bring myself to do those things either. What I could do was sex. And, well, when that’s all you have to offer...)

ANYWAY: spn was the one show I knew of on TV that was low to no romance and that the fandom was also decently low on romance, instead focusing mostly on family and the brothers.

Cut forward a few years, I’m back into a depression, I’ve failed at a relationship again because all I can offer is sex and that’s really not enough for people that are looking for actual romance and:

And supernatural introduces an angel character to the show. It’s interesting but I’m pretty depressed and not really all that interested in the show anyway at this point-

But then the fandom happens and it’s like a flood. The romance pours in from all corners along with the absolute hate for anyone that doesn’t see anything romantic happening. It’s like watching a wild fire go through a fandom, what was once a fandom that mostly was just about siblings all of a sudden became all about this angel character and Dean. So much so that it over shadowed everything and any attempt to just enjoy the show as a gen thing or as a family-centric show became impossible.

It was also around this point that a lot of...idk what to call it really because it wasn’t exactly hate, it was like a “this is the only way to read/be in this fandom and if you aren’t we are going to harass you non-stop until you see things our way”. If you couldn’t see the romance between these two characters it was because you were homophobic. If you preferred gen it was because you were homophobic. If you focused on just the brothers and their relationship it was because you were homophobic. If you couldn’t see that Dean was better off in a romantic relationship then with his brother who he had an ‘unhealthy’ relationship with then you were homophobic.

(Keep in mind at this point I was out as bisexual and had attempted to date a woman at this point. I say attempted because, well, again: aromantic even if I didn’t know it then)

It was intense and, from the POV of an aromantic person struggling with being unable to understand even basic romance: it was traumatizing.

I tried to see it, to understand what these shippers were seeing that I couldn’t. Yes, I could see how Sam and Dean’s relationship could be viewed as unhealthy, but as someone who had lived a similar life to theirs as a kid, and to suddenly be bombarded with this idea that the “healthy” way to cope with that is a “romantic relationship” it was a lot. And by a lot I mean a death spiral.

There was...a lot of one night stands and sex and half-attempted relationships after that, in that desperate attempt to understand. There was also panic, nausea, fear that my own relationship with my sister was unhealthy. Was causing both of us harm. That the only way I could keep from hurting her further was to find a “healthy” romantic relationship instead because siblings aren’t meant to be close, not even those where one raised the other alone for years on end.

I had no context outside of fandom about what a healthy sibling relationship looked like and, hell, most TV shows at the time painted sibling relationships as antagonist 90% of the time and with them only interacting when necessary. My parents both had siblings but my dad talked to his maybe once a month and my mom faught with Hers a lot. I had never faught with my sister. We got along perfectly, mostly because from the ages on 13 - 18 I lived for her alone and so I was used to putting her first no matter what.

But this fandom, that had been a comfort for me for a while, suddenly said that was wrong. That instead romance was the way to go and I...

Well. I am conscious of myself enough now to know that I was purposely hurting myself. A lot. Punishing myself over and over and over again, not just because I couldn’t figure out how to “feel” romance like I was supposed to do but also because I was a terrible sibling. Because I had failed my sister some how and had ended up in an “unhealthy codependent” relationship with her since, if Sam and Dean’s relationship was like that according to fans, then obviously so was ours.

(God and don’t get me started on the spiral that the new Inuyasha Sequel put me into a few months ago. I’m STILL not out of that spiral yet. These last few months have not been good for the “romance isn’t important/is unnecessary” front)

I would like to say that I soon realized how terrible the fandom was for my mental health and that it was causing me to harm myself but that isn’t how this story ends. How it ends is that I Eventually I ended up not being able to watch SPN any more. Every episode was just another dagger in my side. Another failure to press my face into. Another series of interactions where I couldn’t see. Couldn’t understand. Another episode that would let to another desperate one night stand/attempt at understanding how this was better. Healthier. How this was how things were supposed to be. Another night of not talking to my family or friend and another few days of not talking to my sister because talking to her too much was wrong.

So ya. This story doesn’t end nicely. It just slowly fades to black. To a point where I hate myself so much that I can’t bring myself to interact with the fandom or internet at all. Where everything just kind of...goes away and vanished but where the trauma still exists. Where stories that start out about family and, suddenly, introduce love interests leave me nauseous and choked. Where my romance repulsion gets so strong that I can’t sleep because I just keep remembering my failures. The fact that it’s not healthy to focus or care about your family. That there must be romance. There must There must there must. Because with out it all other relationships are bad/wrong/unhealthy and you are bad/wrong/unhealthy for only having those.

Just the endless mantra. All night long.

Bad.

Wrong.

Unhealthy.

Bad.

Wrong.

Unhealthy.

Bad

Wrong.

Unhealthy.

Over and over and over again.

#can you tell what’s been on my mind all night? #ah memories #at least I’m at a point where I can recognize this as self-harm behavior to ‘fix’ myself #and not a healthy ‘but maybe if I have more sex I’ll fall in love’ situation i had going on before

[imagineswelcome]

Beauty and the Beast

Joker (Heath Ledger) x reader

Events take place during the 2nd Nolan movie, The Dark Knight.

Prompt : You meet the Joker, he kidnappes and you end up to take part of almost all his crimes. How did you come to that?

You’re Y/N L/N, a famous physicist in Gotham. You work for the Wayne Compagny on sustainable energy sources, you have a great job, a great flat in Gotham and basically a great life !

You wake up as every morning but you realise you already have receive a letter. You are invited to a party at the Wayne penthouse, yes, the billionaire burn his house to crisp, who does that ? Anyway. The party is a found raising for Harvey Dent. The name seams to ring a bell but you’re not sure.  But the party is this evening, you reaaaally need to do some shopping, fortunatly it’s Saturday and you’re not working. You go to your favorite shop and you find a black dress which seems to be made for you. It perfectly suits you and you look incredible. You already know that it will match perfectly your Louboutin heels you offered yourself for Christmas. You will be stunning even if you are not a billionnaire as probably all of the other guests.

The time has come. Party time. You don’t know what you expected but definitely not that : you’re « talking » with an annoying billionnaire who isn’t even listening to you and believe that the earth might be flat. As a physicist you have loads of strong points to prove him wrong but he is a rich white man who don’t care about what you have in your head since he likes what he sees. An helicopter sound saves you from this terrible conversation. It seems that Brune Wayne is really a drama queen, you believed he is brilliant but never thought he would be the kind to be late and showing off with three top-models. After a very little speech on Harvey Dent, the party start again, this time you rush to the barman to enjoy a well-deserved drink. This man was such a pain. You were enjoying your free drinks when a gunshot was heard. The terrorist from the TV has come out of the elevator and is asking for Harvey Dent. You don’t know why but you wanted to see the man, the Joker, with your own eyes so you come closer to the scene. Harvey Dent girlfriend has the courage to come to the Joker and to tell him that Dent isn’t here. But he starts to come closer to her with a knife. You don’t know why, maybe you has a sorority instinct, but you call out for the Joker, he turns back to you and Rachel kicks him. And everything went so fast. Batman was here and starts to fight the Joker men but the Joker grabs Rachel and throws her out of the window. Batman jumps to safe her. But if Batman just jumps, who stays to protect you ? Once the Batman jumped, the Joker comes directly for you. You are paralized, all the courage you had just vanished. He grabs your arm and says « You come with me, beautiful. » You try to fight but there is no way for you to escape the Joker and his men push you in the elevator and in their van. You’re being kidnapped, of course you left your phone on the bar and you have no way to call for help. After a long enough moment, the van stops. Someone opens the back door and you hear : « Hi. I’m the Joker. Nice to meet you Y/N. Very nice indeed. I’m following your work at Wayne Enterprises and I can say that I’m, uhm, very impressed to have you here with me. » You were expecting everything but that. The Joker is a fan of physic ? Moreover a fan of you ? You must have look surprised because he adds «  Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. I just want to talk to you. Let’s have dinner. » And you find yourself answering ackwardly « uhm, ok. »

And you actually spend a really good evening, the Joker is a gentleman, he likes quantum physic and to make jokes (as his name made you guess). But it seems to be too good to be true. He is a killer and as charming as he wants to be with you, he kidnapped you. He told you you needed to stay at his place for a few days, that he can’t bring you back just now. People will think you’re part of the plan but he doesn’t want you to get involved in all the chaos. He shows you an incredibly cosy bedroom, there were several outfits in the closet. Not that bad for a kidnapping. You spend three days in this mansion/warehouse : it was a warehouse, at least you believed since you never saw the outside but the inside was a mansion with staircase and rooms. It was simple decoration but the place in itself was curious in the good way. You could discover it even if there were guards at every entrance to prevent you from any kind of escape. Every evening you had dinner with the Joker, he never talked to you about his evil plans, never screamed at you. He was nice but it was wrong.

The fourth day, a bodyguard came to you and told you to go on a truck but like a big big truck, the ones that usually have huge cargots inside. The Joker was at the back with an arsenal and something that looked like a bazooka. You were on the passenger sit. The Joker told you that he had something to do before bringing you home. You understand that it is definitely something dangerous and illegal probably involving murder and explosion. Great. You’re in the same car as a murdering psychopath. You don’t seem to have been kidnapped. You hope that the GCPD will not think that you are an accomplice or something like that.

But it was only the beginning of your problems, the Joker just shot an officer so he can drive through a closed road and he is now targetting a GCPD van with the bazooka. Oh lord. Is it the Batman outside ? Damn. An helicopter just fell on the ground. This is chaos. Batman is charging the truck you’re in now. Did he miss ? Oh god, he did n…

You blacked out for a little and wake up, you seem to have been thrown through the windscreen. Every muscles and bones of your body hurt. Several pieces of glass have cut you. You try to stand up and you see the Batman on the ground, lying like a dead man on his back with the Joker on him. Suddently you feel someone grabbing your arms on your back. « You’re under arrest, you fucking cop killer ». He pushes you against the reversed truck and handcuff you. You’re incapable of saying something, everything hurts.

Once in the GCPD department, the not-so-kind officer take your prints and your belongings and threw you into an interrogation room. You try to explain several time that you really need to see a doctor, you are in so much pain but they aren’t listening to you. The female police officer in charge of your interrogation comes closer to you and press her finger on an open wound you have on you arm. « Now you talk. Tell me everything you know. » It hurts to much. Maybe the only way to make them call the doctor is to force them to make you see a doctor. Because they don’t care about what you have to say. The female officer is still close to you, since you’re sitting on a chair with only handcuff on you wrists, you rise up and block her neck with your handcuffs. « I. Want. A. Doctor. », you run out of the room with the officer as your hostage and head for a big place where there are a lot of people. They probably can get you a doctor. They are celebrating something or what ? Is it applause that you’re hearing ? You scream out of despair « I need to see a doctor ! » They all turn out to you and start reaching their guns. You repeat with a softer tone « I’m really injured, all of my body hurts, I really need to see a doctor, please. It was the only way for you to hear me. She wasn’t trying to help me, she hurted me even more. » As you were explaining the situation, you saw that the Joker was in the room too, behind bars. And his gaze was full of compassion and a bit of anger but it wasn’t because of you. It was because of the police-men. An officer with a mustache and glasses start to talk « It’s ok Miss, let her go, we will help you ». « I won’t let her go before I see the medic in this very room. I don’t believe you » was your answer. The officer order to bring the medic here. And you finally let the woman go. The medic bring you into a cell for more privacy and also because you were a suspect and you will probably not get out of the GCPD any time soon. The medic was actually pretty kind to you, he diagnosed a broken forearm, four broken ribs and several contusions all around your body but there may be more, he couldn’t tell exactly how broken you were without a radiography. He took care of your wounds and left you to sleep. He told you that you’ll go to the hospital tomorrow and that you should rest now. You almost instantly fell asleep.

You have been waken up by an explosion. You try to see something through the little window of your door but everything was dark. You sit on your bed, listening to everything, trying to understand what happened. A little after that, you heard footsteps and a key in the hole of your door. When the door opened, you realise that it is the Joker. You start with visible confusion « How… did you… ? » The Joker cut you « We don’t have much time. Come ». The Joker wasn’t alone, an other prisonner with handcuffs and several of this complices were there too.

The Joker let his men go with the prisonner and ask you how you were. You told him what the medic said. « You’re going to see my doctor » he said. With a stolen police car, you were now heading to where the Joker lived in town and see another doctor who, this time, could do some bandages for your broken arm.

The Joker actually lives in a mansion. Maybe he is a guy of simple taste but when he can, he choses comfort. He brings you food, clean clothes and show you a room where you can rest. You took a shower and inspect you body. You never have been this injured before. And you promess yourself that you will never be this injured expect if you chose to be in a dangerous situation. Noone will ever hurt you again. You’ll not let them. Even if they are the police. Even if they are supposed to do the good. What’s good ? Does this word still have a sense in this world ? The Joker is a bad guy but he was good to you, he respected you, was interrested in what you had to say, listened to you while the « good » policemen did not. The Joker may be a mad man but he could be very kind, and funny, and he sometimes makes sense. Deep sense. When he talks about the established order and all the hypocrisis of the world.

After all this thoughts, you decide to sleep and you sleeped for a whole day. Your body and your soul needed it. When you wake up, your first reflex is to turn on the TV to check the news. The Joker has blown up an hospital. But it was actually an empty hospital. Everyone has been evacuated before the explosion.

It was dark outside. You dressed up and went downstairs to find something to eat. You were starving. You were surprised to discover that you were alone in this house, no one was there to guard you, no one was here to stop you from getting outside. Incredible. You were free. Again ! And you made another promess to yourself, you’ll be free forever. When you arrived in the kitchen, you saw a note on the table. It was from the Joker :

« Dear Y/N,

I am sorry for all the trouble I caused you. I truly am. Tonight is the final act. We’ll probably never see each over again but I had a great time talking with. You are a truly amazing person. Never let anyone make you think you are not. You are capable of everything you want to accomplish.

Love.

J »

But. But. But you don’t want not to see him again. You realise that you actually care for him, that you want to know him, to talk to him. As a friend first but maybe you are ready for more.

You turn on the TV with the hope to find where the Joker is and to join him. And it worked. He is filmed fighting Batman. He’ll never win. You know it and you know he knows it. He must have an ace in the hole. You check on the internet where this tower is and it is very close from this house. You run  in the house to find where the arsenal is. There must be one. It has to. And you found it. There are all sort of guns and accessories. You check the infos again. The Joker is in the air upside down with one feet tied. You have to rescue him. Even if that means that you become a criminal. You want to do it therefore you have to. You’re looking for a huge safety net of something like that. The thing that is used in circus. He must have one. You are incredibly lucky because he actually does. You take it and walk as fast as you can to put it just under the Joker since this is pretty heavy. The SWAT is helping the hostages and arresting the accomplices. They don’t notice that you were installing a big net. You have also bring with you a kind of sniper. You never shot anything with a weapon like that but you have so notion of how to use a gun. You’re an american afterall and even with a broken arm you can use a weapon. After one missed shot, you manage to cut the wire which was holding the Joker. His fall seems to be eternal laugh. But the net does its job and you save him. You help him to get out. He seems surprised to see you. « Thank you Y/N. I am impressed. But for now take my hand and run.»

So you do and you both disappear in the darkness of Gotham small streets.

GIF not mine, credit to the owner.

#joker #joker x reader #joker x you #heath ledger #heath ledger joker #dc #dc villains #joker imagine

[thelittlehansy]

Why it doesnt make any sense to go hide aurora in the woods in the maleficent remake....

In disney sleeping beauty aurora was not hide in the wood To prevent her to prick her finger on a spindle wheel. King stefan already burn all of them.

but because of two stuff

- maleficent wanted her dead

- maleficent was after them because the fairies change her curse of death into a slumber woke up by true love kiss.

Also one of the subtlity i never catch younger in the plot of the scenario They interpret maleficent curse as aurora can died any time before her 16th birthday thats why she was hide her whole life and not only on the day of her 16th birthday. ( i dont want to be rude but i think it possible the writor of maleficent didnt understand it )

Thats why flora elaborate her plan. Hide aurora in the woods to protect her against maleficent. Here is the dialogue between flora fauna merryweather :

Flora:Silly fiddle faddle!

Fauna:Now, come have a nice cup of tea, dear. I'm sure it'll work out somehow.

Merryweather:Well, a bonfire won't stop Maleficent.

Flora:Of course not. But what will?Fauna:Well, perhaps if we reason with her.

Flora:Reason?Merryweather:With Maleficent?

Fauna:Well, she can't be all bad.

Flora:Oh, yes, she can.

Merryweather:I'd like to turn her into a fat ole hoptoad!

Fauna:Now, dear, that isn't a very nice thing to say.

Flora:Besides, we can't. You know our magic doesn't work that way.

Fauna:It can only do good, dear, to bring joy and happiness.

Merryweather:Well, that would make me happy.

Flora:But there must be some way ... There he is!

Merryweather:There he is?

Fauna:What is it, Flora?Flora:I'm going to ... shh, shh, shh! Even walls have ears.[Flora sneaks around the corners]

Flora:Follow me![Flora minimizes herself, the other two follow her into the insides of a something on the table]

Flora:I'll turn her into a flower!Merryweather:Maleficent?

Flora:Oh no, dear, the princess!

Fauna:Oh she'd make a lovely flower.

Flora:Don't you see, a flower can't prick its finger.

Merryweather:It hasn't any.

Fauna:That's right.

Flora:She'll be perfectly safe.

Merryweather:Until Maleficent sends a frost.

Flora:Yes, a ... oh dear!

Fauna:She always ruins your nicest flowers.

Flora:You're right. And she'll be expecting us to do something like that.

Merryweather:But what won't she expect, she knows everything.

Fauna:Oh but she doesn't dear. Maleficent doesn't know anything about love, or kindness, or the joy of helping earnest. You know, sometimes I don't think she's really very happy.

Flora:[getting excited] That's it, of course! It's the only thing she can't understand, and won't expect. [to herself] oh, oh, now, now ... We have to plan it carefully, let's see, woodcutters cottage, yes, yes, the abandoned one, of course the King and Queen will object, but when we explain it's the only way ...

Merryweather:Explain what?

Flora:About the three peasant women raising a foundling child deep in the forest. !

You see this are the reasons why aurora was hide in the woods. As a protection against maleficent who was after her.

But in the remake.....

they change the WHOLE STORY

but still keep some little stuff about the original "in honor of the cartoon" but in the end it doesnt make any SENSE ! So they tought they were smart but too me this is just prove how much the didnt care understand the animated.

Maleficent doesnt want anymore aurora dead maleficent is defintly not after aurora and there is no reasons for stefan or the fairies to believe it. She cursed her to fall asleep and after give the solution " true love kiss" the last fairy do nothing at all. The plan is not anymore the fairies plan but stefan because "he still was fearing for her daughter " like why ? burn your spindle wheel and aurora can stay.

but they still keep two stuff from the animated : stefan Burn the spindle wheel and aurora is hide in the woods.......because thats it in the cartoon.... I think .they put it there without understanding why aurora is in the woods in the first place.

But since the whole PURPOSE to hide aurora in the cartoon was To protect her against maleficent who wanted her dead an was after her and since in the remake maleficent is not anymore after aurora and doesnt even want dead but only want stefan to suffer to find aurora a true love when for her true love doesnt exist. This is just...DUMB and they also hide aurora......on maleficent territoy.🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Aurora in the remake could have stay in her castle. There was literraly 0 reasons on the remake to go hide aurora in the woods. Hiding aurora in the woods was a consequences of evil maleficent who wanted her dead

This what they should have done in the remake to fit with what they change about the story.

- burn the spindle wheel

- find aurora a true love in case something happen.

So i just have the feeling with how little respect they have for the animated movie that they went " ok sleeping beauty that fairy tale everyone knows doesnt matter to actually rewatch the movie to understand why they did the stuff they did" i understand its basically a fairy tale the scenario is basic and it have one dimensional characters but there is still a story in that cartoon and you just cant took some stuff while ignoring the context.

Also here is the movie : they say at the start they burn the spindle wheel. But nope thats apparently not the case anymore ! They are just....broken.

They should be burn like in the original and perrault and grimm tale. I mean thats completly dumb to put them in the dungeon of the castle and not even burn them all....This is so stupid so here is my theory:

Its was done on purpose for aurora to find them later. Because you know :

The only reasons why it appear in the cartoon is.....thanks to maleficent.

But now maleficent is not anymore evil.....So now the spindle wheel doesnt have any reasons to suddently appear from nowhere.

I respect people who like it I can see the appeal but i hate this movie and how it treat sleeping beauty like trash for the sake of making a fairy that is suppose to be a demon a spiritual mommy for aurora.

#sleeping beauty #princess aurora #the three good fairies #maleficent #prince phillip #king stefan #disney #disney movies #disney live actions

[jesterlaughingstock]

Fic based on this au.

Here's the link to AO3. I'd suggest you read it in there because i made some slight modifications.

...

It has been 5 years since wall Maria came down, and the zombies ravaged through the lands beyond wall Rose. Many citizens were infected, and much more succumbed under the attacks of the cannibalistic monsters.

The disease we're talking about is a strange one, as in early stages, it gives the infected marvelous, yet uncontrollable powers. If the infected does not control their powers by the end of the early stage -which, by the way, lasts a week on average, but can be as little as an hour-, their skin falls off and they start turning into the cannibalistic zombies that we observe outside the walls.

Armin and his childhood friends had survived the massacre, but paid in terms of loved ones. He had lost his grandfather, the only one to care for him after the passing of his parents, and his friend Eren lost his parent who were also Mikasa's foster family.

And yet, Armin hasn't lost yet the hope and faith in the outside world. His blue eyes glowed whenever he thought about what fascinating landscapes might exist beyond their lands. It was no surprise then that he decided to enroll in the scouts regiment, along with Eren and Mikasa.

But after their first expedition, Armin began to regret his decision.

As soon as he came back, he started feeling chilly. He had always been sensitive to the faintest whim of weather, so he brushed it aside.

The next day, as he was writing some documents, someone had opened the door loudly, startling him. When he looked back at the pen, it was completely encased in ice. Through his confusion, he thought clearly enough to hide it in his pocket for further inspection. By the time he was done and alone, the pen had returned to its original state, as the ice had apparently melted off. And yet, the scary implications of the event still remained.

In a last whim of optimism, he decided to forget about it, and not reconsider it until anything else happened.

Which occured way sooner than he thought.

The same afternoon, as he washed his face from a bucket, he stuck his hands in the water, and between one blink and another, the water froze over, locking his hands in. This time, he properly panicked. The only thing that was between him and screaming in a high pitched voice was the thought of other people being aware of this phenomenon and the terrifying implications of it.

He shook his hands inside the frozen water; they were fully encased in ice, but for some reason it didn't feel as cold as it should've.

This is bad. Bad bad bad.

He inspected the ice even more, it seemed like it won't be melting on it's own for a long time, so he had to melt it off on his own. He breathed in, closed his eyes, focusing on the ice. He tried to imagine the ice warming up and melting. He felt his hands loosen up, which meant his improvised method was working. A few seconds later, he opened his eyes and the water had gone back to it's inital state and his hands were free.

The relief had been washed away by the realisation that this further confirms the obvious; he was infected.

Armin couldn't sleep at night. Infected? How the hell did it happen? He did go in the last expedition, yes, they had encountered a few zombies, some of which has snatched up some of their comrades, but he had been, along with the rest of the rookies, in the back lines. It didn't make sense, and it drove him crazy.

Was this it, then? Was he going to turn into a faceless zombie, or will he seek someone to help him end his life before his state went so bad? He knew what he was supposed to do. In fact, he had gotten up, in the middle of the night, walked up to Commander Erwin's room, and lifted a hand to knock on the door. Were these really his only options? Was there really nothing, nothing else to do?

Maybe there was.. He thought as his palm rested on the door. He thought about that afternoon's event, how he managed to melt the ice he created, how that display of control was contrasting with everything he had learned about the complete chaos that is these powers gained by the disease.

He remembered how the only hope was that the infected should learn how to control these powers in time. It was a long shot, but god, it was better than to rot as a man eating monstruosity or to be executed. Besides, a tamed power would be a huge advantage to humanity. Maybe, with his powers, they might be able to explore what's beyond there lands, what's out there in the world!

After much thinking, he decided that he would try, at least try to control these powers. If they still are as rowdy after a week, then he would do the sensible thing and turn himself in to his death.

In the morning, Commander Erwin Smith woke up, and discovered frost on his door, strangely shaping a handprint.

Armin went on with his mission. Whenever he was free and alone, he practiced. And at some point, it seemed to be going well, but obviously, he still had his slip-ups, accidentally encasing his spoon in ice at breakfast, the temperature of the room dropping whenever he was nervous, freezing another everyday object.. Ect. He had been able to reverse the effect on most of them, though some object were still encased in ice, but that was enough for him. And it seemed that the long shot of surviving the deadly virus wasn't so long.

Until one day when he was hanging out with Eren, Mikasa and the rest of the cadets.

"Your hands are so cold, what the hell?" Eren noticed as their hands brushed together, and attempted to grab Armin's. Armin felt his cheeks flush, but he also felt the familliar cold rush that he always felt whenever his power was about to manifest.

Panicked, he whipped his hands away, yelling : "Don't touch me!". The tempreature in the air dropped. He hoped no one else noticed. "Sorry, that was rude. I'm fine."

"Got it.." Eren raised his hands and backed away. He shared a look with Mikasa and reluctantly reached back. "Um.. By the way.. Are you sure you're fine? You're been kind of.." Eren trailed off and looked at Mikasa for help. She shrugged and gestured at him to continue, to figure something out.

"..distant. You good?" Eren finished off.

"Yeah, I'm good. Don't worry."

"You sure bro? You haven't been sleeping all that well either." Connie tipped in. "I wake up to get a midnight snack and you're still up. You pretend to be asleep but I'm not an idiot"

Armin felt cornered. He felt hot, and yet the room's temperature dipped a little more. He put his hands in his pockets, just in case. "I've just been having too much tea, that's it. Sorry if I woke you up at night."

"Armin, was it something that happened at the expedition? While you were alone?"

Jean's words caught him off guard. Alone? He was never alone in the expedition. He doesn't remember being alone. In fact, now that he thinks about it, his memories from that day seem discontinued, like he remembers being in a place, then being in another, but has no recollection of the trip between the two locations.

What exactly happened the day of the expedition?

"Armin? Are you alright?" Mikasa was now in front of him, when did she get there? It doesn't matter right now, he thought. He felt that he should leave immediately.

"I'm fine. Sorry." He left, headed towards the forest. When he was out of earshot and sight of any human, he let a deep breath out, as frost seeped rapidly from beneath his feet and on the ground around him, and all the nearby tree branches were covered in snow.

He thought harder about the day of the expedition; the hole in his memory was even more prominent.

What the hell happened?

Frustrated, he punched at a nearby tree, and around his fist formed giant ice spikes. He breathed heavily, suddently drained. He looked around and grimaced at the amount of ice he'll have to melt.

It took him a good amount of time to wipe all traces of his breakdown. By the time he was done, it was almost sundown. He made his way back to the headquarters.

At dinner time, Armin tried his best to avoid his friends. And as much as it pained him, he knew that they will ask questions he could never answer.

Instead he paid all his attention to his food, or at least pretended to, until Commander Erwin and Captain Hange joined so that they could discuss strategies together.

Meanwhile, Commander Erwin and Captain Hange were at his office, still discussing. Erwin had showed them the icy handprint he had found at his room's door, and before he knew it, Hange pulled their own collection of random objects completely encased in ice. Naturally, their discussion and planning lasted so long that they were astronimically late to dinner.

Connie had been harder for Armin to avoid, with him being his roommate and everything.

Luckily, the roomate hasn't said a word, which, while it did sting, Armin was very thankful for.

The next day seemed like a good day; Armin had obtained some alone time to practice, (since all his friends were avoiding him,) and it seemed to him that he was really getting the hang of it; he could make a small wand out of ice and manipulate it, then melt it when he was done. It felt almost..natural now. He couldn't believe it. He will survive!

It was a good day, that is until Commander Erwin gathered them and announced another expedition. His hand grabbed into the table a bit too hard. It was about time, wasn't it? Then why was he so scared? Why was his heart beating so fast at the thought of leaving the walls?

He shook those feelings away, and listened to the Commader's plan, and left when all was dismissed. Hange made a quick tour of the table, and held back one of the cadets and asked, just to double check : "Who was sitting over there? At the seat that's in the middle?"

When the cadet in question answered "Armin Arlert", their doubts were confirmed. They dismissed him as they looked at the small shards of ice under the table, right in front of Arlert's seat.

Over the next couple of days, Armin further practised using his power. He could now make various shapes out of ice and manipulate them as he wished. He felt he could defend himself now against the zombies, instead of relying on his stronger friends as usual.

The day of the expedition came way sooner than he'd liked, and on his horse, next to the rest of cadets, and Hange, who was the one assigned to them, behind them, he and everyone else followed their commander into the dangerous lands.

Their first dozen minutes were calm, as they haven't yet entered the zone where the zombies were most prominent, so Captain Hange saw fit to use these few moments to chat, and rely important news too.

"I hope you all kids know how much this disease, despite being terrifying to all of you, interests me. Especially the first stages; powers! Fascinating, almost magical, no?" They prompted, studying the cadets' expressions. "I'd give anything to be able to experience that kind of rush, you know, of having the ability to do such grand things, even if its not controllable."

Armin started sweating. He did not like where this was going. In fact, he was about to hate it even more.

"You know kids, Commander Erwin and I made an interesting discovery this week." She prompted. "We found out that someone among us has been infected."

Armin felt his heart almost stop.

"They have ice powers, This person who was infected. Commander Erwin found an icy handprint on his door the other day. Now, I'd like to think that this person doesn't know aboit their infection, but it seems to me that they've tried to turn themselves in but backed out at the last moment, for obvious reasons."

Armin felt his breathing get heavier, and a familiar rush go through his limbs. "No, no, no, please, not now,' he thought.

But it was too late. Ice had started covering not only the saddle he had been holding, but also his horse's side. Pained, the animal threw Armin off it's back, bringing all attention to him.

Hange took out her gun and pointed it at him. The one they use to fight the zombies, the people infected beyond any help. The closest corporals surrounded him, their weapons out. The rest looked at him in disbelief. So did his friends. He couldn't meet their eyes.

"Call Commander Erwin," Hange commanded one of her soldiers. "Tell him we've found the infected; it's Armin Arlert."

"Is it true Armin? Is this what you've been hiding from us?" Eren shouted in shock.

"L-Listen, I can explain.."

Hange, not waiting for an explanation, cocked her gun. Mikass yelled and charged at her, dropping her in the ground. Corporal Levi cocked his and fired at him.

Armin luckily heard Levi's gun, and as he raised his hands protectively, a wall of ice rose from the ground between him and the shooter, and the bullet was stuck between the ice. Snapping out of his shock, Armin realised the gravity of the situation, and the urgency by which he had to explain himself.

"Get away! He'll freeze you to death!" All the soldiers backed up, all except Eren, Mikasa who was still hand wrestling with Hange, and the rest of his friends.

"No! I won't! I swear"  Armin replied. "Listen to me, I know I should've reported myself, but I have reasons."

"I truely believe that these powers are controllable. If I do get the hang on them, it will be a huge advantage to humanity, and advantage you can't pass up!"

"And what makes you believe that you, out of all these people zombified, will manage to control your powers and escape that fate?" Commander Erwin inquired, interested.

"Commander, we can't possibly.."

"Cases of people controlling their powers may be rare, but not impossible. Sir, this wall of ice that I generated is proof to you, as we all know the infected's powers always act on the offense, never on the defense." Armin explained passionately. "Besides, I've found myself to be able to hold my powers back whenever necessary, and while in this aspect I still need some refinement, but the progress I've made is very impressive considering the history of the disease."

"And last, I implore you again to think of the advantage that my powers could give to humanity. With enough training and refinement, I might be able to seal the wall Maria, permanently, since the ice I make cannot be melted unless I choose to. All I want, is humanity's best, and if you see that killing me would be the most beneficial choice to humanity, then I implore you to do it!"

Commander Erwin retreated, and soldiers surrounded Armin with their rifles drawn, waiting for their superior's orders. Mikasa broke free from the soldiers holding her away from Hange and ran towards Armin. Eren followed her.

"Armin, are you hurt?" She attempted to hold his hand but he shoved it away silently. She understood why now. He shook his head. "Was this.. Was this what you've been hiding from us?"

He nodded silently. He still couldn't bring himself to look at either of his friends. Why didn't he report himself earlier? At least then he would've been executed with dignity.

"Armin, how much of your power can you control? We need to get you out of here, fast." Eren said, looking around him. They could hear snippets of the commader's discussion with the rest of the captains.

"Eren.." Armin said firmly. "It's fine. I'm fine with whatever decision they come up with. You just take Mikasa out of here, they're pointing guns at us."

Eren looked away, then hugged both Armin and Mikasa. Armin slid his hands into his sleeves and returned the hug.

Soon the Commader Erwin made up his decision, and started directing the formation to return to the walls.

He then announced their final decisions : Armin would be locked out of the walls, but with enough provisions to last him a week and his weapons. He was to stay outside the walls for a week, to make sure he won't be turning, and by the end of the week, Armin was to use his powers to climb to wall, as a test for his control over them.

The trio sighed in relief. They hugged each other tighter as the rest of their friends joined the hug. Sasha was barely holding back her tears, as she yelled at Armin for scaring them.

But eventually the moment came, where they had to leave him, alone, for a whole week, in the zombie infested wasteland.

It was going to be a long week.

#attack on titan #armin arlert #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #attack on titan au #attack on titan fic #laughing S og post

[gyll-yee-haw]

So I was kinda of curious about how jake would react if his girlfriend would be insecure about her body around him because of her stretch marks and she doesn't see her self as sexy or beautiful (she doesn't like changing infornt of him, will not have sex while the lights is on )

So, this is how I picture it...

---

- First of all, Jake is a huge feminist and he would hate to see all that kind of pressure hurting his girl

- He would start to notice that you were always extremely comfortable around him, but sometimes you couldn't even look him in the face

- "I'm just going to change my shirt, then we can go." You said walking towards the bathroom

- "Why don't you just change in here, love?" He asked innocently. You froze for a second, then just ignored his question and changed in the bathroom

- He didn't mind that you kept turning the lights off whenever things heated up and never slept naked after it, he would do anything to make you comfortable

- "I want to see you tonight, honey"

- "You can feel things more intensely when you can't see."

- He thought it was some kind of fetish

- Your sex life was great anyway

- Until that Valentine's day…

- He gave you the slutiest red lingerie

- Your blood left your skin when he asked you to wear it for him that night

- You went to the bathroom and put it on

- Half an hour later he came looking for you, because you never came out. He found you sitting on the floor crying, wrapped in a towel

- "Baby…" He sat beside you and brought you for a hug. "What happened?"

- You told him everything while you absolutely sobbed. You told him that you weren't nothing like those actresses he dated before. You had flaws that not even all the money in the world could fix. And that's why you would never be able to satisfy him.

- He was in shock. Suddently, everything made sense and he thought he was an idiot for not putting it all together before.

- He held you until you calmed down, then he also told you everything. He told you that he hated to be part of an industry that fools women like that, that none of his exes looked like they do on magazines. But you know what? None of their bodies felt that good against his either. Only yours. That's why he loved it even without seeing it. Not to mention that it contained the most amazing soul that he ever came across.

- You two spent about two hours sitting on the floor and opening up about every insecurity you two had

- You were surprised to find out he had them too

- And you felt safe

- You stood up and left the towel fall, allowing him to see you in the lingerie

- He absolutely lost his mind, grabbed you and filled your face with kisses and told you that you were the bravest and most beautiful woman in the world

- You didn't even had sex that night, he simply admired you. You even allowed him to take some pictures

- You knew you wouldn't forget about your insecurities in one night, but things got easier since then

- You allowed him to know your details, and he loved every single one, because they made you you.

#jake gyllenhaal #jake gyllenhaal fluff #jake gyllenhaal x reader

[hereisisa]

It’s weird to see how the same thing can be interpreted differently.

ANNA:

The writers’ premise: “Anna spent all her life taking care of Elsa and now that she doesn’t have Elsa she has to work on her codependency. And just to be clear, codependency does NOT mean that she depended by Elsa, but that when she doesn’t have Elsa to focus on she’s lost (they inserted Kristen’ real life troubles into this story)”

How this premise was represented in the past movies: “IT WASN’T. Anna spent all her life alone, has never took care of Elsa, this issue doesn’t make any sense when applied to Elsa and Anna because they’ve always been separated”

The end: “Anna is a born leader cause she convinced a total of one person to destroy the dam, cause once she pat the shoulder of a woman while running to safety, and cause she watched the Arendelle’s flag from afar. She is born to be Queen”.

How the end was represented in the movie: Anna slept late, never helped her sister to rule, never studied as her sister did, when she “ruled” she put in charge of the kingdom a dude she just met. She’s been a protector, shielding Elsa from Hans, following her around in F2 to protect her, and now they pretend she’s a leader cause it fits better their new idea.

ELSA:

The writers’ premise: “She is tired to be Queen and wants to be free. From what? Her work? Her sister? Her kingdom?”

How this premise was represented in the past movies: “IT WASN’T. She was scared to hurt people with her magic, and when this problem was solved, she was happy.”

The end: Elsa wants to ride in the wild and think of nothing but herself and her magic. The rule of “5th spirit” is not existent considering the elements are her friends and she has nothing to do all day.

How the end was represented in the movie: Elsa abandons her sister, her duty, her home, her people, because apparently all she needed to be happy was be alone, with her magic. 

What’s happened:

They wrote this ending, and retconned all the past to bend it to this crazy idea. Not only the shorts they say they’re not canon but then they quote in the movie, but also the books and the first movie.

I see some are “happy cause the girls are happy” with this ending, but as a viewer and a fan.....I feel jerked around when they tell me “remember all you think you knew? Well it’s wrong, because we had a better idea so we’re changing the past, in order for this idea to make remotely sense!! Cool, eh??????”

No. Not cool.

Horrible writing.

OF COURSE it makes sense to them, because if they suddently say that Anna was a leader (while she snore until 11am) and Elsa didn’t like Arendelle (when it was NEVER addressed before) it makes sense for them to change their actual roles!

But.....changing the premises on the paper, doesn’t make them change in reality too. And when I watch Frozen, Frozen Fever and OFA, and I don’t see them...well, I can’t pretend just cause they had a trip to a glacier they really liked it and thought it would be a good place for Elsa to end her life!

So when I watch Frozen 2, I see an irresponsible Elsa dumping her sister (who would sacrifice everything for her), her work and duty and betraying her promises to play with magic. And I see a kid who is playing Queen cause suddently what it was a work Elsa could barely do, is a joke that Anna can do in her spare time.

Retcons don’t make you a good writer.

You ignored and changed your past storyles, I feel validated into ignoring your current ones.

#Frozen 2 #notmyfrozen #Elsa #Queen Elsa #Anna

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

Worm Interlude 1 - In which we talk about “descendants” and “progenitors”

Huh? Interlude 1? What is this, some sort of bonus between sagas? Hmmm.

“We don’t know how long he had been there.  Suspended in the air above the Atlantic Ocean.  On May twentieth, 1982, an ocean liner was crossing from Plymouth to Boston when a passenger spotted him.  He was naked, his arms to his sides, his long hair blowing in the wind as he stood in the sky, nearly a hundred feet above the gently cresting waves.  His skin and hair can only be described as a burnished gold.  With neither body hair nor clothes to cover him, it is said, he seemed almost artificial.

Oooh is this like backstory?? On the world itself?? This is all the way back to 1982!! It sounds like a documentary of important events of the past! Is this what the interludes are going to be? Lore bombs?. I’m game for that : D

So floating in the middle of the ocean was a man with long hair, no clothes, and his skin with the apearance of gold. That makes for an incredible mental image. Holy shit powers are awesome

He’s giving me strong Dr Manhattan vibes, but this one has hair and is yellow instead of blue.

“After a discussion including passenger and crew, the liner detoured to get closer.  It was a sunny day, and passengers crowded to the railings to get a better look.  As if sharing their curiosity, the figure drew closer as well.  His expression was unchanging, but witnesses at the scene reported that he appeared deeply sad.

People getting closer to something that could be dangerous to record it and/or touch it is such a staple of humanity. That would 100% happen in our world

He looks deeply sad....Maybe it’s because of the Manhattan vibes, but this screams deep, profound loneliness to me. Or detachment from the world. Where did this golden man even come from? He was suddently spotted one day all radiant and sorrowfull...

“‘I thought he was going to crack his facade and cry any moment’, said Grace Lands, ‘But when I reached out and touched his fingertips, I was the one who burst into tears.’

Damn, they make him sound majestic. Holy shit.

Also this is totally a documentary! I love the format of this.

“‘That boat trip was a final journey for me.  I had cancer, and I wasn’t brave enough to face it.  Can’t believe I’m admitting this in front of a camera, but I was going back to Boston, where I was born, to end things myself.  After I met him, I changed my mind.  Didn’t matter anyways.  I went to a doctor, and he said there was no sign I ever had the disease.’

!!!!!

The golden man can cure cancer! Is his power omni-healing? A universal cure? He basically did a miracle there!

He has this amazing healing power and was just floating idly over the sea... He still gives me massive Manhattan vibes..

“‘My brother, Andrew Hawke, was the last passenger to make any sort of contact with him, I remember.  He climbed up onto the railing, and, almost falling off, he clasped the hand of the golden man.  The rest of us had to grab onto him to keep him from falling.  Whatever happened left him with a quiet awe.  When the man with the golden skin flew away, my brother stayed silent.  The rest of the way to Boston, my brother didn’t say a word.  When we docked, and the spell finally broke, my brother babbled his excitement to reporters like a child.’

Were superheroes less common at that time? I mean, golden man here still seems amazing even with that we have seen, but they are acting like it happened in our world!

“The golden man would reappear several more times in the coming months and years.  At some point, he donned clothing.  At first, a sheet worn over one shoulder and pinned at either side of the waist, then more conventional clothes.  In 1999, he donned the white bodysuit he still wears today.  For more than a decade, we have wondered, where did our golden man get these things?  Who was he in contact with?

So he has a contact! Who gives him clothes and maybe equipment? And no one in the world knows? He seems as much a mystery to them as to us!

“Periodically at first, then with an increasing frequency, the golden man started to intervene in times of crisis.  For events as small as a car accident, as great as natural disasters, he has arrived and used his abilities to save us.  A flash of light to freeze water reinforcing a levee stressed by a hurricane.  A terrorist act averted.  A serial murderer caught.  A volcano quelled.  Miracles, it was said.

H-Holy shit.

This makes Lung seem like nothing. What is even his power??

Curing diseases, freezing water, calming volcanoes....He performs actual miracles! Is his power just... all the powers??? Or a power that does everything???

How high in the hierarchy is this guy??

“His pace increased, perhaps because he was still learning what he could do, perhaps because he was getting a greater sense of where he was needed.  By the middle of the 1990s, he was traveling from crisis to crisis, flying faster than the speed of sound.  In fifteen years, he has not rested.

Oh my god....

He has been saving people and doing good deeds for over fifteen years, EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.

Holy fucking shit.

Is this the #1 hero?? The “All Might” of this world?? But this....this is even more insane. He’s like the ultimate good!

“He has been known to speak just once in thirty years.  After extinguishing widespread fire in Alexandrovsk, he paused to survey the scene and be sure no blazes remained.  A reporter spoke to him, and asked, ‘Kto vy?’ – what are you?

“Shocking the world, caught on camera in a scene replayed innumerable times, he answered in a voice that sounded as though it might never have uttered a sound before.  Barely audible, he told her, ‘Scion’.

!!!!!!

This is giving me all of the chills, ever.

Scion

Descendant?? What does that even mean?? Why are you so mysterious and amazing at the same time, golden man????

“It became the name we used for him.  Ironic, because we took a word that meant descendant, and used it to name the first of many superpowered individuals – parahumans – to appear across Earth.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP

He’s just not the best, he’s the first!!!!

The first superhero ever!!!!

Oh my god, he’s superman! Both in meta and in-story!!

Godly do-everything powers, ultimate good, first ever superhero....

He’s the man of tomorrow!!! But without like the secret identity part. This is who Superman would be if he never stopped saving people, ever. If he was a hero all the time!!

THIS IS SO COOL.

“Just five years after Scion’s first appearance, the superheroes emerged from the cover of rumor and secrecy to show themselves to the public. Though the villains followed soon after, it was the heroes who shattered any illusions of the parahumans being divine figures.  In 1989, attempting to quell a riot over a basketball game in Michigan, the superhero known to the public as Vikare stepped in, only to be clubbed over the head.  He died not long after of a brain embolism.  Later, he would be revealed to be Andrew Hawke.

WAIT AND NOW YOU DROP THIS ON ME.

One of the first superheroes was the man who touched him at the boat!!! Did he give him his power??? DId touching him grant him powers??? What???

But then what about all the other people who got powers afterwards??. I’m sure he wasn’t there for them all??? WHAT IS GOING ON?? Was that just a coincidence??

“The golden age of the parahumans was thus short lived.  They were not the deific figures they had appeared to be.  Parahumans were, after all, people with powers, and people are flawed at their core.  Government agencies took a firmer hand, and state-”

Can I just say that I fucking love how despite all their powers and grace, parahumans are just human, with all their virtues and flaws, and it was this that made people realize that they were not gods, just men?? That one of the superheroes of the golden age died from a simple hit to the head??

God, this is so great.

The television flicked off, and the screen went black, cutting the documentary off mid sentence.  Danny Hebert sighed and sat down on the bed, only to stand just a moment later and resume pacing.

It was three fifteen in the morning, and his daughter Taylor was not in her bedroom.

WHAT. It was indeed a documentary! A documentary that Taylor’s dad was watching! While waiting for his daughter to come home (and her being presumably dealing with the fire demon situation)

What a way to link this to the main story

For the twentieth time, he felt the urge to ask his wife for help, for advice, for support.  But her side of the bed was empty and it had been for some time.  Daily, it seemed, he was struck by the urge to call her cell phone.  He knew it was stupid – she wouldn’t pick up – and if he dwelt on that for too long, he became angry at her, which just made him feel worse.

Oh so Taylor doesn’t have a mom? ):

Poor Taylor and poor Danny... He seems to have regrets... I would say they broke up but the “she wouldn’t pick up” line makes me think she’s dead..

He wondered, even as he knew the answer, why he hadn’t gotten Taylor a cell phone.  Danny didn’t know what his daughter was doing, what would drive her to go out at night.  She wasn’t the type.  He could tell himself that most fathers felt that way about their daughters, but at the same time, he knew.  Taylor wasn’t social.  She didn’t go to parties, she wouldn’t drink, she wasn’t even that interested in champagne when they celebrated the New Year together.

Hmm, Taylor doesn’t have a cellphone? Danny seems to have an issue with them..

Also damn. Taylor did this to free herself from her troubles and start her dreams but didn’t account for how she would make his father feel.... Probably didn’t even think on the possibility that he would wake up and she wouldn’t be there.

Two ominous possibilities kept nagging at him, both too believable.  The first was that Taylor had gone out for fresh air, or even for a run. She wasn’t happy, especially at school, he knew, and exercise was her way of working through it.  He could see her doing it on a Sunday night, with a fresh week at school looming.  He liked that her running made her feel better about herself, that she seemed to be doing it in a reasonable, healthy way. He just hated that she had to do it here, in this neighborhood.  Because here, a skinny girl in her mid-teens was an easy target for attack.  A mugging or worse – he couldn’t even articulate the worst of the possibilities in his own thoughts without feeling physically sick.  If she had gone out at eleven in the evening for a run and hadn’t come back by three in the morning, then it meant something had happened.

Damn, I feel the adult fear Danny is expierencing. Having a daughter to take care of, worring about horrible things happening to her, about her general happiness ...

This is very well written.

He glanced out the window again, at that corner of the house where the pool of illumination beneath the streetlight would let him see her approaching.  Nothing. 

Checking out over and over again to see if she has come back, knowing that each time you look and it isn’t so, it is yet another weight of worry over your weary shoulders....

The second possibility wasn’t much better.  He knew Taylor was being bullied.  Danny had found that out in January, when his little girl had been pulled out of school and taken to the hospital.  Not the emergency room, but the psychiatric ward.  She wouldn’t say by whom, but under the influence of the drugs they had given her to calm down, she had admitted she was being victimized by bullies, using the plural to give him a clue that it was a they and not a he or a she.  She hadn’t mentioned it – the incident or the bullying – since.  If he pushed, she only tensed up and grew more withdrawn.  He had resigned himself to letting her reveal the details in her own time, but months had passed without any hints or clues being offered.

Oh god, they bullied her so bad she went to the phychiatric ward??? What the hell!??

Oh my god those three fucking monsters. And Danny has been tormenting himself over all this since! Wanting to help but not wanting to intrude in such personal matters...

There was precious little Danny could do on the subject, either.  He had threatened to sue the school after his daughter had been taken to the hospital, and the school board had responded by settling, paying her hospital bills and promising they would look out for her to prevent such events from occurring in the future. It was a feeble promise made by a chronically overworked staff and it didn’t do a thing to ease his worries.  His efforts to have her change schools had been stubbornly countered with rules and regulations about the maximum travel times a student was allowed to have between home and a given school.  The only other school within a reasonable distance of Taylor’s place of residence was Arcadia High, and it was already desperately overcrowded with more than two hundred students on a list requesting admittance.

Ugh schools being so useless is also very realistic, sadly....

It sucks and everyone refuses to help.

With all that in mind, when his daughter disappeared until the middle of the night, he couldn’t shake the idea that the bullies might have lured her out with blackmail, threats or empty promises.  He only knew about the one incident, the one that had landed her in the hospital, but it had been grotesque.  It had been implied, but never elaborated on, that more had been going on.  He could imagine these boys or girls that were tormenting his daughter, egging one another on as they came up with more creative ways to humiliate or harm her.  Taylor hadn’t said as much aloud, but whatever had been going on had been mean, persistent and threatening enough that Emma, Taylor’s closest friend for years, had stopped spending time with her.  It galled him.

Aaaaaa, if you only knew!!! This is so sadly ironic, Emma’s got more to do with this than you are even aware of...

And what the hell did they do that time???

Impotent.  Danny was helpless where it counted.  There was no action he could take – his one call to the police at two in the morning had only earned him a tired explanation that the police couldn’t act or look for her without something more to go on.  If his daughter was still gone after twelve hours, he’d been told, he should call them again.  All he could do was wait and pray with his heart in his throat that the phone wouldn’t ring, a police officer or nurse on the other end ready to tell him what had happened to his daughter.

Ugh, what he is living though is just... awful.

He’s completely helpless to her daughter when she might be in need (or at least that’s what he thinks) and he’s waiting for a phone call telling him that something terrible has happened, and for his life to stop making sense.

Fuck

The slightest of vibrations in the house marked the escape of the warm air in the house to the cold outdoors, and there was a muffled whoosh as the kitchen door shut again.  Danny Hebert felt a thrill of relief coupled with abject fear.  If he went downstairs to find his daughter, would he find her hurting or hurt?  Or would his presence make things worse, her own father seeing her at her most vulnerable after humiliation at the hands of bullies?  She had told him, in every way except articulating it aloud, that she didn’t want that.  She had pleaded with him, with body language and averted eye contact, unfinished sentences and things left unsaid, not to ask, not to push, not to see, when it came to the bullying.  He couldn’t say why, exactly.  Home was an escape from that, he’d suspected, and if he recognized the bullying, made it a reality here, maybe she wouldn’t have that relief from it. Perhaps it was shame, that his daughter didn’t want him to see her like that, didn’t want to be that weak in front of him.  He really hoped that wasn’t the case.

Oh Taylor has returned after the Armsmaster talk!! Yess

And now Danny doesn’t know if to approach her for if he sees her in her weakest moment, he thinks it would break his daughter even more

Damn being Danny is suffering, at least today! Worse thing is, Taylor must be feeling realtively happy after being owed a favour by a famous hero and helping stop a villain...

So he ran his fingers through his hair once more and sat down on the corner of the bed, elbows on his knees, hands on his head, and stared at his closed bedroom door.  His ears were peeled for the slightest clue. The house was old, and it hadn’t been a high quality building when it had been new, so the walls were thin and the structure prone to making noise at every opportunity.  There was the faintest sound of a door closing downstairs.  The bathroom?  It wouldn’t be the basement door, with no reason for her to go down there, and he couldn’t imagine it was a closet, because after two or three minutes, the same door opened and closed again.

It was probably the basement, to hide her costume again.

After something banged on the kitchen counter, there was little but the occasional groan of floorboards.  Five or ten minutes after she had come in, there was the rhythmic creak of the stairs as she ascended. Danny thought about clearing his throat to let her know he was awake and available should she knock on his door, but decided against it.  He was being cowardly, he thought, as if his clearing of his throat would give reality to his fears.

Her door shut carefully, almost inaudibly, with the slightest tap of door on doorframe.  Danny stood, abruptly, opening his door, ready to cross the hall and knock on her door.  To verify that his daughter was okay.

Aaaaaa this hurts! If only you could talk to each other! The worse part is I know Taylor would be distressed if Danny tried to talk with her! She would worry about her cover being blown, about having to explain herself or even just about making her father worry!

He was stopped by the smell of jam and toast.  She had made a late night snack.  It filled him with relief.  He couldn’t imagine his daughter, after being mugged, tormented or humiliated, coming home to have toast with jam as a snack.  Taylor was okay, or at least, okay enough to be left alone.

He let out a shuddering sigh of relief and retreated to his room to sit on the bed.

Yes!! At least now he has some proof that things are somewhat ok : D

Relief became anger.  He was angry at Taylor, for making him worry, and then not even going out of her way to let him know she was okay.  He felt a smouldering resentment towards the city, for having neighborhoods and people he couldn’t trust his daughter to.  He hated the bullies that preyed on his daughter.  Underlying it all was frustration with himself.  Danny Hebert was the one person he could control in all of this, and Danny Hebert had failed to do anything that mattered.  He hadn’t gotten answers, hadn’t stopped the bullies, hadn’t protected his daughter.  Worst of all was the idea that this might have happened before, with him simply sleeping through it rather than laying awake.

Damn, this still hurts.

Danny you are a good father, you worry about your daughter so much. Don’t hate yourself for feeling useless. It’s a bad situation overall.

He stopped himself from walking into his daughter’s room, from shouting at her and demanding answers, even if it was what he wanted, more than anything.  Where had she been, what had she been doing?  Was she hurt? Who were these people that were tormenting her?  He knew that by confronting her and getting angry at her, he would do more harm than good, would threaten to sever any bond of trust they had forged between them.

He wants to be more of a father, to demand answers and try to protect her, to see if she’s doing something self-destructive or dangerous, but he’s afraid that he’ll lose her if he does that. That their bond will be irreparably damaged...

Danny’s father had been a powerful, heavyset man, and Danny hadn’t gotten any of those genes.  Danny had been a nerd when the term was still young in popular culture, stick thin, awkward, short sighted, glasses, bad fashion sense.  What he had inherited was his father’s famous temper.  It was quick to rise and startling in its intensity.   Unlike his father, Danny had only ever hit someone in anger twice, both times when he was much younger.  That said, just like his father, he could and would go off on tirades that would leave people shaking.   Danny had long viewed the moment he’d started to see himself as a man, an adult, to be the point in time where he had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t ever lose his temper with his family.  He wouldn’t pass that on to his child the way his father had to him.

“Unlike his father”... Oh

Oh no.

Danny you are not him, you are better than him. You seem like a wonderful man!

Seems Taylor inherited her tall, thin physique from him.

He had never broken that oath with Taylor, and knowing that was what kept him contained in his room, pacing back and forth, red in the face and wanting to punch something.  While he’d never gotten angry at her, never screamed at her, he knew Taylor had seen him angry.  Once, he had been at work, talking to a mayor’s aide.  The man had told Danny that the revival projects for the Docks were being cancelled and that, contrary to promises, there were to be layoffs rather than new jobs for the already beleaguered Dockworkers.  Taylor had been spending the morning in his office on the promise that they would go out for the afternoon, and had been in a position to see him fly off the handle in the worst way with the man.  Four years ago, he had lost his temper with Annette for the first time, breaking his oath to himself.  That had been the last time he had seen her.  Taylor hadn’t been there to see him shouting at her mother, but he was fairly certain she’d heard some of it.  It shamed him.

This makes it seem like they broke up. but.. if she really is dead... what a final conversation to have, angry with each other. No wonder he seems to have a lot of regrets with all of that. And with Taylor seeing him like he saw his father as well...

The third and last time that he had lost his temper where Taylor had been in a position to know had been when she had been hospitalized following the incident in January.  He’d screamed at the school’s principal, who had deserved it, and at Taylor’s then-Biology teacher, who probably hadn’t.  It had been bad enough that a nurse had threatened to call for a police officer, and Danny, barely mollified, had stomped from the hallway to the hospital room to find his daughter more or less conscious and wide eyed in reaction.  Danny harbored a deep fear that the reason Taylor hadn’t offered any details on the bullying was out of fear he would, in blind rage, do something about it.  It made him feel sick, the notion that he might have contributed something to his daughter’s self imposed isolation in how she was dealing with her problems.

He’s probably right about that, that Taylor doesn’t want his father involved...

January seemed a horrific month for them both.

It took Danny a long time to calm down, helped by telling himself over and over that Taylor was okay, that she was home, that she was safe.  It was something of a blessing that, as the anger faded, he felt drained.  He climbed into the left side of the bed, leaving the right side empty out of a habit he’d yet to break, and pulled the covers up around himself.

He would talk to Taylor in the morning.  Get an answer of some sort.

The space he leaves for Taylor’s mom   )):

Things will be better in the morning, sleep it off for now...

Also I wonder how Taylor will explain herself. Maybe she’s thinking about that.

He dreamed of the ocean.

We started this chapter with the ocean, and we seem to end on it, how poetic.

One ocean the scenery for a sight that would change the world forever, and the other a moment of peace in a storm of anxiety.

This interlude was incredibly good.

#Worm #worm liveblog #worm parahumans #parahumans liveblog #wildbow #parahumans #arc 1 #Worm int1

[positivlyfocused]

How People Help Make The World My World

The best result of being Positively Focused happens when people make the world the way I want it. Even complete strangers. When people show up in what seems like magical ways, I know I'm doing this whole "manifesting" business right.

The more it happens, the more I want to keep it up. I'm discovering a brand new kind of life. A life where everything I want happens with no effort.

I know. I write "effortlessly" and "no effort" a lot.

I wouldn't use those words if they weren't accurate.

What happened to me last week shows how through little effort people show up for me at the right time and the right place.

Last Monday, I went to a meeting at the local LGBTQIA community center. I'm getting closer to the community this way. This is the second or third meeting I've attended. This week, over half the people there were new. One of the people was a shy transgender woman just starting out in her transition.

When the meeting ended, she stood in the doorway as most people left. I stayed too. I was talking with another attendee and the meeting organizer. I got an impulse about this person in the doorway. It told me I would be speaking with her.

· · ·

I share a lot about how I follow my intuition. That's because it is how my Broader Perspective tells me where to go what to do and who to talk with to get what I want.

Two things must happen to hear my intuition: first, I must learn to hear or feel the impulses. Second, I must learn to tell the difference between impulses and other voices in my head. Voices that aren’t intuition. Meditation helps a lot with that. So does practice or trial and error.

I think the main reason people don’t trust their intuition is because they haven’t practiced these two steps. So they think intuition is random at best. Or a trick of the mind at worst.

So here I was in this room. My impulse telling me to talk to this person. I wanted to talk with her. But I’m also engaged in another conversation. Not to worry, my intuition says, I’ll meet her again.

What happened next needs some context.

· · ·

I usually ride my bike to get places. Other times I ride the bus. Rarely do I go by car.

There are 84 bus lines operating in the city where I live on any given day. Even if only two buses serve those lines each day, that's almost two hundred buses moving around Portland. There's also a street car and a light rail as well as many shuttles operating. Every day.

But there are more than two buses per line. Some lines have many more than four. There are literally hundreds of buses running around Portland at any given time.

^^The 84 lines that make up the bus and rail system where I live.

Ok, that’s the context. Back to my story...

I had finished a great day at my bridging job. I felt high and happy. I wasn't trying to make anything happen. I wasn't even thinking about this transgender woman.

I got on the first bus of my 2-bus trip from work. I was listening to a podcast I enjoy. And I was thinking about how cool it was that I got two more informal offers for promotion at that job. And I'd only been there two weeks.

So I got off the first bus. I waited a few minutes until the second bus came. While waiting, I suddently started thinking about being transamorous. I thought about the places I might meet transgender people. I thought this way for about 10 minutes. Then, the image of that transgender woman from the meeting came into my head. Then the bus came.

It stopped in front of me. The doors opened and...you guessed it: there she was.

She wasn’t just on the bus. She was driving the bus!

· · ·

Those of you unclear about how matter, events, circumstances and people become life experience might say "Perry, you're crazy. That's just coincidence."

But it’s not coincidence.

This is how everything happens. Evidence is overwhelming. When I connect to my Broader Perspective, I can control what comes into my life.

"Sarah" and I had a great conversation the whole way to where I live. I'm sure I'll see her again. I encouraged her to come back to the meeting next month. But the fact that she drives the bus line I ride home on pretty much assures me I'll I’ll see her either way.

This is happening all the time in my life.

For example, this week on several occasions, incredible synchronicities happened between me and complete strangers. Since I spend a lot of the day at work, that's where most is happening.

I drove up to one customer's house, for example. I called her to let her know I was arriving. Most doing this job say the customer hardly ever picks up the phone. This customer answered immediately. When she came outside, she told me "it's so strange. I had my phone in my hands when you called. I was looking right at it."

How's that for perfect timing?

In another example, I needed to deliver three packages in a secured apartment building. But I couldn't get in because there was no intercom. At just that moment, a resident showed up. She let me in. I'm sure she wasn't supposed to do that. 😀

Walking down the hall, I delivered one package. The next package too. The last package needed to be delivered in person. But the person wasn't there. I walked back towards the elevator and this woman was coming out. I had an intuition this was the customer. I asked her if she lived in that one apartment. She asked why and I told her. Turns out, she was the customer!

Then I drove up to this house with a gate. I didn't have the gate code. I couldn't leave the package outside the gate. Someone would steal it. Just then, (I swear!) a woman drove up. It was the homeowner. We completed the transaction and my trainee said "that was good timing".

Exactly, I thought.

There are so many things like good timing happening in my life. It’s happening in your life too. The more you pay attention to these the more happen. The less you pay attention to negative things happening, the less they happen.

I know it's really about focus. Everything is happening all the time. Both positive and negative. The question is, what set of happenings are you paying attention to?

I know I have the option. I can see all the negative, discouraging, bad things happening in life. There are a lot of those things. Or I can turn my attention to all the positive, empowering, uplifting things happening in life. There are a lot of those things too.

I know whichever I put focus on is what I see the most. So it makes sense to me to pay attention to what I'm wanting to see and experience. And put no attention at all on what I don't want to see.

So my life "trues up" to that. It gets better and better. For someone who doesn't know this, life just looks random and coincidental. Life is not random or coincidental. Everyone creates their reality.

Are you missing out on the greatest adventure ever that is your life?

#positive #positive thinking #positivity #positive quotes #positive thoughts #positivevibes #positivethinking #positiveaffirmations #positivelife #positive mental attitude #positivemindset #inspiration #inspiring #Daily Inspiration #spiritual life #spirituality #spiritual journey #spiritual #appreciation #lightworker #MindfulLiving #happy

[vertigoambrosia]

shortcut

hi i hate this new wxw now music

wayyy too generic epic

thx for reminding me that jazzy slammed avalanche though!

crowd remember walter is bad now

at least boo him to the ringkampf theme!

i know, i know, walter could murder a child in wxw and get cheered

i’m torn about this match because aussie open should not be invincible, but walter winning everything in europe is also boring

did ilja get xero reaction?

oh we’re suddently in a promo package? that was a really awkward transition

did they literally just open with walter to show that they’re playing the song now?

this isn’t that great of a promo package either, and wxw is usually good at that

why does mark have the walter haircut

LOL COWARD WALTER

ok i actually love this

SLAPPED HIM AND RAN

it being a ruse makes sense but tbh i would love to see walter be like ‘UM i have to save my strength for the BIG LEAGUES i can’t let myself be HIT

can we stop pretending schadenfreude is an actual thing in wxw?

they look so much better in green too

shit that spinning yakuza kick looked like the end

btw why does nobody know how to pronounce yakuza

(stress the FIRST syllable)

ok ilja getting caught out of the torpedo moscow is great

i wish they had cut to close for walter rakign the eyes..but i assume that if they didn’t use it, the shot wasn’t good

wtf andy auf die fresse is not profane

i think all of us knew this was gonna happen

though this is only step 1 towards timo defeating these jerks

aww now i feel bad for aussie open though they’re so sad

this andy music is weird

*dispassionately splashes water on people*

omg oberhausen are you going to boo anyone?

oh my god what are these boys wearing

despite francis’s...everything, i cannot get over jay’s fucking denim vest

also, this music is Good

i know nothing about the stronghearts but have heard very good things about cima

um sirs where are you

i think someone got a lil lost backstage!

HAHAHAHA TOMMY ‘we’re asking the other team to speed up a little’

i can’t remember if this was actually elimination or if we’re just fucking around for sport

ok no it’s fucking better that they’re just fucking around

basically tommy is dunking on andy and his children and tas is like NO STOP SAYING THAT THIS IS A TAG MATCH FOR ONE FALL

STOP ENCOURAGING THIS TOMFOOLERY

stronghearts doing a good job fucking up some stupid boys

oh we got a pose-off here

andy and jay fk are so fucking good at emoting pain in a really exaggerated way

hahaha jay gets owned in three differnt languages

“el lindemann” is such an odd name

he a strong lil boi though

awww t hawk

nice typewriter

ok but writing it all in lowercase makes it funny somehow

oh now it’s all caps

kelly’s music: Good

kinda awkward to have her have an entrance just for commentary though?

i like how the only reason this is a singles championship match is because kelly’s injured

toni’s music: Good

especially since this means i don’t have to listen to limp bizkit anymore

amale’s music is fine i guess

oh markus is reffing this! we don’t see him that often

this feels weird cause like, toni has been heel for a while, but we also havent seen her be an asshole for a while, and amale is all asshole all day every day

um no andy sometimes i think a hip attack is just a hip attack

ehhh sounds liek the sound mixer had a lot of trouble with three people on commentary

i was going to say that i’m finding this match pretty plodding and that it’s an amale match problem, but i think it’s more that i can’t really buy amale as dominating someone in a one on one yet,so it feels slpw because it’s like the other person is sorta...not going all out?

or maybe it’s just that amale is meant to have something close ot the ~methodical heel~ pace that just doesn’‘t appeal to me

‘she leaves no time between opportunities’ i disagree, alan

kelly’s commentary isn’t great, but to be fair she probably didn’t have much prep

oh man i love toni but please do not have her win

HAHAHA HOLY FUCKIGN SHIT

ok that was totally a cop out to keep toni strong (which is dumb), but lmaooooooooooooooo

did kim ray ever smack a ref to try adn get a dq

oh my god that picture of widdle clean shaven lucky

if lucky doesn’‘t win bobby better go heel

also i don’t think lucky’s going to be in toronto and that is stupid as fuck

oh he’s still a dubstep child

lmaooo guys they’ve cut to you twice tonight

lol will bobby even still be popular without daft punk

ok this song is pretty cool

karsten at ringside? hmmmm

lucky’s so fired up! he’s not on the floor or anything!

oh jeez that spot with lucky tangled in the ropes was great

alan wait WHAT

i did NOT hear any news stories about children with hundreds of teeth

it’s late and i’m  really tired tbh i might not finish this show before i leave :(

LUCKY NO

baby landed like, RIGHT on his butt on the concrete

is he ok

i’m extra nervous cause the last time i got concerned about lucky selling was in new york, adn then he did get injured

also he’s my baby

this match is actually a really good showcase of bobby’s wrestling style; it’s clicking with me in a way that it hasn’t for a while

maybe because bobby’s not playing the underdog?

is this the best bobby title match?

oh he’s begging lucky to just like...stop

he’s like, legitimatly stressed over this

‘bobby gunns is killer but doesn’t want to be a child killer’

oh ok maybe he doesn’t care as much about killing a child

if this turns bobby heel it will be...the oddest way to do it, but whatever just make him fucking heel

HAHAHA YOU GUYS

i shouldn’t complain too hard though cause that was a great match

fuck i have to be up in seven hours and there’s still an hour left of this show

oh side note looks like they got some new lights on stage

i wouldn’t have noticed except they remind me of something from work

HAHAHAHAHA

wait oh no is jay gonna turn on his boi?

um ok but what about when you get to the end dumbasses?

oh man if andy fucks both of them over i will laugh so fucking hard

HAHAHAHA

classic shit

YAY IRIE’S BACK

MUSCLE CHERUB

oliver carter is good but i don’t have much to say about him

marius runs funny, doesn;t he?

oh lord are those cupping marks on kyle’s back? is he one of those white people who thinks cupping actaully works?:

mikey!

funny thing: for some reason mike schwarz seemed a lot taller during his prost days, and then i saw him in person and was confused

hahaaha i will never get tired of people bouncing off of avalanche

BIG BOI FIGHT

~ bye schurrle ~

<3 rise husband  is here <3

also i love how andy and marius always end up working together

A4 4EVER

RIP OLIVER CARTER

juju car boi!

oh lord elf prince has a mic

he even did his hair!

HAHAH LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE RING TAKING A LIL BREAK

this boy really thinks he’s a disney prince

‘I SENT MYSELF DOWN TODAY TO THIS EARTHLY SHOW’ oh mt fucking god

oh sweetie

look at how kyle is manhandling our husband ivan

??? is karsten wrestling??

suspenders guy?

ohhh i had no idea they used to tag

well that’s just adorable

fuck as great as this is, i really need to go to bed - i have a plane to catch. will try and finish this tomorrow mornign before i leave

[theeeodoraaa-blog]

Life (1)

   Dear You,

       So randomely and ironically I am telling you "Hello and welcome to my life, to my chaos, adventure, to my eventful Colourful or Black&White World". I do not know if I will be able to begin this story (or whatever the hell that is), to find my words, relating how ''being subjectively insulted or kind of bullied or criticised by those ones I have trusted so much before'' experience is. Wow. Too complicated. Fancy, isn't it? I'm not a sensitive one. I've never been one. I don't complain and I will never do. But honestly, sometimes, we all need a moment to understand how some things work out here- here, on Earth-,I'd say. Today is my day; that day in which I am supposed to understand them and their actions, their behaviour and so on. It's literally not a big deal, being called "an ugly" or "a fat", "a slut" etc, isn't it? You could easily have said "fuck you" and that was everything. I could've exactly done that shit, not caring about anybody or anything in this whole world. But,for me, there is more than a fucking ''fuck you". What is up there, then? I do not know and I'll never know. But that 'thing' is there, pissing me off and making me think "is it true?".Perhaps, it's all about feelings and specific emotions, thoughts that a human being can experience in life. Perhaps, is all about that honour "Do I take part of beauty standards??" in order to be considered "an attractive, a beautiful person".And now, I would say "STOP", even though, believe me, that is so painful. Yes. So theoretically and reportedly I am "an ugly" or even worse and definitely  I do not take part of beauty standards, exactly like they said. And I would say that My eyes are not attractive enough. My lips are not big or red enough. My skin is not perfect. My nose is big and not cute, isn't it? You-the judgers- Come to me and tell me Face to Face other imperfections I do have; other imperfections I personally don't know about. Tell me that I'm not beautiful face to face NOW or NEVER. Whisper me the semnification of "ugly" word and then of the "beautiful" one. I am extremely curious. You tell me what the beauty standards are. Come on. Because I was being called "not attractive". And like I have just fucking said-TODAY is my day and I am seeking for answers, for reasons-. Don't be shy now. I am not shy enough to hide, to protect YOU, saying that your words didn't bother me at all. Because I didn't fuck you. I just asked you "what are the beauty standards?". Let me guess. Is all about Perfect Blue Eyes? Huge eyelashes? Perfect smile? Perfect teeth? Perfect skin?Thigh gap? Big ass? Boobies?? Hieght? Weight? What happens every single day with whole society, is not actually a joke. Today is my day to understand you.Yes-really you-. Because I was supposed to be your friend, your true and frank cute pal. And suddently I became your "annoying pal", "filled by too many imperfections, defects ", "an ugly,ridiculous pal". Or, wait, should I be your pal any more, uhm? Let me guess; you don't want to lose me, do you? Or probably I am wrong. You all give a shit about me. I am an UgLy etc. Wow. Sharply and unexpectedly, I got used to this word for no reasons. Yes. Unexpectedly, each and every "Ugly", " Faulty", "Imperfect" etc became the only "Attraction" for me; or let's say it became a real "Charm",for me. How naive you are!! You sadly haven't got the point yet. Is "an ugly etc" allowed to tell you why? I am laughing so loud now. Trust me, you-the naive judger, who thinks I am not hot enough- read  this whole  shit again! (''Perfect Smile","Big Ass", "Boobies", "Perfect teeth,eyes." Beautiful and fit legs , "Weight", "Hieght" and so on.) until you understand. I am asking you twice "what are the BEAUTY standards?", or let's change a bit. "What are Your specific beauty standards now? Patterns. Magazines, Instagram or Even Influences AS PEOPLE. Forget about that,please. Probably, this is Our day to figure it out why I have been called like that. Our moment. Remember when I said "we all need a moment to understand how some things work?".Look out Now or Never, NAIVE human! (1)PERFECTION kills you! Slightly and slightly. Because everything you do is to compare. Let's be fair. If everything had been "perfect and beautiful" like you say, this world would have been all the same, filled by robots. Imagine how this entire society would look like if everyone looked the same, all beautiful and attractive, just for your preferences. (if that makes any sense to you). (2) "WHAT ARE THE BEAUTY STANDARDS?". My second question to you, is "what beauty is more important to you?; Outside OR Inside Beauty?????"What were you reffering exactly to? Unfortunately, I know what topic you reached while saying that. It was strictly being said "ugly" as outside beauty. Why? Because, nowadays, let's be fucking honest, is hard to believe that there are still people who care only about behaviour and personality to a human being. IT's hard to believe that there are still people whose own opinions are bigger and more important than the influences'. I sadly  am a lost and disappointed kid. And perhaps I'm "ugly etc" when I am talking about the Outside Beauty. And I cannot say it is easy to hear that, especially to hear that from the People I have trusted and loved and respected and appreciated so much before. And more sadly is that the "ugly" word is not the Only one which it has been said and this is why I repeatdly typed "etc". People are most likely to insult wittingly or unwittnigly in different  perspectives, situations in their life and that actually scares me. Because they just do it, they just "bloom", without even thinking that others might suffer A LOT. Also, It is frustrating that people do consider Outside Beauty more important than Inside Beauty.It is terrifying that I personally DO care more about the Outside Beauty Sometime and I forget what things really matter and this is why I could not just give a damn about what some of the people said, thought, judged, gossiped; because I cared. In addition to this, more sadly is that some of the judgers really took me for granted. Someone closed  I've  respected a lot before, really took me for granted and said that about me, making me feel like the last piece of crap. But there is no time for figuring the stupidity, naivety, childish or teen issues out. It's time for forgiving, even though the frustration is huge and the Regrets are countless. All these being considered, I understood something while relating my thoughts. Hopefully, you also understood something. I do not want to be a ridiculous “teacher”. I still just want to be your good old mate; and now "ugly etc." mate who used to be even more loyal to you all in the past. Last thing I want to ask you persistently is "what are your exact beauty standards to a human right now? And this time, all secrets about your INSIDE beauty standards."                                                                                         Sincerly,                                  That soul it used to exist in your own life sometime

P.S.( I consider all these  phrases, filled by words, personal experiences I've been getting through since 7th grade) These are all my thoughts about this topic. Hopefully, you-the readers- will not misunderstand. I was not reffering strictly to one group of people, one person, or whatever. It was not just about me, or my experiences, about the poeple I personally met. I can say It was about everyone who understood what I meant; everything I meant IN GENERAL

#life insidebeauty outsidebeauty beautystandards

[deepintothewoodsblog]

Into the woods: The journal - Part 6

08/01/2022

I barely can remember what I have been doing this last week. Anything. I recall plenty of other things tho, but I'll get to that later.

The thing is that, after making that Rammer flee, I managed to get asleep, but not after hours of anxiety and wariness, and I ended waking up at the early morning anyways, probably again due to stress.

So there I was, all drained and hungry, still confused about what to do first. Try and hunt something, stick to bugs and berries, or repair that massive hole the mysliving left? All of those things were time consuming, and some required resources and energy that I didn't have in me at the time. ¿How can I obtain wood without an axe, in the first place? Maybe try and cut something with a sharpened stone?

Too many stuff in my head, just trying to answer questions brought even more of them, and I felt tired before even getting up... and that's when I saw it, laying in the ground: the piece of the tongue I severed last night, greenish drops of blood still dripping from it.

TAfter days eating only small critters and stuff I found in the bushes, one's mind starts to become kinda lax with the stuff it tolerates. What once was welcomed with nausea, turns out to be a potential snack, given enough starvation. And my mind SURE was more permisive than ever... Right, right, I'll get to the point. I ate that thing!

Call me what you want, but you guys should have expected me to keep trying the weirdest delicatessen since the day I decided to eat the dusk grass. To be frank, my current diet was not going to be enough in the long term, and I felt my strength slowly but surely giving up by the day. That think looked meaty and full of protein... I ate it raw, but at least I washed it in the river before doing so.

The first two hours I did not feel a thing. Since that thing was as big as my hand, It made for a big meal, so I could forget about food for a while. I spent the morning trying to find a good rock to sharpen and eventually improve to chop some small trees. And then, it happened.

Suddently, I felt as if my whole head was melting from the inside. A sense of warmness embraced me, and I felt as if all my fatigue and issues swiftly faded away. It could only be the tongue! That thing was provoking all those side effects! I started to feel dizzy, my surroundings tilding and becoming foggy.

I desperately ran towards my cabin, trying to at least be sheltered until I recovered. Or so I tried, because I realized I lost the feeling of my legs. Worse, of all my limbs! Why I wasn't falling down, then? I tried to look at the ground, but my vision distorted so much, I could not tell what had before my eyes. A colourless mist embraced everything, and I couldn't help but go through it.

At first, I felt pure terror; I was probably lying in the open, unable to move nor defend myself. My body was a literal free meal for any predator. Basically I condemned myself to death!

And somehow, soon that sensation, too, faded away. I only felt calmness, and an increasing bliss, as if I was at peace with myself, and felt like nothing would ever go wrong. when was the last time i felt like this? Why I didnt even care of my very likely death? Beats me even now.

The fog gradually turned blue, and then some white blurrs appeared. It all kept getting more nitid, until I could discern the blurs as clouds, and the blue space as an enclosed rectangular room that sort of mimicked the sky. And at the center, a crescend moon and something similar to a ring with a sphere in the middle, both things of beige color. I know I'm not the best describing stuff so I have made a drawing of it, as clearly as I remember it:

I felt I was being observed by that Moon's thingy, as if it was staring directly at my soul. As if it was a dream, I felt like all that was genuine, real. But it was very different from sleeping; I was fully aware this situation was abnormal, and conscious about the ''real'' world. I felt as if I could leave whenever I wanted, but for some reason, I couldn't feel the will to do it within myself anymore. Even if right now my body was exposed and ready to die, even if I had a lot of chores to do. Somehow I found all of that trivial.

The clouds were bound to the... ''walls''? of the room, and just slided through them, as flat as if they were paintings, but vaporous as the mist they are made of in real life. I could not focus on them while I had that thing looking me dead in the eyes, though.

This room, which I shall name from now onwards the Sky Room, couldn't be just a product of my mind. It was not a rational thought, but an unshakable conviction, that even now I firmly believe.

How long did I stay in that state? In real life, days, inside there it was not as easy to ascertain. It felt like an eternity, as a trial that would not end until the end of time.

I felt warm and careless. I wouldn't have minded dying, if I had evidence that the afterlife would be like this scenery and ambientation, forever and ever. Why something that simplistic, with no stymulus outside pleasure itself, had me so attached?

And then, after unmeasurable time, something happened: A voice rumbled within my head. For some reason, I could not discern it's tone, but it felt incredibly rough. <<Not yet>> is all it said. Not yet, what?

But before I could ask, I inexplicably fell unconscious (or maybe I actually regained conscience?), everything fading as quickly as it originally appeared. And then, just complete darkness.

When I woke up I found myself inside the cabin, lying in the ground. Probably I managed to reach it before losing my awareness? Dunno. My entire body ached, but to my surprise (even more so after checking a whole freaking week passed!) I didn't feel hungry or thristy, and not tired at all! What did that thing do to me?

I have not experienced any other side effects since then, and I still feel rested and well. But all that stuff I experienced in the Sky Room, they still intrigue me to no end. Most importantly, I never ever felt that well in my entire life, not even after making peace with living in the woods. And now that I am back, I miss it a lot.

So probably I developed an addiction to a pseudo magical substance I can only harvest by facing a creature totally capable of mauling me to death. Essentially becoming some sort of errr let's call it ''Nature junkie''. At this point I'm not afraid to admit it. There is some stuff that nourishes me, makes my struggles fade away, and on top of that now I have questions for whoever talked to me out there. I see more than enough motives to give it another try as soon as I can.

I gotta catch another of those Rammers, and as soon as possible. I know it is a suicide mission -I really don't know anything about those things, and I have seen how powerful they are- but I don't care anymore. From now on, all my effords will be towards not only surviving, but actually living. And I will not be alive again until I chew another of those freaking tongues.

#into the woods #journal #personal diary #natural #wilderness #writting